Transcript
Speaker: Hey, everyone, welcome back to the podcast. So today's guest is someone really special to me, Orla O'Flaherty. Orla is a naturopath, herbalist and somatic therapist based in Galway. And if you've been listening to the show before,
Speaker: you know that she's been on and we've had a conversation around stress, hormones and gut health. Orla is an expert in her field and a key person of influence, although she'll say she'd be like, oh, stop it. But she is. And today's conversation is going to be a little bit different. Orla has actually been working with me personally over the past few months. and She's been helping me regulate my own nervous system, balance my hormones. And so this conversation is going to be a little bit more personal and than usual.
Speaker: But we're also going to talk about balancing everything as women, business and keeping our stress levels and our nervous systems healthy while we live our best lives and take over with the world, basically. So, Orla, welcome back to the podcast. Thanks for having me. That was so lovely. had prepared this time.
Speaker: Well, yeah, it's like, and and you're right, I will say, oh, God, no, I don't don't influence. But yeah. But I was telling you as I was researching you, although I know you personally, I am. I was researching you for the podcast, being the professional that I am, obviously. and You're very searchable. Yeah. are a key person of influence. I didn't realize that when you told me that. Not going to lie.
Speaker: I went off and did it myself. They say never Google yourself, but I was like you know what, might. might as well just like do a little search. It kind of, um it surprised me. And I was like, well, I suppose like yeah I have been I have been in the game for 13 to 15 years and I'm like, Jesus, I didn't really realize that like I'm searchable, which is bad. Isn't it just such a reminder in relation to business in this, you know, social media, fast paced, all about followers, all about money, all about quick, quick, quick, you know, as if we need to grow and build a business in such a rush or do anything in such a rush that actually just slow and steady
Speaker: doing the work that you love and doing it well and serving people well, you build a reputation, you build a solid business, you build ah so yeah a solid name for yourself. And that's far more important than quick, flashy results. Yeah. And it's like because for me, let's just talk Instagram. Like I have a relatively small following now, I've got over 6000 followers. in the grand scheme of things, 6,000 people is a lot of people. Imagine 6,000 people in a room in front of you. But in the grand scheme of social media, it would be relatively small.
Speaker: But doing that search has made me realise that Wow, like those years of experience, what I have learned over those years of experience and with working with different people, like I don't just work with women, I also work with men.
Speaker: But look, I am a woman, so I have a bit more insight into women's health. But it it really made me think. or pulled my pull me back into myself to realize that, you know what? I don't have to have the hundreds and thousands of followers. It's like.
Speaker: Keep doing the work that I love, that I know is impacting people, the small hints and tips and tools that I share. And there's six thousand people there who can actually benefit from it. and I'm like,
Speaker: This is pretty cool. Yeah. And not only the 6000 people that follow you, but you have been on quite a lot of people's podcasts as well because you have that area of expertise and you just shows us the power of networking and you do events as well. You know, you like you talk at different wellness events and by getting out and talking at different events and going on different people's podcasts is another great way to reach people and people that actually care and want to listen. Yes. And that's the thing. It's this it's the quality of the follower. That's it, 100%. When we're looking at at followers, it's it is quality over quantity. like Look, quantity is great. It gives you a bit of clout, gives you a little bit of social proof. um But it the quality of followers that you have who you know that you can actually have.
Speaker: Yeah. And the amount of people that I know with high followings that don't have successful businesses, particularly if they've grown so fast. Now, the great thing is, you know, if you do grow a social media following and it's it's quite engaged and you, you know, you engage with your followers and you stick to who you are and what what you want to do.
Speaker: you will serve them well and you will with the right skill set of probably a little bit of help and support from someone who with a bit more experience. yeah You can build a successful business. But there's a lot of people that are so fixated on numbers and followers and more and more and more. And yeah the clout that comes with us with the big numbers, that they missed the point and then suddenly they find themselves still broke with just a big social media following. Everyone thinks they're a big deal and they just feel a little bit like an imposter.
Speaker: Mm hmm. Yeah. And I get that. And I'm not going to sit here and say I'm a fantastic businesswoman. You're a fantastic coach, though. Well, i i I'm good at my craft and I love my craft. And I think you're being hard on yourself saying that you're not a good businesswoman. You don't stay in business for 15 years without doing something right. Without doing something right. Exactly. But when it comes to it, I'm very much like that's only that shift has only started coming within the last year. Like I had a huge mental block towards business.
Speaker: Which is kind of strange because my family, we had a family business for 30 years and but I've never been. My mind has never been a business mind. yeah My mind has always been a therapist, a clinician, a herbalist, a naturopath. And I've always kind of ran away from the business side of things.
Speaker: But within the last year, something has flipped in me and and I've and and it was down to change in my language because I used to always say, I'm not a businesswoman. I'm not a businesswoman. And then one day I caught myself and I was like, you keep telling yourself you're not a businesswoman.
Speaker: You've been running a business for the last now. This was a couple years ago. You've been running a business for like the last 12 years. You are a businesswoman. You have a business. And what is a businesswoman? Exactly.
Speaker: What is a businesswoman? You tell me, Kate. Yeah. A businesswoman is someone who serves other people and shares their knowledge, their craft with others. Yeah.
Speaker: And works with themselves. Yes. Which is what you've been doing. Which is what I do. Yeah, exactly. But it's it's this perception of that social media has created that it's you have to be the you know in the pantsuit and you have to be taking over the world. And I always joke about taking over the world. But and that's it's actually not what it's about. And I think...
Speaker: as AI is becoming more prevalent, as the, you know, the number of followers people are getting is getting more insane than more. The amount of money people are making in the world. Like haven't we got the first world's first trillionaire now? Like, you know, it's just it's just more and more. more It's getting bigger, bigger, bigger.
Speaker: But it's so overwhelming for most humans that if someone is looking for a coach, if someone is genuinely struggling with their health, with their nervous system, with their weight loss, with their business, it doesn't matter, whatever it is,
Speaker: the business woman or a businessman who is a coach at heart, who cares about the person. So it's client centered rather than how many clients can I get in? How much money can I make?
Speaker: That is going to win hands down. Not that it's a competition, but i people need connection. They need real humans that care about them. And like even think about going to the bank. You can't even talk to a human in the bank anymore. So I think the way business is going, I am or don't want to go too much down this route because I feel like I'll be talking to Johnny about this on the episode. Johnny put is you get a you go to get ahead of the game. You become an early adopter of of AI. And I think everybody needs to use AI to a certain extent in their business or you'll be left behind.
Speaker: But, you know, you learn all. the ah AI you can learn and you really you scale something amazing with your knowledge before everyone else does. Or you focus on on communication, on connection and on being a real human that your customer needs.
Speaker: well For me, what I'm seeing most in the world right now is it's this loneliness epidemic and it's really difficult for people to connect because we have gone into tech. We've leaned into technology so much and technology has been fantastic for us. And I, can be a little scary at times with the thoughts of what direction it can go in. But like you said, if you utilize it for your business, it's it's fantastic. But something I've seen lately and I'm actually going to hold my hand up to this.
Speaker: and admit that I did this in the care on the way up. um I had lots of different thoughts running through my head just about personal life stuff. And i was like, I need to get this out. So there is ah a feature on Claude that you can talk to Claude and he talks back. Now, the thing is, is I've seen a lot of people do this with ChatGPT with Claude, that they use it as their therapist because they're lonely. The problem with doing that is one,
Speaker: It's completely biased. like it It's designed to make you feel better about yourself. It's going to always agree with you. It's going to agree with you unless you put the the what's the word unless you put the the command. Sorry unless you put the command in to tell them. to yeah tell tell him Yeah. Tell me the truth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like tell me the truth. Be unbiased and don't sugarcoat. The thing is with with Claude ChatGPT or whatever you're using, it's the question that's important. Yeah. And that's it. the It is the question that that's important. And as well, it's the also why you're using it. So like I said, for me today, I did it this morning in the car on the way up.
Speaker: But if that's because every Friday I have my therapy session with a real life human. yeah And this morning I was like, oh, shit, I don't have Joan today, so I'm just going to do this over and back just to get it out of my head.
Speaker: But that a lot of people out there who won't go to therapy because they're afraid of what they have to say to another human being. And then that's. It's building that gap between connection even further. And for me as a coach, as ah therapist, naturopath, herbalist,
Speaker: When it comes to the loneliness epidemic, I'm just seeing it become bigger and bigger and bigger. And it is. And when people are coming to me and they are feeling so lost and they don't know how to have a conversation with someone, they don't know how to lean into not just the uncomfortable conversations, but also joy because they've been so disconnected from other humans for so long. yeah And that's I love working with people on that side of things. And you can't get that feeling. You can't get that feeling from AI. So it's funny, like you say that you kind of but were talking to Claude that way. So I used Claude like and past few months a good bit to kind of trying to figure out what direction I want to go with my business, what why I'm feeling stuck, you know, that kind of thing.
Speaker: And I actually found like when you suddenly go down a dark hole with Claude, I don't come out feeling better for it. I don't. I might come out with a decision, but sometimes it's not actually my decision. It still isn't sitting right with me. And it's not the same as when I discuss things with you or I discuss things with Brian. Yeah. and or I discuss things with my husband, Dave, like it's not the same. yeah And I think we need to remember that and that AI is so helpful in lots of ways, you know, in getting admin done, in, you know, he yeah those helping create presentations. You know what mean? But your personality and your thoughts and your feelings and like that still needs to be connected with other people. It still needs to be authentically you. When we in the context of business, it needs to be still authentically you and
Speaker: How you use AI is very, very important. And because it can also bring it down the the wrong route for you. Yeah. Like like you said there, like it's sometimes you come out of it and you don't have it's still not sitting right. It's not fully aligned. And I've seen that with people with with other coaches where they're using AI and.
Speaker: I'm like, that doesn't fully feel authentic to you from the person that I know in front of me. And it's an interesting one, yeah I find.
Speaker: AI, I find, i'm going to start getting deep and woo, which is, sort of you know, that is me. yeah So AI keeps you in your head. Yes. OK, in your analytical thinking and you're like, you're just constantly overthinking everything. And AI helps with that helps to accelerate that overthinking yeah and perhaps come up with solutions, whatever.
Speaker: But you know that when people say, oh, she has it or that, you know, that like there's something about her, she has it. That doesn't come from having everything strategised and everything over thought and planned perfectly. That comes from within. That comes from the heart or the gut or both. Like that comes from comes from your soul. It does. and the people who are hugely successful in life have managed to balance that magic, that grounded magic within, which is in all of us yeah and putting it out there in a world in in the world in a way, in an organized, logical way that makes sense to others. That's what success is in no matter what field you are. And like that, that whole concept of the grounded woman and the ambitious woman, the powerhouse woman, like that I talk about with my lead her mentorship is I just i like that's what the magic is. And AI used wrong is is taking away from that. But I think the wonderful thing is if you can stay tuned into that, you're going to win. like Yeah. And that but that seem that's when you're looking for your anchors. So it's the only way we so I talk about anchors a lot. yeah um We all have to have different anchors to pull us back from different spirals that we can go through. And one of the best anchors that you can use is a memory of something that lights you up. Yeah, we were talking about this the other day. Yeah. Yeah. So if you have a memory where you you feel so fully aligned and so fully at peace or whatever the sense, whatever the sensation or emotion is that you want to feel, but you have a memory of that.
Speaker: And if you want to tap into that, you literally just go back to your memory and you can feel that sensation. move through your body and expand outwards. And when that happens.
Speaker: You literally tap into how it feels, what the sensation is, is there warmth, is there butterflies, is there tingling, is there a sense of light coming out of you? And now you know how it feels.
Speaker: So that you can anchor into that if you feel like you're going off track in business or you don't know what the right road is or the right route is. You go back to that time when you felt so aligned. You get that feeling.
Speaker: And if you don't have the same or similar sense, you know then that you're slightly off. So that's an anchor to always lean back into. Yeah. And the the trick that we can fall into, and this is in relation to business or in relation to, let's say, fat loss or fitness or anything, any goal at all that you have.
Speaker: It's about constantly chasing, it's pushing, chasing, forcing and discipline and making ourselves do things that we we feel we have to do to get to where we to get ahead in life, to to get thinner, to get fitter, to get more successful.
Speaker: But it's it's the opposite of that. It's actually and And again, another thing that I always say, I'm like, stop chasing, start connecting because it's about connection. And it's like it's such a difficult concept to grasp, especially when you do want something so much. And and there's the difference between the want and the need. Yeah, you can want something, but you also have to embody it.
Speaker: So when it comes to manifestation, for example, which and I had Yvonne Trachian on there a couple of episodes ago when we were talking about manifestation, she ah she nearly does this without even think she does do this without even really having to think about it. But whatever it is you want from life,
Speaker: It can't be forced and you have to be it. You have to embody it. You have it's the energy. And we talked about this in our last call. You have to feel and this is you're saying anchoring into a memory is such a great way to do this. You have to feel the level of what you want, because the universe won't give you what you want.
Speaker: It will give you what you are. Exactly. What you feel, and what you feel. Yeah. You have to fully embody the feeling that you want. Yeah. Like when now we're going move like when we're looking at the world, everything around us, everything around us is and also ourselves. We're all made up of atoms and molecules like we're energy.
Speaker: And when we're talking about manifestation, now I'm no manifestation expert, I'm not. But when we are talking about manifestation, we are talking about frequencies and write vibrational frequencies. But like, I think if we actually even take the definition definition of manifestation, what it really is, is just bringing into form our thoughts and emotions. yeah So we're actually all manifesting all the time because thoughts are energy. yeah And the problem is we spend so much time focusing on what we don don't want want constantly. yeah And our brain does that to protect us. You know, so even if you're like having a slow month, you're like, shit, how am I going to bring in more money? how we go What am I going to do? Should I let this person go? Should I should i push this launch? It's like, well, you're blocking yourself massively by that. But your brain is trying to protect you. Well, actually, the secret is surrender. yeah
Speaker: But surrender isn't giving up. No, surrender isn't given up, but it's actually letting go of the the grip that you have on what's around you right now. So even when you're looking at the the language, this is what I always say this to you, it's like, what language are you using? And it's is it I need or is it I want? Because a need is coming from a scarcity mindset, whereas want is coming from a creative aspect and it's it's leaning into those two things. like When we're in a scarcity mindset, then we're we're grasping and searching.
Speaker: And there is that energy ah of being desperate, whereas when you want something, you can actually go more into the creative brain, more into the creative part of your your body and use your imagination and let it light up. out of you then, doesn't it? Oh my God, it does. It's magic. Yeah, it really is. And for me,
Speaker: Oh, I've got the wildest imagination, but like I play mad stories in my head and I but I love it. Yeah. But sometimes there are times where I can get lost in that. And if that's the case, I end up saying to myself, you have 10 minutes, you have permission to go wild for 10 minutes, dreaming up whatever it is that you want.
Speaker: And then you have to come back to reality. That's so interesting because I'm kind of the opposite, right? I find it really hard to visualize. And that's why we kind talk about anchoring into ah a feeling from a memory because I'm very future focused, but it's all kind of lists. Whereas I find it difficult, but I find it very easy to plan, strategize and make things happen. yeah Whereas you're the opposite to me, like you can visualize whatever it is that you want. But like you said, then yeah find it hard to then be like, right, OK, we need to make some actionable, actionable steps now. and That's my problem. That's my problem. It's like I can imagine, oh, the wildest of universes and what I want for myself. But then it's bringing in the action side. I'm like, OK, I need to be really I need to lean into the the structure side of things yeah because i can run away with myself on the on the creative flow, on the energetics of things. yeah And it's something that I have balanced a lot in the last few years. I
Speaker: Brian, he always says that I'm a like, he's very logical and analytical. I'm very emotional. We'll open the 5D. But we've balanced each other out a little bit in our friendship over the years, whereas now I am a bit more like Not logical luck because i I am someone who i'm I do have a very analytic analytical brain. um It's a it's a blessing and a curse at times.
Speaker: um But I do. I analyze everything and I'm hyper vigilant to a fault. ah and But again, even with hyper vigilance, hyper vigilance is a blessing and a curse for me because in the blessing is I can see patterns in people. I can see patterns in myself, but I can really see patterns in people. yeah And that helps in my coaching business. But in my personal life, if I'm not regulated, that hypervigilance can take over. yeah But when I am regulated, it's it's moving into the intuition. And your hypervigilance then will kind of manifest as holding yourself back.
Speaker: Yes, my hypervigilance will like, don't don't push forward. Yeah, that can happen. But it also it helps me to be more aware internally of, oh, OK, you're stopping yourself here because of this pattern. This has shown up before in the past. Yeah. OK, you need to break through this part. but But first of all, you need to feel what you're feeling right now. So if I'm ever blocked on anything, um there's no more and if there's an emotion behind it or attached to it. Yeah.
Speaker: I have to let myself feel the emotion first because we can't bypass it. So. I know I've gone down a completely different tangent now. No, no, this is so interesting. Yeah. But like even.
Speaker: Let's speak on the emotion of anger, because anger is an emotion for women that can be really, really difficult to feel yeah because we have been conditioned from a very young age to be a good little girl, don't have a tantrum.
Speaker: Sit there, be nice, quiet and pretty. yeah So for women who have grown up, we find it very difficult to tap into anger. And what happens then is that we suppress it and suppress and suppress and suppress until there's it ah volcanic eruption.
Speaker: yeah And that used to happen to me all the time as a teenager and moving into my early adult life. And it's only in the last few, maybe the last six, seven years where I've really got a handle on my anger.
Speaker: But I got a handle on it because I let myself feel it. So if I am frustrated in business for whatever reason, I can't push through with the anger still sitting there with me. I have to actually come away, tap into what it feels like to be angry and ask my ask myself, ask my psyche, ask my body.
Speaker: What is it that you need right now? yeah And I have to let myself feel it. Express it, release it in the most healthiest way that I possibly can, and then I can move through with whatever I'm blocked on.
Speaker: Yeah. And this is where a lot of people, what a lot of people don't, most people don't do is they continue to suppress, whether it's by pushing forward, pushing, pushing towards their goals, whether it's over exercising, signing up for a marathon, whether it's and smoking, drinking, drugs, that sex, whatever, like that eating, like emotional eating is such a huge thing for people and in relation to suppressing those uncomfortable emotions that Really, we just need to release. That doesn't mean that it's easy, but we need to slow down enough to connect. And the most like the most dangerous thing to our health is negative energy trapped in our body. But that and that's it. It's it.
Speaker: It's when it becomes stuck and when we can't lean into it. Yeah, it's not. This isn't about toxic positivity. Like it's about feeling grief. Don't get me started on toxic positivity. You know, it's about feeling grief. It's about feeling anger. It's about feeling sadness. It's about feeling pissed off. Whatever it is you're feeling, all those negative emotions, to feel it and learn how to release it. yeah So that you're not Yeah. It's against the same thing as the manifestation thing of holding on to goal, holding on to negative things. It's just releasing. It's surrender.
Speaker: Can i just change one thing on that? Yes, please do. They're not negative. They're uncomfortable. does this to me all the time. I'll say something and she's like, oh, did you notice your wording? I'm like, oh, no. they Again, we've been conditioned with our language around emotions, even around food. They're negative if we hold on to them. Exactly. They're only negative if we have um a shameful attachment to it. Whereas there's no none of them are positive or negative.
Speaker: They're either comfortable or uncomfortable. They just are what they are. They are what they are. They they don't have any morals to them. Now, Sorry, I think about this and about food all the time. Yeah, we think about it with our emotions.
Speaker: There's nothing positive or negative. We're having a live, oh my God, I'm just having an aha moment right now. Because I do like to be happy. I like to be peaceful. I know we all do. No, it doesn't. But they're so comfortable to feel. And that's pleasure. But I get pissed off when I'm not feeling the way I want to feel. yeah But that's forcing still because that's what I do. Okay, but are you are you pissed off that you're not feeling the way that you want to feel? Or are you pissed off because you have to sit in the discomfort of an emotion that isn't really nice to feel? actually think it's just because I want to feel the way I want to feel. Okay. And that there's nothing wrong with that. um Because when I have an uncomfortable emotion, I will cry.
Speaker: Now, saying that the one uncomfortable emotion I find really difficult is anxiety, which, you know, I'm working. I've been working with you the past few months about it. We said we would talk a bit about this on the podcast as well. And I find that very uncomfortable to sit with. So there is like the work we've been doing the past two months. There is still something trapped in my body there that my body is responding to that I can't that I don't really know intellectually what it is. And we're getting there, but it's definitely stemming from the years and years of push push, push, push, grow, grow, grow business, career change, raise kids, build business and go, go, go, because that's my default mode is go, go, go, which is a coping mechanism as well. It is a coping mechanism. Now, what I say next isn't in relation to the work that I'm doing personally with you. This is I'm generalizing for a lot of people. But when we're looking at anxiety,
Speaker: Anxiety is really the fear of not being in control. That's such a huge fear of mine, Orla. Such a huge fear. yeah Like i I control everything as that I can possibly. Yeah, because then you're safe.
Speaker: So if we can create safety in whatever way we know, and again, everybody's body is different. Everybody's nervous system is different. And we've all been conditioned in different ways from different scenarios.
Speaker: But if we feel like we have to be in control all the time, it's because we don't feel safe. We don't have a safety net. But that can stem all the way from childhood, can't it? It 100% can. and But that's the thing. When we're looking at our nervous systems and our neural pathways, they are developed between the ages of zero to seven, zero to eight. So that's our hard wiring.
Speaker: And that's how we are conditioned to be in the world and how we relate to others in the world. That's not to say that those things can't be changed. They can be because the beauty of neuroplasticity is just phenomena. yeah Like we can create new neural pathways, we can create new habits and patterns.
Speaker: But the way that we do that is by recognizing our old patterns. It all starts with an awareness. awareness nice It does. And awareness starts with slowing the fuck down. Exactly. yeah And I have a client at the moment, and i'm I'm very, um when it comes to my clients, I don't I never speak on their names or anything and I don't go into what's going on for them. But I have one client at the moment and like that same patterns just showing up and we were able and we we got to the to the root of them a long time ago.
Speaker: But the problem was for them is that they needed the awareness first before they could actually go in and start doing the body work to to build new habits and build new neural pathways. So awareness is key. But what can happen then is that you can get stuck in awareness. and Hello. I'm very self-aware. Like I'm so self-aware. Doesn't mean I don't get stuck all the time. but like And even even just to circle it back to like AI, like this morning when I had my little fake therapy session with AI. Now, again, I really want to preface to people, ah please seek out a professional therapist if you do have any um issues or you have yeah have things that you need help with. yeah um For me, like i have i have Claude um programmed for my type of work, for helping me with my my programs and my type of work. But as I was asking the questions again, like did this is all personal life relationship stuff. And I was asking certain questions and it came back to me and was like, OK, we've we've got to the root of it.
Speaker: You know these patterns. Yeah. Where are you feeling that in your body, Orla? And I was like, oh, Claude, you're bringing me back to my own shit. I have to feel this now. Yeah, because Claude is basically mirroring you. like it's He's just being you. like Yeah, exactly. And but that's because I've programmed him it to be that way. yeah And but even myself, hand up as a somatic experiencing therapist, will forget to go into my body and check in. And then when I did this morning in the car, I was like, oh, I sevened myself. So sorry, seven is a yeah two plus two equals seven. um You're looking at the wrong thing and getting the wrong answer. yeah And i I got the big light bulb moment. I was like, oh, shit, yeah, I am doing this. And
Speaker: But I wouldn't have got there if I didn't go into my body. Yeah. And luckily I had Claude to ah or I had Claude programmed to check me on my own shit. I love that. I love that.
Speaker: Keeping it on that topic of somatics and the body, because I think this is where a lot of people are missing the mark. what is You know, they can be self-aware. They can be really woo. They can be meditating. They can be reading and listening to all the right stuff. All that, you know, the proper spiritual stuff, but we can get so lost in all of that.
Speaker: that it's separate to real life. So we go, and we meditate or we listen to whoever we listen to and we, you know, go to our yoga classes and it's it's a little bubble that we escape to. It's bypassing.
Speaker: Yeah. it's What you escape to. and then we go back to our normal lives and we go, go, go, go like you know and we don't realize that that needs to integrate and where that actually starts i saying it again slowing down becoming self-aware but then connecting with your body and this is why i love being a health and fitness coach Because a lot of people come to me because they want to lose weight. they they They have no idea what kind of journey they're going on when they start my coaching. but They come for what they want, but they leave it what they need. Exactly.
Speaker: And, you know, there's weight to be lost. Weight will be lost. If, you know, there's fitness to be gained, fitness, there's always fitness to be gained. It will be gained. Strength will be gained. But there's something about having to slow down.
Speaker: Think about your hunger cues. Think about your movement, ah creating space for your movement, going for a walk. You know, my walk by the sea with my coffee is my favorite thing every day. There's something very, very meditative about strength training, lifting a heavy weight and not being able to think about anything else except the heavy weight that you're lifting. um That is, this in my opinion, and ah I'm going to let you talk now and give your your expertise on the body and somatics and and working through all of this. But it's step one.
Speaker: You cannot really connect and work through things spiritually and emotionally. And please do correct me if I'm wrong, without first connecting in with your body in whatever way is appropriate for you. Yeah, maybe that's the only way that we're going to change.
Speaker: um A pattern and a habit is by building a new one. yeah So when we're looking at the body,
Speaker: We have to first have the awareness of what is a full body yes and what's a full body no. So a full body yes is when you think about something that feels absolutely amazing, wonderful. You're on cloud nine. So I know I've done this exercise with yourself in the past and I do this with my retreats. So we think of something that brings you so much joy and pleasure. So in real time I'm going to do something that has something. Yeah. So something that's been like really lighting me up lately and I can feel it.
Speaker: I can feel it in my stomach and I can feel it in my chest and already I can feel the openness. It's like when I felt it, I automatically my shoulders relaxed. They went down, but it feels expansive. Yeah, your chest lifts. You lift right up. Whereas when something is a no and again, this is an exercise that I did in the car this morning to get back in and see where I was feeling something.
Speaker: And one of the things was, OK, no, this is a no. It's like, oh, no, I don't actually want to do that, that one thing. And I feel my shoulders round. I feel my stomach tighten, everything clenches and I go into a protective stance.
Speaker: So once we know if something is a full body yes or a full body no, then we can start moving into, ok where is the no, where is the discomfort? And then we can start asking asking it its needs. Because if we stay in the in the awareness stage, in the ah analytical stage, like you can be so emotionally aware, so emotionally literate, but it's the emotional embodiment that we need to move into. And until you can lean into that, which can be uncomfortable again with the uncomfortable emotions, you're just going to keep repeating them over over and over. Because we can build a whole life off the wrong feelings. Like we can build yeah our whole life can be wrong in some ways. Not all of it, but you know that we've pushed in a direction. Jesus, 15 years of a teaching career, for example, like. But I struggle sometimes with.
Speaker: with that full body, yes and full body, no, because I'm like, I'll think about the potential gains of it or, you know, and I'm like, a push, push, push or it'll it'll seem far away. And I'm like, yes, I'll do that. and When I get when I get to that stage, i'll I'll be ready and I'll do it or, you know, so I I. But it's not necessarily a full body. Yes. In the moment. Or I'll find I struggle a bit with the ordinary, like with the repetitive. So in what sense?
Speaker: I don't like doing the same thing every day. Most days I don't I like i when I get used to things, sometimes I get bored of it. Like I find that like a training program or, you know, even like with a lot of check ins, let's say with clients when it's now. And again, I'm probably going back to to like my trauma days when I was way overloaded.
Speaker: But that repetitiveness it is to i I disconnect from it and then I don't feel it anymore. So and I think as well, like with teaching, like there's some really, really amazing memories I have from those 15 years of like, you know Christmas concerts or, you know, working in learning support with kids one to one and You know, certain really fun moments that we've done over the years or, you know, that have really made a difference.
Speaker: But in general, that day in, day out, samey, samey, little break at 11, lunch at one, finish at three, collect my kids, go home, ah repeat for 15 years.
Speaker: I find that really difficult. That's because that's not what you're meant to be doing.
Speaker: But there's such a like a dichotomy inside me that needs to structure and schedule everything. And then there's another side to me that needs to be like, I need to do this. I need to do this. where Like, for example, coming out to the studio for the podcast. I love it. Love it. But then I don't do it every day.
Speaker: I wonder if I did it every day, would it feel different? but That's what I question. It probably would feel different because it would become a routine. Yeah. And then you'd be looking for the next thing. But that's OK. It's having that awareness.
Speaker: Yeah. But you can also have structured chaos in a strange way. So like when we're looking at structure, but like for women, like when we're looking at the difference between men and women, men are linear, women are cyclical. And For women, if we can structure in a way that supports us instead of having to be the same thing every day at the same time. Now, look, that's we're we're speaking from two women who work for themselves. So we have the luxury of being able to flip things around. I know there are other people out there who don't have that luxury. So I just want to make note of that. Absolutely. Yeah. um
Speaker: But when if you do have that. um If you do have that luxury, you can change your days up but when I say days more so you can change your weeks up.
Speaker: And I've talked about this before with you, like yeah even like when it comes to structuring business. As women, we are cyclical, so like you can structure. I don't even think I'm cyclical. I think I'm kind of star shaped in a circle, but in and out. You're a spiral. That's what you are. I'm a spiral. That's not a good thing. It is. There's no such thing as good or bad. Exactly. There is such thing as good or bad, but also like when we look at the spiral in sacred geometry, the spiral is the journey inward and you're continuously coming back to things in a new light and in a new way. Yeah.
Speaker: So you can be a spiral. Yeah. And like even with structuring your business, like. Weeks one and two, like you can be sorry, weeks one and two of your of your cycle month.
Speaker: That's where you can have your your your structure, your push, push, push. And then the other two weeks of your cycle, that's where your creativity and your intuition is coming into play. And I think this is so important to dis discuss actually for all women, whether you own your own business, whether you just work in in ah like a job, whether you're but at home, it actually doesn't matter because this is just how you go about day to day life really. isn't it But if if we take it from the context of business, and working for your working around your cycle. I suppose the first thing to note really is not everyone has a 28 day cycle. So these lovely colour coded charts that it's like be productive these days, take these days. ah like It's like what none of us are 20, very few of us are 28 days and very few of us are 28 days every month.
Speaker: And then, we you know, when we head into our 40s, we're talking perimenopause. God only knows where our hormones are at some stage. So I suppose if we talk generally around if if you wouldn't mind talking generally around the the different phases of the cycle and and what we can expect to feel, but then also the importance of actually just going with how you feel and having the flexibility. And that's the difference between, again, making it another structure that you have to stick to and force through when it may not be correct and actually just listening to your body.
Speaker: Yeah. um So how blunt can I be here? As blunt as necessary. The 28 day cycle myth is the biggest load of horse shit I've ever come across in my life. And it was developed because.
Speaker: We were trying they were trying to put us into a box so that they could study us. Women can't be studied unless there is a structure around it. So they said typically every 28 days. Now, in saying that we could go bit like we are typically in sync with the with the moon and the 28 days. I love this. Yeah. yeah So there is that element of it, too. But in science, when women were being researched, which by the way has only started happening within the last 20, 30 years properly. Yeah, which is shocking. Yeah. um But when we're looking at the cycle, like...
Speaker: It's very rare. Sorry, i'll I need to be mindful of my own language. It's not very rare for women to have 28 day cycles. There are a a lot of women who have a 28 day cycle, but a lot of other women don't. And even women who have a 28 day cycle may still not ovulate on day 14. So typically you will ah ovulate midway through your cycle, but not always. So for me,
Speaker: I have always had my cycle would change from 28 to 32 day. And but I've never ovulated the middle. I've always ovulated early around anywhere between days nine and days 11, 12.
Speaker: eleven twelve And so if I does that make you have a longer luteal phase? Yes, I have. I would have a longer luteal phase. Which makes the a little bit more challenging at times. At times. yeah It does. yeah It does. The lovely PMS and for different periods of my life, I have gone into more PMDD. So um preman premenstrual dysphoric disorder and it's very intense. So it is yeah now with our cycles.
Speaker: Pairing it with business. again. a lot easier for women who are running their own companies. They can structure this around their business. But for other women who are working for other people who are in high roles in cutthroat industries, like your company is not going to shut up. They don't care. They don't give a shit. They don't care about phase. Yeah, it's like I'm in my luteal phase. I don't give a fuck. I want that deadline done. Yeah.
Speaker: But I think the most important thing for women to understand is like once we have the knowledge around our hormones, If we can fix the structures of our business, fantastic. If not, then it's just known, OK, this is where I am right now and this is why I can't show up to the best of my my ability. Just not be hard for you, hard on yourself. That's the main thing is to not be hard on yourself. Like we had this conversation at the the workshop last weekend. um One of the girls was talking about how she couldn't figure out why she wasn't able to get reel done. And then when the other girl said, oh, yeah, Orla mentioned like if you're in your luteal phase,
Speaker: like you're not going to be as have as much clarity or not going to be as much clear or you're not going to be as clear. And it's very true. So when we're looking at our cycle or let's say we'll start with the follicular phase, follicular phase, you're at your most ah clear clarity. Go get them. Get shit done. um If you have to hold any presentations, if you have to be recording podcasts, getting content created the first four, not the first 14 days of your cycle from days fiveive up until ovulation they're the days to really get it done to go go go to go go go yeah during your ovulation window that's where you'd be doing the likes of your podcast because that's when you're coming across your most charismatic um your hormones are just in the best place for this so we're looking at like your estrogen is rising testosterone is rising and when our estrogen and testosterone is that little bit not not even elevated but when they're in the the the proper proportions should we say yeah
Speaker: We're able to manage stress so much better and we have so much more resiliency. And as opposed to when we're in our luteal phase and when we're in our luteal phase, we don't manage stress as best as we possibly can. And the reason for that is because cortisol and progesterone share a precursor hormone called pregnenolone. Now, pregnenolone will feed both cortisol and progesterone. yeah
Speaker: Our bodies will always prioritize survival. Over reduction. So if you are stressed, if you're chronic so chronically stressed in many different areas of your life, your cortisol is going to be fed over your progesterone and your progesterone is your feel good, zen, calming hormone. So in your luteal phase, this is why PMS and PMDD become so intense because your cortisol is getting fed, not your progesterone.
Speaker: When that's happening, if if you feel like you have done a shit job on ah on an on an event, on putting a program together, on giving a presentation.
Speaker: You probably haven't done a shit job. You just don't have as much resiliency to stress. And then the problem with that is that we start beating the shit out of ourselves over and over and over. Like think of, you know, the whips, the cat with nine tails, like you're literally self-flagellation. all day long. Yeah.
Speaker: Because you don't have the buffer there of your Eastern and the little bit of testosterone that we have. So for me, it it's yeah, it's educating women on their hormones and how they act on the body.
Speaker: But what I've really come come back to now is actually look, our hormones are always going to be there. They're always going to be running the show. But can we start being a little bit more compassionate to ourselves if you if you fuck up? It's not the end of the world.
Speaker: Yeah. It's not. It's not. Let's talk a little bit about cortisol. Yeah. And the body and how we can try and... I'm not going to use the word optimise. That's not the word that I want to use. Optimise, optimise, optimise. Optimise, optimise. But and how can we physically and in... like How can we be practical about this? Okay, so we're women. We suffer with PMS. Some of us suffer with PMDD. We live stressful lives.
Speaker: And... There's certain ah amount of adjustment we can make to our lives, so some that we can't, you know, kids, partners, jobs, things like that can be very, very stressful.
Speaker: um Time, available time can be very stressful. But if we take it to nutrition, for example, and because me and have done a lot of work on this and cortisol. So if we can bring our cortisol levels down or learn to or learn to manage our cortisol physically a little bit better to he because I've noticed this like when I'm less stressed, I don't get PMS the same way I do when I've had a stressful month.
Speaker: And so a lot of people think stress is all just about stress reduction is all about meditation and and breathing. and But a lot of it's actually what we're putting into our bodies. And one thing that you taught me that I always saw as two separate things, but now I can't now that I can't unhear it now that you've you've told me this and it's so obvious is the best way to manage your cortisol is by managing your blood sugar levels. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Our insulin, like if our insulin is all over the place, like, you know, the the ads for Snickers. Yeah. You're not you're not you and when you're hungry. Yeah. Like if your blood sugar levels are all over the place, it's having a a direct impact on your cortisol levels. Yeah. and we cannot regulate without regulating our insulin. Like cortisol and insulin are two of our master hormones. Yeah. So they're the ones that are running the show in the body. And if they're fucked up, everything else is fucked up. Exactly. Yeah. But like when we're talking about hormones, like cortisol is a hormone.
Speaker: Insulin is a hormone. Our thyroid, they're all hormones and are our stress hormones, our reproductive hormones and our thyroid hormones are all interlinked through the HPA, HPG and HPT axis. If you are chronically stressed,
Speaker: Because you're not. And again, being very mindful of my language, because you haven't been able to to put in routines around your food, for instance.
Speaker: It's not your fault. Life happens. de--da But if your blood sugars are bouncing up and down, you're not going to be able to manage anything else that's coming your way. Yeah, this brings back to starting with the body. It starts with the body and like and again, like the physical stuff that we can do, like the one analogy I always use is kiss.
Speaker: Keep it simple, sweetie. It's like, just let's let's keep it simple and and and stop if we can stop. making regulation difficult because it is actually simple. But we keep looking to find the next magic cure. isn't It's literally it's just slowing down, breathing properly, eating good quality foods eating and moving your body a little bit every day. Yeah. And look, I'm not sitting here on my high horse on my pedestal. I would be very honest.
Speaker: I'm someone who I'm very prone to to get overwhelmed and to get stressed because over the last, let's say, ten years, i have had a lot of external stressors in my life. Yeah. And I haven't said this before, but I ended up in hospital a few months ago with like having to get neurological tests and everything done. And so I know what needs to be done.
Speaker: Yeah. Physically, but sometimes it can still be hard for someone who's Who does this for a living. But when we have lots of external things. Life is fucking hard. Life is hard and we can become fragmented. Same as myself with the with all of the anxiety symptoms coming back. Yeah. And a lot of it's hormonal, but a lot of it just chronically elevated cortisol for a long period of time for lots of different reasons. Yeah. So it's not a case that if you're listening that you're a failure, that you're. And this is my point. yeah You're not a fucking failure. You're yeah doing the very best that you can with what you have. And we all have moments in life where things are are so are sailing nicely. Yeah. are You're cru cruising. You're cruising. And then there's other times where it's like, holy shit, you're hanging on by a thread. yeah And that's normal too. And I think it's really important to to note that. It is so important. But if we know that it's just like that when you feel that overwhelmed, it's really just like, when's last time had a good meal?
Speaker: And that's it. It's asking yourself the simple questions. It's bringing it back to kids It doesn't have to be a big meal. If you're if you're stressed and you can't feel like you can't eat much, for example, or you're stressed and you feel like only eating the sugary stuff, I can still have my chocolate. Yeah.
Speaker: But I got to have my little I have to have my balanced meal there first. Yeah. A little mini one even, yeah you know, just to 100 percent. Like for me, when I'm highly stressed, I completely lose my appetite. Yeah. And when I lose my appetite,
Speaker: it can spiral downward very quickly yeah for me. So I have a history of an eating disorder and that can come back very quickly if I don't get on top of getting my appetite back up. yeah So for me to get my appetite back up when I'm stressed is I have to and this sounds counterproductive, but I've and I have done this with clients in the past as well and it's worked beautifully. I've had to induce a sugar addiction and I induce a a sugar addiction using dark chocolate and strawberries because with the dark chocolate, we have the tryptophan, which is the precursor to serotonin. Yes. so
Speaker: if I'm not able to eat, i have my dark chocolate that I know i enjoy. And then I have my strawberries there as well because it's balancing it. Once that is enticing me to eat, then I can move on to something that's a bit more substantial. Now, what I'm going to say next, you're going to be surprised at the next substantial thing for me is pizza. You know something's really wrong with me if you put a slice pizza in front of me and I turn it down.
Speaker: So like a couple of years ago, like my eating disorder had come back and I thought i thought I hid it well. I was very i was like, I'm hiding this. Nobody has a clue. It's fantastic. And then i came downstairs one day and my mother had takeaway pizza on the table and I looked at her and she was like, have a slice pizza. And I was like, fuck, she knows because I just I was telling her that my my appetite was just really gone. And With that, so for me, getting my appetite back, I'll eat pizza.
Speaker: And then once I start getting the hunger cues back, yeah then I start bringing in OK, I can add in a little bit of salad here. I can add in a side of veg. That's such an interesting way to think about it, because we we often think that, oh, we have to start at the top. We need to be having these balanced salads. And it's funny, when I'm stressed, I find it really hard to like have my salad for my lunch. I'm like, no, I just want beans on toast. yeah Like, that's my comfort thing. yeah And but then I'm like, that's also a healthy, healthy, balanced meal. So there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't have to be this or that. To bring ourselves
Speaker: Oh yeah. this and This and that. Yes. It's not this or that. It's this and that. Yeah. So from for me and for other people out there, it's like, right, i can I can have my slice pizza I'm going to have my burger and I'm going to have a lovely salad on the side with it if I'm able to. If I'm not able to. that's okay.
Speaker: We'll wait until the next meal and and we'll see what we can do there. Now, we're like I'm like, i have a coach as well. Jim, big shout out to Jim. I love Jim. Jim is just Jim Ryan. oh Follow him. He's follow him. He's just the most amazing person ever. But he's been a real rock for me because with this ended up in hospital this year, I was like, okay, I know what I need to do, but I actually need support in doing this. yeah And it's so funny every time we have a check in, um,
Speaker: like it for there was ah a period there for about a month and a half or every second day, something big externally was happening. And he was like, are you fucking kidding me? I like i know. i know. It's another thing. But we laughed through it all. But he was really beneficial for me in the food yeah side of things because it's so easy for me to to drop off. Not going into eating disorder territory, but the appetite goes so quick. Yeah, when you're busy busy, when you're busy, busy and stressed. Yeah. And he was just amazing with, OK, you're not that hungry now.
Speaker: Can you have something like pre-med for later on in the evening and we can go from there? and I'm like, yeah, fantastic. But it for me, it was like, OK, I just need a little bit of a accountability right now. Whereas if he was like throwing like you have to hit your calories, you have to hit your macros, you have to get X, Y and Z in. yeah It would be too overwhelming for you and you'd be like, fuck this. Yeah. And one of the rules that he made straight away was we're not counting calories.
Speaker: Yeah. You're not tracking your food. You're taking pictures and you're sending them to me so that I know that you're eating. And then and then he said to me, and this is what I do, what my clients do. I'm like, right. How do I know when you are struggling, but you're you're hiding that you're struggling? And for me, it's I go quiet.
Speaker: I hide away. um And he's like, perfect. And there were a couple of times where I did hide away for a couple of days and he would check in he's like, what's going on? And I'm like, ah, fuck yeah yeah. But it was fine because it was there is no shame with And this is This is why I love Jim and and because he's the only personal trainer I've ever come across that I sorry that I've ever worked with yeah myself um that has had no judgment, ah no judgment and no shame policy. Whereas I have worked with others in the past who have ah they used shame against you. too Why aren't you able to follow the plan? Yeah. And it's absolutely horrific. Whereas when you. It's so damaging. And I know by looking at your your programs and protocols, the way you work with people with nourisher, Well, I think it's just like your health. It's like, what is the rush? but And that's the thing.
Speaker: Like, as long as you are connecting with yourself and you are doing your best that day. And yes, you're going to come across obstacles and setbacks. But as long as you don't attach the shame and the guilt and the judgment and you're like, oh, I'm a failure, there's no point and it becomes all or nothing and you give up on yourself. If you can be like, OK, well, this happened, we probably need to do a little bit of reflection on this when I'm ready. Yeah. And it might keep happening. And, you know, there are patterns that you need to overcome.
Speaker: But that that takes time. But if you're like, I have to lose a stone in eight weeks, it's like, will you fucking stop? Exactly. Like just calm down, relax. And what's the rush? Yeah. and But it's that that it's the shame. And for me, I don't know if it was you who asked me this in the last podcast or if it was someone else who asked me, they asked me what my mission was.
Speaker: And I've come to realize that my my mission with my work is dismantling shame for people. It's to get rid of the internalized shame that we the torture that we put ourselves through. We are we are judge, jury and executioner of ourselves.
Speaker: And like for for me, like the way I used to speak to myself was horrific. But that's because the internalized shame that was there, that was built there. It breaks my heart. I see it in so many women. So many women. The inner voice is shocking.
Speaker: It's shocking. It's so sad. And when I say sad, I'm not saying sad in a sympathy way. It's really sad to sit with a woman and have her feel that about herself. I know.
Speaker: it' Yeah. it's But the thing is, I know that's like. It's empowering when a woman overcomes that. And that's it. It's yeah huge. Yeah. That's huge. Orla, this has been absolutely amazing. We're actually at the end of our time. I know. so I feel like I just went off on rants and tangents. Not all. No, this has been such an amazing. Has that been an hour? That's been an hour. It's and been such an amazing conversation.
Speaker: One thing i just want to ask you before we finish up. So from what we've talked about, and I feel like there's lots of areas we could have dug so much deeper in as well. But I love that we've covered so many different areas in this in this episode. What's the one thing you would like the listener to take with them?
Speaker: The one lesson for them to take with them to.
Speaker: Yeah, to take with them for whatever they need next in their life. If you mess up, sorry, if you feel like you've messed up on something, You haven't.
Speaker: And it's okay. You may have made a little mistake here or there. Well, you don't need to be the judge, jury and executioner of yourself. Yes. I love it. Thank you so much. And it's the best place for people to reach you if if people want to follow you, they want to see ah to apply to work with you and find out more about what you do. Best place is Instagram. So orla underscore naturopath underscore herbalist. And I will be working with your lovely self very soon in the business side of things. So ah some of those may change in the coming months. Yes. So for now, you will find her there and i will have linked to everything anyway. and Orla, thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you. I've loved it.
Speaker: That's it for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening. If you want to learn more about Orla or find out where to follow her, where to work with her, like she said, Instagram is the best place. I will link it below.
Speaker: If this episode has resonated with you and you're thinking about your own health, your energy, your strength, your fitness, your body image, that's exactly what we do inside Nourish Her Coaching. So you'll find the link below if you want to apply for my Nourish Her Coaching.
Speaker: If it is business that's on your mind, building something sustainable, profitable and aligned with your life instead of running it yourself into the ground, which so many of us do, that's exactly what my lead, her mental business mentorship does. So that is also linked below and you can apply below for that.
Speaker: and And lastly, if you've enjoyed the episode, it would mean the world to me if you would hit subscribe, leave a review and share it with any woman in your life that you think will benefit from this episode.
Speaker: So I will catch you on the next episode.
