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We Get "Left Behind" (Episode 300)
27 Plays3 years ago
Join Josh, M, and special patron Georgia, for a rousing game of "Left Behind", where the only person who had a Christian education is "forced" to do a Tricky Dicky impersonation...
Josh is @monkeyfluids and M is @conspiracism on Twitter
You can also contact us at: podcastconspiracy@gmail.com
You can learn more about M’s academic work at: http://mrxdentith.com
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Transcript
00:00:07
Speaker
Hey!
Milestone Celebration and Introduction
00:00:08
Speaker
It's the podcast's guide to the conspiracy!
00:00:36
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the Podcaster's Guide to the Conspiracy. I am Josh Edison, Dr. M. Denton. We have a friend of the show Georgia joining us for secret purposes that will not remain secret and probably actually aren't if you're watching the video because you can see exactly what it is we're doing.
00:00:52
Speaker
It's a 300 episode. It is 300 episodes. What a milestone.
Exploring 'Left Behind' Board Game
00:00:57
Speaker
We don't know exactly when you're going to be Hearing watching this but what we can say is Unfortunately, the end times have come upon us. They have the rapture has occurred and we sin for people and
00:01:12
Speaker
have been left behind was friends of the show Lou and Drew who are meant to be joining us for this 300 Spectacular. One of them has been raptured and another has been cast into the pits of hell. So we'll be praying to Lou and spitting upon Drew during the course of this episode. So left behind. We're playing left behind the movie
00:01:37
Speaker
the board game adventure by the I'm going to use here in quote marks the good folk at telecore god fearing folks certainly so this is a a christian board game
00:01:50
Speaker
And it was designed by people who do not like fun. And we're going to play it for our 300th episode. Now, for those of you listening to the podcast, I really would recommend you go to Josh's YouTube channel, Monkey Fluids, and watch the video version of this.
00:02:09
Speaker
I mean, we're playing a board game and we're miked up for sound, so it should be fine. But there's a visual element here which you should enjoy. In the same way that the episodes when Ian was quite, quite drunk, I think are better with video than they are with audio. That's very true. Nevertheless, the audio was quite, quite spectacular. So hopefully we can achieve the same sort of thing.
00:02:31
Speaker
Before we get going,
Biblical Trivia and Game Mechanics Discussion
00:02:32
Speaker
do we want to summarize the Left Behind series for the uninitiated? Yeah, so for those of you who don't know what Left Behind is, congratulations, you've skipped a beat there. So the Left Behind franchise started off as a series of 16 novels by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B Jenkins, and they deal with the rapture. So they deal with the idea that
00:02:54
Speaker
there's going to be a period of tribulation before the coming back of Christ and all the good people go to heaven and left on earth are the really really bad people and the people who are kind of on the cusp they're not quite good enough to be raptured but they're not quite bad enough to be considered
00:03:12
Speaker
to have downfallen into the wages of sin. And so over the 16 book series, 16 book series, including three prequels, before the rapture even occurs, a set of people who belong to tribulation force end up fighting the villain of the piece, whose name is Nikolai Jetticapathea from Cluj, Romania.
00:03:40
Speaker
So the Antichrist is Dracula. I like it. Well, as you said, what's interesting about this is to get their Antichrist, because they're relying on certain interpretations of revelations from the end of the New Testament, they need the Antichrist, who's actually not really mentioned as a figurehead in the Bible. But the Antichrist, the Wretcher.
00:04:00
Speaker
Yeah, precisely. These are all interpretations that come out of the Book of the Apocalypse. One of the interpretations is that the Antichrist is going to be Roman. And that's because the Book of Revelations was probably written about Nero. So it's actually about a Roman Emperor of the day, as opposed to making prophecies about the future. But the people who believe in this kind of millennialist interpretation go, well, look, the Antichrist must be Roman.
00:04:27
Speaker
And who's more Roman than Romanians? I would say Italians myself. Yeah, but they don't call themselves Romanians. And it is true that Romanians do kind of think of themselves as the last remnants of the Roman Empire. So this kind of fits in. And it turns out that Copathia is genetically engineered and the result of artificial insemination.
00:04:50
Speaker
which indicates they don't really know much about Romanian culture or access to medical care in Romania at all, but that's because I've lived there and I suspect they haven't. And unlike Jesus, Copathia gets tempted in the desert for three days by Lucifer and succumbs to all temptations
00:05:12
Speaker
so that when the rapture comes, he takes over the EU, brings in a one-world government, gets assassinated, possessed by Lucifer, and then springs back to life after three days. You know, hang on, I think you're describing Michael York and the Omega Code right there. Wow, and a large chunk of Omega Code and Omega Code 2, Megido, not Electric Boogaloo, does seem to be heavily cribbed from the left-behind series. Now, unlike
00:05:39
Speaker
Unlike the Left Behind series, Amico to Megiddo is an incredibly great film by Australian director Trenchard Smith. Brian Trenchard Smith. Certainly is incredible. Now Left Behind book series got a series of three films starring teenage sweetheart Kurt Cameron,
00:05:59
Speaker
which did actually cover all 16 books. I think they cover basically two and a half books worth of content. And then recently a 2014 film starring none other than Nicolas Cage, which I believe covers the first chapter of the first book.
00:06:17
Speaker
Right, so they were really ambitious from the sounds of things. And it also sounds like that that franchise is not going anywhere fast. So a few years ago, they released Left Behind The Kids, which deals with teenagers coping with the rapture because they really want to get in on that Hunger Games and Twilight energy. And now we have the board game. We do. Based
Humorous Gameplay and Biblical Knowledge
00:06:41
Speaker
upon the Kurt Cameron film and not the Nicholas Cage film. I mean, did this board game come out?
00:06:49
Speaker
According to the paperwork, 2001. It feels a lot older. It feels a lot, lot older. Now, Georgia, you were the one who spotted this game in a secondhand store in Hamilton, I believe. Yes. Yes, I did. Yeah. I don't know. I like board games. Just so long as we have someone to blame. It's not my fault M actually purchased it. Sorry. We also then did play it. Do you like board games after playing it?
00:07:18
Speaker
I think I liked this one less after playing it for the first time, but that's mostly because you absolutely smash me in terms of biblical knowledge. Yeah, so it does turn out one feature of this game really does require you to know the Bible. Now I'm sitting here with two godless heathens. That's correct. I'm also a godless heathen, but I did actually spend a lot of time thinking I was going to be a Catholic priest. I did go to Catholic high school in my defence.
00:07:45
Speaker
But you've also said you daydream through all of... I pretty much slept through messes, yes. I did Sunday school by correspondence, not a lie.
00:07:55
Speaker
Really? Did you learn anything interesting? No. My grandmother was religious, my parents were not, and as a bit of a sop to her, we had this thing where every week we'd get sent Sunday school stuff, and it'd be like, you know, we were kids, so it was a colouring thing, and a thing to write, and then we sent stuff. Colour in the seven wounds of Jesus Christ. Basically. I have no actual knowledge of it, and I don't think it rubbed off on me in any way whatsoever.
00:08:21
Speaker
But you do know how to colour in a crucifix. You can colour in a crucifix, yep. The blood is red.
00:08:29
Speaker
I thought royal blood was blue though, but surely Jesus is the king of kings. I've trapped you in your own life! Fair enough. So okay, so basically what we're saying is I've never played this game before you have, so I absolve myself of all responsibility of actually understanding what the heck is going on, but I understand that we are the tribulation force, otherwise known as trib force,
00:08:52
Speaker
which luckily for us does not have any other innuendous attention. I think we start on our appropriate colours. Do we? So blue and blue. Yeah, so awkward. And then you have the thing that I... That's... Yeah, that must be that one there. Because we've got three tokens that we're not using. Now, there's a really bad mechanic in this game. Every time a player takes a turn, they have to roll the Copathia die. And if they spell the word Copathia,
00:09:23
Speaker
then we immediately move from the fun part of the game, then I use that term very advisedly, to the really awful part of the game. And now, this mechanic is meant to simulate the fact that Rapture could occur at any moment. Never know when. The problem is, if it occurs in the first turn, which it could do with the roll of the dice, it makes the game incredibly boring. So we will roll the Copathia dice, but I think if it occurs too early,
00:09:48
Speaker
We'll just ignore that mechanic. And also, if this goes on too long, we'll beg the Antichrist to appear. I did notice at the back of the rules, if the game is dragging on too long, there are ways you could decide to bring him out. So the makers of the game want you to bring the Antichrist to life if you get bored.
00:10:14
Speaker
So, with that being said, I think we should, probably, have a go. Now, the game is designed around, in the first half, answering Bible questions, doing kind of true lies, and other related things. The second half of the game is when Copathia, this delightful black pawn, starts rampaging around the board trying to kill us. So, I suppose I should start as the first player. I'll just get the colours out so we know
00:10:44
Speaker
What the various... So we're going to explain the rules before we... I thought we just kind of play it and it'll become self-explanatory as time goes by. Really. I think we should do that. I don't know that it will become self-explanatory as time goes by, but that's that's part of the fun. It is, it is part of the fun. So you should have got a cut for properly...
00:11:10
Speaker
Partier. So we have a roll of one and pet here. And basically, I can either go to a white space or a white space, which means nothing happened. I'm going to go in there. Very exciting. We're off to a roaring start. Are we going clockwise? Very thrilling and the game's going to get even more solved. I'm trying to optimise this fold. Oh, six. OK.
00:11:40
Speaker
One, two, three, four, five, six. Again, nothing. Once again, this game was designed by people who didn't mind playing games to be very sinful. And I assume, which I assume, it means I'm going to go one, two, three, four, five, six, and it's nothing as well because the board is at least symmetrical.
00:12:00
Speaker
If we were playing the game, we would immediately move on to the second phase of the game with no skill point or anything to think about here. I think when we really think about it, if anyone was going to cause the rapture, it would have been you.
00:12:13
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not surprised. That is true. Now I've got the choice of either going one, two, three, four, five, six, and hitting the Copathia space, and that would mean rerolling the Copathia die, and we've already got that. Or one, two, three, four, five, six, and actually going to a space which allows us to do something. So this is a Maroon space, the Confession or Deception space.
00:12:38
Speaker
When a player lands on a Confessional Deception space, he or she draws a Maroon card from the card box. Oh yeah.
00:12:48
Speaker
and reads it aloud, these cards require the player to respond with either the truth, a confession, or a lie, deception, and then the other player's vote on whether a lie or the truth has been told. Each player that guesses correctly receives one transparent left-behind token matching the colour of his or her playing piece. The player answering the card scores only when he or she is able to cause all the other players to answer incorrectly. Okay, so I will take
00:13:17
Speaker
Take a card. You may either confess your sin to offer a lie to the following. You are the king of impersonations, but nobody really knows it. Tell... Well, that's a lie, right? Tell who you can impersonate.
00:13:34
Speaker
Tell who you can impersonate. I mean, just the grammar on that is kind of terrible. So I am the king of impersonations. I can do Richard Nixon. I can do Richard Nixon impersonation. Can you though? You can attempt it. That's a good one. Yeah, you can attempt it. That's for sure. I would say truth. Truth?
00:13:55
Speaker
Yeah, I would say you can try. I've heard it. I don't know if it's convincing. I am not a cook. Yeah, see, I've heard that. I don't think I would ever close my eyes and be like, oh, he's back from the dead. He's in the room, yes. Okay. But the thing is, I can do the impression. So, I mean, you all said yes. They said true. But you do have a colored counter. So you get a blue. Is there a tiddlywink surround at any point? Unfortunately, no.
00:14:26
Speaker
Unfortunately, though. All right, Georgia. Your turn. Oh, right. Yes. Oh, well, sorry, that was aggressive. One. One. And but we can go clockwise or anti-clockwise. Yeah. Would anything happen if I went back that way? You just have to roll the kapathia dice again. And what happens? Nothing happens there, right? No, I think if you land on
00:14:54
Speaker
Those... It's just like a white space? I can't remember. Stars and Redemptions. Players landing on one of these spaces during round, roll the standard die again and move to a new space so you can actually just roll again. Oh, okay. Well, I'll just do that and then roll again. Just the standard die. Yeah. Okay. There we go.
00:15:11
Speaker
One, two, three. Ooh, green. Green, green. Okay, last word. These spaces are color coded green on the board. When a player lands on the last word space, the player to the left draws a last word card green from the card box, which is the other side.
00:15:27
Speaker
Oh, I should have separated them out, sorry. No, no, no, no, they're double-sided. Oh, that's right. That's quite clever. I thought they were different. So this is just a straight quiz. I can tell you already that I am going to fail it. What percentage of US pastors do you think have been divorced? 36%, 25%, 13% or 4%?
00:15:57
Speaker
Now, and also, there's also back in 2001. OK, so 2001, American, when I was like 10 years old. Task to divorcees. Who knows that sort of stat, though? Kirk Cameron knows that. If you were to say, oh, of course, I know that. It's well, you would be a little bit concerned about that person and what they were doing. I am sort of trying to distract, but I don't know. Was 25% one of them? Yes, it was.
00:16:26
Speaker
I don't know, I'll guess that. But it seems a bit too high, but I don't know. I'm afraid it was the answer is C13%. Oh, OK. According to Barna Online Research. I've never heard of them, but sure. OK. No points for you. Well, oh well. OK. Yeah. Oh, now I get to double another one. OK, which was Brown? Maroon? Brown is... Oh, that's the truth or... Yeah. Truth or dare? Is there an option for physical challenge?
00:16:56
Speaker
I know the Bible says thou shalt not lie, but you can't tell the truth all the time. For instance, the last lie I told was... Why is even the idea of Josh lying amusing to you?
00:17:11
Speaker
because I'm making you think he's probably light as children about something. Oh, well, I mean, it's Christmas time. I'm lying to them constantly. But the last lie I told was that I'm running light because the traffic is bad. He was like here. Was it or wasn't it? Truth or lie? I can say that's a lie.
00:17:36
Speaker
Was there much? It's a lie that I'm lying, or you're saying that I did just tell a lie. I think you just told a lie about telling a lie. Right. It's very meta. I, you have a truthful face. But then again, it's a truth about lying. I don't know. I reckon that's probably the last thing you could think of is like, what have I said?
00:18:02
Speaker
recently and you just came across what you told us about being late because of traffic. So you're saying you're agreeing with me and just lying about lying. I think so. I think that's just what you first thought of.
00:18:20
Speaker
Yeah, pretty much. It's a bit of a grey area because I wasn't actually late because of traffic. My wife was late because of traffic, which is why I couldn't leave earlier. But then having left here, there was bad traffic. Oh, man. I think it was... It sounds like a token, and frankly, that's all I want. You get a token, right? And you did... Oh, yes. Right. OK.
00:18:41
Speaker
Okay, but wasn't that exciting? Exciting, I mean, wasn't that something? Not exciting. Look, he did it again. Yeah, I know. Gosh, he's always causing the apocalypse. You're a new rapture. They're going for the fire. Let's go for one of these. So we're still pretending, we're still ignoring it. Take one left behind token. Very nice. Thank you.
00:19:12
Speaker
So the fire in Rim Cerny trials and tribulations is basically the Monopoly community chest. Basically, yeah. I'm sorry. Two. Well, can I shove you off? No, no, we can share the space. A commune. I don't want to be. Take a trial and tribulation. I don't know if I want to be in a commune with you. Following the President's lead, you donated old unmentionables to your church for their rummage sale. Donate one...
00:19:42
Speaker
Turn that one token to the player on your left. No. No. Okay. Well, I guess you get my one. Yeah. Well, that's what you get. I think people rummage in your unmentionables. Yeah. Goodness me. I do. How Christian is that referring to underwear as unmentionables? I know. It's delightful. It was even in quotes. Three. I can't do anything interesting. I suppose I can go back to the role again. Okay. And we're back on the maroon.
00:20:10
Speaker
So another, okay. If you could meet one person in the Bible, who would it be and what question would you ask? Well, I mean, how do you choose? And of all, do I have to pick one of my favourite political characters? How many people from the Bible can you mention? Well, Jesus, obviously. What about all of the other unmentionable ones? All of the apostles, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Paul and Ringo.
00:20:35
Speaker
If I could meet one person in the Bible, I would meet Jonah and ask him what the inside of a whale smells like.
00:20:43
Speaker
Actually, I think that's true. I think that's true. I think Josh would actually. Oh, I totally forgot. I thought we were just saying it. Yeah. I reckon that's true. Yeah. You could find out for yourself what the inside of a whale smells like, I'm sure. And also imagine lying about who you'd want to meet from the Bible. What an affront to God
Critiques and Revelations on Game Design
00:21:01
Speaker
that would be. I know, honestly. Now that I think of it, I think that probably is what I'd do. It was just kind of the first thing that popped into my mind. But since I can't think of anything better, then I guess, yes, that is the person who I'm with. Hooray!
00:21:14
Speaker
Apart from Josh, because he failed to... Actually, that's a bit disturbing that you get points for the same people. That seems very weird game mechanics in this one. Can you stop that, please? God is telling us that Em is supposed to start the rapture. I think we need to listen to God. No, not yet. The rapture party is really boring. It's actually more fun to do
00:21:43
Speaker
to do this for a bit longer and then ascend. Okay. Because the next stage of the game is very, very dull. We're going to have to have tough tokens. It's very dull indeed.
00:21:56
Speaker
If I go back this way, then I'll get something interesting. This is the one where I take them, right? Take a maroon card. Okay. Confession or deception. You may either confess your sins or offer a lie to the following. And the Academy Award goes to tell about when you were actually on TV or had a bit part in a movie. Why are they... Oh, see, I'm not very good at deception. So I meant to lie about... Okay, I was in a Peter Jackson movie.
00:22:28
Speaker
as a fantasy character. I'm so obviously lying. I'm probably one of the few people in New Zealand that's going to hit me. I think she's lying. What's her tale? Is it the bit where she says I'm obviously lying? You shouldn't have got somebody that's on the spectrum to play this game. I think you're lying about that. I am lying. Yes. Hooray!
00:22:52
Speaker
Yeah, I know very many people that were in films as a Wellingtonian, but I was not. If you were playing this with people from another country, I think you could easily bluff your way into saying that just everyone... And if it was somebody other than me who cannot lie. I was legalized as stunt double. I don't believe it.
00:23:18
Speaker
I don't have four. Oh, because I saw the six was towards me. Okay, so I get to roll these. Okay, so if I cause the rapture, we're rapturing, God damn it. No, okay. Thank God, but no. No rapture for you. Two! This is the first time you haven't, right? No, but several without being vipathia. Six. One, two, three, four, five, six.
00:23:45
Speaker
Oh god, is this the boring part? And the other way as well. Okay. Green? This way, maybe. Oh yeah. Alright, so that is the last word. Somebody else draws it, right? Yeah, the last word. Yeah, but doesn't somebody else draw it? Yeah, I do. And I'm the quiz master.
00:24:09
Speaker
Okay, by most biblical accounts, which apostle was likely a physician? Was it Luke, Mark, Barnabas, or Matthew? I've not even heard of Barnabas. No, did they make that up just to trick us? Or was there? There are several Barnabines in the Bible. Is it the plural of Barnabas? It is now.
00:24:36
Speaker
the first one because I have no idea. You are correct. Oh wow! According to Krocian's 414, Luke was likely a physician. Oh, cool. Okay. We've learned something. We're learning about the book. Luke, M.D. Take a token. Oh, I get a token as well. You do? Choice.
00:24:56
Speaker
One, two, three, four. Oh, I get to tribulate. Oh, hey. Roll the dice again and move accordingly. That's not super interesting. I'll take it. Five, one, two, three, four, five. Oh, great. Oh, you're good.
00:25:12
Speaker
Who will be the first thrown into the Lake of Fire as recorded by John in Revelation weight? Is it A, Simmers? B, The Beast? C, Rock Musicians? Because of course, in the Book of the Apocalypse, aka Revelations, they definitely made a reference to rock musicians. Or is it D, A, and C?
00:25:35
Speaker
So sinners and rock musicians. No, I mean rock musicians are sinners by definition. Yeah, sure. The devil's music. So sinners, the beast, rock musicians, or sinners and rock musicians. I think it has to be sinners and rock musicians because they're the same thing. So just a reminder, rock musicians did not exist at the time that Revelation was written. How do you know that?
00:25:54
Speaker
Right, but I mean, but they come under the umbrella term of sinners. So you are, you are definitely doing D. I mean, do I need to mention Carnahan and Chavitsky with respect to the kind of errors that get committed when you decide to take a conjunction rather than going for the more likelihood of
00:26:16
Speaker
of one of the earlier parts. Do you think, I think, I think, are you trying to say that if you chose sinners you would automatically encompass rock musicians? I'm simply saying if you choose A and C it's more likely to either be A or C on its own. Right, yeah, A and C. Definitely D. I mean, yeah. Definitely 100%. You've convinced me, you've convinced me it has to be D. There's no possible answer that it could be. The answer is B. Right. It's B. It's always the best. Is it capitalized?
00:26:46
Speaker
Is this a reference that I slept through? The beast, is that something? Only Protestants of a certain persuasion think that Revelations is in any way interesting.
00:26:58
Speaker
I mean if you look at the... But is the beast a real character or is it a devil or what? If you look at the way that the apocalyptic fiction was put into the New Testament essentially was a case of we need a kind of sample of this genre of weird Christian writing to go at the end of our Bible, which is the most exciting apocalyptic bit of writing we've got.
00:27:21
Speaker
like this one yeah this one we'll put that in as an example of you know the kind of thing that some of the weirdos in our cult belong to anyway i'm on six so one two three four five six okay for green oh so do i quiz you don't i you do yes what happens to satan in revelation 20 colon 10 a he is killed
00:27:45
Speaker
B, he is made to watch Jerry Springer. C, he is tormented forever. C, B. D, he's bound in heaven. C, he's tormented forever. You're so bloody Christian. I got all my tokens. I got all my tokens. You swap them for a... Wait, I... Yeah, I think this is worth five. Do you have five now? I have one. It didn't actually count. Two, three, four, five. Yes, I've got five. Okay, so you might as well swap. Yep, there we go.
00:28:15
Speaker
Woohoo! I'm the best Christian at this table. Alright. I think as soon as we get to Capathea now we can transition. Now I'm obviously the best Christian. Do you even consider yourself a Christian? No. But I'm still the best Christian at this table.
00:28:35
Speaker
Oh! Cathartia! That was unintentional. Now I think we just moved directly onto the rapture now. I think I finished my turn and then the next one from memory. How round two begins? It's the person after the person that rolls Cathartia, I think. Cathartia does not interplay until the time that it is at least I don't know. Okay, no. Yep, I have no idea.
00:29:00
Speaker
Yeah, I thought, let's just let you have this term. And then I'll just start. I'm pretty sure I remember in the rules it was like, OK, let's start with the next one. Let's make it interesting.
00:29:16
Speaker
You may either confess your sins or offer a lie to the following. Who do you think is the most disgusting, despicable reprobate of an athlete or actor and you don't mean it in any judgemental way? How can you not mean that? How does that mean? I think you're despicable. Well I'm not judging you. I just think that you're a vile human being and a pedophile.
00:29:39
Speaker
If I were to answer that, then it would be a judgment. So it would be in a judgmental way. Anyway, you need to either tell a lie or the truth about the actor you hate the most. The actor I hate the most. I mean, to my mind, it's quite obviously Kirk Cameron. Because he did this to us. You know, I'm young enough that I'm not sure who that is. And well done. Yeah.
00:30:04
Speaker
What was this show? Was he Growing Pans? Yeah, I think it was Growing Pans. Family sitcom. From the 80s. Ed. See, this is before I was born. Yeah. So I don't know who that is. Then you must choose. You must choose an actor. I used to choose somebody modern. Or someone really, really old. Like I said, Calvin Heston. He's dead, right? Basil Rathbun also did. He was Sherlock Holmes. He was. I know that.
00:30:35
Speaker
I don't know, somebody like Louis C.K. He's a bit of a dick, isn't he? Ooh. Oh, and I can see, I can see. Although, do you really want to say you're not going to be judgmental about Louis C.K.? It seems like you should be judgmental about Louis C.K. because he's a terrible human being. Yeah. But I think that this is a very Christian thing, isn't it? That you're a sinner, you're horrible, you're going to hell, but I don't judge you.
00:31:02
Speaker
It's, you know, hate the sin or love the sin. No, other way around. You know what I mean. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not how I got this. Anyway, so is your answer Louis C.K.? I mean, I've never really thought about it, but it might as well be.
00:31:15
Speaker
that kind of indicates that you don't have strong feelings. I don't have strong feelings. So I don't know whether that's a truth or a lie because you're just going, it's a name of a person. It's the first person I thought of, so. Hold on, hold on. She didn't do her tell of saying I'm a person lying.
00:31:34
Speaker
It's technically true in that when I tried to... Josh and I haven't actually seen the truth. I think it's the truth. Her tellers. Her tellers. I think you're telling the truth. Pretty much, yes. I'm gonna take a thing. Oops, I took two things. Yeah, I have to say I had never really thought about...
00:31:55
Speaker
that before but no if i had to name who's the actor or athlete yeah i don't know any athletes so no what happened to a bag of chips oh i've got them oh right oh do you mean tokens or chips chips chips over there on the elephant
00:32:12
Speaker
I feel that we should have chips for the morning. Okay, we're all miked up. You should be able to walk over there. The leaves are really long. I'm also kind of stuck to my chair because these lights are really hot and I'm sweaty. The lights aren't, it's just a warm room. Well, either way, I'm also a Wellingtonian. I'm not used to this humidity.
00:32:38
Speaker
to that nobody gets used to. See it's now we move on to the boring part of the game so now we get to eat chips. Now we get to spoil the audio by just crinkling the loud chip packet. Yeah this is going to be very disruptive. We won't eat chips now. What's your t-shirt from? Ah five second films.
00:33:05
Speaker
A bunch of humorous, five-second-long films for a little while. It's gonna be nearly ten years or something. But they're like Vine before Vine. Yeah, Vine kind of killed them a little bit. Or at least that was their excuse. And then they made a feature. Then they made a film, Dude Bro Party Massacre 3.
00:33:25
Speaker
I haven't even heard of that. Was it what it sounded like? Yeah, no, it's a parody of that sort of Stacia film that was all done to look like a video that had been taped off TV back in the 80s and so it sort of has commercial breaks spliced in and stuff. Yeah, it actually works quite well. All right. So the Antichrist is nigh. It's my turn, obviously. The goal now is twofold.
00:33:53
Speaker
All players become one team within the tribulation force, and our task is to avoid Kapathia while working together to capture him. In round 2, players roll with standard die only and move around the board. Following each player's turn, the previous player will roll with standard die and move Kapathia.
00:34:11
Speaker
Copathia must move in one direction on the black path to cross the middle of the board or across the sanctuaries, but only one time in order to enter the outer path. Copathia enters the outer path through one of the start spaces. I'll show those things down. Copathia may only move backwards when the number on the die will place on one space where a player resides. And he cannot re-enter the same sanctuary he just left, he must continue along the outer path. So he has to basically.
00:34:40
Speaker
So moving from the center to the outside and then keep them moving around the outside. All the spaces now do nothing. Hooray! Oh yeah, I forgot how boring it was. If a trip force player lands on one of the ones with a cross, they may leave a left-behind token on the space. And if Kapati will land on one of these spaces, exactly he is trapped in the game inns. Otherwise...
00:35:06
Speaker
If Copathia lands on you and you're dead, unless you give up all of your tokens, not just one, all of your tokens, you can re-enter the game. But if you don't have tokens, how can you trap him? Well, basically he wins. That's the thing. But then why would you keep playing with no tokens?
00:35:25
Speaker
Well, because the... The others might have... You can trap Copathia if you land on him inside a sanctuary. Oh, I see. Or Copathia lands on a player inside of a sanctuary. Or Copathia lands on a redemption space covered by players.
00:35:43
Speaker
Okay, so yeah, it is possible for the Antichrist to win this game because apparently that's how these things work. So we can move backwards and forwards with how it's content, but Copathia just keeps going around in a circle, I think. Let me just verify that. Yeah, move around the board. Okay, so Josh, you can start. Right, so I roll for me.
00:36:09
Speaker
And I go... I don't even know. One, two, three, four, five. And that does nothing. Excellent. Now, Copathia moves. And then, so the previous person... Oh, nice. Yeah. Oh, so I roll for Copathia. Yeah. And then Josh will roll for Copathia next. Right. So, send Copathia on his way. Make the Romanian move. What's the room? Oh, okay. Sorry. I thought you said that you for a second. Yeah.
00:36:39
Speaker
I thought you meant something else. Where am I? I am going to... I thought the Romanian move was like, like a chess thing. You know, like... If you land on someone so as game does... Yeah, yeah. And I was like, which way would that be? In a game that's not chess and I don't know. Oh, so Kapathia technically lands on Kapathia. That does nothing for me. So Josh, move Kapathia. So he needs to keep moving that way.
00:37:09
Speaker
One, two, three, four, five. Okay. Gotcha. Six, four, five. Now I move cards here. Two. That's better.
00:37:36
Speaker
I'm already losing it. One, two, three, four, five. Hooray! And then I move Karthia. Two. And... Has to go... What he starts in a direction has to continue that way. Either move towards me or move away from me. But that then decides the direction of play. I don't think it matters too much right now, does it? No, not really. Okay. One, two. Okay. So...
00:38:06
Speaker
that means it must be your turn and I roll oh yeah this bit is very confusing um five one two three four five okay I forgot what did what did the crosses oh because we need we need to land on those to trend to part the inside the second and you need to land exactly on it when they're yeah with it yeah okay okay so we're all three you're dead
00:38:41
Speaker
No. That doesn't do anything, right? No. Only if Copathia lands on it, so Josh, you know. So, you're all you need to do? Oh, yeah, sorry. We're going that way now. Unfortunately, we're three people. It sort of means we're going forwards and backwards at the same time.
00:39:13
Speaker
So Georgia, you need to move the part here. Oh, so far. I'll just go there. I seem to be trying to kill myself.
00:39:42
Speaker
Hi. On the upside, those chips are very good. Ooh. Fleeing from the remote. Does that do anything? Does that just get me killed? What do I do? I need to get on him in a century, don't I? Yeah.
00:40:07
Speaker
I think it's you jump him in a sanctuary, we win. He jumps you anywhere, we lose.
00:40:14
Speaker
So, yeah, so you just, you just need, you need to flee kapathia. You're fleeing very slowly. Okay, it's more reenactment of the last two minutes. Are we up to a kapathia move? Yeah, so just don't roll it, too. Okay, well, six. One, two, three, five, six. So Josh needs to roll a one, and we need to start hitting. So we need to find a way of trapping him. Yeah, yeah. So, three.
00:40:42
Speaker
I mean, we're kind of in the wrong place. All right. Move, Karthia, Josh. Oh, no wait, Tanny ports to the other side of the board. There? Yeah. Okay.
00:41:13
Speaker
As you can see, this part of the game is very thrilling. Snakes and letters without the snakes or letters. That's why the first part of the game is much more fun. Because you get to lie to each other. Oh, thank God I got one of those down. There we go. All right.
00:41:38
Speaker
So now, now Gepathia is going to be zooming around the place.
00:41:56
Speaker
Okay, so we need to start making some kind of audio content on this because otherwise it can get very boring. One, two, three, four, five. Josh, would you please roll the die to move Kapathia? I will. I will roll the die now and just come up with a one. Does anything happen if he goes on the set? No, only if
Concluding Thoughts and Reflections
00:42:16
Speaker
there's a icon. Then he'd be eliminated. Then I would have won the game. Yeah. Okay, right.
00:42:25
Speaker
Okay, six. That's the highest number you can get on a dice. One, two, three, four, five, six. Okay. That was my attempt at some audio content. Josh, who is this? Let's revisit one, two, three, four, five.
00:42:50
Speaker
How long before we pack this in and just go to asking each other the little questions? As I said, this bit's boring. Thank you. Four. One, two, three, four. Five here. Four.
00:43:33
Speaker
I feel like we're eating way more chips as the game gets more and more boring.
00:43:57
Speaker
Okay. Oh, yeah. All right, so hold on. So we've got a point where. Where it's boring.
00:44:29
Speaker
And he eliminated, well, in the sanctuary, and we had a trip for Slender to prepare for the party that ends on the parents at the sanctuary. Right. So actually, he just continues. So, one, two, three, four, five. So the hope, that was your, it was me moving. Yeah, it was yours.
00:44:51
Speaker
One, two, three, four, no. Oh, sorry. We've at least had some death in. Oh, no, teleports. Oh, to Josh. Oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah, he teleported on top of you. You give up all of your. It's the sum total of all my biblical knowledge and the one bit of your biblical knowledge that I stole a few. I think you then go back to your start point.
00:45:21
Speaker
as a corpse. Yeah, so you go back there. All right. So now my turn. Four. Two, three, four. All right. Chips are my only friend in this game.
00:46:07
Speaker
Move that, move that! We're a maniac bastard.
00:46:36
Speaker
in the books doesn't it get like ridiculously gory at points when jesus shows up and like makes everybody explode or something there is something of that i mean yeah apparently it does get ridiculous i really think the board game is capturing the intensity that's true i mean it is it is thrill a minute by this point would it be better if we had more players do you think no oh okay just spread the disappointment
00:47:03
Speaker
killing sad. So I just moved to Copathia, which means it must have been George's turn. So now you move to Copathia.
00:47:39
Speaker
Ooh. He's dead! Is that him? Do we just kill him? Game over! Sweet. Apocalypse averted. No wait, the apocalypse did happen, but we get to go to heaven. So what we're seeing? Well, you know, now there's heaven on earth. Oh, nice. Sweet. There we go. That's convenient. Yeah. And we still haven't finished the trip yet. No. So that was left behind the movie, the adventure board game. Oh, sorry, the board game adventure. I think the problem with this game is,
00:48:07
Speaker
There's really no adventure to it. No, no. I think it's an interesting choice for a Christian themed board game to prove that there is no God. I do wonder whether this game was taken to a second hand store because people thought this being true believers played it a few times and had become ardent atheists.
00:48:28
Speaker
It certainly turned me atheist. Yep. Or maybe it's just wanted. It's true. We can hope. Well, I mean, that's that. I think that's it. Yep. That's the end of our 300th episode. Yeah? These chips really are very good. They are nice. They are. Yeah, I think chips were the one. I mean, one of the great things about the Rapture is access to great chips. Mmm. Mmm. Uh, Mark's out of 10 as a board game.
00:48:55
Speaker
Minus a million. That'll do. Minus 666. Oh, see what you did there. You marked the other beast here.
00:49:04
Speaker
Um, yeah, I don't really think there's any more community that can be said right now. No, but actually the less said the better. So if you're listening to this on podcast, it would be mildly more interesting if you watch the video so you can actually see things move around the board instead of just hearing a dice clatter and us sound underwhelmed. And see chips be passed back and forth as you realise just how bored we are at the second half of that game.
00:49:32
Speaker
So yeah, go check out the YouTube channel if you want, because I know you don't. Don't check out Left Behind the Movie, the board game adventure. Can you even buy this anymore? I hope not. I mean, there must be something in the Geneva Convention about this.
00:49:46
Speaker
Possibly you could be paid to take it off someone? You should try and sell it. You should have it as like a patron prize. Yeah. No, I don't want to make our patrons' lives worse by giving away this game. I either feel I should put it on Trade Mency with some poor form of ice to buy it, or whether I should just burn it. Or use it. Put it in some sort of a trap and try to lure Kirk Cameron into it.
00:50:15
Speaker
And then you can capture him. And then what do I do with Kurt Cameron? Well, you've seen the floor in my plan, unfortunately. I don't know what anyone would want to trap Kurt Cameron for, but that good talking to, I suppose. I think it's too late. No, it really is. Because he did that other one. He did some sort of war on Christmas type.
00:50:35
Speaker
Oh yeah, apparently it's really, really bad. So I hear. Because I think the whole thing was he was like the son in a family sitcom and then he found God and then he became a complete arsehole and started like he wanted his... Was it Courtney Cox? It was someone who played his girlfriend. He wanted her kicked off the show because he thought she had loose morals or something like that.
00:50:59
Speaker
and basically started trying to Jesusify everyone around him and became a little insufferable. Yeah. And kind of stayed that way I think. Yeah. Quality bloke. Lovely fellow. Yeah, we should invite him round for dinner. This isn't American, right? Yes. I don't... well, you want to pay for his quarantine?
00:51:20
Speaker
Good point, good point. Floor on the plan, floor on the plan. Okay, well, I think we've run out of things to say about this board game. In fact, I think we ran out of things to say about this board game about 15 minutes ago. I think there's only one thing to end. I'm going to take a truth look, because I didn't get to do it. Oh, you didn't? Right, yep, go. The confessioning. I'm deprived. Actually, well, I did. No, no, I think about it. My impersonation thing.
00:51:47
Speaker
You may either confess your sins or for a lie to the following. Who, next to you of course, is the strangest person in your family and why? Oh, it's almost perfect. And I think the best way to answer this is to bring this recording to an end and answer it off mic and off camera. Yes, goodbye everyone. Toodly pep.
00:52:16
Speaker
You've been listening to Podcast's Guide to the Conspiracy, posted by Josh Addison and InDenter. If you'd like to help support us, please find details of our pledge drive at either Patreon or Podbing. If you'd like to get in contact with us, email us at podcastconspiracy at gmail.com.
00:52:44
Speaker
you