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Episode 7 - Conspiracy Theories
41 Plays11 months ago
We made it to lucky number 7, folks! To celebrate we cooked up some prime theories for you guys to think on, complete with discussion on time travel, pizza, and creationism. Come on the adventure with us, Shallow Frenz!
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Transcript
Episode Celebration & Theme Tease
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back shallow friends. Today's your lucky day and No, not just because you're listening to another episode of your favorite podcast and mine the shallow end But because this officially marks episode number seven. It's lucky seven. Come on You know, we have to have something good in store for you this week and we'll kick it to you this way small riddle and
00:00:22
Speaker
What possibly could moon landing, Disney child stars, Charles entertainment cheese and forest dwelling hominids have in common? Well, what do you think I was gonna tell you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how that works. You gotta sit back, relax and listen to episode number seven of the shallow end, conspiracy theories.
Challenges & Perseverance
00:01:05
Speaker
Wow. Okay. Hey. Hey. How are you doing? I'm so good. Doing great. Welcome. Welcome back. It feels like it's been a long time. It has for us and them. And them. They waited a long time for that last one. Yeah.
00:01:27
Speaker
Well, okay, so let's start at the beginning. Hey, thanks for joining us again, shallow friends, and welcome to episode seven. Is this episode seven? That's insane. Seven of the shallow end. Episode six was an epic. It was an epic battle, right? Yeah. I mean, I don't think people really understand what an epic battle it was. Oh my goodness, guys.
00:01:58
Speaker
We went through the ringer with that episode. And honestly, if we were better people, we would have just given up.
Recording Adaptations & Gratitude
00:02:07
Speaker
But we're not better people. We're worse people. We're just freaking stubborn ass human beings. We're so stubborn.
00:02:19
Speaker
I don't think that we can really take any of the credit for being stubborn and battling through. It really wasn't us. No, but I was just going to say, you and I are both stubborn, but you know who's more stubborn than anyone I've ever met? Chase. Producer Chase. He went digging through the mud with his stubborn Polish attitude and came out with an episode.
00:02:46
Speaker
He really did dig into the muck of the deepest ends of the darkest parts of the interwebs and find... I don't even know how he... I don't even know how he did it. It's black magic to me. I think there's a conspiracy involved.
00:03:14
Speaker
Oh, really? Oh. I think some awful conspiratorial organization was trying to keep us from publishing episode six.
00:03:32
Speaker
And we have overcome. We have the magic now. We have Producer Chase.
Fan Interactions & Social Media
00:03:39
Speaker
And now we're just going to completely out them today because we're going to talk about conspiracy theories eventually. More thanks to Producer Chase. More and eternal thanks to Producer Chase because
00:03:57
Speaker
I was about to say, little peek behind our curtains. Ew. That was a mistake. I didn't get back. We are recording differently than we ever have. In the past, we have used, should we name drop? No, no, no, no. We just say a publishing platform. A publishing platform who
00:04:26
Speaker
as we've mentioned, completely screwed us over. So we have decided to take ourselves off the grid. And we are paving our own paths and blazing our own trails. So if this audio sucks, it is fully on us this time. You're not allowed to, hey Rebecca, you're not allowed to blaze your trail inside your apartment. You gotta do that out on the patio. You gotta go on my deck. Yeah.
00:04:57
Speaker
Anyway. I think we should insert all the standard additional thank yous here. To our shallow friends.
Conspiracy Theories & Drinks
00:05:06
Speaker
Thanks to our shallow friends. Okay, I have to share a story, Rebecca. I love stories. Oh, wait. First time. Wait. Go ahead. Before you tell your story, can we introduce our wines so that I can take a sip?
00:05:28
Speaker
Oh, I've already been drinking. Okay, go ahead. Well, it feels like one of the things we do at the beginning so that I can start drinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want me to go first? Usually you go first because you drop our sponsor name. No, I mean, look, I'm drinking a wine. Oh, no, you aren't. What are you drinking? You go first. The lovely breeze.
00:05:57
Speaker
Go ahead, talk your shit. Tell them about it. This is non-alcoholic.
00:06:04
Speaker
Um, two and a half milligrams THC, five milligrams CBD, and a bunch of, uh, microdosed mushrooms in it. And it's, it tastes like a deliciously mixed cocktail. Uh, one little can on the rocks fills up this little glass and I love it. It makes me weird. Perfect. Yeah. It makes me sleep really well. And.
00:06:32
Speaker
30 calories, no hangover. It's great. Score. Wow. On the complete opposite. Sometimes I'll drink two. And then it's 60 calories and night night. And still no hangover. Anyway. And still no hangover. On the complete opposite end of the spectrum of hangovers. Well, actually. I kind of take that back. I'm drinking 19 crimes.
00:07:06
Speaker
Topical. Well done. Wait, why is it topical? I mean, most conspiracy theories revolve around crimes of some kind or awful things happening of some kind. That's true. Well, let's not spoil it, right? No spoilers. Yeah, so I'm drinking this. This is my first glass of it.
00:07:36
Speaker
I'm not loving it, I'll be honest. Well, this is how you avoid hangovers. Drink terrible wine. Not drinking a lot of the bad wine that I bought. But it was $10. Cheers, folks. All right, tell us your story. I think this was about five.
00:08:01
Speaker
I had an experience this past week for the first time of running into a shallow friend in the wild. Somebody who listens to this podcast that we are not related to.
00:08:24
Speaker
Oh, hey. They called me out. That's pretty good, actually. Right? They called me out and said, I want a shout out. You've got a shout out. I am just absolutely humbled and honored.
00:08:41
Speaker
that you're listening. So to our dear, awesome, fun friend, Kathleen, who is amazing, she is looking forward to the next episode and I hope she hears this and understands my gratitude and big shout out. There you go, Kathleen.
00:09:06
Speaker
We're going to blow up this Shallow Friends crew and you are right at the beginning. There you go. We're not going to blow her up. You were reacting like I was... If you want a Shallow Friends shout out, I love that by the way, rolls right off the tongue, Shallow Friends shout out. Follow us on Instagram.
00:09:31
Speaker
Let me double check what our username is real quick, because I definitely forgot what it was. Is it like shallow and crew or something like that? I'm sure it's something. Yes, the shallow and crew. Follow us on Instagram. I run the Instagram. I don't post often, but maybe I will. And if you follow us there, I'll shout you out next episode. Yes, yes. Shallow friends shout out.
00:09:59
Speaker
Please note, there's no Patreon going on here. We're not doing any of that stuff. You pay us with your attention. Pardon me. Sorry, dad's readjusting. I'm not sure I... I don't know that I like... You don't like it? You pay us with your attention? No. Well, that's how I feel. Okay. So I think we got through thank yous, shout outs.
00:10:30
Speaker
our intro such and stuffs. Yeah. We're so good right now. We are, we are really becoming professionals at this. We are professionals. You know what I did? What you did. Oh, you prepared, prepared. I don't wrote some stuff down. I know. Okay. I know. Okay. So we're here to, you know what we didn't do? Oh, what?
00:10:58
Speaker
We didn't do our preparatory call that we were supposed to do. Oh, no. We didn't. Well, we can't shout out that unnamed person because they will be very upset with us. But you know who you are. We're going to hear about it though. We will. Yeah. Well, that's fine. I look forward to. I look forward to.
00:11:21
Speaker
copious notes after the fact on everything that we did wrong here. Yeah. Good. It can bring up my old theater trauma. Sitting in the auditorium after a full run through at like 11 p.m. being like, I've got your notes. I have notes. And they just make you feel the worst you've ever felt in your entire life and then you go home and cry.
00:11:50
Speaker
I don't think that person is going to do that to us. I hope not. He might. I mean, they might. Well, okay. Do you want to start us out?
Defining Conspiracy Theories
00:12:04
Speaker
Because this was your idea. No dots being connected there. Yes. This was your idea. I am going to start us out. Like the board behind us, I should have set something up, like a little board behind us with all the strings connecting.
00:12:22
Speaker
I had to actually, this is so stupid, but I had to actually look up. Like, what's the definition of a conspiracy theory? Because I think of it one way, but I'm not, then I started to actually think about what I would want to talk about. And I was like, lots of this stuff doesn't fit. It's not, like, anyway. Okay, so a conspiracy theory,
00:12:50
Speaker
Yeah, go ahead. I was just going to say, what the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean? That's fair. I guess my point is maybe I don't know what I mean. Yeah, what do you think a conspiracy theory was? Someone's fun, stupid idea of how cool things happen or fun, stupid explanation
00:13:19
Speaker
You keep saying fun. What? I want it to be fun. They're not all fun. The reason it, no, they're not all fun, but the reason that people keep talking about certain things is because there's an element of like, no way to it. Yeah, that's true. And that's fun to talk about. So anyway, okay, so we're going to do the whole dumb
00:13:47
Speaker
I am starting my essay on conspiracy theories. Webster's dictionary defines conspiracy theories as... And this is where I got off track. An explanation for an event or situation that asserts the existence of a conspiracy by powerful and sinister groups, often political in motivation, when other explanations are more probable. And I was like, well, I don't want to talk about that.
00:14:13
Speaker
Yeah, no, I didn't realize it had to be by a political group. That's bullshit. Yeah, no, dumb. That's not what mine are. That's not what mine are either, other than one that I just called out. I'm like, oh, the Kennedy assassination. There's no conspiracy there. The CIA killed Kennedy. Boring, next. Well, there were certain things that people call conspiracy theories that are just confirmed truths. Right, right, sure.
00:14:44
Speaker
But then there's also stuff that, like there's no organization that is perpetuating the notion that aliens built the pyramids. But I think of that as a conspiracy theory. Like people put their tin, the old tin foil hat on and they go, oh, the aliens have been here forever. I don't know. So what is a conspiracy theory, Rebecca? Well, I thought it was, I mean, it's like,
00:15:15
Speaker
You know how in medical school they say, think horses, not zebras? They say what? They say what? Think horses, not zebras. Like when you see a list of symptoms, don't immediately think zebras. Think horses. Because if it sounds like a horse, like it's probably the more common thing rather than the crazy thing.
00:15:44
Speaker
For conspiracy theories, it's zebras every time. I've never heard that. Oh, that's like a STEM thing, maybe. Maybe it's a STEM thing. Maybe just you people. You people just... It must be. It's not a poli-sci thing. You wouldn't get it. We see zebras everywhere. Well, so do conspiracy theorists.
00:16:11
Speaker
That's why I love this topic. Yeah, it's just the most insane explanation for very simple things. So there is a part of that little stupid definition that does land on where your definition of a conspiracy theory is. There is a more probable explanation or easily accessible explanation
00:16:38
Speaker
Yeah, or even a true one. It's Occam's. Yeah, it's Occam's razor, right? Like back to like aliens built the pyramids. Well, that's a that's a lot. That's a lot. And you would scientifically speaking, we would be like, we'd probably find some evidence of that. Probably at least the evidence.
00:17:03
Speaker
Yeah, but it's just more like, no, it was just a lot of people doing a lot of hard work. Anyway, but it started to make me second guess all of the topics that I thought I would be like, let's talk about these and make jokes about them and it'll just be a fun conversation. I don't know whether I have topics anymore. Tell me where you're going with it.
00:17:31
Speaker
I mean, I have some, but they're stupid. Crazy. I went, I went stupid. I went stupid. Okay, cool. Let's talk stupid. Okay. Cause I don't, I'll be honest. I don't really believe like, I can't think of a single conspiracy theory. I actually believe it. Like for real. So I couldn't come with like passion and righteous hellfire. You think that's a,
00:17:59
Speaker
You think that's a bad thing for this conversation? I don't think it's a bad thing. I think that's a delightful premise to start with. Also, for my life in general, it's probably a good thing for me. So I have three that I chose. Actually, one of them I might believe a little bit, now that I look at it more. I can't wait to see whether there's any overlap.
00:18:26
Speaker
There won't be, I promise. There will be zero. Because yeah, there will be zero, I promise. But I want to hear yours first because I feel like you're going to have some classic ones. No, you're going to have like some classic ones. And then I'm going to bring like a couple of them I got, like they went really viral on TikTok and they're just insane. Like people really believe this stuff. But anyway, I want you to do one of yours first.
00:18:55
Speaker
I'm going to do classic, okay, we're going to go back and forth though. You're not going to let me just sit here twisting in the wind. No, no, no. We'll go back and forth. How many do you have? That I want to talk about? Sure. Can we do three each? Yeah, I only have three. Perfect. Perfect. Delete, delete, delete.
Debating Creationism
00:19:25
Speaker
Okay, I'm gonna just rip the band-aid off, alienate a good percentage of potential listeners. Oh, good. And I'm gonna call out creationism as a conspiracy theory, a mythology that people choose to believe despite scientific evidence to the contrary. That's true. Because this is the reason I decided to put it on the list.
00:19:56
Speaker
When you have to do logical backflips to justify your position, you're doing it wrong. Like your theory of how this situation transpired is probably very wrong. And we're at a point now where I think some of the criticisms of modern science around evolutionary theory, geology,
00:20:25
Speaker
the whole way the planet has developed. If you're not on board with some degree of an evolutionary explanation for how we're all here,
00:20:39
Speaker
What are you doing? You do double back flips with a twist. What are we doing? Probably landing on a flat earth, to be honest. I was just going to bring a flat earth. I was just going to bring a flat earth. Oh my goodness. It's like you're thinking harder to get to your conclusion than the people that actually figured this stuff out had to think. How did you work that out?
00:21:08
Speaker
I understand that a certain point in cultural, societal evolution. See what I did there? That laugh was crazy. I'm sure that'll get worked out in post. Nope. This was an explanation. This was an explanation for how the world was created with how the world exists, how it is today. And like people build.
00:21:38
Speaker
um, stories to explain their world a hundred percent okay with all of that. What I'm not okay with is people still believing it when science, which is the proper application of our human brains and your creator, by the way, um,
00:22:00
Speaker
tells us that there's all this cool stuff that we should be learning about the world around us and the universe and everything else. Anyway, now I'm going to stop ranting because I'm stealing our friend Matt's thunder for when he's on here. Oh, no. Also, if you want to hear us talk about religion, check out our religion episode because it's one of our best in. Says you.
00:22:28
Speaker
I think it's one of our best. Okay, I agree with that. I agree. I don't think I would have ever labeled creationism as a conspiracy theory, but now that you've labeled it as that, it does track, like it matches up. Can I tell you my first one?
00:22:52
Speaker
Can I just to tie that together real quick just to finish this in terms of the conspiracy theory because The reason I felt justified I kind of said like Because you have to do so many backflips to justify what you believe if you're creationist
00:23:11
Speaker
The flip side of it is you want to know that creationism is the conspiracy theory because there's a group of people who get together to write stories about what is happening and why that is far better explained more simply by science. By what's literally in front of our faces.
00:23:36
Speaker
That's there, the conspiracy. It's not that the evolutionary folks are the conspiracy. So I want to make sure it's clear there. Evolution is a conspiracy theory, is what we're saying. Creationists think that there's a massive scientific conspiracy to push this to take religion out of society.
00:24:00
Speaker
Ooh, my God's bigger than that. That's crazy. Anyway. That's crazy. Also, we have a guest. His name is Basil. Hey, Basil, get out of here. No, he wants to hang out. Can I tell you about my conspiracy, my first one? Please. Helen Keller was fake. What? Let me say it again. Helen Keller was fake.
00:24:33
Speaker
Fake. Yeah, it went viral on TikTok forever ago, but people really don't believe. I couldn't ever figure out if they meant Helen Keller never existed, which I don't think it is, but people really don't believe that she was all of the things. They're like, there's no way she can be blind, deaf and mute and do all the things that she did.
00:25:02
Speaker
What is your mother's line? If something is insistent, persistent and consistent, believe it. Yeah, but people don't.
Helen Keller Conspiracy
00:25:15
Speaker
I do believe Miss Keller was insistently, consistently and persistently blind, deaf and mute. And real. Didn't she fly a plane there? And real.
00:25:29
Speaker
I think that was somebody else. I don't think Helen Keller flew a plane. I'm pretty sure she flew a plane at one point. Maybe she flew in a plane. I'm pretty sure it was like a thing. Let me look it up. I know that very few women did anything special back then, so you're probably going to be... Hang on. Let's pretend you didn't say that. I just went to Google. I stole that from our misogyny episode.
00:25:57
Speaker
I just went to Google this and I typed in Did Helen and it auto completed Keller fly a plane. It's listening to you clearly. Either have Googled this before or. Hey Siri. In June 1946. Keller fly a plane.
00:26:25
Speaker
Well, I've got it. In June 1946- Helen Keller did fly. I love when you just interrupt me. That's my favorite thing that you do. It's like my favorite bit that we have. For 20 minutes of the plane's journey, Helen Keller flew the plane. So she actually flew a plane.
00:26:54
Speaker
Well, I don't believe it. There you go. You're a Helen Keller conspiracy theorist. I don't have really anything else on this one. I just think it's crazy that people think that. I want you to know that it's not a bit that me interrupting you. It's literally I can't hear you. You can't hear me? Should I speak up? It's really bad, but we're going to do our best to get through it.
00:27:25
Speaker
Well, will you tell me your second one? I think I'm going to save that one for last. All right, my next one is chemtrails.
Chemtrails & Control
00:27:44
Speaker
Do you know the chemtrail conspiracy theory? I do not.
00:27:49
Speaker
So you look up in the sky during a nice clear sunny day and you see contrails from jets. There are people who think that that's not a normal thing that happens when airplanes fly at high altitude and do crazy stuff with thrust and compressing air and they think
00:28:19
Speaker
Those are chemicals that the government is spraying into the atmosphere to control us. There's a variety of different versions of it. Some of it is they're trying to control the weather. Some of it is they're trying to control reflecting daylight so the aliens don't know we're here.
00:28:39
Speaker
Their mind altering things to keep us all in line with their You want to talk about conspiracy theory these people believe the chemtrails Okay, and just to bring this one the reason I wanted to talk about it I had heard of it. It's another one of these weird like, you know find yourself at some crazy dead end of the internet and you're gonna learn about chemtrails and
00:29:09
Speaker
We were driving home from spring break. Someone's spending money on a big billboard by the side of a highway with chemtrail stuff like a picture of the sky and like do your research. Chemtrails are real. No. What the fuck? Yep.
00:29:36
Speaker
For real? I saw that. Guys, these people can vote. What? Well, to be fair, they're in Kentucky, so probably not, but... I mean, that's where the billboard was, at least. Sorry, Kentucky. Sorry to this man. It was... That's crazy. It was woof. I mean, I've heard the term chemtrails before.
00:30:07
Speaker
But I guess I never really understood fully or cared to know really what it meant. But that's crazy. Now that I do know, I wish I didn't. That's insane. These people walk among us. These people walk among us. Basil's pissed you.
00:30:28
Speaker
I would say they're mostly in their motorized scooters, so they might not walk among us. These people roll among us. They move among us with their tinfoil hats. I look like I have a little cool hat. You kind of do. Cool for you.
00:30:56
Speaker
Dial it in. My frequencies are off. Oh, boy. Do you want to hear my second one? Sure. OK. Is it better than Helen Keller flying a plane? I think so. I listed mine in ascending order of juiciness. Yes, the one that I actually kind of believe in is last.
Chuck E. Cheese Pizza Theory
00:31:22
Speaker
OK, my second one is Chucky Cheese Pizza Gate.
00:31:27
Speaker
Did you hear about this? Well, okay. I'm going to need you to be very clear because I'm familiar with Pizzagate, but not Chucky Cheese Pizzagate. Wait, what's your Pizzagate? Oh, no, no, no, no. You don't get to hand the baton back that quickly. Oh, I'm not handing. You get to tell me all about Chucky Cheese Pizzagate.
00:31:53
Speaker
Okay. Well, Chuck E. Cheese Pizza Gate is this conspiracy theory that Chuck E. Cheese takes the remaining pieces of pizza that other customers don't finish when they order a pizza and cobble them together and sell those as one pizza. So like other customers, like if one customer, like one group sits down and orders a pizza and they have like two pieces left,
00:32:21
Speaker
And then another table has like five pieces left. The workers will take those back to the kitchen and just put them together into one pizza and sell that. I'm waiting for you to say something that I don't believe about Chuck E. Cheese. You believe that? You think they actually do that? 100%. 100% true. After other customers have touched the pieces?
00:32:47
Speaker
You're working at Chuck E. Cheese. That's true. It's a frickin' Petri dish. Your mascot is a rat. Real great for a restaurant. What can we expect? That's actually very fair. But this was like a big thing. All right, we've complete... What?
00:33:05
Speaker
We've completely burned the Chuck E. Cheese sponsorship now. Charles E. Cheese. Charles Entertainment Cheese. Did we ever want a Chuck E. Cheese sponsorship? I would say no. No, no, no. They do serve beer.
00:33:21
Speaker
Well, I take it all back. Chuck E. Cheese, please. I'm on my hands and knees. One redeeming feature. This was a big conspiracy theory like a couple of years ago because of Shane Dawson. Do you know who that is? No. Okay. You're too old. Shane Dawson was like this like big YouTuber. He was like one of the OG YouTubers. Yeah. So old. He was one of the OG YouTubers and he's kind of like falling off now because he like,
00:33:51
Speaker
assaulted some kids and also a cat. Oh, gosh. What? Wait, what? Yup. You're saying so many things. He admitted to fucking his cat. For real. Oh. Yeah, for real. Anyway. Okay, you gotta do a lot of explaining to talk about why you're bringing him up. Well, as he was falling off of YouTube, like people stopped watching his stuff, he was like desperately trying to come up with things.
00:34:21
Speaker
to
00:34:35
Speaker
investigative? You got it. Fuck off. Yeah, good job. Oh my God. Investigative, journalism, documentary style YouTube videos that were like two hours long where he would just go to a Chuck E. Cheese and be like, let's see what pizza they serve us. And then he'd film it and be like, ew. And that would be like all the content for like two hours. But it went viral.
00:35:06
Speaker
Okay, first of all, your attempt at saying the word investigative is you're now down to 18 remaining crimes, okay? Oh, no. Second of all, that is...
00:35:23
Speaker
Clearly, the second worst thing that Shane, whatever his name is, did, if you're saying that he also, to get more viewers, he fucked a cat. Oh, no, not to get more viewers. That was a separate thing he did on his own time. And then shared it. And then he tweeted about it. He tweeted about it. Also, he did blackface.
00:35:51
Speaker
He's like not a good guy. He's like a bad person. Moral compass is definitely been co-opted. Yeah, but he did make Truckee Cheese Pizzagate famous.
00:36:07
Speaker
Okay. Chucky cheese pizza gate. So do you know what the original pizza, do you know what the original pizza gate theory
Pizzagate Explored
00:36:14
Speaker
was? I mean, maybe this, it may be yours predates pizza gate. Pizza gate is the crazy internet conspiracy that, um, I think it it's all tied together. I think it's,
00:36:31
Speaker
that there was a child sex trafficking ring run by Democrats that operated out of the basement of a pizza parlor in Washington, DC. I didn't know about that. People were convinced of this, like folks started to walk into this pizza place and cause problems.
00:36:55
Speaker
Based on, like, any facts or just vibes? Based on the interwebs. Oh, good. I think there were supposedly documents that linked it all and people had, you know, they did their little conspiracy theory thing.
00:37:12
Speaker
Yikes. I like your version better. Mine's... Absent the cat fucking. Mine's Tamer. But... Yeah, uh-oh. I would say to that other one. Yeah, I didn't really want to talk about it, but then you actually said... Pizza Gate. Pizza Gate. Yeah. Let's move on. What's yours? What's your third one?
Deep State Debate
00:37:40
Speaker
Well, my third one is dangerously close to that because I'm going to use air quotes because this is what I think of it. My third one would be the deep state, which is this idea that there is a secret cabal of apolitical power hungry people.
00:38:06
Speaker
who are ruling the world and you can then explain everything from COVID to a stolen election, to a never ending war, to like, there's a bunch, like all these things are all because the deep state actually runs the world and like,
00:38:35
Speaker
Have you heard of that one? Oh, yeah. Have you heard of that idea of the Deep Sea? Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely. For sure. That's a big one. I thought we were going for fun ones, and that one makes me mad and angry and sad, so I didn't put that on my list. Okay, yay! I guess I wanted to bring it up just because it's...
00:38:59
Speaker
makes me sad and angry and upset as well. But it gives me the opportunity to say the thing that I believe, like when people start to go down that path of, well, you know there are people in charge and that's why this happened or that happened or that happened. I just think
00:39:27
Speaker
I work in a company with 27 people. There are no secrets. The bigger the company, the bigger the organization, the harder it is to keep any secrets. The idea that there are six people in a room
00:39:47
Speaker
anywhere running everything. It's just mind bogglingly stupid. So that's, I just like the, the, the deep, whether it's the deep state or the Illuminati or the world economic forum or whatever, like all these people have all these crazy ideas about who's running the world lizard people is one.
00:40:11
Speaker
Yeah. Well, depending on what alien conspiracy theory you follow, it could be there are supposedly five species of aliens currently on the planet. I didn't know about that one. Oh yeah. Working with the deep state to run anyway. Oh my goodness. Okay. Yikes. This is all the, also.
00:40:37
Speaker
This is why it's hard to hire people to work at a bookstore. Cause these people are all spending all their time on the internet looking up lizard types, deep state lizard. Yeah. Or yeah. Which type of alien is in charge of defense? Anyway, Stegosaurus. Oh no. That's a dinosaur T-Rex. That's crazy.
00:41:09
Speaker
Again, these people can vote. Guys, if my eye is twitching. You want them not to vote? Oh, that's not going to do that. I'm just, I didn't say it. Um, no, that's yeah. My, my last one is way more fun than that.
Bridgit Mendler Time Travel Theory
00:41:29
Speaker
Thank you. And my last one I actually did research on. So. Oh, very good. Okay. Lay it on me.
00:41:40
Speaker
Bridget Mendler is a time traveler. Now, I know you don't know who that is, so let me educate you. Bridget Mendler. Start at, probably start before the beginning because I'm going to be that dumb. Okay. Bridget Mendler is, was a Disney channel star in like the early, early 2010s. Like that's where she started.
00:42:09
Speaker
She was in like a couple Disney channel, original movies, right? You're thinking like, Oh God, a Disney channel star in the 2010s, right? Guess what she's doing. Did she know Brittany? Guess what she's doing right now. Concurrently getting her JD from Harvard and her PhD from MIT while also running her new company.
00:42:40
Speaker
which is a satellite data startup installing ground satellite stations that she started this year and has gotten millions of dollars invested into it. We definitely better be getting money from this woman first. Bridget, oh my god. Absolutely. Bridget, I'm your biggest fan, please. She's the real world Hermione Granger, is that what you're saying?
00:43:09
Speaker
I guess, but people believe like, not really, but like the conspiracy theory is that Bridgett Mendler is a time traveler because she, the theory here is that she in the future creates a
00:43:25
Speaker
time-traveling machine and traveled back in time to to achieve her childhood dream of being a Disney Channel star because she also she like starred in movies she also had a singing career like she did it all and then dropped off the face of the planet and the next we heard from her she was at MIT like
00:43:45
Speaker
She's been busy. She got her bachelor's from USC. She got her master's from MIT and now she's also getting her PhD from them and her JD from Harvard at the same time. What the fuck?
00:44:00
Speaker
This one, like I said, this is the one I kind of believe in. Like, I kind of believe that. Okay, wait, but okay, two things. Number one, it makes perfect sense that she dropped off the radar to go get three degrees. That's true. Like, she's not going to be at the premiere of the next Disney movie if she's at freaking Harvard. Yeah, that's true. But also, it is
00:44:30
Speaker
conceivable, like, if you believe that we can travel back in time eventually on the same timeline. They are living among us right now. Right. We would never know. We wouldn't know. But if you could, would you, I mean, some people would travel back in time and be a Disney channel star.
00:44:57
Speaker
Who like she was, she was, she was well-loved. Hang on. She was well-loved. She didn't like have like a, like a drug like drama that a lot of Disney channel stars eventually had. She got in, made bank and got out. Like she kind of had it made in the shade and that doesn't happen to all Disney channel stars. Right. Does that mean, is that, is that, did she have to hang out with that creepy Dan guy or is that a different channel?
00:45:28
Speaker
See, that's a conspiracy theory that ended up being true. That one. Well, then it's not a conspiracy theory, it's just truth. Yeah, exactly. That one just was eventually proven. Was that Disney Channel? Yeah, it was. But I don't know if she ever worked with him. But I don't know. Let me Google it.
00:45:51
Speaker
Well, I'm really happy that you brought up cat fuckers and child molesters in this episode. You brought up the child molester. Oh, yeah, you're right. It was... peripherally related to your conspiracy theory, though. She's only 31, also, for context. Okay, tell me her name again. Now I have to look this person up and see... Bridget... Mendler.
00:46:25
Speaker
As my phone was trying to complete the search for me, the first thing that it tried, it assumed I was looking up Bridgerton. Which is something else that you should be looking up. Season three coming soon, guys. No. Yep. I know we're all hyped. The trailer just dropped. They all look great. So excited. Can't wait.
00:46:50
Speaker
Oh, she just she looks like Anna Kendrick or something like that. Yeah, she looks like like just like a cute blonde girl. She looks like a Disney geek. Yeah, and she's brilliant and probably invented time travel. Okay, well, isn't that interesting?
00:47:12
Speaker
I mean, now I'm motivated to go try to meet Bridget Menloeder. Yeah, yeah. She's crazy. What is media? I'm interested in asking all of those. What is media arts and sciences? Because that's what she has a master's in. Movies? Oh, okay. Well, she has a master's in movies. Queen.
00:47:42
Speaker
Yeah, but she's like competing with Tesla at this point with the satellite business that she started. Well, that's good because they're doing this. She's probably doing this. Well, that is the last one that I have. But you, I feel like, have a couple more that you pushed to the side because you weren't confident in them and that makes me want to hear them even more.
Bigfoot & Loch Ness Skepticism
00:48:14
Speaker
Um, does it though? Yes, it does. Okay. Uh, let me see. What did I, what are the best ones? Yours were like kind of like too serious. I feel state and stuff. Yeah. I mean, what about, so you brought up lizard people. Yeah.
00:48:42
Speaker
that possibly were ruling the world. What about Bigfoot? What do you think about Bigfoot? Oh my gosh. Chase has a friend that actually seriously believes in Bigfoot and he goes hunting in the UP for Bigfoot, not for deer and stuff, like Bigfoot hunting. Hunting, listen. He wants to kill Bigfoot. If you find Bigfoot in the UP, don't shoot him.
00:49:10
Speaker
You know how hard it's been for that poor guy to stay alive? Yeah, but okay. When Chase told me about this girl, when Chase told me about this guy, I was like, okay. But like, he doesn't actually believe in Bigfoot. What's happening? Oh,
00:49:28
Speaker
For all of our audio-only listeners, the camera has just been tilted to show me a kitten, and the kitten is very cute. So thank you for that interruption. It was worth it. She's perching on top of a chair like the queen of the living room. She's so cute. She's so special. Oh, she is. She is. Okay, so Bigfoot. He told me about this friend, and I was like, yeah, okay.
00:49:54
Speaker
It sounds like he's just going camping in the UP and it's just like, huh, I'm going hunting Bigfoot, you know? I was like, he doesn't really believe in it, right? And Chase is like, no, like he talks about this a lot. Like he has like gadgets and like, like night vision cameras and goggles and stuff. Like he's, this guy's serious. He really believes that he's going to find it. And I guess murder Bigfoot.
00:50:24
Speaker
I don't know. Okay. Okay. So that is a person who is well past the event horizon of believing in Bigfoot. Yes. They're structuring specific travels with the intention of not just
00:50:52
Speaker
running across to verify the existence of, but, and not even meet to draw new cultural connections between the Bigfoot community, but to murder. Yeah, murder, skin, et cetera. Yeah. It's not good. It's insane actually. That person, by the way, that person can also vote.
00:51:15
Speaker
Yeah. Also I met him like by accident one time, like coming out of Chase's apartment. This guy was just, I forget what the circumstance was, but this guy was just like on the street in front of his apartment. Like for some reason, I don't remember, but I was like- This by the way checks out with Bigfoot hunter. He hunted us. He found us. I would like you to describe to me what you think a person who believes in and is hunting Bigfoot looks like.
00:51:48
Speaker
Well, I'm just going to start with the obvious. Looks a little bit like Bigfoot. Right? I would say, you know, tall, lanky, lots of hair. Lots of facial hair. Right. This guy... Probably not the best hygiene. I don't remember how his hygiene was, but he is tall, lanky, and has long hair. And I was like, a fucking course you look like that. Of course you look like that.
00:52:19
Speaker
I of course if you looked like anything else and you told me that you actually for real believed in Bigfoot I'd be like no the fuck no you don't but you yeah I believe that you believe that you look like I hope you never listen to this
00:52:37
Speaker
Sorry. I don't even remember your name. There you go. Sick burn. I don't. I really don't. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Good luck. Godspeed, Bigfoot hunter. Good luck, Charlie. So do you want to hear my explanation of Bigfoot? Yes. It's a bear. Why do we have these stories of Bigfoot?
00:53:08
Speaker
I think they are memories, almost genetic memories of when Homo sapiens was walking the planet with other hominids. And we have these stories of
00:53:25
Speaker
because it's, it's just a story that is now innate in humans. And we, you know, we have different versions of it in the Pacific Northwest or in the Himalayas or whatever, like Yeti Bigfoot, like there's this, there are these stories of big hairy creatures that seem intelligent. And I think it's just.
00:53:51
Speaker
We're just monkeys that managed to push more blood up here. And now we have the internet and AI. It's also, what is that term for when it's like, oh my gosh, this is going to drive me crazy. It's like almost reality, but it's a little bit skewed and it creeps our brains out. You know what I'm talking about?
00:54:22
Speaker
Anyway, there's a term for it. I probably There's a term for it. But it's oh you mean like like When people have the goggles on that they can still see the world, but they're doing other stuff, too. No, I'm gonna Google this It's like something that not virtual reality, but You keep talking while I Google No, I got nothing to say
00:54:46
Speaker
Well, you always have something to say, just chit chat. Rub our two brain cells together and figure it out. Rub your one on the side of your skull. No, it's gone. Uncanny Valley is the term. Oh. You know, it's like when we see something that's like,
00:55:14
Speaker
almost what reality looks like, but something's a little bit off. It's like when you see pictures of like the outside, but the shadows are wrong and it's like your brain is like almost right. It freaks us out and it's similar to like when we see humanoid stuff. It's not exactly human, but it's close. It's like a genetic
00:55:36
Speaker
adaptation to when we were walking the earth with other humanoid creatures that were almost us but weren't, and they were dangerous. So we see that as like, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. Careful. It's a warning signal, and that kind of goes along with what you were saying. Yeah, I think that's right. We don't like stuff that looks close to us but isn't us.
00:56:01
Speaker
It's scary. Right. Which is why AI images creep us out. I hate it. We can tell. We can tell they're fucked up. Some of us can. Old people on Facebook cannot tell. They can't tell. Oh my goodness.
00:56:23
Speaker
the number of old people I've seen reposting, fully AI-generated images. And they're like, wow, looks great. It's like, no. That's... I think.
00:56:39
Speaker
I think there should be some gating of AI technology. Old people can go play with AI to do custom portraits of them and their cats. Or to translate for Siri. There you go. Your personal AI assistant is like,
00:57:10
Speaker
I want it to be darker. And then Siri will be like, close the shades, home bought, you know, like. Poor Siri. She's worked so hard. Let her rest. Samantha. Anyway. Yeah. Stolen baller from SNL there. Oh. Bigfoot.
00:57:35
Speaker
Yeah. I agree with yours, your explanation, but I also do just think it's like bears. Like we just keep seeing bears walking up, right? And everybody's free. Yeah. A hundred percent. Like, yeah. I think there are also a bunch of people. What?
00:57:55
Speaker
Go ahead. Or like, you know how the Loch Ness Monster is just like a stick in a lake, you know? Like that kind of stuff. Is it though? Yes. It's a lake. We would have found a giant sea monster. We would have found it. I promise. Guys, I promise. It's not Rebecca. It's not a lake. It's a lock. That's just very special Scottish lake.
00:58:26
Speaker
That's where, uh, that's where moistened binks lob swords at people. Right. Sorry. Scotland too. Or is that in England? Wait, what did you say? Going into us. I'm going into a spam a lot reference. Okay. I thought it was spam. I was pretty sure, but I just have to confirm. No, that's England. I don't think that's I use the term. I use the term moistened bank.
00:58:55
Speaker
Ew. Gross. Ew. We're just entertaining ourselves at this point.
Moon Landing Refutation
00:59:03
Speaker
I... Well, that's what this whole thing is. There are like three people listening who are also entertained, probably. Did you know we never landed on the moon? That... It was all shot in Hollywood. It was just a sound stage.
00:59:26
Speaker
Okay, this goes back to your- You know how I know. How do you know? The shadows are all wrong. Okay. When people say that, fucking gravity doesn't work the same on the moon. You think the shadows from the sun are going to look exactly the same?
00:59:51
Speaker
It's a different whole thing. It's a whole different location in the solar system. What are we talking about?
01:00:00
Speaker
Well, I mean, I think that the direction of light and how shadows are cast is pretty consistent throughout the universe. Unless you're at a black hole. The way that it happens is the same. But I'm saying it might look a little weird and off to our brains who have only existed on Earth when they're on the moon using cameras that work in outer space, guys. Hey, guys.
01:00:28
Speaker
What's up guys? Hey guys, I'm going to lose my mind. Okay. And we also have photos of the moon from way up here.
01:00:42
Speaker
photos of the moon and the surface of the moon where the things landed. And they're still there. No, those are Photoshop. Of course they are. Conspiracy theory. Here we go. How deep does it go? Well, it goes back to your point earlier about like,
01:01:05
Speaker
Like fucking six people in a room with a secret. That secret is out immediately. You think that people, there's a sound stage that was set up in California and nobody snitched. Really? Right. And you had lighting people, you had set designers, you had all this kind of stuff and they all went to their grave like, no, we're good. Lips sealed.
01:01:37
Speaker
Mission accomplished. Houston, we don't have a problem. Well, they had a problem multiple times. Historically, they had problems. I've got to open a door now. Yay.
Closing Thank You
01:01:58
Speaker
Actually, we have reached the end. Did you see the text?
01:02:09
Speaker
of our time. We have. We've reached the end. Yes, unfortunately. We've reached the end of our time. I would like to say a big thank you to all of our shallow friends for joining us. I would like to echo that thank you. I'd also like to repeat the thank you to producer, super producer Chase for
01:02:37
Speaker
the work to get episode six live into people's ear holes and eye holes. Gross. As always, dad. Good job. Yes. What are we? We got to talk about next episode. We do. Let me pull up my list of topics.
01:03:04
Speaker
I can't wait till we get to a stage where people are just suggesting. Oh, okay. Yeah. Let's, in addition to, if you follow our Instagram, we'll give you a little shout out, but also, um, if you have an idea for a topic, follow that Instagram and send us a message on there because we, we do have a note app of topics, but I mean, we have a lot of options, but we are always open to other things. And.
01:03:34
Speaker
We have opinions on, I would say, everything. So whatever topic is suggested, I'm sure we can fill an hour with our thoughts. Okay, one that I really would love to cover, and that is actually heavy on my mind currently, is the sick contract. What do you think? Okay. Oh, it's just so agreeable all of a sudden.
01:04:04
Speaker
I mean, sure. You don't seem passionate. I'm happy to talk about it. Well, here's, and I'll tell you why. I know it's a worthy topic and we can talk about it, but I'm not sure it's big enough to talk about for an hour. Okay, that's fair. And so I think maybe if we want to talk about the sick contract and then other implied social contracts,
01:04:35
Speaker
and talk about how things break when people don't fucking follow the rules. That would be fun. The sick contract, we could also loop in mental health with that one because when I talk about sick, I don't necessarily mean just physically because that's another one on our list.
01:04:58
Speaker
I'm good with that. We've got time to dial it in. Social contracts and mental health. We could also talk about therapy and medication, which we have on here. I don't know if we could fill an hour with therapy slash medication. We could loop those all into one.
01:05:17
Speaker
Especially when we're only diving very shallow. Very shallowly. We can't dive deep into medication. It might be two weeks until we have our next episode out because I am about to enter final exams. So I don't know if we'll have... Okay, Bridget. Yeah, I'm actually getting both my JD and my PhD at the same time. Right now. Just time travel. It's fine.
01:05:47
Speaker
Bridget, if you're listening, please can I access your time traveling machine, please? No, no, no, let's start here. Bridget, if you're listening, can you please join us on our podcast? You can come on our podcast to talk about whatever you'd like, anything you'd like, but if you want to talk about your time traveling machine, that would be cool. That would be cool. Yeah, we'll take notes. Lots of notes.
01:06:16
Speaker
All right, so next episode will be with Bridget Mendler. No, I'm kidding. Next episode will be about the sick contract and social contact tracks, et cetera. But for now. But do please provide feedback. We would love to hear what we should be talking about. Send feedback, even if it's mean.
01:06:45
Speaker
I'll cry about it, but I would still love to hear it. Filter it, because I don't read comments. I'll protect you from the mean. Well, anything else you'd like to say to our shallow friends, Dad, before we say our goodbyes? I would like to reiterate a big hearty thank you. I'm enjoying doing this. Are you enjoying doing this, Rebecca? I'm having a blast. I look forward to it.
01:07:14
Speaker
Okay. I do too. And we seem to be able to just bullshit our way through an hour plus no matter what. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I mean, that was never a problem. I don't think ever. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you for joining us for another episode of the shallow end. We love you guys. We'll see you next time.