Transcript
Speaker: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the Kate Hamilton podcast. Today's episode, i sit down with Julie Bell. So Julie brings a background that you don't often see combined. She has 26 years in Scottish primary education, working her way up from classroom teacher to head teacher, and then followed by four years as head of schools for a mental health therapeutic service.
Speaker: So she has some amount of experience. That mix of education, leadership and mental health sector experience is what has led her to found WIN with JB. So WIN is W-I-I-N with JB, with Julie Bell. and It's a coaching method built around a simple but powerful question.
Speaker: What if it's not? W-I-I-N, what if it's not? helping people catch the anxious predictions that quietly convince them that an opportunity isn't for them before those predictions ever get tested against reality. So we spend a lot of this conversation talking around the topic of fear and how fear controls our lives, how fear is usually the the root of all other negative emotions and negative behaviors that we have in our lives that are holding us back. and So we have a huge conversation around fear.
Speaker: and how it manifests and why it manifests and what we can do to change that. And that we spend a lot of our time being, what if this happens? What if this happens? What if this happens? And her method, which she talks around, recognize, pause, reframe, re respond, and asking what if it's not?
Speaker: This is so relevant in relation to our own mental health, but we talk a lot around dealing with young people as well, with kids, with teenagers. And the conversation is just so beneficial and so life changing that I'm just so excited to share this with you. We also talk a little bit around career change as well. You know, her having and moved from being a teacher for so long into a more...
Speaker: oh
Speaker: We talk about career change in general as well. So, you know, her being a teacher for so long and then moving into a therapeutic service um and then on to founding her own business and how fear has played a part in that also. And how having to to learn to to release the fear and feel the fear and do it anyway. But to use her win method to actually take the step forward which thankfully she did because it's going to change so many people's lives in Scotland and in the wider world. I'm so excited to share this episode with you. Enjoy. Here is the episode with Julie Bell.
Speaker: Julie welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much. I'm excited to have this chat. This is going to be a bit of a different kind of conversation to to what i've been i usually have on the podcast in one way, but also going to be very much up my street of what I love to talk about in relation to human potential and limiting beliefs and all the things that hold us back. And I'm really, really excited to and pick your brain on on everything we're going to talk about today.
Speaker: exciting my first ever podcast game is it i love it i love and but you see i know you and i know your expertise and i know um i know how much you have to share so i'm i'm so so excited to uh for you to share this with with the listeners um so let's start with your background your career change so You know, you have a background in education, like myself, 26 years in scotthood Scottish education, if I'm correct.
Speaker: Yeah, I would have graduated, I did graduate August 2000, so 26 years ago last month, and since I graduated from Jordan Hill College. So yeah, it feels like yesterday, but almost 30 years ago, which is terrifying.
Speaker: yeah but it ah I was actually speaking to someone today about because as we're recording this, it is September 11th. And, you know, there's a lot in the media about it today because it's 25 years ago since it happened.
Speaker: And like I i and that what they were talking about was it's 25 years. There's a whole generation of adults. that didn't experience that, that they can't remember it. And I was like, wow, that just blew my mind. i was like, where did that time go? Like, cause you know, like I'm sure you could tell me exactly where you were when you heard the news of that. And then we all went home and we just sat in front of the news and we just watched this unfold in front of our eyes. And it's funny, I actually did a little bit of reflection on that today cause I'd been listening to it this morning and I was out for my walk and I was like, the, the,
Speaker: the fear and that then the terror that was kind of caused and you know from that situation and then the years to come and the things to happen in the UK and Spain and stuff afterwards it's like I think that really ingrained in me a lot of fear and growing up because I was 15 years old when that happened and yeah and I remember it so clearly and if they're kind of talking in the media about how it changed the whole world like everything how how the world we live in today is molded by what happened on that day and yeah and Sorry, my my point that was a little bit of a tangent. People talking about fear. But my point is, I'm sitting here, I'm like, 25 years? Like, where?
Speaker: Like, that only feels like volunteer five years ago to me. yeah I just don't understand, and like, the passage of time. And I'm like, I'm 40. I'm like... ah i feel I know I'm 40 and I'm happy to be 40 but I also feel like I'm not a proper grown-up yet. Do you feel like that sometimes? Yeah, 100% and it's weird because i like you say, I remember really vividly it was my first, I was into my sort of second year of my first teaching post and and it was just after morning break and we all huddled around the wee TV in the auxiliaries room watching it and my mum and dad were actually on holiday in Boston due to fly New York so that was even more heightened that I knew. i wasn't sure where in the itinerary because we didn't have mobile phones, there was no text, there was no sort of communication I just knew my mum and dad were on holiday in America and even then didn't have an idea of the scale of America so you're like where is that in relation to New York and what's coming next um you know it's so I remember it so vividly just from lots of different perspectives and yet I'm so aware of everything that's gone on in my life in the last 26 years but it feels like
Speaker: yesterday that and I feel like the same person I was then than I even though I'm been a mum I'm now you know yeah so much has changed it's amazing it's like when you think of a specific day in time it just it really puts it in perspective and like I think that day on September 2001 You know, when like I remember like, you know, the the first plane had hit and it was this awful accident and then the second plane hit. And all of a sudden, like I remember that that feeling because like it was announced like we were in school, it was announced like, you know, America is under attack. And it was that that was the word America is under attack. And it felt so huge. And then when we watched those buildings crumble, but the fear that was around then
Speaker: we didn't know what was going to happen next. Were cities all over the world going to start blowing up? Like, you know, it was genuinely... And that's a Hollywood movie, yeah. Yeah. Like, it was, like, looking back now, we can look at it with the perspective of what happened afterwards, which was 20 years of war. Like, you know, not great either. But, you know, that threat was managed to a certain to a certain degree. But at the time, it was like, that must been very scary for you to be like, your parents are in America. What else? America is under attack. What is going to happen? Exactly. To actually... get out of the kind that country as well must been really scary.
Speaker: Yeah, and it was such an unusual holiday for them to take. That was a big holiday for my mum and dad to be on. It wasn't a sort of, well, this is what they do. It was like our a bucket list holiday almost. And then suddenly this is what they're faced with. So, yeah, it was it was that fear of the unknown. And that's ultimately in full circle where wind comes from is ah what we'll talk about today is the fear of the unknown and how debilitating that can be.
Speaker: It's I actually can't wait to dive into the topic of fear because it's something that has been so deeply ingrained in me as I grew up. And and it's the one thing that that has always held me back. It's my default, you know, like and you know some people have a default of like anger or defensiveness or mine is always fear. And I am a catastrophizer. And if I let if my mind is let run loose and, you know, it probably in my early years very much held me back. And, you know, some of it comes from my early life and just, you know, like from as young as I can remember, I was always a little bit of a worried, anxious child, you know. But I think when I think about this, it's funny just reflecting on September 11th. And it's only today I had a real aha moment. I was like, I was 15 years old. I was just starting to grow up. And that happened and suddenly the world felt very unsafe. yeah But it was like, but if that was followed by London terror attacks, Madrid, there was there was quite a a lot in quick succession in those early 2000s. Yeah, such an impactful age. Yeah, it was such like and I think for a lot of people, our generation, you know, that it was suddenly like, oh, God, the world isn't safe.
Speaker: yeah and that and i think and although you know i've grown up and i've you know experienced a lot more in life and you know and i've i may have been able to work through my fear sometimes i i it's i've just kind of realized i was like a lot of that stuff that that media and i'm sure you're going to talk a lot about media as well in relation to fear i think is so deeply ingrained in me from those early 2000s years when i was kind of going from teenager to young adult Yeah, that that has that. It's only really now as I'm 40 years old that I'm able to really release, which is interesting.
Speaker: Yeah, well, it's that phase in your life where you're trying to find who you are in the world. And if if the world is not very safe, then that's a difficult way to forge your own identity, that definite yeah a difficult place to forge own identity in an unsafe world. So, yeah, it's interesting because and I'm sure we'll talk about it, but it's that where fear comes from. People quite often don't and can't identify until they have that aha moment and think that's where that comes from. And and that can be a real shift once you recognise where it comes from.
Speaker: Yeah. And it's something that's ah really I have done a lot of in the past couple of years that I'd never done before that it's like, oh, my God, this. But it's amazing. if It doesn't it feel easier to release fear when you understand where it comes from.
Speaker: One hundred percent. Yeah. It it just sits with you if you don't explore it. And it's it's a scary thing to explore. So people just don't go there. It can be too because it will take you back to difficult times. So it's easier just to avoid and keep going, keep going, keep going. then actually go back to that moment in time and think, OK, that was difficult. And how do I navigate that now at this age? How does 40-year-old Kate navigate that fear that the 15-year-old still, the 15-year-old just will still carry that and hold that? And and it's putting those two things together and being able to navigate 15-year-old Kate as 40-year-old Kate.
Speaker: And it just lifts so much from you once you can do that. Let's dive into this topic of fear. We're on it. We're on it. We'll talk about your your your journey through the education, the world of education and to and to what you do now. But yeah let's just really explore that topic because I think everyone can can relate to this to some degree. and sorry, everybody can relate to it, even if they they don't really like everyone has fears in them. And I talked to me about fear because it this is this your win method is very much based around overcoming fear that's holding you back. Am I correct? Yeah, absolutely. So when is born from like we talked about the start, 26 years of education. And within that journey, I've done ah ah sort of I have a level of understanding understanding of a therapeutic intervention. I would never call a myself a therapist. That's not what I am. But I have done a quite a significant amount of training in NLP, which is neuro-linguistic programming. So within that, there's a huge amount of therapy or counselling things that you could bring into what I'm doing now. And that's not what I'm doing. What I'm doing is focusing on one really specific part of us as human beings, and that is fear and anxiety. And what I've recognised over the years as the most common question we ask ourselves when we're scared is what if. So every fear will start off, what if that happens and what that happens and what if that means? And then, and before we know it, we're spiralling into what if. And at the bottom of a what if spiral is where you'll get a panic attack or sort of flight response will kick in. And so WIN is all about catching that and recognising that actually is the catastrophizing. We're what if-ing into things that are not already happening. So WIN is a double I deliberately and it's what if it's not. Because the positive what if it doesn't happen is just as strong as the negative what if it does happen. And if you can catch that initial fear before it spirals, then that's going to give you the power to flip it into what if it's not. So that's really where the whole method comes from. Like I say, I don't want put myself out there as a therapist or a counsellor. That's not what I am. It's my education background with that understanding of that one question.
Speaker: can make such a difference to fear that's holding you back. It's your social experience from the education system as well, isn't it? I find that as well, that I'm very aware. i feel like I'm quite socially aware of of what people stood struggle with from working with so many different kids, from, you know, like interacting with loads of different parents, working with yeah teachers and leaders, um that that you learn a lot about personal skills and personal struggles. Yeah. where Oh, sorry. Sorry. You can know, do continue.
Speaker: Well, I think that's I think poor what I recognize is my strength that my thread that's run through those 26 years is the ability to build relationships. It's not been the academic side of things. It's not been the teaching. It's been about that ability. No matter what realm I'm in, I can build a relationship, whether that's with a child, a parent, another member of staff. and And that for me is what's got me through to where I am now. It's not the academic side of things. It's not the the raising attainment, all of that side of things. And I think what's difficult after 26 years of doing that recognising what's intuitive and what comes really naturally and recognising that not everyone picks up on those nuances as much as you know you do when you've had that experience.
Speaker: Since changing careers, I have found that with with teaching, I didn't realize how much skills I had developed from being a teacher, a teacher for 15 years. And, you know, although, you know, the it was the best decision of my life to step away from teaching because it wasn't the right fit for me, but it it was the right step to what I'm supposed to be doing now. Yeah.
Speaker: And yeah, like exactly what you said with with just the the the communication skills, the empathy skills, the having to learn to have an open to open your mind and realize that people learn different ways, people think different ways, people interact different ways, people react different ways for a lot of different reasons. and yeah So with your background, you were a primary school teacher yeah and then a head teacher and then moved from that into... ah your mental health sector wasn't it you were head of schools for a private a private mental health therapeutic practice yeah yeah yeah so yeah talk a little bit about this yeah the journey or the the end just just kind of yeah a little bit from teaching to to you know the yeah that little journey that's our journey yeah the journey was i was really lucky growing up and that I will never want to be a teacher there was never any other question over any other career that would do so from
Speaker: you know, as as early as I could walk and talk. you know, my brother was my first pupil of playing schools and that's all ever wanted to do. So it made life really easy for me in terms of the path I took, the exams I had to sit, where I was going. and And I think I actually didn't get the g grades I needed to get into university. in Fifth and sixth year, I got distracted, met boys, did all the stuff you do at fifth and sixth year. And actually didn't get the hires. um And I think that's where a lot of my fear comes from myself and because I got into teacher training based on my interview. So at that point we had to go and sit a sort face-to-face interview with the lecturers.
Speaker: And i despite my not getting the grades, my interview got me through. And then I sailed through my degree. I absolutely sailed through it because of the placement element. Because once I found myself in a classroom...
Speaker: That was my natural environment. It was where I was meant to be. um And so I'm not saying my degree came easy to me, but I loved i loved those four years more than i loved my 11 years of school and in every way, shape and form. And and so and then I got into primary teaching, but I i became a victim of, um without blowing trumpets, I was a good teacher. And when you're good at anything, you're then encouraged to go for promotion, go for the next thing, go for And so I was encouraged to go for a principal teacher, which is our sort of step before assistant head or deputy head in Scotland. um
Speaker: And there's that that could be a whole other podcast than that. But um I eventually didn't go for it because I knew I was being pressured into And I eventually got the role within the school I was teaching in. So i got a principal school teacher there. I then got a deputy head post, which I did for four years and was kind of primed to be the head teacher of that school when my head teacher retired.
Speaker: um And we were all kind of thinking that was a done deal. And when I went for the interview, wasn't successful, um which was devastating because, it's again, that's all I had my heart set on. and But everything happens for a reason. And I got the call the following week to ask me to consider taking on an acting post in a different school. So I went and and was head teacher for four years.
Speaker: am An amazing school, but I was head teacher during the pandemic. So that in itself was a very, very challenging time. We, I think we did really well during the pandemic, pandemic but the amount of work that took was incredible you know I was at my kitchen table at half seven in the morning and didn't leave again till half seven at night and had the weight of a whole school community on my shoulders um but backtracking while was deputant that's when I discovered new linguistic programming did some training in that and coming out of the pandemic had an opportunity to go and work in that that sector as head of school so it was a
Speaker: Going back to what we talked about fear, I think I'm a very risk-averse person. I am, you know, what my kids were in front of me on the bikes with me going, you know, I was not there. I'll go climb that train and see what happens. I've learned to ski as a 45-year-old and have never been more terrified in my life. So on one hand, I'm really risk-averse, but on the other hand, I took that leap and I left my head teacher's job to go and be head of schools, which...
Speaker: people were like, are you leaving it you're leaving your council pension, your teacher's pension. and But it like you said, there was a gut feeling of this is the right thing to do. um And so I did that for four years and and loved that opportunity, he loved a lot of that time, but it got to the point where my role became very operational and my role was very much um chasing sales, chasing payment for sales. And I was away from that front facing.
Speaker: everything that went into teaching to do moved me away from this, that that point of my role had moved me away. And there came a point last year where I thought, everything that I want to do, i can do.
Speaker: And again, I made a brave stupid or whatever you want to look at it. Brave. Yeah. And I think it's that even though I'm so risk averse, when my gut tells me something, then that that overtakes that that risk of of of fear. So, and Yeah, that's the journey to where to win. So I've done a post that doing, I'll post today, but it's 10 months next week since I handed in my resignation and with with nowhere really to go and no real idea of of what it would be. But that that's the journey to today. Well, what's interesting is with you not giving in to fear,
Speaker: which again, we're goingnna we're going to, but we circled around, we're going we're going back into this topic now in a minute, from not leaning into fear. And by actually slowing down and tuning in to what your gut was telling you and and connecting with yourself, everything that's happened so far has led to this point to where you are today. And all of the skills that you've picked up, because they're very different job roles, like, you know, being a classroom teacher to them being a head teacher to then run being head of schools for a private company. Like it that's but that they're all very different roles. Yeah.
Speaker: But yeah. very different skills that you're picking up and when you combine those skills you know you could take on the world yeah and there's not one element of those steps that I regret there's not one element of the steps that wouldn't have done you know there's not one bit me that thinks I wish I'd stayed as a head teacher it wasn't the right thing for me to do at that point I wish I'd stayed there's none of that everything has led to where I am today and i I'm a firm believer in everything in my life has led to and everything i had will lead to where i'm I'm meant to go and what I'm meant to do and Yeah, I've just got to keep sticking with that, that, that belief, that gut feeling of, of, yeah, something will come out of this.
Speaker: I'm such a bit believer in that as well, that, um, particularly just over the past six years or so, you know, with all the changes in my own life is, you loosen that grip isn't it and you kind of you practice surrender and I think people think that surrender is like you know giving up it's like it's surrender is not it's it's like well you know I think we think we're in more control than what we actually are in life and when we learn to loosen the grip and stop overthinking everything and you know like like being a victim to fear and catastrophizing and doing all of this all the time when we let go and we can actually think it like slow down and and actually feel yeah it's it's it's amazing because then I'm like i don't know what's like so I don't have a five-year plan okay what someone says to me where are you gonna be a five-year scale I don't know but it's gonna be fantastic you know what I mean I know I know it'll be fantastic and I'll learn a lot even if you know there there's difficult times between now and then
Speaker: But you I think if you surrender to where you are now and then you you keep aware to what comes into your path next, I think you're always given your next step when you're ready for it. And I think it's about having that mission. What I realized during that sort of journey and all the different chain thats and all the different decisions I made, what I came to realize was I never, and this has become bit of shrap line of mine now, I never went into teaching to raise attainment, to help children get better grades at school. I went into teaching to change the lives of wee people. And if by that and by making sure their wellbeing was okay, that they then achieved what they needed to achieve, then that was an excellent by-product for me. But that wasn't my motivation. And so that's what I continually come back to. My mission is to change the lives of wee people in Scotland and hopefully eventually beyond. But when you keep that mission in mind, then everything else just pulls through and and
Speaker: that That allows me to go with my gut because I know that's my mission. My mission isn't to make a million pounds company. My mission isn't to benefit. You know, my mission is to improve lives. So when you come back to that, you can trust your gut.
Speaker: Yeah. and just it that that clarity is yeah that like that clarity is the most important thing did you since that's you your mission and why you got into teaching and why you love teaching for so long when you moved into more kind of you know ah head teacher role and you know did you miss that did you miss yeah here and if within my head teacher role i prioritized it was i was the um in the playground every day head teacher at the gate every morning around classrooms i was present and My assemblies were the highlight of my week. I continued to build those relationships with children. And both times that I've made the decision to step away from from good, steady, reliable incomes is when all of that was removed from me. So post-pandemic, I couldn't have assemblies. I couldn't go into classrooms. I couldn't have kids into my... my office to sing me their song that they'd learned over the weekend. All of those things were taken away. My role suddenly became risk assessment, spreadsheet, checking who was in, who was going to be isolating. It became a very operational role. And that was not filling my cup. That's not what I wanted to do. And it's the same in the role as head of schools. Operationally, when it came about chasing invoices and chasing sales, and and i I absolutely understand how important that is in a business, but it removed me from that face...
Speaker: face-to-face doing workshops and again it's all about that claim that success we now we're moving you away from the the the m creative role and the the being front-facing into a more operational role both of those times is when I knew I had to step back because I hugely miss the relationship and the connection with children and their parents and other staff that's probably the one thing I miss most about being out on my own is that staff room the staff night out the you know just that cup of tea at the end of the day. So yeah, um um there's elements of I miss hugely. But the operational, the risk assessments, the spreadsheets, that no I don't miss any of that.
Speaker: But you needed to to experience that because now as an entrepreneur, and you're going to to all of those things. You need to wear all the hats and you have all the hats. And it's interesting that that social connection part is what I miss most being an entrepreneur as well. and But then like even with with my coaching, you know, with my nurture and with my leader, what I'm building is community and connection as well, because it's just... it's so important and we we all need it and um it's funny what you do when you when you say post-pandemic like it's just it's bringing up memories that I've just completely forgotten I found it very traumatic going back to school after lockdown so I don't know like I know every country was different at the time but in Ireland yeah schools were closed from March 2020 until September 2020 we weren't back in the school it was all remote Really enjoyed that time. That's when I really kind of had a revelation of what I was going to do with my life and started studying. And, you know, and it was quite, quite low maintenance work teaching wise during that time. But we went back in September 2020 and everything was different. every body was different as well and I really struggled I i wasn't afraid of going back to school young people were like oh front you're like front like front line workers and it's just you know you're at risk and the system and there was a lot of fear you know and I wasn't afraid going back to work I I hated the way
Speaker: The kids were being shipped around around like borders and chains like cattle. And yeah that we like we had to be in pods. I was only allowed to interact with certain teachers in the school. So there were like connections were like that. that like We were such a fantastic staff. We were so well connected. We had so much fun. it was all taken away and it wasn't the same. And even in our small little pods, some people were like, fuck this, I'm over this. And some people were were very, very afraid. And I was trying to be respectful of everyone. And i do that that lot that connection was gone.
Speaker: yeah I had one foot out the door at that stage. yeah That was like the nail in the coffin for me. And I know it was temporary and I know it's not like that in in schools anymore. yeah well That was such a difficult time. So I went back September 2020. Last time I stepped foot in a classroom. was June 2022.
Speaker: So those were, and I did two school years, I did one full school year, that 2020 to 2021 was my last full time year. And then 2020, 2021 to June 2022, did job sharing, which I loved. And, know, things were a little bit nicer that year, but that yeah that year of 2020 to 2021 was the most difficult teaching year I've ever done in my life. And it was my decision, like, I'm done.
Speaker: I call it that, I don't know if you have the hokey cokey song in Ireland, I don't know if that's Scottish now yet, so I call that the hokey cokey term because we were in, out, in, out, we spent a whole summer preparing for bubbles, we had to have cohort cohort B, so the cohort A would be in one half of the week, cohort B the second half, so as head teachers our whole summer was taken up on planning that. We were given additional staffing to cope with that. We had to go in and do tours of the building, socially distance to check all sorts of... Yeah, to measure the distance of the desks. Yeah, and I was on a transition call with a family who had huge fears anyway about the wee boy starting primary one, never mind with all of this going on. And because the bubble situation actually really benefited him because he was only going to have to do two and a half days, could put an additional support assistant with him for that two and a half days. He was actually probably going to have a better start to primary one than he ever would have had. And I was on a team's call like this, talking to them. And the dad glanced to his right and he said, Julie, have you seen the news?
Speaker: And I was like, no, no, I'm on a call. He's like, it's just been announced that they've scrapped the bubbles. There's no cohort either. He's the the education minister at that point. It's saying it's a full return. And I'm like, the this is all summer. We then went into a teacher's meeting to hear this and they couldn't tell us whether our additional staffing was going to remain. It was just... So that whole term from August to Christmas was constant. Chop, change, chop, change. My priority was my wee people, but I couldn't actually plan for them. You've got staff asking you questions. And the Christmas one, we stopped for our Christmas break and it was a Friday. I went to my mum's on the Saturday. I was going through a marriage break-up at the time, which wasn't pleasant. So I had to ah a very tumultuous Saturday anyway.
Speaker: Came back to my mum's and Nicola Sturgeon announced that actually we were not returning after Christmas. It was going to be back to home learning. So that was the start of our Christmas break. We were not prepared for that. So again, it was another break. So the whole thing was just in and out, in and out.
Speaker: it It was just horrific. So that was the beginning of then for me where I thought I can't, my mental health cannot sustain... because I cared so deeply about getting right for everyone else, but it felt like no one really cared about the people that were having to deliver this and and and get it right. We were not getting the support. we had ah My teacher support within the authority was amazing. We had each other's backs, but that that that wasn't enough. And again, you missed all that connection of sitting head teachers meetings with your pals going, did you think that we're all sitting in our kitchens on teams thinking, is it just me? Is it just me that that doesn't get this? and So yeah, it was ah the damage, I know people don't like to talk about it, but the damage is still ongoing from that period of time.
Speaker: I think so too. And it's and I have a like my youngest is a COVID baby, like as in he started school. He was born in 2017. So he started a play school in 2020. And remember I remember that but the preschool and the preschools were much stricter than the primary schools in Ireland, like the preschools, like obviously they were like frontline workers, they were getting slobbered on like, you know, like parents, or like so when my older two went went to preschool, they were able to, you know, get in the door or you're able to get in the door and sit down with them and, you be part of their first day and everything. they had a slide it's actually funny now and i think about it and they were tricking the kids in the door so he had to like climb up the little slide and he slid in and then realized that he couldn't get to me anymore and he was in and all my word that's like something like titty titty bang bang or yeah it was just yeah slide them into the you know so they used to slide into school every day um and and then know that I know yeah I know and I know that and even the kids a year older a year or two older than that were starting primary school at that time like it was just it was just such tough times for them like it's and I think that that age group find it found it harder
Speaker: To socialise, to socialise and to, and to, yeah, to. But it impacted. So my eldest was first year. So first year of high school at that point. So Evie was primary four, Logan was first year. And I kind of thought neither of them are impactful years. They can cope. Logan had all these transition stuff. He got his residential, didn't miss out on anything. But it wasn't... He'd gone out a walk at one point during lockdown with a group of friends and they were tutted it on the way past Sutton.
Speaker: And I didn't realise... I was unaware of that. And Logan stopped going out for months. And I kept saying to him, you're allowed to. You're allowed to. And he was like, no, it's OK. It's OK. I'm just going to stay in. going to stay in. Because he'd been tutted it. And that just...
Speaker: And this will feed into everything we talk about fears about not even being aware of those tiny wee nuggets that get planted in your head. And he just thought, I'm not being touched to that. So I'll just not go out. That was, that was the hardest thing for me with COVID as well. Like, you know, I'm keeping in mind, sorry, my dad, my dad nearly died. He was in hospital for five weeks. It was really, really tough time for us as a family. And thankfully he is okay now. And well, he's still got long-term effects from a footy. Yeah. Yeah. Not life-threatening like, and but yeah,
Speaker: I found people's reaction to fear, this fear, fear. yeah like yeah I found how people changed and how people showed their true colours and how they treated each other. yeah that ah That's what I found so hard. The judgment. where you Why are you out walking with a friend? Why are you going this distance? so and like Have you been out for more than an hour? Reporting each other and blasting each other on like you know we like on the Facebook groups of the local area and um it would it I found that really difficult. So I totally get where you're coming from that your son didn't want to go out because ah it I think it changed me long term. Like, i I think I became a lot less sociable after that because yeah a lot more guarded because I was like, wow, you know, and when everything's going good, you don't notice these things about people. But it made me very wary of people.
Speaker: Yeah. obviously a bit of tri yeah The trust and the the, yeah. And the thing is, it's not people's true nature. It's fear. And it just, it just, it's It's amazing how fear can change us.
Speaker: Yeah. But it all comes down to that what if. What if I catch it? What if? what if i Even that what if I pass it on? What if I don't know I've got it? what the The what ifs that were due to that point were right.
Speaker: Yeah. Why do our brains do that? So if we move away from COVID and we just look at fear as a whole and... why Why do we ah as humans, i know there are exceptions that are quite naturally more optimistic, but for most of us, you know I'm sure if I don't know the statistics, the percentage I'm sure is pretty high.
Speaker: Most of us struggle with this, with this what if, with with this fear. Why do our brains tend to revert to this fear? what It's evolutionist. And I always teach children that anxiety is not a bad word. Anxiety is a good thing. Anxiety was born to keep us safe. So that's what it's there for. Fear is there to protect us. So like every other emotion, anxiety and fear are good things to have. But when it gets out with our control, like so when anger gets out with our control, when you become too emotional, when you become too happy that you're overbearing, every emotion when it comes out with control is dangerous. And that's all fear is. But we seem to in the last few years, and this could be pandemicda pandemic related, We seem to think that anxiety is a bad word. But if we didn't have anxiety, we wouldn't we wouldn't study for exams. We would cross the road and not look left or right. We wouldn't be safe. So anxiety is OK. It's a good thing to have. it the The fear is there tip to protect us and keep us safe.
Speaker: But when it gets out with our control, then it becomes very dangerous. And that's what I'm trying to prevent and teach that. You need to have anxiety. Kids will talk now about i I have anxiety. And I'm like, do you have happiness? Do you have sadness? You don't have those things. You feel those things and that's okay. But you need to be able to manage them like every other one of your emotions.
Speaker: And with the other negative emotions. So if we have fear. And fear for some people will manifest as anxiety, panic, you know, just fright, like just, yeah, like anxiety. Yeah. that But for others, are do all negative emotions, and those low vibrating emotions, do they all stem from fear? You know, the way some people will be aggressive. They'll be... and defensive that you know like ah all these different i'm like going blank here and now on on negative emotions but are most negative emotions and negative habits as well you know around addictions and and um you know negative behavior and abusive behavior and you know does all of that if we dug deep enough stem from fear yeah generally and and again i'm talking and i'm i wouldn't i'm not dismissing anxiety in any way because i know that there are people who are debilitated by it so they're absolutely but i'm talking about the way I would come at this with children. And and I always talk about anger as being a very, very clever emotion because anger is the big emotion that hides everything else. So when I am faced with a very angry child, quite often you can um disarm them by saying, are you actually really worried about something?
Speaker: Are you feeling sad about something? Because it's easier show that you're angry and to shout and scream about something than be vulnerable and say, I'm really worried about my mum or I'm really scared this is going to happen or... I'm really worried that I'm going to fail the exam and I'm not as good as everyone else. So I'll just be angry. it' That's much easier. That makes me look much braver because I'll just lash out. So anger, we always i always come back to the inside out characters because that's a really clever way of of children understanding emotions. Anger just steps in front of all of your vulnerable emotions and goes, I'll deal with this. Let me just deal with this. and But you can very quickly see it in a child's face if you disarm them by saying, you're worried about something, aren't you?
Speaker: And they can just crumble. And I'm Oh, nine times out of ten, we can bring it back to some fear. And for me, it's about pulling that back. Once we find the wee nugget, and going back to the example of Logan not wanting to go out to walk, Logan wasn't even aware of that. It was just planted in his head. I'm just not going out those walls because because i don't I'm scared I get tutted at again. But he puts that to the side and doesn't recognise it and then starts behaving in a certain way. So for me, it's about pulling back and finding that wee tiny nugget that quite often they don't even know is there.
Speaker: And once you can implode that, then... It just lifts that that fear away. And I will never dismiss a fear or worry. I will never say to someone, that won't happen. You know, if a child comes to me says, I'm really worried something might happen to my mum.
Speaker: I can't say to them, nothing will ever happen to your mum. What I can say is, nothing's happened to your mum right now. You're absolutely fine right now. And if your mum, something was to happen to your mum, we would cross that bridge when we come to it So it's just about getting down to what is this really all about? But yeah, nine times out of 10, there will be a fear and a what if question in there somewhere.
Speaker: And I think because anger is a stronger emotion, It's like it actually just helps release it, doesn't it? it's not trapped in the body. It's a person's way of channeling that energy. Because energy trapped in the body is very harmful to us. So that kind of negative energy. So by being angry or... Like for me, crying. I cry for everything. But it's just how my body releases... You just say the words out of my mouth. My releases cry. I will cry. An advert, I will cry. TikTok video, I will cry really easily. I'll cry if I'm stressed. I'll cry if I'm angry. You know, my negative... Bermonal. Yeah. I could cry before the end of this recording. No. Yeah, that's a good chance. But if you're someone that doesn't want to cry and you don't want to show that, then...
Speaker: You have to do this in some way. Yeah. I just think that it's it's so good to to remember that anyone listening, who you know, who has kids or who has teenagers or just, you know, feeling these emotions themselves. If you have emotions that like, because like my line of work with with helping, you know, women lose weight, be healthier. A lot of emotional eating issues is...
Speaker: suppressing emotions as well it it's like there's so much emotion and we find different coping mechanisms for it and i suppose the older we get the harder it is to undo the coping mechanisms yeah or the the characters that we build the angry person the fuck you world kind of person the you know ah the cynicism the whatever it is that we build our personalities around to to mask that that inner child that's a super scared of of what of whatever goes on deep within our subconscious minds yeah and that's that would be my top advice to any parent out there we as parents we want to fix what's wrong why are you sad why that's but we're asking the wrong questions it's that what is it you're predicting is going to happen what are you thinking here it's not what's wrong with you right now it's trying to get into that where are you in the steps ahead that might happen because what question should we ask what should we say
Speaker: What are you thinking? What is it? What are you what what are you playing out? What's your what if? You get them to finish that sentence when you're upset about going to school because what if, well, what if no one wants to play with me?
Speaker: And then you're in with, okay, this is not about sore tummies and not going to school. It's about what if, what is it? Because they will be running something in their head that they are predicting is going to go wrong in their day. And you have to try and get into that instead of just dealing with emotion. Why are you crying again?
Speaker: Why is your tummy sore again? That's our default. Because as parents, we want to go out to work in the morning or we've got weve you know we just want to get them going, are you crying again? Why are we having this every morning that your tummy's sore before school?
Speaker: But we don't know that the wee film that they're running inside their head of of what they're predicting and what they think could be going wrong. Or of treating the symptom rather than the root cause. Yeah. I had a whole discussion with one of my parents in school just before Christmas. And we were talking about this and she just, it was a sort of group discussion and she just literally sat with her head in her hands. And she said, ah this is just taking me back to to this morning. So the story was, she was going out to work, had told her son that was the jacket he was to wear. And he he said, I'm not wearing that jacket today.
Speaker: And instead of stopping and saying, why not? she went in, so you are wearing that jacket, you need to wear that jacket, your gran and grandpa will be here in 10 minutes, and if I hear that you've not gone to school without that jacket on, she said, I left like, stressed up to here, he's crying, and she said, not once did I say, why not? And I said to her, that could have been a label that scratched his neck, someone could have laughed at the jacket the day before, it could be a million things, it's not about the jacket, it's about what that jacket means to him inside his head, what is it you're thinking about this jacket? And she was like, he had six jackets he could have worn, if I'd just asked him,
Speaker: why not? Then we could have, you know, avoided World War 3. But instead we just go into dealing with emotion in the moment. He's being opposite. He's just refusing to do I've told him to do again. And it's like, no, there's always something running in their head as to why he doesn't want that jacket on. And we're like, if we're rushing out the door and we're, you know, kind of being impatient with our kids and, you know, we can all relate to this. Absolutely. But we're, that's stemming from fear for us as well. We're afraid of hitting the traffic. We're afraid of being late. We're afraid that we're not to get all the work done, that we're going to miss the meeting. This client is going to give out that my boss is going to say this or like that. We're doing what ifs as well. Exactly. And then you've got this little person and you're like, for fuck's sake, just put your coat on. Yeah. and we all do it it's all it's human nature you know and I in no way am I sitting here saying am the perfect campaigner every morning you know you know Evie my 15 year old will tell you I'm absolutely not but if we can take that pause that will buy you back the five minutes that you've spent screaming at him about getting his jacket on and being banned from his playstation if he doesn't put on you know it's it's just taking that that moment to just ask them yeah always remember that they are running something in the head of what's going to happen if they if they do x y or And if you can get to that, then you can either empathise with it and say, right, I get that, or support them through it.
Speaker: I don't do this. I need to. Oh, my God. yeah i Particularly, I think, with my teenagers, um yeah i i feel like what i have i have more i'm slow i'm so slow down and i have more patience with my youngest probably and my older people because i was younger when they were little as well i was like yeah you know but um even now as teenagers i kind of sometimes i just instead of just like you know ask the question why yeah why that's so that's so so powerful find the nugget that's my top tip find the nugget there will be a nugget every behavior has a wee nugget behind that and if you can find that then sometimes they don't want to talk to you as teenagers so i find that like my oldest is he's 16 and he's all even as a kid he's always been such a closed book yeah you know that he'll tell you but like you know but if you start prying at him he'll just shut down he'll just be like yeah i'm not talking to you you know that um that can be challenging as a parent. But I think is it like, would your advice there be to just just always ask why? And if they're not if they don't want to to talk, then just at least every time they're they're behaving in a certain way or you know that there's something up that you at least ask so that they know that they can if they want. Yeah, you just ask the question if they want to answer, they want to answer. I find with my eldest, he's very similar, but so I don't get the explosions from him that I might get from my youngest. So that question doesn't,
Speaker: come up as often but I always make a point of trying because he is so closed I'll just always are you okay everything okay everything good you know it's he's a away at uni now but I will still do the check-in all good everything good and and you just have to when they come back say yeah then you have to trust that. So yeah, don't not ask the questions because yeah they won't give you the answer, but they will at some point, they will.
Speaker: What's going on, anything on your mind. Just simple, that's just open the question and no matter what age they are. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. yeah Talk to me about the win method. So we've talked a little bit about fear here and the what ifs, and I can relate to this so much. My God, I can't like, yeah and but what is your strategy to to work with young people, with kids, with adults, this win method to overcome these fears and these what ifs so that we can live happier, calmer lives?
Speaker: Yeah, it's really, really simple. And it's a really simple four step method that I take my time going through. So we really take our time going through the process. and So like I said, win stands for what if it's not. And it's about catching. And I do all these very much primary teacher, you know, actions, but The quicker you can catch a what if, the quicker you can deal with it. So the first step of the WIND method is recognising. And we will spend, you know, a good few weeks.
Speaker: I would spend with someone just asking them to recognise day to day how many times they what if. And, you know, I dare you to do it this afternoon, Kate, and over the weekend. How many times, especially when you're away, you know, from the kids or whatever this weekend, What if? What I've not? What if they've done? what And recognise that.
Speaker: So that's all the first step is, is just becoming aware of that um of that habit that you're in. The four o'clock in the morning lying there going, what if? What if? What if? So that's step one. Step two is then taking a pause. Once you hear that in yourself, taking a pause.
Speaker: Take a beat. change state, go make a cup tea, go and do something different. You know, I ah very much have my kinsla under my pillow at four o'clock in the morning i' when I wake up. I will stop myself what if and by just getting my book and reading a chapter of my book and trying to move away from the what if.
Speaker: Step three is then reframe and recognise that this is a what if. How can I think of it differently? What if it doesn't happen? Again, going back to that analogy of I will always talk about putting things on a bridge. to cross if you need to come to them. So within that reframe moment, there is the not dismissing worries, not dismissing anxieties, because every worry has its place.
Speaker: But if you can't, if it's not real, if it's not happening right now, you can't do anything about it. So if it's not a real worry, we put it on the bridge to come back to if it ever happens. And then when you cross the bridge, you will have support to do that. But if there's not no action you can take on it, then you have to let it go. So that might be if if a reframe is enough that you can think about something differently. And that that's not positivesit positive thinking, everything will be fine. It's just about looking at the same situation from a different way. What if that doesn't happen? What if actually that difficult phone call goes really well, et cetera, et cetera. And then the last step is responding in a different way.
Speaker: So... what can I do differently instead of that initial reaction, that screaming at them to put the jacket on in the morning? What can I do is to respond differently? So that's as simple as the method But I can run that through in various different ways depending on where people are coming from. So whether you're a leader of a school, whether you're a teacher, whether you're a parent, whether you're a child, I'll take you through that method in different ways relevant to where you're at in your life. But that's the basic method and it it's it's very, very simple. But it's a bit like the the way I've sort of structured my programme is the way that you might approach going to a physical PT.
Speaker: So if you sign up to a PT, the PT will give you a programme to work through. They're not going to come to the gym with you. They're not going to... count your calories with you they're not going to feed you your protein and your greek yogurt every day they're going to give you that structure and that's how i've structured this program and exactly the same as going to the gym or going going on a health journey you have to repeat repeat repeat and if people can get into the ma the the way of using this method more and more often it then becomes second nature so one what if doesn't become ten It's so interesting. And that's ultimately the method. Yeah, because like when we talk about, you know, making changes to your health and fitness, like when we talk about, you know, making diet changes, adding exercise in, trying to change bad habits that we have in place that's affecting our health and dealing with emotional eating. So what like a method that we that I would use in Nourish Her coaching with for to deal with emotional eating is creating the gap.
Speaker: Yeah. Creating that gap. And it all starts with the awareness first. It's it's becoming the observer. So that's Eckhart Tolle. I always think about the power of now. And becoming the observer. It's really, really great book to read. It's a little bit of a heavy one, but it's you know it it really just made it really kind of opened my mind to be to present moment living. And and to if if you're constantly in cycles of fear or of emotional eating or or whatever that you...
Speaker: you just observe your patterns. Yeah. and And that you're so right. That is the first step. But then what we do with emotional eating, you know, if you, you notice the urge that you're like, it's 8pm and you're heading to the coverage and you're like, well, it's creating that gap. Yeah. Like what we do is, and we're like, you, it's not that you can't have all the cookies. You can.
Speaker: but you've had your dinner, you're not physically hungry. So half an hour gap. And that's where it's go. You said, interesting. You said it's well, maybe think of this. You've taken out your Kindle, go do something. So for physical cravings like that, that that people can be experiencing, because although it's emotionally, people feel it very physically. It's go clean out a cupboard, empty your, empty your hot press, go clean a bathroom, go for a shower, go for a walk. Depends on the time of the day, obviously, but doing something physical to get yourself out and listen to a podcast or something while you're doing it to give yourself that gap yeah to then make it yeah yeah change choice that yeah you change your state you have to to change the state emotionally you have to change the state physically so um i talk a lot and and and work i do about a particular pupil that i always remember who has the highlight of his day was his game of football at lunchtime and quite often the low light of his day was when that
Speaker: football game was lost and invariably I was you know I couldn't not have him allowed to play football because it was such an outlet for him but if it went wrong it went really wrong and invariably he'd be dragged into my office by the janitor up to here you know steam coming out of his ears and but I had to be very deliberate and he never clicked in all the times I did this with him which was multiple that this is what I was doing so he would be brought into my room and I would ask him to move something in my office for me i need to send this email can you fix those cushions can you and i would and then take a seat when you're ready and i would change his physiology let him sit and i would per pretend to be sending this email and while i was typing away the email i would turn to him and say what did you have for breakfast today
Speaker: And what he's expecting is, why are you shouting? Why are you doing this? Why you losing? And he would be, oh, rice crispies. Oh, do you like them with sugar or not sugar? And I would very slowly get him into a conversation, but it was nothing to do with football. And then see his state coming down.
Speaker: And once he was regulated, then I could say, right, tell me what's happened. Tell me what's... Because in that state, that none of us are having an effective conversation about what might, how we can resolve that. And bit by bit, we then got him into a way where he could manage that emotion around football much better. But that had to be done over time. Him recognising, him pausing and taking the time. But that that and ability to change your state is so important. And I say that, you know, to teachers, walk across the room to your water bottle before you respond. Take a drink of your water, then come back to the situation. All those tiny wee things... Just take it out and that pause is so important. Recognising pause, I think, are probably the strongest parts of the method that if people can get used to, the other two will come fairly easily.
Speaker: Because with those thoughts as well. it's the emotion that we attach to it, isn't it? That's what the problem is. Like it's, it's the, it's the emotional attachment to the thoughts. So like, you know, though the the whole concept of meditation, let's say, which is definitely not something you're doing when you're in a heightened state like that. But it's, it's the ability to let thoughts pass like clouds.
Speaker: Yeah. You know, that's that we don't attach to them. I read the most amazing book a few years ago. I talk about it on the podcast regularly because it always comes up in conversation. It was quite life changing for me, really. It's called Somebody Should Have Told Us by Jack Pransky.
Speaker: Okay. Highly recommended. fun on the candle. It is. No, it's probably, it'll be nothing mind-blowing for you. But the help what the main thing that I took from that was not to be afraid of negative thoughts, right? That like, there's nothing wrong with negative thoughts. Because I thought like, you know, oh God, like I need to stop thinking these these thoughts. And then you're getting stressed because you were thinking all of these thoughts. and And another thing that I learned was just because you think something doesn't mean it's true. So that you can have the most hard thought in the world. And as long as you don't attach your identity to it or your emotions to it and you let it pass, or you once you don't attach to it and identify with it, it will pass and it will go. it was and he tells this
Speaker: methodology that that he has through stories of real life clients that he's worked with that have been through like unimaginable traumas like you know like rape like abuse you know like that really like work the worst things that that can happen to humans and how they overcame these massive traumas but he's so so when you're listening to it you're thinking about your ordinary life you know with every we all have our traumas some of them worse than others yeah but you can relate and you're like and and you know the way we can have this like oh yeah well easy for you to say julie you haven't had x y and z happen in your life but this book is like well oh my god that woman's story that he's just told me is the most horrific thing that i've ever heard in my life yeah and she's managed to overcome it by not attaching to those thoughts and the thing that's like your worst is your worst your worst is not compatible to someone else's worst so your worst is your worst but Getting that that um understanding of reality versus prediction. So and I would challenge anyone listening to this to do this. Over 48 hours, write down every what if you have.
Speaker: Each time you have it, write it down. And then at the end, go through and do an audit. That's something we do in module one of my reset is we then do an audit. How many of them actually came true? And you will be amazed at the number that don't come true. But even the worst what-ifs that do come true, you survive them. You cope. You come out the other side stronger. So for the 12 what-if worries you have over a weekend...
Speaker: The energy you put into that, actually the one that came true, you dealt with it and you're fine, you've come out the other side. There's no what if, no matter what level of trauma or worst you've had, you have come through the other side of it. You know my dad passed away 17 years ago. That was the worst thing in and my head that could ever have happened to me. You know, I couldn't at that point in my life have imagined anything worse than losing a parent in that stage.
Speaker: But even now I can look back on what that's brought to my life. I've run seven London marathons in his memory. I've done three peak challenge in his memory. His anniversary was and on Tuesday and people still talk about on the Facebook post post that I put on because that yeah and the way I i sort of framed that on Tuesday was how lucky am I that this is still so sore 17 years later that I had someone who made me feel like that. So that worst what if for me changed the course of my life I wouldn't have met people that I've met because of that journey I wouldn't be where I am so you can choose in life to take your worst and make it the worst thing that's ever happened to you or make your worst thing one of the best thing that's ever happened to you and that for me is a really hard but powerful thing to be able to do yeah
Speaker: That's it's so powerful. And then like the amount times we spend worrying about things that most likely will never happen. Yeah. And then something that you had no idea what to expect happens. Like, you know, I think about all the different things that I used to worry about, you know, like and I remember then.
Speaker: nearly nine years ago, my husband's dad dropped dead. Suddenly. That was never, and and we were all, inevitable f and that wasn't, a a i thought I did not see that one coming.
Speaker: Yeah. And he was not someone that I thought would die suddenly like that. Yeah. and he did and that wasn't something that I was oh god imagine if that happened to imagine ah and all these other things so it's amazing how you can spend all of this time worrying about things that don't happen and then so you're putting giving it all that energy and then someone in your life that you don't worry about yeah something or something and then it and it happens and you have no control over it and the flip of that is no matter how hard you had what if that is not going to prevent it happening
Speaker: That's the horrible thing about life. No matter how much energy you'd put into that, hoping that didn't happen, it's still going to happen. So it's about choosing where you put your energy is the crux of this. You can choose to put your energy into controlling it and getting a grip of it and understanding it.
Speaker: And again, I'm not talking about chronic, you know, i understand that debilitating anxiety, and and but ah on this the level I'm talking about, If you can get a grip of that, then it it's it's such a a powerful thing to understand that you're you're trying to keep yourself safe, but sometimes we take it too far. And as someone who has...
Speaker: has suffered with chronic anxiety, who had to be medicated, had to go through CBT, you know, so I have been through all of this in my 20s. So I understand where medical intervention is needed and, you know, and working with a therapist is needed. But the work that you are doing here and, you know, even like I talked with the book I was just talking about there and, you know, and I'm so big on this this mindset work, if you like. want use the word psychology, but it is psychology. It is. I know it's, we're not, we're not pretending to be psychologists, but it's changed my life. I don't need psychology.
Speaker: medication anymore and haven't for decades. I don't, you know, ah life hasn't been easy. There's been ups and downs. There's been fabulous times. There's been really difficult times yeah and I've become resilient. And what I've taken with me from doing cognitive behavioral therapy has been absolutely amazing. But um i kind of forget I'm losing my train of thought on this, but where I was going with it, but sorry. Yes. But the work that you are doing, you know, and that we're talking about now will prevent so many people yeah getting to the stage that I got to when I was 21 years old and didn't know how to deal with those fears and they were so overwhelming that it absolutely spiraled. But for a lot of us we can prevent that, which is amazing, we can prevent for our kids. That's it and that's the crux of what I want to do is prevention before cure. So yes I will work with and and the most impactful work I do is with adults
Speaker: who have wee people underneath them. So i that feeds down to... But if we can... i mean, imagine the power of what if it's not just becoming everyday language in a classroom. But every day we focus on the what if it's not. and And we actually start our day with looking at that and, and you know, even that acknowledging acknowledgement of what if being a thing and then what if it's not being a solution. Then for me, that's just so powerful. And and yeah, we will always hit points where Medication is absolutely required. Therapy is absolutely required.
Speaker: But there's a whole layer of a generation underneath us that should never need that and just with the right training could never need that. And your work is, you're moving forward, rather than focusing on the kids, although you I know your deep why is very much to improve the lives of of the younger generation.
Speaker: Yeah. Your work is going to be with adults, am I correct? Yeah. Well, when is about to answer a new phase? It's always been with adults since it started in terms of. delivering the method to, as I said, leaders, teachers and parents. And the parent side of things has ah an element of the parent then working with the child. So that's the sort of when where Wynn was born from. However, over the last 10 months since that very scary jump, things have evolved and we are about to enter a phase of really exciting work that...
Speaker: on paper doesn't look like what I started out to do, but when you actually analyse it, it brings it full circle to exactly where where I wanted this to go. So yeah, where we will very soon start reaching out and working with parents to sort of challenge the limiting beliefs of of what their lives look like, ultimately with the aim of upskilling them and bringing more income into their house to sort of tackle child poverty. and And for me,
Speaker: it just it it lights me up so much because it's my aim was to have impact and this opportunity will absolutely have impact but it will impact whole families so I will inadvertently be impacted in the lives of three children I spoke about the start by working with the parents and the carers and there for me is an opportunity to break generational cycles of we can't we don't Not us. We don't do that. Yeah, people like us don't do things like that. We're not good at maths. You're not good at maths because I wasn't good at maths. I hear that. I heard that every parent's night. We don't go to school. yeah We don't go to college. We don't do that. That's not what we do. Get that out of your head. You'll be going to work.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly. and So, yeah, it's it's really exciting. It's been 10 months of trust in my gut that something would come and... it's We are very much on the cusp of all just kicking off. and Even today, there's been phone calls and conversations about where this is going to go. So, yeah, I think this is just the beginning of that gut feeling.
Speaker: um i I feel such emotion about this for you because it's something I feel very strongly about as well myself. And I think your approach and the way this is going to work in relation to you working directly with parents Because if you can build their confidence and their self-belief and open their minds to what if it's not. And that's going to be so much more effective for their children than some stranger coming into their home or into their school. or they they they're going to go into someone's office to be told, oh, you need to think this way. You need to do that way.
Speaker: If their parents are modeling it, if their parents are aren guiding them through they're the most influential people influential people in those children's lives so if you can get make a difference and you're not just going to make a difference in those kids lives you're going to make a difference in those young adults lives that yeah that are raising those kids and and I think the biggest gift that you can give someone is self-belief yeah absolutely absolutely um and that that's what that opportunity is going to give so yeah so I've seen it on a small scale the school work I've done aims since the start of Wynn has absolutely shown that impact I can sit with for an hour in a school with a pupil and we will build a relationship we will make a difference in that hour but when they go home to an environment that doesn't change around them then that impact is very quickly lost whereas when I sit in a school with a parent for an hour and they go home and implement different stuff then the change is absolutely transformational and and you know I've seen it happening like say on that small scale so The opportunity to now do this in the local authority where I started my teacher training or started my teaching career and then beyond.
Speaker: Yeah, it's just, it it's, the gut was right. forgotten you something with was right yeah and these parents as well to you know for to be able to stop beating themselves up be like for someone like yourself to to sit with these with parents and be like you're doing an amazing job yeah this is the hardest job in the world you you are doing it and you're doing a great job and this is to help you.
Speaker: And yeah, I think it's just, when will always be a place of no judgment. I have no judgment on where people have come from, where their, you know, what where their journey has, as long as it's brought them to me, then that's where we go from there. Yeah.
Speaker: I love it. I love it. I'm so excited. Yeah. Watch this space. I'm so excited for the future and direction of your business. it's It's going to be, it's going to change so many lives. And I think the work you're doing is absolutely amazing. and thank you so much for coming on today and talking to me about it and sharing your ideas and your thoughts and I think anyone listening is going to be able to take so much from this particularly now that little exercise of writing down our what ifs I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm actually gonna because I'm away at the weekend and you know I'm in a different city and yeah I'm gonna and I'll have a bit more headspace I'm gonna oh yeah I'm gonna do that yeah and I urge you all to to do what Julie was saying in relation to um start noticing your what ifs and um
Speaker: Julie, if anyone wants to reach out to you and find out a little bit more about what you do, perhaps work with you, follow you, is Instagram the best place or is your website, what where's the best place? for you know Instagram just now is the best place. WinwithGB on Instagram. WinwithGB.org or for an email if you want to drop me an email. But yeah, Instagram's probably my best place right now.
Speaker: your hub they'll be able to yeah that's my hub that's my yeah my scary place that kate got me to become more or less scared of there's been a lot of what ifs around my socials but yeah um yeah that's that's where to find me just now amazing thank you so much thank you for having me and my first podcast dick was amazing amazing thank you so much for listening to this episode and as always if you enjoyed it please do share it with your friends and your followers in your whatsapp groups on your stories if you do tag me at kate hamilton health and at kate hamilton business and do share the episode with anyone that you think it may help
Speaker: Also, if you haven't yet, please do subscribe to the podcast. This makes such a difference in growing it. These little things of sharing it with people who need it, subscribing. and And I really, really appreciate and your help and your support as I continue to grow this.
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