Transcript
Speaker: Welcome back to the Raising Autistic Disciples Podcast. My name is Lara Roberts and I am on a mission to learn how my autistic son Graham learns best for the sake of the gospel. And today I want to talk about a question I get quite frequently DMs and just when I'm having coffee with a fellow mom raising an autistic kid and it's usually around behavior, big behavior.
Speaker: And um listen, I don't have all the answers to this. I am not the expert. I depend heavily on ah brothers and sisters a few steps ahead of me to help me navigate big behavior. But I will say, when I hear the word behavior and big behaviors and things that, I'm not trying to get like ultra spiritual. Although I do want you, I i do think that is my my thing as a Bible teacher, right? I want you automatically to think about God's word. But when I do when i do hear the word behavior, i i I do, no joke, think about the Holy Spirit. And I'm goingnna tell you why later today, because I think behavior is one of those things as a Christ follower where we can no doubt depend on the Holy Spirit to help us with things. So do I have all the answers? No.
Speaker: Have I seen the Holy Spirit um a time and time again, just be faithful when it comes to behaviors? Yes, I have. So with those two things in mind, i have, I do, because I do get the question, you know, honest a lot. um And I'm seeing more of a trend and maybe a pattern rather on in my DMs of certain types of behavior. And not, we're not talking about just like,
Speaker: meltdowns or um pinching, although it can escalate. I do know that. But like we're talking about big behavior. And when I say big behavior, I'm i'm talking ones like communicating, I hate you or I'm going to hurt you. I'm going to destroy this place. Like profanity and threats and explosive language. And again, many of you who are listening and like we're we're in the seasons of still...
Speaker: young children um at the time of this recording Graham will turn 10 and so i'm I'm in that season I'm preparing for you know the the middle school age and so and i need to learn as well but so though I can't though I don't have any experience and I would I would certainly tell you to seek those who are raising autistic disciples teenage adults if you are in that range um but there I Even though I don't want to speak to those developmental seasons or ages, as an expert, I do think as someone who is trying to help us rightly take scripture in one hand and learning how our autistic kids' brain learns best, I do think I am able to help offer one suggestion that that I see happen across the board.
Speaker: um It's not just nearly a suggestion. It's almost a solution if I'm being honest with you. And that's a really big reach. But I do i do think it is because I see what scripture tells us about a certain issue and I see how we can apply it. and And what I mean by that is, you know, these big behaviors that stop you in your tracks and go, where in the world did that come from? My kid was once this or acting like this and now it happened. And he's or she is doing these big explosive behaviors. And and I do want to be careful on the other side. I i don't particularly love um when an autistic kid is na is labeled violent. It doesn't sit well with me, though.
Speaker: Ones would argue certain behavior is violent. You know, I just believe behavior is communication. Dysregulation is real. Sensory overload is real. Communication differences are real. You know, emotional regulation can be difficult for our kids. There's a lot happening underneath the surface, underneath behavior, rather.
Speaker: So I'm not saying, you know, I'm not saying what I'm about to to tell you or offer you is the be all end all solution or what may be happening, but I am saying it is an indicator. So when I hear language that is intense, especially language that seems almost scripted from Graham,
Speaker: Or, or, or when I get a DM that says, you know, they're doing this and it usually is intense and it's usually a specific language. And it's usually, I'm not going lie to you. It usually makes sense.
Speaker: It's usually in context. Uh, most of the time, sometimes not. One of my first questions back to a parent and even to me and Colin is what are they consuming?
Speaker: Because consumption of visuals, of ah hearing, auditory, of what they're viewing on the iPad, or if youre if you allow your child to watch YouTube, that it is going to be like, to be able to be helpful, right?
Speaker: That's my first... I don't know... i honestly... i don't know another question I could ask as an on-ramp. to To you... To when I get a DM or when I'm sitting across or even Colin and I... When we're navigating some big behaviors... there There may be other questions. But honestly, it makes sense that this would be a first question. What are they consuming? What are they watching? What on YouTube videos are playing? they listening to the games? If you're a gamer child, what are they game like gaming?
Speaker: i don't know. how What is it like what games are playing? What are their siblings watching beside them? What characters have caught their attention on certain shows? What phrases are being repeated over and over and over again that we know, you know, they may latch on to because it's it's catchy and it it calms them down because your your child probably did not invent the sentence.
Speaker: I'm going to smash this whole place up. You know, if they did, that's a whole nother issue. If they just kind of grabbed a sentence, which also, let me, let me go in preface here. I'm not just talking about videos and things like that. Like what are mom and dad, what are we saying all the time?
Speaker: Um, I think I've said quite before on another episode, like if Graham goes to school and says, crap, we like, we know where he got that. Right. Like call and I to be careful of that word. I'm so sorry. Also, if you are driving in the car with your little sweet ones, your little image bearers and Miss Lara just said that word, I should not have said that word. I may go back and delete it. I may not.
Speaker: Um, so sorry. Anyway. So we, we, we need to be mindful too. It may not just be stuff they're watching, but consuming no matter what, that question can say, okay, what is mom and dad saying too? But what I'm saying is they probably just did not grab a sentence out of thin air and go, oh, you know, this is mine. No, that's not how our autistic kids' brains works.
Speaker: They had to get those words from somewhere. And I think sometimes we can become so focused on stopping a behavior that we forget to investigate where the script came in the first place. You know, most autistic kids use scripting or ah ecolalia as a part of how they process language and communication.
Speaker: A memorized phrase can become something that helps them navigate things or they borrow language from somewhere else because that language gives them words for something and happening inside them that they can't tell us or communicate, right? Right. So honestly, ah all of all of us learn language this way at some extent, right? We imitate. We repeat. We hear things enough times that they become part of our vocabulary, right? But for some autistic kids, it can be very especially noticeable because they remember the exact words, the inflection that that character or whoever they're learning from has the inflection, the emotion, right? that is brought forth in that phrase and even the context in which those words were used i mean like yesterday we are cleaning out the van and i'm having graham you know learn how to we always say it's because we're part of a family right it's we do this because we're part of family we got to clean out the van and inside of my brain like side of my mouth like y'all are the ones that made it this messy so just remember anyway and i was like hey graham can you pick up that piece of trash and he's like no it's too risky
Speaker: And a part of me is one of the, one of those moments where it's like you're trying really hard not to laugh and i'll also get the job done and teach him a skill. And it's like, where did he get that from? Oh, it's too risky. Cause it was used in context at the right time. But also, you know, I know I was like, where, where is that from? But anyway, so imagine when it comes to like inflection and like emotion context, imagine a character gets angry.
Speaker: They scream, I hate you. They slam the door. They threaten somebody. Maybe it's a funny moment in a show. Maybe, you know, everything gets resolved three minutes later, right?
Speaker: Conversations had, whatnot. But your kid has just been handed a script. This is what anger sounds like. Then Tuesday afternoon happens. You turn off the iPad. You tell them to go to bed. a sibling takes something. The plan changes. School was hard or your child becomes dysregulated. And suddenly you hear that script at that moment.
Speaker: That became really important for us to understand with our gram. For us, a certain platform online that has a big, you know, has multiple theme parks became a problem.
Speaker: Okay? And don't get me wrong. Let me preface from the beginning. Y'all know I love to preface. I'm not saying that this particular organization, business, whatever you want to call it, mega giant is...
Speaker: Everybody should boycott them. I am not saying that. what Please hear me. What I am saying is it became evident to us that the stem of a problem is what I'm about to tell you. Okay.
Speaker: So before anybody emails me, this is not a theological treaty on the, you know, D-I-S-N-E-Y. Okay. I'm not telling you it's evil.
Speaker: I'm telling you, not telling you to cancel your subscription. I'm telling you what we observed in our autistic kid. Okay. all right. Good deal. Moving on. Graham um was taking emotional scripts from characters that he was watching and applying them to real life. And once we noticed it, like it was overnight almost.
Speaker: Like it was, it was like our kid was jovial and happy. And then all of a sudden he was the Hulk and like pun intended on, you know, Marvel bringing out here another. Anyway. Okay. So like he, he was, he was becoming emotional.
Speaker: like very angry. I mean, I remember one time we were riding down the road. He was kicking the back of my seat because we didn't turn right to go in the trampoline park. And i at a red light, I put my head on the steering wheel and I was like, Lord, Holy Spirit, we know you're helping us.
Speaker: Where did this come from? Like, where did this attitude, this emotion, he's obviously, it's he's saying the same things, So it gave me indication, okay, he's gotten this from somewhere, but I don't know where, because if if we know, we'll we'll take it off. And from the backseat, little accountability partner back there in the backseat, little, you know, Levi, who um I write about in letters to Lindsay, like is for Graham. We now know while we had...
Speaker: when you know uh the gift that we didn't know we needed is what i call levi god's gift to us um he from the back end pipes up and goes oh mommy it's okay he's just he's just quoting mr incredible from the incredibles it's when the scene when he gets mad and was like you don't say really and so once we noticed it the Holy Spirit out because through our, through our, at that time, four-year-old, um, in the back seat, once we understood and we connected dots, which friends took three months.
Speaker: Okay. This is not something that happens overnight, right? It took three months of us praying and asking the Holy Spirit for help. And then one day it all connected and we couldn't unnotice it. We, we could trace things back.
Speaker: He was saying back to the things he watched, right? And it wasn't only words at that point. He was learning in an emotional vocabulary. Characters get frustrated. Character explodes.
Speaker: Character doesn't get what they want. Character yells. Character experiences conflict. Character responds dramatically. Then Graham, my son, would experience a real emotion that he didn't necessarily know how to regulate or communicate as him. And then he and then sitting right there,
Speaker: in his mental filing cabinet of sorts, would a script come out for what to do when he felt this way? So that was what was happening.
Speaker: So he didn't want to go to bed. He would take the script of Mr. Incredible getting mad and he would apply that script because he was protesting going to bed and he didn't know how to tell us how I'm not ready to go to bed. or Or that's just that's just a example that comes to, you know, comes to my mind.
Speaker: So what do we do? Well, if you have if you have been a Christian um i I placed my faith in Christ when I was six years old and I've grown to come to know him and love the Bible, be mentored by people, um but by strong believers.
Speaker: Like we have to reconcile something here, friends. if If you, same thing, but if you've been a Christian for a few years, this the same applies you. Here's the thing. In all other areas, we are taught to cut sin at the at the head.
Speaker: We're taught to to to cut it, to cut it out. Okay. So here's what I'm asking myself and Colin and I are praying through you and asking ourselves, why is it any different when it comes to one of our kids? Why is it any different that we've grown our whole entire lives or and and ah understood the gospel, understood what sin is, missing the mark of God's holiness, God calls us to holiness and righteousness, calls us to be more Christ-like, and then all of a sudden our kid displays a behavior and we don't cut it off.
Speaker: Here's what i where here's what i'm I want to be careful of. Not necessarily careful. I want to be bold right here. is Is that thing, is the iPad, is the gaming system, is the shows they're watching causing us more ease as parents rather than us being...
Speaker: Us recognizing that the fruit that those devices are causing our autistic kids are detrimental. And we would cut off if if if we have been walking with Jesus, we would cut off any other thing.
Speaker: In our lives, if we're walking in the spirit, we would do it ourselves, but then our autistic kid gets a pass. I think that's where we have to be very careful and have to think about it. and I mean, so like we did two summers ago, I remember it was right before May because we were like clean break. That's when we were noticing the behaviors. That's when Levi told me in the backseat was May during almost the end of school. I can mark it. I can remember it Because we cut it off and we were like, from this point in the summer, we're switching over to Minnow, which I'll tell you all about that in a second. Because we didn't, listen, we're, this is a whole nother episode.
Speaker: I'm not, like, I'm pro screens. healthy pro screens. Like there's a whole nother episode. I think I did that really understand it. Like I walked that through, like my kids play outside all the time they're in the, they're in the water, they're in the dirt. they're on the So, so I'm very pro screens for communication sake and for, um, regulation, but in a healthy way of I'm the parent. So I know the time limit that is good for Graham to be on it and not, Um, but okay. So, so what I'm saying is we replaced it, right? We replaced it from secularism. I mean, I know that's controversial too. Secular TV, TV shows to Minnow, which is a Christian TV platform. Um, and so we, here's, what here's how we decided for that. We just looked at the fruit in our child and made a parenting decision with the Holy Spirit's help. Um, We looked at the fruit it was producing. It was producing anger. We wanted to cut it off because it wasn't providing peace for our family, nor it was riling Graham up too. It was causing him distress. And we didn't want that.
Speaker: And if we're going to raise an autistic disciple, we have to. the the All of scripture, 100% true trust with Erica is for us too when we go to raise autistic disciples. So we replaced it with Minnow. And here's what fascinated me.
Speaker: Okay, here's what we discovered fascinating me. Graham didn't stop scripting.
Speaker: Okay, he didn't he didn't stop scripting. The scripts changed. We just changed the scripts. that That differentiation, that distinction completely changed the way I thought about this. Because what if the goal isn't always to stop the autistic behavior?
Speaker: And I would say that's also another controversial thing, right? But what if it's not to stop it? What if sometimes as Christian parents, we can recognize the way our child learns best and use that as a pathway for discipleship?
Speaker: If Graham is going to script, if your autistic kid is going to use scripts to communicate, then I want to, and I and i encourage you to, as my fellow brother and sister raising autistic disciple, I want to pay very close attention to who is writing the script.
Speaker: And we started seeing a difference. Okay. He started taking scripture with him. Biblical language became part of what was available in his mental filing cabinet.
Speaker: And he started taking those scripts to school. Like, like at the time of this recording, um, and this is a whole nother episode, but his anxiety is is pretty, we're navigating some things as he gets older and things like that. But he, he, he absolutely hates storms. Like he hates rain and rain. cloudiness and almost every day, i mean, every three minutes, he's looking out the window. And this is the reason why it came to my mind at this time in this podcast is because, um, his teacher texted me and I have a screenshot and it said, it said, ah she first, she said, mayday.
Speaker: then I was like, Oh, I know. I knew exactly what she was trying to, cause I could see outside my window as I reading, I was like, oh, and I immediately, when I looked out my window, i started to pray. Like, Lord, you know, he's most likely getting anxiety over storms and electricity going off. That's a big thing for him.
Speaker: um Would you be with him? Would you help him regulate? Colin, would you be with those around him, his teachers to help him do that? Um, we've also done some other things in the last few weeks of being very stern with him of no, you are fine. You're safe. Again, that's a, that's a whole nother episode. Cause I can get a little bit like people can misread my firmness with my autistic kid. Anyway, I won't go down that path. but we have, we have started being very firm. You are safe. The storm is good. We've given him other scripts. You know, uh, God is with me in the storm. um God provides the rain to, ah to help the earth. You know, we've given him other things. Well, you know, when we see his anxiety. Okay.
Speaker: But she texted me this morning after May Day, and I said, yes, I've been praying as I started to see the storm come through. um And then she said, at whom we don't know if she's a believer or not. um Actually, we we we do know. we She's not. And so we've been trying and praying ah for gospel conversations. And she said yeah she said, he just prayed to God to be with him during the storm. Friends,
Speaker: That right there, that right there and multiple other examples, that right there sealed the deal for us that we will never be going back. We won't. I'm not trying to be legalistic here. I'm really not.
Speaker: I promise I'm not. But if my autistic kid can go to school with a group of ah of other kiddos who may not have parents who are raising autistic disciples and he can script gospel truths, it's totally worth it.
Speaker: And what it's doing inside, we're seeing fruit. What it's doing inside him And by giving him a replacement script, oh, there's no doubt we'd ever go back. So I just want to tell you a story. um But I want to go back to our question. What if sometimes we can recognize the way our kid, our autistic kid learns and use that for a pathway for discipleship? That was a great example, I think. Not just because my family, but your family can experience it too. If Graham is going to script... then I want to pay very close attention to who is writing those scripts. And we've we've started seeing the difference. He started taking scripture with him to school. um Biblical language is becoming a part of what's available in his filing cabinet of sorts for him to pull from. And so, um you know, those are moments when my kid can essentially scripture his way through a school day or through times when he's anxious, right? Neurology did not disappear.
Speaker: we didn't get We didn't remove scripting Altogether, we changed what was available to script. And over time, we also began noticing changes in some of his emotional responses. He had better language available for calming himself, better models, better material to pull from. Number one, it was gospel truth. And we know that God's word does not return void, right? And that got my attention because I realized something.
Speaker: Consumption isn't merely entertainment for a developing child. Consumption is formation. Because that we we we were made to consume, right? We were made to, I mean, if you we go back to the garden, they were consuming God's beauty. they were They were consuming conversations with each other uninterrupted, right? Without distraction. So consumption is there. It's just, it's not just, we should not treat it as entertainment for a developing child. It's form, it's discipleship. It is formation. Scripture has always cared about our minds forming, right? Right. Romans 12, two says, do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. That's formation, forming something in the life of the individual. What repeatedly occupies our attention matters.
Speaker: Okay. And that, listen, this is so much for us, just as it is for our autistic kid. All right. And then Deuteronomy 6 tells us as parents to repeat God's words to our children, to talk about them when we sit down in our houses, when we walk walk along the road, when we lie down, and when we get up.
Speaker: Notice the repetition. This is why i love and I'm so grateful. And you will never be able to convince me that God's word is not a map for us parents raising autistic disciples. Because just like it's good for me, ah parenting my typical kids, it is good for me. And raising it it does not leave us by ourselves to figure this out.
Speaker: Okay. Look at that repetition. Our autistic kids love repetition. God gives us repetition. God gives us repetition in the Shama of Deuteronomy 6. That's what it's called. The Shama. When you sit in your houses, when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Speaker: Notice the repetition there. God designed discipleship to involve repeated exposure to gospel truth. God designed discipleship, daily discipleship for our kids and for ourselves to involve repeated exposure to truth.
Speaker: Now, I cannot regenerate Graham's heart. read I cannot say, i can I'm not Graham's saver at all, ever. I cannot save him for the lack of a better, like I can't save him ah or regenerate his heart by playing enough Christian programming.
Speaker: I cannot work that into existence as a mom or as a person. I cannot, let me say it differently. I cannot manufacture salvation by getting enough, uh, enough TV that is Christian, that it could be on all day. Scripture, all that into his scripting repertoire. Um,
Speaker: Only the Holy Spirit can regenerate a heart. Only the Holy Spirit can move Graham ah in in and reveal to him his sin nature, his need for a Savior, can only help him respond to the gospel. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. I i cannot do that. But... I can, as as a shepherd of my kids, me and my husband, my husband, Colin, as shepherds of our home, shepherding our children toward toward the gospel, toward Christ-likeness, thinking about how our what our home represents to them. Our autistic kids make strong connections to people, places, and things. What is our home representing? I can, as his mom,
Speaker: And it has the primary disciple maker, me and Colin, in his life. I can cultivate, create an environment saturated with gospel truth. I cannot save him. But I am responsible in the Great Commission, going and making disciples, the three that live in my home, I can and am responsible to create and cultivate an environment, our home, saturated in gospel truth.
Speaker: And this is where this becomes distinctly raising autistic disciples for me. Okay, this is where where where it's very much the distinctive. My mission isn't to make Graham appear less autistic. My mission is to learn how my autistic son learns best for the sake of the gospel.
Speaker: So when I learned that Graham scripts, that gives me information, indicators, okay? Instead of immediately asking, how do i make him stop this? It's not good. It's it's making him, how do I make it stop it altogether?
Speaker: No, like we're we're learning how to cut sin, but we don't have to make it stop if it's part of their autistic way they navigate the world. And scripting is that, right? It's not, we're not asking where to how to make it stop. It's asking how can I disciple him through it?
Speaker: How can I disciple through that? my My kid remembers exact phrases. Great. Let's give him phrases worth remembering that produce fruit. My kid learns through repetition.
Speaker: Great. Let's repeat gospel truth as we're told in Deuteronomy 6. My kid watches the same thing 437 times until the rest of us feel like we may actually lose our minds. If I hear... That, what is it? ah um That intro to Bible Man one more time on Minnow. I love Minnow. Thank you, Minnow. I appreciate you, Minnow. I really, but if I hear just the five second intro to to that, and there's another one that he does like,
Speaker: the he'll he'll let it go all 30 seconds and then he'll rewind it to what hey again i need to i need to choose my balance here lara you're talking on two sides your mouth what i'm saying is you all know this is relatable right 437 times the first 30 seconds of a thing it can make us lose our minds right okay but then i need to care deeply about the thing he is watching 437 times right I mean, I'll be honest with you.
Speaker: Like three years ago, before we made the cut and switch, he would listen to, um, life is a highway. Um, and I love me when I was in college, a good rascal flat song, right? Don't get me wrong. I will. I'll admit that. Um, but the first 30 seconds of life is a highway is not producing fruit in my autistic kids life.
Speaker: just i'm just saying it's not producing fruit in my life to be quite you but that's a whole nother episode and i'm being very convicted about it but um but but i'd rather him you know play the first 30 seconds of bible man or veggie tales or uh all the other ones he watches that are so cool david um all the stuff the david series is amazing on minnow but anyway i'd rather do that 437 times rewind than i would something that's not gonna produce fruit My kid, but here's another question. Does my kid pull language from media to navigate real life situations? Yeah, honestly, a lot of the times that I want to put language in front of him that will help him navigate real life situations. Okay, we aren't trying to disciple our kids around their autism. We're trying, we're we're learning how to disciple them as autistic people and how they learn and navigate the world.
Speaker: And this is why our screen time conversations need to go beyond how many minutes or yes, yes, duration matters. I told you from the beginning, I'm pro screens and within moderate duration, right?
Speaker: But I also want to know what shows up afterward. That's the question I want to start asking and and helping parents understand. What does your child sound like after watching this?
Speaker: What emotional patterns do you see developing in them in the next hours after viewing? Okay. Or listening or retaining that information. What phrases suddenly appear that weren't there?
Speaker: a few weeks ago or a day ago, right? What gets imitated? What are they imitating? What emotions, what what body language, things like that. What does this show, the TV show, teach them anger sounds like?
Speaker: What does it teach them disappointment sounds like? What is it teaching them how conflict looks like or disrespect to parents look like? we don't want to set them up friends for stuff we have to undo in the long run right that i think that that okay i'm going rogue here this is not i'm going to kind of say this um that that's the point we have to understand as parents raising autistic kids is once something is cemented and you all know this once something is so cemented
Speaker: It takes a lot of energy and a lot of repeated patterns, a lot of routine things to then draw our autistic kids out of that bad habit. So when we're talking about what they watch,
Speaker: Okay, what what cartoonish or other YouTube things, what they watch, why would we not want to cut it when we when the Holy Spirit helps us understand what's happening? Why would we not want to cut it and then years later deal with the effects of years of consuming content that did not produce gospel fruit?
Speaker: You see what I'm saying I hope you see what saying. Okay, I want you to mold. I just want you to think on that for a little bit. All right, so what what gets imitated, right? How does this show teach them about anger? It teaches about disappointment? How does it teach them about conflict? And and this is what something I want to give you practically, okay? And it's helped us so very much. For the next seven days, become a student of your kids' scripts.
Speaker: When you hear an unusual phrase, especially one that keeps showing up, write it down. One for me is where does he get that line? No, it's too risky, right? Like it was just too risky, you know, don't immediately correct unless it's just something, you know, that you, that you need to create, but just get curious, right? Where did this come from? Sit beside your child and actually watch what they're watching. Why, why in our, in our modern day, why is that such a, something that we, are we, and I get it, like, gotta, I gotta preface here. I get it. Colin and I are tired, right? At the end of the day, we just want to sit on the couch too and just have a moment. I get, and so we give an iPad or we we put on a show. Like, so I,
Speaker: I want to be careful here. I get it. We're all tired. We just want ease sometimes. But again, remember the whole untangling conversation a moment ago. Like, so why would we not think that sitting beside our child and actually watching what they're watching or monitoring it some way? There's so many apps for that. It is not something we should do to be good stewards of the children that God has given us. It's just, it's common sense at this point, people. You know, I'm, and don't me wrong, if I haven't said in this episode, I'm saying it right now. Like I am, I am talking to Larry Roberts here. So it's, I'm making only having a conversation with myself. All right.
Speaker: I know that's kind of odd, but I am like, I'm i'm talking to me. So listen to the YouTube channels they're watching. Pay attention to the game. Is it violent? Is it killing and blood guts and gore? Well,
Speaker: You know, that may be a good indication that something's happening because that's what they're viewing, right? and Ask your siblings what they're watching. You know, your're other kids, what they watching that they're consuming. Because honestly, again, this is universal design. This is what we call universal. on What works for one is going to work for all. And if your other kids are watching the same tour thing, it's going to surface. Eventually, it's going to surface. Um, if you need to search the phrase and see if you can trace it, right? There's, I remember I did that. Now that I think about I did that on Instagram. What was that?
Speaker: i what I did. i was like, he's saying this, I put it on a story. And some of you came back in my DMs and like, It's from this. And I was like, genius. That's what we should do. We should just crowdsource, right? We should just be like, hey, what's up? It's too risky. What's that from? what What is he watching? Help me out. Is that a VeggieTale episode? Which one is it?
Speaker: um Because if he suddenly says, if he suddenly starts says, it's the bunny, the bunny. oh is the I know where he got that one from, right? um But he also scripts. he i love when he does it. He's like, God made you special and he loves you very much.
Speaker: Just in my heart, just kind of burst. I mean, you know, that's what I'm saying. Those are the scripts I want him to have. Anyway, um don't only investigate negative scripts though, friends. Pay attention in the good ones too. What language helps your child calm down?
Speaker: What songs stick? What like patterns and songs are are favorable to them? What scripture gets repeated? What stories help your child understand emotions? What phrases have become useful tools in their tool belt for them, right? Then start looking for patterns between input and output.
Speaker: Input and output. Okay. Maybe. And this has been. This has been one of the most revolutionary things for us. Raising autistic disciples. Raising our autistic kid. Is recognizing patterns of input and output. Okay. you discover that every time your your kid watches a particular show. You hear a certain kind of language afterwards. Or the inflection of that language. The attitude that the characters might have had. um And you don't need to prove that that show is universally bad. You don't need to just do a research paper and be like demonstrating that nobody else child should, should watch it. You're the parent. You can just simply say, when my child consumes this, I consistently see this afterward input output. So we're going to try something different. We're going to cut off that and see what happens. Right here. Here's the part I don't want to miss.
Speaker: Don't remove. Replace. Right? I'm not saying your kids should never have an iPad ever again. I'm not saying that. This was bigger. This was a bigger lesson for us. The breakthrough wasn't simply saying no more that certain platform.
Speaker: No more Disney. i'm getting why Why am I shying away from saying no more Disney? We cut off Disney, people. I'm just going to... Like, why am I... We did. We cut off Disney two years ago. It's been the best thing ever. Not saying that it's evil.
Speaker: I am saying that it is secular. I will, I will be bold enough to say that it's not evil. You it's between you and the Lord, what you do, but it, but it is secular. It is, it is not as I know of, it is not showing, it is not producing gospel content. That's, that's pretty safe thing to say, right? It's not, it is. Okay. Um,
Speaker: So we ask, that's the breakthrough. It was, we are going to now put in its place. What are we going put in its place? So I'm not saying don't ever give your kid an iPad again. What I'm saying is they're going to script. We know that. So we're the parents as their God-given um ah ah shepherds and ah diverse so ah primary disciple makers.
Speaker: What are we putting in its place? Okay. Try calmer programming, right? Scripture songs, Christian media. Like i said, you already know you' al love Minnow, right? An audio Bible, read aloud, stories that model better emotional regulation, content connected to your child's interest that reinforces things you actually want reinforced. Then watch.
Speaker: What changes? Because the question isn't merely what I don't, what don't I want my child saying? The question, the better question to ask is what do I want available when my child needs language?
Speaker: When Graham is afraid, I want him to have gospel truth. When Graham is angry, I want truth available to him for him to reach for. When Graham is rejected or feels rejected by society, I want truth available for him to be able to script what he feels. When he's sitting in a classroom and mom isn't there to coach him through something, I want truth available to him.
Speaker: And if one of the ways his autistic brain makes language available is through repetition and scripting, then I want to give him something worth scripting. And I know where that's found.
Speaker: And you as a Christian parent know where that's found. in God's word, in, if you're hearing this recording, I can hear the, the if you can hear the thunder, there's an autistic kid somewhere that's growing nuts. So if you could just pray for him, Lord, here's a good read. here Here's a good way. I'm going ask my husband when he gets home with Graham, when he heard that thunderclap, did he script? And I guarantee you, he's going to say, God is with me in the storm. God sends rain to help the earth, all those things. Anyway, okay, back to the episode.
Speaker: So don't finish this episode and immediately cancel every streaming subscription you own. Okay. Larry Roberts is not telling you that. Just pay attention for seven days. Listen, what's going in, what's coming out.
Speaker: And when you hear a script that only concerns you, that that I'm sorry, when you hear a script that concerns you, instead of only asking the question, how do I stop this? Or how do I stop this behavior that's happening? Which is goes back to our original question. Ask who wrote the script.
Speaker: Where did my child learn this is what anger sounds like. Where did my autistic kid learn this is what frustration sounds like. And then ask another question. What truth, what gospel truth can I put in its place?
Speaker: Because I've watched my autistic kid absorb emotional scripts from entertainment and carry them into real life. And I've watched the same kid absorb scripture content and gospel truth and carry that into real life.
Speaker: And friend, that's that's autistic discipleship. That's raising autistic disciples. Not because scripture is a behavior management technique. We're not treating scripture like that. But again, God's word does say. His word does not return void. It says that we are to renew our mind.
Speaker: on think like We are to to taste and see that the Lord is good. It's all over scripture, right? not because We're not trying to create children who parrot Christian words, although that is scripting, while their hearts remain far from Christ. But I do believe I have seen fruit in these last two years in my kid's life after making this change. So I'm pretty set on this.
Speaker: We'll fill our homes with the word because we want our children to know the God who spoke it. We want them to know Jesus. And if my autistic kid's brain happens to hold on to repeated language exceptionally well, I'm going to take every opportunity I have to give him words worth holding on to. And that is where I believe scripture is the only thing The only God's word is truth. That is what I want holding on to. Not catchy cartoons and Pixar related ah ah fun movies that do draw our attention, though, you know, entertainment is entertainment. And I'm not saying never to consume that.
Speaker: What I am saying is on a repeated basis. Remember, remember, all we're we're not required. We're not their savior. We're not required to, we can't, we're not going to save our kids. But what we are required to do as Christian parents is proclaim the gospel so that they can hear and respond and to saturate. And that's what I wanted to land is that word saturate. So i'm not ever saying don't go to a movie and see Toy Story 5 like we did. We did. We went and saw Toy Story 5. I'm not going to be a hypocrite on this episode. We did, but we're not going to watch it every day.
Speaker: we're going to watch it one time. It was fun. It was, it was fine, but he'd only watched it once. And though, yes, some of our autistic kids are very smart and they can cling to something one time. My gram didn't. And so that just told me, okay, well, he, it was a one fun atmosphere, one fun and ah entertainment thing on vacation.
Speaker: You know, that's where legalism a little bit gets into this. So i don't I don't want to pretend like that, right? But we don't watch it every day. We saturate with gospel truth every day. We saturate with Minnow every day when he he gets home and he needs a brain break from school, from learning all day, things like that, right? um I also want to speak to something before I end this episode because some of you have said back to me, especially if you're if you're raising a, um you know, higher functioning autistic kid and you say to me, well, they don't want to watch that stuff. They think it's boring.
Speaker: um, you know, this may be my millennial as I'm coming out. It may be my type of parenting. I don't want know. Um, but I also know God's word and I know what he's given us to do as parents. And at some point we, we, um, you know, we learn how they learn best. I'm not going to talk about two sides of my mouth. That is my mission is learn how they learn best, but ultimately you're the parent.
Speaker: And if you allow and say, oh, they think it's boring and and not, and you you go the other direction, I got to question some things. I got to ask, okay, are you trying just to ease and appease your autistic kid for the sake of ease and appeasing?
Speaker: Or do you really want to raise an autistic disciple who knows and loves God forever and as your job as parent to proclaim and saturate and it is your home and they still live in it? Though we are trying really hard to navigate some hard stuff. But still, what I'm saying is, ah i don't know about that that claim of they think it's boring so that doesn't work. I'm not, I don't take that.
Speaker: I don't take that. Um, you're the parent, you get to decide what happens in your home. You get to hold, hold the stake in the ground. And you know what? Also, that's something else. Um, I think that I may talk about in a future episode is when we do these things with our autistic kids, when we make these changes, when the Holy Spirit identifies these things, um,
Speaker: It's for, for what we have to be okay with in God's sovereignty is that we can't just try things one time, right? We can't just say, oh, it didn't work for one day and then call it quits. This is a, like I've told you, this is two years for us.
Speaker: Um, I'm not saying I'm the example, but I'm saying it has been a, it's now it, now let me go back. It did take us about a month. A month was hard. But then he got used to it and then he enjoyed it and then now he asked for it, right? So I think the same is true for any type of thing and you know, okay, I wasn't planning on going here, but I think i think the Holy Spirit is like, here's a good example. And again, it's totally unrelated to this entire topic, but I think it's something to to talk about. Like,
Speaker: take marriage for instance we all know that marriage is hard when it comes to raising an autistic kid and when asked you know how do you how how do you have a healthy marriage um and ah like we're struggling with marriage again just like my first question with behavior in this episode is going to be what are you consuming i'm My first question and when it comes to marriage and health, I'm going to ask if your autistic kid sleeps with you in your bed.
Speaker: Like, that's going to be my first question. Okay. So, um, oh gosh, now I know people are thinking there's so many more ways to have a healthy marriage than, you know, be creative. Okay. This is, this is getting into another episode and I probably will eventually do one on that kind of talk in marriage. What I'm saying is that any like I have some certain um situations where I'm helping friends navigate. It's going really hard to get them out of your bed.
Speaker: It's going to take a few months of screaming and and hard and probably sleepless nights. But your marriage is worth it. Right? So what I am saying is is there are some things that we cut off really soon. Like really quickly. When we identify them, the Holy Spirit helps us. We we cut it off because the untangling years from now is going to be even worse. Even harder.
Speaker: And we don't want to get it to there. Like we want to cut it off now. I only use that example to say like like that's what I'm saying. It's still your house. You're still the parent. You're still the wise person that God has put your kids with providentially.
Speaker: To navigate the world. To help them navigate the world. So be the parent. I don't care if they say this is boring. You create a culture. In a in a a home. Where consumption.
Speaker: Where you create saturation of gospel truths. It's just just how i what ah you know how I see it. Right? So i just want to preface that. But here's the deal.
Speaker: um Like... Like we are we are Christian parents. The gospel and God's word is our authority. It is a a lamp for our feet and a light for our path.
Speaker: And he will give you that light on how to make these sort of decisions and how to when to cut it. He will if you ask him for help when you're navigating big behaviors, he will help you.
Speaker: um Be in your Bible. Right? Know him better than you knew him the day before so that we can raise autistic disciples because we first have to be disciple first ourselves. And that is what the Holy Spirit does. I think we have to know the role of the Holy Spirit too in this conversation of understanding. When I say role, I mean job description. I mean like... the whole when when When Christ ascended, he promised us the the the gift of the Holy Spirit, our comforter, convictor of sin, and are the person who helps us understand scripture and understand God's word. But he's also there to help us navigate this world. He's not left us alone. So therefore, we have to understand when we approach these big behaviors with our autistic kids, the Holy Spirit will
Speaker: help. That's his role. That's what he does. And we have to believe that and ask him for it. And so i just, I'm going to take every opportunity to help Graham have the words worth holding onto and the words that the Holy Spirit gives me wisdom from God's word to give him in replace of the scripts that do not produce fruit. And I would encourage you to. So this is, this is definitely not a conversation about fighting,
Speaker: autism or fighting his autism. I want to learn how he learns best as an autistic person for the sake of the gospel and for sake of the learning.
Speaker: And so friends, listen, that's what we're about. And I'll see you in the next episode.
