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Craig Randall
542 Plays1 month ago
About Craig Randall - I've loved stories and literature and writing for as long as I can remember. For just as long, I've also struggled with anxiety and depression. They have loomed over me, all my life, threatening to steal away whatever hope and joy i've worked so hard to build.
All my work, the fiction and the poetry, was born out of this struggle as I worked to overcome and deal the hardships these struggles brought on.
There's so much to the story, which I will write about later. In the mean time, just know you're not alone. You are brilliant and strong and are not a product of whatever's held you back. You got this! We got this!
Oh, one of my main hopes is let men know it's okay to feel, it's okay to express, it's okay that we're not always sure how, but real strength is found in taking that step forward and bearing ourselves to those we love.
We can all feel whole!
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Transcript
Introduction of Podcast and Guest
00:00:02
Speaker
You are listening to Something Rather Than Nothing. Creator and host, Ken Valente.
00:00:16
Speaker
Hey, everybody. This is the Something Rather Than Nothing podcast. And I have ah Craig Randall, who... ah And no time has merged as a semi-regular on the show, huh, Craig? I love it. I take it It's an honor. You're a correspondent.
Discussion on Craig's Work and Reflections
00:00:35
Speaker
In my head, I have you, not that people just serve as correspondents on the show, but poetry, Corvallis Connection, um Riot, ah music.
00:00:50
Speaker
um You are on episode 198. And... ninety eight and um you had written some books and around that time we talked a little bit more about your poetry and um You know, i remember i remember then in in in in reading um ah the book that we will talk about, Coming Home.
00:01:11
Speaker
Yeah. A new collection. um ah Episode 198 and then episode 208, which followed a little bit thereafter, which was the Swamp Thing Rather Than not Nothing episode, which is an area...
00:01:29
Speaker
is an area that, I mean, we spent a lot of mental time. And when it comes to the two and a half hour, you know, epic, epi epic episode or something rather than that, that might've been the last time we heard from
Art and Its Role in Life Updates
00:01:44
Speaker
you.
00:01:44
Speaker
So from that time, what's been going on? How are you doing? I'm great, man. I'm really good. ah Thank you. Yeah. And it's been a good, I mean, it's crazy times out there right now. Right.
00:01:56
Speaker
But, um, like where where i'm at and like what art is a allowed me to do right is to really have I think hone my skills as a human and giving me tools and kind of weapons to fight against this you know just despair that's everywhere.
00:02:16
Speaker
um Yeah. That's been really powerful. and I think coming home coming home as a collection is really just like, it's kind of like the official end of this that season of my life where my mind cracked in half and then all of a sudden it's like, oh, this is who I am.
00:02:34
Speaker
This is how how i navigate the world. And this is it's on now. It's like it's not like an end, like it's over. It's almost like, okay, now we're going to level up and just go like what level up. yeah I love that. And um started a band in the midst of that. And it's just been so fun.
00:02:54
Speaker
um And like, ah again, I hadd just been ruminating in the back of my head, you know, that just that concept of having something rather than nothing. um I was talking to some some some people throughout the week, and they were like, oh my gosh, you like write poetry, and like parents of my kid's soccer team, and and you write music. like That's so cool. And I'm like, yeah, like without it, my life would feel like it had less.
00:03:16
Speaker
you know um Yeah, yeah. Well, and I think i think one thing is like to kind of cut through things.
Thematic Exploration of Home and Identity
00:03:24
Speaker
As reader, that... you know as as as a reader i find that um you know, your work, a lot of folks have spoke about and comment upon how it goes like to the heart of things and in in difficulties and helps. um You know, there's a mindfulness ah meditations, you know, it's a reflection on suffering and a reflection of ah suffering, all those things. And so it's health healthful, it's felt healthful in reading, but I wanted to go back to like ah just the larger concept, that and of course, in looking at it. um In coming home, right, so you're talking about um you know the concept of home, I think of home, nostalgia, the past, their belonging, being around others. I had just interviewed
00:04:14
Speaker
um I just interviewed ah ah Megan Lamb, a great writer from Chicago, it was so interesting. I mentioned to her when I interviewed her that um her book was about home as well, and her first two quotes in the book were about home, and I read them and in in sequence.
00:04:34
Speaker
um
00:04:37
Speaker
What was it about coming home yeah the like literally coming home for you and are are you. Are you at home now?
00:04:52
Speaker
Absolutely. It's a great question. and like and as why i It's hard to talk about it without the context of all four of the poetry collections.
Personal Struggles and Poetry as an Outlet
00:05:01
Speaker
and like For anybody who who doesn't have that context or know, I've struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life.
00:05:08
Speaker
and when i was I was living abroad in Amsterdam, went off, tried to go off that anxiety medication and just split in half um and then ended up going back on the meds just to level out. I think I could have made it without and trained my body not to need them, but I was watching the impact it was having on my kids. and I was like, no, not yet.
00:05:26
Speaker
That's not until they're older and can handle it. But I started, I dove headfirst back into poetry. It just kind of happened on accident. um and then wrote the first three collections when when I was there. The first one is about healing right and choosing hope when you never feel it.
00:05:42
Speaker
and Then the second one, Among the Wildflowers, that's the one that you and I talked about the first time on the podcast. yeah Yeah. Beautiful work. how do i How do I keep cultivating it? How do I keep hope? and then and Then COVID happened.
00:05:54
Speaker
And then it was in the midst of COVID, we planned on staying in Amsterdam like forever. like My wife and I were like, this is incredible. We love it here. ah Life is good. We're thriving. um I had hope, real hope for the first time in my life.
00:06:07
Speaker
And then COVID just decimated all roots that we laid down. um and and then it just kind of all of a sudden became very clear like we didn't touch us soil for three years we planned on coming back to visit after 18 months and then every summer for like sure yeah but then it was really interesting i don't think i've ever been homesick in my life like I've just never, like I would, you know, it just, it just didn't ever really occur.
00:06:35
Speaker
And I've always kind of, i was like what you were saying, like home to me was, I liked that or like that was kind of my definition. Home was like where I grew up. It was the past, like home was technically Portland where I grew up, but I haven't lived there in 20 years. And,
00:06:48
Speaker
I've never really, I lived in Astoria for seven years. I never felt at home there. I live in Corvallis now and I have a couple times I went to college here. Part of me almost feels more at home in Corvallis than I did in Portland.
00:07:00
Speaker
And then ironically, I was living in Amsterdam. I'd never felt more at home in my life. than living abroad outside every context that was my usual life. and All of a sudden, we were in this position where like if we stay here, we're kind of all collapsing under COVID and half of the students in our school all went home. Half of the teachers all kind of like, well, hey, this is kind of like,
00:07:26
Speaker
I mean, people were just combusting emotionally left and right from that worldwide insane experience. and all of a sudden, it just I was struggling again. My kids were struggling. My wife was struggling in different things. And we were all like, we need family and friends.
00:07:44
Speaker
We need. yeah but first time in my life, i was like, oh my gosh, like we have some great people here. But like if we don't, get around people that can lift us up while we're crumbling, we will just collapse.
00:07:57
Speaker
Yes, survival. I wasn't about to go back into that headspace that I was in with the mental collapse. and Sure. so We were like, okay, we're going to move back to the States.
00:08:08
Speaker
and Then immediately I got terrified because it was like the stark realization of, oh my gosh, there were the reason I'm so at peace here is because I'm not in all the conflicts.
00:08:21
Speaker
of my youth, ah you know with family, with friends, things that you know maybe it was childhood to go through traumas, right but then eventually I think we have to own those and like decide what we're going to do about them.
00:08:33
Speaker
And it just started to become clear. The more I started walking towards moving home right so the to Oregon, the more I realized why I actually experienced how much peace I did in the Netherlands, because I was away from all the conflict.
00:08:48
Speaker
And I just kept thinking, how do I go back into those contexts, home, And how can I do that and still maintain this peace? And all the study of literature, the literature nerd in me, the novelist in me was like, well, what do characters have to do to to create peace?
00:09:06
Speaker
They've got to face the conflict, right? They have to overcome it. So was this really profound experience of...
Conflict Resolution and Finding Peace through Poetry
00:09:15
Speaker
and i I think I explained it in the introduction a little bit where I'm like, I started listing out things to myself. What are all the things that I don't have peace with in Oregon, with family, with friends?
00:09:26
Speaker
and All a sudden, I started realizing all these things I had just left completely unresolved. and It started to kind of circle back like, oh, no wonder I was anxious and depressed all the time. I was just running from everything, running away. Yeah.
00:09:40
Speaker
And so I started just, i was like, okay, I'm a different person now. What do I, I'm i'm kind of more of a, I'm going to list things out and just start tackling it. So I, ah started contacting people like, Hey, I'm coming back. I'd love to sit down. And literally just had like the top 10, top 15, like these are the big gaping things that are just hanging over my conscience.
00:10:02
Speaker
And as soon as we hit us soil, like we came home, uh, I just kind of started tackling and the poetry collection really just,
00:10:12
Speaker
It was just my record poetically of that process of grappling with with feeling lost abroad, even though that was the only place I'd ever really felt like home.
00:10:26
Speaker
And then coming back, it was just really powerful. Like I ended up like as of right now, I still have that list and 14 of those 15 things are checked off as in like resolved, which is really powerful.
00:10:38
Speaker
And then I realized that 15th thing didn't even matter. Through the process. Through the process as a process. Let that go. Like, to pay for that person, but that's not a bad thing.
00:10:52
Speaker
it It doesn't even mean anything to them. Therefore, let's just let it go. It's fine. And then, so home really to me became, it wasn't a place. I now have the same, i actually have more piece here than I did in Amsterdam.
00:11:06
Speaker
But the the collection kind of was my using art to grapple with these concepts and realize home is actually, if I have peace, you know, internally with myself and with my process and where I'm at, I can be at peace anywhere and anywhere, you know, home home became me.
00:11:26
Speaker
And that was really. Yeah. Home is where you're, you're, you're at like that kind of ah internal peace. I find, i and I, and I like, um I mean, as simple you know sounding as an idea, but powerful that you know that home is.
Identity and Authenticity through Places
00:11:42
Speaker
I always found that it's been an area where I like think i think about a lot. and i'm always some like I think over time I view it as um like a question like, you know does an outsider have a home?
00:11:55
Speaker
right like that there is like I don't know if it's like a personalities or the way people adapt. Some people, I'm almost like a tiny bit envious how they they they they they hold and they're nearby, all that family stuff. You know, it's like I don't have bad relationships with my family. It's not that. It's just like I've i've lived such a different way in a way.
00:12:21
Speaker
ah So what I'm saying is just like there's a certain type of envy of of that. But at the same time, for me, I found like – ah ah feeling ah of of a place or a location or near your family as home. Yeah. it was' It wasn't, that wasn't what ah exactly what it was for me.
00:12:41
Speaker
Like, i of course, when you're coming in home, seeing family and stuff, it's like, yeah, I'm home, but there's something that I left a long time ago as well, and I've lived, like, lives elsewhere, where i always end up thinking a lot more about the question,
00:12:58
Speaker
ah than settling into it as much. and I think what was good about reading your poems, like there was there was a settling into what's going on in in that in that search for home. and um and travelling Big time, big time as an area. Yeah.
00:13:17
Speaker
yeah Absolutely. I think that's a good, i mean I was just even thinking as you said that, like Home, theoretically, is almost any place can go and let your guard down, right?
00:13:31
Speaker
Let your guard down, be yourself. it's like I find the one thing almost ah behaviorally is like when I'm around like friends that I knew from a while ago, and I'm also geographically in the East Coast, and I'm also in a particular element, I'm the same person, but I'm not.
00:13:48
Speaker
like at all, like in in ah in a good in a good way where it's like there's this whole extra piece where you just, it feels like I'm almost behaving in a way that I've done so much before. and Not bad, but netflix like just like you're hanging.
00:14:02
Speaker
Right? Yeah. Like ah thought ah that a concept of authenticity has been on my mind a lot the past few years. especially in writing the, in you know kind of recording this collection, even I almost think of it now as recording these poems instead of ah writing them, you know, because it's like an expression of the process. But like, yeah, that there there's that sense. I can imagine like going to parts of the east Coast for you. Like there's just different corners of your authentic self that can come out, right?
00:14:29
Speaker
And and they they they can even be surprising after so much after yeah there's so much ah after so much time. um Hey, ah yeah after we did the something ah the Swamp Thing Rather Than Nothing episode, I know you and I talked a little bit. You dropped deep and heavy into some like ah graphic novel stuff. What else...
00:14:50
Speaker
yeah like what else um what else said did you follow up on?
Exploring Graphic Novels and Comics
00:14:55
Speaker
And, and, and listeners back on episode 208 of Swamp Thing rather than nothing episode, we tried to do a, a deep dive into, you know, basically the Alan Moore era of Swamp Thing, but also talked about the movies and such. I know you continued your reading and like, you know, kind of like big ah graphic novel, maybe Swamp Thing stuff. What else, just as far as reading, what else, what else did you bump into graphic novel wise?
00:15:23
Speaker
Oh, man, I, um I, well, hey, after that, like, I don't i read the more ones, right? And I, and I had read a few of the other like late 90s, like single books, but I ended up, yeah, and your recommendation, I dove headfirst, and I read all the golden age, like silver age ones, like from the 70s. It was so much fun. And it was cool how different, but say the same it was.
00:15:48
Speaker
And like it was definitely swampy, right? It was definitely, um but you could definitely see how it was a little, I wouldn't call it two dimensional, but it wasn't as dynamic as Alan Morris. Like he added like so much.
00:16:01
Speaker
um ah Classical, like initially it's almost like a classical monster, you know, monster out of the depths, right? And so like you're saying, the debt there's tons of depth to write about, but initially was like, man, that's a freaky ass monstrosity he like I'm dealing with in that piece, yeah.
00:16:19
Speaker
that core element of this is tragic because this man's life will never ever be what it was. And is he a monster? I mean, it's that clap. My favorite thing is it's that classic.
00:16:30
Speaker
One of the reasons I love monster stories is like, is he really the monster or are these other people that are doing terrible things, the monsters? and um but I also, um,
00:16:42
Speaker
I ended up diving, kind of following that path and ended up diving into a lot of old comic. I ended up diving in and reading all of the Werewolf by Night Runs as well. Just because- Oh, like that nice 70s Marvel style, right? Wasn't it?
00:17:00
Speaker
Yeah, and it's very similar. It's just the Marvel version of that. And like, there's a lot of characters you can, you can kind of almost see a lot clearer. And when you go into those 70s era comics, you can almost see like for Marvel's like, Oh, that's a cool character.
00:17:14
Speaker
Let's copy and paste and make our version. you know yeah Marvel were just ripping off each other constantly. all day the the The back and forth, I enjoyed that. You know what know one I dropped into um that I kind of missed is going going in reading in concentrated fashion was Doom Patrol, Grant Morrison. Yeah.
00:17:37
Speaker
ah So and it was ah you know that kind of early, like big big writer ah era, I would say, like Vertigo. And um I read that initial run, the first couple volumes. It was um absolutely fantastic. And I and hadn't missed Doom Patrol, but I hadn't, like, you know like and I would do like sit down and read the 20 to 50 to 200 issues. That's the...
00:18:03
Speaker
but that's the the a literary and comic nerd in me, like were talking about was like okay, I need to go, I think I've actually almost read every Swamp Thing issue ever published now.
00:18:14
Speaker
um Wow, okay, well, you've put yourself on a different level. The next time we do this, the the episode, which we'll obviously have to do ah like you know again, um that that, I mean, you're gonna be, you might have to run you might have to run that episode. It was, a my ah i watched and I watched all the movies and the show with my youngest,
Community, Literature, and Local Culture
00:18:34
Speaker
too. He loved it. It was great.
00:18:35
Speaker
Yeah, well, the monster ends up with ah Heather Locklear, everybody watches the Return of Swamp thing, and you want to you want to drop into that. So ah your volumes, and and also anytime we talk, we talk about um ah Browser's Bookstore, everybody, ah Browser's Bookstore in Albany, they do um you can you can they do your mail order books, classic style, they can find stuff for you. They ah ah they ah handle in stock,
00:19:04
Speaker
ah Craig Randall's books, they feature many titles from the Something Rather Than Nothing podcast, and Craig, you get over there to visit, and it's that community thing we all hope for in Sleepy.
00:19:18
Speaker
Albany, Oregon of arts in in and thinking and thinking people and graphic novels. and it's I probably saw you a couple times, two or three times over there.
00:19:29
Speaker
Yeah. It would be Twix episodes. Always have to shout out for our Reading Obsessions browser's bookstore. Absolutely. Abe's the best. and It's always good to see you. and ah Every time you go in there, it is that. like you just There's such a community there of you know and people that love, even if they don't love the same titles. right like Every time I go in there, I'll do some book signings or sometimes I'll just go in there just to hang out.
00:19:54
Speaker
my My wife and I drove by it actually yesterday on our way to our son's soccer game. and and I was saying, like how if that was like if I lived in Albany or if that was in Corvallis, I'd probably go every day. and My wife was laughing. it's like It's probably a good thing that you're a city away then.
00:20:08
Speaker
Well, there's a piece there too, is it is near my walking route. And you know i did did I have to say that Abe has not only provided and purveyed incredible books, but also provided a decent amount of therapy for me, whether I'm mid-workday walking or ah going to the grocery store. So right like all but like all book good bookstores are place to process.
00:20:38
Speaker
unity It's art at the core, right? and like And we're all just circling it, swirling it. Well, I think even last time I saw you there, you'd just come off of one of the hardest work weeks you'd have, and it was so good. Oh my goodness.
00:20:52
Speaker
I was hiding under the zine shelf, I believe, yeah at that point. but It was good to see friendly people. Right? You could sit on those steps in Abe's shop and just talk about life and the difficulties, the struggles, and art.
00:21:08
Speaker
And I got your painting. It's up on my wall. Oh, wonderful. This is such great art art sharing
Music's Impact on Life and Mental Health
00:21:16
Speaker
here. And thanks, Craig. um ah Right at the end of this episode here, I want you to do the big lead into what's goingnna what's going to be the the next episode um about your band. Talk music like music and and lead us into what we'll chat about the next time we have you on here soon, Craig Randall.
00:21:37
Speaker
So abi I'm in a punk band called Riot Riot. um It's been so much. It's just been like that. As I mentioned, like we're coming home and I've got some some kind of horror novels out and like all of that feels like phase one of this artistic journey out of this hole, right out of this like really depressive space where my mind kind of cracked and And it's interesting how if if coming home is like the end of that poetic journey, our our first album is going to drop in June.
00:22:09
Speaker
And it's mostly punk, but it's kind of all over the place, too. And that that really feels like the epilogue of like, OK, There's a lot of people struggling. There's a lot of people who feel this way, but we play at least a show every month and it's the coolest. We'll sit there and like follow a punk band and then we'll play our punk music and then three songs in. I'm like, oh, by the way, all of these songs are about anxiety and depression. And that was actually about panic attacks. And that was in and the encouraging but heartbreaking thing is how many people respond.
00:22:43
Speaker
you know It's nice to have your art interacted with, but then it's like i every show talk to like three or four people afterwards and they just and they're just heavy right and they're going through it.
00:22:53
Speaker
yeah yeah It breaks my heart how many people are in that position. and But Riot Riot is, I met my son, music came into my life because my wife started just teaching herself piano through an app and then I took my son to see Jimmy Eat Worlds. and It was a band that I've loved for years. and and and We were driving home and he just goes, I want to be a drummer.
00:23:16
Speaker
I think I want to go be a drummer. and was like, yes. I found a drum instructor for him and he and I just headed off and we started jamming. He's like, I don't really like to play covers. but he was he was in a um You'll meet him. Garen was he toured with ah with like a but professional, like semi-famous metal group.
00:23:35
Speaker
ah called arsonists get all the girls and we just hit it off and i was like i've got all these riffs and different things that i've kind of written and created and it just it just took off in both of our hearts and then we found our basis and we just kept walking forward with it and now we got an album coming out uh it's just been so life-giving but again it's like this whole um It's that something rather than nothing. It's like without this, I would feel a little bit more hollow. This builds so much space in my heart and is to me like the greatest weapon against anxiety and depression is just creating and being and expressing the, it's like when I express those feelings, they're no longer there.
00:24:21
Speaker
And I've created something that I can now go stand on and be really proud of.
Podcast Closing and Audience Engagement
00:24:27
Speaker
the greatest feeling in the world think we were all born to create something yeah you know well it's it's always great to talk to you craig and and and to see you and the chat and also you know these these uh these volumes um really folks uh beautiful volumes um you know words that that that make a difference uh well put together and you can find them at browsers
00:25:04
Speaker
This is Something Rather Than Nothing.
00:25:14
Speaker
and listeners to stay connected with us in our guests visit something rather than nothingthin dot com join our mailing list for exclusive updates in access to guest createdated arts if you enjoyed this episode or any episode please like subscribe leave a review on your podcast platform people really read that shit Your support helps us reach more and listeners and spread our community across the planet.
00:25:39
Speaker
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00:25:54
Speaker
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00:26:06
Speaker
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