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DadLivin Ep1 There's No Dad Playbook
63 Plays10 months ago
In this powerful episode of Dad Livin, host Doug sits down with his lifelong friends—Brian, Mike, and Johnny—for a raw, funny, and deeply honest conversation about modern fatherhood. These four dads open up about the emotional journey of becoming a father, navigating the pressure to "man up," and the constant balancing act between being present for their families and managing their own mental health. Together, they dive into: The highs and lows of parenting Breaking generational cycles Supporting your partner and kids emotionally Why dad friendships matter more than ever Mental health and masculinity in today's world Whether you're a new dad, seasoned father, or just curious about what goes on in the minds of dads who actually show up, this episode delivers laughs, wisdom, and the kind of relatable stories you won’t find anywhere else.
👉 Visit www.dadlivin.com to join our growing community of real dads having real conversations.
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#DadLivin #FatherhoodUnfiltered #ModernDad #MentalHealthForMen #RealTalk #ParentingPodcast #DadsSupportingDads #DadLife #MasculinityReimagined
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Transcript
Introduction & Purpose
00:00:00
Speaker
well welcome everyone this is uh dad living a podcast built for dads and really anyone and i'm mike by the way i got two kiddos they're 10 and 8. so i'm brian i've got three kids two twins that are six years old now and a little guy who we like to refer to as our bonus baby
00:00:25
Speaker
go I'm Brian. You guys at this room call me Johnny. Some people call me BJ. yeah They call me a lot of things. i I'm a father of three, actually. I'm Doug Yoko. Yoko. Yokes.
00:00:43
Speaker
And i have a five and a six-year-old.
00:00:48
Speaker
Welcome to the past life.
00:00:56
Speaker
Well, welcome everyone. This is Dad Living, a podcast built for dads and really anyone. um My name is Doug Yoko. I'm going to be the the host to start out everything and it really, yeah you know, who we are and what we do is we're four dads, best friends. We've known each other since going back third grade, second grade. um Don't make us feel a little a long time.
00:01:23
Speaker
Yeah. So and ultimately we have kids. We have, um God, anywhere ranging from two to ten. and <unk> the en dance Yeah, that's scary. Yeah. So really we wanted to kind of get on here, have a have a good conversation and and, you know, maybe ah teach everyone a little bit
Challenging Dad Stereotypes
00:01:46
Speaker
something.
00:01:46
Speaker
Well, and just, I think, you know, ultimately discuss fatherhood. Yeah. and all the experiences we've been through. Yeah, there's not many people, it seems like, talking about fatherhood and stuff. Everybody talks about mom stuff all the time, which is great. Moms are important, obviously. love you, moms.
00:02:01
Speaker
Dads are important, too. And I'm Mike, by the way. I got two kiddos. They're 10 and 8. A big reason I want to get into this today. Dads kind of get a bad rap sometimes. you know like you ah You watch all this stuff on TV. You see these commercials. It's kind of the dozy dad that doesn't know what he's doing. And then it couldn't be further from the truth for most dads. Yeah, there's dozy dads out there, no doubt about it. But ah there's a lot of good ones out there, too. And I kind of want to remind dads that are out there, hey, you're doing a good job, man.
00:02:32
Speaker
Just because society tells you maybe you kind of suck, but just keep working hard. Yeah. Dozy. I like that word. Dusty dozy. i like Dusty dozy. Dusty dads. There are dusty dads.
00:02:43
Speaker
There's no doubt about it. If you're dusty dad, don't be a dusty dad. Don't be that dusty dad. I was going to say, can you tell me what dusty is? Yeah, just kind of like a lazy dad. Maybe just rely on wifey to do everything and not participate. Be involved. They're your kids too, right?
00:02:59
Speaker
we all got We all got kids. but Be involved. that's That's it. Be present. So that's good. I haven't heard that before. I liked it. All right. Well, transition over to me. Yeah.
00:03:10
Speaker
All right.
Sharing Fatherhood Resources
00:03:11
Speaker
Uh, so I'm Brian. Uh, I've got three kids, two twins that are six years old now. And, uh, a little guy we like to refer to as our bonus baby.
00:03:22
Speaker
Um, he will be two here shortly. So a lot going on. Um, I think for myself, similar to Doit there, uh, You know, there's a a lot of things you see out there for moms and not so much for dads. And it's tough to find content, I'd say, especially in my case, trying to find content for a dad who had twins ah was a lot to take on and and try to navigate, you know, all by ourselves, really.
00:03:47
Speaker
um A lot of information for the mom, but not so much how to do that as a father while working and hopefully being able to share some of that and having another child come along and throw that into the mix. There's ah there's a lot to be learned there.
00:04:00
Speaker
Um, so yeah, to your point, I think you see a lot of these all-star dads, at least in my opinion, on on social media and they're doing all this cool stuff and makes you kind of sometimes feel like you're not meeting the expectations that you could be, but and really you are.
00:04:16
Speaker
Um, and yeah, I think there's a lot to learn and from that and what good parenting looks like is different for every parent. um But hopefully we can share some things that we've all been through and, and take some pieces of information away that could be helpful for you. Mistakes. Mistakes are that a lot larry right great. A lot of those. Yeah. Well, and I think you, I think the big thing there is just like having that real vibe. There's all these dads out there on social media.
00:04:43
Speaker
Granted,
Male Friendships & Loneliness
00:04:44
Speaker
you know, they're getting paid thousands of dollars and then getting sponsored by all these fancy areas and brands and all that stuff. And it's like, okay, that's cool, but I can't stay at home all day. It's not normal. It's you know at this point in time. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, obviously we all want to get to that point where we're uber successful. And, you know, I think, I think we all are ah in this room, which is good, but I mean, in reality, we all have,
00:05:12
Speaker
you know, normal lives, you know, we're in corporate America, we're entrepreneurs, we're first responders. So, you know, I think that's the dynamic here where,
00:05:23
Speaker
people listening like, like you listening, um, you're not going to have that. So I like that. Yeah. Very good. I'll go. I'm Brian. Uh, you guys stream call me Johnny. Some people call me BJ. Yeah. And they call me a lot of things, but, uh, I'm a father of, uh, three actually. Um, our oldest is in heaven. He would be turning 10 this year.
00:05:45
Speaker
Um, then I got an eight year old and a six year old and, um, Yeah, like you said, ah guys, I'm really just, one, looking forward to just sitting down you guys, having deeper conversations.
00:05:57
Speaker
Life gets crazy sometimes. When we do get together with all the families, a lot times so much chaos for the kids. It's like, well yeah yeah don't get time to get settled in, get really into deep talks. So I'm looking forward to this, knowing you guys for, shit, almost our whole lives. so yeah yeah no ah And I was just thinking about that, how um what we have is really rare.
00:06:17
Speaker
And I think you hear a lot about just these days, it an epidemic of male loneliness, um male suicide, and
Safe Spaces for Men
00:06:25
Speaker
societies put all a lot of pressure on men and taken away a lot from men too at the same time. where Absolutely. um you know We're kind of coming out of the tail end of the Me Too movement that started a while ago. And like you kind of touched on, Mike, just... um men feeling like they're use not useful, um, been kind of discarded.
00:06:47
Speaker
um and it's, uh, that can be a lonely place for a lot of men out there, um, that don't have a core, you know, group of friends. Um, I think about like, what would I be doing if I moved away for a job? I didn't have that family support or a core group of friends. Like,
00:07:03
Speaker
Who would you talk to? So yeah um hopefully our experiences we can share with the the viewers out there and um just be a safe place for men to come. And, you know, maybe they're thinking about the same stuff we're talking about and we can offer some help for some people out there. So that's great. Yeah. love it. Have a little fun too. Yeah. All right. All right.
00:07:20
Speaker
Let's. That's one thing we do really well to make. And like I are already introduced myself, I'm ah Doug Yoko, Yoko, Yokes.
00:07:34
Speaker
And I have a five and a six year old. We were, um you know, it took a while for us to have kids. And once we figured out the recipe to that, Um, you know, we had a amazing little girl and, ah quickly after that almost had a Irish twins, 369 days apart. So, um, and we're blessed, uh, obviously, you know, I think the journey to get there, I think we've all had a little bit of experience with that, you know, and, and that's, that was, that was one of the things that no one ever told us.
00:08:06
Speaker
Yep. that part of the journey of just becoming a ah father. i think, yeah. And that was honestly,
Supporting Through Miscarriage
00:08:13
Speaker
i think for a lot of us, very emotional and very draining. And, you know, I agree. I think, yeah. I think completely. For each one of us, is so it was a little bit different. But I think me and you, Yoko, definitely, you know, you you think about that and it was always...
00:08:30
Speaker
get it in, you have a baby, it's quick, right? It all happens. happen instantly, right? For me, and but at least in in my case, it took years for us to get to that point and finally decided to really go all in and ended up with the twins. So I don't know how you did back-to-back after seeing twins. Man, Kelly's doctor was spot on, and and for the future dads out there that are listening, to you know you're in this OB-19,
00:08:57
Speaker
office and she's telling you, you know, you have to get a sperm sample and you have to do all these things. And it's, it's intimidating, man. That was, that was tough. And for me, I just felt like I, I just wanted to support her as much as humanly possible throughout this. Cause every night it would be, you know, uh, for my wife, just crying and having that emotional drain and why can't we have kids and what's going on. And that, that happens for two years and Like said, that's that's probably one of the most ah most emotional things that I've ever been through.
00:09:29
Speaker
But being in there in those offices to kind of get there, she even told us once we got pregnant. It was like, all right, we figured it out. I will say this. She's primed and ready to go, so just be careful. And I just ah i just let him go. Are you careful? ah Yeah. i'm sorry yeah it was definitely ah It was definitely a surprise. I remember walking in that day and you know my baby girl who was...
00:09:53
Speaker
what like six months old five months and geez less than that yeah had a little sign saying you know i'm gonna be a big sister i was like no you're april fools right no i think going back to your point though uh if you think about something else nobody talks about and having to support your wife through is miscarriages we had a a lot of those and you know you you went through the most devastating thing ever johnny um And losing your son. But ah those are moments when, you know, you really have to figure out how to be there, even though you don't know how to be there. Right. You don't know what your significant other's going for. And I think that was some challenging times for us um just trying to figure out what the right level of support was. And even if you're not understanding, I think, as a father who's going hard.
00:10:37
Speaker
or hope soon to be father or even current father, that's a, it's a tough place to be and, and how you, how you show up. But I think the key is you just show up and that's all that matters. Right. I know.
00:10:49
Speaker
just being by our side, doing whatever you could possibly do makes a difference.
Expressing Emotions
00:10:53
Speaker
Um, I think it's, it's something that I don't think is discussed enough. Um, or would those things happen. Yeah. Right. Especially from the men's side, I didn't experience any of that, but obviously I experienced it all through you guys. And yeah I mean, it was devastating for me and to be just watch you guys go through that. So, um, I can only imagine what it's like, you know, actually having ah to deal with it.
00:11:16
Speaker
So it's important. I think that, everybody out there listening and understands that you're not the only ones going through this and it's important to talk about it yeah and and be open because as men, we frequently just try to ignore.
00:11:31
Speaker
you know, i bad parts of our lives or just stuff it away or whatever. think we're trained. That's how we're trained. They're trained by society to, to just be a man. And you know what? That's not always how it works. Sucking it up doesn't always work. And I am a prime example of that.
00:11:47
Speaker
So, yeah, I think again, ah as you mentioned, Johnny, like for us, it's, We're lucky we had this core group because we had individuals
Parenting Styles Evolution
00:11:54
Speaker
to lean on and we knew others were going through it, which made it a little bit easier. And being able to discuss those things with somebody who was personally going through it made it a bit easier. But, you know, for those that don't have that.
00:12:07
Speaker
you know find somebody to talk to. I think it it makes a difference whether it's a friend, a family member, or or seeking professional help. ah and I can't say enough about those types of things to help work through some of those difficult times. I think it's going to be a common thread that's going to come up as we do this. it's just the mental mental health aspect of fatherhood is something that's talked about at nauseam these days, but not as much for the male perspective in You know, we saw our dads always just suck it up. Steal with it. Just bury things down. I don't know if I've ever saw my father cry.
00:12:44
Speaker
Really? Yeah. I mean, I did once his father passed and things of that. when That's the only time growing as well was when he was growing up. yell about it Yeah, that's kind of how we were all taught that old parenting lifestyle, I feel like.
00:12:56
Speaker
I don't know, personally. i never saw I never saw emotions from my dad. and yeah like He'd be the first to say he probably was taught that to be tough. And once, obviously, his father died, you know same thing with him.
00:13:09
Speaker
That's when I first saw it. and But I've always pushed it out, like always. I think we all have. And you know I think um as you kind of get older and you work through some of these things, like life's tough. man, every day. Especially now.
00:13:23
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, it's way different than when our parents were raising kids. There was no pressures from social media or all this stuff to do these different things. It was just kind of, you just did it. is I mean, you're doing yeah you know, no offense to the older generation, but you're doing more work in a given day.
00:13:39
Speaker
You're, you're battling, things that are happening instantly versus, you know, picking up a phone and calling and maybe leaving a voicemail or doing some of these things. And, and everything's happened so quickly. Social media is a different thing. I can't even fathom, uh, you know, dads that are going through teenage daughters or sons and all that stuff.
00:13:59
Speaker
Not ready for that. But you know, what of yeah addict was already some yeah. Yeah. you know, and that's, that's the tough part. And I think, you know, there's a comment there, just, just communicate, just talk about it.
00:14:11
Speaker
And that's where, you know, talk about with your kids, your significant other, especially if you're going through something, if you're not communicating, communicate with your, your best friends out there. Cause I think, you know, there's a,
00:14:23
Speaker
you know, you have your significant others that you could talk anything with. But when, you know, we're together, it's something where we can just, I mean, it's, it's a lot like that, but it's ah carefree. You know, we could talk about those things. We can, we can show some of the emotions. We can work through some of that stuff and that's good. Like, that's what you need.
00:14:43
Speaker
And if you don't have a support system out there, that's where, you know. I think that's why it's so important to have other men in your life. I think a lot about just the phrase of, ah Iron sharpens iron.
00:14:55
Speaker
And if you don't have other men to go to with some, some things you can't talk about your significant other with, you know, or i agree whether you're having in insecurities about your relationship, money providing, you can't, you don't want always want to bring that out with your wife, you know?
00:15:12
Speaker
And man, if you, if you're on an Island, just burying that down, man, it's, it's going to lead down a bad road. So, yeah, you know, ah even if you don't have lifelong friends like us, I mean, we're blessed to have that, but you know, there's so much like just getting involved in your community or your church, like finding other men's groups or if you are having mental health problems, like getting counseling, like there's, you know, it's so important to be able to talk through things and have support.
00:15:43
Speaker
And I think that's going to Self-help is going to come up a lot. Yeah. The a counseling thing is even easier now, like, you know, with Zoom and online stuff. I've heard so many people that have had positive outcomes with that and it's cheaper. It's more, consistent it's kind of the Teladoc thing, but that's the positives with the society these days, you know? And I think that's where,
00:16:03
Speaker
Once again, if you're just talking through, i mean, i think that's huge. yeah and also me Yeah. I mean, so working in what I do, I work in human resources and I think more and more companies are realizing the impact of mental health. And so.
00:16:17
Speaker
I'd say for anybody who's listening, if you're not aware, i would ask your, your company, if there is something that you can provide along those lines, because there likely is a resource
Influence of Own Fathers
00:16:26
Speaker
that you resources you're not um aware of. Yeah. yeah But they, going back to what we were talking about, like the emotional thing and,
00:16:33
Speaker
not seeing so much of that from our fathers. I think that's one thing I've learned. I try to reflect back as a kid growing up and some of the things I wish I would have seen more and how I can instill that on my kids. And I realized recently, I think the emotion piece wasn't something I wasn't showing much because we had my brother-in-law pass away and ah my kids were like, dad's crying.
00:16:56
Speaker
And I was like, yeah. And ah they were very much, we've never seen you cry. And I was like, oh, wow. It's kind of like a, that's something I always wanted to make sure that you guys knew it was okay. So was it be having that opportunity in an unfortunate moment, I was able to open up and talk to them a little bit about like, Hey, it's okay. This is why you cry. You know, you need to do these things. It's okay to do that. And, uh, turned into, you know, uh, an actual good teaching moment, shocking coming from me, but, uh, it was good. And it was something that, you know, reflect on and be able to say, all right, it's okay. And now,
00:17:30
Speaker
How do I make sure to keep this going ah so that my kids see it and know that it's okay? And, you know, I feel more, again, when you think about it from a male side, I think about it from my son and and making sure that he knows that's okay. um So, yeah, that's awesome. You got to find those opportunities. Yeah. Unfortunately, sometimes they show up and not the best way, but...
00:17:51
Speaker
And I think the big thing is there's no playbook to this. There's nothing. They hand you a kid. They hand you a baby coming out of the hospital and have fun and it's go. So as they say, yeah, you can leave. I was like, can leave. you I don't even know what to do right now. let's What's going on? That drive home.
00:18:08
Speaker
am on the highway. I was doing like 40 white knuckle. It's getting home. My wife's like, what are you doing? And yeah, that was a scary moment. But you get over that real quick too. You know, when you get to your third kid,
00:18:21
Speaker
Or se you you realize they're rubber and yeah You don't have to pay that much attention to him all the time. It's okay. My girl who just learned to run on two wheels is outside riding his bike by himself. um Good dad.
00:18:35
Speaker
you know But I think he has to learn some of the challenges. He's got to fall a few times to get back up. My wife hates it, but I always say, I was like, they'll learn. yeah yeah Fall off something, they'll learn.
00:18:46
Speaker
That's the big thing. They teach us really well. We don't have to them from that. It's the most dad thing I catch myself saying all the time is like, I'll figure it out. yeah Every day i I say that. Well, and they figure it out ah because we have nothing to turn to that really helps us in those moments either. But I do think they'll learn. You can't protect them from everything and they've got to teach themselves at
Balancing Projects & Family
00:19:07
Speaker
some point. Yeah. Well, that's the big thing. I think with the dad side of things that you want to be that protector, you want to protect them.
00:19:14
Speaker
You know, we've had victory. I think we've I don't know if you guys have had bullying yet and some of those things, but you know we've had said we've had some rough kids in daycare for Gus. Obviously, it's a little bit lighter on the girl side of things. and They almost like naturally go into the... They get older.
00:19:31
Speaker
Yeah, that's true. that's true Girls are mean. But I think the boy side of things in the early stage, like some mean girls growing up. Wow, it's unbelievable sometimes. Like...
00:19:44
Speaker
like I can't believe it. I'm worried my daughter, she's in kindergarten, she was going to be a mean girl already. It already starts. Yikes. eis Yeah. Yeah. But that's, that's the challenge I think is just letting them, they're going to figure it out. They're going to do it. Like, I mean, i was bullied at one point as a kid and until I stood up to that one kid who ended up being one of my good friends, i he wasn't it was Lavelle.
00:20:10
Speaker
Oh, right oh gra I will do that with him. saved After that point, you know, I had, um like is that the kid that you threw gum in his hair the one time too? I think that was like six years old.
00:20:21
Speaker
travel please I'll never forget. You threw gum in somebody's hair. Sixth grade. Johnny was the bully. yeah johnny Johnny was a little rough. Johnny shut out of his life. You
00:20:35
Speaker
ah you know. but so Yeah, thats that's an elementary. I will be shit. we're Yeah. So. I mean, I love it.
00:20:45
Speaker
Well, I think about this a lot. just I think about my dad's shortcomings as a father and probably his father's shortcomings and like how each generation tries to do you better.
00:20:59
Speaker
And whenever I catch myself being my father, i i beat myself up so much. like You've told yourself you're never going to be like that. You're doing it right now.
00:21:10
Speaker
and it's Well, because it's in your DNA. what rights i had it in area Yeah. um But same thing happens to me. I think we've all seen ourselves as our dads this point in time. But at least you've got the you know ah ah reasoning to say, oh, I'm doing it. and and yeah And trying to change. your make you know You're reflecting on it.
00:21:31
Speaker
And I think, too, once you look back, they didn't have a playbook at all, either. Even less than we had. yeah yeah There was no internet. So I'd be like, what do I do here? think it was like encyclopedias. Yeah.
00:21:43
Speaker
They go to the library. yeah Oh, yeah. yeah oh yeah Oh, yeah. What's that system? Oh, God. Dewey Decimal System. Dewey Decimal System. There you go. never thought they were talking about that.
00:21:56
Speaker
How did we get to the Dewey Decimal System? There you go. Tangent. thanks You guys have to figure it out. Everybody listen out there. We're probably going to get off on some tangents. and We'll try to keep it. Not too personal, a though, so you all know what we're talking about. Yeah.
00:22:09
Speaker
yeah Well, and I i think, too, like kind of going back to the dad situation, my dad was incredible. like He was always there and fun and supportive. But you know he was he was he had projects every weekend where if I wanted to play catch or wanted to do some something, he was typically like, no, pick up a hammer and help me.
00:22:27
Speaker
Which now, like probably then, I was a little upset. But now, it's paid dividends. I mean, I'm i'm able to do stuff that i Don't rely on that. Be handy and helpful. and And it's kind of now in my DNA. But I'm um also at that point, look back and said, you know how can I change myself to be a better dad?
00:22:49
Speaker
Now, granted, my dad was absolutely incredible. He's probably listening right now. And um he was incredible for what ah you know supporting me and building me as a man. I just look at it and say, okay, is I'm going to evolve a little bit more.
00:23:03
Speaker
I still have projects. I still have these things. But... I'm going to take the weekend and and spend it with the kids and maybe only spend an hour on a project, which I don't get as much done as no one. And I probably kick
Summer Plans & Scheduling
00:23:14
Speaker
myself. And that's my dad talking, you know, in me a little bit.
00:23:17
Speaker
But it's also one of those things, too, that I absolutely think nobody's going to be perfect. yeah i mean but Sorry not to cut you off, but I think if any of the dads are art listening, it's the nobody did anything wrong. It's just as as as sons of you, we've seen good, we've seen bad, and we want to evolve just probably as like you did. So I want to make sure, at least for my son. Our dad's had his conversation. No, no, no. no our Our grandparents, you know being like the World War II generation, you can only imagine how they brought up our dads was probably...
00:23:51
Speaker
way like years from what we're I've heard stories of the 2x4 it was a different time yeah yeah none of that made it to me so I know it did evolve well now it's gotten to the point where okay go back two generations to now you're either on the fine line of being helicopter parent or gentle parenting and you know not to sound like a hard ass but like where do you find a happy medium where, you know, like, for example, I'm not going to name names, but I was, uh, observing a fellow, uh, peer of Brody's, um, recently. And this kid was just having a shit fit in the middle of,
00:24:39
Speaker
whatever we were doing. And they just let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Like where I was, and if that was my kid, I'd be dragging on the field. style my Yeah. Not my style either. I'd be addressing that.
00:24:51
Speaker
There's, there's, but then yeah I'm sure, you know, you, we would be judged for that, but that's in my opinion. And I'm like, I don't give a shit. Like, yeah Yeah, that's unacceptable. And, you know, in some cases, like it or not, I think society's gotten too soft on how they parent. And, you know, as much as I like to say they'll learn, and i want them to learn from falling off of something or whatever. But yeah you're not going to act like that in public. Like there's there's a level of respect. Yeah. When it comes to like you're disrespecting the people you're supposed to be listening to or other parents, like that's where I got to draw. This isn't a two-year-old either for all of you that don't know. Yeah. yeah We understand that they just make a difference, but this is not a two-year-old. What's he, eight?
00:25:33
Speaker
Yeah. Eight, yeah. So, I mean, there are some expectations out eight-year-olds for sure. Sure. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. So, we're recording this. It's almost summertime. ah That's going to bring different challenges for everybody else. What do you guys? Oh, yeah.
00:25:46
Speaker
Yeah. ah Lots of plans. Dougie, what do you got planned already? You sounds like yours. What is but what is my wife at plan? She is absolutely amazing. I love
Stay-at-Home Parent Challenges
00:25:56
Speaker
her. death She is a bed planner for many years. So, you know, we're planning our meals ah week or two ahead and working through that.
00:26:07
Speaker
that serious She loves it. It's a passion, even though she'll curse me out a few times. But, you know, at the end of the day, um she's absolutely incredible. the The plan is, so right now we are in between school letting out and camp starting.
00:26:24
Speaker
And we have summer school lined out. And that's going to be fun. I mean, by our old school, Rogers, Can believe that? shut out like that is fair Shout out to Roger. job bears um i It comes full circle when they're going go to school there.
00:26:41
Speaker
So for me, and then a nice little summer camp for the last couple of months. So, you know, it'll be good. It'll be interesting. It'll be the first time we have a preschooler that just graduated.
00:26:52
Speaker
So he's going to be up from there. We get some extra money, which is fantastic. Daycare. is a blessing and a curse. Oh, it is. It is. um It's some special. It's no doubt. And i I thought the same thing. I thought I'm getting myself a raise here. The kids out of deck. No, there's just more stuff. It it always goes into something, doesn't it? Oh man, I could afford a boat payment now. Wow.
00:27:18
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it's it's it's definitely one of those things. When we looked it, it was as like, oh my God, this is fantastic. Now, we are putting that same amount of money into the summer camps and stuff, so we're not going to see it, but it's already money out out of our bank account anyways. But once school comes, I'm like, all right, what can I do with that to put it away?
00:27:37
Speaker
yeah Like, do something proactively. So we'll probably have something. I did not appreciate the challenge of like, our three wives are stay home during the summer. now But everybody else said both parents work nine to five. Like, I mean, their kids are going to camp. If grandma, grandpa's at that, they're going to camp every week all summer where it's just like, I didn't know you had to like sign up six months in advance. I'm like, Oh, it is.
00:28:02
Speaker
better it And I mean, you we got our kids in two or three camps this summer, but, stuff adds it up. It does. it's it's It's expensive. It's as expensive as day day as daycare. It is literally replacing daycare for us. or really not getting any kind of break?
00:28:15
Speaker
No, not until August or what, September. And, you know, that's where for us, like, case in point, like, you have your birthday bash next week. Asti has this amazing birthday bash going on.
00:28:27
Speaker
Let's go. And we are, but we're already yeah, we're between a rock and a a hard place because our parents are watching the kids all week. Yeah. And granted, it's Memorial week and there's only four days. But if we went back, I mean, yeah, they would probably say, yeah, okay.
00:28:43
Speaker
But it's hard to ask that from from your parents that are already stretched and... you know They're retired. They get to enjoy themselves. But at the end of the day, it's like, all right, so we're looking at alternative options.
00:28:55
Speaker
And so at the end of the day, it's it's a little hectic crazy. This will be our first time. We've always had daycare. We've always had something there to lean back on.
00:29:06
Speaker
This will be our first time. So I'm scared, nervous, excited. yeah so we'll see. We'll see. But what do you guys, anything big with the kids? We're doing summer school too.
00:29:17
Speaker
Three kids at home. you know Megan needs a break, toughest job ever. So yeah it'll be good for her and keep the kids learning a little bit to keep that bridge down. It's our first time going through the suit with the twins just graduating.
00:29:30
Speaker
Kindergarten. So this is our first real summer break. um But yeah, we've got them in summer school and then we'll warm end the next two months, I guess it is. Shout out to all the state home moms. Yeah. I don't know how she does. That is and it's a tough job. That's a tough job.
00:29:45
Speaker
I fortunate that I have that situation, but nothing I would ever want to do. My, my sister did it for years when the kids were kind grown up and she's a teacher by nature, you know, shout out the teachers out there too. Cause that's tough as well.
00:30:01
Speaker
Um, And you can see the, you know, just the impact it had mentally. is it day have it's it's ah It's a completely, your your
Cherishing Childhood
00:30:09
Speaker
work is your home, um which is the toughest part.
00:30:12
Speaker
So. I always thought that was something like every wife would dream of. But, you know, my wife being a teacher and she stays home, like, it's, she's, she's constantly trying to entertain them. Yeah.
00:30:26
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, it's all out. So like after the first month of summer, like she's done all this fun stuff around town. She can think of already. And it's like, she needs a break. It's a job. Yeah. I don't know how your life does it, but it's tough.
00:30:39
Speaker
um There's no doubt about it. I had this weird thought the other I didn't like took the kids out of school early one day last week or this week. And I said, go have fun. School's almost over. And we went to the park. Uh,
00:30:52
Speaker
I was like, man, I'm so ready for summer, but I'm like, I'm so not ready for this time to move on to the next phase. Like this whole school year just flew by. or a Man, like it's just going too fast. Like I'm not ready for him to be a third grader yet, you know?
00:31:07
Speaker
And I just sit in there thinking that like, man, As much as I'm ready for this next chapter, I i don't want it at the same time. It's it's weird. hour Yeah. are One of the twins teachers sent, you know, like a goodbye note home to the parents and it had this key phrase. And I actually, i decided to keep it because it was really good, especially as I get frustrated over the summer. But it was like.
00:31:30
Speaker
this time short and they'll only be this little for a ah short amount of time. And it's like, they it's true. They're getting out of kindergarten, going to first grade. It's like this, this part of life is not going to, you know, do a fall in, in imagination is only going to be here so long. So when you get frustrated with them, wanting to constantly do things with you and,
00:31:50
Speaker
always your attention. and It was like, you know, stop, pause and reflect. Like it's, it's only a moment in time. yeah Unfortunately fleeting. I get it back. Yeah. And that's, that's so true. dropped Gus off.
00:32:01
Speaker
It was Wednesday. We had a crazy morning. Our mornings are just insane. Sometimes, especially when my son's not listening. My daughter doesn't want to go. um you know it's it's crazy and i'm the the one that wakes everyone up and gets everyone going and makes the lunches and gets that stuff and it's it's you know in the afternoon where i can't get off right at five so we play off each other so well in that case but it was wednesday we it's just crazy i was i you know
00:32:35
Speaker
yelling a little bit and I've only got Gus out there. I'm 10 minutes late to work. I have a meeting at 830, you know, that I have to prep for and kind of get ready for. And I just stopped for a moment. And sometimes you just got to catch yourself in those, those cases and say,
00:32:51
Speaker
Like, wow, this is the last time I'm dropping you off at preschool, man. Yeah. This is the last time I'm going to drop you off other than the bus. And i I stopped for a moment. I caught myself and we had a just a good minute and embrace. and And I was, ah yeah,
Growth & Imperfections
00:33:07
Speaker
the emotions hit me on the way into work.
00:33:09
Speaker
I just I felt that. And, you know, I mean, we all we all have them and. I, uh, I've been listening to the song and I said it to Johnny life goes on, and ah by earnest. It is absolutely incredible. And I played that a couple of times and, and just caught myself and, and I kind of reset a crazy morning and had a good day.
00:33:27
Speaker
Um, but yeah, I mean, sometimes it's dead. It just goes. And sometimes you've got to take a deep breath and just yeah get to a place of gratitude, man. And just sit down, grab a, leak airre Really? We sound like we all have our shit together so well, and that's um so not the case. We're just thinking we're able to look and see, you know, where problems are and stuff like that. but man, it we some we sound awesome. Just everybody understand that we make as many mistakes as not for. We'll absolutely share.
00:34:00
Speaker
yeah yeah I think there just should be a dad fail segment for sure. oh that yeah work whatever you We're to have some fun segments. It'll be a daily segment for all the fans that I have for sure. yeah yeah One more thing on summer real quick. i was listening to a podcast the other day.
00:34:16
Speaker
And they're saying basically, you're lucky if you have 10 summers with your kids. Before they get involved in what their interests are, they start having best friends they want to run off. And it's like, well, yeah, I got maybe two more here. So it's like, man, yeah.
00:34:34
Speaker
Just try to yeah soak it all in as you can. Think about us. I mean, we were rolling around fifth grade, fourth, fifth grade. I know. I was gone all that time. had the junior high. I wanted nothing to do with my parents. No, it's the hell in there.
00:34:46
Speaker
and Looking back, I wish it wasn't like that. It comes fast. and bikes threw down oh man we We had it good back then, didn't we? How's the challenge with you working overnight starting um in the summer and all that stuff?
Night Shift Struggles
00:35:04
Speaker
I am a first responder. I'm a police officer. That's my that's my daily job. It's extremely difficult for all of you other first responders out there. Anybody that works a rotating night shift Man, all I can say is sometimes sucks, especially during the summer because I just started my night shift. We're on two-month rotations.
00:35:23
Speaker
So like for basically the first two months of my kid's summer, like um'm going to be sleeping until you know the afternoon and missing all of those things that are occurring during the day, um which is difficult. And not only that, my wife completely, she can't rely on me at all.
00:35:39
Speaker
have to sleep at some point. So she's taking care of all of that. So she's a teacher. So she stays home during the summer and she, which is a blessing because we don't have to do the camp thing, which is great. But it's also just a huge amount of stress on her.
00:35:52
Speaker
got to come up with things to do, you know, like, what are we going to do today? Don't wake up dad, dad's sleeping. He just, he got off later, know what? It doesn't matter. You know, there's, it's just, um, it's a constant battle. yeah with with that. mean, you've been doing this over a decade now. Do you ever get used to it? No. Actually, it's gotten harder. I'm 39.
00:36:12
Speaker
When I was 22 when I started, it was easy. and I loved it. Now, it's just, it hurts. Every night shift is a little bit harder as I get older. It just gets harder and harder.
00:36:24
Speaker
can only imagine. You guys know me like my beard used to be red and it's completely gray now. So, you know, the Your dad was the silver fox, though. Yeah, shout out to Pop. Yeah, shout out to Pop. I'd rather all silver than... Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm not dying. It'll continue to go all natural.
00:36:45
Speaker
I got it. I'm worried about it. shave up. I was worried about it, so... i stay it about to cut it so Well, that's, that's crazy. I couldn't even imagine that.
00:36:56
Speaker
I, I, yeah. I mean, even like trying to work an overnight shift, I've done some marketing stuff where I get up at like 2am and I'm, I'm dead the next day. yeah I can't lay down when the sun's still out. all right It's hard to sleep mask. and there el What do they call the curtains that black our shades and stuff? Yeah. It's all part of the, um my life now. And, uh,
00:37:19
Speaker
Yeah. So it's an experience and, uh, but you do it cause there's people relying on that to do it. So I have to, you I don't certainly don't hate my job. I like what I do, it but it presents its challenges and, uh, we're just working through them, grinding it out and,
00:37:34
Speaker
You know, the one benefit is I get to be retired before all of you. so there There you go. I will be going to live at a casino. Yeah. We'll be going back to work. You spend all your time there. That's a good point. I mean, I'll just work at the casino and I'll have to work in my life. You know, and I think for a lot of like the the police officers, there's a lot of those corporate, you know, security type dates when you
Conclusion & Gratitude
00:37:57
Speaker
retire. you're not paying a pension. Come work over for our company. Yeah.
00:38:01
Speaker
We're hiring security all the time. As long as it's not overnight. No. We'll get you on the good shit. Yeah. wow I love it. Noah, that's the one thing I won't do. I will not work overnight whenever time. Just wrap this one up. Yeah. We're going to go to the Cardinals game today. We're going to have a dad's day. We told everybody that, that we're all from St. Louis, Missouri. You couldn't tell by the video. We got a couple of Cardinals. We got Cardinals. And if you're in Chicago, we... I'm sorry. Yeah.
00:38:29
Speaker
We still love you. so Still love you. Just disagree with the Not necessarily. but um But, you know, wherever you're at, whatever you're doing, whatever situation you're in, you know, hopefully you're getting some from this and um you can learn something that, hey, we're not perfect. No one's perfect. And there's no playbook.
00:38:47
Speaker
Hopefully as you're listening through this, you pick up a couple pointers and And learn from some of our experiences, right? Yeah, our mistakes. So, real cool. Well, that's the end of this show.
00:38:59
Speaker
ah Appreciate everyone listening and we'll talk soon. Yeah. Take care. Thanks, guys. Bye-bye.