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Hildie Dunn: Transforming Grief into Purpose
280 Plays1 month ago
Hildie Dunn’s natural enthusiasm and incredible heart make her a compassionate and deeply impactful coach. Her infectious spirit uplifts everyone she encounters, but it’s her unwavering dedication to supporting others through triumphs and life’s toughest moments that defines her work. Hildie’s mission is to empower individuals to live extraordinary lives, pursue their dreams with intention, and find peace—even in the face of profound challenges.
After experiencing the heartbreaking loss of her parents, Hildie redirected her focus to grief and the end-of-life journey. This deeply personal experience ignited a passion to guide others through the complexities of loss and transition, reshaping how people approach the end of life and the healing process that follows.
As an End-of-Life Doula, Hildie helps individuals in their final stages of life design purposeful, peaceful transitions. She also provides caregivers with vital emotional support, offering relief and hope amid the complex emotions of caring for a loved one. Her unique blend of empathy, resilience, and deep understanding empowers her to guide others toward meaning, healing, and strength during life’s most challenging moments. Through her work and life, Hildie inspires others to embrace hope and a renewed sense of purpose—and we’re confident you’ll feel the same after hearing her story.
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Links:
Website: https://www.handelgroup.com/hildie-dunn/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hildiedunn/
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Transcript
00:00:01
Speaker
Hey, everyone. Welcome to Rebloom, the podcast where we explore the power of change, rediscovery, and living with intention. That's right. We're your hosts, Lori and Jamie, two friends who really love a good story about transformation.
00:00:16
Speaker
In each podcast, we're going to chat with inspiring guests who've made bold pivots in their lives or careers. They've let go of what no longer serve them to embrace something more authentic, joyful, and true to who they really are. And the best part, many of them reconnect with passions or dreams they discovered as kids. It's about finding the seeds planted long ago and letting them bloom again.
00:00:43
Speaker
So if you're ready for real conversations about reinvention, purpose and following your creative heart, you're in the right place. Let's dive in and see what it takes to rebloom.
00:00:57
Speaker
This conversation is really, really powerful and profound. I knew it would be. um I've known Hildy not a long time, but I've met her. And when I did meet her, it was very profound.
00:01:11
Speaker
And it changed my life. So I think some things in this conversation will hopefully change others. um I love what she had to share about ah writing your dreams and and then writing down also your worries and on a separate piece of paper. Yes. All the things that will get in the way. um So I just really hope that our listeners ah really tune into this one because it's a powerful one.
00:01:40
Speaker
It is. And I'll be honest, um parts of it are hard. um We're talking about grief. We're talking about loss. And for myself, that's a very difficult conversation to have. However, it's a really important conversation to have because those who are grieving, um those who have lost, those who are maybe at the end of their life need to talk and we need to share. And Hildy is an incredible,
00:02:10
Speaker
person who is helping those in the middle of their lives to coach them, but she's also helping those at the end of their lives. And and what ah what an important person for everyone to hear today. So this is this is going to be this is going to be one that I hope all of our listeners will tune into. Absolutely. Thank you all. Awesome.
00:02:36
Speaker
Well, hello Lori, how are you today? Hi Jamie, I'm excited for this conversation today. Oh my gosh, I am so excited. You know, we have talked to so many people who have pivoted within their own careers and maybe known why or didn't know why, but today's guest actually helps people with those pivots. And how blessed, or maybe she can help us too, I'm hoping, I'm hoping. Oh, absolutely. And so I'll i'll do a little intro on Hildy Dunn as our guest. And I was lucky enough to meet Hildy years ago at a retreat that Amy Butler held, who is another person that we have interviewed and is wonderful. Oh, she's amazing.
00:03:23
Speaker
And it was just the most beautiful retreat. And I learned um a ah type of exercise called Intensati. And my friend and I that we attended together were cracking up at ourselves because we weren't so nimble as some of the other people in the group. But I love maybe some non-Intensati. Yeah, exactly. I loved the retreat and we did some really great in-depth work on our lives and what we want and what we don't want and it was just a beautiful retreat. That's how I met Hildy. That's what she has done for the last 15 years. So welcome Hildy. We're so glad you're with us today. I'm so excited to be here.
00:04:12
Speaker
Oh, we are, too. We can't wait to dig in. And we really so I was with Amy a couple of weekends ago and we were talking about the podcast and like I just had this lightning bolt moment where I'm like, oh, my gosh, Hildy would be perfect for this because this is what she does. She coaches people. She helps people through different, you know, difficult decisions in their lives and pivot points. And so we wanted this to be a mix of your journey and your pivot points, but also maybe sharing advice for people who are wanting to make changes in their lives. I love that. I love that because yeah, part of it is a story, but then the other part of it is really understanding change is not easy and change can be scary and it really forces you to live from, you know, you have to remember where you're going.
00:05:08
Speaker
to have the inspiration to like do the scary thing. Absolutely. I was with someone talking about change and and goal setting, and they likened it to, if you're going to go on a trip somewhere and you tell all your friends, come with me, come with me on this on this adventure, but you don't know where you're... They say, where are we going? Well, I don't know.
00:05:32
Speaker
Well, how are we going to get there? Well, I don't know. Like how many people are going to go along with you? And that really stuck with me that you really do have to set intention and processes in place to help you get there. Yes. And what I also say is you also have to have emotion in it because otherwise it becomes a goal and goals are very easy to shut down and not do. But if you add what I call writing a dream,
00:06:02
Speaker
if you add the dream that has like feeling and emotion and um expression underneath it, that now becomes not only inspiring for you, but it's a lot easy to quit on something that when when you've connected to it in an emotional way. I love that. Just think about it. when you Most people will sell out on their dreams.
00:06:30
Speaker
or dumb their dreams down. And then you dumb it down a little bit, and you dumb it down a little bit, and you dumb it down, and all of a sudden you're at a very bland place with your dream. But when you write the dream from the place of like intention of, but emotion, it now now elevates it. So it inspires you, it wakes you up, it pulls you forward versus having to like well put the hiking boots on and trudge forward.
00:06:58
Speaker
Can you give a ah really practical example, like, you know, what, what someone claiming to set a goal looks like versus somebody setting a goal with a emotion behind it? Okay. So, um, just, let's just take me for example, if I'm like, Oh, I want to build my business and I want to have a, and I'm committing to five new people this month.
00:07:26
Speaker
So ah by the end of the year, I'm now 25 new people and I'm packed. Like you can, but however, and I'm just looking at my stuff because I want to show you, I i wrote the dream for myself, right? So now instead of just going like, I'm building it and I'm going to have these people and they're coming and I'm making X amount of dollars. I write, I'm a radical healer on my divine mission. I speak and live boldly.
00:07:54
Speaker
I'm an expert, a visionary who coaches with wisdom and builds with heart. I'm a light bringer and my joy is infectious. My teaching at Rutgers is a game changer for them and for me. I'm a leader in the world of dying, making a profound difference the world is desperately waiting for. I must stand for teaching others to either design their death powerfully or design their goodbyes with heart and honesty.
00:08:22
Speaker
um a dynamic I'm a magnetic speaker who leads to sold out events, conferences, workshops, and podcasts. Work is like play, and I dance in the honor of changing lives. Wow. Now, underneath that, I have some goals. Five new clients I speak at one um conference I do.
00:08:45
Speaker
five podcasts a quarter, like then I can have it underneath it. But otherwise, I will tiptoe out of a podcast. I will tiptoe out of a speaking engagement. I will like wiggle my way out of anything that's hard. But when I read that every morning, which is why it's sitting here, which is why it's so easy for me to pull it up for you, is because I remind myself every day about what I want to play for.
00:09:13
Speaker
Wow, that's amazing. Well, this is probably a good point in the conversation for you to take us back a little bit on your own career and your path and and where you are today, which is what you had just read to us. Yeah, your your initial dreams maybe too.
00:09:31
Speaker
Yeah, so e I was a dean at a college and I loved coaching. I was a freshman academic advisor. I loved that work. However, there was something missing in it for me and I could just feel it.
00:09:45
Speaker
you know, and as my kids, you know, as I started to have kids and working at a university takes a lot of time, I was like, wait, what's missing here? The ability to work with people like me, who like needs to now evolve. So all of my work has been every time I wanted to involve evolve, I'd like take everybody with me and I go, it's like, oh, I think life coaching at that point was not You know, you did counseling. You were, you know, therapy. I did. But there was not a lot of life coaching. But what I liked about life coaching is is it took people where they were and helped them understand why you're stuck and what to do about it. And sometimes people are stuck because they haven't languaged what they want.
00:10:34
Speaker
which means you're not really clear of what you want. you know So if you don't know what had where you're going, like, Laura, you were saying, you're not gonna get there. right so And then other times people will write it out or they are clear on the dream or where they're going, but either they there's things that come up that get in their way. And I was like, I need to help people figure that out. Not just college kids with freshmen advice, but really like people that are now living life and are stuck.
00:11:04
Speaker
And so I started from the very beginning being very curious about what has people get stuck and how to help them, not tell them what to do because that doesn't do anything, right? Because now then you're dependent on me for, you know, and you don't have a level of ownership to it, but have you start to understand your inner workings to understand what has you stuck and why?
00:11:28
Speaker
a You know, that's that's so profound, Hildy. And it's interesting, one of the big reasons that we started this podcast, this Rebloom, is because we felt that in conversation with so many people. And we wanted to inspire them because they were stuck. They were either stuck in a career that they like they didn't like, they were they had turned off their creative heart um because people said, oh, you need to go have a ah really,
00:11:56
Speaker
I don't know, a job that a job that's more practical. And it's what we what we're finding is how important it is to get unstuck. And sometimes they don't have the tools to do that. And so that's why we started Rebloom. We're like, OK, well, each of the tools may be different, but yay for you to kind of help us to kind of see some of that, because it's people do people get stuck, really stuck. And I think the more important the places or the pivot you're making, the more difficult it can be. ah It just means you're up against a challenge. And when you're up against a challenge, it means you're up against something you deeply care about. Because if you didn't care, it wouldn't be a big deal. But because you do care, that's the light for this is the place to go.
00:12:48
Speaker
yeah So when when you find someone in that place, what what are some of the things that come to mind that that get people stuck? I love that question. Yeah, so I say there's space that there's a few things. One, do you know what you want? Can you language it? Can you write it down? It sounds easy, but writing it down with feeling from the, written from the positive, like no negatives. it Like I'm, it's like, I'm not not going to do something. Here's what I'm doing. So you're writing it from the present tense. So we can train our mind to believe that it's already happening. You're writing it with positives, no negatives, no digs, and no pie in the sky. It should be like a year out, which starts to get you in a game of believing and in the game of creating.
00:13:43
Speaker
So that's the first thing. Do you know what you want? And many times, until you start writing it, you think you do. And then when you start writing the dream and it gets hard to write, just stay curious about why. right And then if you're not sure about two different paths, write the dream for both. Because I promise you, it'll start to tell you something. How you write the dream, if you're even able to write the dream, starts to...
00:14:13
Speaker
move you in that direction. So one, writing the dream is a place that can people can really be stuck because they're not sure. Once you write the dream, now the rest of the stuff can come in, right? And that it's like it's always going to be sitting on the side. but And that's OK. But once you have the dream, then you can start to write down what's getting in, what am I thinking, right? Because our inner dialogue really does. Our thoughts do drive our feelings which drive our actions, which drive our results. So if you can get back to the thoughts, you can start to look at them and examine them for what they are. So one of the things that we did at the retreat when I was with you, and I believe this might these might be exercises through the company you were with, um was kind of going through all the pillars of your life.
00:15:07
Speaker
um your family, your faith, life, your business your profession, all of all of the things that make up a life and writing down where we are today and where we want it, where we what's our dream vision for each of those pillars. And that exercise was really, really helpful to me.
00:15:27
Speaker
Yeah, because it allows you to stop. And know no one's allowed to beat themselves up for any of this process. But it allows you to stop and do a real evaluation. Like, where am I in these lives, in these aspects of our life? But staying curious about rather than anything else, right? Because there will be areas that you will be happy with or comfortable with. And then there will be areas that you want to change.
00:15:56
Speaker
but if you come at it from a place of curiosity, it opens up your eyes to be able to just tell yourself the truth about what matters and what you want and where you are. So once you take that temperature, now you can go, OK, I'm not going to start on all the areas of my life at the same time because that's that's a disaster. But you just pick one or two that really matter to you.
00:16:23
Speaker
and begin to focus on them and watch the dynamic of how that shifts the others. I love this so much, Hildy. When I work with some students, I always talk to them about their personal mission statement. And really, that's what you're helping folks do, is to create it. But not only that, with feeling, I'll talk to students and be like, I want to be here and there, and dit-dit-dit-dit. But if you really focus in on,
00:16:48
Speaker
your feelings and why you want to move forward to your point, it kind of helps bring it all in together. And it helps you not only to say yes to things, but it also helps you to say no to things too. Because I see a lot of people who will do, well, I'm going to do a little this and a little of that. a little Okay, but it just it spreads you so thin and doesn't necessarily propel you forward. And I love that you you're bringing people in with focus and intention because that really allows you to keep being curious, but yet moving forward and purposeful. And I love love that. Yes. Profound no's I call them. They're even more important than the yes's in a lot of ways because the no opens the door for the right thing to come through.
00:17:41
Speaker
Hmm, that's fascinating. so So back, let's switch back to your journey yeah for a minute. So you were doing life coaching, you've been doing that for 15 years, but um I believe that there have been even some pivots within that realm. Yes. And I think are it being human means like the pivots are coming and it's actually very important and it keeps us experiencing life and the journey of life. So Pivots are celebrated and a great way to constantly be checking in and reevaluating and changing. So I've been coaching for many years, loved it, loved the results, loved the ability to be like on a three-legged race with some, with somebody, like where are we going? What are we like just cheering them on and being with them as they experience it. And then my dad got sick and it was like,
00:18:38
Speaker
one eye opening for me because I realized I didn't know that much about grief and loss. And I certainly didn't understand very much about death, except what I, I mean, my spiritual belief was there, but this is like in the flesh happening in front of me. And I'm like, Oh, I don't even know how to do this. Like, you know, so I started to do a lot of studying on grief and loss.
00:19:05
Speaker
But I also started to say, what well, let me put my own method. Let me put this method of the hand down method, which is what I coach from. Let me put this to practice with dying. And I was like, oh, what's the first thing I tell people to do? Write a dream. I'm like, how do you write a dream for somebody dying? Right. So um we also coach people on really having important conversations and how the power of that conversation is.
00:19:35
Speaker
So I knew deep down, I needed to have a conversation with my dad, but my inner dialogue, thinking about what's getting in the way was like, I don't want to bring this up to him. I'm going to make him feel bad about dying. Like I'm going to make things worse for him. This is being very selfish for me. Hey, as though I was giving myself an entire lecture. Oh, why I shouldn't, but deep down.
00:20:02
Speaker
I knew it was going to be the change that ah the first moment that things would start to change for me. So I sat my dad down and I was like, I have something really hard to say to you, but I think this is important and I want to design this phase with you. And I don't know how to do this. I've never done it with anybody, but I'm like, I want to support you and listen to you and help you as you go through this dying process.
00:20:30
Speaker
And I was like, my dad's like, what are you worried about? And I was like, well, the first thing I'm really worried about is I'm going to forget the sound of your voice. And my dad was like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. He's like, when you were a little girl and you saw a penny on the ground, what did I tell you? And I said, oh, that the angels are talking to me. And he's like, yes. When you see a penny on the ground, I'm talking to you. And that was the first sign, like the first hint that like, oh,
00:21:00
Speaker
Maybe my relationship to death needs to grow a little bit. Maybe it's not just the end. Maybe there's ways to communicate. And you know ah maybe the veil is a lot thinner than I thought it was. soon But that was the beginning. So then my dad and I started talking. I was like, well, in this method that I teach, you write a dream. And my dad's like, well, let's write a dream. And I was like, write a dream for you dying? That feels like,
00:21:30
Speaker
And my dad was game. My dad was full on game for it. And then I sat down and I wrote a dream and I asked him what matters to you. And he was like, Oh, I want to go to bookstores. I want to be able to, even if I can't go to church, I want to be able to go at a quiet time and go through the vestibule and light candles. And okay, what else matters to you? So we went through his list about the things that mattered to him.
00:21:54
Speaker
And then I wrote the dream for my dad and for his death. So, but, but that then woke me up to how to live around my dad and to what we were going to do that mattered most to him.
00:22:12
Speaker
Wow. Wow. And it's very different than somebody else's. Somebody else might be like, oh, I want to have good food. Oh, I want to watch the football games since then. they Oh, I want to, you know. But it took something for me to hear what my dad really cared about the most so that I could help design that in for him. Yeah. Wow. Well, I think it's so important, Hildy, to have those conversations. I've been listening um a lot to Anderson Cooper's Grief podcast, which is phenomenal.
00:22:42
Speaker
um And he talks a lot about that, about how we don't talk about grief. And as as many of our listeners know, um we lost our daughter a year ago, a little over a year ago. And it's been hard. It's been hard. i you know we We didn't have some of those conversations, but and I'm going to pull back the tears. um But with my mother, who passed, um much like your father, um we I was able to have those conversations. And it's hard because you don't want to take away hope from the person that you're losing. And they know it, and you know it, but you want to keep them going, but yet you want to honor them. And I think
00:23:27
Speaker
having that conversation is probably, they don't know how to they don't want to hurt us and we don't want to hurt them. And that's the thing that is is is just a challenge. and um you know I wish we'd been able to have those conversations with our sweet girl, but we didn't. um But you know grief grief is is it's difficult both if you're preparing for it, but it's also grief is difficult on the other end. And so bless you for the work that you're doing to help people with this. It's really important. Yeah, it's really hard on both ends. yeah right And for you, there's a different level of grief because there wasn't any time to prepare, which
00:24:11
Speaker
okay it it makes it even harder in some ways. It does. Absolutely. The one thing that i I've realized, um you know it's interesting whether whether you you know or whether you don't know, you still must grieve. and How you grieve, and if I go back to what you started this conversation with, it's Defining your your purpose with feelings and you know people have said to me Oh can't believe you're you know, you're doing so well or your well is not really not really but I have purpose I have I I feel
00:24:57
Speaker
that I feel that I must share hope and joy with the world as best I can. And that that keeps me going and share the stories of of my my sweet girl. or a and so i do have goal I think that helps even for the greever. Yes, it does. And it doesn't take the grief away, but it can go along so it can walk alongside of what you're creating, for sure. Yeah.
00:25:25
Speaker
I believe that this podcast was born out of your experience, Jamie, because it was. Yeah. This was, this was an idea that you had had before Elise, but after this gave you purpose. And so I came along on the ride with you to support you because it is important. And I feel like, you know, conversations, especially the ones with someone like you healthy is maybe someone will just take some nugget away.
00:25:55
Speaker
that will they can apply to their life and make their life that much better? For sure. And one of the things they do is I'm a death doula. So I sit with people um at different stages, sometimes all the way at the very end. And what I will say, the thing that allows people to have some of the most peaceful peaceful deaths are remembering the meaningfulness that they had in their life or what they gave back or That beat doing something meaningful meaningful is is extremely powerful. Extremely powerful. And it doesn't have to be something like, wow, earth changing big. It's like, where can you find meaning in every day? Where could you do something that makes a difference? Or where do you do something you don't even know the difference you're having? But you know when you act from purposefulness, results show up.
00:26:52
Speaker
And I think the other thing that's really critical and important is you're allowing people to use their voice and to communicate what those are. um Oftentimes, I know with my mother's experience and even with the grief experience, people will say,
00:27:10
Speaker
you know, they're surprised when i when we speak and when we ah we need to talk. We need the person who's whose passing needs to speak and they want to share and the person whose grieving wants to share. we want We have a lot of things that we want to um let people know and It's when we're shut down, that makes it harder. So for me, the ability to um speak and i I think what you're giving to those that are passing as a death doula, you're giving them the ability to communicate and say what they really truly mean in their heart. And that is a huge gift. That is a huge gift.
00:27:55
Speaker
i I also lost my father in 2021 and um he and I like I always had a ah kind of a tough time talking to my dad through my life. He's a quiet stoic man. I'm an introvert. um But in the last couple months of his life, it was the greatest honor because I spent a lot of time with him navigating in and out of hospitals and facilities and things. And I was sort of with him a lot. And he talked a lot about things in his life. And like i i got I had the gift of being with him and feeling closer to him than I ever had before. So you know I do feel like in those times, as hard as they are, there there is real beauty in being able to do that preparation together with that person. Yes.
00:28:50
Speaker
People need to be witnessed. Grief needs to be witnessed, but all everything needs to be witnessed. right but And there's power that comes from being, most people really want to be heard more than they want to be right. So when you have people having disagreements, it's really about wanting to be heard way more than oftentimes it is about being right. um And I love that. Yeah, being being able to witness and hear and and just being there with somebody can make a huge, huge difference for both for all parties involved. every Everyone. Yeah. And I know when my husband's father passed away, I mean, it was eminent and we were all you know at the hospital, but it was too difficult for his brother and sister to be there.
00:29:41
Speaker
So they left and we stayed and they kind of had a much harder time after the fact dealing with his passing than my husband did because Steve was present and there through the process. So it is very, very hard, but it's like I said, I think there's there's really something profoundly beautiful about being with someone when that moment comes.
00:30:10
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. And it's something, look, none of us are getting out of dying, so we might as well start to get curious about what it's like, what we want, what we care about, who we care about in our lives, what kind of impact we want to make. So you can see how dealing with my dad's death really has me, death sits on your shoulder, really draws you forward or pulls you forward or has you look at life very differently.
00:30:40
Speaker
So yeah one from the context of like your relationships and what matters to you and who you're close to, but also from the context of, like wow, I don't know how much longer I have. What am I going to do that's going to make a difference in the world? How do I be a support? And this podcast is a perfect example of like we all pivot, every single one of us. So if we could give somebody support while they're pivoting, whether it be from a death, whether it be from a job loss, whether it be, ah who knows? It could be positive or negative. but
00:31:16
Speaker
supporting people as I start to like take the steps to go, wait, what's the dream? Wait, what's getting in my way? Wait, what are one step I could take to get there? We're beginning to help the world grow.
00:31:29
Speaker
you You absolutely are. And you so you had said earlier that your work as a doula has helped you as a life coach. How has that work helped those that are not, that they're not going through grief or not experiencing, but how is it helping you in your work as a life coach with others? It's a it's the game changer, because now I'm like,
00:31:53
Speaker
What are you gonna do? What do you do that matters to you? Because most of us will walk around and do like it like we dumb our dreams down Like I was saying till I'm like, oh, it's okay. I can just work this job or I could do this little bit But the truth is we're not really living that way and if I was to say to you look this is your last year Look like let's just say year, you know, I mean like what are you gonna do this year? What do you so what do you not care about anymore? Could you let go of what somebody else thinks about you? Could you?
00:32:23
Speaker
do something that you enjoy doing, what would you do if you weren't afraid of the impact of it? Which then has people, like it has me like push a little bit to go like, no, no, no, no settling here because life is short. And then we don't understand the impact that we can have on somebody else with whatever we choose to do, whether it's doing a piece of art or even a ceramic piece that somebody else gets to take with them, whether it's creating music, whether it's anything we do can really be something that can make a difference in somebody else's life in addition to you doing what you love. that I have a question about that. So I feel like, well, I don't know, but this is my theory that when you are living life
00:33:18
Speaker
where you're paralleling something that you love to do, but it also serves others in some way, that that seems to me like the best place to be. Yes. And what I'm going to say is don't think do you know what how what you're doing is impacting somebody else because you have no idea. Like if we live looking for results, where is it? Where is it? Where is it?
00:33:46
Speaker
we're living from the world of where is it not, right? But if you really start to go, like just go, okay, today I'm gonna see, I'm gonna make three people smile, I'm gonna talk to three people, ah but it starts to open up your world for what you're doing versus just living on the results of what you think could have happened, right?
00:34:11
Speaker
i I love, I love that. So Lori and I share a lot on social media. And many years ago, I made the intention to share just flower joy every day. Just share flowers. No, no, no. People are like, what do you do? Do you sell my, no, just put my joy out there. And it's interesting. I love what you just said, Hildy, because people will say, you brightened my day, you made me smile. Like I'm not, I'm doing it, quite frankly, I'm not doing it for money. I'm doing doing it for me because i think it's I think our world needs a little more joy. But I'm also sharing my journey, but it does impact other people. And and I think that that's so important. if youre If your results, if it's all about the results, if it's all about the money, if it's all about that it,
00:35:01
Speaker
you can go with that intention, I suppose, but I don't know that you be as fulfilled. I think I'm more fulfilled just putting out my joy each day and hearing about it in a roundabout way. You made me smile. Oh, that's perfect. That's that's wonderful. And Lori does too. We just put out our our art joy every day. And yeah and it is it is interesting because sometimes I'll put stuff out there that I think is just some weird obsession I had. But then it inspires somebody else to make make a weird brush bird alongside me or whatever and they
00:35:40
Speaker
you know They'll say, i I wasn't feeling very creative and I saw that and it sparked something. And then that right that becomes that much more meaningful that that it was shared. he the whole yeah The whole purpose of this podcast is to help other people. you know it's the whole And we've said that before. We're not we're not not going to retire on this podcast.
00:36:05
Speaker
But we are trying to help spark that joy with other people, and that's the goal, and I love it. Let's take a quick minute and thank our amazing sponsors. Our podcast is proudly brought to you today by Jet Creative and Urban Stems. Jet Creative is a women-owned marketing firm committed to community and empowerment since 2013.
00:36:28
Speaker
Are you ready to Rebloom and build a website or start a podcast? Visit jetcreative dot.com backslash podcast to kickstart your journey. They will help you bloom in ways you never imagined. And bonus, our listeners get an exclusive discount when you mention Rebloom.
00:36:48
Speaker
And a huge thanks to Urban Stems, your go to and our go to source for fresh, gorgeous bouquets and gifts delivered coast to coast. Use Bloom Big 20 and save 20 percent on your next order. And don't forget to subscribe to this podcast and follow us on Instagram and Facebook at Rebloom podcast. Thanks to our sponsors and thanks to you for joining us today.
00:37:17
Speaker
So one of the things that i I always insert into the conversation and Jamie probably knows what's coming. I always am so curious about like what was Hildy like as a little girl and how were there seeds of what you're doing now in you when you were young?
00:37:39
Speaker
Oh my gosh, that's such a fascinating question. Well, yeah, when I was a little girl, one of the first things, my mom my mom was scared of cats, right? Just FYI. So honestly, I found a stray cat. I must've been about six years old and snuck it in my house. Okay, not my finest sneaky moment, but you know, and hid it in my closet because I want to take care of this little kitten because I was afraid.
00:38:06
Speaker
So, you know, my parents tell the story about, like, one, that I would be so sneaky and two, that I would think I could actually hide a little kitten in my house. And then three, my mom said, you know, she sent me out and she saw me walking up the street with a little, like, talking to this little kitten, you know, I'm sure just giving it a little pet talk before I sent it off, probably sent it back to its mom, you know, mean but whatever.
00:38:31
Speaker
But, you know, and then I was, you know, even older when my job, my so I have a twin sister, her job was washing the dishes, my job was drying the dishes. But I would dry the spoons and pretend I was a nurse and like lay them in the hospital bed and then dry the forks and lay them in the hospital bed. Like there was something about me that was a caretaker from early on. I could not be a nurse because I'm way too panicked in a moment of
00:39:02
Speaker
I'm not that person, right? But you could from early on, it was a caretaking piece around me. And you know death always intrigued me. When I was growing up, like I went to the funeral home with my parents. My parents just lived in the... I did not...
00:39:25
Speaker
I grew up thinking like it was just what it was. When we had a hamster that died, we buried it and we would have a procession and, you know, I'm Ukrainian Catholic and they're big on processions and whatever. And we would process around the house and then we would bury in the backyard. Like it was something that I focused on.
00:39:42
Speaker
um versus not. I mean, I always was a caretaker. So I think part of what I'm doing now fits perfectly in terms of, yeah, I coach people because I want to get them to a spot where, you know, they want to be that they could get over this next hump. Like we're all going to have them. But I think from early on, there were signs of me doing that. Oh, I love that.
00:40:10
Speaker
I love that. so So when you are working with someone else who is going through the process, are there exercises or things that you can share with our listeners that they they can adapt?
00:40:24
Speaker
I would love to. So first what I'm gonna say is one, think about the dream. Write it from what you want, right? just And then when you're, I know writing the dream, made automatically the inner dialogue starts with, I can't have it, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I don't know how to do that, I'm not good with technology, blah, blah, blah. Write those down on a separate piece of paper. They do not deserve to be on the same paper as the dream.
00:40:51
Speaker
But I also want don't want you to dismiss it, because I promise you, if you don't say it, it's going to sit in the back of your head, and it's going to grow bigger and bigger, meaning you're going to believe it more and more and more. ah So if you literally can't write the dream, then first write out all the reasons why not. Like, dump it down, ah and it has to be like, bleh, coming out of you. No no editing.
00:41:18
Speaker
No editing, period. Not even like I was an English major and I would want to like put new paragraph. No, no, I'll have to do any of that. Just dump it down there. Because when you dump it out of your head, one, you're giving your spit, you're saying it like it could be witnessed over here without having to impact the dream over here. ah Once you get it all down, now we can start to sift through it and explore. And you might need You could try yourself. You might need somebody else, a dear friend, that's going to be your advocate who's advocating for your dreams to read it with you if you trust somebody. But then stepping back and looking at it piece by piece, line by line, thought by thought.
00:42:04
Speaker
and holding it up and going, is this actually really true? Like, I'm not good with technology. Is it really true? It might be really true. Is there something to do about it? Yes, I could learn something. ah Absolutely. I don't know if Hildy, this is advice that she would give, but I know someone gave me this advice and I loved it. And this is for the dream part of it. They said, write down, I really, really, really, you got to write down really three times. I really, really, really want And then write it all. And because if you really, really, really want something, then then you really, like, you're passionate about that. And you can really, and sometimes when, you know, I think, okay, do I really, really, like, I really, really, really want to travel. i That's something that i I want to start doing. And I want to incorporate that into my dreams. i
00:42:56
Speaker
And and it's important for me to start saying that. But if I say, oh, yeah, I want to go here or I want to go there, well, then I may never it may never happen. So I I don't know. For me, when I'm when I'm starting to think of my dreams, I think, OK, no, really double down on that super big dream. And what is it? What is it? And and I love I'm I'm obsessed with what you just said earlier, too, about feelings and putting your feelings into it. I think that's critical for everyone.
00:43:24
Speaker
i I also really loved asking the question, what would you do if you had a year to, you knew you only had a year to live? Yeah, bye-bye. A lot of people would be canceled in my world. Well, like I lost both parents in 2020 and 2021 and turned 60 and sold our studio and like a whole bunch of stuff all happened at once. and you're right when you're when you're faced with all of those things you start asking yourself some questions and it's been so easy for me to say no to things more and more because and say yes to the things that I really really want to do because you start realizing you don't know how long you have here. yeah you better If you have some dreams you you better start living them and making them happen. Right and it doesn't have to be all or nothing.
00:44:16
Speaker
so right Jamie, when i I'm like, your dream could be like, I'm i'm a traveler, an adventurer. I use curiosity and I just, you know, like starting from that place doesn't mean like I have to trouble travel all the time, but you're like, you're creating a sense of like enthusiasm and joy and the words that you're using around it can then have you just begin to get curious, which then ah A goal might be like, oh, I travel somewhere new every quarter or, but just writing that dream about, I'm an adventurer and I'm on, oh, I'm an explorer. I'm exploring my next adventure. I love the travel. I stay curious for what shows up in front of me and, you know, the joy I can find on each trip. Like now that starts to open you up to be like, Ooh, where am I going? Versus like, Oh God, I have to go somewhere.
00:45:15
Speaker
Right. Right. Yeah. No, that makes complete sense. And then it and then it also gives you permission to to haul the small wins or the small things that you've done successes. It's not going to Europe. It could be going to an art museum in your community. You're still traveling somewhere. You're still curious. I love that you've differentiated those things. That's that's fabulous. That's a great way to look at it. And it doesn't mean that you're not going to eventually go wherever, but it just means
00:45:49
Speaker
If you don't do the all or nothing, it opens up you up for possibility, right? And then you can start to go piece by so piece, step by step, like shooting arrows of love, you know, and little bits of little bits of things versus thinking like, if I don't do it all right away, but that trait does not really help us because who wants to jump into the deep end when they can't swim? Like, it's not really even a smart idea.
00:46:17
Speaker
Right. I was thinking about um like if you were writing your life story was a movie and you had to write the character study for yourself and what that what that main characters attributes should be or you want them to be.
00:46:36
Speaker
I think that would be a fun way to think about it. what That's a very fascinating question to think about in terms of, I think tenacity is my number one, I think that's the game of life. Could you get back up? Can you just get back up, right? Regardless about what you're doing and then when you get back up, could you find some level of joy in it?
00:47:01
Speaker
right and so You know, I'm not that great with moving people, but I really do believe that if I'm talking about personality traits, tenacity makes a difference. And then a joy seeker really can find, you can find joy in every minute. Like you're open yourself up to possibility.
00:47:21
Speaker
and
00:47:23
Speaker
Wow, what a great conversation. I know. i am you know you Some conversations are hard. um some conversation But these hard conversations are often important. And it takes a lot of bravery, Hildy, to have those conversations that you're having with the people who are um who were passing, who are dying. and they're you know we We've had a lot of conversations, my husband and myself, my family, this past year about grief. And we're very, as I said, we're very open about it. And the best way to have that tenacity and to find that joy again is to be open and to talk about it. And it's bless you for helping those folks who are leaving and their families and
00:48:18
Speaker
And it's, it's important work what you're doing. It's huge. So. Yeah. And even and when it's, if you're scared, if you're in a like, I'm going to go back to like, just giving me a little coaching tip for like, writing out what you're worried about, writing about what you're scared about, just dumping it all down on paper is what in the handout group, we call it purge, like getting it all out.
00:48:43
Speaker
which then can have you go back and look at it, but also just can have you just say, just saying it is powerful. Um, and so that, even in terms of like a hard conversation with somebody, it, you know, two things, one, you write, what's the dream for my relationship with that person, right? Because now that sets you up to why am I having this conversation?
00:49:08
Speaker
which very often makes a very big difference as to how or how you're going to go about the conversation is why are you having it, right? If you deeply care about the relationship and you acknowledge that in the beginning of your conversation, it shifts how the other person even starts to hear you and it shifts how you language it yourself.
00:49:29
Speaker
Right, so that is really important. And then if you're like, I'm scared to have this conversation, write down why? Because I'm like, Oh my god, my dad's gonna think and then I'm blah, blah, blah. And I write this all down. And I'm like, Oh, wait a minute. Actually, I'm just the one who's uncomfortable. I don't even know what my and if my dad was uncomfortable, great. Like you, I could design something. I don't have to use the word. I could just be like, what do you care about doing the most?
00:49:56
Speaker
Let me make sure that whatever we're doing, you know, feeds you or gives you what you want or like, well, what do you want to do? It can even be that simple without having to set the context of like, because you're dying, you know, it can even be like, wow, I deeply care about you and I want to do things with you. Or I want to make sure I do the things you care about the most.
00:50:20
Speaker
Exactly. I love you and I want to honor you. And how can I best do that? And that's, that's, you're giving folks their voice to say that. And that's, that's what people need to do. And, and I think we need to love and honor ourselves too, as we go through life. And I can see how your work as a doula has impacted your work as as a life coach too because we do. We need to love and honor ourselves and we need to use our voice and we need to say what it is. We need to we need to dig deep and find those dreams.
00:50:57
Speaker
And I think that's where people get stuck. I think that they, to your point, they put, they let that negative stuff just feel that, well, I can't, I shouldn't, I've got to do, and Lori and I have said often, look, many people have to have a day job, we get that. um but But there's still a way to bring in a little creativity or a little beauty or a little joy in your life. Could be gardening, could be hiking, could be cooking, it could be anything. If there's something that you want to do, but to not let that dream completely go away, it's important.
00:51:27
Speaker
Totally. And when I started coaching, you know, I had to have another job. I had kids and they're getting ready to go to college and I was a single parent and, you know, I had a lot going on, but I'm like, okay. It doesn't mean I'm quitting everything. I'm going to start to build this practice, but it means like, let me start to build and build and then see when I get to a part when I, so when it switches to what's my full time and what's not. But it's step by step, which for me, I could do all or nothing, which can really set me up to do nothing.
00:51:57
Speaker
here he was The could be overwhelming, so never mind, I'll do nothing. And I was like, ah that's that is not. That's the voice in our head that's not going to serve you or your dream.
00:52:11
Speaker
Yeah, I also think that something that stops, I know it stopped me in the past, is that i I feel like before I do anything, I need to have like it all figured out and it has to be like perfectly um you know pulled together in every aspect I know what's going to happen. But then the times where I just plunged in like this podcast with Jamie.
00:52:32
Speaker
and like we just kind of you know she asked me to do this and I was like right away like well gosh I don't know technology I don't have up a personality for a podcast like all the things but then we just did it and it's just you know we were we pat ourselves on the back now because we're like Jamie we didn't have to do 10 sound checks today we actually had the sound going right and we did it we just do it and then you grow and now like we have this huge list of people we want to talk to and yeah because you know what if we if we did exactly what hildy said and we put all the negatives and trust me i had my list as well but you know the one thing hildy is that lori and i both love to teach and we love to connect and we love to share
00:53:20
Speaker
And that is the common bond. We share many other common bonds, but that was the underlying dream or goal of this podcast is to connect and to share and to teach. And by doing that, you're right. I don't know that we knew we were doing it, but we did put the list together of all the reasons why not. There were a lot of them.
00:53:46
Speaker
But I think we let the ultimate dream come through and it and it was to put some more joy out there and we did it. And to talk to people like you who yes you know provide tools like I've been writing copious notes. I hope our listeners have too. Yeah.
00:54:02
Speaker
I love that. I love you're like, no, we had a dream, right? And then it, okay, great. And you're like, no, no, now we have the list of what's getting in the way. But when you really think about it and you write the dream from the place of like, either exactly goosebumps or just like makes you like, oh,
00:54:21
Speaker
Like, you know, that now has you not settle. It starts to like pull you. I like to say pull you forward. Like, it's like every morning I read my dream and I'm like, oh, that's right. You know, I am a healer on a mission. I am. I do speak and live boldly. Like, especially for me, you could be a pleaser. The speak and live boldly forces me to go like even saying that feels good for me. Yeah. Yeah.
00:54:51
Speaker
And it, and it, and it, and I think helping people and connect. And so yes, we are, we are, I think we have unknowingly, but now knowingly, thanks to you, Hildy. We've, we've, we've.
00:55:07
Speaker
I don't know, we're we're following our dreams and hopefully others will do the same. um We love to have our listeners or have you leave our listeners with a little bit piece of advice, maybe something that you always tell your clients, um something that sticks with you or maybe people tell you. What's some advice that you love to share? I love to say, start your day wisely.
00:55:35
Speaker
And that could mean, like, when I brush my teeth, I think about, is there anything I've said that wasn't kind to to myself? Like, can I love myself? or Like, if you can't love yourself, it makes everything else way harder. So I'm like, can you prepare, can you start your day from a place of being grounded and self-compassion and self-love? So I'm going to say, one, think about is there anything you need to say you're sorry to yourself for?
00:56:04
Speaker
And I do it when I brush my teeth, I clean my mouth. It's like just a symbolic place for me to do it. And then when I get my coffee, I sit down and I look at those dreams. I look at my top three dreams that I'm creating and I read them because it reminds me about where I'm going. Otherwise,
00:56:23
Speaker
um and The dream boys can be very quiet just whispers over there and all these other reasons why not? They get louder and louder and louder So if you sit down and one you're like doing any any place I need to say I'm sorry to myself Okay, yes or no fine But you know you end with like I love and accept myself exactly the way I am and then I sit down and then I read my dreams and I remind myself about where I'm going and Now, regardless about what I do, I started with like where I'm going. I love that. I love that. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Hildy, this has been an incredible, incredible conversation. um Important.
00:57:09
Speaker
And I hope that our listeners have enjoyed it as much as Lori and I have. This has been profound. I knew it was going to be a good one. Yeah. Thank you for joining us today. I'm so glad I met you years ago. I'm so glad I was with Amy and that little aha moment struck me that, oh, oh my gosh, honey would be perfect. And you really were. This was more than perfect. Thank you. Oh, I am honored to be here. I'm honored. like The world, the creative world, we need that more than ever right now. We need joy in so many ways, in so many places. And even if you even if a listener doesn't think they're making a difference, I swear you have no idea the difference you're making. You have no idea the ripple that can cause by anything, e even an act of kindness, an act of creativity, an act of joy. We're collectively changing the energy.
00:58:05
Speaker
We are. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. And to everyone, peace, love, and re-bloom. Life is too short not to follow your passions. So go out there and let your heart plant you where you are meant to be and grow your joy.
00:58:21
Speaker
We will be right here sharing more incredible stories of reinvention with you. Make sure to subscribe to our podcast so you never miss an episode of Rebloom. Until next time, I'm Jamie Jamison. And I'm Lori Siebert. Peace, love, and Rebloom, dear friends.