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Ep. 73 Gnarly Days And Rad Nights
169 Plays2 years ago
With the Shadows subdued for now, we must make our way forward and across this stretch of river ahead.
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Transcript
Doubt and Gratitude in Growing Darkness
00:00:03
Speaker
previously on the higher swords. We've come so far in such a relatively quick time, and I wonder if we're actually making a difference anymore. The darkness is growing, and half the time it feels as if we're just hanging on by a thread. I try to keep things light, try to keep things easy, keep the spark and my friends alive, but
00:00:28
Speaker
I'm afraid my tactics will fade the more that I tire from this darkness that we face. I guess I should be thankful. Thankful for such strong companions. I'd be lost many times over without them by my side.
00:01:10
Speaker
Yeah, we're the swords.
Session Kickoff: Characters and Players
00:01:28
Speaker
Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of The Hired Swords. I'm your Dungeon Master, Michael, and with me I have Mikey. He's Joxer. Hi, Mikey. Hey, how's it going? I am Joxer and I am Mikey, just not at the same time, but potentially. We all just clapped together really close. It was super nice. It was a good clap this time. Derek's Daven. Hola, me llamo Derek. That's all I have to say, because I don't know any more Spanish. Nice Ash is Gwendolyn.
00:01:59
Speaker
Howdy, partner. It's me. That's so funny to me, but that's really funny to me. And that's our whole group. That's all I see at least. I don't see anybody else on here. So, uh, it blazes Krigsgaldr, Saffron, Imbaroke, whatever else you want to call him. Just call him late for dinner.
00:02:22
Speaker
That was so bad. I'm so sorry audience for having to listen to me. Restarting the show.
Surviving the Multi-Headed Monster
00:02:33
Speaker
Back in episode one. In our last episode we left off with the end of a huge battle. We battled a giant strange multi-headed water monster that was changing.
00:02:44
Speaker
different types of substances randomly throughout the combat, causing different kinds of damage, including absorbing certain kinds of damage to create that sort of damage against the the party. And harmed everybody and kind of depleted them pretty good.
Contemplating the Black River
00:03:01
Speaker
But I think if I remember correctly, we're standing at the shore of the giant Black River looking across at what seems to be just
00:03:11
Speaker
billowing black fog and mist and clouds above the river and a With swirling like cyclones here and there just kind of coming down and touching this water that flows this deep dark blue with with Bits of black in it as well and this is the black river that you have come up to and fought this creature here and survived and
00:03:36
Speaker
Well, I don't, I don't think any of you are still tied together, but, uh, what are you going to do now? Well, what are we going to do now? Well, I liked it when we were tied together. We could do that again. Yes. That, that was very helpful. I'm sorry for bringing the rope that round. No, it was a good idea. We had a plan that just didn't work out the way you wanted it to. That happens most times.
00:04:07
Speaker
So are we crossing this river? Is that, or should we look for, let me look at the map. Maybe there's something on here. I'd like to check the map to see if maybe there's like, I don't know, a bridge or anything denoted on it that might say there's another way or a place or maybe a length distance.
Dangerous Crossings and Waterwalking Magic
00:04:33
Speaker
Yeah, if you look looking at the map and the river runs from west to east across the map and far to the west of where you believe you might be, which is almost directly north of Lonely Hill, there looks to be a bridge, but it has a big X marked through it. And towards the right of the map,
00:04:57
Speaker
less than half the distance between where you are north of Lonely Hill and that direction towards the west. It looks to be like somebody has drawn staggered circles in the river that's drawn on the map. The river drawn on the map, as you look, is drawn very wide.
00:05:20
Speaker
and then there is land on the other side it looks like as far as the map goes but there are no landmarks on the other side the last landmark on this is the river itself the bridge on the far left that looks to be xed out and or you know extra scribbled out and then on the right there's these like these uh staggered circles drawn in the water uh it looks like there might be something a little bit safer to cross over here and
00:05:49
Speaker
I mean, I can at least see the end of the river on here. I just... I don't know how deep it is.
00:06:03
Speaker
Gwendolyn walks over to the water and is it raging kind of like what it was before? Yeah it is it is just fast-moving water down here at the edge it's almost like ocean waves coming up from just the as it's pushing towards the banks of the river washing down and as you look across it just gets so dark down across the river that you don't see anything beyond you know
00:06:32
Speaker
Just water as far as you can see and darkness at the end Gwendolyn kind of gets a pit at the end of her stomach just knowing that they have to cross this river. Yeah
00:06:50
Speaker
And she turns around, I... Wait, Dale, what was that? And she opens up her bag and she looks in and, um... No, I... I didn't think we learned that and she's... talking and... thinking of...
00:07:18
Speaker
What was the spell she learned the other day after that weird dream she had and she turns around and, Oh, that's right. Dale taught me something and, um, she's going to cast water walk on everyone. Okay. I mean, how does that, like, how do, how do we see what happens or what happens with us? Is it, do we even notice?
00:07:48
Speaker
Yeah, what does that look like or feel like for the party? For the party.
Comedic River Crossing Attempt
00:07:56
Speaker
You're not really going to see anything, but Gwendolyn's just going to outstretch your arms and look at all three of you guys, and you're going to feel like a tingling sensation around your feet, like you're wearing boots around your boots.
00:08:12
Speaker
And I'm going to think of them as like little water boots. You can't see them, but your, your, your feet are going to feel a little snug now. Little water boots. Everybody's wearing little water booties. Got your little water booties on them. Yeah. Rubber ducks with like the yellow rafts on the bottom, like the airplane rafts that automatically inflate when they come out of the, yeah. Mine didn't automate. Mine didn't auto inflate. So I got to use the little tube and blow into it.
00:08:41
Speaker
Yeah. Good thing you're flexible. You can lift your leg up that high. So, all right. So everybody gets these water boots and the water's raging in front of you, rushing fast. So what are you going to do next? What? What did you just cast? Come on. And she starts to walk on the water?
00:09:09
Speaker
Let's see if this can work and she holds out her arms like she's bouncing and she's going to try to take that first couple steps. Gwen, be careful. Okay, make a dexterity saving throw as you take your steps. I also realized I had bark skin on in my spell slots and I did not want that anymore. Oh, okay. That was supposed to be long gone. You said Dex? Yes.
00:09:42
Speaker
Would you roll? I rolled an eight plus two, so ten. Okay, so when you step on this water, literally your first foot hits the water and just, just, I mean, like somebody pulled a rug out from under that foot and you fall butt first on top of this water and
00:10:05
Speaker
probably if you could fall into the water you'd fall in and your butt would hit the ground and you would stop but instead this water takes you and starts to pull you down further and you're on top of the water it's like you're on top of a a one of those like non-stair escalators pulling you across the airport hallway down the and you're going fast it is moving we're talking probably
00:10:33
Speaker
200 feet per sec per round kind of thing just there you go just Gwendolyn I'll start rushing after her if she just like sliding across it or she like tumbling and she looked like she's in danger I would just be sitting down on my ass sorry my tush and Just sliding legs right like spread out
00:11:01
Speaker
And I'm just spinning down, like going down the river. Yeah. She's just like sitting there being pulled very quickly. And she's literally probably five or six feet off the shore, but it's still pulling her down because she's not going sinking in at all. And this is just to be clear, this is pulling in the direction where the circles are on the map. Is that correct? Correct. Okay. It's pulling towards the east. Well, jocks are, it looks like we're going toward this part of the map, whether we wanted to or not.
00:11:31
Speaker
I think I'm gonna try to jump and catch up to her and I'm gonna jump on the water and see if I can you know
00:11:44
Speaker
walk on the escalator or the, you know, the, the walkway or run on it. All right. You make your dexterity saving throw as you get on there carefully. She's, she's 400 feet away from you at this point down downstream. All right. So that's a 19 plus eight. And was that a saving throw? Yeah. Yeah. You're successfully writing this, this
00:12:07
Speaker
You know, standing on it like it's moving, you're like, like roofs, like back of the truck, surfing the the the pickup truck as it drives it. Probably 40, 50 miles an hour down the highway and doing my best to maybe like make some more headway towards her, not just like ride it because I want. OK, so you're the guy, the weirdo on the escalator thing at the airport walking while you're on it because you want to feel like a bionic man. Yeah.
00:12:33
Speaker
Yeah, I want to I'm I'm in a rush. I need to get on my plane that doesn't look another hour and a half. Right. I got to go get there so I can wait sooner. Yeah. Yeah. So you're you're rushing. I'm going to say that you can you can this is going to like triple your speed of your normal walking speed or dash speed, I guess. So your normal dash would be 60. So 80, 80.
00:12:59
Speaker
Yeah, so yeah, you are booking it. You catch up to her pretty quick if she's still just sitting and riding the waves. But I'm going to have you make one more dexterity saving throw, as this isn't just a smooth ride. You're running across kind of the waves of this green. All right, so that one's a little lower. That one is 22. Yeah, you succeed. OK, so these guys, they're darting out of the way. Joxer, Krigs, what are you guys doing? Just book it.
00:13:26
Speaker
kind of laughing at the situation. I'm going to take a little lashing of rope and tie it to the binding, like the actual arm hold of my shield, and then tie the other end to my wrist. I'm going to run out to the water. I'm going to say,
00:13:43
Speaker
Catch you down the way, Devin. And I'm gonna hop on my shield and basically surf this water as I'm standing on it and ride the shield much like it's a boogie board, basically. Dwarven surfboard. You're gonna make a dexterity saving throw as well as you get on the water. Oh, please. You skip boarding? 18 plus one or two. I don't know what my dice is, it's not great. Negative one, so 17.
00:14:10
Speaker
Yeah, so you you successfully ride your ride your shield and as you are And we'll say the shield gets the water walk capability too because it's a part of you I guess so it's it's gonna float with no problem and you're able to ride it as it's just a
00:14:27
Speaker
And it's like you're on ice more than water, but it's moving ice. And so yeah, you're going about, you're coasting about the same speed as- I'm just skimming. As ash, and so you're staying behind Joxer, but, and you're several hundred feet behind the two of them, barely able to see them downstream. With that big ripple and white wash of the water, I'm like, I'm totally skimming and bobbing along, just like it's fun sport for me at this point.
00:14:55
Speaker
Daven, what are you going to do? Daven now standing there by himself, kind of looking around like John Travolta and the gift of where, what's going on? Okay. I guess this is how trucks are always feels. And I'm going to casually walk up to the, just right at the line of the water.
00:15:10
Speaker
And then I'm going to like scoop up my coat in the back and I'm going to wrap it around the front, wrap it around my shoulder so it's not like dragging. And then I'm going to sit down on my butt, like flatten out my feet. So I'm going to turn around so that I'm spacing backwards from the water. I'm just going to scoop, just scoop right into the water.
00:15:26
Speaker
It's so dainty. That's great. So Davin, no save necessary. You're practically prone already. So you get yourself onto the water and it takes you. And you're going downstream. Yeah. Yeah. You're moving. This water slide is feels not great and you're moving fast and the water splashing up on all of you. Your clothes aren't really getting wet as you don't
00:15:49
Speaker
You're not absorbing water as it as you're repelling it like this water walk is causing you to do and Davin make a perception check as you turn around to sit down on the water and it's gonna take you before you can do anything about anything but you're gonna look up at the at the shore and the trees beyond and make it just a quick perception check as you I got a 15 You see someone
00:16:14
Speaker
running out of the woods with a hood on like they're trying to, like they're trying to catch up to you and you faintly hear shouts and then you're taken and gone. But I couldn't see who it was.
00:16:29
Speaker
Just somebody with a dark hood on, dark clothes, like a cloak, dark pants, and they were running with a slight limp, you notice, as they're trying to run towards you. Humanoid size. And as you guys now are taken, I need Joxer to make one more dexterity saving throw, and I need Kriegs to make another dexterity saving throw. All right. Ash, are you staying seated?
00:16:57
Speaker
Oh yeah, I'm just enjoying the ride. So you guys are just going downstream. You're not trying to cross at this point at all. Is that the idea?
Struggles with Fast-Moving Waters
00:17:03
Speaker
So my concept is to catch up to Gwen so that when we hit whatever thing is coming, I want to be able to pick her up and actually drop her on whatever the circles are from the map. So you catch up to her in 30 seconds.
00:17:18
Speaker
It doesn't take much with you actually moving with the momentum of the water to exceed her speed well enough to catch up.
00:17:29
Speaker
I rolled a three minus one, that's a two. Okay, so Krigs, this wave comes up from the side and it doesn't splash him, it doesn't get him wet, but it like shoves the shield and Krigs falls flat on his stomach when his shield kind of shoots off from him and he's able to grab it and hang on to it as he's now
00:17:53
Speaker
belly on the ground, arms spread out, spread eagle, just kind of spinning on top of this water as it is moving him down the way. So I cannot overstate how fast this water is moving and you guys are just being just ripped down the current of this water towards. What's the opposite of a lazy river? It's a hyperactive river, maybe. Yeah, sure.
00:18:24
Speaker
Yeah, so it's moving and you guys are cruising down now. Joxer, you're able to stand, you're kind of like skiing on top of it, I guess, if you're standing up still, just kind of letting your knees bend enough to kind of give with the waves as they come. And Davin's just kind of riding backwards as the figure in the distance kind of becomes a speck and no longer there as hands are waving above his head and he vanishes as you go so fast.
00:18:52
Speaker
away to having things to himself. That was probably the lifeguard was probably doing it wrong. Yeah. No running. And so, uh, yeah, so you guys are moving down this water and you ride this water for a, uh, it starts to feel like quite a while, uh, you know, 10 minutes, maybe 15 minutes, maybe 20 minutes, and then everyone make perception checks. That's not facing backwards. I want you to say everybody but me.
00:19:20
Speaker
Everybody's like Daven. Oh, my God. Three. I just want to say I rolled one anyways just to see and I got a natural one. So it tracks. All right. All right. Fourteen. Nine plus five. OK, so go ahead. That's a three. Three. You're on it today with those roles.
00:19:50
Speaker
Not laughing at you, laughing with you, bud. I'm gonna be retiring that dice for the evening. Yeah. So, so the, um, anybody, whoever rolled better than a 15, anybody? No. Yeah. That's what I thought. All bad rolls. So you're moving down this water and suddenly there are very large, almost like columns of rock.
00:20:19
Speaker
approaching very, very quickly. I need everyone to make dexterity saving throws again to see if you if you want to grab onto these rocks. They seem like they could be what you saw on the map. Oh, my God. Seven plus nine. Dex saving, I got a 16. So that's going to be 19 plus one. That'd be 20.
00:20:50
Speaker
So Joxer, you are able to grab on just as soon as you see one of these rocks. You're able to grab onto it and kind of keep yourself from continuing to just drift down this water, assuming that's what you want to do.
00:21:08
Speaker
Well, yeah. So my, my original intention was to, to make sure Gwen made it. Yeah. Like that was the whole, but yeah. As soon as you see that you can grab on, you see her try and what did you roll? You rolled like a two or something.
00:21:22
Speaker
Whoa, bud, I rolled a nine. A nine. Equally bad. Much better. You see her reach out and grab and she grabs a little bit of like a soggy like moss that's growing on the side of this thing and just it rips away and she's pulled by another stone as she makes one more dexterity saving throw because there's the two stones, you know, pushed away from you. You hear her just say, I didn't know it was going this fast. And she keeps going.
00:21:52
Speaker
Did you make your second dexterity saving throw? 12 plus 2, 14. Unfortunately, as you go to grab this one, you just swipe at it with both hands and you're not able to grab it as you start to slide past. What did you roll, Krigs?
00:22:12
Speaker
I rolled a three or four. So you can't get yourself shifted over towards the stone good enough on the first one, but you begin to pass a second one, make your dexterity saving throw on this one as you come a little closer to it. Daven, I need you to, did you make your first one? I rolled a 16.
00:22:31
Speaker
Yeah, you're able to as you slide past one you're able to grab on low to a like a little nook in the rock and kind of hold on and keep yourself from being pulled and then you can try to pull yourself up onto the side of these rock this rock.
00:22:45
Speaker
I rolled a four minus one three. She's okay. So you also reach out for the second attempt to grab onto a second stone, second pillar of stone. And you actually just kind of slam into it, thud, and kind of spin, start spinning around as it spins you. And, uh, you guys are now rolling past the stones as Daven and jockser have grabbed on.
00:23:13
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to like I'm going to let go and start just bolting to him and I'm going to do my best to try to maybe just throw them on to the land on the side if I can. Yeah, you guys have drifted a little ways away, but you can do your best to do that. And I need somebody to just roll a D6 for me.
00:23:38
Speaker
Um, I say jockser rolls. He's had the best rolls. That's a two.
00:23:46
Speaker
All right, so you see just in the distance one of these black cyclones of the fog above you spiral down and hit the water with a splash. It just causes this big eruption like geyser of liquid to just shoot up in the air and the black spiral sucks a bunch of water up and then disappears into the sky. Not too far from you, but not right at you. And so
00:24:12
Speaker
You're you make it to Davin or no, to Gwyn and Krigs. Davin, you're still holding on to a rock, able to pull yourself to where you seem to be safe now from being dragged away by the water. Joxer, you have made it to Krigs and Gwyn. You're still moving at this fast pace down the stream here. Go ahead and make, I guess, a strength check to see if you can shove them in the direction you're wanting. All right.
00:24:41
Speaker
All right, so that is a 19. Or is that a saving throw?
00:24:48
Speaker
No, it's a check. Okay. Yeah. So 19. Yeah, that's a check. So at the 19, um, you successfully toss Gwyn. You, you, you shove her and it switches the direction and her momentum to slide kind of across the top of this water into where she goes down ways about 60 more feet before she tumbles onto the land on shore. And you now have Krigs. You can try to push him now to a little higher DC because he is a little bit of a heftier boy. Okay.
00:25:20
Speaker
Oh, that's gonna be a luck die. Okay. Five's not gonna do it. What's that game you play at bars? What is it, shuffleboard? She's playing shuffleboard. She's playing shuffleboard. It's curling. Curling, yes.
00:25:39
Speaker
There's the one I want to see. Oh, the next Krigling. Apparently his spinning didn't work out for me because that was that was a five and a two plus one. So six or three. OK. So you go to shove Krigs and it doesn't change his direction enough. He shifts towards the shore a little bit, but he doesn't. He just continues to go downstream.
00:26:05
Speaker
I'm gonna try to reach out for him as he pass. I'm wiping the dust off of me. And I go, oh, oh, oh! Alright, make that a dexterity saving throw again to see if you can get out there and grab him.
00:26:21
Speaker
Rip it and rip it baby. 14 plus two. 16? Yeah, you reach out and grab on to, you actually catch like his boot, his Kriegsware boots, I guess. You catch him by the top of his boot around his ankle and he starts to pull you. Of course he does. In that case, they peel right off and they smell terrible. See ya.
00:26:48
Speaker
No, you grab and you start to pull him. You can try to pull him towards you. This is a strength check as well to see if you go or if you get pulled into it or if you pull him out. Oh, you got negative two strength. Same DC as it's been for everything, though, except for one thing, except for shoving krigs, which it didn't matter because you were so far below. I rolled an eight, but it's minus two.
00:27:18
Speaker
Okay, so it pulls, you literally get pulled back onto the water. Thanks for all the help, Joxer. And Joxer, you're moving at the same pace they're moving now, and they're just further towards the shore to you. And everyone's just sliding, going away from Daven now again, almost out of sight at this point as all this has happened. Daven just goes.
00:27:42
Speaker
There could have been an easier way. There had to have been. I'll push off the rocks and I'll just start a belly, Superman style on my belly.
00:27:51
Speaker
like a water slide. You probably hear Gwen just, I thought this was going to be easier. I didn't mean to. So you start to slide towards them. Go ahead. I have a question. I have a mage hand that can lift or pull things up to 10 pounds. Is that something I can use to try and help steer myself or is it kind of like one of those magnet on a stick things you can't actually get the momentum?
00:28:14
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, like if you use it, it's like throwing a ball inside a car, like it's already going this, it's not gonna push the car any further, it's the same momentum, you know what I mean? So I don't know that that would work necessarily, but you can, but yeah, but I need somebody to roll a D6 for me again. I'll do it. Okay, Al will do it. I'll do it and it's a four.
00:28:42
Speaker
Alright, so again, behind you, Davin, right near the stones, the cyclone comes down and just sucks water up, shoots it up in the sky, and after the water gets shot up and falls down around you, the cyclone kind of...
00:28:59
Speaker
swirls back up into the clouds above and they see these things seem to be coming down every 30 seconds to a minute just And all around you that one was just happened to be pretty close So you guys are chef are going downstream again? Pretty quickly as this river is just flying downstream If any of you could actually get on the plan What
00:29:30
Speaker
I would say Krigs and Gwyn are probably about 15 or 20 feet from the shore at this point. Davin and Joxer, you guys are a good 30 to 40 feet away at this point as the current does drag towards the middle of the river a little bit. So every probably 200 feet, you're getting about 10 feet closer to the center of this
00:29:58
Speaker
River. Yeah, I hope nobody checks my math on all this, like the distance and the physics of it all, but it doesn't matter whatever. Oh, I guess it's just a game of soccer. I'm trying to get them, you know.
00:30:14
Speaker
out of the water. I don't really. Okay. Do you guys continue to slide down this river? And as you jocks are continue to move towards them, go ahead and make one more dexterity saving throw it is just to double check your ability to stay on your feet, get over to them and start moving them in that direction you need to.
00:30:39
Speaker
That's another 17. Okay. So you are able to make it over to them and, uh, you, yeah, you get to them. What are you going to try to do? Davin, you're still just going at the same speed as the current. You can see them in the distance, 120, 150 feet away as they kind of moved away from you before you made the decision to go ahead and push back into the water. All right. Now that I see like where they are and what's going on, I'm going to try and stand up and move toward the shore.
00:31:07
Speaker
Okay. So make your dexterity saving throw as you try to move towards the shore. Uh, jocks are, how are you going to try to get them towards the shore? How close to each other are they? They're pretty close now. Gwendolyn's literally hanging on to the Craigslist boot.
00:31:23
Speaker
laying down on her belly, being dragged by a krigs on his belly by his foot and her hand kind of connected there at the at the apex of this whole mess. Um, probably. Try to pull out my. I don't know, probably my my weapon of some sort and try to like, well, no, that's not going to work.
00:31:53
Speaker
I'm going to, I guess, take off my robe and kind of throw it down so that they could grab on it and then try to run off towards and see if I could sling all of us in that direction.
00:32:08
Speaker
Okay, so yeah, you can run through there. They can grab onto that rope pretty easily. Make one more dexterity saving throw as you just try to run towards the shore. I'm sensing another luck die. Hey, no, actually, so that one's 18, 19.
00:32:25
Speaker
You make it to the shore and you are pulling them behind you. And as you get to the shore, it's like immediately the momentum of the river starts to move your robe or whatever that you were holding.
00:32:41
Speaker
and having them hold and starts to slide away from you downstream and you're turning with it and holding on to it and they're turning and holding on to it as well. I need each of them to make a strength saving throw. Just continue to hang on while it's heading towards the shore and hit the shore.
00:32:59
Speaker
Mike, you're killing me. I had my deck saved to try and stand up. You know, do you remember when you were a kid and everyone had that alligator blow up wrath that you used to have used in the pool and you'd try and stand up and surf on that, but you would immediately fall back down. That's what happens to Daven with a four. With a four. Yeah. He stands up and he says, I got this. I got this. I don't got this. And you fall back down and land on the bottom.
00:33:21
Speaker
I rolled a three plus four, seven. Oh my goodness. I rolled a seven minus two, so a five. You guys are rolling like me now. This is fun. I'm done. I'm done. I can't do it anymore. Jocks are standing on the shore as Gwen is shoved. Her momentum though is shifted.
00:33:41
Speaker
towards the shore. And so she is pushed that direction and the water's moving so fast that she she lands on the shore and and rolls and flips and and all of this and takes
Reaching the Shore and Emotional Reactions
00:33:59
Speaker
some damage. Krigs is going to take this too, as he does the same thing, just a ways beyond as, as you take the equivalent of 40, 40 feet worth of a fall damage. Oh, you said 40 and he scared me. 19 total damage from just, just bludgeoning damage from just rolling and falling onto the ground as you hit rocks and, and all this stuff on the shore, but you do both make it to shore.
00:34:27
Speaker
I want to make a point. You wrote a one and three sixes. Yeah, I know. I see that. Oh, my God. Kind of bonkers, isn't it? If only that was all sixes. Oops, all sixes. And so go ahead. Both of us are taking that damage or you both take you both take 19 damage from the bludgeoning you get from just kind of flipping in over in as you hit the shore at this 40 feet per second kind of roll or speed from the river.
00:34:56
Speaker
I just imagine that like at this point, like I'm I'm worried for a half second and then I look over and I and I see Devon in the water and I'm like, I'm just mad. I was like, what? What? You weren't here. And I I'm kind of speechless for a second. I'm I'm just staring at Devon as he's like starting to slide down.
00:35:23
Speaker
I, can I crawl or boot scoot or something within 30 feet of the shore from where I am by the time I get down to them?
00:35:31
Speaker
You, you can, yeah, you can get pretty close to that by the time you get towards them, but, but you're going to, at that point, you're probably going to get about twice the distance away from them by the, you know, if you continue at that speed, by the time you can get to the shore. I just, I just want to be able to, my goal is to get within 30 feet by the time I reach them. Yeah, you can do that. Okay. If I do that, then I'll just use Misty step and get the 30 feet and land on the shore.
00:35:57
Speaker
Okay. So jocks are, you're watching, you're watching as Daven is sitting with his hands at his sides, his butt on the, on the water and his feet as you can. And he is, is like, like dog wiping his butt on the carpet, like sliding himself across the water to try to get to you. And he gets, he gets within about 30 feet. And then you see, what do you do when you cast that spell?
00:36:24
Speaker
I'm going to kind of wave my hands a little bit and you see some mist forming and then I'm gonna reach down and actually grab some water and it immediately turns to thicker mist and just creates a whole shield around me and then I just disappear and reappear right next to him.
00:36:37
Speaker
So yeah, you see this, it looks like he gets swallowed in water. And then as the water dissipates, he's no longer there and he's beside you now. And as that he gets off, he's still sitting on his butt scooting on the dirt next to you.
00:36:54
Speaker
Yeah, I imagine like, you know, speechless staring at this and probably completely out of breath. Yeah, yeah, totally. You worked hard. And then just see you in golf. And I don't think I think you've used it one other time. So I don't think I would be familiar enough just like the shadow got him. Yeah, yeah. And somebody roll a D6 for me now. I'll do it. I'll tempt fate.
00:37:27
Speaker
two so this this time the
00:37:31
Speaker
Just as Davin disappears, this cyclone of black just lands right in the spot he was sitting and sucks up what's left of the mist that he had created as well as the water that was there and shoots it up in the sky and then the water rains down and trickles onto the top of this river as it rushes past and takes the droplets with it and you see above that the cyclone absorbed back into that
00:38:00
Speaker
that back into the sky into the big group of fog above the river and it looks like this is it seemed to have been getting closer and closer to one of you as time continued and uh you're now all on the shore a couple of you a little bit worse for wear but nobody in that that bad of a situation
00:38:20
Speaker
I sit there and I am... I've been laying back on my back and I sit straight up and I'm just panting trying to like catch my breath. That was awesome. My head... It was pretty fun, wasn't it? And she's just rubbing her head. Did you guys have fun? We do that again sometime.
00:38:48
Speaker
Just no, that was not fun. You watch. I mean, he's just picking the biggest wedge out of his butt, like the full arch back and everything like. Oh, yeah. I'm going to cast mage hand for a little bit extra help. Yeah. He's just holding like his his robe in one hand and breathing. You guys are awful and start walking towards the where where they were intending to go like that reminds me.
00:39:16
Speaker
of my younger years back whenever we'd go to dwarven summer camps, you know, us mountain dwarfs don't get too much sun, and so we'd take beach trips. Let me tell you, that reminded me back of 008, whatever year it was. I don't know what the year structure is like in this world, but we definitely cut a few waves. I believe that's what the kids called it back then.
00:39:46
Speaker
waves. You've never been to a beach. Not, not really. Oh, imagine that ride would like times 20. I bet Daniel would like it. Oh, he would. I don't like the beach. The sun gets everywhere. I just stand up and start. I don't like sand. You hear in the distance, I don't like you.
00:40:16
Speaker
dying, dying. Somebody's angry. I have to remember to wax the shield later. Vail would totally dig this place. I mean, there was probably easier ways of getting across, but I guess we've got the job done. Easy isn't always the most fun. It was a spell that I had in my journal and
00:40:44
Speaker
I thought I did a good job. What did you guys think? Why do we didn't drown so I got stuck to wood? What was it called today? Wood or walk? Wood or walk? That's like an Elvish word, right? It's like
00:41:04
Speaker
Imagine standing tall like a tree. You're either, you're, you're wood or you're walking on water. Is that, am I understanding Elvish right? My translation is bad. Uh, it doesn't sound like Elvish, but I just don't know why they didn't call it water walk. She goes to check on Dale in her bag. That's it right now.
00:41:30
Speaker
Devin's just like, what is this group? And he'll just follow jocks. He'll chase up to catch up to jockser. All right. You guys heading towards the, wherever you think those kind of stones begin. That was, uh, my thought. If we were cruising as fast as you think, you're, you're probably a good 10 or 15 minute walk away from it now. Uh, but
00:41:59
Speaker
just where I assume there's probably a path. If it's a cross area, then maybe we'd find some kind of track path.
00:42:08
Speaker
Sure. Well, there's really no trail from the shore where you are to there. There's just a shoreline. And it's a very... The shore here is very... It's a lot of gravel and stone on this shore. And with some large rocks here and there, that seems like what gets washed up onto this shore is pretty worn by the speed and the pace of this river.
00:42:35
Speaker
And as you there's no like that doesn't seem to be any like driftwood or anything like that it's like none of that survives this rivers. Fury so to speak and so it's just a lot of. Stone and rock and and. As we're walking along the shore and walking back towards that.
00:42:56
Speaker
I'm going to be regaling Gwen and all the stories of going to the beach and telling her all the interesting things that I saw, the seaweeds and whatnot. I'm going to tell her a story about a time that I saw a weird creature that I actually named. No one believed me that I saw it. It looked like a shark, but had a head like a hammer. And so I named it a hammerhead.
00:43:20
Speaker
You know, all the dwarves, none of them believe me that I actually saw this hammer-shaped shark. And maybe she had, with all her animal knowledge, seen one of these. It does sound made up. I hold up a hammer from my bag like, it was just like this, but a shark. No, and she goes to touch the hammer. That seems impossible. Right? I thought the same thing, but there it was.
00:43:48
Speaker
It tried to bite my butt. No lie. Did you hear that? His butt. While they're having this conversation, I've caught up to Jox and I say, oh, Jox, by the way, right before we left, I saw there was a another person on the other side of the river. He was kind of chasing up to catch up to us. It looked like I couldn't tell who it was. He had a hold on and a little bit of a limp, but a limp like Tomba.
00:44:19
Speaker
Did it seem like Tomba? Uh, he was humanoid size, like full, like man size, human size. I mean, he was too tall to be Tomba. Delmar was man sized. Delmar didn't really have a limp. Oh, he had many things. A limp was one. Yeah. Yeah. He, he, he, he hobbled a bit. He did hobble. Yeah. You guys have had him ride a summoned horse because he was so slow. Yeah.
00:44:46
Speaker
I don't know who it was or if they're good or they're bad. It looks like they're trying to hit me a little bit. It's like, tell me to get my attention. I don't really know what was going on. Should we go back? I don't know. I don't know if they can cross. How far do you think we've actually traveled? Would it be worth even going back? I guess it'd be take us a couple of hours probably just to get back to where we'd find him. If he's even still there, I don't even know who it would be.
00:45:15
Speaker
Well, one thing I know, Dwarven Olympics are not. I'm pretty beat. And before we actually try to cross whatever this river is, and I have to go tumbling yet again, we're going to have to make camp before we make any too many big rash decisions and big moves. That fight took quite a bit out of me, and what it didn't take out of me, that
00:45:41
Speaker
Cowabunga dude definitely helped. Kwanzu dudes. Kwanzu dude. Man, that's a throwback movie. Serve ninjas, baby. Wow. How did he do that? Like this. I don't think we should go back over the river. I think it's either he comes to us or we forget about it.
00:46:03
Speaker
I don't know who would be out here. Nobody. We know. Right. Oh, just so we're clear. All right. You didn't go across the river. No. Oh, we didn't cross the river. We just got back on the land. Oh, yeah. Back on the side. You started. Yeah, I was going to confuse myself. Yeah. Before we tried to cross, I'm for sure. Devon's turn around. He has no idea. He thinks we crossed. OK. He's on the other side of the river. There's no way we're getting back over there again. How did I get Devon?
00:46:33
Speaker
Do you want? We're on the same side of the river. We didn't actually cross. Oh, well, we are on the same side. I agree. We are friends. We're partners. Are you saying that after all of that, we didn't get anywhere but down river? Yeah. Yeah. Right. We are the worst. Jocks is just not saying a word. But it was still fun, though.
00:47:02
Speaker
No, it wasn't. I've still got a water like bunched up inside my, my clothes. They're not, it's not wet. It's not dry. I don't know what it is. You can fix that, right? That's if I take off my pants. Let's. Oh, it turns around. I'm not taking off my pants. I mean, I made the whole thing up. There's nothing in my pants. All right. That's even worse, boy.
00:47:29
Speaker
Let's don't take this too far to where we have to start editing things, all right? Let's just get to the stones. He doesn't have stones, boy.
00:47:46
Speaker
There it goes. Sorry. Sorry. You said something very sensible in all of this, Krigs. We do need to make camp and
00:48:00
Speaker
And we do need to cross the river. If, and to your point, Devin, if, if they come to us, then, then at least in the night, then, then I'm welcome to meet whoever it is. All right. So we get back to the stones, we camp for the night, and then we worry about the river in the morning and whoever that was. Yeah, I think, I think that's the best course.
Planning Next Steps and Meeting Carmine Stone
00:48:29
Speaker
All right.
00:48:32
Speaker
It's this way, right? And Davin points the wrong direction. I'm sorry. Everyone starts walking west as you point east. I get so turned around so easy. I'm sorry. Is it something with that eye? No, I've always been bad with directions. That was nothing to do with that. Okay. Would Davin even know his eye looks like that?
00:48:57
Speaker
Uh, I think they mentioned it in the last one. That's right. I forgot about that. So you guys walk about 10, about 15 more minutes. And through this conversation, you make it to where in a little ways, about 20 feet out from where you're standing on shore, you see the first pillar of stone sticking up out of the water, getting just battered on one side by this, by the water coming across about.
00:49:24
Speaker
25 feet from that one it looks like there's the other stone kind of staggered to the right and then it looks like maybe you can make out another stone which you know there's more because you saw them when you were actually drifting across the river but as you look about 50 feet beyond 50 or 60 feet you lose it's hard to see much more just the darkness is just what's what's beyond that and
00:49:49
Speaker
Yeah, but on this side of the river you're able to kind of start setting up camp if that's what you'd like to do.
00:49:57
Speaker
And as we're doing that I'd like to start trying to get a just a general idea from how long we traveled from like Lonely Hill to to here versus you know what I think that distance on the map means for the actual river like is that going to be a day's walk or is that going to be you know couple hundred feet.
00:50:20
Speaker
Yeah, you definitely as you just think of what you think about. This is the end of the second day after leaving Lonely Hill. So you left Lonely Hill, you camped a night and then you made it to the river today, did all this. So it's really like a day and three quarters or something like that to get from Lonely Hill to here at the normal pace you were taking. OK, and so based on that distance from like where we started to land,
00:50:50
Speaker
And the the length of that river, does it feel like it's going to be another day and three quarters? Is it going to be a day? Like I'm trying to gauge like how long I think it is to like how far downstream you guys floated versus. No, no. So how how thick the river is like? Is it a mile deep, you know, wide, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, based on that, it it looks like
00:51:17
Speaker
half a day's travel or something based on the width of the river on the map. It looks like the same as halfway from Lonely Hill to about to where you think you camped. About halfway between that is about the width of the river if you were to just kind of measure based on that. So several hours across if you were to just walk across it looks like. Okay.
00:51:41
Speaker
And that's that's assuming that the person who made this map has ever been across. Yeah, you just kind of found it down in that cave. So yeah, I'm just trying to gauge like my minimum basis. So yeah, sure. And I'll kind of relay that. It's you know, it looks like if if we were just walking without any water.
00:52:00
Speaker
in between, it looks like it's going to be a day if this map is right. It could be longer, it could be shorter. We might be able to find ways to cut that time, but this might be a really rough path. Is it worth trying to go west and see if maybe that bridge is okay? I mean, I know there's a next one, but who knows how long ago this map was made, you know? Maybe it's something they fixed.
00:52:28
Speaker
how far was that at this point? Judging from like you have been measuring the distances and all that stuff, I think it's pretty, I mean, if you use the measurement you just did, it could be five days.
00:52:48
Speaker
I'm not sure. Way on the other side. It's a long ways west. Yeah, I'm not sure it'd be worth it in the long run. We've traveled about that same distance to get here. I don't really know what we do then. Craig's, you're the idea man sometimes, right? That's kind of you to say.
00:53:15
Speaker
But no, I don't have any ideas. I'm going to start sitting at camp while we're having this conversation. I'm already started. I'm tired. I am beat literally. I almost got swallowed by a water monster. I just want to sleep for like a night before I start thinking about anything else.
00:53:40
Speaker
All right, so you guys get camp set up and you start to settle in a little bit and everybody make perception checks. OK. Seven. Hey. Oh, my gosh. Sixteen. All right, I'm going to roll. And if it's not about five, I'm going to be real mad. Sixteen. Nine plus two, eleven.
00:54:09
Speaker
I thought you're the one that have the good perception. Yeah, I have nine. I rolled a two. Oh my God. So dying. Um, as you guys are getting camp set up,
00:54:27
Speaker
You're kind of getting things put together and you kind of finally settle down and you sit. And when you do, there's somebody standing right next to camp. They have both hands out in front of them as if to say, I'm unarmed.
00:54:43
Speaker
I'm I'm just, you know, I'm this just to say, look, no, try not to threaten and trying to encourage you guys not to threaten. And this person is wearing a dark hood over their head. And it's a it's a cloak that falls, falls down over a. It falls down over a.
00:55:09
Speaker
A tight, it looks like a tight fitting dark gray shirt. Got black leather pants and boots on. It looks like a rapier is hanging from his waist. A weapon of some kind. And he, he reaches his hands up slowly to the hood and pulls them down. And you see the face of a rogue who you allowed to live. This is Carmen Stone. But
00:55:38
Speaker
His hair on one side is gray on the right.
00:55:43
Speaker
and it's matted. His left is still the pretty light brown hair that it had, but the right is gray and matted. The forehead of his face is a dull blue-gray color, and his right eye hangs lazy as he stares and looks at each of you one at a time. His right eye doesn't move. His skin on his right cheek and down the right side of his neck is gray and dry looking and cracking.
00:56:15
Speaker
And he holds his hands out back in front of him after taking his hood off. And he says, we parlayed before. May we again, I beg your mercy, just for a conversation. Take a seat, friend. I was not expecting to hear that word from any of you. Especially from him. I look at Jotzer.
00:56:45
Speaker
It's bold enough for you to come here, so it's the least I think we can do. I don't think any of us are in the mood for any more fighting, so we can be civil. Krigs picks up his hammer, but don't try me, though.
00:57:08
Speaker
I have no, I have no intention. I didn't track you all this way for conflict. I need your help. I think you could use mine. I clear a spot next to the fire that it's there and I just say, well, have a seat. Wait. Gwendolyn walks up to you.
00:57:35
Speaker
to Carmine and just, can she get close to him?
00:57:40
Speaker
He's going to continue to keep his hands out in front of him, but he's not going to stop you as you walk close. He just kind of looks, uh, well, I mean, you can make an insight check if you want to kind of look in his eyes and see what he's, what he seems to be thinking. But I don't, I'm going to still glare at him and then take his hand and my hand and put it up against, put his hand up against his cheek on the dead side is what I'm going to call it. Okay.
00:58:09
Speaker
What happened? Darnoldy. And that's where we're gonna end the episode. Oh Darnoldy! Oh yeah! That was the most freaking jackass episode.
00:58:37
Speaker
Hi, I'm Crick Scaldor, and welcome to the Hired Swords. And thank you for listening. If you liked our show, tell a friend about us, and if you really liked our show, do us a favor and tell the world. Leave a review. If you want to keep up with us on all the behind the scenes goofs and gaffs, you can find us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram at thehiredswords. Check out our merch shop at thehired.store, and if you'd like to join our Discord, look for our pinned tweet. And again, thank you for listening.