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Episode 42: Why We Need Mentors and Coaches with Phillip Ramsey and Bryan Dewhurst
907 Plays6 years ago
When you’re young, you don’t think twice about having a coach for soccer, baseball, field hockey – whatever sport you’re into. You need someone to coach you through the basics and show you the ropes. That all changes when you start adulting. You think you know everything. You don’t seek out those coaches and mentors who were clearly so instrumental in helping you learn and grow.
Episode #43 is all about getting over yourself and finding the right coach or mentor for whatever goal you’re pursuing. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you are aware enough to know what you don’t know.
We are huge fans of coaches and mentors. And we have been at every point in a mentor/coach relationship. We have business coaches who have helped us set goals and get our business to the next stage. We have served as mentors to each other. And we cherish our role as financial coach to so many of you. It’s inspiring and humbling.
Remember that feeling when you made a great play, or struck the note you’d been practicing for so long? Remember looking to the sideline at how proud and excited your coach was for you? You need coaches and mentors in your life now just like you did as a kid. When it comes to crushing goals, learning and growing, it is hard to underestimate the power of good coaching and mentoring.
what you will learn in this episode:- Why coaches and mentors are so important to reaching our goals
- Getting over the stigma of asking for help
- The difference between mentoring and coaching
- Why getting too much advice can be as bad as not seeking advice
- When to seek out a mentor and when to seek out a coach
- How coaches and mentors can help you develop a plan
- How coaches help you get off the sidelines of your life
- The value of what coaches and mentors receive back from the relationship
- How to find your mentor or coach
- The importance of setting expectations with a coach or mentor
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to the Uncommon Life
00:00:02
Speaker
Everyone dreams about living an uncommon life, but how we define that dream is very different for each of us. And for most, it's a lifelong pursuit. Welcome to the Uncommon Life Project podcast. We're going to introduce you to people who are living that life or enjoying the journey to get there. We're going to also give you some tools, tricks, and tips for starting or accelerating your own efforts to live an uncommon life, a life worth celebrating and savoring.
Meet the Hosts: Philip and Brian
00:00:30
Speaker
Please welcome your hosts, Brian Dewhurst and Philip Ramsey. Hello and welcome to another episode of the Uncommon Life Project. I'm your host, Philip Ramsey. And I am Brian Dewhurst. And here we are coming at you with another duo cast with yours truly and Brian Dewhurst. We have an amazing bio, but we will spare you the time. I do want to point out that we are trending in Belgium.
00:00:53
Speaker
Oh, I'm not, it said like top 10 financial podcasts in Belgium. I'm not sure how many people in Belgium there are. There might be six. We've got to do some research and reach out to our crew out there. Shout out to Belgium. Here in Belgium, we got a shout out for you. I bet it was probably like the same size as Belgium.
00:01:15
Speaker
Maybe, I don't know. We have no idea.
The Importance of Reviews
00:01:20
Speaker
So we do want to highlight, man, giving us ratings and reviews is so huge for both Brian and I's, I don't know, encouragement and it just helps us on the rating. So if you could do that, that'd be great. We do want to highlight Josh Dunwoody in February said, Philip and Brian have insightful yet approachable rapport that makes this show fun and easy to listen to.
00:01:40
Speaker
The guests that they bring on are great and have reliable stories to tell about achieving their own uncommon lives. The advice that UWP gives is relevant to helping anyone follow their path for themselves. Their perspective is very unique in an industry that seems anything but. Definitely worth subscribing to. Thanks a bunch, Josh. We should have you on show.
00:02:03
Speaker
I love that comment. And if you want yours read, put a review on. We would love to read it and highlight it.
Mentoring and Coaching in Adulthood
00:02:10
Speaker
Okay. Today's topic could be a quick one. I should probably start the timer because I'm going to say 23 minutes. We're just going to push it. But it's about mentoring and coaching. And Brian made this amazing observation once. He's like, isn't it interesting?
00:02:28
Speaker
In high school and when we were younger, we were always sought out to have coaches and mentors in our lives, or I would say coaches more than anything. But when we got older and adulting, as we'll say, quote, unquote, we are like, that's like the furthest thing that we actually reach out to do. Yet when did we see the most growth in our lives when we had coaches and mentors?
00:02:51
Speaker
So this is all this show is about. And if you've listened to any of their shows in the past, one of the questions that either Brian and I will ask is who are the mentors in your life that have poured into you to help you get to where you're at currently? It seems like everyone has that one or two people. Our question to everybody that's listening is who is your mentor?
00:03:11
Speaker
that is mentoring you to where you want to go. That's just the quick question. Well, and I think too, when you get out of college, it's kind of that like, I've got everything figured out now. I'm going to go conquer the world and I'm done listening to other people. It's time for me to shine my big bright light. And that's the point where you fall flat on your face. Yep.
00:03:32
Speaker
Yeah, I agree. And when it matters the most, when life actually, if you gamify your life, then you need as many or more mentors in your life and coaches than you ever have. Because when you were younger, yeah, it means something. But man, when you're an adult, it really means something. Like this is your life. Yeah. Might as well be surrounding yourself with people that are pushing you and helping you move forward in this path. Whatever your path is, and I would say that would be the first thing, is know where you want to go.
00:04:02
Speaker
before you figure out who's gonna help you get there. And I mean, I truly believe that you can learn from anybody, anytime, anywhere. But at the end of the day, if you're taking advice from a person that you don't necessarily wanna be in that specific area, like let's say, I don't wanna eight to five. My mentor is a guy that has been working eight to five for 28 years, like, eh. Not the guy.
00:04:27
Speaker
Not the guy. Now, I'm not saying that he can't be teaching you things in another aspect or subject in your life. That's absolutely valid. But when you're talking about this uncommon path, who's helping you down this path? Who's coaching you, mentoring you, encouraging you to help fight through this? Maybe you have it, maybe you don't, but I'm telling you it is important. So, let's go on that topic as I just went off for five minutes. Sorry.
00:04:54
Speaker
Well, I think I heard from a, I got this from a buddy of mine and he sent me this, this was like a guy that had written a book and he was like 70 years old and he had like 18 coaches at 70 years old. He had like a karate coach, foreign language coach, swimming coach, a dancing coach. He still wanted
Choosing the Right Mentor
00:05:14
Speaker
to dance with his wife, all these coaches and basically just pursuing his best self
00:05:20
Speaker
and knowing that he's not gonna figure it out as fast or as good as if he, unless he had a coach. And so I think, especially in a materialistic world, where it seems like a lot of people it's, I want a new car, I want a bigger house, or I want all these things.
00:05:37
Speaker
but what about wanting to be better at certain things and then potentially being able to earn more money? And so, you know, I think it's, it's something that, you know, we have a business coach, we have, I'd say two business coaches and that, you know, speak truth into our life. And as we meet with lots of people,
00:06:00
Speaker
One of the common denominators that we hear a lot is like people have these ideas or they want to do something that's out of the box or uncommon. Shameless plug.
00:06:11
Speaker
But the people in their life that they're asking advice from don't have that experience. Don't have an entrepreneurial experience or, you know, don't do that. You need benefits. That's not safe. You know, all those different things that we hear, we need a retirement plan or you
Philip and Brian's Coaching Philosophy
00:06:25
Speaker
need all this stuff. And it's like, well, that actually is trapping you, not actually providing a safety net. Um,
00:06:34
Speaker
And so that's I think so important. And I think what we are to a lot of people is a coach or a mentor in that sense of saying, yeah, you can do this. Like we've done it. It's been hard. It's going to be one of the hardest things you've ever done.
00:06:48
Speaker
But you can do this. And here's the steps that we would take if we were you. Let's go. So I also want to just debunk something right now. And I think there is this stigma around having to ask for help that you are unhealthy or something. Like I think about marriage counseling. That's a big one.
00:07:09
Speaker
Oh, if my wife and I need to go to marriage counseling, it must be because we're doing bad and we need help. I would say that's the exact opposite than I would say. It's like one, you've recognized that you have a need and the best thing and the biggest characteristic I think of health is that you're asking for help to pour into me or pour into the situation. Totally. Man, to me, that is a definition of health.
00:07:34
Speaker
is when you can, one, be aware enough to be like, hey, I need a little help in this area. And so debunk that whole thing. If you're going to a marriage counselor, kudos on you. In fact, I should probably schedule a marriage counseling for my wife and I because we are doing good and I still want to continue that path.
00:07:50
Speaker
want to stay there. I want to stay there. That makes sense. And so, but I think there's all too often this stigma of like you reach out to them, you're not doing good. And man, I'm telling you, it could be the most healthy thing that one does for their future is asking for help. And we just did a podcast on financial guilt. It was the last dual cast we did. And, and, and that's a huge thing is like, Hey, I just need help here. I'm struggling. Like, Oh yeah. And people love to help people.
00:08:18
Speaker
We're wired that way. We are wired that way. And so anyway, so anytime you have to ask for help or reach out to somebody like, Hey, could you help me coach me or mentor me? Chances are 98% of the time they're going to say absolutely because you've humbled yourself enough to ask for that help and how much potential you have after you asked for help because inherently we don't want to do things that are hard. That's why people get trainers at the gym.
00:08:43
Speaker
they ask for coaches to help push them in ways that they never would be pushed because inherently we just want to sit on the couch and be and eat potato chips. That's true. Does that make sense? At least that's in my life. Um, but we don't, I would say it's not inherent in our, at least my life that I can push myself without somebody else from the outside pushing me. And when I do have somebody from the outside pushing me, I, I, I work a lot harder. So same thing goes with financially. Go ahead, Brian.
Coaching vs Mentoring: What's the Difference?
00:09:11
Speaker
So I think coaching,
00:09:13
Speaker
To me, I want to differentiate the two, coaching and mentoring, because they are different. Coaching is like you are paying someone for their advice or their help or their expertise. Like if you have a swimming coach, you're taking lessons and you're paying that person per hour. I feel like for us and a lot of the stuff we're doing, we're almost like entrepreneurial coaches or wealth coaches and we charge people a financial planning fee to do that.
00:09:40
Speaker
Mentoring is to me not paid. And there's a distinction there where you're asking that person for advice and for time.
00:09:50
Speaker
And there isn't a financial transaction taking place, but you also have to show that person respect and like doing the work. And if you ask them for their advice and they tell you to do something that you actually do it. It's a great distinction. And I think the other part to all this is the other side of the spectrum is having too many people you're asking advice from in your life and you get
00:10:16
Speaker
too many opinions and you, you paralyze yourself and you don't actually get traction. That's a great point. Cause we see this often. And I would say a good example of this is your resume when you're looking for jobs and you kept giving it to people like, Hey, tweak my red, like give me feedback, my resume. And every one of those people had different feedback at some point, you're going to have to just pick the one that you trust the most and like, okay, I'll do it that way. Keep going. Great. These are great, great points. Yeah. So I think it's a matter of really like, do you want to coach?
00:10:46
Speaker
And if you want to get better at something, to me, you want to coach. To me, mentoring is more like, I'm curious about something. I want to switch careers and I think I'd be good at this. Well, then you're going to go seek out people in that profession.
00:11:07
Speaker
What is your day like? What do you do? How much do you make? What schooling did you have? What are your clients asking you for? Like to me, that's more like mentoring of like aligning your skill sets and your strengths and talking to people of things that you're interested in. And if you get to that point of like, man, I'm going all in on this. Well, now you either got to go back to school.
00:11:28
Speaker
or you got to invest in it. Like you got to put your money where your mouth is and if you're going to do it, I guess is to me the distinction.
Commitment and Financial Investment
00:11:35
Speaker
Yeah. Is it important to pay somebody and Brian and I would both say yes. Like if you have financial, um, I would say buy-in, you're going to have a little bit more commitment to get something done. That's been a tough transition for Brian and I because we used to do everything for free. And eventually we're like, we got to start charging people so they have skin in the game and they take this serious.
00:11:58
Speaker
It doesn't pay our bills that much. I mean it helps, right? I'm not gonna say that but for the most part it's because I want you to be committed here and I want you to have Some kind of investment in this so you take this serious. Mm-hmm. Yeah, totally and so yeah, I think this is just a pretty simple topic, but it's
00:12:21
Speaker
It's hard in the sense that I think most people don't have a coach or someone that's speaking truth into their life. And I think for me, you know, Phil has been that person on a lot of different levels, you know, over the last seven years. And, um, and even as we've kind of entered into, you know, more of a business coaching relationship with people, it's just been, it's been really good to help us get focused shoulder to shoulder. These are our common goals. These are what makes us unique. And, you know, I think wanting to translate that into,
00:12:51
Speaker
our practice for families of just how do you come together with financial goals? How do you take the past of your financial, you know, shame and guilt like we talked about, you know, successes, weaknesses, you know, typically one's a spender, one's a saver.
00:13:08
Speaker
How do you pull all that together and then craft a plan as a husband and wife to accomplish your goals? Well, a lot of couples, it seems like need help with that. And it's fun to enter and be that resource for people to say like, well, what do you want? And not attaching money to it of just like, what do you want? Well, he wants to start a business. I want to take more time with the kids, you know, all these different things and helping people get aligned shoulder to shoulder of like,
00:13:36
Speaker
Yeah, that would be amazing. I want to totally just edify you for a second because there's been times where we've sat down with a husband and wife and the husband's like, Hey, I want to do this uncommon path. The wife's like, I'd rather vomit in my mouth. Thank you very much. Um, and the plan that Brian created of this example I'm thinking of was the perfect synergy of, Hey, let's pull up cash.
00:14:01
Speaker
And so if there's an investment that seems worthy and then the wife is on board, then they can completely go after that. So the husband felt completely loved in that because he was like, okay, my vision is now starting to come true. And the wife was like, but we're not doing it yet. I still have.
00:14:18
Speaker
and control and control of this. They're both on board at this point in their plan, the specific people they've gone through and done the rentals. And guess who's the most excited about the whole plan? The wife. Yes. And so to be able to do that and not just talk about this stuff, that's why I wanted to give a specific example of when you sit down with somebody and actually listen
00:14:41
Speaker
And there's people who are pouring out their true, like, these are fears, like I would say in most parts, hearing that and then helping them create a specific plan for them in their future. It's fun. And I would edify Brian in that it's so fun to watch them start getting excited about their true financial goals and their plan. Yeah. Because that's a lot of times what people are lacking in this financial game is just a plan. Where are we going? We're just living life. And man, it's daunting and it's easy to fall into. So. Yeah.
00:15:11
Speaker
So I think two points on that one. I think you do a great job of getting people to open up and what do you really want and I think
00:15:19
Speaker
You know a lot of times what we see is one of the spouses I'm not going to totally just make it about men versus women because I don't think that's the case because we have a lot of entrepreneurial you know females or you know that we see but you know a lot of times one of the spouses is doing a ton of research is super passionate about something and they're they know they've done a hundred or a thousand hours of research into something and the other spouse hasn't.
00:15:42
Speaker
And even I struggle with this too, of having a vision or wanting to accomplish something, but I don't necessarily do the best job communicating that to the people around me. And it's like, well, how do I take part in this and how does this fit into where we're going?
00:15:55
Speaker
you know, how do we take the next step? Because that's a big thing to tackle. And so I think it's a matter of that process that we take people through helps kind of frame all that in and keep the spouses united and holding the hand of both of them so that they can stay together.
Empowerment and Action
00:16:14
Speaker
And I think the other point I want to make is, you know, our church had this kind of sermon or whatever, and it was talking about, you know, a lot of churches, the pastors, you know, we may look at the pastor and the staff of the church as, you know, the players on the field, and we're in the stands watching them and all the things that they're doing.
00:16:33
Speaker
And you know, our pastor gave this sermon or whatever and he basically was saying like, no, we want to be the coaches on the sideline and God wants you to be on the field playing. You know, we are the hands and feet, you know, the kingdom of God and God wants to work through us. And I think to me,
00:16:50
Speaker
A, that was just an amazing message and visual, but B, it relates to what we're trying to do with UnCommonwealth partners and UnCommonwealth.com and the seven sources of residual income is we want people to play. This isn't about you and I having all the answers. It's about highlighting different people that have systems and proven processes and experiences
00:17:10
Speaker
that deliver results and I'm saying like more financial results or business related results and you can take what those people have done and implement it for what you're passionate about and make money and have the life that you want and design things the way that you want them to and we're just really a guide in that process.
00:17:31
Speaker
And trying to uncover all these different things. There's just so many different ways to make money now Outside of the stock market and so I just think that's a huge part of what we're doing And I just love that message of like we want you to get on that field and play, you know Yes, and that's the reason why we had uncommon life project is because we wanted to highlight these people that are doing these things that are uncommon in that they don't feel like they're working they and granted this is a
00:17:59
Speaker
It's a tough road, right? Like this is not for the faint of heart, yet the values and the core values and the experiences that we get are, they're just priceless. Like that's all there is to it. Like it is a tough path to be beating down, especially this uncommon path, especially being financial advisors in this world that you need a Roth IRA and you need that, stop. We are going against the flow and I couldn't be more excited for it.
00:18:28
Speaker
And I can't wait to edify your point to be co-pilots with our clients because they are our best assets.
00:18:38
Speaker
we help coach them on the field. They're doing it. And it is exciting. It's exciting to get a challenge, a win, a loss. But we're always learning. And Brian and I get the opportunity to learning the most. Because these people are like, we get to pour into many, many people's lives as they go down this path.
00:18:59
Speaker
the messages that we're getting on a weekly basis now of like, I'm looking at this franchise, I'm looking at this property, I might buy this business, I might sell this thing to get this.
00:19:11
Speaker
What do you think? Here are the numbers. This is what my wife thinks. All those factors and like helping families make decisions, you know, on a weekly basis now is just, yeah, like we learned so much and we see so many different situations. And I think that's where we come from a point of experience of just like, man, we have seen so much and are seeing so many different deals that we can put a pair of eyes on your specific situation.
00:19:40
Speaker
and bring all that context and experience of all these other people to yours and maybe help you see something you haven't seen. Either from a risk standpoint or from even a upside standpoint. Like, man, you should do this. Sure. So.
Building a Supportive Community
00:19:56
Speaker
So, so here's quick, another thing too. I think community is something that we need to talk through and just how important community is for the average person when they go down any path to have people peers that they can bounce ideas off of is invaluable. Like it is so
00:20:14
Speaker
priceless when you can just call somebody and be like, Hey, what, and they're, you know, they've either struggled with it or they're going to struggle with it, but you respect and love their opinion and you're asking for advice. That community is something amazing. So yeah, quickly. So I wanted to search on this real quick because I think it's a factor of, you know, one of the seven sources that we break out is network marketing. And I think why network marketing is so attractive for so many is the community aspect, but also, you know, being around people that are making money, you know, typically they're making,
00:20:43
Speaker
And it's, you know, the negative side is like, well, how much are they truly making? What are you doing to get there? I think the other downside of network marketing is like, you know, is this person helping me because it's in my best interest or telling me these things because it's for my best or is it because it's there financially incentivized to do so? So I think there's some definite quirks to that and things you need to be careful of, but I think that's one of the attractiveness to
00:21:08
Speaker
Network marketing is having a mentor and in having someone model successful practices for you on how to monetize what you're passionate about. But then also that sense of community, you know, the events and the nomenclature and the, you know, just different things that you're in the people that you see of like mind, like that is a huge draw. And I think that's what we're trying to build with uncommon wealth is now a community where people can plug in and network and
00:21:33
Speaker
and find people of like mind so that you know that you're not alone and this isn't as risky as you think you know buying a rental property or starting something it's just starting somewhere. Sure so let's talk about how do you find your mentor or coach. First I think you need to know where you want to go and if you don't know that
00:21:54
Speaker
There's a great conversation that you and your wife could have of like, hey, what does the next five years look like for you, ideally? Then I think when you figure out that, decide if you want to pay for it or you don't or can't, how important it is in that thing, how fast you want to go. And then once you sit down with either a mentor or coach, set expectations. Those are huge.
00:22:18
Speaker
And even before that, I think that you can go back in your life and think about all the coaches and mentors that you had in your life and figure out the most impactful. And if you can remember, how did they coach? How did they mentor? What were things that they did or how did they motivate you? Because the way that Brian is motivated is completely different than the way I motivate.
00:22:36
Speaker
For example, he loves to make lofty goals that are like pie in the sky and if he can hit it He hits the moon if you know stars and he hits the moon I'm the guy is like if I can't hit a goal man, like I'm defeated Frustrated and so different people are wired differently. And so if you can think about the coaches and mentors in your life Remembering how they coached and mentored you and got you motivated and encouraged is important. I think and
00:23:03
Speaker
And then when you sit down with those people set expectations, what does this look like? Define success for those people and that's something Brian and I would always ask our clients is what is a successful relationship look like for us? Because we want to know the right answer because we want everyone to be happy and unmet expectations are absolute killers for relationships.
00:23:23
Speaker
So, that's what I would say for that whole thing.
Control Your Journey
00:23:28
Speaker
Obviously, we all know how powerful coaches are in our lives and mentors, but something that we wanted to at least devote some specific time for. Yeah, totally. So, any final thoughts? We got a minute and 23 seconds.
00:23:42
Speaker
Come on. I think the other side of it is, like you said, of just interviewing different people and you are driving your bus and you can get people onto your bus and you can kick people off of your bus. And so if you have a mentor or coach that just isn't driving with what you're thinking or feeling and, and find another one, you know, and, um,
00:24:02
Speaker
you're in control of your of your bus and so you know we'd love to be a part of your bus too as a coach or a mentor if you want to get into this business.
00:24:13
Speaker
And then, yeah, if you just wanna, hey, we need help getting shoulder to shoulder and accomplishing things financially, that's our sweet spot. And so, yeah, if you look at our website, uncommonwealth.com, you can schedule a free 15-minute consultation and we can take you, kind of talk you through our process in that, and yeah.
00:24:34
Speaker
That's all I got. Well, hey, thank you so much for taking the time to listen to Brian and I think that we're going to spend about 15 minutes on something and ended up stretching it out for another eight. You've been listening to the Uncommon Life Project. I'm your host, Phillip Ramsey. And I am Brian Dewhurst and we always appreciate the ratings and subscribing to our channel. Absolutely. So until next time, go be uncommon. Thank you. Thanks everybody. Bye.
00:25:01
Speaker
That's all for this episode of the Uncommon Life Project, brought to you by Uncommon Wealth Partners. Be sure to visit uncommonwealth.com to learn more about our services. Don't miss an episode as we introduce you to inspiring people who are actively pursuing an uncommon life.