Transcript
Speaker: that lift pour out that last alani for the almighty this is from a company called forgiven it is a christian energy drink because it has the gospel on every can like this one says i can do all things through christ philippians 4 13. the company contacted me personally when i ordered it and they said there's like scratches and little dents on the can and they asked if i would still promote it and i said god uses broken things all the time that's what i love about this can is it's already started so many conversations of faith in the gym for me and that's why it's so easy for me to choose something like this versus a monster nalani goat
Speaker: Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of Growing Up Christian. I'm Sam. And I'm Casey. And you're also probed.
Speaker: Casey got anal probed last week, guys, and we're really excited. I'm really excited to hear it. I saw the video of not the probing. I mean i haven't seen that video yet. yeah my Maybe that'll be your first Patreon release, just you getting probed by an alien. That could actually...
Speaker: That could put us on the map. Uh, no, we, we launch our, uh, fans only. Yeah. You, uh, you sent me a video of what was like, like just kind of falls right within like the confines of what looks like one of those reasonable internet videos you'd see of, of UFOs. And, uh,
Speaker: it didn't I know it did a number on your psyche, and you're still recovering, but let's well let's just get into that, man. I'm really curious. Yeah. Because I saw you you posted on on one of your personal so personal social media pages.
Speaker: ah Some absolute Doris was like, that looks like I don't remember what it was. I just remember laughing. was balloons. Yes, balloons. I was dead.
Speaker: I was dead. They look like balloons floating around. It's like, all right, lady, go to bed. She was over 70. It was cute. I'm not mad at her. I think it's adorable, but it killed me.
Speaker: And then, ah yeah, but dude, it these things are dancing around. The most reasonable take was um the the drone light show things that they'll use where like they all dance around into a formation, but there was no formation happening. So talk about your first alien abduction, Casey.
Speaker: Yeah, okay. So, all ah ahll let me start by saying that this subject is not really of much interest to me. Like, I don't follow it. I've watched like a couple of the news videos over the years where they're like, oh, Senate confirms this or that, you know, like the Nimitz thing and all that.
Speaker: But ah I don't really have a lot of interest in like extraterrestrial stuff. But April and I are always out like walking around at night, like we take the dogs out and we walk around, we got like headlamps, you know, so we're like looking at plants and bugs and everything. When you were here, you did it with us. Yeah, it's I think it's adorable that after all these years, that's still your like nightly routine.
Speaker: I got, dude, i I had a great time doing it with you for a weekend. If I stayed at your house for a week by day five, be like what the fuck are we still doing out here? Like, why are we doing this every night? That's understandable.
Speaker: Unless you can show me something new. Unless I could see something nuts. Like I would be like, wouldn't it wouldn't do it for me every night. But I think that's great. I love that about you guys. That's why the aliens don't visit you. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: I'm not, yeah well, yeah, I'm not outside enough. i'm not I'm not primed for the the bizarreness that all of that our world has to offer. You're out there. You're digging through the muck, looking for creepy things.
Speaker: you you You get, after all the species, speci that you've seen, you know, you're like, there could be more out there. This isn't the end of it. Yeah. Well, we're walking around looking at, you know, it's, we live out in the middle of nowhere and like there is some light pollution even still, but like, it's pretty dark out by us. You get pretty good view of the sky.
Speaker: And, uh, i don't know. I was just like walking around, like looking at, you know, looking for satellites or whatever. And to the like northwest of my house, like kind of on the horizon. So this is like low in the sky. You know, I saw like these I said, I just saw a light do so like ah a floating light kind of do something weird. Like it turned like while I was looking at it.
Speaker: And so I sat there and I was like, you know, you you're like, what ah what was what was that? Yeah. And so you're just looking and looking. And then I saw another one and then I saw a couple of them at once.
Speaker: And. i don't know, so like they're they're like, you know, it's just lights like it's nothing crazy, like I can't make out any sort of like shape or anything to anything, but like, you know, low on the horizon to the northwest.
Speaker: kind of in your worst like plane of view in terms of just like how far you can see. i've been I've been watching them like ah i mean probably five six nights so far that I've gone out there and like sat around until I saw some stuff and i mean it's frequent. They're kind of like it seems like sometimes like they're repeating a pattern And I don't know what it is. And like, they speed up, they slow down. Destruction of humanity.
Speaker: Well, it would be understandable. and we We ask for it all the time. might get that without calling for it. i mean, we're moving in that direction. They don't even need to put in the work.
Speaker: They're like, they speed up, they slow down, they turn midair, you know, and change directions. They'll appear, disappear, they get really bright and then just like blink out. They're typically visible for like between 10 and 30 seconds. And I've seen up to five at one time, kind of like, you know, moving around in the same area. Yeah.
Speaker: And, you know, like your first instinct is like, okay, well, this must be closer than it seems. Like this is, this is something, yeah, it's like a drone or something like that. Right.
Speaker: But know, you know, we, we drove around a little bit trying to see if we could get a better vantage point because my first assumption was that it was like over a town that's about 20 miles from us, you know, but, uh, the more you look at them where you're like, these are a long ways away.
Speaker: And it's weird that I can even see them because, you know, like looking at satellites, like you can see satellites overhead, you know, and when you like if you're watching them, when they get too far in one direction or the other, that's where you like do you just lose sight of them. Like you're not seeing like the light reflection off of them anymore, you know? Yeah.
Speaker: So like being that these are like kind of low on the horizon up to maybe like a 25 or a 30 degree angle, I don't know, dude, it's just weird. And so I sent it to some people and I'm just like, uh, what is this? Does anybody have any ideas? And like, nobody really, I mean, the best guess is like, well, maybe it's a drone or something like that, but it's gotta to be a lot of drones if it is, you know, you said five nights you've seen it. That's, what's interesting to me. It's the same area. Yeah.
Speaker: several nights like that makes it seem calculated and for something but uh is there a particular city that like they align with like are there people because you said northwest are there do you know people farther northwest that can see them farther northwest Well, so when I posted on Facebook about it, I didn't really I was going to post it on Reddit, but it's like this whole rigmarole where you have to like vet the video and all this stuff. I posted it on Facebook.
Speaker: I didn't realize that i that it was public. And I got like quite a few people that commented on it and said, like, yeah, I see the same sort of thing. um Some of them posted videos like this one lady posted three videos and she's in Durham, Oklahoma, which is about four and a half hours like southwest of me.
Speaker: And it looks exactly the same. It's like it's a long ways away. I mean, it's on the Colorado border in like far western Oklahoma. Yeah. Yeah. So like, I don't I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't think that that would be the same ones. But then other people from like Southeast Kansas posted about it. Somebody from like 20 miles north of me posted that they had seen the same sorts of things. and But, you know, like there's nothing really.
Speaker: You start searching around and like you can find all sorts of videos, but then half of them, you start watching them and you look at the person, you're like, yeah, OK, I don't I don't think I'm going to put too much stock in what you say. Right.
Speaker: That's how it is. It's just strange. It is. I would just like to know what it is. I mean, we have an air force base in Wichita, but it's on the South end of town. So that would be like Southwest quite a ways from like where I'm looking. There's like an aviation company that makes like, i don't know. They like test drones and things like that more.
Speaker: I guess it would be like due West or a little Southwest of me on the North end of Wichita. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I'm perfectly like open to normal, reasonable, boring explanations to it. I don't really have like a big affinity for this sort of thing, but it's just interesting. And so like tonight I'm, uh, I'm out of town. I'm working on like far Western Kansas and there's a lot less light pollution out here.
Speaker: And so after we finish up tonight, I'm going to take a drive out into the, out into the, the inky blackness and see if I can see anything out there. I'm hoping that the sky's clear. Yeah. I'm hoping you come back alive and unprobed. I don't, i I don't know if that's a good idea, man. I think you might, uh, I think some bad things might happen that this is, that's the famous last word shit from most movies that incorporate aliens into them.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, I don't know. I had a pretty good run. I mean, from the things I'm doing to my body, i feel like, what what what am I going to do? Sit around in my living room and live another 15 years?
Speaker: Right. It's actually almost more exciting to think about what your body would do to the aliens. Right.
Speaker: Get it out of here. It stinks. They take one taste of your like monster energy bloodstream, and they're just like... It's like putting salt on a snail.
Speaker: like Like, have a little self-respect. Don't lay your eggs in that guy. Your blood just turns them inside and melts them into puddles of goo.
Speaker: Yeah, you I was a human race. to them Yeah, you are. You could save the human race. All because you wouldn't lay off the gas station hot dogs in jerky and in ah energy drinks. I tried a Celsius for the first time last week.
Speaker: yeah they're not bad. They're not. um They're not great. They have sugar-free ones, and then do they have ones with sugar, are they all sugar-free? Is that their thing? think they're all sugar-free. Because some say sugar-free, and others didn't. And I'm like, do I have to actually? Here's why I did it.
Speaker: um Well, Celsius is funny. I feel like it's really popular. It's popular in general, but one day, a couple years ago, at work, at a school. I work at a school, as most people know.
Speaker: ah Just one day, every teacher was drinking Celsius. It was just what people did. ah And I read the ingredients. I read the can. I was like, that seems like a lot.
Speaker: I think it's 200 milligrams of caffeine. I forget what a lot of caffeine is. ah But, you know, when I make a big to go cup of coffee, it's probably pretty similar. It's not.
Speaker: But it's, you know, you drink it slowly. I drink my coffee for like four hours, maybe five. A Celsius you drink in like 20 30 minutes if you're not wearing it yeah you just kind of drink it like a soda uh but the only reason i got is because uh i got we got combies around here cumberland farms uh maybe for some of you i don't know i think everyone calls it combies you got combies come butts
Speaker: No, no Cumbies. Cumberland farm. That sounds like a nickname for like J.D. Vance in college. Yeah. ah he He wears his, he likes to wear thick leather Cumbies.
Speaker: Probably, probably more like bounty. um found He's like the quilted quicker picker upper.
Speaker: uh, uh, Cumbies is kind of like worse sheets. I don't think it's worse. I think their coffee is better than sheets. It's like sheets kind of like, but no one, you don't, you don't order your food really. Like they just have like the rollers that keep it warm. You get your breakfast sandwiches under the heat lamp in the morning. Um,
Speaker: But they have this breakfast deal going, and it goes hard. It is a breakfast sandwich, hash browns, and either a coffee or a Celsius for $4.
Speaker: That's a banging-ass deal. That's yeah super cheap. You haven't heard of in at least five years. A $4 breakfast meal deal is... That's not a thing anymore. So I don't know what war or what terrorist faction I'm funding by buying it. Probably something Israeli if I had to guess. But I already had a coffee, but I needed breakfast. The breakfast sandwich is like $3.90. $3.90.
Speaker: So I can get the hash browns and a Celsius for like an extra 10 cents plus tax. I wasn't, of course I'm doing it. 10 cents for eventual pancreatic cancer. Like why not?
Speaker: I know, dude. I mean, I weighed my options and realized I, like I would have sold,
Speaker: i would have sold my birthright for a bowl of soup to get biblical. I would have, put on some fake hairy arms and pretended to be a man bear pig and had sex with my mother-in-law. I don't remember what the story is. I think it's something like that. I'm not sure.
Speaker: um But anyway, I don't, anyway, head of Celsius. ah It made me feel pretty good. i drank it pretty quick. That was a lot like, but there's like all these other things in it that make you that I don't know if it helps with the ingestion of caffeine. I don't know what it's doing. The vitamins it's pretending to be healthy.
Speaker: All I know is I don't think I want to get into the habit of like doing that. um Come on in, dude. The water's fine. I felt for one moment how you feel every day. And I thought, yeah, he might be on to something. He might be on to something.
Speaker: I would have a terrible time with uppers because I just want to go at like level 10. Yeah. Every moment of every day until I collapse. Like that's what I want to do.
Speaker: Yeah. um Not me. I feel like I would like them in the in certain contexts. i have I would have to be careful.
Speaker: I feel like i I feel like actually everything is the right context for me to like something. If I just do it long enough, you know, you get into it and you're like, i this is me now. ah I have a very I'm realizing as I get older, how my how I don't know if I don't know if I have an addictive personality in that.
Speaker: ah Well, that's something everyone says. Right. i don't. But it's that's classic Christian line about why I don't try booze. No, I try everything. I'll try anything. I just, I'm not like when people say they have an addictive personality, like, Oh, if I do that thing once, I'm going to be like, I should keep doing it. No, you won't. Like I'm a man of patterns.
Speaker: Um, and I noticed like patterns with everything where it's like, ah you know, whether I'm gaming or watching shit TV, whatever, like I get, I get locked into a routine, an evening routine really easily.
Speaker: um And it's not super hard to break it. Like if I go a couple of days shifting it up, I can lock into something new, but I'm like, I think it's like, like comfort shit. Like I just want to, whatever I can do to turn my brain off and like lock into the thing I'm going to do um is where I'll ah gravitate towards. Cause I need to like kill like two and a half hours, three hours a night after I get all my kids to bed and I could like, I'm just by myself. I'm like, all right,
Speaker: Now I just lock in and I do the thing. So I would like to and look at spiders. Yeah, I should go out and look for spiders. I should go out and take my dogs for a walk. I could I should I need to establish new patterns.
Speaker: and And then I need my brain to like align with that as a form of relaxation. Well, I know this is not the ah the plan we talked about originally, but okay this is kind of a perfect segue into the other subject matter that I was going to bring up tonight.
Speaker: o and Which one is that? Well, you know, you talk about energy. And, you know, I've often thought, I mean, we've all seen the, ah you know, the viral video of the lady talking about monster energy.
Speaker: unleash the beast and it's the Hebrew word for six, six, six. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, turn, turn that cross upside down when you drink it and all that, you know, I mean, that's a, so that's, that weighs heavily on my mind.
Speaker: And to me, I just keep, I just thought, God, if only there was a, a product that would, you know, spool me up, but for the Lord,
Speaker: And right as it turns out, ah there is. Because the power of Jesus is. Thoroughly invested in Christian marketing campaigns now, and I think that's beautiful. I think it's great way to reach people.
Speaker: Yep. Well, and to that point, there's a Christian influencer named Bryce Crawford, who is ah He's something.
Speaker: Yeah. he's ah He's a character. Blonde hair, blue eye. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he recently or somewhat recently released his own energy drink brand. Oh. Praise Energy.
Speaker: So this is a little promo. Okay, go ahead. You can't cant before you hear the pitch. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. I decided to start a Christian energy drink company and here's how.
Speaker: I had my first energy drink when I was 18 years old and I was working 13-hour shifts every day, hot in the sun, on boats in Florida. And i was drinking them the same reason that many people drink coffee and energy drinks. It was to get through a work day or to lift in the morning. David's the so high. But at the end of 2024, I started getting convicted about the things I was eating and drinking and consuming. And so that started of my journey on creating this energy drink company that honors Jesus on the branding. I wanted to make it Christian because I want people to know we're Christian. I want people to know that we love Jesus. Christian founders, Christian employees that are putting love, intentionality, purpose, zeal, passion behind every drink, every product, every flavor, every formula. I want to use this more than just a product as a tool to plant seeds and start conversations about There's
Speaker: But furthermore about the product, I wanted to make a cleaner option on the energy drink market. Some energy drinks offer 200 milligrams of caffeine in their cups. We have 100 milligrams of caffeine and the best form of caffeine coming from green tea extract. Your average cup of coffee has about 95 milligrams of caffeine in it. And this has 100.
Speaker: Great option. We're naturally flavored. And I believe that this option is going to be a better option and a cleaner option team on the market. So that's why we decided to create Graze Energy.
Speaker: there What's with the sitcom tunes at the end? That's terrible. I i don't know. I hate him. I hate how he speeds up. I feel like it just sounds like you're watching this on YouTube and you're constantly fluctuating his voice between like normal speed and like 1.5 speed.
Speaker: Yeah, it's a it must be edited to hit a certain time slot on the on the feed. Like TikTok will promote it if it's between 47 and 49 seconds or something. So right. So he speeds up. He's like, oh, shit, I'm not going to hit my mark.
Speaker: ah What else okay is it? You can't call it an energy drink Isn't just caffeine though, right? We know that It's like ginseng and fucking I don't know, other words that I've seen on cans I think it's ah I think that's all just window dressing That's just all to sell the notion That it's okay to drink billion Caffeines like Our energy drink is is he even better Than regular energy drinks Because it's half as efficient And that's why Jesus is awesome. Like, fuck you, dude.
Speaker: Oh yeah. Jesus rips. It's Jesus cream. It's a Jesus semen. It's just a can full of like, what do we, what, I mean, what is it?
Speaker: It's got green tea. Did he say green? He said it's green tea. Well, or that's where they derive the caffeine from. Are you on their website? Yeah. Let's check their mission.
Speaker: Okay. Um, Okay, so our story. Praise was created out of a calling to build something bigger than a beverage. Founded and led by Bryce Crawford, a Christian storyteller with a global audience.
Speaker: Praise exists at the intersection of faith, culture, and everyday performance. At the heart of the brand is Zion, the lion mascot, who represents strength, courage, and faith lived out daily. What began as a vision to bring clean, purposeful products into everyday life has grown into a purpose-driven brand rooted in belief, intention, and community.
Speaker: Every product is crafted to put to support focus, momentum, and endurance while staying grounded in faith and honoring the work God places before us. And you want to get a good look at Zion? literally every buzzword. Oh, my God.
Speaker: That looks like a 90s Nicktoons character. like that It's sitting on his shoulder. That is some like yeah it is that's some Disney Channel Lizzie McGuire ass shit. When like Lizzie McGuire is just chilling in her animated versions telling her like not to fuck Gordo or whatever it is. like that's That's what that looks like.
Speaker: It is that same animation style. like Like a bag cereal mascot. Yes! ah A bag cereal.
Speaker: Meet our founder. Well, here, let's do the mascot first because that's fun. So in this one, he's wearing an I Heart Jesus t-shirt, which is like pretty neat. His tail's a lightning bolt. Dude, this is actually parody. Like, I hate that there's no difference between parody and real life anymore.
Speaker: Like, especially with these Christian social media marketing campaigns. Like, this you you look at this and you go, this is someone at, like, It looks like someone's absolutely dunking on Christianity by doing this.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. I think ah I think it would be fun if you could just get the collective energy Internet to only refer to Bryce Crawford as Logan Saul. Yeah. Look at that. Christ Crawford.
Speaker: inspired by the Lion of Judah, Zion represents strength through faith, courage without arrogance, and confidence rooted in belief. He is a symbol of showing up daily with intention, standing firm in whatever you believe.
Speaker: my God. What does this have to do with energy? what In what you believe. And moving forward with purpose. Zion is not about hype. He is about resilience, discipline, and quiet strength. What about that says resilience, discipline, and quiet strength.
Speaker: that that Everything about that says, I found porno mags in the woods.
Speaker: That goofy ass thumbs up. i mean like And then I got convicted and I buried them like without ah any sort of bag. yeah know But then i went and I went and dug them back up the next day. so now they're a little they're a little wrinkled. Yeah, I they got that like i got wet sort of crinkled to him. Yeah, that crusty crinkle like kind of you can see you can see through to the other side of the page.
Speaker: So it kind of looks like the nipple hat is like ah surrounded by a vagina. Yeah. Yeah. Hoo-ha inception. Yeah. We believe faith belongs in everyday moments, not just Sundays.
Speaker: Clean ingredients matter. Community is more powerful than consumption. Stop saying community. It's a drink. You're not drinking community. What is that? When you say that, I think everybody pissed in this can. Everyone you know pissed in this can. It's just like a collective...
Speaker: can of sweat like there's like what is Zion saying a prayer why is it community he's praying at the altar of energy drink God, what about this is communal for Christians?
Speaker: Like, he acts like this is a fucking goddamn Eucharist. It's annoying. I hate him. i think so much There's so much of this, like, outline of purpose, like, on this page, too. There's, like, little banners at the bottom. It says, Community First Mission, rooted in purpose, positivity, and community.
Speaker: It's not artificial colors. Stop community rooted in community. Dude. This guy is just using AI chat bots to write this shit. That's not real. That's not how people talk. That's not even how you do real marketing when someone actually makes a paycheck for it.
Speaker: Let's see what his story is. It says meet our founder. Oh my God. I bet he got saved from a life of chronic masturbation. Dude, he was going down a dark path. He stole Magic the Gathering cards from from Myers. you yeah And he got he got like pulled into the manager's office and they called his parents and he's like, I've hit rock bottom.
Speaker: going turn it around. i need to be I need to be imprisoned at teen missions like ah work camp for a summer. Yeah. Bryce Crawford is the founder and creative force behind praise, a Christian storyteller with a global audience. I bet all this is made up. I bet. yeah I mean, this kid's just a like, what do you call it? Like a mascot. Like I what? This isn't a global thing. Where do you even buy it? Can you buy it anywhere? do they have a store locator on their website?
Speaker: Ooh, I'm going look here in a second. Okay. That's a great question. A Christian storyteller. Then we got to take bets on how much it costs. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bryce is known for honest conversations, street interviews, and faith-centered content that meets people where they are.
Speaker: Praising is an extension of Bryce's mission to bring faith into everyday life in a practical, relatable way. Built for long days, meaningful work, and real responsibility, the brand reflects his belief that what you consume should serve your calling, not distract from it.
Speaker: He's really thought a lot about this, you know? The the the level... Oh my god. Dude, this is why Christianity is so fucking washed now. He looks like young Steven Tyler.
Speaker: Like there's not a chance in the world. Like if you live in a world and you've practiced the Christianity that makes you go, Jesus is really proud of me for doing this.
Speaker: I need you. i need you.
Speaker: to go. on a trip in search of the Ark of the Covenant, something just go away, disappear, find a new life, me, find a new, like life's work to give you meaning one that doesn't involve showing up on our social media algorithms. Go look for the Ark of the Covenant.
Speaker: Go look for the lost city of Atlantis. Go do something where there's a really high chance that you won't return. And while you're gone, there's no way we could hear from you. That's all I'm asking.
Speaker: I don't understand. Like where, where do you buy the actual energy drinks? Cause all I'm seeing on the website is like they're powdered stuff.
Speaker: Oh my God. This is a, I don't think this has a energy. It's just powder. It's a supplemental. It's like a, Oh my God.
Speaker: Yeah. It's like a, it's like a workout. um in tang I don't even think this has energy stuff in it. I think this is just like one of those like salt drinks. It's Gatorade.
Speaker: It's dehydrated urine. Yeah, like ah this is meant to this is meant for a a bunch of like sophomores to jump over the head of a pudgy racist pedophile after a game.
Speaker: Yeah, I think it's specifically designed to be taken on mission trips with you where you get dehydrated sharing the gospel with a bunch of underprivileged black children who live in shacks.
Speaker: Oh, we can apply to be affiliates. okay our first advertisements oh yeah second time fuel your day share your faith get rewarded i like that 10 commission on sales you drive tracked and paid through shopify collabs 10 discount code 10 commission and a 10 discount good that's 20 saving
Speaker: Free product and samples. Early access to new flavors and drops. That's cool. How many flavors are there now? Or is he just like getting you geared up for when they drop flavor number two?
Speaker: I mean, it just looked like there was two. There was like fruit punch and like lemon lime. But I keep seeing like cans. Like I saw cans like in the advertisements. Those are their koozie covers. It's like one of those when you get the, it's like the silicone wrap that you put around a can. So that way everyone believes the energy drinks you're drinking are praise energy. I think that needs to be our thing. but I think I like this idea. I just, you know, I applied it to his business, but what if we just came up with silicone covers for cans that made people think they were drinking a GUC energy drink?
Speaker: That isn't a bad idea. It's better than selling a fucking energy drink. It's like a little can cardigan. Yeah, and it's way less liability. You don't have to get sued when it turns everyone's dick orange.
Speaker: Okay, okay. Hey, take me to... So they yeah so the the energy drink page is empty. What does that mean? Does that mean it was recalled?
Speaker: Is it like too full of like the can has been painted with too much cadmium and now it'll just like it'll melt your ah your receptors off? I don't think there'd be a recall on it this soon.
Speaker: um I mean, I think this stuff is directly endorsed by RFK Jr., So it seems early on. When did this, when was this page created? Scroll all the way down. See when the page started.
Speaker: This is at 2026 powered by Spotify. Shopify, not Spotify. Yeah. Yeah. So it's, are I mean, this is recent, so it can't be recalled that quickly.
Speaker: So the only other thing he has on the page, he has the hydration drink and then he has a shaker bottle. What's the what is there like a verbose explanation of the shaker bottle? I see that it has scripture verses on the outside of it.
Speaker: Everyone has their own shaker bottle. It's just a ball in a plastic plastic bottle. Yeah, with a wire ball that you just dance around. let's hear why this is important, okay? Hydrate with a higher purpose. The Praise 20-ounce shaker bottle is BPA-free, leak-proof, and dishwasher-safe, a.k.a. made of plastic. With a secure flip lid and carry loop built for the gym, the grind, and everyday life, every lid is embossed with three, count them, one, two, three, gospel verses, Romans 3.23, John 3.16 and 17, Romans 8.1.
Speaker: So you can share that gospel wherever you go. Perfect for mixing your praise hydration or a first post-workout shake.
Speaker: I... i
Speaker: i i don't I'm out of words to describe how much I just
Speaker: loathe every aspect of evangelical culture. Okay. Well, I mean, it does have five stars. Yeah. There's 18 reviews here. People love it.
Speaker: Yeah, 18 people do love it. Love this shaker bottle. Genuinely separates everything so well. I love the shaker bottle. It does not leak.
Speaker: What a fucking idiot, dude. It separates everything. That's the opposite of its intended purpose. but but yeah i guess it's so supposed to blend me Five stars, nothing mixed together. Love it. It's so good. This bottle is great for, for coagulating the, the, the mix into a film at the bottom. Five stars mixed for 30 minutes. Everything was in the same spot as when I started.
Speaker: High quality and quite usable. It's so usable. It's quite usable. where they they it but is it it like a Is it long and tubular is that way when you shake it, it's a very familiar motion? Yeah, I suppose so.
Speaker: Oh, it does look incredible. But I, okay. I feel like he kind of let us down here because there is no energy product. ah No. Given.
Speaker: He's so long and tubular. I'm long and tubular. ah So I thought to myself, uh, I don't know about this Bryce Crawford. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Before we move on, before we move on, we do have to take a look at the, uh, the most important aspect of this page, which says this is like, has a link for prayer requests. Shut the fuck up. No, let me see. going to, uh,
Speaker: I'm going to put in a prayer request for us. You are. You can just do it. You can just put it in. He's not going to see This isn't real. This is a shell corporation. It's designed to make money off of absolute idiots.
Speaker: Okay, I'm going to use the voice memo here. This is the NFT of like... This is just... Dude. i All right. Actually, I mentioned NFT. Can I sidebar real quick and tell a funny story? Well, well let me put in my prayer request real fast. Yeah. All right. And then i have a story. There's boxes here.
Speaker: it says, okay, to email me back about my prayer request. It's okay to share my request on the live prayer stream. ah Yes. It's okay for Bryce to read my request aloud on a video or live stream.
Speaker: Oh, by the way, I'm putting your last name in here. No, don't, dude. My last name's supposed to be, like, off the grid, bro. Not to Bryce, dude. All right, let me think. um Thomas.
Speaker: i'll go my my When I ever make my ah like a non-personal Instagram page, i'll be ah it'll be Samuel Thomas. There we go.
Speaker: That works. that's That'll be my... That's... that's That'll be my pseudoname for social media purposes whenever we whenever I find a need or a real reason to, ah or if I get into trying to do stand-up when I don't have to take care of 17 children anymore and I can go away, get out on a Friday night for an open mic.
Speaker: um Okay, let me see. All right, I think I'm going to freelance here a little bit, but let's see what I can come up with. Yeah, I'm going to actually ask you to do a quick pause while you freelance because I got to run up and check on my children.
Speaker: Okay, I think I got something here. could
Speaker: so you felt the lord moving under your name i could see the Lord moving through you. i mean i was talking to you i came't back down I was talking to you. You didn't look up. you were i saw your finger I saw your index fingers cruising across your tablet.
Speaker: you were a Storm clouds in my eyes. Your head was nodding side to side. I could see you you're just the gears turning as as Christ was speaking through you.
Speaker: deep in my pupils you saw that the holy fire richie the barber would say yeah um okay i said uh dear bryce i am living under the oppression of a generational curse because my mother drank monster energy quote, demonic 666 Hebrew, while I was just a pap in her tummy, I can feel satan Satan's lethargy weighing me down on the daily, and I fear i may never perform at peak divine grind.
Speaker: Cast off these shekels in the mighty name of Jesus, and I will dedicate my life to my true kingdom calling, praise energy affiliate. ah that what a What a desperate Christian simp for being an affiliate to an energy company.
Speaker: This is Christian Thunder Muscle, dude. That's what this is. at's It is kind of like that. The increasingly poor decisions of Todd Margaret is hands down one of the greatest comedy television series ever created.
Speaker: I got to get back on that. It does not get its flowers. It does not... I mean, and I don't know. ah feel like nobody knows about it. um It's a phenomenal TV show featuring David Cross as the lead actor, playing a typical David Cross-type character. And
Speaker: I need the Christian version of it. I need a remake. I need a... I feel like that's what we're talking about right now. That would be awesome. Dude, there's a, uh, it says there's a live stream of prayers from our community and people's names here with their prayer requests. I do. I wonder if mine's going to pop up.
Speaker: I, you know what I hate the most about this is that it pretends to all of this is all of this is a grift. Uh, like,
Speaker: i don't I know for a fact that this kid is full of shit. i He's an absolute fucking piece of shit who doesn't believe in this. i don't I'll never believe he believes in this.
Speaker: God can imperfect vessels, dude. Just look at President Trump. You know, yeah. God damn it, dude. i and I believe that people are dumb enough to think that.
Speaker: um I believe that a ah large segment of Christianity is stupid enough to believe that they can compare, you know, Trump to the lineage of David. You know what David did?
Speaker: David kind of secured the the stronghold of Israel for a moment. You know what Trump's done for two years? Pretty much forced us into a potential oblivion. And you know what?
Speaker: Maybe that is God's plan. Maybe it is God's plan to wipe the United States off the face of the fucking map because all we do is rape children across the globe and start endless wars and topple governments and kind of just ruin the global economy whenever we get the fucking chance. So if anything, I mean, we got the president we deserve and we are on our way out.
Speaker: And it probably truly is everything like that that could easily, if anything would make me Christian again, it's the idea that this is actually God's will and not that like for the, for the real re for the reason of we're getting what we deserve versus like that.
Speaker: Chris would be like, this is what God wanted to make America great again. It's like, no dude, This is God's what we're cooked. We're toast. This is it. I can, I can hear the hooves of the four horsemen riding in there. They're upon us. They're upon us.
Speaker: maybe that's ah Maybe that's all a crock, and what you're hearing is actually like the 18 hands of Shiva like slapping against the wall like ah like a team coming out of the the locker room for a basketball game.
Speaker: it Maybe. It could be crock. like India's year. Maybe it's all a crick. you want to hear some prayer requests people submit to an energy drink company? ah I bet there are.
Speaker: unique um Yeah, let's hear him Okay. um Michael says, please pray for my mental health. Please pray for my neck and back. I have two protruding discs in my neck and one in my mid-back that are pressing against the spinal cord.
Speaker: i Daniel think an energy actually is a cure for that. Yeah, we can't rule out that this will help. um daniel says i need prayer for a family member that needs healing and reversing his dementia for a quick recovery sincerely dan murphy ps let me know when you're coming to town on your tour i'm in boston no pretty no him and i could hang out uh i my question is has anyone ever reversed dementia ever I don't know. Doesn't CBD fix dementia? It's all fake. I don't know.
Speaker: I mean, it's possible, but if that's true, then why is Donald Trump getting worse? It did, dude. I never bought into it. That's one thing I really never believed in. Yeah. Which is also everything else. I shouldn't say one thing. that It's basically everything I don't believe in.
Speaker: i think everyone's making shit up. I think as soon as you start selling...
Speaker: something on a podcast it's probably horse shit glor glor glor says i love that glor is looking for prayer requests my friend's mom doesn't have a passport to america and i want him to be able to see her his name's manuel lin-manuel miranda
Speaker: Morgan says lust and help being better fiance also to grow closer to God, to help me spread the gospel more. Okay. None of this is English, but I, and that's fine.
Speaker: But I, I find it notable that this kid is like, I'm from Florida. I love boats and using energy drinks on boats. And then everyone who comments is from another country that probably doesn't have access to this energy drink. I'm sure they're not in international sales yet. Considering their store isn't even stocked for the U.S., they're not selling to France. They're not selling to China. They're not selling to anyone who English isn't their first language.
Speaker: They're not. I wish I could respond to these because Oya says life in general. And I want to respond and just be like, just say unspoken. Right?
Speaker: I should just post unspoken over and over again. unspoken ever a band name? Oh, that's probably 30 band names. Yeah, unspoken.
Speaker: Oh, man. I'm not getting ah posted on the wall. It's annoying. It is annoying because you know why? They have to vet it first. I don't think this company is for us. Okay. I think the problem here is that. i don't think it's for anyone. I think it's made up. This is all bullshit.
Speaker: Well, I believe in the vision. I just don't believe in the execution here. So I think maybe it's time to try a different one. Could there be more than one Christian energy drink, you think?
Speaker: No, no.
Speaker: So, ah no wow you brought let me introduce Forgiven Energy.
Speaker: i Dude, I feel like you're trying to make me end my life on a live feed.
Speaker: Come on, give me the story, give me the story. ah Our story, Be Forgiven. the number four? is it the number four Yeah, it so it looks like Forgavin. Forgavin. Forgavin.
Speaker: These are way better names. These are way better names. Okay. It says, so here's the, here's the flavors before we get the story. The cans actually look fine. Like, yeah, these would be at target.
Speaker: Yeah. Kingdom citrus revival, Raz, possible pink and gospel gummy. Okay.
Speaker: Possible pink is sexually predatory. Uh, What was the gummy one? Gospel gummy. Gospel gummy. Oh, there's also heavenly ice.
Speaker: Oh, ice. They just, it's all about, it's just fucking deportations and shit. It's like ice like that.
Speaker: They just hand those things out at the border wall. They love it, dude. Yeah.
Speaker: Do you think at ah at some point, like when all this gets, ah when we fall apart or all this gets like overturned and stuff, like will we, do you think there'll be a like a a surplus store, like an Army Navy where you can go and buy decommissioned ice gear? Like you can go buy the electric fence gloves that you could use to like torture your kid? Oh yeah, that too.
Speaker: Yeah. They just got like glowing red mesh that shocks you on the outside. That'd be dude an ice surplus store. That would be the hit. When I was a kid, everyone liked to go to the I had a neighborhood friends who liked to go the like army Navy store and we would just buy up a fucking shitload of MREs and go hang out in the woods for 10 hours.
Speaker: That sounds so fun. It was the best, dude. We had so much that fun. That's a perfect like little boy activity. Yeah. We would climb trees and like be like, I wonder if we could eat an MRE in a tree. It's like some ah some green eggs and ham shit. It's like, would you, could you in a tree?
Speaker: Would you, could you eat an MRE? We would just hang out with like, oh yeah. Because you they had those little packs, dude. The real MREs, man. You would like. all you need was a bottle of water and you would pour the water in and you would shake it and like bust something or whatever. And it would like generate heat.
Speaker: And then you would pour the hot water into like beef stroganoff or like some dinty, more like beef stew type dehydrated shit. And you would, yeah, it was so, I liked it. i liked MREs when I was 10, dude, they were so good.
Speaker: And there'd be a little dessert. You might get a Kit Kat or a Reese's peanut butter cup or something in them. I think we should return to this idea, though, of like we should open the first ice surplus store and being that it's like ah such a controversial organization, we'll call it the slurplus store.
Speaker: SS for short. SS. I think you and I should just go buy up like 30 MREs and go hang out in the woods for a week. That would be fun. We would make it one day.
Speaker: yeah No way, dude. With 30 MREs, as long as I found enough water. The indigestion would keep us from hiking back out. All right. Forgiven Energy says, ah energized with intention.
Speaker: Each can is built to fuel you with thoughtfully sourced ingredients, no artificial junk, and flavor that actually delivers. Whether you're pushing through a workout or a late night work session, we make energy that can keep up.
Speaker: Forgiven was born from a deeper truth. Oh, wait. Forgiven, not finished. Okay. I don't know what that means. Yeah. Forgiven was born from a deeper truth. God's grace doesn't end where our failures begin.
Speaker: We all face long nights, setbacks, weakness, and moments that test us. But in Christ, yesterday's mistakes did not cancel tomorrow's calling. The name says it all. Forgiven through grace, not finished because God is still working. Forgiven exists to fuel the next step forward physically, mentally, and spiritually. Clean energy made with intention, created for those chasing purpose through discipline and faith. It sounds like ah it's like a motivational juice for people who have experienced no adversity in their entire life.
Speaker: Yeah, it's like some, ah you know, Pilates mom, like some. ah
Speaker: What's that? A Peloton Peloton mom shit where you Peloton Christian mom where you just guzzle this shit. Like, what are we doing, dude? What the fuck? What are we acting? What is?
Speaker: Like, how is this? christian how How is it Christian? I'm really lost on like why you can just type a bunch of words on a website and be like, and that's why this energy drink is Christian. Like by buying it, how are you supporting Christ? How are you supporting the global mission of the church? How are you supporting anything but lining some under 30 somethings dickheads pockets?
Speaker: Um, well, it's built with purpose, dude. Every forgiven can delivers clean energy paired with a unique line of scripture. So your faith stays with you wherever you go. You could just drink a Red Bull and carry your Bible.
Speaker: You could do that.
Speaker: There's so, like, this is up
Speaker: ah Dude, I actually want to fucking, I hate this. I fucking hate these people. I want to meet them in real life. I really do. Because they're they don't exist. They're not real. They don't have real thoughts or ideas. They're just like, yeah they're just like these, like, like, who are they?
Speaker: Well, Christy A wrote review. She says, This is the surfer dude you met at driver's ed that failed it five times. This is a not person. This is nobody. Well, Christy A says, The gospel in every can?
Speaker: Yes, please. How is it in the can? It's on the side. It's written on. it's Nope. She said in the can, a gospel in every can. No bitch on the can. Fuck you. You fucking idiot. I hate these. Just the right amount of caffeine without the jitters.
Speaker: Uh, why? How much caffeine? How much caffeine? it said one hundred It said like 200, which like, oh, wait, no, no, 100 milligrams of natural caffeine. Wait, who's Sadie Robertson Huff?
Speaker: I have no idea. I bet she's really good for Candace Cameron Burr, though. You've got to buy the variety pack because you're going to want to try all four. No doubt about it. Sadie Robertson Huff. What a great quote.
Speaker: I hate when people think you need to try all flavors of things. That's stupid. She, oh, well, she also says, I love that Forgiven is more than just an energy drink. Even that name carries a message I want to be reminded of every single day.
Speaker: No, actually, it is more than just an energy drink. It's a grift also. And you like that because you're an idiot. this people this These people are like, ah they remind me so much of the...
Speaker: Like I get bombarded with like TikTok shop ads for like ah trinkets and junk and stickers and T-shirts that are all Christian themed or whatever. And it's always like a middle-aged lady. And she's like, y'all, I got, listen to me, y'all.
Speaker: They're back in stock. the The white gold paperclip chain with the ah the filigree edge. It's back in stock.
Speaker: And I could not be more. i'm I'm in love with this necklace. I get so many compliments on it every time I go out. I have four. I have four because, you know, each one's got a different message engraved on the back. And to me, that's so special.
Speaker: Oh, there's a there's butterfly. If you know, you know. If you know, you know. i The most vapid, meaningless, like, crossover SUV driving losers in the world. i think what just is... I think... ah Okay, I'm going to try to rein it in and be a reasonable person for a second. ah Because despite how it might appear, despite how it might seem...
Speaker: At times when I make my jokes or use my swear words, ah it it could occasionally seem like I have a general dislike for or disdain for Christianity.
Speaker: And that's not true. It's not true at all. ah i I hate how bad it is. i hate how much it sucks right now.
Speaker: I hate... Like the... evangelical culture. I hate, there's so much about it that I hate that I, because I, and I hate it because of how devoid of like authentic Christianity. It seems it's just vapid and shallow and self-centered and egotistical and self-serving. It's a joke.
Speaker: Christianity by and large, as it functions in this country is a fucking joke. But I don't hate it. I actually appreciate it.
Speaker: There's things about it I still love. And my disdain comes from the fact that it's so incredibly bastardized. Yeah, it's so fucking bastardized that like these fucking dare I say, dare I use particularly strong language, these fucking cunts can't Read the Bible. can't like What are we doing?
Speaker: Like.
Speaker: One of the most memorable verses in the Bible is when Jesus just flips over shit in the temple because you think of people making money off of his shit.
Speaker: I think at the core of all of this, every time I turn on Instagram and there's somebody making a snarky video response to like something awful that a Christian leader has done and stuff, and they start quoting like the 10 Bible verses that that go against this or go against that or whatever, I just want to be like, you assume that that's important to them.
Speaker: It's not. That's what we were taught growing up, but like none of these people care about that. They don't. You're They don't care about it. i know you're right. It's not important to them. but but i think what's annoying is I don't need it to be important to them. I need these fucking losers who are buying it to grow the fuck up. That's what I need. I need them to realize that they are the ones.
Speaker: They're the ones buying the doves at the temple. So that way, you know, for an exorbitant price. So that way they can be like forgiven in some shit, whatever the Jews thought. I don't know. I don't give a fuck.
Speaker: The cross pendant with the filigree edge and the paper tightc clip chain. Oh my God. I just, you know who, uh, you know who Sadie Robertson Huff is. I just want Christianity to not suck again. That's all I want.
Speaker: I want it to be fine. I want it to be like respectable. I feel like it's going to be better for both of us if we pick a more realistic aim. ah You know who Sadie Robertson Huff is? I just figured it out.
Speaker: I don't. Is an American Christian speaker, actress, businesswoman, podcaster, and author. She rose to fame on the A&E reality television show. Can you guess it?
Speaker: The Monsters. Yeah. Duck Dynasty. Oh, her her grandpa is Phil Robertson. Shut up. Everything's a grift. I don't. Okay, I'm done.
Speaker: like you know a lot of a lot of slaves actually got along really well with their masters and you know they were treated well and uh you know they actually like after the uh you know lincoln you know took the law into his own hands or whatever uh you know a lot lot of them they asked to stay stay put stay and work to their master they saw them like they're not they saw them like family they liked that little four by four building they lived in out back They liked not having a pillow. They said the rocks were real comfortable.
Speaker: You've seen that d Django Unchained and Samuel L. Jackson. they like Those black people were fine with white people saying the N-word when they made that movie. I don't know what the problem is.
Speaker: Quentin Tarantino says the N-word all the time and nobody gives him shit about it. Yeah, see, i think I think white people can say the N-word if they're wearing like a Kangol cap.
Speaker: yeah that's the only it's the n-word helmet i think white people can say the n-word in direct proportion to how fucking ugly they are i because And your shoes suck. Black people are like, all right, let's give this guy a break.
Speaker: You get a pass, dude. Because you know he's just wearing some like, do you know Tarantino's wearing that like goofy ass like Scottish little floppy hat and some like lame ass New Balances. Like not the cool ones.
Speaker: And he's like, wouldn't it be cool if Leonardo DiCaprio said the N word a bunch? And they're like, yeah, dude, you go for it. Hey, Leo, take your shoes off for me.
Speaker: I recently just watched Once Upon a Time in Hollywood over again, and there is a lot of feet in that movie. like Which one is that? Who's in that? Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt and Margot Robbie.
Speaker: Oh, I don't know if I saw that one. What was the one? with i It's great. was There's another Hollywood movie with um Harrison Ford, Josh Hart. No. ah Who was in Hollywood something? i don't know. Fuck it. Why did i do that? I don't know why I'm doing that. I'm not good with movies. Anyway, I think. Okay. So.
Speaker: All right. So you don't like you don't like praise energy. You don't like forgiven. You're awfully picky, so um maybe I got just the thing for you. Okay?
Speaker: Agape energy. Dude, why are there more? Making Jesus impossible to ignore. I don't... ah yeah I actually feel like...
Speaker: I actually think you're done with the podcast and you're hoping you watch me kill myself right now. I actually think that's what you're going for. Just trying to drive you a little closer to the edge of the bridge. yeah and you're It's going to be like that ah that meme of the frog jumping off. like Yeah. da- da da dade dade-y um The first energy drink designed to share your faith. Scripture on every can built to spark conversations.
Speaker: The first one. I do love that like almost every one of these claims to be the first one. I think that's very funny. yeah ah Let's see what kind of flavors we're dealing with here.
Speaker: Okay, okay, we got we got three three options. We got preaching peach, blessed berry, and mighty mango.
Speaker: These have fun. These are very like, ah like family Christian bookstore ah can art. Are those 16 ounce bad boys? Are those 12 ounce bad boys?
Speaker: It looks to be 16 ounces. No, no, no, no. 12. You're right. Oh, wow. Keeping it small. um This is a small list of ingredients.
Speaker: It says honesty first. Green tea caffeine, which is important. You know, see the thing with these. We've hit that note several times. Yeah, that's like a real big thing because it's like clean for Christians. Christian and a verse per can.
Speaker: That's listed right there. Undeniable. They're not ashamed of it. They're living it out loud. i Dude, I'm tired of these people who think that just putting a Bible verse on a can will save people.
Speaker: Like they're not grounded in reality. i It's about planting a seed, Brad. I'm tired of these people trying to brand and market themselves like like somebody might get a neck tattoo of their logo like they do Monster Energy Drink. And I'm tired of that. I don't think we can rule that out.
Speaker: I think you can. And I have seen an actual monster neck tattoo in real life. ah And it was a sight to behold.
Speaker: And I just don't think anything can compare. I don't think anyone's coming close to that. Ooh, there is one more flavor. White as snow. Oh, yeah? ah You're not kidding, are you?
Speaker: Nope. That's crazy. Let's see what the mission is here because maybe that'll get us excited about black or the barrier. The sweet of the juice. I would prefer. ah they don't have that.
Speaker: Not my energy. My energy is white as snow. That's the energy I'm putting into the world. ah It is. No, we know.
Speaker: um Making Jesus impossible to ignore. We didn't build an energy drink. We built a conversation starter. Every can you hand a friend, everyone you leave on a desk, every time someone leaves. It's like the conversation ender. They're like, oh, I'm out.
Speaker: oh sick, bro. See ya. I guess I'll see you later. Every time someone reads the scripture on the back, that's the mission in action. Clean energy that fuels your body. Biblical truth that fuels your purpose. A brand that makes your faith visible without saying a word.
Speaker: A billboard's cheaper. i
Speaker: that I mean, if you want to just get it out there If you just want to get a Bible verse out there Billboard, way to go Cheaper Dude, there's some stats here, okay Like, you know what this can Dude, this can is like the popsicle This is like the joke on a popsicle stick Like 10% of people look at it and then they throw it away after and forget all about it.
Speaker: I think you're trivializing it pretty, you know, I mean, i think ah I think every one of these that I, that I throw out the window of my truck is a potential crown in heaven.
Speaker: Yeah. I think where you're wrong is that yeah more people will definitely be reading the jokes on popsicle sticks.
Speaker: Well, there's some stats here to back this one up, which I think is important, right? Because let's get into the research. 97.7% of customers would recommend agape to a friend specifically as a way to share their faith.
Speaker: Oh. 78.2% of customers say agape has made them more comfortable opening up about their faith. Wow. And 71.9% of customers have had more conversations about God, Jesus, or church since drinking agape.
Speaker: Read them and weep. What's the difference between that and beer at that point?
Speaker: I feel like as soon as he a good few drinks in somebody, they're like, let me tell you about my faith. I love Jesus Christ.
Speaker: I'm not normally like this. I'm not normally like this. It's got like a little bit of Rohypnol in each can. Yeah. It's like truth serum.
Speaker: What is it? There's some like psychedelics in it that make you more susceptible to changing your absolute brain chemistry. What is it? Sodium pentothal? Bicarbonate. Is that the... ah um each There's a little descriptor on each can here. It says, ah preach and peach. I'll skip the scripture, right? Because that's not important. Smooth peach flavor built to start conversations. Hand one to a stranger and watch what happens.
Speaker: I like how they denigrate like they delineate sorry they delineate flavors by like how you can use them to witness to people. Like, hand the can of peach to a stranger, but don't do it with the other ones. We got a different strategy.
Speaker: Blessed Berry. Blessed Berry. Says, a bold berry flavor that carries the Beatitudes. Every sip is a reminder of what it means to live with pure purpose.
Speaker: Right. So different than sharing your faith. That's more in, that's more like inward. You're just like, let me focus on myself when I drink this one.
Speaker: Exactly. This one's going to pump you up. Mighty mango, tropical mango energy for the warrior in you. David face Goliath. What giant are you taking down today? It's like, going to sell, I'm going to hit my quota of subprime mortgages. Yeah, is that I like when people use the David and Goliath analogy when they're like, David killed Goliath. Isn't that crazy? And you're like, i don't, not really.
Speaker: i mean, he wasn't anywhere near Goliath. He threw a rock at him from so far away. Like he had, he wasn't even close to getting hurt. That dude was just chilling like a hundred feet back.
Speaker: Yeah. Did that a good shot. That's like just asking a sniper rifle if they felt like they were ever in danger. i mean, a sniper like, nah, dude, I was 400 yards away just blowing up skulls. Are you kidding me?
Speaker: I'm so good. he was the He was the Chris Kyle of ancient Judea. Yeah, he didn't give a shit. What we didn't know is that Goliath was actually just a a a giant mentally ill 13-year-old. Yeah. And then also after he did it, after he like actually like ah collapsed his skull, he was like, we wonder why he turned out to be an absolute psychopathic leader who lacked empathy in the worst way.
Speaker: They don't talk about it. Rape women endlessly. They're like, oh yeah. Oh yeah. Interesting. Interesting. Oh, it's crazy how that can happen. Oh, you spent your entire life with sheep and then just murdered a 40-foot man on the scene and then cut his head off afterwards, and everyone's like, this will be our leader. And then he just ruled with an iron fist and raped with impunity, and you guys are like, that's crazy. I never saw this coming.
Speaker: I heard that when he was like swinging his sling, he was shouting, like, military-age male, military-age male. ah why does snow says crisp clean and refreshing a daily reminder that no matter what you've done grace makes all things new and this one this kind of looks to me like ai art maybe it's not but like that is a very strange design with it's like a triple cross over top of ah of a of a sheep's face Is agape a flavor? I wish it was ah grape. I wish it was like agrape. That would have been good. flavor I really missed an opportunity there. and then they're like it it But the problem is it doesn't land in Italian. They're like, hey, agrape. And you're like, oh, maybe don't do that.
Speaker: Oh, my God, dude. there's There's testimonials at the bottom. Yeah. People aren't just buying a drink. Pizza customer says he was drinking peach, preaching peach.
Speaker: He says, I ordered a pizza shortly after receiving my first order of agape and gave one with my tip to my delivery driver. And we stood at the door talking about agape. That led me into finding out that he used to go to church, but stopped going after some church hurt.
Speaker: Now he is heavily involved in the church. So I give thanks to God. And then also thanks to agape.
Speaker: Dude, i love when I love how people use church hurt to be dismissive as fuck. like oh You got little church owie. alley you got a widow boo-boo from the church. My my youth pastor convinced the girl that I was desperately in love with to dump me and pursue sex with her.
Speaker: you could date her. ah Oh, you don't want a little boy. you want a real man. You're called to be a pastor's wife. Like, you know, me.
Speaker: And you're like, oh little sad boy felt the little church hurt. And you're i feel I feel like I was harmed by my church because my youth pastor convinced my girlfriend to have sex with him.
Speaker: And then he called me a giant pussy. Yeah, dude. You should be hurt. Ooh, there's some... up Okay, well hang on now. We got some military testimonials, and i know i know you have a lot of reverence for the armed forces. Oh, yeah, of course. It's my favorite, dude. i i I never shy away from an opportunity to respect the armed forces.
Speaker: This one's not real, because this says Canadian armed forces, so... Eh, there's a Call of Duty cosplayer in the mix here. Okay. i am I am in the Canadian Armed Forces. Cracking and agape has turned some heads, and I now know that about 30% of my unit is practicing Christians. If only we could get them shipped to Canada for cheaper and get some white as snow.
Speaker: Many of the troops are white monsters only, guys. White monsters only. That sounds like something you don't want to be. Especially not in uniform. I thought in the kid, I thought in Canada, they call it the barn forces. They're just up in these, the hills, just chilling. What are they doing?
Speaker: I don't know. These are like Mounties. Yeah, just hanging out in the stables, riding their horses when convenient. Here's something that's, this is a little more real, okay? It says, National Guard member. I was at military drill for the National Guard drinking my energy drink. After they saw it, they were asking questions. The questions grew, and through the QR code on the back, we actually read scripture. It was awesome.
Speaker: Dude, how is it, like, what is doing? What is fun for people about like just like impromptu scripture reading? like Why are they having such a good time with that?
Speaker: I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker: Tire shop customer. I was at a tire shop drinking my Blessed Berry and reading my Bible in the lobby. What a fun guy, dude. This is a fun guy. All of these are made up. Literally everyone is made up, all of them. They're not real. This didn't happen.
Speaker: A lady comes up to me and asks what I was drinking because it looked like it had Noah's Ark on it. I confirmed her suspicion, and since I had my Bible open, I took her to the account in Genesis 9 that she was already familiar with.
Speaker: was it Oh, is Genesis 9, is that the part where Abram let's is i about to let ah some... ah who is it? Some ah tribal leader have sex with his wife and says it's his sister. Is that the part?
Speaker: Yeah, I think that is the chapter. Yeah. He cracked a can and she was like, this smells like pitch and fever wood. Yeah. All right.
Speaker: Enough said, right? Agape is not for you. I got one more one more. eye Oh my God, do they don't end? This one's not as ah there's not as much here, but I think it's worth considering. This is airline energy.
Speaker: H E I R air Lingus. This one, I think, is more of an international brand. um Okay. says with sugarf freee clean energy and a mission driven purpose every purchase helps build churches feed families and support global missions drink with a purpose stand for the kingdom be an air li this a bud light commercial
Speaker: In quotes, it says, it doesn't attribute the quote to anyone, but it says, the first Christian energy drink.
Speaker: It's in quotes. It's in quotes, but doesn't attribute to anyone. No, there's no one. There's no one quoted. It's just in quotes.
Speaker: And what's it say? Just the first Christian energy drink. Did it stop there? That's it. Okay. This one's not trying very hard. Are you on their website? Yeah.
Speaker: Scroll down. When was it made? 2024. Hey, that's earlier than the other ones we looked at, right? Yeah, this could be the first Christian energy drink.
Speaker: All right. I'll buy it. I'm in. Take that, Logan Saul. Fuel your body and spirit without the sugar. Oh, let's see. what okay what is what do we got here?
Speaker: Reaching the unseen, creating with purpose. Church building. Church building. Church building. Description. Church building. Supporting the construction of churches in Pakistan, India, and other parts of the world.
Speaker: World partnership. Partnership. Collaborating with Word for the Nations, aligning business goals with mission-driven impact.
Speaker: Mission support. Mission support, donating a percentage of all sales to global mission efforts. I wonder what percentage does it say? No, it doesn't.
Speaker: Yeah, it's just like their tithe. It's just, oh, percentage. We donate a percentage of all sales to global mission efforts. Dude, that's like, it's literally a good fraction. That's all that it says. It's like 10 cents.
Speaker: It's less than 10 cents on the dollar. It's like, It's got to be a fraction of a percent. They do have an ambassador program. We could check that out.
Speaker: Yeah, let's sign up. Join the program and rediscover your mission.
Speaker: Which is kind of odd because it it just asks for your first and last name, email, and phone number. So I don't know. what pretty is that they need? Requirements for an ambassador.
Speaker: They have a prayer request line, so that's nice. They don't need your height and weight. and No, apparently not. You think they let fat people influence for them? Dude, no one lets fat people influence for them unless it's weight loss products. Come on. What if they commit to it and then they see that you're really fat and so they send you forgiven instead?
Speaker: No, they say they like rep rep one of these other ones. They're like, we're going to, they're like, no, we, they're happy to have fat people do it, but they want to create AI images of you fatter so they can pretend like you lost all that weight.
Speaker: Because it's easier to believe that a slightly chubby person lost weight than it is to believe an absolutely ripped dude lost weight. Speaking of absolutely ripped dudes lately, ah lost losing weight lately, I've been seeing some shit from Lift With Christ.
Speaker: Yes, he's got a new song out. He is looking swole as fuck, and he's cringey as ever, dude. it is not cool. It's bad. not It's hard to even ironically enjoy it.
Speaker: It is just... It's really flashy. It's like... um
Speaker: It's like, ah what's, it's like, ah I'm trying to think of a cartoon. It makes me think of a cartoon that's like really flashy, overly animated, ah weightlifting, or an old action figure. Not Stretch Armstrong. he man It's very He-Man-ish, actually.
Speaker: That's what it' it is. It's very He-Man-ish. He always, when he makes his videos, he always positions his camera so that he's like looking up and it's, I don't know, there's something strange looking about the way that he like does it.
Speaker: It's annoying to me that like all of these people have like that ring light glow in their eyes all the time. Just looks bizarre. Oh, the ring light. Yeah, that is rough. Here we go. Getting swollen, saving souls. Do it. How to attract Christian women.
Speaker: He's just gyrating in the air. Just gyrating. With a sweatband on and sunglasses.
Speaker: What? What? What? So dumb. How do we try create women? i
Speaker: Oh, he wants threesomes, mom and daughter threesomes, dude. That's perverse, dude. Dude, do you think he's fucking his wife's mom right now, dude?
Speaker: I don't know. I don't know. They keep pumping out babies, though. I know, and maybe she's a surrogate.
Speaker: It could be. They do it Handmaid's Tale style.
Speaker: She certainly has that, uh, that like angsty, like the, the Christian lady that just desperately wants like a liberal to say something rude to her, you know? Oh, she wants to give somebody shit in line at the deli.
Speaker: She can't wait. Dude, that first guy, that Bryce Crawford or whatever, that the praise energy guy, i watched a video about him and I'm like, oh, maybe I'll just dig up a bunch of stuff on him and just stick with his story or something like that. So I started like picking through his videos and they were just so like depressing. It like wasn't even fun It's like he literally is just engagement baiting all the time. He's trying to do this Charlie Kirk thing where he's like doing, yeah you know, like a change my mind style event sort of thing. And that's tough.
Speaker: You can tell my shit is annoying wherever he goes. He looks for the most like bizarre, like quintessential, like boomer version of liberal person to talk to about stuff.
Speaker: Like there's a, there was one of a girl like recently arguing with him about abortion and she's in a sleep token shirt. That's, that's an, ah an annoying trend that I feel like I see everywhere. i mean, dude, they have a, their, their fan base is not good.
Speaker: No, she's got like a, she's got stuff painted all over her face. It's like and it anyone who shops a hot topic. It's that it's, I'm not going to throw Shaded Sleep Token. I do enjoy them, but I don't like that I enjoy them anymore because of their fan base.
Speaker: Yeah, they're not responsible for their fans, but I feel a little awkward wearing my my Sleep Token t-shirt from Walmart. Right, yeah. Which I do have, by the way. From Walmart?
Speaker: Walmart sells Sleep Token shirts. Yeah, dude, fuck that. It's Don, dude. You have to enjoy them in private now. Yeah. Yeah. You can't. Yeah. What? I didn't know Walmart was doing sleep tokens. That's tough. Yeah. I actually, I bought it for April. i didn't buy one because it was a little too, it was a little too noisy. I was like, I like i won't wear this anyways.
Speaker: Yeah. But, uh, what a bummer, man. Yeah. So, okay, which, if you had to pick one, ah yously i pick are you going... pray I I pick President over Sleep Token. I like that masked bullshit. Just kidding. I hate that band. I wish they would cease to exist.
Speaker: Oh, by the way, our boy, live or Live for Christ, he's got his own, like, potions and powders he's selling now. Oh, Nootropics? Yeah. he His thing is called, like, Weyman. Yeah.
Speaker: Like whey protein. protein yeah But like, why is it wheyman? Like, what is that supposed to, post what is that like a substitute for? Because I, I, I wouldn't think it would mean women, but that's what comes to mind. I don't. Whey men. Like maybe. He says it in that song you just played. It's like you, you grow up, you, you graduate from being a soy boy to a whey man, you know?
Speaker: I guess so. I know, dude. That's all think it's I think it's dangerously non-binary, if you ask me. Well. It skates a little too close to that thin purple line for me. I know. look it could be. He absolutely has bigger tits than a lot of women.
Speaker: Yeah, and they're nice. They're nice. They're perky. He got some perky ones. Built in a lab. Nice and swole. They look like they've been injected with cement.
Speaker: Should we have him back on, or are we going to be white nationalists if we have him on again? I would enjoy talking to him again. would too, dude. It was so funny having them It was fun. Whatever. Who gives a fuck?
Speaker: I do. ah His grift is so funny too. Like it's the most absurd, like scriptural add ons that I, it's so funny. It's like, yeah. Did you know that there's a, there's a chapter in the Bible that guarantees you won't see results at the gym. If you don't follow this core principle, like that's literally what his videos are. That's word for word. yeah
Speaker: it's It's always something like that. It's always like, like did you know that God promises you results in the gym if you follow this core teaching?
Speaker: And then it's like some very loose tie in like it's the loosest tie. like the Samson workout where you just push on pillars till they collapse on you. the He's did all of these people are funny because they're they're like such a great example of like.
Speaker: I think it's a middle class thing where it's like middle class people. It's like you grow up in comfort. and free of like any like real serious hardship, you know, like your mom wasn't strung out on drugs. Like you didn't grow up with no wondering where your next meal was going to come or in a war zone or being like, you know, shuttled across the border by your desperate parents or whatever. Like you grew up in a suburb and sometimes you didn't know how you're going make your car payment or whatever. But like, that's about the extent of it. Right.
Speaker: Oh, and my my aunt has MS or something like this. Just relative. mean, that's us. We that's us. We're not like that. Yeah, it is. We're not like that. And a people know we're we're the best.
Speaker: We're people should be like us. but like We're the opposite where you just hate everything. You go from like just grifting and just being dorky as fuck about everything. And then there's the alternative, which is just hating everything and shitting on it relentlessly.
Speaker: There's a thing and there which boys is that comes from that, like the the background that we did, that type of background of relative comfort where like it feels like you literally cannot care about anything that you can't put yourself in the center of.
Speaker: And it drives me insane. Yeah, it's narcissistic. But also I think some of it is um I think those people are a little bit more privileged.
Speaker: in most cases and well off than even we were like, I know you're, I, I don't, I don't, it seems like your family did all right. Uh, seems like maybe some of your, your parents, bigger financial successes came after you were being raised by them. My parents have always kind uh,
Speaker: it's up My dad was a self-employed man in a dying industry. that He always got by. i respect the hell out of what he did. He was a pager salesman.
Speaker: His last big boom was in 2024 overseas. Big Bob's beepers. overea big bu beepers ah My dad had an interesting job. He was a dental technician.
Speaker: So he made false teeth and he handcrafted and hand painted every false tooth that he made. But wow as, as,
Speaker: as 3D printing became a much bigger industry. Over the past decade, his job kind of got pushed out to the wayside. So everything's just milled in labs now. um He had to start making them for dolls like Herbie on Rudolph. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER
Speaker: but ah So he, uh, his version of things was more expensive over time, even though how much he made off of it wasn't a ton.
Speaker: Um, so he ended up having to retire earlier than he expected because all of his clients, his dental clients dried up because they just went the cheaper route as the old doctors that he worked with sold their practices, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: well I don't know why I started talking about this, but it was just, i oh, finances. Everything was a little bit like, you know, we were okay. We had a a house big enough for all of us. We always had food on the table. My mom made dinner every night. It was all it was all good.
Speaker: Not a ton of extra. ah All I have to say, I didn't turn into a grifting whore. So that's, oh wait, can't say whore anymore. Sorry. Shane Gillis got a lot of trouble for that.
Speaker: I think I should be okay. Cause I was talking about grifters and not gym shorts, but i don't know. We'll see. I think you can say it as long as it's pointed at a, I think it whores. Okay. If as long as it's not pointed, like it's not used in the traditional sense, I guess. Right. Right.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: All right. We'll assume I'll be good. We'll keep it in. When do we edit anything out? I denounce Sam. Do you denounce me wholeheartedly? His foppish behavior.
Speaker: Foppish behavior? Yeah. Now you are being a whore.
Speaker: yeah Oh, man. So much for our short episode, huh? I know, dude. There's just too many Christian energy drinks to go through. I'm going to blame you for never being able to get in the short episode. You're always like, hey, I get actually seven more things before we actually finish this up. That's you.
Speaker: So what do we do? Do we just like buckle down and just do a and skip a week? Yeah, I guess so. Unless you're going to unless you find time. Maybe I'll find someone to replace you, you little bitch.
Speaker: You can do that. I'll edit it if you do. Yeah, we'll see. mean ah Meaning i'll I'll stick it together in audacity. like i Editing is like not the word for it.
Speaker: Yeah, no. I mean, who does editing? You don't need editing. We have there's so many programs now. ah I feel like we have a like a short list of people who can like pinch it. you know ah And if they can't line up, then they can't line up. Yeah.
Speaker: Spencer Bland's always our boy. Mike Valdez. um Jay. Jay doesn't like us anymore, though. He's so scared. Jay loves us. We need to ask him to come on again. yeah I did, and he ignored it and then sent a meme like a week later like a fucking asshole.
Speaker: ah Can I tell you about ah one of my favorite characters' recent kerfuffle online? Yeah, since we're not doing a short episode and now it doesn't matter. We don't have to close out.
Speaker: So we've talked about Derek Savage, creator of of beloved children's character Cool Cat.
Speaker: o We've discussed his story before and some of his other projects like Bible Birdie and ah sandy salmon finds a gun and what finds a gun under his dad's bed the funniest collection of of it's it's actually crazy uh that's real um it says ah The theme is grift tonight, though. The theme it is Christian grift. I guess that's mostly the theme all the time. Everything's a grift. So Derek Savage is kind of like if classic, like a person who who has never created anything good, but has somehow managed to squeeze money out of bad for a yeah peculiar long time, you know.
Speaker: So if you don't know who he is, Margaret of Christian grift, that's what he is. Yeah. Yeah, I'd say that's fair. So Cool Cat is a... He's like a ah big orange cat character created by Derek Savage, and he is just like a... like He's like a Barney the Dinosaur type character if if no one tried at all.
Speaker: Like... his His stories are always like very like surface level, bizarre things. Cool Cat Saves the Kids is the first movie that Derek put out.
Speaker: And then he's recut the movie into different projects for like the last 15 years. like He's barely filmed anything new since, but he keeps putting out new quote unquote new movies of it. But that's all about thousand hours of footage of the original cool cat. And it just can make a different movie every time.
Speaker: And he's such a disagreeable prick. Like he's just like such a hateable man. Like, cause you kind of want to like him because it's so like funny. It's so funny how cringe it is, you know? Yeah.
Speaker: That like you're like, well, if if this guy had good intentions, I could support. I could support. Right. But he doesn't. it's It's about innocence lost like you.
Speaker: He appears as though he might be a very innocent person. But the more you dig, the more you realize that he's not. He's an ugly person. Yeah, he's just a bad man that masks as a total, like, just like a doofus, like the lovable he the lovable idiot is like ah an act. It's like a ah the way he's trying to represent himself almost.
Speaker: But don't get me wrong, he's truly also an idiot. Like, he's not a smart person. He's dumb as fuck. And he has, he has like true, like pure unfiltered boomer energy. Oh yeah. Derek is the center of the universe and everything is for him.
Speaker: All of this, everything around you, like look at, look around you. Everything within arm's length is, is for Derek indirect. His subprime mortgage problem was not his fault. It was actually his Mexican neighbors. Yeah.
Speaker: And he's burnt every bridge with every like well-wisher or or possible friend he's ever had because he's such an unbearable prick about stuff. A man who has created nothing, who has like not an original thought in his head, who has never heard of a second draft on anything. Yeah.
Speaker: Just just any to anybody who might offer a helping hand. He's just like, so like, like pokes it and spits on him. He's like, says how dare you?
Speaker: He's like a less potty mouthed Cartman. Yeah. Yeah. Just kind of like that. Total betrayer at all times in it for himself.
Speaker: Well, so he is gearing up for ah his latest Cool Cat project, which is called... is it Furries? Furry?
Speaker: He's trying to reach out to... It's like a furry missionary. It's... Well, it's... According to according to the poster, it is the second full length feature film for children.
Speaker: Like Derek's the only person that would brag about being the second. you know like And ai who's ah the, the first person to do the fully AI feature film for children. Wasn't bragging about it being AI.
Speaker: They did not. No one's bragging about the AI portion. No. And it like I've watched like some clips from it and stuff, and all of it kind of feels like he's refusing to spend $20 a month on a cloud subscription. So like he's using his like maximum allowable, like free, free, like he's typing in a different email every day to get a free 30 minute like demo of Claude so he can do another scene for the movie. So like of the artwork, like a discount by subscribing to Joe Rogan's Patreon promo code Jerry.
Speaker: yeah
Speaker: hey So like none of the, none of the, the, the animation like matches, it's not uniform. Cause it's like, he's doing it in segments or something like that. You know, it's in, Oh, He's never heard of a second draft. So he never goes he never makes something in in Claude or whatever and then looks at it and goes, eh, that's not it. I'm going to try again.
Speaker: Never once. It's always the first thing to get spit out. So half the time, Cool Cat looks like a beaver. you know yeah fever just the the changing in animation is nuts i can't even imagine as an adult trying to make a coherent cohesive product being like nah it's good yeah this is good just the way it came out even the name the name is so funny it's cool cat topia
Speaker: because he knows Because he said a lot of people really liked Zootopia. It was popular. It's just like, hey, everything I do is derivative. I only do derivative bullshit.
Speaker: Come on, dude. He's such a pathetic loser. how is he He can't be making much money off of this. like does it I don't know. i don't know how he could be. That's what's hard, dude. With these griffs, the hard thing is like all of them live into this pretend outward making money. Like,
Speaker: vibe of like making money like So you look at people, like even like Andy Elliott, right? We've dunked on him plenty. he's He's coming to you live from his mansion with his super hot wife.
Speaker: And you're like, did you Airbnb that place for your conference call, dude? Like, I don't believe you. i Like, there's no way to know. Like all these people feign rich really well. They like, they know how to pretend to look rich.
Speaker: And so like a guy like this, He could act like he's making a living off of it, but he could be like Bob Hickman-ing it. He's just squeezing. Some weird, dirty basement.
Speaker: He's like squeezing a few dollars out here and there. He's also like a serial abuser of like the GoFundMe system. Yeah, he's he's started like 40 GoFundMe's over the years. And like if he doesn't if something doesn't work out quite right or something, he'll just like cancel it and keep the money or he'll change the topic or the subject completely or the project completely and just like keep people's money like he's he's a scumbag and he sees but nothing wrong with it. if you I see nothing wrong with If you're giving to this man in any of his projects, you were like kind of a simpleton to start, and you just wanted somebody else to have your money regardless of where it went.
Speaker: so You're like, I just need someone else to take this. This is too much of a burden for me. it's It's all just like irony, like every bit of attention he gets is like ironic interest in how cringe it is. yeah But like one of his big scandals years ago was he was he came on and talked about like how it was after like Sandy Hook or or um the one in Florida or something like that. And he was like, you know, I want to do something about these school shootings and stuff. So I'm making a project that's going to talk about it. I'm making a you know school cool cat stops a school shooting.
Speaker: And he's i remember that one yeah he's been grifting off of this idea for years because people just so desperately want to see what what could this possibly be. And originally there was a YouTuber named Monkey Jones that I don't really know anything about, but he was like,
Speaker: He was so intent on getting this done that he he messaged Derek and was like, if I can if I can get my followers to back this thing financially to the tune of whatever he was asking for, will you let me play the school shooter in Cool Cat starts stops the school shooting?
Speaker: And Derek agreed. And so this guy like raised all this money. for He raised like $12,000 or something. And of course, Derek wanted like 30. So like when they didn't quite hit the funding goals, like he just like booted this monkey Jones guy and kept his like followers money and stuff and didn't make the project.
Speaker: He just does done this for years. But I wanted to show you a clip. I couldn't find the original clip. So this is from YMS, Your Movie Sucks. This is from his YouTube channel of him watching it. ah but So GoFundMe is the one where you just keep all the money no matter what.
Speaker: I guess so. I don't even know how it works. I just know people are always like angry at him over these like crowdfunding things. Because like Kickstarter is like you have to reach goal or you don't get to do your project. GoFundMe is like, hey, just give me money for something.
Speaker: Yeah. Hey, my kid's in the hospital. Give me money. Hey, my dad died and we can't foot the bill. Give me money. Plenty of good reasons to donate to GoFundMe. I'm not trying to be dismissive. I'm just saying like someone pretending like they want to create an AI short film.
Speaker: is a bad reason to give to a go fund me don't do it right so this is uh this is a song from the movie that he's uh he's been working on so this is a segment from cool or cool cat topia okay like i said it's a guy watching the segment so i'm sorry if there's a little bit of uh other voices in here
Speaker: Why is he got beaver teeth? What? What is, what is that? eight Cow, cowco cow, cow, cow, I'm a cowboy.
Speaker: i I couldn't pick up the animation. Was that... Was it AI? Was it? Yeah, it's like costume. What what kind of what was the what was the video?
Speaker: It's it's AI. ah It's like AI low grade. Yeah. Kids animation. Yeah. Yeah. that's why He looks he literally looks like a a big orange beaver.
Speaker: And it's supposed to be a cat, but there's no take two for this guy. Nope. He's like, that's good enough. It's like, what's funny about it is it's so bad that Derek had to have written the lyrics for it.
Speaker: Like, AI would have done something better than that. yeah Like, and we've all heard AI music at this point. AI would not spit out cow, cow, cow, cowboy. no No, it definitely wouldn't. You're 100% right. He's like there there there was another it. It didn't sound auto-tuned enough.
Speaker: AI music, like like that cheap shit that he could afford, like that that free shit, AI has like an auto-tuned sound unless you pay more money. What if he thinks he's using like ah like perplexity or something and he's actually just like making a jib jab? Yeah.
Speaker: He thinks he's got AI going on. He just talks to it like Siri. Hey, Jibjab, make me a song. cowowowow Cow, cow, cow, cow, cow.
Speaker: So he recently went viral for a spat with a company. He's a bit of a whistleblower. And I wanted to show show you a little bit about this. It's because he got a lot of attention for it.
Speaker: Okay, so this is on September 15th. It says, Hey, at Domino's, what kind of idiots are you hiring? We ordered online, waited 15 minutes, and they haven't started cooking it yet. Then I asked to add some sausage for the inconvenience, and the manager was rude.
Speaker: You better make this right, or you are losing a longtime customer. is He tweeted at Domino's. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. yeah
Speaker: He's just so mad at Domino's. I can't. this He's not. This guy isn't real. I've reached out to him. I've sent him DMs. Never get never hear back.
Speaker: he's He just like buckles down to anytime he gets criticism. So somebody posts cool cat. Please be nicer. to This is from the cool cat account, by the way.
Speaker: This is cool. Cat is tweeting at Domino's. Not even Derek, like his own personal thing. No. So okay I mean, he's his own brand. He's got a he has strong opinions about. And he deserves free sausage.
Speaker: Yeah. And for his troubles. Don't silence him. So somebody says, Cool Cat, please be nicer to fast food workers. And he says, we were being nice, but their manager at 2085 North Jones Boulevard, Las Vegas, Nevada is a nasty person.
Speaker: Oh, he docks them motherfuckers. Is a nasty person. And at Domino's is stupid to hire people like that. I guess we're going to at Pizza Hut from now on.
Speaker: Dude, he hates minimum wage workers so much. he He hates them. it's He absolutely hates the working poor. Yeah, he hates the working poor. He...
Speaker: And also, bro, you're going to Domino's. That's like being mad at McDonald's employees for something. Go to a local pizza restaurant. like why you this Why are you this big on Domino's?
Speaker: I know. And so, okay, so this is where it gets even funnier. Because Domino's responded. They said, we are sorry to hear about your recent order. This is not the experience. Oh, my God. This is not the experience want for our customers. Please respond with reference number, blah, blah, blah, after submitting your comments and contact info at look link.
Speaker: It means a lot to me that they both don't use spellcheck. I like that. And it's signed. It real. It's signed a debt Dago, D-A-G-O, which is clearly like somebody in an Indian like IT t center is like answering back and forth with him on Twitter. Right. I actually thought Dago might be one of like his characters that he created, and someone was mocking him, which would have been incredible.
Speaker: Well, he thought that he didn't understand that this was ah somebody's name. He thought he was being called a racial slur for Italians.
Speaker: What? He thought they were calling him day-goer. Oh, my God. I don't even know what that word is. I'm not racist enough to those Italians. I don't know if that's popular what, but it's a slur for Italian people. Can we say that? I mean, should I not repeat it?
Speaker: Italians are white enough that I don't feel... I'm married to an Italian, so I claim ah like Italian heritage because of that. I'm Italian. It's fine. It doesn't matter. I just don't know that word. A certified Italian hems my genes.
Speaker: i've There you go. I've never heard Dago before, though. That's like one of those old-timey racial slurs, I think. Yeah. But it's clearly a person's name.
Speaker: They were signing their response to him to make it more personal, right? Right. He says, he he posts or reposts it and says, when At Domino's responded because of their nasty service, they called us a daggo.
Speaker: Daggo is an offensive and derogatory ethnic slur used to insult people of Italian, Spanish, and Portuguese descent. Right. I love that he's mad about slurs like he doesn't say them constantly. Oh, yeah. Well, if you remember the ah the hood rat saga, which is his i do his rapper alter ego. He definitely says slurs. Yeah, I know. That's I remember this very clearly. You don't just forget white people using slurs like that. You don't.
Speaker: Derek has a separate account that sometimes gets accidentally or purposely cross-posted with the Cool Cat account called Hood Rat. And ah it is like... ah It's a rapper, i guess. It doesn't... He's never rhymed anything together.
Speaker: And, like, his music doesn't follow a beat. It's just Derek... speaking in like Ebonics or what he thinks are Ebonics with a, uh, like a shysty on and, uh, talking about how Trump is going to fix Las Vegas or something.
Speaker: Right. The most black shit ever. just ah We love Trump. He's he's on our side. yeah Black shit. you know So he he clearly Wikipedia'd Dago and you know posted the the Wikipedia copy-paste definition. people it Insult people of Italian, Spanish, and Portuguese descent. It's like calling a black person the N-word. Domino needs cancelled.
Speaker: Domino needs to be cancelled. Oh, this guy suddenly about canceling free speech. I hate... Dude, everyone who's a free speech enthusiast is the biggest pussy on the internet. They always are.
Speaker: We made it top tweeter news. And wait till you see what the official Domino's account called us. A very bad, insulting, derogatory name. Their tweet coming next.
Speaker: is ah It's just... It's amazing.
Speaker: ah This guy is such a ah hateable man, and I oh yeah just like love following like the saga. He's a wealth of entertainment. Just a wellspring.
Speaker: Look at this animation still from his ah his movie. It says, a still from our new animated movie, Cool Catopia. I love this picture. So inviting. So family friendly.
Speaker: And it's a family of cats with a an Asian girl cartoon. Oh, okay. So family friendly. Did they adopt?
Speaker: adopt
Speaker: Purchase? That would be an awfully big plot point for Cat. Oh, yeah you know what? I think that conservative dad had a secret family. That might be.
Speaker: i think he's giving Cool Cat props for standing next to an Asian person. Yeah, that conservative dad is living his best cuck life.
Speaker: Oh, dude, it's what a train wreck this guy is fighting with tomatoes. Dude, his algorithms cooked. The stuff that he engages with online is the only like you only engage with shit like that when your algorithms completely cooked.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. I mean, he is like ah like he's he's arguing with like the most inaccurate representation of reality at all times.
Speaker: Like you might as well be in one of like Mysterio's like.
Speaker: Like mind warps, whatever that is. It's like Mysterio throws one of his little cubes at you and that's your Twitter feed. That's his life. Yeah. He's literally like the guy that used to watch Fox News and now just like absorbs fake Facebook articles.
Speaker: Yeah. It's a personality type. It's like the scarecrow from Batman. Just put him into a permanent state of psychosis.
Speaker: Hoodrat reposted a a clearly AI video of like a bunch of sorority girls dancing to i Love Rock and Roll. It says sororities across the country are making liberals go crazy.
Speaker: And he reposted it and said, yo, yo, Hoodrat loves rock and roll too. Great to see some pretty and thin white ladies having fun. I hope this continues. ah Come on. This guy.
Speaker: What a waste of space. I really want to find his rap song. I loved his. rap song so ridiculous. Yeah, it's, I mean, it's going to have the whitest cadence of all time.
Speaker: Hood Rat, my name's Hood Rat, and I'm here to say, like, that kind of shit. It's like, it's like that with no rhythm whatsoever. Oh, here we go.
Speaker: yo, I'm Hood Rat, I got something to say. And listen up, we can be clear. I'm here to say. Nice trap beat. It doesn't rhyme. The price of gas.
Speaker: Name a person from the hood complains about the price of gas. No one's driving.
Speaker: does it rhy practic i'm just playing the roof the price of gas maybe a person from thehood who complains about the price of gas no one' driving
Speaker: Dude thinks he has bars. hate it. name is Hoodrat.
Speaker: come from yes but four years do he think he hath bars
Speaker: I hate this. I hate hood rat for Trump. This is pathetic. du He was complaining about gas prices in October of 24. You just want to like while like reach into the screen and be like, hey hood rat, wait two years, buddy.
Speaker: He's like, my name's Hood Rat and I'm here to say gays are queering. Queers are gay. but This is nothing. it It's just like pick a buzzword and then be an idiot about it.
Speaker: What is that? It's a picture of Trump and RFK Jr. with baseball bats. And it says, Republicans and Democrats united against evil.
Speaker: RFK ever being a Democrat is hilarious. I saw through that bullshit. yeah Oh, man. All right. All right.
Speaker: All right, folks. Well, you know, hoodrat for Trump. um Drink, ah drink, drink, forgiven or agape or a lion, lion, airline or lingus.
Speaker: preing i think. Honestly, I would say drink anything but praise because that's the suckiest one. Yeah, drink whatever one you can get your hands on because only like 50% of them actually have a product available to buy online.
Speaker: Yeah, unless you want a shaker bottle. Right. If you need all you need, if all you need is a shaker bottle that keeps all the ingredients separate.
Speaker: I didn't even catch that the first time. so but yeah It's so funny. he I love it. Five out of five stars kept all the ingredients separate.
Speaker: why do you look like the guy why do you look like the the guy from uh ah fuck it i lost it the goonies who's the hey you guys dude what's his name oh is it uh it's not chunk chunks the fat one chunk is it chunk no what's he has a name right Rudy? He's not just a monster. He has a name? I don't know. Who cares? He definitely has some a name, but I can't remember. he has he has a name, and he has a shaker that keeps the ingredients separate. That's what I'm trying to get at. And he's saved by grace.
Speaker: And he is saved by grace and a bunch of 12-year-olds. Saved by taurine. And not by glyphosphates.
Speaker: Yeah, not thoracene. All right, folks, thanks for listening, and we will see you next time.
