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Hot Takes: Airport Trouble
17 Plays1 year ago
Airport security: the place where chaos, confusion, and comedy collide. In this episode of Episodes Unscripted, we share our hottest takes on TSA drama, from awkward encounters to forgetting you packed a knife?! Tune in for laughs, rants, and a little turbulence before takeoff!
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Transcript
Airport Juggling Act
00:00:10
Speaker
okay well i want to mix it up a little bit and share a little bit of a story and get you guys thoughts because i know you have a relatable story but i was in the airport recently flying to virginia to see my buddy chuck here and first of all i rolled in with like A backpack, to two suitcases, one is a carry-on, so one's smaller, and a golf bag. So i mean I'm decked out walking in. And I didn't realize, I get there at like 4.30 a.m. And... yeah Okay.
00:00:48
Speaker
What time was your flight? It was at like six. Yeah, I hope you missed your flight. yeah I hope that's where the story's going. I felt like I was going to because I checked my bag and they take the suitcase, but the golf bag, they're like, you got to take that and check it in at the oversized bags. Classic Atlanta. What's up with that?
00:01:11
Speaker
And I was like, all right, I mean, you can't. No, you got to give it to those guys at that special door. There's a line and he's like, they should be open in about, you know, 10 minutes. And I'm like, open. They're not. There's no one over there taking my bag right now. We was wrong. It was like 420 and he was saying 430, but they didn't really open until five or there wasn't somebody working over there till five.
00:01:34
Speaker
And I'm thinking, wait, wait, though. Time out. What happens if I have the flight at five? That's kind of what I was thinking. And I have an oversized bag. Who's taking it? Am I going to miss my flight because, well, there's a way over there to take my bag yet. Can I just say it's a good thing I don't have on my heart monitor because I'm getting stressed out for you now just thinking about.
00:01:54
Speaker
ah has to be Well, you know, I would just like to say here in this moment, the level of stress that both of you are feeling over this feels like it's also tied to the fact that neither one of you wanted to party on a Tuesday. Well, to be fair. this yeah fair Yes. Yes. Yes. Definitely for me. I don't know about for Scott in the airport with the same energy. I'm not partying on Tuesday. Here's the thing. I was not stressed because I thought I just doesn't matter. I just don't want to sit here leaned up against the wall. Like I want to go sit at the gate. That's what was
TSA Equipment Inspection
00:02:25
Speaker
annoying me. I had no thoughts that I would miss my flight at all. Wait, you haven't gotten through TSA yet. Right. But I. Oh, you've got to be stressed out about that. No, it always goes faster than you think. it's ah It does. But also there was no one over there. I mean, that was and I don't know how you predict who. But it was like a
00:02:45
Speaker
I don't know. It was a Wednesday morning at the crack of dawn. And I don't know. I was just confident I'd go around the corner and see the line and it'll be empty. And I'll fly right through TSA, which I didn't, by the way, because when I got there, he pulls my bag to the side, my carrier. And he's like, we need to do a little investigation. It was because I had all this podcast equipment. So I had the microphone and the headphones and a bunch of cables.
00:03:11
Speaker
So it was fine. He checked out, he opened it. Okay, done, whatever. He admired my Cody Rhodes jacket. Okay. Shout out Cody Rhodes. Sweet flex. And he zips it back up and then he picks up a different bag. He just kind of slid it to the side and he picks up a different bag and he's trying to figure out whose it is. He's like, this is oversized. I'm taking the oversized. If nobody's gonna claim it, cause you gotta go over there. And he walks away and I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Can I grab that? It's like right near the edge of the table, but he didn't tell me, are you good?
00:03:42
Speaker
So I don't know if I can take it. He's gone. I don't want to stand here and just wait but also all these people are looking at me like Are you gonna we gonna do like we'll tell on you if you grab that bag He didn't tell you to grab it. We'll tell people are the worst I eventually came back and he's like, take your bag off. And I'm like, don't say it like that. Don't say it like that. Cause any other time you were to grab it, alarms, lights would flash in. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you. You would have tackled you.
Lighter Disposal Dilemma
00:04:25
Speaker
That I was standing there with this one other dude who didn't even look he had an oversized bag doesn't matter and As I'm standing there, they didn't open it at 430. So I'm like, all right now we're gonna wait 30 more minutes I thought I guess I haven't really looked in my bag. I should probably check
00:04:44
Speaker
you know, to make sure there's nothing in it. But I thought it's a golf bag. I mean, it's gonna be the usual, you know, tees, golf balls, glove. um And then I remember the last time we played golf. It was the three of us.
00:04:56
Speaker
And we had cigars, and so I had two lighters in there. One of which was a butane torch. Ooh. Yep. That's actually what I was thinking. Yeah, I'm thinking, what do I do? Can I take these? Well, but in a check bag. Oh, sorry, I might be. You would think. Right. So they told me. Yeah, they don't care.
00:05:15
Speaker
Online which again online is so like one ah website will say no you're good the other won't Like no, we can't have that it said the Zippo lighter is good if it's empty which I was confident it was Because of the fact that it had just been sitting for a while and I hadn't used it like I couldn't Okay. Yeah lighter. All right, but I also thought like I mean it is empty But are they gonna sit here and dig through my bag like to try and prove that it's empty. Yeah And then the other one, what would they do to prove it? Just stand there and if we get rain strikes and it doesn't light, it's empty. Oh, you can open it. No, that was a little flicker. Do you want to get a look inside? Just no, I know. But I thought even if it's empty, are they going to have to go through and confirm it's empty? Because that's the whole process. And then they're digging through my bag. Now you're really going to miss your. And well, not even that, because they'll do it. I'm so stressed about that. I know.
00:06:11
Speaker
Go ahead. I'm just thinking like they're not gentle. No, there's no we're going to crack this thing open. So then the but the torch was like a no go. And I thought this kind of sucks because it's nice and it had a little, you know, plastic extension that would cut. It was a cigar cutter connected to it. Oh, and I thought I really don't want to get rid of this, but there's nothing else I can do.
00:06:39
Speaker
Yeah, there's nowhere to put it. So, I took both of them. I sat there for a minute and contemplated what to do because I thought, is there any way, you know, I could just take it in my my bag and the guy would be like, ah, whatever, you know. But I was like, no, I can't. I have to throw them away. And then I looked so conspicuous taking these two lighters over to the trash can.
00:07:01
Speaker
And just dumping them in. But the trash can is one of those where you have to wave in front of it to get it to open. so And would it wouldn't, so I'm sitting there doing this, like looking around and anybody watching me, I'm dropping lighters in here. Is that going to be a problem? Is there going to be a camera later that's like, who put these lighters in here? It's this guy. This is a classic example of it's only as weird as you make it. It definitely is. And then I thought, I'm stupid. What am I thinking? Like, obviously, it's a trash. They're not going to dig through it.
00:07:28
Speaker
And then I was just annoyed that I had brought it and lost two lighters. Yeah, that does suck. You didn't ask at all. But no, I didn't because there was no one there yet, guys. And I knew once he got there. Yeah, I want I need the resolution on that. Once you got there, there are five o'clock flights. I mean, is that a real? Yeah, I would think. Maybe that's the only through the night. But do they?
00:07:55
Speaker
I don't know, I guess. Can you Google Googling? Yeah. Pull up a flight out of Atlanta at 5 a.m. Or like just operating.
Early Flight Logistics
00:08:05
Speaker
No, you don't get like a 3 a.m. flight. Yeah, that's a red eye. Go to somewhere like, yeah. I might be landing at 3 now. Go somewhere popular. Otherwise, how are you checking your bag?
00:08:20
Speaker
I mean, you're a golf bag. You're not, I guess. But it's interesting you say that because last time I was there when I left, you know, I had my golf bag. Yeah. And I know exactly what you're saying. She's like, okay, I've got this check, but you've got to take it over there. And she showed me where it was. And you were mildly like confused. Do I have time to do that? What's going on? Where, I don't know where it is. Yeah. What, what are we doing? But I was thinking, wait a minute. I flew in from little Norfolk.
00:08:47
Speaker
They took my golf bag right here. Cause they're like, we don't have people for that. So here we go. As the busiest airport in the world, Hartsfield Jackson shuttles people and goods across the nation and around the globe, 24 hours a day, 365 days per year. Yeah. If I'm flying out at 3 AM and I get there at midnight and there's no one there to take my golf bag, what happens? Are they like, well, we'll get you on the next one.
00:09:11
Speaker
No, surely they would take him up. Maybe the person checking you in was like, it's close enough. I was thinking, yeah, I don't know what would happen here, but regardless.
00:09:23
Speaker
Yeah, it was, and I knew the guy once he got there, he'd be thinking like, I'm just getting here. You're already in line. Like, just let me do my job. But he's still going to be thinking that. And I thought, I'm not going to be asking questions. I'm going to want to get on and get on with it. I think if you work at Hartsfield, you know, it's 24 seven. I didn't trust that that guy would.
00:09:46
Speaker
I've had to throw away a little wire twister thing that was in my bag one time, but that was the least, that one was in my bag, like my carry-on, which I've quit doing, by the way. I know it's like, oh, no more carry-ons. I'm checking from now on. I i i don't think I'm ever going to do a carry-on on the plane again. It's just so nice.
00:10:12
Speaker
to to walk on there with nothing but like my backpack. But anyway, I had it in my carry-on. And I don't know if you know what a wire twister is, but old school, whatever. It looks like a little screwdriver, really. I forgot it was in my bag. This dude starts rifling through my bag. This was, I don't know what year it was. I don't know if it was per year post 9-11. I feel like I remember you telling me. No, that's a different one. Oh. um And he's like, have you got something in your bag? I'm like, what do you mean? And I grab i go to grab my bag. He hadn't unzipped it yet. And I thought he was saying, hey, show what's in your bag? Show me. So I go to grab the bag. He said, what are you doing? I'm like, ah you asked me, no, don't touch it.
00:10:57
Speaker
And then I'm like, oh my gosh, what do I have in this bag that I don't know about? And he starts pulling everything out. Yeah, I guess it had to be. And he pulls that thing out. He's like, what is this? And it wasn't even loose in there. It was in a jacket, in a pocket, in there. I mean, I know the x-ray. He's like, what is this? I was like, I couldn't even explain to you what it is.
00:11:21
Speaker
I wasn't being like offensive. I'm like, how do I explain? It's not a screwdriver. It's a little tool I use for work. He's like, you can't have this. Yeah, I'm like, I don't care. Throw it away. He's like, yeah, we're going to throw it away. I'm like, why are you giving me what? So he threw he throw it away. But another time, I had a full blown flip out knife I don't know if that's what you're thinking about. Yeah, I am. It was in my bag. There was something else in there too, right? That wasn't the only thing.
00:11:55
Speaker
You riding dirty? So he pulls out the knife and you're thinking, what? I didn't. Yeah, I had no clue and I had to throw that away. like ah And then he pulls out like a whole can of like I was like all cream or something or hair gel. Yeah, that's right.
00:12:15
Speaker
What are the big ones, too? Yeah. And he's probably thinking like big ones. Dude, did you even try? Right. You obviously just rolled up, right? It sits down. It's a lot of hair to say. It's a ton. yeah It was one. I don't I don't remember. I had bought it one day. Aaron was on this kick about non toxic stuff. And I'm like, well, I got to have a little something in my hair. I'm going to just put this in my bag.
00:12:44
Speaker
And yeah, completely forgot what was in the heat. You were riding dirty. You were stashing toxic products. you think you You say you forgot what was in there as if you didn't, knowing the stressed out person you are. I know. I went through the bag. That's why I was so surprised. You missed a knife.
00:13:03
Speaker
and hair gel bottle you would never make it as a TSA agent you'd glance through oh no that's good good wow there's a gun no he's good he's good i think i saw that thing out i started laughing i'm like oh yes i know i can't have that much liquid so you can throw that away you get the heat of the He's like, all right, let's keep going because surely there's something else. This dude has never been to the airport. I was just so surprised because I had been through the bag no and just didn't see it. It was like hitting over to the side, standing up. I remember hearing about it because it you were coming here, I think.
00:13:46
Speaker
Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And you were talking about it, and I'm thinking like, I'm embarrassed. You went through your bag. I haven't been in there for a while. I never even cracked that thing open. It was brand new? Yeah. I mean, it was probably a year old, but it was not open. Yeah, that's brutal. That's brutal. Yeah, all that hair product down the drain. Shawna, you've never had issues with
Breast Milk Travel Challenges
00:14:10
Speaker
TSA?
00:14:11
Speaker
You know, it's funny. My TSA story feels like one maybe y'all don't even want to know because she was walking through with a cigarette. his Wow. Yeah, this is mine is actually so wholesome. It's wild. um So both of my kids nursed for years. That's just kind of how we rolled. So we know boy when you go, I'm loving it. With my young, with my oldest.
00:14:41
Speaker
We, he wouldn't take a bottle. So I had to travel with a cooler full of breast milk. Mm, grade A. Yep. Like you're going to a tailgating party, except I was rocking with a cooler.
00:15:05
Speaker
You get to a cooler. ah I was going to South Dakota to visit my grandmother. She was going to meet my son for the first time. And so in order to feed him on the plane and do what you do for babies, I had pumped and I had this cooler with like three large Tupperwares full.
00:15:28
Speaker
But what's really great about it, and by great, I mean totally embarrassing, is as you're going through what they must do, because I had to research this in order to prepare for my flight. Obviously not well, but go ahead. No, I i was so prepared. I did everything I was supposed to do, but what I knew was going to happen was I was going to, they have strips. They have to test the fluid.
00:15:53
Speaker
If you're going to go through TSA with that much liquid, you can if you're feeding a baby. But not before they crack open those containers and dunk their like testing strips in there to make sure that that's actually what you're traveling with. Couldn't I just drink it to know? Sorry. No, because then I'm not going to give it to the baby. Sorry. All right. I had to. It's like when you taste some of these drinks at a restaurant, you dip the straw in and just... Yeah. Dip his finger in.
00:16:22
Speaker
Yeah. That doesn't taste like normal milk. I think she might be all right. She's probably not lying to us. Y'all, it was such an ordeal. It was such an ordeal. So i I'm in line. I mean, it's not like there's any private area that they do this. You have to unzip the cooler. You open up the Tupperwares and they they've got them out on the table and they did the, they put the strips in it to confirm. But like, did you see you go, you went in knowing, all right, this is going to be interesting. Oh, i yes. Did you tell them before they sent it through, hey, you're going to find something and it's going to look suspicious? Yeah, does that go through the X-ray machine? I didn't frame it up cryptically. I told them correctly what it was. Yes. And they were like.
00:17:07
Speaker
It's like some 27 year old. No, it's just kind of a part time job. And he's like, ah I don't want anything but that. David, David, can you can we swap? Nobody hated it more than me. Nobody hated it more than me because at the time I'm like.
00:17:25
Speaker
I don't know, twenty five, twenty six. I'm a new mom. I'm navigating a lot of things for the first time. Like he's only six months old, my son at the time. And so I'm I'm walking through the airport with this cooler on my shoulder. Where is he, by the way? He so my aunt traveled with me. I mean, he was in the stroller. OK. And you can check the stroller, you know, out there at the plane and they'll put it underneath and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So I mean, it's just how we.
00:17:51
Speaker
That's how we were rolling. Man, i never have we never had to consider traveling with... You wouldn't have to ever think about it unless you didn't. Breast milk. Can I say that? Breast milk. You can say breast milk, yeah. Breast milk. I mean, it's... That's what it is, I guess. You could just say milk and we know what you're talking about. No, you gotta... No, because we talked about milk earlier. You gotta breast milk. You gotta... You gotta put the breast in it. Right. Not the milk. That's where it comes from. When you talk about it, you have to breast milk.
00:18:21
Speaker
Trust, I'm not embarrassed about it anymore. You do it long enough and you're like, whatever. I'm just seeing the picture on some random guy's face. And he said it was a woman, but I'm picturing some young dude that doesn't want to be there. You're like, I have. He's not even sure how that works. But he's like, ooh, where did this come from? Of ah breast milk. Can you just test it? and well And he's just... I didn't give them instructions. I assumed they knew what they were giving him. I was picturing in my head.
00:18:49
Speaker
I was the one that I'm picturing is spilling a little bit and getting on the counter. And have to understand. And that's you can't though. that yeah also You can't do that because they're like, what's wrong with my milk? Right. No, it's more like it's a lot of freaking work. And so it's like liquid gold. You just don't go sloshing it everywhere. You know what I mean? Like, I know. I don't know what you mean. I do. Well, now you know, it's it's a big deal. You don't just. Yeah. Anyways.
00:19:18
Speaker
It's a lot of work. Yeah. Yeah. It was a lot of time and suffering to research and then prepare how to navigate that correctly. And it worked. and we Wow. We ended up where we were. Where were you going? South Dakota. South Dakota to see your aunt. I was with my aunt. We were distracted by the breath. Well, I feel like they would just at that point, I'd be like, no one's going to South Dakota. Just take it. Whatever it is, just go. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Or maybe South Dakota.
00:19:47
Speaker
Was it just for the plane? No, it was were did for some of the trip too. Like it was his... Why didn't you bring just enough for the plane?
00:20:01
Speaker
We don't need. I don't know. She was selling it. She just said it was pure gold. She was selling it. She was selling it. There's other moms in the terminal. Hey, let's keep that sidebar sidebar. You want to get some of that? Can I get some of that stuff? You got an entire Facebook page dedicated to two women.
00:20:22
Speaker
who have children and ice like in the NICU and in other places, and they're looking for breast milk for their babies. I donated for years because I had so much of it. There was a baby in the NICU that I fed for like six months. We were having so much fun joking about it and now we can't. Yeah, you you just took the jokes out of it now. I'm literally picturing a line of women outside the airport before you go in the doors, hey, you get,
00:20:47
Speaker
You got that good gig? Well, you got that good stuff. 20 bucks to pop. 20 bucks. i You can absolutely sell it. You can absolutely sell it. It's 20 bucks. If I say it's 20, it's 20. All right. I almost didn't tell that story, but I feel like there's an educational piece to it. Yeah, I've never thought about having to travel with bodily fluids through the airport. You didn't have to praise it like that. But I mean, technically,
00:21:14
Speaker
it's It's just one of the things you would never consider until you it's kind of it's very comparable to your golf bag stories I'm gonna bring my lighters name um and he's but you can't bring this I'm like if very coolers of milk No, not milk, breast milk. There's a big difference between you want to light your cigar and I'm sustaining life. One of us is doing more than
Airport Security TV Show Discussion
00:21:40
Speaker
the other. Yeah, one is sacrificing more. Well both of you assume I'm using it to light a cigar. I don't care what your life is. It does have a cigar cutter on it, but that's how it came. I want to know the numbers on how, what's the percentage of
00:21:56
Speaker
uh breast milk tests that happen in the airport that don't get to pass oh you'd have to be moving something shady right the other kind of gold liquid gold if somehow i mean listen if you could pull it off it's brilliant to act like, you know, to send your send your mule. Your mule is this mom with her kid trying to pretend like, you know, there's a show. I don't remember what it's what it's called. And I don't even remember where I was watching it.
00:22:32
Speaker
Somewhere obscure where it was like the only thing on TV and it's these it's about these airport You know TSA agents dealing with people travel international and it was like all in Australia. Oh, yeah. Yep. You're familiar Yeah, and it says these Australian agents and they had a lot of people that would come from China and back and forth and there's a lot of stuff that they can't you know, like seeds and food and all this kind of stuff and and I mean it was very interesting to watch the ways that people would attempt to do this stuff and you see them sitting there like you know tearing up the lining of the bag thinking man if you're wrong and you just destroy them and they're like no because look and they're drilling holes and stuff yeah
00:23:16
Speaker
And just getting like little doses and it's like, yep, check done. And I'm like, this is crazy. And then you'll see the the one guy that comes in there with literal bags of seeds. Like that's the only thing in his bag. And they're like.
00:23:30
Speaker
And he barely speaks the language and they're like, you know, you can't have this. Yeah. You can't have it. No, you can't have it. It's so good. No, no. And he's like, wow. Well, come to Australia. No, you can't say no.
00:23:50
Speaker
And they're just like completely oblivious. ah And they take the whole bag. I don't know. i It's fascinating. But I guess it would mostly just be international. Well, that wraps up our hot takes on airports. Thank you everybody for listening. We'll catch you next next time on episodes unscripted.
00:24:14
Speaker
breast milk sorry