Transcript
Speaker: Yo, say something, Eric.
Speaker: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Speaker: Yo, yo, yo, yo,
Speaker: No, this is your idea.
Speaker: No life update?
Speaker: Was it mine?
Speaker: No, I don't remember.
Speaker: I don't give a fuck about your life, Bigger.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: So we're here.
Speaker: We're here.
Speaker: We're chilling.
Speaker: We got myself, Eric, fucking Taco Bell's here.
Speaker: I don't see any sideways, bro.
Speaker: This ain't good.
Speaker: It's been like a month since he fucking has been able to record.
Speaker: This dude's been a one podcast.
Speaker: Yeah, but it's been like a month.
Speaker: Yeah, it has actually.
Speaker: But we're here.
Speaker: Eric, how we doing?
Speaker: Sport?
Speaker: I'm doing good.
Speaker: Squirt.
Speaker: Don't try to sun me, bro.
Speaker: I'm your fucking pops.
Speaker: I'm your fucking pops, dude.
Speaker: I'm older than you.
Speaker: I'm your fucking dad, huh?
Speaker: Eight days.
Speaker: Probably got to be my eight days.
Speaker: Thanks.
Speaker: Sport.
Speaker: All right, Baker, how about you?
Speaker: No, I was going to say don't ask Baker, bro.
Speaker: This is crazy.
Speaker: Got a laptop.
Speaker: Jake gave me a laptop.
Speaker: Thanks, dude.
Speaker: Making strides.
Speaker: This guy's mooching off me, bro.
Speaker: It was clear too when I got it.
Speaker: Mike, the laptop.
Speaker: I bought him drinks this weekend.
Speaker: All right, buddy.
Speaker: Nah, he offered to pay a little bit, but I didn't mind.
Speaker: Big Rich.
Speaker: With those big winnings, you know, big work winnings.
Speaker: Work's just handing him money.
Speaker: You get some money.
Speaker: You get some money.
Speaker: Anyways, how we doing, Baker?
Speaker: You know, not too bad.
Speaker: Just got a new job.
Speaker: Start tomorrow.
Speaker: Do you actually start tomorrow?
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Drunk test went full Friday.
Speaker: Cleared.
Speaker: Let's go.
Speaker: Let's go.
Speaker: The fucking... You know, with as much meat as you suck, bro.
Speaker: For a drunk test... You probably sucked him off.
Speaker: You're like, oh shit, I'm not gonna pass this season.
Speaker: Fucking...
Speaker: Imagine he says to the woman, he's like...
Speaker: I'm really nervous.
Speaker: I don't think I'm going to pass.
Speaker: I suck a lot of meat.
Speaker: And she was like... She's like, it's a drug test?
Speaker: She's like, oh, I thought it was a dick test.
Speaker: Shit, dude.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: A fucking disease test?
Speaker: Getting himself a chick?
Speaker: Alright, listen to this.
Speaker: Listen to how much fucking Baker fucking mooches off of us.
Speaker: So not only did Jake get him drinks...
Speaker: Not only did Jake get him a mic and a laptop, but I got him his next job.
Speaker: I mean, I guess, yeah, all that's true, so I guess I can't deny it.
Speaker: That's tough, eh?
Speaker: Nah, I'm coming for Eric's job.
Speaker: Thanks for my thousand bucks, brother.
Speaker: Yeah, see you.
Speaker: Helping you out.
Speaker: When Jake takes all the revenue from this podcast, I'm helping him out.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Oh, the big revenue from this podcast.
Speaker: Big revenue stream coming in.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: That'll be a couple mil a month, right?
Speaker: Yeah, we're out.
Speaker: We've been over.
Speaker: A mil a podcast.
Speaker: We're about 1.78 mil a podcast right now, so.
Speaker: Thanks.
Speaker: That's why we're going like every two weeks at this rate, you know.
Speaker: Don't need that every week.
Speaker: I'm making that a new day.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Shut up, Baker.
Speaker: Dude, just added in some awkward silence right there, dude.
Speaker: I'll be making two of them.
Speaker: Two of them.
Speaker: Yo, Baker, shut up, bro.
Speaker: We don't need your ad libs.
Speaker: Oh shit.
Speaker: Adlibs and ad reads.
Speaker: Bro's not even smiling.
Speaker: He's just sitting there taking it.
Speaker: Speaking of our ad read, we have one coming up here.
Speaker: Baker, your time's come.
Speaker: I sent it to you.
Speaker: I got nothing, dude.
Speaker: What do you mean?
Speaker: What do you mean?
Speaker: I sent it in your email.
Speaker: Yeah, don't check email.
Speaker: Sorry, buddy.
Speaker: Well, you better check because it's got to be read at the six-minute mark.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Six-minute mark?
Speaker: 30 seconds?
Speaker: You better hurry up.
Speaker: Dude, hurry up.
Speaker: Check your email.
Speaker: It's in there.
Speaker: Or you're fired.
Speaker: This dude actually doesn't think we have an ad read.
Speaker: I have an excuse to leave.
Speaker: The horrible decision to join this shit.
Speaker: He's pissed.
Speaker: He's tight.
Speaker: Alright, let's do Baker was slurping down a jello shot this weekend, bro.
Speaker: Oh, I've had one of those too.
Speaker: I took a tube, bro.
Speaker: You fucking slurped that shit.
Speaker: It's one of the ones you push.
Speaker: It's in like a shot.
Speaker: Like a whatever that's... Yeah, a shot.
Speaker: But dude, Baker didn't figure it out.
Speaker: He just fucking put his mouth on it and shoved it down his throat and bought it.
Speaker: Bro was deep throat in the throat.
Speaker: Dude, deep throat in it, bro.
Speaker: The syringe, dude.
Speaker: That's what it's called.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, he's deep-throating the syringe.
Speaker: I'm like, yo, Baker, you got to press the thing, dude.
Speaker: He kind of started sucking it out, bro.
Speaker: It's pretty impressive, bro.
Speaker: Bro, that vacuum suction.
Speaker: You know he's experienced, which gets us on today's topic, confessions.
Speaker: Baker's got something to say to kick us off.
Speaker: Oh, you want me to start with it?
Speaker: Yep, you're first.
Speaker: We've been dying to hear this.
Speaker: Dude's been ducking this for like a month.
Speaker: He's been ducking this.
Speaker: And not only that, but he told Hope, for you guys that don't know, Hope sits in on every podcast.
Speaker: And he told her to leave the room.
Speaker: Yeah, that's sus.
Speaker: Crazy.
Speaker: None of them are that bad.
Speaker: Jesus Christ.
Speaker: All right, fucking spill the beans, bucko.
Speaker: All right, first one.
Speaker: Ready, Jake?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Why are you talking to me?
Speaker: Because it's directed at you.
Speaker: Why is it directed?
Speaker: It's your confession.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Yeah, it's my confession.
Speaker: I'm in love with you.
Speaker: Oh, yo, I'm fucked up.
Speaker: I feel like I know what this is going to be.
Speaker: I'm not going to lie.
Speaker: All right, go for it.
Speaker: We'll see.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: I want to see what you say.
Speaker: I'll let you know if I was right or not.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Just a quick backstory because we need a backstory here.
Speaker: So Jake went to Noble.
Speaker: I went to Marshford.
Speaker: Technically rival schools, but both kind of sucked at sports.
Speaker: So I don't know why it was rivalry.
Speaker: But the year going into college, we played on the same baseball team during the summer.
Speaker: And it was mostly all Marshwood kids, a couple noble kids.
Speaker: And I definitely didn't fuck with Jake.
Speaker: Definitely didn't fuck with Jake.
Speaker: He gave me a real bad vibe.
Speaker: Oh, he didn't fuck with me?
Speaker: It's crazy.
Speaker: He just kind of sat off to the side.
Speaker: What do you mean, bro?
Speaker: We went everywhere together.
Speaker: We went to McDonald's and shit after the game.
Speaker: I'm talking about it in the very beginning, like the first two weeks.
Speaker: You were a quiet kid, didn't say anything.
Speaker: All the Marshwood kids would make fun of you because they were fucking douchebags.
Speaker: I guess probably me too.
Speaker: They're just mad because I caved them all up, bro.
Speaker: That's probably my worst question.
Speaker: They're just mad because I joined and became the best player on the team.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: What are we going to do with this Jake kid?
Speaker: I guess we'll make him the fifth starter.
Speaker: He'll play third just because we feel bad.
Speaker: You know what's crazy is that when they had a tryout, dude, I went in and I hit like fucking three tops.
Speaker: He did.
Speaker: The first practice, we were like, what the fuck?
Speaker: Fuck him.
Speaker: Short-ass field two is like 300 feet.
Speaker: I don't care.
Speaker: Fuck him.
Speaker: Fuck him.
Speaker: You put the fence there.
Speaker: It's true.
Speaker: Bro is playing at the fucking T-ball field.
Speaker: Literally a field park.
Speaker: Hey, fuck him, dude.
Speaker: He put the fence there, bro.
Speaker: Nobody else was hitting tots.
Speaker: That was the only one.
Speaker: It's not my fault.
Speaker: Wait.
Speaker: It's true.
Speaker: But yeah, that's my first impression.
Speaker: And then we went to school and we were friends after that, I guess.
Speaker: No, no, it was not fine after that because your freshman year you fucking punched me in the face.
Speaker: This dude snuffed me in the face, bro.
Speaker: Freshman year of college, bro.
Speaker: Socked him over some weather.
Speaker: Yeah, he was mad about the weather and punched me in the fucking right in the jaw.
Speaker: I will never forget that, bro.
Speaker: We were lining up to take pictures, too, like right outside our house on the same day we were leaving.
Speaker: And then, yeah, punched him right in the face.
Speaker: You actually, like, punched him.
Speaker: I mean, it was more like a jab.
Speaker: Like, it wasn't like I didn't wind up.
Speaker: It was like a short throw punch.
Speaker: It was definitely his clothes in that one, too.
Speaker: And you're going to put a picture together.
Speaker: Guys, I let it slide.
Speaker: I choked him earlier in the week.
Speaker: You let him punch you, bro?
Speaker: That's crazy.
Speaker: I know you were crying.
Speaker: I think he was just kind of shocked.
Speaker: So that was the day we were leaving, too.
Speaker: The day we were leaving, and we get to the airport home, and I was so pissed at him still.
Speaker: Left him behind, didn't let him get in the Uber.
Speaker: He had to ride back with our coach or something.
Speaker: I don't know how he got done.
Speaker: Dude left me at the airport because he was pissed about the weather.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: This dude Baker is definitely like, I don't even know, bro.
Speaker: Dude stuffed me over the weather, bro.
Speaker: That's crazy.
Speaker: He was just mad.
Speaker: He was mad.
Speaker: Four hours later, still mad.
Speaker: See, this adds up then because Baker's upset with me when I joined the Noble Marshwood Legion ball team because I came in and played instantly and became top dog.
Speaker: I just held my nuts over on everybody's face.
Speaker: And then...
Speaker: Same thing with college.
Speaker: We go to our Florida trip freshman year and I pitched like 17 innings and fucking got a couple of A's and Baker was just mad because I played and he didn't.
Speaker: Got in the JV game.
Speaker: Baker snuffed me because I got more playing time than him.
Speaker: Pretty much.
Speaker: And earlier in the week, dude, he's getting mad over something.
Speaker: I don't remember.
Speaker: Dude ran up.
Speaker: Like him and Chad were fighting.
Speaker: In my bed, in my room, of course.
Speaker: I don't know why.
Speaker: Kevin Hart, you remember that?
Speaker: It was kind of sus, bro.
Speaker: Yeah, it was Kevin Hart.
Speaker: Kevin Hart was on TV.
Speaker: We were watching a Kevin Hart comedy special, and we skipped over it.
Speaker: And Baker's like, yo, why'd you skip over that?
Speaker: He got pissed.
Speaker: Chad was like, well, Kevin Hart's not that funny.
Speaker: Baker's like, what do you mean?
Speaker: Baker got pissed.
Speaker: I think I was straight up just trying to fight anybody.
Speaker: I think it was mad, bro.
Speaker: So him and Chad start fighting and they're just going at it.
Speaker: And I got pissed.
Speaker: I just tossed him out of the room.
Speaker: And then, uh, he came running back and I slammed the door in his face.
Speaker: I fucking choked him.
Speaker: Uh,
Speaker: And then about 10 minutes later, we need to make dinner.
Speaker: I came out, knocked on his door.
Speaker: I said, you want some scrambled eggs?
Speaker: He's like, hey, I'm making some scrambled eggs.
Speaker: You want some?
Speaker: And his door's closed.
Speaker: His door's closed.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Fucking soft little tissue, bro.
Speaker: Yo, Baker was a little punk, bro.
Speaker: Thanks.
Speaker: Baker was a punk freshman year of college, dude.
Speaker: Guy was a major punk.
Speaker: Four years of college was four different phases, I feel like.
Speaker: Dude thought he was him freshman year, bro.
Speaker: Thanks.
Speaker: He just wasn't.
Speaker: All right, Jake, what's your first confession, bro?
Speaker: Come on, confess to the boys.
Speaker: All right, boys.
Speaker: This one's tough to get off my chest.
Speaker: Confession that I thought was coming isn't, I don't think, going to happen today.
Speaker: Call it.
Speaker: Fucking Baker.
Speaker: I've been praying on the downfall this whole time.
Speaker: Yo, Jake's got a new girlfriend, bro.
Speaker: I didn't know we were going to expose that.
Speaker: No, we already.
Speaker: Well, we did in the episode we recorded and didn't upload.
Speaker: We might have mentioned it last week.
Speaker: I don't know when we actually put it on the episode.
Speaker: So this is your last chance, ladies.
Speaker: Last chance.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Not taking your hit.
Speaker: Ollocks.
Speaker: Or dudes.
Speaker: Hi.
Speaker: Good ad-lib guy right there.
Speaker: Or dudes.
Speaker: Records on records on records.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Anyways, so you boys know how I went to Boston like a month ago for work?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: So this is – and I know I'm going to get a lot of shit from this if some of the other guys listen.
Speaker: But two times I had Starbucks.
Speaker: Two times.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: This dude finds a way to bring coffee into every fucking podcast.
Speaker: Well, no, no, no, no.
Speaker: Because Baker knows especially how – well, Eric, you know how I don't fuck with Starbucks.
Speaker: And Baker knows how much shit I gave Chad for drinking Starbucks for a while.
Speaker: um so i was in boston and you know route one you know like right before you get back on route one there's the starbucks right there and you know like you're driving home on route one and it's like busy and like there's like 50 duncans on the way home on route one but you're like you don't want to get off route one and then get back on because it's such a pain in the ass to try and get back on so like i'll stop at starbucks before i get on and uh
Speaker: It was okay.
Speaker: I'll confess that.
Speaker: It wasn't great.
Speaker: But the second time is when I went back to Boston the next day or two days later.
Speaker: I went to a hotel and I went to their cafe, but there's nothing branded.
Speaker: It wasn't Starbucks branded, so Baker Lake and Genie's Cafe.
Speaker: You don't really see the Starbucks stuff.
Speaker: So they're making my coffee and I get the cup.
Speaker: It's got a Starbucks logo on it.
Speaker: I'm like,
Speaker: Damn.
Speaker: So that's, that's what I have to confess to.
Speaker: Cause I have such a vendetta against Starbucks.
Speaker: So I figure at least be upfront and honest about it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, they, you know what they say about dudes that go to Starbucks, bro.
Speaker: No, I'm not, I'm not going to say what they say.
Speaker: I'm just going to say you fit the narrative.
Speaker: Uh, all right.
Speaker: So, um,
Speaker: When I was like probably 13.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Is this what I'm thinking of?
Speaker: No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: There was this lady at the end of the street and the neighborhood, like the house that she was in, it's now a house like next door, but it used to be just like a big ass dirt pile because the neighborhood was still like kind of under development.
Speaker: So I was like 13 years old.
Speaker: And I mean, we did this for quite some time, bro.
Speaker: We used to climb that dirt pile like crazy.
Speaker: Like that was, it was just like so fun.
Speaker: And it was like, they were like, it was way overgrown.
Speaker: So like, I don't know.
Speaker: It was just cool to like climb it big ass dirt pile.
Speaker: And, uh, this one, it's this house that this woman lives in is literally right up next to the dirt pile.
Speaker: So, um,
Speaker: And this woman never cut her grass.
Speaker: She didn't take care of her house ever.
Speaker: You didn't see that woman outside like ever.
Speaker: She fucking didn't do anything.
Speaker: And we used to ding dong ditch her.
Speaker: And this woman, bro, was massive.
Speaker: She was fucking big.
Speaker: Like very big.
Speaker: And she had a little dog and it was like a little chihuahua.
Speaker: And every time we would ding dong ditch her, that thing would freak out and she would get pissed because it would like piss in her house.
Speaker: And the only reason I knew it would piss in her house is because I could hear her like yelling at the dog, like don't fucking piss.
Speaker: And, uh,
Speaker: So it was every time we ding dong ditch her.
Speaker: And one time she got like really fed up and we ding dong ditch her and we went to go hide in that big dirt pile.
Speaker: And she called the cops, bro.
Speaker: Fucking cops pulled up to her house.
Speaker: And this is like one of the few times I ever saw this woman outside and she was a large and she comes out of the garage and she's just looking around and I'm hiding up in the dirt pile, just staring down at the driveway.
Speaker: And I was shitting my pants because the cops are out there.
Speaker: And I'm like, fuck.
Speaker: But they never ended up saying anything to me.
Speaker: But if she listens to this podcast, which she's probably not because she's probably dead.
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: I apologize.
Speaker: Starts crying.
Speaker: I'm so sorry.
Speaker: I'm sorry I made you get up from your couch.
Speaker: I was about to say that.
Speaker: Oh, damn.
Speaker: Well, interesting confession.
Speaker: One you guys didn't know though.
Speaker: Yeah, I guess not.
Speaker: Fucking dick.
Speaker: Thanks.
Speaker: Back to you.
Speaker: Alright, this one's a quick one, but I'm gay.
Speaker: But I personally can't shit in public.
Speaker: I know you guys do, but even at work, nothing.
Speaker: Can't do it.
Speaker: Unless it's a real YouTube, but.
Speaker: It depends.
Speaker: For me, we have a bathroom right in our office.
Speaker: And if I have to shit, I try to avoid using that one and go into the downstairs bathroom, which is more like a public one.
Speaker: But.
Speaker: Or sometimes I go to the Home Depot on my lunch break.
Speaker: If I take a lunch break.
Speaker: Oh, it's just got nice bathrooms.
Speaker: I don't know what it is.
Speaker: It's kind of a drive, man.
Speaker: Just go to the bathroom.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: I'll get lunch, too, while I'm out over there.
Speaker: Somewhere over there.
Speaker: Stop at the Home Depot.
Speaker: See what they got for freaking twos on sale, man.
Speaker: The freaking home.
Speaker: Say how Baker would say it.
Speaker: Oh, Baker goes do it.
Speaker: The home be home.
Speaker: Baker starts his new job tomorrow at the home b-hole.
Speaker: Actually, no, I'm going to Starbucks for tomorrow.
Speaker: Oh, right.
Speaker: You know what they say about dudes that go to Starbucks.
Speaker: Facts.
Speaker: Crazy, bro.
Speaker: It's a narrative, bro.
Speaker: I'm not going to say what it was, but you fit that narrative.
Speaker: But I know Eric will shit anywhere.
Speaker: It doesn't matter.
Speaker: Dude shit so much in a day, he's just got to shit.
Speaker: It doesn't matter where the fuck it is.
Speaker: Hey, bro.
Speaker: If you got to poop, you got to poop.
Speaker: Like, I don't know what you want from me.
Speaker: Like, I always wait till you get home.
Speaker: It doesn't matter where I'm pooping unless it's my house, but I will always put down toilet paper on the toilet seat, bro.
Speaker: Always.
Speaker: Yeah, I feel that.
Speaker: Like I said, unless it's my house, but everywhere else.
Speaker: Even like somebody else's house?
Speaker: Like if you came to my house?
Speaker: No, I wouldn't do that.
Speaker: Baker's house?
Speaker: Baker's house for sure, bro.
Speaker: Bro, I know this dude Baker would be missing the toilet seat all the time, bro.
Speaker: If he's holding in his shits until he gets home, bro.
Speaker: Shit's nasty, bro.
Speaker: I know Baker got some stank ass, bro.
Speaker: Fader's got hella skid marks, bro.
Speaker: Dude needs to get new underwear every other week.
Speaker: He just holds his shit in the orc.
Speaker: Fucking turtle starts popping.
Speaker: Dude's like... I go like maybe twice a week, Mac.
Speaker: Maybe three times, I guess.
Speaker: That's insane, bro.
Speaker: I go three times in a day.
Speaker: Yeah, no.
Speaker: Yeah, I don't go quite.
Speaker: I'm like in between.
Speaker: I'm like a once a day kind of guy.
Speaker: Oh, jeez.
Speaker: But twice a week, Baker?
Speaker: I eat like a pigeon, I guess.
Speaker: No, you don't.
Speaker: You eat like a fat fuck.
Speaker: What are you talking about?
Speaker: It's also true.
Speaker: Baker eats the worst food, too.
Speaker: Like, all the time.
Speaker: Baker needs shit food.
Speaker: And he just doesn't have to shit ever.
Speaker: It's crazy.
Speaker: And he doesn't get fat.
Speaker: Dude's got the kangaroo pouch.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: Bro's got a kangaroo pouch.
Speaker: Crazy.
Speaker: All right, kicking it back to myself, eh?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Throwing it back to yourself?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: All right, I don't know about you boys, but so you know when you're a kid and you learn to tie your shoes?
Speaker: Bunny years?
Speaker: I still tie my shoes bunny years.
Speaker: In fact, I do too.
Speaker: All right, thank you.
Speaker: I'm glad I'm not the only one.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Bigger's like, I don't know how to tie my shoes.
Speaker: I mean, to be fair, I usually don't tie my shoes.
Speaker: Bro's still running the Velcros.
Speaker: Sketchers?
Speaker: Velcros?
Speaker: Sketchers or something?
Speaker: Bro's still running the Velcros, bro.
Speaker: That'd be crazy.
Speaker: His shoes look like the fucking ones you get from, like, the bowling alley.
Speaker: He takes a pair every time he goes to the bowling alley.
Speaker: He's like, oh, what?
Speaker: We don't get to keep them?
Speaker: One time I went bowling with Baker, dude.
Speaker: We got the shoes right away up front and we sniffed them, bro.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: I don't think I've ever been bowling with you.
Speaker: Yeah, we have, dude.
Speaker: We went on a free bowling night.
Speaker: What are you talking about at school?
Speaker: I never went to free bowling night.
Speaker: I have a picture of you.
Speaker: Yeah, see?
Speaker: This is how I remember.
Speaker: This is proof that he sniffed the shoes because he doesn't even remember going to bowling with me.
Speaker: I'll show the picture.
Speaker: Actually, us three went bowling once.
Speaker: You guys remember that?
Speaker: No, I don't really fuck with you.
Speaker: So we did actually, uh, I don't know.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I think it was a new year's one year and we went to the movie theater.
Speaker: So what was that movie with Adam Sandler and like the gems KG was uncut gems.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It was kind of good, but like not really good at the same time.
Speaker: Movie was good until the ending.
Speaker: The ending sucked.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Bold take.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: I know how to tie my shoes the regular way.
Speaker: I just think bunny ears is easier.
Speaker: I actually don't know how to do them the regular way.
Speaker: I only know bunny ears.
Speaker: But I'm also at the age now where all my shoes are tied and I just slip them on.
Speaker: Yeah, you don't really tie them every day.
Speaker: There's only one pair of shoes that I needed to tie every time.
Speaker: But all my other shoes, I just slip them on.
Speaker: Actually, to be honest with you, bro, I can't remember the last time I tied my shoes.
Speaker: I honestly can't remember the last time I tied my shoes.
Speaker: That's crazy.
Speaker: Brittany ties them for you.
Speaker: Eric gets up for work.
Speaker: Eric gets up for work in the morning.
Speaker: Brittany still asleep.
Speaker: Brittany, can you tie my shoes?
Speaker: So there's my second confession.
Speaker: Baker, no, I'm kidding.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Here's another one.
Speaker: So when I was a kid,
Speaker: Uh, probably about, I don't know, five years old, four, five, six, maybe.
Speaker: Uh, my mom, like I used to like have really bad, uh, strep throat.
Speaker: Like I used to have strep throat all the time.
Speaker: Um, and I would always be sick for some reason, like with strep, with strep throat comes like just any sickness ever.
Speaker: So I'd always be sick and I always would have like stomach bugs or fucking anything like that.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: And so anyway, I would, my mom gave me Tums one time and I just fell in love with them.
Speaker: So she woke up one morning and I was downstairs, bro, in the, in the cabinet, cabinet doors, both of them open.
Speaker: Just like you can just picture this.
Speaker: I'm sitting crisscross applesauce, both cabinet doors open and I'm,
Speaker: eating Tums, bro.
Speaker: At like two in the morning, I'm shoveling Tums down my throat.
Speaker: Like we're talking like the powdery, like the crunchy.
Speaker: Oh, how do you like those, bro?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Like I was so good, dude.
Speaker: I, to this day, still love Tums.
Speaker: No matter what Tum they are, the chewy ones, the fucking hard for fun, bro.
Speaker: They're so good, bro.
Speaker: Tums are fucking awesome.
Speaker: But yeah, so I had to confess, I am addicted to Tums.
Speaker: Yeah, I don't like Tums that much.
Speaker: Not a fan of any medicine, really.
Speaker: Except NyQuil.
Speaker: That'll be, I guess, another confession that I have.
Speaker: I guess this is a confession, I guess.
Speaker: It's kind of a dark one, so this one's kind of serious.
Speaker: Jesus Christ.
Speaker: I don't know if any of you guys probably know.
Speaker: But some of the high school guys know for a while I was sipping, basically I was sipping lean.
Speaker: Not really lean, but it was pretty much just NyQuil.
Speaker: I was just packing up NyQuil heavy.
Speaker: Because the back story behind this is I had perfect attendance in high school.
Speaker: And it was like, this is probably junior year.
Speaker: Yeah, junior year.
Speaker: And I hadn't like missed a day and I knew I had perfect attendance.
Speaker: And I saw somebody the year before getting like a scholarship for it.
Speaker: So I'm like, hey, I'm going to get the scholarship if I can.
Speaker: So I felt really, really sick one day.
Speaker: So I took some NyQuil in the morning, the night before and in the morning to like, you know, make me feel better.
Speaker: I was drowsy at school all day, but I felt good.
Speaker: I was like, and then there's a while there where I kind of get a little addicted to NyQuil.
Speaker: I was drinking it like every night before bed.
Speaker: Like when I got home from school before bed, I probably went through like a couple bottles.
Speaker: And in like a couple weeks to a month span.
Speaker: Holy shit, dude.
Speaker: It was fucked, dude.
Speaker: It was actually low-key like a fucked up addiction.
Speaker: And fucking, of course, on my birthday, on my birthday, fucking Justin shows up to my house with a bottle of NyQuil for me.
Speaker: In a bag.
Speaker: He bought it from my dad's store, too.
Speaker: Oh, wait.
Speaker: For those that know Jake's dad works at CVS, Rite Aid.
Speaker: Rite Aid.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Rite Aid.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, he's like a manager.
Speaker: He doesn't work there.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's custodian at the Rite Aid.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Just so you guys – for you guys that don't know, Jake's dad cleans toilets at the Rite Aid.
Speaker: Oh, at the bar we went to last night or the other night, Friday night?
Speaker: There's literally in the bathroom, there's a dude doing paper towel service.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: That's his job, dude.
Speaker: A couple sneezes.
Speaker: Jeez.
Speaker: And people tip him for this shit.
Speaker: Yeah, dude was literally just handing out paper towels.
Speaker: And they were tipping him?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Dude, a guy right before me tipped 80 bucks.
Speaker: I was like, yeah, I'll just take the towel.
Speaker: Holy fuck, bro.
Speaker: He just sits in a chair and he's got a setup and he's watching like YouTube on his phone.
Speaker: He just unravels one, holds it.
Speaker: Somebody takes it.
Speaker: Unravels another.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: He's a towel dispenser, literally.
Speaker: Yeah, and he just makes money doing sitting there.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Stop sniffling, bro.
Speaker: Sorry, bro.
Speaker: Goddamn.
Speaker: Sniffing his fucking mic.
Speaker: Holy fuck.
Speaker: Now, bro's jerking off his throat, bro.
Speaker: What is happening right now?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I can't record a minute.
Speaker: We thought he was doing like some community service at first.
Speaker: Like he was in prison and had to make up some community service hours or something.
Speaker: And we know Travis did.
Speaker: Travis asked him like his job.
Speaker: Dude's been doing that for 10 years.
Speaker: Imagine he's probably in his forties at least.
Speaker: I'd say we asked him.
Speaker: We're like, yeah.
Speaker: And then like, imagine that's your career.
Speaker: Yeah, I work in a bathroom at a bar downstairs.
Speaker: I mean, to be fair, I'm sure he gets paid a lot.
Speaker: Think about it.
Speaker: As the night goes on, he's getting more money, more money.
Speaker: I don't know why people are tipping him.
Speaker: I ain't tipping him shit, dude.
Speaker: I just took the towel.
Speaker: There's no other way to like dry off your hands either.
Speaker: Like it was just air dry him.
Speaker: Just fucking wiped them on his face.
Speaker: Right on his face.
Speaker: I would have been like, Oh, how you doing?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You don't want to see you later.
Speaker: Fucking take my money for a fucking towel.
Speaker: That's crazy.
Speaker: Absolutely wild.
Speaker: But they can't buy a fucking towel dispenser.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: That's weird.
Speaker: And anyways, that confession was out of the blue.
Speaker: That just came to the head.
Speaker: I don't even have that one written down.
Speaker: I was addicted to NyQuil.
Speaker: That's crazy.
Speaker: That's crazy.
Speaker: It was wild.
Speaker: All right, Baker.
Speaker: Let's hear the grand finale, bro.
Speaker: This is the last one.
Speaker: I got a few more, bro.
Speaker: I don't give a fuck, bro.
Speaker: This one's kind of a throwback to last episode because it's kind of a bold take.
Speaker: But yeah, Buffalo's sauce, I guess, is just not good.
Speaker: I'm not a huge fan.
Speaker: That's my confession.
Speaker: Everybody loves like Buffalo wings.
Speaker: Is that more of a take?
Speaker: Yeah, it's a little bit of a throwback because I didn't participate in last episode.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It's kind of a confession, too.
Speaker: Everybody likes buffalo, bro.
Speaker: I haven't met another person who doesn't like buffalo.
Speaker: I used to grub on that shit heavy back in the day, but nah, I don't really fuck with it like that anymore.
Speaker: If you're getting wings, what kind of sauce do you have?
Speaker: I'm probably getting more barbecue now, nowadays, I'd say.
Speaker: Or some sweet Asian chili something.
Speaker: Buffalo's kind of just like me.
Speaker: It's just over the plate now.
Speaker: It's on everything.
Speaker: It's like buffalo mac and cheese, buffalo chicken, buffalo, buffalo, fucking buffalo barbecue, fucking.
Speaker: I like the rub.
Speaker: I don't like sauce.
Speaker: Yeah, dry rub.
Speaker: I'm a dry rub.
Speaker: Dry rub's been gross.
Speaker: Yeah, dry rub broke bigger.
Speaker: Fuck me.
Speaker: It's just so good.
Speaker: yeah that's uh interesting i don't even remember what i was saying bro i'm not gonna lie your bro just caught me off guard with that um go ahead yeah i got nothing yeah it's your next confession buddy uh this one's kind of a story maybe a little quick story uh
Speaker: I don't know if it's really a confession, but it's just might as well be one.
Speaker: So my first kiss was in like seventh grade, I think.
Speaker: What's up?
Speaker: Weird flex.
Speaker: Did I just say that?
Speaker: That's it?
Speaker: I lost my virginity when I was nine, four, four, four, five.
Speaker: I was 40 years old now.
Speaker: That's crazy.
Speaker: So, no, I had my first kiss in like seventh grade, I think, and it was at a school dance.
Speaker: And after it, bro, I didn't know what to do.
Speaker: I just like – I kissed him and walked away.
Speaker: That's crazy.
Speaker: I just did the kiss and I literally – I walked away and I went into the gym.
Speaker: So in middle school, you know how they had like the gym opener, Eric?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like during the dance.
Speaker: And I just, I just left after I did the kiss, walked away.
Speaker: Didn't even say they just like kiss, walk away.
Speaker: And I fucking went and played hoops the rest of the night.
Speaker: And what did he do?
Speaker: Huh?
Speaker: Cause fucking ball is life, bro.
Speaker: Facts, those were the days, though, where dances weren't even dancing.
Speaker: You would hear Usher, and then that was it.
Speaker: Closer!
Speaker: Closer!
Speaker: Yeah, you don't even dance, bro.
Speaker: If I could go back and watch a recording of what our dances looked like, and just be like... Facts, I used to break it down, no cat
Speaker: Oh my.
Speaker: Those are weird.
Speaker: Cabin fevers too.
Speaker: Let me love you.
Speaker: Baker in like six, was it sixth grade, fifth grade?
Speaker: We had this thing called cabin fever at our, our school, bro.
Speaker: This is fucked.
Speaker: We are principal had a game where he lined us up against the wall and kick kick balls at us.
Speaker: Like full force.
Speaker: It was called kickball.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Principal was the point.
Speaker: Everybody was like, yep, this sounds like fun.
Speaker: You just lined up.
Speaker: Well, it was a different day, bro.
Speaker: That's not flying today.
Speaker: That's all I'm saying.
Speaker: Thanks.
Speaker: He was hammering that thing, too.
Speaker: He was kicking that thing.
Speaker: Who was doing this?
Speaker: Principal Robertson.
Speaker: Your principal was doing this?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: His principal kickball, bro.
Speaker: That is crazy, dude.
Speaker: Bro, you would literally line up along.
Speaker: You know how some gyms have the stage?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like in the gym, you would line up along the stage and he would like put the ball down on the ground and like probably like, I don't even know, bro.
Speaker: Like probably like only like 45 feet away.
Speaker: No, I wasn't that close.
Speaker: He wasn't like 40 feet, maybe.
Speaker: And he would fucking rifle him, bro.
Speaker: He still worked there.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: He's pretty old shit.
Speaker: Dude had a leg on him, eh?
Speaker: So you would take his third leg and he would literally just... Bro.
Speaker: Just like very sly.
Speaker: Just sneak those little things in.
Speaker: God, enough of you.
Speaker: I got one last one.
Speaker: Maybe I shouldn't say this one.
Speaker: Nah, nah.
Speaker: Does it involve me?
Speaker: Nah.
Speaker: No, no.
Speaker: Thank God.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Is there something I'm missing that I should have mentioned, Baker?
Speaker: No, but you can- Baker's clearly got something, dude.
Speaker: Baker's clearly got something.
Speaker: I have nothing left.
Speaker: I'm done.
Speaker: Baker, you have one that you just can't say on the pod, but you have one.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Facts, he won't say it.
Speaker: I don't know why.
Speaker: He won't even confess to it when we talk about it.
Speaker: It's crazy.
Speaker: Because I don't know what it is.
Speaker: Yeah, you do.
Speaker: We've talked about it.
Speaker: You keep denying it, though.
Speaker: Thanks.
Speaker: Bro, if anything, you're... We're talking about that?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: What did he just say?
Speaker: The meat sucking thing.
Speaker: Yeah, I gotta go.
Speaker: I gotta go, bro.
Speaker: Bro, that is not... Did you just confess to that?
Speaker: Yeah, what?
Speaker: That is not even...
Speaker: You said the meat sucking thing as if there was something referring to meat sucking.
Speaker: What did he say?
Speaker: This dude said, wow.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: So then who was it, bro?
Speaker: Who do you suck your meat?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Who do you suck your meat?
Speaker: Nobody.
Speaker: There's obviously a thing, bro.
Speaker: You said the meat sucking thing.
Speaker: Like we knew what you were talking about.
Speaker: We knew what you were referring to.
Speaker: Yeah, you're ongoing joke about the damn meat sucking thing.
Speaker: We don't joke about that, bro.
Speaker: Oh, here we go.
Speaker: We're serious about that, bro.
Speaker: Anyway.
Speaker: No, anyways, Baker had another one, bro.
Speaker: I'll say it for you, Baker, if you want, bro.
Speaker: What does it involve, dude?
Speaker: Well, I guess there's, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, there you go.
Speaker: That's easy to say.
Speaker: Fucking Treyway.
Speaker: Yeah, the thing I've been ducking this whole time.
Speaker: You have been.
Speaker: You've been ducking it, bro.
Speaker: Not really.
Speaker: Bro, they... Okay, someone with fantastic ties to you, Baker.
Speaker: Zero credit.
Speaker: What do you mean?
Speaker: Extremely credible source.
Speaker: This dude, Baker, bro.
Speaker: We were told by... I got ties to you, bro.
Speaker: Huh?
Speaker: I got ties.
Speaker: I got ties.
Speaker: No, fucking... Bro, bro.
Speaker: Someone very, a very reliable source told Jake and I about your three-way, bro.
Speaker: Yeah, I know what you guys are talking about.
Speaker: I've never had a three-way.
Speaker: I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker: That's such cap.
Speaker: That is such cap.
Speaker: Why are you lying?
Speaker: Is it because Hope's in the room?
Speaker: She's not in the room.
Speaker: It's because Hope's in the room.
Speaker: He's not saying it, bro.
Speaker: That's why I told her to leave.
Speaker: So Hope wasn't in it.
Speaker: That lets us know Hope wasn't part of it.
Speaker: So it must have been two dudes, bro.
Speaker: Yep, two dudes.
Speaker: Jake and Eric.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: A group confession.
Speaker: You weren't supposed to confess that part, bro.
Speaker: Shut up.
Speaker: That's crazy.
Speaker: Jake, what's your last one, bro?
Speaker: You got to say it now, bro.
Speaker: quick.
Speaker: No, it's, uh, yeah, I will say it's not anything.
Speaker: It's not anything bad, but it is bad in a way that I shouldn't say it on the podcast.
Speaker: Who's it about?
Speaker: No, it's just about a time on the podcast where I said something.
Speaker: Oh, I don't know if I need to bring it up.
Speaker: Now you don't get to say anything more.
Speaker: Just know that I had to go back through the podcast and do some editing.
Speaker: All you did was cut that part out and just try and pick the spot where it made sense to pick back up again.
Speaker: And it sounded good, but I had to edit the pot.
Speaker: It just sounded good when I said it.
Speaker: Just put your hands up and just say that you feel bad.
Speaker: All right, I'm going to say the word.
Speaker: I'll say it.
Speaker: It slipped, bro.
Speaker: Eric's got to confess to this too, bro.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: I ain't confessing shit.
Speaker: I ain't confessing shit, bro.
Speaker: I never did anything wrong.
Speaker: I will say when I was a kid, though, I used to piss in my cup.
Speaker: I used to think of the ball cup.
Speaker: Yeah, like a catcher would wear in a baseball game.
Speaker: Bro, I used to wear like a cup, like a jock strap and girdle and shit.
Speaker: And I thought the cup was meant to hold your piss so you could play and pee at the same time, bro.
Speaker: I dead ass, as a kid, thought that is what it was for.
Speaker: And so I used to piss in my cup.
Speaker: You're running around the football field with piss in your cup?
Speaker: Yeah, bro.
Speaker: Just go right down my leg, bro.
Speaker: But I didn't care because I was just a fucking dog.
Speaker: Did you like smell like piss?
Speaker: Nobody said anything to you?
Speaker: No, my dad would be like, bro, why do you always smell like piss?
Speaker: Right when you get in the car.
Speaker: And I was like, God, I peed my cup.
Speaker: Like, I just thought I was like confident in saying like I just pissed my cup.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: It's pretty funny.
Speaker: But yeah.
Speaker: Real quick though, guys, you know, just switching from the fucking confessions.
Speaker: I'm tired of confessing my life away, bro.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: What do you guys think about John Schreiber?
Speaker: What do I think about him?
Speaker: He had one good year and that's it.
Speaker: Facts.
Speaker: I don't want to talk socks anymore, bro.
Speaker: Talk socks sucks.
Speaker: I'm tired of talking socks.
Speaker: True.
Speaker: Fucking red socks, bro.
Speaker: Fucking suck.
Speaker: Fuck them kids, bro.
Speaker: Look around.
Speaker: Look at life.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: See them fine bitches over there, man.
Speaker: See them trees, man.
Speaker: Bad water.
Speaker: Yo, Baker, you got any bets into this weekend?
Speaker: Let's do bigger.
Speaker: Put in hella bets.
Speaker: I'm up.
Speaker: I'm up on the weekend though, like 40 bucks.
Speaker: And then I started live betting tennis and it's, I've now lost the $40.
Speaker: Why are we live betting tennis?
Speaker: Cause, cause he was with Travis.
Speaker: Dude, I was, I was up.
Speaker: That's why I like doubled my money.
Speaker: And then I'm back to where like, I should be, I guess.
Speaker: But I was betting on the NBA a lot last week and pretty profitable for myself.
Speaker: Did you bet on the dunk contest?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I heard it was ass.
Speaker: I didn't even see it.
Speaker: Yeah, it was.
Speaker: I would have bet Mac McClellan.
Speaker: Didn't a G League player win it again?
Speaker: Mac McClellan.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: Fucking Mac McClellan.
Speaker: Not even in the MLB.
Speaker: MLB?
Speaker: NBA and they're winning the NBA dunk contest.
Speaker: It's crazy.
Speaker: Yeah, no.
Speaker: Mac McClellan definitely isn't in the MLB, though.
Speaker: They just got to cancel a dunk contest, bro.
Speaker: That shit's ass.
Speaker: That shit hasn't been good in years.
Speaker: Just cut it off, bro.
Speaker: We don't need that shit anymore.
Speaker: Jake said it earlier.
Speaker: Hasn't been good since Zach Levine and Aaron Gordon, bro.
Speaker: For real.
Speaker: As far as bets, bro, I haven't put one in in like, what's today?
Speaker: The 18th?
Speaker: I put one in for the Super Bowl because, you know, this is Super Bowl.
Speaker: Like, I'm going to put one in.
Speaker: Before that, I hadn't met since January 29th.
Speaker: God.
Speaker: So, I've been really slow this year.
Speaker: I had a good year last year, and I didn't start off good this year, so I just cut my ties for now.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, that's all I got, brothers.
Speaker: Freaking shit.
Speaker: Let's do Baker, though.
Speaker: No logic, bro.
Speaker: This dude, like, he'll bet, and then he'll win, and then he doesn't take any money out.
Speaker: He just bets all the money.
Speaker: Like, the dude never takes the money that he wins through.
Speaker: What's wrong with you, dude?
Speaker: You know, I don't know.
Speaker: Makes it interesting.
Speaker: You know, you win 20 bucks, you put 20 on your next bet.
Speaker: Yeah, I don't get this dude, bro.
Speaker: Words of advice.
Speaker: Right now, we got tennis, right?
Speaker: I got five bucks on it.
Speaker: Let's go.
Speaker: Oh, it already started.
Speaker: On who?
Speaker: I don't know how to say that name, but it's to win 13.
Speaker: Here we go.
Speaker: See, bro, that's when you know it's bad.
Speaker: You can't even read the dude's name.
Speaker: You're betting on something you don't know anything about.
Speaker: First name's Zachary.
Speaker: Well, he sounds white, so.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: I'm done.
Speaker: I don't know if this dude Baker, bro.
Speaker: He's been talking too much.
Speaker: Yeah, he lost.
Speaker: By the way, he lost.
Speaker: All it.
Speaker: There goes five bucks.
Speaker: This dude Baker's been mooching off me for far too long, bro.
Speaker: I'm tired of him.
Speaker: I got a shower, bro.
Speaker: I fucking stink, bro.
Speaker: words of wisdom what do we got I should prepare for this shit I'm going last I'm going last you're on the spot you're on the spot you're on the spot fuck keep your stick on the ice no you can't use that you don't use that one I don't got anything I won't look anything up but I'll go last okay Jake go
Speaker: Did I say keep on chugging yet?
Speaker: I actually said that week one.
Speaker: Oh, you said that?
Speaker: Oh, yeah, that's right.
Speaker: That was you.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: I got words of wisdom, but it's not like a saying or anything.
Speaker: Go ahead.
Speaker: Say it.
Speaker: I'm probably going to read a poem.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: Shit, I'm kind of coming up with it on the spot, I guess.
Speaker: But if you're down in betting, double it and win your money back.
Speaker: When you win your money back, put it all on black.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: It works every time.
Speaker: If you double your money, just put it on the double do it this.
Speaker: And then win it back.
Speaker: Yeah, straight face right now.
Speaker: Jake.
Speaker: If your Canada is dry, you don't got any Canada dry, bro.
Speaker: That's all I'm saying.
Speaker: Facts, that's just moist.
Speaker: Eat ass.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Eat ass.
Speaker: Wicked your stash.
Speaker: How about it?
Speaker: Drink gas.
Speaker: Literal gas.
Speaker: Go to the gas station.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Drink it.
Speaker: While you kids are listening out there, gas is good for you.
Speaker: Deuces.
Speaker: Be-
