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Episode #013 - Priyesh Vyas - Mental Health Advocate and Business Owner
105 Plays2 years ago
Today's guest is Priyesh Vyas. Pri transitioned from a successful salaried job in the corporate world to launch his own business in the form of Fortitude Fit, a new fitness space based in Kent. Pri also suffered from mental health issues as a teenager , having struggled with Bulimia for a number of years, and is now an advocate and ambassador for the charity BEAT.
In this episode, we discussed the transition from the security of a salaried job to launching a business in order to find fulfilment, how you can support those around you who may be struggling with their mental health, how body image is a big problem in the fitness space, his account of living with an eating disorder, and much more.
Guardian Article - https://www.theguardian.com/healthcare-network/2017/oct/11/eating-disorder-men-bulimia-anorexia-mental-health
Instagram: @FortitudeFitGym
Web: https://fortitudefit.uk/
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Transcript
Introduction: Meet Priesh Vyas
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to Perspectives. Today's guest is Priesh Vyas. He's a men's health advocate and a business owner, having set up his own gym, Fortitude Fit, earlier this year. In this episode, Priesh and I discuss what the transition was like from the corporate world to setting up his own business, Fortitude Fit.
Mental Health Struggles in Fitness
00:00:22
Speaker
We also talk about his struggles with mental health, having suffered from an eating disorder, bulimia during his teen years,
00:00:29
Speaker
and why the fitness space can be such a confusing space to be in, especially when it comes to what we consider body norms, how best to support your friends who may be going through something similar and a lot more. I really enjoyed this episode. It's great to hear from someone who has had first-hand experience with mental health issues and an eating disorder as I think it's quite a challenging topic to approach. Although it's certainly being discussed a lot more widely,
00:00:57
Speaker
There's certainly a lot more to learn about this topic as well. So very informative and has definitely given me something to think about as to how I can best support my friends and colleagues going forward. So without further ado, pre-virus.
From Aerospace to Entrepreneurship
00:01:35
Speaker
Alright, so, Priesh Vayas, nice to have you on the show. Hey, Rhys, thanks for having me, man. Really appreciate it. That's good to have you on. So, I start with my guests. I'd like to sort of ask them a little bit about themselves and their background, so if you can give us a few words about who you are, what you do.
00:01:52
Speaker
Yeah, brilliant. So you just give them a full name out, which I very rarely get addressed by. I go by the name of Preet to most people, my friends, and I consider you a friend, so you can call me Preet throughout this podcast. So I'm Preet, I'm 31 years old. My education background is in aerospace engineering. So throughout my younger years, I always aspire to be in aviation. Kind of always have a fascination with planes.
00:02:21
Speaker
and always knew that I wanted to be in that industry. So throughout my school and colleges, studied aerospace engineering, did the same thing at UD. So I went to Kingston UD and studied aerospace engineering and really pursued for the majority of my life a career within aerospace and aviation, because I thought that was my passion. So it was only very recently that I did a huge career change. So after working in aviation, which was my dream,
00:02:48
Speaker
growing up. So working aviation for the last 10 years, doing various roles. Most recently at Gatwick Airport, I was working there as a senior IT project manager, I thought this was going to be the dream and something that would give me a lot of fulfillment in life. But as of recently, I discovered that wasn't for me anymore. So I did a huge career change, as I say, this time last year. And I took the dive into self employment, and opened up my own gym
00:03:19
Speaker
which most people think, well, where's the correlation between a dream of working in aviation and opening up a gym? There isn't any correlation at all. But it's always been a passion of mine working out, keeping fit, keeping healthy. And I'm sure we're gonna go into a bit more about kind of everything, physical activity and mental health-wise in a bit. But ultimately open up a gym called Fortitude Fit in Eden, Ruby and Kent.
00:03:47
Speaker
And we've now been open for three months. It's where I met you obviously, Rhys. And here we are, three months in to open my own gym. It's been a whirlwind, for sure, the last year in self employment, trying to figure out what I wanted to do.
00:04:04
Speaker
Um, why I thought combining a passion, um, for something I wanted to do business wise, I thought it just made total sense. Um, so that's the bit about me. Um, I, I'm sure we need to go into a bit more detail about a few things there, but, um, yeah, I think on the whole that's, that's, that's me. Awesome. Yeah. So that's the idea of like the transition between.
00:04:26
Speaker
being employed, going from a full-time salary job to completely going at it alone. Self-employed is, you know, I've had a previous guest on who have done the same and they just said, for some it was a pretty easy transition. And I've heard, obviously, the expression goes, if you do something you're passionate about, you never work a day in your life. It's so true. See how you're getting on with that in six months' time. Yeah, I'll see you again in six months, yeah.
00:04:53
Speaker
But yeah, but for some it's quite easy, but for others, you know, they've described it as one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. So I think just being able to make that leap is something a lot of people would be kind of afraid to do. So how have you found the transition? Has it been a fairly easy one for you or has it been something that's actually been a lot harder than you expected it to be? I'd say somewhere in the middle, to be honest. Not easy, but I'm not finding it hard, I guess because I'm enjoying it.
00:05:23
Speaker
I think that's the key thing. And when people ask me, was it a hard transition? Yes, it was because it takes a lot of balls. I'm not sure we're allowed to swear on this one. Brilliant. It takes a lot of balls to be able to actually quit a comfortable nine to five job.
00:05:41
Speaker
the safety net of having employment and actually doing it and actually going out and actually quit this and quit this comfort and go for the unknown. So that was actually the most difficult part. I think the initial making the decision, yes, this is not for me anymore. You know, I was waking up every day in my employed role and I was just thinking, this is not fulfilling for me. You know, I was waking up every day with dread almost that I'm having to go in and
00:06:11
Speaker
and work for a company.
Entrepreneurial Journey Begins
00:06:15
Speaker
Like I said in my intro, it was my dream to work in the aviation industry and I was fulfilling that dream which I thought I really wanted to do when I was younger. I see this a lot with young people. They have a dream and they re-pursue it and then ultimately
00:06:31
Speaker
as they get into the industry or pursue that it wasn't quite for them. And that's what I found is I was in the industry, wasn't enjoying it anymore, waking up with dreads. And so the hard bit was actually saying, this is enough, I'm not gonna do this anymore, I'm not gonna pursue this career. And I've always had a passion for business and I think this stemmed from my parents. So my parents actually ran their own confectionery shop
00:07:02
Speaker
in Eden Ridge as well, which is where I'm currently at for 35 years. And I saw them growing up, obviously, running their own business and kind of the flexibility at Brang and how to work the numbers, how to talk to customers. I think all of this kind of rubbed off for me in an indirect way, really, because I was obviously looking at them and
00:07:26
Speaker
they were almost a role model for me, I guess, as growing up, as most parents are, right, for their kids. So I think that rubbed off for me. And I think a testament to that is during my school years, I would take a rucksack full of sweets from my dad's confectionery shop, some drinks. And I was a really skinny kid at school when I was carrying this huge rucksack around.
00:07:52
Speaker
with sweets and drinks and after school, you know, kids had played football and, you know, I'd open up the bag and I would sell out the whole bag and I'd take a bag of money to my dad and say, here's your money. And he would give me a cut. And I kind of got the drive for business from a very young age. And so I always knew I had that kind of entrepreneurial mindset and wanting to do business, but I didn't know what. And so throughout my career, it was always in the back of my mind, I want to do something.
00:08:22
Speaker
around many businesses kind of, you know, in my spare time, I think a lot of people were probably in that same boat right now is they've got their full time employment, but they're doing something on the side, you know, something like yourself, you know, you're passionate about podcasting, it might be slightly different. But you know, you're doing that on the side. And it's something that you make, it's actually become your full time thing going forward, who knows, but it was kind of that trans, I think I've always had it
00:08:46
Speaker
from that very young age that I've had it within me that I wanted to do some sort of entrepreneurial business, whatever
Vision for Fortitude Fit
00:08:55
Speaker
it may be. So I've tried a few things like online businesses and things, but ultimately, as I said, my passion combined with an idea to open up a business where I saw a gap in the market. The hard bit was take buying the bullet and quitting that comfortable nine to five job. I think the easy bit has been the transition for me because obviously my young
00:09:15
Speaker
my younger years and my drive to become a business person. So that's been the easy bit for me, I think. So you've gone from mobile... There's a bit of echo. You've gone from mobile touch shop to, you know, barbell connoisseur. Yeah. I mean, there was many years between that. I mean, yeah, absolutely.
00:09:40
Speaker
No, it's interesting. You see a lot of gyms popping up. I think the fitness industry is one of those industries where they seem to boom always because everyone's always trying to get fit or improve the way they look. And so there's always a demand for gyms.
00:10:02
Speaker
What is it you think that you're trying to achieve with Fortitude that separates you from other gyms? And what's the vision there? How do you see it growing in the future? And what's the whole vision of where you want to take it? Well, we'll start with the name. I think, you know, open up the gym, you know, I sat there, as I said, I quit my job this time last year.
00:10:28
Speaker
It was slightly earlier, if we're talking about January last year, so I took a whole year to kind of decide exactly what I wanted to do and then ultimately stun wards upon, okay, yes, there's an opportunity to open a gym. Then the next natural thing is, okay, what do we name the gym? It had to be something personable.
00:10:45
Speaker
had to be something that resonated with me and something that, you know, creates a brand and a vision and everything that we stand for. M is the name Fortitude. So, Fortitude, dictionary definition meaning courage in pain or adversity.
00:10:59
Speaker
you know, in my backgrounds, in terms of my mental health struggles, when I was younger and things, I'm sure we're gonna go into that shortly. But in terms of the gym, I wanted to create a hub, create a community where people felt that they can come be themselves, better improve their physical appearance, but mainly their mental as well. So I wanted to create a hub community, a safe space for everyone to come and train. So hence why we've created a facility that, you know, has everything
00:11:27
Speaker
that you may want, you know, whether it be the boxing areas, whether it be the sauna, whether it be the treatment room, which I'm currently in at the moment, whether it be in the studio, which is next to us, there is a bit here for everyone. But ultimately, I think, you know, we're only three months in, my vision for the gym has ultimately become this hub, this community where we can run, you know, podcasts about mental health, promoting positive mental health out of here, doing seminars. So everything that, you know,
00:11:56
Speaker
typical gyms, you know, you go in, you do your workout, you go home, I want to create a bit more of a community, a bit more of a hub here at Fortitude. And that's ultimately the goal. Now, obviously, we're still very early days, so we're still establishing ourselves as a business. So these things we have in the pipeline to ultimately come down the line is to create fortitude as this, as this hub, this safe space that people can come and promote not only physical health, but also mental wellbeing as well.
00:12:24
Speaker
Yeah, that's awesome. I used to train at a few CrossFit boxes and I think the time I most enjoyed my training was when I was at uni, we were part of this community group essentially. So it was group coaching, but it was, you know, throughout a few different gyms. So I'd do it at my own gym.
00:12:42
Speaker
and then we'd go maybe once a week into the heart of Bristol at this gym where they were based out of and we'd go through and do like a group workout. They had social events throughout the year and at Christmas time and things like that and
00:12:58
Speaker
I think reflecting on my own experiences with fitness, that has been for me the peak of my enjoyment levels is when I'm around people doing the social aspect. The CrossFit one wasn't so much for me, it's just not aligned with how I like to train as much, but for example my other half does CrossFit and she absolutely loves it, she thrives.
00:13:19
Speaker
And again, they're the same thing. So they've got a nice community. You always see people down there for the events that they've got on. And I think it's just such a nice thing to do. And I think if you're struggling, so my situation in particular, I work away from home. Obviously, we met through the gym. So I didn't know anyone around the area. So it's nice for me to be able to go in and actually start recognizing some faces.
00:13:43
Speaker
make a few friends that way and I have done this in the past as well. So the community aspect I think is something that really sets apart certain gyms.
00:13:54
Speaker
I've trained at the commercial gyms before, the pure gyms, your fitness first and all that sort of stuff. And I just don't think you get that. And this was sort of coming out of the other end of lockdown when I started training at the gym, I think it was the gym group. So no shade on those gyms. They're fantastic facilities for what they do. They're cheap, affordable, and you can just go at any time. It's very flexible, especially if you've got constraints on your working hours.
00:14:20
Speaker
But you do just go in and it's very much like, oh, I've got to go to the gym. And you've got to do your workout and then go home. And it's all right if your discipline levels are high and your motivation levels are high. But when they start dropping off, it's when the community aspect and things like that really comes into it. Because you can go because you go, actually, I'm going to see, you know, my friends going to be training. We can trade together. And even if you feel like shit and you don't really want to train.
00:14:45
Speaker
you don't want to let the other person down or you want to come and be like, okay, I don't want to be the person who's not seen to be going and not making an effort. So, yeah, no, I really like that approach and I really like the whole community aspect of gym. So, you know, looking forward to seeing how it grows and how it develops. You know, from what I've seen so far, it's always buzzing. There's always people doing it and cracking on. So, yeah, you know, hopefully we can see where it grows to and keep it on that right trajectory.
00:15:14
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. I don't think we've already started that. You know, I know I've said it's kind of coming down the line, but I think naturally it's already happening. You know, again, like-minded people come in here and train. You know, it was only this morning I was speaking to Cam, who runs our front of the house. He was saying we've created a real community of people that come in at 5.30. So we open our doors at 5.30. And it's the same faces coming in at 5.30. So they've started to create their own little, you know, friend circle.
00:15:44
Speaker
everyone knows their first names and things. I think it's really, really important. I think we're living in a society now where we're becoming loose and we're becoming lonelier. I think I was listening to another podcasting.
00:15:59
Speaker
And the stats about loneliness is you match with a roof and people not even having one friend to call in. And these stats are really mind boggling for me. So to be able to create a hub like this and seeing people interact and start making friends is really, really key to me. And I really want to double down on this.
00:16:18
Speaker
And it's such a nice feeling to be able to create something like this and to see it take shape. We've got a run club on Saturdays now, which one of our PTs, Max, he runs. And he started the first week. He had, I think, a couple of people come. And they told a couple of friends. And now it's grown to, I think this week, he had 30 people running in a run club on Saturday, on 8 AM on Saturday, meeting up, having a coffee after, having a laugh after. So people with all ages, abilities,
00:16:48
Speaker
coming together and creating this community is a really good feeling. And I think we're going to go from strength to strength in that aspect.
Teenage Struggles with Eating Disorders
00:16:55
Speaker
The business aside, that's obviously important to me. But I think what's more important is the vision. And yeah, as I said, creating this community and promoting mental health and community and
00:17:08
Speaker
and relations really. You're building the foundations essentially from which you're going to grow from. You mentioned before about some of your struggles with mental health, so we'll talk about mental health in a little bit, but I wanted to start with going back to those teenage years. I know there were a pretty challenging time for you and that you'd suffered from an eating disorder. I think
00:17:32
Speaker
I think your teen years are so important because it's a time when you start to understand a little bit more about who you are. You are learning and you're failing very quickly in rapid succession, not just academically but socially as well. And then it's a sequence of sort of trying to adapt and fit into that environment around you.
00:17:55
Speaker
What was it like for you when you were growing up and then obviously led to the time when you started suffering with this seeking disorder as well? Yeah, I would say my childhood wasn't like, you know, I hear a lot of people when they say about mental health struggles and there's almost this stigma that it only affects people from certain backgrounds and, you know, your upbringing must have been tough and, you know, all these things.
00:18:23
Speaker
To be honest, it wasn't. And, you know, I had parents that still, even to this day, obviously still look after me. Even though I'm 31 years old age, they still look after me like I'm the little, little boy still. But it's, you know, it was nothing to do with that kind of upbringing. I had a great family environment.
00:18:45
Speaker
everything like that was all in place but I think you know so it wasn't a struggle being a teenager going through this but you know almost felt like I didn't know what I was going through until maybe a couple of years later you know it's one of these things I think
00:19:02
Speaker
It only hits you once you're out of it how bad it was. I think once you're in the midst of going through something like this, you don't realize how bad it is. You almost take it for granted. You're going through this, and this is a normal thing when it really isn't. And especially as a teenager, exam stress, you've got school deadlines. You're doing all these things, all these pressures.
00:19:32
Speaker
And I think it boils down to your personality and me being someone that I've always been a person that's been striving, always striving to be the best, be the best of myself, be the best version I can be. So I think there's a combination of a couple of things there, but certainly my upbringing definitely wasn't a driver to leading me to have poor mental health.
00:19:59
Speaker
I think there was probably a varying number of factors within that, where it is my personality because I was a striving individual and still am, or wherever it may be. But when you try and pinpoint it as a teenage boy, what you're going through, it's very, very difficult. Even though I look back now, I think, you know,
00:20:16
Speaker
I can't pinpoint one thing that it's like, okay, that's what triggered me having that poor mental health. But I think the awareness, the people talking about it at the time was very, not as it is right now, which is great, obviously, to see, you know, that it's so forefront of everyone's minds now, you know, about mental health and promoting good mental health. Whereas probably back then, we were talking obviously, what, 17, 18 years ago now.
00:20:45
Speaker
no one ever talked about it. And the fact is, I went to all boys school, so that probably didn't help, you know, being surrounded by other boys and being in this boisterous environment as a teenage boy going through poor mental health, you know, you just kind of keep it bolding. You don't want to be that kid that kind of stands out for being, you know, going through all this stuff. So I reckon those kind of factors all kind of played into that, but it certainly wasn't easy during those times.
00:21:11
Speaker
Yeah, it's interesting that you say, you know, it's actually quite refreshing to hear that you said, actually, you know what, my childhood was actually fine. And it, you know, wasn't like, because there is so much that now it's just, ah, you know, I will get into it a little bit, but there's a few things that just don't sit right with me in the way it's handled at the moment.
00:21:30
Speaker
And especially in within the social media aspect, but but just going back to to that element of you know You're eating sort of it was bulimia was it you had that's correct Yeah, so so I you know I had there was someone in my school in my year who? Struggled with an eating disorder as well
00:21:48
Speaker
never spoke about it or anything but we just you know noticed that one one day they you know they turned up and we hadn't seen them in a while and it was just a complete shock to everyone who you know who is who is familiar but i find it's quite difficult it's quite difficult to how to handle
00:22:06
Speaker
that sort of situation because on the one hand you empathise with those people because you can clearly see there's something that is not quite right, they're either very uncomfortable in their own skin or they've got this distorted image of themselves but you don't
00:22:21
Speaker
want to draw attention to that by then going approaching them and asking them about it and trying to offer your support so it it's very i've always found it very difficult and i found it difficult at that time as well in knowing if actually it's none of my business whatsoever or there's always that other part of me that was like well actually maybe everyone thinks that and she doesn't have any support from anyone but also you know so is it your business is it not should i offer support or not and and how do i go about doing that i think
00:22:51
Speaker
This is, I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling like that, especially to people who have been around those sorts of people or have had colleagues and friends who are going through it. So I wanted to ask you, as someone who has experienced that personally and they've been through that,
00:23:08
Speaker
Is there anything that you wish others around you had done maybe differently or perhaps how you might advise someone to support a friend or colleague who may be going through that and what's this kind of the do's and don'ts and that sort of thing? Yeah, I mean speaking personally, you know when I was hiding my bulimia for I think it was around
00:23:32
Speaker
three years before anyone knew I was bulimic. So you can imagine the secrecy, the sliding that had to go on. You can imagine being at family events and
00:23:46
Speaker
and ultimately purging out the dinner that you've just eaten with your family and going and hiding and these things. I say it's very secretive, bulimia. I know there's various different eating disorders that people can suffer with, but with bulimia especially, it's very secretive.
00:24:04
Speaker
Going three years without anyone knowing and then ultimately school teacher finding finding out, you know Seeing me firsthand purging out foods, you know The first reaction is obviously then to tell my parents and my parents all they wanted to do was fix it They wanted to fix it. They wanted to they want to keep on top of me. They wanted to keep an eye on me You know, it's a very kind of on top of you almost I don't know how to describe it but very kind of like
00:24:31
Speaker
just making sure they I'm in line of sight all the time all these kind of things where I felt that kind of pushed me the other way because it was so used to being secretive and then suddenly the secrets out and then you almost feel like people on top of you and trying to fix it like it felt very kind of I don't know how to explain but very claustrophobic almost I don't know how to describe that but I think speaking personally I would have liked someone to maybe not my parents directly because ultimately
00:25:00
Speaker
the relationship I had with them is slightly different. But if I had a close friend that I can open up to, I think this is where it's so important now for men to be able to speak openly to their friends, close associates, coworkers, people that they can feel comfortable enough to speak with.
00:25:17
Speaker
So if I had someone like that, which I didn't at the time, um, being truthful to just, just to speak with and say, look, I'm really struggling with this or I need help with this or, you know, wherever it may be. But ultimately I think it's down to the self. And I think if you ultimately want to recover and you want to get better, it's down to the self. And it's down to that individual to want to change.
00:25:39
Speaker
as much as the people around them can try and force them and try and support them as much as they can, it has to be on the self. But I think ultimately having support system that is optional, whether, okay, I'm going through this, if I have got something there I can speak to, I know I can speak to that person openly without any judgment coming back the other way. I think that's really powerful. And I think that would really help me at that time. And looking back at those years, I think, all right, I wasn't like,
00:26:07
Speaker
know, confident enough or wherever it may be with my parents to speak to them because obviously they weren't trying to top me and trying to fix me. Whereas where if someone just want to listen to what I've got to say and why I'm, you know, what I'm going through, that potentially could really help and it's a really difficult subject because
00:26:24
Speaker
people go through years of training to understand how to deal with people going through mental health issues. It's not a one-size-fits-all. So whatever my experience may be, it might be different to someone else. Some others may really welcome keeping a check on them and things like that. So it's not a one-size-fits-all. But speaking of a personal experience, I think just being there for your friend or whatever,
00:26:48
Speaker
and be able to open up. And I think especially men, we try and bottle it in, we don't want to be seen as a weak person. Who wants
Men, Vulnerability, and Mental Health Support
00:26:58
Speaker
to be around a weak man, according to social media, every man is a strong man, should never cry, should never do this and that.
00:27:08
Speaker
And so yeah, I think breaking down that stigma has been something I was really keen on and hence why I joined BEAT, you know, the charity for eating disorders and ultimately being the first Asian male that represented BEAT the charity, which I found staggering as well. But yeah, there were so many layers to obviously what I was going through and why I didn't speak about it. And ultimately coming back to your question, I think it varies person to person, but having someone to speak to, I think is a key factor recovery.
00:27:39
Speaker
Yeah, and I think the idea of when you just use the language there about fixing your parents wanting to fix you, that already just sets the tone, doesn't it? Because that indicates that you're broken.
00:27:57
Speaker
So you can see how that would lead down a path to push you further away. And that's not to say they've done anything wrong. It's just the case of and this is where it is so difficult. Why, you know, why I asked the question is if you want to support, which obviously your parents did and other people who have got friends want to do it and they've tried to offer support as well.
00:28:19
Speaker
that the intentions are there they're good they you know they want to help you but by saying that you know they want to fix you it's not it may not be the best the most conducive thing to to lead into recovery but that's why I asked about you know what's the best approach here so it sounds like just
00:28:36
Speaker
not really active support so much but just kind of passive in that letting people know hey look you know i'm here for you i'm your friend and just leaving at that and then just kind of open the door for them to walk through if they want to do that rather than going come on come on come on like you got to tell me about it tell me about it because it that's the kind of thing that drives people away more definitely and i i know what i could say is you know being that friend that support
00:29:02
Speaker
But ultimately then that friend should be with you on the journey then to, you know, seek professional support, seek professional help. So as I said, I mentioned BEAT there, the charity that helps young people. I think over wages now, I think they've opened it up to, but the charity specifically to help individuals going through eating disorders.
00:29:23
Speaker
So being that friend that would say, you know what, there's specialist help out there, which I'm going to be with you on every step of this way. Now, or leaving sit on these calls of you that, you know, with these professionals and things like that, just, just to be in the support system that are not ultimately just to check in on them, but being there to support, um, conversationally support wise, but then ultimately helping them get the professional help that they need. Cause I think this is such a, like I say, it's such a niche.
00:29:51
Speaker
topic, you know, mental health, there's so many layers to it, you know, you could be going through depression at the same time you're having eating disorders, you could, you know, you should be going through a lot of lot of different aspects of mental health, and issues which ultimately a professional should be helping you along the journey with, but your social circle should be there to support you. And I think that's really
Body Dysmorphia and Social Media's Impact
00:30:13
Speaker
important, especially for men, as women, I typically obviously will open up a lot more to their friends and family
00:30:21
Speaker
And I think this is where the difference between men and women is really key and obviously we all know about the suicide rates and yeah, it's staggering the difference between men and women in terms of those stats, in terms of suicide rates. But I think it ultimately comes down to maybe a simple conversation and simple support system, which men have typically been shy in asking for.
00:30:44
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, 100%. I was looking at some articles before the call, and there were a couple on sort of bodies of small fear. So obviously, you're in the fitness space now, you say you're someone who's really enjoyed working out, you're obviously in great shape.
00:31:02
Speaker
Looking at body dysmorphia, that's kind of coming to the forefront a bit more, especially in the fitness space now as well. So, you know, there was a survey done by the Mental Health Foundation, I think it was 400, 400,000 adults in the UK back in 2019. They found, so one in five said they had concerns about their body image and that caused them to dress in a certain way. So covering up parts that they were not comfortable with.
00:31:27
Speaker
one in five said they had negatively compared themselves to other people because of body image in in the past year and that's something i'm going to talk about in a little bit as well um and then there was a one about you know one in ten said they had experienced you know feelings of suicide and things like that as well so it's a really you know it's i'm glad we are talking about it more but i think there is a bit more work to be done
00:31:51
Speaker
but i just want to touch on the idea of body dysmorphia and i had a previous guest on so didi so she's a nutrition coach and and she spoke about how some of her clients and she used a specific word here and it really kind of shocked me but she said
00:32:06
Speaker
Some of their clients absolutely detest their bodies. They are just so out of touch with, not out of touch, sorry, but they just hate the way they look and they're so against how they look. And it's really shocking and it's quite sad really to hear that people feel that way about themselves. And it doesn't just affect people who are perhaps overweight or maybe need to, in societal terms, need to please a bit of weight.
00:32:33
Speaker
but it also affects, you know, a lot of men and women in the fitness space as well. You've got this idea of, you know, big erects here now where it's people are comparing themselves to these fitness models. And it is, you know, it's quite frankly confusing because you've got elite level athletes who all look so wildly different depending on what area of the fitness you look at. You know, you've got endurance athletes like Chris Froome cycling, super lean,
00:33:00
Speaker
Elio Kipchoge, two hour marathon, super lean again. And then you have these ultra sort of heavyweight bodybuilders like Mr. Olympias, you know, Chris Bums did. You've got these sort of social media influence like that. And that 20 year old guy, he's around that age, Sam Sullick, which everyone's talking about at the moment, absolutely huge.
00:33:21
Speaker
But then you've got the polar opposite end of that spectrum where there's you know, a weight lifters or any weight lifter called at least would Ali Ali Reza Yusefi He's 160 kilos and he snatches 190 kilos and he is he's massive and this guy he looks about 40 years old at 19 It's it's just crazy how wildly different everyone is but these are all elite level athletes competing at the top of their game and
00:33:49
Speaker
with totally different body composition so it's really it's easy to understand how people are not comfortable with their own skin because there's such wildly different comparisons that we can make as to what an elite level or performance or the top of your game needs to look like.
00:34:04
Speaker
So you're, as someone who's now sort of owning a gym, I appreciate obviously you're three months into it, but is there anything, you know, you've now got this kind of front row seat into that world of people and their body ideas. People are coming to the gym to improve their fitness, but the vast majority of the time is centered around body image.
00:34:26
Speaker
Is there anything that's really shocked you or stood out to you in your time at being at the forefront of, of, you know, the fitness space now and being able to see that? Is there anything that's really stood out? Well, I think where we can start with this is body dysmorphia in general, and speaking personally, I think this really, you know, talk about my personal battle with mental health and eating disorders.
00:34:48
Speaker
And when I spoke in my intro about being striving and obsessive about being the best in the game and being the best I can be, you know, looking around as a teenager and I'm looking at, you know, as I mentioned, I was a skinny, skinny kid even, you know, so I had
00:35:06
Speaker
no reason to be ashamed of my body. You know, I was already quite slim kids, you know, I was not fat in any way or anything like that. But I was, you know, really skinny. So I was looking at social media, you know, social media at that time, just only coming around. So Facebook and things like that were only coming around. And I'm seeing all these ripped guys on there, I'm seeing, wow, like, I need to be like this. And I'm seeing all these footballers and I love playing football when I was younger. And seeing all these footballers, they're ripped and they're shredded and
00:35:35
Speaker
I wanted to be like them. So I thought, you know, logically in my head, okay, they must not eat a lot. Or they, they, you know, they can't consume a lot of calories at all. So any calories I was eating, you know, that I was purging out because ultimately, I thought, okay, that's the easiest way to now become what they have that what they are and what I was striving for. I think there is there is a fine balance between
00:36:01
Speaker
obsession and a healthy obsession. So I think there's such a tipping point sometimes in anything. So whether it be working out, whether it be looking at your phone, whether it be watching Netflix, I think there's such a fine balance between a healthy obsession. I think obsession is probably the wrong word, but you know, there's a fine balance between going to the line and then ultimately taking you above that.
00:36:26
Speaker
So we really promote obviously a balanced lifestyle here. You know, you'll see the person train is here, for example, eating doughnuts and, you know, all this kind of stuff because ultimately we're working out because we enjoy it and we obviously want to look good for that. But we're not going to suffocate, you know, our healthy lifestyle because that we're still going to go out and eat with our friends. We're still going to go and socialize. We're still going to go down the pub.
00:36:47
Speaker
which I'm going to do tonight as well. So, you know, it's just ultimately keeping that healthy balance. I think body dysmorphia in general is a big factor, you know, and I think, you know, as I said, social media at that time when I was younger, was only coming into play then. And you mentioned, you know, the likes of Sam Sulek and these people, these individuals that
00:37:07
Speaker
every picture they post is picture perfect. And more percentage of that is true. How many of those pictures have been edited, fine-tuned, they've got a team behind them that edits their pictures for them and things like that to make them look picture perfect.
00:37:23
Speaker
So keeping that right balance between a healthy obsession and probably an unhealthy obsession. I don't know how best to describe it, but there is such a fine balance with anything in life. And I think working out is also that as well. Finding that right balance between healthy and unhealthy. And what I would say is working out ultimately, I think helps me recover. I channeled that energy, knowing that I needed good calories in to work out and the energy to do so.
00:37:53
Speaker
And without the calories, I wasn't able to work out. So I found a passion in working out and also knew that helps with my food intake and making sure that I can actually consume good calories and making sure I wasn't, um, I wasn't then thinking about purging that those calories out because also I knew that would affect working out. So I was ultimately driving. I have to say, okay, I need to work out tomorrow. So I need to make sure I eat good today. So taking one day at a time and keeping that obsession with working out.
00:38:21
Speaker
So yeah, I wanted to look good. So I wanted to make sure that I was, I was rich and, you know, being the best footballer I can at school and things like that. But ultimately that helps with my, with my bulimia and channeling that in the right way, I think was really key for me. But I think body dysmorphia in general is, yeah, it's a huge, huge factor right now. And I think people just need to channel that in the right way. Know that social media is not real. You know, 99% of the pictures you see online,
00:38:50
Speaker
have been photoshopped or airbrushed and things so I think challenging that in the right way is really key yeah yeah definitely and this idea of attachment of self-worth as well to body image is I think is a big problem really because you see these you
Self-Worth Beyond Body Image
00:39:10
Speaker
see these photos on social media and you don't look like that
00:39:14
Speaker
It makes you feel shit about yourself. And you're like, well, why don't I look like that? I think it's a good one. I just want to drive home the point and make sure people who are listening are reminded of the fact that your self-worth is not attached to your body image. You don't need to look like that to be worth something. And I think it's something a lot of people have struggled with and continue to struggle with is that ability to go actually
00:39:39
Speaker
I don't look like that, therefore I need to, you know, bust my ass in the gym a lot more and make sure I'm working harder than I ever have. And don't get me wrong, set those goals, make sure you are working towards goals that you want to achieve, but make sure you're doing them for you and not for someone else.
00:39:55
Speaker
It's this idea of, you know, there's a podcast I listen to regularly and he had a guest on called Alex Hormozi and he said a quote that I'd like to come back to. I'm sure people have heard this podcast before and, you know, they might be sick of hearing it by now, but he's mentioned it in the past and I think it's an important one to remind ourselves of and it's, you have already achieved goals that you said would make you happy.
00:40:25
Speaker
you have already achieved goals that you said would make you happy. So true. And I've spoken about it with a few different guests. And this, you know, with another guest of mine, he says you need to just make sure you're enjoying the reward of what you do.
00:40:41
Speaker
you're achieving your PBs, make sure you celebrate your PBs. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing because if I have a PB, I make sure I'm taking the time to celebrate it now. Whereas in the past, I used to be like, oh, well, it's not, you know, I hit 90 kilo, oh, it's not 100 kilos, is it? It's like, come on.
00:41:01
Speaker
There's no point, there is no point in comparing yourself to other people because they have such different backgrounds, physiologies, levels of flexibility, mobility. I could compare my bench press to yours, and I'm sure yours is a lot higher than mine, but if I did that, what is the point? Because you're a completely different build to me. You've been working out a lot longer than I have. Your diet's probably a lot more dialed than I have.
00:41:28
Speaker
you're doing all these different factors that are different to how my life is. Your work stresses are different to mine. So it's such a redundant metric to be able to compare yourself to other people, let alone people who you've never met before as well, who you're comparing yourself to online.
00:41:44
Speaker
You've got to remember that a lot of these people you're seeing and you're witnessing online are people who do this for a living. Their income is based on how they look. For 95% of the people who are probably listening to this podcast, there may be an exception. There's isn't. You're not getting paid to look good unless you're a model or something like that. Exactly. They say, I just want to throw a quote and I think comparison is the thief of joy, right?
00:42:13
Speaker
And I totally agree, you know, I see so many people even in I don't know, seen the gym as well being around the gym environment, as you said, oh, yeah, see, see him doing this and that I was like, just worry about yourself. You got to focus on yourself rather than anyone else. You're working out for yourself. No one can out no one can work out for you. You can't work out for them.
00:42:37
Speaker
Um, so just focus on yourself, focus on just trying to improve yourself daily, not even just the gym. I think life in general, I think, I think this comparison is, is humans in general. Oh, he's got this. Oh, she's got that. Oh, she's tall. She's short. Oh, you know, all these comparisons. And I think that quote just stands so true. You know, comparison is the FIFA joy. Um, because ultimately.
00:43:03
Speaker
Well, we strive to be the best versions of ourselves because we're unique and we should really embrace that. So yeah, totally agree.
00:43:10
Speaker
Yeah, there's one that Jordan Peterson has said to elaborate on that as well, and I've said it before in a previous episode, it's comparing yourself to who you were yesterday, not who someone else is today, because it goes back to what I was saying before. There is no point in us comparing between, like, you're not a benchmark for me because I don't have the same life as you. My benchmark is, okay,
00:43:36
Speaker
Might I've got a goal weight or a goal, you know that I want to achieve I want to get fit enough to be able to achieve that goal I want to get strong enough to be able to do that Once I hit that goal I can then set the bar a little bit higher Or at least set the bar really high to begin with but set yourself a few milestones along the way I think as humans were really bad at celebrating small wins We just have to go for the big glory ones all the time. It's yeah, like I've hit 100 kilos Well, you know wise it's still a weight at the end of the day
00:44:06
Speaker
celebrate your 50 kilos, celebrate your 60 kilos, celebrate your 1.25 increase on the bar because that's you getting stronger each time if you've plateaued. But it's just it's just so against human nature that we love the black and white we love we don't like the sort of we like the whole numbers we like the you know we don't like the the decimal points we don't like the small little nitty-gritty bits but actually
00:44:28
Speaker
the accumulation of those small bits are what makes the biggest changes in the long run, and it's that consistency in being able to do that. And if you can celebrate those smaller wins, that in turn kind of helps you keep motivated because you're celebrating stuff on a regular enough basis to go, actually, I'm doing well at this, I'm developing and I'm pushing on. Whereas if you're like, oh, I've had this goal for two years and I've still not been able to hit it, you're just going to feel like shit.
00:44:54
Speaker
Exactly right. You know, I've been working out for, where's it now? 31, started working out, it's 15, so yeah, 16 years I've been working out now. And in that time, I can tell you, you are not going to go like this, it's not going to be a constant, you know, trajectory like this, which everyone thinks when you're working out or anything in life, I think there's always going to be ups and downs. And I think you got to go with the peace and troughs and do the best you can on that day. So you come into the gym, for example, you say,
00:45:24
Speaker
Oh, I'm going to hit this number today. And you ultimately hit a 10-15 kilo below that weight. How you feel about yourself and what the self-talk to yourself is, my personal experience is, okay, I'll come back tomorrow and I'll try and I may have a better day tomorrow. Today, I gave everything, I gave 100% of what I had today. It might not be what I wanted to do, but I gave 100% and I know that, you know, wholeheartedly that I gave 100% today. I didn't hit the numbers I wanted to.
00:45:52
Speaker
And I think over the 16 years I've been working out and then transferring that into my life has been one of the game changes for me. Even when I'm thinking about my career, I'm thinking about, okay, I'm sitting on a great salary and society tells me I've hit the pinnacle of my career, earning six figures, managing a team of five people. In the industry, life is telling me
00:46:22
Speaker
That's great. Myself, I'm not fulfilled. I'm not fulfilled with that. And ultimately, I've now gone to a
Sustainable Fitness Goals
00:46:30
Speaker
trough because, society-wise, I've gone in the trough because I've now quit that six-figure job, I've now quit that comfortable life, and I've gone and taken out a load of debt to open up a gym, which society tells you you're stupid for. But I'm feeling more fulfilled, and I know that I've given 100% every day, and I know there's gonna be peaks and troughs in life, and I think this is
00:46:51
Speaker
Alright, we've gone into a little bit of trough, but I'm giving 100% every day to make sure that we didn't rise back out of this. And I think, yeah, to that point is you can't just be on a constant tangent like this is going to be ups and downs. I think as long as you're giving 100%, that's all that matters.
00:47:07
Speaker
Yeah, and you're showing up at the end of the day, and you're putting the work in. And even if there's days, have you heard of the concept of allostatic load? That's all. I haven't actually. No, you're going to educate me now. So essentially, it's a culmination. It's like a threshold, if you like. So it's a culmination of every different factor of your life. You've got your work stresses. You've got your physical stresses, which are obviously, when you're working out, you're putting physical stress on your body every time you work out.
00:47:36
Speaker
And at some point, those stresses from different facets of life are going to compound and they're going to come together and you're going to hit your static load. Above which, that's the point when you start to suffer from degradation in your performance. So you burn out essentially.
00:47:56
Speaker
So I think understanding that, actually, if I'm going to the gym today and I've not hit what I've had to do, what else is going on in my life that I can maybe look to that might help to explain it? And I think that's a good thing to be aware of because otherwise you go, actually, I've been eating really well. I've been training really hard recently and I've been showing up four, five, six days a week.
00:48:21
Speaker
Why can I not? Why am I so far away from my benchmark or where I need to be? But, you know, your cat might have just been run over. Or, it's a silly example, but something may have happened in your personal life. Your relationship might go down the pattern. Your work has just been held the last couple of weeks or last month.
00:48:41
Speaker
This is things that people don't really take into consideration because they like to separate out every facet of their life individually and go, well, actually, work life is work life. My personal life is my personal life. And the gym, especially in the, you know, a lot in the sort of the gym bro world where, you know, they call it the Mecca, they've got, you know,
00:48:59
Speaker
The dungeon or the Mecca they've got these ideals of this, you know, there's sort of place They can go the safe space which is locked off from everything else. Yeah, it doesn't isolate you from everything You need to just make sure you're aware of other things going on in your in your life as well and I think if more people understood that and drew the connections between then maybe they wouldn't feel this shit when they don't hit that PB and they can actually Use that to go actually well, this is all going on. So maybe I should
00:49:29
Speaker
back off a little bit next week maybe have a deload week and then start again or maybe i could just instead of going for that 10 mile round i'll go for maybe eight this time or or five just to really sort of back it off until i start to feel a bit better or you know we'll have a rest day people are so afraid of taking rest and even on the rest day it's crazy even on the rest days it's you always feel like you've got to do something you've got your itching to do something yeah i know i've been there and i've been there and you know what and i think
00:49:57
Speaker
When we talk, there's so many things that are linked to the way society is now and we can correlate that so much with the gym and you know, people want instant success. You know, everything, you can pick up your phone now, I can get something from Amazon in the next, this evening, I'll probably get it delivered this evening, I want something, I can just get it delivered home. People want results straight away, they don't want to wait, they don't want to put the work in.
00:50:21
Speaker
They don't want to go through those peaks and troughs. They just want results now. And how do I get there as quick as possible? I think the message should be that people should play in decades and not in years and months. You should think about the long-term game here.
00:50:38
Speaker
Do you want to be a healthy 70 year old or do you want to be a kind of a crippled? You know, you look at Ronnie Coleman I ate all for so many people, you know, even to this day I think he's one of the greatest that has ever lived but you look at his condition now He can't even you know walk down the street on his own He has to you know, he's going to wheelchair and all these kind of things He's achieved greatness, but he also managed to achieve that greatest who in a short period of time He didn't play in decades. He played in a very short period
00:51:06
Speaker
period of time. And I'm not taking anything away from him. But I think when you're looking at the general public, as it were, and not some, you know, Mr. Limvia, think about the general public, playing decades, think about, you know, the long term game, you think about the healthy side of things, you want to be a healthy OAP, ultimately, you want to enjoy your retirement. So that's also me what we striving for me in the gym, right? It's not because you want to look good for the whole holiday coming into to Mount Bay or in two weeks time.
00:51:36
Speaker
and you crash diet and play it along the game, expect the peaks and troughs. And I think that's life in general.
00:51:43
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. I think you hit the nail on the head there when you said about playing decades because, you know, another point I was going to make before was if you're, if you're not hitting what your goals, then maybe your timeline is a bit too constrained. You got to give your chance to be able to do that and then accumulate the, it's consistency, isn't it? It's the same when you're talking about the phone there before and about how we always like to pick up the phones and we like to do this, that and the other.
00:52:13
Speaker
We talked about this with another guest and it was not, he said you're practicing the habit essentially and this is what you're doing every time you go to the gym. You're practicing a habit. You're doing the same when you're picking up your phone. You're practicing picking up your phone and being distracted.
00:52:30
Speaker
But given a long enough timeline, all that practice is gonna, you know, lead to something good, I think. And there's nothing wrong with setting that goal of being shredded for your holiday in Marbella. But just, it's just having an appreciation for everything else as well. And that actually, if you don't have a six-pack by the time you go to Marbella, it doesn't mean you're a piece of shit. It's okay to be a little bit fluffy around the edges. And at the end of the day,
00:52:59
Speaker
even if you don't hit that goal.
00:53:03
Speaker
You're close to it anyways. Now, it's a dangerous line because people will go, well, actually, once you're setting goals, if you're letting yourself go, well, actually, I don't need to hit them. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying about having that ability to recognize that it isn't always achievable to do it in that space of time. You need
Responsible Use of Mental Health Language
00:53:23
Speaker
to factor in other facets of your life as well to be able to understand that actually, if it doesn't happen,
00:53:29
Speaker
it may not be that you haven't tried hard enough, it might just be there's other things that you know happening in your life that may not have permitted you to do that at this point. Totally agree.
00:53:38
Speaker
So yeah, so I wanted to talk about mental health as well. And obviously we spoke about it a bit before, but it's talked about a lot at the moment, a lot more than it used to be anyways, which is really good. Obviously there's the stereotypes are still there, but we are making progress. You know, I think it raises its head once a year with Movember, which is great, but obviously we need to make sure there's, you know, there's another 11 months in the, in the year as well to make sure that we are sustaining that. But I also think.
00:54:07
Speaker
that this idea of mental health gets thrown around as a bit of a defense mechanism as well this idea that especially the word trauma and this is the one that sort of gets on my nerves a little bit but it's the word trauma is is thrown around so much at the moment with everything in social media there's yeah
00:54:24
Speaker
influences, there's your celebrities that do it. I was reading an article from the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and so they've basically voiced concerns about this whole idea of people throwing around the term trauma because they're using it to describe things either incorrectly or for basically every facet of their life that they don't like, something that's a minor inconvenience or mildly unpleasant.
00:54:49
Speaker
they're using the word trauma for. And they're saying there's a danger in that because anytime the term is misused in that way, it's actually diluting the power and the meaning of when you have to describe a truly traumatic event. So essentially, every time you're using that word trauma to describe something that is perhaps a minor inconvenience or something that's not great, you are essentially giving the word less meaning.
00:55:19
Speaker
And you see it with other words like toxic, for example, this idea of toxicity comes along a lot. He's being toxic or toxic masculinity. And it's just it's become so overused now that I find it's just every time I hear the word toxic or trauma, I almost go like almost it's almost almost gets dismissed now. And that's so dangerous. So I think
00:55:43
Speaker
I think the language we use with this sort of thing is so important and I will caveat that what I've just said is obviously subjective so my trauma, my trauma may be something that's a minor irritation to you and likewise so it's not to dismiss the validity of what they're saying but more to say actually be careful with the language you're using and I think that's
00:56:09
Speaker
that's quite a dangerous game to be playing at the moment. And that's making me a little bit uneasy with the whole term of mental health. And I think it kind of takes away from the message that we're trying to push with obviously being an advocate for mental health, making sure you're having those conversations, but not to the point of when you've got people who are saying, oh, this was so like my trauma. And I think for men, that just pushes it again, pushes them in the opposite direction by going, well, if this is what mental health is, and I don't really want to be a part of it. Yeah.
00:56:39
Speaker
And I think, again, it's almost a trend thing. I see a lot of people posting are depression and this. But people are actually going through depression. They're not going on social media and posting about it, trust me, because it is such a brutal areas to be and such a dark place. And when people are brandishing, you know, they're just chucking out trauma, depression, all these words, which then
00:57:09
Speaker
it's almost become almost a trendy thing to become, you know, and I think that's the opposite of exactly what we're trying to achieve here. We're spreading the word about positive mental health.
00:57:20
Speaker
So there are so many positives with social media. You know, I think there is genuinely so many positive social media views, right? But there is so many negatives as well. And I think this is one of them. It's like joining a band, joining the trending era almost as it were, you know, like with Twitter or whatever they call X. Now, you know, you got a trend, you got the trending topics and mental wealth seems to be one of those which we've obviously now bought to the forefront for all the right reasons.
00:57:48
Speaker
But it's now almost becoming a trend, say, I'm depressed, or I've got through all this trauma. So I totally agree with you, you know, we over overuse the words almost and lost its meaning, where I think it just needs now to be
00:58:04
Speaker
kind of tone back and say okay like you're going through a tough time life is fucking hard like in general for everyone like yeah you're going through a bad patch but it's not because you're depressed it's you're going through some shit which you just need to deal with I totally agree with you so yeah yeah so I mean we could we could talk about it forever and a day couldn't we but
00:58:28
Speaker
But yeah, it's, it's one of those ones, which we just need to discuss over a coffee.
Resources and Community Support
00:58:34
Speaker
I think. All right. So, um, if there's anything, you know, if you want to find out a little bit more about your, your work and what you're doing, is there any way they can go? Um, so yeah, I'm see.
00:58:46
Speaker
from my mental health background and what I did with the charity Beat, I did a few articles with the BBC and the Guardian as well. Hopefully we can link them in the description or something so people can check that out and where to find out a bit more information about Beat. So if anyone's listening to this and suffering with their own mental health and eating disorders especially,
00:59:09
Speaker
Beat is such an amazing charity. I don't do any work with them any moment because I'm just so busy but I wish I could. But yeah, when I joined Beat 10 years ago, being the first British Asian male to join them, you know, that also struck me as something which was crazy because you know, we've got millions and millions of British Asian men in the UK.
00:59:35
Speaker
And I can't be the only one that had been going through this and openly talking about this was such a huge thing back 10 years ago when I started doing work for them. They made it such a huge thing that, you know, I, you know, precious come out and speaking about this. And, you know, and I think that that that
00:59:58
Speaker
That has obviously changed now over the last 10 years, which is great to see. But I think people are still needing help and need to come out more and speak about this stuff. And to our point, it's not to dilute the mental health aspect of things that people chucking around has got trauma and mental health issues. But if people genuinely need help, I think it's a great charity and obviously we can link the
01:00:23
Speaker
at the articles down below, hopefully in the description and things like that. Um, if you want to find out a bit more about the gym as well and, and know a bit more about us, I hope we can, uh, we can put the social media handles on there. Um, and yeah, obviously know more about what we're going to do in the next few months. We've, um, been a mental health hub and community and things that what we want to stand for at Fortitude. Um, so yeah, some exciting things coming for sure.
01:00:48
Speaker
Awesome. Yeah, I look forward to that one. Yeah, I'll put the links in the description and those articles as well. I think you touched on a nice point there about obviously making sure we are reaching out to people. And I think that's something that is still getting pushed, but it's still
01:01:08
Speaker
something especially being being a male like i think it's still something that some people find it easier than others but you know i've noticed especially generationally so if you are of a generation that's maybe a little bit older just you can talk to people and it doesn't mean that we think you're weak you don't you know it's not the
01:01:29
Speaker
It's not the world war anymore. You don't need to carry the weight of the world in your shoulders. You can share the burden. There's enough people around you to support you to be able to go, actually. A load shared is a load halved, as they say. Just being able to talk to the people if you want to.
01:01:50
Speaker
in the way you want to. Just make sure you reach out and talk to people. If you've got friends, check in on them. People you haven't spoken to in a while, it's nice to just touch base and say, how are you doing? How are you getting on? And they can tell you as much as they want to or as little as they want to.
01:02:07
Speaker
either way they will appreciate the fact that you've reached out to them and made that conversation. I think too many times we're waiting for the other person and it's like I'll wait for him to get in contact and then he'll go well, oh well, well maybe he'll get in contact a bit and then you're like you're both waiting for each other and then another happens. So I always say just just get in contact if you think about it shoot my message and go for it or her or him whatever you want to do.
01:02:33
Speaker
Absolutely, yeah. And as I said, I think we're we live in a society now where we're getting more and more lonely, you know, we're becoming more recluse and we just do it live our lives and you know, and I don't think that's healthy at all. So I know, obviously, people go into the pub and going out drinking and things and clubbing and all these kinds of things are obviously going less and less, you know, the trend is going the other way. But hopefully, you know, places like Fortitude and gyms and, you know,
01:03:02
Speaker
where you can come and be part of a healthy community and make healthy connections. And so you don't need to be, you don't need to be kind of suffering alone, there's always a space that you can go to and, and, and converse with people and make friends and, and build connections. But absolutely, yeah, I think a key part, as I said, of my recovery was, was speaking to people and I wish I had more people to speak to at that time. So
01:03:29
Speaker
If anyone's going through anything like that, then yeah, the message would be reach out to your close friends and family. And yeah, don't be afraid to be judged for sure.
01:03:37
Speaker
Yeah, 100%. There's actually, I was reading Sapiens the other day by, there's a Yuval Noah Harari. He's done a book called Sapiens and it's basically how we've evolved as humans become the most dominant species on the planet, homo sapiens. And there was a chapter I was reading and it was actually about how even trivial things such as gossiping
01:04:00
Speaker
We are unique in the sense that no other animal really does that. They've all got their own languages and they all converse with each other. But we are, it's our ability to imagine things and gossip with each other and make up stories around certain things.
01:04:19
Speaker
that actually enabled us to, you know, form connections with other people. And that's what's ultimately made us become the dominant species on the planet. So if you've ever wanted an excuse to talk to people, just say, you know what, that's what separates me from the cavemen.
01:04:36
Speaker
If you ever need an excuse, yeah, there is one there. I mean, it's probably quite a low dowel, the excuse is for this. When you finish clubbing yourself over the head. Yeah. Anyways. Brilliant. Priesh, thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming on. It's been hugely insightful. You know, it's nice to actually be able to talk to someone who's actually been through it. You know, there's everything you read on the internet.
01:05:05
Speaker
is one thing, but actually hearing it from the horse's mouth, so to speak, someone who's actually been through and lived through that experience to be able to say, actually, you know, this is what has been helpful for me, I think just really helps to drive the point home. And it's, I've certainly taken a lot away from this. So thanks very much, Prue. Yeah, definitely. And I just want to add, I think mental health, you know, you say, you are, you know, that person or this person's not very poor mental health. I think everyone's, then we should look at it, kind of this physical health. Everyone's got health.
01:05:35
Speaker
And you know, whether you have physical health, mental health, I think you should view both of those as a similar thing, right? So I think people need to work on their mental health every day. So whether you have poor mental health or great mental health,
01:05:48
Speaker
It's something you need to work on every day, same as your physical body. I think your mind is so powerful that you need to be working on it every day to be feeding it the positive affirmations, doing meditation, all these things that can really help your brain help. I think we really need to be advocating this as well. It's not okay, because I've got poor mental health. I now need to start looking after my mental health. It's work every day. And even for myself,
01:06:15
Speaker
Yes, I've recovered from bulimia and it's been many years since I had those instances of bulimia, but it's an everyday, not a battle, but an everyday kind of work in progress to better your mental health.
01:06:31
Speaker
and keep yourself in a great space. And I think I just want to put that message out there that we should view mental health, the same review of physical health should be working on every day and I'm trying to strive for, for a better mind is ultimately you're the, you're the one that's got to live in your own mind. No one else is going to live there. So I think it's an everyday thing that, you know, we need to be working on proactive rather than reactive. Absolutely. Absolutely.
01:06:57
Speaker
Thank you, Rhys. I really appreciate this conversation. And yeah, we went from one topic to another. I think it was a great conversation. So thank you. Yeah, I really appreciate it. Thanks, Bri. And hopefully we'll do it, maybe do it again sometime. Talk to you, man, Rhys. I'll see you in the gym. See you in the gym.
01:07:38
Speaker
you