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Letting Go of Summer Mom Guilt and Finding Joy in the Present Moment
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It’s July already! How did that happen? In this mid-summer episode, Leanna’s taking a break from the summer interview series to check in and reflect on what this season has looked and felt like so far.
She shares how she intentionally restructured her summer to allow more time with her daughter (while still studying for a major coaching exam, taking an online course, training for a triathlon, and taking an improv class for fun!), and why presence has become a central theme lately.
You’ll hear about:
- Why summer can feel especially hard for working moms
- The myth of being “100% present, 100% of the time”
- What she learned about presence from improv
- How Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps explain the inner pressure to always be doing more
- Simple ways to ground yourself and come back to the moment
This is your gentle mid-summer reminder that presence is a gift, perfection isn’t the goal, and it’s okay to take a breath and just be where you are.
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Transcript
Episode Welcome and June Reflections
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everyone. Welcome back to the show. Thank you so much for joining me And happy July. my gosh. June just like flew on by, didn't it? I feel like we blinked and it was gone.
00:00:15
Speaker
So if you've been tuning in lately, you have heard some amazing conversations I've been having. In June, I aired conversations with Leslie and Dina.
00:00:25
Speaker
I absolutely love those conversations. And so if you haven't had a chance to listen to them yet, definitely go back and check them out. They're amazing.
Summer Series: Inspiring Women
00:00:35
Speaker
And this whole summer, I'm doing these two-part conversation formats with Inspiring Women, and there's a great lineup coming your way through July and August as well. And I'm just really, really enjoying these conversations. And in the first episode of each series, we are learning about the person, like the who behind the work.
00:00:59
Speaker
And then in the second episode of the series, we are learning more about that person's work in the world and how they do it and why they do it and just...
00:01:11
Speaker
learning more about them through their work. So I've just really been enjoying these conversations and I hope you have too. I would love to hear from you. I've i've heard some great feedback so far from Leslie and Dina's episodes and would love to hear from you about what's resonating and what you're enjoying. And if you like this format, because I've set it up for the summer and I don't know if I'm going to do it again, you know, or continue it beyond the summer, but I've been really enjoying it so
Mid-Summer Listener Check-In
00:01:36
Speaker
far.
00:01:36
Speaker
So But today i wanted to take a little pause from the interviews and just kind of check in with you because it's kind of mid-summer.
00:01:47
Speaker
Already, I know we're not technically halfway through, at least not for where we are here in Pennsylvania. We end school kind of early to mid-June and then go back at the end of August. I know some people go back to school the beginning of August.
00:02:04
Speaker
And so for you, it might actually be halfway through summer now here at the beginning of July.
Working Moms: Summer Challenges
00:02:10
Speaker
But just wanted to kind of check in because I know that summer can be tricky, especially for working moms with school-aged children, because we want to slow down and soak up the moments and enjoy the time with our kids. But at the same time, just because school's out doesn't mean that everything else just stops. We still have responsibilities and work and goals and logistics to coordinate now that, you know, we have to figure out what to do with the kids in the summer. And so there are just a lot of moving parts. And I think that this is a time of year where mom guilt can hit especially hard.
00:02:46
Speaker
I have been hearing it from my clients, my friends, my neighbors, just people I've been talking to who are really feeling the mom guilt in the summertime. So if you've been feeling that, just please know that you're not alone.
00:03:00
Speaker
I wish that it wasn't such a universal experience, but I hope that you find a little comfort just in knowing that it's not just you, that this is something that moms are definitely feeling.
00:03:12
Speaker
I think especially with the well-intentioned, but maybe not so well-landing narrative of the 18 summers. So this summer, I decided i was going to be really intentional about having more fun and more downtime and more time with my daughter while she still likes to hang out with
Personal Growth: Improv and Courses
00:03:33
Speaker
me. She's six this summer.
00:03:35
Speaker
ah So I consolidated all my client-facing work to three days a week so that I could really spend time with her. And last summer, I felt like we were just running around and it was just crazy. I'd signed up for so many different camps and we had done just just just a lot of a lot of things and I felt like I needed to cram so much in.
00:03:52
Speaker
And so this summer I said, you know, let's just on the days that we can just kind of enjoy the time. And so I'm happy to report it's been going pretty well so far. June was was a great month. We've had some chill pool days.
00:04:06
Speaker
Simultaneously, I've also taken on some personal challenges just for me. So I signed up for an improv class. And so I did that every week in June and just wrap that up this week. And I've also been taking a course on internal family systems or IFS, which has been fascinating.
00:04:25
Speaker
If you've ever heard of IFS, you know how amazing it is. There's this great book called No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, which I highly recommend. I'm reading it right now, but I'm going to explain a little bit more about it in a little bit. It's definitely something worth checking out.
00:04:41
Speaker
I'm also currently studying for the level two coaching exam through the IACF or International Coaching Federation. I've got my level one certification and I've got all my hours and coursework done for level two. And now there's just this exam standing between me and
The Gift of Presence
00:04:58
Speaker
that certification. And the last Exam I took was the GRE back in 2005. So it's been a minute since I've done a standardized test. So I've been doing a lot of studying.
00:05:11
Speaker
Oh, and I'm also training for my first triathlon in seven years after having a baby and hip surgery. And that is happening later this month. So Yeah, yeah, lots of downtime.
00:05:23
Speaker
You know how high achievers love to relax. So let's just say it's been a full summer so far in a really good way. So normally i script out my episodes. I have a really clear outline of what I want to talk about. But today i felt like I just wanted to kind of get on the mic and riff a little bit because that seems to be like more in line with summer energy. And the word that...
00:05:48
Speaker
keeps coming up for me as I've been thinking about, you know, what do I want to talk about this week? The word is presence. I've been thinking a lot about how presence is a gift. It's a gift that we give to others and it's also a gift that we give to ourselves.
00:06:03
Speaker
And if you think about those times where you're truly present with another person or with yourself or with a project or your work or with the sunset, it's just such a lovely experience, right? When you come out of that and you're just like, man, like that was amazing.
00:06:21
Speaker
And I think that we always have the option to be present in a moment where or to be distracted. And if I'm being honest, I definitely choose distraction more often than I'd like.
00:06:33
Speaker
Whether I'm checking my email while I'm hanging out with my daughter or if I'm half listening while my brain runs through my to-do list or my grocery list, i I can feel myself trying to always be getting multiple things done at one time.
00:06:50
Speaker
So one of the things i learned in my improv class is really about presence. So first of all, let me just be clear. I did not sign up for improv because I want to be like a professional improv performer. It's definitely not part of my life goals.
00:07:11
Speaker
I did it because it scared me and i really wanted to challenge myself to do something completely outside of my comfort zone and just push myself. And it was, it was hard. It was honestly hard. It was less scary than I thought once I got going, but it was also really cool because improv really demands your full attention.
00:07:32
Speaker
You cannot be anywhere else. You have to respond in the moment with no script and no plan. And so every week that I went, it was a four week long class and it was just two full hours of complete presence.
00:07:46
Speaker
There was no phone. There was no multitasking. There was no thinking about something else. it was just like being fully, fully there. And was really cool to be just totally present for two hours. It was kind of like at the end, our instructor would be like, okay, we're finished or we're doing our last activity. And we're all like, what, how did that go so fast?
00:08:08
Speaker
So yeah, so that was really cool. And by the way, if you've never done an improv class, I highly recommend It's a really cool experience, something totally random. But really cool. I also get to experience that presence when I coach too. I'm locked in with my full attention on the person in front of me.
00:08:28
Speaker
So I think there are certain areas where I am just naturally fully present, but in other areas of my life, I'm not always 100% there the whole time. And I think a lot of us carry this belief that we should be present all the time, that we are supposed to be, and that if we're not, we're failing. And I just want to make sure that no one takes that away from this episode, that I'm saying, you know, you're doing something wrong.
00:08:56
Speaker
If you're not being present, because I think sometimes, you know, we might, that might be one of those things that we use against ourselves or that we might shame ourselves for. But I remember when I left my corporate job to take a career pause, to focus on my daughter back in 2020. And she was two at the time.
00:09:14
Speaker
And I remember talking to my coach and I said, now that I'm not working full time, I want to be 100% present with her the time. Like that is my bar. That is my expectation of myself.
00:09:26
Speaker
And she said something that I still remember this day. She was like, wow, that sounds really intense. Like for her and for you. And she was totally right. Like that was just a very unrealistic expectation.
00:09:42
Speaker
And it's like, why? like Is that really what's best? Is it really best for me to like be right there with her 100% of the time, 100% of the way? I think sometimes we have a tendency to create these unwritten expectations for ourselves and like not even question why.
00:10:01
Speaker
Why do I expect that of myself? Is that even... really what's best. So if you are beating yourself up for not being fully present all the time, I just want to make sure that you hear this.
00:10:14
Speaker
No one is present all the time. That is not the goal. It is so important to give ourselves grace and to have balance. And also when we do have the opportunity to be present, when we recognize it in that moment, it is a gift. It's an opportunity for a shift and it's available to us anytime.
00:10:35
Speaker
So again, no expectation that we're doing it perfectly. And also if we want to be present a little bit more often, that's kind of what I want to talk about because this summer I've been really trying to say yes to that invitation more often, especially when I'm with my loved ones, whether I'm playing
Inner Voices and Productivity
00:10:55
Speaker
with my daughter or hanging out with my husband or just sitting by the pool. I've been really trying to work on staying in the moment. And when I catch myself drifting, which happens a lot, I just try not to shame myself.
00:11:10
Speaker
I take it as an opportunity to just recognize it and be grateful that I caught it in the moment that I was like, you know, that I realized what was happening. And then just saying how human of me.
00:11:22
Speaker
Sometimes I like to take a deep breath. Sometimes I like to close my eyes or ground myself by just like bringing myself back to the moment by maybe noticing how my feet feel on the ground or just getting really quiet and listening to all of the sounds that I hear. Or sometimes I just look at my daughter's little face and just like focus in like really, really see her. And sometimes I like to ask myself what's most important right now.
00:11:49
Speaker
And usually It's not the to-do list that's running through my head. It's not the email that I need to write or the content that I'm going to post or the presentation I'm going to do. It's not planning what's for dinner that night. It is this moment and whatever's happening in this moment. All those things that are going through my head are important, but they're not the priority right now.
00:12:15
Speaker
And i think our brains love to just like, throw all these things at us and be like, pay attention to this and this and this and this. And there's so many things that take us out of the present moment.
00:12:27
Speaker
One of my coaches always says that action is here. It's right here. It's right in front of us. We will never have this moment again. So how can I invite myself to be here, really here in that moment?
00:12:41
Speaker
One more thing i want to touch on back to iffs that course that I'm taking internal family systems. I said, I would talk a little bit about it and I'll probably do a full episode on it as I go further through the course. It's like a six month course, but.
00:12:55
Speaker
The basic premise of it is that we all have different parts within us. You know that phrase, part of me wants to do this, but another part of me wants to do that. That's essentially IFS.
00:13:07
Speaker
So most of us, especially high achievers, have a part of us that believes we always need to be doing more, always need to be pushing harder, maximizing every moment. That voice that says, you're not doing enough.
00:13:21
Speaker
You should be working harder. You could be doing better. Does that sound familiar? I think pretty much anyone listening to this has that voice inside of them. You might call it your inner critic. You might call it your drill sergeant.
00:13:34
Speaker
But essentially something within us that tries so hard to push us and push us to keep excelling and accomplishing. And that part of us often really hates when we slow down.
00:13:49
Speaker
or when we are simply trying to enjoy the moment. And here's the thing, that part means well. It's really trying to keep us on track. it's It's afraid that if we let go and allow ourselves to enjoy something and to just be there in the moment and not be future planning and thinking about you know what we're going to do next and how we're going to keep doing and doing and doing, then we're just going to like become lazy couch potatoes or basically like the whole world is going to end or we're going to waste a bunch of time.
00:14:26
Speaker
And so what I'm learning is that we have the opportunity to say thank you to that part and still choose a different response because it's just one part of us.
00:14:37
Speaker
We don't have to let it run the show. Maybe sometimes it's beneficial for it too, but at those times where we really want to rest or connect or...
00:14:49
Speaker
be joyful and enjoy the moment, there are other parts of us that we can tune into that want those things and that are aligned to that. So I like to, whenever my brain loves to offer me, you know, you need to be thinking about this and this and this and planning for this and you know, whatever else it wants to throw at me. I like to just say, thank you.
00:15:09
Speaker
Thank you brain. Thank you so much for trying to keep me on track. I appreciate that. That's just not the top priority at this moment. I'm going focus on this and I'll come back to those things later. And sometimes for whatever reason, it helps me if I just like jot it
Wrapping Up: Embrace Presence
00:15:24
Speaker
down on my phone or on a piece of paper, because my brain isn't like, oh, we got to keep reminding her. I got to keep reminding her. Cause I'm like, no, no, no, I've got a reminder. I'm good.
00:15:33
Speaker
So I will do, oh, like I said, a full episode on IFS. There's a lot more to it. And I definitely want to dive deeper into it in a future episode, but I just wanted to share that one part because i think it kind of helps to explain a lot of that inner tension that we feel around being present and fully in the moment.
00:15:54
Speaker
And it's often the part that likes to pull us away from the moment and get us focused on doing instead of being. So as we step into the second part of summer, I just want to invite you to be kind to yourself, to let go of the pressure to be fully present all the time. And maybe when you do notice yourself getting distracted or trying to multitask or not focusing on who or what is right in front of you, just take a breath, look around
00:16:25
Speaker
And decide what you want to do. Maybe decide that you want to step into the moment because it's there and it's available to you. And if you don't choose that every time, that's okay.
00:16:38
Speaker
That's totally okay. That's very human of you. All right, that's all for today. Thank you so much for tuning in. And I will be back next week with another incredible guest. So be sure to tune in. I am wishing you a joyful, relaxing and present holiday weekend if you're here in the States.
00:16:56
Speaker
And i will see you next time. Thanks, everybody. Bye-bye.