Transcript
Speaker: Like, we're so excited for him to get here and going to be so amazing. But the other side of it's kind of like a, almost like a bittersweet thing because this has been such a, you know, beautiful and amazing, um, you know, nine months. Will and Chris are just weeks away from becoming first time dads through surrogacy, but their journey to fatherhood has already changed their lives in ways they never expected. We just wanted to document it for ourselves to look back on and, you know, to be able to show our our son one day. But I also think the biggest driver for myself was like, I really want to raise awareness for like, what is surrogacy and like what does it look like for an everyday family like ours? Will and Chris are the expectant dads behind the TikTok two gays and a baby.
Speaker: We get to sit down and really talk about what it's been like to build their family through surrogacy. From the relationship they form with their surrogate and staying connected across the distance to navigating unexpected challenges and preparing to become first-time parents.
Speaker: Through sharing their journey so openly, they've found themselves answering questions they never expected. helping others better understand surrogacy and LGBTQ family building, as well as connecting with a community of dads they wish they'd known when they first started their journey.
Speaker: Enjoy. I really have been so excited to just talk to you guys about everything. And you, it's been so fun just following you guys. But before we even go there, obviously there was life before baby boy was even on the way. When did you guys just first talking seriously about becoming dads and what did you imagine building your family would look like?
Speaker: Yeah, I feel like we can tag team this one. I feel like we kind of, well, when we met, we first aligned on like our values. So like that was really important to us, like family values. Chris comes from a bigger family than myself. He's Italian. So there's a lot of them. Yes.
Speaker: I have like a much smaller family and knew, know, on our first date, I was like, you know, family is really important to me. I'm really close with my parents. Chris is, you know, pretty close with his family as well. And think that kind of set the foundation. We didn't talk about it obviously on the first date. feel like that would have been a little much, but I feel like we laid like the foundation like what we kind of wanted. So I, you know, we kind knew we were both there and then,
Speaker: It kind of like, I brought it up one day, I think, and I was like, you know, I really think I would love to like explore. We had no idea what that even would look like, like what the path was, like financials, like anything about that, because we were pretty early on, but we knew the process takes, you know, quite a long time to get there. So we kind of wanted to start those conversations early, but I think that was like, i don't know, six months into our relationship. And then i think you were a little bit apprehensive.
Speaker: Yeah, i mean, I'd always, like, thought about potentially having a child, but then kind of, like, moved away from that idea as I had been, like, single longer, and I just turned 40, and I was like, you know, I'm, like, I'm not doing this alone, and I'm not doing this when I'm, like, 60 years old. Sure. Sure.
Speaker: You know, I kind of thought like maybe the time had passed, um but, you know, I ended up finding myself in a really good relationship in a place where I felt like that was something i wanted to explore. um So I think we we kind of got serious about it.
Speaker: like you know after about a year of being together, like talking more seriously about it and what would it look like. And neither of us really knew anything about the process, you know just like peripheral knowledge of like, I knew what surrogacy was. And sure and a lot of people don't. As found out. But I think I've learned like so much through the process that has been really, really interesting.
Speaker: Yeah, for sure. When did surrogacy you know start to feel like the path that was right for the two of you? I think like Will was more open to adoption than I was. Yeah.
Speaker: And, you know, there's no nothing wrong with that. Every, you know, family or has their own path. But for me, wanted like... i wanted like we we've made the decision to not know who genetically our child is like biologically related to um but i want it was important to me that like we gave our you know dna and like who whoever he is genetically tied to like i wanted that tie
Speaker: Yeah. And I know obviously we can't both be, but um like that was kind of the thing that was important to me was that, which kind of made it that surrogacy was the path that we, we went down so that we did have that like genetic tie to our child. i feel like surrogacy just seemed like the right thing for us. We knew like,
Speaker: you know, adoption is something that i you know, was very open to. I think it's a really amazing path as well. And to Chris's point, I think just having that, you know, um you know, DNA connection was important to us. But also I think like, you know, we really wanted to have, we knew at the onset of this process that like having a close relationship with somebody, we knew once we decided service, he was going to be important to us. And we just felt that like, you know, having, know,
Speaker: you know that bond with somebody is you know and just a little bit more from like you know when we transfer to to now is just something that we really you know admired and wanted to have that you know personal touch with. So I think that kind of played weirdly a part into it too. Like just kind of all those external factors that we were thinking about kind of played into that as well.
Speaker: Yeah, no, I don't think that's weird at all. I mean, I think that's a huge, you know, one of the things that I think a lot of intended parents look for is being able to have that relationship and that connection. For you guys specifically, whenever you did decide you were going to do surrogacy, now we're going through the matching process. You eventually, you know, meet or come across Bree's profile.
Speaker: What was it about Bree that made you feel like that this was the person that you wanted to go on this journey with? Yeah, I can answer that because I feel like Brie and I hit it off from like day one. We you know we always knew that, we you know, we were going to be matched with, you know, I think that you're, you know, the team at Egg Dinner and Circuit Solutions has such an amazing job. You know, when we Crystal, she was giving us a background of how they match and, you know, all the, you know,
Speaker: you know, questionnaires that we do and that I'm sure Bree did, you know, we knew we were going to get, you know, land with somebody who was the right match for us. And it just couldn't been more true. I remember when we got on the phone call, we were obviously really nervous. And, you know, you can tell that Bree and Isaiah were nervous as well. But um it was like the personality. It was like an instant click. Like Bree is just like, I'm very...
Speaker: you know, kind of chaotic and like outgoing and just a little bit on the rails out here. And Chris is great. Yeah. And like, Chris is just very calm. And like, Brie just had a little bit of both. She's like a very, you know, calm and confident person, which I think is something that we were really looking for because obviously she's in Houston and we're in l LA. So,
Speaker: when there's, you know, perhaps a scarier update or even good updates, like we just want to, she presents it or we knew that just based on her personality and how we met her, she was going to present it in a way that was, you know, just her personality is very calm and chill. So we knew she wouldn't stress us out every day by giving us like crazy updates. So that was important for us, but also she's just go with the flow and she kind of felt like family from day one, her and Isaiah's banter kind of matches mine and Chris's banter. Um, And we found that out real quick after the, ah you know, 10 minutes into the call. So I just think it kind of felt like family right off the bat. And that's kind of how we, we knew it was going to be the right match.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, I think it was important to me that we found somebody who's like match our energy because it is a very, you know, personal journey to be on and finding somebody who had like a really good baseline to like navigate such a complex journey. Like not like, i don't know, kind of as Will was explaining, like, i feel like when we, we faced sort of like,
Speaker: difficult or like complex situation like I'm very calm usually and I'm like how are we gonna figure this out and it was important to me that we didn't end up with somebody that was like frantic and like because I think it would stress him out which would would stress me out and sure so I felt like that energy was really like evident from her from the get-go and it made me feel really confident that this is someone we could like walk this path with and feel like we were going to be able to navigate it coming from the same you know point of view and that's proven to be like exactly the case
Speaker: I love that. Well, and I feel like this just really highlights just, again, that importance in it isn't just finding or matching with like the next person on like a list, which, you know, we're not a list type of situation. But you know what I mean? Like it is, it's like, it's more than just finding.
Speaker: Okay, hey, we check these boxes. It's what's that energy like? How are we going to navigate those unexpected things? You know, exactly like you said, Chris, like, is this gonna, you know, make Will like, put his head between his knees and hyperventilate like, you know, just all of that. So yeah, I love that.
Speaker: Yeah. And I think too, Whitney, to that point, like, I think that was really important, not to go off tangent, but I think that was really important to why we chose, you know, at donor and surrogate solutions, because, you know, there wasn't, it didn't feel like a list per se. Like there's like a year wait list and we go in order of who signed up first. Like, cause we did, we put a lot of time into interviewing so many different agencies, And I'm sure a lot of them are great too. And, you know, we just felt that like, you know, a place where we could sign up and it felt like the matching process was based on personalities and behaviors and just like overall connection was somewhere that we were really going to resonate with well, instead of just kind of being another number on a list. And I think it really came to fruition when we met Bree. And I think it was a true testament to to what you guys do on the matching, the matching end.
Speaker: Oh, I love that. And I couldn't agree more. Oh my gosh. Lauren and Meg are just so magic. ah Yeah, absolutely. Okay. I love... this is so fun because i think... I mean, obviously you guys fell in love with Brie, but you know that did actually mean some like additional legal things to navigate because for you know every... Surrogacy law is like a state by state and in Texas to have a surrogate, the intended parents have to be married. So what was it like realizing that this match was, you know, so kind of affect y'all's relationship? We actually matched like right now.
Speaker: after we got back from like where I proposed. So we were on the track to doing that. We were doing a lot of things in parallel. um i love it. But it was like, okay, we already knew we were going to to do that but in order to like get through all of the legal stuff we got married like at the courthouse um like in the fall and then you know we got married and had our like actual ceremony and like uh reception and the whole shebang like in the sp spring yeah so um it you know it was just
Speaker: the way things were meant to happen, I guess. Because we kind of like knew like it was all in one year. Like I feel like we've done so much in in two, like it mean really two years because we got engaged. We matched with Bree the week after, which was like the best gift. um And then we got married like officially that October. But I think it kind of like, you know, our attorney was like, you don't have to, but we kind of recommend doing it because it just makes the whole process a little bit easier. um Yeah. Which kind of made it even more special because we even got to like, you know, it kind of,
Speaker: solidified, you know, more sooner than we, you know, had planned originally in the spring for our whole actual wedding. But, you know, it just kind of, you know, made us just really get more excited about the path that we're on and, you know, just take that next step together as a family. So i feel like it kind of just naturally, like Chris said, just kind of worked out.
Speaker: Oh, I love that. One, i mean, I know you said building a relationship with, you know, your, your potential surrogate Brie was like really, really important. Has there been anything about the relationship with Brie that's been surprising to you at all?
Speaker: That's a good question. um Honestly, I think like what, I mean, Chris maybe has his own, but like, I think surprising for me is like how close we've kind of like felt with her family. i didn't really like expect being so far away. Like, I think it's a lot of it. It's a little bit easier when you're closer to your surrogate, you spend up maybe, or we would want to spend a little bit more time with her in person. And I think that relationship would naturally develop. But I was like, you know, I i want her family to feel like our family as well. And I didn't know if we would have that going into it, just given the distance. And, you know, her kids have like named our baby in her stomach, like his name is Liam to them. um Even though we haven't like, yeah, even though we haven't like named him yet. So like, It's been really cool. Like, she's like, yeah, like, you know, her daughter will like hug her belly and like, like say, she's just like saying hey to Liam, which is just like the cutest thing. And i didn't expect to have like, you know, that relationship kind of, if you will, that I think we now have with her family. Like when we went out to the anatomy scan, it just felt like we were going to visit like family in another state, you know, which
Speaker: has just made the whole process like feel so much more like of ah of a bond and a connection and something that we honestly really, really wanted going into this. So I would say that surprised me that I thought about recently.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, I think feeling similarly, like I'd gone into it hoping that we would have like a really... genuine connection because at the end of the day, she is doing this really great thing for us. And we kind of were like, Hey, she's in charge. You know, we are going roll with the way that the way she wants to navigate this with us, but she really like moved in the way that we would have hoped for in like an ideal outcome.
Speaker: So that was maybe surprising and like a good way because it was what we had hoped for and it ended up being like the reality of how this like journey has played out.
Speaker: And she's just been so like great with all of the like, you know, you you you have to take this medication today or like you have this appointment this day and it's like, yes, it I guess it's like kind of the expectation that you're going to do these things, but she's just been so great about it and keeping us informed and like on top of things. And that's made it like so much easier for us being like that. She is just such a, you know, easy person to like be on this path with.
Speaker: Yeah. you you've You guys have brought it up a couple of times. you know You're in l LA and she's in Houston. So like obviously we're in very different parts of the country. how does it i mean It sounds like you guys still are feeling so connected and so a part of the journey despite being in different states.
Speaker: Yeah. And I think that's something that we really you know appreciate. We have like our little group chat where we talk almost every day at this point now, like kind of at the beginning, you kind of talk naturally just because there's appointments, you're still trying to get to know each other. sure You know, there's like little things here and there, medication schedules. Like we would, I told her, I was like, you know, I want to be, we want to be as helpful as possible. How can we do that? Like we would send her reminders and that kind of like helped us stay in touch because it just forced daily communication, just sending reminders. Yeah. Um, and things like that. But now we got like, i don't know, we got these little bracelets that are like these bond bracelets. So like when the baby kicks, it like vibrates on our like wrists and like, we can like tap her too. So she gets like a tap just now that's, you know, just shows we're thinking about her. And of course, when the baby kicks, we get a notification too. um so that's kind of one, that was Chris's idea. And just one way that like, we've tried to extend this connection to make it even more personable and like, um,
Speaker: and And that's kind of helped stay in touch, but it's just felt really natural. I think, you know, obviously the appointments, with days we catch up, but we talk a lot more outside of that about like just life things too. yeah So again, it just goes back to like feeling like we're just texting a friend. the The watches have definitely made us feel more connected because obviously neither one of us is pregnant and nodding we're not in the same state. So there are times when we feel like,
Speaker: you know, detached from the pregnancy in a way. So that's a really cool way to feel like we're, you know, like in it physically with her. And then just, yeah, she's always telling us what's going on or who she's picking up from,
Speaker: school or what sporting game she's at or whatever so like i feel like we are know very much in sync and like in contact but not always just focused on the baby like what's going on with her or like We're, you know, the cat did this today you know, whatever crazy things going at our house is, you know, we just kind of chat about things that are unrelated to like the pregnancy, which is nice.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, again, i love this. Like, I love that it was this great surprise of, yes, of course, you're establishing establishing this relationship with your surrogate, but it's feet going beyond that. And it's, yeah, you're hearing about school pickup and football games and, you know, and then vice versa. It's, you know, the cat did his... jumping into this or, you know, I burnt this in the microwave or, you know, whatever. The start of the relationship, of course, was baby, but it's gone beyond that. It's this friendship.
Speaker: Yeah, for sure. And I think like that's something that like, you know, it's easy to kind of want that going into it. But I do think it like takes it's like any relationship, right? Like it takes time to like build that trust and build that like, you know, I think going into this process, Chris will tell you, like I was I'm a very just anxious person, as you probably could tell this um in general. And I think the hardest part about going about initially wanting to do this journey was like, you know, not having potentially someone close by or like having that connection that like I'm not in control of like, you know, not that I want to be, but like, what are they eating? what are they doing? Like, you know, that kind of thing. And, you know, our coordinator, Amy, has just been, i mean, such a...
Speaker: God send for us, but she's like really given us that reassurance that like, you have to like, like, you don't, I mean, you have to try to let go of control and like, know that everything's going to work out how it's supposed to. And I think just having that constant communication that feels natural and not forced is something that's given us that like reassurance that Brie really does treat like this like her pregnancy as if it was her own which I think a lot of surrogates do but I just that was for me like I was like you know I wonder how and she's just really giving it the time and attention and and just the care that it you know we had always hoped for and I think that's really you know kind of built that trust and relationship that we that we were hoping for
Speaker: No, for sure. Well, and I think it's it's so easy to think worst case scenario, and it is. It's so hard to want control in an uncontrollable situation. you know i think no matter where you are in this process, being the intended parent, the surrogate, you know all of those things, it's so hard.
Speaker: And exactly to your point, you guys have done such an amazing job of building this beautiful relationship that there is just this natural trust. And there is just this like, oh my gosh, no, my girl Bree's got this. Like, of course she can like, you know, grow this human and go and do pickup and go and do like, yes, no, absolutely. And, you know, I'm sure it's like, hey, I'm worried about this. And she can give you that reassurance that you're asking for.
Speaker: 100% yeah and it's like how we have like an advocate for us right like even in these appointments you know she's in there asking the right questions we're obviously on the FaceTime calls like it's just really you know it really is a dream come true I mean it couldn't have gone so far like not you know not going any better than we you know could have hoped for and you know as we even get closer to delivery day we're just you know talking about more things that are like down the road. And it's just, it feels like this is going to be a relationship that lasts a long time. And that's exactly we had hoped for when we made our profile, like, i don't know, a year ago. So yeah it's just really been so special.
Speaker: Oh, I love that. It takes more than love to create a family. It takes compassion, courage, and connection. At Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions, we've spent more than 18 years helping hopeful parents, surrogates, and egg donors create happy families through egg donation and surrogacy, one relationship at a time.
Speaker: Our team has been there. Many of us are former surrogates, egg donors, and intended parents. So we truly understand this journey. If you're ready to take the next step, visit createahappyfamily.com to apply today.
Speaker: All right, let's get back to the show. what What's been something, you know, now that you are like in the journey, And like you said, it's been over a year since you made that profile. What's something about actually being in the journey that you don't think you could have fully understood or prepared for before being in it?
Speaker: Really good question. um Just like there was so, i I guess if I really had sat there and spent like time thinking about all that goes into this, like,
Speaker: maybe it isn't unexpected, but I'm like from all the appointments we had to do at the fertility clinic and like the, you know, working with like the donor egg agency and then like the matching process, the intake process, the psych eval, the like legal, you know, legal screenings and like the contract meetings medication there's just like so much you know it's like people get pregnant every day and it's like it's that piece of it feels like nature just doing what it's meant to do but there's so much like that
Speaker: I didn't, i don't think I fully grasped like everything that was going to happen. i feel like we've like navigated it really well. And it's like, it's just one thing at a time, but I don't think I really grasp like everything that was going to happen. It was like, Oh, we need to do this now. Or like, there's,
Speaker: Now we have to do, live what was that thing we had to do? The home study or like what, just like there's always some random thing that's like we weren't necessarily planning for, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. yeah Well, and what what a testament to, you know, Amy in exactly that. It is very easy to get overwhelmed if you start listing every single thing that has to be done before you even get to transfer. Like, let alone, you know, oh, hey, now the baby's on the way. Like, there's a thousand things. And exactly to your point, Chris, it's like you just do one thing at a time.
Speaker: and like yeah And having an Amy, having a coordinator like guiding you. We could not do this without her. like I can't imagine what he would be like if he was trying to
Speaker: we're going to throw you under the bus. I know, right? No, but it's so true. Like, I think about it every day. I'm like, you know, there's so many logistics that go into this. And I think, like, when we first started the process, were like, OK, you know, we'll get donor eggs. We'll transfer and we'll, you know, find a story. We'll do this. And like, we just think it's so straightforward.
Speaker: I think that's kind of like, I don't know, weirdly, like the beauty in it all. Like, I just know that like there's been so much time and energy and like love and everything else poured into like us bringing home our our baby. And like, I think yeah it's all going to be so worth it. But I think like looking back now, it's it's a lot of moments where, you know, it's easy to get frustrated. It's easy to get, you know, we've had insurance battles that took six months and delayed us, you know, because whatever that was, you know, and so we've just had things that have been like, you know, they're not,
Speaker: horrible things it's just as things you have to deal with and i think i didn't don't think we anticipated to chris's point like having those coming into the process i thought it was like a little bit more you know here's the process you just follow it everybody does the same thing but it's just so nuanced for everybody like by state it could be a different legal process it could be you know like our friends are going through this same exact process um and do like two weeks after us and their process looks different than our you know our their journey looks different than our journey so It really just, I don't know, i I think we kind of thought it was a little bit cut and dry, but there's just so many nuances. And that's why having somebody like Amy, it's just vital, because I don't know how you do without her.
Speaker: Oh no, I don't know. Whenever people do independent journeys, I still am like, why, what crazy pill did you take? Like, yeah. I'm like, that's amazing because even like some days I'm like, okay, if we did like a sibling journey, I'm like, maybe we would know this. And I'm like, yeah, but there's like still things that like Amy does, like the birth plan with the hospital that I don't even know who these people are that she's talking to. And she's just getting it done. And like, so it's all done when we go there. I mean, it's just like, there's so many like scheduling travel. She's even had has to help us with like Airbnb. I'm like, you're really just like a ah do it all. And it's, and she's available, you know, i mean, it's, I could go on about Amy, but, um, she's just so important. Yeah. yeah
Speaker: Yeah. No, I totally, I totally hear you. You, you guys have mentioned it you know, before you have those moments of worry and anxiety and it can be so easy.
Speaker: it can be so easy to get overwhelmed, especially looking back, you know, to see how far you've come. What do you do when you are in those moments of being maybe a little anxious or nervous or scared or frustrated?
Speaker: It's a good question, Whitney. I mean, i think we have different ways that we deal with it, la right? Like, I think how I deal with it is like, I don't know, I'm a researcher. And I just have to like, I like to know everything before making a decision. And yeah I think having Bri, having had three children of her own,
Speaker: has like provided a tremendous amount of like, okay, she knows what she's doing. She's been through this before. She knows, you know, the process generally of like being pregnant. And I think like, that's what I rely on is like, you know, when I'm anxious, like if we get like, you know, some...
Speaker: you know, more intense news from the doctor, you know, it's like, okay, we got this. Like we kind of like regroup as a team and like support each other. um and that kind of helps ease my nerves a little bit. but I would say like,
Speaker: i I just focus on like, what's the thing that has to be done right now? Because I think that like there's thinking too much about like down the road, it's like, is overwhelming. But I've like, there's those things that are unexpected where it's like, you know, we first try, you know, we're going to do our transfer in January. And then like the hormone levels didn't look right. So we had to like restart the med cycle and do it in March. And it's like, instead of like spiraling, it's like, well, this is just what we're doing now. Like there's no, like in my mind, I just kind of, I'm like,
Speaker: well this is what has to be done so like i'm not going spiral about it or like you know like question why or how like why not like we had found out we had to do this like home study which was not part of anything that we'd been told we had to do we just you we drew the card of like having a judge who required us to do that and we were kind of like well why do we have to do this but then i was just like listen, we're going to do it. Like, it's going to be fine. But it's like, it's not necessarily something we had planned for or that we want to do. But it's just like, this is the next thing that we have to do.
Speaker: And to get off of our plates and like, we're so Just accepting that like, this is a process where I don't have like control over much, but the outcome is going to be what we want. So I'm just like, whatever it is that we have to do I'm gonna just do it and try to not, you know,
Speaker: just not spiral about like what I can't control. And I think too, just like learning, like the whole process is like a learning process for all of us. And I'm sure it is for anybody. If we did this process again, I think it'd be a journey, but I mean, it'd be a learning process in two, but again, to kind of piggyback off Chris, like, I think it's a learning opportunity to kind of like see like the broader,
Speaker: what is surrogacy? And I think that's like what helps us kind of stay grounded is like, there is no one size fits all for anybody. And that, you know, to Chris's point, the home study, like that rattled me a lot more than it rattled him. And it was more because, you know, I'm like, you know, what is this? Is this new normal? Is this like policy in the U S like all those kinds of things go in my head. But I think like to Chris's point, it's like, we can't control it. And at the end of the day, we know we've done the right thing. And We know we have such an amazing team and you guys and our attorneys and the whole, you know, team that's helping us bring our baby home. So I think really relying on everyone's expertise and knowing that people have done this, like you guys have done this for a long time. You know what you're doing. The attorneys know what they're doing. so you just have to kind of leave trust in the hands of who has, you know, the experience. And I think that's kind of grounded us that we don't know it all. And there's no way you could research enough to know it all. So.
Speaker: Sure. Sure. You don't have to know it all. Right. You've like, you've built your team. Yeah. Yeah. yeah You said it so beautifully. Like you're right. There is no one size fits all. Even, you know, even if you get 10 people in a room and they've all done surrogacy, everybody's going to have a very unique and different journey. And you guys have done an amazing job of documenting yours, what made you decide to just let other people kind of come along at like on this journey with you guys?
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, yeah I think that was probably, both of our ideas. Like i always thought i'd be fun to do a TikTok to like, we just started a TikTok for the viewers who don't know that, but I think it's called Two Gays and a Baby. um But i think, you know, I always wanted to, we wanted to document it so we have at least, you know, we have no following really. We just wanted to document it for ourselves to look back on and, you know, to be able to show our our our son one day, you know, the fun things we did while we were like waiting for him to get here.
Speaker: But I also think the biggest driver for myself was like, I really want to raise awareness for like what this process and by no means do I do we do it perfectly um or post regularly, but we kind of sought out to like raise awareness for like what is surrogacy and like what does it look like for an everyday family like ours? Like we don't we're not you know wealthy. we don't you know, we're just a normal family trying to our normal couple trying to build our family. and I think, you know, we would get hate comments all the time, like in like previously like Instagram or when we got married of like, you know, you're just paying for a baby or, you know, it should be a band or outlawed or whatever. And like, I think when you see the human side of it and like what we're just a normal couple, like everybody else, and this is our path of building our family. I think it makes the conversation a little bit more tangible for people who have those thoughts. um So I think that's kind of what,
Speaker: made us want to start sharing our journey more openly and be be very candid about, you know, what this has looked like for us. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know that the TikTok was my idea because I don't think I've ever been on TikTok. And I was unwilling participant in some of those videos. But I think that it is nice to like look back on and you know be able to see the journey. And I do think like...
Speaker: um you know a lot of the videos are silly and i guess that's like what tick tock algorithm likes but the the thing that was like what i cared more about was like what will was saying is like i feel like this is a journey that not that many people that you know from the gay community have been on and we didn't know where to look or who to talk to. Like I said, we'd had like a couple friend who's on the surrogacy journey as well. And it's been nice to talk to them, but we're all kind of just like learning as we're going through it. I didn't really have anyone that I could talk to about where do I go? What do I to And
Speaker: Like a couple of my friends or like people from work have like, you know, expressed interest or like, you know, hey, like I've thought about this and I'm like, it's so cool to me when I can like talk to people about it because now I feel like i know so much and I wish I had had somebody that I could.
Speaker: you know share all that knowledge with um yeah that could share that knowledge with me when we kind of embarked on this that's like what i feel like initially we wanted to start it for was like to be a resource for people that are kind of going through it's like this same journey
Speaker: yeah yeah yeah and to piggyback too like Yeah, and to piggyback too Whitney, off of that is like we've actually met like two, like a few dads who are like also gay dads who have children um through the TikTok who are in the area. Amazing. And like that's been that's been super cool too. Like it's like unexpected, like we never expected to meet somebody here in West Hollywood that, you know, has been through this and has a, you know, a baby as well through surrogacy. Yeah. I think that was also a really big shock and something that we didn't expect, but it happened. And, you know, we've been staying in touch with them. So, and we found our pediatrician through them. So um that was really cool too. Yeah. So that was, it's just unexpected things, but I think just being your authentic self and, you know, showing what a human process is, is what our whole, our goal was initially.
Speaker: Yeah, well, and I think, I mean, i love this because i think it is such a misconception that, exactly to your point, it's, you know, you see celebrities or you see the Lifetime movies when it comes to surrogacy or, you like, you you know, anything that's in the headlines and mainstream, it's either really, really awful or feels entirely unattainable. And I love the fact that you guys are – you know just, hey, this is it, whether it's a silly video or it is something that is totally focused on you know an educational piece of it. I love that you guys are just like, this is our life and like this is how we're building our family and just making it so normalized because for something that I think
Speaker: Yeah, it does feel like that nobody is knows about surrogacy or is doing surrogacy until all of a sudden you're in the world and then you are like meeting people in your neighborhood and, you know, talking to people at work. And it's like, oh yeah, no everyone's building their family in such a, you know, in their own way, however they need to. And it's beautiful. It's just beautiful. For sure. yeah And I think like, I think something that has really come out of this to Chris's point is like, I think,
Speaker: A lot of people are like, oh, it's a transaction. Like how much the first question is like, I mean, just transparently, like how much is she getting paid? And it's like, that is like, I mean, that's an important right part. Obviously, financial finances are important processes. But like, that's not our first thought when we think of surrogacy is like,
Speaker: how much is somebody getting paid? It's more like, it's not a transaction to us. It's like more like this amazing woman is helping us like build our family because we can't, you know, buy ourselves. And I think that's something that like, I've noticed a lot of like, I don't know, i'm very vocal about the product because we had talked about it we were like, should we keep this more to ourselves? And like, we do keep some things to ourselves, obviously, but, course you know, talking about it at work and like with like colleagues and stuff, I feel like people now are like, okay, like like they're asking, like, how how does this work? Like, how did that work? Like, how does this process go? And it's like, some of them are, I mean, trans some questions are like more ignorant questions than not, but I think yeah that's okay because I think that ah opens the opportunity for a conversation about like,
Speaker: our journey and like an authentic journey um for people who are just normal everyday people going through this process and um stuff you don't see on like the clickbait headlines um and i think that's been a honestly like probably one of the most rewarding parts of this journey too is like just being vulnerable and open with you know to chris's point colleagues or friends or family or whoever it is to ask questions and perhaps be interested if that's what they need to do in their journey as well so i think that's kind of been unexpected too out of this whole social media journey
Speaker: Yeah. Well, and again, i mean, I think it's so if if you are able and willing to share your story and if you are open to, you know, receiving the the questions that are maybe ignorant and sometimes can be accidentally hurtful, it is exactly like you said. It's a great opportunity to teach and learn because people don't know what they don't know. And I know as a surrogate, I've been on the receiving end of, you know, a lot of questions where it's like, nope, if you knew what I knew, you would know that that was kind of a dumb question. um But then you get to teach and it and it's again, right? Like it's that beautiful opportunity to get to let somebody know about just one more way that, you know, you can build your family.
Speaker: Have there been other comments or messages or questions that, you know, have maybe changed how you guys think about people's understanding of surrogacy or maybe even just like being same sex parents?
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, I get questions sometimes. Like, I remember a dinner I came home from and I was just like, very frustrated. And I like remember like, it kind of like made me like, emotional, but not like, it's more like it's made me like, it lit a fire. Like, I want people to understand this process because I think there's so much good in it. And I think- yeah You know, people are always in their first questions like who's the dad or who's the mom or how do you, you know, how are you like, what are you going to say like it needs a mom or or, you know, all these kind of things and it's like, it can create a lot of like internal like
Speaker: stress because you're like you know you're going get these kind of questions from your child like we know that and we're prepared for it or we feel like we're getting to there to be prepared for it yeah um but it kind of like accelerates that in your head because you're like okay these people are kind of like already adding this in my brain to think about and I think it's easy to kind of put on a front and like you know kind of educate but then it's like you have to like when I come home I'm like okay this is a little bit more like heavy and like these questions like just frustrate me because I'm like, man, I think if people just understood like
Speaker: how this works and can see that every family is built differently and there's different ways that people, family units are, i think there'll be a whole new appreciation for this industry. And I think, you know, even in the news now, there's always these things happening and it's just like, I think there's, it's so important that like this stays available to every, like people who need it And like, you know, I think it's just such a man, it's ah it's such a human and, and, and, you know, amazing thing that these women are offering to do for families like ours to build them. So I just hope that through the frustration that we get, i don't know, there's, you know, people who pioneered same sex marriage, you know, they probably faced backlash then too, and look where we are now. So I'm hoping that like just creating conversation and that around it kind of down the line will make this a lot more normal process. And it somewhat seems to be now.
Speaker: Yeah. And I mean, I think I love talking about it with people or like anybody who has questions or wants to know more. Like, I love that. I do think most people are coming from it with like genuine, like, you know, interest and aren't trying to ask questions that feel invasive or or maybe questions that, in my opinion, like you shouldn't.
Speaker: you should think to not ask. oh Sure. But I think that like the big thing like that Will touched on is like people love to ask, like who's the who is thou who's the bio dad? um And I get that that's like genuine intrigue, or people are like, oh, once he's here, we'll But also none of your business. like I agree.
Speaker: I think it's like, it's i I get it because I feel like there's a version of myself that probably would have asked the same question because it's genuinely interesting, but it's like we,
Speaker: We make a point to like reiterate that, like, we don't know, and we don't have any plans to find out because yeah we don't want that to create this, like, you know, there's the bio parent and like the other parent that's like not genetically related.
Speaker: And they're no more or less a parent in this situation because the other you know person who's you know involved in this you know DNA mix is our donor who is literally not involved in this at all.
Speaker: Right. Right. She is not the parent and has not been on this journey with us other than that, you know, she was generous enough to like provide her eggs. So it's like, but then they'll be like, who's the mom? And it's like,
Speaker: well, I get what you're saying, but we have the donor and you know we do know who she is. It was important to us that we knew you know who this person was. And I feel like our child is going to want to ask all these same kind of questions at some point.
Speaker: um And so we, I think about it as like a learning experience to be able to like have those conversations with him. Yeah. And to like be able to navigate it in a way that makes sense and like can help educate people and him, our child. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. No, i I love that because I think you're so, I've spoken to a lot of egg donor recipient parents. And one of the things that I always hear is, oh, I practiced telling their story when they were a little baby and I would fumble and I would, you know, mix things up or, you know whatever it was. And then it was by the time they were three and asking, i knew exactly what to say. And so I love that you were using this as an opportunity to You know, just, yes, rehearse your your story and, you know, get comfortable with it. But then, yes, to your point, it is a beautiful learning opportunity. And kudos to you guys for taking in some of those questions and being like, h none of your business. And here's why.
Speaker: And just for educational purposes, this is the answer. I know despite all of that, all the logistics, all the appointments, all of this, again, amazing education and documentation at the end of the day, you guys are just two dads waiting for baby boy to get here. What has this season felt like?
Speaker: It's been so exciting. I feel like we have just been over the moon. Like we we thought we were starting early. And when we started like decorating the room and like doing all that fun stuff. But um then I was like, now that it's almost here, I'm like, maybe we're a little behind. so I'm glad we started when we did. um But it's just been so fun. I feel like it's like our friends, like our closest friends have never, they don't have children of their own and just have never kind of seen a process like this. So I think bringing them along with us has just been so rewarding. And we haven't had a big year. We got married this year. um
Speaker: We obviously are are having our baby this year. So I think having moments of like bringing friends and like we have our baby shower next weekend. So like having friends and family, or having the opportunity to bring friends and family together all in the same room twice in one year is like almost unheard of when like my family's on the East coast, Chris's family's here and we have friends throughout the U S. So I think that's been probably the most special part. It's just kind of having our friends and family on the journey with us.
Speaker: And obviously buying the clothes. We, we, we told ourselves we were going to one new, outfit a week leading up to the baby and now he is bigger it's more of a closet than we do so we put a pause on that but that's been y'all baby clues you can't baby like you can't baby closer like no you go into like baby gap and you're like you you just go bankrupt you're like i gotta have it all like this has to be had like yes and you know and people like are always like oh they're gonna outgrow it in like a week and i'm like well at least i'll look cute for a week you know
Speaker: Like, at least I'll sure. 100%. I can't tell you how many times my eldest, you know, she was first grandchild, and she had so many clothes. And there was a period of time where I was just, like, putting her in things and taking a picture and putting her in things and taking pictures. I was like, you're not to wear it, but I have a picture of it. Yeah, that would be us, for sure. Will always says, like, the time has, like, flown by, feel like it hasn't necessarily flown by. like... I felt like it went at like a pace that was good for me. Like I felt like we're, we're at like the point where, you know, we're six weeks from, you know, delivery, but I feel like it gave me time to like,
Speaker: feel prepared for it. Like, i I don't know. I feel like that would, I would have felt so overwhelmed if I really did feel like it flew by, but like, I feel like I've learned so much. I've, you know, like I feel that we've done a lot of things to like, you know,
Speaker: get prepared as much as one can. But i I do find myself waking up early thinking about things now because it's like, oh, wow we've never done this. And like what is this really going to be like when this part of the journey is over and like we start parenting, you know?
Speaker: Sure. Yeah. Sure. And I think even too, like that's something we thought about too, like on another note of like, it's, we talk about it often actually is like, well, it's going I mean, we say this, we're like, it's going to be sad kind of in a way, because like, we're in this natural, again, like at the top of the call, we, you know, we talked about like, you know, Bri being like our family and like, you know, we talked about that a lot. It's like, what does this look like? Like once, you know, we bring our baby home, like,
Speaker: there will be no need to really you know talk with brie our surrogate like every single day like we do now and we just hope hope that we can keep that like dialogue and relationship afloat and like you know healthy and thriving because that was really important to us at the onset of when we did our profile a year ago and um i don't know we've talked about that recently too we're kind of like we're so excited for him to get here and it's going to be so amazing but On other side of it's kind of like a almost like a bittersweet thing because this has been such a, you know, beautiful and amazing, you know, nine months, I guess, that we've been on even before that would match with her. That is kind of like, you know, one chapter is ending a new one's beginning. But with that comes even, you know, more amazing things. So it's kind of like a a weird thought process we're kind of in right now.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, it's almost bittersweet in in in one way, right? It's like, oh, this this chapter or this kind of aspect of our relationship. and But again, to your point, it is about to just become this even bigger and more beautiful thing. And I love that you guys are you are thinking about that because i think – you'll hear a lot of surrogates that will get worried and it does naturally happen. Like you're in the thick of it with a newborn and you're not sleeping and, you know, all of those things. And you will hear, oh gosh, I haven't, i haven't talked to her in like a week. And I think it, right. Like, but with any friendship, you know, at any point in time, things ebb and flow. And I think it was just, again, so beautiful. And what a testament to just you all as a group that that relationship is so important and something that you do want to continue to invest in.
Speaker: Absolutely. Yeah. We're excited. I mean, and I was like, you're not getting rid of us now. So I was like, we are. And I was like, what? Yeah. I was like, we joke now. We're like, okay, after you give birth, we'll go get those margaritas that we promised ourselves a while ago back when she was here in LA. So was like, we're already joking about that. But yeah, I mean, we just love her and her family. So yeah.
Speaker: Oh, I love that. i love that. if you could sit down with someone who is just starting their surrogacy journey, what is one thing that you would want to tell them? i would just say...
Speaker: Call me. and you know but like did you Chris is an expert now, guys. Yeah, I mean, I do feel like it's helpful to like know people who are on that path, but also know that, you know,
Speaker: um depending on where they are in the journey, like finding the right agency and right team around you is going to be so important because you don't know it all um and you don't need to because you'll learn along the way and you just have to you really have to take it one day at a time. One, you know, like the checkbox list is like so long that it's like you can only handle one thing, you know, at a time.
Speaker: that, know, if you have the right team around you and you don't like try to overwhelm yourself by having all the answers before you even like jump in on that you know everything will unfold the way it's supposed to i feel like that would be you know my my sage advice yeah i I was going to say the exact same thing. I think building the team is like, I won't say the same thing because I don't want to, I want to give a different point of view, but I think like that is really important. Like I think building the team, like we did so many interviews of agencies, like, and it seems like it's daunting and takes time, but like, it really is so important because you'll just get that feel. And, you know, yeah when we met Crystal in that call, it was like, this just feels right. And I think like having a team who has been through this in some way or another, whether that's they were a surrogate before, like yourself, or like whether you were an intended parent like Crystal, I think like all of those things like
Speaker: really made it feel more personable for us and and just felt like this team was really, you know, they've been through it on both sides or or have that understanding. But I think like my, I would just, I would say like you have like grace with yourself and your surrogate and the team but in the process as a whole, because there's like, you know, hiccups and trials and things here and there. But I think if you just kind of realize that like,
Speaker: it's all gonna be worth it in the end. And if you just kind of like, don't be so hard on yourself in the moment, like don't be, don't stress yourself out because to Chris's point, you're that team, you're gonna have, you know, the checklist that she, you know, Amy for is for us, like it's gonna keep you on track with. Cause there's like nights where we're like stayed up, ah like we're like, okay, What about, is she going to be on this medication like she's supposed to when she gets birth? Like these kinds of questions come up and it's like, you have to kind of just have grace with yourself that like, you don't know it. And there is a team that knows it kind of what I said earlier and just kind of,
Speaker: let the process fold out how it does and not try to solve every question or everything right at the beginning. Lean on your, you know, if you're doing this alone, like obviously have a good support system around you. But yeah if you have a partner, like really leaning on them and and your family and friends to kind of get you through times that it may be a little bit harder or whatever. So, or celebrate with you in exciting times too.
Speaker: Yeah. No, I love that so much. i I think you both have highlighted something so important in yes, build that team. Having that team is so important and having the the trusted people there to guide and support, as well as having that beautiful support system. Y'all's family near, far, everywhere coming in and celebrating you and just you know being a part of those just amazing special milestone moments. But then yes, also being there for you know those moments where it's like,
Speaker: this is pure chaos and this feels overwhelming and this doesn't feel good. And, you know, ah but all of those things are so important and so necessary for this journey. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, yeah, it's, yeah, huge testament to, it's kind of like fun. I was thinking about the other day, I was like, it really has just forced, in a good way, like family and friends to come together. Like, you know, I think that's probably been one of the most, I said it, like rewarding things is like, ah like some of Chris's family doesn't like talk to each other. So like, this has given them an excuse to like come together and like, come to our wedding in the same year, come to the baby shower in the same year. And like, I think
Speaker: Those are things that like we don't think of in the moment, but I think of when you take a step back and look at the whole journey we've been on, it's kind of been amazing that, you know, friends and family that don't usually get together maybe ever in a year have all gotten together now twice in a year because of two special things that have happened in our life. So that we're so grateful for. So I don't know. I think that's been an unexpected part of the journey that has just been so, so we're just so thankful for.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah surrogacy is more than just like, you know, babies here, you're making grandparents and aunts and uncles. And, you know, just, yeah, you're growing that beautiful, that beautiful family in so many different ways. i love that.
Speaker: so, so much. I have one last question for you all and it's a fun one. um I have seen you, Chris, with your coffee cup, just like me. Cheers. um If, yes, if anyone knows anything about me, they know that I always have coffee cup in hand and consume a mass amount of caffeine. I had the most tragic thing happen to me though, right before We got on and my Keurig decided to not work. And so I'm actually having tea, which is very different. but I know. i know. But I always love to ask the question, what has filled your cup today?
Speaker: Maybe not today specifically, but this room came together. over the weekend and just being in here filming this like we're not really spending that much time in here because like the cats like to mess with things so we're like keeping the door shut and they're not allowed in here but like being in here it's like it's such a vibe it's so cozy all thanks to my husband and all his his hard work and vision it's like it's really nice to see it coming together and like really feeling like
Speaker: oh, this is going be such, we're going to be spending so much more time in here and like, it's, it's makes, makes me happy being in here and yeah spending time in it.
Speaker: yeah yeah feeling real i'm sure we we got a little oh no we got a little build-a-bear too that we like made ah um for the baby has a little heartbeat in it so when you like squeeze it it like has like a little heartbeat so that's kind of cool um but that just sits on of his little nursery chair but yeah i mean again what that would have been my answer too but um i think like Something that I've like, I don't know, that I've been really grateful for lately has just been, it's kind of like seems minuscule, but I think I'm really grateful for. It's like, we both have extremely like, I mean, there's a lot to be grateful for right now, but I think something recently is we both have extremely generous like time off policies. So I get like five months um and Chris gets um amazing and Chris gets five months as well. So I think that's kind of really filled my cup lately because I've been really grateful that we're going to have so much time to spend with him. And like, you know, we kind of buy ourselves a year because we're going to do it in tandem. So we both can have a year of just like being at home with him. And, you know, my my family is coming in to for a few months to let my mom is to like help us out and like spend time. So I think just like having...
Speaker: you know that's a big reassurance for me and us is just being able to be at home with him and like spend that time so i was really worried when we first started this i was like what does like that look like because know some companies give like two weeks paternity leave so i'm like just that's kind of really taken a burden off of us and like just kind of put us at ease for that so i would say today i was looking at my pto calendar so that like that gave like that filled my cup today because i just feel so grateful that we have such great companies to give us that opportunity and um that we get to spend more time with him so
Speaker: I love that. I love that so much because yes, I mean, gosh, what a what a beautiful thing to have. And I don't want to call it a luxury because it shouldn't be like that should just be like the norm. But I love that you guys both get to have that to look forward to when your sweet little boy is here. You're getting so close. Oh my gosh. I know. We're like getting in our dad era. We're like, we're putting together, like we were doing stroller and I was just like, you know, I'm like going to get my coffee. You know, I was like, we were just like, it's so dumb, but we were just like getting excited for like all the fun little moments. And, um yeah, it's going to be so exciting.
Speaker: No, I love it. That is not dumb. And you should practice like with your stroller because I know all of us have been like stuck with, I mean, those things are like, you need like a degree to like make those things work now. I was trying to mess with my sisters and I can't. So yeah.
Speaker: Oh, a hundred percent. I'm like, is there like a YouTube, we're like on YouTube trying to figure out how to like like fat, like we're in, oh my God, this is so embarrassing. what We were in like Nordstrom. And we were like trying to get the, like, we were looking at like the, the Duna stroller. and we were like trying to pop it out and like, it just wasn't working. And this poor lady was like, you guys need some help. And I'm like, we need all the help. We need like, we need your undivided attention because we do not know what we are doing. So, um, yeah. So i was like that. well And we're reading our books. We're like, we're,
Speaker: We're reading some like parenting books. We have our parenting class. Thanks to you guys for, for, you know, providing that resource for us. So that's coming up in a few weeks and feel like we're well on our way. Yeah.
Speaker: I love it. I love it. Well, thank you guys for giving me some of your precious time just to talk about this point in your journey. And we're clearly going have to do a part to you when baby boy is here a hundred percent. But again, thank you guys so much. And I am just, I'm so excited for you guys and I cannot wait for him to be here.
Speaker: ah Thank you so much. No, you have been amazing. And thanks so much for allowing us to kind of share a little bit of our story. I feel like we have so much like just to talk about. So I feel like this has been such a great resource and just following you guys along on socials has been super helpful and all the things that you guys do. So just thank you for being such a an amazing team for us.
Speaker: Oh, well, thank you. Seriously, it has been just an absolute honor to be... I mean, I know for me personally, just being like one small part of it where I am just cheering you guys on. And then, i mean, again, I know Amy is just like a gift to the world. Like, oh my gosh, I can't.
Speaker: Yeah. no really Yeah. Really. You guys, yeah. it's It's amazing what you guys do. I'm like, if I could tell everyone to join... if they're looking to do this process to come to you guys i would because i really am like you guys i mean i think besides brie you guys have been the greatest well it started with you guys so really thanks to you guys um we found we were able to do this because i don't think i mean we could have we wouldn't have been able to do it without you guys and we're just it's a huge part of our journey so man can say to
