Transcript
Speaker: Greetings friends. Thank you for joining us on the Mentally Oddcast where each week our guests regale us with tales of the creative process through the lens of addiction, recovery, mental and emotional health, ah trauma, treatment, medication, all that there because we believe that no matter what you are going through, you are not alone and you can make art about it.
Speaker: Art helps. Find us on Ko-Fi, that's K-O-F-I, to support the podcast and get all the back issues of Sometimes Hilarious Horror Magazine.
Speaker: You are listening to the Mentally Oddcast. My name is Wednesday, leave Friday. Do find us on Ko-fi. ah This week, we have Jean and Say. And I met Jean and Say because I married into a family and they were in it. So now we're all family. And I feel so lucky to know these two.
Speaker: um And since it's a show with two guests, we're going to have our guests introduce themselves. So here they are. Hi, everybody. I'm Jean, and I go by KingSan3.
Speaker: I'm the ruler of House Aeternum. I'm a service top. I do sensual play and all sorts of impact things. I'm a daddy dom, handler, pianist, gamer, and a gentleman.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: Yes, um I'm Say, and I am the head submissive to House Aeternum. I'm a friendly, disabled, were-coyote Therian pup who enjoys role-playing, character creation, world-building, and board games.
Speaker: House Aeternum. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah, Carolee, you do great. We got a little bit more. House Aeternum strives to create a union between freedom of expression and creativity while blending reality and fantasy through sharing positive energy.
Speaker: Nice. Right on. Love it. So welcome to both of you. um Regular listeners know that we start always by asking guests to tell us the story of the first horror movie that they remember seeing. And I don't know either of yours.
Speaker: who's going first well going going like way back to when i was a kid my dad used to like always have just horror flicks on you know like the black and whites um like um halloween was a big one pumpkin head leprechaun uh dracula which is like the black and white the black and white ones and then ah i don't know what was called but like it's got the headless horseman i think it's sleepy hollow yeah i feel like that's the one sleep there it is is that the main one headless horseman one yeah
Speaker: ichabard um for me i'm not sure which one was the first one because of like vhs dubbing issues you know so they They will record one and then tape over half of another one sometimes. So the movies get confused. But I know it was Squirms, that I think was probably the oldest one. um The Return Living Dead and Halloween. Those are like all all kind of together.
Speaker: But um for some reason with squirms, I get legend in there because as as I was saying, the vh prop VHS problem, legend was right ah before squirms. So you have you know Tim Curry. you know of He's gone now, unfortunately. Wonderful man.
Speaker: um But he was laughing at the end, and then it led into this Quirms movie where the electricity um made the worms want to eat humans, I guess. Right, right. Yep, yep.
Speaker: Oh, my God. That is wild. It actually reminds me of the time that my old boyfriend, this you know before I met H, obviously, um my old boyfriend came over with a VHS tape and he was like, Hey, they played that movie you like on TV. And I taped it and I caught all the movie the commercials. out Yeah. And it was, uh, it was Monty Python's life of Brian, which I do love that movie. Right.
Speaker: So we watched it and I was like, what a thoughtful gift. And he'd spent money buying a blank tape and everything. That's so nice. And then like the credit started for like five seconds and then bam, hardcore pornography. Oh,
Speaker: but Oh my gosh. Actually, Gene, let's have you back up off your mic a little bit. How about now?
Speaker: Great. Awesome. All right. um Okay. So, but I mean, you guys aren't really horror people necessarily. That's, that's not your genre of choice.
Speaker: Um, so... And and that's okay. Yeah, like, it's it's not exactly my thing, but I do enjoy the dark side. Like, I'm an October kid.
Speaker: So Halloween's my default, you know? I kind of grew up on Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. and like a nightmare before Christmas. This is like right there. So that whole stretch from Halloween and the leaves start falling all the way up to Christmas, it's all spooky time. so you i But at the same time though, um in the media that I watch, you know The way that they kind of do it nowadays isn't been my my cup of tea for horror. like I do like the older ones. like if They did more Return Living Deads and Halloween's Michael Myers creepy stuff. Then I'd be more in. But it's gotten more into the gore side of of things. And like, you know, the slashers. they're real good at that these days but it's not what i'm exactly looking for conjuring is all right but um dark fantasy really the one that i like um nowadays it's it has everything i need in there you know so it's a cross between um rick veda it's like an old anime that i really like and dune i want some sword and sorcery and i want some technological dystopian
Speaker: Game Thrones things going on, you know? Well, you can make anything scarier once you put in the politics. Once you have, you know, bad people playing those games and not caring who they hurt, it can get really scary.
Speaker: Reckless. Yes. so all right. Now, I want to hear about the tea house. And I think, Zay, you are probably the correct person to explain this.
Speaker: Yes. I love yapping over this one. So, um I got the like the idea. I was feeling kind of disconnected for a while from role play. It seemed like the paragraph style role play was a dying art form.
Speaker: And um my old ah roleplay groups was like Frickadia and like Golden Tether, and they were all dying off. And um I remember this nostalgic feeling I had um back when I played on Gaia Online, like back in 2009. You know, I'm like like a teenager just stuck to a computer. Yeah.
Speaker: But yes, I was like, let me get back to my roots and you know feel how ah that feels for a while. And um I started to do VTuber streams on reality. And you can you know get that on your like mobile phone. And ah it allows you to customize an avatar character and you can build your own room through the furniture and stuff you can get um and stream to an audience using your voice.
Speaker: um And I never believed that it would blossom into this beautiful creation of almost 400 member community on Discord server.
Speaker: um Wow. Yeah. So... um I do have some lore for the tea house. The tea house is a magical high fantasy role play set in a feudal Japanese era geisha house. And it comes in the form of a traveling two story tall carriage with a pagoda style roof, lanterns all around it, gilded wheels that move on the power of enchantment with no drivers or mounts. Like,
Speaker: Howl's Moving Castle or, you know, Studio Ghibli's. I love i love Studio Ghibli's. My favorite is Princess Mononoke. Oh, okay. Yeah. But this carriage can appear across any space, time, dimension, or era, and therefore your character coming in can be from any universe, have any power or ability, any alignment, um be any species or race, and be, yeah,
Speaker: So there are no level caps or strict level system. um And we go off our of our own mechanics. So Gene here actually built our mechanics. They're flavored like D&D. We use dice, but they're simplified. So even beginners can pick up and play.
Speaker: Yes. yeah See, now I have like two reactions to that. My initial reaction is, oh my gosh, that would allow people so much freedom to do whatever makes sense and is meaningful to them, which is amazing. On the other hand, I think about myself having like five or six different streaming services and trying to pick a movie. And I don't know how, because I don't know what kind of mood mood I'm in. So I wonder if that, the the choice being so expansive...
Speaker: if If that doesn't deter people from like making a decision and go with it. Or do you have to? Can you change your mind later with what you're doing? yeah right Right. It's all about experimentation and like freedom of like expression and creativity. So like it really is what you, what the person makes of it.
Speaker: you know, with their imagination, you know, yeah And we're, we're very loose with drop in and drop out. We know life happens. So, you know, it's, it's pick up and go.
Speaker: You might only have time for maybe a paragraph or, you know, a few sentences. And if that's where you're, you're at, you know, that's, that's something that you can do. You might just be able to get the, get out that one line and, you know, still want to be actually able to play.
Speaker: So that's the type of way we want it to be where you can kind of pop in and maybe continue your story over time. And this is on Discord. So anybody who wants to do it with a Discord account can just kind of pop in and see what's up.
Speaker: Yes. That's amazing. Now, you guys mentioned Studio Ghibli, so I think we should pause for a minute and talk about that. Not pause, pause, but like, you know, deviate from our our our ah planned remarks. um Because when I was working at the Madstone Theater, we had Spirited Away. So I was able to watch that on the big screen a whole bunch of times. And I am a person who at that time knew nothing of of anime. I think... Kimba the White Lion was like the only anime thing I had really ever seen with any regularity. And then people tried to gaslight me into thinking and it that it didn't exist because of Disney. and like you Well, you know that whole thing with with Kimba the White Lion and Disney's like, oh, what is that? Like, you copied it shot for shot you bitches yeah right come on and you can't ignore it there's a whole bunch of people there's a whole group of people that are exposed to Kimba the White Lion know throw them under the rug keep flooding it with all the Disney stuff you'll never remember this you know
Speaker: yeah so so in terms of like what what is your favorite Ghibli and and why is what I want to know Um, Princess Mononoke. love the, just the artwork of it, the story, the, um, the expression of this like wilderness, like, like wild lady and their attachment to, to, um, to the nature and then having to do battle with the, uh, industrial people.
Speaker: Okay. All right. Gene? For me, i I was trying to pinpoint one, but I really think it's just the world that they create in these um in these movies. like All of them have an alternative universe sort of feel, but they're all possibly connected somehow. you know um It makes you move a little slower. It gives you a slice of life, but it's also some high hidden drama somewhere.
Speaker: um you know so But that being all said, I think the the one that impressed me the most recently was The Cat Returns. Oh, I haven't seen that. Oh, it's, if you like cats, oh my gosh, it ah really brings cats alive. Like what are the cats doing out there? What are the alley cats doing? They're doing this. They got a whole universe going on that you don't know about, you know, people disappearing, maybe.
Speaker: maybe maybe they became a cat you know maybe over there in some alternate universe and became a cat who knows i don't know what happened no spoilers no spoilers yeah i would actually you even though uh i do have a special relationship with spirited away i would say that my favorite is howell's moving castle because first of all uh i thought ah up until i saw that i thought it was weird to have a crush on a cartoon and then i saw that it was like oh yeah but But also, man, Calcifer.
Speaker: the The whole concept of a ah character that is sentient flame is amazing. yeah That's just mind-blowing to me. Yes.
Speaker: I love that. We love that. And that's that's part of like what tea house you can do. you know If you have some character that you like that may not have been something that you think is amazing, you know like a Calcifer character. What your whole character design was Calcifer? It's not like you had oodles and oodles of lines you know or whatever. right you know So being able to have the space for a character or a side character like that, you can do that here you know and and post you know frame it. you know, the way you want so that you'll feel the character, you know?
Speaker: Yes. And that's, I mean, that's the kind of thing that's like sort of fanfic adjacent. And fanfic is something that I actually have kind of a complicated relationship with because I used to be really against it. I was very like, well, that's disrespectful to the original author to do it without permission. And then, yeah.
Speaker: You know, and I just didn't, I think I refer to it as as literary masturbation at one point in my own live journal. And people were mad. They were mad. And the thing is that, like, they were right.
Speaker: I was being super judgmental about something that gives people not just, like, enjoyment, but that can be used... you know to to to cope with things, to to deal with it. like it's you know it's It's being able to create an emotionally charged story with deep character development without having to write an entire ass novel series. yeah You know, you could just jump in there because everything already exists. And, and it's it's weird because some people say that like what's happening in Star Trek right now is like fanfic because it goes in so many different directions. But you know, if the Roddenberry estate says that it's Star Trek, then it it is, that's really all there is to it. So
Speaker: So this leads me into my next point, which is about why the fantasy genre, the people that create it and the people who enjoy it and gaming it, um very, very popular amongst neurodivergent people.
Speaker: So I want to hear from each of you why you think that might be. Okay. Um, Yeah, and getting to that, um we're talking about how people can do the fanfic, right?
Speaker: And yeah fan the fanfiction thing, like you can there's all levels of it, I'd say, like a percentage. You could 100% just say, I'm playing Captain Jean-Luc Picard, and then I'm going to play this character as if I was answering as Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise. You know you could do that.
Speaker: um or you could you know be like well what if there is an adjacent ship instead of uss enterprise what if the uss you know stargazer you know and you know your character wasn't you know so militant and precise as uh jean luke's character but maybe he's little more rough and gruff like wharf you know and you got a whole different thing you could do and that's like i don't know eighty 80 70 percent you know there's a difference how much influence and how much you you put into there and how much is different but the context is there you know um and it lets people be able to come in and walk into um a universe where there's a lot of possibility all right so
Speaker: you know i don't I think it's because getting back to your the question about why neurodivergent people um really cling to the fantasy genre. um is I think they're not stuck with one game, one program. you know like The mainstream narrative is push realism and you know you kind of get fatigued at seeing, okay, I'm being restricted to the bounds of reality. you know You get to finally get out of here. Yeah.
Speaker: and see what you can do. It's like an escape. You get to tell the story that might be playing in your mind the way you think, you know, and and having the freedom of expression, I think really catches, you know, gets the wheels turning.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, and the fantasy genre also has components that are similar to speculative fiction, which is another, like, if if you are the sort of person who is, like, if you're disabled or if your mental health has prevented you from...
Speaker: accomplishing your goals, um that sort of thing, then you know playing the what if game can be helpful and therapeutic in a lot of different ways. you know Just to say like, well, what if we value this component of people that we don't you know show value for now?
Speaker: You know, back in the day, I was talking about this a couple weeks ago with the guest about, um you know, the tribe and what is valuable to the tribe and like how there's day people and night people. Because in caveman times, somebody had to stay up all night to make sure that other tribes didn't come and mess with us while we were sleeping.
Speaker: And oftentimes the the most like if someone is physically disabled or mentally ill, they might be the shaman. Or, you know, the midwife. They might be the person that has the the knowledge that the more able-bodied people did not have. You know, that sort of thing.
Speaker: And that's another thing that I think fantasy genres explore with more frequency and depth than a lot of other genres. So that that might factor in. I don't know. What do what do you think, Say?
Speaker: Um... Yeah, that's a good point as well. And um yeah, like I wanted to second off of what Jean was saying a little bit because I feel like it's, you know, the build your own way experience.
Speaker: And maybe we prefer things that allow us to better express, um you know, our creativity without the pressures of like real life hanging, you know, weighing us down. Right. So we always, we already have a hard enough life time just living.
Speaker: um But, you know, so why do I want to replicate into my characters? And I'm like, you know, And give me dragons. Like, give me tall-ass spider ladies. i'm I'm actually just making a drider character that's a drow spider. So, yeah, give me super powerful supernaturals. Thank you. Nice, nice.
Speaker: Okay, cool. Yeah. um So one of the things that the three of us have in common are variations on ADHD. Like I also, um they they they tell me I have autism now, um which, you know, would have been good to know when I was, say, seven.
Speaker: But what I don't know about you guys is how, like your story of of how you came to seek help and were diagnosed and then treated. So that's what I want to hear.
Speaker: Um, like I had a hunch for ah like a long time, like many years because of one of my special interests is like psychology. And I watch a lot of the like the videos and ah read the articles and things like that. I was just always very um different. Like I didn't fit in with my peers in class. I was like horribly bullied. um in school and I was just you know like just super reserved and I felt I didn't fit in anywhere. um It was actually only um three years ago that I was officially diagnosed with autism and also with um high markers for ADHD so ah and it's called AUDHD I think. yeah so yeah yeah
Speaker: and For me, treatment is just like like a daily practice of skills, trying to stay on top of daily prescribed medicines. And that's just a downer for sure. um But you know, like what I find that helps me most is finally finding, having found a therapist that I mesh well with and that they're actually using like DBT, which is a treatment plan that I had asked for many times before, but
Speaker: they always kind of default back to CBT, which is like talk therapy. And then yeah I get re-triggered and then we go back. So yeah, and having my support system and gene definitely has helped me. So...
Speaker: Yeah, that dumb DBT, they really don't you don't stress how important that is as something to be able to use as an everyday skill. um Like, say, with Sands, there's a lot of stuff that you can get into.
Speaker: um And if you don't end up having these skills, you can be in a world of trouble when talking to people. So a lot of people out there in the world and on TV and in in the in politics, man, they can definitely benefit from being able to hold two sides at once, two ideas at once, and be able to examine them. you That's what DBT gets into. Yep.
Speaker: um it's It's interesting because I finally, after like six months on the wait list, got an appointment with a nurse practitioner, and that's what she suggested was that I get into DBT. And I had misheard her initially and was like, CBT, damn it, come on now. no.
Speaker: And they were like, no, no, no, this is different. And honestly, I know very little about it. I should have sat down and immediately started doing research, but we have Paramount Plus right now for Star Trek. So instead, what I did was smoke some pot and rewatch Dexter. no soter I want to rewatch Dexter.
Speaker: Oh my God, there's so much Dexter now. There's so much of it and it's all so good. Did they come out with new Dexter? like a whole I knew that they they had the hiatus or the break, but I wasn't sure if they came out with a whole new series Dexter or not.
Speaker: Okay, pause. we're We're not pausing, but like, all right. So here's the deal. So we had the original Dexter series. It's eight seasons, right? Right. So then there's a show called, I think this one is Dexter New Blood. Okay. Was the next series. And this is, this picks up on Dexter, i think 20 years, like 10 years later, 10 years later. And he's living out West someplace cold.
Speaker: And um so, yeah, completely different guy. And he's got a new identity, right? And he's dating the sheriff of this this town. And it's, um yeah, and it's this amazing little setup. He's got a job. He works at the ah sporting goods store. So he has access to guns and gun records and stuff. um And then, like, in the first episode, his son, Harrison, shows up. He's, you know, 18, 19. So, yeah, so that's kind of how that series goes. At the end of that series, spoiler alert, sure is is basically the way they set it up. And you're like, oh no.
Speaker: But, you know, that's kind of that. He probably deserves that after all. But he's not dead. They have another series that's separate. And it's a separate, it's not the same series. It's like they do it as a separate series for reasons that that you'll get when you see it. But it's a different production team because the the series, when it came back, it was like they were trying really hard to not look like the original Dexter. And they succeeded in that, but fans didn't love it.
Speaker: right So the next time they kept a lot of the initial Dexter-y things that they had taken out. And then at the same time, they did a prequel Dexter show, which is Dexter just getting out of medical school in 92. Okay.
Speaker: okay Which is interesting because I didn't realize Dexter and I were the same age. Like, I don't know how old Michael C. Hall is, but the character of Dexter is the same age as me. Because he graduated under undergrad the same year I did.
Speaker: Oh, okay. Yeah. So, so yeah. and That series was wonderful. The people that they cast to play the characters as much younger people, exceptional. It's fanfic-y because they they rewrote a lot of things.
Speaker: you know they a lot of it is is very, very retconned. And so you have to prepare for that going in so it doesn't bother you. the only retcon. But they only did one season. They promised us another season and then they kind of yanked it back. And so that was disappointing because there's there's a whole lot to like about that series.
Speaker: If you're listening, Paramount, get your shit together. Showtime. Give me more show. There are so many good shows out there and that found a way to slip through the cracks of the the the money gods to just give them the money they need to do this show. And I mean, I love that the internet has that kind of power now because that really is the internet using their power for good to say, wait a minute, we are not done with Brooklyn Nine-Nine. You give us that shit back.
Speaker: you know Or Family Guy or Futurama. Like, hey, if we bring this back, will you guys want it? Like, I don't know. Are you going to make it good? Because if you make it good, we'll come back. Are you going to try and change everything about it to toot your own horn somehow? like Right.
Speaker: ah Like, okay, those of us who were alive when they did new Leave it to Beaver are ambivalent about, you we're were're suspicious, but we're cautiously optimistic. And then, you know, stuff like Futurama or my God, the new Beavis and Buttheads are fantastic. Have you guys checked those out?
Speaker: No, I haven't seen any advertisements for it. Well, it's on it's on Paramount Plus, and they just dropped the third season of the new ones. And here's the thing. Half of the episodes are them in high school, you know, doing new crazy shit.
Speaker: the other half are them 20 years later so they're you know broken down almost 50 and it shows like how they turned out and it is jarring in some ways i'll tell you and it's you know it's sort of sad it's sort of sad to be like wow so beavis just kept getting abused by butthead well into adulthood that's a shame but But yeah, I mean, as a viewer, getting to watch it, it's great stuff. And plus, ah a lot of the stuff they're spoofing are um like, you know, the videos that used to be all music videos. Oh, yeah, yeah. They do some music videos, but then also they do stuff from YouTube.
Speaker: Okay, good. So there's still finding ways to integrate different sources of media into the show. Yeah, yeah. and I think it's well worth your time. OK, yeah, yeah. I definitely was um a kid watching all that. watched, what, ah Daria, Beavis Butthead. Yep, yep. Yeah. Who else was there? King of the Hill was part of the group.
Speaker: a little later i guess for me and my best friend it was um leaving the butthead in in south part celebrity death match yep yep brandon stimpy was also going on around that time oh yes good stuff this i real mind that's good stuff real month the good stuff yes right on
Speaker: So, so wait, I think we only heard one of your, your ADHD diagnosis stories. Now we need the other one. Oh, mine's not mine's terrible. Mine's body coverage is, um, all over place. So I haven't been able to have, um continued um mental care right because of how i fall in between the cracks of being able to get um you know covered so i um end up kind of going off of what say is learning and looking at my own videos and seeing things um and looking at the signs and writing on the wall and the issues i have and like yeah yeah
Speaker: that yeah I got some of that. I got some of that and that. And that too, I see. you know so But another thing that really called me out was Russell Barkley.
Speaker: He's got a video on YouTube that really lays out how ADHD works or ADD works, um what to do about it, how to treat it.
Speaker: he He goes in. he He tells you what you are and what you're doing if you have it. I was sitting on the couch just listening to him go in on these things. And I was like, oh, oh. And they do this. go And they do that.
Speaker: And you guy you can't let them do this. you know They're ripping into me. Like, yeah, that's me. So I have all of that, apparently. Try to watch TV, sir. Quit calling me out.
Speaker: you Right. Calling me out to max. So for sure, like if if i was have had any doubt, that, you know, I was on the the ADHD spectrum. Like he definitely made sure I knew. So I feel like this is another thing that for medical, the medical industry and how America does things, there it felt it felt like when I was watching this video, it felt like they were getting their information from him.
Speaker: But it was like whispered down the lane, watered down information that they got. And so you you get the little things and they're like, ah, you know, it's this and it's kind of that. It's like they didn't spend their whole, you know, 20 years researching this like this guy was. So everything that he was saying was just high potency, you know, stuff he hitting you right in the chest, you know, so. Well, there's no experience like living it. And that's, oh I mean, if you've been in therapy for a long time with a lot of different doctors, like as a poor person, for example, a lot of times I would go get therapy and it was talking to students, you know, like undergrads or grad students who were, who are on schedule to become therapists, but they're not licensed therapists yet. And, you know, when I'm 19 and I don't know what the hell I'm talking about,
Speaker: Sure, that's going to be helpful to talk to someone who has done a whole bunch of hours of of classroom and and practical, you know, education and experience. Sure, that's going to be helpful to me. By the time I'm 35, I don't need some 22-year-old person who lives with their parents telling me all the different ways that I cannot be depressed, you know when I'm not having, you know... some pampered person that hasn't lived any life yet it it starts to feel condescending at a point right which isn't I mean and that's a drag because they're just a young person trying their best but yeah they're not
Speaker: you know that The problem is that there are not options that meet my needs. And that that is the problem as I see it, that so many people who need mental health treatment, kit I mean, they would love to get it, but the options just aren't there or they're there, but they're not affordable. You know, and and because, like, i don't know, you ever talk to a MAGA person? I mean, don't. But if you do, they'll they'll say, when you talk about, for example, gun violence, and they'll say, well, guns aren't the problem. The problem is mental health. Oh, so you support expanded, affordable mental health treatment, right? to Anybody who needs it?
Speaker: Well, no, no, of course not. That's not my responsibility. Like, dude, dig just... I'll guess those stories for you later. no. I got some stories. storie Just so you don't care. um Yeah, okay.
Speaker: I'm down. i like a good story. um so So, I guess seeking treatment, you guys have had, like, mixed success. Oh, yeah. Definitely mixed. you know this this This was a and we go Yeah, go for it. All right. So yeah, I've had a very, very poor experience. um Aside from the mental health side, i spent countless failed attempts at therapy, medication trials for 10 plus years.
Speaker: It took six years alone just to get the proper diagnosis for the AS condition, which is, stands for ankylosing spondylitis. It's a inflammatory autoimmune disorder.
Speaker: So basically my body overproduces inflammation that creates chronic pain 24 seven. um But, and then it took the, you know, like I only got diagnosed three years ago for the autism and, you know, multiple, multiple therapists and never, they never considered it. So,
Speaker: can i i'm sorry can i Can I just break in to say, do you think the reason it took so long to get a proper diagnosis for a physical ailment is that doctors were not listening to you? That you were not believed? Because I don't want to assume that, but what i I do want to ask about it. Because...
Speaker: Yeah, no, I felt like a number in the system, especially where I lived in Philly, which is like, you know, super populated, dense populationulate ah population. That's where I'm originally from. Doctors for years were acting like I was lying, exaggerating my symptoms only to be later diagnosed. So. Damn.
Speaker: Damn.
Speaker: That's the way the way that I would because I was I was there most of these times, too. And the way that they parsed or tried to take the information in. when they were viewing or trying to make a, give a diagnosis, they would filter out things, you know, like one would do, but there's stuff that they filtered out too much. So ankles and spondylitis, because it normally presents in men and presents men a specific way, um they just dismissed it. It was possible that she had and never tested for it.
Speaker: You know, like that. for they So these things got, these spondylofropathies, they got skipped over because they didn't think, i you know, you're young. You know, you get that all the time. yeah You're young. There's nothing wrong with you. You just, you know, so you take some some non-steroidal anti-inflammatories and go to therapy. You'll be fine. Oh my go gosh.
Speaker: How condescending. Yeah.
Speaker: There is a craziness. It is, and then they charge you an awful lot of money for that but non-treatment as well. I actually, in my experience, if you are like dirt poor and you you can't work, you have often more opportunities to see doctors than people who are employed.
Speaker: Because if you have any income at all, they just expect it to to go to whatever care it is that you need. Now, as a disabled person myself, it's terrifying to think what the fash wants done with people like me. So how are you guys dealing with like the latest pronouncements of the worst Kennedy?
Speaker: um i tried to stay the hells off the news outlets and the stuff or i will go insane so basically gene is like my ear to the ground um he lets me know what the workout like you know what i'd be looking out for and stuff like that but yes i hate this current regime um and here's the story drop that even i had a mega hat supporter come to my door delivering my pills where we moved up to in the mountains and it feels like i'm surrounded by a sea of red and definitely unpleasant and i'm always terrified for the clock to roll back and the lingering question on me and people like me Mine is always like, are we going to end up back in shackles like old times? Like, can we can we not be rewinding the clock back there back to there?
Speaker: Like, please. So, yes, I despise this and I will fight tooth and nail for my freedom. So. You know, wanna just point out one thing. I don't know if if listeners know that, ah that a lot of the people who are being intentionally put out of their jobs, their government jobs are non-white people.
Speaker: And when I hear my fellow white people talking about it, one of the things that is presumed is, well, they're racist, so they don't wanna be around, you know, people of color and so they fire them.
Speaker: But it seems pretty clear to me that they know that it's not bad people who commit most crimes, it's desperate people. And so they are going out of their way to create desperation in specific communities and suddenly removing someone's livelihood.
Speaker: is a great way to do that. And ignoring people's medical needs or the needs of their their families, that's another great way to do that because it makes people desperate.
Speaker: That is why the former CEO of UHC is not alive anymore because someone was just that desperate. um So yeah, i i it's it's terrifying in a lot of different ways Millie is freaking out because h is home.
Speaker: oh Poor dog. She loves him so much.
Speaker: Plus, you know, he goes outside, so he smells much more interesting than I do. He smells like everything. Everything you can see. When I get out there, going to smell it. I'm going to see it. I get it.
Speaker: Well, and the wild thing about Millie is like before I got her, she had never been inside. She was born on a farm and had they they never invited her in. and She just lived at the farm.
Speaker: She was i mean, she was young. I got her. She was nine weeks old.
Speaker: grew up with all that land yep yep and now she's in an apartment and she loves it she loves being snuggled up under things she likes uh hiding out she's ah i mean you know she's she's pretty out and about but being a puppy she still sleeps like 18 to 20 hours a day but boy once she wakes up you know about it
Speaker: Okay, so yeah, but we were talking about being a disabled person here in America right now. A lot of people assume that if you are disabled, either physically or mentally, that you receive ah disability assistance in the form of money from from the state and and also the federal government. um That has not been my experience. What what about you, Zay?
Speaker: um Yeah, I spent actually four plus years and, you know, we, you've heard about how long it took to get the diagnosis first and before you can even apply, you need to have the diagnosis. So then four years of paperwork and to prove that I was disabled. So no, it's not been my experience either. Many disabled people go unfortunately unseen and unheard for years.
Speaker: suffering alone with their condition and have to fight against a system that is meant to keep you know keep you from getting these resources that's what it feels like it really feels like that yeah especially if you're any kind of different okay well that's distressing um So I guess what I want to ask is like in a very general way, I know like bearing in mind that it takes a long time to get help. Once you get help, once you are in a room with a therapist, um did you feel like well received? Did you feel heard initially? Did it take a couple of tries? Like what was that experience like?
Speaker: Yeah, no, again, in my most recent experience in my ah current like medical health situation, I was juggled more than like around four or so times within the frame of two months after my therapist I was seeing for two years abruptly quit without notice.
Speaker: Oh, ouch. Yeah. So I've been like juggled and bounced back and forth and I have very little trust right now in the current medical system. Unfortunately, the second part of this is being pushed a single drug option by my rheumatologist. after many times asking for other options and them barring me pretty much from seeking other opinions because of an unwritten policy. so Oh.
Speaker: Craziness, again. How? Now, that that actually, i mean
Speaker: ah Sorry, I just lost my train of thought. But what one of the things that um people discuss in in mental health circles is that, like, yes, these people, they go to medical school. There is a lot of specialized training to be a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: But reading about these conditions is not the same as having them. And that as someone who is living with a condition, it can feel very frustrating to be very clearly and articulatedly articulately explaining what is happening, how you feel about it, and what you want to change, and then not being heard.
Speaker: So what what do we do about that? Like, how to how how do you how would you advise someone in that position as someone who has eventually found therapy that they feel good about?
Speaker: Yeah. um Yeah, to, like, not give up, really, because it is kind of um I guess like ah a gamble, you know, it's like trial and error. Advocation. Yeah. And asking what you, you you know, kind of have an idea what you may want to, um, to,
Speaker: how to ask for it. Yeah. yeah Right. You got to be able to articulate your needs to the to them. You got to be able to project that. you know If you're coming in and you know that you haven't had a stomach ache like this before, you've had regular stomach aches, this is highly unusual.
Speaker: and not You can't just go home with Pepto-Bismol prescription You know, being able to hit them with facts that you can, ah more facts that you can get about your condition helps them be able to make a better decision. You know, if you come in there and you're like, you know, I have an issue, like, only, you're the only person that knows what's going on in your mind. and you know what mean, and your body, you know, like you your you cases to present your case to the doctor.
Speaker: The way we want it to be like, you know, it's like you you see House and you see other shows, you come into the doctor and it's like, doc, I got something wrong. They ask you a list of questions, give you a bunch of prompts that eventually gets them to the solution.
Speaker: But it's just like not that way in real life. So it's almost like you have to be your own doctor to halfway, you have to be the the cutty, you have to be the... I forget um what Omar Epps' character was. You have to be the character that is halfway giving you what the what the problem is about your body. You're your own specialist coming to another specialist and you're consulting about with an issue. that that They deal with that a lot better. would say that's that's the way...
Speaker: if they're you know it's possible but they still have to believe you right i always think like that's why i can't watch house or shows like that because you see this guy and somebody comes in and says yeah i'm having this pain and i feel like this and you know also my foot feels wiggly or whatever and he's just like well i'm gonna get to the bottom of this right he's you know he's so determined he's doing all this research making calls to people on the other side of the world and it's like help me in real life the doctor would be like uh-huh are you sure you're not lying like right what yeah that's it yeah like come on that certainly sounds like it's all in your mind lunch right i gotta get you out in 15 minutes how and i make seriously
Speaker: ah Come on, make this snappy. what What do you want? We want drugs. All right. Are you drug seeking? Here you go. Take take this to the the drug person. I just want to get you out. like Help me. yeah I don't even want to be here.
Speaker: Help me. Yeah. Although I will say that ever since my extreme poverty got me an all expenses paid trip to u of M hospital, they treat me like a queen.
Speaker: not Not the gay kind, but like the rich ruling things kind. That place is exceptional. In terms of like the day-to-day care, but then the institutional stuff, um I'm going to actually share something about my life with you guys and and listeners. Well, my listeners know I smoke weed. If you if you ever listen to this show, you you know that I smoke weed, right? Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And that's just something that is part of my general wellness routine. um I have a med cart. You know, a doctor was like, yes, you have PTSD. You will definitely benefit from this. So here's a prescription. um So the last time I was at U of M for an issue with my heart, my chart said that they were treating me for cannabis dependence.
Speaker: And I was hopping mad that they would say that. And then one of the nurses was like, yeah, I think they have to do that because, you know, you're like funded by such and such program that if you're if they know that you're using, they have to put this down here. And I'm like, wait a minute.
Speaker: We also have private health insurance. And now my insurer thinks that I went to one of the best teaching hospitals in the country for cannabis dependence. wow I want that removed from my chart. I want it taken off my chart. And they were like, I'm not sure we can do that. And I was like, well, let me try this another way. I would like in writing to know precisely what parts of the care that I received here were related to my cannabis dependence.
Speaker: I needed itemized list of that. And Kel Surprise, they took it off my chart. so Right. you're about two steps away from malpractice checkmate. Like you better stop. Well, and you know, I'm not even like, I was very upset about that particular situation, but they have literally saved my life three or four times at this point. I mean, the last time the paramedic certainly gave an assist, but, uh, I've been at death's door several times since 2022. And, Every time I manage to come home and get better So I have those people to thank for that just Despite my cannabis dependence So oh my god
Speaker: I assure you if it turns out that God is real and heaven is a place No way I'm going to get there and be like Damn it why did I smoke all that weed No it's it's never going to be a regret for me Plus you know no glaucoma that's good Yeah. Positives all around for that one, right?
Speaker: So listen, if we can get serious for a minute, both of you guys gave me consent to ask about a time when you felt in legitimate fear for your life. So what is it that you would like to share? Shall I go? you want to go first yeah Yeah, I can go.
Speaker: Um, so For me, it's difficult for me to to be like in the fear state the same way that I would experience in a dream.
Speaker: um you know I've experienced like that that more frightful fear, and I think it goes back to that. that horror training as a child. you know But yeah, that fear training showed me, like I was thinking about it, that um there's a certain amount of context that's just missing in the in the dream. And that that whole thing, how did I get here? Why am I falling? That part is the part that drives the most fear for for that and it induces the most feelings from my body of fear.
Speaker: um But literally like out in the world. um I felt I've been in fights and altercations. you know This is fighting off thieves. This is maybe just walking home from school, you know people pulling out pull on a knife, you know people that may have or could have had a weapon. I wouldn't know or you know. I've been in situations that have had friends that have been unfortunate enough to be in the same sort of situations and not be able to survive in those. you know um And so
Speaker: living when I grew up in, you know, Richard Allen and the projects there, and it was a lot of issues going on. um And so I really had to be careful in mind where I was, where I was going, what I was doing to keep my wits about me as I traveled, you know? And so I feel like that, um that sort of presence definitely was able to will down that those feelings of fear and just look at it as like being prepared you know for what I'm doing and being prepared for the fights, you know being prepared, looking at the situation and being able to be you know present.
Speaker: um Other than that, the only real legitimate time where I got the the fears getting pulled over by the cops. like this is It's a crazy, visceral fear. you know Just seeing a cop out there is just like...
Speaker: ah ah you know it What's going to happen? you know so And I think that calls to the that removal of context. you know why Why would I be um experiencing the worst case scenarios like how I've seen some people get into?
Speaker: Some friends of mine you know not doing anything illegal and find themselves in the the worst confines of the legal system. You know, so I think that's probably the most, those are the most real legitimate fears that ah that I have to, that I have experienced um and, you know, tried my best to fight um in my life.
Speaker: damn well thank you thank you for that say um yes i do want to make a disclaimer remark for uh self-harm and you know can we i don't know we can say it is an unaliving now i don't know you You should feel free to use whatever language seems right for you. The show carries a general spoiler warning or spoiler warning, a general trigger warning for that type of content.
Speaker: And then in the transcript, the transcript actually does that automatically. So okay feel free. So, yes. um So disclaimer for self-harm and suicide.
Speaker: um i sat at the edge of the window looking down two stories. I felt numb and betrayed by the world, helpless, vulnerable, alone.
Speaker: The voices were whispering in my ears, nothing but a burden. You're worthless. You're useless. Pathetic. Too much.
Speaker: My legs dangled off the edge and my eyes zoomed in to the cement and the trash bags below. And the gate swinging there, and that looked appealing.
Speaker: I could impale myself on it on the way down and really get the job done. The thoughts were spinning. They weren't my thoughts. It was a darkness that had consumed me.
Speaker: kicked me out of the pilot seat inside my own body. Just as my heart sped up and I was prepared to leave to my next chapter, there was a sharp voice that cut through the dark place.
Speaker: It snapped me out and I stumbled back off the ledge. So please, if you do, anybody out there who's the audience, um... You see something, please do say something. Speak up, say something. You never know whose life you might be saving.
Speaker: um
Speaker: Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, that that's, um you know, the say's telling of, like, how she went through a really rough situation. know, I was there, and it was it was hard to be able to it was hard for her to be able to come through that, you know, and to have that realization how close she was.
Speaker: Absolutely. And that's, I mean, that's one of the reasons that we that we do this. it's It's why we ask the question. um Because sometimes we're in fear for our life and there's there's really nothing we can do. And then sometimes there are things that we can do. And that's that's the point. The point is to recognize what is within your control, what is within your power, so that you won't take that drastic step. And sometimes it doesn't even take very long to to bring someone out of it. I mean, if they can get through you know the next day, the next hour, the next five minutes, it can be enough to say, no man, I don't want to die. i just want it to be different. I want things to be better. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: for For my experience, nothing cures a suicidal ideation like almost dying outside your control. You know, like, oh, man, that was actually really painful. I don't want to do that again. Because, like, my whole thing was i was not afraid to just die, but I was terribly afraid to be badly hurt and have to live in tremendous pain.
Speaker: The first time I was going to, you know, I had ah a gun for that purpose, but it was a.22. And I was afraid to shoot myself with a twenty two and live.
Speaker: I, you know, that I actually there's there's a ah guy here in town that tried to to do that with a shotgun and he survived. And so it's it's very apparent when when you look at this fella. So.
Speaker: and And he's, you know, he's just around town. You'd see him on the bus and be like, ah you know, it can be a little startling, honestly. But but yeah, the the the point being that...
Speaker: it ah You never know when it's going to make a difference. And that's why you know we we try to curtail that casual human cruelty that we feel and that multiplies as the world gets worse and worse. It's more and more common to have a bad day and snap at someone or be impatient or just wish somebody would get the fuck out of your way so you can get to work or whatever. you know so So, yeah, those those little things and just regarding the other person for a second instead of ourselves, when we could muster it, it makes so much of a difference. and We may never even know how much of a difference we're making.
Speaker: Mm-hmm. So thank you so much to to both of you guys for that. That's, you know, we we dig pretty deep around here and and that's that's why. So if we can move on to something lighter,
Speaker: I know you guys are gamers. ah you You game with someone that I know. um I'm not really a gamer myself. You know, I play like Bejeweled and stuff or like word games. But we have played. ah Yeah.
Speaker: So so we have played the cyanide and happiness game. We played Joking Hazard on our phones. um So so let's plug those guys right quick. I just want everybody to know that it's like really fun and dirty and stuff.
Speaker: she Yeah, it's all it's outrageous, this game. I think you know it's it started from um the other game. What's the other game that they had? the They had the black and white cards. Cards Against Humanity. Cards Against Humanity, but turn up turned up because it's pictures. like There's one thing where you can have the words there, but pictures worth a thousand words. And the way they they end up having these pictures come together and the way you get to tell the stories is gritty. It's funny. And having other people make their stories with the same type of cards is, again, it's outrageous. It's best explained playing in the game. Because give it a shot.
Speaker: Joking hazard. Do it up. Yeah, I definitely enjoyed the parody of it and the absurdity with the little pictograms with the cartoony cards. Yeah. Yep, yep. Well, and the cartoon that it's based on is hilarious and equally filthy. Yeah, I also watched a couple of them.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, H and I will just get in a wormhole with those. Like, have we really been sitting here for an hour watching 45 second cartoons that are filthy? Are we able to drop some other games that we found interesting?
Speaker: Oh, please, please do. Yeah. um There is this one I've been following called 13Z. It's actually like a female-led production team. And it's kind of got like those tea house kind of vibes and it's coming out soon and we got a chance to demo it.
Speaker: It's like a rogue light dungeon crawler based around Chinese Zodiac animals. There's like different forms. They have a human form and an animal form that could transform into a four player co-op.
Speaker: The boss fights are really fun and challenging.
Speaker: Nice, nice. Gene, is there a game you want to tell us about? Well, I would say not in particular, but I'm a big fighting gamer. um 13Z is definitely a good fun one. We had a chance to try and do a voice acting role for them they were kind of doing auditions and stuff so we um we're going to put our hat in into that which was interesting um but yeah for me i'm a fighting gamer so from that horror that horror vein that we were talking about um mortal combat you know so i grew up with that's like one of the goriest you know things that you can have out there fatality you know finish
Speaker: So that that from Mortal Kombat went to Street Fighter, Street Fighter, Tekken, and 2XKL. Fortunately, their 2XKL is on the way out. It's the League of Legends fighting game.
Speaker: League Legends has been around for a while. They had a um a show come out, Arcane. and that That was really good. and The game is really good. and I play that. It's really fun.
Speaker: so nice As far as fighting games go. Alright. Cool. Before we get into the next topic, now is the time when I read the names of our top sponsors. And these are people that give us money every month from our coffee site. Coffee is ko-fi. We are there as sometimes hilarious horror because the show used to be brought to you by the magazine.
Speaker: And now we're just the show. So big thanks to Bradley and Fred, Rusty Sheckelford, Lilith, Brianna Simmons, Loki, ThatOneFool, Nimue Ravenfall, and Allison Huff.
Speaker: Thanks so much, everybody. So next topic, House Asternum. Tell us everything.
Speaker: House Saturnum. um Yeah, so we originally started as a three-year anniversary gift, right? Oh, my bad. I'm sorry.
Speaker: ah yeah So I'll let you tell that part because that's your thing. You know, but our our house design, I'm not sure if you have an image of it. We should send it. It's part my email. it's It was made by Say, and it's our two elements, signs put together. In jargonic form. Yeah.
Speaker: yes in dragonic form of course the immortal dragon as it were um and uh mine's the blue one and hers is the red one and um mine represents air um libra um but primarily and a lot of other uh qualities that represent me um says is the Cancer, and the Crab, and the water sign. When those kind of go together and represent her, she's put really cool accent in it showing that she's the crab. It's like a crab dragon, kind of like an air dragon i'm holding a a scale if you look into the the details. But what we want to do for House Aeternum is have it be a space for BDSM and his adult gaming.
Speaker: um Say we'll tell you more about like our humble beginnings and where what we represent in a minute. um So, but generally we want to be able to represent a wide swath of people that want to do gaming and they want to do kink, you know and have those things work together without, without having some creepy weird layer in the middle, you know? um So using different techniques that we've gotten over years with negotiations and, um you know, intentional ethical behavior. We want to have a space that's welcoming for everybody to be able to express their uniqueness, you know, in a way where it's, you know, able to help other people, you know, just being able to be who you are in the space and be a little different and do it with a little fun is something I believe that we definitely need.
Speaker: Yes. So we both believe that.
Speaker: Yeah. So House Aeternum, yes, it was originally started as a three year anniversary gift. I created the House Crest Emblem. It was a representation of my idea of the feeling of soul bound or soulmate connection with Jean.
Speaker: And the model is Immortalus in Aeternum, which in Latin stands for immortal means forever. as a testament to our love and values, hopefully continuing to prosper for eternity and beyond. um And the wants to share us with the world in and various ways through our projects and our creative spaces. BDSM is just one of those spaces and we wanted to have a dungeon hall rental space. But the community is a little conservative around around us, but so it's still a ah work in progress. Sure.
Speaker: Yeah. Okay. Now I know from my own writing back when I was doing sex writing, a lot of um BDSM spaces are like like you guys were saying, very focused more specifically to the needs of women and people who are AFAB. um And I think that the ah main reason for that focus might be that in most commodified sexual spaces, anything that involves you know money or or ah charging admission or a profit margin or anything like that,
Speaker: ah The women are the commodities. They're not the people who are on the receiving end of of all the the pleasure and the fantasy that's going on there. um Is that accurate or am misunderstanding what typically happens at at places?
Speaker: and And that you guys are, I mean, I think more and more bdm spaces do um focus on on women, but is is that why? Is it because that's something that's lacking in the community?
Speaker: um Like from our experience, or at least from my experience, when I've gone to these spaces, the people that host them, they kind of focus on providing the space.
Speaker: And then they'll they may have activities when they're there. like they're Of course, like they have their they're lore, right? The lore is like all this stuff is happening here, you know? And they they they may use imagery that suggests...
Speaker: the same things that you're used to seeing but usually in the space they're they're trying to have it be facilitate a space where people can do their thing amongst themselves you know so it's it kind of starts like as a as its own group so people typically have a conversation of some sort to go to a munch um or some sort of uh organizational event that's not directly kink related and then from there, they form their connections. So maybe it it doesn't work out, maybe it does. you're like yeah
Speaker: maybe that person was kind of cool. Now let's talk about meeting up, you know, or, you know, discuss whatever they're going to discuss. Ideally though, they would have a negotiated thing. This is where people get tripped up here. Right here is around where negotiation will happen if you're going to go to this space with the person. So,
Speaker: You have to talk with them. You think all the stuff's cool. You say someone someone might be a dom, someone might be a sub, and they go over their boundaries and they go over the things that they want to do, what they want to see, if it's impact or or what have you. And then you get to the space.
Speaker: And at this point, you know um there's a lot of you see a lot of people coming in with their own preformed groups. And they're doing the things that they had already talked about doing in their own context. So that's what I'm used to seeing. And then you get other people that come in. And then they might be by themselves trying to maybe see what's going on or maybe trying to meet someone. um And you know at that point already, though, the the the the community has already been formed a bit.
Speaker: And the person that's running the event is kind of you know putting out some appetizers for the group. Okay. he um Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, well, I guess and and in my experience, it hasn't been like women-specific focus and um more of a queer focus. At least the spaces I frequented were all LGBT-friendly and inclusive. Absolutely. Though I can see how women can feel more heard in some of the more vetted BDSM environments. That focuses on best practices. Communication becomes the forefront and learning about negotiations and setting boundaries. Paramount. Yes, like very specific forms of of consent.
Speaker: Because the activities are so often out of the norm, there is less that one can assume. Right. You can't just go in there being like, hey, do stuff to me that's kinky. Like, well, come on. You can't just do that. You got to talk. Well, and and that's the thing that like BDSM, even if you know your partner pretty well, it's not something that you should just jump into. Last time I was in the hospital, the nurses were telling me stories about people that came into the yeah ER r after seeing one of those shades of whatever movies. And, uh, And just thinking they might just jump into, you know, handcuffs and spreader bars and whatnot. And ah no, you you can't just do that. And...
Speaker: um but But also, I know that BDSM spaces are often a way, like those kind of activities are a way for people with trauma to reclaim control and and power because because of all that, because their needs are being discussed and their boundaries are being respected. And that gives them freedom to explore things that you can't really do in an unsafe environment. Can you speak to that at all?
Speaker: Oh, well, absolutely. um People all the time, they're able to use these skills and these techniques um through negotiation to deal with things in their their own specific context. you know I think of it like ah like a martial art also, like or any form that you're practicing.
Speaker: um we When you get to a level of it where it's almost religious, um you can you know use this to be able to express your emotions. That's how I've been i've been looking at it. And so like the sky is the limit, really, with transformative storytelling when people get into um whatever practice they are. you know and When you get into dom space, subspace, head spaces, when you're able to do that and be able to let go because you have already put all the guardrails in place, and I've seen it open up a lot of untapped levels of emotional depth.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Cool. Now, is there anything else that we should know about BDSM culture? Like, what's something people would not suspect that would be surprising about the culture?
Speaker: Oh, for me, I'd say how... nice people are. like would yeah that you you know You wouldn't think that it's so friendly and inviting when you go into a place like this. You think everyone has their their their game face on, their Dom faces on. you know Everybody's in there having fun, having a good time usually. You know you might have um you know a couple people that might be into you know living out exactly to the T their character. you know I'm Dom such and such. And when I come out here
Speaker: the word My word is law, you know, and that's their thing. And people like being under this person because they know that guy's word is law, you know, and they just, you see them and, you know people can gravitate through that. And, know, when you got other people are just like, hey, yeah, you know, take a look at what I got here.
Speaker: You like this vlogger? This is a really cool vlogger. You know, check it out. You know, look what I can do with it. Look at what me and my partner can do, you know. and view it more and use it more of as a um ah ah time for exhibitionism, you know, so people can see you, you know, it's like a nice environment to be able to express yourself and then be able to get like a mutual appreciation for your particular art form, you know.
Speaker: be ah You know, like I was saying, BDSM being in art or being similar to, know, martial arts or any discipline like that.
Speaker: You're doing these moves, you're doing this practice these practice motions, but you're you're really tapping into multiple things, tapping into an i e an idea. you know Yes. Now what you are saying makes so much sense. And there is a parallel to that in the horror community.
Speaker: Because people assume that people who make horror and people who love horror are mean, they're scary, they're... withdrawn, they could be a serial killer, you never know. of course And then you go to a horror convention and everybody's hugging and smiling and sharing pictures and, you know, pretending to attack each other whatever. I mean, just, it's ah it's a fun, welcoming environment.
Speaker: You know, ah try try to be a bully in front of a horror fan and see what happens to you because odds are that horror fan is going to get up and show you what horror fans are made of you know right but they've been training to fight jason like but that's the thing that there's an honor to that and the thing is my my theory actually is that in the ah the horror community like the bdsm community you are If you're a member of that community, you are a person who knows that not everyone loves or respects or understands what you do, but you're doing it anyway because you're being true to yourself and your people.
Speaker: yeah and And I think that that at its core is the difference between conservatives and progressives, because conservatives in this country, like the far right, they're lying about who they love. They're lying about what they want. They're lying about what they believe outwardly. You know, like these these like anti-choice people and then their mistress gets knocked up and they're paying for the abortion or whatever.
Speaker: And like a whole bunch of those dudes are turning out to be gay. and like you know and it's like, it's fine. just Just be gay if you want to. But they can't because that's what their culture is. Their culture says they can't do it. So they're miserable and they take it out on everyone. And that's why they are so...
Speaker: gleeful about hurting people. Meanwhile, the Democrats are having the kind of sex they enjoy, eating the foods they like, treating each other basically well. I mean, I'm not going to say there's not still some bullshit among progressives and Democrats and whatnot, because greed is everywhere. There's no escaping the greed, and that part of it will certainly poison the well. so you know but but that aside,
Speaker: people who are living authentically are going to be happier than people who are miserable because they're hiding half the things that make them them.
Speaker: Yes. Yes. You need that. You need that to be able to be you. I think, you know, maybe it's it's part of a, you know, a Quaker thing, you know, that there are people, we need people to be who they are. You yeah. If people are able to be who they are, I feel like you can tap more into human potential. But it's hard for humans to be who they are because of the cultures that they're in and the the things that you have to do you know or things that you are supposed to do or not supposed to do. and People get wrapped up in it. you know um
Speaker: I got this thing that we can talk about later. I'm not sure the right time I had it for a little later. but Good old anime tech here. from Naruto, your way of the ninja, right? Okay.
Speaker: The way of the ninja, your ninja way, is just a a belief system or a way of looking at things that is like, you got to do the way You got do life the way that you can do life. you know You can't walk in someone else's shoes all the time. You have to be able to identify, to be able to introspect. um you know introspect There's another word that i want to use.
Speaker: What's that? Accountability. No, it's more about knowing yourself. Knowing yourself and being able to project yourself. Awareness, yeah. and be Having the awareness of yourself to be able to put that, work on that and put that forward.
Speaker: um Honestly, of course, and ethically when when when possible. Of course, there's some times where you you have to react. and you know But you still want to train in your way so that when that situation comes up, comes up you'll be able to react in a way that is core to you.
Speaker: um You know, that's that's how I ah view a lot of a lot of that when people don't end up um they're fighting it. I think in Christianity, they refer to as quenching the spirit. is like you can't if if you got this thing that's pulling that you you got to address that you know and you figure that out and get yourself right you know if you don't get yourself right you're going to influence possibly poison everything around you so yep say anything you want to add to that
Speaker: um I was going to um jump back to where we were talking about the ladies and the BDSM spaces, if that's okay. Oh, absolutely. like Yeah. Cause I actually have two really great um role models in the BDSM community community that I personally know of.
Speaker: um, One is that I'm honored to say that um that is a mentor of mine, Elegantly Kinky, or Mistress Zeneca, who runs out of of Philly. And she does really great, lovely, and welcoming events such as like Vampire Valentines and Cherry Noir.
Speaker: And she also has known for her handcrafted um, like spooky horror, uh, presentations that she did at the, um, uptown bar in the garden where she did a stranger things. Um,
Speaker: And then he said her pieces really cool. great Um, and another one that we actually had the honor to staff for was ah dungeons and geek thumbs, which is out of New Jersey. And that's run by, um,
Speaker: and it's a large geeky hotel takeover that happens every year around March and is heavily queer centric amazingly inviting the panels they have panels, games, scenes they like two dungeons yeah and we got the host we got the host our pet palooza there one year and that was really good moshing, animals yeah yes pet play yeah flip got to represent aww Yes. I love to wear my tail in my ears. What can I say? a lot of It was cool to present that to people because we were able to see that you know and share that, um you know demystify, I guess, pet play because lot of people, it seems like they think that it's like people wanting to do things with their pet.
Speaker: animals like it's not it's not bestiality which it is not which it is not that at all it's not that you know it's it's like accessing an alternative form you know um you talked about theory that you talked about yeah that i'm a theory and that i'm a coyote theory or aware coyote theory um it's very much tied to my uh spiritualism or you know my um
Speaker: Yeah, like spiritualism. Yeah, very it's very much tied to that. and It doesn't have to you know represent the the raunchy things that people think it is. It's getting out your playful, youthful energy. And it can be as simple as that. you know It can be fun. It doesn't have to be. It could be you're pretending to be a dog. you know maybe thinking rugrats. I mean, yeah any anybody that is openly talking about the sex things they do on this show, it's all about ah consenting adults. Like adults giving informed consent every time. Like sexiness kids. We don't tolerate anything else. um The interesting thing about that kind of misunderstanding is that so often when people are judging other people's sexuality or or, you know, what they're actually saying is the thing that I imagine you doing is disgusting and you shouldn't be doing the thing that is going on in my head right now when I picture that. Well, and that's why when people say like, you know, like
Speaker: when you talk to a MAGA boy about gayness, the first thing that goes into their mind when they hear the word gay is men sucking each other off. Like that's always where it goes. Always, always, always. And yeah,
Speaker: but But that's not what they do with heterosexual couples. I mean, a gay couple is a couple. And sure, that that probably happens, but that's not all there is, for goodness sake. and But they don't do that with with hetero couples. You don't say like, oh, so-and-so and such-and-such chick are getting married. Yeah.
Speaker: you know Isn't that great? And people don't don't start talking about like you know wedding night sex and and very specific genital related things. you know that's and So that's the thing. That's what other people are making it about.
Speaker: You know, like your trans people. show Right, exactly. and it's like, you know, well, i don't understand how people can blah blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, guess what? You don't have to understand it. You know, for you, I don't understand how people can watch the same sporting event 20 fucking times during one season and still be entertained by it every single time.
Speaker: Like he's going to hit the ball and then he's going to run. Why are we still here for nine innings of this? but I already have a shirt with his name on it. i wouldn't I wouldn't try to take it from anyone. If that's what you enjoy, do it.
Speaker: Just don't scream at your kid because he doesn't do it as well as you think he should. Come on. Sports parents are a whole other issue. but Okay, wait. So, Gene, now I am aware that you make music.
Speaker: Yes. Can we hear some? Yes. ah Yeah, we definitely could. i have the YouTube site ready to go. and that on that is Kingsign3 on YouTube. on youtube I could try and send you the link, but I know I could send you some files, the WAV files, a little bit later. Sweet. So yeah, what we'll do is we'll have the link in the bio if you want to go over there and check it out. And we will also have a song at the end of the episode after the Mad Libs. So listen for that.
Speaker: Yes. Yeah, I try to go over a lot of different genres when I'm doing this music. It's character music that I end up focusing on a lot in what I've been doing recently with the channel.
Speaker: um Even though we do upload some gaming clips and and some funny things here and there, um the bulk of it is music that I've done for people's characters as a ah ah commission.
Speaker: um So I have a few ones that I i think ended up turning out particularly well, and the views seem to think so also that I'll i'll be sending. But I'm consistently coming out with more music in this season for some reason, feeling more music creation-y this time around. So Actually, the commissions are starting to come open for any character music and character art if someone has a character in mind that they have. Maybe if they don't, that they would come to us and you know share their idea, and we would ideally want to make their character ideas something tangible, something that they can hear, and possibly something that they can see.
Speaker: That is so cool. Yeah. That's so cool. And plus, I don't know if you know, I'm about to cut together a new ah book trailer because I'm re-releasing all my long form stuff. ah So I'm going to need a score for a book trailer pretty soon. oh Okay, might have that covered. I'll be able to do something like that. Some strings, some orchestral happenings.
Speaker: Sweet. Sweet. So we're actually nearing the end of our time. So I need to know, is there anything that you guys wanted to cover that we did not get to? yeah okay um let me see let me see oh yes yes yes we didn't get to talk about the the um the halloween campaign for the tea house that's coming up yes yeah this is gonna highlight for everyone all right so they're Spooky month is coming up and you know we all love that. That's my time. yeah Yep, yep. um
Speaker: So yeah, it's not only Jean's birthday, but I'm debuting as a professional DM for the first time at our local game store, Mana and Mocha in Commerton, PA. So if anybody's interested to um come for the in-person session, we're doing Haunted Forest. It's a murder mystery.
Speaker: It's going to be featuring in-person session, custom character music raffle done by Gene over here, um a custom teacup art raffle worth $50 done by the amazing artist Atropa Grimm, an easel art contest on the reality app, and special loot drops throughout the throughout the month. And you might get that. Oh, wow. legendary weapon that you always wanted or for your character or that special piece of art neat yes yes wow cool
Speaker: alright is there anything else that we need to cover you guys I don't want to leave anything out because you're both so fascinating Oh, the coping skills. I guess we can go through someone one and one of those really quickly.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. if you've got If you've got coping skills you want to share about ah for ADD or for autism, just for you know getting through the day, by all means.
Speaker: Yes, yes, for the neurodivergence or anybody that it helps with because the the the mindfulness tech is there. So um my favorite go-to is when Gene can help me do the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique is the five things you can see, four things you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. And it's used for a grounding.
Speaker: It's like a mindfulness and DBT exercise. Okay. and And you're finding that helpful? How often do you find yourself using it? Let's see.
Speaker: If I'm lucky, like a couple times a week or so. Okay. um We're getting better at it. It's still a work in progress. Mm-hmm. Well, and that's actually a really important thing to keep in mind with any kind of ah coping skill or tool or, ah you know, even like medications and stuff, that it's always a work in progress.
Speaker: There's good days, there's bad days, and just because you have a bad day it doesn't mean you can't pick yourself up and and start again. Yes. And that can be really hard to to keep in mind. It's the kind, of you know, because when things are feeling overwhelming, you know, you get into that, like, what's the point? Why does it matter? Kind of stuff. And that just keeps you from doing what you need to do.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the paralysis, do you call it? The forsis analysis parasis analysis yeah paralysis. paralysis. Yep. That is true. Oh,
Speaker: oh go ahead. Yes. um So the way of the ninja thing is cool. Like being as cheesy as it sounds, it's still one of those things where if you're lost ah or if you're struggling with like maybe imposter syndrome I've heard, it could be applied to, but sometimes people feel like they're doing like a ah a mill, a wheel mill situation, like they're stuck like that too. And I've been seeing that this sort of philosophy has been being used for all sorts of manifestation manifestation for people's lives, you know, being able to
Speaker: have the thing that you're uniquely interested in and take time to be able to work on that or even possibly make that your thing. Alongside of that, um another thing is Ikigai.
Speaker: I've heard of that and they have different ways of representing how you integrate your work, your life and other people like socially together. That's nice tech for, you know, centering yourself in in in a society or in for your life.
Speaker: And um I like... all the fortune telling. Yeah, we didn't get to talk about tarot cards, witchy, my witchy soul. That's good tech, good humanity, good humanity in there. yeah like I feel like we need that. We need this stuff. And is like it has it has a really strong science to this to it too.
Speaker: You know we got Pluto, Mars, however may be, Libras, Scorpio, Taurus, whoever, or rabbit, um the rabbit, ox, yeah and any of those. And they have different um techniques for combining those. like We found primal astrology particularly interesting. It mixes your Greek sign and your Chinese sign.
Speaker: And they they give you another sign. So I'm a butterfly. so I'm a a rabbit that is mixed with a Libra. and that's And they have a whole chart on this website that shows you all sorts of different combinations like that. But really, I mean, all of them. you know like I feel like all a lot of these things can give you... Oh, the Myers-Briggs one, the Enneagrams. They're all good like tools to be able to help you...
Speaker: and and or your character if you're doing or a role play um help you be able to figure out where you may be lacking at or things to look out for for self-improvement you know again knowing yourself if you can be your best self and operate ethically amongst people then I feel like if everybody's doing that we should all be in a better place you know yes yes all right nice well the uh last thing we do here before the mad lib is that i like to give guests opportunity to ask me a question if they have one so now is the time right oh yes i had heard that you started doing resin projects and i actually have a big interest in that as well so what tips can you give for like a beginner
Speaker: like o um yeah i do um two-part resin and also i've been doing uv resin because h got me a sweet lamp for uv resin so i make lots of jewelry um a lot of it is spooky stuff i like doing embeds plus h will make me designs and i can print them out on transparencies and then embed them so i can make like any design in the world so i can do my logo and stuff um I think the most important thing to keep in mind with resin is to use proper PPE. Like that's the number one thing. Make sure you have ventilation fans or an air filter, something like that. You know, use the right kind of gloves, use eye protection, use a respirator mask.
Speaker: Do not mess around with that sort of thing because if it is going to impact your health, it will sneak up on you. You'll feel fine fine, fine, fine, fine. And then suddenly you'll have a rash or you can't breathe or, you know, so be really careful about that aspect of it.
Speaker: But otherwise, um the the thing to keep in mind, I think, is that when you do projects, especially when you first start, they're not going to turn out Exactly the way you planned. There's definitely going to be a learning curve, but the fact that something didn't turn out exactly how you planned it doesn't mean that it can't be enjoyed by someone.
Speaker: I think bubbles are one of the things in resin that people get super freaked out about. Oh my God, there's a bubble, it's ruined. But as a consumer, as a person who likes pretty things, a bubble might enhance the design or it might just provide a wabi-sabi kind of uniqueness that reminds people that this is the only one of these there is in the whole wide world that's a nice thought that's cool
Speaker: um i had the question yes um so i know for me returning a living dead ah was it's kind of like my favorite one it's kind of like my favorite because um when i was younger and i saw it i thought was one of the most scary movies ever like this this thing was creepy it was icky it was ugly the one um in the basement that they found mm-hmm ah and um But when I got older, I saw that, and I'm like, this is one of the most hilarious movies I've seen in my life.
Speaker: Are there any like horror movies like that where you've had like a a very different experience of it after viewing it the second time or after years apart? um Yeah, I think...
Speaker: There are movies, certainly movies that I found very scary as a kid and then as an adult was like, what? um There is a movie, and I don't even remember the name of this movie, but it's about killer bees. Because in the 70s, we were all very sure that the killer bees were en route and that we were all done for. um Nature is out to kill us in those days. rabbits i was i was maybe uh five or six and i saw this movie about killer bees and it ends with a guy there's a whole bunch of boy scouts and they're trapped in a school bus because they were on a field trip of some kind and the bees were getting them they were all over the bus and so they're trying to shut the windows but it's a shitty school bus so they're kind of getting in anyway some of them are stuck yeah they're like holding clothes in front of the windows trying to keep the bees out but they're killer bees so if they get in there apparently they're gonna kill a bunch of children so some guy is like okay well you know i guess he was the main character i i was a kid but so he's like okay well spray me with bee pheromones and then lower me over it in a helicopter.
Speaker: and so that's what they, they spray this guy with bee pheromones, take a helicopter and lower him down over the bus and all the bees go on him and they sting him to death and he dies. And then when I was a kid,
Speaker: I cried so hard. Like my stepdad was worried. He's like, okay, you you know, this is a movie. You know what a movie is, right? But the thing is I didn't. When I was a kid and I saw a shark movie, I was trying to figure out like how long ahead of the time that you shot the movie, they would pay you. So you had time to have fun with the money before you had to go get eaten by a shark.
Speaker: Like I did not, as a child did not have a concept that movies were not real. no one explained That was like when I learned that they weren't really real. And I just remember... my Well, anyway, fast forward a number of decades, and this movie came on TV. And it was like, wow, this this dialogue is terrible. This camera working bad. like My standards were just not up to snuff when I was in kindergarten, man. where I did not have a discerning eye. so
Speaker: So yes, that that is my ah my main example of that was that I did not cry the second time through, but I was very upset the first time through. Gotcha. That's cool. Thanks for that.
Speaker: All right, kids, it's time for the Mad Lib. Are you ready for this?
Speaker: Let's go. When is the Mad Lib? We will find out. All right. So I am going to give you some parts of speech. You are going to give me words. Usually i do like a whole bunch of the same kind of thing together, but because there's two of you, we kind of got to go every other one. So say, we'll start with you. Give me an adjective.
Speaker: Adjectives. Descriptive things. Let's see.
Speaker: i know I know adjectives. This this one, I'm going to give one because i was just looking it up today because someone said it. Scary.
Speaker: Okay. Then say you could give me a noun. Noun. Scary. Dog.
Speaker: Okay. I need a plural noun.
Speaker: Oh, no, I didn't know. I'm going back to school. Alright. Schools. Dogs. tall talking Dogs. Dog and dogs. oh two Oh, another one. A different one. well Okay, wait. So I need two more nouns. So both of you gave me one.
Speaker: Oh, okay. Dogs and a plural one. People.
Speaker: So we got dog, people, and...
Speaker: I want to say dog park, but I'll just say the park.
Speaker: Okay, so there's person in the room. That's going to be say, because I'm just calling it. um All right, you know what? I need a bunch of more nouns. I need like five or six more nouns. Just start giving them to me.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Skull.
Speaker: Yeah, like that one.
Speaker: What else? Tree. Dragon. A what? A what? A dragon. Dragon. All right. Got it. One, two, three more singular nouns.
Speaker: Box. Hmm. Light. A light. Sword. Sword. And I need two more plural nouns.
Speaker: Fish.
Speaker: Okay, one more. one that comes in a bunch.
Speaker: Bananas. ah all right and i need one more adjective from each of you please
Speaker: sultry how's that nice dastardly dastardly dastardly
Speaker: Okay, I think that's actually an adverb. Oops. the school No, wait. No, i think I think that's not true. I think, no, it just, it has an L-Y, but it's not actually an adverb. That's just me. Okay, so so that's it. So here we go.
Speaker: This is called, in oh, and in local news. small-time Small town life doesn't mean big things don't happen. Here are some of the scary events taking place this weekend and next in Little Dog Falls.
Speaker: Stop by the Brotherhood of the Dogs lounge Lodge on Sunday for an all-you-can-eat park breakfast to benefit the town's skull rescue shelter.
Speaker: Mayor Say will be flipping hotcakes and grilling tree patties.
Speaker: Join us for the grand opening of the town's first Dragon Mart. A limited edition box will be given away to the first 100 sultry shoppers.
Speaker: oh Next weekend is the annual light festival. Vendors will be selling fresh picked people and baked fish will be available.
Speaker: Come hungry. yeah Come hungry and leave dastardly. instant yeah and finally, sale. mark your calendar for the community garage sale unearth your unused bananas and sell them for a few bucks remember one man's sword is another man's treasure and there we have it this irreverent all right you guys i am so glad we could finally do this thank you so much for being here we will see everybody next week
