Transcript
Speaker: Greetings friends. Thank you for joining us on the Mentally Oddcast where each week our guests regale us with tales of the creative process through the lens of addiction, recovery, mental and emotional health, ah trauma, treatment, medication, all that there because we believe that no matter what you are going through, you are not alone and you can make art about it.
Speaker: Art helps. Find us on Ko-Fi, that's K-O-F-I, to support the podcast and get all the back issues of Sometimes Hilarious Horror Magazine.
Speaker: You are listening to the Mentally Oddcast. My name is Wednesday, leave Friday, and we ask that you do find us on Ko-Fi, that's K-O-F-I, where we are still listed as sometimes hilarious horror.
Speaker: ah This week, we are speaking with Rhiannon, and Rhiannon is a digital creator and writer who is perhaps better known by her burlesque tagline, The Wickedest Witch in the Midwest. She lives with trauma and ADHD and has graciously offered to give us her time today. So welcome Rhiannon.
Speaker: Howdy! ah Update on that, I was recently diagnosed with BPD as well. so Oh, how fun! We'll definitely get into that then. but first, um well, you're probably a regular listener, so you know that we always start by asking guests to tell us about the first horror movie that they remember seeing. So let's have it.
Speaker: um So the first horror movie we actually remember seeing was, I can't remember which alien movie it was, But I was sitting, I was three years old, and I do remember this very decent, pretty well. I was three years old. I was sitting with my dad in our crappy little apartment.
Speaker: And my mom came home and had this whole wig out because i was watching a horror movie. i I thought she was afraid of the movie on TV. And I just turned to mom and I said,
Speaker: It's okay, Mommy. It's just a movie. And I went back to watch it and nothing happened. It did not occur to me at the tender age of three years old, my mother was freaking out because my poor teeny tiny eyeballs was watching this violence. I did not even once enter a movie. Wow.
Speaker: Well, you know, that's really interesting because ah I saw Alien in the theater. Or no, I'm sorry, at the drive-in. And my mom had a really liberal attitude toward what we were allowed to watch. But that was one of the few movies that during the big scene in the mess hall with ah Kane, she did not want me to see that. She absolutely did not want to me to see the, you know...
Speaker: disastrous horror c-section of uh of birth from uh from the so wow so did that did that stick with you like it sounds like the experience stuck with you more than the movie itself it's just i was desensitized i don't know why i was desensitized without even even being sensitive to it like it was just like like my dad just i remember my dad going honey it's just a movie none of this is real i'm like okay yeah Yeah, see, i i was I did not understand that when I was three. I was probably twice that age by the time I understood it. And even then, it was because someone sat me down and explained very slowly and carefully while I was crying about the guy on the TV who had just been killed by the killer bees that that it's not real and that that guy is still alive. But the thing is, we didn't have the internet then. So I'm like, are you sure he's still alive?
Speaker: My poor stepdad is like, well, i I think so. I don't know him. I don't know. just i See, you don't even know if he's alive. you' liar. i think it might have helped that, you know, we watched Ghostbusters that hat also had Sigourney Weaver in it.
Speaker: but Okay. Yeah, that'll help. so but But looking back, I'm pretty sure that that was like a big sign of being like, Audie HD. Like my dad just said, it's real. And I'm like, all right. It just, okay.
Speaker: You said it's not real. I'm going to keep in mind that it is not real. It's just, I don't know. Well, but having it explained to you as opposed to people just assuming you know it or even worse, like assuming that you're dumb because you don't know it. It's like, no, that's a child. They're not dumb for not knowing things. They just don't know all the things yet. Yeah, they're they're dumb because you didn't tell them so.
Speaker: Yep. Well, and that's that whole like, oh, millennials these days, they can't do this. They can't do that. Like, yeah, you probably should have taught that to them. yeah You know, it's that like, and they bitch about like, oh, everybody gets a participation medal. The kids didn't go out and buy participation medals. They were given to them by you guys. Yeah, exactly. And you know who taught me how to change a tire and my own oil?
Speaker: My fiance in my 20s when we first got together. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. he's the He's a year and a half younger than me.
Speaker: Wow. Nice. yeah H is younger than me too. He was born in 74. Whereas i was born in 1970. Nice. Yeah, I'm very old. Very old. um So did did you watch a lot of horror as a kid? but actually Here's the thing. it's like I started out with horror and then my my horror origin is really funny.
Speaker: And then it was... um I ended up ah seeing part of the OG Amityville Horror at my aunt's house.
Speaker: And it's it was the part where the the window comes crashing down on the kid's knuckle. And then it just keeps going and you see the blood. And, you know, looking back, you know, back then, the to quote Tom Savini, there wasn't enough green in the blood. It looked more orange than red. Yep, yep. Because there wasn't enough green in it.
Speaker: but um But I don't know. that That turned me off of horror movies for a long time because ah i the idea of your fingers being bluntly guillotined off just kind of fucked me up. um And then...
Speaker: 1996 rolled around and here's it turned me off a whore but not completely because i still watch goosebumps and are you afraid of the dark religiously that was my after school programming nice nice long fucking time and to this day um i i still want the complete series of are you afraid of the dark on dvd because that way it'll a be in order paramount plus if you're listening fix it um They're fash. They're not going to fix anything. Oh, but fix it, damn it, please. By begging, fix it. The episodes are out of order, and there's entire episodes missing, including the entire last season of Are You Afraid of the Dark People? Oh, no. Yeah, there's six seasons of Are You Afraid of the Dark People? Not five. There are six seasons, including a made-for-TV movie called The Tale of the Silver Sight, which was the series finale.
Speaker: Yeah, see, that, I mean, first of all, Paramount is the most fash of all the major networks. I mean, they're all a little bit fash, but I would say in order, like CBS is the most fash, then NBC, then ABC, with Fox not even being in the equation because fuck them. um They're just.
Speaker: well i'm old so there are three networks that i acknowledge and those are they so yeah fair enough uh but uh but it it just it just sucks so bad though because like i have to pay fash money if i want to watch dexter beavis and butthead all the star trek yeah twilight zone i mean that's bullshit that in and of itself is enough to just be like I mean, that's that's not right. It's it's not yeah seen ethical or moral to give money to the fascist to watch Star Trek.
Speaker: And Twilight Zone. We see the irony with fascist Star Trek and Twilight Zone, right? We all see the... Well, right. Lucille Ball and Rod Serling would fucking faint if they knew what had happened to, like, who owned their content. We need to come back from the grave and just beat the crud out of people. Yep.
Speaker: That is how I look at it. Absolutely. Absolutely. but But yeah, no, 1996 rolled around and that's when Scream came out. Okay. Scream was what got me completely and utterly back into horror.
Speaker: It was the the meta humor with the slasher, classic slasher aspect. It was, it was just fantastic. There's, I love slasher flicks and this is,
Speaker: and the And as much as I love my horror community, some of us are assholes. and everything... yeah A new movie comes out that people either love it or hate it and there is no in between.
Speaker: Okay. Well, and even that is fine, but you don't have to hate people. Think like the people that love things you hate and vice versa. Yeah. You know, i didn't like skin, I'm a rink, but I'm not going to kick someone's ass because they thought it was great. They're allowed to think it's great. Oh God. Even though they're wrong, they're allowed to be wrong. fucking up skinnama rike I did. I sat in my dark ass bedroom. My fiance and I had an argument and i went to the back room for a few. And I'm like, I'm going to watch this fucking movie.
Speaker: Finally. i get it, man. I mean, I like the remake of Psycho. I would stand up and fight for the remake of Psycho. And that is not a common opinion in the horror film loving community. My my my thing is, is I do not like to acknowledge the fact that a second Descent movie exists.
Speaker: Really? i did not I did not find the second Descent movie bad. um It's not as good as the first one, but yeah, a continuation, I was like, okay. If you've seen the unrated version of the Descent that has the better true horror movie ending, you don't you don't want there to be a second one.
Speaker: You just don't. Well, that, no, no, that, that makes sense. I understand that, that it it's sort of dependent on which first ending you prefer. And yeah, I agree that the, ah you're you're talking about the the birthday cake ending.
Speaker: No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. the the yeah and and I don't want to like blatantly spoil the Descent because it's so good. And if people hear us talking about it, like, oh, I should watch that. I don't want to like spoil the good ending. I was surprised that the DVD or the movie poster cover ah didn't get flack. I'm really surprised surprised that that didn't get any flack for the simple fact of that that cover you know where it's all the girls in a and their body positions are in a skull shape that's based on a fucking Gacy painting yeah it is like how did how did people miss that
Speaker: I don't think they missed it. I think they were depending on the people who would get it, not minding. I think that's that's pretty much where they're at with that. Yeah, all right, fair enough. did Well, The Descent, I think, like Scream, i think it's not like meta per se, but I think that it is a movie that is is made based on understanding what horror fans are looking for, what makes a good horror movie. Like Scream,
Speaker: I think is the first horror movie in a while that didn't insult its audience and didn't go for gore over substance. Cause I mean, it's a very bloody film. You know why? Because Wes Craven listened to his daughter.
Speaker: that I believe that. That is why Wes Craven's slasher films are, dare I say, somewhat superior to other slasher films because he listened to his daughter when his daughter said, Dad, we don't run and trip all the time.
Speaker: no we really don't said that's literally all she fucking said and i love it i love it so much with apologies to judith o'day no some of us fight back yeah yeah did absolutely with all the apologies but um it was just the simple fact that he listened to his daughter and again this is this is where i'm going to say a semi-controversial statement about the scream ah The Scream movies of Scream from 1996 With Neve Campbell and all that um know Matthew Willard, etc ah Dare I say It is a perfect slasher it is Okay I wouldn't dispute that nick slasher Yeah, I would not dispute that
Speaker: It really is just... It is. it's It's good. It breaks some rules while still having the essence there. And it's fucking good. I can't be mad. And then the radio silence a scream that came out.
Speaker: Scream 5, I think. it was you know that That was fantastic. And then Scream 6 was great. I haven't seen Scream 7 yet. I've heard like it's got a lot of flack to it, but whatever. I'm still going to watch it because it's the return of Matthew Lillard and I love him. Oh, is it? Wow. Yeah. I mean, NGL, I was ah much less interested once they killed Cotton Weary because, you know, it weird like, oh, really? You're going to kill the hottest guy in the franchise again? yeah You did that at the end of the first movie and here you still are killing the hottest guy you have left in the franchise. Never been a fan of Arquette.
Speaker: Nothing against him, but come on. yeah But they also did in the second movie with Jerry O'Connell. Oh, that's true, yeah. I mean, he's not really my type. He's a little young for me, but but I see the appeal. I see the appeal. argu Arguably, they killed the hottest chick in the franchise with Rose McGowan in the first one, so... Well, Rose McGowan is, like, one of the hottest chicks that ever existed. She is so amazing inside and out, and she has been treated so badly for bad reasons. and here's and And here's another controversial statement.
Speaker: I know it's a controversial statement because I've gotten shit for it. At the risk of being canceled already. I stand with Rose McGowan whether she is um speaking out against someone or speaking for them.
Speaker: And I'm just going to leave it at that. Yeah, I mean, i try. i've I hope I've learned my lesson about ah admiring celebs and famous people. I have a real, you know, I'm ADHD. So it turns out that that I have a very good reason for these weird parasocial relationships that I have in in my headcanon.
Speaker: But yeah, she she seems on the level to me. I mean, on on a level of like Aubrey Plaza, like I would defend her. And then if she says something, I'm like, well, unless I have evidence to the contrary, that works for me. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: Exactly. So listen, you are also a collector of horror goods. I know this from the internet. So I'm curious to know if you have any especially noteworthy pieces that you would like to tell us about. oh gosh. Um...
Speaker: I've gotten it's not technically horror, but it's horror adjacent because dark fantasy is fantasy is horror adjacent. Oh, sure. I finally got my labyrinth door knockers, which makes me. Oh, wow. um and Those are on my gallery wall now. I also have my um hello here or he hello there. Hell here neon sign.
Speaker: Oh, the Catwoman sign. yeah Nice. From Batman Returns, which I've wanted one since I was five, and now I have it. Nice. Nice. i um I've got an Aztec death whistle. um my My kid's boyfriend last year for Christmas got me a Funko Pop of Sam from Trick or Treat with a little Jack-o-Lay. Oh, nice. Nice. and I've got a little Tar Man figurine. One of my favorite pieces, though, is this.
Speaker: it was local It was made by a local artist Her name is Nancy and she's great. And I'm going to, I'll try to get more information about her so you can like put it in show notes or whatever.
Speaker: ah But she made this, it's a lawn gnome, but she painted it to look like Captain Spaulding from House of a Thousand Corpses. Oh, wow. I love him so much. He is, he is my house. print I have, I have dedicated him as my, the protector of my apartment, of my, of my home. I have named him Sid after the actor, Sid Haig.
Speaker: ah May his memory be a blessing. he was badass. I love Sid Haig. I also learned that Sid Haig, when I was in 2005, there was a movie filmed in Peru, Indiana called Little Big Top from a local movie writer, director straight out of Peru.
Speaker: And he was he was there for a few months in 2005 when I was freshly 18, and And I was like, so you're telling me when I was 18 years old, I could have driven 45 minutes north and met fucking Sid Haig?
Speaker: And nobody told me.
Speaker: Yikes. Yeah, i've I have not met Sid either. I have his autograph that's like signed to me personally because a friend got it for me at a con, but I have not met him. it's like It's like I've got my, like my fiance for Christmas a couple years, i got him ah St. Nick by Mick Foley.
Speaker: St. Mick, the book St. Mick. He actually came to our Books A Million and I got it signed for him. ah He's great, right? Everybody says he's great. oh Actually, you know what? If he's not great, don't tell me. I don't want to know. Oh, no, he's amazing. um i But I wasn't the one that got it signed. I had my friend go and get it signed because I had to work. But she said he was a real sweet dude. um I bet so. You know, one of the worst things about like all this MAGA everything is finding out how many people whose work I really enjoy are absolute shitbags in real life. I mean, we were just saying Vince Vaughn from, you know, the remake of Psycho. He went to Mar-a-Lago like after the Epstein files, after it was undeniable what kind of man Trump was. He went to Mar-a-Lago socially.
Speaker: I know. And then I'm really upset with the Osborns that since Ozzy passed away, they're becoming the Kardashians. Oh my God. That shit is insane. Oh, I'm so upset with fucking Jack and Kelly for going to the goddamn MMA thing at the fucking White House wall. And I'm so mad about that. Like, I never- Well, and you knew it was coming when Jack started talking about how he doesn't discuss politics publicly. I know. like, oh, down with the rapist, are you?
Speaker: I know, there's whole Ed Sheeran thing going on right now, and i'm like, damn it, but I liked Ed Sheeran. Well, right? And I mean, the thing is, everything I have learned about Macklemore has been involuntarily. I could give two fucks about Macklemore, but now I'm like, now I gotta have an opinion on this. Okay, well, it's good he's speaking out against violence against civilians. That's good. And then somebody's like, did you know about this? And they sent me a picture of Macklemore stage,
Speaker: in the most offensive Jewish caricature costume, you know, like Hasidic, but with a ah giant nose, just like, my God, that's offensive, like, like blackface level offensive. like I think seen that, and I think it was, um God, that was so fucking long ago when something like that was actually not considered that offensive. and it was I know he came out in front of it said, would think that 100 years ago that would still be considered offensive. I mean, it was 2014.
Speaker: it was twenty fourteen so i mean I guess he apologized for it, but the apology was so like... I had no idea people would find it offensive. Like, you you did? Like, have you ever met a person? Because not even a Jewish person, but anyone should be able to tell you that that is offensive.
Speaker: Well, I... But then you have Billy Crystal in The Princess Bride. I mean, look at him in that.
Speaker: Well... ah Billy k Crystal is a Jewish man being directed, I believe, by another Jewish man. exactly so Exactly. that's ah That's another thing. it's like Exactly. it' well but no no We don't want to get all like white people with the N-word. like Just because we hear some people do it, that doesn't make it okay. you know Because, yes, I mean, there is there is like intent to consider there. But I have a hard time when I look at that outfit, imagining under any um but like what what was your intent if it was not offensive? What else? What other reason is there to do that? like He picked it out. I think someone picked it out for him and he didn't realize it until it was too late.
Speaker: If someone tried to put me in blackface, I would not permit that to, like, I don't, I can't, there's there' I just, I can't excuse it. I can't. I get where you're coming from. i get where you're coming from. But, you know, if someone put me in a fucking wi Wicked Witch of the West costume with the nose and everything, I'm not going to stop them. But we all, well, but that's the Wicked Witch of the West, though. That's a character.
Speaker: Right, but let's also be honest, that whole crooked nose, it's it is offensive. it It does come from the Jewish side of things. and i've done Does it? i've done it like that That's honestly news to me that witches having crooked nose is anti-Semitic.
Speaker: Now I've got to do a deep dive. Oh, I did. that Now I got a deep dive. Well, I mean, i've I've been a witch for many a Halloween and I've never actually done the nose, but that's because I was too cheap to go buy a nose. I mean, I have a theatrical makeup kit. That was just never. Too often. And that's why I just haven't done it. But I did one year dress as the, as Elphaba from Wicked before the movies ever came out. ah But when I was, I had just, I had seen the musical um at the Murat Theater in Indianapolis, which was fantastic with my mom.
Speaker: And ah we we went down there. we saw we watched We saw the stage performance of Wicked. And that year for Halloween, I decided to be Elphaba. And we went to a church trunk retreat on Halloween. And I actually, dressed as the Wicked Witch of the fucking West, my nicey like I beat the pastor's kid at Bible trivia. but Well, you know...
Speaker: I find in my travels through this this life that people who are not devout Christians often know the Bible like more of it and better and understand it more than than Christians. Well, not not all Christians. and I want to make it really clear that if it sounds like I'm defaming Christianity, I'm talking about the bad ones. with I think recently the internet has decided that there are Dolly Christians and there are Donald Christians. yeah and I, you know, I keep saying i'm not going equate myself to Dolly, but if I could afford to give every kid in America a book every month, I absolutely would. so I'm I, I've come.
Speaker: I say whenever I say the phrase, you're one of the good ones. I'm only ever talking about Christians or men. a yeah that's one of those sayings that like is so bigot coded that i try not to use it but then i end up using it ironically and not deciding whether or not i'm actually being ironic i'm just like taking it's like it's like that scene in clerks 2 if you know you know um but I'm just I've just taken back that phrase. It's like, i but I only ever use it when I'm talking about Christians for men and nothing else. No, I get it. I get it.
Speaker: So like moving on, i you might hate this question as much as I do, but I'm gonna get I'm going to ask anyway, were you named after the song? Abso-fucking-lutely. I don't hate that question because no one ever asks me. I say, hi, my name is Rihanna. And then they say, oh, Rihanna. I'm like, close enough.
Speaker: Or my favorite my favorite is Brianna. I'm like, no, there's no B. Put it back. I don't know where you got it from. Wow. That must be because you're young, because that is the first thing that I think of whenever i encounter someone named Rhiannon, which, you know, i do occasionally. Unfortunately, everyone that that that fucks it up grew up around the era where that was on the top ten charts. so Huh.
Speaker: Yeah. Isn't that interesting? So do you find it a pain in the ass to have a referential name then? It sounds like you don't. No, I love my name, especially because when I was 12, I got in. I'm like, this name has to mean something. Like, I did not. I'm going to be perfectly honest. I didn't like my name for the longest time because it was weird. People, it was hard for people to say. People couldn't fucking remember it. And it got frustrating for me. So I'm just like, so when I was 12 years old, I'm like, this name has to mean something. And so I started going doing a deep dive on the etymology of my name.
Speaker: And then I learned that my name is that of an ancient Celtic Welsh horse goddess, Rhiannon, the goddess of magic and horses and agriculture, birds. It's a fascinating, fascinating story.
Speaker: And she was also falsely accused of um ah infanticide. but wow Yeah, falsely accused of infanticide. Her child was stolen in the night and her handmaids didn't want to get in trouble because they were supposed to be the ones watching the baby and they fell asleep. So they smeared like dog blood and bones around her while she slept. Bitch had to have been a very fucking sound sleeper. That's all saying. Wow. Yeah.
Speaker: And so... You know, this is an ancient Celtic mythos, myth mythical story, so, you know, DNA testing didn't exist then.
Speaker: so that So she was falsely accused of eating her child, and and she was set her sentence was she had to ferry people on her horse to the underworld.
Speaker: wow While telling them her story. Anyone, or not just that, but anyone who asked for a ride. Huh. She had to give them a ride. She was a free taxi service, basically, for anyone lost in the woods or um going, yeah you know, passing on.
Speaker: That is fascinating. And I had no idea. I also actually what I'm thinking is like, wow, I can see why Stevie Nicks was so into that. Because that's amazing. didn't know about the myth. She read it in a book about a book about witches. And the character, there's a character named Rhiannon. And it is a Welsh witch.
Speaker: And the book, I believe, is called Triad. And I don't remember the the author's name. But I believe the book is called Triad.
Speaker: Okay. So yeah, she didn't even get the name from the myth. How interesting. Wow.
Speaker: wow Yeah, you know, it's interesting because I don't want to like praise the turf or anything, but Harry Potter is one of those things where if you study witch things, you know how much of that is stolen. and Like there's a book from 1960 called The Dark Arts. And if you like a friend of mine got me a well and- and person i used to be friends with got me a copy it's crazy well but like the whole harry james potter is like so close to james henry trotter pisses me off sorry it it just bit it just pisses me off that because i loved uh i mean roldolph not a good man but great content wonderful stories i love that his words was how fuck
Speaker: um This beautiful speech to his family and then the nurse stuck him with a needle and he said, oh fuck. ah Yeah, matt that sounds right.
Speaker: So I am aware that you live with ADHD and you were also saying that you have a, ah well you said BPD, was that bipolar or borderline? Borderline.
Speaker: wo Okay. So what I want you to do is walk us through how you came to seek and get a diagnosis. Like, why did you get a diagnosis in the first place?
Speaker: Well, I was originally, I was diagnosed with ADHD in third grade, which brings me to the fact that I have not been retested yet, but my retest for ADHD is coming up August 1st or August, fuck October. I'm okay. I know what day it is. But Fuck.
Speaker: ah But yeah, October 1st, I'm getting retested for ADHD because you know what? The the testing for for ADHD has changed a lot for women since the 1990s.
Speaker: So, yeah. but Oh, I'm sure. When I was a kid, they couldn't diagnose it in girls. They hadn't they didn't know how. Yeah, they they just said, this is a boy problem. All right. Pretty much.
Speaker: You know, you're you're you're just like that, sweetie, because you're a girl. Okay, am I quiet because I'm a girl or am I fucking annoyed because I'm a girl? Right.
Speaker: Just fucking annoyed. And mostly because, yeah, I'm a girl. Anyway. on But yeah, no, I got diagnosed with a BPD like two-ish weeks ago. and and Wow.
Speaker: Yeah, they put me on a mood stabilizer. so And how's that going? If it's two weeks ago, it probably isn't even taking effect yet, right? yeah and Not entirely, but I have noticed like some subtle differences. Like I'm a little bit less impulsive, like not terribly less impulsive.
Speaker: Like my fiance and I got into it kind of last weekend. And um what made this kind of funny was the fact that I didn't,
Speaker: where I noticed I'm like, oh, hey, I didn't give into that impulse. is i I didn't say the mean thing that I was saying before just leaving the apartment for a few hours.
Speaker: Yeah, that's relatable. um so So what led to you getting the more recent diagnosis?
Speaker: So my my mother had a brain bleed back in June. she was in the hospital and my little brother who's 23 was staying with us for that period of time. Cause he still lives with her. And, um, but, um, it was a very stressful period and I had just taken my little brother to work. Uh, there were dishes in the sink. I had kind of made a mess making breakfast and I put everything in the sink and didn't take care of it. And my fiance was mad about it And he, uh,
Speaker: kind of grabbed me by the arm and drug me over to the kitchen and told me to deal with it. And then I grabbed a knife out of the fucking knife block and it slipped out of my hand, which I am pretty sure was some spirit or ghost slapping it out of my hand going, bitch, no. um The fuck you thinking?
Speaker: And it fell into the sink. And I'm like, you know, i need to get looked at. Well, hang on. um let Let's back up a little bit.
Speaker: Your fiance drug you by the arm into the kitchen because he was upset that there was a mess. He led me by the arm because he was upset because I had made a mess, which, okay, i get it's been a stressful week. We're both on edge. Again, it wasn't that bad. It's not like I bruised or anything. I do bruise somewhat easily, but he actually did not grab me hard enough to bruise me. He just grabbed me hard enough to piss me off. Um,
Speaker: And it was not an abusive situation. It was like, hey, babe, look at this. And I was just really on edge that whole fucking day, that whole fucking week. And I grabbed a knife and I almost embedded it in his shoulder.
Speaker: But I didn't because it slipped out of my hand and it didn't think. okay
Speaker: and Wow. Yeah. And I went, I need to calm the fuck down. I i need to get looked at. Yep. Okay.
Speaker: Well, yeah, that that seems like a an appropriate next step. Yep. that was my um That was my oh fuck moment right there. I was like, um oh yeah, i I should not have done that.
Speaker: No, no. It sounds like there were several things in in rapid succession that probably shouldn't have happened on multiple people. I'm sorry, man. I really don't like that that that you were manhandled.
Speaker: um that's Obviously, it is not my responsibility to pass judgment about your relationships, but man, and I don't like that. I've been this with this man for 14 years.
Speaker: um We have had... We have had our ups, we have had our downs. I won i won an argument two years ago by quoting out the outsider by a perfect circle.
Speaker: so when ah So when you were going through this, maybe this ties in, what kind of a support system do you have in terms of your mental health? I've got a pretty good one. Like my fiance, he's genuinely...
Speaker: after that incident that I mentioned, uh, he's very much been coming around to, um, yeah, cause even though he's a year and a half younger than me, there's a lot of, there's a good part of him that has this fucking weird 1974 mentality of all you need is discipline, walk it off and rub some dirt on it. Bullshit. But he's finally all after, after that whole incident, he's like, yeah, you know, maybe you do need a mood stabilizer.
Speaker: You think?
Speaker: I'm like, yeah, I'll tell you this. and and And who else though? I mean, obviously it's it's essential that the person that you you live with and are building a life with is supportive. um yeah Beyond that, what kind support is there? have my friend, Julie. I've known her since we were in fifth and sixth grade. I love her very, very much. She is a good friend of mine. She has beaten cancer twice, thyroid cancer. ah Wow.
Speaker: Yeah. She's beaten thyroid cancer twice. Uh, she's part of my boo basket, uh, crew this year. I'm making five different boo baskets and probably i on a little bit of them, but she's getting a final role theme basket.
Speaker: Oh, wow. So, cause yeah, when you beat cancer, that's kind of, you know, a final girl moment. Um, So not not to mention in fucking twice. she She lived through the sequel. She lived through the fucking sequel.
Speaker: ah So yeah, it's it's kind of like scream ghost face. I was going to say, that's a Nev Campbell move right there. Fucking So let me ask you this. So you were diagnosed in in third grade, you said?
Speaker: and With ADHD, yes. Okay. So, and were people giving accommodations at that point at school? Did you have an IEP? I ended up getting an IEP in sixth grade. So three years later, i ended up getting an IEP. Now here's the thing. My mother refused. My mother refused to actually acknowledge the ADHD.
Speaker: ah Well, you know, there's a, the main debate about that seems to be that if you label someone that there's a stigma attached, but on the other side of that, if you don't state the issue, if you don't call it what it is, then you don't know how to deal with it.
Speaker: Oh yeah. i I literally, um, was talking about my bpd diagnosis at work and one of the older guys is like you're just gonna talk about it like that he's like is that everybody's business i'm like oh if i don't i'm like well what's gonna happen if i don't if i talk about it i might you know remove the stigma and i we could actually move forward yep i'm like no yeah i'm not ashamed of having this like i i've known there's something wrong with me like geez
Speaker: geez My family, few years back, basically gaslit me into letting my kid's dad back in her fucking life. He's dead now. that's not He got hit by a car and died a few years in 2021, so it's a non-issue now. But they gaslit me into letting back in her life. And when I went over to my grandparents, my cousin, my aunt, and my grandparents were there.
Speaker: And I'm just like, I'm not on drugs, guys. I'm just like this.
Speaker: yeah
Speaker: Yeah. It hip be two things. sitting Everybody is there. youre I'm like, why are we here? What's going on? I'm like, guys, I'm not on drugs. I'm just like this. I promise.
Speaker: So was there any aspect of support that you wish that you had that you did not have? I wish my mom would have actually fucking done something. I wish my mom wouldn't have been in denial so hard because once I got into sixth grade at a Northwestern School Corporation, now they're a lot better now ah here in Howard County, Indiana. um the This school corporation back in the 90s, it was a bunch of doctor lawyer farmer brats and they just really ostracized
Speaker: it made anyone who didn't fit their little cookie cutter preppy ideal. They made them a pariah. And I was one of those people because that was when I ended up getting an IEP. That's when I got put into the um ah the special ed classes because they didn't fucking separate anybody there. It's like you're you're in there with all the fucking troubled kids. The end like,
Speaker: okay wow Yeah, okay, that's fucking awesome. And this was during the period this was during the period where my BPD was forming. I can tell you that right now. ah The guy who my mother would later marry and be the father of my little brother um was a fucking creep in the worst ways possible. um Could have probably been a little worse, but it wasn't great.
Speaker: But my dad My real dad at the time was dying of cancer. He ended up passing away in 2001. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yesterday I had two people randomly online make your dad jokes. And I was just like, my dad died in 2001 from complications with colon cancer. So just do me a favor and make sure you're eating enough fiber, okay?
Speaker: Right? it's i'm just it to both to both of them and i was just like it's not really a touchy subject because i've definitely had time to adjust but it's just weird that it happened twice in one day yeah it is and then i made it your mob joke and people fucking went off and i was like geez i thought i was the fucking snowflake that couldn't take a joke it's a joke not a dick don't take it so hard i thought comedy was legal again fuck Calm down. ha Yes. Well, few things are more contentious than comedy on the internet. Like what's funny and what's not. Especially because I mean, there's a whole side of the political spectrum that thinks every joke, like every punchline has to have a victim or it's not funny. Yeah. which that's that's not
Speaker: That's not comedy. That's cruelty. You fuck. Anyway. anyway um but you Punch up, not down. that's That's pretty straightforward. Yeah, but yeah, northwestern Northwestern. And here's the worst part about Northwestern. In sixth grade, there was I think it might still be, but it was considered elementary school. So I went from being in junior high sixth grade back to elementary in sixth grade. And then I got recessed again, so that was cool.
Speaker: um Nice. It wasn't all bad. But... but um No, ah when I got put into the special education classes for ah my for being ADHD, I um fucking that.
Speaker: we had a different lunch time than everybody else. So we would go get our food before everyone else did. And therefore, when we were done with our lunch, everyone was already in the lunchroom. So we would we would get our lunches from the lunchroom. We didn't sit in the cafeteria.
Speaker: We took our lunches back to the classroom, ate our lunches in the classroom, and then got paraded through everybody sitting there eating lunch to take our trays back.
Speaker: Yikes. Yeah! What the fuck, Northwestern? Yeah, that's that's wild. Don't like that. um It's like heeks public embarrassment! You know, you're not already embarrassed enough by being pulled the fuck out of class mid-year.
Speaker: Right. Well, and that's that whole thing with the separate buses. Like, you have to exclude certain kids and put them on... And do you know what the reason for that is? Seatbelts. Because some kids need to have seatbelts and the rest of the kids could just die if the bus flips over. Which is kind of a weird reversal of of how such things usually work. Yeah, I'm like... Where the special need kids are getting a little extra safety.
Speaker: But they're being absolutely ostracized in order to to do it. So, yeah you know. it's it's It's fucking ridiculous. And that was where I drew the line. I'm like, I'm not getting on that fucking bus. And Northwestern's bus was fucking purple and we called it the Barney bus. Aww. Aww.
Speaker: I know. That should be a neat thing. That should be something be enjoyed. Alas. It should be. But here we are in America in the 1990s with Don't Ask, Don't Tell and Columbine and everything else.
Speaker: Like, fuck, dude. Yeah. Alright, so what I'm wondering, though, is that currently, like, would you say that ADHD is impacting your creative outputs?
Speaker: Um, yes and no. it If it impacts it, it's actually a positive impact because then I can sit and write for fucking hours. Yes, I've heard this before. This has not been my experience, but several guests have told me that, that it's it's helpful.
Speaker: Yeah, the hyperfocus is fantastic. hyper And are you, is that is that from the medication? Nope, I don't have ADHD meds yet. I'm just on a mood stabilizer.
Speaker: Wow. Yeah, see, that's bullshit because I'm on a mood stabilizer and it's not working for me. So I need to put on my Karen wig and speak to a friggin' manager about that. Please do. Please do. Don't be afraid to fucking stand up for yourself. That is something I had to learn.
Speaker: That is something I definitely had to learn over the years because, again, i I have family who... I have some family who are assholes and some family who are very supportive. And my mom was actually supportive up until...
Speaker: about a week after she got out of the hospital and then um she has kind of like, it's becoming a slightly more and more complicated Chris Benoit situation. I keep going back to wrestling and I don't know why.
Speaker: Cause it's awesome. Fair enough. But this is not awesome. The Chris Benoit situation is not awesome. No, no, that part is not awesome. No, I mean, to be honest, there was some religious psychosis right there in there because he left Bible verses next to his victims. Open Bibles with specific, turned to specific pages next to his victims. That was really weird. But, um,
Speaker: Anyway, but yeah, no, my my mother has has brain damage now because, you know, it was a brain bleed. She had to have brain surgery. There's scar tissue there now. And she has become in ah more and more violent. um And my, like, I've posted screenshots. I think you've seen some of them. um About, you know, she's just, you know, the way she's, my little brother doesn't have anywhere else to go. And I would put him up here, but I just, I can't afford it at the moment. But Oh God, it is absolutely wild. And you know, it's like, you just lack motivation and intelligence. And I'm just like,
Speaker: I have been no contact. I have been no contact with my mother since she gave my little brother a fucking concussion. I keep in contact with my little brother. Now I am aware that, uh, that you live with the impact of trauma and Um, and so, well, um, we don't have to talk specifically about the trauma, but I would like to talk about the coping tools.
Speaker: So what is helpful when you're feeling the impact? Ah, and this, again, at the risk of being canceled, um,
Speaker: I'm one of those weirdos. I love revenge movies ah because, yes, I am a survivor of sexual assault. I am a survivor of sexual assault. What makes me feel better is um the revenge plots of things like I Spit on Your Grave and Last House on the Left. I will watch those movies and not be, and and and I will watch the ugly parts of those movies, the the parts that make people squirm, the parts that A lot of people, and I don't look down on those people, and I understand why they have this. It's exposure therapy for me, but I understand where they're coming from, where they say they don't need those scenes in movies, period. They should not have them at all. I understand where you are coming from. i don't blame you for the way you feel.
Speaker: It's fine. I get it I am. See, that's the thing that that's, there are compelling arguments on both sides of that, because you're right. It's absolutely reasonable to say, i don't want to see this content and no one should have to tell you that you should see that content. If you want the content, if it's helpful to you, it is imperative that it be there and that it be available to the people who need it and who find it helpful.
Speaker: So I'm, I'm with you. I'm with you on that. It's like I, you know, it's like I've lived through things like that. I have lived through things like that. I can handle watching it for 10 minutes because Lord knows, lords and ladies know, it was not a 10 minute ordeal for me.
Speaker: I get it. Man, I'm sorry. it It is what it is. I'm sorry. That's, well, I mean, and I know that it's it's such a common experience that it's something like a third of us are at at least harassed, if not molested, by the time we turn 10.
Speaker: And then by adulthood, it's it's almost half. I mean, it's it's... Yeah, it's ridiculous. And once again, though, my abusers are dead. So congratulations. Oh, yes. My, uh, my, my stepfather passed in 2017. because,
Speaker: um He's a Vietnam veteran. He exposed to Agent Orange. He had asthma. he He refused to quit smoking. He was on an oxygen tank while he fucking smoked. I'm surprised he didn't blow himself up. Nevertheless, he was he was my living proof for years that karma existed. And I told him this in his face. And he goes, oh, you so you think I deserve this? i I said, no, I didn't say you deserved it.
Speaker: I just said the universe thinks you do.
Speaker: Yeah, seems like you believe in a sentient universe. That that is ah another huge topic, I think, probably not suitable for this episode. But he said maybe I'll do a panel on that. Is the universe sentient? We'll get people from all different religions.
Speaker: That'd be a hell of a talk. Oh, yeah. Make sure you get someone who's Hindu in there because that's... Oh, absolutely. You gotta. You gotta. You gotta. um but a giant dream anyway so does your trauma does do your coping tools does any of that find its way into your work your creative work a little bit sometimes yeah um ah not yet uh not with uh but i'm trying to become an author i am trying to become an author i'm co-writing a book with a friend um
Speaker: Yeah, i'll I'll definitely record that. And a small excerpt from that. And it's...
Speaker: might might What's great about this the book that I'm writing is no one is going to believe that those are our real names.
Speaker: Yeah, that's relatable. No one is going to believe this book was written by Arianna Hart and Ingrid Montenegro.
Speaker: No, I get it. Actually, i don't know if you know that I have been transvestigated by MAGA boys because say things online that they don't like. Well, you know, I have that that book series. I have a political book series that I write under another name. And that name is Ambrose Weaver.
Speaker: So one of the MAGA boys determined that i'm I'm trans, which, you know, I'm not. I'm cis. I'm a cis chick. AFAB, all that there. Yeah. but uh that he was so sure that i was a a trans woman and my real name was ambrose weaver and i'm like that's that's just stunning that's that is a staggering level of of not not getting it yeah no i i made i made a post like a couple of days ago i'm like The thing that really, one thing that really pisses me off is the simple fact that Laura Loomer and I exist simultaneously, but I'm the one that gets transvestigated.
Speaker: Oh dear. Well, I mean, nobody should get transvestigated because the contents of a stranger's underwear are none of anyone's business. We have a school in Michigan right now that wants parents to, they want the girls to turn in their menstrual schedules so the school can know when they're menstruating and how long their periods last, ostensibly because girls, they think are they're lying to get out of swimming class.
Speaker: If it wouldn't be considered biological warfare, I would just send them my used lady pads and fucking tampons.
Speaker: Oh, for fuck's sake. I mean, it's that's that's just insane to me. That's insane. And parents are not having it. I don't i don't think it's going to actually happen because parents are very upset.
Speaker: so um I guess, I mean, I'm not a parent and obviously I haven't been in school in a long time, but why are we even making children put on bathing suits and go swimming at school? Why is that a requirement for anyone? I don't fucking know and I can't swim. its i I'm going to be 40 on Valentine's Day I can't fucking swim, okay? Leave me alone. Dude, the only reason that I am not terrified of the water is that as a teenager, when someone threw me in a in a pool, I finally realized that fat people float.
Speaker: That the likely, I mean, unless a shark is pulling me under, odds are I can go into any body of water and not sink because I'm fat. And that's one of the advantages of that. That's okay.
Speaker: Oh, yeah. that's That is definitely one of the advantages of that. And it's just, oh, my God. ah But, yeah, the fact that, they okay, dear dear parents from that Michigan school, especially mothers, um I swear this has a point. So, ah at and for some for some reason, Dollar Tree is getting their Christmas shit out already. Ew, what? It's not even Halloween. That's not cool. I know. I know. I know. Anyway. Anyway.
Speaker: But ah last year they had these make your own snow globe kits. And they're they're pretty airtight. And they would actually even be food safe. Because they have a plastic seal around the bottom. And you know to keep the water in Because it's a snow globe. Right?
Speaker: Right. Right. So what you do. Is you take your used tampons or pads. And just shove them in that thing. And. listen And then seal it shut.
Speaker: Real good. And then put it on the principal's desk.
Speaker: Okay. Only do that in theory, not, not in practice, please. um We don't condone doing that. Wink. You can't see me winking. Cause it's an audio show. it' not um Actually, you know what? This is the point where we need to take just a quick little break. Cause I got to say the names of the people that give us money on our coffee page. Because as some of you know, I guess not everyone, but I'm a disabled creator, but I'm also married, so I don't get disability. I don't have any sort of like disability ah income. People assume I have it.
Speaker: You know, you see a lady in a wheelchair, you assume she's got disabled money coming in, but I do not. So... Aside from what I do with the business, the, you know, scared soapless, this is, this is one of my major income streams. So um we want to thank Alison Huff, Kathy Martin, Nemu Ravenfall, That One Fool, Shannon Fleckenstein, Supporter X, Brianna Simmons, Low Key, That Damn Jim, and Bradley and Fred.
Speaker: ah So big thanks to all of them. If you would like to support us, we are on Ko-Fi. That's K-O-F-I slash hilarious horror. We set up the Ko-Fi for the magazine. And then after three years of not making a profit and selling collectibles to support it, we we decided to not do that anymore, which was a drag. But here we all are.
Speaker: So listen, you, Rhiannon, have indicated a willingness to discuss a time when you felt in legitimate fear for your life. So what would you like to tell us about that?
Speaker: um So my dead ex who got hit by a car and died in 2021, like I said, I didn't do it. I was at work. p And my work was like two hours away from where he was found. So anyway. I don't think anyone's accusing you. Not here anyway.
Speaker: You'd be surprised. ah Just so we're clear, I was at work. There are witnesses. ah It's on. There's video cameras there. Anyway. ah But ah no, um he tried to kill me.
Speaker: he He did. He tried to kill me. um That was a it was New Year's Eve. And um we were in an argument and I don't remember what the argument's about, but me being me and needing to get that last fucking word in. Just please know if I, if I am ever found, um, deceased under mysterious circumstances, I ran my mouth to the bitter fucking end. Um, yeah please know that relatable. Also relatable.
Speaker: Please know that again, I am not saying that I anyway had this coming because I, what I did was I called him out on, um, cheating for the umpteenth fucking time. Uh,
Speaker: So I was, again, I was with this man from between the ages of 19 and 20. I don't think, no one is dumber than what they are.
Speaker: when they are but late in their late teens and early twenties. Oh dude, that's that's like the argument for why Twilight is a horror show. yeah Could you imagine being stuck for eternity with the kind of guy you thought was cool when you were like 16 to 20?
Speaker: My god. And your brain's never going to develop past that either. Anyway. Right, right. That's the thing. that That amygdala isn't going anywhere. That whole frontal lobe is staying right how it is. Which is why I love the new Interview with the Vampire series, because they touch up on that.
Speaker: Oh, no, I haven't seen it yet. That's got Torgadudo from Game of Thrones in it. Isn't he, like, one of the main guys? yeah yeah Yeah, Jacob Anderson. oh he is a And he gets to emote. He actually gets to emote in this series. oh that's fun.
Speaker: And... um And Louie's eyes are actually green this time. Like they are genuinely green. And I, the moment I saw that I'm like, nothing can go wrong. My Louie's eyes are finally green.
Speaker: Yes. My Louie. God damn it. Anyways. Uh, but, uh, side note, Sam Reed and I are going to be best friends. Uh, the guy who plays Lestat, uh, he and I, he's actually a fan of the books. He has read the books. So, which is one of the reasons, and he was born to play this fucking role. I swear to God. And, um, but he and I have the same favorite fucking movie, which is Jim Henson's Labyrinth. So anyway, but, but, uh, so back to my harrowing tale, um,
Speaker: So, yeah, I called out on cheating for the umpteenth time, and he tried to he he tried to pin me against the wall and suffocate me with a pillow. If it weren't for his buddy, his buddy, Garnet, was there, and ah Garnet was like, Jimmy, don't do it!
Speaker: i Yes, he sounded like a character from King of the Hill. It's fine. um It's fine. And, yeah, he got... the fucker off of me and I was for long enough for me to run out of the room and hide in a closet in another closet and I don't know exactly how I managed to get on the top shelf of the shelving unit of the closet behind some boxes without knocking the boxes over or anything but like ninja points go to
Speaker: me that fucking evening and I stayed up there for a good 45 minutes when he passed but when he finally passed out drunk and like Garnet apparently was searching for me for at least 20 of those minutes oh my gosh but he he fucking opens the door to the room I'm in he's like are you in here he's asleep and I'm like are you sure he's like yeah he saw on logs and I'm like, and I, I move one of the boxes and I reveal my fucking face. How the fuck do you get up there? I'm like anna but can you come like, I don't know, but can you help me down?
Speaker: Jesus. Okay. Listen, I'm going to say something to you and I don't know if you're going to like it, but I'm going to share, uh, something because I think it's important. Um,
Speaker: When I was in my early 20s still living with my parents, I needed to move out of there because, you know, they're they're abusive. It was a nightmare house. And after going to college, I had like a lower tolerance for being treated badly by my family.
Speaker: And so I moved in with this cab driver and he was an alcoholic. He was the kind of alcoholic that's like physically addicted to alcohol. So if he didn't drink, he was sick.
Speaker: And he was violent and he had guns. And yeah, yeah, it was it was a really bad situation um that I eventually, you know, some friends helped me out of it. And, you know, I was like homeless for a short time and then couch surfing for a while. But, you know, later um i met another guy who was, ah you know, he was, I called him a drinker. He was also an alcoholic, but he was a different kind of alcoholic. Yeah.
Speaker: And so he he was a binge drinker, so he could go for days or weeks without drinking, but once he had a drink in his hand, he was going to drink and drink and drink until he couldn't lift his hand to his face anymore. um And he was also physically abusive, but in a different way and without the intensity, insanity and frequency of what I had been through with the other boyfriend.
Speaker: And the point that I am making is that if you are in an extremely abusive relationship and then the next relationship you're in is way, way, way less abusive, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's not abusive at all or that the things that are happening are okay.
Speaker: Obviously, it is up to you to decide what is okay for yourself, but I very much see a parallel in what you're telling me you know, with with what I went to. And maybe that like clouds my judgment because i I, you know, seeing it through my own lens, I think, you know, maybe your situation is like mine and it may not be, you know, I've never met your boyfriend. I don't know what he's like, but if you, if you have been conditioned to accept abuse, that's, that's kind of a shitty term because it diminishes you and it shouldn't because that's not what I'm trying to say.
Speaker: We are in therapy, so. Okay. i just I just wanted to say that because it it felt very glaring to me, you know, based on my own experience. I understand. We are in therapy. we The story I told you about my current fiance, about where I almost stabbed his house, we did bring up in therapy. So we are... we are but we have moved forward we have gotten through it i've gotten my fucking apology we're good that's great it's great that you're doing the work i'm i'm really happy to hear that listen i want to go to a new topic if we can absolutely totally because you have done burlesque and i'm intrigued and i want to hear more yes um in my early 20s uh i was way hotter than you know a
Speaker: ah I was hot and I was stupid, but I was and also... hey got Hey, word to the wise. If you're going to make a corset out of duct tape, don't do it that tight. I almost passed out. Okay. Yeah. One to grow on, kids.
Speaker: Yeah. ah he ah So, yeah. ah Fun stuff there. We um had a great... but ah my ah My burlesque name was Marie de la Noire.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Um, which, um, Mary, uh, did actually come from uh, the, the Anne Rice novel, Merrick. Um, uh, Merrick Mayfair is the main character in that and her, the French name, uh, the name Merrick in French is Mary, which hers is actually the masculine name for some reason.
Speaker: she preferred to go by the masculine version of the name rather than rather than the feminine French version. So I just ran with the feminine French version because it sounded, because it sounded burlesky.
Speaker: Um, uh, but yeah, my, and my, uh, moniker was the wicked witch of the Midwest. ay And now, uh, most of my, um,
Speaker: My TikTok videos are Hello, my darling witches, witchlings, bitches, and bitchlings. It is Tis i your favoritest wicked witch of the Midwest.
Speaker: um Wait, do you have a link tree? Because I want to put all these links up where people can see I need to update my link tree. Yeah, you do need to. So yeah, let me know after you do that so I can make sure and put it in the description so we can find your projects. cause Yeah, no problem. That's some shit I need to watch.
Speaker: Uh, it's like, you can find some of my, uh, burlesque stuff still on YouTube. Um, I did a lot of stuff down in Indianapolis, a little bit in Lafayette.
Speaker: and And, uh, but most of my stuff was from, uh, Indianapolis with, uh, Angel Burlesque at, uh, it's no longer there, which makes me sad, but they had, uh, Crackers Comedy Club in Broad Ripple.
Speaker: Okay. Which was fucking awesome. And ah my my favorite um my favorite performance I did was their Spring Scream. ah where um what i how i did this And this was a two-person burlesque um act.
Speaker: I had a black backdrop and my friend was in a black morph suit behind me. Well, I stood there and I sang the song um Rev 2220 by Pussifer.
Speaker: Oh, wow. Yeah, which is ah the song itself is on the first Underworld movie soundtrack. It's the song that plays during the credit roll. And um
Speaker: it's It's sexy. It's blasphemous. It's perfect. ah But my my friend was the one, as I sang this song, my friend undressed me as we did it.
Speaker: And it just kind of looked like hands came out of fucking nowhere. It was really cool. Oh, cool. It was a really, really good act. That was my favorite act that I have ever done. That's amazing.
Speaker: Yep. And you also describe yourself as a digital creator. um Though, is that the same as a graphic artist? Unfortunately, no, it is not. A digital creator would be like, again, someone who does YouTube, TikTok, ah like influencer stuff, but not...
Speaker: ah popular enough to be an influencer at the same time. but i but i double But I did take graphic design in high school, so I do actually have some talent there. So if anyone wants, I can make you really cute, personalized planner pages and stuff.
Speaker: Sweet. Sweet. And we should probably have a link for that too, right? me like All right. as soon as i make As soon as I make it, because I'm working on making an Etsy shop as well. With ah digital downloads and such. Ew, Etsy, no. You're not supposed to use Etsy. They're bad.
Speaker: don't I didn't know that now. thanks I know that now. Well, that's actually why we're at Coffee. Because I was going to set up an Etsy page for Scared Soapless. And it was...
Speaker: Right around the time that we found out, like I was on the fence about Etsy because they sell a lot of serial killer merch and I don't, I don't find that appropriate. I don't find it funny to put John Wayne Gacy on a bowl and sell it with a spoon and call it a serial killer bowl. Like I don't, you know, I think that's, I mean, the families of his victims are still alive for fuck's sake. I'm so sorry. I am kind of laughing. I'm sorry. I'm like i'm sorry. No, get it. i get it. i mean, i I am a fan of black humor. i write it. i consume it. like You know, I totally get it.
Speaker: But to to profit from that, I think, is obscene. It is. It is a little tasteless. It is a little tasteless. And it would... It would be better if they used a fictional serial killer, Right, right. Yeah, you from yeah i mean, do that with Hannibal Lecter. I'd buy the shit out of Hannibal Lecter. Do it with... Pick a fucking Ryan Murphy series, guys. Come on. Right?
Speaker: Any old one except the ones about real serial killers, okay? Fair enough. Yeah, whoops. Forgot about those for two seconds. Also, you see he's doing a Lizzie Borden one? I'm scared.
Speaker: Yeah, I don't have high hopes. Honestly, I hate to say it, but Ryan Murphy is kind of losing his shine for me because of all of the real-life stuff he's doing. Please just stick with for the horror story. Bring Scream Queens back! That was fucking genius! Yep, yep.
Speaker: Because when he tells personal stories... he doesn't tell them right. He sensationalizes real people's lives. Cause you know, Daryl Hannah is not in the the habit of making public statements about her life, but she felt absolutely slandered by that JFK Jr. shit.
Speaker: And you know, and so she had to speak out about it. That's, that's not okay. It's not okay. Beauty is great. Beauty is fucking great. Stick to fictional shit. Quit.
Speaker: when when yeah i watch when When I watch anything, even a biopic about anybody real, I am looking for accuracy. I am not looking for sensationalism.
Speaker: Show me the monster they fucking are. Like, okay, when if and when we get a BTK something, because it's inevitable we're going to get it, right? Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, show me what made people think he was fucking human, but don't humanize him in the process. Well, I mean, i think there are valid reasons to humanize people because I think it's important that we be aware that people who seem absolutely great might be horrible. And you know, since MAGA, we know that more and more. It's like, oh, I used to laugh at that guy's show all the time. Oops, white supremacist, damn it.
Speaker: Yeah, I know. but But that's the thing about Etsy is that like that is one of those things that I was trying to see both sides of. yeah Once they were called out about alligator Alcatraz merch and then said it was fine. Okay. That that was it for me.
Speaker: there Nope. fair enough so So that would be my reasoning. You know, that's my reasoning for avoiding Etsy and I'm telling it to you so you can know it, not necessarily so you can change your mind about it. Cause that's certainly something that you want to go into with your eyes open.
Speaker: Right. Right. It's like, and I'm that person that, you know, Again, i know like my dad's side of the family doesn't all fucking particularly care for me a whole hell of a lot. I know this. Does it stop me from showing up to family events such as Thanksgiving and Christmas? Absolutely not. One Christmas, one christmas I showed up dressed as um I write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic at the Disco.
Speaker: ha Yeah. Nice. Okay. My cousin... got the joke and she wasn't nearly as amused ah as ah the younger kids, like my daughter and my other little cousin who got the joke and thought it was fucking genius. um And all the older people were just like, oh, you're so festive. I'm like, yeah, thank you.
Speaker: yeah and Like, like I'm not like mike my grandmother, she passed away at the age of 94 last year, last May. um last may right before my daughter's graduation and birthday which really or yeah two years ago sorry which really sucked but I but and I do I miss her very much but you I wasn't going to sit there and tell my 90 some year old grandmother's like no this is this this is this is a big fuck you to aunt Vivian but that's beside the point so I wasn't about to tell her that right
Speaker: so um So you are working on a book right now, yeah and I want to know everything about it. I'm especially intrigued because you are collaborating on it, and collaboration is something that I so rarely do, even with H. I have so much difficulty collaborating. So I want to hear about the book itself, but also about your experience writing it.
Speaker: So it's, it's, uh, I'm, I just started on like chapter 14. Um, not too long ago. Uh, it's called Bella Donna Manor. If these walls could whisper. It's, it's going it's the first part in a series, um, that we're working on. We've been working on this book for a couple of years now.
Speaker: Um, it's, the idea of the book came about, well, me, my friend Ingrid, uh, she lives in Australia actually. So, so every time we collaborate, it's, uh, via, like,
Speaker: video chats and whatnot. um So, and she she lives in Australia, but ah her family immigrated there when she was three years old from Columbia.
Speaker: So this, so we were sitting there, we had synced up our TVs, our Netflix to watch Bridgerton. yeah Yeah. And I'm like, and I'm sitting there. i'm like, I love this aesthetic, but can we make it goth?
Speaker: And that's, that's where the idea, the basic idea for this book came about. Uh, so, okay so it's, it's a little bit Bridgerton coded and you can see that there's also references to other horror movies and icons as well as, um, uh, it's, it's also very Audi HD Latina coded because my friend is very Latina. Um,
Speaker: And it's just, it's, it's great. It's love. I, I, I've been, I've been having a very fun time reading it and it is a, it's a, it's been a world building experience and it's, it's about this, this family and their kids who live in in in what's in Mel, in Belladonna Manor and they, um,
Speaker: it was a present from It was a wedding present from his... from ah We have Dario and Drusilla Damask. The Damask family.
Speaker: and Okay. And that that is our main family, the Damasks. And have Dario and Drusilla. And Dario is... a Dario's father, Alfred.
Speaker: Yep, Alfred.
Speaker: Alfred. um bought Belladonna Manor. It was formerly a it was formerly like a church that he bought and then renovated to be a home for his family complete with like ballroom, grand dining areas and all that stuff.
Speaker: they have They have the area of the main house and then the back of the house is just yeah where they throw parties basically. Okay. And because what are you going to do with all that fucking space? Well, anyway, it's haunted and a couple of their kids can actually see and converse with the ghosts. um There's also secret passageways. The manor actually has a very dark history.
Speaker: um And we've been building on that. And again, if you are if you are a fan of horror movies and things like that there's and and the and buffy if you're a big fan of buffy again drusilla is clearly from that um it's okay i we have definitely coded this it's very goth coded it's very odd hd coded it's very latino coded it's just a lot of fun and i've been having a blast writing this uh we have like i said we have um
Speaker: The Isle of Curry. Guess who we named that after? um the The original VJ from MTV, Adam Curry. No, but that was a good. dream im just oh Thank you.
Speaker: Right. Old person joke. I was fucking good. i remember black ruless it that vaguely, but I fucking remember. i yeah. I know. Let me see if I can do it. Cause it's Adam Curry. There was Alan Hunter, Martha Quinn, Nina Blackwood and ah Mark Goodson.
Speaker: ah forget swag. Mark Goodman. I think Mark Goodson was a game show producer. um But yeah, yeah, the original VJs. um so So wait, so so um i think I understand like the the tone and and the theme of the book, but what's, like, so you have Zooms with your your co-author?
Speaker: Mm-hmm. And that's how you're you're collabing? Yep. So it's not, ah are you writing separately and then getting together to to compare what you've written, or are you writing, like, during the Zoom sessions?
Speaker: Both, actually. we also um We also have a Google, shared Google Doc, so. Oh, okay. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. when, uh, when can we read it? Uh, whatever, to whatever, because, um, I'll let you know, I promise. Cause like I said, I just started on chapter 14, which means I'm about halfway done ah with it.
Speaker: So, cause, cause my, cause my plan is to get it done. have at least 30 or so chapters. Between 28 and 30 chapters. And be at least 100,000 words, I think. Or 50.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah, 100,000 words. So, yeah. All right. All right, cool. And then you're going to do a reading from that, so we'll have it at the end of the episode. Yes. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. All right, sweet, sweet.
Speaker: Now, I want to talk about something that happened to me online recently, and I know that you're aware of it because we commented on it briefly. i was just scrolling through my feed, minding my own business, and another writer that I was friends with was talking about how Jenny Gump is the villain of Forrest Gump. He he doubled down on calling Jenny Gump a piece of shit. ah And I am aware that like, I was aware that there were people who thought that, but I thought it was just a shitty incel mindset from entitled men who blame women for their problems. um um
Speaker: What, what, what do you think is going on there? Again? I just, I think it's ignorance on how addiction works. Truly. I really do. i really do think it's a and abuse and trauma.
Speaker: Yeah. Again, if anyone, if anyone was BPD, it was Jenny.
Speaker: If anyone i mean in in what do you want in fiction had BPD, Jenny absolutely had BPD. um Because, god damn it.
Speaker: ah She had trauma, which and then you know that that she she sought to numb those feelings. And a lot of people would be... I don't know how I have managed to just not become a drug addict. Like, by all rights and technicality, I should be a drug addict and or a serial killer, but I'm not.
Speaker: um So how she, But I know for a fact that a lot of people with BPD seek self-soothing behaviors. And a lot of that leads to drug addiction. yeah it's not just It's not just BPD. It's also ADHD.
Speaker: Hi. ah Well, and CPTSD. i mean, the thing that I see in Jenny predominantly is that because she was molested by her dad, she grew up thinking she was dirty and wrong.
Speaker: And the only way that she could relate to other people, the only value she thought she had was in her sexuality, which is why she was posing for Playboy and, you know, yeah and that again naked in clubs. People who grew up in a severely religious setting. um i don't know if you're familiar with this influencer. Her name is Monty Mader. She is amazing. If you don't know who that is, check her out. No.
Speaker: But as far as I can tell, it seems like this mindset is based on the idea that Forrest loved Jenny, and when the first time he asked her to marry him, she said no.
Speaker: And then she left in the middle of the night, which is not great. That's not great behavior. You know, I wish that she had communicated better. i don't think that that means that she's the villain of the piece. Absolutely not. No. If anyone's the villain of the piece, it's the fucking government. But that's beside the point. Yeah.
Speaker: Well, I would argue that Lieutenant Dan treated Forrest just as badly, if not worse, because he was overtly mean to him. Yeah. you he He purposely pushed him away like so many times. but And then he just dropped out of his life you know for years and years.
Speaker: yeah So if we're going to blame people for the things that have happened to them, then yeah, Lieutenant Dan's behavior is just as bad. Yeah. It's like blame the don't just blame the woman, blame the man who also did the same shit. Like, calm down. Right?
Speaker: right but yeah i it It astonishes me that someone who thinks they're a feminist can watch that movie and come away with Jenny as as the villain. It's it's just absolutely because wild.
Speaker: The reason that that whole thing is in the movie is because it's so socially relevant. That is the case for so many girls that have that happen. They grow up. They don't get treatment. They don't understand what happens to them. These are the kind of issues we didn't use to talk about.
Speaker: Yeah, because it wasn't. Go through your whole life not really realizing that that might have happened to your friend or, you know, one of your classmates or people that you could have been talking to about it.
Speaker: and And understanding that, like, A, this is bad. b you didn't deserve it. that the That, like, they're the bad one, not you. Like, all these very basic things eluded people because we weren't talking about it.
Speaker: So they put it in a movie, they put it right there in your face and still dudes are like, oh, that bitch, man, she should have married him. Like what, what is that? What even is that? That's the same mindset. It it is the same mindset you get when a boy shoots up a school.
Speaker: Because a girl turned him down. Uh-huh. And everybody looks at the girl like it was her fault. and Yeah. And what the fuck? Unless it was Columbine. Unless it was Columbine. Because remember, the girl who said yes was a fucking martyr for some reason. Which never happened by the fucking way.
Speaker: ah And look, I'm not condoning Columbine. i don't I'm not. i Obviously. but those Those kids were fucking assholes. Those kids were shitty little fucking bastards and good fucking riddance to back rubbish.
Speaker: But the the girl that that got the book written about her called She Said Yes because, you know, allegedly the kid pointed the gun in her face, asked her if she believed in God. She said yes and he pulled the trigger. Number one, that never fucking happened.
Speaker: Number two... um I bet she was mean as fuck.
Speaker: yeah I mean, it's impossible to say without having known these people, but yeah um but there see there does seem to be a trend where the bullied kids that take up arms are going after specific kids who were not nice to them. But I ah obviously, well, but that's another situation where If we don't talk about bullying and take it seriously, then they think it's them. They hate themselves. So those kids were also bullies. Like you can ask any of the kids that were in that school. Those kids were also bullies. So it's like, fuck y'all. I'm tired. Sure.
Speaker: Sure. sure I've again, I've had my fair share of bullies. I've had my fair share of getting my ass kicked on the fucking playground, you know, and I had access to guns too.
Speaker: I didn't do shit. Well, you know, that is something I've said online a few times when people try to excuse behavior by saying, oh, they were bullied. Like, really?
Speaker: You know, you're saying that to a fat chick named Wednesday, right? Right. Kids had a hard time. Oh, did they? Did they have a hard time? Yeah, my parents are rednecks, man. We had guns. They were like, i mean, my parents' bedroom, last I knew, there was a gun rack with with rifles on it in the bedroom.
Speaker: And we're not going to discuss the symbolism of that at all in any way. No. We're actually nearing the end of our time. so I want to make sure ah that there was, did did we cover everything that you wanted to talk about? Was there anything that you wanted to mention that we did not get to?
Speaker: the What is it? The Women in Horror Association? the The new one? Yeah. Yeah, something about ai um Well, we we were going to talk a little bit about AI, but I think it's it's it's established that we don't like gent Gen AI. But yeah, the um it's the Women in Horror Arts and Media Association. Yes, yes, yes. The new association. would really love to...
Speaker: I joined right away because things at at the HWA, don't think it's it's the right place for me at this point in my career. i i don't, but I think that a women-focused organization that is just now arranging and so that founding members can can put in some input about you know, what, what we want, what we're looking for. It seems very on the level.
Speaker: Um, and we can put a link to that in the description as well. Um, because if you are a woman or a, another, a marginalized, uh, gender, um You know, you you don't have to be AFAB to to be a member is my understanding. And unlike the Horror Writers Association, this group does not have an earnings threshold.
Speaker: So if you're working your ass off in the horror industry and you love it, even if you are doing it for the love and not making a lot of money at it, that still counts. because that is That's something that's always bummed me out about the HWA was that when I first wanted to join, you know, when my first novel was coming out, I'm like, yeah, this is it. This is it.
Speaker: Well, my advance wasn't big enough to meet their threshold. So I didn't get to join based on the fact that my first horror novel was coming out, even though I'd been doing horror things for some time, you know, internet writing and you know, marketing stuff like that. So it was very discouraging.
Speaker: So I like that there's another organization that is starting out by being encouraging and not discouraging. That's, you know, that already bodes well. Are you joining?
Speaker: um I want to. I definitely absolutely want to because, again, I'm in the process of writing my book. I'm also in the process of getting a YouTube channel set up called Dreadful Delights with Dahlia Nightshade, which is which is a horror analysis and cooking show with macro-friendly recipes because I've been dieting. I hit my 50-pound mark, by the way. I've lost 50 pounds since last year, so go me. Wow. All right.
Speaker: I'm very proud of myself. ah Cool. Cool. Well, you know, I'd be having issues with intentional weight loss, but if you are feeling good, then I support you feeling good.
Speaker: Hey, I was able, I'm able to bend down, tie my shoes and not go. Well, yeah. Well, you gotta have goals. So you're really happy that I can do that. Right on.
Speaker: feel like I'm going to die for just tying my fucking shoes. Anyway, I don't know if you could hear my neighbor's dog barking, but um so i live in an apartment. but Yeah, my dog is actually being very quiet. I probably just jinxed it by saying that. But yeah, because her she has a living room crate that I put her in for this because i have to still watch her every minute because she's a puppy. But yeah she likes to chew on wires.
Speaker: Look, I'm not a fan of gen generative AI. I'm not. do At the same time, ai is here. And it's not going anywhere. So now it's just a matter of ethics. I don't think that's true. I think that it it could be going away sooner than we think. A lot of the big AI CEOs have been... i mean, they've been announcing that they're slowing it down, that they they it's going too fast. And I don't think it is going too fast. The thing is, it's not going to turn sentient.
Speaker: People seem to be... behaving as if we're we're just about to be in like Battlestar Galactica territory. Like it's it's gonna come alive or something. And something and it's not.
Speaker: And I think, well, right, because I mean, they're replacing people with it and there are enormous problems with it. It's given up false information. It's yeah given shitty customer service or it's given people absurd discounts that the companies then have to stand by.
Speaker: you know i mean I mean, oh no, ah on that last one. Darn. Right, right. Cool, get me a car for three bucks. and I'm kidding. Well, no, but that's the thing. If you put AI in charge of your shit, guess what? AI's in charge of your shit.
Speaker: Yeah, so that's where, yeah. i think I think because AI is not performing as well as we were told it was going to, um investors are going to start. I mean, because it always, it never comes down to ethics. It always comes down to money. So when the argument with a gal yesterday in one of my goth groups and online argument, she's like, it's no, it's, it's art. And I'm like, no, it's the fuck. Isn't it slop.
Speaker: It's, it's, it's like, it's not called art. It's called slop. Don't make my art. I don't want AI to make my art. Okay. Again, like I said, I do believe it is a matter of ethics. And that it is, and yes, it might be being slowed down, but the fact that it's here, it's probably not going to go anywhere. It's not going to go away overnight.
Speaker: It's not going to go away overnight. It's like, if ai wants to do my spreadsheets because I'm terrible at math, go for it. Well, exactly. Do the stuff that I don't want to do so that I have time to, to make art. I mean, they're called the humanities.
Speaker: That's one of the things I think we say most often on this show, the arts are also called the humanities because they come from humans. They are about the human experience and the best any AI can do is to imitate that.
Speaker: Exactly. And like I said, it's a matter of ethics and, um, we We need to put laws in place. We need to put laws and legislation in place to check it. And that's one of the things that we seem to be having a fucking problem with here.
Speaker: And I don't know why. Well, because... because of fascism, I think. yeah But who knows? It's entirely possible if Uncle Elon can't get to the voting numbers this time, that the vote will go the right way and things can start to evolve in a better direction. I don't have any hope of anything getting back to normal because that would be like pre-2016. We can't just go back 10 years. But but yeah, i'm I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful that Democrats will ah have a majority in Congress and we'll be able to not have a predator in the Oval. I think that would be nice.
Speaker: um All right. So before we we get to the end, I also like to give guests a chance to ask me a question if they have one. So if you do, now is the time for that.
Speaker: I ask every time somebody asks, ask me anything. i always ask the fort the same two questions. And the first question is, what's your favorite color? Blue. Awesome.
Speaker: The second question is, what are your top five favorite movies of all time? Ooh, all right. um So of I would say Psycho and Night of the Living Dead are my top horror movies, followed closely by The Mist and the Long Walk, which was absolutely outstanding. And then off-genre is Cecil B. DeMille's Ten Commandments, the the second one, the one from 1954. Yeah.
Speaker: But honestly, i also got to put Barbie up there because Barbie is great. Barbie gets an honorable mention. I love it. My top five favorites are Jim Henson's Labyrinth, The Last Unicorn, 1982 animated film. Fantastic.
Speaker: um Interview with the Vampire, 1994. right. all right ah Disney's Princess and the Frog. Nice, nice. And ah Batman Returns. Those five movies basically encompass my entire personality. number The number six spot, honorable mention, goes to Boy Kill's World.
Speaker: Okay, all right. you have not seen that, that ah came out year or two ago. stars Bill Skarsgård and his He's completely mute throughout the entire movie, but he is and his inner voice is narrated by h John Benjamin.
Speaker: Bob's Burgers. Yep, yep. and arch and Archer. So it's it's it's fantastic. He's deaf and he's mute and he reads lips and he comes across a character named Benny who is speaking with an accent that he doesn't quite understand. So Benny talks gibberish.
Speaker: It's amazing. whoa Mapple, apple camels. Dodo buns. It's the best. All right. So that means that it is now time for the Mad Lib. So I hope you are ready for this. We're going to start with some adjectives. I need one, two, three, four, five adjectives, I think.
Speaker: Maybe, eight wait, maybe six. i don't know. Start giving me adjectives. I'll be right in. No, no. All right. Spooky, Spooky, kooky. Yeah. I'm working on this. I promise. Dark, uh, feline. And
Speaker: I know feline could be a noun too, but it in this case, it's an adjective we can do. We understand nuance here.
Speaker: And rock. Rock. Actually, had miscounted. I need one more. Oh, you need one more. um Let's see.
Speaker: Fiery.
Speaker: Okay, now I need some singular nouns. Looks like one, two, three. Sasquatch.
Speaker: Witch.
Speaker: Paris it's a noun person place or thing okay fair enough all right so I need plural nouns I need one two three all right boys shows
Speaker: and cards
Speaker: okay so this one is asking for person in room mail and we don't have any of those so why don't we go with famous males i need two of them jason patrick and keifer sutherland
Speaker: okay now there's also a person in room female and that is always the guest and then for the last one it's person in room male but i'm gonna just put myself because i don't care if i am uh i looked right at my lost boys poster sorry oh that's absolutely cool so now i need an animal okay an animal um a giraffe Okay, that's weird. All right. um No, the the thing I'm writing is is weird. And one verb.
Speaker: Verb. Toss.
Speaker: Okay. So this is called Summer Movie Reviews. Oh, boy. It's summer, and you know what that means. Spooky weather. Ice-cold Sasquatch-sicles.
Speaker: And... big blockbusters. Check out what's coming to a witch near you this summer. Boys of the Caribbean, Captain Jason Patrick and his band of kooky scallywags take to the dark seas in search of buried shows.
Speaker: The big feline ogre, a cranky ogre named Kiefer Sutherland, and his sidekick, a giraffe named Giraffe, and a rocky gang of fairy tale creatures go on a search and oh a search and toss mission to rescue Princess Rhiannon from a tower guarded by fire-breathing Paris.
Speaker: The boy wizard. Ugh. A fiery boy discovers he possesses magical cards that he must use to defeat the evil wizard, Lord Wedness.
Speaker: All right. Quite the lib. Could have done without the boy wizard at the end, but I don't write them. I just do them. ah All right, cool. Well, that ah that brings us to a close. Thank you so much for being here, Rhiannon. That was a great talk.
Speaker: Yeah, I enjoyed that. you should do it again sometime. Right on. um And we want to remind listeners to find us on coffee if they so desire. We will be, um we always have a little extra information about our guests over there, um links to their stuff, and hints about who's coming up on future episodes.
Speaker: So, ah you know, go on over there if you want to. We'll see everybody next week.
