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Tangent #10: Insert Title Here
79 Plays17 days ago
This week we talk about the trials and triumphs of pursuing creative endeavors.
Our Discord: https://discord.gg/BFV9sJDDEX
Han Cluster Sci Fi RPG: https://hancluster.com
Resting Glitch Face: https://open.spotify.com/show/1ijwk9DT8ulqO8RVyrawhN
Bite Size Tales: https://sites.libsyn.com/436095/site
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Transcript
Inheriting Unfinished Projects
00:00:02
Speaker
Is that my inheritance? all of the All of the stuff that you guys don't finish, you're just going to pass it off to me? Exactly. All the crap. Here you go. Polish this turd. Polish this turd.
Podcast Introduction: Tabletop Changents
00:00:16
Speaker
Hello, friends. Welcome to Tabletop Changents, a podcast about running tabletop RPGs, writing stories, and the sometimes meandering paths we take in pursuit of creativity and inspiration.
00:00:33
Speaker
Tangent number 10. Insert title here.
00:00:46
Speaker
Okay.
Evolution of Creative Titles
00:00:47
Speaker
we're talking about being creative this week. We are. So Dot, explain the title to us and how it how it relates to the context of what we're talking about.
00:00:58
Speaker
Well, it's a working title. So it's a working document It's a working creative thing. yes Um, doesn't necessarily have to be anything writing, but it is it's, it's that there is the opportunity to create and it's still being developed. It's still being built. It's still being thought out there. There isn't a final version yet.
Naming Creative Documents
00:01:27
Speaker
Yeah, it's not even close. Nope. We tinker with it in a way where that would put George Lucas to shame. The first thing that I do with any new thing that I start to write is i will title of the document, whatever it is, and then it's WIP. That's it.
00:01:48
Speaker
Always. And then I'll eventually add the title back. So every document you start is WIP.doc or dot whatever. And whip then you change it.
00:02:01
Speaker
Yep. Yep. That's how all of bite-sized tale stories will start. It'll be book six, chapter 12, WIP. w p Okay. So then yeah like if you've got multiple WIPs in progress, they're all in different folders rather than all one folder with just a WIP 2, WIP 5, WIP 76. Yes. Yes. Yeah. No, there's a little bit more.
00:02:30
Speaker
There's a little bit more organization that takes place there. But i mean, I think that's just my own crazy brain needing to keep got to keep it separated. Okay. Okay.
00:02:42
Speaker
All right.
Creative Ambitions and Time
00:02:43
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, that is the perfect little microcosm to, I think, what we're talking about here. And this was my, I've been i've been itching, struggling, yearning, depressed, down.
00:02:57
Speaker
yearning is a better word. Yeah. I mean, it's it's all of those things. You know, with relation to the things that I've created, the things I want to create, the age that I am, how much time I have left to have a decent brain in my head to be able to do this stuff. Like all those things are going through my mind. And that's what I kind of wanted to talk about a little bit. Listen, I'm um i'm going to tell you right now, we don't talk about it. Okay.
00:03:27
Speaker
That's it. We just don't talk about it. as What? The amount of brain time left? Yeah, i it's real an't I can't go there because um what am I going to Most of my friends are, you know, 15 20 years older than me, like at a minimum. So like, well, this is that's a tough that's a tough subject for me to broach.
00:03:54
Speaker
Just think of all the creative projects you'll have available to you to finish that we would never able to finish. That's... No, this
Creative Responsibility
00:04:02
Speaker
isn't... It's not... no no Is that my inheritance? all of the All of the stuff that you guys don't finish, you're just going to pass it off to me?
00:04:10
Speaker
Exactly. Oh, crap. Here you go. That's right. Polish this turd. yeah Polish this turd. Wow. how much I have much to give there. Yeah. And it's not, i mean, this isn't just to like, to get away from the whole mortality, morbidity aspect of it. Because it's really not, no, it's really not there. it's more It's more about two, I think, that that need to be creative, that inherent desire to want to create.
Choosing Creative Ideas to Pursue
00:04:40
Speaker
And i think even two,
00:04:44
Speaker
managing the idea stream that ah just sort of seems to continuously flow. you know I mean, how many projects or ideas have you come up with that you've put down on paper or written down in document somewhere and then just flat out walked away from, like didn't even do anything with? yeah you know So many. Yeah. And then the ones that...
00:05:09
Speaker
and they're always good at the outset, but there's always those one or two that just linger for a long time. I can still think of at least one that I had over a decade ago that, I mean, I made, i made a show open for it and everything and it went nowhere, like absolutely nowhere.
00:05:30
Speaker
And, um ah and it's still, I still would love to be able to have the opportunity to do it.
Vidcast Idea: RPG Industry Interviews
00:05:36
Speaker
I think it's, I think it's great. Yeah. More detail, please. This was going to be a ah vidcast or a live stream.
00:05:47
Speaker
um And it was called ah d twenty Questions Over Coffee. I remember now. Yep. was going to have um somebody from ah the RPG industry. I'd interview them before we would... i hadn't i hadn't fully settled in the show format, map but before we would start, we would have them roll D20.
00:06:07
Speaker
to see how many questions we would actually have over the course of the interview. And then, or it was going to be, you'd roll a d twenty and then that would be the particular question that I would ask you. And we would, we would go, we would go from there. of course, obviously there would be a coffee aspect to it. We'd talk about it.
00:06:25
Speaker
um The type of coffee that might, we might have been both drinking or like to drink or whatever. to kind of combine those two interests at that time. And yeah, i still i I still have the open, unlisted in my YouTube channel and everything. And yeah, it died was a great idea. loved it. Never did a thing with it.
00:06:46
Speaker
Yeah, I have those two where where I'm, you know, I don't know how many years ago, it was probably more than 10, where I started writing. I had the ambition to start writing a novel.
00:07:00
Speaker
And I still have it.
00:07:06
Speaker
it's i so It's still there and i so it still lingers. It's still like ah part of it is is outdated a little.
00:07:18
Speaker
But so I'd have to you know to bring it up to to date, but I don't know. i don't know if it's worth it or or if it's better just to repurpose it. and And, you know, I'm like, well, this can be translated into han cluster or something like that, you know, and and I don't know. it's It's just one more thing. Like, that's a huge commitment.
00:07:41
Speaker
And like these these ideas that I have are often huge commitments. You know, it's, I want to write a book about Haley Preston, or I want to like finish this novel called Slipstream is what it was called. And then, and I, you know, I had a name for it and everything. And,
Committing to Large Creative Projects
00:07:56
Speaker
um,
00:07:58
Speaker
or Or I want to do these big things and I only have so much time, you know, and so I've got to pick and choose what's good enough to green light.
00:08:10
Speaker
You know what I mean? Yeah. When it comes to that, do you have do you have an internal process to help you pick and choose? Or is it something that just sort of organically happens to where you look at it and you're like, I don't think so, and and then move on to something else. like
00:08:31
Speaker
It's not a formal process, but I definitely have thought about it where I'm like, okay, you know I know that if I pursued this particular thing, it will take me years to see it through.
00:08:45
Speaker
And when I know that, I know that if I commit to it, then I'm committing to this and I'm eschewing other stuff. I'm putting other stuff on the back burner. I'm saying, okay, so that thing that I wanted to do is not happening. I have to, I'm, I'm choosing this. And because of the way I am, because I commit to things and because I tend to follow through on things when I say I'm going to do them, that's not always the case. Sometimes I'll, I'll,
00:09:16
Speaker
say, okay, that's enough. I made a mistake. I need to stop and I'm not going to work on this now. But most the time I'll finish at least to a to a logical conclusion.
00:09:29
Speaker
And when I green light, and that's not a formal process, but it's definitely a a Boolean operation where I'm like, okay, this is happening.
00:09:40
Speaker
When I green light, I do it. LFG for you is let's fucking green. I. OK, so that's a really good point because and this kind of ties into another talking point. But that is one of the things that I struggle with most
Fear of Starting Creative Projects
00:10:01
Speaker
is the overwhelming fear of failure.
00:10:06
Speaker
That I'm going to start trying to do something and then I'm not going to be able to see it through. So then rather than let myself fall down that path again, i just don't.
00:10:24
Speaker
And i keep my like, i I really hate to say this about myself, but I keep my creative space in a very neat little box.
00:10:35
Speaker
And I rarely let myself wander out of it for fear that I'm not either it's not going to be good enough or I'm not going to be able to finish it or I'm like, I'm just not going to see anything come out of it. I say i don't think you necessarily have a fear of failure. I think it's more from my observances. It's the to be perfect out the gate.
00:10:57
Speaker
Yeah. Well, I think those are i think those work in tandem with each other. If it's not perfect right out the gate, I've failed. i it's not good and I don't want to put it out there. that I think that's the I struggle with the expectation that I have of myself and what I should be able to accomplish and what I should be able to create.
00:11:19
Speaker
And the reality that is my existence, my life and and what I have that I'm dealing with. And you know that's not an excuse.
Personal Satisfaction in Creativity
00:11:29
Speaker
Everybody's going through something. Everybody's dealing with something. So, you know, i I make this conscious choice to be creative in this capacity and I want to be successful at it.
00:11:41
Speaker
But success to me doesn't come with monetization. It doesn't come with accolades or anything like that. it it's It's self-serving. it's i I want to feel proud of what I've done, what I've created, what I've written, what I've produced. And...
00:11:58
Speaker
I think that's where we do get into a little bit of imposter syndrome syndrome. And because i I have people around me that have been successful, the two of you included, and it's hard to feel like I can compete.
00:12:16
Speaker
And it's it's not a competition in that capacity, but it's I don't ever, I worry that I'll never reach that bar. Like it's always going to just be beyond because, you know, there's the continuation of people around me that are producing so much more than I can put out right now.
00:12:38
Speaker
That's one of my biggest shortcomings that I feel guilty about with Bite Size Tales is that ah Wayne is a machine. He can pump out a story like it's nobody's business. And it is baffling to me.
00:12:51
Speaker
Whereas it takes me like sometimes weeks just to even come up with a concept that I like enough that I feel like I can get into it because when I write, it's not just, I'm putting words on a page. Like there's a part of me that goes into every single thing that I've written.
00:13:12
Speaker
And that's, that's, ah that's hard to just release. It's certainly hard to, you know, just throw out there week after week. I, I, I don't know, but whatever. There are people out there who can probably do that. I don't, but what's, what's interesting about what you said is,
00:13:31
Speaker
You're not needing monetization. You're not needing accolades from others. and that i I wonder about that. but But mostly you're looking for something you can be proud of, something that you created that you can look back and say, this is this is something I made and I love it and I'm very proud of it.
00:13:51
Speaker
Yes. Me, I have that part.
00:13:57
Speaker
I have that part and it's pretty great, I have to say. I can say, i can look at all this stuff that I've done and I've done a lot of stuff and say, wow, I did that and um I'm proud of it and I look back at it now and it's still pretty great, pretty pretty pride-worthy, right?
00:14:19
Speaker
But there's there's also the other aspects of that. And it's it's it's not necessarily – it is monetization. It is that some somewhat. But part of monetization is sharing it and having other people experience it with you. And that there's there's a there's a connection between monetization and being able to get people to engage with it that the the monetization slash sharing things. So you were talking earlier just about your whole green lighting experience um or the or your green lighting method, the way you proceed when you do when you do LFG.
00:15:03
Speaker
and We kind of got to experience some of that in real time because I still remember reading some of the messages where you were like, you were talking about, I'm committing to HanCluster. I'm going to do it. This is my resolution. I'm going to go forward and I'm going to do this thing.
00:15:23
Speaker
You're going to do HanCluster. And you had the goal to get the Kickstarter out by a certain amount of time. and all of that. And you were meeting those goals. But at the same time, you were also very frank about the fact that I may not make any money on this. I may not, ah you know, might just break even. i may have a bunch of back stock in my garage, but you wanted to do it. You wanted to share it. You felt that it was something worthwhile to share. Mm-hmm.
00:15:52
Speaker
with everybody. And to me, that seemed more like the overriding feeling that you had was that. And, you know, you you commented about struggling between the two, but do you seem much more committed to the idea of the sharing of this than financial gain that you would get from it.
Project Commitment: HanCluster
00:16:11
Speaker
And I think that's still true.
00:16:12
Speaker
And that's and that's that that that's neat to see. Yeah, I mean, it's still there. It's still that way. And and yes, I think it was Savage In-Nose because part of our motivation for stopping it was for me to say, I'm committing.
00:16:27
Speaker
this is this is This is the next stage of the green light process, right? And because I had greenlit it before, but this was like, okay, now we're now we're full timing this. And the motivation, of course, back then and now is to first create something I'm proud of.
00:16:46
Speaker
Which, again, I've done. I've got the books. They're here. the The mission was accomplished in that sense. I'm running a game for you guys, and I'm very proud of how that game is running. It's very easy for me to run, which is partly because I did all that work before.
00:17:05
Speaker
to make it easy for me to run. And so there's that. But then there's the, i i I wish that there were others who got this, who sort of saw saw this through my my eyes. And it's not that, it's not I don't think it's an ego thing. It's just a, I want to connect thing.
00:17:30
Speaker
And monetization is part of that because part of it allows you to continue doing it. to continue doing it at the quality level that you've, you started at. Yeah. But part of it is, is validation. That's the word I was looking for validation.
00:17:49
Speaker
But yeah, that it's, it's that, that feeling that, that I didn't do this for nothing that I have connected with somebody and that, that maybe they can feel what I felt when I wrote
Theme of Radical Hope and Connection
00:18:00
Speaker
it. And, and not that it's like super original it's, but in some ways it is. Yeah.
00:18:06
Speaker
It's radical kindness, radical hope in a world where we don't where we have less and less of it as we go. And so that this is it's that that need, that yearning to express and to feel heard. In a certain sense, it's like the the fervor of the converted.
00:18:27
Speaker
Like you've drank that Kool-Aid or you've drank that Hawaiian Punch or Hi-C or whatever beverage of choice you want to consume. And you're into this. you are You're hardcore into this. and You want to share that. You want to spread that gospel in a certain sense to get people to be as excited about it as you are.
00:18:50
Speaker
And it is a certain type of validation. um And I would have to imagine that... reading other play reports or hearing, um, stories from people running other campaigns and stuff that you've, the only way that you've touched it is from the books themselves by writing the books, um, is incredibly validating because now they are, they are doing something with your material, maybe that you never intended, or maybe they are getting out of it. Something that was there to be gotten.
00:19:26
Speaker
in that first place, you know? And so that, that is an incredible sense of validation. I think I have gotten that to a certain degree, off and on over the years with with ah with a product that I wrote, which still blows my mind to this day. And and it almost in a certain sense, it makes me it kind of makes me laugh a little bit internally because it actually was actually my very, very first RPG product I ever wrote. And so I sometimes think to myself, did I peak with my very first one? It's been a slow, slow slide since then.
00:20:02
Speaker
But I've had... oh More people comment on that particular product than anything else I've ever done for anything else, um which is weird. for you know For those at home, which particular product? This is this is this was for Battletech. And like I said, it was my first one. it was And it was called Hotspots. And basically all it was was a book of contracts. There was a player's book of contracts, mercenary contracts that could be taken. And then there was a GM's book. How this product even sold in the first place is beyond me because it was packaged ah poorly.
00:20:40
Speaker
And that's not that's not FOSA's fault. I don't blame them for that at all. I wrote it this way and then they kept it this way. But but then there was also a GM's book, which basically laid out what's actually going on behind the scenes. Yeah.
00:20:54
Speaker
And it was just just essentially entire book of edit of adventure seeds. And I still... And that was 1993. wasn't even born yet. I know. and i And I still get the occasional people being like...
00:21:12
Speaker
man, I love that book. It was so good. You know, that kind of that kind of thing. And it's like, oh my gosh, you know. And the title stuck because they still use it as um as a header line for other products um today. But yeah, so it's...
00:21:29
Speaker
That's a nice sense of validation. I mean, to get away from the whole joke of did I peak, but it is a nice sense of validation knowing that people are engaging with this stuff and they're adding to it, you know, um to more than what was actually there. And it makes me wonder to what extent, you know, ah have I not heard about what people have done with that? And the same is true for for you. i would There's probably more people engaging with Han Cluster or anything that you have written.
Community Engagement in Creative Works
00:21:59
Speaker
um that are not on the Discord. Oh, yeah. but you know and you'll never you'll never know what the experience those people have with that. And I know I know it i do. i' you know when once if the And ah it's not just with Hanclister, but the other stuff that I've done, I've had people reach out and give me paragraphs of stuff about how this particular thing hit them.
00:22:25
Speaker
right And I'm like, well, if they're writing paragraphs, there's going to be other people out there who feel this same way but never felt the need or desire to reach out.
00:22:37
Speaker
I have to believe it. it's It's hard to believe when you're that person who did it. And all i can do is rationalize away how – stupid an idea that is that, oh, yeah, I just got lucky with this person. But but but but when you've stepped outside of it and, you know, you're Chris looking at Tracy, it's easy to see that.
00:23:00
Speaker
When Tracy is looking at Tracy's stuff, it's harder to see it. And same with you guys, right? And so, i yeah, I don't know. it's this is I'm struggling with it particularly right now because I've finished the big thing I'm six months into having all the books released and I have to decide whether, and I have, i have decided whether to green light the next thing, but I haven't really gotten into the next thing yet.
00:23:31
Speaker
because I have other things to finish first. So i'm I'm in that weird in-between period and at at well where I know I'm going to continue because I have to, because I'm i'm motivated to, I'm like compelled to, I can't stop myself.
00:23:47
Speaker
But knowing the pain that's going to come with it because of all this is daunting. Dot, what are your thoughts on all this? I was just sitting here thinking, man, they're so cool. i'm I'm not cool at all. I'm just in a fear i'm just in a sphere of influence. So I only get cool points by proxy. That's what it is. No.
00:24:14
Speaker
Yeah. You are incorrect because you've already done more than most people do. you've You've written countless stories for BST. You were on a podcast of of an actual play for seven or eight years or whatever it is. Yeah. right A second actual play, though briefly. all Right. A second second RPG advice podcast. Yeah. You've raised a kid, but this we're talking creative, right? So, but that's, but you're doing that as as well. The kid raising is still in progress. Um, but I, okay. Yeah. I, when you stack it all up like that, it sounds impressive, but really for me, I was just showing up.
00:24:57
Speaker
Like I, and That's why that's what I've always said about RGF at its core for me. That was me and some of my best friends sitting at a table playing a game with mics in our face. Like that's really what it ended up being for me. And I think that that kind of wholesomeness is what kept me wanting to do things like that. I mean, it was the same thing with Gaming with Gage.
00:25:26
Speaker
I loved being able to just be. on that podcast and talk with some of my closest people about the thing that I like to do And that I think that is that has been my motivation that's carried from project to project to project is the satisfaction that I get from those experiences, like sitting here listening to the both of you talk about this. It inspires me because i'm like, okay, they are doing these things. I can learn so much.
00:26:08
Speaker
And then I can do these things. But it's I don't want to have to rely on anybody else to do these things. I want to be able to do i want to be able to do it on my own.
00:26:21
Speaker
But, you know, it that the it takes a village adage doesn't just stop at parenting, unfortunately. That's very it's really true. the But you know, though, the when you say i was just showing up, I mean, that's the podcast equivalent of I sat down and put some words down.
00:26:44
Speaker
Like that's literally, in in principle, it's the same thing. So sure, not every session that you may have done in the game is was ah you know,
00:26:56
Speaker
Bunker's amazing. It was good, you know, and same thing. You sit down, you start putting down some words for whatever that whatever it might be. Maybe it's an adventure. Maybe it's campaign prep. Maybe it is an actual story. You're still putting that stuff on there. The nice part about that is, is you can go back um and even it's true with actual play podcast. It can be saved in the edit.
00:27:19
Speaker
You just you you show up, you put the words down, you go back and then you fix it and then it gets it gets better. So the habit are is already really there when it comes to that kind of stuff. And that's and and that's true for anybody who does this on a regular basis.
00:27:37
Speaker
if you If you're running your own home game because you want to, because you have that creative urge, you you don't have to get into that comparison thing. You can have an absolutely glorious campaign that maybe is absolutely touching and a lifelong memory for a group of five or six people. Mm-hmm. And that's still success. that's That's actually an amazing success because that is something that is going to, it touches that those people's lives forever and and and and possibly even longer people,
00:28:16
Speaker
There's particular stories that they end up sharing. Oh my gosh, I was in this game and I did this and I have a character who did this and it was crazy, blah, blah, blah. And suddenly now that that's been passed on even further.
Defining Success in Creativity
00:28:27
Speaker
So i it's I think a lot of the comparison stuff and the success stuff, I think a lot of it comes down to how you want to look at that.
00:28:36
Speaker
um Yeah, monetization. i The amount of money that I have made from any and all of my RPG writing basically only ever paid for like me going to a couple of cons or maybe um taking out some of the sting of the amount of books that I would buy over the years. you know But it never like it didn't put any of my kids through college or you know it didn't didn't buy a house or anything like that. but it I guess the point I'm trying to make is is for me, I learned to find that satisfaction elsewhere.
00:29:13
Speaker
You know what I mean? Because like the monetization just wasn't going to be a thing. I get exactly what you're talking about, Tracy, and applaud you for doing that because, woof, I don't think I That is something I don't think I could do.
00:29:23
Speaker
what What, the following through on doing crowdfunding? Yeah, and crowdfunding and all that. i mean Taking the risk of buying art. you know I can fail a Kickstarter really well. I've done it twice. So, um you know, I'm very good at failed Kickstarters.
00:29:39
Speaker
But, ah yeah, to to do it and see it all the way through, no. That's amazing to me. I was going to try and lean into the what do we feel disappointed about? Because I feel like we should end this on an uplifting note and do the things that we're proud about at the end. Okay. um I think the thing that i am most disappointed about, and I am sorry to say, Tracy, it's going to put you on the spot a little bit.
00:30:10
Speaker
ah It's my Venom adventure that I wanted to write for you. I... That's still devastating for me that I didn't get it done, that I couldn't do it.
00:30:23
Speaker
And it was after a Thursday game and Something just clicked for me. and it was like an I get it moment. Like, I feel like when I had first started trying to write that adventure, i was writing for just me.
00:30:42
Speaker
I wasn't I wasn't taking into consideration the full breadth of what Han Cluster is actually about. And now that I've been playing it, I get it And we aren't even like we're like around halfway through. Right.
00:31:01
Speaker
Yep. But I'm already starting to get the feeling and I'm understanding concepts and the emotional drive is there.
00:31:14
Speaker
as as a player. And that has helped me so much to open up like what exactly I wanted to write, but I didn't have the experience yet to write.
00:31:28
Speaker
And ah so that's like, as of this moment, one of my greatest regrets is that I promised you that I could do something.
00:31:39
Speaker
i wasn't able to deliver. And now I'm sitting here being like, farts. I want to do this. Well, it's not over. that's the i know. i know. i I knew you were going to say that. It doesn't have to be over.
00:31:52
Speaker
i was just trying to give you a break and let you off the hook. I know. And I appreciate that. I mean, it's no secret. That was dark times for that. But and it was the same experience that I had with BST. I was going back to um prompts that I had worked on in the various writers rooms across multiple discords that I'm on.
00:32:15
Speaker
And i was going back to prompts that I had already written and i was reading that umm I was reading them and I was overly critical of myself even then being like, well, this is trash, so I can't even use this to try and get something done. Like, it was bad. yeah And to be given the opportunity to contribute to something that i so firmly believe in,
00:32:43
Speaker
And then not be able to follow through really just hit me hard. i it's The door is open.
00:32:53
Speaker
So there's that. That door is open. And part of the fun of of this also is is working with others. is to is Because I am...
00:33:07
Speaker
a particular kind of leader, right? Like I can lead and I do lead, but I'd lead in a specific way. i don't, and I like the way I do it.
00:33:17
Speaker
You know what I mean? Agreed. And so when i'm when I'm put in charge of a meeting or i'm I've got people I'm working with or whatever, and I'm supposed to be sort of carrying the banner, um i will do it in my way.
00:33:31
Speaker
And I think I'm pretty good at it, but it's not the way that a lot of people do it. And that's part of the fun of having Han Cluster is like the buck stops here, but I want to work with people and, and get their ideas and, you know, have John Doom write me something and then me work with them on trying to figure out what we're doing, you know, or Chris or whoever, dot you know, that's awesome. That's, that's part of the fun of it.
00:33:58
Speaker
Connecting, you know. Yeah. So anyway, Chris, disappointment. Let's do disappointment. ah Battletech novel in in the shortest answer possible. So having written as much as I had for the line back in the day and the amount of fiction that I've written... Um, that was at least back in the early to mid nineties, that was kind of like what I had set out of the progression goal.
00:34:26
Speaker
You write a few of adventure books, prove that you have what it takes to get down 60 90,000 words. Um, and then eventually move on to fiction because the fiction wasn't as, uh, present as it is today.
00:34:42
Speaker
Um, I had, here's where the disappointment comes in. I had the opportunity ah to write a pitch and ah write three sample chapters, get it out there, do it.
00:34:56
Speaker
um And I did it Uh, and I did not get picked. Uh, it, so I, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't make the cut. In fact, I think I still even have the files that I, for what I had written. And, um, yeah, that was, uh, you know, it was big bums.
00:35:15
Speaker
Um, it was very, I was disappointed in myself because one, I had, I had worked to get the opportunity and then failed to capitalize when given the opportunity.
00:35:28
Speaker
Like I just, I don't know if it was because my fiction writing wasn't strong enough at the time, which is possible. Um, or if the idea that I had wasn't, uh, quite, ah good, strong enough, I don't know, but yeah, that was, and then yeah i think compounding that, and I don't know if i would call this a disappointment or not, but I think that that, that window of opportunity has passed for me. Because even though I still write predominantly fiction now, it's, you know, of the 5,000 to 7,000 word variety, short story variety. yeah And being able to have the opportunity to do an actual novel, I don't think...
00:36:14
Speaker
um I don't think that opportunity is there for me anymore. It might be. I could be completely wrong. It's not something I've investigated, but I'm not a prolific enough writer um in that field, I think, to warrant that attention, to get it.
Feedback on Creative Writing Quality
00:36:31
Speaker
so Which is which is interesting, interesting and ah maybe further disappointing, because I've been told that I'm not, like, of the of the writers that...
00:36:43
Speaker
the person I interact deal with, I've been told that I'm not one of the problem children, meaning my stuff is actually pretty good. Like doesn't require a lot of editing work. um ah But yeah, I don't know.
00:36:57
Speaker
Yeah. and the list The list could be too long. They have some very good people writing now and um I'm not on that list, I guess. I don't know. I thought you were going to say gun for hire.
00:37:10
Speaker
Oh, yes. Not finishing that? Absolutely. Huge disappointment. Something that that actually eats at me at least three times a month. um and and And I was recently reminded of that fact that I hadn't finished it. And it's I have all of the raw recordings. I could finish it. Yeah. but sitting down and committing and editing and putting everything in with that. Yeah. But no, yeah, absolutely. That's a hundred percent. So you're, you're still technically right.
00:37:42
Speaker
Three out of 10. No notes. No notes. Exactly. So for me, there's, there's, there's two. one is Recent, very recent. And this is going to sound like sour grapes, but it's it's not. It's just disappointment. It's just disappointment. I didn't get nominated for a nanny. And i thought i I thought my product was good enough to get nominated for a nanny.
00:38:07
Speaker
That's really, that's it. That's all. There's no more to it than that. And and and I could ah regress into being my dad, and start blaming various
Award Disappointment
00:38:18
Speaker
things. And, you know, half of that at least would be me, but it's it's it's it's a no win no win scenario if I go down that road, right? So I'm disappointed that I didn't get nominated.
00:38:31
Speaker
yeah But another big one is music. And it's it's not that I have been unsuccessful in music because I'm a classically trained singer. I've got stuff that's, I think, very good. It's on Apple Music and Spotify. I pay to renew it every year. It's it's up there.
00:38:48
Speaker
But and it's choral stuff. And it' it's very good. It's good. But it's the electronic music that really just eats at me. Because there are certain things, certain ah albums that other people have created in the electronic music field, and it's it's completely unique. And there are particular albums where I'm just like, oh my God, this is fiercely creative, fiercely addictive, and unlike anything else I've ever heard.
00:39:23
Speaker
Like it is unique. Like, and that's, that's rare in these days, you know, or at least it's unique to me. I haven't seen anything like it. I wish i could do that. Oh, it's this yearning, this need, this want, right? And I never could get it.
00:39:39
Speaker
I never, I tried and I tried and I tried and I tried. And I came up with some stuff that was okay, but not, there there was just no way. I'm not even there, not even close. I never will be close.
00:39:53
Speaker
um And it it the the what eats at you is the disappointment that's born out of knowing, like Chris mentioned, that you don't even know what you're doing wrong.
00:40:07
Speaker
You don't even know what can fix this. You know, like you're just like, well, what's wrong with it? And you can't even answer that question. And that's tough. Right.
00:40:22
Speaker
That's really, really tough. And and that's that's what I felt like with with some of the music stuff that I've explored. and And I want to get back into it. I want to do it some more. It's fun. The process of doing it is fun, but I'll never be there, ever.
00:40:36
Speaker
And oof, that hurts. Is this like EDM music? Is that what we're talking about? Yeah, kind of. I can share it with you, but there's some there's some remarkable.
00:40:47
Speaker
like And I met the guy who who po who made this stuff. and and you know And not in person, but I've interacted with him. I've collaborated with him because i used he used my voice on a thing he did.
00:41:00
Speaker
And I i put him on a huge pedestal. Because he created this particular album with his partner that I think stands alone in something that speaks to me in in all the aspects that I want electronic music to speak to me.
00:41:22
Speaker
In the sense that it's addictive, fiercely creative, and they're creating sounds that I don't even know how they did it. You know, and all those things are happening at once. it's It's amazing. It's easy to create crazy sounds. It's easy to to create a, you know, one, four, five progression song. Fairly easy. Well, that's not true, but it's it's easy to do it basically.
00:41:49
Speaker
But to combine all that with rhythms that just... get On repeated listens, you just are in awe of, and the sounds that they created and the combination, and you you sit there and you you try to figure out how they did it, and there's nothing that comes to mind. It's a blank wall.
00:42:13
Speaker
this it's ah It's an impenetrable blackness, magic black box that they have access to that I don't. That's an example.
00:42:24
Speaker
And I feel that way about movies, some movies, some acting performances. I feel that way about lots of things, but this is the one where I tried. I really, really tried and I was not successful.
00:42:37
Speaker
So there's, there's that, but on a brighter note, Dot, what do we want to, what do we want to end with? We want to end with what we've done well.
00:42:49
Speaker
I think in some of these disappointments, like we've pointed out really cool things that we've done. Right. You know, like, yeah, Chris, you didn't get your Battletech novel, but hotspots.
00:43:07
Speaker
I mean, I've I've heard people at cons bring that up to you. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, what the hell? This guy is such a loser. What are you talking about?
00:43:21
Speaker
But, you know, says the girl that has signed copies of battle textbooks. So, you know know, that was more just to embarrass him than anything. But anyways, well done.
00:43:33
Speaker
And in Tracy, you wrote and produced a TTRPG book. you You did it.
00:43:45
Speaker
There are there are people in the world that can say, yeah, I've I've written an RPG, but there are not so many people in the world that can say that they've done all of the work that you did.
00:44:01
Speaker
And it's it's admirable. It's inspiring. It's incredible. I mean, the both of you, right? Like, that that is that's what I think I've done well, is I've surrounded myself with people that inspire
Community and Support in Creativity
00:44:17
Speaker
me, that push me to do more, that encourage me to be better, and that call me out on my bullshit when it's there.
00:44:31
Speaker
I don't think that's nothing. In fact, that's an essential ingredient to being successful. That is the way to do it. No question about it. And it's something that young people don't often get.
00:44:43
Speaker
It's like, I want to do this on my own. I don't want to be embarrassed and all that. But if you can surround yourself with people who already know how to do it, who are willing to listen to you and to help you, people who care about you, that is the recipe for success.
00:44:58
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And that's why Honklester was successful. Because first I had Daryl. Then I had Shane. Then I had Simon. Then I had others. Then I had artists I was working with. Then I had a whole brain trust that I could go to when I was in trouble.
00:45:15
Speaker
And I did. I couldn't have done it by myself. It wouldn't have happened. Yeah. So that's a skill and you've already you've already started it. You've already got it, right?
00:45:30
Speaker
it's it's You're surrounded by people who have done the stuff that you want to do. Yeah. And that helps in a major way. Major way. Right.
00:45:41
Speaker
I'm good at networking. i mean It's good skill. It is a good skill. It's a very good skill. It is. can't You can't deny it.
00:45:52
Speaker
And you're good at, ah if people love you. People will love you. They do. it's it It matters. You don't maybe realize how much. i think i'm i I think I'm just this over-exaggerated personality sometimes, and they're like, all right, you need to just hush up. Calm down. That's not what's happening. no I know. I know. I know. And I don't take that for granted. I really, I really do appreciate how welcoming this, and my, my sphere corner, whatever you want to refer to it as of this community
00:46:32
Speaker
Has been and i don't take it for granted because I i know that there is a lot of toxicity that can take hold in this space.
00:46:44
Speaker
And i have been very fortunate to not have run into it at all. Mm hmm. And I don't think that there's a lot of people that can say that, unfortunately.
00:46:57
Speaker
Fair. Oh, and boof, of course. Boof, boof, boof. Incredibly supportive. Oh, I think that goes without saying. It does, but i should I need to mention Right. I mean, without her, none of this would be possible.
00:47:11
Speaker
And so, yeah, for me, I've done lots of things. Well, some of which I can't mention here because they're... Not appropriate, but I've done some remarkable things.
00:47:24
Speaker
Trust me. As part of my creativity, I've done Hancluster and I've done a lot of science stuff I can't mention. i've I've learned to sing in a way that most people can't and all this other stuff. And so there's lots to be proud of. and i can look And one of my biggest, proudest talents is to be able to look back at the stuff that I did create and still be proud of it.
00:47:48
Speaker
and not be like criticism of of everything that I did. Because part of my present process is to do that the best I can in the moment and not be regretful of it later, which is why it takes me longer But, you know, I'd rather it be right.
00:48:09
Speaker
So anyway, Chris? i there's There's, I think, two particular things. I mean, there's just like you, Tracy, there's a bunch of stuff I'm extremely proud of ah having created and done over um over time, for sure. And so it's hard to see which things bubble up to the top. But...
00:48:27
Speaker
if ah If I had to pick a couple, one in the non-RPG space, but yet still extremely heavy and on the creative side, um would be the Murrow Award that I got for Best Documentary. This...
00:48:47
Speaker
um this this For those of you who don't know, this is Edward R. Murrow. Look him up. But anyway, this is a very this actually is a very prestigious award within the television news industry.
00:49:01
Speaker
um And they break it out by small market, large market. And back in 2009... I won a documentary, or I produced a documentary that ah chronicled how the TV station I was at covered the floods, which were record-setting once-in-500-year floods, and they really, really damaged ah the area extensively that we were in.
00:49:28
Speaker
And um I had absolutely no idea what I was doing going into it. um I knew that we were going to be interviewing them, yeah all the reporters and anchors. And then i just sat through tape and you pick out sound bites and you try and build a story from this in the coverage of how this happened. And um i knew when it was done that it was good.
00:49:54
Speaker
Um, and so I was pleased when I found out that we had won a regional Murrow award for just like the geographic region that we were in. And then it goes on to nationals, just like Lee.
00:50:08
Speaker
And, yeah. But i never actually thought that it would win the national award. And much to my surprise, ah we did win the national award for that, for s small market documentary. And i had to get i had to rent a tux, and I went out to New York City and, you know, got the trophy and all of that stuff. And, yeah, it was... um It was quite the shindig. So very, very proud of that, um for sure. And it is online. not that I would expect anyone here to watch it. But anyway, i think and then I think on ah on a much more personal level,
00:50:47
Speaker
So there was there was a story, a Battletech story that I wrote. i can't even what to um i know I can't remember the title of it. But what ended up happening from this, it was about a mercenary unit, whatever, um that was struggling to survive. They had a running battle going and they were struggling to survive.
00:51:08
Speaker
And out of the blue, I was contacted by a random person in the fandom who enjoyed the story so much. He wanted to paint his miniatures, his Battletech minis, in the colors of the unit.
00:51:25
Speaker
And so I'd have to go back and look at the conversation. But I think he asked me, like, what is the color scheme? I have no idea. I don't know what the color scheme is. Dude, if you want to make it up, you go right ahead. So he made it up.
00:51:37
Speaker
And then he, rather than just doing that, he like kept messaging me. What do you think of this? What do you think of this design? what do you think of this design? um Very genuine communication. um And so he and I just kind of kept exchanging messages And um it was it was just very, very touching that something that I created had that level of impact on him that he wanted to go and do all of this This kind of goes back to the earlier conversation. Wanted to go and do all of this extra stuff with it that I had not thought about since submitting the story and then being done with it.
00:52:16
Speaker
um And yeah, it is just... the impact that, um, I felt that I had for that, uh, is, and it was just one person, um, just really, i don't know. I mean, it just it was very, very touching.
00:52:33
Speaker
Yeah. And so I look at that as being at just an extremely high level of success that that was, um, you know, that that happened.
00:52:46
Speaker
It was neat. Very It was just neat. that's it You know, I'm going to go drink a chocolate milkshake now. It was just neat. Daddy-o.
00:52:56
Speaker
Yeah. Don't stop being creative. It is, even if it's just for yourself, it's it's it's so rewarding. I just, I can't even begin to describe the satisfaction that comes from, even if it's just for yourself.
00:53:12
Speaker
It's a worthwhile endeavor.
00:53:19
Speaker
Thanks for hanging out with us. Whether you're behind the screen, at the table, or lost in your own story, we hope you found a little inspiration. If you enjoy our tangents, be sure to connect with us on Discord and follow us on socials to keep the conversation going.
00:53:34
Speaker
Until next time.
00:53:47
Speaker
Oh, wait, I have it. We insert title here. I have the i have the perfect perfect title. I know we struggled with this in the beginning. I i got it. I got it. It's...