Transcript
Speaker: the grief of the family system that didn't work out and for my children in that respect. So grieving the loss of the family unit. And then we were, we were quite successful in our community. I ran the football team and Cotillion and the pony club and my kids were popular, whatever. And, and we took a hit, we took a hit as a family because of the changes, you know,
Speaker: Welcome to grief, gratitude and the gray in between podcast. I'm your host Kendra Rinaldi. This is a space to explore the full spectrum of grief and the kind that comes with death to the kind that shows up in life's many transitions through stories and conversations. We remind each other that we're not alone.
Speaker: Your journey matters and here we're figuring it out together. Let's dive right in to today's episode.
Speaker: Let's start with a quick disclaimer. This podcast includes personal stories and perspectives on topics like grief, health, and mental wellness. The views expressed by guests are their own and may reflect individual experiences that are not meant as medical advice.
Speaker: As the host, I hold space for diverse voices, but that does not mean I endorse every viewpoint shared. Please listen with care and take what resonates with you.
Speaker: Welcome. Today I have Kim Costa. She is a realtor, author, speaker, podcast host, and creator of Lifestyle Foundations and the Wheelhouse Assessment.
Speaker: With over more than 30 years experience in the residential construction, design, and real estate, she helps people determine whether their homes truly support the lives they want to live.
Speaker: She is the author of Live in Your Wheelhouse, an empowering guide to stay, go, or reno. So welcome, Kim.
Speaker: Thank you so much for having me. It's great to be here. I'm excited to talk with you. I am excited too. Okay, so right before we started to record, we were just comparing notes here. You live in Atlanta and I start saying, oh, where I used to live. And then I mentioned my realtor who...
Speaker: yeah he's the one that found us our home and also helped us sell. And then it turns out, you know him. So this small world life. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. So Reed Casey, I'm going to send you this podcast because. Shout out to Reed. He got me my, my townhouse. I worked with him for a smidge and he's great. And I see him quite often.
Speaker: He's wonderful. I love those little life connections like that. it just It just brings me so much joy because we are more interconnected than we know. A lot of times we think we're just kind of in this little bubble ourselves and we are not. But what I've noticed is asking the right questions is what usually gets us to know that we have something in common with someone else.
Speaker: I agree. Right. i very And it's kind of like, like people tend to congregate towards each other. And so it's, it's sometimes time you have to ask, do you know, so-and-so, because if you're kind of similar, birds of a feather flock together. so you might as well ask. If you're in the Northern part of Atlanta, in that area that you are, and I know Reed is like, why don't I put those two things together and just ask, do you happen to know, and you're both in the, in the real estate industry. So yes, you do end up knowing that you have more in common. So you mentioned about him finding you your first place to live. And we're going to start right off the bat into your own life changes that then ended up making you now be someone that not only really focuses, especially with your book, on helping people find what they need now. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: based on where they are in their lives, but diving into really what matters, who are they, what matters and what do you hold on to as you shift in these different stages of life. So let's go into your own life and what brought you to this space.
Speaker: Good. Okay. So yeah, so I got divorced in like 2012, 2013. And so at that time, i had this set of criteria, like I need to stay in the high school district for my one child who hadn't graduated yet. And i had these certain criteria that I was looking for. So even back then through life change,
Speaker: When your life changes, your criteria for your home usually changes as well. And so I definitely saw that. And Reed was you know instrumental in finding me my first place after my divorce. So downsized from a rather large home in Milton to a townhome that was easier for me to take care of. in the same school district, close to work, all the things. And so from then, back then I was still an accountant. I was a controller for a high-end landscaping, like exterior environment company in Norcross, because I think you you lived in Norcross. So it was based in Norcross. And so I wanted to be as close as possible, but stay in the in the school district. So it was a very small parameter and Reed helped me find it. So
Speaker: From there, I was like, yeah, I really like this. really I really love the homes, but I'm a more creative people person. I don't want to be doing the numbers behind the scenes for each job. And so i gen about the next five years, I transferred from being a controller into being ah a creative realtor, writer, it's podcaster, et cetera.
Speaker: <unk> like a whole new new life new life, whole new life and a new invention of who you are. We're constantly evolving. Sometimes we choose these changes. Sometimes the changes choose us. And then we have to figure out who are we amidst this. So in the middle of a divorce, life changing, you changed into a town town home.
Speaker: What were some of those
Speaker: aspects of what you felt were part of your now identity as a single mom that you needed to make sure your new home carried four forward.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, if if you don't mind, can I go through the eight areas that I write about? Oh, absolutely. And I'll just kind of try to give an example. So so many yeah let's say I was like 47 years old, two kids, one in college, one a junior in high school, need to kind of stay put and keep the roots to help him. So finance, I had to see what I could afford. Proceeds had not arrived yet from the big house we were selling. So That was a consideration. Health, really not too much there, except for the mental health of it being secure and easy to maintain because here I am a single working mom. So like no yard, gated and close to shopping and all that stuff. Career needed to be close to where I worked, like within 30 minute drive. And you know, the the traffic in Atlanta. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, could say it could be a certain number of miles, but plug that in still with real time. Yeah. or Or an hour. yeah Okay, fun and leisure. What did I like to do for fun? i like to golf. I did yoga. needed to be near my yoga studio. I also like to walk and there were paths close by. Family and friends. A lot of my friends live right there in Alpharetta, so and they still do, so that's great.
Speaker: Spirituality. Gosh, I didn't have much in that realm except for that my church couldn't be too far away. And again, the yoga. romance. Well, here I was a newly single person. i put the, I put the kibosh on that for a year or two, but I just wanted my space. Right. And so perhaps like I was in the, I'm now remarried. So i was like in the future, I need a space for romance, but for now that's not a top priority. So I didn't think too much about that.
Speaker: And environment was more like, it needs to be easy to get places. I want people around me because I It was kind of remote where I lived before. And so that's going around the eight areas, what I considered at that time in my life.
Speaker: When you went into that new space, then you were considering all that. How did you know this was a space? Because coming into like walking into that threshold of a home, you sometimes feel a certain energy. Sometimes it's not even the space. A lot of times we just get because like you said, one is what can you afford? All the other things check in. You may not necessarily be feeling like this is your home, but how was it for you?
Speaker: Well, it was completely different. I moved from a 8,000 square foot home where each child literally had like their own apartment, like just big spaces and separation and a big yard and a pool and a basement with all the things, the theater and all the things. So my biggest consideration was for my son, I did not want to meet make too much change for him.
Speaker: And so I found a townhome that the entire upper floor was like his apartment-ish, even though he was like 17. I didn't just let him go. Like he had to pass me to get out of the house. That was that was a definite consideration at 17. I want to know what you're doing and who's over and all that kind of thing. But I also wanted to give him a little bit of the freedom he needed to finish out the year and go to college a little later and kind of still to be in the same school district because I didn't want to uproot. Right. But then it also needed to have space for my daughter to come home from college. So family was a huge consideration there.
Speaker: And the finance part was this. This was 2013. And this new development of townhomes had sort of stalled and they were very, very good builder, very nice. But they hadn't sold any in a little while. And I knew I could get a good deal.
Speaker: And so, and Reed guided me in that respect, like, wow, I think we could ask for such and such off because they haven't sold any in a while. So I got a, like a record deal for it. And so it was like all those eight areas kind of came into like this, everything aligned and it was supposed to work out.
Speaker: Yeah. In these changes, and you said like from 8,000 then to townhome, that's a big change. and Divorce is a big... And it was still 4,000 square feet. So, I mean, that's small. that's still cute. No, that's, yeah, that's a big, that's a big home.
Speaker: So, yeah these changes, not only physically are you changing your home, Circles of friends start changing as well. Can you take us into your own journey? Because of this being a podcast about grief yeah and gratitude and all those changes, if you can please dive into your own experience of grieving the who you were, but at the same time, tuning into who you're going to become.
Speaker: Yes. Well, it was truly grieving process because it was the end of a marriage. You don't ever go into a marriage thinking, oh, this isn't going to work out. So the grief of the family system that didn't work out for my children in that respect. So grieving the loss of the family unit. And then for my children. We were quite successful in our community. I ran the football team, the Cotillion, and the Pony Club. My were popular our community. ran the football team, and Cotillion, and the Pony Club, and because of the changes, remember myself, that people can...
Speaker: I'm going to own it. I remember when my kids were younger, like, oh, gosh, is it's a divorced family. Like, is there supervision? you know, what's going on over there? Is there, you know, the judge? It's so interesting that that that you were that you had that perception of judgment prior, and then all of a sudden you fall into the same thing, that now you're the one that parents are thinking,
Speaker: Should my kids be allowed to go to depending, well, whose home are they in this weekend? Who's home, right? Or one the two homes? Is there any fighting going Is it like stable? Is it all the questions that if you don't really know the people that come up in your head that you want to protect your kids? I was that person. And then here I was divorced.
Speaker: I did lose some friends. I did lose some friends over it. And that was ah a grieving process. And then the grieving of the kids going away to school, it was kind of like, gosh, I have been a mom.
Speaker: That has been my top priority. And I worked all through, but the top priority was always being a mom. And just to like, to feel like maybe I had caused some strain on my children with my life change. That was very much a grieving process. and And also the loss of being a family unit in our community that was well thought of. And I think we're all individually still well thought of. It's just the loss of the so-and-sos and the exterior image
Speaker: image that we we probably had at at some point. It's such a good point that it's even though as individuals, you're still seen as respectable. It's, yeah, you've lost this whole unit. I haven't experienced divorce myself, but it's good to hear these perspectives. And I see it with a lot of my friends That the circle of friends definitely changes, social life changes, things like that. So you are grieving more than just that your unit. your you You are grieving the people used to socialize with as couples. That changes, right? Like who do they invite now, you or him, right?
Speaker: Yeah. The loss of the family home because we sold the the large home and and divided that. And and and for me, the loss of a business I worked in for 27 years. So i Didn't touch the business, even though I had worked there for 27 years and just said, I can, I can just kind of, know I can always, I know how to make money. I can just reinvent myself. So there, but there was some loss of security, definitely loss of of finances and yeah a lot of loss. Like I think about five years later, I was like, wow, that was a lot of loss.
Speaker: But you know it in that moment, like that you this was because a lot of times people do not associate divorce or career changes, loss of a home with the aspect of grief. And so therefore, all these emotions that they're having of brain fog and this and wanting to actually maybe be on their own a lot, loss of interest in certain things, they do not realize that it's actually grief. You don't register the loss involved. And I did not, I don't, I think I did a little bit. I thought, okay, I'm going to take a hit here financially and whatnot, the things that I could see ahead of time. But I think I was looking at it as an, looking at it as an opportunity for me to really be who I'm supposed to be. But I didn't really look ahead to how much loss that was going to be. The friends that didn't call anymore, the loss of the big home. i thought simplifying would be awesome until I was like,
Speaker: Kind of miss my kitchen. like where Where is my measuring cup? Oh, wait. Oh, I don't have one in this kitchen yet. I can't use two ovens. I only have one. I have one oven. Where's my sub-zero? All those superficial things until your life is just changed in every single way. And it's a lot.
Speaker: It is a lot to go through divorce. And we didn't have a super, super messy divorce. We mediated and thank God and all those things. But but it was still very, very traumatic. And the trauma lasted like eight years.
Speaker: I was like, oh, I'll be fine. But it did last longer than I thought it would. and you Yeah, no, it is a big change and acknowledging that and knowing that not only are you grieving yourself, the idea of what you thought to the expectations of what you thought this marriage that was going to last forever, now it's not. But you're also then accompanying your children in their own grief.
Speaker: of this life too. So as as a mother, you are carrying multiple griefs. And as you said yourself, you also change your career, just a lot of different layers. So thank you for sharing that. And so you dive into this new career now, you you you do then now in in real estate and all these things. And how did you then pivot into now becoming an author? And what was that?
Speaker: big life, m I need to write a book about lead living in your home? Well, you know, I gave up writing for a very long time. It went in spurts. And when I was little, I remember, I want to say it was a third grade teacher, just based on where the classroom was in the school from my memory. Then she took a story of mine where all the children had to write a story and and she starts reading a story in class one day and I recognize it's mine, but I was kind of quiet. And so she read it and had this surprise ending. And I just i remember where I was sitting and everybody turned around at the end when she announced, because they all were like, the ending was a surprise ending, which I love to do. And they all, the kids turned around and looked at me and I was like, yeah, it's me. It was me. I wrote that. And they were like, wow. And so i was like, oh, okay. I think I'm onto something here. good yeah Yeah. It was really fun, but I kind of,
Speaker: I don't know. just was raised in a house with three older brothers. Sports were what you did and all the things. We were pretty social and I was little bit introverted and just finding time to sit and write.
Speaker: i remember I remember one of my brothers maybe taking out my stories and like laughing at them. Like, why are you doing this? And I think I stopped writing. for a while. Not that it's all their fault. Isn't it interesting how these little things that we end up realizing at later of like, why ah why did I think that out of myself? It was not cool to be an artsy little girl, which I'd go back and do that over. But so then fast forward, I always i was a marketing person. So that's kind of like writing, writing to to the masses. So I loved that. But really what happened is 2002, I was in a different big house in Milton, a big farm called Clarity Farm. And I was riding a horse and I fell off the horse and broke my back badly.
Speaker: Wow. And it was not supposed to be walking. The doctor said, I don't know why you're gonna walk again. it must You must have an angel on your shoulder. And I was like, wow, what like what does this mean? Like, why why was I saved? what is my What am I meant for? and so ah while I was recovering, I started writing again, because I was literally stuck in a remote farm with nobody around me. My kids were at school, husband was at work, and I was bored out of my mind. And I started writing again, wrote to the Oprah Winfrey show and won her essay contest.
Speaker: But I also realized how out of alignment my home was and I was in pain and I like, there's no way I could have gotten that farm or myself ready for the Oprah Winfrey show to come. So I told them not to come.
Speaker: How do you feel about that? About having said no then?
Speaker: I think it was necessary. i don't think, I think letting couple million people into my home at the time would have not portrayed me in the best light. i was struggling.
Speaker: The home was beautiful. The story I wrote was lovely. I remember it was pretty funny and I would not have given me the drive to become an author later in life. Cause once I got my kids graduated, switched my careers, became successful on my own. i was like, I'm going back to writing. And so i wrote a book, but I don't think I would have had that drive had I not turned down that opportunity to like, thr because I going to finish this book because i said no, then i'm not going to say no to myself now. And so I think it helped me finish the book.
Speaker: Because you would have felt probably like you had arrived, right? Yeah, like you already got recognition. Yeah. Who other than Oprah Winfrey, like the book club goddess of all yeah.
Speaker: And then now, yeah, you're right. a lot of times we might just put other projects if we already think we've already done. In this case, you had that little that little nudge there to prove it to yourself that you could do it, do it again. So talk about more of this book. You have then these these eight steps or principles of like trying to decide of even just how you choose your home. Yeah.
Speaker: Take us a little further and give us, if you can, some anecdotes of some of your own clients, if you don't mind, of how it was that you helped them find their perfect home.
Speaker: Sure. so So the eight areas are from the Wheel of Life and they're a coaching tool that I used as I was changing my life. And then I started helping people find homes and I i started categorizing their pain points into these eight areas. And I was like, i think there's a process here. But I coach people.
Speaker: I say coach. i I'm not a coach, but I help people through life change. Sometimes that's the death of a spouse. Sometimes that's empty nesters, which is its own set of grief. Sometimes it's retirement, which is loss, loss of a work family and and your purpose. And so what I coach people through is what can we do to align your current home or a new home with your next stage of life to make you be the best person, the person you want to be in this next stage. And sometimes that is...
Speaker: guiding somebody past a death or I'm helping some clients right now that are in their nineties. They have to sell a home cause they can't, they have three and they can't take care of it. They need to move near one of their sons because they're just getting older and it's the loss of their independence.
Speaker: Right. And so I'm just trying to facilitate the the movement from one stage of life to the next with the least amount of pain and to anticipate, okay, what do we need in our next home for the for the for the widow? can be it can be Similar to my divorce situation, i i I don't take care of the outside except for my roses and my herbs. The rest somebody else needs to do. And that's not me. And so for the widow who may not be used to doing that, she might and is not, I'm i'm generalizing here, doesn't want to do a lot of maintenance and like she's grieving.
Speaker: Let's not put a lot of strife And maintenance in her way, like she just needs to process and find herself and figure out what this next stage of life can look like, hopefully finding joy again.
Speaker: So let's not add a three acre yard or unless she has animals that she loves and that's what she wants to do every day to get through. So it's it's very individualistic to what makes you happy.
Speaker: it's It's so much and we don't really even realize of how much goes into choosing a home, but having a bright person like yourself, not only that you are aware of these nuances for the individuals, because you but it's really because you've also lived it. So the empathy that goes in with having someone along the way and you do end up becoming a coach for that person because you do have to listen, listen to what it is they need, what they're looking for and read between the lines as well. Correct.
Speaker: So I am an intuitive empath. You know, i feel people's feelings. I sense when something's wrong and they don't even have to say anything. I can read their body. I pick up on a vibe. i know that sounds very woo woo, but that's just how I'm built. I pick up on emotions and try to put them into words or sometimes just sense them and propose alternatives that they can pick.
Speaker: So like once they've walked in and then you notice their jaw clenching, body kind of changing, you might be, okay, I see where this person, how what how at this person, I wonder if it has to do with the space or maybe something in the space reminded them in another home. how How do I uncover what really is going on right now?
Speaker: Yeah, it could be the the way the light's coming in or the lack of light. It could be the kids' bedrooms are too far from, you know, mom, they've already lost another parent and let's keep them close.
Speaker: because they need the security right now. it's It boils down to Maslow's hierarchy of needs. That safety need is second from the bottom, physiological safety, love and belonging. When you are grieving, you can't pick a home based on what color the countertops are.
Speaker: You need to pick a home based on how safe and psychologically well and how it brings your family together. How how is how are you going to achieve that in the home?
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: so many things that I would have not thought of. My parents have moved. I've moved, but I never have moved in the middle of grieving myself. So I would have never thought that so much goes into that process.
Speaker: What are some tips that you can give someone? You are in the Atlanta area. I'm in Texas. People that listening are all over the world to be able to find the right person for them. You have the book, of course, that they could get that's from you. Other ways that you can help them remotely. And then what ways can you pinpoint who is the right person for you to help you in these transitions as a realtor?
Speaker: I think the biggest thing is to find a realtor that is not transactional. They're not just looking to sell something. And there are many, many out there. i know we sometimes get a bad rap, but there are many good realtors. But they also need to see you for who you you are.
Speaker: Like maybe they're really big on the numbers, which is important. And some people who are very left-brained and logical, they want ah all the numbers. They want all the financials. and very streamlined process. But there are also people that think more out of their right brain and they want to feel good in the home. They want certain aesthetics and a sense of belonging and what activities they're going to do and how are they going to entertain family and friends. And so you have different personalities. You just need to make sure you have somebody who gets you.
Speaker: And even if they don't have your same personality, like you better believe i have a stack of of market analysis right here that I'm a right brain person. But for that left brain person, we have to go through finance and we have to go through career and all the other things specifically to make wise decisions in those areas. So it can't just be, okay, you like that one. Let's see what price we can get. How many bedrooms do you need?
Speaker: Make sure somebody's examining all the areas about your life and those you and your goals.
Speaker: that That goes into this thought part then that you were saying about the wheelhouse. So take take you mentioned the wheelhouse and you created a wheelhouse. So wheelhouse method.
Speaker: what What is it like? What does it take then for us to go in, do it? How many many questions in order to determine what the right home is for us?
Speaker: Yeah. So it's pretty quick. Like you could read the book in one day. you could probably take the assessment in an hour or two. there's so there's eight areas. And then the questions are arranged from the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy, which is like, is the home safe? Are you, could there be a hurricane? That kind of thing. Like, so it's yes or no. And then you kind of skim for the answers that stick out. And then you rate each area from one to 10. So primary, and then like, if you rated something a two,
Speaker: and something else, a three, those are probably areas that you need to fix either by staying and reorganizing, renovating, or moving. And so you're going focus on those areas first, but then just remember the other areas in the circle so you don't make something worse when you change something. So the word house starts at the bottom with who are you, and then it moves up to an assessment of what environment would help make you thrive at this point in your life.
Speaker: Do most people in the middle of a life transition know who they are in that moment? Like as they're doing like how I remember who they used to be. Yeah. Where they think about, I honestly, i tell people push the pause button. Yeah. going for grief, push the pause button.
Speaker: If you can stay where you are, stop ground yourself, process, and then start thinking about what you want your next stage of life to look like. Because you could have gone through a long illness with somebody. you it may have been a sudden death or someone left.
Speaker: and but And so the pause button is really important because what you don't want to do is cause more trauma by moving to a location that makes you feel worse.
Speaker: Yeah, that that makes so much sense. A lot of times when you go through something like that, we think, okay, like I can't be here anymore. Like, let me just move Other people are the other way around. Like, let's say they they they can't even move anything from the closets if they've lost somebody. They might stay stuck. They might. And and and that's where they are at that moment.
Speaker: And yeah, but making these life changes with these decisions that are life-changing in the midst of when your brain isn't Turmoil.
Speaker: Turmoil, your emotions, your the fog. You're already having to make so many other decisions. It it takes a lot. so okay So being in the right space of mind before you take this assessment is the iss the right way to to do it, the approach.
Speaker: I think it is. And by pushing the pause button, it might even be a temporary qe department for a minute or six months, a year, whatever it is, until you have a clearer mind and then you can make decisions from ah a better place as opposed to like just, a I mean, sometimes you just can't even think.
Speaker: Yeah. Now, what what would you say then? Because you mentioned, for example, Reed was your realtor. He was ours. I know exactly like what it was. Like he made us feel seen of what we were needing in that time, at that time in our lives and gave us resources of what we needed at that time in order to find something that was in our budget, like all those things.
Speaker: For someone that's in this middle of the road deciding whether they're going to stay, whether they're were going to renovate, whether they're going to move, if they do decide to move, what would you say are qualities to look for in in a realtor and where do they even start?
Speaker: Well, I mean... Really, it's, it's but do you have people in your town who have used a good realtor, maybe that are like you, and you you can ask them, or in the new town, right? if A new town that you're going to go to, if like, if it's for a job move, maybe ask those people who's a good realtor in the area. You can always do a search for realtors New York.
Speaker: Alpharetta, Georgia, see who pops up, look at their website, look at their social media, see what they're about. i mean, you can get a lot of personality feel from somebody's social media and, or if if it's non-existent, that's a little, that's a little harder. That's why I like people to get on and be themselves because you'll attract your tribe. You'll attract people that want to work with you based on your personality and, and like how you explain yourself to them. they can get a ah good idea from that. So, I mean, I think searches, personal recommendations are always great. Yeah.
Speaker: and And we found, we found, we found Reed because we just went to an open house and he was the realtor of showing that house. Yes. And that's how we connected. So it's like, we liked his energy. We knew people that were realtors in the area and, but we liked his energy and we ended up having,
Speaker: having him be a realtor, even though he was the one showing us house. Yeah. And so that is another one. Go to open houses in the area you're thinking of, because one, you're looking at what's available in the neighborhoods, and then you're also going to meet some good real estate agents. And then see just how they, how they make you feel. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: So you mentioned you now are made married. So now you have to, did you do another change at that moment? I Okay. So take us into this other. So you had one crossroad in your life, made that change. Well, one of many, of course, because we were at some point in college and all those other steps in our lives. After divorce, you get your your home, then you find love again, and then have to start again. So take us into that journey of re really yeah looking for home again, and now combining both of your lives into this new home.
Speaker: Yes. Okay, so here's something really funny and crazy. Reid helped my current husband get the house I'm in right now. Isn't that crazy? This is like, so like when, when people are going listen to this, going to think that we literally like already knew all this before we even started. and you know like no It's crazy. And when I, when I was looking at that first townhouse with Reed, I drove through this neighborhood, which I love.
Speaker: And I think Reed used to live in here. He did. i know he did. Cause when I met him, he was moving. But I love, it's just full of cottages. Like at the cottage look with the stone and the all the things. So, I mean, isn't it funny? It's like seven degrees of separation from Reed right now.
Speaker: Not even seven. I know, but two. And then from your now husband as well. Like his home was also, that is crazy. So then, okay, so then. you One more, more. Yes. My former spouse does some work with Reed.
Speaker: Yeah. So it's just like, like we're just bound to work together. So funny. I know it's like, I didn't even like think of asking you before we just started, know, like connecting. Cause you, you've been emailing back and forth to be a guest and just had never registered to even ask. Cause I don't know where in Atlanta you lived. That is so funny. Isn't that funny?
Speaker: So anyway, we're done now. I think that's it. but So then you come into your home and then what, how did you guys decide what parts of you, like yeah you, you'd bring into this.
Speaker: Honestly, he bought this home cause it has a master on the main. it has and a pretty great room. The kitchen was nice. He, he remodeled a bunch of it with the help of a friend. And I just remember coming over for dinner and I was like, I'm pulled in the neighborhood cause I didn't recognize the address. And I was like, oh my gosh, it's this neighborhood. the one I've loved forever. And, and so we just, as their relationship progressed, it was just like, I was it was just like, okay, yeah, i'll um I'll move in with you. I'll sell my place. I love, I love this little neighborhood with the park and the, it's convenient in between Milton, which Crabapple, Alpharetta and Roswell. So like, we love to go out.
Speaker: So that was one that was like, what do you like to do for fun and leisure? Like tonight we're going to Milton's restaurant, which is fabulous, where we got married during COVID. And so it's just like five minutes and this is five minutes and that's five minutes. And it's our golf club is 10 minutes. So location and environment wise, it was perfect. The downstairs has the master and the dining room and a huge front porch and a back porch, which we love outdoor stuff. And then upstairs, it has three more bedrooms and a bonus room. So
Speaker: One's my office, two huge guest rooms and a bonus room for all of my staging stuff and like some photo albums of ours separately and everything. So it's like it has everything we need and not not an inch more and not an inch less.
Speaker: Yet when where' you're moving though, like do you feel, because it's different when you're buying a new home as your newlywed couple, then okay, when you're by yourself, but when you're in this another stage of your life in which you're coming into someone later in life and then moving into their home, did you automatically feel this is my home, this is our home? Because that's something that can sometimes kind of trick you if the person already lived there. How did you make that mind shift of knowing this is,
Speaker: your You do have to make it yours. And I have to say, like my, I'm more of a warm colored person, green eyes, yellow, you know, yellow tones. And my husband is very much like cool blue eyes, Italian skin, and like very much like blues.
Speaker: So the home was decorated more towards what he likes, but I gradually came in with like green plants and they're There's pink chairs here in my office. So like I kind of took over the whole second floor. And so this is kind of like my space. He hardly ever comes up here. Like never.
Speaker: So I feel like it's a whole separate house up here. That's like what your son had in your townhome. The upstairs is yours. It's mine now. The whole thing. I've got two bathrooms and three bedrooms and a bonus room. I'm like, I've got like a whole house up here. And he doesn't care. He would rather not... worry about anything up here. So yeah. So as long as we can have guests, which we, we do and they're beautiful guest rooms. And so, I mean, I just kind of made it mine. However, i love what our friend, like she's my friend now too. We just had dinner like
Speaker: last Friday night together and she like helped him decorate. And I was like, I love it. I'm just going to add a couple of kids photos and a couple of little things that like, this is great. I'll probably add a little more color eventually, but I'm good. It's beautiful.
Speaker: i'm glad I'm glad that you felt at home in your new home, even though it was his originally, that did you do feel that it's both of yours. That's so important. Of course, I added way too many pillows to the to the primary bed. but as as They always end up on the floor anyway when you're going to be there. It's fine. look It's fine. It makes it nice when you've got them on the bed. Yeah.
Speaker: Kim, let's get dive into how people can find you and find your book and all those things. I'll make sure to put the the links in the show notes, but tell us how people can hire you or find you or read the book. Yeah, everything. Great. Well, probably the easiest way is on social media. It's Kim E Costa, the and middle initial. And my my website is lifestylefoundations.com. And you can buy the book there. You can sign up for a workshop. You can read my blogs and kind of whatever you want. you Those are the two places you can go.
Speaker: Perfect. Thank you. Kim, I'd like to wrap up by asking my guests if there's something else you'd like to share with the guests that I have not asked you. Oh my goodness. it It's a broad question, but there is something else that you want to share.
Speaker: Um, Yeah, I think I want to share. I'm a personality enthusiast, like get those personality tests. And I am an ENFP, which is a Myers-Briggs and ah an Enneagram 7, which is like not the way I was living for about 30 years. And so I would just say to everybody, do a little investigation of, even if you don't 100% agree with those tests. They are informative as to how you were made and how your brain works. And it may provide clues as to where you're off and how you're living.
Speaker: Perfect. Thank you so much. Because sometimes just finding that out and making those little twists to tweaks in your life can completely shift the life you're in now, even staying in your same home, as long as you maybe just make those little adjustments across that line.
Speaker: Thank you. Thank you, Kim. Again, this was Kim Costa. And you can look at the links in the show notes in order to get a hold of her. Thank you. Thank you.
Speaker: Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief.
Speaker: If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
Speaker: Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me.
Speaker: And thanks once again for tuning in to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray In Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.
