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044 - Rudy Reyes on Complete Leadership: "The Poet, The Science, and The Warrior"
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True leadership isn't just about being tough—it requires the poet, the science, and the warrior working together. That's the philosophy of Rudy Reyes, Marine Force Recon veteran and star of Fox's "Special Forces World's Toughest Test."
From raising his brothers out of a Kansas City boys' home to leading elite military units and training world champions on reality TV, Rudy has learned that sustainable leadership demands emotional intelligence, precision, and courage—all adapting to conditions on the ground.
In this candid conversation, Rudy opens up about his evolution as a leader, sharing hard lessons about the fine line between pushing limits and causing harm. He reflects on confrontations with celebrities like NFL star Dez Bryant that taught him profound lessons about forgiveness and letting go.
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Transcript
Finding Fulfillment and Joy Through Hardship
00:00:00
Speaker
hardness and the pain is the anvil that we forge ourselves upon. We have so much more fulfillment and joy, not necessarily all all always happy, but fulfilled.
00:00:15
Speaker
And I think that's our goal as coaches, as leaders, and as men, as human beings. I'm still working on that, as you said before, self-leadership. What's my goal for me too? Welcome to the Captains & Coaches Podcast where we explore the art and the science of leadership through the lens of athletics and beyond.
Introduction to Captains & Coaches Podcast
00:00:32
Speaker
I'm your host, Tex McQuilkin, and today I travel to Soren X's SummerStrong event to sit down with Rudy Reyes, Marine Force Recon veteran, star of Fox's Special Forces, World's Toughest Test, and the founder of Force Blue.
00:00:45
Speaker
From the battlefields of war to training celebrities and athletes on reality television, Rudy shares hard-earned wisdom on self-leadership, the fine line between pushing limits and causing harm, and why forgiveness may be a warrior's greatest weapon.
Leading When Lives Are at Stake
00:01:00
Speaker
This is a genuine dialogue about what it means to lead when lives are on the line, and how those lessons can translate to coaching, parenting, and leading yourself through life's inevitable battles.
00:01:12
Speaker
Now, let's dive in with Rudy Reyes, who helps us raise the game. Ready, ready, and ready. Oh, wonderful. What a cool table, too. Check, check, check.
00:01:26
Speaker
Action. we're We're going to roll right into it. Okay, let's do it. Time is of the essence. Sitting down with Rudy Reyes. We're at SummerStrong 18. And you and I first connected at SummerStrong 9. Yeah, brother. Nine years ago. Yeah, brother.
00:01:38
Speaker
Yeah, i remember it like it was yesterday because it's one of the most unique experiences that I've ever had. Really? Well, walking up to the bar, and here is Rudy Reyes.
00:01:49
Speaker
All that is man. Yeah. Shirtless at this bar. Oh, that's right. And then the breeze. Yes. Also shirtless. For sure. And not as the peak physical condition
Lessons in Manhood and Personal Growth
00:02:00
Speaker
as... Well, not according to him.
00:02:03
Speaker
Well, in his mind he was. yeah Yes, in his mind. The freaking ah alpha male, maybe. the ah What is it? um The freaking ah Ayatollah of rock and roll.
00:02:15
Speaker
ah the The actual song, The Breeze, he was letting us know was written because of him. I'm talking Skinner. Skinner wrote a song about the man, but by the way, Larger Than Life.
00:02:28
Speaker
Black cowboy hat, I think the snakeskin band. And he was giving me giving me manhood lessons, remember? He taught me how to walk like the breeze. And and I was really an apt pupil.
00:02:40
Speaker
um was yeah I was... And i I had a front row seat for this. it was It was something else Yeah, was, brother. God, and that was you and John Wellborn. and And what was your other teammate that you... Luke Summers. Luke! What's up with Luke these days? Oh, he's up in Indiana. Okay. Just...
00:02:57
Speaker
Raising two little girls. Oh, wonderful. Living life. Yeah, brother. Oh, godwaing amazing. ah You know what? And on Summer Strong has evolved. And in some ways, though, those halcyon days, those early days,
00:03:11
Speaker
ah
00:03:14
Speaker
nothing like that's ever been back yet. Maybe it'll be up to us to bring it back because in some ways, Bert and Sorenax and the community has gotten so successful and so grown. Some of that wildness, you know what mean, is kind of matured out, you know.
00:03:32
Speaker
and It's something special each year. yeah It's still worth coming here. Oh, my gosh. Now it's, you know, Jedi meets professional symposium of branding and, of course, science for periodization training and recovery. It's everything.
00:03:50
Speaker
just even more mature. um I still did a breakout workout outside, still got freaking down and dirty and freaking shirts off. I mean, I brought a few different shirts so that I could always be looking sharp out here. Tank tops, right? It's awesome.
00:04:04
Speaker
It's great to be back. Yeah. And we continue to evolve and that's part of what we do and why we continue to grow together. So I want to highlight a lot and lean into leadership and your experience and First, I want to start off with how would you define and approach self-leadership?
The Art of Self-Leadership
00:04:24
Speaker
Self-leadership is a skill set, sustainable method that is both eternal and adaptable depending on conditions on the ground, conditions of your physiology,
00:04:45
Speaker
and the emotional spiritual connection that binds it all together. That is why it is so difficult to vibrate and improve for lifelong because it takes all those elements.
00:05:02
Speaker
You're not going to get it in a book and you're not going to get it just as a warrior either. You need all of it. The poet, the science and the warrior. That's leadership.
00:05:13
Speaker
Love it. and You've evolved in such a space where you were a self-leader when you first entered into the force, and then you joined a team and you led teams, and now you're in a position to lead leaders. Yeah, isn't that wild, brother, that we now with special forces and SAS...
00:05:32
Speaker
ah world champions like the Danny Amendola's, like the Cam Newton's, like the Brody Jenner's, who, by the way, if you've not watched season three, Brody Jenner, Bruce Jenner's son, he revealed himself to be the very essence of what was champion in his father it was revealed in him. And I was in awe because as a five-year-old, after those 1976 Olympics, I remember um being just blown away at Bruce Jenner's figure on the Wheaties box and watching it on TV. And remember, we're five years old and being imprinted with physical culture, um ABC's wild ah um what was it Wild World of Sports.
00:06:24
Speaker
and Are you old enough to remember, Tex, they would show on the Olympics trailer slash sizzle with dark du du and bu but bum bum but and then it would show the torch and then and there was a portion showing everybody running, skiing, boxing, ah the thrill of victory.
00:06:52
Speaker
and the agony of defeat with a ski jumper that missed to the side and wrecked apart. and So at five years old, I'm watching America fighting the Soviet Union and Bruce Jenner getting achieving the gold medal in the decathlon.
00:07:13
Speaker
which Could you be more Spartan? Could you be more warrior? ah A lot of people in sport, I hope they remember that the Olympics were created by the Greeks as a caveat to war, but men died in the Olympics still, but at least it wasn't armies.
00:07:31
Speaker
So the javelin, the shot put, the hammer throw, ah the steeplechase, the sprints, everything, that was all... war, sport, no, it was all war technique turned into sport. Anyway, affected me printed me deeply. And then seeing the sun from the ashes like the father, and it brought me back to five years old. And now here I am walking ahead of and modeling behavior and leading these world champions um and the millions that follow them.
00:08:07
Speaker
here What an honor. Yeah. And then What is your mindset and approach when you see the doubt? They may not be vocalizing it or expressing it, but then you can read it because you've been with so many people where you've pushed their limits yes and helped them rise.
Pushing Limits in Training
00:08:25
Speaker
I believe that's my role. And as DS, directing staff, to blend Sergeant Reyes, Team Leader Reyes with Rudy, the father, Rudy, the athlete,
00:08:40
Speaker
ah Rudy the seeker,
00:08:45
Speaker
to squeeze every bit of humanity out of these recruits. And we have a saying in Recon, how do you make steel strong?
00:08:57
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You put it in the fire, you beat it and smash it and put it in the fire and fold it and smash it. And in the fire it goes again and the impurities are released.
00:09:11
Speaker
And then when the blade is is forged to a thing of strength and beauty, it goes into the water. That's what we're doing on this course. It's because I love these recruits that I push them so hard.
00:09:24
Speaker
And also, again, the love. I don't feel we ever abuse. we encourage through arduous shared suffering, personal growth.
00:09:41
Speaker
And so the audience, um by proxy, they grow too. Time out. Let's take one minute to talk training. I'm presenting to you the Old Bull program.
00:09:52
Speaker
This is the program that I am writing for myself, former collegiate athlete, former guinea pig of all sorts of training programs. I've seen and I've done it all and my body is feeling it in order to recover my joints, still continue to build muscle and look the part as a coach leading the way, I'm offering you Old Bull Programming. This is what I'm following. It is fun. I'm having a great time bringing in former athletes and colleagues into the party.
00:10:20
Speaker
Meet us out there for a seven-day free trial. Click the links in the show notes to give the Old Bull Program a run. Now, back to the show. Ready, ready, and break.
00:10:31
Speaker
And that's the aim and a lot of the the mission of many high school coaches. So they're applying this stress. They're applying this conditioning. So what stage do you feel like they can push those limits where they're boiling and developing these young men and women and not walking that line of abuse or vote verbal abuse and creating coaching scars that kids hold on to?
00:10:55
Speaker
Well said, coaching scars. um You know what? I believe because I've got so much experience now looking back. you know, I started as a wrestler. First, I started as a leader with my two little brothers.
00:11:11
Speaker
And then wrestling in the boys' home and a leader in my weight class and then in my team. And then as the oldest, I was the first to graduate high school and become an adult. So I took my brothers out of the boys' home and I raised them and and took care of them and empowered them for basic like ah basic um street life in the um tough urban areas of Kansas City.
00:11:39
Speaker
So the first thing I did after we got jobs was enroll us into the YMCA because the physical fitness was going to be absolutely, the and it it was going to be a necessary element for survival and development.
00:11:53
Speaker
Aside from the maturity of work, and when I'm saying work, I'm talking about washing dishes and bussing tables because that's what we could do at that time. And then i eventually I got ah elevated into construction and then waiting tables and then bartending.
00:12:08
Speaker
and installing underground sprinkler systems. You know, it's funny when 25 year olds, 26 year olds, 27 year olds, when sometimes they're having lack of, uh, maturity, I, at 27 years old, I was already carrying a rifle for my country.
00:12:25
Speaker
I'd already had four trades. Um, I was an international kickboxing champion. Uh, so the, the, I had raised my brothers. There's, um, There's no excuse for not developing strength, maturity, and and having a can-do attitude. There is no excuse. It's a failure on the ambient adults around these youngsters. And that's why we take our coaching and and we love it so much because we can take it into the other direction.
Comparing Marine and Civilian Coaching
00:12:54
Speaker
I think how it works in the Marine Corps is that first we're indoctrinated where we are abused to such a level systematically for a desired effect.
00:13:06
Speaker
What happens is that we become a wolf pack and a unit because of such um such arduous, savage conditions, fatigue and starvation.
00:13:20
Speaker
With that creates a love between brothers that quantumly grows with a brotherhood no matter how hard you push into the field and into combat conditions and then ultimately into combat, you know, the strength of the wolf is the pack.
00:13:44
Speaker
Only because we've indoctrinated them indoctrinated them first can we push to the extremes that we do. My first year at the unit, 23 of us died in training. So our training's very extreme with almost no safety.
00:13:57
Speaker
Why? So that when we go to combat, we lose almost no one. For my civilians and and you know what? Let me take that back. I don't call civilians civilians anymore. I call them citizens.
00:14:09
Speaker
There's sometimes a derogatory, ah derogatory
00:14:14
Speaker
flavor that's put upon that term by military men and women and veterans. um i I say, no, let's take that away. This is citizens because without all of you, what would I have to fight for?
00:14:28
Speaker
Without all of you, Would I have the support, not just you personally and with your emotions and spirit, but we're the most powerful military in the world funded by ah very, very successful taxpayers and civilians and citizens and everyday folks that make us who we are. So, no, we're truly together. It's one team, one fight. We need both.
00:14:51
Speaker
ah When I'm training these recruits, They have not had the the benefit of indoctrination. So I am more understanding. I'm more human.
00:15:04
Speaker
The only thing I will not tolerate is sloth. I demand you give me everything you got.
00:15:15
Speaker
If you give me everything you got, trust me. i will guide you through. And that's what happens. Even some of the ah the smaller recruits like um this ah ah Kyla, this little black actress that was a Disney actress and became an adult actress that provides for her whole family.
00:15:37
Speaker
Small little lady, 40 years old mom. She gutted it out almost to the very end where world champion athletes found their way on the short course.
00:15:51
Speaker
We were gonna cut her on the first day, but then Stephen Baldwin threw in his number. I'm so glad we didn't. Back channel, Billy Foxy Q, we were all rooting for her by day five.
00:16:06
Speaker
She's still there. I think she made it to day eight. Might as well been day 80 for them, what they're feeling. ah I don't use kid gloves, but I approach it with a bit more humanism And I give them ah every bit of support and love I can because I know that they are in the deep water of combat existence with no preparation.
00:16:32
Speaker
My goal is to get everyone as far as I can. And that that should be the mindset of coaches of younger kids, right? yeah There's a parallel there, isn't there?
00:16:44
Speaker
Exactly. So they... A lot safer environment and experience, but at the same sense, they're preparing them for the inevitable pain of life. Totally.
00:16:55
Speaker
Not necessarily warfare. Totally. There's the expectations that are ahead of you where yeah nobody's going to give you anything. You've got the opportunity. Here's the time to push and learn about yourself before somebody tries to take everything away from you. That's right. You're going to be ah challenged. You can be tested. You're going to fail over and over, even with the best intentions and best planning.
00:17:16
Speaker
Have mercy. ah you're going to You're going to get sick or injured or your parents will one day or your brother
Opportunities for Growth in Hard Times
00:17:24
Speaker
will. You're going to deal with loss. You're going to be in the maelstrom of life.
00:17:31
Speaker
And a lot of it is hard. And quite possibly when we learn that the hardness and the pain is the anvil that we forge ourselves upon, we have so much more fulfillment and joy.
00:17:47
Speaker
Not necessarily all all always happy, but fulfilled. and I think that's our goal as coaches, as leaders, and as men, as human beings.
00:17:58
Speaker
I'm still working on that, as you said before, self-leadership. That's my goal for me too. Yeah, I often find when coaching high schoolers and seeing things that they need to work on, it's almost a reflection of this is an opportunity for me to work on that as well.
00:18:14
Speaker
So true. So then self-leadership, I need to take that risk. I need to take that chance or become disciplined in that arena so that I can model and then hold them accountable as well versus being a hypocrite.
00:18:28
Speaker
That's right. And Tex, it seems that some of us, especially as athlete people, um you know, hearkening back to the Greeks, you know, it's we're warriors and we're war and sport is a fair war for us.
00:18:41
Speaker
And the beauty of conflict is it pulls out the very deepest and bravest of human nature because you're facing oblivion. That's what we're doing in sport, too.
00:18:56
Speaker
we You and I are cut from that cloth. I'm learning now and experiencing now. My biggest lesson at being a warrior leader is two sides of the same coin, forgiveness and letting go. I've i've had a difficulty with that my whole life.
00:19:18
Speaker
I probably didn't even realize it. Now one of the most effective things pieces of ah intellectual and spiritual property that I hold close is that coin of forgiveness and letting go for me for others especially for me and I witnessed that through the trials and tribulations of these recruits so then it has me reflect as as you should as a Self-leader, reflecting on your past life experience, leadership opportunities, and then the the kids that did not make it when you pushed and you wanted for them.
00:19:52
Speaker
But for one reason another, they made a decision. Injury occurred, something where we're could you have stepped in to effectively lead them better? You just brought something up to me. Remember um in second season, I had Dez Bryant, a monster of a man in a beautiful, beautiful child heart.
Forgiveness and Personal Growth
00:20:13
Speaker
He lost his bearing. He lost his cool. And he got aggressive with my Royal Marine Commandos and SAS rope safety guys.
00:20:24
Speaker
Right. Because we were doing a massive 300 foot bomb rappel, forward rappel down a dam. And he lost his bearing and he was in pain. So he acted out.
00:20:37
Speaker
I said, this happened very fast. Billy's controlling the recruits over there. I briefed the task and I snapped right into Sergeant Reyes and I said, throw his ass in the freaking water, except I didn't say freaking.
00:20:52
Speaker
Throw him in there, like 50 feet off the dais into the water. Part of it is because I didn't want him endangering my men because he's very powerful unit.
00:21:03
Speaker
And I had to take control I have recruits that are trusting me, Billy, Foxy Q, with everything. And if I lose control and lose dominance against this superpower, a football player, renowned, I guess, as a destroyer, Desperate, right?
00:21:25
Speaker
Then we've lost it all. He bows up. F F um but I'm coming for you. And I said, then come.
00:21:38
Speaker
Freaking took off my helmet, my jacket. I'm ready to go down against this guy. By the way, I have confidence in myself because I, first of all, I have to, and I'm the leader out here. I have to. And also I have a lot of experience, but um I'm not by any means second guessing or taking him lightly. So I'm getting getting ready. He starts freaking walking to me and then starting to jog to me. like, all right, here it is.
00:22:00
Speaker
And you know, cameras are rolling. It's going down. The recruits cannot see that I lose resolve. And he gets close to me and he grabs his helmet. And off camera, Billy had stepped off to the side to take an angle to hit him from the side.
00:22:15
Speaker
Billy's such a good freaking warrior and so brilliant. he's my He's my leader. but I learned everything from Billy Billingham, SAS Command Sergeant Major. And Des Bryant throws his helmet and then walks off the other way.
00:22:32
Speaker
that was He broke. gave up. And we had to throw him off the course. He was so apologetic once he got himself back.
00:22:44
Speaker
He was in tears. Please, staff, can I come back? And I said, you know what? If it was up to me, yes, you have more to do here. You have more to grow.
00:22:57
Speaker
but i but I can't. Looking back now, I see... Next time when that situation shows up, instead of Sergeant Reyes, I will be the human being.
00:23:10
Speaker
Hey, recruit, take a deep breath. Listen, those men down there, their your life is in their hands. So take a deep breath. Those men got you. We're going to get you down and we're going to get you out of that harness, all right?
00:23:24
Speaker
That's what I'll do next time. Again, that forgiveness and and and letting go. I needed to forgive him but not having the skills and abilities that I have.
00:23:36
Speaker
And just because he's a big, strong, um successful pro athlete and man, that doesn't mean he's had the opportunities for skills, training, and life experience that I have.
00:23:49
Speaker
So, you know, man, I've learned so much more about me through this program. And therefore, it um i impart it back on the recruits. And that's this coaching.
00:24:00
Speaker
That's why so many are still involved. And the right people are involved because they have that reflective, redirect, learn, and then be prepared for the next recruit. Just be even better and grow as men and women as coaches.
00:24:13
Speaker
Mm-hmm. the
00:24:16
Speaker
Final thing I want to give you is opportunity to present your platform. You're rocking Born Primitive shirt. Yes, Bear joining the team. yeah That's right. Born Primitive. um Fantastic tactical gear. My cool looking uniforms you see on TAS. That's Born Primitive out of Virginia Beach.
00:24:32
Speaker
But also they do fantastic athletics and street wear. um It's an American company by a beautiful seal community and a seal brother bear who takes every opportunity to be detail-oriented for the stitch, for every single thing on his on his equipment.
00:24:51
Speaker
And that's how he looks at his clothing, as equipment. Wonderful, wonderful man. um You can check me out on Special Forces, World's Toughest Test on Fox, and you can stream it in on Hulu.
00:25:02
Speaker
I also do SAS Who Dares Wins in the UK, and you can catch that on Amazon. I have ah Military Mysteries on History Channel, and I've got a new show coming out on History Channel too. But what I really do is rebuild coral reefs and do ocean conservation. It's called Force Blue.
00:25:18
Speaker
Forceblueteam.org. I repurpose... retrain and then deploy special operations combat divers to now fight the ultimate battle, which is to save our world's oceans.
00:25:30
Speaker
So as we fought and protected communities in in war and our allies ah and our brothers beside us, now we're doing the same with underwater communities and In healing coral reefs, we're healing ourselves.
00:25:44
Speaker
So forceblueteam.org. You can check us out on Instagram. Just get on the rudy ray real Rudy Reyes on IG, and you'll see all my links. Awesome. And one final request. way back 2017 symposium, we were in the Whole Foods parking lot in Austin, and my buddy texted me.
00:26:03
Speaker
and Did I mention something about being a nasty chowhound? Yeah. He's like, you're hanging out with Rudy. I just need a motivational Rudy because I don't want to work out today. Oh, I said you nasty thing. Put some discipline in your body. Oh, do you have it still?
00:26:17
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh, brother. So um I'll splice it into the show. Okay, you should, my man. Oh, there we go. We got some good light right here. Colin, you listening? Colin, if we can remember this face and this hate, rage, and discontent.
00:26:32
Speaker
You better freaking absolutely pour that down your throat when you think about being a lazy piece of s**t and not training. You get out there and you train.
00:26:44
Speaker
Send it. What I need to do now is, that was, I mean, eight years ago. Collins still needs a little motivation. okay Okay. I'll have to show it just okay when splice it in but he's he's stepping up to the plate he's trying out for the fbi awesome so he needs a deep dive and motivate that's right so i need like a double recording here absolutely so when you're ready just give colin a little you got it hey colin hey brother ah you know no fat body
00:27:20
Speaker
and nasty undisciplined chowhound talk this time. I'm very proud of your commitment to the country and the commitment to yourself ah to serve. And the selfless sacrifice in service is the ultimate.
00:27:35
Speaker
I'm very proud of you. Focus hard on your training, get your sleep when you can, and always improve your position. It's an infantry montage. You improve your position always.
00:27:47
Speaker
Boom. And there we got it. You're welcome, buddy. And thank you. you're Looking forward to hanging out all the rest of the time here. Thanks for tuning in. See you.