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ONLYFALCONS EPISODE 5 - THE MEDICAL SITUATION
64 Plays1 year ago
Here we finish the medical biography of the falconmaster. Listen to this unentertainment like medicine we must take before going to better, more fanciful realms.
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Transcript
Introduction and Medical Issues
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, hello, falcarinos. Here we have only Falcons episode five that is recorded April 10th, 2024 in the Falcon headquarters at Crescent City in California. Now, to continue where we set off, this is the continuation of a letter that I'm writing to try to receive medical care from the Kaiser system.
00:00:23
Speaker
If you might recall, the last letter left me in Crescent City having... No, actually I hadn't moved to Crescent City yet. And I was actually in my apartment in Woodland.
00:00:38
Speaker
And my rheumatologist had taken my complaints that unbeknownst to me were the result of a insidious infection and an implant that was driving me crazy. And she decided to double my immune suppressant medication, which if you know anything about infections, this will cause some real real show. So here we go. Anyway.
Success and Breakdown
00:01:07
Speaker
By this time, I had created UAE exotic falconry and finance and become a success with 40,000 followers on Twitter. Unfortunately, I also went organically insane from a progressive infection in my hip. I was locked in an apartment that was filled with toxic levels of waste gases. Instead of identifying the true causes of my problems, I was prescribed a horse tranquilizing assortment and dosage of antipsychotics and sedatives. I had also been at this time,
00:01:36
Speaker
recruited to be a senior attorney overseeing the PPP Paycheck Protection Plan by the Federal Small Business Administration Office of Disaster Relief. There I managed the direct disbursement of hundreds of millions of dollars. This was similar to work I performed at Sullivan and Cromwell under the TARP program.
Fraud and Civil Order Concerns
00:01:54
Speaker
Only in this situation, the beneficiaries were individuals instead of major financial institutions.
00:02:00
Speaker
As is widely known, the PPP program was nothing more than an elaborate scam. I watched as criminals, individuals I knew from my time at the U.S. Attorney's Office in the Southern District of New York, individuals I knew to be corrupt, convicted felons, police officers who had done terrible things, had been written about in the New York Times. I watched as they obtained huge, huge sums of money for businesses I knew did not exist.
00:02:25
Speaker
I decided at this point that it would probably be unethical for me to continue paying bar dues or even to be a lawyer given my role in society. I mean, wouldn't you?
00:02:37
Speaker
Meanwhile, I noticed a coincidental breakdown of civil order around the area where I lived. My neighbor below me died. My next-door neighbors died. The neighbor next to me went insane and was never heard from again. I noticed an increase in homeless people on the streets. The police became aggressive and started treating me differently. The police were treating everyone differently.
Surveillance and Societal Collapse
00:03:00
Speaker
In fact, I had a casual encounter with a police officer while I was walking down the street. During the discussion, a different officer came up in another car and then photographed me. I think that they were cataloging all people, all street people, for a statewide facial recognition database, a database that will later be used to entrap guilty and innocent people alike. The purpose of this is to prepare us for exploitation in the society some imagine for us in the future.
00:03:28
Speaker
I started stockpiling provisions in anticipation of shocks to the food system, the patterns I noticed guaranteed a coming period of stagflation, and the collapse of our monetary system. It is in fact in the state of collapse. My direct roles at the Small Business Administration during the 2008 financial collapse demonstrated this to me.
00:03:49
Speaker
An entire province in Greece suddenly became a lake. I knew a similar great flood is coming to the Central Valley in California. It has been predicted as a certainty by scientists. ArcStorm 2.0. The entire area around me in Woodland would be at the bottom of a lake for at least six months within the next five years. It's plain for anybody to see.
00:04:12
Speaker
There will be heat spikes that my dwelling and those around me were never designed to withstand. I noticed that the electrical system in my apartment complex would fail first. I identified the structure of the power grid around me and noted that our property was on a greatly attenuated spur despite a main street hookup being close by. I felt it was time to leave.
00:04:34
Speaker
I then saw a pregnant woman, unconscious, laying on the hot asphalt, cooking on Bradshaw Road in Sacramento in a hundred plus degree day. I saw a homeless man show up for a monkey pox vaccination who had the precise symptoms of that infection. He had been to eight area hospital emergency rooms in release. I saw state health employees arrive in or a masks to take him away for study. My neighbor below me died. The next door neighbors died and so forth and so forth.
00:05:05
Speaker
I bought a police scanner and another more sophisticated scanner and intercepted radio transmissions from emergency services personnel all over the state of California.
Medical System Failures
00:05:15
Speaker
I noted down the incoming statuses of the patients. I took note of the times when my own local hospital became overwhelmed and started diverting patients.
00:05:24
Speaker
I noticed patterns indicating the ongoing collapse of our medical system. I anticipated the manner of its collapse. I would be the exact type of patient whose death would be hidden in statistics. I was more correct than I knew in this.
00:05:38
Speaker
I trolled online forums and discerned the life stories of the medical professional staffing these institutions. I took note of the specific ways that COVID would impact a person's cognition, their ability to consider complex topics, their ability to remember anything at all, and most importantly, their ability to engage in higher order moral and ethical reasoning as a distinct and inviolable imperative of one's thoughts and actions.
00:06:02
Speaker
I concluded, correctly, I believe, that the medical staff and physicians in the United States have been repeatedly exposed to and infected by a virus that causes functional impairment of their ability to competently practice medicine. The behavior of my rheumatologist was frightening and proof that I would find no help from her or many other high-level experts in the Kaiser system.
00:06:25
Speaker
I drew parallels to the slow adoption of germ theory by doctors of higher social class or institutional prestige, and concluded that it would likely be the specialist class of doctors who would be the most impacted, most blinded to its effects, and thus the most dangerous class of individual for me to interact with medically. I realized that my apartment complex was owned by the husband to a Yolo County judge.
00:06:51
Speaker
I started thinking back on my experiences at the Davis Odd Fellows, its properties all over the western states. I had visited many lodges on my sojourns. They owned graveyards, youth wilderness camps. I thought long and hard about the axis of power represented in an alignment of the police, the landlords, the small shop owners, and the judiciary. I realized that my apartment complex
00:07:19
Speaker
I thought about the man who took over my local lodge, David Rosenberg. He served as an intelligence officer in Germany during the Reconstruction period, when we were reinstalling the uninterrupted bureaucratic government of the Nazi Reich in western Germany. I also thought about the way societies were created or infiltrated there, for the purpose of far-right stay-behind networks.
00:07:42
Speaker
I considered some of the encounters I had while being inducted into the Davis Oddfellas. Mr. Rosenberg introduced me to a board member of the Blue Diamond Nut Grower Consortium, who had told me he had large caches of weapons buried for the upcoming revolt of the Browns and the Blacks. I started identifying similarities between our intelligence activities overseas and the networks being assembled by Mr. Rosenberg domestically, using those exact same techniques.
00:08:09
Speaker
Around this time, a local bar in Woodland, the Mojo Lounge, was assaulted by a group of thugs because it had scheduled a cross-dressing night. This happened a few blocks from my apartment. I watched the video of the entire incident. A group of people came in from out of town to cause trouble. They assembled outside the target bar. The police dutifully shut down 1st Street for them, middle of town, and kept people away so that the conflict would be between the outsiders and the vulnerable people in the bar.
00:08:39
Speaker
These people were allowed to shut down the middle of my city for hours with an illegal bullhorn, screaming about the most vile shit, like shit that they would make up about things that people do to children, until finally they proceeded to attack the doors and try to break in. The police approached at this time, but did not intervene until the doors were breached and one of the occupants of the bar used pepper spray.
00:09:02
Speaker
The attackers were allowed to continue demonstrating for a while and then left without arrest. I don't know if you guys remember this, but I remember this. This was an obviously engineered incident. These people are known by name and well-documented causing such trouble in small towns all up and down the Central Valley. Furthermore, some are personal relations of law enforcement personnel. Like these are like the extended family, the people who didn't make it in.
00:09:28
Speaker
These are the fucking street auxiliary brown shirt people that assembled into this. These are very obviously far right auxiliary street gangs under the direct control of law enforcement adjacent interests. They are permitted to cause trouble because they are aligned with an illicit interest much in the same way that the original fascist street gangs were.
00:09:48
Speaker
I noticed that the terms of my lease were month to month. I also noticed that the tenants were being replaced directly by individuals who were on probation or just released from the court systems or their immediate families. I then realized that the landlord referred to his incoming tenants by their carceral histories and also referred to them as clients.
00:10:09
Speaker
The most worrying of fascist fusion, a combination of judges, the police, and the landlords had taken root in my area. I knew that common climate change events would flood my area with refugees from the heat dome states. Things around me would soon degenerate into a slave colony, along with the rest of the state. All of the signs added up.
00:10:30
Speaker
For these reasons, I believe, and still believe, that something bad is coming to California. I believe a fusion of the petty landlords, the police, and the judiciary, along with the classifying powers of mental health services, will be used to expand and control the supply and personal lives of domestically sourced slaves and indentured servants.
Paranoia and Relocation
00:10:52
Speaker
I believe anyone in these environments will, like catching a disease, eventually be ensnared and marked by these institutions. I believe that people we previously thought to be upright, moral individuals, will quietly adjust their mental landscapes to make this either morally acceptable or cognitively invisible. I believe any human being in this place is in danger.
00:11:14
Speaker
These are the thoughts that are enabled by bacterial inflammation of the brain. As an aside here, yeah, I'm gonna say you look at every component of this thought process. And yes, I'm right, I'm right, I'm right. What I'm wrong about is timing, right? I'm looking at the problems of future generations or a flood that'll happen in the next four years. But because of this unique state of infection, I basically just decided, okay, all this shit is gonna happen
00:11:40
Speaker
Has happened will happen is always happening time to treat it as though it's a reality You know time to bring it forward from this postulated future into my present and that is a very frightening thing to do because we have a lot of we have a lot of foresight in our mind in terms of being able to see disasters and
00:11:59
Speaker
I think that first we had the gift of being able to foresee things and then we had the even greater gift of being blinded to these things in order to continue to exist without freaking out. I think in my case this infection essentially ripped off the eyelids of my mind of seeing everything at once.
00:12:19
Speaker
At the time, the effect of my infection meant these concerns were not just possibilities or suppositions. They became real, manifest, imminent dangers. Who knew how deep the rabbit hole went? The important thing was to flee and to find out later what was happening around me. I saw the signs. They are, after all, apparent to anyone who has eyes with which to see. It was time to leave. I rented a U-Haul in Woodland and opened it up.
00:12:46
Speaker
I then rented a storage unit in Crescent City. Over a period of 36 hours, I made three round trips between Woodland and Crescent City without rest or pause, loading a large moving vehicle and unloading it, exhibiting what, to me, felt like superhuman strength. This was because the infection was affecting my amygdala. In fact, I could not rest. This is because the infection had also spread to my heart.
00:13:10
Speaker
My heart rate would never go below 120 beats per minute. It was impossible to find residential housing in the area, behaving as I did, as stock is notoriously tightly held by locals. There was a two-week delay in securing the final lease for a commercial space. During this time, I lived out of a hotel in Crescent City. Also during this time, my apartment was being looted.
00:13:34
Speaker
My old apartment door was lacking a functional lock, so in my absence, local neighborhood elements moved in there and set up shop. They began distributing the remainder of my personal belongings. Fights broke out, and disturbances happened in and around the complex as the looter population expanded from immediate neighborhood locals to people from the surrounding community. Most all of my possessions, other than those I had initially saved in those first 36 hours, were stolen or destroyed.
00:14:03
Speaker
Now permanently installed in Crescent City and sleeping on a cement floor, I started feeling an excruciating pain in my hip where the appliance had been installed. I was having fevers. I lost the ability to walk. I had cold sweats. I knew then for the first time that the implant was infected.
Medical Neglect and Self-Medication
00:14:20
Speaker
I did not know the extent of its impact on my mental state. I did not know the procedure for treating it or diagnosing it.
00:14:29
Speaker
I went to the local emergency room, Sutter Coast North. I told the attending physician there my entire medical history, and in fact brought a printed sheet along with me describing the probable situation I faced. Lab results found depressed white blood cell counts, which would be a strong indicator against any kind of infection. I explained to him the situation with the immunosuppressant drugs.
00:14:50
Speaker
He did, in fact, know my former rheumatologist and so was able to understand my predicament. He told me that my only option would be a life flight out of that institution and that I would need to see an orthopedic surgeon outside of an emergency context in order to get treatment. Having already disenrolled from Kaiser, the service that managed the implant, and enrolled in Blue Shield, the only medical provider in the region, I had to wait.
00:15:16
Speaker
To initiate the process of seeing an orthopedic surgeon, I was first put on a four month wait list to see a primary care physician.
00:15:25
Speaker
The pain I experienced during this time as it advanced from my implant into my chest and the valves of my heart was a fundamental sort of pain that defies description. It was a vise trap clamped on my upper thigh. It was an incredible weight on my chest. It was a fire in my brain that could never stop. I could not sleep, I could not rest, and my body was bathed in cold sweat or on fire.
00:15:48
Speaker
I walked around Crescent City at all hours of the night under the delusion that I was a recently reanimated dead spirit of my ancestors with just an undershirt and shorts trying to lose the heat that was emanating from my body. I started having encounters that I would describe today to be near-death experiences.
00:16:17
Speaker
Certain thoughts connected with each other in my head, and those thoughts congealed into personalities, and those personalities had grave conclusions for me to understand. One of these personalities had the identity of my grandfather, who had died when my father was ten years old, orphaning him. He told me about the true history of his life, which was very tragic. He told me about a movie that had been made about him after his death, and that there were secrets contained in that movie.
00:16:44
Speaker
The movie exists. It is titled Three Brave Men. The main character's name was Bernard Goldsmith, my name. The history of the main character in the movie is very obviously a cipher for an injustice committed against my grandfather by malicious actors in the United States government. I looked and discovered his words to be true. These are facts that exist in reality that I will need to contend with in the future.
00:17:05
Speaker
I had to wait for four months for the process of obtaining medical assistance to begin, but it was very clear to me that I would die much sooner than that from the infection. I found part of a prescription of Clindamycin and took that, which was a relief. Then I found a script for Augmentin from a telehealth doctor. This was also a tremendous relief. It made me feel like I could move and walk again.
00:17:26
Speaker
You guys might remember this video. I filmed myself dancing in my office. I was able to move again. After the script ran out, I was unable to obtain another and was again in excruciating, intolerable, progressive pain.
00:17:39
Speaker
I also went back into researching alternative methods of treating and clearing biofilm on surgically implanted appliances. I devised a fantastically expensive stack of supplements I could take to try to contain the damage I knew to be happening to my body. Cordyceps, Turkey Tail, Reishi, Bromelain, Papain, Serpeptase, Lumbocanase, Natokanase, Anacetyl cysteine. I was consuming a thousand pills per week to try to gain some kind of relief in lieu of modern medical treatment and care.
00:18:11
Speaker
I finally saw the primary care physician who was not competent to practice medicine or even engaged in medical reasoning or discussion. She refused to prescribe me antibiotics, but instead referred me to a local orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Halloran, who directed for a joint aspiration biopsy to take place at St. Joseph's in Eureka, California.
00:18:35
Speaker
I watched during this procedure as the medical technician and physician fumbled through it, completely unfamiliar with the test package or procedures. I watched them read out the instructions to each other twice and then botched those instructions. They put a thin, flexible needle deep inside of me and extracted an abnormal dark amber fluid from the joint of my hip which mysteriously returned a result of negative for antigens.
00:18:59
Speaker
By this time, I knew the history of both of these people. They were travel practitioners and were completely unfamiliar with the facilities or with the tests that they were being asked to conduct.
00:19:13
Speaker
I switched my care back to Kaiser and made contact with a woman in the Bay Area who is extraordinarily rich and who did not mind loaning me her unused apartment so that I could have access to better medical facilities there. She also taught me about the habits of her friends who avoid using those facilities completely and instead rely on a hidden universe of concierge physicians and services hidden on special floors of hospitals in the United States and Europe.
00:19:39
Speaker
These are parallel facilities that exist for very important people. She had the right antibiotics waiting for me upon my arrival there. At the desk with the concierge. Come on, man. This is a different world. The relief was incredible, but I was too far gone by that point to be saved in just a day. It would take me months of antibiotic therapy to recover my serenity and my sanity. I had a few weeks of restored health and happiness thanks to these pills, though while I waited for appointments with specialists.
00:20:09
Speaker
The orthopedic surgeon's first instruction for me was to immediately quit my oral antibiotics, which are an inappropriate treatment, even if I had what I proposed to be suffering from. Antibiotics were inappropriate without positive blood cultures in every case, and an infection was not detected by a laboratory test could not be treated with antibiotics ever.
00:20:28
Speaker
and in fact did not medically exist. Taking the antibiotics prevented the infection from being seen in my blood work and so I could never be treated for the underlying condition by him or by any other doctor. Antibiotics would have and probably did clear the results of the hip aspiration biopsy if there were ever any chance of it being positive.
00:20:51
Speaker
I knew that quitting the antibiotics would be a grave medical risk. I knew what would happen to me. But, obediently, I did so with the promise that I could receive a new, properly conducted hip aspiration biopsy of the affected joint, and then some sort of treatment.
00:21:08
Speaker
Within days, the symptoms came back within two, within three weeks. I collapsed on the street without warning hyperventilating uncontrollably a blood saturation, a blood oxygen saturation rate of 80 with symptoms identical to that of pulmonary embolism.
00:21:23
Speaker
Unable to communicate or do anything except breathe as fast as possible, I was picked up off the street of San Francisco and sent to Zuckerberg General as patient P pigeon. I was given a sedative to stop my hyperventilating and scanned for pulmonary embolism, which came back negative.
00:21:41
Speaker
After a transfer to a Kaiser hospital, I finally received adequate pain management for the first time in like 20 years and IV antibiotics, which improved my health greatly. When they administered the morphine, the pain in my shoulders was seated. I was unaware until that point, but I had progressive avascular necrosis in both of my humeral heads and I needed an immediate core decompression.
00:22:02
Speaker
I had misidentified the pain from this as it was referred to in my neck and also attributed it to after effects of pleurisy. So they give me this pain medicine and I'm like, oh my God, I'm not supposed to be in this much pain, guys. So yeah, this is my hell. Continue. It's boring, but I'm trapped in it, right? This isn't the best episode to listen to, but it's important to understand what's been happening to me behind the scenes as you guys have been disappointed in my falconing act and coming up with personal flaws.
00:22:32
Speaker
Deciding them crazy or listening to the you know to the the things that Someone who makes up hundreds of accounts to lie about me says about me This is this is what's been going on to me personally well you guys have been judging me online to be like lacking in some virtue or something and
00:22:47
Speaker
I've been enduring all of this, yet my spiritual compass has been pointed falcon-wise, skyward. Like who else would undergo this and as a result, take that misery and make what I have made, right? Who else do you know with a life like this? Who else do you interact with,
Discrimination and Advocacy
00:23:06
Speaker
right? You need to take special note of the people in your life who are like this and you need to see them probably for the first time. They're all around you, right?
00:23:17
Speaker
Some of you people. The first Kaiser shoulder surgeon I saw to address this was put off by my demeanor. He didn't like the way I acted. This is because I was acting in an uncanny, bizarre way due to the infection in my hip which was affecting my heart and nervous system. He declined to even explain himself or give a reason for his refusal and behaved as a defensive, obstreperous witness.
00:23:43
Speaker
There is no medical reason to deny me this procedure. He did not treat me seriously as a person at all. He did not feel the need to. I became suspicious that the bipolar diagnosis might be a factor in his judgment, and in fact it was.
00:23:57
Speaker
The next surgeon I saw also tried to run out the clock with nonsense after refusing the surgery. I was asking for a core decompression, the gold standard of treatment for this condition, widely recognized to be so. I had papers backing me, declaring it such. Successful, in fact, in saving my left hip like I'd had one on the left hip to prevent that hip from collapsing.
00:24:18
Speaker
And it was a similar job to get these doctors to agree to do a core decompression on that. And it saved the joint. Okay. Because of my quick intervention there before the head of the femur collapsed. So that one was on me. I saved my left hip.
00:24:38
Speaker
His clinical behavior made no sense to me. He played games with me during the call. He said that if I had not been so distrusting of his judgment, he would have scheduled the surgery I wanted within the next two weeks. But my attitude was my problem because of the conduct of my previous surgeons. I saw fit to surreptitiously record this call. The conduct of this man was so unprofessional, so outrageous. I thought he must've been doing his remote work from home while intoxicated.
00:25:06
Speaker
I reported him. I published the call online because my experiences thus far had been so terrible and so extreme that people would not and did not believe me. I received correspondence immediately from a law firm Kaiser retained to prevent such humiliations from being made public.
00:25:22
Speaker
There is no such rapid mechanism for giving me treatment, but there is a rapid response mechanism to tell me that there is such a rapid response mechanism to tell me to shut up indicates to me that it's an increasing problem not just for me but for other patients.
00:25:38
Speaker
What are they hiding there? Why are they hiding the in-clinic conduct of their physicians? Do they have a right to their privacy? Does that right to privacy extend to situations where they are behaving badly? I looked up the record and this physician lied outright in his clinical notes about our encounter. He obviously felt comfortable doing so. It was obviously routine for him to do so when his patient interactions went off.
00:26:05
Speaker
who would be believed in such a situation he has all the power so he can rewrite reality that's part of why i'm talking to you now like who writes a letter to their doctor and then makes it into a podcast and begs people to listen i do after all of this i'm begging you to witness this because the things that i send to kais are the things the communications i have with my doctor
00:26:27
Speaker
Those are behind closed doors. I know, I know that they're doing this and they're preserving that closed door system because there are so many people like me. Anyway, let's go back to the letter. I'm sorry. Um, I reported him. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
00:26:42
Speaker
I reported my problems to my general practitioner along with my suspicions. He ignored the physiological problems I was suffering and sent me off to psychiatry. He then disenrolled himself as my personal physician. My behavior was extreme and obviously a product of bipolar disorder.
00:27:03
Speaker
So here we have, I'm in grave medical need, and this bipolar diagnosis crawls out of my chart and provides a convenient explanation for these physicians who are failing utterly in their role, both socially and professionally. These people are failures. The only thing that they have left is the social aspect of control and their attributes as a financial product.
00:27:29
Speaker
They pay their home loans. They pay everything off. They support the Reliability of the United States dollar. These are homeowners. I am NOT so I am expendable. So This is the system set up anyway
00:27:46
Speaker
I know that these doctors by their conduct are victimizing people just like me in these exact ways, in the routine course of their practice of medicine.
Systemic Reflection and Survival
00:27:54
Speaker
I know that my rheumatologist, who by this time had a department review and had been exonerated of any wrongdoing in doubling my immune suppressant medication, would go on to harm other people. When I suffer from something in order to deal with it, I try to take meaning from it.
00:28:10
Speaker
I assume that other people too must be suffering as I am, especially when that form of suffering is made private or confidential by the operations of legal or social norms. I look at the mechanisms designed to isolate me and I conclude that they would not be constructed with this much effort if they did not serve a purpose. There must be people on the other side of these walls sharing my experience or else these walls would not exist. I know because of these walls around me that I am not alone.
00:28:37
Speaker
If I were not alone, if I were alone, they would never have been constructed. There are other victims. These are people who do not have my resources. Anyone else in my shoes by this point would have died from sepsis in the streets of Crescent City. In fact, someone died in this exact way in front of my building from sepsis of a hip implant infection. He had just been released from Sutter North Coast without adequate treatment. I watched them take him away. I talked to his homeless friends as they described what had happened to him. It was the same thing that was happening to me.
00:29:09
Speaker
I thought about this a lot over the months. It was direct evidence that if I did not obtain treatment, or if I received the same standards of care as that man did, I would die.
00:29:20
Speaker
This is still a certainty. I suffer from a fatal condition that is only being held at bay right now with antibiotics. It is unacknowledged. At any moment, a doctor could refuse to believe that it exists, cut off my medication, and I would go insane and then die. Think about that. That's unacceptable.
00:29:41
Speaker
Finally I found a shoulder surgeon in Vacaville Kaiser that still retained the ability to communicate and engage in open medical reasoning with an informed patient. It was obvious that this surgery was the correct one and it was obvious that I would obtain relief through it. The surgery was performed in a lifelong source of pain and disability on one of my two shoulders was completely corrected with under two weeks of recovery time.
00:30:05
Speaker
Immediately after the surgery, I ceased all antibiotics and followed the instructions of the hip surgeon in San Francisco. Hopefully, I would get sick enough to produce blood work to prove my case, but I would not get so sick that I would die. Stating this outright is what my surgeons had been dancing around because it would be medically inhumane to ask a patient to do this.
00:30:26
Speaker
I would be in very bad shape, but I would still need to manage a six hour drive to Vacaville in the depths of this crisis in order to obtain the testing I needed. As soon as I quit the antibiotics, the pain returned with a vengeance. The agony in my chest was crushing and unimaginable.
00:30:43
Speaker
I would lay all day, panting and squirming, sweating on the cement floor of my office building, trying in my sleep to remove the implant that was very obviously trying to come out. I could feel it. I started to go insane again. I started suffering from delusions that were worse than before.
00:31:01
Speaker
First, I believe that David Rosenberg had altered the online versions of newspaper articles in the Davis enterprise to redact me from them. Then I believe that perhaps my past dealings with large corporate entities and government policy prerogatives had made me a person of interest, and that I was personally being targeted by a heart attack satellite. I ran and hid in the woods.
00:31:19
Speaker
I started pursuing very seriously the delusion that the Davis enterprise, my hometown newspaper, had altered an article for me and made a journey down to Davis and they did this for no reason other than to show me the power of the Davis Oddfellas. I went to the archives at the Yolo County Library to prove my case. I was confronted by direct evidence to the contrary of my delusions. I went to the former offices of the Davis enterprise and started screaming and ranting at random people who happened to pass by there.
00:31:49
Speaker
At the end of my rope, I had no other choice but to call Kaiser orthopedics in Vacaville and form them that I had been off of my antibiotics for the required period and that I would please urgently like to have a hip biopsy immediately. The surgeon refused to believe any of this.
00:32:07
Speaker
He did not believe I was being truthful in reporting that I was in pain. He did not believe anything I said about my medical history. He would not acknowledge my pain as a symptom he could clinically observe and record. He refused to record it in his encounter notes. He refused any and all treatment, in fact. This is the end of my rope.
00:32:24
Speaker
I immediately emailed every Kaiser doctor I'd ever been in contact with. After all this time, I was not treated. I had no path to treatment. And in fact, no Kaiser doctor would even admit that anything was wrong with me when quite obviously I was dying from very clearly identifiable conditions.
00:32:40
Speaker
This, of course, was great evidence of bipolar disorder to the practitioners. Any kind of medical treatment stopped, and I was instead referred to a series of psychiatrists who read my own statements back to me from previous meetings and gaslit me in other ways in order to manipulate me into taking high doses of antipsychotic medications. I tried taking them for a time and found myself in the exact same situation again that I had seen in Woodland.
00:33:04
Speaker
Realizing that this entire situation is some kind of insane Kafka maze with my death at the end as a prize, I obtained the antibiotics I needed through an illicit veterinary contact I had developed. After a few months of taking the proper medication, the symptoms I had been experiencing above cleared up. My chest pain, unendurable, was fixed. My strange agitation was relieved. My personality before this infection had taken hold started to return.
00:33:28
Speaker
Most importantly, the rage I experienced, the loss of control, the causeless vengefulness that had utterly destroyed my personal life vaporized like a phantom at dawn. There is now no medical plan for the appliance that was put into my body, into my right hip. That appliance will kill me eventually, unless something changes for me.
00:33:49
Speaker
I know that probably, to ever know peace, I will need to have the leg removed.
Social Theories and Vulnerabilities
00:33:53
Speaker
The medical system of this country is obviously in collapse and in denial, and is no longer capable of providing the type of basic medical support that is necessary for implants such as this to be put into members of the general public. That is something no doctor will be able to admit to themselves, even after more and more people like me are consigned to die.
00:34:15
Speaker
There you go. There you go. This podcast was kind of like medicine, right? You got a lot of people spreading rumors and other things about me. So I have to come clean. If I'm going to ask you all for help, I have to expose my vulnerabilities, my needfulness. I think I have theories of society. And somebody asked me about them after the last podcast, these rudimentary theories of social capital.
00:34:42
Speaker
They were all wrong, by the way. I was trying to postulate a lot of the... I was trying to work my way backwards from an initial delusion created by bourgeois capitalism. I'm reading Marx now and realizing, oh, all of these little extra steps I was trying to dance around were basically just trying to cover up contradictions in the system I was living under that had reached essentially full maturity.
00:35:03
Speaker
We are at the great squeeze down as parts of the system are eliminated as they are no longer compatible and they go away. Sometimes people call these collapses from their perspective. The Roman Empire, the seat of it, moved several times during the supposed collapse of that institution.
00:35:24
Speaker
As it morphed into the Catholic Church and I don't think anybody who was changing their seat of power for the purpose of convenience of administration Would really see it personally as a collapse at least it would be you know, not locally such So why am I doing this? I'm doing this to get it out of the way I'm doing this so that you'll know the person with whom you're organizing
00:35:44
Speaker
So what are those organizational principles? I have a theory, like I tried organizing under unions, I tried organizing under, you know, occupy with like my check on these fucking insufferable liberals coming in to see that we were building something and then chuck in an oddly shaped piece and say, here, you got to build the structure with this now. And then they'd invent oddly shaped new pieces.
00:36:05
Speaker
arm people with identities that they could come in and be incongruous with us and basically just wreck the treatment, wreck the movement by concentrating on our individualities rather than our collective needs that were unmet.
00:36:23
Speaker
And this goes back into my current theory of social order. This is what I'm trying to practice with the Falcon Network. I imagine my past experiences trying to organize people, and I imagine my current one as follows.
Resource Sharing and Organization
00:36:37
Speaker
Going in front of a group of people, I have nothing, by the way. As you can see from my life experiences, I have a lot of good assets in terms of intelligence and willingness to do things. I've got a good heart. But practicing that in the society at this time
00:36:52
Speaker
pretty much systematically stripped me of everything I came to offer it. You know, I came and I offered my gifts for free and they were violently taken from me because that's the mode I was encountering. So what do I do now? How do I organize now that I have nothing?
00:37:07
Speaker
Right? Well, I just imagined this. Imagine that I go up in front, it's like a Kentucky Union town or whatever, and they're all desperately poor. You know, just all of the stereotypes. I go up in front of the assembled skeptical people and I hold up an empty sack.
00:37:23
Speaker
Because they are used to people coming and offering things, at least some nice words, some palliative words. I come up with an empty sack and I start demanding things from them. I demand that they fill my sack with things that they were promised in life but do not have, things that they consider necessities.
00:37:44
Speaker
of human dignity that they do not have. I ask people to volunteer and they can even do a three-point shot with nothing at all in their hands. I'll open up the sack and I'll catch it. Why would I do something like this? Why would I provoke a bunch of people with nothing and then ask them to make an inventory of the things that they do not have like a negative inventory? I do this because I have a theory that once you get people together
00:38:11
Speaker
and comfortable enough to share their vulnerabilities, the things that they lack.
00:38:18
Speaker
This process of grouping these unmet needs together will, just through the act of organizing the people and going through this process, create what we call a society. Societies are created through lack and want. If you want a society, look for the things that people don't have and collect them together. And that process will magically create the means to satisfy those wants.
00:38:46
Speaker
It's how society developed in the first place. If it didn't serve some purpose, we wouldn't even be doing it.
Historical Development and Collective Power
00:38:52
Speaker
We wouldn't be living, as neoliberal theory imagines, a series of detached farmers on various parcels who only Congress at a marketplace to exchange goods and services and then go back to their anonymous private lives. No, that's not how society happened. That's not how life happened. If you look at human beings,
00:39:10
Speaker
You can see that we were born lacking anything. We were born with the assumption of a society around us to satisfy those needs. And we produce in that society with the thought that when we return to the inability to do things for ourselves we will be taken care of.
00:39:32
Speaker
Society, as we know it, exists only because we acknowledge, gather, for the purpose of serving our wants. So what's the Falcon Network, right? This is an act of coordinating people, real people who actually exist. So I have to take some time to like, suss you guys out.
00:39:52
Speaker
It's a practice of gathering you all together, you who are obviously marginalized and collecting the things that you lack and then through that process realizing that you share sufficient interests to bind yourselves together and create power.
00:40:10
Speaker
I think that this basic, basic level of human organization is prevented in this society if it has any chance of being successful and growing. I also think that it's doomed to a kind of reversion to tribalist moralities unless we adopt some larger guiding system.
00:40:30
Speaker
it will be just a group of people who decide, I'm this type of person. Let's just imagine it's a group of people whose thing that they lack in society is nothing. They got jobs. They got everything except furry acceptance. They decide to create a little society of just furries. That's the only thing that binds them together. Drama happens here. You need some kind of organizing principle other than just needs or else particular societies form that are
00:40:59
Speaker
A little too idiopathic, a little too self-directed, and possibly abusive or amoral. I think Marx had something right when he said that this is a regression. So what I'm kind of going into here is that, OK, my theory of organization is going to need Marx.
Conclusion and Challenge to Listeners
00:41:17
Speaker
So yeah, I'm going to be organizing you guys, but just getting you together, getting the needful together is not enough because it's just degenerates into drama. Now we need to get together, have some unifying principles and kind of be on the same train to the same place. So this I think pretty much concludes other than sporadic updates. The get to know your Falcon, your Grand Falcon portion of the Only Falcons podcast. I'm sorry you had to suffer through it.
00:41:42
Speaker
But now it's all on the record and intrepid haters can go check out every single point of what I've discussed here and try to find flaws in it, try to find some way that it is not demonstrated by the facts of the world. I'll tell you you're gonna have a hard time because all of this shit happened and is true. And I have the records to prove it.
00:42:01
Speaker
I got tons of emails with Moot where we discuss all of this shit with 4chan. I got fucking everything. I wrote Moot's personal statement, his personal statement to the University of Columbia in New York. I was one of his two letters of recommendation because other than the us, he had nothing. We made him.
00:42:23
Speaker
We made him and he exists because none of us, none of us wanted to take what we had made. We were all over 18 and the thing was just a honeypot of federal crimes. To take that onto yourself would have compromised you for the rest of your life. You could always have the FBI showing up at your door saying, well, you did this, you know, it was just, you're going to drop it. So poor Christopher Poole, he served a purpose.
00:42:45
Speaker
I don't know why I concentrated on that. I think it's the most inflammatory thing I claim. But it is also the most fun. So this is the last, I think, of the Grand Falcon dedicated podcast. I think from this point, it's going to get more interesting. I'm going to be doing reading in Marx. I'm going to be doing some explorations of the occult. And I'm going to be doing some history lessons and some philosophy lessons. Anyway, this has been Only Falcons Episode 5.
00:43:10
Speaker
If you want to email me about this episode, why don't you send me one? Bernie Goldsmith at gmail.com. Don't send it on Twitter. A lot of you people can't DM me. Bernie Goldsmith at gmail.com. We'll have better ways. I'll have a mass emailing list for you guys pretty soon.
00:43:27
Speaker
And I will also be taking the material that I create for this podcast, taking the research, wrapping it up, and creating some printed material I want to send you guys. So I'll be asking for your preferred postal mailing addresses at some time in the future. I'm sure the conspiracy nuts will have a great time with that. But until then, keep watching the skies.