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Episode 69: Where We've Been
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We’re back, Wounded Healers family! After a little podcast break, we’re catching you up on all the metaphorical roses and thorns in our lives. This episode is full of heartfelt updates — we share the beautiful moments that have been blooming for us, as well as some of the harder ones we’ve been moving through.
With care, we briefly touch on the loss of a loved one to suicide and the loss of a pregnancy due to a missed miscarriage. We know these topics can be sensitive, so please take care while listening if you need to.
We are so grateful to be back behind the mic and reconnecting with this incredible community. Grab a cup of tea, settle in, and let’s catch up.
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Hiatus
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to the Wounded Healers podcast.
00:00:10
Speaker
I'm Janessa. And I'm Amy. We were brought together by our shared wound of an autoimmune condition in our early 20s. This is a place where we explore our wounds with our listeners and guests who recognize the challenges of being human in hopes of helping all of us let the light in.
00:00:29
Speaker
sorry my okay we're good hi everybody welcome back to the wounded healers podcast oh my gosh you guys i it's been forever in a way but not forever I don't know.
00:00:45
Speaker
Anyway. How long has it actually been? been since the 4th of July weekend. So it's been over a month since we've been with you guys. So um hi we're
Life Updates and Moving Plans
00:00:57
Speaker
back.
00:00:57
Speaker
Don't worry. no it's two months. It's the 6th. It's the 6th of September today. Well, anyway, forgive us. We are back and we missed you guys a lot and each other. So we are catching up right now just on life and on updates and seriously there's been so much that's happened over the last two months so this is an update episode for you guys kind of fun and chatty so yeah yeah yeah we've actually done a thing where we haven't caught up prior to this so you are going to everything live as we catch up with each other because normally we will sit and chat and then and we'll be like okay so should we record and then you get like a filtered down version but um but you're going to get the real deal today people because i we yeah i'm so i'm kind of sorry we haven't been around for so long
00:01:53
Speaker
But I think when i it was say I'm really sorry, too, because I was going to put like a little PSA out there on our Instagram of like, we're taking a break for a moment. But to be honest, life just got really hectic, you guys. And I just kind of had to shut down completely.
00:02:08
Speaker
And so, um yeah, we're back. And I'm so sorry. But next time I will work hard to put a PSA out there that like it's not the end of the, you know, podcast is just a little breaky break. We needed it.
00:02:23
Speaker
A little hiatus because life just continues to come at us so fucking fast. um But that's life, right? And that's part of um part of why we even wanted to do this podcast in the first place because ah we understand the trials and tribulations of life as are as our intro says. Yes.
00:02:46
Speaker
we I can't remember what it says now, but it says something along the lines of life can be tough sometimes. and So Janessa, tell everybody and us about real estate school. Oh gosh. Okay.
00:03:03
Speaker
So in May, I graduated real estate school. um I was going to take my test in July and some things came up and I did not take it. Then your girl was going to take it in August. And then I heard it is best to sign with a brokerage first. And technically there's nothing really I'm signing, but you receive like a brokerage number and just permission and mutual consent that you'd be like a good fit.
00:03:27
Speaker
So I ended up taking that route and it took a little bit longer, but it's paying off. I just met with a really amazing brokerage. I don't want to say it on here yet because that will come in the future episodes and you'll see. um That feels so weird if you follow me on Instagram.
00:03:42
Speaker
But if if you do, you'll you'll see that popping up soon. So I don't want to spoil a surprise, but I'm really stoked to work with this brokerage. And right now I'm signing up to get my fingerprints done. You have to have that in the system.
00:03:55
Speaker
um yeah Yeah, Amy's face went, what? ah The reason you have to is because you're going to be in people's houses and you need to be reliable with a good background so that you're not going to steal things or they don't think you're going to, you know, attack anyone who walks in to look at a house. So It's good. No, that's really important, actually. Now you've said it, I'm like, no, they really do need to make sure these people aren't criminals, don't they? Yeah, I know, definitely. I had the first reaction, too, of like, why? And then I was like, oh, shit, okay, this does make sense.
00:04:26
Speaker
So, yeah, so I have go have my fingerprints coming up, and then after that, I'll be taking my exam, and I need to wait until I get my fingerprints to schedule my exam right now, which is like, feels like forever.
00:04:39
Speaker
But in the current, to let you know more um of this beautiful, crazy, hectic life. So this week I found out my husband and I applied to live in a It's technically a condo, but it's not... It doesn't share any walls with any other units or a bottom floor with them.
00:04:57
Speaker
So... I know. so it's a house, in my opinion. um So anyway, we applied for this house and we finally got the notice that we are approved. So we put our deposit down and it is so exciting, but it's so bittersweet because I just love our landlord here. Our landlord's like a family friend to us. And so it's bittersweet in the way that we're going to miss our landlord and we're going to miss the Bay Area because we're not going to be here anymore.
00:05:26
Speaker
ah But we're moving to the Central Valley, which I know, mixed reactions sometimes but we're moving to it's just what's the tea what's the tea lesser of the valleys because you have like silicon valley central valley but to be honest i don't think so i really don't i think it's like up and coming for sure silicon valley has had its explosive moment but the central valley has not yet and that's what makes it so exciting you guys so i'm stoked to get out there um we have a beautiful home we're going to move into. And um right now my life is in boxes, not behind me currently. Amy can kind of see behind me. We haven't packed up this room, um but my life is in boxes and my mother-in-law came to visit the day we found out we got the place.
00:06:11
Speaker
So was really exciting. So picked her up from the airport. And then I had my interview this week with the brokerage and now we're recording you guys. has just been a go-go week. Anyway, there's my little update, but your turn.
Home Buying Experiences in the UK and US
00:06:26
Speaker
So when are you moving? Oh yeah, that is helpful. September 26th is our move-in date. So before the end of this month. A couple of weeks? How long?
00:06:39
Speaker
Yeah. Because in the UK, you have to give like a minimum two months notice before you move out of a rented place. You can give like 30 day notice or less, but you just might have to pay if you do less.
00:06:52
Speaker
But yeah. So my, our landlord, we did give her like a warning that we were considering looking into the Central Valley. And we were just really honest with her. She's super amazing. So it was just like, we're talking with an agent.
00:07:05
Speaker
that was recommended to us who has a house near my parents' neighborhood um that's in our range. So, yeah, so we're doing it. We're doing it. So it is coming up fast. Do you know, this I feel two things because I feel...
00:07:22
Speaker
I feel a bit sad because obviously I came to visit your apartment that you have now. And it's like, I don't know, special memories even for me. Went there once, but like, I have special memories there.
00:07:34
Speaker
And obviously me and Edward stayed and just, yeah, it makes me sad that I'll never see it again, kind of. yeah But obviously really happy and excited for you. But yeah, it's, yeah, it's...
00:07:47
Speaker
ah kind you'll still be able to go to the little spiritual shop, won't you, you want to? You'll still be able to go to Main Street if you want. That's not going anywhere. um But also, I can't believe people slate the central valley because to this day edward will just like stop what he's doing and just be like i just can't get over emily and mike's house still three years later it's so aspirational like so stunning so aspirational the friggin sea lions if i remember correctly or like seals or something on the river yeah we do have seals in the river and yeah seals in the river seals in the river
00:08:29
Speaker
um so i'm not about that i'm not about the central valley slander and the and the sprouts this is too that's literally going to be your neighborhood right like that that's nuts i'm so stoked so beautiful um yeah 100 this is
00:08:47
Speaker
hundred percents is huge it's exciting absolutely huge and and excited for you all right now tell us about you we're passing the mic over Okay, guys, so i bought a house.
00:09:02
Speaker
Woo! Okay, sorry. They can't do it, so I'm going to do it for them. So it's a woo-hoo.
00:09:11
Speaker
Which I don't even think it all happens so quickly. Like in terms of this house, the sale being agreed on this house potentially might not have even happened when we last recorded, to be honest, because it it was like... I don't think so. Maybe, maybe not. Yeah. But um we were, obviously we were first time buyers. So ah we were like the bottom of the chain and it just so worked out that these people had had
00:09:42
Speaker
other first-time buyers drop out so the whole chain above us was complete so i don't know if this is different uk versus us s but um people have to you have to wait so like um the whole chain of people everyone swaps their house on the same day basically and it's all arranged with lawyers that you'll all trade ownership on the exact same day and i think that's different in other places i think if you've had a sale agreed you have to get out that house by a contract date um regardless of if you have somewhere else to move into so as a first time buyer it can be tricky in the uk because you're waiting for multiple homes of people to find somewhere um so yeah we're really lucky that our chain was all complete so from offer being accepted to us moving in it was like less than two months which is
00:10:35
Speaker
unheard of so it feels like a real whirlwind real whirlwind the house is wonderful to be honest it's really so it's in um for any of our yeah uk listeners it's in berkshire so really nice like county um stunning town like i'm looking out this window right now and i can literally just see trees and two other houses like it's really rural and nice which is a nice change because our old apartment was right in a town centre, a very busy town centre. So like we, and we lived like basically above a train station. So ah fellow Brits will know the the noise that the train doors make just before they're about to close.
00:11:18
Speaker
And we could literally hear that from our living room. Like we were that close to the station. So like the peace and quiet here is amazing.
Coping with Health Challenges
00:11:25
Speaker
and But it's been really hard.
00:11:29
Speaker
I'm gonna be really open and honest um but because with respect to this being, you know, RA friendly podcast, I have really been struggling with my RA. I had something happen at the beginning of the year, like March, which triggered me into a flare, which,
00:11:51
Speaker
was really bad to be honest to the point where it was almost like i was unmedicated again like it was nearly as bad as it was when i was first being diagnosed and then i had some steroids which were obviously helped immensely And I was on, like, i I think I stopped the course of steroids, like, the day we moved into this house.
00:12:16
Speaker
So it took me through, like, a lot of the move. No, yeah, I think it took me through a lot of the moving, but since we've been in here, I've just started flaring again, and it's just... so hard to like, you want to get everything done, you want to like participate in getting everything set up, um but I can't, like I can't, I'm in so much pain that can't and Like it's just a real, you know, I think I was living in, not living in delusion, but like I had had a really nice few years, like a really nice five years where my RA hadn't impacted me at all.
00:12:58
Speaker
um So it's just been a real coming back down to the earth with a bump, you know, to have, be like, oh no, wait, I, I do struggle and I am struggling and that's just how it goes with um with an illness like ours so yeah it's been tough and I really i sadly feel like it's kind of taking the experience away from me and i was saying this to my mum the other day
00:13:29
Speaker
that like this is obviously something I longed for for such a long time like I've wanted who doesn't want to buy a hack I feel like as soon as you're and an adult you want to buy your own home right and move into it and you fantasize about how fun it's gonna be and like oh unpacking's gonna be really fun and painting's gonna be really fun and special and um It is, obviously, but this, my experience of this is nothing like I hoped it would be because of my arthritis.
00:14:00
Speaker
and And that's that. And that's okay. That is so real, though. That's like, man, oh, man. Okay, dang, now you're unlocking another ketchup thing for me.
00:14:13
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. It's been, ah sorry, i just got to let it out. um So the exciting stuff I told you about moving, real good, real awesome. ah To get real, because it is an RA podcast again as well, I had a flare-up come up.
00:14:31
Speaker
um last month in August that was so bad in my left shoulder blade and like inside the shoulder joint, um, other joints, but that was the one that hurt the most.
00:14:43
Speaker
So it got to the point where like my husband had to take me to urgent care because he was like, we can't, you can't even get dressed. You're like crying or like, we need to like go get extra medications for you, you know?
00:14:56
Speaker
So we went to urgent care, um, And I really wish I had followed my gut on this, but the doctor there was like, we want to take x-rays to make sure there's no like weird like calcification of your joint. And I was like, no, no, I have rheumatoid arthritis. Um,
00:15:13
Speaker
It's not going to be that. And she's like, well, just in case. So we took these x-rays, which, by the way, in the U.S. s are like so expensive if you get them done in urgent care. So they were so expensive and literally showed nothing. She's like, we can't see anything. And I was like, great. That really hurts my heart right now because I know you're not going to see the RA on that because you're not looking for it.
00:15:33
Speaker
ah But anyway, it was just like ah whirlwind. I got put back on PretnaZone for a really short amount of time. so I'm grateful it wasn't, you know, and more than like two years like I'd had the first round, but I was put on um like it almost looked like a birth control package of them.
00:15:50
Speaker
So it kind of like told you how many to take per day and when to take them. And I had never seen that format of fratinozone. um So I took those. And then i also received like a steroid injection, um cortisol injection. So I was feeling really good. yeah.
00:16:10
Speaker
i I don't know how, but I'm just grateful. But I haven't gone back into, like, the flare-up like that since that time. But it was, like, super scary because my husband and I had a trip for Holland planned for a while. And so this happened, um like, four days before. No, that's not true.
00:16:31
Speaker
This happened – when did it happen? I don't know. I want to say a week before Holland. Yeah. So, and I was like freaking out. I was like, oh my gosh, am I going to be able to go? um But to report back, I did. i was able to go and I just took it. it took it really easy. Super easy.
00:16:49
Speaker
um but yeah, no, the flare ups are, it was humbling. It was humbling to say the least because I was just like, i Zach had to get me dressed. I, like, couldn't move my arm without a lot of pain. And so he, i love this man, he put a dress on me. He, like, grabbed a dress out of my closet and he, like, put it over my head and I was, like, not lifting my arm. And so he, like, slowly worked my arm through the the loophole of the dress for, like, it's a spaghetti strap dress. And then he put a cardigan over me that was, like, loose because my dress looked so wonky because
00:17:27
Speaker
It was like, ha like it just looked I looked so wonky. And then he just like brought me my Birkenstocks. he was like, let's go. And I was like, oh my God, I'm such guy. Please.
00:17:38
Speaker
um But I so appreciate him. So yeah, it's just, ah yeah, I feel you on the humbling part. It's humbling. Yeah. Yeah, it is.
00:17:53
Speaker
And it's frustrating. Yeah. I feel like this could be good because i feel like we've, the whole time basically we've recorded this, we haven't really been depths of a flair.
00:18:06
Speaker
So I feel like maybe it's going to be really nice and cathartic for us and for people to listen to as well, to be like, oh, it's not all sunshine and rainbows. Like the...
00:18:18
Speaker
I just feel like this immense frustration, obviously, with but with not being able to do stuff and being like, it I'm almost like annoyed at myself for having a flare, which I wasn't having that last, like obviously when I was like first being diagnosed, I was just like, oh the fuck's happening?
00:18:36
Speaker
But I'm just like, was like annoyed at my body. I was like, you you have the same drugs that you had. Like oh I haven't changed my medication. So like, I was i still on the drugs and I was like, you were fine on these drugs for like two years. Why are you now not okay on them?
00:18:52
Speaker
It's like bitching at my own body. um i'm just I'm just like also being frustrated at myself because I'm like, feel like I've done almost too much research to the point where I think, I i believe that we can like manage what goes on in our bodies like through our minds. like I believe we can, like you know you are the placebo, Dr. J, Dispenza, all of it So I'm like i like doing it and I'm like, why is it all working?
00:19:26
Speaker
I'm visualizing there being no inflammation. Why are you still in pain? like just like anger towards myself myself and my body which is um really hard to deal with as well because it doesn't help it doesn't and like I think people that people that follow Joe and stuff would be like well that's where you're going wrong babe because you're supposed to just believe it to the point where you don't believe anything else like doing one meditation and that it's not going to work after one meditation you need to 100 believe it all the time but you can't 100 believe it all the time when your body's on fire really yeah it is the most extreme of all battle i have not conquered that either and like it is like you said it brought you some anger mine like made me cry i cried so much like you guys actually just to be real with you
00:20:16
Speaker
this year has been the year of tears for me. I feel like I've just been crying for like a year now, um just over life. Like it's just been a year that's been like, as filled with amazing things as it's been, it's been filled with so much grief this year that like, is so untapped into like, um publicly, it's just not it's hard to share it And so it's just, you know, ah it's been a year of tears. I can tell you, Janessa cries a lot this year and it's, it's, it's good. I'm not holding it in, but at the same time, when I flared up, I was in tears, like because of the pain and the frustration of like, um, feeling like I just wasn't in control of my body anymore. And like what was going on,
00:21:08
Speaker
in my life and so I cried lot so I'm just shout out to the little the little I almost said the little people that's so weird shout out to the the little tears out there I'll have to cut shout out to any dwarfs that I don't have to cut that one shout out to anybody with the tears out there but yeah it just oh yeah yeah I don't think I would go into detail on the podcast about this at this time but I had two things come up and like I feel like this is something I wanted to just briefly put out there because it's a very real part of life but also because it
00:21:50
Speaker
is a big reason why I personally was not able to be
Personal Tragedies and Healing
00:21:55
Speaker
here. And so one is like this, for the catch up in March, I lost a family member to suicide and it was extremely difficult and I'm still not okay. And none of us are okay about it. It's, um still so fresh and um yeah it's like sorry I'm trying not to cry but it's really heartbreaking um especially if you didn't think it was going to happen or you just didn't really have many clues into
00:22:24
Speaker
how someone was suffering. um So that has been something I've like really struggled with this year and moving through and just catching up with you guys. I can't really suppress that and pretend that hasn't been happening and like the constant background in my life.
00:22:42
Speaker
um But yeah, that was really, really heartbreaking. um And then I think I'm going to lay it out there. um And then around my birth, actually the last time we recorded this an episode with you guys, um I was really excited. And it was actually one of the best times of my life.
00:23:02
Speaker
um But i was I was pregnant then. And unfortunately, um lost the baby. I had something called a mis miscarriage, which is like when the heart stops and the baby is no longer growing, but your body doesn't know.
00:23:17
Speaker
what's going on so there's no indication you've lost the baby until you go in for an ultrasound so it was just it you guys like that that's all I can share right now I like can't even go into detail about those because they are seriously like open wounds in my life and um yeah i just wanted to tell you like those are my wounds right now but I I need you to know that's kind of in the background of Janessa if If you feel like you're, you know, it's kind of surface level in the beginning for me, it's because I just, it's hard for me to address these wounds. And there's a lot of metaphorical bandaging and cleaning and repairing I need to do on these wounds. And it's going to happen over a long period of time. But um once I get there, I cannot wait to share share like authentically
00:24:11
Speaker
more about these experiences but right now ah there's a yeah the light is not at the end of the tunnel yet so um i'll let you yeah yeah i think it's yeah thank you for sharing with everyone that's what has been going on in your life because Yeah, it's not, I feel like there's, it's unbelievably, or almost, yeah. I mean, I feel like people use the term unbelievably a lot, but like it is literally quite unbelievable. Like the loss that you have suffered in such a short amount of time ah guess actually, yeah, it's actually insane. And I think you're doing an amazing job. Thank
00:25:04
Speaker
to be carrying on the way you are, especially like through all of this, trying to, you know, change your career, like start, you know, study and like do all this stuff, try and move your life forward.
00:25:17
Speaker
And it just can't be understated how much like strength and effort it takes to still try and move your life forward when there are people that you wanted to come with you who aren't coming with you.
00:25:33
Speaker
and that like, yeah it just takes so much strength energy it just takes all you have really it just takes absolutely all you have to keep moving forward and then that means that there it's completely valid that there isn't time for other things and that's thank you for saying that because anyway that is like for me i part of the reason why like I have not even been able to show up and even just to flare up would be worth needing time to ourselves you know I just want to put that out there about like even if it was just to flare up the right thing to do is to take the break you know and I'm glad we did that you know but also there's these other things for me that have been popping up and it's like I love you guys so much on here but I had to really just like dial in and
00:26:28
Speaker
you know, love my family and love myself while we were grieving. And so, um, yeah now I'm now I'm back for you baby but I just was not able to fully be here so yeah uh sorry I don't mean to laugh it's the way you're just like I'm back for you like just completely inappropriate to tears boy she's like a bit guys you can't see her but she's just like dragging one of her eyelids down like she's like I'm back for you baby like like
00:26:59
Speaker
ah yep oh god yeah so that's been kind of like the catch up on my end um but yeah that was I feel like a lot to share but yeah thanks for having me no I think i no I think it's really good that you shared it but equally don't know I think it would make sense to when you're ready to talk about those things like more you know like really
00:27:31
Speaker
we can be really mindful about how we share it, to what mindful of you and also mindful of you know everyone everyone that's listening and stuff like that. Totally. Rather than, because we're just going to title this like, catch up with us. And then we're like, we're like suicide baby loss, what's up? That's that's us, the wounded healers. Going through it.
00:27:53
Speaker
Um, but on a lighter note, to sandwich this was some goodness. So there's good, sad,
Travel and Unique Experiences
00:28:00
Speaker
good. Um, but I did go to Holland for the first time. um Yeah. And that's a lot to catch up on. So that might be for another episode, but I wanted to say Holland was incredible.
00:28:13
Speaker
It is so flat. I knew it was flat going in, but like to see it, I was like, there are no mountains. There are like, barely any hills um so it's a very flat land but it has some really cool people in it and the I saw for the first time in my life highland cows do you have highland cows in in England yes actually I'm glad you've brought this up because British people are obsessed with Highland ah cows to the point where like you got we there's a because obviously we've been like homeware shopping there's a shop called Next which that's irrelevant really but in their homeware section they have a whole section of the shelf that is Highland cattle themed so like cushions with a Highland cow on like candles in a Highland cow shape like
00:29:09
Speaker
soap dispensers that are shaped like a highland cow like canvas art with like a multi-colored highland cow and my fellow brits will know this like because they're everywhere um yeah so i do unfortunately i'm all too familiar with highland cows amazing oh like it sounds like it borders the line between maybe kitschy is like the word and amazing but no there's no amazing it's oh horrendous it's like you know with the american equivalent but like like someone that has like ah american flags everywhere like an american flag cushion american flag lightsaber dispenser yeah that's pretty bad i'm so sorry yep
00:29:57
Speaker
But I imagine seeing a real one in the wild was quite majestic. Well, not in the wild. Yeah, but like in real life. I had like seen photos of them before, but I just knew they were mostly in Scotland. I was like, oh, maybe someday I'll see you one.
00:30:12
Speaker
And um I'm sure someone has one in California that I just, haven't seen but I was like these things are mystical because they're so stinking cute um and anyway we're walking by the way the word for village in Dutch is Dorp which made me laugh a lot so we're walking to Zach's grandparents Dorp and I was looking and I was like that is a highland cow and we stopped and there was like five of them in this field in this like pasture and my gosh they are the cutest things
00:30:44
Speaker
i think i've ever seen like seriously so cute i can't say yeah have you seen them as babies not in person baby oh no i haven't seen them in person either baby haven't seen baby ones in person either but like the babies are unreal i mean all baby cows are so cute amazing So cute. I did see baby cows in real life once when I, for those that don't know, I used to work at Waitrose, like in the head office, which Waitrose is a big supermarket here.
00:31:19
Speaker
And one of my accounts was the beef, the people that supply Waitrose with beef. And i they took me on an avatar tour, which is quite something, something for us to get into. remember Another time maybe. And it was like devastating, right? Didn't you?
00:31:35
Speaker
Yeah. It was. ah horrendous like cows hanging upside down by their legs getting their hearts speared and then like getting cut open and all the blood oh i would not be okay again i would just like somehow i still yeah yeah somehow i've looked a cow in the eye as it gets speared in the heart and i'm still finding me which i think speaks volumes about my mental state
00:32:05
Speaker
But kind of as a soothing balm after the abattoir tour, they took us to a farm to see cows in real life, like where they get the cows from. And they had- You're like, wait. Yeah.
00:32:21
Speaker
um but they had just had babies born the night before so they were like in this barn the oh my god one day old cows they were adorable um so yeah that's my experience of meeting baby cows in real life so cute so cute i don't know how people farm Like how you can raise them and then round them up and send them to slaughter. I can't shut down that part of me. So I'd just be so terrible at my job. If I was a farmer, I'd be like, oh my gosh.
00:32:54
Speaker
Yeah. Well, do you know, fun thing about the avatar, this is so morbid that they, if we shouldn't, especially, anyway, hey, fucker. So what they do, they like line the cows up in a corridor made of metal gates and a guy from the top down shoots them in the head with a metal pallet pet pellet. yeah So it like stuns them. my goodness So they're like effectively brain dead.
00:33:28
Speaker
And then they get dropped through ah floor, um which is where the guy spirs them in the heart and like pulls their chest out. Oh my gosh.
00:33:40
Speaker
So... but hi They do, they do, like it's a trap dwarf. It's a trap dwarf. So like, that's why I was so stunned when I was in the avatar because a cow fucking fell through the ceiling.
00:33:52
Speaker
And cows are huge when you see, like ah huge. ah But anyway, they do that. They do the stunning and then the spearing. So there isn't one human person that has the cow's death on their conscience because you don't know the...
00:34:10
Speaker
the pellet in the head actually kills them or whether the spear actually kills them or the drop yeah so that's why they do it so the people that work there they're like oh i might have killed no cows today no no no no i be i i couldn't do it i can tell you right now i would i could clean a floor i could do bathroom duty there but i could not i could not do that you know there was absolutely insane there was bin like a plastic bin of just eyeballs no that's the most like shrek thing ever but like like yeah like literal just like cow skulls because they strip their there's a machine think people are gonna be like what the fuck is this podcast episode but there's a machine that skins them oh gosh
00:35:02
Speaker
okay like automatically imagine you like okay i can imagine you i can imagine you in the cutest outfit like i'm about to go see this like beautiful farm and you're showing up and you look like so cute and like the the farm is cute and then you walk in just like to this haunted house of like cow death and you're like what the fuck What is happening? Yeah. um Yeah. I did, to be honest, I did cry and have to leave.
00:35:31
Speaker
But because they, they're good because they do it backwards. So like you start in the packaging hall and then it it slowly gets more horrific. Like you're like in the packaging hall. Then you're like in the mincer and then you go to like the butchery hall, which is actually a bit like Harry Pottery. There's like cows.
00:35:50
Speaker
There's like half a cow flying around the ceiling because they- Like a candle has mech. like here yeah There's men with like chainsaws that like as the cow flies, as the carcass flies past, they'll like chainsaw off like a bit of it and then it slowly gets, you know, it starts as a cow and then it slowly gets butchered into the bits that we eat.
00:36:11
Speaker
um But yeah, so they do it all backwards. So you're like slowly being desensitized and desensitized so until the final bit is when you go outside and see the fucking cows.
00:36:23
Speaker
They're waiting. And you know what's about to happen to them. There's just all these cows like waiting there. They're playing them the radio, which because that makes it calms them. And i'm like I'm like, don't you realize that like, if it's if it had if it's so sentient that it needs the radio played for it to be calm,
00:36:42
Speaker
Maybe we should have killed it. Yeah, maybe we should have killed in Hawaii on like a cow sanctuary. really Yeah. Oh my gosh. oh my god yeah ah But yeah, no, I was just looking at this cow in the eye, like literally, and cows have the most beautiful eyes, don't they? Like like the most stunning, soulful, big eyes. And I was, ah yeah, I was just looking at it, having seen all of that. And I just burst into tears.
00:37:08
Speaker
And I was like, I have to leave. And then I had like my manager, because obviously like this is literally a work event. Yeah. So I have my manager who's this like huge, massive, like rugby playing, like corporate guy And he's like, okay, yeah, let's leave. Oh my gosh. And I'm just like sobbing and he's like running along after me in his tie.
00:37:26
Speaker
um see yeah, that's that. That's my story. i hope that's interesting for everyone. This is definitely the catch up episode. Cause like that, I mean, wow, we're laying it out here. mean, that definitely is maybe changing the way I navigate around cows again. Yeah.
00:37:45
Speaker
And then I was going to ask you are you still, because you said, yeah, Because you're flaring, are you going to be doing veganism? So I did, but mostly vegan, vegetarian for bit. And then I did eat meat in Holland. And literally two nights ago, I had a burger. And now feel incredibly sad to hear about the cows.
00:38:02
Speaker
um But I probably will continue to, like, lean onto the side of more, like, veggies and stuff. Just because I've noticed dairy and, like, really processed foods, like, super-duper inflame me. And, I mean, that's... Yeah.
00:38:17
Speaker
That's like a very common thing for even people who aren't dealing with RA is to get inflammation from that. But I've been trying really hard. And to be honest, the U.S. kind of doesn't set us up for success in that way because lot of our food is processed. So it's like, OK, guess I'll just be eating broccoli again.
00:38:34
Speaker
i Just kidding. There's a other veggies. But yeah. So anyway, that's my update. So I'm still very much trying to be on the vegetarian role more than vegan. But yeah, i did have a burger. And I'm like, oh, my God, what have I done?
00:38:47
Speaker
But, but I do have a funny story for you guys after that set sad moment. This episode is so random. I love it. um We, okay, we have a family friend who turned 50 and...
00:39:02
Speaker
Amy confirmed for me that even in the UK, 50 is like a woohoo, good job, you made it, birthday party, um which is good because here it's like a big deal too. And so our family friend had this gorgeous birthday party in their backyard, which they have like an acre of on there.
00:39:20
Speaker
They had like the pool. They had a bar there, like a bartenders. They had this band, a dance floor, like caterers. It was to the nines. It was so gorgeous.
00:39:32
Speaker
um A song came on Some songs came on. My mom was there and she was like, does anyone want to dance? And no one was on the dance floor yet. And I was like, no, mom, we don't want to dance. Like, because from where you eat, like the dining area, you can see the dance floor directly. You're like looking at it.
00:39:47
Speaker
And I was like, everyone's still eating. Like, no, we're not going to go dance, mom. My mom is so bummed. My mom's like, no one wants to dance. And she like went through all of us. She was like, Mike, do you want to dance? That's my stepdad. And she's like, Phoebe, do you want to dance with Janessa? And i was like, no. And then she looked at Zach's like, I'm good.
00:40:03
Speaker
And so my mom. She's really desperate if she's asking Zach. She wanted to dance. My mom wanted to get out there and just have a good time. So finally it gets a little darker and people have had some drinks and now people are on the dance floor. So i was like, I'll go dance with you now. And so we all go on the dance floor collectively, like my whole family.
00:40:22
Speaker
My brother was working, so he wasn't there. But my sister, Zach, my stepdad and my mom and I go on the dance floor. And you guys, we were killing it. We were having so much fun. We are terrible dancers. I'm sorry. I just have to put it out there. Like we're not, we don't look good dancing, but you know, we're having fun because we're doing all kinds of dumb moves.
00:40:40
Speaker
So like, you know, butre we're doing we're doing all the moves, dancing around. And then suddenly after like three songs of dancing, I don't know what ah exactly caused this, but I just was on the floor. i was like, oh, my word. And like I had fallen while dancing.
00:41:00
Speaker
And I know that sounds scary, but it actually was extremely funny. Um, because I'm on the floor and I'm in these heels and I never wear heels. You guys like it truly like with Ari and your feet and just heels in general. yeah Like, no, no, thanks.
00:41:15
Speaker
Though I wish I did wear them more. They're very cute. But anyway, think he was wearing were slightly too big for me. And it was like 98 freaking degrees outside. um and,
00:41:27
Speaker
So super hot. Sorry, I don't know what that is Celsius, but super hot. And I was sweating and i think I literally slipped on the sweat my shoe and like ah fell like that. 100% that's what happened.
00:41:43
Speaker
Um, but anyway, so you guys, it was just horrifying. I was literally like, please just, I hope, you know, all I knew is like, okay, one, I can't get up right now. I'm so stunned this happened. So Zach like pulled me, like dead weighted me off the ground, which is like,
00:42:01
Speaker
truly incredible that my husband could do that. i was like, thank you. So he just picked my whole body up. And then I just kept dancing. And then I laughed. I just couldn't stop laughing. it was the funniest thing because if I looked to my left, everyone who's at the tables had like a direct view of me falling.
00:42:21
Speaker
um Anyway, it sounds maybe not as good in story, but just know, like, that was another humbling experience. Nothing was hurt except for my pride. Like, truly, I was like, I think we need to leave now.
00:42:34
Speaker
That's a touch, to be fair. How did you not hurt yourself? That was incredible. I just went down, and I think it's just I have really big thighs and a huge butt. So, like, and just, you know, my flub saved me, you guys. Yeah.
Dietary Changes and Health
00:42:50
Speaker
um I just, give for any Brits listening, that's 36 degrees, which is insane. It never, I don't think this country's ever got that hot. That's how, that's how hot it is. So I'm not surprised do you slipped on your own sweat. on your own sweat.
00:43:10
Speaker
Oh man, so anyway. but oh and literally the next day we went to church with my family and one of the scriptures was like two is better than one because if one of you falls down the other can help lift you up and my whole family Zach first looked at me and we were almost we were cracking up I was like almost in tears over this because I was like oh my gosh that's hilarious that that is the scripture i was like can confirm
00:43:40
Speaker
Wow. Confirm. That's good. But also that was the scripture. in real life because you fell, but also representative of how people have been helping you and how Zach's been helping you like spiritually too. So true.
00:43:57
Speaker
So that's super cute. Yeah. yeah Yeah. Talking about going back to food, because it's I've just thought of it after we mentioned it, annoyingly, I have found that limiting dairy...
00:44:14
Speaker
And gluten has really helped me. And I'm like, that's annoying. Because I, again, had like tricked myself into being like, food doesn't make a difference.
00:44:26
Speaker
I can eat whatever and be well. And now I'm like, no, no. The dairy-free life is definitely better when you're flouring. And again, it's just, that's bit sad. But Slash is good because there are options that can that can help us when we're feeling bad. But i just this has been a few months of just crushing all of my delusions that I've spent five years building up in my head. Oh, yeah.
00:44:52
Speaker
I feel that. Yeah. Yep. Well, at least we're able to come back here and and talk about it. Yeah. about it a little. Cry about it a little. Yeah.
00:45:05
Speaker
yeah kind of Yeah. You know, that's the more I'm reflecting on this year and how it's been so like joy and grief hand in hand.
Finding Joy Amidst Chronic Illness
00:45:14
Speaker
It's like, honestly, sometimes the most truest form of like healing is just like what cry, laugh and just have no clue what's going to happen, you know? And that's just, yeah that's just the truth. You know, it's like, it's as if when you're flaring up, if someone asks you how long it lasts, you're like, I have no clue and I hope it ends tomorrow, you know?
00:45:38
Speaker
I don't know how long lasts. um So yeah, not going to do, but you to just have some, have some joy still here and there in your life and thank goodness for people. And oh my goodness, Amy, Amy said something that brought me joy about painting her house.
00:45:57
Speaker
And would you share that? I think that's the most beautiful thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so I mean, my the good news is my new house is like less than 15 minutes away from my parents. So they've been able to really help. um Well, I've been struggling and they've been absolutely amazing. Such a blessing to live so close to them.
00:46:19
Speaker
um so the people that lived in this house before us they loved purple and pink paint which is just not what you should love if you do if you do love that I would really i would love for you to stop loving that because um just don't if you like that just don't um kidding um but it's been really quite disruptive to me because if you guys know me you know i'm the queen of neutrals like color actually like to be honest upsets me so we have been on a mission to try and get as much of the place painted as we can because it also like i feel like it's once your color on the walls it really helps it make it feel more like yours so that's been one of the priorities for us but obviously painting and having rheumatoid arthritis do not go well hand in hand um painting whole rooms so so sweetly my whole last weekend my whole family so my mom my dad my brother and his fiancee they all came over with me and edward and we all painted our
00:47:28
Speaker
main room stairs halls landing and and it was just so sweet and beautiful and meaningful and as me and janessa were saying over whatsapp it's a bit like they'll their you know their mark will always be on this house now and i just love that i just think You know, no matter what happens, like again, I don't know why being so morbid today, but like, obviously eventually my parents are going to die. They're not they're not even close to death, but they're like in their sixties, you know? So there is a good chance the paint is still going to be on the walls when they go. It's Farrow and Ball, and for anyone that lives in England knows that's expensive paint. So side note, Edouard's mum was like, you can't paint it in anything apart from Farrow and Ball. And...
00:48:16
Speaker
edward's mom is a woman you do what she says so otherwise you you won't hear the end of it so it's all favorable as per her request um but yeah so it's gonna be on the walls for a long long time and i just love the th thought of like my yeah my parents and my but brother and his fiancee leaving their mark on my house and I'll always be surrounded by it and and the being surrounded by the paint that they put on is also very similar to being surrounded by their love and yeah really sweet so that's um yeah thank goodness for them so lucky so blessed um and isn't it always funny and you can tell me if you feel like this Janessa but like I think from
00:49:02
Speaker
what it is about us being people pleases ourselves like it's so hard to not do so it's so hard to accept help like it's so hard to I feel like I'm putting someone else out yeah like they'll they'll literally say like we'd love to come and help you paint your house and then I feel like crippled by accepting that offer And then they come over and I'm like, God, I'm so
Accepting Help and Overcoming Struggles
00:49:26
Speaker
sorry, you're here. Like, I wish you didn't have to do this. diddata do And they're like, we literally offered like chill.
00:49:32
Speaker
um So it's kind of hard to, and I'm sure many people listening that also suffer with, like debilitating illnesses will understand how it feels to like want to help and like want to join in and feel guilty for not joining in um when other people are more than happy and like other people see it even as a blessing that they get to help you and they're like filled with joy for the fact that they get to do that um yeah this is another one of those funnies where it's just all part of processing limitations
00:50:07
Speaker
Yeah, that's real. When I was in the urgent care with the most recent flare up, I was apologizing to the staff. was like, i'm I'm so sorry. Oh, my God. I'm sitting like this because I'm sorry. And they're like, oh, my gosh, please stop. Like, you're literally in pain. Like, you're crying.
00:50:22
Speaker
So, um yeah, it goes deep. Like, truly, it goes deep. I'm like, I just it's like, oh, yeah, we'll have to do different episode on that, too, because it's just feeling like an inconvenience.
00:50:32
Speaker
is one of biggest fears in life and across the board, whether it's with an employer or like with, you know, family or whomever, friends. But truthfully, what you're saying is like so golden. It's like, no, like 99% of the time, i guarantee you are not an inconvenience. And the 1% might be when you just aren't pulling out a parking spot and someone needs that parking spot. but like Like those are the real inconveniences. But yeah.
00:51:01
Speaker
Yeah, no, I do that all the time. i don't know where we were, but like, where were we? We were like standing, we were standing somewhere where we had like every right, to or maybe it was a parking space. as that Yeah, that is literally it. We were on our own driveway, our new driveway, and and we were heading out and then there was a woman trying to like parallel park and she would have, not in front of our driveway, but she would have like used the space in front of our driveway, right, to parallel park.
00:51:30
Speaker
And I was like, quick, let's go. Let's get out of her way. And I was like, we're literally on our own driveway. What are you talking about? Oh God. Yeah, yeah it's not it's not normal. But I i also, on that note, like having my um my parents come around I literally, my mom was like telling me like, you need to sit down.
00:51:56
Speaker
And like, that's the only way I would do it when I was getting like a direct command from my mother. like i would actually sit down. She was like, I'm actually begging you just sit down on the bed while I do this. And I'm like, okay, yes.
00:52:11
Speaker
So yeah, I feel like I just need her. but just need to get her to text me all the time to be like, Amy, sit down. Yes, I feel that. But I also, i would love to know anyone listening, i am now very overwhelmed at the thought of like taking care of a whole house while having RA. this isn't really something that i put too much thought into before because I was like, oh, so exciting. Everything's going to be great.
00:52:36
Speaker
But now I'm like, oh, now we have nine rooms, including the downstairs toilet, which doesn't really count. But Our flat had three rooms. So I've tripled the amount of rooms that I like have to clean or we know whatever, take care of like more bathrooms, more, yeah, it's mainly cleaning is what I'm getting at. But just if you have RA, how do you do that and work a full-time job?
00:53:03
Speaker
as i'm and eat healthily. Like i thought I thought it was like kind of hard to get the balance when i lived in a tiny place, but now I'm like, oh my fucking God, what am I gonna do? Like the garden, the garden's insane. We have like a whole, the people that lived here before us who were clearly really passionate about gardening, which is,
00:53:20
Speaker
again a huge blessing because we have this stunning mature garden that you know we have this massive wisteria that would have taken years to grow and we just get to have it which is great but I just ah yeah I feel like I'm gonna need I'm gonna need professional help I don't know but I would love to know yeah how everyone else manages having a house and being healthy and doing everything.
Technology Surprises and Episode Conclusion
00:53:48
Speaker
Wait, Amy, I have to ask this before we wind down with the episode.
00:53:52
Speaker
Have you seen, okay, when we were in Holland, it was the first time in my life that I ever saw a robot lawnmower. Do you guys have those? Yes. that Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Edward's family has one in France. Blew my mind. we were driving this little thing, this little green shell.
00:54:09
Speaker
thing was going across the lawn and cutting it perfectly and I was like oh my gosh and then I was like we cannot tell the the rest of the u.s about this because then all my hispanic brothers and sisters we're gonna lose our gardening jobs like you can't don't bring that here but literally I was cracking up I'm like we have people to do that but you guys have a literal robots like it's actually yeah I mean but like is Yeah, they're so clever. I mean, they are very expensive.
00:54:39
Speaker
We're talking like three, four grand. Okay, yeah. um So they' they're not, I wouldn't say they're like, everyone doesn't have one, that's for sure. What's more popular is the ride on mowers, which I think you do have in, if you have a lot of lawn.
00:54:53
Speaker
But the um the little ones are really good for like the elderly. yeah Because they can just, obviously, well, they just do a little bit every day. But I will say, on the topic of robots, we've got a robot vacuum cleaner, a mop, and that is amazing. dreams. That's that's my one hack of...
00:55:14
Speaker
ah Yeah, I was like, ah that double the floor space. I'm not going to be able to hoover. And I hate mopping. I don't know if there's anyone that like finds satisfaction in mopping, but like, oh God, I can't.
00:55:25
Speaker
And it's hard. It's physically hard, like mopping a floor. And so, yes, we've got a robot vacuum cleaner a mop. And that's amazing. You just set it off and it just cleans the floor. Oh, my goodness.
00:55:36
Speaker
So that's one thing. Maybe that's the answer. Just I just need robots. Have you seen the um the film on Netflix with Megan Fox where she's a she's a robot? What's it called?
00:55:50
Speaker
It's so good. What's it called? Let me find out. I texted my friend about it. So it's. It's like, um yeah, it's very... ah I can only imagine that also Megan Fox is like so stunning. and like ah sub so Subservient. yes Okay. Okay.
00:56:13
Speaker
um because she's, yeah, so she's, the plot is it's a guy who it happens to be that really sexy Italian guy that was in that. Did that, the films they're called like 365, did they make it over there to the States? don't think so, but I'm not the best person to ask. I don't know.
00:56:31
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. There were these films, they were European films. So the girl was Polish and he was Italian and i like those little languages they spoke, which is probably why it didn't make it to the States. We don't want to do closed captions. Subtitles, no. Yeah.
00:56:47
Speaker
But he became really famous. He's called like Michael something. He's super, super famous now, um but he's in it, but he's really sexy is the underlying point. And obviously Megan Fox is sexy.
00:56:58
Speaker
and So he's a a dad whose wife is has a heart ah issue. So she's in hospital. And he's got two kids. And then so they get this like helper nanny to help with while the mum's in the hospital.
00:57:15
Speaker
um And then the helper robot nanny ends up be like being desperate to fuck him. Like, that like, I like just doing weird, like really trying to like. She's a thirsty robot. Yeah.
00:57:30
Speaker
She's literally a thirsty robot. It's very fun. It's a very fun film. I highly... I'll check it out. Highly recommend for like a laugh. you know like Obviously, it's not incredible, groundbreaking cinema, but it was a it a fun watch. um and yeah But I was also a bit like, Megan, what are you doing, girl?
00:57:52
Speaker
I was a bit like, I feel like you're a bit above this. I don't know anymore. I'm confused by Megan Fox these days. I thought she was above Machine Gun Kelly, but no.
00:58:06
Speaker
No, please. I love Machine Gun Kelly. Oh, Amy. Just the other day, i was listening to, I mean, I don't love him when he's rapping, but I love his, but which I know is mostly what he does. Yeah.
00:58:25
Speaker
His two most recent album or his three most recent albums, Tickets to My Downfall, incredible. One of my favorite albums. Okay, I'll have to give it a shot. I'll have to give it a shot. Mate, it's literally produced by Travis Barker. That's pretty good. Every track has Travis Barker drumming on it.
00:58:41
Speaker
ah don't Don't sleep on Tickets to My Downfall. It's very like punk, pop, old school. Takes you back to when we're like teenagers. Okay, yeah. and But I do. I understand that he's, um unfortunately, I read an article the other day and found out he's quite problematic. Yeah, he's a little, yeah, it's interesting. But I'll try, I'll try and listen to it because I haven't given him a fair shot.
00:59:06
Speaker
But I certainly am like, yeah, Megan Fox, what are you doing with this child? Like, what are you? What are you doing? Yeah. No, I get it.
00:59:18
Speaker
I get it. I'd be with him. I'd be him. Yeah. Have you seen his new? He's got like teeth that are like fangs. No. Just in time for Twilight season. So into it. Oh, by the all the Twilight movies are coming out in theater in California. They're going to air all them over November. I'm sorry. October. October.
00:59:38
Speaker
to November. So I'm very excited and yeah. That's so nice. Right. I'm going to show you. I mean, I love that. Edwild was like, should we watch that again? And I was like, weve we watched all of them last year. Let's not.
00:59:51
Speaker
I can't make it a, um I cannot make it a yearly thing. absolutely do. And if it's my sick film, I'm really feeling sick, I'm watching that. Okay. She showed me a picture of Michigan Kelly's face.
01:00:06
Speaker
They're not terrible. I'm into No, they're not terrible. They're It's a bit sexy. Look, I'm so sorry. is giving punk rock.
01:00:17
Speaker
so sorry that is giving that hung good photo model that's a good photo it's mostly like he's had a glow up he's had a glow up i'm telling you megan megan glowed him up megan was like my let's get you some treatments she was like go and see my injector oh my gosh ah yeah you guys well Right, well what a journey we've been on today. Yeah, it's just spend like a it's been like a potluck episode. We just brought you like 20 different dishes and we're like, here's a scoop of that. Here's a scoop of that.
01:00:59
Speaker
okay We were like, haven't seen us in two months. Have a little bit of everything. yeah It's like very much like, I remember that trend where people were like, my name's Janessa and I brought Swedish fish and my trauma is. And they're like, just dump it while I tell your trauma. That's kind of, I'm sorry, I can't.
01:01:15
Speaker
I went there, brought the Swedish fish, but we brought other dishes, so I'm sure there's something in there. we know, listen, we know the people that listen to this podcast, they've got some Swedish fish of their own. Absolutely, yeah.
01:01:31
Speaker
We all feel seen when people share their Swedish fish. anyway you guys Well, it's so good to be back with you guys. And yeah, we're looking forward to being back here in two weeks. Until then.
01:01:45
Speaker
Yes. we'll have some We'll have some consistency. So don't panic. We're back and we're back for good now. We're back until something else horrible happens
01:02:01
Speaker
Okay. Until then, remember to put the light in. Bye. Let the light him. Bye.