Transcript
Speaker: So with two hosts, we still need an AI. Commentator? of
Speaker: That's right. Artificial intelligence better than no intelligence? Huh. We're livin' in a fantasy world Yeah, we're living in a - And I say wow.
Speaker: Coming to you from... Fargo, North Dakota. We're losing by 2 .1 points. Apparently qualifies me to explain everyone else's week. One decisions.
Speaker: I'm... Jeff Mangan, he knows all the numbers from Japan!
Speaker: All right, Andy and I sent out the weekly winners report by email already this week. i'll try I'm going to try these short solo shows between the monthly episodes. if If you want one of the guest seats, please reply to the email that we already sent out. Um, Now we've got some quick special report clips I've put together here.
Speaker: as an episode, so hopefully... ah Hopefully people find it fun. Hello, Brian. This is an automated response from the uvike .dat department of post -mortem affairs.
Speaker: Your recent transmission from the afterlife has been the received. Please stand by while we verify your current status. Ahem. Checking records.
Speaker: Team name. Pug death. Preseason forecast. Lose every game. Week 1 result. Pug death. 87 .01 Tinatenba!
Speaker: 95 .47 Result. Loss Forecast accuracy. 100%. Yeah.
Speaker: Congratulations, Brian! You are currently exactly on schedule. Additional analysis indicates that Pugdeath would have defeated only two of the other 13 teams in Week 1.
Speaker: We also reviewed your lineup for possible managerial error. Optimal possible score 94 .81 Tine tenba!
Speaker: 95 .47 So even in the alternate universe where you made every correct decision You still... Fucking lost.
Speaker: However... We do have some positive news. Our week 2 system has detected an anomaly. Pug death is currently projected to defeat Cuzznug.
Speaker: This conflicts with the pre -season forecast that you will lose every game. Engineers have been notified. At this time, we believe the most likely explanation is that Kuznug may also be dead.
Speaker: Please do not become alarmed. Should you accidentally win a game? your status will automatically be upgraded from pug death To pug mostly dead.
Speaker: Until then, Please return to Hell and await further instructions. Thank you for contacting YouVikeThat. I do have a quick update on that one. Yahoo has since changed the forecast to... 116 .81 for Kuznug. to 104 point three one for pug life so Looks like. ah Looks like things are... are shaping back up for you there, Brian.
Speaker: All right. So. Next, I'm going to try. I'm still going to try this, even though Andy's not here. I have to run the timer myself. But let's do. Let's do the Mjolnir minute. So I have...
Speaker: a minute on on my timer here and uh i'm gonna try to get through as many Vikings versus Packers facts as I can in one minute.
Speaker: All right. Right, the basics. Sunday, September 13th, U .S. Bank Stadium, Vikings versus Packers. The final score, Vikings 39, Packers 22. By quarter, it was 9 -3, 10 -7. I'm sorry.
Speaker: No. the Packers scored. 9, 10, 3, and 0. Minnesota scored 3 -7, 7 -22. Can't even read my own notes. Halftime score was 19 -10 Green Bay. Green Bay won the coin toss and deferred. Minnesota got the ball first. The referee for the day was Sean Hockley. Kyler Murray's day. Five total passes. Murray signed a one -year deal with Minnesota after Arizona released him. The number one pick from 2019. He beat out J .J. McCarthy for the job in the can camp.
Speaker: play one of the game um ah Kyler Murray did a Tecmo Bowl move. and Oh, I'm sorry. play Play one of the game. Aaron Jones took a one -yard loss.
Speaker: Play two pass number. one Kyler Murray did a Tecmo Bowl type move where he went back and chucked it deep and was intercepted. So it looks like I got through maybe eight facts there. All of the facts are courtesy of the Associated Press, ESPN, Yahoo Sports, NBC Sports. Pro Football Talk.
Speaker: Packers .com, the Minnesota Star Tribune, the Chicago Sun -Times, Arizona Sports, Athlon Sports, Acme Packing Company. heavy .com nfl .com wikipedia sports radar box score data Thank you.
Speaker: To all of those.
Speaker: Doug did you get the latest copy of Discord Weekly from Archway Publishing? Marty. I was in line at the newsstand this morning. Like I am every Thursday. Jared thinks Yahoo is rearranging the schedule. Six of seven games this week pair teams with the same record.
Speaker: Separating the blessed from the damned. The schedule was set at the draft, per Andy and Matt. So Yahoo knew. Andy says Yahoo got five of seven predictions wrong. Wrong.
Speaker: They are just stopping prediction markets in their tracks. Prediction markets? Andy beat Jeff by 2 .11 points. He should shut up and be grateful. But so should Jeff, he's leading closest loser right now.
Speaker: That's fitting. That was Yahoo's Matchup of the Week. A miracle. And he's complaining about the paperwork. Yahoo! replied. Yes, of course. in binary.
Speaker: The sacred text. Yahoo wrote it? On its own? No AI? Scripture doesn't format itself, Marty. Drywall put 152 on El Nino.
Speaker: A weather system got its ass kicked by building materials. That's a demonstration. And Steelhouse beating Kuznug by 71? Wrath. One Cent beat Underground with 92.
Speaker: Jeff lost with 126. Yahoo gave Andy a win. It gave Jeff homework. 501st beat John Denver's Nutstack. You can't call your team John Denver's Nutstack and expect divine intervention.
Speaker: Pure shithouse got it. Against, so you're saying there's a chance. Yahoo hates false prophets. Tenet and Bob beat Pug Death too. Resurrection isn't included in the free tier.
Speaker: You're turning a fantasy website into a religion. Turning. Where were you Sunday morning? Checking my lineup. Exactly. And when it looked bad? Praying.
Speaker: Who's the matchup this week? Drywall and Steelhouse Fuck. Yahoo's building a church.
Speaker: Last season, a man missed a podcast taping. We looked for him for nine weeks. We never found out where he was. He has since been located. He finished last.
Speaker: So... You're telling me... The trophy can't be delivered. Oh. Hi there. We know Tom's in Avon Lake. What we don't have... is a shipping address Here's where we are.
Speaker: Tom took last place in the 2025 season. That makes him... The Skolster the skullster receives two items the plaque End. the toaster.
Speaker: Both are league property. Both need to get to Tom. On August 24th, we asked Tom for a shipping address. He wrote back And I want to read this exactly.
Speaker: unfortunately my trophy case is just so full i don't think i'll have any room
Speaker: And... I believe him. i want clear I want to be clear about that. I'm not calling the man a liar. His case is full. that's a real thing that can happen to a person but the trophy Still. has to go. somewhere.
Speaker: The plaque left Cody's possession on August 24th. It was, at that time, Licked. Bye, Brian. We have the photograph. It has been entered into evidence.
Speaker: Tom lives in Avon Lake, Ohio. We know the city. We just don't have a shipping address. I've got 41. Thomas's on the list. One of them.
Speaker: has to have room. So, Jeff starts calling Toms. Ahem. Sir. Quick question, and then I'll let you go. Do you currently have trophy case capacity do i have what Room in your trophy case.
Speaker: I'd have to go look. Sure. Take your time.
Speaker: Is this about the Ford plant? It is not.
Speaker: Season 1 asked where Tom was. Season 2 asks a harder question. not where Weather. So our hero Jeff continues making the calls.
Speaker: Sir. We're trying to deliver a trophy to a Thomas in Avon Lake. I told you I live in Avon Lake. you're You're listed. In the white pages, sir.
Speaker: Who told you the guy lives in Avon Lake? Tom did. I mean, you did. Well, I mean, my Tom did.
Speaker: I'm Tom. a different Tom. So after that call, Jeff went back through the tape. because he wanted no needed to know where we got Avon Lake.
Speaker: Where's Tom where is Tom?
Speaker: Let me ah reach out to him and No, Tom is back in Avon Lake. And luckily I was able to come right in because the door was open. that's convenient well i might be here now You're right. where I'll be tomorrow or the next day. you just get Tune in. and Avon Lake. Confirmed By Tom himself.
Speaker: What we still don't have is a shipping address. Most people would text him again. Jeff has a list of 41 Thomases. and a toaster. Before we go further.
Speaker: Do you? Have a trophy case. No. That's worse. How is that worse? it can't be the first thing in there It needs context. It needs peers. It needs...
Speaker: Friends.
Speaker: What is it? The Skolster It's a toaster. that makes Minnesota Vikings toast. Thomas is contacted. three Thomas's remaining 38.
Speaker: Trophy case capacity located. None.
Speaker: Avon Lake. Confirmed Correct Tom, pending.
Speaker: All right, if anybody has an update. on Anything related to Tom's whereabouts? or Tom's address. Please. Call in the hotline number.
Speaker: Oh man, I can't remember that number to call you like that's hotline. Do you remember it? I always forget it. Oh, yeah, that number that's easy to remember and hard to forget for You Vike That's Fantasy podcast. Yeah, that's the one I can't remember.
Speaker: Sure, it's... 971 204 Wait, are you sure about that? Yeah, that's not that easy to remember, is it?
Speaker: 971 is sort of a last placed area code in 2026, isn't it? Agreed. No, I thought it started with 612. Yeah, you too. It's 612.
Speaker: 293 6635. It's easy to remember, hard to forget, and always on.
Speaker: All right. Thanks, guys, for that. We did get one text message this week. No voicemails, but, you know, I'll take a text message when we get it. Hello. New Green Compression is here.
Speaker: Reduce swelling. Easy on, easy off. and now available in a limited edition green color. Only 6 ,000 are available. For a limited time.
Speaker: Buy two and get two free. h -t -t -p -s colon slash slash xqa dot i -m slash h -m -s -m 778 -Q -H -T -T -P -S colon slash slash XQA dot I -M slash K -D -I -T -I -O -B -E
Speaker: Thanks, Holo. We'll make sure to get on that. that URL right away. um That's all I got this week. Thanks for sticking around and listening to my 15 minutes of nonsense.
Speaker: End. As always. We know you have plenty of options in selecting a league -specific fantasy football podcast. Thank you for choosing ours. Join us.
Speaker: on the next episode.
