Transcript
Speaker: Who is Tina? Do you really wanna know?
Speaker: Who is Tina? Who is Tina? Not just about the love, Dave, but I'm not Tina.
Speaker: Who is Tina? It's so much more. More than you know. No, no, no.
Speaker: Dude, i've hit a new low. Oh, here we go. Yeah. Let's talk about it, Lance. Let's talk about it. Yeah, I think the Tina shorts are representative of a ah really a new low, just pathetic.
Speaker: You think it's a new low, but you got to get it out, dude. How else are you going to do that? It's just pathetic humor. Are you apologizing to me and the listeners?
Speaker: Is that what this is? Is this a formal apology for your content? It's just so bad. Yeah, it is an apology, I guess. I think last week was probably just a new low in general. So all the stuff around it, like our show last week was embarrassing.
Speaker: It was bad, ah but funny. I think I felt like I had to keep it going a little bit because it does tickle your heart in an adolescent way. You have to address it, right?
Speaker: Yeah, yeah. so we'll see what comes next. But Tina was a new low. I'd already embellished it with a song, and then to come back and and bring this character back is is is sad.
Speaker: It's pretty sad. Am I right? with Tina was around in the early days, the senior days. Uh, no, I think she was around last last year. She's a 25. 2025 cast member. Uh, well, I don't feel, feel, i don't think you need to apologize.
Speaker: i mean, I also feel like we had a nice run there. Maybe eight episodes are pretty, we we opened our ourselves up to the listeners. We talked about serious shit. And, I think we were, we were allowed to have that, that piece of shit.
Speaker: No pun intended from last week. Yeah, for sure. The other thing that's bringing me down or it got me down was I finally decided I have to turn over all the investment stuff to a professional.
Speaker: It is ah destroyed my mental health. This is this is real talk. People destroyed my mental health over the probably the last six to eight months. Wow. that's ah Was this a solo decision? Was this like a life partner decision? is this you going or was Was anyone doing your fucking a pain in the ass to be around? stop doing stop obsessing over this?
Speaker: No, I don't think anybody felt it, but maybe my wife. But it really came down to like what I was doing. And I had a tough year. like When my brother got sick, I started dicking with the portfolio. When he died, I started dicking with it.
Speaker: Our neighbor just died. He's 90. But still, you know this guy I would go over and talk to and stuff. And I go and dick to dick with the portfolio. And it's just sort of like a psychological lever that I was using to feel better. And I wasn't doing anything crazy, but it just was like... ah a place I'd go to, to try to solve issues and it just doesn't work. And so my wife probably saw that. Well, she definitely saw that was like, Oh God.
Speaker: And then I'm so reactive. She can't like exactly like jump in and be like, what are you doing? You shouldn't be doing that. i I'd flip out on her, probably head butter, but it got sad. And I, I caught myself as I do with most things in my life. I'll eventually catch myself. And so now I have to say goodbye to all that.
Speaker: Let somebody else do that shit. Wow, dude. I mean, I think that's great. Congratulations. It must have been pretty hard for you. i will I guess I lose any of our any of our texts about related to the market ah because that's like being like, hey, Lance, I got some heroin for you, huh? yeah i did it yeah I did it two days ago, I think. Didn't I? I asked you about maybe an AI IPO or something, and you were like, can't do it.
Speaker: ah Yeah, I can check it. Once it's managed by them, I can check and be fine. But I just don't want to spend my time doing that. What's sad is, and or interesting, depending upon how you look at it, is in honor of that and more free time, I created the Tina shorts.
Speaker: So the two Tina episodes. ah Pick your boys at, huh? Yeah. Yeah. So it's a tough balancing act. But no, i just was getting it was getting pathetic. Yeah. It just was getting so fucking pathetic. If I got triggered by something, it's like, or, you know, I would ingest all this financial media and in-depth stuff, not Yahoo Finance, and and then feel like, oh I better get a little more emerging markets value because...
Speaker: whatever reason, who knows, and just sit there and tweak and fuck around and and then and think that it's it's valuable. It's like a lot of men do this.
Speaker: It's classic women statistically perform better as long-term investors because they don't fuck with shit. But here we are. Another thing I've admitted on this podcast.
Speaker: What what ah what do you do with your group of friends that are that's tied to like that? What is that? mo Whatever that acronym is that you you're you're in that group. the Financial independence. Yeah. Yeah. does that Do you need to like cold turkey those MFs too? Or or you can you can talk to them?
Speaker: What's your triggers, Lance? What's your triggers? No, it's not an addiction. It's not like I can't talk finance. It's not like I won't still... be in depth. I just don't want to manage the money every second of your life.
Speaker: I don't want it to be something. It's like, I got to do something. I don't, I don't want to be, I don't want to live my life that way. I want to, uh, well, I want to do better, uh, shorts. I want to make this podcast better, play music. I want to do things I like to do.
Speaker: i don't want to fuck with that anymore. Like sitting there poring over CNBC and fucking looking at the stock list. Oh, this one's up. This one's down. i just it's pathetic to me.
Speaker: And I was feeling pathetic. It seems like it's in contradiction of what you worked so hard to create. Like if you if you're that financial freedom movement, you weren't free at all.
Speaker: Because you were probably working harder than you had a job, right? Or at least obsessing. It's in your head. It's in your gut. You're like constantly thinking about it. It's worse than like a shitty office experience, maybe. Listen to this therapist. Yeah, no, exactly. It's more of like, I had a tough year. Obviously, I didn't always have this. Like I did the first two years. I wasn't doing this this much.
Speaker: But I was still doing a little. But these big triggers that are going to come in in my life and in all of our lives at some point, I just don't want it to be about money or I don't want that to be the place I go to find relief.
Speaker: It doesn't work first off, but. do you i don't know. I don't think you ever, did you ever work remotely? I did, yeah. But you know, there there's that there's always that contrast. to like When you're working remotely and you're kind of like happy about it but you're also sort of guilty and trying to prove that you're you're you're doing something, but also like feeling some sort of you need your freedom. like Everything you do, whether it's... There's always like that weird, like the other side of it.
Speaker: yeah you know it's like You have the financial freedom, you manage your own shit, and then the other side of it like, fuck, there's pressure in that as well. like I don't know. I've been thinking about that a little bit lately. No, it's exactly right. that i remember that feeling of what can I do today? What thoughtful email do I need to send out to make sure people know I'm working or I'm thinking about the issues, even though they were worthless emails? that just You still want to go get your sprints on or something? like Exactly. you know Or I would keep the phone on.
Speaker: Like I'd fuck around all day and keep the phone on till like 7.30 at night. And then if doctors were sending something out, i would respond and just make it make me feel like I was engaged. It just was a ah game, but it yeah had the pros and cons for sure.
Speaker: And then, you yeah, because then you can be like, look, i don't i might I might go run my sprints, but I'm available 24-7. Look me. look at me Yeah, it it was a game in my own head.
Speaker: I didn't like it. I don't like that game. It was a little easier. We're just like, oh, you go into the office and, you know, you can charm people into liking you and then sneak out early. Do you? So, yeah I mean, you had a pretty intense year. It's in ah and like, but you've been, the I think you've been this way since we started doing this show about the financial stuff. Like, but what do you think?
Speaker: Like what in your personality or like, what do you think caused it? Because you did a pretty good job of planning. You're probably like in a pretty good place. But why do you think you could- Why is it so hard to be like, everything's fine?
Speaker: Is that what that you need to say? Or what ah what is the- Like what what caused it and what's the solution? Is the solution just fucking don't look at Yahoo or CNBC every day or- It's a fabulous question from a burgeoning therapist.
Speaker: You're doing well, dude. I would say that... from I'm being selfish, actually, i because I have my own issues. i'm like i want to I want this to lead in the conversation about obsessing like what's good about obsessing and what's not.
Speaker: Yeah, we'll get it we'll get into you. but you Yeah, you're obsessing about something that's pretty important. So it's not like you're obsessing about... porn or something, at least at at least that I don't know of. At least I don't know of that you obsessing about. Where did that come from?
Speaker: I don't want to go back to childhood, but I think I'll just say that I was cut cut from the cloth of somebody who doesn't, like I've said before, I don't let shit slip. I like to pay attention to those types of things and make sure they're they're running.
Speaker: So once I had the plan set of like, this is my goal, I rolled with it, and then something else happened. Like, it wasn't good enough, and I was using it, even along the way even, I was using it to feel better about whatever other life situation was happening. So some would say, just, you need to go to church, dude, or you need to...
Speaker: You have regular talk therapy so that that's not the case. And and and that's probably true. But um it just was a thing that the obsessing and the optimizing benefited you along the way because it just, you sock away more money and you look for different angles to put away more money.
Speaker: And you do it at the detriment of your life satisfaction at times. Even though you do feel like strong and confident financially, you also feel sometimes suffocated.
Speaker: But yeah, so then when I get to where it I give myself permission to like let go of the work and the socking all the money away, it becomes like this a fixture in your life of like the only the only version of security that you know.
Speaker: And it's not true, but you look at that um nest egg and you go, that's that's what I can lean on at all times. And that creates its own sort of stress. But it's a personality thing.
Speaker: And to your point earlier, like it has two sides of it. and it's ah I just need to escape it now. It's not like heroin where I can't look at finance. I'll continue to do that. I just don't wanna manage any of the money. I don't wanna have to take any of the actions.
Speaker: Was there fun involved in it? Like, do you find it did you find it fun? No, never. It's just just straight up stress and negativity. It's just anxiety. It's anxiety that you're gonna mess up or it's anxiety that you're not doing the right thing.
Speaker: theres There's a lot of talk about DIY and and I've just learned over the years that that's not for me. DIY home projects, I've tried them. DIY finance, it's not for me, dude.
Speaker: It puts you in a place where you can't can't like enjoy life because you because this thing is like, in you like I got to complete this task or I got to stay on it or something.
Speaker: That right there is number one for me. Like I have developed such a such a need to resolve things instantaneously as fast as possible. there's a bi We've talked about it before, but if there's a pipe leak in the house, dude, I'll be i'll be on it.
Speaker: There'll be three guys here, even if I have to pay $1,000 extra, I just need things resolved. I can't let anything be in disarray for very long. That's my probably my biggest weakness.
Speaker: Which is also a strength, which is what makes it hard. Yeah, I'm reliable. People know you know, you know, you're the one that's typically late to this thing and stuff like that. But like, yeah, I'm reliable, but it also doesn't, i don't know, it doesn't broaden my personality and make me as ah accessible and fun-loving as I would like.
Speaker: Ah, yeah. Well, that's ah that's a big deal because you're in your, you should be rolling into the fun-loving stage of your life. you've done You've done the dirty work. You got the time.
Speaker: There's nothing to do but enjoy yourself and make and make other people enjoy themselves. Really. Well, good for you. it's a big i know it's a big deal for you. So I'm happy for you.
Speaker: And you know, if you relapse, then I'm here for you, buddy. hey Here for you. There's so much interesting stuff. go i don't I don't mean to give you the crack, but so much interesting stuff going on in the market right now. It's pretty insane. Well, that's why. Yeah, it was the last straw. I was like, I went in there to tweak shit in a major way with all of this chaos. um And I just like, that's it. I'm done.
Speaker: I can't do it anymore. and And I did it with intense anxiety. So this, and our neighbor died. I started to go like, oh shit. fuck and then i look at all the market dynamics and i'm like i gotta do something gotta do something it just it's it's a classic ocd uh framework or ah dynamic rather so what about you buddy let's get off me no i mean well i think this is one of the big battles of my life that like in this moment i feel like i'm winning but it it ties into what you're talking about but that uh
Speaker: like the The idea that everything's gonna be alright and I don't need to overly stress about anything is the battle. And that's what i that's what I'm trying to focus on, but still be somewhat productive and useful.
Speaker: But like not overreact, not freak out, not not feel like I have have control of anything, but also try to try to control what I can. And i like right now in my life, I feel like i feel pretty good about it. but i know that they could go away with some tragic thing or whatever you know like how do i react tomorrow ah tomorrow i have my little surgery thing and like what if a biopsy reveals something more more drastic like am i just gonna be like everything's gonna be fine you just got you know hit with stage five five cancers like so i i don't want to i don't want to sound like i've got it all figured out but like that is the battle in life is really like
Speaker: Because one, like you're going to act better in a situation like you're saying that you were met you were like your decisions, your financial decisions would come from a place of anxiety. And that's basically what rules us in any situation. And you know that you're not as good. You're not a good decision maker and you're not as productive when you're under a a fog of anxiety. Right.
Speaker: So I'm trying to remove all that from my life as much as I can, which is what sounds like you're trying to do as well. Yeah. How, how, how are you doing that? Like affirmations?
Speaker: I mean, I literally have to, anything that comes up, I literally ha I'm literally telling myself, remember, like I'm talking, I'm having this conversation myself. I'm literally going to remember, like nothing has ever not resolved itself in your whole life.
Speaker: Like everything everything's been fine. Even the most tragic shit has been all right. Yeah. Boy, that that would not work for me, man. I just got to say. But that's cool.
Speaker: Like, I mean, some of it comes with just the bullshit of taking a deep breath. And well, it's thought like I'm going to take my kids. Yesterday was Costa Rican Independence Day.
Speaker: And ah I went surfing by myself yesterday because my kids were busy. It was fucking amazing. And I'm taking my kids today. But like part of it is like, like and then maybe this was it for you. Like, I don't know, you know, for your, you just went on a cruise.
Speaker: You don't want to be on your cruise, your wife, this, this once in a lifetime experience thinking about managing your portfolio. Right? Right. And like, like, I don't want to be surfing with my daughter today, especially since tomorrow to get caught up and I won't be able to surf or do that with her for at least, at least a month. I know it doesn't sound like much, but for not for a while, at least. Right.
Speaker: But, i I don't want to be in another place while I'm there, like anxious about something else. So I'm trying to like, enjoy the moment. And know that tomorrow I can i can recover or whatever I need to do, right?
Speaker: So I'm trying to tell myself that. But it it might be bullshit. But like if you don't think about it, it'll go it'll go it'll get away from you quickly where you're just like overwhelmed with life stress.
Speaker: Yeah. And that's why I'm late to this show and don't worry about sound quality because I don't want to make it an anxious part of my life. thank Thank you for that. But are you worried about the little surgery? It's just going to be a quick cutout, buddy.
Speaker: I'm not. I don't, I mean, i I'm getting messages from like, me you know, my brother and my people are like, everything's going to be fine. You know what I'm like? I know. But that those messages almost are like, I'm like, stop, stop saying that shit. I'm not worried about at all. I, I might, I mean, the, the, the weird thing that happens when somebody tells you something like this is you start feeling like any weird pain or whatever. and you're like, I wonder if that's it. What's that? You know, stuff like that. That's a cancer spreading.
Speaker: Yeah, there's a little bit of like, what if she's wrong? But I'm like, I'm still fat, as you mentioned last week. I'm still like physically able to like to do stuff. So I'm like, doesn't seem like cancer.
Speaker: You know, what do you mean? Hold on. What? What doesn't seem like cancer? Oh, you're like nothing. You're feeling something. Yeah, like nothing physically has changed. Like, it's not like, I don't, I mean, maybe people have, maybe when people get diagnosed with cancer, they're like, what, how is that possible? I feel fine. I look fine. I look the same, but nothing's changed with me physically. yeah Like, have you seen someone who has, who's far down the path of cancer, they're usually like losing weight or whatever, you know?
Speaker: Wait, wait, wait, wait. So you have basal cell skin cancer, which is a slow growing, very easily removed cancer. Are you saying that you have spiraled into fear about what if it spread and I actually have other cancer in my body? is that what you're I'm saying I don't have that fear because I don't really see any any symptoms or signs that it's it's something more more, ah gravity more more i don't know.
Speaker: I don't know either language. Well, I hate to tell you that's in a lot. That's illogical because a lot of cancers don't have any pain and don't show any symptoms until they're like stage stage stage four.
Speaker: Well, at least at least then that means I'm in like stage one or two or three. And, and you know modern technology that I hate so much will will have to save me. So. ah i'm not that I'm not too worried about it.
Speaker: and Yeah, but your point is like, what well, now we're getting up there. like the The probabilities will increase that more like life triggers or more existential type life triggers will hit us here over these these next decades, assuming everything goes well. and it's And friends and parents and all that stuff is in the mix.
Speaker: It's just a stage of increased... life triggers life devastation and and there's a part of me that anticipates that and goes fuck dude life devastation yeah why can't i go back i just want to go back to feeling like looking forward to basic things uh it's tough i'm my only feeling right now actually it's kind of like that but it's more like life's actually getting pretty good for me and i'm like i hope I hope nothing bad happens for a while cause like, it's like, things are starting to like settle into like a nice... Yeah, I shouldn't say it, right?
Speaker: But like things are, things are, things are going well. At least I feel good about where I'm in my life right now. I hope, I know bad things are gonna happen, but I hope not so tragic that like, uh, yeah, like dying would be one that would throw me off the, off the tracks.
Speaker: Like, uh, or anything like that. I'm like, oh, you know, you finally are like doing something with yourself or you feel good. You reconnected with standup. Your, your business is going all right. Your kids are in a good place.
Speaker: You have a true passion for something that's healthy. I'm like, I would like to live like this for a while with a little bit of income, which sadly enough is important. But, uh, so I'm like, I hope everything can kind of keep rolling the way it is. Cause like things are going pretty well. The show.
Speaker: Mm hmm. You know, so I'm like, I mean, there's two ways to do it. Like there's like a worry, a worry from an anxious place or worry from like a positive place. Like, how do I keep this going? I think maybe the worry from a positive place, like if you're kind of going, man, I'm worried that I'm not I'm not going to maximize this great thing that I've created. That's probably a good place to start instead of being like, I hope I don't fuck this up.
Speaker: as I mismanage my money or or something like that. Like if you're like, man, um my kids are out of the house, I'm retired, my wife's gonna have more flexibility, how do I make it? Great. That's probably not, that's a good worry to have or something, you know, or a good goal.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly. It's like anxiety is a useful tool. It's like it gets a bad rap, but like having some anxiety where you, it motivates you to get things figured out. That's important.
Speaker: But taking it over the top, which I have done many, many times, it's, it's just, it's miserable. But even that though, like, it's almost like, you know, you're going to do it, you know, it's your personality. So it's so like, how do you do it, but not worry about it at the same time, you know?
Speaker: Yeah, I try that like at night because i'll I don't know. I'll have this compulsion to go double check the locks. I know they're locked, but all the doors, four doors. So I go back to all four doors and I go, you know what, dude? If you need to do it, just go do it.
Speaker: Don't beat yourself up. Don't tell yourself you're a fucking asshole. Just go do it. have you guys ah Has anything ever happened? Have you ever had an intruder or anything? and Well, the neighbor had like a homeless dude walk into their house.
Speaker: But we got... It's not tied to the police department, but we have like ring, but we had that because we didn't want our daughter escaping out of the middle of the night when she was a teenager. We want her going off in the middle of the night doing crazy stuff. So we put that on.
Speaker: That worked? After both of the kids. Oh, yeah, because you couldn't get out any window or without an alarm kind triggering and an alarm inside the house. It's not even ah about whether it's a logical fear or not. It's just about a compulsion of like, I can't be settled until all this stuff is done.
Speaker: And that's just one example. And I have that about number of things. That's interesting, man. Because ah that reminds me my dad, which is was always annoying and still is. is like he he He'll be like, good night, everyone. And then he'll pace around the house doing all this shit.
Speaker: Like the the locks and the trash and the in what does the dishwasher empty. And you're like, for whatever reason, it's not it doesn't really affect me, but just like, why don't you shut the fuck up and go to bed? you know Or stop pacing around the house. But maybe that's a...
Speaker: Like, i don't, is it a conscious feeling where you're like, I don't feel like I can go to sleep? Like, you lay and you're like, wait, I don't remember if I locked the door. Is it more like subconsciously, you're almost like sleepwalking around checking the locks. I think it's, if when you raise kids or or just when you've had certain bad things happen to you, it just causes you to be more vigilant. So like if if if you've ever had a pipe explode and you come back and there's a flood everywhere. So yeah, occasionally before I go on a trip, I check the the boiler room to see if there's a leak or I check a few things here and there, stuff like that. i mean, we've had, as you've gone through life, you've had all these things happen and
Speaker: you know owning a house and and for, as this example can be stressful. And so I just do certain things like that, but it can be pathological at times. It can get over the top. But I think we all, I think a lot of people do stuff. Like I'll see people organize their bed, organize the pillows a certain way. They do, they, they like things the way they like them because it gives them comfort. It's about a part of your dad, your dad's routine to get to bed basically is to do all that shit.
Speaker: I wonder what's the right way to live because i I mean you wouldn't believe how many people are like if I'm with somebody it happened last night I went to go buy some ceviche and I got I was with someone and I got out of the car and i I don't take my keys out of the car I don't lock the door and it's actually kind of in the ghetto or a close to here but everyone like every any Costa Rican I'm with is like what are you doing and I'm like I don't know I just don't lock my car I kind of feel like if they want to get in there they will and I don't like my, I don't like anything.
Speaker: i don't know what's a better way to live. i mean, people are probably like, well, why are you doing that? But i'm I'm also, I'm not doing it like, I'm not really like, I'm so great. I'm just kind of like not really thinking about it. You know? Yeah. It sounds noble the way you described it. Like, oh, yeah, I don't care about theft, dude. I'm just living in the world where your my stuff is your stuff.
Speaker: ah There's certain, like, I've been, yeah, that's how I am. Go ahead. Take it. I've been, I mean, I've been robbed. Like, at the beach, my daughter's had her phone taken and stuff. And and I don't know. I just like, the locking the doors at night, i it's not something that I even think about. i ever have. Even when we lived in a a real hood in st louis well i always just had the idea like somebody can get in if they really want to but uh well that's yeah smart because i did that with a car that didn't have an alarm i just stopped locking it because they had smashed in the windows so i'm like okay i get this window fixed
Speaker: I'll just leave this shit open. if but I used to leave my wallet in there and and my whatever social security card is in my wallet. It's just like, I didn't fucking care. um But I love it. Yeah. So something changed.
Speaker: Is something changed for the better or the worse in your, in your mind? Well, no, I mean, shit happened and you learn that that's probably a risky endeavor and you move on and you you take your wallet in into your house.
Speaker: We do worry about bad things happening, like crime specifically, more than we should. is The probabilities just aren't there. I mean, we like you and your life or this? All of it. Like the war American Americans, especially, i would say. But like it does happen and it's probably one of those devastating things that a little bit of preventative or a peace of mind probably does help.
Speaker: um I hate the people that have the cameras everywhere and they have a big sign that says smile. You're on camera. That's a little menacing to me, but. I wonder if that works.
Speaker: I imagine it helps. Yeah, I think if you put an American flag out and you put something like and NRA and then a smile sign, you're smile, you're on camera sign, you're probably golden.
Speaker: Like um burn a cross in your front yard and have an NRA thing. and And you're like, people are like, i'm I'm still robbing that motherfucker. I don't care if there's a war out on his front lawn. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, dude. i I mean, all this, I listened to your, but I was listening to your boy yeah
Speaker: Uh, who's the guy? Who's the guy that, uh, fuck. I just listened to him. The big Ducker. Oh no, no, Huberman. And he had this, this behavioral psychologist on about like what happiness is.
Speaker: and And it's, there's like three things, which is like, uh, Yeah, whatever. doesn't really matter. but But all day yesterday, I was really thinking about I could be like ah just a dirt like a surf dirtbag, stand-up dirtbag, or a ah probably a snowboard dirtbag. It was a different stage of my life, which would just mean I'm sort of single. We talked about but sort of like that's what I do.
Speaker: there's no My only goal is to survive and and do this. I think I could do it. And you'd be happy, you think? i've I think so. I mean, it's like there's so much, there's so much, the idea is like that is not, that's not what we're supposed to do. I mean, I it's i can't really do it now because I have to support people.
Speaker: Well, I just, I don't know, is that, is there, why why is that negative, you know? Like, ah I don't think it is. I don't it's negative, but there's there's some standard that was created, I don't know, for human beings. And somehow it's gotten communicated. I don't know, maybe it's through ancestors or through social media, who fucking knows. But there's some standard for the way that we live. It has something to do with like contribution to society or...
Speaker: whatever. Purpose. Purpose. ah do you have meaning in your life? And that typically, that kind of lifestyle that you just described typically doesn't fall into that ah portfolio of purpose, meaning, and contribution.
Speaker: But it's all, when you unpack that, it's all a big fucking lie. um Yeah. 99% of the people have no societal purpose at the end of the day.
Speaker: Yeah. So I will go, now I'm volunteering quite a bit to go, you know, help s serve food to less fortunate people. Pussies. It does, it's not like I go, i do it and I go, God, I'm so happy.
Speaker: I think there's a positive, there's just a positive interaction with just doing something in general, like getting off your ass. Right. And that's where most of it probably comes from.
Speaker: Yeah. And I mean, you can still do that if your life was really just committed to I mean, there's those type of people in Colorado that are really committed to one thing, whether it be cycling or skiing or some activity.
Speaker: But that I mean, i if I was like, that's it, my life, like if I never would have left Vale and my life was just snowboarding. I'm like, I mean, you could, there's still room to do other shit, but that is your focus.
Speaker: Like that becomes your focus. And then everything just, everything revolves around that, how you live your life. I think I can do it. There's real extremes, like people that are like, I'm not doing anything but surfing and they're scrounging as much as they possibly can to have complete flexibility.
Speaker: I think I could probably do that too, but ah what i would I be like, I have no purpose. you know I don't know. like I'm doing a bunch of shit right now. I don't feel like I have more purpose now than I did before.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah. I mean, you'd probably interact or have relationships where you're helping people in that in that surf or snowboarding life context. You'd probably still be a good person. But yeah, I don't see any...
Speaker: anything wrong. I mean, I think people would be disappointed in you, wondering what, like how are you using your brain? Right, and and other people. Yeah, but you but you might be too at times.
Speaker: Well, yeah, I mean, I'd have to make that. I mean, I just think exactly what you just said is the reason why more people don't do it, because other people will be disappointed in you. And that's like, if you can kind of get rid of that, you you don't have to become a bum. But if you can get rid of that, other people are disappointing you and not worry about that. That's that's a good place to be.
Speaker: Like when you're making decisions, but you know, maybe you're like your wife would be disappointed in you. Your kids would be disappointed in you. Those are probably important things. But like society or someone being like, what about your career? what ah like who Who cares?
Speaker: yeah Well, I know she's disappointed in some of the stuff I put on this podcast. There's no doubt about that. I thought she tuned out so that she can't be disappointed anymore. tuned out, but she can see the effort and kind of go, wow, I can't believe.
Speaker: that I don't think so, dude. When I talk to you guys, when I talk to her she's very encouraging about you are you fulfilling your creative goals. No, it's subtle, but like at times, like you know when you're frustrated with someone, she's just like, Jesus Christ, here he goes.
Speaker: Oh, boy. um Not just this, but- You're a handful to live with, I'm sure. Other things. oh Okay, fine. Your words, not mine. Dude. It's, um, we're not the only people that struggle with this. I know for sure. I think people sit in their jobs and kind of go, really? Wow. This is it.
Speaker: And we, we've all, we've done that. Um, I think what you got going is pretty solid right now in terms of like the variability and, uh, you have to be grateful.
Speaker: That's it. It comes back to grateful gratitude. Gratitude is, is the key. Yeah. But, uh, there's a, there's like gratitude. There's, um, I don't know, like in a positive way, but living for yourself or or not living to impress other people.
Speaker: and then the they there there probably has to be some purpose, at which when you're a parent, that's that's like, that's kind of nice because you're just like, I have purpose now. ah But your purpose... that's ah That's fake purpose to me, though.
Speaker: I'm a parent. I have purpose. Now, you have a reason to get up because you're not you don't want to kill a kid. But I mean, is that purpose... Well, I think... I don't know. Yeah, you're right. But but that is like...
Speaker: most people fall into that because they can justify every other decision they make you know like based on i have a shitty job but i don't care i'm doing this but but i have kids yeah so i can fucking you know my kids high school football so important i can do other stupid shit but like yeah but your purpose could could your purpose just be chasing waves or chasing this feeling that you get when you're on a wave but i think so like uh the world would tell us no that that's not that's not enough But I'm i am starting to disagree. Yeah, I think purpose is bullshit.
Speaker: Because ah how do you define it? It's just a product of your own in turn your own in cognition, your own desires. Well, it's all I've also been thinking about why I'm such a better leader than most people.
Speaker: so-called leaders that that I've come across in the workforce. And that's because some people are, they do it, they're doing stuff for themselves, like for their own, like, and then other people are truly doing stuff for other people. Like when you go the soup kitchen or whatever, like, it's the same, same thing. Like if you're just there to tell people that you're fucking great and doing charity, like a lot of celebrities do and stuff like that, it, it's not, it's kind of meaningless. But if you're like there with the idea that you're truly going to help other people,
Speaker: then that's that's more you know fulfilling gratifying same with like leading at a company or a team or a coach why why is that more gratifying for you well like i don't well i i don't i don't know because because you just feel i think it's it's probably is a feeling you feel better like i don't do you do you feel how do you feel when you when you go help these people Are you like i'm a better person? You're probably not there just to say that.
Speaker: I don't think. No, I don't really, I don't think about that too much. I think about what makes me feel better though. Like the conversations I had when I was a manager whatever,
Speaker: were almost never about work and was about people's lives. And I wanted to get in with them ah into conversations like this. And in that sense, I was pretty probably a horrible manager because I didn't focus on the job, but they always liked me.
Speaker: I thought that was fun. And that was what was important to me. i don't know if it was the right thing. Well, were you able to deliver whatever message you needed to when when you needed to?
Speaker: I think so because there was credibility built, but like ah it's hard to know if what you're doing is the right thing. Like, is your approach to not focus on yourself, is that the right thing? ah You know, it's just hard to know.
Speaker: Well, you got, i mean, there's a there's arrogance in being a leader as far as like believing in yourself and and being like, I have a so i have the right i mindset, I have the right solution. So there's a bit of arrogance in that, but like, I don't know, i'm sure you've been around people that you feel like they're doing stuff for themselves to promote themselves or for their own, like, and they're not necessarily like leading other people for the sake of like bringing ah making a group better in whatever they're doing.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's definitely a strong argument for not taking yourself too seriously. and And I slapped myself in the face the other night in the middle of the night, so I'm going to give you guys some real, some some dark shit.
Speaker: I was just so fucking pissed I wasn't sleeping. I don't know what was going on. There was no reason, no anxiety. And I just like, you i just I did just a nice smack.
Speaker: it's It's sad to to to say that out loud, but then I reflect on it. It's like, why would you do that? What is so important about you fucking having a perfect night's sleep that you're so mad at yourself that you're going to do that?
Speaker: and And that slap is sort of like a... It's symbolic of I think what a lot of us do to ourselves all the time. Like some people punch walls, some people scream, some people fucking like beat themselves up with alcohol or or work out too much.
Speaker: ah By the way, the slap kind of helped, it made me go back to bed. was gonna add, I was waiting for to finish the sentence. I was like, did it help? um But it's... You probably, for a second, you're like, all right you're ridiculous.
Speaker: And calmed you down a little bit. It was, yeah. But it's like so dramatic and absurd to think that you getting a good night's sleep or you having trouble sleeping is important.
Speaker: Or it's like this... You know, the the only thing that helps me is when I look at the scale of the universe and I think about how just dumb our problems are in relation to it.
Speaker: We're just, humans are a mess, bud. We're just a mess. Right. Yeah. there's they're ah which is There's some comfort in that, I think.
Speaker: You never punched a wall or threw some shit? or or punched your chest or something like that. I'm probably more violent than you. I probably have. I'm trying to think.
Speaker: I mean, i think when when when that my marriage was crumbling, I think it just seemed like there was no getting through to that one. so so So those type of fights or problems would cause like disappealing. I'm like, God damn. I mean, even kids can get you to a place where you're like, what the fuck are you doing?
Speaker: You know, you want to throw something. i have not i don't do it much, but every once in while, if my kids are really pissing me off, if throw something, that usually seems to work. They're like...
Speaker: Okay, psychopath. Because I'm pretty chill and always joking around. So I do anything like that, it's like, oh, this might be real. He's lost his fucking mind. You drew a line.
Speaker: You just started smacking yourself. I'm trying to think what I do when I feel like, god damn, what am I doing? ah I don't know. It's like, it's weird. It's like, you it's almost like an out-of-body experience. Like, you you still like can talk about it, which is it is, which is good. But it's almost like, I don't even know. When that shit happens, it seems like so foreign. Where I have like this high level of anxiety and I'm pissed off.
Speaker: um It's like I can't even channel it to to describe what I do. like It seems like an out-of-body experience or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. no it's such an old friend for me that I can step back. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. I'm just like, I don't know where I'm at in that space.
Speaker: Yeah, no, i get I get that you were out of control, that it's hard to even recall what went down. I'm just saying for me that that version, because you knew me in high school, that's an old friend. I know that that part of the psyche that for me goes off the rails.
Speaker: That's anger? it's um It's just ah out of control. just out of control. It's like... It's like anxiety that turns into anger and then like sort of self-deprecation where you're like pissed at yourself or something like that.
Speaker: It's all the above. It's just out of control. It's like, ah and I wouldn't do anything. It's the kind of out of control where you're like, oh, fuck you. And you're talking to yourself.
Speaker: Fuck you, motherfucker. You fucking piece of shit. You pussy. You know, that's that. Kind of it just there's nothing logical about it. There's nothing helpful. There's it's just a. ah A capitulation point.
Speaker: It's not something that helps you like climb the mountain where, you you know, you're tired at trying to get to the top of the mountain You're like, come on, pussy, you can do it. It's not like a motivational thing. It's all negative. It may be started that way, but like, no, it's not a.
Speaker: productive way to move forward through problems. There's no doubt about that. It's just it's just the way I've been. And i' I don't, there's no positive way to think about it. It's a destructive component.
Speaker: I think it's, people don't talk about this kind of stuff, but a a lot of ah a lot of us do have a destructive component. We just do something different than maybe smack ourselves in the middle of the night. Yeah.
Speaker: i wish I wish I could film that. Fucking Tina smack herself. just ah It's the same as you're like prepping for a football game and you're like, come on, i' motherfucker. You know, people do. It's that type of activity or action.
Speaker: It's a low point. At least it's like yourself. but At least I would say at least it's like yourself. At least it's not someone. Like I can think of like... People like piss me off and I get kind of ridiculous of what I'm gonna say or do to them or something like that. Like at least it's yourself. I mean it's probably not great to live with yourself when you're like that, but at least it's yourself. I think. Like if if you had a co-worker that was just ridiculous all the time, what would this this side of you trigger? that would be That's like a different space. Like somebody on the outside like triggering this.
Speaker: Yeah, it's a different thing altogether. I mean, it's not like I'm perfect with other people. No, I'm reactive there too, but I've had some pretty intense coworker interactions where I had to go back and apologize.
Speaker: Very reactive, very mean, very mean. But it's so rare. It was so rare. But probably there was ah a bit of like deservedly so, but you probably kind toned it down a little bit. It was absolutely. They were being are just ridiculous. just Just wearing everybody down. Just totally no reason.
Speaker: And it all you know it's the kind of conflict that ends up being positive over time. It probably destroys something in the relationship. It maybe destroys... some i don't know innocence or some sense of uh safety but like it ends up moving the the relationship further but i don't know you guys are at a happy hour like with the you took your ties off you tied them around your head like rambo and your and your and your bros exactly exactly you're crazy bro and you're pounding bud lights yeah wow dude this guy's crazy this guy you know
Speaker: Yeah, man. I don't know. But well you're doing something that's not helping you. i mean, we all are. Me? ah No, absolutely. yeah But I'm trying to... I don't want any sort of anxiety to to like control my decisions. And that that is impossible, I know. But if if you can like try to try to like minimize that, that's probably a good place to be. you know um For sure.
Speaker: I mean, I've had yeah have sleepless nights. Whenever I'm traveling or something, i always like I'll always have a hard time sleeping. It sucks. Like if I have an early flight, ah but I haven't, i haven't resorted to punching myself in the face.
Speaker: I will sleep like shit typically with anything super early. Can I ask you a question about flying though? I'm just curious. I was sitting in the middle seat and nobody within 12, 15 rows of me had the window open.
Speaker: Oh, gosh. Is that What is that, dude? Is it weird? Because I'm in this like dark vessel in the middle seat, just like, can I get a view outside, motherfucker? Nobody. They just don't care. They don't even they don't even know that they're magically in the air looking at landscape as a possibility. They don't even care. They're just fucking watching the movie.
Speaker: whatever they're doing. I don't get it. Do you get it? I, that's a trend. Like nobody opens the fucking window anymore. It's like, how, how is that even possible? How do you not open the window? But I think it's cause no one gives a shit about what's going on in the world. So they're, so they're just dialed in on some fucking stupid Netflix thing. They download with their tablet or something. They're like, this is it.
Speaker: It's like, look out in the window. It's amazing. Are they afraid? Because the guy didn't even open the window to land. Now that is really weird to me. nobody Nobody even around me. And I'm like, don't you want to see how close we are getting to the ground? Or you just want to abruptly feel, boom. ah Yeah, I don't get it. It bothers me. although But I can't complain too much because i always request an aisle seat get a little claustrophobic. yeah That happened. So I'm not a perfect the statue of David, Lance. I get some cluster claustrophobia. you You wouldn't believe but like how much ah i will demand an aisle seat.
Speaker: like i've I've figured it out every flight in the last like five years. And one time i there was like nothing they could do and I had a middle seat and I got on the plane and like, oh, fuck.
Speaker: and And I sat down, i just was like starting to lose it. And luckily I i got lucky and like switched seats with a few people that wanted to switch seats and like it all worked out. And I was just like thanking them profusely, just like, thank you.
Speaker: what What would happen to you if you didn't get the aisle? You just. I think I, I mean, have you ever said, you have, you have any claustrophobia or any like sense of being like poxed in or something like that?
Speaker: I have some of it, but I have more of like the the loss of control, which is why I don't love flying or even on the ship. Sometimes I think, is this motherfucker going to steer us into an iceberg or whatever? i mean, those things hit me all the time, but no, I don't get why the aisle would feel better.
Speaker: The plane itself is just, but why? you can get up any, any time, huh? Weird. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I i don't like, uh, I mean, I used to, you know, as a kid, I like going to amusement parks, even that I went to the amusement park with my son the other day and like, you know, when they like lock you in, in the roller coaster and you're like stuck there. I'm not a big fan of that now either.
Speaker: yeah Because you you can't be like, let me out. mean, I guess you could, but like I don't know what that is. I'm sure. Maybe you can consult a professional for me. but flying But flying in general is is claustrophobic. i mean, there's no escaping it. but Somehow the aisle makes you feel like- Flying sucks. Yeah. I try not to think about that. like you can't There's no escape when when you're in the air. you just have to deal with it for a long time. It's an unbelievable psychological mind fuck like if you really ponder it.
Speaker: I hate it, and now I don't drink. So it's like that helped, honestly. Yeah, but like I just can't i can't understand. Like last time I landed in Denver, no windows open, no idea when were going to hit the ground, and I'm just like – fuck this dude i can't do this i always get the the window and my wife fucked up and forgot to check in but anyway i was just curious you get the window wow you're a big dude you feel calm you're there like you just like to look out the window and i used to love that too even even like all the way back to taking this did you ever take the school bus to school colorado the school bus place yeah I did. Yeah. yeah I would... While all the kids were fucking around like and doing stupid kid school bus shit, I'd be like just sitting there looking out the window quietly. i always liked that.
Speaker: that I don't know what happened with the claustrophobia, but... Yeah, I can't imagine... like why people shut the window i i agree but it's it's like uh it's an epidemic like the the other night when i last week when landed that but when you land in costa rica it's like you're being fucking dropped out of the sky like it's like the hardest landing ever every time and no windows are open so all of a sudden it was just like oh shit boom earthquake it's like everyone's bouncing around and you're like man Nobody opened the window. Plus, like, if you're, you know, usually you're flying to, like, a new place unless you're flying home. Yeah. I think people would excited to fucking be like, oh, look that. There's New York City or whatever, you know? I know. I don't get it, dude. I don't get it. Well, I was in that middle seat and I punched myself in the nose because I was so frustrated. i would like you to start doing that in public. Just like, don't worry. It's my process, everyone. You're just beating the shit out here yourself. Do it on the pod here.
Speaker: Bam. Oh, there it is. he just he's He's mutilating himself. Well, seems like you're going through it, which is good because ah you can't you have to. Did did you do you know what caused you to not sleep the other night?
Speaker: i mean, were you sitting there thinking about shit? um No, no idea. But it got it got so ridiculous. It's just incomprehensible. Like, I couldn't understand why. that i ah ah got mad, then I got furious, and then I got demented.
Speaker: Then you've cracked yourself one and and and then you slept like a baby, yeah? With a sword off. It's no different than fucking, and you know, hitting a bottle of scotch.
Speaker: Yeah. Self-punishment. it's ah It's like, I don't know, all this crap, so much information now, but like everything about sleep is like quiet place, don't watch TV, don't do this. And if I can't sleep, if I turn the TV on or like some music or something, i fall asleep like immediately, which is like...
Speaker: Yeah, I don't think I buy too much into those rules. Because if I watch like a fantasy movie that's really weird and whack, that's usually when I sleep the best for some reason. Yeah, there's so there's all these hard and fast rules now about everything, but it doesn't they they don't always seem to apply. Yeah.
Speaker: Part of it's age that we're it's just going to be tougher to sleep in general as you get older. I'm not sure why. but we But what's with the traveling? What what does it just key you up? Like a new bed? You can't sleep?
Speaker: Oh, you mean why can't I sleep before I travel? Well, I think it's usually like, I know I got to wake up at 5 a.m. So i'm just ah periodically going like, fuck, I got to wake up. Yeah, not traveling itself is fine.
Speaker: Especially now, i'm travel like I'm traveling by myself, which is way easier than traveling with a family. Yeah. like I was always pretty bad sleep the first night of a hotel. No doubt about that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's that.
Speaker: I mean, I don't have any, like, my travel, there's no there's not much stress in my travel. Like, i nothing, if I didn't make it to St. Louis in time, it's usually okay. if i make If I don't make it home, it sucks, but it's fine. There's not much stress in my travel.
Speaker: So, um, it's just the, it's not the trick. It's just like, ah oh those are the only days where i might have to wake up at like four in the morning or something like that. And I'm not like smart where I'd be like, all right, I got to wake up at four in the morning. So I should go to sleep earlier, you know?
Speaker: I'm just kind of like, ah, fuck it. You're not doing anything tomorrow anyways. just sitting on a plane. Yeah. So then. You're ragged. Yeah. Well, we're all getting through, buddy. We're all just getting through. Some of us are smacking our faces.
Speaker: Some of us aren't sleeping. Some of are doing both. Some of us are worried about the Fed raising the... Oh, never mind. Never mind, dude. Trigger.
Speaker: Now Lance is beating the shit out of himself. ah Dude. Do you really want to know?
Speaker: Who is Tina? Who is Tina? Not just about bloody vagina, Tina. Who is Tina? It's so much more. More than you know. No, no, no, no.
