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QAnon for Kids
31 Plays5 years ago
Josh and M are joined in the "studio" by Josh's children, Jack and Lucas, to discuss QAnon. There is perhaps slightly more potty-based humour in this episode than you might expect given the seriously weighty subject matter.
We strongly recommend watching this episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEGIx2M4kjg&feature=share&fbclid=IwAR3v0VVg26Zcp6F_FsldZTRgC4Iyx5zRrcoG6TSEdCPNJ_3cZk8sRh5H9f8
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Josh is @monkeyfluids and M is @conspiracism on Twitter
You can also contact us at: podcastconspiracy@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction to the Special Episode
00:00:09
Speaker
The Podcaster's Guide to the Conspiracy, brought to you today by Josh Addison and Dr. N. Denton.
00:00:19
Speaker
Hello and welcome to a special episode of the podcast's guide to the conspiracy, or as I like to call it, the way that Socrates got lynched. Because today's special episode features not just myself, Dr. M.R. Extentive, and Josh Addison, but Josh has thought it wise to bring his children in to be corrupted by a philosopher. The kind of thing that happened to Socrates. And what happened to Socrates after he corrupted the youth, Joshua? He was sentenced to death and drank poison.
00:00:48
Speaker
So you can see where my academic career is now going. That's not a lie. So yes, we have Jack, aged nine, and Lucas, aged six, for the basic reason that it's the school holidays here in New Zealand. And their mum is away on a conference. So I'm looking after these two fine gentlemen and thought, hey, why don't we, instead of skipping a week of recording a podcast, just bring them on and record a podcast with children? What could go wrong?
Explaining Conspiracy Theories to Kids
00:01:16
Speaker
What could go wrong? Your tablets crashed as usual. No, we could drink poison then always go to sleep. That's true, you would always go to sleep. So we thought since we have children, and since long time listeners of our podcast may recall, Em is qualified as a primary school teacher and therefore an expert wrangler of children. I mean that is technically true. That is technically true.
00:01:41
Speaker
So we thought we could have a podcast of conspiracy theories for children. And if we're going to really get into the childlike mindset of conspiracy theories, what's the most childish thing we could come up with? Or QAnon, obviously. Well, either that or do a deep dive into the Donald Trump, Ukraine, Mueller thing. Yeah. But QAnon's more.
00:02:03
Speaker
and probably more suited to the mentality of a child. So we thought we'd see if we can explain QAnon possibly in a way that might make sense to children or to see whether or not it does at all. My feet hurt.
00:02:17
Speaker
It's a good start. That's a good start. I mean, learning about QAnon is painful and the pain has to start now. I don't know what QAnon is. Well, that's why you're here. You hate to be educated. You know who Donald Trump is, right? Yes. Yeah. Do you know who Barack Obama is? No. No. He was the president before Trump. Do you know who Hillary Clinton is?
00:02:39
Speaker
No. Clinton point. No. Hillary, you know the Clinton point? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, okay. The Clinton point comes from her husband Bill Clinton, and he was president in the 90s, and then she ran for president against Donald Trump and lost to Donald Trump this time. It's just sort of the big thing. Do you know what a president is? Yes. All right. So what is the president of the United States of America?
00:03:04
Speaker
And what does he do? What does a president do? I mean it is true as a human being. He does engage in flatulence like many other human beings. But what else does a president do?
Unpacking QAnon's Absurdities
00:03:21
Speaker
So you're dodging the question here. Frankly, I don't know what a president does, to be perfectly honest. They're in charge of a country, kind of, or at least in charge of one third of the three branches of the government. Then there's the Senate and the Congress and the president, and he's the president. Exactly. I don't understand. American politics is very confusing. Because he's sucky.
00:03:47
Speaker
Well, he does have his fair share of detractors. He's called Butcheys. But the point is, now, now... That's probably humor. The point is...
00:03:56
Speaker
The whole thing of the QAnon is, what if Donald Trump doesn't suck? What if Donald Trump is actually a super genius? And when it looks like he's doing all sorts of illegal things and getting in trouble for all sorts of stuff, what if he's actually really hunting down the other people who are doing all sorts of illegal stuff? And any day now,
00:04:17
Speaker
All the people who dislike Donald Trump are going to get rounded up and thrown in prison and everything will be nice. Which will include people who said Donald Trump sucks. Quite possibly. Yay! Is that a yay I'm going to prison? Or is that a yay? Does that appear to be a yay I'm going to prison? Or is that a yay Donald Trump's going to fart? Probably.
00:04:47
Speaker
I mean, he could be doing that right now, but it's actually irrelevant to our discussion. It is a little bit. So the point is that on the internet, yes, it's not relevant to what we do right now. I'm not saying it's not funny, because it is. You mean fart. Yes. Did you say fart? Yes, but that's not relevant to what we're talking about. The point is that on the internet, this dude showed up and he called himself Q, and he was anonymous, hence Q-anon.
00:05:14
Speaker
And he came up with this thing and he said that what's really happening in the White House is the exact opposite of what looks like is happening in America. And Donald Trump is secretly working to have all his opponents who are actually the really, really evil people who do all the horrible things in the world. He's working to get them all locked up.
00:05:34
Speaker
And then as a victory fart. He finally farts like a baby. You're listening to the podcaster's guide to farts. Today we'll be talking about farts and it seems like nothing much. Farts. So if a person came to you and said that,
00:05:55
Speaker
and said that even though Donald Trump looks like he's a corrupt idiot con man who just makes stuff up off the top of his head every time he's speaking in public and is incompetent and about to be impeached and has done all sorts of illegal things. If they said that's what it looks like, but what it actually is, is the exact opposite of that. Would you find that in any way convincing? No, not really. All right, so why wouldn't you find that convincing? I don't know.
00:06:24
Speaker
I know. Alright, alright. Does your answer... Does your answer end with... Now, let's stick with me. Does your answer end with the idea that Donald Trump is flatulent? Okay, so we've skipped to the end. We've taken your point on board. And we're going back to the original question.
00:06:47
Speaker
If you don't think that's convincing, Donald Trump's actually really a super good guy. The question is, why do you think Donald Trump is a
QAnon's Influence on Politics
00:06:57
Speaker
flatulent baby? You don't know how to do the laughs. Okay. But... That's why I've got a PhD.
00:07:12
Speaker
And furthermore, what if I were to tell you that in fact some of these people, like Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, who are the ones who are going to be rounded up and arrested. Wait, you were there again? Former presidents and presidential hopefuls. What if I told you that these people who are public figures, who everyone knows, and who are still out in public, what if I told you that they've actually already been arrested?
00:07:35
Speaker
And not just that, they've all been executed, and their body doubles are wandering around the place. Okay, that's kind of weird.
00:07:45
Speaker
Um, and that kind of feel like it might be, it might be the case that these body doubles don't fart. Maybe that's how we recognize them. You see, because the theory just keeps going and going. It's not just that things don't appear to be the way they are. And Donald Trump is actually.
00:08:05
Speaker
on the side of goodness and light. It also says that first it was, these people have already been arrested, but the reason why they're still allowed to walk around is because they have ankle bracelet monitors on like criminals get given sometimes. And so anytime someone, one of them would appear in public wearing a pair of trousers, that was a little bit baggy.
00:08:24
Speaker
They'd say, look, see, that's hiding their ankle monitor bracelets. But now it's gone even further than that. Now it says they've been taken away, locked up in Gitmo, which is the short name for Guantanamo Bay, which is a... I don't get Guantanamo Bay. It's in Cuba. It's an American military base in Cuba where they send particularly bad criminals. It's just American than it was in Cuba.
00:08:47
Speaker
That's a very good question. When I'm not there, there's a whole bunch of history and politics behind it that I am not aware of. Let's just say the geopolitics of Cuba is very, very complicated and probably beyond the scope of today's episode. And indeed beyond the scope of my understanding. But so it says they've been taken to this special prison in Cuba. And in fact, they've not just been locked up there, but they've been executed there. But the reason why they're still out is that they've been cloned
00:09:13
Speaker
and the clones are walking around. When you say clones, you have to raise your eyebrows like that every time. What? Like this? Clones. Clones. Yeah, clones. So what do you think of the idea? Clones. That public figures have been cloned using technology that we don't even know of. You needed to raise your eyebrows. Oh, sorry. Clones. That was a really good...
00:09:37
Speaker
Donald Sutherland impression from Invasion of the Loads, which is clowns, clowns, clowns. Send in the clone. Pennywise.
00:09:52
Speaker
Right, so doing the Pennywise thing is actually a great time to bring in Australian Prime Minister's wife, Jenny Morrison. Now, do you know who Scott Morrison is? No. No, fair enough, quite frankly. He's the current Prime Minister of Australia. Do you know where Australia is?
00:10:12
Speaker
Yes. Well, there you go. It's a start. So he's the prime minister of that country. And it turns out there's a person who's really big into this whole QAnon stuff and all the wacky theories. And he is quite good friends with the prime minister of Australia and indeed his wife
00:10:29
Speaker
Hang on, my lights have gone silent. What's the deal? His wife works... No, he's a long-term friend of the wife from childhood. Yes. And his wife works on the Prime Minister's staff. I'm bored. Good. Get used to it. Yes! Unfortunately, you've probably got about 80 more years of this to go through, so frankly, you have to get used to it now.
00:10:57
Speaker
But I can't, I'm a baby. No, you didn't get a baby. Unfortunately, one day you won't be a baby. One day you'll be an adult, then you'll have to go to work, and you'll kind of loathe what you do, and things will just be interminable, and you'll pray, pray, pray for sweet, flatulent release. No.
00:11:20
Speaker
And then one day I'll have to die then sadly. Sadly I'll have to stop farting. Oh no no no no. You can keep farting in death. Sorry. It's quite easy to fart when you're dead. People who are dead fart all the time.
00:11:38
Speaker
Um, we went from Prime Ministers to fighting people. Well, should we go back to the Prime Minister? Because this is another list. The Prime Minister's what? Yes, this is an update.
QAnon and Australian Politics
00:11:47
Speaker
So the Guardian, the Guardian newspaper in England had an article this month.
00:11:53
Speaker
Can I read my notes please? That's because we do research. We're professionals, only we're not because we don't get paid for this, but you know what I mean. You could pay us more for quality content like this by going to our Patreon or podcast. Can they see me? Yeah, see that's the camera right there.
00:12:09
Speaker
Oh, and it's like... No, no, no. Don't disturb the set. So there's the sky. Now, the Guardian article makes a point of not naming him. I assume if you looked around different sites, you could probably find out the dude's name, but I assume possibly for privacy reasons or something, they don't want to dump this private citizen right away. But the point is, there's this guy who goes by the name of BurnedSpy34.
00:12:33
Speaker
This is on Twitter. On Twitter. Who's a leading QAnon figure, keeps going on about Julie Bishop, former Prime Minister Julie Bishop and other Alexander down there. I mean, I know it gets very confusing about who's been Prime Minister of the... Oh, sorry. Foreign Minister of the... Yes. Foreign Minister of the... Australian politician. I mean, she literally might be Prime Minister now. Well, exactly. Given that you can never keep track of Australian Prime Ministers at the best of time anyway.
00:13:01
Speaker
So he's a long-standing family friend of the Australian Prime Minister, John Scott Morrison and his wife, Jenny, and the wife of Burned Spy 34 works on the Prime Minister's staff. And people have sort of said, well, okay, like, he's a friend of the Prime Minister, he's not involved in the government, he doesn't, you know, as far as we know, he's just a mate, he doesn't have any real influence, but still,
00:13:26
Speaker
He's like a real, he's a real hardcore QAnoner. He talks about all the finding hidden symbols in photographs. Apparently, any time someone wears red shoes. It's a pedophile shelter. Any time there's a photo of a guy of Scott Morrison or someone holding a wombat. And apparently that was significant and refers to Operation Wombat, which is a thing they just made up. I don't even know. Although actually that does sound like the kind of thing that Australians would name a military parade. Operation Wombat's going ahead.
00:13:55
Speaker
Ok. Ok. That wasn't even Australian accent. No, I said wombat. I don't know what accent that was. But you said ochre at the end. It's true. In the same way that I could... Hello, I'm Canadian. What's that aboot? Aboot. And it immediately makes a Canadian... They say aboot though. Well, actually I'm just thinking. I had this debate with my Canadian office mate the other day and I tried to insist to her that actually she's wrong.
00:14:21
Speaker
but of course she's Canadian so of course she was actually right about what was what was her a boat a boat a boat yeah but they do say they do say eh eh well actually soda way well we don't but we say it differently and we say soda eh soda eh that's it soda eh wasn't soda
00:14:47
Speaker
So, so far, we've established that although these children don't know who Bill Clinton is, they do know what the Clinton point is. Which is an amazing bit of cultural transmission. Which is actually because, I know why they know this too, because in Gravity Falls, there's an episode, the cartoon Gravity Falls, there's an episode where people run for mayor, and one of the guys in his mayoral speech does the Clinton point, and we pointed that out to them and say, that's the Clinton point, you know, that thing he's doing, that's why it's funny. Clinton point. You know what the Clinton point is? Yes.
00:15:16
Speaker
So that's one recent development. And I should point out, the reason why this even became a story was it was a publicity shot of the Prime Minister, his wife and their children late last week, where it did appear that Jenny Morrison was doing the OK symbol, which led to people go, why is the Prime Minister's wife doing an alt right hand gesture?
00:15:37
Speaker
We went, oh, that's ridiculous. There's no reason to think she's got that in mind. It's probably just an accident. And then someone went, yeah, but Julie Morrison's best friend from childhood is a prominent QAnonner who's been praised by the QAnon community mod on 8chan as one of their most brilliant researchers. So it's actually not out of the question. Everybody is watching the camera.
00:16:04
Speaker
for our podcast listeners at home. Lucas is now eating my hand. I should say for the podcast listeners at home, this is probably an episode to actually watch on Josh's YouTube channel.
00:16:18
Speaker
The okay thing is still a little bit... I discussed that before camera time. Yeah. Although I kind of did encourage... He did kind of encourage... You're literally biting the hand that feeds you. That's what you're doing right now. It's not a metaphor. It's not a metaphor. It's actually this. I do give you food with my hands that you are currently biting. Count your fork plates. I prepare the food with my hands. Sometimes give it to them with my hands. If it's like a pizza or something like that.
00:16:49
Speaker
You give it to us in a bowl with you, in a plate like this, then you serve it and then it's like five eggs. Big slap. No. Flatulence. I'm chubby.
00:17:08
Speaker
Now here's one, here's one to wrap you around. Now you know the okay symbol, if you know something's okay. Just as you're just doing an alt-right symbol on camera now. Well that's the thing, so a bunch of people, first a bunch of people said, aha, we're gonna secretly make it so the okay symbol is actually the symbol of nasty alt-right, white supremacy, bad people. Nazis. We're gonna, we're gonna, oh Nazis.
00:17:27
Speaker
We're going to say that this is actually, we're using this as a secret symbol, so even though they knew it's a symbol that everybody uses, so that when other people use it, they could say, haha, it's not really that symbol. And first of all, it was a joke and now it's not. And now a whole bunch of, some people know about it and not a whole lot of people don't. And so now it's got to the point where people do the OK symbol and then other people say, actually, that's not right symbol anymore. And then those people say, no, it's not, don't be silly, it's been around forever. And then other people say, but no, it is being used like that and therefore it's been tarred by association with them.
00:17:56
Speaker
And basically nobody knows if this is a good symbol or a bad symbol anymore. A good symbol! No, in other words, the symbol means flatulence. Exactly! Exactly! Alt, right, flatulence. You have hair, folks. Now, everybody, what? I'll do the dab! Yeah.
00:18:21
Speaker
Yep, that's some quality dabbing there, Lucas. Listeners, it wasn't. We are discovering that putting a six-year-old in front of a camera, predictably, is variable result. Thank you, Lucas. Now, one thing I should say, guys.
00:18:40
Speaker
While we are filming this with a camera, we're also recording it with a microphone, and most of the people who consume this podcast do so by listening to the sound recording of it, not by watching the video. At which point you've actually just wasted your time. You need to find a way to doing an acoustic dab. Yes. What's the sound of a dab? The sound of a dab goes...
00:19:09
Speaker
This is going to be a great video to show at someone's 21st. I think you're right. So where were we? QAnon? It doesn't make any sense to you at all, Jack.
00:19:31
Speaker
no fear enough a little bit but not really so which bit does make sense out of curiosity not actually part of the theory truth be told but
00:19:49
Speaker
Ah, ah, it was funny, everybody, guys, guys, isn't this funny? I'm breaking the fourth wall right now. You are breaking the fourth wall. I'm actually quite curious to know whether we're going to lose or gain patrons for this particular episode. We have patrons who, people who give us a small amount of money each month. Okay, sure.
00:20:12
Speaker
No, no, that's actually true. That's actually true. Wait, what? Okay. There are. There are. Because we have costs associated with running it, but we have to pay for the website. We have to pay for light. We have to get these special lights and all that sort of stuff. Microphones. Got it. And so in exchange for them giving us a small amount of money, we provide them with entertaining and informational content. And that hasn't been happening so much this week.
00:20:38
Speaker
Especially this episode. Very interesting. I think it's interesting. Well, I think it's interesting. Who thinks it's interesting? I think it's interesting. Do you think it's interesting? Now that's quality content. It is. Hey, I think it's interesting.
00:20:57
Speaker
Although I should point out we've now gone from talking about conspiracy theories to talking about the nature of podcasting itself and our audience, which either means we've run out of content or things have got very meta very quickly. Now there was one thing though, the thing I wanted to point out, one thing. Do you reckon you could read all of this Jack? Or do you want me to read it out?
00:21:17
Speaker
You read that. Can I read it? So there is one of the reasons why we decided to talk about QAnon today is because there have been a couple of interesting recent
Recent QAnon Developments
00:21:25
Speaker
developments. There's been the whole Scott Morrison connection, but there's also like, I don't, you keep abreast of QAnon, do you? Good kid day. Kind of. I used to keep abreast a little more in early days, but now it really is just repetition of the same claim again and again and again and go, no, the evidence definitely says
00:21:44
Speaker
that John McCain didn't die of cancer but was actually put in prison and the body double died of cancer. And at some point they're going to have to explain how Trump turned up to a funeral for John McCain because he's actually in prison and Trump put him there so he knows that John McCain isn't dead. And there must have been some clue in a tie he wore when he went to the funeral. And we don't understand what Michelle Obama was doing when she was sitting next to Barack Obama.
00:22:10
Speaker
hugging George W. Bush, and then Alan went to a baseball game with George W. Bush, and I'm not quite sure whether Alan knows about the storm. It's getting very confusing. It's getting very shocking right now. Hey guys, do you think it's getting shocking? These guys saw the Dora the Explorer movie last week, so that could possibly explain some of the, what do you think, straight to camera? Yeah, that was Lucas's idea. Fair enough.
00:22:36
Speaker
So I don't really pay any more attention to Q&A than I am absolutely forced to. Everybody knows they're just planning a knife to school. Would you like to explain that comment for the audience? I don't think I can. It's fun. Do the explore. I tell you we need to.
00:22:56
Speaker
Can you say daughter? So the point is I don't pay much attention to QAnon, so even only when it does sort of bubble up into my into my awareness I'm surprised it just held loopy. It's like it's always been loopy but it just manages to keep getting loopier and so that was where the whole execution replaced with clone thing it is. So apparently one person was was put up this announcement
00:23:18
Speaker
On two nights of September 2019, Obama was executed by firing squad at Gitmo. Three US generals were present at the execution and Obama was allowed a private meeting with a Muslim cleric prior to execution. Obama had refused to give any more information and Alliance sources believe he may have been the main instigator of the current impeachment debacle currently in progress.
00:23:39
Speaker
He's been in prison, but he's also started the impeachment. Oh, apparently he's been allowed to have communication with outside sources throughout the entire time. I'm sorry. I should have kept reading because it is. Obama had been in contact with the so-called whistleblower, despite being on 24-hour watch at Gitmo. It's not a very good 24-hour watch. The Alliance concluded a search and found an iridium satellite phone hidden in one of Obama's pillows.
00:24:01
Speaker
What does iridium mean? Iridium is a fancy kind of battery, isn't it? Oh no, that's lithium. Actually, I don't know what an iridium set my phone is. The Alliance immediately ordered execution of Obama to begin whimpering and pleading, claiming John Kerry put- Oh, that John Kerry? What'd he do next? Oh, John Kerry. He's another white guy who tried to be President once one time.
00:24:25
Speaker
And Chris Christopherson, who is an actor and singer. I'm not sure why he gets lumped in there.
00:24:37
Speaker
Currently doing rounds in the United States, the Alliance would not say this clone is believed to be malfunctioning anyway, so they may take a wait-and-see approach. So that's where QAnon is at at the moment. People have been not just arrested and given ankle bracelets, they've been taken to Guantanamo Bay, executed and replaced with clones, and that's why there's still we still see them walking around. Now the question I put to you, people,
00:25:00
Speaker
Is the Chris Christofferson who's wandering around producing music and presumably appearing in theatrical productions a clone?
00:25:09
Speaker
And does that explain? And look, did you raise your eyebrows or daddy big eyebrows? What? I'm sure he did when I said clowns. I'm pretty sure he did. No, him and like clowns? No, no, so that's the I'm giving you a clue as I'm talking wink. I'm winking.
00:25:33
Speaker
Yeah. That's really more blinking, but never mind. And also people can't hear you blink on a podcast. I know. In fact, it's a well-known fact that on podcast, no one can hear you blink. Everyone can hear you blink. Blink! Blink!
A Playful Conclusion with Kids
00:25:49
Speaker
So that's QAnon. For kids. For kids. And I think you'll agree with me that it's a difficult task to tell what is sillier, the current state of QAnon, or everything my children have said just now in this episode. Including flatulence. Including flatulence. I would argue that fat jokes are considerably less silly. I have a really terrible joke. What is your terrible joke, please, Lucas?
00:26:15
Speaker
Why did the chicken cross the road? Why did the chicken cross the road? Was it because of QAnon? No, because it wanted to meet Donald Trump. The prison is such that bad. And that Robert Blake's by a clown!
00:26:31
Speaker
Well, there you go, biting political commentary there from my six-year-old son. Donald Trump sat fat and was replaced by a clown. Ladies and gentlemen, the new John Oliver. Now can Jack and me stop talking?
00:26:47
Speaker
You can stop talking any time you want, buddy. I wanna stop talking! Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, no! Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't
00:27:14
Speaker
Yes. Until then, unfortunately, the holidays start again next week, so I'm afraid my children will be at school and unable to partake in any more podcasts. But you know, if you start funding us to very large sums such as Thousands of Months, we can put these children to homeschooling and do every single episode with a child. Every day, a new episode.
00:27:39
Speaker
Right now, every Thursday, you can just say, Lucas and Jack are going to be really sick today because it's really cold. I'm good! I want to go to school! Goodbye everybody. And he's gone ladies and gentlemen. Goodbye. I'm gonna leave as well.
00:28:07
Speaker
I'm gonna go somewhere. Excellent pursuit by a beer.
00:28:20
Speaker
You've been listening to the podcast's Guide to the Conspiracy, starring Josh Addison and Dr. M.R. Extended, which is written, researched, recorded and produced by Josh and Em. You can support the podcast by becoming a patron via its Podbean or Patreon campaigns. And if you need to get in contact with either Josh or Em, you can email them at podcastconspiracy at gmail.com or check their Twitter accounts, Mikey Fluids and Conspiracism.
00:29:21
Speaker
And remember, they're coming to get you, Barbara. I'm going to clap, then we'll have five seconds of silence and then the talking can resume. Well, that didn't work. Let's try that one more time. Okay. Do you think we can be quiet? Just for a short while, then you can make as much noise as you want. Yeah.
00:29:59
Speaker
Who knew clapping was so funny? I'll get it. Let me clap this time.