Transcript
Tab Lewis: So... amy and i welcome back for part two amy and i um continue the conversation about being a woman of God and how that flows into.
Tab Lewis: our relationships specifically we've been talking about marriage and we talked about um fighting well, learning how to fight well in your marriage. and how as a woman of God,
Tab Lewis: and being connected. to god on a regular basis him him actually Being on the throne of our heart um allows us to.
Tab Lewis: Um, love our spouses well. And if you did not catch that episode, I encourage you to go back. um and listen there's a lot of gold in there but we want to continue the conversation um with you today um about What does it mean?
Tab Lewis: to love. Hard. in our relationship. Love when it gets hard. in our relationship. And, um you know,
Tab Lewis: There is... Because reality... We live in a very very broken world. um that life continues to happen all around us and we are because we're not in control of that Um.
Tab Lewis: we We may be going along. one day and then all of a sudden God allows something to enter into our lives that completely flip flips our world upside. down.
Tab Lewis: Now. It could be from our own doing. It could be from our spouse's own doing. um But there's nothing that... I believe. That there is nothing that happens or takes place in our life if you are a follower of Jesus that he does not allow.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: to... enter into your life. And not only that. but that He does not give you everything you need. to endure. as long as you're staying.
Tab Lewis: um tethered to him and and clinging to him and so Amy and I just want to be open with you today. um we want to talk about some places in our own marriages where um We've had to love.
Tab Lewis: Hard. You know, we've we've had to love in the hard. and um And so we invite you into this conversation. I hope that something that we share from our own experiences will encourage your heart today.
Tab Lewis: um and that the the spirit of God will. um Allow that. to uh spur you on. in an area of your life that you may be he may be asking you.
Tab Lewis: to love. Love in the heart with your. With your spouse. And so Amy, would you. Would you share with us a time, you and Jeff?
Tab Lewis: We're in a hard season. and you specifically. God was asking you to love him well. In the hard.
Amy Hickman: So... You know, I feel like a lot of our marriage that I've kind of been on the root. the receiving end of him loving. hard seasons I've been in and I'm sure that you know we'll touch on that a little bit more but for just walking alongside him and really feeling like an added measure of love.
Amy Hickman: was needed was um Probably about seven years ago, Jeff walked through. a pretty intense time of what we would probably now call depression. and You know, he...
Amy Hickman: in some ways was experiencing. If you're in a ministry world that classic burnout that he was not
Tab Lewis: Okay.
Amy Hickman: sure he wanted to continue on. He's been very transparent with everyone in his life about walking through. this season and i believe we need to be you know when we're going through things like that because There's always someone that is walking a similar road that.
Amy Hickman: If you've walked it before them, you know, they they need our stories. And so Jeff has been very transparent about walking through this time. but um I ah feel like the seasons that we walk through that are...
Amy Hickman: You know, I... would what Was he hard to love? I think my love. you know heightened for him during uh this time but i would still say he was hard to love from the perspective of i I felt like my hands were tied. You know, you you feel like you couldn't.
Amy Hickman: You didn't know what to do. You you didn't know what to say. um i I know beyond. any doubt in my mind that God taught me more about how much power there truly is in prayer that I probably had just devalued up to that point you know I mean saying you're going to pray for someone is really the most powerful thing that you can do. and I realized that then because it was all I could do.
Amy Hickman: you know, was to really walk. beside him. um he He knew he had my support. He knew he had. my presence, but I had to pray God's power down.
Amy Hickman: in the situation and you know um
Tab Lewis: and
Amy Hickman: Our story, you know, in that regard ended seeing a redeeming God. He redeemed. so much in Jeff's life to just give him the fortitude to continue on and uh god continues to use him in this this area of ministry that we're in but you know for Me being on the receiving end of being hard to love. It was really
Amy Hickman: um putting that neon sign around our vowels that say you're I'm going to love you in sickness and in health. because for 18 years of
Tab Lewis: a
Amy Hickman: our marriage, I was a sick person. and a physically sick person.
Tab Lewis: Okay.
Amy Hickman: And, you know. the story in itself is too long you know to really delve into but I experienced. 18 years of health.
Amy Hickman: problems that were kind of a mystery to doctors that came out of surgery where the surgery was botched and so um Jeff had to really be.
Amy Hickman: a force in my life, you know love
Tab Lewis: vaccineing
Amy Hickman: in sickness and in health. Looks like. you know in the sick part showing up at a doctor's office where I'm gonna be her. eyes and her ears and her mouth and I'm going to advocate. for her.
Amy Hickman: And. the the hard days i'm showing up for her you know i'm not i'm not gonna abandon her and you know i've heard stories you know of people
Tab Lewis: Mm -hmm.
Amy Hickman: that. their spouses leave them when they're sick and so You know, I believe so much of love. it's just is It's just found in simply showing up.
Amy Hickman: for your spouse and that is where I believe for both of us, was the best thing that we could do is just. just show up.
Amy Hickman: you know and and
Tab Lewis: Amen.
Amy Hickman: take out any doubt that that You're going to have one less thing to worry about because you're going to know I'm going to show up for you.
Tab Lewis: Dope. I love that.
Amy Hickman: Yeah, what about you?
Tab Lewis: i i can I can resonate with that so much. It's the... just the being present with one another. um where you don't have to say anything. you know You just know.
Tab Lewis: I can come home. And I know he's going to be present with me and he can give me more if I ask him to.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: but I can say, i just I just need you to be present.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: And but I already know that he's going to be because I'm coming home.
Amy Hickman: mm -hmm
Tab Lewis: to Him.
Amy Hickman: yeah
Tab Lewis: you know.
Amy Hickman: that's right
Tab Lewis: And I think there's so much in that. I think for. I have. I have several, ah one that I would share. Um... you know and we've we've Chris and I are very open about.
Tab Lewis: our story his story and recovery he's he's been
Amy Hickman: mm -hmm Right.
Tab Lewis: walking in sobriety for 11 years now. We're in the 11th year. um And I would say. There was a period of time leading leading up to the... um what often in recovery language is someone's rock bottom.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: And. um I would say in that season, I can look back and we've talked about this often of how there was a great deal of selfishness. ah And.
Tab Lewis: in Chris's behavior. it was a building process it wasn't something that just bam all of a sudden it happened um and
Amy Hickman: Hmm.
Tab Lewis: but But the day that... He hit rock bottom and and Chris was dealing with you know with a multitude of things and suicide ideation. um And he had literally just decided.
Tab Lewis: um The world is better off without me. and um but But God had other plans. and um you know that day he just you know, completely surrendered. I have never seen.
Tab Lewis: um Him. My husband. be more surrendered.
Amy Hickman: Hmm.
Tab Lewis: Than he was that day. And I believe that it was a kindness from the Lord. For me. um Because it was ah it was a very, very difficult time. When your life blows up, you... um You don't know what to do.
Amy Hickman: right
Tab Lewis: Right? You're just like, you're as stunned as. Everything else is kind of like if you've ever seen those. in a movie or an analogy where The person standing there. And they're just.
Tab Lewis: Almost not there, but then the world is continuing to swirl and happen around them. And that's that's literally. um what it was like on that day. And I have never seen.
Tab Lewis: him or anyone else in a situation like that more surrendered.
Amy Hickman: yes
Tab Lewis: Two. the process.
Amy Hickman: Love that.
Tab Lewis: You know, when you talk about coming to the end of yourself.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: I'll do whatever. I'll do whatever. And I believe that was a kindness of the Lord to me because um That's when I knew, okay. It's my time to fight.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: It's my time to fight for him. You know, it's my time to love him.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: fiercely. with everything that I have. Um, Oh. in this hard. This is going to be hard. you know None of us knew the outcome.
Tab Lewis: None of us knew what the journey was going to look like. We just knew, okay. We're about to step into uncharted territory. And it's my turn.
Tab Lewis: to love hard.
Amy Hickman: mm -hmm
Tab Lewis: And. um And so and that's what I did. you know, and when someone's in recovery. um you know It becomes all about them.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: and In a good way. you know it should
Amy Hickman: Yes.
Tab Lewis: And and life was was all about him. And then you have. You have the layers to that where you have children involved. and um you know.
Tab Lewis: your financial situation and everybody else that all of this affected you know all the things and And what I saw in that is. That. that God gave me everything I knew.
Tab Lewis: To love him. and you know to love him fiercely and love in the hard and then with with each Next. step throughout that process and that journey, it became more and more and more clear to me.
Tab Lewis: that the roles will reverse eventually.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: you know Because everybody has a healing journey. in this you know situation. And and and for for those of you listening, it may not be recovery. It may not be a physical.
Tab Lewis: a chronic illness it may not be um you know, a mental illness.
Amy Hickman: Mm -hmm.
Tab Lewis: It could be, you know, the the devastating loss of a child or a family member or, you know. financial devastation. It can be a multitude of things, but in that whole scenario, everyone is affected and everyone has.
Tab Lewis: you know a journey a healing a journey they are going to be on and And and the we call it the talking stick.
Amy Hickman: Mm -hmm.
Tab Lewis: You know, it's like, you don't have the talking stick. I do. You know, it's my turn.
Amy Hickman: right
Tab Lewis: And it's like.
Amy Hickman: okay
Tab Lewis: At some point in time. the The... it's going to transition to the next individual and it's going to be their turn to be loved well in the heart.
Amy Hickman: Mm -hmm.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: And in. And I wish I could tell you exactly when that happened in in our journey. but I remember having that thought. Oh, okay. Eventually.
Tab Lewis: Eventually it's going to be my turn.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: but it's not right now.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: And that's okay. and um and the And that's what we did. you know we I just loved him hard. And and each day is a new day.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: You know, each day is a different day. each day holds its own set of. um decisions. um And surrender. You know, surrender to trust that God is in control. Surrender that.
Tab Lewis: the process of healing. The the avenues in which God leads you down to to guide you toward healing that that that those processes are going to work, you know, that the people that he brings around you, that it's.
Amy Hickman: right
Tab Lewis: ah that they're the right people. that are appointed and anointed.
Amy Hickman: mm -hmm
Tab Lewis: to do His work. in your life, in your, in your situation. And um So yeah, I think, you know, and then we've. you know being 11 years into the on this side of of you know the journey um we have We've been in a...
Tab Lewis: it has the The roles have reversed. you know And then when I entered into my healing season. um Man.
Tab Lewis: I cannot, I mean, we it would take. multiple episodes to talk about the goodness of God.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: You know, um and and so. I'm really careful and in sharing. things like this, because um not everybody gets that outcome.
Tab Lewis: this side of heaven. you know Not everybody gets the breakthrough.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: Not everybody gets the. uh Reconciliation.
Amy Hickman: mm -hmm
Tab Lewis: you know, um Everybody can get the redemption.
Amy Hickman: That's right
Tab Lewis: Because God can redeem. anything.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: and He wants to redeem anything. And I think if I were to encourage anybody listening today who may be faced with. um moving into a season of of loving your spouse.
Tab Lewis: and the hard. Or maybe you're in it. Or maybe you made a decision where you're no longer in it because you just couldn't. Do it anymore. Wherever you find yourself today.
Tab Lewis: God can still redeem it. And I think that is the That's the ultimate hope that we hold on to. is that No matter what the outcome is, he's still God.
Tab Lewis: he's still the same god he's the same god yesterday and and and today and he will be tomorrow and forever because he never changes and he never wavers and he never falters and so I think that the choice in that is going straight back.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: When we're talking about being a woman of God, it all goes back to where is God? Where's God in your life? Is God on the throne of your heart? Because He's the one who teaches us and equips us and enables us to love.
Tab Lewis: In the hard.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: in he Because he is the love. That we are. Loving with. in The hard. I could never have done that on my own. if i If I were, if it were left up to me.
Tab Lewis: To make those decisions, I probably would not be in my marriage today. Because I'm human.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: And if i'm going if I'm feeding my own selfish desires and want my own selfish outcome,
Tab Lewis: Who would have wanted to put that kind of time in selfishly? Right? And effort in.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: And so it is only because of his love that we are able. To love. heart and to love well in the heart and so um I think that would be.
Tab Lewis: If you could take any anything away from my story or Amy's story.
Amy Hickman: um
Tab Lewis: Um. to- today. It all centers back into... who you are as a woman of God.
Amy Hickman: mm -hmm
Tab Lewis: And where does God sit?
Tab Lewis: Is he sitting on the throne? of your heart. N. the hard. um
Tab Lewis: Anything else to add there Amy?
Amy Hickman: No, I I've... echo everything that you you have said that is such wisdom. to... You know, I think back um My heart is always bent to young women that that might be listening because you know to have uh the voice reminding you You know. that it's worth it to love hard is
Amy Hickman: I can look back on my life and and sit in some gratitude because I've had women at every juncture. God is really... you know, place them in my life to say that very thing is to remind me.
Amy Hickman: to love hard and You know, I think it's such great wisdom to take. But. To also remind you to become the woman that gives. that same wisdom you know, when, when you have internalized it and lived it out in your own life it that Uh, there will be times that we're.
Amy Hickman: We're gonna have to love hard, you know, and we're not gonna want to
Tab Lewis: Yeah. Mm hmm.
Amy Hickman: um That is the... the truth of life is that. Every day doesn't feel like I want to
Tab Lewis: mm -hmm
Amy Hickman: but it's a cheese tea. love hard and to love well. For me, you know, I... the God he he has to be the whole center point of all of this you know and I've had to see that Jeff very much has been a walking example of what Jesus looks like.
Amy Hickman: in my life. And I realized that I must be the same. I have to be the same for him. You know, it's like. We want this world to find the hope in Jesus, but we have to look like him.
Amy Hickman: And Jeff has looked like that for me. He has reminded me of where I find my hope. And. i want to be that same woman of god for for him that he sees When I have been weak.
Amy Hickman: I was the one that carried the hope. because my hope was found in Jesus when He... Correct. Find his hope in Jesus. So... um Again, I feel like, ah you know, we probably could repeat it numerous times of just how worth it.
Amy Hickman: It is.
Tab Lewis: Hmm. Yeah. So worth it for sure. and And I think, you know, you saying that about. Being the one. you know, carrying the torch of reminder.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: you know, that that it that it is worth it. And that, you know, you're the one who's, carrying you know, carrying that banner of hope and and waving it over your spouse.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: and I you know, the conversations that Chris and I have around this redemptive part of our story today.
Amy Hickman: mm -hmm
Tab Lewis: is so much about... It just... deep deep gratitude
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: um That the Lord. has been so kind. and gracious. and tender um in allowing us, I mean the privilege. the privilege not only to Love.
Tab Lewis: someone and through the heart in the heart and through the heart but then to come on the other side of that season and maybe maybe it's a forever season because there are some people who are in that forever they're caring for
Amy Hickman: mm -hmm
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: a spouse, but but the privilege.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: that. yeah It is. to be able to
Tab Lewis: get be given the strength.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: From the Spirit. to extend. that hope and that love and um that encouragement. um into someone else. Because you know that they there's going to come a point in time when you're going to need that yourself.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: And that you're able to. they're able to borrow that. from what you extended. to them. in that season and i just think it's um
Tab Lewis: I think it's such a gift and it can be.
Tab Lewis: It can be so much more. Than what you. could hope. that it could be on the other side of it. um
Amy Hickman: Absolutely. absolutely
Tab Lewis: If you just... If you stay. Stay the course.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: you know, stay the course. And I agree with you. it to speak into those younger marriages and then to speak into these. I mean, I know several people now who. are caring for their spouse.
Tab Lewis: And. Oh. you know, ah apart from a divine miracle of God. you know, restoring their health or their mind. That's what they'll be doing.
Tab Lewis: until
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: until their life here on earth is is has come to an end. And I'm not there. Right now. I don't know if I will be. I don't know if the Lord will ask me.
Tab Lewis: to carry that um but i still think i can encourage someone listening today who is
Amy Hickman: the
Tab Lewis: and And that is, I would say. um Lean deeper.
Amy Hickman: hint
Tab Lewis: and fuller. and harder into God. um and that I'm trusting with you and for you. that he is going to continue to give you what you need.
Tab Lewis: um to love. in this hard. um and and practically you know like we've said already in this particular episode and conversation is.
Tab Lewis: Don't be afraid. Don't let the enemy lie to you.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: and tell you you're weak. or that you're giving up. or that you're a burden. um or that it's going to be too hard for you.
Tab Lewis: to invite other people in to help you. um to love you, to encourage you, to guide you. um It's not selfish for you to take time for yourself.
Amy Hickman: Hmm.
Tab Lewis: You know? Even in all of that, even in your story, Amy, even in my story, in those seasons of loving hard, there were moments that I had to step outside of the lie that I was believing that it was selfish.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: and take care of myself.
Amy Hickman: That's right.
Tab Lewis: And. So I just want to encourage you guys with that today. um before we Before we move into closing out this second part of the marriage season, I do want to talk.
Tab Lewis: a little bit about um You know, we've talked about loving through the heart. I want to talk about dreaming. Big.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: dreaming with your spouse, dreaming for your spouse. um and dreaming big. um in your marriage and Just to give a little bit of disclaimer, I'm not talking necessarily about selling everything you own and moving to Paris. or hawaii or wherever although if the lord lets that happen for you i am so stoked about it but
Amy Hickman: but
Tab Lewis: You know, I think oftentimes when you hear that phrase dream big together, you think. Big. right you think these things that are almost unattainable for
Amy Hickman: Yes. um
Tab Lewis: most people um But dreaming big can be. Okay. having coffee on a Saturday. when your schedule's been so busy. that. you.
Tab Lewis: Um, haven't really spent any quality time. together. That's dreaming big. Right?
Amy Hickman: that's right
Tab Lewis: um And so. Just to share a little bit before I get your wisdom on this, Amy. Chris and I have intentionally. uh,
Tab Lewis: We've called it a sabbatical. this summer. we've just really just been taking some Time to say no to some things that we would normally say yes to. So that we can just pull back and breathe and be refreshed.
Tab Lewis: you know, in our time with the Lord, be refreshed spending. good quality time together and with our family. and traveling a little bit of extra you know and all of that And. um This really came on the heels of...
Tab Lewis: What you talked about even earlier, like knowing when you're about to be burnt out.
Amy Hickman: Mm -hmm.
Tab Lewis: um
Amy Hickman: if if
Tab Lewis: or just having that self -awareness personally and in your relationship but also We had listened to this podcast. um And it was. on the podcast the individual was like a life like life coach mentor um for this guy and And he was just sharing how. um
Tab Lewis: What he does, the rhythms that he sets up in his life to prepare him ah for a busy season that he knows he has coming ahead is he will.
Tab Lewis: be intentional about creating space and time prior to that.
Amy Hickman: yes
Tab Lewis: to You know, just rest well um Play, have fun, you know, all of those things so that when he moves into a busy season, he's able to.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: um be all there and be fully prepared for that.
Amy Hickman: one
Tab Lewis: And so. that That episode that we listened to just really got us thinking and and and all of that. And we were like, we want to. we We want to.
Tab Lewis: Be intentional about being together during this time and taking this time because there's some things that we want to dream about. together.
Amy Hickman: yeah
Tab Lewis: And sometimes we do that in our every day. You know, we we will say we want to take the grand. kids here and do this or I want you know we want to do this once a month with our family blah blah blah But this was a time where we were like, no, we want to be intentional. Like we.
Tab Lewis: We have some things we want to dream together about. And so we're going to take the time. to do that and we've done that. And. It's been really, really fruitful.
Tab Lewis: for us. There's been some things that the Lord's been crystal clear on and said no. About? not now maybe not know for good but no not right now um but just in that moment to me the dreaming big was oh we're gonna we're gonna have all these things that we're planning out and planning for the future. But really the most beautiful part of it was that we were together.
Amy Hickman: Yes.
Tab Lewis: And that. we were sharing things with one another that was on our heart and that was you know that we were thinking that we would like to do or that we would like to accomplish or um you know, even just that we see in one another.
Tab Lewis: um So the the beauty in all of that was. Oh, we're dreaming, but we're dreaming together, but we're enjoying each other. Wow. We're doing it.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: um So. what what What are your thoughts on dreaming big? together with Jeff. What do you guys do?
Amy Hickman: It's been such a... It's crazy because it's literally come up in every area of my life lately you know i I'm a part of ah a ministry cohort that... We've talked about dreaming big. i'm Jeff has preached a series recently, you know, where that's just an overarching theme and streaming big. and
Amy Hickman: um I'm probably like, you know, maybe even a listener is today. And and you mentioned this, like I hear the word streaming big and I'm like. It's so overwhelming to me because it feels huge.
Amy Hickman: But. because of how God has wired me and He has made me to have a heart that craves simplicity. That. Literally what you're describing is what has been.
Amy Hickman: um just happening in my heart and in Jeff's heart is kind of taking a pause to step back and you know, be intentional about the time that we spend together, which we've always had that rhythm in our marriage. You know, we date night every Thursday to the point that. I have.
Amy Hickman: random people will say. Hey, it's Thursday. Where are you going on your day? Because it becomes such a well -known fact about us that.
Tab Lewis: Right.
Amy Hickman: um And so, you know, we we developed that rhythm when we had young children because There was no adult conversation happening. And it was just that.
Tab Lewis: Mm hmm.
Amy Hickman: desire just to talk to another adult and um you know, dreams come out of that time. And so we continue that practice where we get together and invariably just having conversation outside of.
Amy Hickman: our everyday environment. It. has given us perspective on Sometimes it's dreaming new vision of what we want to see for the people of our church.
Amy Hickman: But what it looks like for our marriage. um It has really fleshed itself out in this the simplicity because we're in a season of life now where.
Amy Hickman: we're We're basically empty nesters. I mean, we have our youngest daughter who's commuting. um to college she's 19 and so um she's not here a lot and our conversations are very much like you want to really like spending time with your spouse.
Amy Hickman: when all the children are gone. So that has been for us.
Tab Lewis: Yeah. Absolutely.
Amy Hickman: some Some of it's just been like, you know, we're going to do whatever it takes to make travel happen. And that may be what dreaming big looks like for us or sometimes.
Amy Hickman: It's ah simple practices of... You know, we're going to pray together every day before Jeff leaves out the door. He's going to pray over me. and We're going to make sure that we're spending that time together. or We're going to, you know, invite. other couples into our home for dinner and we're going to share life.
Amy Hickman: um It looks a variety of of ways, but what I... I believe and know that is coming out of. this time of just seeing these moments as dreaming big.
Amy Hickman: is that you're you're developing healthy rhythms to just live your life to the fullest.
Tab Lewis: Yes.
Amy Hickman: you know, um and being able to distinguish ah And this is just something I'm seeing, you know, and. culture around us is there's a lot of pressure on you know, the demographic of like my, my daughter's age. I mean, they're in their twenties and there's a lot of pressure to just have things look a certain way.
Tab Lewis: mm -hmm
Amy Hickman: you know you if If it looks this way, then you've got this successful. great marriage. And we're forgetting just to actually live the life that we're posting.
Amy Hickman: you know, and
Tab Lewis: ye
Amy Hickman: So I... And I think that there there is that temptation, no matter what age you are, just to make life look good, but you're not actually living it. And.
Amy Hickman: I think it's worth it to take the time to. dream big and what that looks like for your family. not comparing it to...
Tab Lewis: Yes.
Amy Hickman: a family that you know but what does it look like for your family to dream big it may look relatively small compared to you know, someone else, but It's living out God's dreams for you.
Amy Hickman: And that is.
Tab Lewis: Yes.
Amy Hickman: That's just. Again, goes back to our you know our prior conversation in the previous episode about. evaluate where you are. And if you don't like what you're experiencing, change it.
Tab Lewis: Yes. Absolutely.
Amy Hickman: Yep.
Tab Lewis: Gosh. There's so much wisdom in all of that, that you said you may need to press pause and rewind and go back and listen again, because it's so true.
Amy Hickman: ah
Tab Lewis: And, you know, I think. When you were when you were talking, I kept thinking about. um how important it is that we don't.
Tab Lewis: Take what we see. and someone else and tried to uh, recreate that in our own lives exactly the way you see it because what is
Tab Lewis: for you and your relationship where you are in your season. your financial situation, whatever it may be.
Amy Hickman: really
Tab Lewis: um Just, just. knowing your spouse, you know, and what what is it that we need?
Amy Hickman: Yeah. rule
Tab Lewis: Right now, what how can we dream big together right now where we're at in the season we're in and even taking the time to do that? And I think.
Tab Lewis: that you're going you have to be intentional about that. It's not just going to happen.
Amy Hickman: Exactly.
Tab Lewis: you know Like you said, you want to actually like your spouse when you get to our season.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: and you're empty nested. And you're like. You will have time.
Amy Hickman: Yeah.
Tab Lewis: You will have more time in this season. Unless you feel it with other things, you know.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: But you will have more time than you do now. in the busyness of life and raising children. And when you are in that space, How do you, what what are you thinking forward?
Tab Lewis: toward that time. and and how do you want to that time to look. based off of what you've put in because what you put into it now
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: will be a visible result of what you will have when you actually get to that season.
Amy Hickman: Truly, you know.
Tab Lewis: You know, it's not just.
Amy Hickman: i think about the if you If you look at every season, and we've got some seasons under our belt now. And so, you know, maybe this is where. you know age is such a bonus but I can tell you that.
Amy Hickman: there will always be the excuse of limitations but like if you let the limitations of today
Tab Lewis: Good.
Amy Hickman: squelch you constantly, they're going to really squelch you tomorrow. You know that, I mean, that you're, you're going to find yourself. you know here as i am at a as a 52 year old woman and you're going to be like Um...
Amy Hickman: I... let life limit me where there's always pockets. to invest in our marriage, you know?
Tab Lewis: mm -hmm
Amy Hickman: i I think of, you know, my daughter told me yesterday, she's like We do $5 sushi night on Wednesday because the Harris Teeter has $5 sushi.
Amy Hickman: We put the kids to bed and. you know, so. That, that. is That is saying... okay, money, might maybe money's tight, but I can do $5 sushi and I can find the time.
Amy Hickman: if it's important enough, when I put my kids to bed. And yet, what what does that look like for a more seasoned woman? There's always limitations of... Well... I might be working more, you know, and maybe I can work more and I can get home late at night, but I'm saying, no, I'm not going to do that.
Amy Hickman: Because time with my spouse. you know, to decompress before. We go to bed at night and maybe we're just watching a show together. It's worth it. um
Tab Lewis: yep
Amy Hickman: to to really figure out you know what's limiting you in the form of making excuses. um to not dream big with each other.
Tab Lewis: yeah That's good. I would say two, four. For the the woman. who may be listening today and she's like well Yeah, but my husband's really not in a place to dream big.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: We're not in that space. We're not. we're not dreaming together right now, then I would say. that Going back to what we just. Wrapped up with Of.
Tab Lewis: In asking the Lord to... to to draw your spouse's heart to want to be unified with you. And what does that mean? Maybe that's what you're dreaming big about right now. God, I want i want you to heal, restore, redeem my marriage.
Tab Lewis: you know, maybe you're dreaming big is I want reconciliation here. Um, or I want to actually be face to face with my spouse and instead of back to back.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: You know? Where right now we don't even really like each other or we are not unified.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: We are not. operating as one. And so you know, maybe that's where you're dreaming big, you know, and even in that.
Tab Lewis: I think these two things, Amy, can coexist. I think you can dream big for that and you can do your part.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: holding space and remembering you can't make the other individual move toward you you can only do what you can do and then I think that you can still dream
Amy Hickman: Absolutely.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: For yourself.
Amy Hickman: Absolutely.
Tab Lewis: I think that you can still live. I think they can coexist. You can still, Lord. I am still... I might be in a covenant relationship with my spouse and I'm still. a woman of God. I'm yours.
Amy Hickman: Absolutely.
Tab Lewis: and you still have plans for me Me individually, and I'm not saying take off and leave your spouse and never look back and plow, you know, but I am saying that, yes, you can still.
Amy Hickman: Mm -hmm. Hmm.
Tab Lewis: What are the things that God has placed inside of you that you are? passionate about that when you think about it you come alive and You.
Tab Lewis: You can be a better woman. You can be a better wife. You can be a better mother. You can be a better daughter. aunt, friend. coworker, when you are participating in these things.
Tab Lewis: um You are better because of it.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: And not only. Don't just dream about those things, but go do those things.
Amy Hickman: Exactly.
Tab Lewis: And I believe that can coexist. for you individually. when it's not happening for you collectively. um Because it's not lost on me that we probably have women listening today where that is their reality.
Tab Lewis: Um, And so I just want to encourage you if you're in that space to go do that. And in all of that, no matter where you are in the dreaming big, whether it's you' you're doing it together or you're in a season where you're doing it. you know individually you're going to have to say no to some things.
Amy Hickman: Exactly.
Tab Lewis: Like you said.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: Amy, you're... You've got to plan for it. You've got to... create margin for it which means you're going to have to say no to some things.
Amy Hickman: Mm hmm.
Tab Lewis: You're gonna have to pivot. and do some things differently. So that those things can become. you know, important that they can move up in the priority.
Tab Lewis: um space in your life.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: and If I'm just being honest, and I don't know if you would. Would say this, Amy, I feel like. Those are important things. If we're talking about.
Tab Lewis: you know, Being who we were created to be individually as a woman of God in Christ is number one. most important. our relationship with him.
Amy Hickman: a
Tab Lewis: And then the the next thing is your marriage.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: And so if you are Not in those spaces where you are. Operating. as one together, I'm asking you to take the time to just notice what those are. um You know, i'm I'm doing this. this whole rhythms of life.
Tab Lewis: um thing in on my social media now and it is just and you've got to notice first what is working what's not
Amy Hickman: mm -hmm Right.
Tab Lewis: What do I need to add? What do I need to take away? And then once you notice that, then you have to take the step forward to make the changes and transition into what you need to.
Tab Lewis: to accomplish what God is asking you to accomplish.
Amy Hickman: Right.
Tab Lewis: Um. So. Yeah. That's... It's a lot of good wisdom. in all of this. and I'm really thankful we were able.
Tab Lewis: able to have this conversation if ah I'm gonna let you close us out today Amy what's our our biggest. ah encouragement and take away. Um...
Tab Lewis: And this. this two -part episode of of marriage and being a woman of God and how that carries over. um into our marriage. who What would you leave?
Tab Lewis: our listeners with today. and encouragement.
Amy Hickman: You know, as we've been talking, I've You know... personally just really found myself sitting in gratitude for It just feels like.
Amy Hickman: You know, there's a kick in the pants and then there's, you know, just. Wow, that was a great kick in the pants because we...
Tab Lewis: Yeah.
Amy Hickman: you know it Maybe it stings. you know Maybe it's brought some things to light. that you know we need to work on but isn't that the goodness of who god is you know that He wants us to become.
Amy Hickman: All that we can. that we can be. And so, you know, I think of these highlight moments that we've talked about of like, it's worth it, deciding it's worth it to.
Amy Hickman: Have the best marriage. that we can possibly have. And then you know just thinking directly to what we've spoken about in this episode, you know it just keeps coming back to me.
Amy Hickman: Bye. don't wait to live, you know, live. as fully as you can live now. like what what that looks like. um is is knowing how God made you, you know, like you're living in abundance.
Amy Hickman: or the abundant life might not look like. um someone that you really admire their walk with God even. but It is owning your own walk with God.
Amy Hickman: And the encouragement. of. for a woman in marriage who wants to have the best marriage that she can have is Own your own walk with God.
Amy Hickman: Encourage your husband to own his walk with God because, you know, I have a unique. Seat. to watch lives and One thing I've seen.
Amy Hickman: So... clearly lately is We do a lot of writing each other's coattails when it comes to our faith. and it
Tab Lewis: and
Amy Hickman: It truly cheats us. from living what God has called us to live as. you know, Amy as Tab. to live in that fullness.
Amy Hickman: And then allow that fullness to contribute to the fullness of marriage. and when our husband is also living in his fullness and his relationship with God.
Amy Hickman: is. um It's beautiful. And so I encourage.
Tab Lewis: mm -hmm
Amy Hickman: uh you listening today. that That relationship that you have with the father is going to be the most significant investment that you make.
Amy Hickman: When it comes to. a successful marriage. And so it's worth it. to put in your all. And. It's worth it to live your fullest life now.
Amy Hickman: and um and put your effort into that. I think this has been a ah quality episode that... you know i want my daughters to listen to i want my friends to listen to because We all need the encouragement. to keep going.
Tab Lewis: I love it So much wisdom. Yes. Thank you guys so much for. joining us for this conversation today. um I just.
Tab Lewis: I love Love this time that I've had with you, Amy, and the wisdom that you have to share that we get to share it together. and give away.
Tab Lewis: What? you know, God has poured into us and given to us. And so um Just hope that you leave today. encouraged in some way. That's something that was said throughout this episode that will um spark conversation in your marriage. that it will um Cause you to look inside internally into your own heart and ah let God just. ah
Tab Lewis: lead and guide you in a Places that he wants to shape you and heal you and encourage you and change you for his better, for your better.
Tab Lewis: um and Please, I will include um mine and Amy's. um You know.
Tab Lewis: social media information in the show notes, please feel free to reach out to us if something we have said has resonated with you and you want to talk further, you want to ask more questions, we are here for you and would love that opportunity to just encourage you further. And yeah, we are so excited. We can't wait until um You can join us for this conversation and we cannot wait until. next time.
