Transcript
Speaker: It's time for another Dirty Brief with Alex Hooper.
Speaker: Yes, it is, everybody.
Speaker: Welcome back to another episode of Dirty Briefs.
Speaker: And I am happy to do this episode because it embraces fear.
Speaker: So often we have to step out of our comfort zones to be able to grow, to experience progression in our lives.
Speaker: We have to do things that are going to make us go, oh, I don't want to do that.
Speaker: What if something happens?
Speaker: terrible happens and sometimes it does and we need to be ready for all those things but it's just like a cold shower in the morning it's not gonna hurt you but it will make you very uncomfortable for whatever length of time you let that freezing cold
Speaker: cold water drip all over your body.
Speaker: It's good for your hair though.
Speaker: I'll tell you that much.
Speaker: So don't be afraid to do it.
Speaker: Whatever you're afraid of in this life, there are positives, there are negatives, but I promise you, if you go for it, you will be a better person.
Speaker: Hopefully.
Speaker: I mean, don't kill anybody.
Speaker: You know, don't do something illegal that hurts someone else, but
Speaker: take a chance.
Speaker: Step out of that zone.
Speaker: And I'm going to read you a blog post today about the third time that I went highlining, which if you don't know what highlining is, slacklining is walking on basically a bouncy tightrope.
Speaker: If you follow me on social media, you've probably seen me doing that before.
Speaker: Highlining is doing it at a height that is very scary and very dangerous.
Speaker: At this point,
Speaker: I've tried to do it three times, about 100 feet off the ground, and wow, never been more scared of anything in my life.
Speaker: But I knew if I did it, amazing things would happen.
Speaker: So I'm going to read you this blog post entitled, One Small Step.
Speaker: Here we go.
Speaker: Dissolve into a canyon in Malibu.
Speaker: Breathe.
Speaker: I repeat this simple motion, harnessing my power to control the inevitable shaking that is rippling throughout my body.
Speaker: I look down.
Speaker: Fuck.
Speaker: Shouldn't have done that.
Speaker: My brain is sounding the alarm to retreat.
Speaker: You don't have to do this, Alex.
Speaker: There's absolutely no good reason for you to be out here.
Speaker: Hmm.
Speaker: Solid point.
Speaker: Score one for the rational mind.
Speaker: I let go of the rope above me.
Speaker: For a perfectly clear moment, I relax into the one inch piece of webbing beneath me.
Speaker: It sinks and sways as I attempt to flow instead of combating its natural movement.
Speaker: Against all odds and my better judgment, I take a step.
Speaker: The line moves more than I expect it to, but I manage to finagle my left foot ahead of my right.
Speaker: Hold it, breathe, I'm doing it.
Speaker: Holy fucking shit, I'm highlining.
Speaker: Oops.
Speaker: That one moment of arrogance was all it took.
Speaker: My torso shifted, my knees buckled.
Speaker: Without any time to think, I nosedive off the slack line.
Speaker: Careening to my death, 100 feet below.
Speaker: I know I did my best.
Speaker: All I can do now is wait to paint the rocks with my face.
Speaker: It's been a good run.
Speaker: Tell my pugs I love them.
Speaker: Like a lightning bolt ripping through an ebony sky, the first flash courses through me.
Speaker: I'm nine years old, floating down a lazy river at Water Country USA.
Speaker: My family is having the time of their lives, raw-dogging their way down water slides with unlimited joy.
Speaker: Not me.
Speaker: I'm scream-crying to get attention.
Speaker: Older kids and their friends snicker at this scabbed-up piece of hamburger meat as he desperately tries to fill the pool with his own unhappiness.
Speaker: My family couldn't be more embarrassed.
Speaker: I wish I knew how to have fun.
Speaker: Star wipe.
Speaker: I'm in sixth grade and in a moment of delirium, I mistakenly call my English teacher mom.
Speaker: The room erupts in laughter.
Speaker: I attempt to imitate my penis by crawling back inside of myself to hide from this ridicule.
Speaker: They will never let me live this down.
Speaker: fade to white, my childhood bedroom.
Speaker: I'm 15 and have gotten flabbergastingly stoned with my friend and two other hard-knock teenagers we met earlier that day.
Speaker: I've snorted the first and only line of Ritalin I'll ever do in my life.
Speaker: The substances are having an all-out grudge match within my body and
Speaker: I don't know which direction to root for.
Speaker: My friend Bruce looks at me as I suck on a bottle of Cheez Whids.
Speaker: He spits laughter as I drain the chemical orange goop into my mouth.
Speaker: Dude, be careful.
Speaker: There's acid in that.
Speaker: How much did you eat?
Speaker: The can is almost empty.
Speaker: I've never taken a psychedelic.
Speaker: I've heard the stories of the Charles Manson-looking motherfucker that ate too much LSD and started tearing off his own skin in an attempt to peel himself like an orange.
Speaker: He never came back.
Speaker: And now, neither would I. All three degenerates continue cracking up as I run to the bathroom, sobbing and mortified.
Speaker: I wait to die.
Speaker: Twenty minutes later, they informed me it was all a joke.
Speaker: I'm never eating Cheez Whiz again.
Speaker: Crossfade to an overpriced hotel, Ocean City, Maryland.
Speaker: It's senior week and I finally had enough liquid courage to tell my best friend my true feelings.
Speaker: She is my prom date, my everything, and I know my love is reciprocal.
Speaker: We'll kiss long and deep as if we are stuck in the final scene of a teenage romance movie.
Speaker: For the next week, our friends will celebrate our inevitable immersion.
Speaker: We'll hold hands, share ice cream cones, and get sand in our nastiest areas.
Speaker: We will explore our awkward teenage bodies as the waves crash overhead.
Speaker: What could be more perfect?
Speaker: I head to a room with all the confidence I can muster.
Speaker: When I walk in, I'm greeted with a pornographic nightmare.
Speaker: There is another man, one she met earlier that day, fracking her oil as if it's the last energy source on earth.
Speaker: I saunter back to my room, look out over the ocean from the balcony, and slam my fist into the wall into my knuckles drip red.
Speaker: This is going to be a long six days.
Speaker: Hard cut back to Malibu.
Speaker: The rope attached to my harness tightens and stretches until I'm dangling ten stories up, secured only by a metallic ring on the slack line.
Speaker: The entire fall lasted half of a second, just enough time to regale a few of my most embarrassing moments.
Speaker: An exasperated, uncontrollable laugh escapes my mouth as I realize I'm not only still breathing, I'm fucking alive.
Speaker: Voice over as the camera zooms out of the canyon.
Speaker: If you died today, what would flash before your eyes?
Speaker: What are you holding on to?
Speaker: Why do moments of pain stand the test of time, yet happiness can feel so fleeting?
Speaker: Rack focus back to me.
Speaker: It's time to let go, to embrace jubilation, to allow the best moments to squash the negative emotions into total oblivion.
Speaker: I know how to do that.
Speaker: Letting go of that line was exactly what I needed.
Speaker: While I only took one step, it would be one of the most important movements I ever make.
Speaker: One small step for man.
Speaker: One giant step toward creating a more fruitful life.
Speaker: I'm not only relieved, I'm motivated.
Speaker: The view is gorgeous.
Speaker: Mountains, oceans, and valleys for 20 miles.
Speaker: Take it in.
Speaker: Relish in the rush of every cell pulsating, attempting to explain to my brain that I am, in fact, still on Earth, still in living human form.
Speaker: Gathering my strength, I climb the leash to clip my overhang back onto the slack line.
Speaker: As I pull myself back toward the cliff, I'm ready.
Speaker: Only this time, fear will not be part of the equation.
Speaker: Whenever my final breath is emitted, love,
Speaker: will envelop me in its warm embrace letting me know I did my best.
Speaker: I'll see my wife and my children dancing in a field to our favorite music.
Speaker: I'll stand on stage as a sold-out theater gives me a standing ovation.
Speaker: My friends and family filling the first few rows, beaming with pride.
Speaker: Isn't that what life is all about?
Speaker: Back on the cliff, I look out over the ravine.
Speaker: Time to take another step.
Speaker: Fade to black.
Speaker: I haven't crossed a high line yet, but I will one day.
Speaker: Been dealing with a lot of other stuff, but there's something that calls me about that activity.
Speaker: Two of the greatest fears on earth, public speaking and heights.
Speaker: And I have tackled both of those.
Speaker: What can't I do?
Speaker: What am I holding myself back from?
Speaker: Why am I so afraid sometimes to take that step?
Speaker: Knowing that every time I do, my life gets better.
Speaker: Is there a step that you're avoiding?
Speaker: Is there something that you should be doing, but the fear is gripping you and just telling you, don't do it, man.
Speaker: Or woman.
Speaker: What is that fear?
Speaker: Why is it in there?
Speaker: Was it instilled in you through a traumatic event?
Speaker: Is it because you're afraid of success?
Speaker: Is it because you're afraid of what other people will think?
Speaker: Because you are a goddamn fucking rock star.
Speaker: I believe in you every step of the way.
Speaker: Every small step of the way.
Speaker: Because before you can cross a high line, you got to look at a high line and you need to believe that you can do it.
Speaker: And you're not going to do it the first time.
Speaker: You're not going to do it the second or the third time.
Speaker: But one of these days, you will amaze yourself and everyone around you when you complete a task that you previously thought was impossible.
Speaker: Go fucking do it.
Speaker: Also, follow me on social media at Hooper Hairpuff.
Speaker: And of course, on Bands in Town, if you never miss a show that I do in your city.
Speaker: And of course, HooperComedy.com for all of my tour dates.
Speaker: Yay!
Speaker: Gosh, I love doing dirty briefs.
Speaker: I love telling these stories to you.
Speaker: And I especially love you.
Speaker: Consensually.
Speaker: Of course.
Speaker: I wouldn't love you if it wasn't okay.
Speaker: I'll see you next week.
