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18. Ashley Looker, Certified Empowerment & Journal Coach
101 Plays1 year ago
Ashley Looker is an ICF-certified Empowerment & Journal Coach who teaches ambitious, over-achieving humans how to slow down and detach their productivity from their worth. She is passionate about using her 20+ years of experience and love for journaling as the tool for supporting her clients who want to stop wearing ’busy’ as a badge of honor and start living a more joyful, purpose-driven life. Join us as we discuss:
- Productivity = worthiness cycle
- Motivation vs inspiration
- Benefits of journaling
Connect with Ashley:
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Transcript
Introduction & Guest Overview
00:00:02
Speaker
Welcome to Gritty is the New Pretty, a podcast by Grid City Women. On today's episode of Gritty is the New Pretty, we're featuring Ashley Looker, certified empowerment and journal coach. Looking for ways to support Grid City Women and keep these podcasts going? Visit our online store at gridcitywomen.com.
00:00:26
Speaker
Our guest today is Ashley Looker, an ICF certified empowerment and journal coach who teaches ambitious, overachieving humans how to slow down and detach their predictivity from their worth. She is passionate about using her 20 plus years of experience and love for journaling as the tool for supporting her clients who want to stop wearing busy as a badge of honor and start living a more joyful, purpose-driven life. Welcome, Ashley.
00:00:56
Speaker
Oh, thank you so much. That sounds like such an ambitious goal that I've set for myself that I do for work. Yeah, so why don't you go ahead and just tell us about you and how you got into this work that you're doing.
Ashley's Coaching Journey
00:01:15
Speaker
Yeah, so I am well, first and foremost, I am a Tacoma native born and raised. Yeah, I started coaching, gosh, what feels like a lifetime ago, but it was about 12 years ago, I got into health coaching, actually.
00:01:33
Speaker
Around that time, I started dealing with some of my own physical health struggles, always struggled with body image issues, eating challenges, and then it all kind of came to a head when I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. And from there, I
00:01:54
Speaker
just went off on this journey of discovering how I could take the best care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And I found out really fast that I
00:02:09
Speaker
was really unhealthy. Like I thought I was healthy because I was like thin, right? And I exercised and I wasn't, I wasn't healthy at all. I wasn't healthy mentally, emotionally, spiritually, like my relationship sucked. I found out really, really quick, like, oh my gosh, my whole life basically needs an overhaul. And that's kind of where it started. And over the years, my work as a coach has definitely evolved. I still,
00:02:37
Speaker
definitely use a lot of the health coaching principles that I learned in school, but it's more evolved now into empowerment coaching and empowering incredible humans to step into their joy, as my bio says. I totally feel like that person who is teaching what they need to learn.
00:03:04
Speaker
It's like I'm learning this every day right there alongside of my clients. And it's an incredible gift and it's also incredibly difficult. This is probably one of the most difficult things I've learned to do, which is step away from busy, step away from the productivity, step away from all of the go, go, go lifestyle.
00:03:29
Speaker
Be present. Enjoy your life. Know that everything that is going on is happening in perfect time.
Understanding Coaching Certifications
00:03:38
Speaker
I love what I do because it, in a way, lovingly forces me to do the work.
00:03:51
Speaker
Great. Well, I appreciate that. I think that I might need some of that handy work on how to step away from productivity. I don't know. Can you tell us what an ICF certification is? I'm just curious because I've never heard that. Yeah, it's the International Coaching Federation. It's the accreditation that accredits you as a coach.
00:04:20
Speaker
I am certified as a professional certified coach, so I'm one tier lower than like the master level coach, according to this institution.
00:04:33
Speaker
And is that a coach in fitness or is it coaching all around? Life coaching in general, yeah. Okay. Yeah, so I've been certified in EFT tapping, Reiki, a little hypnosis, NLP, did I say that? And I also have a lot of education with journaling, which you had mentioned in my bio as well.
00:05:02
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. Great. Thank you for that clarification. I appreciate that. What is the most common thing that your clients come to you with?
Addressing Overwhelm and Finding Balance
00:05:13
Speaker
Oh my gosh. Great question. The most common thing that my clients come to me with is probably overwhelm. Really trying to figure out that tricky word balance.
00:05:30
Speaker
You know, how do I balance work and life? How do I balance my to-do list? Getting the things done, taking care of the responsibilities, but also taking care of myself. How do I show up and be there for myself and my family and work and also stay healthy? Which is like the million dollar question that so many of us have is how do we, how do we strike that balance and
00:06:00
Speaker
I do my best to work with each one of my clients because every single one of them has different life circumstances. It's not cookie cutter. It's not steps one, two, three, X, Y, Z. I mean, if it was that simple, we would all be living in perfect harmony and perfect balance. But I would say that that's probably the most, most common struggle. And many of my clients as well,
00:06:27
Speaker
are naturally driven, naturally ambitious. So they already have this drive to make all their dreams come true and be the best that they can possibly be. And so managing that innate drive that they have and knowing how to kind of temper it down just a little bit to create a little bit more balance in their lives as well. And it's, like I said, it's really tricky and I'm learning that right alongside them.
Reframing Resolutions and Goals
00:06:59
Speaker
What are your thoughts on New Year's resolutions? I personally love New Year's resolutions as an overachiever, ambitious, you know, big dreams kind of person. I love them and
00:07:20
Speaker
I think we go about them the wrong way, to be honest. Oh, interesting. Yeah, I think that we, well, I can talk from personal experience and from many of my clients' experience, that's what I'll speak to. I think we go after our goals from a place of lack and not feeling good enough and not being okay with where we're at.
00:07:49
Speaker
So we create these goals for ourselves. I need to lose weight. I need to make this amount of money, but it's coming from a place of because I don't like myself the way that I am right now, or I can't accept or love myself the way that I am right now, or what I have right now isn't good enough. So you're already coming. The goal is already born from this place of like, I'm not good enough. Something has to change in order for me to prove that I'm worthy or that I am good enough. And so,
00:08:20
Speaker
I've worked really hard personally to shift and reframe that and create resolutions or goals or aims or whatever you want to call them intentions from a place of I'm okay. I'm good enough. I love myself. I can accept myself.
00:08:39
Speaker
And this is what I want from myself. And this is why I want it. I want it because I know I'm capable. I know it. I want it because I know I deserve it. I'm worthy of it. So that's a big, big shift. If we can come from that place, Crystal, I know that we are and we can be so much more successful. When we come from that place, goals are sustainable.
00:09:08
Speaker
We can only work from a place of lack for so long before we give up. Like this isn't working. Well, yeah, no shit. It's not working because you're, you're coming from this place of I'm not good enough. Yeah. That's, that's a little of my take on New Year's resolutions. Bill does. That was great. And I.
00:09:31
Speaker
I really resonate with it because I think that makes a lot of sense. I mean, if you're already coming from that place of lacking, your why is lacking, right? Because you think poorly of yourself, but I think deep down, all of us
00:09:48
Speaker
you know, hopefully there's this spark in us that knows that we are worth it. And so you're already not being true to yourself by coming from a place of lack. And then of course, from a different standpoint, you know, I work as a change manager and one of the big reasons or one of the big
00:10:07
Speaker
components that we talk about in managing change is having a really strong why. And the reason for that is because if your employees, your staff, your team, whatever sort of situation you're working with, they don't understand the why of the change, it's a lot harder to get them to adopt the change.
00:10:30
Speaker
And I think that for me, and I'm not super stoked about New Year's resolutions, but I think if that's something that works for people, great. Because I feel like if you want to change something, start today, start tomorrow, even if it's just a teeny bit. And even kind of, you know, my new thought process is to start it.
00:10:52
Speaker
a few weeks before the new year started in the fall like so that way when you maybe make a boo boo and you know you go backwards a little bit you're not thinking that you failed already cuz you haven't even really hit like the the you know
00:11:07
Speaker
pavement yet. And then once the New Year's hits, that's when you can kind of up the ante, right? Like you've been toggling with it, you've been going a little back and forth. So that's kind of something that I've been trying out. And I think it's helpful if you're not as good as transitioning, or maybe some of your changes are really drastic and really difficult and tricky.
00:11:28
Speaker
I think for me I would definitely say like kind of ease your way into it and then have the strong why so like if you want to lose weight or whatever that's that's fine but I think think really about the why and make sure is it because you want to be healthy is it because you want to climb mountains is it because you want to be able to pick up your kids
00:11:57
Speaker
you know, is it because you want to live a longer life? Whatever like that reason is besides the superficial reason. And I think, you know, also feeling good is important too. And if you feel comfortable in your body, that's good. But focus on those when you're thinking about it. And I mean, I've done, I've climbed mountains. I never thought I would climb mountains, but I did those
00:12:19
Speaker
in like honor of my best friend and who passed away and so it's kind of like that was a really powerful why for me and so yeah i just don't even i don't even know how i did it i've never been on a hike you know before she passed away so
00:12:37
Speaker
Yeah. And that, that is the power of a compelling why right there, you know, and the why is what will carry us through on those harder days, because those harder days, they're going to show up, you know, things are going to happen in your life. You're going to get off track. What's going to support you in getting back on track? What's going to motivate you? What's going to inspire you to keep going?
00:13:00
Speaker
even when you're like, why did I commit to this? Or like you're questioning why you're doing it, or you've lost that motivation, like I said. And you made another really great point, which is taking the baby steps and being realistic with yourself. I always ask my clients, is this a goal that you have time and energy for right now in your life?
00:13:28
Speaker
get really honest with yourself. Do you have the time and the energy to sustain this goal? And sometimes that's a yes and sometimes that's a no. And again, I'm always like, just be very, very honest with yourself. If it's a no, great. You just saved yourself a ton of time, a ton of heartbreak, a ton of disappointment,
00:13:51
Speaker
Right? And now you can honor where you are at instead of wishing and hoping and dreaming and starting from a place you're not at. That's a recipe for, you know, not getting your goals achieved. And one other thing I will say about goals too is I always try to make goals myself and encourage my clients to do the same.
00:14:17
Speaker
from a place of inspiration versus motivation because motivation wanes. It goes away, right? That's why so many of us don't fulfill our goals is because we're like motivated, right? January 1st or whenever you're starting your goals and it's all good and you're excited about the newness of them. And then it starts to wane, right? The novelty starts to wear off. The motivation starts to wear off.
00:14:46
Speaker
Well then what, right? If you're inspired by your why, right? If you're inspired every single day, as much as realistically so, right? Inspired by your goals, that energy is gonna pull you forward. That's the kind of pulling energy that we wanna go for versus like, I have to push myself to do this every single day. That again, it's not gonna last very long, right? So lean into,
00:15:14
Speaker
You know, definitely the motivation. It's there for a reason, but also make sure you are inspired by the goals that you set for yourself. I love that. I recently saw like a post or a meme, I don't know what it was, but on social media and it said something about
00:15:32
Speaker
three hours after a breakup, a woman has a promotion and all these things that women will go do. And I thought that was really interesting. And it got me thinking about motivation and inspiration. And I feel like I've achieved some great things to prove people wrong because I was pissed at them. Or maybe they said some things to me that weren't very nice.
00:16:01
Speaker
I think that there's some power in that and a little bit is turning that hurt and that, I guess that pain and insult into a little bit of anger. And I think that we live a little bit in a society that's like, Oh, don't be mad at anybody. Don't be angry, be Zen and all these things. And you know, I think it's okay to be hurt. I think it's okay to be angry.
00:16:26
Speaker
Um, I think that there for women that can be a very strong, um, I guess maybe it's a motivator, maybe it's an inspiration, right? But it can be a very strong why of I want to prove someone wrong, or I will never let someone treat me like that again, or I will never be talked to that way, or I will never be looked at, like whatever it is, right?
00:16:51
Speaker
I will never allow myself to be in this position. Whatever that is, I think that that's okay too. But if you don't find a positive way to channel it, then it can be really detrimental to you. But I'm just like, man, if you're pissed, use that. Go get it.
00:17:10
Speaker
channel it and use it. And then eventually you will forgive that person because you will realize that they were just a blip on the radar. And then you've created all these new opportunities through that experience, even though it was a negative one, it motivated you to do these things where it got you engaged in these things. And now you're like have this whole new energy in your life. And so
00:17:33
Speaker
I think that, you know, for people that are going through a difficult time or experienced that, that's another way that like, if you're not ready to forgive and you're not ready to move past that hurt, that's okay. Just put that into something else. Like find somewhere to put it. Yeah. Yeah. Totally agree. Couldn't agree more.
Journaling and Meditation in Coaching
00:17:55
Speaker
That's a big focus of your work. So what does that look like for your clients? Oh my gosh.
00:18:03
Speaker
Well, I had no idea that this is where my business was going to be honest too. I just started incorporating more journaling. I would say within the last five years of my business, one of my coaches is like, what are you doing? Like, why aren't you incorporating this incredible tool that you've been using for 20 plus years that supported you, that's helped you achieve these goals, that's supported you through really hard times in your life.
00:18:32
Speaker
And it's just something that I love so, so, so much. And I was like, yeah, why am I not doing that? Why am I not, you know, teaching my clients this incredible tool? And so about five years ago, I started these things called journal parties.
00:18:50
Speaker
And was it five years? It might've been less, I think it was right before the pandemic actually. How long ago was that? Who knows, right? Anymore. It feels like eons ago and yesterday all at the same time. And so I was like, you know what? I want to like party the way that I want to party. And I want to like nerd out and throw a journal party. So I threw a journal party, which was me gathering some humans who wanted to also
00:19:19
Speaker
journal and nerd out and it's just taken off from there, Crystal. So these journal parties have now turned into a membership that I run, a year-long journaling membership that I run where we have like monthly themes and you have a journal, a new journal prompt every single day and we journal in community to amazing music and we share and we
00:19:43
Speaker
support one another. And I just never would have thought that journaling and community could be so powerful because oftentimes, you know, we see journaling as like a solo sport. It's like we're doing a diary at home with like a candle lit and like, you know, you're like cozied up in your blanket and there's a time and a place for that and I do that a lot actually. But
00:20:06
Speaker
Again, I just had no idea how powerful journaling could be in community. So that's, that's one way that journaling works. And another thing that I do is when I work with clients one-on-one, you know, a lot of the times we'll journal together and I'll give them a prompt. Like if something's coming up and they need to process something or I'll put them through, you know, some, a list technique or
00:20:30
Speaker
I mean, there's several different things that I could, I could use one on one with a client as well. Um, which I have found has been really, really supportive as well, because they can have the space to journal, especially if you're struggling with incorporating journal journaling into your daily life. We can at least do it one on one during a coaching session.
00:20:50
Speaker
for a few minutes. And they can process these things and they can share it or they can not share it. But they've at least taken the time to get some thoughts down on paper to process whatever is going on for them. And the lightness that I often experience personally and I can see from my clients just from a couple minutes of journaling is,
00:21:13
Speaker
really, really incredible. So I just I love incorporating journaling into coaching. It's like, it's like your own coach. It's really incredible. It's you, you know, it's it's you, it's crystal, it's Ashley, it's the clients doing doing the work. Yeah, so it's a little bit like self coaching, honestly. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of therapeutic. I used to journal years and years ago, I actually journaled pretty
00:21:41
Speaker
regularly, you know, going through difficult times and it was just kind of a space where I could think about things and vent and get it out. And I stopped at some point, but then eventually I had a really crappy boyfriend at one point and he read my journals.
00:22:00
Speaker
And yes, like, like he went through everything and would use stuff in there against me and bring it like stuff that was so long ago, you know, like, I mean, they were from years ago. So I haven't done that since. But I think yours might be a little different than like my personal journaling. But it was yeah, it was kind of like traumatic and really horrible. So don't ever read someone's journal. That's a sacred space.
00:22:31
Speaker
But I do think that there can be a lot of power in it for women. So I think it's so interesting how you're utilizing it. And I never thought of it as a community thing. I'm like, what does that even look like? How does that even work? So I mean, that's great that it's helping women and they're feeling like it's benefiting them. So you use journaling and then you coach and then you also do some meditation coaching or what do you do with meditation?
00:22:59
Speaker
So I...
00:23:01
Speaker
on insight timer. I don't know if any, anybody out there has heard of the insight. Yes. Yes. Right. Yeah. So when it comes to meditation, that's, that's mostly where I do like my meditation coaching. Um, and I combine it with journaling. What do you know? Crystal, I know you're probably shocked right now. So we will often do, um, you know, a meditation, a grounding,
00:23:30
Speaker
an invitation to get connected with yourself, your heart, your intuition. And I'll give the people who are there some prompts to journal on and then they'll share in the comments. So I often find that a little meditation, a little grounding before your journaling practice can be so helpful because
00:23:54
Speaker
It, so many people come to me and they're like, I don't know what to, I don't know what to write. I feel just, this is so awkward. This is so weird. I feel like I'm in high school again, you know, whatever the case may be. And I'm like, you have the answers within you. That's really what this is about. This is about you connecting with the answers that you're looking for. You know, so often we're like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what's going on. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do.
00:24:23
Speaker
spend just a couple minutes just ground yourself take a few breaths jot some words down you know give yourself grace it doesn't have to be pretty it doesn't have to be cute you don't have to have some big freaking aha either you know a lot of us journaling
00:24:40
Speaker
And we think we're going to have this like life changing experience every single time. No, sometimes it's just venting. Sometimes it's just like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what's going on. Life sucks right now. You know, give me a sign. Okay. Period. End of story. Close the journal. Right. So the thing about the journal is that it's, it's always there for you. No matter what, no matter how you're showing up, whether you have an incredible aha or not, it is always there.
00:25:09
Speaker
it's always a safe space for you. Hopefully, I read in the past and it sucks so bad and it can be so traumatizing. But but yeah, so grounding and meditation is a great way to kind of get in touch with that inner wisdom, especially if you're coming to the journal, wanting some answers and wanting some clarity.
00:25:31
Speaker
Yeah, I like how you said you don't have to have the aha moment and I think you know we expect such big things all the time and I think it's easy for us to fall into that because of even because of social media right like you know we're kind of convinced that all of these things are going to happen if we start doing something or like do an ice bath or
00:25:54
Speaker
do this and your world's going to change. And it's like, it's really the really small things out over time that make a difference. And so you kind of just have to show up. And I mean, even I was like, should I get an ice bath? Yeah. Oh my gosh. I had that same conversation with my husband. Yes. It was everywhere.
00:26:18
Speaker
And I'm like, I did them in college when I played soccer and they were so painful because I had so much inflammation in my joints and I was just, I hated it, but I compromised. And actually I did start doing a face plunge in the morning. So I like get a bucket of ice water and I plunged my face in it.
00:26:37
Speaker
because I'm coming out of a state of chronic fatigue. So it just helps me kind of wake up in the morning. And I really like that. And I find that that's a really easy thing to do and manage without taking up a ton of space in your house. So if you've also thought about ice bath thing and not done it, just do your face. Yes. And I love making it work for you too. I tell people, of course, I want everybody to journal.
00:27:06
Speaker
journaling isn't for everybody. You know, it isn't. Ashley, it's not for everybody. I have to convince myself of that every day, but it's about you finding what does work for you if it is a couple senses, if it's a couple things that you're grateful for every day or each week or whatever the case may be. You know, journaling has so much value to offer
00:27:29
Speaker
If you're interested, if it's something that you enjoy, if you feel like you have a good why, of why you want a journal, go for it. But don't shed yourself into it. Don't shed yourself into the ice bath. Don't shed yourself in the journal. If we do that enough to ourselves, if you feel called to it, if you feel interested, try it.
00:27:55
Speaker
And that's just another thing, you know, trying to take care of ourselves.
Finding Joy Beyond Productivity
00:27:59
Speaker
Sometimes we add things on that are really just more productivity. And I know you talk about a lot about productivity equaling worthiness. And I think that is a huge thing that women battle with. I think women do carry not all the time, but typically more of the mental load in the home. At least, you know, that's what I feel sometimes.
00:28:22
Speaker
So I just think that the whole productivity equals worthiness is a new concept that I haven't really thought about until I was looking at some of your messaging and I was just like, wow, that does make a lot of sense because, you know, we're trying to do all these things like, oh, I'm going to go do yoga and I'm going to go do this and then I'm
00:28:42
Speaker
you know taking the kids here I'm going to go journal or do whatever and it's like you have to be careful not to make those things like your self-care things become more productivity things too yes oh my gosh louder that is it's so true I mean if anybody comes away with anything from this podcast let it be that let it be that please because we are on this planet
00:29:11
Speaker
to be in joy, right? Like please do something that brings you joy. Like if you're going to get out of that productivity equals worthiness cycle, follow your joy, whatever that is, and just do something
00:29:31
Speaker
Solely for joy, not to check it off the list, not because, you know, X, Y, or Z, whatever, you know, fill in the blank, do it solely for the purpose that it brings you so much joy. And you'll start to remove yourself from that, from that cycle more and more and more. So I love that you just said that. Man, we're really vibing here.
00:30:02
Speaker
Yes, we are. It's great. I'm so glad that I had you here today because I was just like, I think this would be a great conversation to start off the new year with just everything that's been going on and this extra need for support and just focusing on self, whatever that looks like. And so I'm really excited that we were able to chat about these things. So as we wrap up, what is your biggest lesson learned through your work?
00:30:32
Speaker
Oh my gosh. My biggest lesson learned is that nothing, nothing is worth sacrificing my health and happiness for.
Lessons on Health and Happiness
00:30:49
Speaker
Nothing. Not one more freaking email, not one more thing checked off the list. Nothing is worth sacrificing my health and happiness for. Those two things,
00:31:03
Speaker
will stay at the top of my list, and they deserve to be there. I agree with that 100%. I think that's great advice. I just had an experience with my health the last few years. That's why Grit City Women has been on a hiatus, and I even changed careers for it. I realized that my career was not
00:31:29
Speaker
supportive of my health and my autoimmune stuff and balancing all the other things in life that I had to balance as a new mom. And it was a big change and a scary change, but you're 100% right. Like, I think that
00:31:46
Speaker
It's scary to put yourself first sometimes because then you have to really focus, like you have to really pay attention, right? Like is, is this the right thing for me? Is this going to keep me healthy or bring me health? Um, and it becomes hard because you have to set boundaries.
00:32:04
Speaker
And you have to get rid of some of that people pleasing and that productivity that's always just feels like that's what you need to be doing. But you can't do anything if you aren't healthy physically or mentally. Yes. Yes. And be gentle with yourself. Like so many of us
00:32:28
Speaker
are learning to flip that, everybody else coming first and getting all the things done and being responsible for everything and everyone and literally flipping that completely on its head and saying, I have to put myself first, my health matters, my happiness matters.
00:32:46
Speaker
That is difficult, like you said. So we're literally relearning how to live in a completely different and new way. And so that's going to come with its own challenges. And so be gentle with yourself. Beating yourself up, you know, is never going to get to you where you want to go. So be gentle in that process.
00:33:12
Speaker
Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Ashley, for joining us today. It's been a great pleasure, and I'm so excited we were able to reconnect. And yes, thanks again. Thank you so much for having me. This has been so much fun. I'm sure we could talk for like hours and hours. Thank you so much. All right. Thanks, Ashley.
00:33:36
Speaker
To learn more about Grit City Women, visit gritcitywomen.com or follow us on Instagram at gritcitywomen and we look forward to getting gritty with you.