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CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!!!! Annabel Pettigrew: 'Last Christmas' by Wham!
130 Plays4 months ago
Ho, Ho… HOW did we end up with a Christmas Special? Is there no end to this format, I hear you cry?! But then along came Annabel Pettigrew, and suddenly a sprinkling of survival at Christmas made every sense. Enjoy this glorious celebration of ‘Last Christmas’ by Wham!
Annabel Pettigrew is an artist and lecturer whose practice is research and pilgrimage based. Annabel initiated and curates ‘Throes of Grief’, an artist collective which seeks to explore grief and grief related themes in contemporary art practice.
Show Notes:
Website: www.throesofgrief.com
Instagram: @annabelpettrigrew
Help us a grow a community of survival song listeners by joining us on over on Substack:
https://survivalsongs.substack.com/
'Last Christmas' by Wham! can be found on our community playlist on Spotify along with our listener’s Survival Songs. Check it out and add your own!
This episode contains small portions of ’'Last Christmas' by Wham!. Survival Songs claims no copyright of this work. This is included as a form of music review and criticism and as a way to celebrate, promote and encourage the listener to seek out the artists work.
Find out more about ARTIST here:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/5lpH0xAS4fVfLkACg9DAuM?si=4iQszkk7TGe_zcI3_F65LA
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Survival Songs'
00:00:01
Speaker
I'm Lydia. I'm Ed. We're friends with a playlist for everything. And it turns out, we both have one called survival songs. And he got us thinking, what are other people's survival songs? So we thought we'd find out.
00:00:15
Speaker
Welcome to
Support and Community Engagement
00:00:16
Speaker
Survival Songs. A podcast where each episode our guest tells us about a song that gets them through the best and worst of times. Sensitive topics might be discussed. So look after yourself. The show contains portions of copyrighted material. We'd love for you to support and celebrate the artists by streaming, downloading and buying their brilliant music. And go give our guests a follow on social media.
00:00:38
Speaker
Help us grow the community of survival song listeners by joining us over on Substack and add to our public playlist on Spotify. Links are in the show notes. We hope you enjoy the show.
Christmas Special with Annabelle Pettigrew
00:00:49
Speaker
Hello, listener. This is a bit of a surprise, isn't it? Merry winter time. We're here with a Christmas special. My goodness, at the beginning of this year, we didn't even have a podcast and now we're doing a blinking Christmas special. And I have to say, that is as much a surprise to me as it probably is to you.
What Makes 'Last Christmas' Annabelle's Survival Song?
00:01:09
Speaker
Today I'm talking to Annabelle Pettigrew who I had the pleasure of catching up with earlier this year, and right in the middle of summer actually. It was a really hot day and Annabelle learned that i I'm involved in this thing called Survival Songs and enthusiastically said, can I be your Christmas special? Because my Survival Song is a Christmas song and I wait for it all year.
00:01:33
Speaker
I mean, here it is. Here is the conversation I didn't expect to have with Annabel Pettigrew, who's an artist and lecturer whose practice is research and pilgrimage-based. Annabel initiated and curates Throws of Grief, an artist collective which seeks to explore grief and grief-related themes in contemporary art practice. And not that this is an overtly griefy song, but it is one of the Sada Christmas songs. Here is Last Christmas by WAM.
00:02:18
Speaker
So that was a little bit of Last Christmas by Wham, which is the survival song of our guest today, Annabelle Pettigrew. Hi Annabelle. Hi Lydia, how are you doing? I'm doing well and I am am surprised to be having this conversation but delighted to be having it. We we caught up in the summer, I think, when like snowy days just couldn't have been further from our minds. And ah you asked me if you could be our Christmas special. And I said, absolutely. And I can't believe we're finally here and to talk about Last Christmas. Tell me, how did you meet this song?
Themes in 'Last Christmas'
00:02:58
Speaker
I think Last Christmas sir is just this is an absolutely perfect
00:03:05
Speaker
song and what I think what makes it so special is the fact that you can I mean I only allow myself to listen to it in December and and for that sort of Christmas period and I used to have a ah tradition where every year on the 1st of December I'd listen to it first thing in the morning this year I was slightly broken it a bit I'm like already started to listen to it so it's kind of the end of November and that was kind of in preparation for this and it felt really naughty doing it but going there felt like The same thing I feel every year, that's sort of the greeting of an old friend and just kind of feeling it. It's, I, how can I describe Last Christmas by WAM? It's kind of everything that you want in a pop song. It's a love song. There's someone who's kind of been scorned. It's kind of vengeful as well. um This year to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special.
00:04:04
Speaker
is kind of serving some sort of revenge, but it's also this kind of bitterness, this idea that you're taking back something that was like your heart that was broken. um It has this perfect kind of flow to
Christmas Reflections and Personal Losses
00:04:19
Speaker
it. there's So there's a version of Last Christmas by WAM that starts, it was on the um the kind of 1990s best of WAM CD compilation that came out.
00:04:30
Speaker
kind of has this blue move cover and it's the bit that they started with, the bit that they show in the in the long form of the video which has this kind of gentle kind of glowing guitar and then George kind of whispers happy Christmas into the microphone.
00:04:52
Speaker
and you annabelle It's just so special. And then the, um yeah, it's like he's doing it in my ears, basically. And I feel i'm I'm sure everyone who loves this song feels that. um And he yeah that then goes into this kind of this journey through, through revenge, through pop song, through feelings of love, through feelings of sort so sort of being scorned. And also there's this kind of weird relationship with Christmas that I'm sure a lot of us have felt. I certainly have had a really strange relationship with with Christmas in my life. um Having been a kid of the eighties and you know kind of feeling like Christmas was just this amazing thing that you experienced. And you got loads of plastic toys and you had no awareness whatsoever of the impact ah yeah on the environment of what you consumed and what you did and what you played with at Christmas.
00:05:48
Speaker
And it being sort of represented by films like National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. And all these feelings of like a kind of guilt-free, living in a guilt-free era, this kind of consumerist era I did when I was a child. And then moving through life and kind of realizing that actually Christmas was really stressful for my parents and um that quite a lot of Christmases, as my grandparents got older, weren't that much fun because my dad was kind of ferrying them around. And then they would kind of,
00:06:16
Speaker
uh, enforce the kind of the weight of their traditions on my mum and dad. And then feeling like my parents were just kind of shocked completely. Um, and my mum never really coping with Christmas and there would always end up being some kind of argument. So then I would, as years went on, would kind of turn to my friends at Christmas and say things like, what shall we do at Christmas instead of the whole, let's go home and have a kind of miserable time.
00:06:45
Speaker
And then I suppose the arc of um this song in some ways, like its legacy arc is that um George Michael died at Christmas time.
00:06:58
Speaker
And if all of a sudden last Christmas felt like this really poignant thing, but it was this kind of like this, this legacy, this thing that lived on forever like Christmas does. Yeah.
00:07:13
Speaker
um and It kind of, it just kind of made him this kind of Christmas hero, which was so incredible. um In my own life. um So he, George Michael died in 2016. And that also turned out to be the last year I ever spent Christmas with my dad because he died the following year. So there was an extra sort of layer of poignancy um and sentiment and that just everything landed in this song,
George Michael's Influence and the Queer Community
00:07:44
Speaker
Last Christmas. And I remember hearing it that, you know, the following year ah when my dad had recently died and hearing that song and going, God, like I didn't realize that Last Christmas was going to be the last Christmas I spent with you. um So it kind of, for me, it was like multifaceted, all these layers, but also I have to kind of add to that as well, that I had been a lifelong fan of George Michael.
00:08:09
Speaker
Um, so there were all kinds of kind of like pointing points in my life where I felt like I'd had a, you know, sort of, I'd always held my flame, for George. Yeah. But would you say that 2016 was that year that it became the, Oh no, it's not Christmas without this. I have to listen to this every year. This is, was that when the tradition was born or was it, had it gone on longer than that? It started in about 2008 and I had, um,
00:08:38
Speaker
a really, really good friend at the time um who we just kind of, I was living, I was i had sort of recently had sort of graduated and from my BA and I was living in North London. I'd sort of taken the chance and just kind of moved somewhere. I was living in, it was kind of between Archway and Highgate.
00:09:03
Speaker
um in an area that I was really unfamiliar with and sort of trying to kind of figure out what I wanted to do a little bit with my life. And I remember this friend of mine who had also moved to North London with his partner and we just decided a few days before Christmas that we were going to have a mini Christmas party, just the two of us. I think I was still unpacking. And then Last Christmas by WAM came on and we'd never really spent much time. Obviously, it's one of these songs that you hear every year anyway and you kind of take for granted.
00:09:34
Speaker
And then it came on and we were like, wow, this is a great song. This is like a beautiful pop song. And then listen to it on repeat for about two hours. And then after that, that kind of became the night of last Christmas. And then every year since then, we that's when we would say it's nearly December 1st, it's last Christmas by the way. Because that's the only time we get get to listen to it.
00:09:57
Speaker
um So I think it was born then. yeah yeah To call this a survival song feels like ah a big title and it was immediately the song that came to mind for you when we were talking about this project and I'm sure you listen to lots of music. Why why is it this one Annabelle? For a long time in my life I really didn't enjoy Christmas and um this was the song that would kind of keep me going through that Christmas period.
00:10:26
Speaker
um And I think that that actually relates a lot to George as an individual. We lived in Spain and um we had MTV. My parents got a satellite dish and we had MTV. I remember being so attracted to George Michael, but not in a in a way that was like I fancied him, just in a way that he kind of, he felt like he was a safe person so as a female, he felt like he was a safe person to be around. And what how I now recognise that is that um when I then became a bit older in my teenage years, and having been a kid who'd moved around quite a lot, never really feeling like I'd fitted in anywhere, going to a school where and everyone sort of looked at me because I was new and wasn't from that local village when we came back to England.
00:11:22
Speaker
feeling like an outsider and then meeting ah someone who turned into a really, really good friend um who was also an outsider because he was gay. And so he was a gay kid in a and small sort of small town community, very closed-minded community. And he was never embraced for his um his differences in the way that he was. And we kind of found each other in this small town and just became like best friends. And the queer culture that that I then kind of
00:12:02
Speaker
went through with him in my teenage years, because we started going to gay clubs and places that were kind of outside. If we were outsiders, then we were going to go and drive to the nearest big town, which was Leicester, and go to gay bars and find that culture that we were interested in. And just, you know, being able to feel completely safe in this environment as a female, because I'd also grown up in the way that many women do, especially of my generation.
00:12:32
Speaker
where men would make assumptions of you, they make comments about you. And when you're a teenager, there's all kinds of, you know, that kind of carry on style kind of commentary that was made. You yeah you know, we grew grew up around this kind of really chauvinist kind of culture. And so being part of i am you know a queer community, because I had a really good friend who was gay, and it was so liberating.
00:13:00
Speaker
Yeah, so George Michael fits into ah into that, sorry, being a bit rambly, but
Empathy, Kindness, and Survival
00:13:05
Speaker
um I think now he felt like he celebrated women. He didn't feel, you know, I could, you know, the sort of senses you have as a child. I didn't think, I didn't feel that he was predatory towards these women. You know, he was, he made these videos with the seven most beautiful women in the world, as they were called. And it wasn't like he was this kind of Weinstein figure in the middle of them all, you know, he was kind of,
00:13:29
Speaker
celebratory of them and um so I remember feeling like George Michael was other than and sure enough he was and then sure enough the way that the press hounded him um the way that they did women um like this whole idea that they were going to out him you know and talk about his sexuality um there were just parallels to you know I think what George Michael was living through that I kind of related to in some way nine um you know he is a gay guy in the public eye and me as a kind of really rebellious teenager not conforming or not fitting in or being an outsider in somewhere way in a local town um you seek for similarities and um in pop songs and that's what Last Christmas I think really did to me or that's what George Michael really did for me
00:14:21
Speaker
We always ask a question around what what survival means for the person more widely and I can kind of hear you beginning to answer it already. It's really interesting to me that there's an element of safety to it but it's safety and difference and ah being on the edges and meeting on the edges together.
00:14:39
Speaker
that's represented by more than the song, it's the artist, it's it's the whole movement around what he did and what he represented and how that mirrored what was going on in your life at the time. yeah and i'm And yeah, feeling safe, like you you keep going back to, when I listen to this I feel safe and I feel, and you seem to be cuddled by it, it's gorgeous. Is that what survival is for you more widely? um Yeah, I'm going to draw another parallel to George Michael's life. the i did So what I also relate to him in is that when he was really hounded by the press and the idea that they thought that they had a secret on him, but he obviously felt that, you know because obviously it's also his right to come out as he wants to. Beyond that, um you know he there were incidents where he he was a human who wasn't coping with life, who really needed
00:15:35
Speaker
help, he really needed some kind of intervention. And it was more convenient. There was no compassion for him from the kind of the public who had, you know, who had made all like in the press, I suppose. So through all that, his kind of ability to survive and keep going i is kind of incredible. I mean, I can't imagine what it must be like to live with that kind of pressure. But the parallels in in my life, I Um, in my teenage years in particular, in a time where I was really struggling, when I was still actually a child, um, you know, having experiences with people, some of them with older men, which I really shouldn't have been exposed to. Um, and not having anybody to kind of protect me from that. Um, having experiences with groups of friends who, um, at one point I remember being really like falling out with a group of friends and really being sent to Coventry. Um,
00:16:31
Speaker
before kind of making up, but in that period of time, and being exposed to things which were really unpleasant and being you know the the object of gossip. yeah But then when you've got somebody like George Michael, who's kind of in the public eye, I look at him and I think about how he survived that kind of arc. And I think about the times of my life. But then he he performed this simple act of writing this really great song, which then became this kind of anthem in my life.
Resonant Lyrics in 'Last Christmas'
00:17:02
Speaker
You've described it as the perfect pop song, which I think is, that's big, man. i'm i'm I'm wondering if there's a bit that you wait for, a line, a moment where you're like, he's speaking to me or this is, this you know, the I'm flinging everything off my lap and i'm i'm on the I'm on the floor now. So the thing about Last Christmas, I think, is that i it probably has that kind of Mariah quality in that. um It's kind of written in a key that nearly everyone can sing in. um Have you done it on karaoke? Oh, yeah.
00:17:43
Speaker
And there are these parts of it, you know, um you know, like, but you taught me a part, you taught me a part, you know, these these bits that you everybody just knows. i But the thing is, the the lyrics are actually really at parts kind of like contradictory, like he's living through this experience. So for example, um Happy Christmas. I wrapped it up and sent it with a note saying, I love you, I meant it. Now I know what a fool I've been, but if you kiss me now, I know you'd fool me again. the So the lyrics show up as something different to what I think he actually sings.
00:18:22
Speaker
So I'm gonna read this in the way that I think he sings it. Face of a lover with a fire in his heart. A man undercover, but you tore me apart. Now I found a real love, you'll never fool me again. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special.
00:19:06
Speaker
So the idea that he's kind of revealed part of himself and then it's been rubbished by someone Um, you know, the part where he sings, I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away. We can all relate to that. Also, who hasn't been heartbroken at Christmas? You know, who hasn't? Such a particular heartbreak, right?
00:19:30
Speaker
oh Everyone's had that feeling of all that feeling that like, even if you've gotten out of a longterm relationship and it's the first Christmas that you haven't been in a longterm relationship.
00:19:41
Speaker
you know, your relationship with Christmas changes year on year. I'm kind of enjoying it again. um Not only because I have a baby, I have a young we a young daughter now, but she, ah so my idea about Christmas is kind of changing and what it's going to be like for her. But then also when my partner and I moved to Somerset,
00:20:01
Speaker
we decided that we weren't going to interact with any of our family at Christmas time. We were just going to be on our own and have Christmas. Button down the hatches a bit. Yeah. and And reclaim Christmas for ourselves and not have it be this kind of like mournful, sort of stressful, driving everywhere kind of situation. I mean, this is the thing. Last Christmas is so heavily intertwined with all of these feelings.
00:20:24
Speaker
and experiences I've had and how I feel that George Michael's story slightly represents or is in some way something which I can relate to. yeah And I think also my my feelings oh of of empathy towards him are a recognition of how if we could just have empathy towards other humans and be kind to each other, and it doesn't matter if you're outside of a group if you or if you don't belong there is always a space at the table.
Connect with Annabelle
00:20:58
Speaker
i think I think that might be the most beautiful place to end it that I can imagine. Thank you so much for having this conversation with me Annabelle. If people don't know your work and they want to, and they should, where do they go looking? um Probably Instagram.
00:21:14
Speaker
um My user handle is just at Annabelle Pettigrew and um that's kind of the interface that will take you through to I keep a link tree of any kind of live links and any sort of live projects on there. If anybody is particularly interested or um wants to be part of a conversation about how ah grief is used or and is kind of interacted with within kind of contemporary art practice. Then I have an Instagram account called throws of grief and I run a artist collective, which is kind of like a real time research um initiative, if you like working with some really fantastic practitioners.
00:22:05
Speaker
So yeah, Instagram probably. Perfect. Thank you so much. And Merry Christmas. I hope it's a beautiful one. Happy Christmas.
Closing and Listener Engagement
00:22:23
Speaker
We really hope you enjoyed the episode. If you want to support the podcast further, you can choose to upgrade your subscription on Substack. But most of all, we'd just love it if you told your friends about what we're up to. Thanks for listening.