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68 - Nightcrawler #1-4
109 Plays4 days ago
ISSUES: Nightcrawler #1-4, Amazing Spider-Man #161-162 & Marvel Team-Up #89, Bizarre Adventures #27
A podcast about a specific variety of earthworm, known in German as the Regenwurm.
Topics Discussed:
The X-Men's Gymnasium. Hot Dog Insecurity. Why Pat would never time travel. Too sweepy to port. JIGSAW. The Rolls Royce is back! Kurt uses his tail to make love. CUTTHROAT. Setting animals free. Mr. Villain. Webbing and elephant. The Cream of the Crown. Lockheed says "FUCK!" How do you know you're not a Boggie? Bullet Train. L'un Dun-T'wn. Tail sword-fighting. HE'S NUDE! Boggies and Bamfs. Let's Hear It For Daddy! DARK BAMF. I'll tickle ya! CRETACIOUS SAM! Illyana's porn collection.
TIMESTAMPS:
3:45 - Pat's Email Corner
22:40 - Did You Do Anything X-Men Related This Week?
26:40 - Background
28:50 - Amazing Spider-Man #161-162
47:15 - Marvel Team-Up #89
1:03:51 - Bizarre Adventures #27 (Story 3)
1:17:02 - Nightcrawler #1
1:32:25 - Nightcrawler #2
1:46:05 - Nightcrawler #3
1:55:25 - Nightcrawler #4
2:09:00 - Final Thoughts
2:14:10 - Pats Deals n' Steals
2:19:00 - Goodbye!
Join our Patreon! Free, or pay-what-you-want: patreon.com/mutantmenace
Write into Pat's Email Corner: mutantmenacepod@gmail.com
Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/fPv7hRgTeV
Instagram: @mutantmenacepod
Recommended
Transcript
Trish's Live Report from Westchester
00:00:01
Speaker
I'm Trish Tobey with W.A.R.C. reporting to you live from Westchester, New York, where there appears to be some sort of mutant menace on the loose.
Hosts Introduction and Podcast Humor
00:00:32
Speaker
Hey, everybody, I'm Pat Reber. Hey, and I'm Matt Allcamp. And say it with us, Abe. welcome Welcome to you you minute Menace. Some people got to start start sending us their names. I know. Well, actually, we did get to the point where I can no longer keep a full mental list, which is what we asked for, but...
00:00:53
Speaker
Still want those names. Please send us your names and only your names and email with just your name in it. If we don't keep getting names, we're just going to start saying X-Men names. Say it with us, Iceman. Scott.
00:01:07
Speaker
Oh, Pat. Matt, what's up? How you doing, buddy?
Regenverm Debate and Nightcrawler Admiration
00:01:11
Speaker
I'm doing okay. I'm excited to talk about the Vregenverm. the The Regan Worm. The rainworm. The German rainworm. It's an insect that... God, I should have done more research. It has like a thousand legs.
00:01:29
Speaker
Don't... Ew. Okay. Is an earthworm... skeeved out by this thing. ah Is an earthworm an insect? No, it has no legs.
00:01:40
Speaker
So what kind of thing is it? ah It's just a bug.
00:01:46
Speaker
Worms are their own type of bug. They're lumbersids. What is that? Is that, are you speaking German again? ah They're from southern Ontario and Canada is also called the dew worm or granddaddy earthworm. In several Germanic languages, it is called variants of rainworm. For example, the gemeiner Regenwurm, the common rainworm or the Storwegnorm.
00:02:10
Speaker
That's in Danish. That's the large rainworm. So anyway, we're talking about bugs today. Did you ever see one of these in your X bugs wood pile? Yeah, I've seen several bugs in my time. But I'm talking specifically about night crawlers. About the night crawler.
00:02:28
Speaker
Enough puffy faffin, Matt. We are here today to talk about, I think, Maybe you our favorite character as a show so far as a show. Yeah, I think me and your favorite character individually change, but we never fall far from God. We fucking love Nightcrawler. Yeah, yeah. Kurt Wagner is how you how you actually say it in German.
00:02:54
Speaker
You know, where did we last see this guy? Kurt, we just saw last week. Oh, yeah, we just see him every single week. He was just being an X-Man in various adventures. But we haven't lost sight of him. This is interesting because this is the adventures that he's had in between the issues of the X-Men.
00:03:13
Speaker
But unlike like next episode, we're doing Iceman. We lost sight of Iceman for like... Five years. But we've never we've never lost sight of Nightcrawler.
00:03:26
Speaker
Now, since he debuted, he has been with us. He has been our friend. He has been winning our hearts. I don't know that he can do any wrong in my eyes, but, ay well, I should say that's yet to be tested.
Pat's Email Corner and Listener Engagement
00:03:42
Speaker
Kurt Rupert.
00:03:43
Speaker
whole freaking episode, Pat. The whole episode is about him. We're going take a little trip back in time.
00:03:56
Speaker
But not before we take a trip back to the present, Matt, and talk about Pat's email corner. ya No one ever emails us.
00:04:09
Speaker
That's not true. we've ah But people should keep emailing us. We have some of our usual crew here. We'll start. With an email from Vio da Gama. Vio da Gama! hu Dear Pat, please tell Matt that I was reading the latest issue of X-Men 97 Season 2, Issue No. 2, and I spotted a familiar face. That is a comic based on the animated series, based on an older animated series based on the comic.
00:04:38
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. If you remember. With the X-Men, the animated series, it's weird parallel timeline where the 1992 comic cast, including Gambit and Cable, go through abbreviated slash PG rated versions of the original comic arcs, even if they're way early in the timeline, and that the TV show started getting readapted as its own side comic in the early 90s as X-Men Adventures, which is all mad confusing. It sure is. That's a long sentence. i Yeah, I remember having a couple issues of X-Men Adventures. It sucked. i liked i liked that I liked the X-Men comics and I liked the TV show and I remember getting X-Men Adventures and b and just never reading them because just like, these aren't good.
00:05:19
Speaker
These aren't good. I know these are. I'm seven and I know these aren't good. Well, it's the one thing that Vio doesn't really mention here is whether or not these are good. So please let us know just for our own purposes if this sigh this new generation is any good. Vio Degama, before you send your next email, like if going to send an email about this episode or whatever, I need you to pause right now. Send us an email that just says good or bad.
00:05:45
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Separate email. all that it can't say more than that. yeah Yeah, Please. Thank you. You've you've been great about ah following the rules. We would really like to bully our listeners into doing weird shit. Especially the more they write to us, the more we're like, they just don't dislike us enough.
00:06:07
Speaker
Anyway, Vio brings this up because she includes a page here
Email Michael's Humorous Insights
00:06:11
Speaker
from issue number two with, she says, that mean old bag with the dead kids from your last and future Power Pack episode, Annalee.
00:06:20
Speaker
but She just appears on the one page acting shifty around X-Force. She looks very sweet in this issue in this this drawing. She does. she looks ah She doesn't look nearly as ah mean and crotchety as she does in the... ah Who's drawing those? John Romita and um Mary Wilshire are the two people we've seen draw her. And she and they both draw her like the meat like you wouldn't want to meet this old lady. like this is like This is the mean old lady in your neighborhood who's also like a first grade teacher that nobody wants to get.
00:06:56
Speaker
Right. It's like guy like the lady from the Goonies. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. all right. Well, hi hey, nice to see you, Annalie.
00:07:08
Speaker
Two more quick notes from Vio here. i cannot wait to hear you covering Spider-Man teaching Beyonder how to shit. Says that one book derailed my entire own X-Men reading process for a month. That's Secret Wars 2. I bet people stopped. That's a spoiler. We've made no secret of it.
00:07:24
Speaker
I bet Secret Wars 2 made a lot of people stop reading the X-Men, right? Like I bet there's a lot of people that were reading the X-Men and they they came to a confusing issue.
00:07:35
Speaker
and we like oh I guess I gotta read Secret Wars 2 before I read this. And Secret Wars 2 just sat on their like bedside table. Unread. yeah Just more issues kept piling up underneath that first issue that they just couldn't get through. And then at some point a couple months in they were like I'm just gonna stop buying X-Men and maybe when maybe when I finally read this stuff I'll catch up.
00:08:00
Speaker
I imagine a few people probably started reading it and were like You know what? I think I'm okay on comics for a little while. exactly Yeah. yeah
00:08:12
Speaker
And then finally, on the topic of claiming your listeners are primarily from the Midwest of the US, I'll have you know I live on Cape Cod, right next door to where Rogue broke into Carol's ex-boyfriend's house that one time.
00:08:23
Speaker
Invite us over. Yeah. I want to go to Cape Cod. ah Send us your address. We will read it out on the air. We'll show up with packed bags.
00:08:34
Speaker
And all our recording equipment. We're Thank you, VO. Up next, we're going to talk to Ink Master. RE episode 67 says, hey, Pat, tell Matt that the word he was looking for was semi quincentennial.
00:08:50
Speaker
Oh, semi quincentennial. I liked quadramillennial. Pat, it's semi quincentennial. Semi quincentennial because we're halfway to the 500 year mark.
00:09:07
Speaker
OK, that's that's fine. yeah Very yeah Roman numerals, but okay. Also, Matt's, quote, British accent when he was doing the Windsor Smith bit sounded like he was trying to do a Dracula impression. I can do different British accents, but this was my when this was my this was like the accent of a guy whose last name would be Windsor. Oh, it's me, Barry Windsor Smith.
00:09:35
Speaker
like but That's a guy whose last name is Windsor. Oh, you've spilt all of my crumpets. I'm Windsor Smith.
00:09:49
Speaker
Can you say b blah in that accent? Blah! I found to suck your blood. I do want to say just to validate Ink Master here, i edited that episode and I didn't catch it while you were doing it. I just thought it was off. But while I was editing it, and I said, is he trying to do Dracula?
00:10:10
Speaker
Dracula. Okay. Let's keep moving. Thank you, Ink. Up next, it's Email Michael, episode 66 responses.
00:10:21
Speaker
Hey, Pat, could you please tell Matt that while I don't really like getting into my religious beliefs or practices, I appreciate the request to pray for an Ink Master's laptop. Mm hmm. If you remember, email Michael is a ah private guy because of his strange ninja past. Oh, that's right. He's an undead ninja.
00:10:40
Speaker
And while I also appreciate the request to discuss mutant menace around the dinner table, I literally don't own one myself. So it might be a while before I get a good opportunity. Because he lives in a crypt.
00:10:51
Speaker
He might not.
Hulk Physiology and Canadian Requests
00:10:52
Speaker
Everybody has a dinner table. Some people use like a dining room table. Wait, a dining room table isn't a dinner table. No, I think those are two different. I feel like dinner table is just any table around which you eat a dinner.
00:11:05
Speaker
Like if you if you eat a dinner table, the dinner table. Yes. If you are eating dinner at the coffee table, you and your wife are at the dinner table. Wow. Matt, all this time I thought we were aligned on message. over but I was being way more specific.
00:11:20
Speaker
ah However, the third thing that was brought up was the question of whether Hulk could be could bone down with a human. i think the strictest possible answer I can give to that is yes, I think he theoretically could if all parties involved were careful about it.
00:11:33
Speaker
Whether or not they would or even could be in the case of Hulk is another question I'm not qualified to answer. Not an expert on how Hulk fucks. at Email Michael. Yeah, I think it but it would be a dangerous thing to do. I just, I guess, like, here's my thing.
00:11:49
Speaker
The Hulk is a raging beast of emotion, right? At all times, he is just, like, his body is coursing with...
00:12:00
Speaker
Various hormones. Right? Yeah. So he must get horny. Well he wears the tiniest little scrap of fabric. Over his junk.
00:12:11
Speaker
And every part of him is massive. So do you do you see what I'm saying? Like we have definitely. seen If we've seen the Hulk. Five times. One of those times he must have been horny.
00:12:22
Speaker
Because of all the radical emotions he goes through. And we have never. seen anything through those extremely tight little shorts exactly so it may stay normal size is what you're saying and so he takes off his but he is this giant hulking creature with what and like a normal sized human penis but it looks so little it looks yeah yeah compared to the rest of them it yes yeah it looks like he's got a pencil sticking out of his stomach but
00:12:55
Speaker
but The other my other thought is maybe he just he can't get hard as the Hulk. All his all his blood is in his muscles. It won't go to his tumescence. Oh, it won't go to his butun his his his erectile tissues.
00:13:09
Speaker
All right. Fair point. Email Michael. Up next, we have sweet, sweet Douglas. Oh, sweet Douglas. No subject line says, hey, Pat, ask Matt why his response to a polite request for more Canadian content is to try to break up a Canadian family. you don't understand You're off the hook for the whole tiki tiki thing. He lets me know. Thank you. And now Matt is being canceled. Hashtag save our wives. Look, I don't. I'm just saying Pat it was making the point that she doesn't have to be
00:13:43
Speaker
She doesn't just have to be Canadian wife. And I was making the point that one of the reasons she doesn't have to be Canadian wife is because she she's she's not required to stay married.
00:13:57
Speaker
Right. What if in the future? no No, no, no. I'm not even going that far. Well, I guess then if she's going by Canadian wife and if like if she chooses to go by Canadian wife and then gets a divorce, I would assume she goes by Canadian ex-wife after that.
Cyclops's Optic Blasts and Comic Adaptations
00:14:14
Speaker
So I'm just saying of all the various reasons she doesn't have to go by Canadian wife, that was one of them. Continues the talk about Cyclops's optic blast aiming got me to thinking about interesting physics surrounding them.
00:14:28
Speaker
Remember, he just looks at things. He just looks at things, which I can't believe we never really like, ah like internalized. Since he simply aims with his eyes, if he aimed at a ship on the distant horizon, would it hit the ship? The light reflecting from the ship is bending around the curve of the planet, so would the beam simply soar off into space?
00:14:47
Speaker
Or would it also bend along the same path and manage to hit said ship? Thought about this when you guys mentioned he could hit the moon. I imagine this information exists on the internet, but it's more fun to just ponder and debate.
00:14:58
Speaker
i Okay, what are your thoughts? I think... Well, I guess it it depends on if it's confined by gravity. Yes. right Like, if it's like a bullet. I think it is. I think it would be subject to gravity.
00:15:12
Speaker
and follow the curvature of the earth. If it's got enough substance to it to knock a person back or blow up a wall or something, I think it could be pulled by gravity.
00:15:24
Speaker
And yeah it's instantaneous. That's the thing about the moon is, yeah, the moon would move so fucking fast from where it is, but it's instantaneous. He would just... Yeah, but even, like, light getting to us from the moon takes time. It's not...
00:15:41
Speaker
It takes approximately 1.3 seconds for light to travel from the moon to the earth. Okay. So, yeah, he would miss the moon, idiot.
00:15:53
Speaker
not Not you, not Sweet Douglas, not Pat. We're making fun of Scott. Scott, you dumb idiot. Try hitting the moon, but why don't you? Yeah, nice try, idiot. Although he would probably use a spatial geometry. I know. Probably bounce it off. Damn it. Lord of the freaking idiots.
00:16:10
Speaker
Finally, here's an interesting point. It's been interesting. i This is how I know it's interesting. He says it right up top. It's been interesting revisiting the first season of X-Men 97 now that I've read a lot of the original comics. I had no clue about characters like Sunspot or the life death and Magneto trial plot lines. They definitely took some liberties in the modern retellings, but I imagine it was least partially to avoid some of the cultural slash racial insensitivities and sort of condensed long arcs into bite sized pieces.
00:16:38
Speaker
Yes. So I, I agree that like, their life death episode also condenses um the stuff that we haven't gotten to yet, right about storm getting her powers back. It's it's a self contained story. Why do you i assume she gets her powers back Because I've read X-Men issues vivided from the future.
00:17:05
Speaker
Because I come from the future. Maybe that's a new storm. Maybe there's a baby. Maybe there's a baby storm that grows up into this that storm. That's true. how about How about this for an answer? Because I saw them do it on X-Men 97. Oh, okay.
00:17:18
Speaker
How did she get them back in X-Men 97? Yeah. She fights a bird demon that Forge is for somehow let out into the world.
00:17:28
Speaker
Okay. Interesting. No, it's we and like those are the details. The trial of Magneto for them doesn't have Nazi twins. It just has like i Nazi-ish guy.
00:17:41
Speaker
Okay. i guess That just hates mutants and that they've never met before. Interesting. Yeah. So it's, I think for the efficiency of putting it into 30 minute episodes and for the purpose of removing stuff like ROM space night from these important arcs, they, they just kind of rework the stories. And I i think they do a great job with it I was looking at an Instagram post the other day that involved, I think, the Suicide Squad. And somebody in the comments was sounding off about ah about ja ah about James Gunn and how little he respects continuity.
Listener Pranks and Hosts' Comedic Memories
00:18:24
Speaker
And then somebody else was like was like, dude, you're being a little baby about this. And he was like, oh, I guess so you don't respect comic culture. Oh, boy. And that made me laugh so hard. If so funny if somebody retells a story in a different way for the movies, they're not respecting comic culture. And if you enjoy that, you're not respecting comic culture. yeah So you and Sweet Douglas, you're just not respecting comic culture is the thing.
00:18:54
Speaker
All right. Good chat. Sweet Douglas. Thank you. One last email or Matt, but two emails remain because we are hearing from Mikey two males.
00:19:06
Speaker
Up first, non-X-Men related email. Hi, Pat. Tell Matt I said hello. There was an episode where you mentioned pranks. I used to love a good prank and still do. One of my crowning pranks was when I worked in a large office was hiding 400 rubber ducks around the office once in random places, like everywhere. You would open the drawers to get some pens and find a rubber duck. You would sit at your desk and there was a rubber duck on your keyboard. I probably spent maybe a good two hours putting them around the building. it was a lot of fun. And though everyone suspected it was me, I did not confirm it.
00:19:39
Speaker
That's a cute prank. That's fun. Very whimsical. Doesn't hurt anybody. It reminds me, Matt, of maybe one of our crowning achievements in comedy. Okay. We were doing a sketch show called The Wind Show.
00:19:53
Speaker
And for a Halloween episode, we did... We didn't think about how you were obsessed with candy corn. I was obsessed with candy corn. And so we started just by I was eating candy corn during the show, like clearly just even as a character eating candy corn. We started finding candy corn. Every character you had was just eating candy corn in the middle of the sketch. Yeah. And we started finding, i well like we were using props. There was a suitcase that we had to open and it turns out the suitcase was full of candy corn. The sleeping bag that we had to roll out was full of candy corn. And every time, whoever I was in a scene with would be like,
00:20:37
Speaker
ah just keep Just keep moving. Just keep moving. And then in the middle of the show, after of it happened, you all came out and did an intervention with me about candy corn. we had gone out. We had spent, they were like a dollar a bag. And I think we spent 20 or $30 candy corn and just put it everywhere we could think of in this place. We had decorations all over the place because it was a...
00:21:02
Speaker
Halloween show. So every one of them was filled with candy corn. Yeah, you would just like you'd rip like a ah cardboard ghost off the wall and just a pile of candy corn. was And that's that's how that thing ended. We were like you were like, oh, I didn't.
00:21:20
Speaker
i' i'm I'm not addicted to candy corn. And you're like, we're like, yeah, what's this? And then we start going into like the audience around the venue. We had it ripping in the seats ri ripping stuff down and it's full of candy corn. Like asking people to get up off the couch and then moving the cushions and there's just huge piles of candy corn under there.
00:21:41
Speaker
oh It was so good. What a good time. We used to be good comedians. Oh, fuck. I remember those days. And then finally, an X-Men related email from Mikey to males. He says, hi Pat. Tell Matt. I said that I really enjoy what he talks more about the history of what was going on at the time. The comics were written and dives deeper into the political things happening behind the scenes as a very big believer in we can do better. And all means all it warms by humanitarian heart to know Matt is out there fighting the good fight to Mikey to males. you keep it up.
00:22:16
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. i'll I'll keep it up, too. All right, whatever. Me and my work here fighting for we're here fighting for what's right. And you can just, I don't know, eat your candy corn or whatever. right, Matt, it's finally time for us to take a little trip back in time.
00:22:45
Speaker
Okay, well, i to this past week where I ask you, you been doing anything X-Men related this week, Pat? Matt, you know what? i have.
X-Men Comics Critique and Team-Ups
00:22:57
Speaker
so I haven't seen you in a little while. And some time ago, I bought you a birthday gift because it was your birthday. I don't know if we did. We address that here. Happy birthday. I'm phody. Thank you.
00:23:08
Speaker
I did buy you a birthday gift. No way. Thank you. It finally arrived, which I didn't have to tell you because i haven't seen you. So I could very easily just have said this has been sitting here since June 27th. But i have Nothing else X-Men related I did with my week. So there you go.
00:23:29
Speaker
I don't get to see the present. Happy birthday, Matt. No, I'm not going to show it to you. Right. but Next time I so next time I see you. OK, I'm getting an X-Men related present, everybody. And that'll be my X-Men related thing. that's when we see Yeah.
00:23:43
Speaker
All right. So are we going to get into Matt? No. What? Oh, Matt. Did you do anything X-Men related this week? Oh, um yes, I read a bunch of X-Men. I read some X-Men.
00:23:56
Speaker
i've been I've been getting back into my my own personal read, and I just got through the end of Rob Liefeld's short run on X-Force. Ooh, okay. You know, i didn't hate reading it.
00:24:13
Speaker
It's not, like, it's clearly, it's not good. um never i would never make the argument that it's good. His art is terrible. His writing is horrible. ah His, and Fabian Nicieza is not much better at ah filling in the scripts.
00:24:29
Speaker
One thing that I've noticed a lot about the post-Clairmont writers is they just kind of put the X-Men through... Scenario after scenario.
00:24:39
Speaker
And it really underlines how Claremont would put the X-Men through specific scenarios that deepened their character or their bonds, you know, in a way or Or the themes of the thing where in these Fabian Nicieza, Scott Lobdell, John Byrne era, their characters seem set.
00:24:59
Speaker
Right. And are just used to make quips. Yeah, yeah. And let's put the X-Men in this situation and then we'll just figure out how to write that.
00:25:10
Speaker
And they are those characters. Like there's no yeah, there's no cohesive cohesion between character and story. And it's the same is true about X-Force. But it's kind of breezy.
00:25:23
Speaker
is what I like about it. It's kind of like, it moved really fast and it had, we'll talk about it in a few years, but it had an ending that was legitimately kind of exciting.
00:25:35
Speaker
Like a lot of different pieces all converged together. When at the end of, on Rob Liefeld's last plotted issue. And I was like, all right, all right guys. Okay, you did something. We'll give him won the thing And it is the plotting of that run. Right.
00:25:55
Speaker
But even then, as I said, it's schlock. Yeah, yeah. Comparing it to the low bar that is. it's just it's It's just kind of entertaining schlock in a way I didn't expect. I thought I would hate every moment of it. And instead, I was like, this has been fun.
00:26:13
Speaker
Just dumb. Can't wait. Anyway, now I'm on to executioner's song. so Are you sure that's an X-Men comic and not like a ah medieval romp? It's an album by Elton John.
00:26:30
Speaker
Oh, let's talk about taking a little trip back we've already in time to Matt. That's too far What were you doing in was dead i was too That's too But the X-Men...
00:26:48
Speaker
We're just getting going in 1976. Yes, the X-Men as we know them, the ah the Dave Cockrum class is brand new. So we have already read all the X-Men of that era.
00:27:02
Speaker
what do you think of Why the hell are we going back? Because what we didn't get to, Matt, and what fits very nice thematically with Nightcrawler miniseries we'll cover a little later in this episode, is a few appearances with him and One of your favorites.
00:27:20
Speaker
No, I'm sorry. One of my favorites. Spider-Man. So I think all the background we really need for this is that, yeah, back in the 70s and then the early 80s, the X-Men were still young. The direction was still kind of being figured out, but we were seeing these like big leaps in creativity and character development. Yeah. in the main series.
00:27:48
Speaker
The other thing to remember is that sometime in that era was Kitty's fairy tale where Kitty helped Ileana get over an illness or being scared of something or whatever by telling her a story. Yeah, that was in like... about 1982 or something.
00:28:09
Speaker
And so that brought them to this fantastical land with all these characters that were actually representative of real X-Men.
00:28:20
Speaker
ah But they were all like, I don't know goofy cartoon versions of themselves. When it is pertinent, we will explain them. We'll explain who is who. Sure. If you've forgotten Kitty's fairy tale.
00:28:32
Speaker
How and how could you? Which you should never do. In case you end up in this situation. In fact, recap it in your head right now.
Spider-Man and Nightcrawler Adventures
00:28:41
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. We're waiting.
00:28:46
Speaker
right, Pat, well then tell me about why what's going on in Amazing Spider-Man 161 and 162. Yeah, we're going to we're going to burn through Amazing Spider-Man 161 and 162 and the Nightcrawler came prowling prowling. OK. And let the Punisher fit the crime. All right. Jesus Christ. Take a guess who who we're going to come across here. Len Wein, writer, editor, the original writer on the new X-Men.
00:29:21
Speaker
Who's probably still doesn't understand who they are and what they No, no, no. He seems to, especially here in 1976. Ross Andrew, illustrator. He's a former X-Men artist that we've we've seen before. Mike Esposito, embellisher. Glynis Ween, colorist. Irv Watanabe, letterer.
00:29:40
Speaker
or In episode or in 162, John Costanza letter. Okay. All right. Two letterers. Release dates were July 13th and August 10th, 1976. That's why we took a ah trip in time back to that year. Cover dates are October and November, 1976.
00:30:01
Speaker
During a training session in the gymnasium. Yeah, it's not the danger room. It's the gymnasium. is They have a trampoline and like some weights and some. I'm trying to figure out if this is a if Len Wein and Ross Andrew think this is a separate room in the mansion or they don't they just don't know. room is Yeah. called And this is how they picture it. I didn't even realize until Nightcrawler jumps through a window to the outside. and I was like, wait, what?
00:30:29
Speaker
And I was like, oh, it says gymnasium. I haven't seen this room before. Yeah, it's like the yeah that one room that appears in one episode of The Simpsons. This is also probably where ah Professor X plays basketball and and does the announcer voices for himself.
00:30:49
Speaker
During a training session in the gymnasium, Kurt Wagner sees something in the newspaper that shocks him and he takes off into the night. Cut to Coney Island where Peter Parker and friends are just getting off a harrowing roller coaster ride.
00:31:03
Speaker
we It explains why, but he's so scared the entire roller coaster. And I was just thinking, like, if this roller coaster crashes, you're the one guy who survives, man. That's true.
00:31:15
Speaker
But they do. ways i figured it out before they explained it. But they do explain that. Yes. Spider-Man's Spidey sense is going off the entire time because he's.
00:31:28
Speaker
but He's not in danger. Rollercoaster is a very controlled environment. Yeah. Unless there's something wrong. So I don't understand. I actually don't know why a Spidey sense would be going off all the time. Because there is a there's a um I'm look I'm opening it up now and I don't know why I like missed this. This is such a common framing device in comics that my eyes just didn't see it. um It he's he's framed through a sniper rifle lens.
00:31:55
Speaker
So.
00:31:57
Speaker
His spidey sense is going off because there's a gun pointed at him, but he knows his spidey sense is going off, so he assumes it's the roller coaster. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. i guess It's like having anxiety on a roller coaster. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be pretty unpleasant. And then he threatens to punch Mary Jane, so...
00:32:18
Speaker
He does. He also is So he meets up with Harry. They go to the hot dog stand. He orders a hot dog for Mary Jane. He says one hot dog for the lady. And then in the next panel, he's eating it. He's eating it.
00:32:32
Speaker
Do you think he's embarrassed to order a hot? Like he's so insecure in his masculinity that he can't. eat a hot dog in front of other men. So he tells the man, this is for the woman. I don't for the lady i don't eat. I don't i don't gobble glizzies. Not that kind of guy.
00:32:50
Speaker
ah
00:32:53
Speaker
Soon after, he spies a man being shot dead by a sniper rifle off the top of the same coaster and rushes into action. Holy Hannah, that man's been shot. Oh my God. How happy were you to see our finger? I was so mad. I really thought we were read. It's been like six months since somebody said, Holy Hannah, but we had to take this trip back in time. i just wanted to make you feel like you were there.
00:33:21
Speaker
And if you ever go back to the 70s, everyone's saying Holy Hannah all the time. my God. I'm never doing it. I'm never going to time travel back to the 70s. It's like, you know how they say in a crowd scene, if you're like a background actor, you just say peas and carrots, peas and carrots, peas and carrots. Yeah. It's not enough syllables to sound just like random murmuring.
00:33:43
Speaker
Yeah. If you go back in time to the 70s, you walk around, everyone's saying, Holy Hannah, Holy Hannah, Holy Hannah, Holy Hannah, Holy Hannah, Holy Hannah. I read a Marvel what if once it was like a comedy what if but they had everybody saying watermelon cantaloupe watermelon cantaloupe can't it was that's too hard in the thing and watermelon cantaloupe watermelon cantaloupe watermelon cantaloupe I think that's more just to make it look like your mouth is moving rather than create crowd noise but okay yeah so you just mouth it okay yeah yeah
00:34:21
Speaker
Meanwhile, Nightcrawler has arrived in Coney Island as well, following news of an old carnival friend of his who was also shot. As he prowls around for clues, he manages to see the shooting and runs to the rooftop to catch the sniper. Unfortunately, the shooter is gone. Spider-Man arrives, mistaking Nightcrawler for the culprit.
00:34:40
Speaker
The two of the standard superhero misunderstanding fight until Nightcrawler bamfs a hasty retreat, leaving Spidey alone and confused. This is Spider-Man and the X-Men's MO, right? Especially at this point before a couple more adventures happen.
00:34:57
Speaker
He sees an X-Man. They fight over a misunderstanding. Yeah. He gets his ass beat. Yeah. And then later they face a common threat. And he's like, what the hell was that? But, well, yeah, but that is just Marvel Comics in this era, too. This is all, this is the only story anyone's allowed to write when two superheroes are in the same spot.
00:35:22
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. both three i I have something to say about that later. o He retrieves his camera, Peter Parker does, and heads to the Daily Bugle looking for leads. Robbie Robertson puts him on the trail of the Punisher, though it's weird because none of his victims have criminal records.
00:35:38
Speaker
Also, unbeknownst to Spidey, Nightcrawler is on his trail. Uh-oh. Nightcrawler's like, I saw him get it. He took pictures of me. I've got to go get him. thats There's also during their fight scene, there's a fun scene where ah Spider-Man webs Nightcrawler's tail to the wall.
00:35:59
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I was like trying to run away. Just like stuck. he Just stuck by his tail. Very good. After a short interlude, we learned that the Punisher believes he's being framed.
00:36:11
Speaker
we is We don't need that. Like, this is still mid middle end of the first issue in this series here.
00:36:21
Speaker
you don't need to tell, like, the mystery is why is the Punisher doing this? If it's the Punisher, is it the Punisher? And if so, yeah what's going on here? We don't need to cut to the Punisher saying, I'm being framed. I didn't kill any of these people. Makes it a worse story. Yeah, makes it a worse story.
00:36:38
Speaker
Leave the mystery there. Yeah. I think Len Wein just really wanted to write some Punisher stuff. Yeah. Every time we cut to the Punisher, he's doing the war journal. He's doing the war journal. What a dork.
00:36:51
Speaker
God, sometimes you read a comic book writer's work and it just hits you like this guy's a fucking dork. Yeah, yeah. What a fucking nerd. Yeah. thanks su week After that, we cut to some tramway depot where Spider-Man is on the hunt.
00:37:07
Speaker
Suddenly Nightcrawler appears, slams Spidey in his nerve points, steals his camera and flees. He really he fucking messes up Spider-Man beats the hell out of Spider-Man.
00:37:21
Speaker
Spider-Man is no fucking match for Nightcrawler. Can you believe that? Nightcrawler's little pressure point punches. Yeah. Spider-Man recovers and gives chase. Kurt destroys the film inside as the world doesn't know about the all new X-Men yet and tosses the camera back to Spidey with an apology.
00:37:40
Speaker
Spider-Man replies by punching Kurt off a tramway support. it because This is yeah an outsized reaction. you You were already told by Robbie Robertson that... Nightcrawler is not the killer here.
00:37:54
Speaker
Yes. Right. And Nightcrawler is explaining and apologizing. and and you're lighting your camera and you're like, fuck off. You piece of, you're just mad now.
00:38:06
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Right. Well, yeah, what happened to ah with great power comes great responsibility. the Right. Kurt gets out of the situation, though, and the two begin fighting again until a tram car whizzes past and out of its doors pops the Punisher with a gun pointed at both of them.
00:38:26
Speaker
Turns out the bad guys told Punisher that the imposter would strike here next. As a new misunderstanding fight breaks out, the sniper strikes again, shooting at the tram car. Spider-Man and the Punisher begin to realize the whole situation, but but when the Punisher demands Nightcrawler answer some questions, Kurt ports away so far that he collapses, exhausted.
00:38:47
Speaker
We're in we're an issue two now, by the way. Yeah, yeah. He sees the imposter fleeing, but he's too weak to follow. He's so sweepy. He curls up on one of the girders in the the Brooklyn Bridge. ah This Punisher asking about Nightcrawler and Spider-Man says, if I know Nightcrawler, he's nearby.
00:39:13
Speaker
You don't! You don't know Nightcrawler! You just tried to fight him because he thought he was gun-wielding madman. You thought he was a literal demon. You said that to us, the audience, that you thought you were fighting a literal demon. You don't know this, man. Don't pretend like you do.
00:39:32
Speaker
just to Just to show off in front your buddy Punisher? Spider-Man and Punisher team up tracking the imposter to a benefit block party the following night.
00:39:45
Speaker
Unfortunately, this is also a setup and Spider-Man finds himself chained up to a light post in the middle of the block. This is definitely Frank Castle using Spider-Man as bait, right?
00:39:56
Speaker
Yeah. he Because he's like, Spider-Man, why don't you go up there, sneak around on the rooftops? And Spider-Man's wearing bright red and bright blue. Like, and Frank's like, I'll just dip through the alleys. you know, I'm the one kind of putting myself out front here, getting up and up close and personal with the bad guys. But meanwhile, he's really just hoping everybody will watch Spider-Man and shoot at him. And then won't notice. Yeah, that he is. Yeah.
00:40:25
Speaker
And then, yes, Spider-Man gets ambushed. Oh, who could who could ah who could have seen that coming? So he's tied to a light post. A man a man with a torn up scarred face steps from the shadows and calls out to the Punisher using Spidey as bait.
00:40:43
Speaker
He's just getting being bait left and right. He calls himself Jigsaw and he's she seeking revenge for the injuries the Punisher gave him years earlier. Oh, no.
00:40:53
Speaker
This our first appearance of Jigsaw. I know. Can you? But this is. Yeah, it's in like this and like this desperate double team up. is Yeah. In a Spider-Man meets Nightcrawler issue. Yeah. Spider-Man. The big view of one of Punisher's most iconic villains. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:41:14
Speaker
Poor guy. Punisher disarms Jigsaw with a perfectly placed knife throw. But Jigsaw is trained and skilled and back up in seconds with a rifle to Spider-Man's head. He says, I trained for months to be as good as you.
00:41:30
Speaker
Wow, that was some pretty intense training, man. because I trained for days for this. You spent a decade in the military, man. Thankfully, Kurt Rupert Nightcrawler is here. Kurt Rupert Nightcrawler's here.
00:41:48
Speaker
He followed the Punisher, hoping he'd find the man who murdered his old carnival friend, and he leaps into action, ripping the rifle from Jigsaw's hand. Punisher starts taking out Henchmen, and the racket wakes Spider-Man up, who rips free from his chains in an instant.
00:42:03
Speaker
pardon put no punishers you got it all wrong pat punishers taking out henchmen with rubber bullets oh right yeah yeah he he didn't kill anybody he's using rubber bullets because using rubber bullets very good boy totally safe and to could never kill someone he's a he's a he's a good boy In the comic, in the the comic book world, I think we have to accept that rubber bullets don't aren't capable of killing people because otherwise we just don't have a non-lethal bullet.
00:42:37
Speaker
Right, right, right. And we need guns. Some superheroes need guns like Moira McTaggart and the Punisher. Also, I love that they just like they put Spider-Man in handcuffs. How many people make this mistake of being like, I just just tie him up.
00:42:53
Speaker
I got some twine in my in the car. I've been training on these knots for months. The three men start punching the hell out of everyone. In the middle of the chaos, Jigsaw loudly admits to the murders and runs away.
00:43:09
Speaker
didn't need to do that. That ruins his whole plan.
00:43:17
Speaker
He's terrified.
00:43:20
Speaker
Like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I killed everybody and tried to frame you. ah ah he also Kurt tackles him at one point and he goes, ah, a monster. is.
00:43:33
Speaker
ah This is first appearance. This is going to be the biggest Punisher villain in the Marvel Universe. And this is how he shows up.
00:43:45
Speaker
I don't think they meant to bring him back. So he... is i so he He tries to run. He's deathly afraid of the Punisher catching him once again. This leads to a fight between he and Spider-Man on top of a fire engine. He's stealing a fire truck where Jigsaw blasts Spidey point blank with a fire hose. Spidey wraps the hose around Jigsaw's leg, throwing him from the truck. He wraps it around his leg and then gets it caught up in the the axle.
00:44:19
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Henry yanks him off the truck like lionly coyote. i didn't I don't know why they needed to include all of that, right? It's just all he needed to do was pull on the hose. Like he didn't need to wrap it around the truck's axles too. Yeah, yeah. Or Spider-Man can probably withstand a fire hose.
00:44:38
Speaker
yeah He can stop a fire truck, I think. Yeah, yeah. All right, good point. With Jigsaw unconscious and tied up, Punisher and Nightcrawler recoinoiter. Reconnoiter.
00:44:54
Speaker
Reconnoiter with Spider-Man to make sure everything is squared away. When Spider-Man turns to apologize to Kurt, Kurt is gone in a puff of smoke. When he turns back to the Punisher, the Punisher is gone.
00:45:06
Speaker
Spider-Man ends this little team up all alone once more. The end. Oh, boy. That'll be the beginning of a theme is when Nightcrawler and Spider-Man team up.
00:45:20
Speaker
Nightcrawler's just gone and Spider-Man just has to deal with shit on his Which is honestly for the best because as we know, the X-Men don't turn anyone over to the authorities. And Spider-Man's going to end up punching him again.
00:45:37
Speaker
If he just gets annoyed at like, he steps on a he steps on like a ah piece of glass on the sidewalk, he's going to punch Nightcrawler. Yeah. It's for when you stole my camera. You already punched me for that one.
00:45:53
Speaker
Oh, man. yeah It was a cute little team up. Yeah, this is fun. It's very much a Spider-Man comic. Like, it's it's very light. It's goofy. Wolverine tries to kill Nightcrawler for insulting him. Yeah, this is still the Wolverine who's just, like, angry for no reason, tries to murder people. And when he laughs, he laughs like a hyena, and is um yes his, like, the ear, this the little, like, mask spikes on his costume flop around. Yeah, yeah, like like a dog's ears would.
00:46:27
Speaker
um yeah this doesn't feel super dissimilar from the nightcrawler role will eventually come to know either which is interesting yeah yeah it's it doesn't feel like wolverine well doesn't feel like jigsaw but it does feel like nightcrawler if we go back in our memory banks to the ah Dave Cockrum era, Dave Cockrum loved Nightcrawler and developed all those characters with Len Wein. So yeah, not surprised that Len has a pretty good handle on it here. And he's a better Spider-Man writer than most of the people writing Spider-Man in this era. Len Wein is. Yeah. Yeah.
00:47:11
Speaker
He doesn't write very many of them. I don't think. Well, Pat, that was a fun team up. Are you ready to see Nightcrawler team up with Spider-Man again? i Yeah, I guess so.
00:47:23
Speaker
Okay, well, it's like ah four years later. the Punisher be there too? I don't think so. It's four years later. It's October 23rd, 1979. Covered, its January Marvel number Shootout overcent ring Oh, like basketball?
00:47:40
Speaker
Chris Claremont's the writer. Michael Nassar is the penciler of the first 13 pages, while the last four pages are by Rich Buckler. Yeah, mostly just like cover artists, kind of backup guys around the Marvel bullpen. Oh, Michael Nassar is. I don't even I don't know the name, actually.
00:48:00
Speaker
I will say he looks very much like our villain here. It looks like he drew himself as. Maybe that's why he got fired for the last. baby Joseph Rubenstein's the inker. Clem Robbins is the letterer. Carl Gafford is the colorist. Al Milgram is it says here ringmaster, which you know how I feel about these cutesy titles.
00:48:26
Speaker
Oh, I love them, especially since Chris Claremont hates them. It's very refreshing to get some ah some cheeky sort of. And it says the editor in chief here is Oliver Ellsworth.
00:48:39
Speaker
1796 to 1800. Never heard of him. Also, I don't know why I said those dates. Kurt picks up Amanda Sefton from the JFK International Airport. How do we know Claremont's writing, Pat?
00:48:50
Speaker
ah Because the first thing we see is an airplane. Yeah, a description of how it lands on the runway and what time. Yeah, so I guess it lay i i guess ah he picks her up directly from the tarmac because he spots Arcade's private plane and, in a panic, sneaks up on it to see if he's up to any trouble.
00:49:10
Speaker
Amanda Sefton's here. Amanda Sefton's here. Nightcrawler sneaks a kiss on her and she goes, Eef! Ha ha ha! ah Also, another thing that makes ah an appearance that we haven't seen in a little while.
00:49:26
Speaker
The Rolls Royce. The Rolls. They let they let Kurt drive the Rolls to the airport to pick up his girlfriend, his magic. Probably how he got right on the tarmac. Right. You drive a car like that. You flash that kind of money around to let go anywhere.
00:49:39
Speaker
Yeah. You say, hey, I'm driving on the tarmac. I can, this thing, I'm going to fly it to Brazil. And then they say, it's yes, sir. Go ahead. Go right ahead, sir. Here's our runway.
00:49:51
Speaker
Also, why does he do this? He's sneaking up he ah while he's, while he's sneaking around Arcade's plane for some reason. He overhears a conversation between Arcade and Amos Jardine.
00:50:03
Speaker
Arcade's upset that Jardine backed out on their deal, hired a different assassin to kill Spider-Man and his circus tonight, and is now demanding his deposit back. Kurt teleports out of there before he's seen trying to find a safe place to keep out of sight.
00:50:18
Speaker
Some very concise storytelling here. Just bringing us right up to speed. Okay. This guy wants Spider-Man dead. He originally hired Arcade. Now he's going with someone else.
00:50:29
Speaker
we also We also get confirmation Arcade's accent is Texan. Texas twang. It says Texas twang. Yeah. Well, howdy.
00:50:41
Speaker
Arcade, the international assassin. i Wait till you're trying escape from Murder World.
00:50:49
Speaker
Just wait until you try to escape from murder world. That's by Texas, right? Just wait until you try and escape from murder. why are they waiting to try? This its line of dialogue doesn't make sense. And we've both taken it. In the trunk of a car in the airport parking lot, Kurt reveals to Amanda that Jardim was actually the man that bought the circus he used to perform in and first forced Kurt to move from the trapeze to the freak show.
00:51:16
Speaker
Just before he left and joined the X-Men, they head off to the circus hoping to warn Spider-Man about Jardine's assassin. like All right, we have to slow down and explain to people what's happened here. Nightcrawler overheard this thing. He for he saw Arcade's plan plane, snuck onto it for no reason, then overheard this plan and was like,
00:51:37
Speaker
we He's like, we're we're already involved. I'd love to just walk away, but me and you have to get involved. Why? why Well, now now they have to get involved because they heard that somebody's going to try to kill Spider-Man.
00:51:52
Speaker
But he's like, I have to leave you. Yes, true. But he's like, I can't leave you here. Arcade will find you. Why would he think that? Oh, yeah. He's really worried that Arcade is. I guess that's just like that's trauma, right? You your girlfriend got kidnapped by a master assassin because you don't leave her alone near master assassins anymore. This is like this is like when your partner cheats on you and you just like you stop going to the bar together. You stop going taking them to the bar from now on.
00:52:20
Speaker
Right. It was fucked up Amanda Sefton to get kidnapped by the arcane. It really drove their relationship into the ground. really hard for him to trust her now.
00:52:33
Speaker
ah Also, he tries. Okay. so then then, again, to slow it down. So people people are like listening to that description and they're like, wait, what happened? because Not because it's poorly written, but because things happen so fucking fast.
00:52:45
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. He's like, we've got to get in the trunk of this assassin's car. And they get in the trunk and then Amanda's like, why you keep being so weird about him? And he's like, because he bought my circus and made me be in the freak show rather than the acrobatic show.
00:53:05
Speaker
and I hate him. Yeah. So I quit the circus immediately. And the next day I joined the X-Men. So, okay. Let's slow this piece down a bit because when we meet Kurt...
00:53:18
Speaker
He's being chased through town by a mob wielding torches and pitchforks. Yeah. Did he whip that up in one day? Yeah. What was he doing in that town to get that big of a mob that fast?
00:53:31
Speaker
They were, they were ready. Knowing Kurt, signs and stuff. Knowing Kurt, he kissed one of their daughters, right? Like knowing Kurt. Also,
00:53:44
Speaker
He tries to bone down on Amanda in the trunk of the villain's car. it Yes. It was while we're here. Right. She's like, you're in a certain position, you know? And she's like, get your hands and tail off of me. He, Pat, Kurt Rupert.
00:54:04
Speaker
He brings his tail into the. He uses his tail. Yeah. I'll bet. All right. So when they get to the circus, there's no sign of Spider-Man. So Kurt, thinking quickly, hops high into the sky and starts acrobating around.
00:54:17
Speaker
While Amanda points at him from the ground, shouting, look, it's Spider-Man. Absolute genius crime fighters. maybe it's like or Our costumes both have red in them.
00:54:31
Speaker
ah um This is, and also, I'm going to say, this is a scene where, like, he's being heroic, kind of, but this isn't about heroism. This is his thrill-seeking addiction, right? This is his adrenaline junkie addiction. Yes. So there's an assassin that's going to kill Spider-Man, but Spider-Man isn't there and had no intention. We find out that Jardine was counting on Spider-Man to show up by putting ads in the paper that said, but Spider-Man isn't as good at acrobatics as my acrobats
00:55:06
Speaker
And he's like, he's such an egotistical little bug man. um he'll show He'll show. He'll show up and try to out-acrobat my acrobats and then we'll kill him. Like, yeah okay, good. Good plan, dude. ah But you know who does have that big of an ego is our boy Nightcrawler. Nightcrawler.
00:55:24
Speaker
But the thing is, if it's, I don't mean to spoil it, but Spider-Man's about to show up because Peter Parker is in the audience on assignment from the Daily Bugle. And he sees somebody impersonating Spider-Man. So he's like, ah I'm going to have to deal with this as Spider-Man. So if Kurt doesn't do this, Spider-Man never shows up to the circus. The assassination attempt never happens.
00:55:49
Speaker
So Kurt is responsible for this whole thing is what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. So the plan works. Goating the assassin. His name is Cutthroat. Cutthroat is here. don't know who Cutthroat is. He is pretty low on the status ladder of supervillains. But um I remember him because in the like the aughts new adventures run with Brian Bendis. Oh, the hood gathers like a whole cadre yeah of villains. Cutthroat is one of them.
00:56:25
Speaker
Yeah, this is Cutthroat's first appearance. When do you think he appears in Marvel Comics next? When do you think the next time he shows up is? I don't. So this is 1979. I don't think it's again until like the late 90s, maybe mid 90s. It's early 1991. He's in a Captain America.
00:56:43
Speaker
Sure. He's in one of the two Captain America stories that are happening per Captain America issue. some Somebody just digging through the archives. Like a backplot. Oh, this guy Cutthroat and never came back. Then he disappears for another 13 years for that until that new Avengers arc that you're talking about.
00:57:03
Speaker
Amazing. ah Then he disappears for six years and he shows up in some random ass shit and he's been gone since 2021. that's Created by Chris Claremont and Michael Nassar.
00:57:17
Speaker
Luckily, Peter Parker was here taking pictures and hops in his Spider-Man, so hops in in his Spider-Man garb to save Kurt just in time. The sniper takes another so shot, this time setting off a sonic screamer and stunning Spider-Man.
00:57:30
Speaker
what are you doing to me, Pat? Setting off a sonic screamer and stunning Spider-Man. Yeah, these are some some tricky run-on sentences here, too. You're really testing... Try to tone it down a bit, okay? You're really testing my... Stop showing off. my My... Pop guard. It's Kirk's turn to Banfin and save Spidey from plummeting to his death.
00:57:52
Speaker
They shove each other out of harm's way back and forth while the crowd panics and run for the exit. And Jardine watches and thinks about how poorly this is all going. How could a plan that perfectly have gone this badly?
00:58:06
Speaker
His plan is so... So not only was he just kind of trying to bully Spider-Man into showing up so that he could kill him. The reason he wanted to kill Spider-Man was because he wanted to put his circus on the map. He was like, I'll make millions if I'm the circus that Spider-Man died at.
00:58:29
Speaker
All right. So from the ground, Amanda spots the sniper's location and Kurt bursts in to fight him. But Cutthroat's armor is too thick to fight Spider-Man. uh well nightcrawler tries to punch him right in the chest oh man to punch him in the center of the chest it's like where you can see he's wearing armor and he's like oh man and this is impossible so cutthroat's armor it's too thick kurt takes a big sock on the chin cutthroat escapes back to the center ring and starts setting the animal's free which is a really good plan if your if your plan gets foiled just start setting animals free that's setting animals free and then shooting your gun in the air to get them all riled up it' such a good we should have seen so much more cutthroat just for that move alone so good um that's why he doesn't make the loser league because this is such a that's such a good move yeah yeah good expert move
00:59:31
Speaker
um The fight goes on until a Cutthroat's gun misfires after being jammed with webbing and he knocks himself out cold. But Jardine seeing Amanda working with Spidey and Kurt takes her hostage. He marches her at gunpoint to his car but finds a restrained cutthroat inside as Spidey and Nightcrawler strut on up to him.
00:59:53
Speaker
That is so they like Jardim thinks he's in control of the situation. he opens his driver's side door out pours a webbed up cutthroat. And then Kurt and Spider-Man are are just walking up to him. The two of them never walk, but they're both just like, oh, hello, sir.
01:00:17
Speaker
Nice night for it. yes i He threatens to shoot Amanda, but they beat the shit out of him before he can. Kurt and Amanda head home, leaving Spider-Man to call the authorities. the To mop up another fucking mess. Yeah, yeah.
01:00:32
Speaker
That Nightcrawler caused!
01:00:36
Speaker
One... have one note. Okay. When... Kurt is first confronts cutthroat, like bursts in a window to yeah to tackle him. He calls him Herr Schurke, which is German for Mr. Villain.
01:00:54
Speaker
Hi, Mr. Villain. Hello, Mr. Villain. God damn it, he got me. That's such a, it's such a swashbuckling thing to say. The circus fight was really ridiculous because, all right, there's a scene where Kurt falls and has to grab a ah like ah like a, like a handlebar with his tail.
01:01:14
Speaker
Yeah. And they make it really visceral, like it's yanking on his tail, and he's like, ow! Yeah, he's like, ow! That's really You can see the motion lines. And then Spider-Man falls, and Nightcrawler teleports underneath him to catch him from the ground.
01:01:33
Speaker
but but again, Nightcrawler catches him on the ground. If you fall a distance that would kill you, or even hurt you, and somebody catches you all the way at the bottom of your fall...
01:01:44
Speaker
You've just hurt each other. Like, it's not going to do anything. No, I think if they, like, if you leave your arms sort of buoyant enough as you catch them and use your legs as sort of yeah spring, if you time it right, you could catch somebody and just, like, kind of slow them down. Pat, this is akin to you thinking that you could survive a great height by just rolling at the last second.
01:02:12
Speaker
No, no, no. You don't understand that there's if I'm just like trying to roll. first of all, it's possible. It's just unlikely. Second of all, I don't have the same mechanism of like somebody acting as sort of a like a spring to just slow my fall very rapidly. in boundund Also the type of guy who says, oh, if an elevator ever crashes, just jump at the last second. any last seconds That would not work. yeah None of this would work!
01:02:44
Speaker
You have to climb your way up to the ceiling of the elevator. a jump upside down. never actually hit the ground. Yeah, no, you have to jump upside down thank Jump down to the ground just as it's hitting and you cancel out the force. The other thing that's great about the circus fight is Spider-Man webs up an entire elephant.
01:03:07
Speaker
yeah it's There's an assassin loose. No! Focus on that. Hold on I've always wanted to do this. Nightcrawler unconscious upstairs. And Spider-Man is like, at all the webs I could put on one elephant.
01:03:30
Speaker
Just move out of the way. That's all you needed to do. All right, Pat. Oh, Matt. I want you to tell me about something else that we skipped along the way that involves Nightcrawler. Can you find something? Yes.
01:03:44
Speaker
We're going to take a little trip forward in time to July 1981. Yeah.
01:03:52
Speaker
When they published Bizarre Adventures number 27, which I think is in the magazine line, right? yeah which Which means that it's not actually restricted by the Comics Code Authority. Ooh. Yeah, there's... That was where they...
01:04:10
Speaker
There's full-on penetrative sex in this issue. Yeah, yeah. This is this is where they yeah ah were allowed to work with like werewolves and zombies and blood and full penetrative sex. i think What I think this was is this was like a non-superhero title, but then they wanted to make like a prestige...
01:04:34
Speaker
They wanted to use this as like prestige it's prestige version. Yes. And it's all black and white too. So it's these are the artsy superhero comics with full penetration.
01:04:45
Speaker
It looks very much like a... yeah like a mad magazine parody of, of movie about the X-Men. Like everybody's a little more caricature than usual. And they're being a little snappier. They've got that kind of, that look in their eye. There's a, there's a cartooniness. And honestly, it does kind of look like a porn comic, right? Like you could at any moment. You think somebody's going to whip a dingus out.
01:05:12
Speaker
ah Yeah, Matt, let me tell you all about it. Okay. We're going to cover approximately one third of this magazine. There is a Nightcrawler story called Show Me the Way to Go Home. You better let me cover more of it next ish next episode or I'm going to be so mad.
01:05:30
Speaker
i don't think I will. Sorry, Matt. Plot, Mary Jo Duffy and Bob Layton. Mary Jo Duffy, Matt. Mary Jo Duffy is here. Script, Mary Jo Duffy, Art, Dave Cockrum, and Ricardo Villamonte.
01:05:44
Speaker
steve cockru is he Dave is here. Dave Cockrum and Mary Jo Duffy, the team up you always wanted and never knew. and listen, nobody, as much as this show loves Nightcrawler, nobody loves Nightcrawler as much as Dave Cockrum does. of course not. This is going to be...
01:06:02
Speaker
why The rest of this episode is a pretty Cockrum-centric. Cockrum-y. so Cockrum-y. That's my favorite card game. Release date June 16th, 1981. Cover date July 1981. The X-Men are all gathered around a TV set watching Zorro when Cerebro goes off, detecting half a mutant.
01:06:25
Speaker
What? Yeah. Nightcrawler's eating smoot chips and he has his sword next to him while he's watching Zoro. Yeah, he's just kicking it with his sword. he just brings it He's like, oh, Zoro's on. Hold on. And he runs upstairs to get his sword. and That doesn't happen to the cop, but that definitely happened right before this panel.
01:06:46
Speaker
Also, who is one of the X-Men is complaining, like Kurt. We can't watch this movie again, man. I think it's Wolverine. Probably it's Wolverine.
01:06:56
Speaker
When they arrive, they go to investigate the half mutant. When they arrive, the vanisher is there trapped halfway between two dimensions due to his encounter with Darkstar and the champions. Remember this? he ah Honestly, though, you remember this?
01:07:13
Speaker
I do. I, because I, I very vividly remember being like, my God, 20 years have passed and this guy is still wearing that fucking costume. I,
01:07:24
Speaker
ah
01:07:27
Speaker
i So yet he is half half of his body is there. And they just left him there. The champions just left him there. yeah Yes. here And they were like, ah another superhero will take care of this. Somebody is going to feed. Somebody will find him.
01:07:42
Speaker
i wait were Right. I'm never going to go back to the champions to figure out what happened here. But i'm I'm guessing they got pulled away or something. Otherwise, i don't know. But it's the champions. They might have. Yeah. We almost killed ourselves reading those books.
01:07:57
Speaker
Not like not suicide wise, because we did that marathon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we're not doing it again. When Nightcrawler touches him, the half of half of Vanisher, there's a huge ban for they both disappear through a weird dimension warp with alternate versions of themselves all around.
01:08:16
Speaker
There's a there's one where Nightcrawler's a duck like like Daffy Duck or Donald Duck and ah Vanisher's a rat. Um, there's another one where they're exactly the same, but they have big hairy feet.
01:08:30
Speaker
There's one where they are ladies. And there's, there's one where they're like sharp insect robots. It's great. They're having a lot of fun here. The warp drops nightcrawler in front of a bunch of women who want to make him their God because there are very few men in their world.
01:08:48
Speaker
Nightcrawler's flattered, but has to leave until he finds that he can't teleport. Huh? Not far away, the warp drops the vanisher in the exact same situation. He also discovers that he can't teleport because he's covered in dark force energy.
01:09:04
Speaker
The women take him away. Okay. He tries to fight them. He tries to pull a weapon off of his dark force covered body, which looks weird. It's like goopy. It's like he's like.
01:09:16
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. It's like he's got a goop on him. And it droops over. He can't do it. It's it's very, very clearly a. ah ah penis penis analogy yeah yeah yeah this is there is a clear comparison between the two of them by uh mary joe duffy here just being like this is what a good man is this is what like a scrubby shit man is and i don't want to equate impotent with uh with a lack of manliness but that is what she is doing here
01:09:54
Speaker
and Yeah, yeah. But it's also just that's that's one of his many problems. I love what they do to Vanisher here because he is such a weird creep and we've known it since the first time we've met him and this is yeah the first time we're seeing him like written in a non-crime situation as, yeah, legitimately a weirdo.
01:10:15
Speaker
And this sticks with him forever, too. Like, this is the new characterization. This is his personality now. of Of Vanisher and just, like, will be forever. He's, like, a weird, creepy Dorcas who is constantly fucking up.
01:10:31
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Why, yes, I suppose I will be your king. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. At a feast in his honor, Nightcrawler discovers that there are no native men on this planet and that they tend to pop in, stay for short periods, and disappear.
01:10:48
Speaker
The women can't answer why it happened, so they bring Kurt to their oracle, an old woman named Sev who lives in a TV screen. Okay. This is also i very Looney Tunes.
01:10:59
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. She looks like the grandma from Looney Tunes, but it's on like a TV covered in this weird space age material. And it says... What does it say? There's nothing wrong with your set?
01:11:12
Speaker
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with your set. And she, for some reason, keeps calling Nightcrawler... What's the name she calls him? Gainsborough. Gainsborough. There it is. Why she call him Gainsborough?
01:11:25
Speaker
I don't know. She just starts doing that. Yes. Because we see her do it in a later issue that I read first, and I was like, do we...
01:11:38
Speaker
I surely when I go back and read bizarre adventures, number 27, I'll figure out why she started saying that. No. And then she just says yeah she's out of nowhere. Yeah. Uh, but the, the whole setup, it's very like max headroom until the granny from the, the.
01:11:56
Speaker
So Sylvester, the cat cartoons. yay Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sev the Oracle tells him he can leave by jumping in a crater called the well at the center of time. If he jumps in with everything he brought with him and nothing else, he will go home.
01:12:11
Speaker
If he leaves something behind or takes something, it will deposit him in a random, unexpected dimension. Ooh, what a um tantalizing little foreshadowing.
01:12:26
Speaker
i bet something crazy is going to happen because somebody tries to take something with them or something like that, right? Yeah, yeah, it must. It it surely wouldn't just be You wouldn't add this in there if you weren't going to do that.
01:12:39
Speaker
The motivation to bring the two characters back together. This seems deeper than that.
01:12:48
Speaker
Elsewhere, the Vanisher is living it up, surrounded by women and wine and treasure. When Nightcrawler finally finds him, Nightcrawler needs him to get home, but Vanisher doesn't want to go.
01:12:59
Speaker
They fight and eventually you and Nightcrawler eventually wrestles him to the ground and forces him to come to the well at the center of time. When they get there. Now this is Vanisher is going to try and his his greed is going to get the better of him and he's going to try to take something through the well and it's going to they're going to get spit out into a different dimension. Man. oh man. I can't wait.
01:13:20
Speaker
When they get there, Vanisher finally figures out how to use the dark force stuck to his body and clobbers Kurt, who appears to who appears back out of it a second later, like a portable hole in Looney Tunes. Yeah, he picks it All this portable hole. Yeah.
01:13:35
Speaker
he's the badisher is super scared of him after it turns out that the dark force energy doesn't stop it and saying all this weird pathetic stuff like please please don't hit me don't like to be hurt he literally says i can't stand pain it said something like like uh oh he says he's uh philosophically opposed to dying yeah save me. I'm philosophically opposed to dying. ah All this fuss, though, has attracted the attention of a big monster that keeps yelling Ooga.
01:14:15
Speaker
oh no. god That's how i imagine it. That's how it went in your head and now in my ears. So thanks. The two leap through the well and appear back with the X-Men at the exact time and place they left.
01:14:30
Speaker
Only now Vanisher is nude. He's just nude. Wait a second. Okay. because so So just to finish the story, Vanisher is nude. He teleports away on purpose this time. And a second later, so does Kurt.
01:14:46
Speaker
And there's not really a resolution. He's like, they were like, where were you? And he was like, paradise. And one day I'll go back. But right now I'm going. And then it's just bamf. And the end. Yeah. Yeah. He's tired. And he got torn, torn back from ah like just fawning all over. it yeah Well, maybe this is maybe he means hell and he's dying. And this is the last issue of Kurt of Kurt Wagner Nightcrawler ever.
01:15:12
Speaker
Yeah, could be. I'm going to hell. being um i Extremely funny to leave the vanisher nude. He uses the rest of the Dark Force energy on him, which, as it turns out, was what was covering his body. like Yeah, yeah. It formed itself into bodysuit.
01:15:37
Speaker
Eaten his costume or something, yeah, and then formed a bodysuit, and... So yeah the the moment they get back is when he realizes he's nude. And he's also in front of all of the just beautiful
Nightcrawler Mini-Series Discussion
01:15:49
Speaker
X-Men. yeah that' like yeah And and then just disappears.
01:15:57
Speaker
good All right, Pat. Just one other cute joke from but this issue. So Cerebro shows them there's half a mutant in Poughkeepsie.
01:16:08
Speaker
which is spelled, i believe, P-O-U-G-H-K-E-E-P-S-I-E. It's ah yeah an old Native American word, right? ah But Kurt says, Poughkeepsie, is it really a city with such a name? Just picturing that in his cute little German accent. And the rest of the story he's telling people, like, I need to get back home or at least to Poughkeepsie.
01:16:30
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. He's delighted by it.
01:16:35
Speaker
All right, Pat. You know, You just told me a story. Yeah. and I'm going to continue to tell stories. Oh, okay. I'm a storyteller, Matt. It's my, it what it's my duty. It's my These, these characters, they just live in your head.
01:16:52
Speaker
yeah You know, because I read about them. There are other people's stories that they're speaking through you So what I want to tell you about Matt is the Nightcrawler mini series, sort of the yeah the cream of the crown of our episode here.
01:17:11
Speaker
The cream of the crown. you Yeah, I think I'm mixing my metaphors. It's the cream of the crown. People know what I mean. i I'm certain they don't.
01:17:26
Speaker
Mutant Menace Pod at gmail.com. What's the cream of the crown? So this is the reason for the episode, right? The reason that we said, hey, let's get all of our Nightcrawler appearances together. Reson d'episode.
01:17:38
Speaker
Reson d'episode. Very good. ah So we're going to dive into it. In 1985, we're no longer, we're we're back to the present, Matt. We're back to the future, which is our past.
01:17:53
Speaker
Yeah, your kids are going to love it. Or November of 1985. We have Dave Cockrum returning to write and art this.
01:18:07
Speaker
He just couldn't stay away from his boy Nightcrawler. I know it's again, it is. This is this is a love story, Matt. m Between the writer and the character. Yeah.
01:18:18
Speaker
This is going to be a lot of fun. I'm sure i have most of my thoughts in our final thought section are going to be about this miniseries because it's, uh, it's, it's our centerpiece.
01:18:30
Speaker
So I'll stop wasting time. Nightcrawler number one. How much is that boggy in the window? What that's boggy with a B writer slash artist, Dave Cockrum colorist Patty.
01:18:44
Speaker
if Just Patty. Yeah. ah Patty is Patty Cockrum. This is a comic book artist who happens to be Dave Cockrum's wife.
01:18:54
Speaker
And you would know her if you, I think, bought a slushie from 7-Eleven in the 70s or 80s that had a picture of Spider-Man on it. She did a lot of the promotional art for for Marvel. I actually didn't.
01:19:11
Speaker
But she was a I think I may have had some slushies in the 80s. Honestly, I was I was old enough by the end of the eighty s i She she was in the Marvel bullpen for a long time picking up work like that. She did some covers. I know she did a lot of the the art in handbooks. If you had the official handbooks, did some what ifs. She did one amazing Spider-Man. She did one issue of the cat.
01:19:40
Speaker
So she's got a yeah like as an artist, she's got a resume resume. But um she also loved coloring for Dave Cockrum and loved Dave Cockrum.
01:19:53
Speaker
Letterer Jim Novak, editor in Nocenti and editor in chief Dim Cooter. So have i no, I've used that one. Hang on. Sorry. Uh, i'm On my copy, it says Bushrod Washington, 1798 to 1829, but I don't know why mine says that. An editor-in-chief, Bushrod Washington. And these are – this is – This is the artist, writer, colorist, letterer, editor, and editor-in-chief for the entire miniseries. so That is correct.
01:20:26
Speaker
I think there's a different letterer. got that one right, Matt. There's a different inker and letterer on and ah issue number four. Joseph Rubenstein and Diana Albert. at one rate Sorry, say those names again so we can properly honor them.
01:20:41
Speaker
There's a the on issue number four, Inker's Joseph Rubenstein and the letter is Diana Albert. So you didn't get that one right.
Kurt's Adventure in Different Dimensions
01:20:51
Speaker
Read the damn comic. Kurt, as usual, is training in the danger room overseen by Kitty and Ileana.
01:20:58
Speaker
Ileana's wearing a Michael Jackson shirt. Kitty is fucking riding him. She is like ah ah making him sweat and laughing about it with Ileana. Yeah, he's like, I didn't think there were supposed to be rockets in this training. And she's like, you got to got to keep on your toes.
01:21:13
Speaker
Bitch. You know, she says bitch. Yeah, she calls him bitch. She's moved on. for She's not scared of him anymore, at least. Kurt tells them, tells Kitty and Eliana about Bizarre Adventures number 27. And Kitty uses the computers to generate a replica, a replica of the well at the center of time.
01:21:33
Speaker
Oh, remember that? But turns out it's not a replica and a weird flying squid reaches out of it and grabs Lockheed, pulling him and Nightcrawler through a dimensional portal. They escape the grasp of the squid thing, only to find themselves dropped into the middle of a flying pirate ship.
01:21:51
Speaker
Oh, yeah. the Flying squid, Matt. They crash into the deck. and Lockheed says a curse word and it's four letters. So I imagine they crash down and Nightcrawler's like, oh, I think I just located dislocated my whole body. And Lockheed says, fuck!
01:22:14
Speaker
I do love this, that he's like extremely foul mouthed. If we if we can't understand what he's actually saying, we might as assume that we might as well assume that he's just cursing. He's just cursing up his door. The pirates, convinced that Nightcrawler is some kind of boggy, take him to be hostile at first. But upon seeing his skill and his charm, decide to take him on to their crew.
01:22:37
Speaker
He says, I'm not a boggy. and it's like and he's like, and what also what's a boggy? Fucking if you don't wanna know what a boggy is, how do you know you're not a boggy? How do you know you're not a boggy? You might be a boggy.
01:22:52
Speaker
It's kind of it's at first you you kind of skip by it because every third word that these pirates say is made up. OK, he is made up or is existing pirate slang. Man. Yeah. A lot of pirate priority.
01:23:10
Speaker
It's exhausting to read. Not as exhausting as some of the later characters. yes Man, you know every fucking character except for Nightcrawler in this series speaks in like a crazy dialect. um And everyone's calling him Boggy.
01:23:27
Speaker
This is a good time to to mention that you're level of suspension of disbelief here should be sky pirates. the riding They're riding like pirate ships that you would see in the ocean, but through the sky. And there's flying squid.
01:23:44
Speaker
And i I think what they're... Boggy, it means, like, the same thing... The same place you get, like, boogeyman, right? i think i think it's... Clearly, there's something here called a boggy that they consider to be sort of, like, lower form. Someone that they would kick around or, like, maybe they make them work in the kitchens or whatever. Right. But it's... it's it's it's I think it's... um I think it's based on, like, the boggart...
01:24:14
Speaker
The Boggart the bogggart myth, which actually, you know, like it cauterized into a specific thing ah post Harry Potter, but it used to just be like ah a generic, like, oh, a ah a ghoul, a gremlin, a goblin. It was a was called Boggart. And then, you know, it changed into, ah you know, that's where you get Boogeyman. That's where you get Bugbear. That's where you get Bugaboo.
01:24:43
Speaker
All of that comes from Bogger. Damn, I didn't know that. And they all say, and his, his ah what does he call it? His companion, the Bandersnatch, which is just straight from.
01:24:56
Speaker
Bandersnitch, Matt. Because he's small. A large one would be a Bandersnatch. they They make it clear through the crowd discussion when they see him. Okay, so yeah. That's just taken from Through to the Looking Glass. So it's just a Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland thing. Yes. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of, i think... Borrowed stuff.
01:25:17
Speaker
you Borrowed ideas, yes, yeah. they have That are... Half homage and half how do I make this story work? Yeah. And, ah and like you know, maybe maybe a half homage, half how do i make this story work, and then 25 more percent for 125 percent ah just theft. There's some, like, jokes that are just fucking yeah Monty Python or whatever. Sure. Sure.
01:25:44
Speaker
After a week or so of Kurt hanging out and teaching them how to play poker, the Sky Pirates happen across a Royal Skyship carrying a member of the Royal family. oh oh boy, a Royal Space Queen.
01:25:58
Speaker
i can't wait to meet her. do They clarify that while it's a week for Kurt, it's only been a few moments back in the danger room. Time works differently in this space pirate dimension. Yeah, the entire time there's a framing device where Kitty and Ileana are like trying to retrieve Kurt from this time. They're panicking and yeah yeah getting it wrong each time. It's very funny.
01:26:23
Speaker
It's funny. it's It has very little to do with the story. So we kind of so we sketch of skip over it. Very little impact. Yeah. They prepare to invade it, the the royal ship, and start peppering it with cannon fire, but Kurt demands they stop.
01:26:39
Speaker
This is our job, they respond. So Kurt grabs the cannon and points it at the deck until they agree to stop. Yeah. now Now unwelcome with the pirates, Kurt teleports over to the Royal Cruiser. They also take him for a boggy, but he explains himself again and they agree to take him to their destination.
01:26:58
Speaker
The city, Amy Anora. I love Amy Anora. She was robbed of the Oscar last year. The only thing they won't do is let them talk to their princess, Jinjav Sabri.
01:27:15
Speaker
Jinjaps a break. When they dock at Amy and Nightcrawler tries to talk to the princess again, but they block his way and try to pay him in gold. He's insulted by this and knocks it from their hands, teleporting his way through the marketplace. He's getting a little a little self-righteous here.
01:27:32
Speaker
Yeah, yeah ah how dare you offer me gold? All I wanted to do was bone your princess. he says He says my loyalties are not for sale. and They're trying to pay you for the thing you already did. And then a fucking minute later, he steals a cloak.
01:27:49
Speaker
So what sort of goddamn moral code is this? You could have taken the gold and then bought the cloak. He's just mad that he can't talk to the pretty lady. Exactly. yeah Princess is supposed to be beautiful, by the way.
01:28:03
Speaker
Yeah. She's just all these people are just. um I don't know, just highly decorated orange humans. Yeah, yeah.
01:28:13
Speaker
So far, that's all the creatures we've seen. Unbeknownst to Kurt, however, Jinjav Sabri was kidnapped by hooded figures moments later. ah Yeah, off panel.
01:28:25
Speaker
Kurt sees the crowd pat he at it kurtz sees the crowd panic because they believe him to be a boggy. So he finds a disguise to roam around with Lockheed curled around his neck. But soon, a young girl runs up to him and asks for his help.
01:28:38
Speaker
Her brother has been wounded by the, by brigands. When Kurt follows her into a dark alley, he's knocked unconscious by the pirates from earlier. oh those guys!
01:28:50
Speaker
They hit him hard. And, and they use a gold serving tray blong Lockheed on the head. it's So hard that it like, it bends around his fucking skull.
01:29:02
Speaker
The pirates like, Good thing I stole this serving tray. and
01:29:10
Speaker
ah When Kurt wakes up, he and Lockheed are on a ship being carried by one of those flying squid things like a blimp ship. And the captives and they they they're the captives of a shark man named Shagreen, the sorcerer. Yeah, he's just a shark guy.
01:29:27
Speaker
And he goes he does this all the time. Oh man it's worse than the pirate thing. Between words. Mid sentence. yeah ah Yeah. All of his S's are long like that and then just between words he'll just do it. Also he looks like a He-Man toy because he's got that like those like weird underwear with like a giant belt.
01:29:50
Speaker
and ah And a gem in the middle of it. He's a shark with arms, so he's got very much a shark body, which is just like kind of formless, but his arms and legs are jacked. Jacked. Yes. Yeah. This you this look at a shark's head of 100% like a He-Man character. Yeah. um Ridiculous.
01:30:10
Speaker
ah This issue is kind of actually like a little tedious. I thought this one was this one was tough. And I got to say, yeah I'm a fan of this miniseries. I really enjoyed my time here. This one was tough to get through.
01:30:26
Speaker
This... Yes. It it gets better. Pretty much every issue is a little bit better than the issue before it. Yeah. they i would So... Two things and maybe this will help going forward. I was going to save this for my final thoughts, but I'll say it right now. I number one, i think this is a comedy. This is yeah why like intentionally is made as a comedy. So ridiculous slapsticky things happen. We're supposed to laugh at them.
01:30:53
Speaker
i But it takes an issue and a half to find its feet, right? it's It's doing a lot of world building up top. It kind of does it in annoying ways where you have to listen to these or read these like long monologues ah or people talking nonsense. Have you seen the movie Bullet Train?
01:31:17
Speaker
Of course not. i This, I i think, but lines up exactly like that. If you couldn't make it through the first quarter of Bullet Train because it's long and it's doing a lot of intense world building that will pay off later, then yeah, you... you were you of Of course, there's nothing nothing of value. I wouldn't blame you for doing that. But if you stay through all four quarters...
01:31:48
Speaker
You're coming out on top. this is This is all going to come around. You're going to enjoy the hell out of yourself. And you saw something funnier than it had any right to be by the end.
01:31:58
Speaker
This is for all you listeners who saw the movie Bullet Train. Yeah, probably very few of you. But I will tell you that if you can push past the slow start, it's a good, it's very fun.
01:32:11
Speaker
Pat, let me tell you about Nightcrawler number two. a boggy day in L'Undentone. L'Undentone. Pat, I figured this out. I cracked this code. i'd been I've been working on this all week. No way. What's mean?
01:32:27
Speaker
Do you know, London Town he's co to wouldn is code for London Town. this yeah how they say London Town in Space Pirate. London Town. Yes, it's supposed to be London Town. Isn't that crazy? There's so many references to i felt things that couldn't possibly...
01:32:54
Speaker
They couldn't know about. It's the level of ah disbelief that we're willing to suspend here because Dave Cockrum is just having a good time with his favorite guy.
01:33:05
Speaker
I filled up five notebooks trying to figure out that London town was London town. just You got there, buddy. Release date, September 10th, 1985. Cover date, December 1985. Kurt.
01:33:17
Speaker
He finds himself face to face with chagrin, restrained and unable to teleport due to the wizard's magic. He continues to insist he's not a Boggy while Shagreen explains he's studying him to learn about teleportation, which all Boggies can do.
01:33:33
Speaker
He'll figure it out even if he has to dissect Kurt to do it. ah One of the other hooded guys is carrying Lockheed and he's carrying him by his tail and just like...
01:33:45
Speaker
uh with his with his like two fingers like holding his tail between his two fingers as if like if you're holding up a dead fish and you're like kitty and iliana meanwhile continue to panic in the danger room control room that they've killed kurt the narrator lets us know that while it's been more than a week for kurt to them he's only been gone a few minutes Yeah, we get reminded.
01:34:08
Speaker
But then it's the it is funny that they're like, shit, shit, shit. What did we do? How did we do this? why did How did we open a well of time in the danger room? Did we kill Kurt? Fuck. Cut back to the pirates who are partying at the tavern when they hear that the princess they were trying to kidnap was actually kidnapped by Shagreen.
01:34:28
Speaker
That's the shark wizard, man. The perfect opportunity, the captain says, to double cross the fish face and kidnap the princess themselves. How's that? Here's that was that was good. well Here's a question. Yeah.
01:34:40
Speaker
Does Shagreen know what a fish is?
01:34:46
Speaker
They're in the sky and this is where they're finding squid. Well, I guess he's a shark man, but people will keep calling him fish face. Like, is there. in this world, probably fish.
01:35:00
Speaker
Like, this is probably normal in this world that there's a guy who's part shark, right? If fish are this other thing... Well, sharks are fish. That's what I'm saying. If fish are this other thing to them, this this flying thing to them, and also sometimes men...
01:35:20
Speaker
How is it? in inside That's like me calling you human face. Well, that's what I'm saying is like they don't have fish in this world. They just have men that have faces like fish. So if somebody was like, hey, fish face, they'd be like, what's a fish? This is a person's face. But they also have squid. So I'm assuming they do have fish, but just fish that fly.
01:35:42
Speaker
Maybe they call the birds fish.
01:35:46
Speaker
And this guy, because he's because it's shaped like a shark's head, they think it's like a bird. I think it kind of looks like a bird. He's kind of got a beak. Meanwhile, Kurt frets in his restraints, not noticing three sets of eyes staring at him from them staring at him from the mirror he's next to.
01:36:02
Speaker
They emerge from it and he notices and lets out a little yelp because there's three little blue bat men with yellow eyes and fangs looking um a lot like Nightcrawler.
01:36:15
Speaker
They're boggies. Boggies. We finally see that. When I say, when you say to bat men, we're not talking about, it's bat hyphen men. they They have big ears like Nightcrawler. They also have like the the webbing between their bodies and armpits and like like elbows. They're bat ears though. They're like more bat like than Nightcrawler's ears are.
01:36:41
Speaker
They're shaped intentionally to look like a cross between Nightcrawler's ears and a bat's ears. Also, is Nightcrawler based on a bat? Because i have I think you're kind of forgetting how big and bat like Dave Cockrum makes Nightcrawler's ears because everybody else just makes him have pointy human ears. But Cockrum has always made him have just like big wild ears.
01:37:07
Speaker
Hmm. And they talk in this like, but how would you describe this? Like it's, It's like an impish kind of like, oh, not so fast. We hasn't fallen off the turnip. They also they'd they know what a Turok is. Yes. Like a a cat has cheeseburger sort of. Boggy Nest raise no dummies. It didn't like a Yoda.
01:37:29
Speaker
um Yes. If Yoda got really into memes in like the early aughts. Yeah. I just want somebody in this fucking miniseries to talk normal. It's so tiring. Yeah.
01:37:42
Speaker
They explain they're being hunted by Shagreen for their teleportation abilities, and his magic has the same effect on them. They are able to hide in Mirror World, but that's no place to make a home. Good thing fucking Shagreen keeps a mirror in his dungeon.
01:37:59
Speaker
Yes, right next to his person restrainer. ah Kurt promises to help the Boggies and they break him out of his restraints. They let him know that Shagreen is actually about to kill the princess right now. A sacrifice to an evil god that gives him evil powers. The god Cthulhu Shumagorath. Oh, i did not pick that up.
01:38:24
Speaker
ah Yeah, ah all of this there's like his he gives a He's casting a spell at some point, and it's Loctus et miribus piri catar numbus agnosticus, and it says, i put it, the it's Latin for places and wonders of the pear tree. The cloud is unknowable.
01:38:46
Speaker
hu And he says ah he mentions Hades. So like this is just a ton of different shit all slapped. He's having fun. That's the when I say you you have to accept that he's doing some of this stuff when someone in another dimension is by when speaking latin in another dimension is speaking Latin and referring to Greek mythology.
01:39:13
Speaker
Shagreen's magic prevents the Boggies from entering his lair, but since Kurt isn't a real Boggie, he should be able to get in. He finds Lockheed, and they set off to stop Shagreen.
01:39:25
Speaker
The Boggies fail to tell Kurt about the Guardians of the Temple, two giant rock snake monsters that break out of the wall and attack. They're kind of Pokemon-like. Yeah, yeah, like Onix from Pokemon.
01:39:36
Speaker
But with fangs. Kurt, and oh and, you know, he's like, I noticed that Lockheed's fire is not very effective against it. That's true.
01:39:47
Speaker
That's true. In Pokemon type matchups. Lockheed uses fire. The narrator says it wasn't very effective. it wasn't very effective. Kurt and Lockheed are no match for these things, but Kurt's got a plan. As Shagreen prepares to cut open the princess, he hears a rumble coming down the hall.
01:40:04
Speaker
Suddenly, the guardians burst through the wall, hot on Kurt's tail, who has led them right here. This was so cool. And it's one of those really good Kurt leaps where he's got one foot bent under him, one foot extended in front of him, and he's covering his head with both of his hands.
01:40:21
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Very good. Dave Cockrum Kurt leap. Yeah, it's beautiful. He's in all his glory and he's got just two giant snake monsters behind him and he's saying, get him, boys. ah They managed to just. Yeah.
01:40:37
Speaker
Sorry, this is why it's worth having Dave Cockrum both draw and write here, because most of this is going to just absolute silly. i don't want to call it garbage, but garbage, right? Yes. Garbage, but good garbage. Silly good garbage.
01:40:57
Speaker
But you're going to get these panels of Nightcrawler both doing and saying the coolest fucking thing in the world. And it makes it all worth it Yeah.
01:41:09
Speaker
So they managed to distract Shagreen long enough to stop the ritual, but not long enough to escape. He's got them trapped with magic until the pirates blast a hole in the wall to mount their attack. The pirates are back, Matt. You remember them?
01:41:23
Speaker
Oh, boy. So now you get to have every person speaking annoyingly in the same page. That's right. They're talking to each other. In the frocus, Kurt picks up a metal ball on a chain and swings it as hard as he can at the orb on Chagreen's magic staff, just like the Boggies told him to do.
01:41:44
Speaker
They were right. Chagreen is powerless. Kurt, Lockheed, and the princess all start running for it. But... Nice. The explosion from the magic orb was too powerful, bringing the entire fortress there and down around them. Shagreen grabs the princess and hops onto the pirate ship for an escape, but Kurt bamps onto the ship before they can get too far.
01:42:06
Speaker
Shagreen pulls out a cutlass, but Kurt just grins in response and as he grabs his own cutlasses. One in each hand and a third in his tail. Fuck. They fence their way up to the top of the living blimp they're flying on, and thanks to Kurt having his teleportation powers back, Shagreen is eventually thrown off the side of the airship.
01:42:26
Speaker
Very impressive, though, that Shagreen with one sword manages to fend off three swords coming at him. And, like, doesn't get stabbed. Sure, but Kurt's not gonna, like...
01:42:38
Speaker
stab him he's toying with him this is again this is so cool like kurt has the upper hand here and he knows it from the moment the guy picks up a cutlass he's like uh this is my game and he pulls he picks up three cutlasses and then just starts like the the uh onomatopoeia on the page is going clink clinkity clink because he's just like attacking the sword with these three swords driving him back and then They're essentially on a blimp that they, while they fence, climb up to get onto the top of it. It's ah I'm i' was wetting my pants. And Kurt's like, I'm not yeah no very excited. He's wetting his pants. Kurt also is kind of like ah this guy. Oh, this guy's falling to his death. I should save him.
01:43:28
Speaker
But I yeah i couldn't put down there and back fast enough. you So tired. My foot hurts. ah Oh, Lockheed would get lonely.
01:43:41
Speaker
he also it's interesting. He does mention like, I should kill this dude. But as an X-Man, I'm sworn not to. Yeah. But his philosophy there is I'm not going to kill him because X-Men don't kill people. Not Kurt doesn't kill people. That's interesting, yeah.
01:44:00
Speaker
Kurt is taken back to the princess's home world where he's hailed as a hero, knighted, and is about to get down with the princess herself. When Kitty exasperatedly presses a button in the danger room and Kurt is suddenly sucked into a dimensional void. First, though, the first button she presses makes Kurt, like, retrieves Kurt's costume only.
01:44:27
Speaker
They're kind of fishing for him right through. yeah They're like, send it back, send it back. He's nude. He's nude. He's nude. And he was, they cut back and he's like, oh my God, why was I just temporarily nude? And the queen's like, the princess is like, how did you do this? then it cut closes in on her she's like, can you do it again?
01:44:49
Speaker
But no, he's sucked into a dimensional void at that moment. He finds himself spit out into a new dimension, greeted immediately by ah a a miniature version of himself calling him daddy and welcoming him welcoming him home to be continued. So this looks like the Boggies, but chubby and cartoony and wearing Nightcrawler costume.
01:45:17
Speaker
Yes. And they the face is a little more human. i think They've got like actual eyeballs, right? um they've got They've got big round eyes and a big honking clown nose. it's like They look like a big cartoon character. They're cute.
01:45:31
Speaker
They're cute. um You might recognize these guys from Kitty's Fairy Tale. As the Banffs. The Banffs. Back when Kitty thought that Nightcrawler was like a weird pervert. She so wasn wasn't entirely wrong. But, Pat, that's why this next issue, number three, is called...
01:45:55
Speaker
To Banff or not to Banff.
01:45:59
Speaker
Released date October 8th, 1985. Cover date January 1986.
01:46:05
Speaker
Surprise! Nightcrawler is in Kitty's Fairy Tale now. And all the little Banffs think he's their daddy. He's led to their village. not funny. um so funny go Go ahead.
01:46:18
Speaker
He's led to their village where the houses are made of puffballs and put on a dais where everyone chants for him. They're all yelling, Daddy! And so he says, let's hear it for Daddy! And everyone's like, Daddy! Daddy!
01:46:38
Speaker
It's so funny and so confused and agitated. There's just so many Nightcrawlers all yelling, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. Like, hope he's not even doing anything.
01:46:49
Speaker
But suddenly, Shagreen the shark sorcerer appears. He tries to blast Nightcrawler with his new staff, but the dais is actually a spellstone that repels all magic.
01:47:03
Speaker
Shagreen says, Ah, it's a spellstone! You're standing on a spellstone which repels all magic! Um...
01:47:14
Speaker
i So instead, Shagreen kidnaps the entire village of Banffs, except the one standing next to Kurt on the spellstone. Thank you, God.
01:47:26
Speaker
And dares him to come retrieve them at a place called the Fangs of Doom. The remaining Banff knows the place, but says they'll have to fly there. And he knows just the guy to help. He blows a big horn, but it summons the wrong guy.
01:47:41
Speaker
Mean. oo remember him? Remember him from Kitty's Fairy Tale? Yeah. appears in a big tornado with a case of beer under his arm. In case you don't remember him, he is the Tasmanian devil dressed up as Wolverine and and he loves to drink.
01:47:56
Speaker
Yes. He smokes a full cigar in one puff. Moments later, Lockheed, the giant talking dragon from from Kitty's Fairytale. Remember that? remember Finally arrives in response to the big horn.
01:48:10
Speaker
You know what i love about this? is Yeah. He's still got his Scottish accent. That's a detail that, uh, Just didn't make sense. This is a ah personified representation of the jet that they fly around. Yes. Yes.
01:48:24
Speaker
But they gave it as a Scottish accent. And yes, to represent Moira, I guess it's like maybe or maybe it was Irish to represent Banshee. It's hard to tell Dave Cockrum's phonetical writing whether it was what accent exactly this is supposed to be. But he agrees to take them to the fangs of doom. On the way, they pick up pirate kitty and Colossus.
01:48:47
Speaker
yeah. Remember that? Yeah, i remember them. It's he's figured it out. He's like, if you're here, do you know my friends Kitty and Peter? And it's just like in Kitty's fairy tale. Kitty is a pirate. And, you know, Kurt is a little cartoon character. Wolverine is like a weird Tasmanian devil. And Colossus is just Colossus.
01:49:15
Speaker
Colossus. His name is Peter Rasputin. He looks like Colossus. He's dressed like Colossus. He's just Colossus. He exactly like Colossus. Exactly. When they get to the island, Big Lockheed is pulled under the water by another squid thing and the gang get dumped into the ocean. How many fucking squid things are there in this fucking story? I mean, it it seems like it's a species, so probably more than three that we've seen.
01:49:42
Speaker
that was in a different dimension. Yeah. Oh, that's true. Yeah, maybe this is the only squid thing in this dimension. The point is, there's how unlucky squid things in every dimension.
01:49:55
Speaker
But this one's under the water. This one's actually a regular. This one swims. so so Yeah. Squid thing. They make their way to shore, but before they have a chance to recover, a massive swarm of dread wings attack.
01:50:09
Speaker
They're like bats with fangs and laser eyes and talons. Their sort of s escape shaped like a human skull. They look like the Sidrian hunters. um Yes, yeah but with like with faces. Yes.
01:50:23
Speaker
Somebody says Dreadwings. The very name invokes terror. i think i think it's the narrator trying to sell it. Sell it on us. Yeah, yeah. It's the scary guy. he so Even his name scares me.
01:50:41
Speaker
The gang managed to put up a pretty good fight, but the Dreadwings outnumber them and carry Pirate Kitty off to the top of the mountain. We get a brief interlude of Kitty and Ileana trying to retrieve Nightcrawler, but accidentally get a random Banff who tries to smooch them and they send it back. Anyway, Colossus, Mean, Banff, and Nightcrawler eventually find Shagreen's fortress and make their way inside.
01:51:05
Speaker
Soon, a giant block of rock gets dropped on Colossus, but he's fine. He's fine. A little bit later, though, Colossus and Mean just straight up disappear in a bright light. Yeah, why did they why have that trial and have Colossus survive it? just to a second later like It's almost like Dave Cockrum was like, oh fuck, I needed to get rid of him. yeah why did i make him cut Why did I make him okay?
01:51:26
Speaker
Ah, but the the stone thing is so cool. I'm just going to leave it. survives He survives a big rock. It's like D&D traps. It's like old school traps. Yes.
01:51:41
Speaker
ah They disappear when Nightcrawler turns to find them. He hears a bamf and sees a big puff of smoke. Oh, it's one of his little bamf friends, I bet. No, no, no. Standing in front of him is a creature that looks like a bamf, but is five times his size with big fangs and orange fur instead of blue. It calls itself Dark Bamf.
01:52:03
Speaker
And starts attacking Kurt. I love him. love Dark Bamf. He's just a big, he's just a big orange bamf. He's a big orange But he's mean. yeah And yeah, he's not like, he's not whimsical.
01:52:18
Speaker
No. still kind of goofy and adorable. He's like, I will, horrible you puny insect, I will destroy you. You will not survive against the might of dark bamf. Dark bamf.
01:52:30
Speaker
Nightcrawler gets his whole ass beat by Dark Banff. And when he wakes up, he and all his new friends are strapped to a machine in front of Shagreen the Sorcerer to be continued.
01:52:41
Speaker
To be concluded. To be concluded. um There's ah Kitty and Peter's ship is called the Abdul Alhazred.
01:52:56
Speaker
That's another Lovecraft thing. That is the mad monk who wrote the Necronomicon. Okay. Is named Abdul Alhazred. So I guess they've also got i Lovecraft in this dimension. For people to be naming their ships after his character. I see what you're saying. so not only So in the other dimension...
01:53:21
Speaker
Lovecraft's gods were real but all like mixed up with each other. Yeah, yeah. Like all like like merged. And in this dimension, HP Lovecraft was was a real person who wrote real stories who you would name your ship after.
01:53:38
Speaker
Or the mad monk al Abdul Alhazred is just like a real famous guy here. Everyone loves him. And they love him. They love him. I'm gonna name my boat after him. You know what?
01:53:52
Speaker
and And other note, um this was the same in Kitty's Fairytale, too. But fucking mean is just drinking, just pounding a six-pack of Coors at all times.
01:54:07
Speaker
It's Coors. He's like just like my dad. he Yeah. Although it's Coors Gold. It's not Coors Light. Okay. All right. And he puts the whole six-pack in his mouth.
01:54:20
Speaker
Chomps down on it to drink all the beer and then shoots the beer cans out like bullets. God, imagine how refreshing that would be if you like, okay, if you didn't mind the the feel of,
01:54:35
Speaker
And strength of metal and cardboard in your mouth. Yeah. If your teeth could handle it. But you just chomp down and all that liquid just spills out of all these little containers all the into your mouth.
01:54:47
Speaker
Fuck, that would be refreshing. I want to do that with like plain shelter. Oh, I was i said gushers. Gushers.
01:54:57
Speaker
That is the whole fantasy of Gushers, right? The Gushers read this and was like, fuck, I want to do that. And it's like, is?
01:55:09
Speaker
How can we make, how can we put more liquid inside than should fit the... right, Pat, do you want me to conclude? Do you want me to ask you?
01:55:23
Speaker
Do you want us together as friends? Nightcrawler number four, The Wizard of Oops. Release date November 5th, 1985. Cover date February 1986. Ooh, Pat.
01:55:38
Speaker
1986. Yeah. I'm almost not dead anymore. Whoa. Cat and Kitty, Peter, Mean, and Kurt are all restrained by some weird fleshy device while the shark wizard Chagrin celebrates having finally captured the boggy. Yeah.
01:55:55
Speaker
kurt says i'm not a boggy and the bamf says yeah he's a bamf and kurt has to say i'm not a bamf this is if this is where that joke really pays off um also kurt's like how did you uh how did you get to this dimension how'd you learn to teleport and shagreen is just like you'd like to know wouldn't you because i'm not gonna tell you the Petulant little child. He's so catty. Yeah. um
01:56:27
Speaker
So the little Banff, meanwhile, creeps through the dungeon below and manages to knock out the single guard keeping watch. This is where there's just a fucking Monty Python joke.
01:56:39
Speaker
Because he's like, your mother sweats bacon grease. And he's like, oh, yeah, you know, mom. she's She's great, isn't he? And she he's like, your sister snorts elderberries. Yeah.
01:56:50
Speaker
Which is makes the pig man mad. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's very silly. And yes, directly stolen from Monty Python. I man, there's no I like Monty Python. Right.
01:57:05
Speaker
But there is no humor in the world. I like less. I would rather listen to one of these fucking Austin comedians with their edgy racial material for two hours than have to have a conversation with somebody whose form of joking is just Monty Python references. Yes. It's very, ah I think, Rick and Morty where, like...
01:57:28
Speaker
I see it. I understand it. I don't ever need to discuss it again. It's just... Yeah, exactly. good Hey, I laughed at those jokes. Don't say knights who say me to me.
01:57:39
Speaker
Ever. Fucking ever. You don't ever need to just say a joke from Monty Python as if you're making a joke. Yes, that's not your joke. No. And it's not fucking funny outside of Monty Python. Except for in this case...
01:57:57
Speaker
When Dave Cockrum uses it to to have the band full of guard. Does not make me laugh. i chuckled. ah I liked the ah your mother sweats bacon grease and he's like, oh, you know my mom? I like it i liked that. That was fun.
01:58:11
Speaker
Anyway, he and Lockheed, the the little one, our little hour Lockheed. break into the cell to discover to his delight that they found all of the kidnapped lady Banffs. Oh, now remember these Banffs are horned up. They are never not on.
01:58:31
Speaker
Every BAMF horny. So walks in and he's like, yes, Lady BAMFs, what's up? Do you want to come to my room instead of this dungeon? And not only are they horned up, they are creepy, right? That's how Kitty made BAMF. So he's like, yes he's like, ooh, he's like, I can't believe I'm about to let them out of this dungeon.
01:58:52
Speaker
Yes. Oh, this is my dream. I have them all a room to myself and I'm the only They're all captive. I have to let them go. i have them captive in front of me and they're helpless. Fuck off. And he's saying this to them and they hate him.
01:59:08
Speaker
Yeah, they're not. They're not into it. Um, But this this fucking scene rules. Yes. Another one of those like, thank God I put up with everything. So I get to see this. Yes. Because riding Lockheed, he and the lady Banffs charge into battle, toppling sugar. And they charge directly at the at the reader. Right. at the Yeah. At the camera.
01:59:35
Speaker
um toppling Chagreen and trying to free Kurt before they can though Chagreen knocks them all unconscious with a spell he's about to kill all of them when a hole bursts in the wall it's Windrider remember her?
01:59:50
Speaker
that is Storm remember riding in on Big Lockheed here to save everyone she and Chagreen match power blasts there's also a scene here um where Kitty and Ileana accidentally so ah accidentally pulled Dark Banff yes they're like they're like okay that was a mini bam so what if we just set our calibrate our device to get the biggest bamf around and then it's dark bamf and he's like uh hey put the room back the way it was yeah And they send him back and he's talking to, ah he's talking to Shagreen. Shagreen's like, where the hell did you go? And he's like, i don't know. It was weird. and And he's like, dark BAMP only pawn in game of life. Yeah.
02:00:37
Speaker
Oh, yeah you're right. Dark Pants rolls. He's great. I love him. Kurt takes this opportunity, having discovered that the device restraining them is actually a living creature to tickle it with his tail.
02:00:52
Speaker
I told you he uses his tail. That's how he gets out of it. That's that's the saving. That is the like ace in the hole that saves the day is Kurt tickling the machine with his tail.
02:01:05
Speaker
He discovers the machine is a living being with nerves and that he can tickle it.
02:01:12
Speaker
Better not let me discover your living because I'll tickle you. So, uh... it's It spits them all out. They then and they they join the battle. They jump in with Shagreen and Dark Banff and Kurt immediately tries to bash the same spot on the wizard staff. But but Shagreen already thought of that.
02:01:36
Speaker
He moved the source of his magic power to a totally different place now. Ah, you'll never find it. At this moment, a frustrated Earth-616 kitty accidentally accidentally projects her visage from the danger room into the sky of the big battle before accidentally teleporting herself right into the middle of it.
02:01:58
Speaker
Little Lockheed leaps into her arms just before Illyana presses some buttons at random. Ha! And teleports the two of them right back. Kitty tries to use the same sequence to pull Kurt back too, but Ileana has no idea what she pressed. She's like, I don't know.
02:02:16
Speaker
I wasn't looking. i had my eyes closed. She screams at a kitty. like the yo You finally did it right. This is where I finally was like, okay, these issues fucking rule. I've been having so much fun. um Shagrin is engaged in a power story, but also if only one button does it,
02:02:38
Speaker
Just try all the buttons, guys! Anyway. um While Shagreen is engaged in a power struggle with Windrider, Kurt manages to steal his staff, gambling that he was lying, and actually just moved the source of his power to a different place on the staff, and he's right!
02:02:58
Speaker
Windrider zaps a powerless chagrin and Kurt smashes the little gem he finds on the bottom of the staff. Pat, that's like when you get an email saying like your, somebody used your correct password to log into your account and we stopped them. So please update your password. And you're like, all right, I got it.
02:03:17
Speaker
I'll put a exclamation point at the end. That's that is what this guy's doing with his staff. He is. the i I just love ah him being like, you'll never find out where it is.
02:03:34
Speaker
you don't think he's going to check the staff? There's another gem on your staff, man. And it wasn't there before. Suddenly, Dark Banff.
02:03:47
Speaker
So all all of Shagreen's magic disappears, right? So suddenly, Dark Banff transforms back into a hundred little Banffs. All the boy Banffs that were missing. yeah That's pretty good. And it also explains why I loved Dark Banff. Because he was just the evil version of all hundred regular boy Banffs squeezed together. Man, they come back and they're horned up, right? They're like, oh, all the girl bamps are here. And then they're like they're like, battle stations, girls. like And then everybody bamps away. Like, this is just their lives as they chase each other around. Yeah. um Although... ah the The girls seem more interested in regular Nightcrawler.
02:04:29
Speaker
They ah are disgusted by the Banffs. And at first, like, they show you all the Lady Banffs. And the assumption is like, okay, I guess all the boy Banffs are horny and all the the Lady Banffs are... No, they are just as bad when they see Kurt and they're like, now that's a man. And they all...
02:04:48
Speaker
go in on him using the exact same sort of like language to pick up lines and uh yeah just come back to me come back to my place uh kiss him without his consent yeah it's very it's a it's a good subversion it is yeah yeah yeah it's fun um but they must bone the boy bamfs because they make more bamfs you know Yeah, I'll tell you, Banff that was riding with Kurt and then freed all of them, I think he's got with a little charisma, he's going to have good night. He's going to do just fine. He's going to have a good time. All right, so suddenly Kurt finds himself being pulled into the dimensional void again and spit back out in a new dimension.
02:05:34
Speaker
beats up a T-Rex cowboy named Cretaceous Sam. Cretaceous Sam, Matt. Yeah. I have never been more enamored with three panel villain. I'm going to drill you good. While I hold the orange swoggled, it's a mammal.
02:05:54
Speaker
he
02:05:57
Speaker
I hate mammals. Who was that bogey? oh he's it's awesome there's a very good bit because number one he meets a t-rex and a cowboy hat and cowboy vest and double pistols at his side i'm cretaceous sam the rootin is tootin is rip-roaring this roughest tough is marmot west of the tar pits and he hates mammals so he's about to shoot kurt and kurt's like i'm not a mammal i'm a uh uh
02:06:29
Speaker
i I'm a boggy. And when Cretaceous Sam's like, what's a boggy? Kurt punches him on the jaw and knocks him out. He takes down a T-Rex. This is...
02:06:43
Speaker
He is at the top of my submission list for the Loser League. This is incredible. yeah he's So ah the whole process repeats and now he's attacked by a big green bug monster who's yelling Ooga.
02:07:01
Speaker
ah Pat, it's the Ooga Beast from Bizarre Adventures number 27. He didn't think of it. They don't have another name for it. He just calls it the Ooga Beast. yeah He knows where he is now. He finds Sev the Oracle. Remember?
02:07:17
Speaker
Yes, the Max Headroom lady. He still actually has a little dark force energy left from Bizarre Adventures number 27, which drew the portal to him in the first place. Every jump since then has been every jump since then has been Kitty in the danger room though What's more, he's had the power to go home all along.
02:07:36
Speaker
Doing so should burn off any residual dark force in him so the problem's all solved. He thinks real hard about his friends and family and love and then teleports back home. Kitty and Ileana are relieved they didn't kill Kurt.
02:07:50
Speaker
The end.
02:07:53
Speaker
And ah Kitty has a Playgirl collection, the end. ah Yeah, apparently. Because they asked him about the the time they accidentally removed his clothes. He says, i don't think you're old enough for that. And Kitty's like, yeah not old enough. You should see Ileana's Playgirl collection. Yeah. um Which means that they look at them together.
02:08:16
Speaker
theyre They're roommates. And Kitty knows all about the Playgirl collection. They're sharing play. yeah It's a shared collection. Yeah, absolutely. Ileana's the one bold enough to go out and buy them. Yeah, it's kept the on Ileana's side of the room.
02:08:31
Speaker
Yeah. Ileana will show up at ah at a corner store and say, hey, I'm looking for the dick mags. Yeah, yeah. Give me the porn. i i want porn. I'm looking to see men's penises.
02:08:44
Speaker
And balls. ah Overall, man... i okay this last issue was the best issue of the miniseries 100 but i gotta stress like it doesn't work it is i was laughing out loud reading this i would not have without this the curves this story took in the first three issues it really ties this stuff back together yes in a very satisfying conclusion and pays off
02:09:17
Speaker
so many of the jokes the the him insisting he's not a boggy through all four issues just getting progressively funnier as it happens like it it is brilliant comedic timing in the pace of a four issue miniseries only to only for the the punch line to be him ah telling cretaceous Cretaceous Sam that he is a Boggy. That he is a Boggy. Because he doesn't want to be eaten. he doesn't get eaten. eaten
02:09:54
Speaker
It's so good and so stupid. Yeah, sorry. No, I do wonder if if if like when Cockrum started drawing and writing, if he was like, I'm going to write an adventure story and then was like, oh, this is getting silly. I'm just going to lean into the silliness. Or if from the very beginning he was like, I'm gonna write a silly one.
02:10:13
Speaker
was like, I'm going to write a comedy. i I honestly can't tell which one happened, but I'm going let i'm glad that it turned out the way it did. Like it it it morphed from something that was kind of tedious and, um you know, just like generic into something that was really special.
02:10:37
Speaker
Yes. Yeah, yeah. this could have This could have gone very wrong, but it didn't. It didn't. It was good. I think that's how I feel about this whole this whole episode, right? it's just It's a bunch of issues that are written by so kind of subpar writers, but tackling these issues ideas that it's just just having Kurt bouncing around and being Kurt elevates their writing to something very fun and very cool. Exactly. It's I think it's like that sort of that roguish swashbuckler who what writer doesn't want to get their hands on a character like that and just have fun with them.
02:11:16
Speaker
Right. Like usually in a Spider-Man team up, it would be an equal share of Spider-Man and whoever he's teaming up with being idiots. Right. But these writers clearly like Kurt more. So, yeah, even through those issues, he's the star when he teams up with Spider-Man. That's insane. Yeah. Nobody upstages Spider-Man. Except for. um We're going to see some more. I said subpar writers. We're going to see some more Mary Jo Duffy in not not too long from now. And I'm curious how you're going to feel about her other stuff.
02:11:54
Speaker
um What have you read from her in the future or in the past? ah Just the stuff that we've come across in this X-Men run. Okay, so very, very little. um Yeah, yeah. Yeah. but i've I've liked everything she's done so far. It's been fun.
02:12:09
Speaker
And like an interesting take on whatever whoever's been writing it at the time. Yeah, I think she's a fun writer. Like I don't think she doesn't have the depth of ah like a Claremont, but she's very she's a very fun writer. And I think the series that we're going to see from her is a little um haphazard.
02:12:31
Speaker
But very fun. Yeah, what else? Also, it's just kind of cool. Like, i think that's what what you're saying is true. these are This is just like when you have... What we just did was took a tour through Nightcrawler walking through the rest of the Marvel Universe outside the X-Men.
02:12:48
Speaker
Yeah. And... Everyone loves him. And he's the same takes. Yeah. He's like, he steals the show every single time. i think that's, that's a really interesting character to have in your universe.
02:13:02
Speaker
Yes, exactly. No, you're is it's sorry. When you said it, I was, i realized that I was just going to repeat what I said, but I can do it. Concise. I think.
02:13:14
Speaker
um Yeah, exactly. I think that he is Probably really exciting as an artist to write the not just as a writer, but to be able to. essentially draw an acrobat, right? is as Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. As somebody studies anatomy and just find those poses and working them into this sort of action. But also to be able to, yeah.
02:13:42
Speaker
A very handsome blue man. Yeah, yeah, to be able to add that, like, extra cool thing into the ah into the imagery, right?
02:13:54
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Well, fucking, i look. Yeah. Nightcrawler's so cool. Kurt Rupert, Nightcrawler. Kurt Rupert. This guy fucking rules. This guy fucks.
02:14:06
Speaker
Kurt Rupert, this guy fucks. He's got an eye out of stuff that you could buy out. If you had time machine that you would like to try out. It's at the old, old.
02:14:20
Speaker
Matt. Patrick. It's time for Pat Steels and Deals. That's what I'm here for. We took a little trip back in time today.
02:14:30
Speaker
yeah And we're to go with some ads that hail from... a From a few years before, we're going to take a little trip back in time. Just a little step word backwards. We're going take a little trip back in time. This might be an ad that your grandparents would have... Not that far.
02:14:52
Speaker
I don't think our listeners are that young. They seem to they seem to scale up age-wise. They seem to be... Yeah, I think a lot of them are older than us. Which is good.
02:15:03
Speaker
Yes. We like that. Not disparaging, just... noticing i anyway met. Yes. New invention.
02:15:15
Speaker
Chemical white.
02:15:19
Speaker
$1.49 each postage paid. Chemical light is for dangerous missions, exploring emergencies, camping, and a thousand and one other uses. This amazing six inch light stick developed for the Navy stores for years and is ready to provide a light without batteries, pads and external wires.
02:15:40
Speaker
Pat. Yes. This is a glow stick. This is Matt. This is not just a glow stick. This is the invention of the glow stick. This is just kind of a glow stick is what it is.
02:15:57
Speaker
Man, imagine going to a rave and being like, hey, guys, I got all these cool chemical lights that you can wear on your body. You guys want some chemical light? Sorry, I only ah wear all natural lights on my I only wear organic lights on my It's so so dollar forty nine each.
02:16:19
Speaker
Okay special. Yes five for six twenty five No, I can get a fucking hundred of these for five bucks Not when they were a brand new invention. Just just brought over from the Navy
02:16:35
Speaker
Oh, man. It looks like the ah the the hand. This is an illustration. It looks like he's holding like a Simpsons style plutonium rod. Yes, it does. Yeah. All right. Which is definitely what first caught my eye. Okay. So light is for dangerous missions, exploring emergencies, camping, and 1,001 other uses. Pat, let's see how many we can get that don't involve those.
02:17:00
Speaker
Let's go back and forth. i Going to a rave. Okay. um Illumining your car on the side of the road. Sure. ah Part of a Halloween costume.
02:17:12
Speaker
oh Okay. Yeah, sure. um
02:17:18
Speaker
Dropping into the water to see the ocean floor. Ooh. Trying to break them open and pour them on your clothes or skin to see if that will glow. I did that a lot.
02:17:31
Speaker
You could drink them yeah and die. You can drink them. You won't die if you just drink a little bit, but but don't drink them. Don't try that. You're already kind of running thin, man.
02:17:44
Speaker
You can chew on them. They're kind of nice on your teeth if you have like a a chewing thing, but you don't want to break them open because refer to our last ah thing. Don't drink them.
02:17:56
Speaker
um You can...
02:18:02
Speaker
i I don't have another thing. You could plug a hole with them the size of, like, it's just a rod that you could, like, you could use it as a dowel. You could, you could do that. Yeah, so there's not a thousand and one other uses for this fucking glow stick. Pat, this is your worst deals of deals yet.
02:18:21
Speaker
This is not my worst. You've got an eye out of stuff that you buy out. If you had time machine that you would like to try out, it can't steal.
02:18:32
Speaker
Steal.
02:18:35
Speaker
ah folks Oh, folks. That was a fun deals and deals. Thank you so much for being here. You just called it my worst. I mean, it was the worst product that you tried to advertise me. Except for that one where you where that product was they steal my ideas. Yes.
02:18:53
Speaker
send us Send us your ideas. otherwise ah Okay. i You gotta, folks, you've got to.
02:19:06
Speaker
Keep listening. You got to keep listening until we're done our little spiel here. And why the time. What's going on? in that You should rest assured that you can do something to help us out. If you, if you enjoy the show, hey you got there. You came around.
02:19:24
Speaker
That could be. it was Oh, now I forgot all the other stuff. That could be... Signing on Patreon. You can get go to our Patreon in the show notes. You can follow us on Instagram at MutantMenacePod. You can follow us on YouTube. And yeah like and share and so subscribe in all those places because yeah it helps us. On Patreon, you can even subscribe for free.
02:19:51
Speaker
um Or for a dollar or whatever amount you want. It's really, there's some good stuff on there. If you want to be featured on Pat's email corner, or even if you just want to chat with us, mutantmenasepod at gmail.com. You need to specify if you don't want to be on Pat's email corner. Yeah, please. I will read your email on air.
02:20:14
Speaker
Big thanks to Julia Selle for providing the voice of Trish Tilde. Huge thanks to Krills Wilson for providing most of our music. Mm-hmm. And with that, Matt, we're going to be at you guys next week with another sort of like off the, you know,
02:20:30
Speaker
yeah another sort of sort of character feature. where We're focusing on Iceman next time. What's what's he been up to? Is he dead? Is he alive? Fucking cares.
02:20:45
Speaker
There's the Iceman miniseries. That's what we'll be up to. um So, Pat, you're going to tell us that the amazing catchphrase that we say at the end of every episode?
02:20:57
Speaker
Our famous sign-off folks, remember, when you're born with a tail, you learn to go through doors fast. And as always, oh no, I went poot!