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2. Secrets & Strategies of the #1 Tinder Profile of 2022 - Austin Iuliano
10 Plays2 months ago
Austin Iuliano is a former social media marketing expert and agency owner who now applies his viral growth strategies to dating and personal branding. After creating a Tinder profile so effective it went viral—landing him 150 dates in one year and earning him the title "Tinder’s 2022 Deal of the Year"—he’s been featured in Newsweek and other media for his unconventional approach. Austin specializes in helping men dominate dating apps by hacking algorithms, crafting standout profiles, and using efficient messaging tactics, treating swipes like a social media game.
Topic covered:
- Why dating apps are just another form of social media
- How to stand out in a sea of swipes
- The algorithm hack: Why selectivity boosts your value
- Opening lines that actually work
- Transitioning from matches to real-life dates
- Managing high-volume dating without burnout
- Finding "The One" in the age of endless options
- Final tips for men struggling with dating apps
Timestamps
00:01:10 – Who is Austin Iuliano?
02:36:00 – Why Dating Apps Should Be Treated Like Social Media
07:14:00 – Promoting Your Dating Profile on Reddit
14:23:08 – Austin’s Viral Tinder Strategy: How Far Did It Go?
15:20:00 – The Algorithm Hack
18:43:00 – Does Being Selective Increase Your Value in the Algorithm?
20:50:00 – Best Opening Lines That Actually Work
24:35:00 – Balancing Scripted vs. Authentic Messaging
29:22:00 – Austin’s Dating Results
33:13:00 – From Hookups to Finding "The One" on Tinder
33:33:00 – Austin’s Best Advice
36:30:00 – Monthly Events for Men
38:18:00 – How to Connect with Austin
Get in touch with Austin Iuliano:
austiniuliano@gmail.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/austiniuliano
Get in touch with Dallas Bluth:
dallas@blackboxdating.com
blackboxdating.com
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Transcript
Tinder Date Experiences
00:00:00
Speaker
How many dates? So, okay. How long did you keep this up? And during that, during that amount of time, how many dates did you go on from Tinder? So, uh, for in one full year, I went on a dates.
00:00:15
Speaker
Holy cow.
Going Viral on Tinder
00:00:24
Speaker
um, wonderful to have you here on the black box dating podcast. Um, I met you at a local event here in the Denver area. And um at first you seemed to be like lots of other guys that were at the networking event. And and then I found out something very, very special about you.
00:00:44
Speaker
You ranked, I'm not going to say how high, cause I'm not sure exactly what it was, but you ranked way up there on your Tinder profile back in 2022. Yeah, i made it go viral.
00:00:56
Speaker
You made it go viral. Okay. All right, so we want to jump into into that. Before we do, let's just tell guys where who you are.
Social Media Expertise
00:01:03
Speaker
you know Are you some crazy you know like media mogul? Are you some you know some some power hitter with a yacht or whatever? like who is Who is Austin today before we jump into what Austin did on Tinder?
00:01:16
Speaker
I'd like to be the guy with the yacht. Yes, that would be amazing because who doesn't want to own a yacht? um No. So today I'm just a boring old insurance salesman who does like employee benefits.
00:01:31
Speaker
So, um but to give context, I did run a social media marketing agency for 11 years. um I've been on the cutting edge of social media for many of those years. I've created viral content on just about every platform, even some that don't exist today. And so I've always understood marketing and social media.
00:01:54
Speaker
So I took those skill sets and leveraged it to my Tinder profile, which I'm sure we're going to get all into You sneaky bastard. Well, yeah. Yeah. But yeah the thing, at the end of the day, all these social media profiles, it is a it's sales,
Dating Apps vs. Social Media
00:02:11
Speaker
right? You are selling yourself.
00:02:13
Speaker
And so you have to put yourself in the best light. So I went, okay, what do I have that somebody would be interested in? Kind of created that and put it out there and use my skill sets to make it a little bit different because I hated swiping. It sucks.
00:02:30
Speaker
Yeah. Gotcha. so So just to be clear, you are essentially putting dating apps in the same bucket as just general social media. Is that correct? A hundred percent.
00:02:41
Speaker
can you Can you explain to us, can you explain to all the guys out there listening why that is? Because I think most of us, we emotionally connect with the dating apps differently than we do, say, Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok.
00:02:54
Speaker
How, ah help a guy shift his mindset to see that dating apps are actually just like any other form of social media.
Algorithms and Engagement
00:03:03
Speaker
Okay, so if we look at all the other forms of social media, right, we all know these social medias have an algorithm that pushes certain content to us.
00:03:13
Speaker
And to simplify this down, if you think about your average daily life as like a standard bell curve, The far majority of your days are in that dead center. You wake up, you eat your food, you go to work, you go to bed, nothing exciting happens.
00:03:28
Speaker
Well, if you think about content that performs well on social media, that middle of the road where nothing happens, nobody cares about and nobody's going to engage with But at the far end of the spectrum, the very best days of your life and the very worst days of your life are the things people are going to engage with.
00:03:48
Speaker
Oh, my God, I just got married. I had a kid, blah, blah, blah. Or, um my God, somebody died or this terrible thing happened. People are going to engage with that. And so the algorithms take those aspects and they promote it because there's a lot of engagement.
00:04:02
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Tinder kind of works the same way. If you look at all the profiles on Tinder, there's a standard bell curve. If you're falling within that standard bell curve, you're not going to get engagement.
00:04:15
Speaker
So what you have to do is kind of pick either end of the spectrum and then shoot it up to the top and then you're going to get engagement. Does that make sense? it It does. It does. But how?
00:04:26
Speaker
I mean, how... Like, do you have to go around killing people? do you have to go around marrying people? I mean, what do you do exactly to break out of that bell curve? Because I mean, that that's the thing is every guy knows if you stand out, if you're the guy that walks into the room and you've got the charisma, you've got the confidence, or you show up with the biggest yacht, you know, in the marina, like you're going to get attention. Like um every guy, every guy kind of knows that.
00:04:49
Speaker
How do you do that on, on on on a on a dating platform, on a profile where everybody feels like they're flattened out and kind of turned into the same swipe right, swipe left in just an instant?
00:05:02
Speaker
Absolutely. That's a great question.
Crafting a Unique Tinder Profile
00:05:04
Speaker
So, We're gonna break this down into different parts. I think one of the first things that is most guys need to recognize is you actually got to do a little bit of research, right?
00:05:14
Speaker
Go on to something like r slash Tinder, which is where I promoted my profile when I made it and start seeing what is out there, seeing what most guys do, seeing the feedback that people get.
00:05:29
Speaker
One of the things that you're gonna notice is most guys have really terrible photos. Right. We are not photogenic because we just don't care. We're like, why are we going stop and take pictures of ourselves doing things?
00:05:43
Speaker
Right. But if you're trying to sell yourself, like if I'm trying to sell a burger, right, yeah I'm going to take a delicious looking photo of that burger when I put it on my menu. Mm We are a freaking burger for the the general masses. So you got to take some photos that showcase you in good light, right? And there's there's standard things there. like And here's my recommendation.
00:06:09
Speaker
Go work with a professional photographer. They're good at that. And it's fun. Like it's fun to go around and be like, cool, I'm going to go get photos for my Tinder. And it's a little investment in yourself. But who cares?
00:06:23
Speaker
Because you're trying to find the love of your life or... whatever you're trying to find, no judgment here. Yeah. Yeah. There's a wide variety. Yeah. Wide variety, no judgment. Right.
00:06:34
Speaker
That being said though, if you, I'm assuming you're probably going to share my profile here. What I did is I looked at, okay, what do I understand?
00:06:47
Speaker
I understand direct sales copywriting, which is basically the standard when it comes to how to sell something. Right. And what that is is, you got to tell a story, right?
00:06:58
Speaker
And so the story that I came up with was was Tinder's 2022 deal of the year, right? Okay. Wait, wait, wait. Hang hang on, hang on. This is literally, okay, for right I got to go back up for a second. So you made your profile and then you promoted your Tinder profile on Reddit.
00:07:16
Speaker
You promoted it outside of that. So i've that honestly has never even occurred to me. I mean, a lot of times we actually don't even tell people we're on and the dating apps or when we're activated or not.
00:07:28
Speaker
You took it a step further and actually promoted it sort of like a social media campaign to your own profile. Yes. Okay. And then you gave it a label, which was what again? ah Tinder's best deal of the year, 2022 best deal of the year.
00:07:44
Speaker
Okay. which Which is immediately going to put a smile on a woman's face, make her make her laugh, make her go, okay, you know Because half the women, three-quarters women are on there for like personal entertainment.
00:07:55
Speaker
Oh, 100%. They're not on there for necessarily the same goal-driven reasons that a lot of the guys are on there. So when you show up with Tinder's 2022 deal of the year, immediately they're like, you've put them into a happy place, you' you're you're entertaining them, and they're intrigued. right like They're going to want to click on that.
00:08:16
Speaker
they're They're not going to swipe left just out of pure fun. Is that kind of part of the maniacal strategy that you came up with? A hundred percent. Because again, you got to do your research.
Standing Out on Tinder
00:08:27
Speaker
If you look at any woman's profile, they're on for 24 hours and they are going to have a thousand likes and they are bombarded with way too much in front of them.
00:08:41
Speaker
So their challenge is, all right, there's a million of the same. I need to pick out the quality. Right. Whereas most guys are like, Holy crap. I got to like, today's a good day.
00:08:53
Speaker
Right. You're, you're starving. You're, you're thirsty. You're like, i just need something. So you're cleaning up. yeah And to be clear, when you say pick out, you're not talking about a woman carefully, like, Oh, this one's good. This one's bad. i mean, we're talking like, there's a big old like rough cut happening, right? With guys. I mean, this isn't a careful process for a woman.
00:09:14
Speaker
She is shoving the majority off the plate right away. A hundred percent. I mean, I've seen the videos of girls just being like, no, no, no, no. no no All right. No, no, no, no, no.
00:09:24
Speaker
Right. And it's kind of the same thing, like instantaneous. So your first impression has to grab people. And so that's what that was. Like, it's a photo of me in a suit, smiling, big smile, because I'm having a great time and a big old banner where they read it and it makes them stop.
00:09:42
Speaker
And that is the most important thing. So there's a banner in the photo that says, Wow. Okay. know other yeah Right. And all of this is going to tie in together because Tinder has an algorithm.
00:09:57
Speaker
So therefore getting people to stop and spend some time on my profile is part of that algorithm.
Sales Techniques in Dating
00:10:05
Speaker
So you have to understand how these things work. So i I leveraged everything to kind of work together.
00:10:11
Speaker
Right. So. I created a a campaign. It's basically like a slide share. I put it all together in Canva so you don't need a lot of skills.
00:10:22
Speaker
And I basically sold myself, right? So I looked at it and I went, okay, What do I need to do? I need to tell a story of why somebody needs to swipe right on me.
00:10:35
Speaker
Right? So in direct sales copywriting, there's something called features. There's something called benefits, right? What are features and benefits? Features are things, right?
00:10:46
Speaker
um I understand the world of Tinder. I'm going to use my advantages that I have. right I'm like, I'm six two right Every person has to be over six foot to qualify, which is not actually true, but it is something that people believe.
00:11:03
Speaker
You got to understand the baseline of what you're competing against. I have a job. right There's a lot of people on Tinder who don't even have a job, a career, anything.
00:11:14
Speaker
And a lot of guys assume that people just know that, that a woman's going to know that they have these certain criteria, but you're highlighting them. You're putting them right out there to make sure that all the features are visible to the women that are looking at it.
00:11:28
Speaker
Yep. I was like, I'm handsome. I'm confident, ah has a cute job or has a cute dog. Right. And then I put one thing on there to
Controversy as a Strategy
00:11:40
Speaker
create controversy and you kind of start weeding out certain people, too. And I said, won't kill you because that is a legitimate fear women have.
00:11:50
Speaker
Now, it creates controversy because, oh my God, how can you even mention this, right? But the other part behind it is, one, I'm not actually going to kill anyone because that's not who I am. But two, if you can't even laugh at a little bit of gallows humor, you're not going to be right for me, right?
00:12:07
Speaker
yeah I have a very distinct personality, so I'm going to put a little bit in of it out there, right? The other aspect is I knew it was going to create controversy, which means people are going to talk about it, which means people are going to engage with it and the cycle yeah I think a lot of guys fall into the trap of trying to be completely 100% agreeable because they want to have as many options as possible.
00:12:30
Speaker
They want as many women to swipe right. But what you're actually saying is that engagement actually goes up when that you're not 100% agreeable. Yeah. when When there's some, yeah. So think about this.
00:12:42
Speaker
Every guy remembers getting a magnifying glass, being out on a sunny day and burning their name into a piece of wood. Right. Right. Right. Or burning ants, depending on how masochistic you are.
00:12:55
Speaker
Right. Well, it's the same thing. Right. You got a sunbeam here. Your job is actually to focus that down. to create a laser point of exactly what you're looking for.
00:13:06
Speaker
If you try and be too wide, no. So for all my homies out there who are big old geeks like me, showcase that. Like if you like cosplaying and, and,
00:13:18
Speaker
Going out on ah playing Dungeons and Dragons and being a dork, showcase that. There are so many geeky girls out there who are absolutely going to love that. If you're a guy who loves to go to the gym and work out and do that, like...
00:13:34
Speaker
showcase that. Like if that is your personality, that's cool. Like there's, there's somebody out there for everyone. There's more than one, trust me. There's a lot out there. It's just, you have to sell the the positive qualities about yourself.
00:13:48
Speaker
Right. And I think you and I can both agree. i am not the most handsome man in the world. I'm not freaking Tim, Timothy Chalamet or Brad Pitt, or I'm pretty average looking.
00:13:59
Speaker
So I, maybe a little bit better than average. going to give myself that, but I'm going to use the fact that I have a fun personality and I'm going to showcase that to sell myself.
00:14:11
Speaker
So that way people pay attention. Does that make sense? Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. So, okay. So let's ask, cause we, we never really actually did this. So, okay. Top deal on Tinder for 2022.
00:14:24
Speaker
How far did this viral effect go? like like Give us some perspective. how i mean Is there a ranking? How how far did this go? Sure. So I posted it on r slash Tinder, right?
00:14:36
Speaker
And it got something like 20,000 upvotes, 2,000 comments. I had people in my DMs. I had a person from Newsweek reach out to me.
00:14:47
Speaker
And then created an entire article about it. And so if you type in ah my name Newsweek, it will pop up. And ah yeah, so the other part of like the whole ranking thing behind this is I knew that was going to create controversy on that subreddit. I knew i was going to get engagement.
00:15:08
Speaker
And I also fueled that engagement, right? After I posted it, I went, okay, I'm going to respond to every single comment,
Engaging with Tinder's Algorithm
00:15:17
Speaker
right? And this is the thing, the more... Oh, Jesus. Yourself, you you you didn't like, there was no AI bot to just jump in and do this for you. You were...
00:15:27
Speaker
It took me an entire day of responding to comments because it kept growing and growing and growing. But the other part too is I eventually had people being like, oh my God, where is this profile? And I shared that link to my profile.
00:15:43
Speaker
Now think about from an algorithm standpoint, you have a profile that is getting attention from some other medium, which pro promotes it even higher.
00:15:53
Speaker
Oh, well, I mean, because that is, I mean, almost no, I didn't, first of all, I didn't even know you could make your Tinder profile like a linkable that you could do this with. But you're saying that, yeah, I mean, Tinder, I mean, nobody does that.
00:16:05
Speaker
So there's no external traffic coming to Tinder site. And if suddenly there are hundreds or thousands of visits to your profile from an external, suddenly, yeah, you're going to appear to the algorithm like a superstar.
00:16:19
Speaker
And what do they want to do with a superstar? They're lift them up, give them even more of the spotlight. Okay. So again, okay. So viral on on there, how, what was your response rate? What happened?
00:16:30
Speaker
Cause like guys, you know, it's like, Were you getting like bombarded with messages? Like what what happened then um on and on Tinder itself? Yeah. So two things. One, recognizing that this was going to happen and also recognizing Tinder is a business.
00:16:46
Speaker
I upgraded myself to the platinum status. So I put money behind it because i don't want any barriers between me and success. If it's, what was it like 30 bucks? Yeah.
00:16:57
Speaker
In that, here's the other part too. I understand the Tinder algorithm, the ELO algorithm, which is basically to simplify down the same thing you have in any competitive video game.
00:17:10
Speaker
When you're playing Call of Duty and you're absolutely rocking and you're doing really well, they're going to match you against people who are also of that skill level. Whereas when I go to play Call of Duty, I'm freaking terrible.
00:17:22
Speaker
They're going to put me at the bottom of the list and I'm going to play with all the other people who are terrible. It's the same thing in Tinder, right? The hot people get promoted to the top because they're getting all the action, right? And so it's the same thing in that capacity.
00:17:37
Speaker
So here's what I did. One, one of the worst things you can do for your algorithm is only swipe right. Like I'll take everything and then weed out the rest. Because...
00:17:48
Speaker
That's just going to kill you. Right. So I was actually specific. I, I slowed down and i swiped on who I thought I found attractive or interesting. Right. Two, when I had matches, I made sure to respond to every single one of those matches because now my profile is getting more engagement.
00:18:07
Speaker
And I made sure to have some of those conversations back and forth to the point where I became really precise in my strategies on how I messaged, which you're I'm sure you're going ask me about in a little bit here.
00:18:22
Speaker
yeah um but i I made sure i had those messages. If I didn't like somebody, i would I would remove their profile. Like I was specific. So I took the same mentality women have with us, which is I'm not searching for anything. I'm searching for exactly what I want and I'm weeding out those that don't match, right? So being and so so just just to bring it in, so being selective on the apps as a guy actually increases your value in the view of the algorithm. Is that correct?
00:18:53
Speaker
Correct. Okay. Okay. Nice. Good point. Guys, don't just swipe right on every single girl hoping that that's somehow going to open more options. It actually is going to limit you because you're not being as selective a candidate.
00:19:06
Speaker
Yep. Because here's the thing. Think about this. you get You get some matches with some people you don't like. You don't find attractive because that is what Tinder is. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You've just matched, but nothing happens.
00:19:20
Speaker
What does that tell the algorithm? It tells the algorithm something's off here, but if you're matching, you're engaging and you're having conversations and conversation is going back and forth and saying, Hey, this is what we're looking for. so it's going to promote more of that because the whole business is based on engagement.
00:19:39
Speaker
So if you're matching and then it falls flat, nobody says, anything i mean, this is oftentimes on Bumble. What happens is everybody, everybody matches. And then a lot of times the women don't really reach out or they reach out with, Hey,
00:19:50
Speaker
And then the conversations just kind of fall flat. They don't do anything. So you don't get the high quality engagement that leads to the hours and eyeballs on the app, the way that Tinder the business actually wants it.
00:20:02
Speaker
and makes That makes a ton of sense. That makes a ton of sense. And speaking of those conversations, like the opening with the, like, guys, here's here's one of the best things I can give you.
Effective Opening Lines
00:20:13
Speaker
Don't do the haze.
00:20:14
Speaker
yeah But also don't do the very sexual start of the conversation. yeah yeah I cannot tell you how many guys shoot themselves in the foot with like your first message or within your first 10 messages being something let's have sex or some capacity of that.
00:20:33
Speaker
Right. I will tell you every single girl wants to have sex too. And if you don't push it, they will make it happen.
00:20:44
Speaker
They're very good at it. You just have to pick up the signs. So my number one opening, which every guy here can steal is how do you take your coffee?
00:20:55
Speaker
It is such a simple line that gets a response because it's not sexual. They get to talk about something they understand. It opens up a conversation and that is what your opening line is.
00:21:10
Speaker
Right. Can I, can I add to that? I think another thing that that really does is it paints a concrete picture in their mind of something simple and something somewhat intimate. How do you take your coffee?
00:21:22
Speaker
You know, it could be on that first date, but it's also, Well, if we're in the same place the morning after we've been together, how do you take your coffee? There's an intimate side to that as well, but it's so simple.
00:21:33
Speaker
But it has this this aspect of warmth, this aspect of caring, this aspect of um intimacy without being sexual. That is brilliant. That really brilliant. Right? And I don't have to say, oh, I'll remember it for the next morning, ha, ha, ha.
00:21:48
Speaker
You don't have to do that, right? So what would normally happen is they would tell me and they would go, how do you take yours? And what I'm doing here is I go, okay, can I make this person laugh?
00:22:01
Speaker
This is my next thing. It's qualifying out. So my response was always black, like my soul, because clearly ah meet me. That is not who I am.
00:22:13
Speaker
And if they laugh and we have some of that textual chemistry, i went great. This is what I'm looking for as the first step. And what I will tell every guy here is all the messages, everything that I do comes from a sales focus, right? Everything in in this stupid game of Tinder is sales.
00:22:36
Speaker
And you have to have your scripts in sales. You have to know what they are. You have to know what your close is. And you have to have consistency, right, to track your results. So I would always start with like that stupid line of how do you take your coffee? I'd make those jokes.
00:22:50
Speaker
And within 24 hours, I would be inviting them out to a first date. Now, the first date was real simple. It was either at a coffee shop, which was five minutes from my house, or to a place called One Up Arcade, which you could do some skeeball and you can get some drinks, right? And I would always do it for a happy hour time.
00:23:11
Speaker
It was one of those two things. And the thing is both of these places are very close to my house. I wouldn't ask them where they live. I wasn't going to travel to them. They were going to travel to me to this thing, because here's the other thing.
00:23:23
Speaker
I don't want to ask them where they live. They might get creeped out because they have to worry about that. Here are two locations, coffee or, you know, one up arcade. And it was basically, I would make that decision based off of how we matched.
00:23:37
Speaker
If we're matching and their profile says things like short term open to long or short term fun. Great. Let's go get a drink and let's go enjoy the short term.
00:23:51
Speaker
Right. If they're looking for a relationship, if they're looking for more of that courtship. Great. Let's get a cup of coffee. Right. Right. Yeah. Here's the other aspect.
00:24:01
Speaker
Both of these dates cost me $15 at most. Right. A couple of coffees. Let's see if we vibe because that's my thing. If I don't like you, we don't like each other. That's totally fine. It was nice meeting you 30 minutes of our time.
00:24:17
Speaker
I'm on my way. Right. yeah Same thing with ah the the alcohol, a couple of ah drinks during happy hour, and maybe 10 bucks. $5 in arcade tokens, let's go play some skee-ball, let's joke around, and then I'm gonna know right then and there where this is going.
00:24:35
Speaker
Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. so you're really, you yeah so, and again, to come back to the point that you're saying, you have you have a process that you're going through. A lot of, and i feel I feel that there's a balance to be struck between scripted and prepared and having your pattern, and having your process, but then also you have to have a certain authenticity in the process of doing that in order for the connection to happen. I think some guys maybe lean on that script. They they think there are some magic words that they do.
00:25:04
Speaker
And I think you've got a great opening, a great line. So did you use that line 100% of the time or did you step off script sometimes depending on what you, yeah. I would step off script a lot of times, right? Like if I match with somebody, I'm going to look at their profile and I'm going to see if there's something we can engage with. Like yeah one of my best and worst Tinder matches was somebody who had such great textual chemistry that when it came to the date became the worst date ever.
00:25:36
Speaker
Ever. yeah Right. um In, in one of my, cause I updated my Tinder profile after that because I like doing it. And one of my newer ones I have, I look good in a suit, right? Because that's, that's part of my new one.
00:25:51
Speaker
And this girl texted me and she says, i bet you look good in a suit of armor. And I'm like, That's interesting. And I look at her profile and she's into cosplay. She's into fantasy and the nerdy type stuff.
00:26:06
Speaker
I am a huge old dork. So I went, bet. Let's have some fun with this. And yeah the entire text conversation, I started talking to her in like old English Shakespearean.
00:26:19
Speaker
Like I was imagining I was a knight writing to a maiden in the 15th century. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she was engaging back with that and we were having so much fun.
00:26:30
Speaker
So yeah you have to have that authenticity, but for, for the majority of the ones where there's nothing in the profile I can engage with, or i just don't have the energy. It was, Hey, how do you take your coffee?
00:26:43
Speaker
It's my go-to. It's my standard. So you have like a solid baseline that you start with, but you're not completely leading and relying on that baseline. You're, again, that's your fallback. That's, that's like, that's your hard deck, you know, to give a top gun term, like that's your hard deck. But above that, when there is a good, um, when, when there's something extra, when there's something special, when there's something that you feel coming alive inside of yourself, you're going to lean into that and leave the script behind because the whole point of it is to get off the ground and to get rolling and to get having fun.
00:27:14
Speaker
And, and I also, i just want to also mention that, um, the fact that you also said with that one best and worst date that you had, um, that That was the result of texting a whole lot before you met in person.
00:27:27
Speaker
And you said earlier that you had it more or less not a policy, but you were shooed for meeting the person within 24 hours. That I'm guessing is to specifically avoid that situation, overinvesting in chemistry online that did not translate into chemistry in person.
00:27:42
Speaker
Yep, that's exactly
Physical Connection in Relationships
00:27:43
Speaker
it. Because i would I would have these long conversations with people via text, and I think it's going well. And then we would go to the date, and it would fizzle out, right? so And then here's the other part, too.
00:27:55
Speaker
there's There's more steps to that. There are times then where we would go to the date, and the date's good. And then we'd go and kiss, and there's no chemistry. Right. but And then there are times where you kiss and the kiss is good.
00:28:06
Speaker
And then we would go have sex and the sex is just not there. Right. And all of those things are important, whether you're looking for a relationship or a one night stand. So for me, it was understanding what was important to me understanding.
00:28:21
Speaker
No, having a physical connection with my partner is important. So I had to check all the things to get to that point before I went, okay, I'm going to invest more time into this.
00:28:33
Speaker
Now. That's not to say that every girl was okay with that. And that's okay. You're not right for me because clearly this is not important. And that it I respect your decision-making process.
00:28:45
Speaker
Cool. Right. So it's, it's about weeding out those that are just not going to fit for the things that are important to you. which Which is, which goes back to the being selected that the algorithm wanted you to do already, but you're actually doing that authentically the entire time.
00:29:01
Speaker
Like you're getting attention, you're getting lots of, again, to extend the sales you know metaphor, you're getting lots of leads coming in and you're vetting them to be whether or not you want to be selling to them, whether or not you want them as part of your clientele. That's, yeah, that's brilliant. and that And it does take a certain amount of confidence for sure for a guy to be able to to to have that, i mean, abundance mindset about it.
00:29:23
Speaker
Yeah. so So let me ask you, so how many dates, so, okay, how long did you keep this up? And during that during that amount of time, how many dates did you go on from Tinder?
00:29:35
Speaker
So ah for in one full year, I went on 150 dates. Holy cow. Okay. So that's like every other day almost. ah That was multiple dates a weekend, right? So I would start with a coffee date.
00:29:50
Speaker
You were doubling. Okay. All right. Yeah. a hundred percent 100%, right? I would start with a coffee date like, well, first off, Friday evening, Like five o'clock was the one that I was like, I think I could probably want to sleep with this person. Like I'm getting the vibes that this is what it is.
00:30:09
Speaker
Right. Hey, I'm cool with that. Right. Yeah. No, no judgment. No judgment. no I'm just imagining you're already planning though. The coffee date 9am the next morning. And if you spent the night with her, that runs into certain interesting, you know, ah you know, narrative, narrative dilemmas that you got to work out.
00:30:27
Speaker
Who says they spent the night? Okay. Well, yeah, that's one way to avoid it is, yeah, they're not staying the night. Like Friday evening, there's a date. And I'm not saying every single time I'm successful. Like I fail like anything else.
00:30:41
Speaker
But it's it's a numbers game and understand the context of where I'm coming from. I got out of an 11-year monogamous relationship. So yeah I was not looking to get back into a relationship.
00:30:54
Speaker
um And i was enjoying being single. And I'm very clear on that on my profiles of what I'm looking for. Right now, if the right one comes along, which eventually she did.
00:31:06
Speaker
Great. But this is where I'm at in my life. So this is what I'm doing. But then, yeah, coffee a coffee at 9 a.m., right, at this coffee shop. Normally, couple hours later, I would have another one there. So if it was going well, maybe I would set up a second date and go get coffee with the next person. If it was going very well, last minute cancellation. Hey, I got to go because I'm going back to my place.
00:31:31
Speaker
Whatever. and Like this is life. It just is what it is. So um and then second dates and things like that. And there were some times where there was like breaks in between, too, because it is exhausting.
00:31:45
Speaker
Right. It was like a whole time job. But I genuinely enjoy meeting people and i am looking for a very specific type of person. So I knew I had to go through multiple dates to find that because I didn't want to settle.
00:31:58
Speaker
So speaking of which, did this lead to finding the right person?
Beyond Hookups: Finding Fulfillment
00:32:03
Speaker
ah did yeah it is a And now I've had a one-year relationship. We're moving in together. like It is the culmination of what a lot of guys are looking for.
00:32:14
Speaker
But it didn't start that way. like I did not expect this to happen. This was literally ah date where she made it abundantly clear she was here for one thing and one thing only. And it was very specific. And I went, cool.
00:32:28
Speaker
That turned into... consistency into a relationship. So yeah once she got that one thing, she decided she wanted to keep that one thing. Yeah.
00:32:39
Speaker
Yeah. Guys repeat sales is the best business you can have. So if you get an opportunity, focus on them.
00:32:50
Speaker
They will come back. Yep. Yep. Absolutely. Okay. So, so is, are you still in that relationship now? Is that a, wow, that's amazing. it's awesome so so it is possible then i mean because there's there's this you know um uh image of tinder of being just for hookups and apparently that that is kind of how this started but but there is definitely the possibility if you know how to do your social media right if you know how to sell sell yourself right if you get your scripts right and if you apparently you know like
00:33:22
Speaker
properly properly linked to it from external sources and hack the algorithm of Tinder, you too can find true love on Tinder.
00:33:32
Speaker
Sure. you do all those things. Here's the thing. If you, i also, you got to recognize guys, Tinder sucks. All the profiles, all them suck. Right? go get real world experience. Like go join a cup and hand kickball league and hang out in a co-ed sport and make friends with people.
00:33:54
Speaker
I'm not saying to sleep with them. I'm saying to make friends with them because those girls have girlfriends who are single, who will introduce you. yes And oh my God, is that great when you don't have to do anything.
00:34:05
Speaker
They're just like, here's a cool guy you should hang out with. And you're like, hey, Yep. Warm leads being brought in larger social networks, social validation. Yeah. You've got everything going in your advantage that way. Absolutely.
Real-life Social Networks
00:34:20
Speaker
Yeah. And it's fun. Like, listen, I am extroverted, but I enjoy being introvert. I fully do. And I get not wanting to socialize with people that said,
00:34:32
Speaker
Going out there and making friends and and finding some commonality brings more to your life than you even know. Like you're going to have confidence. You're going to have friendship. You're going to have all these fringe benefits that are going to tie into making you more attractive as a person.
00:34:49
Speaker
Because like if you are... they're hanging out with guys and and talking to them and joking around and having that that group to support you and lift you up.
00:35:00
Speaker
It's going to expand your network, right? Which, hey, you hate your job. Somebody might have a job opening and now all of a sudden you're doing a new career that you enjoy, right? Which is going to bring you confidence, which is going to bring you success, which is going to bring you all these other things that then translates over to a prospective person looking at you going,
00:35:22
Speaker
I like that. I want more of that in my life. So we can't focus on just the one like, oh, I need to find a girl. It's like go enhance your life in all the other areas and the other stuff will follow.
00:35:33
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. make Make your romantic life part of a much larger life, a much more well-rounded, fulfilling life. And you'll paradoxically by not focusing on just that, you'll actually have more of it because there's a much bigger world to invite all of it into. Absolutely. Absolutely.
00:35:48
Speaker
And I want to be clear. It's not that you're not worth it. Like we sometimes think our value as men is only on what we can provide. I'm saying do this for you to make you happier, to make you more fulfilled, to make you less angry at the world because the world is a hard place and we don't have support as men.
00:36:07
Speaker
Like yeah we we don't feel like we can ever talk to another man and say, Dallas, dude, and I'm fucking struggling today. Yeah. ah yeah And being genuine, but you actually can, I can tell you every single guy out there wishes there was another guy who would say, i got you, bro.
00:36:24
Speaker
Then to me. Absolutely. yeah Yeah. Yeah. we We have, we have monthly events that are open, you know, to, to guys in general that come, they're free events. And that's exactly what men at those events experience.
00:36:36
Speaker
They, they come away from it lit up inside because, it's It's all different ages, all different relationship statuses. And we start to see, wow, I am not the only one out there. And a lot of the stuff other guys are going through make me really grateful for what I actually have.
00:36:51
Speaker
And we we always come back from from those events charged up and on fire in a new way. and And you're right. And and because we we tend to dwindle, we tend to kind of diminish as guys when we're not connecting well with other men.
00:37:04
Speaker
and that And that comes back to those social activities you were talking about when you're playing you know cup in hand, you know kickball and all of that. I mean, yes, you're meeting the girls, but you're also meeting the dudes. You're also meeting guys. And one thing that I really point out to guys is that women are watching how we interact with other men.
00:37:20
Speaker
if If two guys are comfortable with each other, if they're physical with each other, if they lift each other up and they see each other laughing in each other's presence, there' that's a no-pressure situation for a woman to assess a man's abilities socially.
00:37:34
Speaker
And also for her to develop a certain amount of anticipation and an almost envy for wanting to have that experience with that man. Men should absolutely be connecting with each other um but as part of their social circles.
00:37:46
Speaker
Absolutely. And build each other up. It's way better. It's way better. And now that we don't have to compete with you on Tinder anymore, you know, there's no reason for us to feel threatened by you. Thank God.
00:37:59
Speaker
So, okay. So, um, so tell us, all right, are you open to emails, questions, all that kind of thing? Okay. So why don't you, so why don't you go ahead and just tell the guys here in the audience, um, how they can get hold you if they want to, um, how they can follow up, um, you know, just, yeah, if they like what they heard.
00:38:17
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. So full transparency, while I have every social media, if you Google my name, you can find me on all the platforms. I do not do them any anymore. I hate them all because that was my entire world.
00:38:29
Speaker
The only one that I'm ever sort of on is LinkedIn. um But if you if you really need to get a hold of me, austinyuliano at gmail.com is my personal email address.
00:38:42
Speaker
Send me an email. I will do my best to respond. ah get a ton of spam there too. But also so yeah, I mean, here's the other thing. Come to one of Dallas's events. I would love to meet you in person and be like actual human beings and talk like human beings.
00:38:57
Speaker
It's kind of fun. it's It's a lot of fun. It is a lot of fun. Yeah. we did The stuff that comes out when we start actually exposing our personal lives is is hilarious. Yeah, it's awesome.
00:39:08
Speaker
Great. Well, thank you so much, Austin. Really loved having you on. I love how you have really given us a behind-the-scenes look at how you can really look at your dating profile something other than just a dating profile.
00:39:21
Speaker
um that's That's amazing. and And the results you got are you know staggering. ah That is is really something to see. And, I mean, I'm just going to say thank you on behalf of all the guys listening. Thank you for sharing with us your kryptonite, you know, because you have found...
00:39:37
Speaker
what so many men wish they could find, which is, which is tons of attention on a dating app. That's just amazing. Yeah. Thank you. thank and It does get exhausting too. When you get on the other end and I'm just like, I open it up. I'm like, no, I'm good.
00:39:53
Speaker
I'm sure it does. Yeah. All right. Thank you so much, Austin. all right Looking forward to seeing you one of the events. Take care, man. all right. Bye. Bye now.