Transcript
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Hi, Robin. Welcome to the Skills for Moms podcast. We're so glad to have you here.
Robin Kernodle: Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah, well, I just want to spend a couple minutes introducing you to our audience. So Robin has been a dear friend of mine for about 13 years now. She is a Texas native, a wife, a mom of six. She's also a homeschool educator and a business owner.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: She owns a business called Home Matters, which is based in East Texas. She founded it with her friend Maria, who is now doing mission work over in Africa. because they have a shared vision to promote the truth that every home matters.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And so she is able to use, I mean, you are able to use your professional knowledge of organization as well as your background as a mother to really equip and empower women in their homes to um deal with some of those challenges they may have and find good solutions for them.
Robin Kernodle: Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: So thank you for being here.
Robin Kernodle: Yes, of course.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah, so just to get us started, could you, i mean, I know you guys, your kids were in my wedding.
Robin Kernodle: yeah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: We have, my husband before we were married lived in your back house, but could you give us a little background on your family and where you guys are today?
Robin Kernodle: ah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Sure, yeah. Thank you so much for having me. It's always fun to talk to you. This time it's just being recorded.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: her
Robin Kernodle: ah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes, that's right. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: ah um Yes, I've been married for 25 years. We actually just celebrated 25 years in December.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: why
Robin Kernodle: And we took a big trip to celebrate was super special. We have six kids. They range from 20 down to six years old. Our oldest is in college. She's a senior. And then we have an 18-year-old who's a freshman in college.
Robin Kernodle: We have a 16-year-old who's a junior in high school, 13-year-old who's in seventh grade. a 10-year-old who's in fourth grade, and a six-year-old who's in first grade. So I heard somebody say the other day that ah it's a very special stage because we're dealing with math facts and menopause.
Robin Kernodle: And ah that really resonated with me as it just sort of encapsulates the challenge of this stage.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: But it's a really, really fun stage and challenging but meaningful. So um we do homeschool the the youngest four, still.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: here
Robin Kernodle: and But we've, you know, we've done different things over the years. They have been in private schools. They've been in co-ops. And um I, you know, i'm always one who says that homeschooling is not for everybody, but it has been a lovely fit for us at different stages of our lives and definitely allows for some flexibility and more travel and things like that, which we like to try to embrace.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah. I know right right now in my family, you know, we are currently homeschooling, but I've always felt supported by you that, you know, we've in a similar way, we've been at a private school. We have done homeschool.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: We have not done public yet, but I feel like you've done a great job of supporting me along that journey that there's not necessarily one size fits all.
Robin Kernodle: Yes, 100%.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And you really have to kind of each year look at what those needs are with your family and kind of reevaluate. So yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: that resonates. with feed to
Robin Kernodle: yeah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. So just kind of on a little more lighthearted note, um you know, we have a lot of fun, fond memories being with you guys and spending time with your family, any kind of funny story or something that comes to mind with your kids, you know, recent or in the past of just kind of a little family story.
Robin Kernodle: yeah
Robin Kernodle: Yes, I mean, I think it's important to keep the humor in parenting, 100%. You've got to be able to laugh at your kids, but also with them and about your family.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Uh-huh. Yes.
Robin Kernodle: I think it's really, it's a special thing. And a couple of our kids have a hard time laughing at themselves, and others of them are more than happy to laugh at themselves.
Robin Kernodle: got to keep the laughter
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: going for sure
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes. Yes, I love that. Yeah, we haven't always been consistent with like children's scrapbooks, but we do have kind of a journal for each child. And a lot of it is just funny quotes, you know, and of course, the first child has probably the most things documented.
Robin Kernodle: Oh,
Grace Gerke, PA-C: But, um you know, just some of those one liners, you really can't, you can't pass them up.
Robin Kernodle: yeah, for sure. Yes. The other thing that really cracks me up about Louisa, the youngest, is that because she's almost four years younger than her next sibling, she wants to do all those things that the older siblings are doing, and she's not really ready for them yet, but we've we've tried to you know accommodate her to the extent that we can.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Uh huh.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: And so one of the things that she's wanted to do very early was have roller skates and roller blades, and
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Uh huh. Yes.
Robin Kernodle: And we didn't always feel like that was the safest decision. So we would give her like one roller skate, one roller.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes. Uh huh.
Robin Kernodle: And then she would figure out a way to, with a pole or with her old crazy coupe car, like push that thing with one roller skate or one roller blade.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Uh-huh.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Uh-huh.
Robin Kernodle: And it's hilarious to watch. And she's really gotten quite proficient at all things, riding everything with wheels by doing it one skate or one roller blade at a time.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Uh-huh. With one.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: or
Robin Kernodle: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Well, one thing, Robin, I've always really admired about you is just you were our inspiration early, before we were even married, of wow, you can have a big family and there will be chaotic moments, but you can have peace and your and order in your home.
Robin Kernodle: but
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And I feel like you have modeled that, not just you know in the one front showroom, but I mean, I could go into one of your kids' closets and it would be orderly, which probably most people in America cannot say that.
Robin Kernodle: and
Grace Gerke, PA-C: But could you just touch a little bit more on how you've established some of those rhythms and patterns in your home that help you guys to have peace?
Robin Kernodle: and and
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Yes. i mean, um I really like to think of this in sort of concentric circles, you know, and if you're, you're starting with your daily routines or your daily rhythms, and then kind of working out to your weekly routines and your monthly routines and your annual or yearly routines or rhythms.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: um That's really helpful to me. about the house, I have to say that my husband and I both function way better with fewer things. And that idea that less is more really does resonate with us.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: And so when you have a lot of kids, if you're not very vigilant and very careful, you will be inundated with things, you know, whether or not you homeschool, they're going to just attract stuff.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes. Uh-huh.
Robin Kernodle: And so you, yes, for sure.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Stuffed magnets.
Robin Kernodle: And so I think being aware of that and understanding from the very beginning that with children comes things and you sort of need a process for dealing with that can be helpful, you know, in those early years.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: um And, i you know, I'm just like anybody else. It's hard for me to let go of things, especially things that are sentimental. But when we moved into um the house you knew us at in Dallas,
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: I realized I didn't want to handle all this stuff. I didn't want to manage all this stuff that was just taking up room and taking up energy.
Robin Kernodle: And that's really when I sort of started embracing the idea of less is more.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And I got rid of grad school notebooks, you know, and things that I had been hauling around from place to place and thought, no, I don't, I don't need this.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: And, and the,
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: To me, one of the secrets is that once you let go of something, you've done the hard part. Like, it gets easier from there.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: It's just that moment when you decide to part with it that's hard.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: After that, it's so there's so much freedom in that.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: But as far as routines and rhythms go, i think if you... Any individual out there who wants to kind of take a more strategic approach to creating a peaceful home, if you think in terms of, okay, what do I do on a daily basis to promote peace in my home?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: What do I do on a weekly basis, monthly, yearly?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: So on in the daily basis, i you know, personally, I try to start my day with a quiet time, a time that's a little bit by myself, set aside,
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: Um, that's when I pray. That's when I read my Bible. That's when I plan my day.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: um it doesn't have to be a long, you know, real in-depth time.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And for some of your listeners who have little babies, there's no way that's happening, you know, so first thing in the morning.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: But whenever it is, I heard somebody describe it as, you know, you start your morning with maybe just a little sprinkling you
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: quiet time of being in the Word, of praying.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And then maybe you get a little bit longer drink of water in the afternoon when children and babies are quiet.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And then again at night, you water yourself again with with that refreshment.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: That really you know helped me to think of it as, it's not just like one hour in the morning, and if you don't get that in you don't have a chance to talk to the Lord or be in His Word.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: No, you're going to need to fit it in.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: But I think that's an important daily practice. um The other thing that in our family we've tried to promote on a daily basis is family meals, you know, eating together.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm. Yes.
Robin Kernodle: And when they're little, it's easier than when they get bigger and they have all their activities and they're driving everywhere.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: But that, and I've seen that happen in our own home, it gets more challenging. But that is something that we try to put a priority on on a daily basis was eating together and looking at each other in the eye and asking about each other's days and things like that.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah,
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah those are so good. I mean, when you... we're first touching on the home environment and all the choices we have to make every day. I was joking with my oldest son in a grocery store saying there used to be, you know, three or four choices of cereal and now there's 15 choices of Cheerios alone, you know?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And so what you're describing about, you know,
Robin Kernodle: Right.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: limiting maybe the toys or getting rid of something from your past that you're really not using and you're not attached to, you're freeing up your kind of like your mind and yourself to to have more time, I would say.
Robin Kernodle: and nay
Grace Gerke, PA-C: and I think that's a really good revelation to have.
Robin Kernodle: Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, as far as kids are concerned, a lot of us have probably read that actually having fewer toys promotes creativity.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes, yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And I've seen this happen. You know, you you ah now that my oldest kids are and just think back to
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: what what toys did they love? And it wasn't toys.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: It wasn't toys. It was dress-up clothes and blocks.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: You know, there were blocks.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: There were lots of blocks. um And little people that they could have pretend play. But really, if you just have a couple of options, it's more than enough to let their brains just, you know, um just play with those things.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: the idea that we need um educational toys or manipulatives, i really just think is totally driven by the market.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: play yeah
Robin Kernodle: It's not driven by research.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. yeah yeah And I mean, that's such a good, and oh, go ahead.
Robin Kernodle: And Well, I was just going to say the other thing is, you know, books, just creating a ah ah family culture of reading for the kids to see their parents reading, for you to read aloud to them, for them to begin to just think of books as a window into another world.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: a Yes. now
Robin Kernodle: um that Those are things that we do have a lot of.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes. yes Yeah. It's a good sign if you're having to tell your child they can't read, like they see it like candy or TV. You're like, well, I guess this is a better choice, right? Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Right. Definitely. Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: um Yeah, and I love what you touched on too with just time in the word or, you know, quiet time on your own in the mornings.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: I think it's easy to put pressure that that has to be this long 30, 45 minute ah period but
Robin Kernodle: Right.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: what you're kind of touching on is it could be just a couple of moments and then being intentional from that point, maybe throughout the day to revisit, you know, a Psalm that you read that morning or a worship song that was meaningful, something like that.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: um
Robin Kernodle: Definitely. Definitely.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: i love um the book, Hello Mornings, by Kat Lee. And she has also a podcast that is literally like three minutes long.
Robin Kernodle: And most days I listen to that.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Wow.
Robin Kernodle: And her three-minute morning is, you know, reciting a scripture that's really a prayer.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: and then taking a look at your planner, your your intentions for the day, and then taking some deep breaths.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: And I mean, that is a great way to just set your intention for the day, the kind of you know mom you want to be that day, and um going from there.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Wow.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: Yeah, and I also ah talk about the concentric circles.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: in the In the weekly rhythm, I think that moms um that are in...
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: really any stage, but if you take a look at what you do on a weekly basis, that can be helpful too, whether it's in the home, you know, establishing peace in the home and making sure that on a weekly basis, you're doing some of the cleaning tasks that are important to keeping a home looking and feeling good.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: But also just relationally, this is when I thought about the fact that I have been very intentional to have date nights over the years.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And really it started when Clara, our oldest, was about 10 because we felt like we could leave her in charge for about an hour, an hour and a half and go about a mile away.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: That was when we were walking distance to lots of great restaurants.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: And we would leave one of our phones with her and we would go have date night. And so we've been doing that for about 10 years now.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: And now, you know, we can go much farther away and our 16 year old can be left in charge.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: But um I am routinely surprised by the number of couples who don't have a rhythm like that to their week.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And it doesn't have to be a date night. Maybe it could be getting coffee every Saturday morning.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: Or i saw online the other day a friend of mine and her husband work out every Sunday afternoon together.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Uh-huh.
Robin Kernodle: like Whatever your weekly thing is to stay connected to your spouse, that is so vital life.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: life i mean
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Especially as your kids get older, you will need each other.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: I mean, you need each other now in the baby stage, in the toddler stage.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yes.
Robin Kernodle: You need each other.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: But you need to have your husband daughter. teammate in the teen and young adult years more than any other time because the problems get and the challenges get more important you know and you have to be able to communicate about that and problem solve and strategize together and if you're not at a place where you can communicate freely and well that will be harder
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm. Yeah. wow
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Wow. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: So I think at least weekly having a time when you are spending intentional time with your spouse from the early, early ages on is just, you can't underestimate the power of that.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah. I love that so much. I don't think I've even told you this, but we've started having babysitter come over when we're still at the home. So it's, you know, a younger girl who you don't have to pay maybe quite as much as, um you know, a full-time nanny type person.
Robin Kernodle: Right.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And just to have someone with our kids, take them to the park, read books, pack their school lunches. And then Joseph and I have been able to use that afternoon to take a nap together, connect, and then also do kind of our logistical planning.
Robin Kernodle: Right.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Like we need to update our will. We need to look at where we're going to be living next or what, what's going on this week for the menu, you know, and just the little things, but also the big things.
Robin Kernodle: Right.
Robin Kernodle: Right. Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And, you know, when you have five little people who need have needs, it's hard to have those kinds of conversations.
Robin Kernodle: No, 100%.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: So thank you for that insight.
Robin Kernodle: no a hundred percent
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Um, yeah. And, um, Switching gears a little bit, I know you mentioned um the Hello Mornings. What other resources has really have really helped you navigate some of these flows that you've developed with your family, just so we can point our listeners to some of those?
Robin Kernodle: and
Robin Kernodle: a
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: Well, you know, I'm a huge proponent of getting rid of clutter. And so um I've really enjoyed the minimal mom, Dawn Madsen.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: She has a podcast.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Okay.
Robin Kernodle: She also has a workbook. But she's she's fantastic for moms, specifically for moms.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Okay.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Okay.
Robin Kernodle: and she became a minimalist, but I think some people are sometimes scared by that word, and it's definitely not removing everything from your home and only having white walls and all of that.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: It's more about making room for what matters to you and your family by removing the excess.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Uh-huh.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: So she's fantastic for that.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: I also really like Dana K. White. Dana K. White had a blog called A Slob Comes Clean that was anonymous for a portion of time before she sort of came out of the closet and said, oh, that's actually me.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Okay. Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Uh-huh.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And then she wrote several terrific books. um Decluttering at the Speed of Life is one, and How to Keep House Without Losing Your Mind is another one.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: And then recently i have been promoting another book um that was written by a a licensed counselor, and that was that one was called How to Keep House Without...
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: actually I may be getting those titles confused.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: Dana K. White has written one similar to How to Keep House Without Losing Your Mind or How to Manage.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Okay.
Robin Kernodle: Anyway, the point is, like you're stressed out, but your house is a big part of that puzzle.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: and I really think that it's a two-sided you know coin. Sometimes you don't know which one happened first. You're stressed out or the messy house.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: and m yeah
Robin Kernodle: Whichever one of those you want to so to focus on, it's great. But I am the person who can help you with the house aspect of it that actually does serve to de-stress yourself.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: you and then you can work on the other areas of life that are you know problematic for you but you know it's been proven time and time again that people their cortisol levels go up in a cluttered space regardless of your personality type so it can be very helpful even if you're dealing with serious mental or emotional issues to clear your space to really work on your space And um sometimes that really requires that somebody come help you because it is overwhelming and it's a lot of work and it's a lot of decisions.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes. Uh-huh. Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And I definitely do not minimize that.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: But I also don't want to minimize minimalize the or minimize the impact a cleaner, tidier space can have on your outlook.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: So those are some of the some of the resources I've used. I love the Hello Mornings book. And um in the homeschooling world, I love Sarah McKenzie.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: Sarah McKenzie has a podcast.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: She has couple of books. She has a book called Teaching from Rest that is just fantastic.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: I don't know if you've read that one, but it is small.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: I have, i think twice now.
Robin Kernodle: Okay.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes. It seems like kind of a one of those annual read for homeschool moms to not feel like you have to do it all.
Robin Kernodle: Awesome.
Robin Kernodle: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: Right. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, i heard somebody say one time, you know, it it's true. You can have it all, but you cannot have it all at one time. And I think keeping that in mind is really essential for moms too, because there's so many things we want to do well.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Good.
Robin Kernodle: We want to school our children well or parent them well.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yes. Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: We want to have a nice home. We want our relationships to be strong. There's so many things that we can work on. um and But it's not all going to look amazing all at the same time.
Robin Kernodle: You know, things will ebb and flow.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: you
Robin Kernodle: we have to be um comfortable with some um just variability in some of those categories, I think.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. I mean, even just, I think I don't give myself enough grace, like you just had a baby or one of your kids is recently potty trained or going through, you know, a transition time that, okay, I need to put the brakes on some of those maybe tasks I wanted to do and just give myself more of that white space, um, to do those things, um, not cram them in.
Robin Kernodle: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: right right
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Um,
Grace Gerke, PA-C: I was just, you know, I know you've mentioned um being able to help people in their homes. Could you just share a little bit more about Home Matters, what you offer? I know we personally have benefited from you giving us some coaching and we could use probably a lot more as well, but just some of what you can offer women who are listening.
Robin Kernodle: and good
Robin Kernodle: Sure. Yes, um Home Matters is just, um has been such a blessing in my life. my friend, friend, colleague, Maria, continues to be a support to me, both personally and professionally, even from Africa.
Robin Kernodle: So it was definitely a joint effort when we created this thing.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Wow.
Robin Kernodle: But now what I'm able to offer is ah several different things. One is in-home sessions, you know, where I come and I have colleagues who work with me now.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: So we come as a two-person team And we can spend three or four hours in your home helping you accomplish whatever goals it is that you have, making progress in some area.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: We've done all kinds of things from pantries to playrooms and everything in between. We've helped people move. We've helped people unpack. um Really, whatever it is that is going to help you get to that level of peace that you're after.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: um And then i also have done phone consultations with people, just virtual consultations, which we can we can you know use FaceTime or use Zoom in those situations as well.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And then in around where I am, about within about an hour radius of where I live, I'm able to offer in-person consultations, which looks a lot like home coaching.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: you know i had one a week or two ago with a client who I went to her home She's showing me the different areas that need attention, and I'm troubleshooting, asking her questions, figuring out you know how her family works, what's going to work for them.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And that is so much fun, just really you know meeting people where they are and saying, okay,
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: well, how does your family come in from the car? And how can we arrange things to where that is less stressful?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Or, well, let's talk through menu planning because it's, you know, this is something that is stressing you out, how to eat well, you know, or how to minimize the time you're having to spend in the kitchen because you have a newborn or whatever the things are.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: I just love, you know, getting to be real personal with people because there's not a one size fits all. I mean, there may be some generalizations that would help most people, but when it comes down to it, every family is so unique.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: You know, every marriage that I encounter is so unique. You know, what the husband does for a living, what the what the wife does, how old the kids are, what their schooling situation is.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: Everything is so, so unique.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: um and And I just love that. So yeah, I can help people who are in other states. I can help people who are in my area. And to actually go into your home, you need to be within about an hour of where I live. But you can reach out to me and on our website or via email, and I'm happy to start that conversation.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah, and we will include that information on our show notes. She's out here in East Texas, same with Skills for Moms. And so we will include that information. And if you mention this podcast as a way of finding Robin, she can give you a discount on some of her services.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And I just wanted to highlight on a personal basis, even though I really admire you from the tangible home organization perspective, I'm kind of wired that way too.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: I love container store and alpha shelving and things to be all in a row.
Robin Kernodle: ah
Robin Kernodle: yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: I feel like you also are able to help like you were mentioning the meal planning or figuring out what's the hiccup in someone's weekly flow. Those have been the areas where I'm trying to organize my home space and I feel like I do have that knack, if you will.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: But then sometimes just having an outside perspective on some of the other pain points that could be going on. You know, we really want to have a date night.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: We don't know how to do that. We have a limited budget or, you know, for a period of time, I was working part-time as a PA, but my days alternated.
Robin Kernodle: right right
Grace Gerke, PA-C: You know, one week I'm working Monday, Friday, the next week, Tuesday, Wednesday. And so it's hard for a kid to have that routine or rhythm if mom's gone from the house different days each week, even if she's home too.
Robin Kernodle: right
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And so I remember talking through with you some things we could do, you know, kind of with our wake up and going to bed routine that could kind of help, even though it didn't make it perfect, it kind of improved some of those hard feelings we were having in that season.
Robin Kernodle: a
Grace Gerke, PA-C: So I just want to highlight that as well.
Robin Kernodle: Yeah. I think, yeah. ah Yeah. Well, I think um the fact that I have so many kids and that they are in these ages does position me to be able to speak to a lot of the things that moms of young kids are dealing with.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And you can learn from my successes and my mistakes. you know i have a client right now who is you know, transitioning her kids into the same room in order to help them sleep better.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And so just walking with her through that and helping her arrange the space, but also giving her the parental support that it is important that, you know, your kids learn to sleep on their own.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: okay yeah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Robin Kernodle: That's important for them, not only as individuals, but you guys as a family.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And another thing that I wanted to mention is that many times,
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yes.
Robin Kernodle: people reach out to Home Matters because they want to feel more comfortable having people in their homes. When it's untidy or when it doesn't feel peaceful, there is a barrier to their ability to be hospitable.
Robin Kernodle: And I think that um given that goal of so many people. I'm going to share this acronym that I created to help people when they're trying to be hospitable.
Robin Kernodle: And the acronym is GUEST. G-U-E-S-T. So when you're thinking about having people in your home, whether it's for an informal or for a formal gathering, I think this could be helpful.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Okay.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: So the first one, the G, is to greet people with warmth.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: Welcome people well by
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: Being at the door and asking them if they'd like you to take their coat or their purse or showing them into the home if they've never been there before.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Hugging them if that's appropriate or just greeting them with a smile.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: That's the G.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And then the u is understanding what hospital hospitality is supposed to be about.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: Which, in my mind, it's to bless other people. At the root of it, you are just trying to bless somebody else. Whether it's a close friend or somebody you've never met, you are bringing them into your space to bless them.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: So keep that in mind when you're having people over because it will help you not get fixated on, oh, the wallpaper in that bedroom looks terrible or I should have changed that towel or whatever the little thing might be.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: No, the point is to bless somebody else.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And then the E is for essentials. What are the essentials of this gathering?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And I was thinking in terms of like, are you going to be eating something? Are you going to be drinking something?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: Are you going to, is it a play date? ah what What are the essentials about this gathering?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: Think through that ahead of time.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: a little planning or a little prep can be nice.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: The other day I had a couple of friends over and i was just planning to offer tea or coffee.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: But at the last minute, I decided to go ahead and put on some wassail, which is a recipe my mother-in-law passed down to me.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: And that was such a hit. It was such a hit. They didn't want the tea.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: okay
Robin Kernodle: They didn't want the coffee. They wanted the wassail. And I thought, well, that was a happy accident. I hadn't really planned for that. But if it could be something a little special that they don't normally get, that's just icing on the cake.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: here
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Robin Kernodle: But really, you could just offer them a glass of water.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Robin Kernodle: And that shows that you are thinking about them and their comfort in that in that time.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yes Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And then the S is for setting boundaries. And I was giggling as I was thinking about that because it's not just about like what time do you need people to leave by.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes, of course.
Robin Kernodle: Although if you have an introverted spouse, that will be important to figure out, okay, when people will be you know leaving.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yes important thing
Robin Kernodle: But also... um What are the boundaries that you have in your home? I know for us, we tell our kids all the time, there's no running and there's no yelling. There's no running and there's no yelling in the house.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: okay
Robin Kernodle: That is not true for everybody and that is everybody's own decision.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: You know, we have friends who let their kids jump all over their couches and my kids love being at their house because they let them do that.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yep.
Robin Kernodle: But in our home, we don't do that. And so I sometimes have to make sure that those boundaries are, um you know, communicated in a nice way.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Uh-huh. Yep.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: ah But anyway, setting your boundaries ahead of time, like how long you're going to, you know, be comfortable with people staying and then saying something like, thank you so much for coming.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yes.
Robin Kernodle: I hope we can do this again soon. You know somehow signaling that if it's getting past the time you're comfortable with.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And then finally, the T,
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yes
Robin Kernodle: is for tidy with intention. Because if you're going have somebody over tomorrow, you probably don't have time to overhaul your whole house, nor should you.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yes
Robin Kernodle: But you can use Dana K. White's visibility rule, which she says, you know, you just open the door as if you're coming in as a guest.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Robin Kernodle: What areas will you see or use first?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: noticed. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: that's That's your priority. So maybe that acronym can help any of your listeners who are wanting to be more hospitable and just need maybe some ideas on how to get started.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Wow, that is so good. That really hits home. um i think growing up, we didn't do as much hosting for large gatherings. And so it's something as an adult, I realized I didn't practice routinely growing up. And so it it is does feel harder for me.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And I love the feeling of being hosted well by someone else.
Robin Kernodle: Mm-hmm. Thank you.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: But then how do i mirror that and be able to host someone and make them feel
Robin Kernodle: Thank you.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: welcome in my space. You've already touched on some of those, but um you know it comes to mind, you recently had us over along ah along with several other large families. And um you you do that you know almost at least annually with us. And I know you do that with other people. Could you just share a little bit more about some of those practices you've just built in with your kids to make hosting not totally overwhelming, where there's been days where I'm like, I'm never doing that again.
Robin Kernodle: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And just, and then a week later, i'm like, okay, it's fine.
Robin Kernodle: Right.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: We can host again, you know, but right after I'm like, no, never again.
Robin Kernodle: Yeah. Yes. Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Well, and it it definitely depends on who your guests are too, right?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: There's some guests that you would have over any time they would show up. You'd be thrilled to have them and others that you're like, I need time to recover before we do that again.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: i Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: More challenging. Yes.
Robin Kernodle: Yeah. Yes. um But yeah, we've tried to help our kids see hospitality as a team effort so that it doesn't just fall to my husband and me.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And so there's a lot of prep that they can help with at this point.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: But I realize a lot of people may have children that are too small to really help. And then you just need to adjust your expectations for what you can do in this season. You shouldn't expect that you will be able to host a big holiday gathering if you've got newborn and a two-year-old or
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Robin Kernodle: whatever, you know, four or five little kids, um that's it's totally fine to to let somebody else take up that mantle.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah yeah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: But I'm in a season now where it's much easier to host. And in fact, our kids really enjoy it.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: So I...
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: I don't hold to this mantra 100%, but I do think we should encourage our kids to do as much of the things that they can do by themselves.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Robin Kernodle: um And so, you know, we have kids who can wash dishes. We have kids who can cook. We have kids who can check the bathrooms. We have kids who can pick up toys.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: okay
Robin Kernodle: And so...
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Robin Kernodle: fostering that idea of like this is a team effort. We're all getting to have these friends over.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: We're all getting to have fun with these friends and so we're all gonna help prepare and we're all gonna clean up afterwards.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: you know There's a resetting that happens.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: and you know, that gets into the home organization aspect of it. But I do think, you know, when you as the parent and you guys as a couple can establish what resetting is, what it looks like, and then you bring your kids alongside you to help you get it back to that point, either before the guests come or after the guests have left, um it starts to take on like an energy and just a standard of its own that's pretty easy to implement.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: the yeah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: It it's work, but it's pretty easy to implement, you know?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm. Yes.
Robin Kernodle: Um, and I think as a type A person, a recovering perfectionist myself, I have to get okay with people bringing things to my event, but
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: this is
Robin Kernodle: it's really not my event, right? It's everyone's experience.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: no
Robin Kernodle: And so it's actually a lot of fun for them to bring a salad or these people bring drinks or, you know, for certain, for certain gatherings.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. yeah
Robin Kernodle: And that takes a little bit load off of you and they feel more involved and and needed and as well. So I hope that, I hope that kind of answers your question.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. yeah So to kind of,
Robin Kernodle: right.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: You can bring your kids in and streamline like, this is what we do to reset the living room or this is how we set a table.
Robin Kernodle: anything
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And those are basic life skills a kid should develop over time anyways.
Robin Kernodle: Right. Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And then letting people know your needs like,
Robin Kernodle: am i
Grace Gerke, PA-C: We found out recently a friend from church, we're kind of, me and a friend are going to throw a last minute baby shower for her and it's two weeks away. And I was like, okay, here we go But you know, it's like, I want to bless this new mom.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And that's important I think to do. And so we're not going to probably do it the maximum effort. There probably will not be a balloon arch, you know, like we're not going to have like a custom made cake at this event, but I'm like, okay, how can we still honor this new mom?
Robin Kernodle: Right.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: in a way that will be meaningful and not take away from, you know, the normal family things I need to do as well.
Robin Kernodle: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: Right.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Kind of that balance, if you will.
Robin Kernodle: Right. Yes. Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Oh, yeah. It's so much better to do something sweet and kind than it is to do something perfect or Pinterest worthy. You know, it's, it's really the thought behind it that matters.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And, you know, there have been seasons in which we were having people over routinely. You know, we would be in a community group at church and it was almost weekly that we would have a sizable group in our home.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: But, know,
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Robin Kernodle: Seasons change too and now I'm in this place of where it's more like I'll have one friend over with a child or two to play with my youngest.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: okay
Robin Kernodle: you know
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Robin Kernodle: That's a different way to be hospitable and I really enjoy it um
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah yeah
Robin Kernodle: And then there's a lot of our older kids having their friends over, and that's different.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah yeah
Robin Kernodle: That's a different way to be hospitable, and I'm learning.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: I'm i'm not perfect at that because, you know, the kids, they want to feel welcome, but they also want their space, you know?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: So...
Grace Gerke, PA-C: okay
Robin Kernodle: Just learning and growing with each new stage is so fun. um And I think that you've you've got the answer when you're saying, I just want her to feel blessed and I want her to feel um supported in this new stage.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Robin Kernodle: i mean, that's that's where it's at.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: a
Robin Kernodle: And it's it doesn't matter what your house looks like.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Robin Kernodle: It really just matters, you know, the heart that's behind it
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah, that is so good. And I know you, I mean, having a family with six kids, that's just between you all eight birthdays a year. And so i assume you can't do a big blowout birthday thing every year for every kid, but I assume you still do celebrate birthdays and important things.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: like holidays and anniversaries, like how do you kind of choose, I guess, what ones to really highlight, you know, say a graduation or a certain number and which ones, you know, you're just maybe doing something more simple like a cake or, you know.
Robin Kernodle: Yeah. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Right.
Robin Kernodle: yeah right Yeah, I mean, i really ah really think that that is probably super specific to each family, what makes sense to them you know?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: um And our little traditions have evolved over the years, sometimes accidentally, sometimes on purpose. um I guess kind of the big one that we've done, and I would say, just like hospitality, I think that birthday celebrations and holiday celebrations, it's essential that you keep the meaning there.
Robin Kernodle: And I remember somebody giving me the advice early on, enjoy your child's birthdays. Whether you have a party or not, enjoy your child on that day and make your child feel loved and supported and encouraged.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah. Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: And I i love that.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: And so that's, I try to keep that as the heart behind the celebrations that we have.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: That's so good.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: We ended up sort of in a backwards way, making a big deal out of our kids 10th birthdays. So when each kid turns 10, I get to take him or her to Boston.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Okay.
Robin Kernodle: And 10 is just such a fun age.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Aw.
Robin Kernodle: They still think their parents are cool.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: They can do a lot of things by themselves.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes. Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: They are still loving learning, you know, for the sake of learning.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Uh-huh.
Robin Kernodle: And so Boston just is a great city to explore and learn all kinds of American history and stuff.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: So we've done that with, let's see, three of the kids, no, four of the kids so far.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: I get to go again this year with Francis.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Okay.
Robin Kernodle: So
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Wow.
Robin Kernodle: Um, so that's become a thing. That's when I let the girls get their ears pierced.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Um, we kind of make a big deal out of 12. Um, I take the girls on a little weekend away and that's when we talk about all the things, friendships and, um, boys and how babies are made and all the things, you know?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: Um, and then 16 has been a big year for the girls. At least we've, we've made a
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: a fun dance thing out of that. Um, and then, you know, Clara is going to be 21 in May and I'm like, what am I going to do? i want to do something fun and exciting.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: Um, but the main thing is I want to be with her because, you know, she's in another state.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: So I'm figuring out a way to get to her on her birthday.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Uh-huh.
Robin Kernodle: But,
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: You know, it it doesn't have to be big. It doesn't have to be expensive. I think you just want to make them feel special.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: And one of the easiest, cheapest things we do is that on the kids' birthdays, and usually on Valentine's Day, and on Mother's Day, and on Father's Day, we go around the table and everybody says something nice or something encouraging about that person.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Wow.
Robin Kernodle: I'm gonna get teary thinking about it because um the kids have said some of the sweetest things at those very simple times.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Oh.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Wow.
Robin Kernodle: And it'll be, you know, like Eliza's birthday and all her siblings are going around telling something that they love about her, something they see in her that's, and it's so easy, but it's really meaningful.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Wow.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Wow. Yeah. Yes.
Robin Kernodle: And I really love Mother's Day for that.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: they go up and tell me what I'm doing well, you know?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Wow. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: So just little, little things like that, that evolve over time that make your family unique, lean into them.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yes.
Robin Kernodle: You know, if it's start, if you start seeing a pattern, like, Hey, we're good at whatever, just go with it, you know?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. you know like Those traditions, you could call them because they're repetitive things that bring meaning.
Robin Kernodle: and then
Grace Gerke, PA-C: you know When it's helpful and blessing, like keep doing them. But if there's something that you know it worked really well, but now it's you're doing it just because, maybe you can take a year off and just see what happens.
Robin Kernodle: yeah
Robin Kernodle: For sure.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: We're really wanting to be more intentional with the work building each other up, we're realizing if we don't practice that with each other, it's going to be way harder to encourage the kid on the playground to
Robin Kernodle: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: maybe rubs you know you the wrong way. And so we try to practice, we call it Shabbat, but, you know, just taking a day of rest, we've done it more like on Saturdays and Friday nights, the way the Jewish calendar is, even though we're not Jewish, but just having a specific time to bless our kids, you know, it could be like a simple blessing from the Bible or, you know, Caleb, I really saw that,
Robin Kernodle: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: then
Robin Kernodle: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: you know, you're a great leader this week. And this is how I saw it or for a brother to be able to say like, you know, man, you're very generous, you know, and just to have it built in that our kids have this time that they're anticipating and knowing they're going to receive blessing.
Robin Kernodle: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: yes
Grace Gerke, PA-C: You know, again, I don't,
Robin Kernodle: yeah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: know every family so unique but that's something that I put on kind of my new year's resolution for this year to be intentional about okay weekly I really want to to do that as a family even if it's just around the table you know we tried to do it a separate time and then we'd forget so i was like well I know we're going to be at dinner so we can take five minutes at dinner to do that um so yeah
Robin Kernodle: the
Robin Kernodle: Yes. Yeah, that's lovely. And they will always remember that. They will always remember that. That will become just part of who they are. And I think you putting putting an emphasis on it, even if it's like once a week, officially, is setting your mind to seeing the good in them and calling that out in them whatever day of the week it is.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes. Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy how those small changes we make, you know, just once a week or like it then changes, like you're saying our perspective and then all these other things could start to come into place just from that one small change, you know, like the cleaning up your home, you know, like having a
Robin Kernodle: three
Robin Kernodle: Right.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: clear space for the kids to play could improve how they're relating to each other or less destruction because if it's too chaotic, they may be more prone to fight or just break up toys if they're not facilitating that imaginative play that you're talking about.
Robin Kernodle: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Right.
Robin Kernodle: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: So, man, that's so good.
Robin Kernodle: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Well, um I guess just in closing, a couple more questions. Is there anything you can think of just if you were to look back on yourself 10 years ago, like that you would give us younger moms just as advice in the thick of it? Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Yeah, ah two things, Grace. One is um the idea that less is more. Like if you could just really own it, less is more.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Fewer things. But also fewer activities, you know, just fewer busy days um will expand your ability to enjoy this season of life, you know.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Just creating white space in your calendar, even if you have to block it off and say, on this day, we're not going to do any outside activities.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: okay
Robin Kernodle: And just be home and just have it be a normal
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Robin Kernodle: lovely day. um That's one thing I would probably do more of.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Robin Kernodle: ah The other thing is really just giving grace to yourself. Giving grace to yourself knowing that you are trying.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yes.
Robin Kernodle: You are trying. And that is a huge win, you know. um i listened to a podcast this morning where Max Lucado was saying, you know, if you are trying, that shows you're a good parent already.
Robin Kernodle: Like, just don't beat yourself up.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: So give yourself grace. Give your spouse a lot of grace.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yes
Robin Kernodle: Like, love your spouse well.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: movement
Robin Kernodle: Like you were saying, calling out those good qualities in your kids.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: okay
Robin Kernodle: Do that to your husband or to your wife.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Do do that to your husband in front of your kids.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Tell him what he is doing well or what you're seeing in him.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm. Yes.
Robin Kernodle: Establishing that culture of grace and that culture of positivity I think is so sweet.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: And you know give grace to your kids. They're not going to be perfect. They are going to mess up.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: They are going to be rude. They are going be selfish.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: you know But give grace to them. Try to model ah the things that you want to see in them.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: and give grace to your friends. You know, i have a really good friend here who has taught me that, you know, your friends are not always going to make the decisions that you would make.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Your friends are going to mess up, just like we mess up.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: But giving them grace and loving them through that, I think that that is something I would tell myself 10 years ago. Work on that. do Do that better.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: Love with no strings attached, you know, um no hook required, you know, or whatever.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah yes
Robin Kernodle: um I think that's probably what I would tell myself because it would mean more more calm, more peace um for my home, you know for my kids, for my marriage, you know to really give grace more abundantly.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah. Man, that's such a good reminder because, you know, we hear it in our kids where they'll repeat or parrot a way we parented our kids. And it's convicting to be like, oh, I didn't realize I snapped so easily, or I don't realize how critical I can be.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And so they really can be kind of a reflection to things that we can just slow down and work on and giving people, like you say, the benefit of the doubt and
Robin Kernodle: Right. Yes.
Robin Kernodle: Yeah. Right.
Robin Kernodle: Right.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: just those kind words to our spouse, bringing up all the things they are doing well, because of course, we all have areas to grow in.
Robin Kernodle: yeah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And i know with my husband and I, you know, we have a lot of my strengths are his weaknesses and vice versa.
Robin Kernodle: right
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And so it's easy to poke at the things that I'm naturally strong at versus to really notice and encourage the things that he does so well that I'm lacking in.
Robin Kernodle: Right.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: So yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Right. Right.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Well, is there anything else that you just wanted to share in closing, you know, something we haven't touched on today or something you just wanted to like give a little extra info about?
Robin Kernodle: hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: We'll definitely include your information in the show notes and then the resources you mentioned so people can check those out after they're done listening to this podcast.
Robin Kernodle: Sure. ah One just very practical tip that I would just offer your listeners that they could do today is to establish an area where you are going to put all the things that you are donating or getting rid of that is going out of your house.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: um I think if you can just take a minute to go, if that's going to be in my laundry room or it's going to be on this shelf in the garage or wherever that is, to establish a routine of getting things out of your house.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes. Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yes
Robin Kernodle: um That is sort of something I talk to my clients about every single time I go into somebody's home is, How are you moving things out on a routine basis?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: lia
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: So in my own home, I have it in my laundry room.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: i have these baskets lined with a dark trash bag. And when I find something that needs to be donated, it goes in there and nobody can see it.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: If the kids ask for it, I'm happy to get it out. But I'm telling you, i have not ever had that happen. There has never been a time where the kids are like, what happened to such and such? Did you donate it?
Robin Kernodle: It just hasn't happened. Once it's gone, they have forgotten about it. Not every kid is like that.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Not every kid is like that for sure. But if you can establish a place where you can remove the excess and then have a system for getting it out of your house, whether you put a you know ah a reminder on your calendar or whatever, For me, when that bag fills up, I then put it in my husband's trunk, and then it probably sits there for a month or so, and then he'll take it to whatever donation place he's close to, really.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm. yeah
Robin Kernodle: And that just works for us. But it's a continual process of removing excess things.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yes.
Robin Kernodle: And it does help you to make better decisions going forward when you start to see all the things that can go. You know, you go, ah do I really need that?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: Or is that going to end up um at hangers of hope down the road, you know?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: right Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: um And then I think I would just say, you know, take just a minute to think about what you want your kids to remember about their childhood and about growing up in your home.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: How do you want them to talk about it when they are 20 or 25 years old?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Robin Kernodle: What was it like to grow up in your home? What were your parents like? that can be very sobering to think about what my young adult children will say about life with us.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Wow.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: And I want them to say that we were well loved, that our parents modeled Christ to us, that we had people in our home all the time, that, you know, my friends were welcome and all that.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: I'm not sure that that will be the case with all of them, but having that goal of like, okay,
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Big picture, what do I want my kids to remember on my home? It's not so much about did they have a Pottery Barn bread spread the trendiest wallpaper in their room.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.
Robin Kernodle: It's how did they feel in your home?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: How did you make other people feel when they came into your home?
Grace Gerke, PA-C: yeah
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Wow. Wow. That's, yeah, such a good reminder. I remember a youth pastor who had us, sounds kind of morbid, but kind of walk through a graveyard one time and like, look at the epitaphs, you know, the, what was written on the
Robin Kernodle: right
Grace Gerke, PA-C: headstones, you know, and a lot of times it would say just the date of birth and death, or it might say, you know, wife, mother, you know, something very simple, but so many of our accolades, you know, they end when we do.
Robin Kernodle: and
Robin Kernodle: and
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And so what we have is, you know, our children are eternal, our, our souls are eternal.
Robin Kernodle: right
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And so being like, is what I'm doing, bringing more things together, and people into eternity is what I'm doing, sowing into these eternal beings.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Or like you said, is it just that bedspread I really want?
Robin Kernodle: Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Because I saw it on my friend's Instagram, you know, that may be nice for a season and it's not bad to want it, but it's not going to be what they remember.
Robin Kernodle: Right. Right.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: And yeah.
Robin Kernodle: Right. Keep it in perspective. Yeah.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah.
Robin Kernodle: It's all about the relationship. and And that is the hard part, too, is relationships are messy and they can ebb and flow.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Robin Kernodle: But when you know, okay, that's that's the real goal here is um loving my spouse and loving my kids well.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: okay
Robin Kernodle: And like you said, pointing them to eternity and knowing that that's the impact that you have, I think can help some of the the smaller things and details fall off, you know.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yeah. Yeah. Man, well, it's been just such a pleasure to have you here, Robin. And um yes, I just hope our listeners have been as blessed by this time as I have and look forward to the next time that we can connect.
Robin Kernodle: um Thank you.
Robin Kernodle: Same. Thank you so much for having me. It's been so fun.
Grace Gerke, PA-C: Yes. Thank you.
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