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Keep Being Dumb, Criminals!
36 Plays8 months ago
Kristina shares stories of dumb criminals and their ridiculous antics. Keep being dumb, criminals! (Or, don’t commit crimes. Either way.)
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Transcript
Podcast Introduction
00:00:01
Speaker
This is our podcast song. It isn't very long. Hello. Hello. Thanks everyone for tuning into Laughing with Ginger's. The podcast where two feisty redheads with loud loud share crazy stories, play games and spread silliness and joy.
Meet the Hosts
00:00:21
Speaker
That little watermelon friend over there is
00:00:28
Speaker
my partner in crime on the Laughing with Ginger's podcast, Christina Curry. And that is their elephant aka prankster monk and my co host of Laughing with Ginger's her Christina's dog today. For those of you who are not watching this on however you watch this YouTube maybe Apple podcasts can Spotify do this yet? Who knows? Maybe then cancer. Bowie their dog has a watermelon dog cone on
00:00:59
Speaker
She's really cute. It's so cute. She's out of frame right now, but she'll probably pop back into frame again soon.
Theme of the Day: Dumb Criminals
00:01:08
Speaker
I mean, well, are you ready to get this party started? Yeah, I brought funny or slash dumb criminals today. I love it. And I brought nothing. I brought my red hair. Yeah, you brought your your red hair that looks like your favorite hair job, Bob's Burgers. Linda Belcher is who she's referring to. Although it does kind of if I pigtailed it, it would look like Louise too.
00:01:38
Speaker
Oh, yeah, you're right. You're just channeling Bob's Burgers today. I love it. Oh, gosh. Yeah.
Hilarious Courtroom Chaos
00:01:49
Speaker
Well, it's funny because I was doom scrolling and came across a video where this guy was driving and he was signing into it was like a court recording. I don't know if you guys have seen this as a court recording.
00:02:06
Speaker
And he's driving and he logs in and they were like, uh, you're driving. How can you be in court while you're driving? And he's like, Oh, I'm just parking. I'm just parking. Just give me just one second. I'm just, I'm parking. I'm parking. It took a little longer than it should have for him to park. And the, you know, the judge was patiently waiting.
00:02:25
Speaker
And then mouth open, right? Like, yeah, because he says, am I reading this right? Or are you charged with it was something like violating like drivers like but his license suspended license? Yeah, that's what it is. And the guy just sort of was like, uh, uh, and the lawyers tried her best to be like,
00:02:53
Speaker
you know, and skirt it, but the judge is like a suspended license and you're driving on your court call. And the lawyer was just like, Yes, sir. That's correct. She was just like, you could tell as soon as they were off of the, you know, court appointment, she was going to rip them a new one. And the guy just sat there like and
00:03:17
Speaker
God damn idiot, you know, Jess was like, and you could tell it's just like wheels are turning and he's like, yeah, I fucked this one up.
Self-inflicted DUI Disaster
00:03:26
Speaker
Mm hmm. Big fucked up. Yeah. So dumb. That's a dumb criminal right there. Oh, but also keeping dumb when you are a criminal. Yeah. We need less of you. Just keep getting in trouble. It's fine.
00:03:47
Speaker
And learn your lesson when you do. Yeah, I mean a suspended license and then you're still driving. I feel like you aren't taking lessons into consideration here. Yeah, I think he got a ticket for a suspended license and this was his hearing for the ticket for the suspended license. I think you're right. Oh, God. Oh, God.
00:04:14
Speaker
Anyway, so all right, so I have another one for you. A drunk Missouri man runs himself over then gets issued a DUI. How does that happen, you ask? Brian Baker and Ashley Baker were arrested for a DUI after Brian stopped his truck and got out. The truck began to roll forward because he didn't put it in park properly.
00:04:41
Speaker
So Ashley tried to hop into the driver's seat and stop the vehicle from hitting Brian. She failed at that attempt to stop the vehicle. Brian was not only hospitalized with serious injuries, but on top of that, the police issued him another DUI. Yeah, yeah.
00:05:02
Speaker
I remember that happening to people in high school. This is so such a country problem, but I remember that happening in high school because a lot of my friends drove stick shifts. I also drove a stick shift that I never ran myself over.
00:05:20
Speaker
Or drove drunk. Either of those things. Either one.
Stick Shift Shenanigans
00:05:27
Speaker
Oh, my God. I mean, it is a little easy to like I had one of my stick shift cars because I had stick shift all the way until like not that long ago.
00:05:39
Speaker
And it wasn't properly tightened, so I would still put up the emergency brake, but it would still roll. And I feel like I've shared these stories before on the podcast, but one time, actually more than once, I would come back to my car and it would have looked like I parked like halfway in the parking spot. And I'm like, gee, I feel like I pulled up. It's weird that it's like halfway in. And it happened like three times.
00:06:07
Speaker
And it still didn't occur to me that maybe something's wrong with my emergency break. And then I'm in a coffee shop and I parked. And it's on a busy, busy street. This was in Austin, Texas. And I'm standing there waiting to get my coffee. And I'd already placed my order. And I'm looking out. And I see a car go out onto the busy street backwards, curve, do a backwards U-turn, and then back into the parking lot.
00:06:36
Speaker
And I was like, what an idiot, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, God, that looks like my car. I go to where my car was parked. It wasn't there. It literally was my car that rolled into the busy street. Everyone's honking at it and not like and stopping. Thank God. And then it rolled into the other side of the parking lot and stopped.
00:06:59
Speaker
I was mortified, but I didn't know until I got out. I'm like, wait, I parked here. Oh, wait, that car that rolled out in the parking into the traffic was me. Oh, my God. I took it in after that. I was like, something's wrong with my break. Oh, my God. I used to leave it in gear.
00:07:19
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Well, I never did that. I was I'm one of those like I just neutral it and pulled up that parking brake. Yeah, I know I shouldn't be doing that. But well, I mean, I don't think technically you're supposed to leave it in gear. But I always did because I just like it. It just seemed like it happened way too long. Oh, you know, right there. Oh, there she is there.
00:07:46
Speaker
There's her little watermelon collar.
Garage Door Mishap
00:07:53
Speaker
I think I may have told this story on the podcast. I grew up driving really young because I grew up in the country and you learn to drive farming equipment and stuff and so driving a car is not a big deal.
00:08:09
Speaker
Still illegal. I don't think there's any judges on this call. But I think I was like 14 and my dad and I were restoring an MGB and an MGB GT with two different cars, one's a convertible, one's a hatchback. And we were working on the roof and installing flashing on the roof.
00:08:33
Speaker
makes me sound like a very different person than you know me. So we had to move the car because you can't like risk dropping something off a roof onto a car. So I went, I
00:08:51
Speaker
jumped down off the roof, not literally, I took the ladder off the roof. And I went to back the car up and we had just been fixing like parts of the seat. And the seat, I put it in gear and the seat released and slid back
00:09:08
Speaker
Oh no. The car jumps forward into the wooden garage door and like. Oh no. It shoots the garage door and it breaks, like breaks the wood inward. Oh God. My dad knew what happened right away. Cause you could like see me, you know, shoot back. Yeah. Yeah. Which is not natural. And so then the, my dad like,
00:09:34
Speaker
took the whole thing off the garage door off and like re-did the wood and stuff and put braces in. And the next week after he hung it back up, my brother started my mom's car and backed out. He should have just left it with you two around. In new driving age, he should have just left it.
00:10:00
Speaker
Oh, my God. My dad, I don't think has ever been so mad. He still tells that story all the time. Oh, my God. He's never going to forget. You guys ruined it for him. Kids are a menace. Oh, God. All right. Give me another one. All right. Now we're heading over to the UK because guess what, kids?
The Upside-down Thief
00:10:26
Speaker
Dumb criminals live everywhere.
00:10:31
Speaker
So a 32 year old man was jailed for three years when he was found hanging upside down from a window after he was trying to break into a terrorist house. Having been caught hanging literally upside down from the window of the house he was attempting to break into, he was left with little choice but to admit his crime and take the punishment on the chin said the police.
00:10:54
Speaker
It's like the guy in the car like, oh, oh, you can't you can't get away. This is this is my life now because you're like not supposed to admit fault. Right. But like you're literally hanging upside down trying to rob a place.
00:11:17
Speaker
Yeah, you can't. Or driving a car, sitting in the car, in the driver's seat, driving. Even if he had parked, he could have very quickly said, oh, I'm just sitting in the car, you know? But no, he called in while driving. I mean, you'd think he would have at least just I would have pulled the car over on the side of the road. Well, I wouldn't have been doing that because I'm a law abiding citizen. Exactly. Oh, God.
Payslip Bank Heist
00:11:47
Speaker
That's why you're not a dumb criminal. All right, so back in the US, obviously the idea to rob a bank crossed this Illinois resident's mind, but he failed to logically think it through. The 40 year old man walked into the bank, handed the cashier a threatening note that read, be quick, be quit. He spelled quiet wrong, first of all.
00:12:16
Speaker
give your cash or I'll shoot." The bank teller obliged and handed him $400, but the thief had overlooked the fact that his message was scribbled on a piece of his payslip. Detectives found the other half of the payslip outside of the bank, complete with the bank robber's name and home address. When he took it, wrote the note, misspelled it, ripped it up, dropped the garbage,
00:12:45
Speaker
and he handed in the note and the detectives found it. Did they also cite him for littering? They should have. I don't know. But was it worth $400? I don't think so. I mean, the legal fees are going to be way more than that. Yeah, exactly. You're using your paycheck stub. Interesting. Interesting choice.
00:13:13
Speaker
It's a choice. It's definitely a choice. It was a choice. All right. So in Croatia, really pretty over there, but okay. Modern technology foiled this felon when he and a mate were found with 103 grams of marijuana in their car.
00:13:32
Speaker
I have no idea how much that is. Me neither. Seems like a lot. It sounds like a lot, but. Sounds like a lot. So while they were at the station for questioning, a third man sent a text message to one of their mobile phones saying, water my weed plant, please.
00:13:51
Speaker
Police went to his place and found a small backyard plantation. The driver was convicted of possession and the intention to deal in drugs and his two friends were let off due to lack of evidence. Oh my God. That's just having bad friends maybe. Can you imagine that one text just ruined your life?
00:14:19
Speaker
I wonder what the penalty for that is in Croatia.
Text Message Bust
00:14:23
Speaker
I don't know. I bet it's pretty harsh, but I don't know. They're not as progressive over there, I guess, with the weed. And have you ever sent a text that was like, oh, I wish I didn't send that text. Oh, I'm sure I have. Because I have this problem. This is where I'm dumb. I have this problem.
00:14:49
Speaker
of texting the person I'm talking about instead of texting the person I'm intending to talk to. Oh, yeah. You switch it in your brain. Oh, it's so bad. I just don't say anything bad about people anymore. Really good rule to live by, Sarah.
00:15:14
Speaker
Oh, no. Yeah, that happened. We were planning a huge, huge like secret birthday party out in the desert for one of our friends and about three months ahead of it. One of our friends was drunk at like two in the morning and copy pasted like the whole mess because we when we were sending it to all our friends, it was like the whole message text message was all the details. He sent it to our friend that we were trying to surprise.
00:15:44
Speaker
You can't come back from that. Oh my God. You just can't. He tried to play it off as like a joke, but like that's a pretty detailed joke. Also it's before your birthday. It's really not funny. There's nothing funny about it either.
00:16:05
Speaker
Yeah, so our friend definitely had an inkling, but he didn't know that to the scale of what was going on and how many people were actually coming. So it still ended up being a bit of a surprise. But yeah, I'm listening. That was not OK. And this is why I don't. I would delete that out of my phone.
00:16:35
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Well, I have the habit of feeling really excited about surprises and ruining them because I'm just so overwhelmed with excitement. Yeah, me too. Out of all our friends, it was gonna be me to ruin it for sure. And I'm just glad it wasn't.
00:16:55
Speaker
Oh, me too. Yeah, it's really hard for me to hold in excited, like, especially if I'm the one doing the exciting thing, then I feel like even more compelled to be like, this is what I'm doing for you. And I'm so excited. Yeah, I know. Because it's like, you're ruining your own surprise. And that feels like it's okay. Yeah, yeah, totally. So I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it. I just can't hold it in anymore.
00:17:25
Speaker
Okay, my final one.
Forgetful German Thief
00:17:28
Speaker
In Germany, one wannabe thief had obviously watched too much TV. When the 29-year-old tried to break into his neighbor's flat by using a bank card, he woke up the owner. In the thief's haste to get away, the card snapped in half, leaving behind the name and account details.
00:17:46
Speaker
The victim called up and read us the details off the card, police said. When we got to the burglar's house, the other half of his bank card was on his kitchen table. What a dumb dumb. Oh, no. No. Yeah. Yeah. These people, you cannot open a door with a card. I mean, maybe there's some truth into that. I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, maybe like certain styles of doors, but it's not like
00:18:18
Speaker
I mean, there are definitely- It doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem like it's the right way. Yeah, there are definitely better ways. You'd have to hook, I mean, if you want to school us in this, please Instagram at laughing. I know, I love that. Sarah's about to lay down some knowledge. This is how you break into a door. But I think you have to hook under, so you have to angle the
00:18:42
Speaker
I've tried this clearly in my own house, not other people's homes. But I think you have to angle the, hold on, I actually have a card here. All right. Well, you should head to the YouTube video for this demonstration, kids. Hold on. Let me get my restaurant depot card out.
00:19:08
Speaker
because that I don't care if anyone sees what it is. Wow, we're going to take advantage of your discounts. I'm going to Applebee's tomorrow. You know Restaurant Depot is where you buy restaurant equipment and stuff. Oh, I had no idea. Yeah, you can buy a few. Yeah, you can get discounts at Applebee's. No, it's where Applebee's buys things, all the pubs.
00:19:38
Speaker
you know, all that stuff like that, like restaurant, restaurant grade, like equipment and stuff. Yeah. Oh, I knew that. But I didn't know you could get a card. Well, it's because of my business.
00:19:51
Speaker
Oh, got it. Got it. It's you could for conscious do good because you host events that you might provide food or drink for. Oh, snap. I'm going to go get a Rushdie Depot card. So anyway, I think you have to take the tip part of it and hook it, like stick it in diagonally to get past the little like thing that goes into the door lock. Oh, yeah, that.
00:20:22
Speaker
I don't think it's as easy as you would hope. Yeah. I feel like we need to do an episode where we break the like mirage of TV movie, you know, things like they're on the phone and they're talking really quickly. Oh, yeah. And you're like, no one's answering you that fast on the other end of that line. Oh, yeah. Because you can't have any like dead silence. Right. Right. It's like too awkward. Yeah.
00:20:52
Speaker
Mm hmm. Well, anyway, that's the end of dumb criminals for us. Everybody that is a criminal, although it is very frustrating to have you be dumb, but, you know, yeah, but we like to catch you easily. If that's how it's going to go.
00:21:18
Speaker
So thank you everyone for joining us today on this episode of Laughing with Ginger's.
Listener Engagement
00:21:24
Speaker
We are so happy that you are listening to our silly podcast. And if you like the show, give us a follow rate and review on your preferred podcast platform. And follow us on Instagram at Laughing with Ginger's. We'll post some stuff here and there and dot, dot, dot. You can send us funny stories, episode ideas. We love episode ideas.
00:21:46
Speaker
Um, and you can also school us on whether we are correct or incorrect about how you use a credit card or card of some kind to break into a normal style door. We're not talking about those hotel doors or something where you can like get the decoder thing and swipe it. That's a different ball game. Different, different criminal level.
00:22:12
Speaker
Get access to premium content, including swag special events, access to us, starts at just $3. Check us out at patreon.com slash laughing with gingers. And tune in next week for more good times. Is your pet having a rough time right meow? Maybe they panic when it's raining cats and dogs.
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