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Episode 6: When It Still Escalates: Co-Regulation in Real Classroom Moments
80 Plays2 months ago
In Episode 6, we take the next step in trauma-informed practice and focus on what to do when behavior escalates despite strong Tier 1 supports, clear routines, and intentional teacher language. This episode is grounded in staff feedback and real classroom experiences, addressing one of the most common challenges educators shared: how to respond in the moment when one student’s dysregulation impacts the entire room.
Building on the foundation of brain science, this episode explores co-regulation as the key to de-escalation. You’ll learn how nervous systems influence one another, why managing the classroom environment matters just as much as responding to the individual student, and how to regulate both at the same time.
This episode provides realistic, ready-to-use strategies and scripts you can implement immediately, including how to reduce language load, stabilize the class during disruptions, use proximity and tone effectively, and respond to loud or escalated behavior without increasing the intensity. There is also a focus on supporting students with autism and sensory needs through environmental and predictable supports.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing everything right and behavior still escalates, this episode will help you understand why and give you practical tools that actually work in real classroom moments.
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Transcript
Introduction and Listener Feedback
00:00:00
Kristina Lamia
Welcome back to Podcast PD with Christina. Like always, thank you for being here. I just want to take a moment again to thank everyone who has been been engaging with the Podcast PD series.
00:00:12
Kristina Lamia
The feedback has been incredibly positive and really meaningful. Many of you shared that the podcast has increased both your understanding of student behavior and your confidence in responding to dysregulation.
00:00:25
Kristina Lamia
A lot of you are not just listening. You're actively applying the strategies in your classrooms, which is exactly the goal of this work. I also want to highlight how you're using the strategies.
00:00:37
Kristina Lamia
You shared that you're implementing visual schedules, using timers and countdowns during transitions, offering structured choices, and intentionally using language shifts like validating feelings and reinforcing expectations.
Highlights from Past Episodes
00:00:52
Kristina Lamia
You've even mentioned that you've shared the podcast with other colleagues in your building and across other buildings and other sectors in education. And that is exactly how this becomes a system and not just a strategy.
00:01:08
Kristina Lamia
Another thing that stood out is that you value the practicality of this series. You share that the examples feel realistic and doable within the time and structure of a real classroom, which matters.
00:01:19
Kristina Lamia
Many of you are listening on your commute, revisiting episodes multiple times, and using the transcripts to reflect more deeply. And that level of engagement tells me that this format is working. And so before we jump in today, i just want to start by grounding us in where we have been and what you've told me you need next.
00:01:36
Kristina Lamia
So way back in episode one, we built the foundation of trauma and brain science and reframed behavior as a survival response, not a character flaw. In episode two, we talked about why transitions are neurologically hard and how predictability and structure support regulation.
00:01:54
Kristina Lamia
In episode three, we focused on what to say in the moment using the comms method and how adult tone and body language either escalate or deescalate situations.
00:02:05
Kristina Lamia
In episode four, we talked about what happens after the comm and how reflection, repair, and retry are where the real learning happens.
Listener Requests and Challenges
00:02:15
Kristina Lamia
And in our last episode, we zoomed out to prevention and tier one supports that create safety, predictability, and connection across the classroom.
00:02:24
Kristina Lamia
From your feedback, a few things are very clear. You are using these strategies. You're trying out the visual schedules, structured choices, timers, and language shifts.
00:02:36
Kristina Lamia
And you're seeing success. But you're also asking for more support in very specific areas. You want help with co-regulation in real moments. You want support for students who are loud, disruptive, or escalate the entire room.
Managing Escalated Student Behavior
00:02:52
Kristina Lamia
And you want strategies that are realistic, doable, and actually work in the moment. And so today, we're going to move into the next layer of this work. This episode is about what to do when your tier one strategies are in place and strong, when you are using comms method, and when the behavior still escalates anyway.
00:03:16
Kristina Lamia
And this is the moment where co-regulation becomes the strategy. let's start with the brain science. When a student escalates, we already know that the amygdala is activated and the prefrontal cortex is less accessible.
00:03:30
Kristina Lamia
That means that the student is not choosing to be difficult. The brain is just prioritizing safety. What we sometimes miss is that this is not just happening in the student.
00:03:42
Kristina Lamia
It's happening in the room. Nervous systems are contagious. Through neuroception, the brain is constantly scanning tone, pace, movement, and facial expression for cues of safety or threat.
00:03:59
Kristina Lamia
This means when one student escalates, other students' nervous systems begin to activate as well. That is why one loud or aggressive behavior can shift the entire classroom.
00:04:12
Kristina Lamia
And so the goal is not to just regulate one student. The goal is to stabilize the nervous system of the room. And that requires a slightly different approach than what we've talked about before.
00:04:27
Kristina Lamia
Here's the shift. In earlier episodes, we focused on what to say to the student. In this episode, we're going to focus on how to manage the system around the student.
00:04:40
Kristina Lamia
So let's walk through a real strategy that you can use tomorrow. Imagine a student becomes loud, refuses to follow directions, and begins to escalate during instruction.
00:04:51
Kristina Lamia
Other students stop working, eyes are on the situation, and the room is shifting. The instinct is often to address the behavior directly and immediately.
00:05:04
Kristina Lamia
But when behavior is public, the response also becomes public. And that increases social threat. Instead, think in two separate tracks.
00:05:18
Kristina Lamia
Track one is the student and track two is the class. Most teachers only focus on the student. Highly effective classrooms manage both at the same time.
00:05:32
Kristina Lamia
And here's what that looks like. First, stabilize the class quickly with a neutral anchor statement. You might say, everyone keep working on problem number two, or eyes on your own paper, we're still working.
00:05:47
Kristina Lamia
This isn't about ignoring behavior. This is about protecting the learning environment and lowering the audience effect. When peers disengage from the behavior, escalation often decreases.
00:06:01
Kristina Lamia
From a brain science perspective, this reduces social threat and removes the performance element that can intensify behavior.
Strategies for Sensory Overload and Escalation
00:06:11
Kristina Lamia
The second thing that you can do is to shift your physical position.
00:06:16
Kristina Lamia
Instead of standing across the room or calling out directions, move closer to the student slowly and calmly. Your proximity becomes the intervention.
00:06:30
Kristina Lamia
This works because proximity signals support rather than control when paired with calm body language. Third, lower stimulation.
00:06:43
Kristina Lamia
When a student is escalating, the brain is already overloaded. Adding more language, more volume, or more attention increases cognitive and emotional load.
00:06:55
Kristina Lamia
Use fewer words. Slower pace, lower tone. Instead of saying, you need to stop that right now. We're in math and you are being disruptive. You might say, you're not ready yet.
00:07:10
Kristina Lamia
Sit with me. or Pause, we're going to reset. Short, neutral language reduces processing demand and lowers amygdala activation.
00:07:23
Kristina Lamia
Now let's take this a step further for students who are loud or aggressive and impact the whole class because this came up multiple times in your feedback. When behavior becomes loud, the instinct is often to match volume or assert control quickly.
00:07:41
Kristina Lamia
But this often escalates the situation. Instead, use what I'm calling contrast regulation. The louder the student becomes, the quieter and slower you become.
00:07:55
Kristina Lamia
The faster the student moves, the slower your movements become. This creates a regulatory contrast that the nervous system can latch onto.
00:08:06
Kristina Lamia
You might say quietly, I'm right here, or we're going to step over here, and then physically guide the environment rather than verbally controlling it.
00:08:19
Kristina Lamia
If needed, you can create space without escalation. You might say to the class, keep working, I'll be right back, and move the student to a quieter space.
00:08:31
Kristina Lamia
This protects dignity and reduces the audience, which lowers the stress response. for stumps For some students, escalation is not just emotional, it's sensory overload.
00:08:44
Kristina Lamia
Noise, movement, transitions, and unpredictability can overwhelm the nervous system quickly. In those moments, language becomes less effective than environmental support.
00:08:57
Kristina Lamia
Instead of increasing verbal directions, reduce input. Dim the lights if possible. Reduce the noise. Offer a defined space.
00:09:08
Kristina Lamia
And use concrete language. Sit here. Hands on desk. Look at this. Avoid abstract language like calm down or make better choices because those require higher level processing that is not accessible in that moment.
00:09:26
Kristina Lamia
You can also pre-plan regulation pathways for these students during calm moments. For example, you might teach and practice a script like, when it gets loud, I can go to the calm space.
00:09:40
Kristina Lamia
Or when my body feels tight, I can ask for a break. This connects directly to what we discussed in episode five about explicitly teaching regulation skills before they are needed.
00:09:56
Kristina Lamia
And now I want to name something important that has come through strongly in your feedback. Many of you are doing the right things and still feeling like it's not enough. That doesn't mean that the strategies aren't working.
00:10:10
Kristina Lamia
It means that you're working with nervous systems that have had a lot of practice being in survival mode. And just like I shared earlier in the series, repetition builds pathways.
00:10:23
Kristina Lamia
If a student has had years of practicing fight, flight, or freeze, it will take more than a few calm responses to build a new pattern.
00:10:36
Kristina Lamia
And with that, I wanna give you some additional, very practical ways to deescalate in the moment that build on what we've already discussed, but go a layer deeper into how the brain actually responds under stress.
00:10:51
Kristina Lamia
So one strategy i will refer to as state matching before state shifting. When a student is escalated, the nervous system is in a heightened state.
00:11:03
Kristina Lamia
If we immediately try to bring them all the way down to calm, the brain often resists because the gap feels too large. Instead, we briefly match their intensity in a controlled and safe way and then gradually bring it down.
00:11:20
Kristina Lamia
This does not mean matching behavior. It means matching energy just enough for the brain to feel understood. So for example, if a student says loudly, I'm not doing this, instead of responding in a very soft, slow tone right away, you might start with, I hear you, this feels like a lot.
00:11:43
Kristina Lamia
And then gradually slow your tone. We're going to take this one step at time. From a brain science perspective, this works because the limbic system responds to attunement.
00:11:55
Kristina Lamia
When a student feels matched, the brain reduces threat detection, making it more open to regulation. Another strategy is reducing language load even further than you think you need to.
00:12:08
Kristina Lamia
When a student is dysregulated, language processing decreases significantly. The brain cannot hold multiple steps or complex explanations. So instead of giving this direction, you need to stop talking, take out your book and get started because we already went over this.
00:12:25
Kristina Lamia
Try, pause, book open. First problem. Each phrase is short, concrete and actionable.
00:12:36
Kristina Lamia
And this works because it lowers the cognitive demand and allows the prefrontal cortex to re-engage gradually. Another powerful strategy is offering a regulation first, compliance second entry point.
00:12:52
Kristina Lamia
Sometimes we unintentionally create a power struggle by leading with the demand. Instead, lead with regulation, then move into expectation.
00:13:05
Kristina Lamia
For example, instead of sit down and get started, try your body looks overwhelmed. Let's reset, then pause.
00:13:16
Kristina Lamia
Then you can say, now we'll start together. This works because the brain cannot move into compliance while still in a threat state.
Using Choice and Time Effectively
00:13:25
Kristina Lamia
Regulation creates access.
00:13:28
Kristina Lamia
You can also use predictable micro scripts that the brain begins to recognize over time. Repetition builds neural pathways.
00:13:39
Kristina Lamia
When students hear the same calming language consistently, the brain begins to associate those words with safety. Some examples that you can use consistently.
00:13:50
Kristina Lamia
You can say, you're safe, I'm here. We'll figure this out together. You don't have to do it all, just start with one. Let's try the first step.
00:14:03
Kristina Lamia
We can take a break and come back. Over time, these phrases become cues that help the nervous system settle more quickly. Another strategy is giving the brain a job instead of removing the behavior.
00:14:18
Kristina Lamia
When a student is escalated, the brain is seeking control or release. If we only say, stop, we remove the behavior, but we don't replace it.
00:14:31
Kristina Lamia
Instead, redirect the energy into something structured. For example, you could say, hold this for me. It could be a stack of papers, a book, a pencil, whatever it is.
00:14:45
Kristina Lamia
You could say, come take a walk with me. Or you could say, push your hands against the desk. or carry this to the table. This works because movement and task engagement activate different neural pathways and can help regulate the nervous system, especially for students who need sensory input.
00:15:06
Kristina Lamia
Another highly effective approach is using time as a regulator instead of a threat. Instead of using time as a consequence, try to use it as a support. So instead of saying, if you don't
Applying Regulation Techniques Consistently
00:15:18
Kristina Lamia
start, you're losing recess,
00:15:20
Kristina Lamia
Try, take one minute, then we'll start together. Or you could say, I'm going to give your brain a minute break, and then I'll come back and we'll get started.
00:15:31
Kristina Lamia
This reduces pressure and allows the stress response to settle, which increases the likelihood of engagement. You can also use choice to shift the brain out of fight mode.
00:15:45
Kristina Lamia
When the brain feels trapped, it escalates. When the brain has choice, it re-engages the prefrontal cortex. For example, do you want to start with this problem or this one?
00:15:58
Kristina Lamia
Do you want to sit here or there? Do you want to write or tell me your answer first? Both options lead to the same outcome, but the perception of control reduces resistance.
00:16:12
Kristina Lamia
Another strategy is narrating regulation in real time. And this is especially helpful because it models what regulation looks like and helps students build awareness. You might say, you know what?
00:16:25
Kristina Lamia
I think I am getting a little stressed. I'm going to slow my voice down. I'm going to take a breath. I'm going to help us reset.
00:16:37
Kristina Lamia
This works because when students often do not know what regulation looks like internally, but when we externalize it, we are teaching the skill in the moment.
00:16:50
Kristina Lamia
And finally, one of the most underused strategies is strategic pause. When a student escalates, we often feel the need to respond immediately, but the brain benefits from a brief pause.
00:17:06
Kristina Lamia
You might simply stand nearby and say, I'm right here, and then wait. Sometimes I like to ask students, do you want me to sit near you? Or would you like me to give you a hug? Would you like a high five?
00:17:22
Kristina Lamia
Just giving them a choice, but then being silent, paired with that calm presence can reduce escalation because it removes additional input while maintaining that connection.
00:17:37
Kristina Lamia
When students experience the same language, the same tone, and the same response across their day, and then eventually across classrooms, the brain begins to recognize patterns of safety more quickly.
00:17:50
Kristina Lamia
And that matters because predictability is what allows the brain to stop scanning for threat. Now, let's bring this all together in one clear, realistic classroom scenario.
00:18:02
Kristina Lamia
A student enters the room after recess. appears upset, throws their materials off the desk, and refuses to start work. The class stops and watches.
00:18:13
Kristina Lamia
Step one, you need to anchor the class. Everyone start problem one. Step two, regulate yourself. One slow breath, relax your shoulders, relax your jaw, and slow your pace.
00:18:29
Kristina Lamia
Step three, approach the student calmly and quietly. You might say something like, recess was a lot, sit with me. Step four, reduce the demand.
00:18:43
Kristina Lamia
Just take your book out, just write your name, just start the first problem, or even which problem do you wanna complete on this page? Step five, co-regulate.
00:18:55
Kristina Lamia
Stay nearby, match breathing, and keep your tone steady. Within a few minutes, the student begins to engage. And that's a time to use specific positive praise for what they're doing.
00:19:11
Kristina Lamia
Again, that narration piece is so powerful. And what just happened isn't compliance, it's regulation. And that is what leads to learning.
00:19:22
Kristina Lamia
And this connects directly to everything we have built across this series. From episode one, understanding behavior as a stress response. Episode two, reducing triggers through predictability.
00:19:33
Kristina Lamia
Episode three, using calm, intentional language. Episode four, teaching the skill after regulation. And in our last episode, building the systems that prevent the escalation in the first place.
00:19:47
Kristina Lamia
And today's episode is where it all comes together in real time. The moment where you are managing not just behavior, but the nervous system of the room.
00:19:59
Kristina Lamia
And I wanna leave you with one final idea. You do not need more strategies. You need fewer strategies used more consistently with a regulated nervous system behind them.
00:20:15
Kristina Lamia
I'm to say that again. You need fewer strategies used more consistently with a regulated nervous system behind them.
00:20:27
Kristina Lamia
Because at the end of the day, students will remember less about what was said and more about how they felt in our presence. And when students feel safe, their brains open.
00:20:40
Kristina Lamia
When their brains open, they can learn. And that's the work we're here to do. And thank you for continuing to do it every single day with our students, and especially when it is hard.
00:20:52
Kristina Lamia
You are doing great work, and I will see you next time.