Transcript
Speaker: Can't figure out why.
Speaker: Can't figure it out.
Speaker: Can't figure it out.
Speaker: It's wild.
Speaker: You know what else I can't figure out?
Speaker: What can't you figure out, Kevin?
Speaker: Hey there, everybody.
Speaker: Welcome back to Pixlip.
Speaker: My name is Kevin.
Speaker: With me as always is Phil.
Speaker: Hello.
Speaker: And today we're in episode three of Diablo, the Legacy of Blood.
Speaker: This this charming little Diablo book by Richard A. I'm going to do it.
Speaker: Did we decide to knack or knack?
Speaker: I'm just, I'm thinking Nacka when I see it.
Speaker: It's real easy.
Speaker: K and N is always a silent K to me.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Sure, let's go with that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's got this, you know, this guy who's suffering from Carpathian kitten loss on the cover.
Speaker: Poor baby.
Speaker: He's a poor baby.
Speaker: He just misses his kitten.
Speaker: He just misses his kitten.
Speaker: Oh, baby.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You watched that episode of Oops All Monsters 2, huh?
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: I did listen to Hess and Gavin dive into Vigo the Carpathian there.
Speaker: That's a good episode.
Speaker: That is a good episode.
Speaker: I thoroughly recommend it as Vigo is such a fun villain.
Speaker: So good.
Speaker: And I didn't know until I listened to the episode that it was Max von Sydow who did the voice.
Speaker: That was news to me as well.
Speaker: That's crazy.
Speaker: It's like, oh, yes, that's right.
Speaker: The voice finally clicked in and I'm like, yes, that is Max von Sydow's voice.
Speaker: That's so funny.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: I was so looking forward to that episode because he's always...
Speaker: I loved Ghostbusters 2.
Speaker: It was just more of the same.
Speaker: Yeah, there is so many people I run into who have this real hate for Ghostbusters 2.
Speaker: And I have tried over the years to find really like I'll rewatch it and I'm like, this is just more Ghostbusters.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's more of, it's, it's the same guys.
Speaker: It's more.
Speaker: It's just more.
Speaker: It's not, it's not a huge improvement over the old system.
Speaker: It's not, it's not taking it in a different, it's just more.
Speaker: And what's wrong with that?
Speaker: What's wrong with that?
Speaker: There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker: Nothing wrong with that.
Speaker: um we're on chapter 11 we are and um and as we left off last time uh poor cara is she's just she is the one i guess one of the issues i have with this book is that it tries to put cara as both a protagonist and a uh princess that must be rescued
Speaker: Yeah, they really do.
Speaker: She is a damsel in distress and the protagonists.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: At the same time, which I'm not sure I totally dig on.
Speaker: I wish she had a little bit more agency because she has been obviously doing like making decisions to do things, but almost entirely out of like duress under.
Speaker: you know somebody else's guidance or what have you i just i don't know when we get to a point and we'll we'll get to it obviously but we get to a point later in this section of chapters where she is once again in a position where she's compromised in a way but this time it's it's because of her status as a necromancer
Speaker: and not anything else, which is fine.
Speaker: But by that time, we've been worried about her simply based on the fact that she's a pretty lady for so long that by the time that comes around, you're just like, okay, she's already really established herself as more than capable of taking care of her own shit.
Speaker: I don't know why.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm not quite sure.
Speaker: We need to perpetually put her in this kind of compromising danger.
Speaker: right right so anyway we we we basically it's a it's conversation um between cara um cara and captain geronin to start off the chapter and drone is basically like hey you don't look like you're uh you're doing too well there um and she's like she's like i'm fine
Speaker: Yeah, she's been locking herself away in her cabin, not talking, not talking to anybody because she's got two zombies hanging out.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And by the way, I, for a while, up until this chapter, was assuming them thinking of them as just ghosts because they've been portrayed as spirits and such.
Speaker: no they are ghouls they are straight up revenant revenants they're undead they are undead uh they're vengeful undead revenants that are uh existing within the bodies of their their their fleshy corpses yeah they are totally corporeal but we do find that something about the afterlife or maybe it's the fact that one of them is a wizard
Speaker: They're able to cast a spell that makes it that she's the only one who can notice that first.
Speaker: Yeah, and I think it has a lot to do with the Vajerai, Faustin, having gotten control of her knife, her dagger.
Speaker: right and he because he was shown as being a pretty capable wizard we don't know how familiar he was with necromancy clearly just enough to be able to turn himself and his friend back into revenants from across the the chasm between life and death during that brief window uh when she summoned his spirit uh down in the in the catacombs yeah um
Speaker: and they've just been ordering her around and she basically has to obey at this point because they have that dagger and that dagger as we we got a little glimpse of it uh in the beginning where it's basically the tool of her trade so she needs that thing back but they want her to help them reach norik essentially yeah yeah um the other thing is uh the difference between the two of them is trist is trying to still pretend that he is alive
Speaker: He is, he is, he is deep, deep in denial here.
Speaker: Deep in denial.
Speaker: It's really sad.
Speaker: We get, we get a couple of awkward moments with him.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And this is the beginning of one.
Speaker: He tries to eat food.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He sees her eating food and he's just talking about, it looks like it tastes good and it's,
Speaker: it's very grungy star report types of dialogue.
Speaker: Like, why is this?
Speaker: This is weird out of context.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Uh, but, uh, and he tries to eat it, but he finds that he can, he complains that it tastes of death.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: and that they should have... He says, it's too long dead.
Speaker: They should have cooked it less.
Speaker: A lot less.
Speaker: I think maybe they should have not cooked it at all.
Speaker: The fresher, the better.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: There's this hint, basically.
Speaker: Now, we're going to find that these guys are actually... It's weird.
Speaker: It's like, they're okay guys on certain levels.
Speaker: They're not trying to kill her, and we're not even...
Speaker: Kara basically also intuits that they're not even particularly trying to kill Norik.
Speaker: They don't like talk bad about her or anything.
Speaker: But these moments like you get this moment where you're like, oh, I wonder if, you know, given enough time like this, they would start becoming like flesh eating ghouls, like eating raw.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Living flesh.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And that's what Kara is is worried about is like she's really hoping he doesn't connect the dots.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: She's like, I'm changing the topic.
Speaker: Yeah, we are not talking about meat anymore.
Speaker: So they basically they've been hunting for North.
Speaker: They hint that at a failure on the hawks fire that she knows a little bit about.
Speaker: But finally, like they kind of they've already kind of got her over a barrel with the dagger thing.
Speaker: Yeah, that apparently isn't good enough for them.
Speaker: So Faustian asks for her left hand and stabs her in the hand with her own dagger.
Speaker: Doesn't doesn't feel pain, but this ritual, they bind her to them that essentially their lives and her life and their fate and her fate are entwined.
Speaker: So now she's got to help them because anything that befalls them will also befall her.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's a real bummer of a move.
Speaker: You know, like, I mean, it sounds like she was probably going to be helping them anyway because she wants her knife back.
Speaker: She wants her knife back.
Speaker: And they're like, yeah, well, we're going to add a little extra on to that, that just guarantee that you are helping us.
Speaker: It's a real kill your darlings move.
Speaker: You got to give it to the writer.
Speaker: He's like, no, man, we're not letting up on her.
Speaker: Yeah, so basically Faustin has communicated to Trist somehow, because remember, Faustin doesn't have a throat or vocal cords anymore.
Speaker: Yeah, his head's kind of always wagging on the side there.
Speaker: Yeah, so Trist, the one saddened Trist who can talk, basically lets her know that they're looking for another Vajerai by the name of Drognan.
Speaker: Drognan.
Speaker: Cut to.
Speaker: Drognan talking to Norik.
Speaker: Drognan!
Speaker: It's a really great cut.
Speaker: I got it.
Speaker: We're looking for a sorcerer named Drogden.
Speaker: Cut to my name is Drogden.
Speaker: My name is Earl.
Speaker: oh man i didn't i should have shut my damn mouth i had a perfect opportunity for you to throw in an old-timey meanwhile that was the best meanwhile opportunity and i robbed you of it you robbed me of the meanwhile and known by the name drognan meanwhile my name is drognan thank you there we go i feel i feel better i was starting to have indications vindicated
Speaker: So so he's basically Norik's there to see Drognan because there's there's rumors that Drognan knows what the shit to do with this stupid armor.
Speaker: And this is this is the same guy who, when we saw him last, was controlling all the guards and and that kind of thing and basically led Norik to him in that fashion.
Speaker: So we know he knows his way around magic.
Speaker: Yeah, he sure does.
Speaker: So if Hush-Nord's cool, like, you know, Nord's like, this is great.
Speaker: He's going to get this armor off of me.
Speaker: And that is not at all what Drogdon promises.
Speaker: No, you know, Drogdon's like, yeah, he's going to, if you hope...
Speaker: I believe my early words were closer to if you hope to live, you will do exactly as I desire.
Speaker: So blackmail upon blackmail upon blackmail.
Speaker: This is just just consecutive scenes of people being blackmailed by bullshit.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: This whole book, by the time we get to the end of this section, it is just a perfect Ouroboros of betrayal.
Speaker: Just everybody betrays everybody else.
Speaker: People have moved on and started new betrayals where there weren't any betrayals before.
Speaker: And this is just one of many.
Speaker: So Droghman makes it clear that it's not as simple as just like taking, getting an uncursed spell essentially and getting Norik's armor off.
Speaker: But he does claim that he has at this point full control of the armor through his magic powers.
Speaker: And Norik, I think rightfully so, not feeling so good about this whole thing.
Speaker: No, he's not feeling great about it.
Speaker: And basically, Droghnen, he wants Norik's help.
Speaker: I say help with air quotes because it's more like he's telling Droghnen, he's telling Norik, BT Dubs, I need you to do a huge favor for me.
Speaker: Do me a solid.
Speaker: I need you to go do the whole Diablo thing and raid a tomb for me.
Speaker: And it's going to be of Bartuk's brother, Horazon.
Speaker: You're going to go down into the arcane sanctuary.
Speaker: Capisce?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And this is where I got excited, actually, because the thing I've been thinking as we've read this book, and I know it's been similar for you, is that this book is so not based on any specific actions within the game to the point that it really is just the setting.
Speaker: uh diablo is just the back which has a lot of advantages but it also makes you go boy how are they gonna tie this into the game and this is how like it's like ah we're doing a dungeon crawl got it yeah finally we got a dungeon crawl going on halfway through the book halfway through the book yeah so horizon the one who uh betrayed bartook yes he's he's they gotta go to his tomb
Speaker: They gotta go to his tomb.
Speaker: He's... Because Horazon's dead, right?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: That's the idea.
Speaker: He's very dead.
Speaker: He's got a tomb.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: They only give tombs to dead people.
Speaker: They only give tombs to dead people.
Speaker: That would be silly.
Speaker: Otherwise, I'd have four.
Speaker: Meanwhile... That's all.
Speaker: Ah!
Speaker: We're back with General Augustus Malevolent and his- Oh, Malevolent.
Speaker: Mal.
Speaker: Can I call you Mal?
Speaker: Can we call you Mal?
Speaker: It's chapter 12 and he's walking around the encampment.
Speaker: Kind of doing an inspection.
Speaker: Doing an inspection.
Speaker: He's been in this encampment for 188 pages so far.
Speaker: Yeah, they have not moved.
Speaker: They have not quite moved yet.
Speaker: So, yeah, he starts hearing voices in his head.
Speaker: Yeah, he's been wearing Bartuk's helmet for like quite a bit.
Speaker: A while at this point.
Speaker: And it made me think a little bit, the way they described it, it really was a Diablo description, to be honest, because they're talking about how valuable the helm is to him, and it doesn't really match the rest of his armor, but he doesn't mind because of how valuable it is to him.
Speaker: And anyone who's played Diablo or World of Warcraft or any number of slot-based armor mechanic games with sets and all that shit,
Speaker: has done that where they're like, OK, the helmet looks kind of stupid with his armor, but it beats the shit out of anything else I've got.
Speaker: So we're just going to stick with Bartuk's helmet.
Speaker: It doesn't matter that it doesn't match.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then so he gets during this scene, he gets called over by a sentry who leads him down a path.
Speaker: And it's, you know that scene in Empire Strikes Back where Yoda is telling Luke, you know, Luke's like, hey, what's over there?
Speaker: And Yoda's like, darkness.
Speaker: Don't go in that tree.
Speaker: Don't go in the tree stump.
Speaker: Oh, Captain Luke.
Speaker: Stay out of the tree.
Speaker: Stay out of the dead tree.
Speaker: Out of the tree, must do you.
Speaker: There's little bugs in there and they don't bite.
Speaker: We should probably just cut it down.
Speaker: It's gross.
Speaker: rotten side like the dark side you will be so the sentry leads him they do that scene it's just with bug demons instead with bug demons he falls down he loses his footing and falls down this kind of doomed area and the guard who led him over the guard pulls it's like ah man
Speaker: Mal, what are you doing?
Speaker: Like, the guard literally goes, sure, there's something over here you ought to see, which, okay, fair enough.
Speaker: But he looks at me, he's like, what is it?
Speaker: What is it?
Speaker: What's over there?
Speaker: You should stand over there.
Speaker: That's literally what the guard says!
Speaker: The guard literally says, you could see it way better.
Speaker: Mal, you fucking idiot!
Speaker: You don't deserve the armor of Bartuk, you fell for the oldest trick in the book!
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So he goes over there like fucking Elmer Fudd and falls into this pit that his sword disappears and the guard disappears.
Speaker: And the guard was never there.
Speaker: The guard was never there.
Speaker: Let's face facts.
Speaker: It was Bugs Bunny in a wig.
Speaker: We all know it.
Speaker: It was Bugs Bunny.
Speaker: Ah!
Speaker: Because what comes up are scarab demons, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker: It's scarab demons.
Speaker: Malevolent shows his, proves his mettle, and who is the architect behind this spoopy little experiment?
Speaker: But none other than... Zorak.
Speaker: Zorak.
Speaker: Zorak.
Speaker: Zaznax.
Speaker: Zaznax.
Speaker: I was going to say Space Ghost's organ player.
Speaker: Space Ghost.
Speaker: Ring!
Speaker: It's time to fight the scarab demons.
Speaker: Yeah, he killed them.
Speaker: He doesn't have a blade, but a magical like energy blade appears in his hand and and he kills them.
Speaker: And then I actually thought it was an interesting detail.
Speaker: He like spreads their blood over his armor the way that Bartuk would like.
Speaker: He's clearly starting to he already we already started to see moments of him getting his life and Bartuk's life confused.
Speaker: And it's only continuing.
Speaker: But yeah.
Speaker: Zazak shows up, shows him his true mantis form and tells him, because this voice in his head that you mentioned earlier has been saying, are you worthy?
Speaker: Are you worthy?
Speaker: Are you worthy?
Speaker: And now Zazak's like, you're worthy, baby.
Speaker: Yeah, you're worthy.
Speaker: You get to see me.
Speaker: Three level 20 monsters in a pit and you're worthy.
Speaker: General Mao, booby, you're my red knight.
Speaker: You're my red knight.
Speaker: He's like, hell yeah, baby.
Speaker: So they basically say, you know, he says, you're worthy of getting the armor, but first you gotta get the armor.
Speaker: So yeah.
Speaker: You can have the armor.
Speaker: You just get it.
Speaker: If you can get it.
Speaker: Gotta get the armor.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I, Zazax, clearly have the authority to state that you can have it.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Because there's Diagamidemon.
Speaker: Because I'm a big praying mantis, son.
Speaker: I'm a big praying mantis, clearly.
Speaker: So he tells Mal to keep him a secret.
Speaker: It's clear, and Mal is not, despite the fact that he fell for the walk over there trick, he's not completely stupid, and he realizes, oh, this guy wants to keep me a secret from, like, what's her name?
Speaker: Galonia.
Speaker: or Galona.
Speaker: What's her name?
Speaker: Galeona.
Speaker: Galeona.
Speaker: That's one of those.
Speaker: One of those.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So he's like, why should I keep you secrets?
Speaker: That's the big deal.
Speaker: And Zazak offers him a key, quote unquote, to make Luke Golane his and apparently tells him we don't know what it is yet.
Speaker: The key to the city.
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: Which it turns out is an army of demons.
Speaker: Army of demons.
Speaker: Army of demons.
Speaker: That's the key to most cities, to be completely honest, especially in New Orleans.
Speaker: If you.
Speaker: You can summon the evil dead.
Speaker: You're in good shape for city conquering.
Speaker: But we don't know how he's going to do it, but we do have this moment where we are.
Speaker: It's the reverse of dramatic irony.
Speaker: They talk amongst themselves about some apparently hideous thing that he must do when they are one day out from Luke Golan.
Speaker: And we do not know what it is, but they know what it is.
Speaker: So we have that moment.
Speaker: We do.
Speaker: Meanwhile, back on the ship.
Speaker: Back on the ship, things are getting really uncomfortable between Trist and Kara.
Speaker: Trist starts getting a little touchy with Kara.
Speaker: I don't care for this.
Speaker: It's like you're giving us Rogue Mane's a bad name.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: At one point, he says, I wouldn't have touched her much.
Speaker: Didn't need the much.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Just say you wouldn't have done anything, but the much is you just wandered right into a very assaulty gray zone.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't like this section.
Speaker: He moved himself into her demilitarized zone and started shooting guns everywhere.
Speaker: He didn't point him at anybody, but boy howdy, that was live ammo.
Speaker: He touched her hair.
Speaker: He touched your hair.
Speaker: It was gross.
Speaker: That's... Come on.
Speaker: He's having problems with food, and now Kara's recognizing that, like, he is... As we said, he is having a really hard time being a Revenant and accepting that.
Speaker: He does not... He's like... You know the... What's that?
Speaker: The Living... Night of the Living Dead?
Speaker: Not the...
Speaker: not the original uh but the uh the one that was in the 80s uh or return of the living dead or something like that where it's it's with the tar man guy and they're they're like they're talking to the one zombie and she's talking about how like being dead hurts it's like all it is is pain and eating brains is the only thing that alleviates that pain
Speaker: That's kind of where Trist is right now.
Speaker: That's basic.
Speaker: But he's still in the early stages where he still thinks about food and how good food used to be.
Speaker: And now he's thinking about sex and how good.
Speaker: So once again, we get some unwelcome attention for poor Kara from some guy.
Speaker: And he gets silently rebuked by Faustian.
Speaker: Faustian, she's been suspecting that they can communicate.
Speaker: Yeah, they do some rotting brain talk.
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: And that's when he says, I wouldn't have touched her much.
Speaker: And it's, it's, and thankfully before we have to think too much about that little.
Speaker: Good old Mr. Draco interrupts the scene and it's like, thank you, Mr. Draco.
Speaker: He's like, Hey Kara, you haven't been coming out of the room.
Speaker: What's going on?
Speaker: Hey, you need some fresh air or whatever.
Speaker: And she's.
Speaker: Let's take a walk.
Speaker: And she's like, no, thank you.
Speaker: And he leaves.
Speaker: And then sudden, Jaronon is like pops in there like the Kool-Aid man.
Speaker: Yeah, they like kick the damn door down.
Speaker: And briefly, honest to God, briefly, because I'm so jaded of it at this point, like she says, no, thank you.
Speaker: And they go, OK.
Speaker: And they close the door.
Speaker: And one of them just like barrels in and puts his elbow into the door to get in.
Speaker: And I'm like, why won't no, why will no one in this woman's life take no for an answer?
Speaker: That is literally where my head went immediately.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Uh, but thankfully, uh, the captain and, uh, and his buddy Draco have been suspecting that something's wrong, that maybe something is going on with evil.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Uh, quote unquote in there.
Speaker: And, uh, and this is kind of their, uh, this is their
Speaker: chance to to to check it out and see it.
Speaker: Thank God it was because if she was just like, I don't know, having a bad week or something like that and just wanted to be left alone, if they like throw their way in, that'd be hard to explain.
Speaker: Just like crash.
Speaker: Boom.
Speaker: It's like, oh, I thought there might be.
Speaker: I thought there might be villains or demons in here.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Clearly.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: I know it sounds crazy,
Speaker: I just thought I'm going to.
Speaker: I got to go.
Speaker: It's Taco Tuesday.
Speaker: Taco Tuesday.
Speaker: See you in the mess.
Speaker: I'll have someone bring up a tray.
Speaker: So yeah, they do burst in and Basically we've established earlier that Jaronin's sword is silver and like a Satan Trist is like whatever I'm just gonna grab this dude's sword and the sword cuts his fingers off because it's silver and can hurt him slash kill him
Speaker: So the fingers get cut off on Sad and Trist and Kara is the one who feels the pain of fingers being cut off.
Speaker: Yeah, it really sucks.
Speaker: In fact, it's I was listening to the episode y'all did for Godzilla the other day.
Speaker: I do this and you feel the pain is such a like creepypasta kind of trope.
Speaker: Yeah, at this point, I immediately thought of that.
Speaker: But yeah, the captain doesn't, he says, I won't let it happen again.
Speaker: And you realize he's thinking of having to kill his own daughter with his silver sword and he doesn't want to do it to poor Kara here.
Speaker: He wants to avoid that.
Speaker: But ironically, of course, in the process makes her feel like her fingers have been cut off.
Speaker: Thankfully they aren't.
Speaker: They aren't.
Speaker: No, she just feels it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Which is, you know, that's still pretty bad.
Speaker: Still pretty bad.
Speaker: So Kara tries to explain it to Jaron and like, hey, you know, don't don't do anything.
Speaker: And they cast an enchantment on me.
Speaker: And he goes, which is why you couldn't say anything.
Speaker: Yar.
Speaker: And she's like, no, that's not the that's not the enchantment.
Speaker: Nobody let me talk.
Speaker: Oh my God, you can listen to me.
Speaker: Nobody will let her explain anything.
Speaker: It's like this book should be called Diablo, Kara, and the Adventures of Mansplaining.
Speaker: Yeah, honestly, that would be a good subtitle.
Speaker: If you threw out everything else and just had Kara's chapters, Kara's Adventures through Mansplaining.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: People don't even mansplain to the fucking witch as much as they do to Kara.
Speaker: Like they don't value her.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: But I just feel like, no, even the good guys, even the guys who are really nice are just not listening to her at all.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: My fiance was telling me something about that, but I wasn't really paying attention.
Speaker: I'll ask her again later if I think about it.
Speaker: Oh, that's good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Classic.
Speaker: So she she she's being held by Draco and then without wanting to, she ends up punching him like like attacking him because she's being controlled by Faustian.
Speaker: And and they open this blue portal that will go directly into the sea and basically yank her into the portal with them and crash into the ocean.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: And that's that's it.
Speaker: That's that's chapter 12.
Speaker: That's the end of the book.
Speaker: And and and and then they died and and and, you know, nothing happens after that.
Speaker: And it said and it and it says at the end, you know, look, look forward next year to Diablo 2 with new Necromancer expansion.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And then it just cuts to a scene of Norik walking away from a high school with his fist in the air.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And don't you forget about me.
Speaker: Starts playing in the background.
Speaker: And you can see this long trail of smoke behind him coming from the high school because he's still up to his old ways.
Speaker: That wacky Judd Nelson.
Speaker: Don't you forget about me.
Speaker: Don't, don't, don't, don't.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Tomb of Horrors.
Speaker: I think it's about time that was our theme song, Kevin.
Speaker: I agree.
Speaker: If I could get away with putting that as our theme song without getting like copyright, copywritten, stricken.
Speaker: Copy struck?
Speaker: Copy struck.
Speaker: Copy strake.
Speaker: Stop me straight.
Speaker: Yeah, that's it.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: That's the word.
Speaker: Anyway, we're in the Tomb of Horazon.
Speaker: I think it's in italics, which has been previously all dream shit.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And Lork making his way through the Tomb of Horazon.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: seeing like all these people that only bartook would know yeah and he finds this shrouded figure in the coffin uh and uh and the coffin's hand grabs him and pulls him into the coffin with him uh and uh and he's awoken he's awoken uh damn it i'm not dead is the first thing he says right shoot i was really hoping this time this was the end
Speaker: So, like, oh, man, I barely remember this chapter.
Speaker: What the heck is happening here?
Speaker: I just listened to it.
Speaker: Why do I not remember it?
Speaker: It was two hours ago.
Speaker: It's a weird... Maybe, maybe, maybe.
Speaker: Is it because it happens?
Speaker: You never should have let me know that.
Speaker: I never should have let you know that.
Speaker: I've just been operating under the illusion that you were doing the same thing I was.
Speaker: I never should have mentioned that I never take notes.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Frankly, though, frankly, your ability to recall all this shit most of the time without taking notes, I take notes because I'm a fucking idiot.
Speaker: So I need notes or else I will go, there was a page, there were words, that's it.
Speaker: So but but in moments like these, I remember the chapter, the chapters after this.
Speaker: And then it's like there there's just this there's this void in my brain of they do something in the tomb of Horazon.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But it isn't real.
Speaker: It isn't real.
Speaker: No, they basically he had a dream.
Speaker: Dragon wakes him up and basically demands that he tell him about his dream.
Speaker: It's like the reverse of, you know, that that coworker who needs to tell you every fucking dream they had.
Speaker: Yeah, it's it's it's that person's ultimate dreamboat because literally because he wants to know every detail about the dream.
Speaker: And so he believes, you know, he basically translates it and said, you saw the tomb of Corazon, you know where it is.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And basically explains that Bartook and Horazon, even if one betrayed the other, even if they hated each other, they are fully bonded, even in death.
Speaker: And so, you know, this is further evidence to him that they need to train, essentially.
Speaker: And this is where you cue the 80s exercise montage, you know, where you go, you're the best!
Speaker: All right!
Speaker: Like...
Speaker: No one's ever going to bring you down.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It's the dream version of that.
Speaker: Like he wants him to have more dreams so he can like practice essentially.
Speaker: So he starts this ritual to get them underway to get to get him started on training, I guess.
Speaker: So Norik finds himself in the crypt again, but this time he starts seeing flashes of his own life, like old soldiery days, women he's been with.
Speaker: He even sees like that weird ass captain that he freaked out earlier.
Speaker: Like, so it's like his life literally flashing before his eyes.
Speaker: And then he finds himself
Speaker: He starts hearing Drogon shouting, fight it, fight it.
Speaker: And he realized he's kind of like on the outside looking in on his own, on he in the armor fighting Drogon.
Speaker: And it becomes clear that Drogon thought that he had control of the armor, but the armor was just playing dead.
Speaker: Fucking with him.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: The armor's always there.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: The armor's always there.
Speaker: The armor wants wanted the location of Horizont's tomb.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And so now that it has it, it's fighting at full force, trying to kick the snot out of this panty waist wizard.
Speaker: and take over again and make their way down to the tomb.
Speaker: And this outside force ends up fighting against Bartuk, and boom, we get the big colossal bright light explosion kind of thing, and Norik finds himself shouting some magic words, and... Meanwhile.
Speaker: Meanwhile...
Speaker: We got Galeona and they're on the move.
Speaker: She is so weirded out by Mal right now.
Speaker: Yeah, she's weird, totally weirded out.
Speaker: And I like that they had lost one man to the sand maggots and another to the heat of the desert itself.
Speaker: And I was like, what are they on, Dune or something?
Speaker: A little bit.
Speaker: Yeah, kind of.
Speaker: Yeah, when we've met one of those sand maggots, we know they're no joke.
Speaker: And then there's a big old fat guy on a platform and he says, the spice must flow.
Speaker: Must flow, yeah.
Speaker: She's...
Speaker: Like Mal is like walking.
Speaker: He's Mal in me now, by the way.
Speaker: He's Mal.
Speaker: In all my notes, it says Mal.
Speaker: So he's Mal.
Speaker: He's suddenly in this really good mood all the time.
Speaker: We know why he's in a good mood, but she has no idea.
Speaker: But the one thing she knows correctly, I might add, is that Zazak is somehow to blame.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, he's getting that sweet mantis dick now.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: He's getting it in his brain, which is where all the best mantis dick goes.
Speaker: Why did you take my line?
Speaker: I wanted to get to it before you did, because I had a feeling that you might go there.
Speaker: The thing about Zaz-X is he's got a huge penis.
Speaker: It's about that rig.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Rest in peace, Bob Saget.
Speaker: I miss you.
Speaker: I'm going to light another candle in his name.
Speaker: So the conditions are really bad.
Speaker: The aristocrats.
Speaker: The aristocrats.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's what this whole podcast is leading up.
Speaker: We're going to hit the year anniversary and just end it with the aristocrats.
Speaker: The geekiest, most esoteric aristocrats that ever existed.
Speaker: People don't believe me when I tell them what our podcast is about.
Speaker: You know that?
Speaker: No, I understand.
Speaker: I get it.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: We talk about books based on video games.
Speaker: They're like, really?
Speaker: I'm like, oh, yeah.
Speaker: Like, wait, so you talk about, oh, that's interesting.
Speaker: So you like read Jason Schreier books and stuff like that?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: No, no, no, no.
Speaker: Nothing academic to be found here.
Speaker: So yeah, they decided to take a break and Mal's just literally sitting there humming a jazzy tune to himself, thinking about how much he loves war.
Speaker: He's just he's literally over there.
Speaker: Fucking love war.
Speaker: He is Patrick Bateman-ing out.
Speaker: Just humming Huey Lewis in the news to himself and thinking about all the blood and screams that he's going to be responsible for.
Speaker: He's about to do a monologue on, what is it, for?
Speaker: Or sports?
Speaker: On sports, yeah.
Speaker: He's about to tell you all about Phil Collins.
Speaker: And he's just, yeah.
Speaker: And she, so she, she offers, says I could do another search spell.
Speaker: Maybe find, help us, you know, narrow down where this armor is.
Speaker: And he says, no, no, thank you.
Speaker: Which she knows is bad news because that means that he, her suspicions are correct.
Speaker: And he does not need her.
Speaker: No, he doesn't.
Speaker: He's like, he's like, yeah, whatever.
Speaker: And she she locks in.
Speaker: She's like, well, I'm going to do it anyway.
Speaker: And she does a spell and and locks in on Norik, figuring out where he is.
Speaker: And the chapter ends with the most with a menacing, you know, wicked witch of the West.
Speaker: I have you my pretty puppet.
Speaker: It's hilarious.
Speaker: she she makes she's literally she finds a little sand dune and hides behind it and literally makes like a sand doll out of sand in her blood yeah and uh and and it's meant to be bartook's armor and whoever's wearing it like it's her reaching out to him and yeah it's like but and and i thought that was cool that's the thing i really i love i fucking if there's one thing richard knack is getting right in these books
Speaker: is the rituals and the out that we've talked about this many times before the outside the box approach to some of these rituals are hilarious or, or just plain galling and fucked up like the sand doll.
Speaker: So it's like,
Speaker: You're like, oh, she's like mixing her blood in with the sand, making a little blood and sand.
Speaker: Oh, it's so cool.
Speaker: And then she literally, I'll get you, my pretty.
Speaker: And your little armor, too.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It's like, oh, OK, she's.
Speaker: Oh, hmm.
Speaker: Meanwhile, Kara's on the beach, basically.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: She wakes up on the beach.
Speaker: Not in the way that every other male character in this book would assume she's on the beach, by the way.
Speaker: No, she is.
Speaker: She is not in good shape.
Speaker: She's not doing good.
Speaker: She basically fell through the portal, landed on the beach.
Speaker: Trist and Faustin are nowhere to be found.
Speaker: And she's just kind of like, oh, of course.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It really is this moment of her waking up and coughing up seawater and going, what the hell?
Speaker: And she's calculating whether the King's Shield drone and ship is okay.
Speaker: Did the portal wreck the hole in the ship?
Speaker: What's going on?
Speaker: And she basically...
Speaker: just gets up and she starts, she starts walking.
Speaker: Uh, and she, she runs into basically, um, uh, some, some fellow, uh, some fellow journey journeyers on there, on the road, a couple of wagons, a family, a family and a wagon train.
Speaker: Basically she stumbles into, uh, Oregon trail.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: If she can borrow four people.
Speaker: And frankly, they're all alive so far.
Speaker: So they're doing pretty good.
Speaker: One of them has dysentery, though.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But yeah, we don't find that out until the climax of the book.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But and it's and it's kind of nice because it's I will say everyone is nice to Kara when they're not sexually harassing her.
Speaker: uh they're really nice and these people see her she's soaked to the bone her clothes are fucked up and they and they've got it's like a mom and a dad and a daughter and a son and uh and they they say hey to the daughter go go get her a blanket or some clothes you know all that shit and she brings her some clothes and uh they give her new clothes and a blanket she pays for it like they try to not take her money but she plays for it but
Speaker: They make a point of saying that this girl's blouse is too tight and too low cut.
Speaker: So our necromancer is very boogalicious right now.
Speaker: And they even make a point that like the sun is just like Googling her the whole trip into Lucca Lane.
Speaker: And once again, she's just that, she's just that poor woman.
Speaker: Who's just like, just look straight ahead.
Speaker: Just ignore her.
Speaker: Don't rock the boat.
Speaker: We don't want people to think you're a bitch.
Speaker: Just go with the flow.
Speaker: And, uh, but she catches a ride to Luke Galane.
Speaker: Uh, cause the, thankfully she washed up on the right shore.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Uh, she washed up on the perfect shore to catch that ride to Luke Galane.
Speaker: Uh, and, and while she's there, basically she, um,
Speaker: She has decided to seek out, she's also decided to seek out Droghnen because everybody's looking for fucking Droghnen.
Speaker: Everyone, he's the living MacGuffin right now.
Speaker: He is the MacGuffin.
Speaker: He is like the, it's like either the armor or Droghnen or both preferably.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: If you get both, you complete the set and get all kinds of bonuses.
Speaker: You get all kinds of bonuses.
Speaker: She gets there to where Drognan is supposed to be.
Speaker: And instead, she just finds an old man.
Speaker: And it is not.
Speaker: Do you remember Chapter Two?
Speaker: Yes, yes.
Speaker: We get, we get, that's what this is.
Speaker: That's what this guy is from.
Speaker: This is our Dune friend.
Speaker: This is our Dune friend.
Speaker: And he protects her from these mosaic warriors, which I thought were really neat.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I don't recall if these are in the game or not.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: She was basically like fighting them and, and she would like split them apart and then they would just reform.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: And it was really neat.
Speaker: And she uses the Teeth of Triangul, which is indeed a necromancer attack from Diablo 2.
Speaker: So we've got a direct, another direct tie-in to the game there.
Speaker: But yeah, this beggar who, she's freaked out by him, by the way.
Speaker: like i think you and i and most people read this immediately go oh it's the dune guy it's the weird it's the weird dune guy who's right who's super weird and and yeah he's a good guy right because he says weird things he's a good guy he says there's a lot of evil around here right and he's right because there is there is there's just so much fucking evil i mean i don't know if you need any special powers to really guess that
Speaker: No, that's a good point.
Speaker: That's a good point.
Speaker: He has at least three dots in perception for that one.
Speaker: But that's about it.
Speaker: It doesn't take much.
Speaker: But yeah, so, but she's not convinced about this dude.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I like that Richard Knapp describes him as the madcap figure.
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: And he also says, I think he says something like she looked at he must have been the oldest person who is ever alive.
Speaker: And she's I mean, we find we find out some things about him later that maybe.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Maybe he is.
Speaker: He might be.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So the mosaic monsters are like he disrupts them and hides her when who shows up?
Speaker: But Drogman.
Speaker: He shows up and he it's very cartoonish in a way.
Speaker: Like this big fight is happening.
Speaker: Magic spells are going off and explosions.
Speaker: And all of a sudden it's silent and he grabs her mouth and covers it up and drugged and walks in and sticks his head in.
Speaker: He clearly just came back to the drugstore.
Speaker: And he's like, all right.
Speaker: Is that a. Bootsy, is it?
Speaker: Is it the cat?
Speaker: Was that Boots?
Speaker: Was that the cat?
Speaker: Was that with that?
Speaker: Boots.
Speaker: And he cannot see them.
Speaker: No, he can't see them.
Speaker: He cannot see them.
Speaker: Even though she's like, yeah, that's the guy I'm looking for.
Speaker: The old man's like, no, it's not.
Speaker: You're not looking for anybody.
Speaker: Let's be quiet and invisible right now.
Speaker: Let's all just sit here quietly and play.
Speaker: Let's play the quiet game.
Speaker: Let's play the quiet game.
Speaker: And my magically enforced.
Speaker: And then she says my and then the old man says, my brother will never find us.
Speaker: And she's like, holy shit.
Speaker: This old man is Horazon.
Speaker: Horazon is, Horazon lives!
Speaker: Horazon lives!
Speaker: Yayap!
Speaker: And then Yayap shows up.
Speaker: And then Yayap shows up.
Speaker: He just runs through screaming.
Speaker: He just runs through screaming.
Speaker: And then he comes back with a tray of cupcakes.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And we all sit and it's the end.
Speaker: Everybody sits crisscross applesauce and enjoys cupcakes and tea.
Speaker: Write that fan fiction.
Speaker: Put us into it.
Speaker: The pixelate Halo Diablo crossover that we that everybody wants.
Speaker: It's everyone's asking.
Speaker: Everyone's asking.
Speaker: You hear it from a lot of people.
Speaker: Yeah, it's the sweet.
Speaker: It's the sweet version of the book.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Which, if you don't know what that is, the listener, there is a movie called Be Kind Rewind starring Jack Black, right?
Speaker: Yeah, Jack Black.
Speaker: Jack Black and Most Def.
Speaker: Most Def, yeah.
Speaker: And they accidentally erase an entire video store worth of tapes.
Speaker: And then, so that they don't get fired, they start recreating the movies.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's so it's such a because it's the guy who that weird director is the guy who made the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Speaker: Was it Michelle Gondry?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Gondry.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I believe that was Gondry.
Speaker: And it's just so charming.
Speaker: And guys, if you haven't seen Be Kind Rewind, I haven't seen it in years.
Speaker: I got to watch it again.
Speaker: But it's just so pure and sweet and it's a lot of fun.
Speaker: You really ought to check it out.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's one of our many recommendations here.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Totally.
Speaker: So anytime I say sweeted, that's what I'm referring to because they called the tapes that were, they said that they were the Swedish version of the movie.
Speaker: So they were sweeted.
Speaker: They sweeted the tapes.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: That's what this is.
Speaker: That's what they want.
Speaker: We should be hanging out with Yaya and Horazon eating cupcakes.
Speaker: Yeah, I think we I think we've earned it.
Speaker: We've put in nearly 40 years each on this planet.
Speaker: I think we deserve that.
Speaker: We deserve it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So meanwhile, meanwhile, Norik.
Speaker: Norik is Mark is having another bad day.
Speaker: He is not having a good day.
Speaker: um he's uh he's making his way he just he's been banished quote unquote he's in this outside of the city again in the desert like the the spell that was whatever yeah we're just left to fill in the gap but whatever was left oh one of the things that i forgot to mention is uh is uh what's his name drognan has like a black eye yeah that's right when he comes back in yeah
Speaker: He looks like shit.
Speaker: Like she looks like shit kicked out of him.
Speaker: Went down.
Speaker: Yeah, that's right.
Speaker: That's right.
Speaker: Like he clearly he's alive.
Speaker: It's actually kind of perfect when you think about it because it's the author showing us he's alive.
Speaker: He made it out of that alive.
Speaker: He's alive.
Speaker: He's a little bit of a badass because he can he can face off against Bartuk's armor and live.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And then he's kicked out of him and come back.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He like got Mongolian beef and he was like, I've earned this.
Speaker: I've earned this.
Speaker: I've had a bad day.
Speaker: It's my cheat day.
Speaker: I've got my general sows and I'm going to... I can have this.
Speaker: I can have it today.
Speaker: Don't make it a regular part of the diet.
Speaker: I'm just going to sit and watch some Gilmore Girls.
Speaker: I earned this.
Speaker: and we're gonna we're gonna watch it until it gets to season six because that's when it all starts to go down hill fucking luke and his long lost daughter who thought of that shit anyway general so is and and i think some some low main yeah some low main will will solve the the problems
Speaker: I've got I've got some unresolved issues, some unresolved season six and seven issues with Gilmore Girls.
Speaker: We don't talk about those seasons in this house.
Speaker: We don't talk about those seasons.
Speaker: It just makes people mad.
Speaker: Norik is is walking back to the city again.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, he is.
Speaker: It sucks like he's just constantly the man never even has so much as a horse.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's always just plotting through the elements.
Speaker: So he he's got like two hours left of, you know, good
Speaker: light yeah before he before it all goes so he's immediately like well i might as well start walking yeah he is so resigned to his lot at this point he's like yeah of course this happened of course i'm i was at least in a building before yeah and now i'm great okay fine so he's like i need to look for shelter because the sun's going down this sucks
Speaker: And just when you think it couldn't get any worse, he gets attacked by, they don't say harpies, but they're basically like vulture, harpy shitheads.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Attack him.
Speaker: Manticory.
Speaker: Manticory.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like nasty tails and human and bird.
Speaker: And well, maybe not manticore then, but yeah, just, it's not fun.
Speaker: They're not fun.
Speaker: They, he says they've evolved from vultures.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And the suit does nothing.
Speaker: The suit is like, no.
Speaker: And and so Norik is like, all right, well, I just got to fight it like good old Norik would fight.
Speaker: And he starts fighting these things and he starts killing them.
Speaker: But it basically the the montage starts paying off because he starts casting spells through the armor.
Speaker: He blows one up.
Speaker: He grabs it by the tail and he sets it on fire in his hands.
Speaker: yeah he does that tells it to burn he tells it to burn he says and it burns he says burn
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it works, which is friggin cool, man.
Speaker: And he's thrilled.
Speaker: Like, this is the best news he's gotten in a long time.
Speaker: He's just angry and in need of something to take some fury out on.
Speaker: And by the way, there are monster vultures here.
Speaker: So let's do that instead.
Speaker: And the gauntlets are glowing red.
Speaker: He's setting them on fire and they're all dead.
Speaker: Everybody's dead except for Norik.
Speaker: And he looks at the armor and he says, get me water.
Speaker: And it gets some water.
Speaker: And it gets some water.
Speaker: The water.
Speaker: A spring appears.
Speaker: And he's like starting to, he's starting to feel, it feels like he's starting to drink the armor's Kool-Aid.
Speaker: You know what this scene is?
Speaker: It's the end of Spider-Man 2.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And Spider-Man is fighting Doc Ock.
Speaker: And Doc Ock is basically Alfred Molina in one of his best acting moments of his life.
Speaker: The greatest.
Speaker: acting against against these tentacles it says you listen to me now to the tentacles in order to to save uh save new york from the the the fusion reactor and that's that's the scene that is basically happening right now is he's the armor is doc ock tentacles instead of controlling him he's he's now controlling them
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And so he's so this is kind of like our first moment of happy Norik.
Speaker: Not not maybe not good happy.
Speaker: This might not be happy that we want to sustain, but happy is something, I guess.
Speaker: Living in the sunshine, having a wonderful time.
Speaker: Things that bother you don't bother me.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's not quite there, but yeah.
Speaker: For all intents and purposes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's starting to drink the Armour's Kool-Aid.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Rip tiny Tim.
Speaker: He's been dead for a long time, hasn't he?
Speaker: I can't remember.
Speaker: He has a long time.
Speaker: Long time.
Speaker: Tiny Tim's armor.
Speaker: Tiny Tim's armor.
Speaker: You wear it and it forces you to play the ukulele.
Speaker: You play the ukulele in Skip.
Speaker: Skip, yeah, exactly.
Speaker: The haunting soprano voice.
Speaker: With that haunting falsetto, male falsetto.
Speaker: Oh, boy.
Speaker: What a creepy, creepy career that man had.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: For our younger listeners, Google Tiny Tim.
Speaker: and you will get past all the Christmas carol shit you will recognize the song living in the sunshine you it has been used enough for various memes over the years that one also yeah yeah so yeah go google that and you'll know exactly living in the sunlight sorry and he yeah he would like sit he would like roll his eyes while he sang he was a real
Speaker: It was a, it was a, it was something.
Speaker: I don't, yeah.
Speaker: He was a one of a kind original.
Speaker: Like you cannot, you cannot, that was like on an Andy Kaufman level of like bizarre.
Speaker: The 19, was it the 1960s is pretty much the only time that someone like Tiny Tim could have existed.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Just that weird primetime TV weirdness.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That was a time when like you had people on your talk show, not necessarily because they were pitching a new movie or some damn thing, but because they had some weird ass trait or talent or something.
Speaker: And you went that people talk about that all day tomorrow.
Speaker: Let's let's put them on.
Speaker: Let's put it on and be like, and we have our good friend coming back.
Speaker: Tiny Tim is coming back out to sing his new song, living in the sunlight.
Speaker: And and this segment sponsored by Lucky Strikes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Old talk shows used to be fine for all intents and purposes.
Speaker: It was just like, let's bring someone out.
Speaker: Here's a gentleman who will juggle his poodles.
Speaker: And the guy comes out and juggles the poodles.
Speaker: You're like, wasn't that excellent?
Speaker: Great.
Speaker: And up next is the woman who will eventually marry Tommy Lee.
Speaker: And we're just going to listen to her do voices.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: It's 1957.
Speaker: It's 1957.
Speaker: Up next is Lawrence Welk.
Speaker: What are you going to do?
Speaker: We got three channels, kids.
Speaker: What do you want?
Speaker: What are you going to do?
Speaker: I dare you.
Speaker: I dare you to change the channel from Lawrence Welk.
Speaker: Turn it off.
Speaker: I dare you.
Speaker: Turn it off.
Speaker: What are you going to do?
Speaker: You're just going to taste the end of your father's belt.
Speaker: It's just going to be a dark, dim reflection of your life staring back at you when that TV turns off.
Speaker: Yeah, that's it.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: What are you going to do?
Speaker: Light up a lucky strike.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Crack open a- You're going to Vietnam in a few years.
Speaker: Just fucking watch the show.
Speaker: Watch the show.
Speaker: Watch the show.
Speaker: You're going to miss this when you're in the bush.
Speaker: Meanwhile.
Speaker: Meanwhile.
Speaker: I think we may have snapped for a minute there.
Speaker: That's what Tiny Tim does.
Speaker: That's what Tiny Tim does to you.
Speaker: It's a weird life.
Speaker: so chapter 15 yeah we we get back with zazax and uh and augie augie mal mr mal is yeah um every time you every time you say uh you called him general mal earlier and i thought i heard you say general mal and i was like oh uh
Speaker: oh council what was his name it was uh uh the mousey yeah yeah yeah chairman i was chairman chairman mal you said you said journal general mal and i want i almost immediately chairman mal chairman chairman mal and uh his friend uh lenin the mantis right they're just hanging out they're hanging out plotting and galleona galleona's tent now is like been moved further and further
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And they are.
Speaker: And it's it's man.
Speaker: I'll tell you what.
Speaker: I didn't realize how, you know,
Speaker: We knew that Mal saw her as disposable.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We knew.
Speaker: But, man, he is so ready to get rid of her.
Speaker: He is so ready.
Speaker: He's looking for any excuse.
Speaker: He's like, women can be reproduced, can be reproduced, replaced, but there's only a few moments that somebody has in their life where they can grasp immortality.
Speaker: And I was like, there's no moments.
Speaker: There's typically no moments that you can get that in.
Speaker: probably none uh probably none even when you really really try uh and so he just basically offers him offers her up to zazax he's like you want to you want to take her out i'll give you permission go take her out and zazax goes uh i you hmm maybe you should do that it's because zazax can't do anything to her yeah that's part of their they're part of their deal and if one thing's demons do it's it's honor deals
Speaker: Oh, absolutely.
Speaker: We all know that.
Speaker: Uh, yes.
Speaker: So it's, so it's kind of a trap though, because Mal basically did that so that, uh, he could know for sure.
Speaker: He's like, okay, Zaz-X can't do anything to Galeona.
Speaker: He would have otherwise, but he can't.
Speaker: So they've got, he can't touch her.
Speaker: Something's going on, uh, with that.
Speaker: So yeah, take that information nugget and put it in your shoe box.
Speaker: Put it right in the shoebox.
Speaker: Put it in there with your Dyson's going.
Speaker: There's a moment in this chapter that is front of mind.
Speaker: Where... And I'm trying to find the exact wording.
Speaker: But basically, Malevolent is talking about how... He's talking about how he hasn't heard of a certain demon.
Speaker: Yes, yes.
Speaker: Oh, I know.
Speaker: I think I know exactly what you're talking about.
Speaker: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: For context, they're doing a ritual.
Speaker: They're going to do this ritual thing, the horrible thing that they have to do.
Speaker: And so, you know, he's like, he's like, okay, so you draw a thing in the sand, draw a symbol.
Speaker: They've been, they've been like, they've been bringing in guards and all that shit and using this magical dagger to accept a blood oath for them, which isn't unusual in that army.
Speaker: Apparently, like before they go and do some badass shit, he demands a blood oath and so it cuts their palms and
Speaker: It's a blood brother kind of thing.
Speaker: So they're doing all this.
Speaker: And Zazax tells him that he has to speak the name of the demon Paleol.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it's like, he's like, and, and Malevolent's like, I never heard of Baliel.
Speaker: I've heard of Diablo.
Speaker: I've heard of, you know, like list them off.
Speaker: It was like, don't, do you mean, uh, it was a, he means like, do you mean like Baphomet?
Speaker: And Zazax is like, stop talking.
Speaker: Shut up.
Speaker: Shut up.
Speaker: Like I know this demon and this demon and this demon.
Speaker: Are you talking about Baphomet?
Speaker: Shut up.
Speaker: Don't fucking say his name!
Speaker: Don't say the wrong demon name, you gotta say the right demon name!
Speaker: Fuck this up, you have no idea how petty these people are, they're like teenage girls.
Speaker: Um... Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then, yeah, I literally wrote in my notes, he says he has to speak the name Belial, quote, I don't know her.
Speaker: And I just...
Speaker: Here we go.
Speaker: Here's the page.
Speaker: Hold the dagger over the center and speak the name of my infernal lord.
Speaker: Speak the name of Belial.
Speaker: And then... Babylon goes, who's Belial?
Speaker: I know of Baal, or Baal, and Mephisto, and Diablo.
Speaker: But now that's Belial, do you mean Ba?
Speaker: Speak not that name again.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: And then he says, and then he says, and then he goes, there's no master in hell save Belial.
Speaker: And he's like, it is he who offers you this wondrous gift.
Speaker: And then Malevolent was like, knew that hell had once been described as being ruled by three primevals.
Speaker: He knows the gist of history.
Speaker: He's like, as okay, Belial it is.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I love that he says, I just wanted to make sure I was saying the name right.
Speaker: Like,
Speaker: Isn't that what he says?
Speaker: He's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: I just wanted to make sure that I'm saying the name right.
Speaker: I'm totally worshiping Belial.
Speaker: Belial.
Speaker: Belial, Belial.
Speaker: I'm absolutely worshiping Balza.
Speaker: He's a belly, belly woo woo.
Speaker: I'm totally worshiping him.
Speaker: I just wanted to make sure I got the name right.
Speaker: I just...
Speaker: Balzacabub, right?
Speaker: Yeah, obviously.
Speaker: Obviously.
Speaker: And I think earlier we had established that Belial is pretty much losing whatever war is going on.
Speaker: Yes, yes.
Speaker: Yeah, it ain't going great.
Speaker: Diablo is like breaking out his brothers and all that shit.
Speaker: It's not great.
Speaker: Yeah, he's he's on the losing end right now.
Speaker: So that's a little extra sensitive.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It's a little bit of the the the insult injuries a little sharper for Zazak's right now.
Speaker: So, yeah, he's not taking it well.
Speaker: So, yeah.
Speaker: They do that and they plunge the dagger into the shape in the sand and nothing happens.
Speaker: And so, yeah, he's like, just step back, give yourself a minute.
Speaker: So Mal says, OK, he opens himself a little wine.
Speaker: And as he opens the wine, he starts hearing screaming from outside of his tent.
Speaker: The entire camp starts screaming.
Speaker: And eventually it all dies down and Mal goes outside and Zazak interprets him going out as like, oh no, my men, what's happened to my men?
Speaker: And Mal says, it's too late.
Speaker: You can't do anything about it.
Speaker: And Mal says, I don't want to do anything about it.
Speaker: I'm toasting them.
Speaker: Uh, it's, it's, and they say that this is basically the time that Zazak sees the real now, uh, just how psychopathic and ambitious and evil he is.
Speaker: And their blood oath has essentially transformed.
Speaker: They were all essentially bodies to be filled by demons from all over hell.
Speaker: So he has, it's, it's like the pig scene in Willow.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Uh, where the witch comes out and turns them all the pigs like that's,
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You're all pigs, which, oh, that scene fucked me up as a kid.
Speaker: That scared me to death.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So, yeah, they, so, and he's got this army of demons.
Speaker: And now their teeth, their teeth are now fangs and their tongues have become forked and their eyes are red blood.
Speaker: And they all hail malevolent of Westmarch, the warlord of blood.
Speaker: It's a pretty cool scene.
Speaker: It's pretty cool.
Speaker: This guy writes demons.
Speaker: Like he's good at writing demons.
Speaker: He knows his fucking demons.
Speaker: He really does.
Speaker: It's pretty cool.
Speaker: So across, like, like, somewhere on the other side of the dudes, Galeona, she like senses the spell.
Speaker: Yeah, she is so far from the encampment that she doesn't even hear anything, but she knows that the spell was cast.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And it's just like, and she's, she's used, she's used her search spell.
Speaker: She's hot on the trail of Norik.
Speaker: She's like trying to figure out, she knows something freaked out Zazak's and she can't figure out quite what that is, but she knows that, okay, time to start a new character.
Speaker: Uh, I gotta go to Norik, this Norik guy and I gotta seduce him.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Use my feminine charm.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's kind of like when you play Skyrim for like 60 hours.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And you, uh, specialize in stealth.
Speaker: bow fighting, you know, and sneaking and all that shit.
Speaker: You're a long range rogue, essentially.
Speaker: And you play it that way for 60 hours or so.
Speaker: And then like half a year later, you come back to the game and you're like, I'm going to play in a new way.
Speaker: I'm going to try like a two handed warrior type or a wizard or something like that.
Speaker: And you just specialize in bow and stealth again.
Speaker: She's like, she's like, I need a new plan.
Speaker: And that new plan, the old plan was to seduce a psychopath with a horrible, horrible ambitions of blood and murder.
Speaker: And now I'm going to seduce a psychopath with horrible ambitions of blood and murder.
Speaker: It's gonna work.
Speaker: It's gonna work.
Speaker: It's gonna work.
Speaker: Uh, so yeah, only once Galeona said,
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: This is all dudes want.
Speaker: You can't fool the fooler.
Speaker: Right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: This is working out great.
Speaker: Dudes want one thing and it's disgusting.
Speaker: It's blood red armor.
Speaker: Blood red armor.
Speaker: Galeona basically just, she is on her way.
Speaker: She's like, yeah, I'm out of here.
Speaker: And she continues on and she finds the figure of a man seated just just chilling out.
Speaker: He's he's he's taking a break from from from walking.
Speaker: And oh, it's Norik.
Speaker: It's Norik.
Speaker: It's Norik.
Speaker: Hanging out.
Speaker: Hanging out.
Speaker: He's found a little shelter.
Speaker: He's found shelter from the sand and all that stuff.
Speaker: And Norik recognizes her.
Speaker: Yeah, she has infiltrated his dreams.
Speaker: As the face that he saw on the Hawksfire.
Speaker: And she basically feigns being a damsel in distress because obviously she knows the way to Norik's heart is to be a female fantasy trope.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And she kind of checks him out, too.
Speaker: Like we talked about this earlier, but like, yeah, everyone's horny on Maine in this.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: One hundred percent.
Speaker: She basically comes to the decision that she comes to the decision like, yeah, you know, I could I could bone him.
Speaker: Yeah, she's like, this won't be so bad.
Speaker: I fucked the other guy and that was all right.
Speaker: But this guy, I could fuck this guy.
Speaker: This would work out.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's like, he's not old or ugly.
Speaker: This will probably do.
Speaker: So he's and he does this thing where he like summons fire like as a magical spell.
Speaker: And that kind of puts the fear of God into her in a way where she says, oh, shit, that's not something you should know how to do at this point.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Like, like this is this is advancing very quickly.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But she does introduce herself as a sorceress.
Speaker: She does the damsel in distress thing.
Speaker: And he basically says, I need a sorceress.
Speaker: So that works out great.
Speaker: And she says, why?
Speaker: And he says, we need I need someone to help me find Horazon's tomb because that's my brother's tomb.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So everyone thinks they're Bartuk.
Speaker: Everyone thinks that we got two Bartukes going on right now.
Speaker: And that's that's too many Bartukes.
Speaker: Bartuk is like the fucking like Tyler Durden of the Diabolos.
Speaker: Everyone's got his poster on their wall.
Speaker: You ever see that?
Speaker: What was it?
Speaker: That adult swim video.
Speaker: Too many cooks.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: That's what we got right now.
Speaker: That's we got we got too many bar toks.
Speaker: We got we got two and that's too many, you know, and that's way too many that we should.
Speaker: There should be zero.
Speaker: We got a bar toke with the helmet and we got a bar toke with the armor.
Speaker: They both think they're the warlord of blood.
Speaker: Eventually they come together, you get the full set, double Bartuk.
Speaker: Double Bartuk.
Speaker: Synergistic Bartuk.
Speaker: One of them is going to be, you hope when you pull it, one of them is a foil.
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: Shiny.
Speaker: Shiny Bartuk.
Speaker: You get a shiny Bartuk, but as long as you keep it in mint condition in a case, I think it'll have good resale.
Speaker: It's good to have a double.
Speaker: You can use one and save the other.
Speaker: Yeah, keep one in the plastic and show it off later and maybe sell it when you need beer money.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: It happens.
Speaker: I feel like one of the comic book stores I went to in college, there was a dude, there was like a Black Lotus card for Magic the Gathering just stapled to the wall.
Speaker: It was in rough shape, so it was just like...
Speaker: That's hilarious.
Speaker: I remember when I used to play a lot of magic, there was a guy in the game store in Savannah who came in and he had like the shredded up remains of this card that was early.
Speaker: I forget what it was called, but the whole idea of the card is that you took the card, you cast the spell and then you shred the card and drop it and anything it landed on got destroyed or something.
Speaker: And he had like the confetti of one of those cards.
Speaker: It was one of his little... It's from one of the... It's from one of those joke expansions that they did.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because I remember one of those... One of the creatures in that was four cards.
Speaker: Like you had to like have all four cards and it was like four corner pieces that you had to put together.
Speaker: Oh, that's hilarious.
Speaker: And yet like to cast it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Why would they do that again?
Speaker: They haven't done one of those in a while.
Speaker: I mean, maybe they have, I don't know, I have not paid attention to.
Speaker: I mean, I've been playing Magic Online for the past couple of years.
Speaker: Oh, right, right.
Speaker: So you got the- It's my little side game.
Speaker: It's a little side game is getting those.
Speaker: I don't play WoW anymore, you know, so I play Magic.
Speaker: And this way, I don't have to lug a bunch of cards everywhere.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Half as much.
Speaker: It's great.
Speaker: It's great.
Speaker: That's great.
Speaker: It's good to have hobbies.
Speaker: I think.
Speaker: Well, we know a little bit.
Speaker: We know a little bit about that.
Speaker: A little bit.
Speaker: That'll do it for today's episode.
Speaker: How are you feeling about the book right now?
Speaker: I'm liking it.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: I like this guy's writing.
Speaker: I really do.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But if he give it, I feel like this is like literary edging, uh,
Speaker: We are so close to just like blowing a load on the inside of the garage.
Speaker: That's very specific.
Speaker: It's I had a weird job and it was it was a weird Wednesday.
Speaker: But it's yeah, it's just like we're building up, we're building up a bit like with the Galeona thing.
Speaker: I thought we were finally going to get one of the characters have a comeuppance of some kind.
Speaker: Surely by now, with as many treacherous characters as we have, someone would have died by now.
Speaker: But we are 75% away through the book and no one, even the people who have died are still here.
Speaker: So it's interesting.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: There's been no real deaths yet with the exception of, uh, nameless crew members on, uh, on the Hawks fire who got their red shirts, a bunch of red shirts got killed.
Speaker: They got their souls sucked out by a, by a tentacle monster.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And that's about it.
Speaker: So we need this climax to be like, it's going to need to be like the first time you saw the usual suspects.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like we're going to need, we're going to need him to throw out a real Kaiser.
Speaker: So say a moment is going to need to happen.
Speaker: or else it's just going to feel kind of bric-a-brac and thrown together.
Speaker: He is built up.
Speaker: If we were at this point in the book, but we were only halfway through the book,
Speaker: then I might say, okay, okay, we've got a lot more to go.
Speaker: We've got a lot.
Speaker: It's about ratio.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: But we've only got five chapters left in the book.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And so shit's going to have to happen like now.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So I'm very interested.
Speaker: I'm still holding that hope.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But it's, yeah, it's very interesting.
Speaker: I feel like this could be a very Shakespearean, everybody dies type of ending.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: kind of has to be at this point it kind of has like everyone's gonna i don't think i don't think many people can survive it's like i would say i would say everybody but cara um right and she's a necromancer so yeah dying is only one part of her her life cycle anyway
Speaker: Right, exactly.
Speaker: That's just the pupa.
Speaker: That's just the pupa.
Speaker: If she wants to become a lich, she's going to have to die at some point.
Speaker: You've got to die, man.
Speaker: If you want to get that sweet, sweet undead power, you've got to find a phylactery and you've got to die.
Speaker: Or you end up like Frederick de Bonesby.
Speaker: Oh, poor, poor Frederick.
Speaker: I want one of those shirts.
Speaker: There was the shirts they do that.
Speaker: It's just a skull with a wig on top.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's been a long time since I've listened to the podcast.
Speaker: Oh, you got to you got to listen to you got to listen to at least the recent episodes with with what Christopher Hastings is doing with with the Bonesby.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: Yeah, I know.
Speaker: We're talking about Rude Tales of Magic, by the way.
Speaker: Yeah, if you guys aren't, it's literally the only let's play, not let's play.
Speaker: Actual play.
Speaker: Actual play.
Speaker: It's the only actual play that has ever been able to keep my attention.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: uh for any extended amount of time there are amazing let's plays out there uh that in theory i should be a devoted worshiper of right but they just never keep me yeah and and grandson reese is one of the funniest people on the friggin planet yeah so that helps yeah yeah and he has his own tv show now uh i know which swan boy yeah which i have not watched yet but i need to check out um
Speaker: So anyway, that'll do it for tonight's episode.
Speaker: Thank you for listening.
Speaker: If you can rate us five stars on Apple podcast and Spotify, leave us a review.
Speaker: Follow us on Twitter at pixel.
Speaker: It pod.
Speaker: Follow us on Instagram at pixel.
Speaker: It pod.
Speaker: You can also go to our website, pixel.
Speaker: It pod.com.
Speaker: From there, you can listen to old episodes, join our discord, all that fun stuff.
Speaker: Do it.
Speaker: Yeah, do it up.
Speaker: Do it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And that'll do it.
Speaker: That'll do it for tonight.
Speaker: Have a good night, everybody.
Speaker: Bye.
