Transcript
Speaker: the woods probably not but who knows alabama right he was in alabama alabama There's a Mr. Magoo ad for it. Why, Philbrick, you look positively beat. What you need is a cold, refreshing Rheingold. By George, that's beer.
Speaker: these are These are great. Okay. this is ourt this is now This is now a podcast dedicated to Ryan Goldbeer. Welcome to... but the The Extra Dry Podcast. The Extra Dry Podcast. You know what else is the Extra Dry Podcast? What's that?
Speaker: Hey everybody, welcome back to Pixel It. My name is Kevin, with me is Phil, and today's show, sponsored by Riding Gold Beer.
Speaker: Can we do that? I think we have to take we have to do that. that's we are I think we have to do that. Sponsored by Ryan Goldbeer. Brought to you by Ryan Goldbeer. By George, that's beer. By a George, that's beer. ah ah ah ah ah Can we just start taking advertising like doing ads for ah defunct brands? That's a great idea.
Speaker: ah ah Because if we get to a certain level of success, we're going to throw people a lot. like that's gonna be we're gonna yeah like People who work in liquor stores complaining to us that like they keep getting people chewing them out because they don't have any Rheingold beer. They don't have any more Rheingold. Where's the Rheingold? I was told you keep it in the back where you keep the other dry beers. The power, the power, Kevin.
Speaker: ah But yeah, we're talking about the Witcher Sword of Destiny. Um... You know... Uh... He actually... The Witcher doesn't strike me as a...
Speaker: I don't know, something about him. He's he's so... ah so obsessed with What's the - what's the smell that - Yennefer has. Oh, oh. elderberry or lilac yeah lilac something like Something like that. He's so obsessed with floral and fruity smells. I i doubt he would be a dry beer guy. He'd be an IPA, dude. He'd be an IPA guy. It's like a...
Speaker: Or like, Shock Top. yeah yeah yeah yeah make my beer taste like earwax and flowers please Uh... Bye. Really hate IPA. yeah ah ah ah yeah i I get that feeling. You just don't strike me as as someone who would...
Speaker: The pretentiousness of it. i be Would be the thing that puts you off the most. You know, I don't know. Yeah, you know, me as as ah as a former but industry wine guy, pretension, that sickens me to my core.
Speaker: ah or It just really, honestly, it just tastes so. bad. it it's yeah It's gross. I find it to be really gross. ah Yeah. Ah. You know what's not gross, though?
Speaker: There's a wonderful website called patreon .com slash pixel at pod where you ah can go and follow us for free. Or you can give us money. ah One dollar gets you in the door and you get to see Phil's book reviews where he gives you the scoop on...
Speaker: ah either a horror book or the latest Hot Toni Morrison piece. Is that what happened this week? I knew that one was coming. Ha ha! I wanted to slip that one in there. Is it beloved? Beloved.
Speaker: Okay. It's a hard book to read, man. that's a hard and i read And I read some grotesque shit. ah that was That was a hard book to read. oh I'm going to say, you know what's funny is my wife read Yesteryear.
Speaker: ah Which is that book that is satirizing the trad wife movement right um and then she read angel down back to back yeah And she's like,
Speaker: She's like, No, to me, Angel Down wasn't scary at all. What was really scary was the trad wife stuff in Yesteryear. Like, that was that was actually frightening.
Speaker: like Angel Dan was just like...
Speaker: yeah it's an angel you know that's the thing i i wonder sometimes it's gonna differ from year to year but with those kinds of big awards uh for art you have to wonder how often they're picking something because it's just so perfectly of its age um right versus something that's got uh staying power in the long run uh something that's like a modern day classic Uh, that even out of context in 20 years will still mean something.
Speaker: um yeah so Yeah, because that's the thing. I kind of agree with her on a certain level ah when it comes to those kinds of books that are really popular now. And hopefully in 10 years, it won't mean as much to people. I i pray.
Speaker: I pray people find that book in about 15 years and go, what's this all about? Who gives a shit? and they'll be like oh we did something right or really really wrong uh we'll see did something right um So for $5, though, you can get the... bonus episode that we just recorded we spent 20 minutes talking about uh,
Speaker: Like, well... Not all of it was talking about Rheingold beer. It was previous. It was Yingling. And before that was gin. Yep. It's all boobs. And before that...
Speaker: It was all booze. that It really got sparked because Phil was drinking Estella. We're the only Patreon that talk about booze when we're 50 % teetotaler.
Speaker: Yeah. It's yeah's something. That's something. 50 % teetotaler. Phil doesn't even really drink beer anymore. Guess which one of us it is. Bye. Bye. ah Um... Yeah. what's stella Where's Stella from? Is that Belgium? That's Belgium. it's spellate's yeah it's the it's the super easy uh uh
Speaker: Import. Super easy import. That's what I call it. ah stella the super easy import yeah it's it's not dry it's wet it says miss stella artois 19, Miss Stella, 1959. It's built in. It's got the name right there.
Speaker: Uh, God, uh... And $10 gets your name shouted out in the episode. This is the longest Patreon read I've ever done. And to that end, I want to thank And You Are Hiding.
Speaker: song 85 jesus loves you ruthless modern metal thing sigma style sanguine flatulence Beaks, dumbass, thick and friendly friend. Thank you so much for being a friend. patreon .com slash pixletpod do it today. If you or anyone you know has an unopped open bottle of Rheingold beer sitting somewhere. uh please send it to phil i want to drink it now i really want to he wants to drink it
Speaker: I want to drink your antique beer. i ah googled it and it's like The first thing that came up was a 1959 bottle of Ryan Gold Extra Dry Lager beer.
Speaker: how do you think that's gonna taste in there i don't know but i've been looking up i'm looking up like all of this merchandising and and marketing this was a huge brand and i think i'm gonna start collecting this shit uh this is this is ah glorious oh my god it's so 50s it's so german i cannot help myself it's very kitschy of that that out that that advertising era where things were just like
Speaker: Yet, Yeah, yeah you did a you did a jingle and ah and a... A picture of a wife holding out a bite beer for the husband coming home from... Yeah, those old magazine ads where it's like...
Speaker: 80 % a photo and then there's this big white block at the bottom with about 500 words explaining to you what's so great about when people actually read these things in theory. Yeah, when people read these things in theory and the copywriter uh what basically had to write half of a short story Uh, for every ad that they... He was making a penny a word. That's when copywriters were kings.
Speaker: When the copywriters were king, I tell you. Uh... so Phil Uh... who Who wrote this book? Oh! Oh!
Speaker: Today we're going to be reading our second Witcher book, Witcher Sword of Destiny. um which was written by Andrei Sapkowski, who we we talked about in the first one. But just a quick overview. He's...
Speaker: ah Kind of seen as the Polish J .R .R. Tolkien. He's been writing since the 80s. He writes a lot of not just The Witcher, that's although that's what he's famous for. But he, like Tolkien, took a lot of ah the the mythology of his homeland and mixed it in with fairy stories and and that kind of thing ah to create. you know, high adventure um and what sets him apart as we're going to be discussing ah today. And we discussed in the last ah or in the first ah book.
Speaker: of the witcher that we read um Instead of just killing monsters and fighting dragons and rescuing damsels in distress, although that's totally a factor, ah it's... far more introspective. It's far more...
Speaker: Um, Self -aware. Uh, philosophical. Yeah, yeah, so philosophical, almost cynical. At times. Yes. Really, really interesting stuff. He's a cool writer. He's a really cool writer. And this is, I believe, the second and last...
Speaker: short story collection of the Witcher series I think after this going forward we get into the novels yeah yeah after this and the novels ah basically for those of you wondering where the novels end and then the games pick up after our kind of written to be like fan fiction sequels of yeah of the novels, so to speak. Sapkowski...
Speaker: It did not. I don't think he had any real input on the writing of the of the games. I don't think he did. He's actually had been in... Peace. he's been in Uh...
Speaker: issue He's had issues with CD Projekt. uh over the years so Um... There's that. ah But yeah, you know and there's ah the fourth Witcher game.
Speaker: Coming out. Uh... in a couple of years they've been dropping teasers and trailers but they're they're pivoting from uh Geralt to uh Ciri who were through a novel a short story collection and a third by the end of this episode. And we haven't met her yet. I haven't met her.
Speaker: We have... met her parents. Um... But we not we have not met her yet. So we'll we'll come around to that eventually. Before we get into it, one of the things I really like about This. is how he writes.
Speaker: this world as it's on the downslope. Yeah. Yeah. of its history clear it's like clearly like Witcher, when we get to, it's not like Witchers are... or it's not the the old days of the witcher it's like you know, witchers are, you know,
Speaker: Please. exterminate. They're like garbage men. In a way, yeah that yeah. You know? if If garbage men needed to be, like, genetically...
Speaker: created in a way, like turned into sterile mutants for it to work. than yeah Yeah, totally. They do the job that nobody else wants to. Nobody wants to do it.
Speaker: um So... ah Which includes... ah putting the bodies in the marsh. Oh, that's absolutely true. They do put the bodies in the marsh. I think, does that make us both witchers?
Speaker: I think so. i think so i think that's all it takes okay well why don't we why don't we march this body
Speaker: Oh, yeah girl. Yeah!
Speaker: we ah We start with our first short story. ah It is called The Bounds of Reason. ah Part one, we begin with a crowd of rustics. They're waiting for someone who has climbed into a cave to kill a cockatrice, ah which is ah it's like a lizard rooster thing that can that can turn you to stone by staring at you. And they're arguing amongst themselves. they They figure he's probably dead. They consider robbing him. He's left his horse and all this shit out there. And then a mysterious man with a bunch of with a couple of mysterious warrior women stop them.
Speaker: Uh, uh, just in time for, uh, Geralt, uh, to come out with a dead monster. He gets paid, uh, the man who was called a borch or as he prefers, I think Jack. Three Jackdaws. That is a hell of a name. Three Jackdaws. That's a hell of a name for a non -Native American. And he also has...
Speaker: Yeah. ah He also has that. ah That's the crest that he's wearing on his. on his... ah Whatever, laser. Is he wearing a smoking jacket? I don't know. He's very hoity -toity. Yeah, he's a he's very hoity -toity. He's coming from the yacht club. Yes, that's absolutely the impression you get from him. um And he's been threatened ah by one of these rustics. And so he asks.
Speaker: the women who are with him, who are these like warrior women, they're Zeracanians. And we don't get it. This is what's. This is good fantasy writing because it's kind of like they're mentioned that there's Aracanians. We don't know a ton about. what a Zerokanian is.
Speaker: But we know enough to know that they're basically a full on warrior culture. Uh, and they're, they're some of the most dangerous killers in the land. Uh, so in vengeance for being threatened by, uh, this miserable schmuck, uh, they, they, they fucking kill him. Uh, they killed in the show.
Speaker: And in the show, ah they the they make the Zeracanians. like an African analog. Oh, that's interesting. yeah yeah and they also speak like they they speak a language that's not real that's like They're not from this area. Yeah, know they're from around here. They're not from around here. And three Jack Dawes is just kind of him and his hot his hot warrior women are just. Heard.
Speaker: yeah you know walking around you know if you gotta have if you've gotta live in a a dark fantasy world on the ah on the on its way out. ah You can do better than to, to surround yourself with hot African. warrior women. Who? protect you, and get into ah four ways with you, as we'll find out later. As we'll find out. Because - Think of Grace Jones.
Speaker: Think of Grace Jones from Conan the Barbarian. I always am. I always am. Grace Jones. Oh. What a nut job. I love her to death. um She's still alive? Yeah. Yeah, she's still around. She's she's just... she's just i i have to I have to imagine she's just like a woman of leisure these days doing her own thing.
Speaker: ah She had her moment and then she gracefully bowed out. um Yeah. so they're called the, Oh, and the, the, the Zerkanians are called Taya and Vaya. Uh, so.
Speaker: They invite Geralt to have dinner. with them. um He asks, ah the women why they follow this three jackdaws guy. And in kind of a broken English, they say it is because he is the most beautiful.
Speaker: ah So that's that's good to know. Uh, Part two, a huge dinner proceeds with lots of philosophy.
Speaker: A lot of discussions about the world and our place in it. And lots of horny. ah is as As Kevin pointed out to me before I'd even begun reading this section, he was like, we are we dude, we start straight off with the horniness. Like, full horny on me. Right into it. right into it. So, yeah. but and And let me tell you, yeah this is, there's been some.
Speaker: discourse ah recently. of of people being ah you know a little... Uh... I don't know, peckish. they're they're They're being a little weird about horniness in media. and That's been a thing lately. I'm here to tell you.
Speaker: I will. Um, I will always disagree with you. if that's your If that's your stance. Um, Well, so it came around again because Fields of Mysteria, which is basically, it's a farming sim. It's like Stardew Valley. Yeah, yeah. It reaches 1 .0 and there is some... Somebody said, oh, it needs like modesty.
Speaker: Mods. ah And the... Everybody is like. this has gone too far like come on guys like let's let's just Let's just let it. Let's just... a Learn to appreciate. this you know it's yeah it's very that there there's there's a there i look look hey hey
Speaker: You know, find find what you love. If you're an ace, if you if you're just if you're just not that horny, if you're just if you're made uncomfortable by it in certain kinds of media. OK, that's fine. I get it. You know, on a certain way, I don't get it, but I respect it. ah Well, I don't respect it, but I understand. Well, I don't. Anyway, look, you can do whatever you want. yeah
Speaker: ah but Do what you want. Yeah, but but but we have to stop having, we have to stop explaining to the right. that we are crazy horny over here on the left. I'm so tired of the, of the idea that we're all these like pearl clutching, you know, uh, uh, invalids, uh, with no boners. Uh, I, I, the horniest people I've ever met in my entire life are geeks. Uh, the Renaissance fair, my wife does not, will not go to the Renaissance fair because it's just too horny. Uh, it has become a.
Speaker: full -on slut show and i think that's great and if i were at a different point in my life I'd be there looking for a wife. but You know. you'd You'd be there when the gates open and you'd be...
Speaker: I'd be already a little drunk. I'd be, yeah, I'd be wandering around going, I'm looking for my Zarkeranians or whatever they're called. Uh, Zericanians. My Zachariahs.
Speaker: who Who wants to kill my enemies in a red Sonia scale male bikini? I know there's someone. Because there is. There always is. There always is. And you don't have to.
Speaker: And there's no reason if you if you don't want to be that person. Fucking cool. ah But great. But those people exist. Yeah. All over the place. So. Now, part two, Hornindus continues. ah the the ah the The dinner proceeds. The women, ah we we learn a little more about them. They are just cold blooded killers, but they spend most of this time like gyrating and being all sexy and shit. I can't help but yeah feel. um
Speaker: it's never so overtly stated but i can't help but feel that while three jack does and Geralt are talking that they aren't in the background. Like you just see him just off cameras. oh And just like, you don't know what you're seeing, but it's like. you know, moving flesh.
Speaker: There's just movement of body parts right back right in the back, out of focus and in the in the periphery. And you're like trying to push these guys' heads out of the way. You're like, please. What are they doing? Camera right. Camera right. Um... Yeah, so...
Speaker: So they discuss ah order versus chaos. ah and And they talk about dragons. Geralt said that he doesn't hunt them. ah You get very much an impression that he respects them too much, that they're more human ah than other beasts kind of situation. they taught we We learn a little bit about the difference in their colors, and we learn that golden ones are a myth, which is ah argued among people, but it's generally out in the world considered.
Speaker: uh to be a myth something that's made up um It's interesting because we do get into kind of the nature aspect of these dragons. Like he points out, he's like, you know. ah what How does he put it? He's like... Black dragons are actually a very dark shade of gray and green dragons are...
Speaker: It's like green is actually, ah that it's like they're all gray. Yeah, like yeah. Kind of, yeah. but I think it's cool. It's again, we don't get into it too hard. We don't get like a full science lesson on it, but it teaches us a little bit about the world while still remaining entertaining.
Speaker: Up. borche ah They're eating so much, by the way. They are eating. They are eating like. enough to stuff ah Caligula. um So ah it's ah they they get into these discussions and then Borscht demands a hot tub. for all four of them to be brought up to his room because that's the level of horny hedonistic he can be. I want i want a hot tub for all of us. Um,
Speaker: nothing we don't We don't get a play -by -play, but by the top of part three, it's pretty clear a four -way has commenced. A four -way happens, yes and it's fine. And it's fine. And everyone everyone seems happy. no one no one no ah no No frowning faces in the morning.
Speaker: ah ah as far as we can tell. so ah they come there Here's the thing about Geralt. is that he's he's He kind of is like a bit of a sourpuss. Oh, yeah. He's kind of grumpy, but he never turns down sex. No. he yeah Ever.
Speaker: And he's handsome. He's supposed to be, he's like handsome enough where it does. That's like. It. It kind of just happens to him. Yeah, he's a good looking cat. He's really fit He's sterile.
Speaker: Like. Yeah, you're good. like He's all the way. Go for it. Knock yourself out. Go for it, buddy. ah So they come to a bridge and and there's a there's a a group of guardsmen there that they they claim they need permission to pass. Wouldn't you know it? They meet up with Dandelion. I know some people, you you included, I've been told ah the TV show pronounces it Dandelion.
Speaker: It's fucking dandelion. That's that is that is how his name will be pronounced. No, it's it was dandelion. It was dandelion in the in the in the. in the ah uh,
Speaker: The audiobook version of the first book. Oh! Oh, is that what it was? Okay. Okay. But it's now in the second book, it's dandelion. Oh, okay. Well then good. Then good. Then you know what happened?
Speaker: audiobook caught up that's what's important yeah they they caught up that's what's important ah So we meet back up with my favorite character in the series, Dandelion, who also ah they're there. demanding safe passage to get across the bridge, and no one really qualifies. um He tells them that there is a dragon, apparently, that...
Speaker: attacked a nearby town called bearfield he tells the story a group of rustics oh that's it Sorry. No, no. In the show. In the show, it's jazz gear. That's what it is. Okay, I knew it was... Which is the Polish word.
Speaker: for dandelion that's what he's called in the polish transit which which look I appreciate the reference, but you're cowards. You're fucking cowards. Call him Dandelion. Call him Dandelion.
Speaker: Every single time I read these stories, I'm like, I need to create a bard in a D and &D game named named Dandelion or Tulip, you know, like some kind of reference. Or Georgia O 'Keeffe. Georgia O 'Keeffe.
Speaker: the The vaginas are coming in beautifully this year, Miss O 'Keefe. Oh, my God. That's some sort of a. Oh, God. ah What's the what's the the class that like builds the... ah The things. um Oh, uh, shit.
Speaker: No, never mind. I'm thinking of the one that's that's a robot. Oh. so I was like, who would build... It was like just robot. vaginas. um everywhere hr geiger uh geiger or uh you know yeah you got a necromancer yeah like he would do that oh man i just kicked the shit out of my desk um yeah
Speaker: ah So we we get a story. Basically, this dragon has been eating up ah this town's sheep and everything. And a group of rustics, take one of the dead sheep, they just stuff it full of poison, like as much poison as they can possibly do. They sit it up.
Speaker: like a horribly garish quadruped ruminant scarecrow. And and and just leave it out there. And a dragon gulps it down and immediately it's like, oh, that fucking sucks. And and and runs off to hide in its cave. um And the assumption is that the loyal local Nedimir, a king of a small area there, has ah cut off bridge access until he can get rid.
Speaker: of ah the dragon and steal the treasure that no doubt is filled up in this cave. um Of course. Of course. It's it's natural. And this is where we're getting into kind of classic fantasy tropes. And, and ah you know, if you've been if you've been reading these with us, ah you know, Andre is going to have some fun with that old fashioned trope. um
Speaker: So a whole slew of heroes have showed up to help kill the dragon. We've got... ah our our Our black haired sorceress, the the legendary Yennefer. Um, We get a ah sorcerer named Dorgoray. um and and ah And a whole group of raiders, like these mercenaries, dwarvish mercenaries and shit, which...
Speaker: Fucking yeah tight. um So finally, after we get all that established, they go, let's just fucking bribe the guard. And they go, yeah, let's bribe the guard. They bribe the guard. And boom, we're moving on. They chose they chose the bribe option in the Bethesda you know dialogue choices tree. and and And we're good. We're good, baby. um Part four, we meet we meet more about the mercenaries and the reavers, as they're called, ah discuss what they're doing here. um
Speaker: Oh, say yeah they they they tell Jennifer to put in a good word ah with Nita Bar to ask him to let them join.
Speaker: The party, she's she and the other sorcerer, Dora Gray, are are working directly for them. um And there's like there's a whole big discussion over how you're going to split. ah The cash. There's a lot of discussions about splitting the money. A lot of money. guy Honestly, ah you'd call it unrealistic if you you yourself had never played Dungeons and Dragons with a bunch of murder hobos. ah that is That is all there is to it. uh the the long and short of it is geralt is not going to help them kill the dragon because he does not
Speaker: witchers don't kill dragons like that's like a it's either witchers don't or he doesn't either way at the very least he doesn't um at the very least he's he's like no yeah This is not a thing that I do um because I guess it's like.
Speaker: To him, the dragon isn't like... It's it's It's not a monster necessarily. It's not some beast. It's like i he I think he views it more like a bear. You know, like, why would you have me go kill a bear? You know, I actually was thinking of it in terms of it's like if someone asked you to kill a whale. It's like ah yeah they are crazy powerful and they're like stupid intelligent. And there's something monstrous about that. Yeah.
Speaker: Right. So Yennefer leaves. And for the first time, everyone notices that Geralt's gone too. Hmm. True. Part five, Geralt approaches Yennefer, who is not having it. We do not know exactly what happened between the two of them, ah but she chews him out for some pasty. These are these are X's. is They have got some history.
Speaker: there is yeah There is a span of time that we don't know that between Last Wish. where they get together yeah which is the last story in the first book And this book and this story, which is the you know first story in the next book, there's some time they they spent like four years together.
Speaker: Um, Over the court. And then some time has passed beyond that. yeah it's it's been yeah it's been ugly it's kind of yeah it's it's like new between new hope and empire strikes back something has yes has has has Come about and gone ah in a very ugly way.
Speaker: And we we get this great quote from Yennefer. Men like to meet their former lovers, like to relive memories. They like to imagine that air swell, erotic ecstasies, give them some kind of perpetual ownership of their partner. It enhances their self -importance. You are no exception in spite of everything.
Speaker: God. Damn, Yennefer. She really reads men as a gender to rights right there. Yeah. And and and i and that was when I realized I have more in common with Geralt than I would have expected because it made us both hornier for her. ah He's like. God.
Speaker: Damn, baby. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're mad. All right. That's fine. That's fine. I got it. Yeah.
Speaker: ah Chapter six, the caravan heading. They're heading to the dragon's lair. ah Chancellor Gillenstern, who works for the king, ah warns Geralt to mind his business. He says that witchers ah used to just kill monsters. And now suddenly they've become super existential about everything and spend most of their time talking and talking about philosophy rather than killing the monsters. And that's. God damn hilarious because that's exactly.
Speaker: What Carol is all about. we ah We discussed this in the last book that it's like. So funny that how, how much for me ah who had. next to no experience with the Witcher when we got started. um Right.
Speaker: How? little... just straight up sword fighting there is in the grand scheme of things versus like discussions and. Thought and fla and not in and and not in a bad way either. It's like well -written shit. ah It just took me by surprise. So that I find to be that and that's hilarious. That's the thing is they.
Speaker: it's it's a It's a neat bit of writing because... Mmm. The Witcher, he is literally made to kill the monsters. His ability to kill the monster.
Speaker: He is... Not necessarily ever in. doubt. Um... it's it's not a question of ability it's a question of Philosophy. Yeah. Yeah. He could do it. And he knows that, and he's secure in that.
Speaker: ah So, yeah, it's it's really interesting. um So we come to a bridge and there's an argument. about whether or not the bridge is the right route to take if they have taken the right ah direction. ah a Big surprise, when they finally cross, there's a gigantic rock slide. Yen and Geralt. almost go over the edge and into the river, but a magic rope.
Speaker: uh, pulls them up. Um, Chapter seven, Ike, a paladin. He's just the most like total puritanical, lawful, good a paladin with a splash.
Speaker: of Southern Baptist ah right in there. And he goes on. really ah It's really a horseshoe theory in terms of of alignment. Yeah. ah Because his lawful good, I feel like, is so...
Speaker: So it's like so up the chart and it feel like it's loop looping around a chaotic evil. It absolutely is. Yeah, absolutely. ah And he he goes on a tirade about how with so many a aberrations and pagans in their party, ah like the dwarves. the sorcerers.
Speaker: and the Witcher, ah that of course God is against them, and of course their bridge got smacked to shit and back, ah because God doesn't want these godless people ah to do this. He does apologize to Yennefer because she's hot. I... Cause she's, he's she's like. She says, oh, so I'm i'm this. evil.
Speaker: if you if Because it becomes clear that he saved them, that he's the one who threw over this magic elven rope. And she says, so why did you save me? And he goes, oh, be he says he basically says, because you're so beautiful that I can just tell that eventually you will. Turn away from all this evil stuff and be a good girl. ah It's. ah
Speaker: It's real Southern Baptist. real set of it's pretty fucked up came to realize in terms of Keeping my throat clear, this beer wasn't actually doing the trick. Yeah. Up.
Speaker: Okay. So. ah So Geralt is just feeling, he's feeling very attacked right now. Everyone's picking on him, it feels like. And he and he just sulks. And that's one of my favorite things about Geralt is like. He's... He's great. And he is kind of a baby sometimes. He's like, okay, no one wants my fucking help. All right. like Fine. Fine. Leaving. Fine. Yeah. and ah And he says he's going to leave. But then suddenly there's word of the dragon ahead. And it's a golden dragon. which is supposed to only be a fable.
Speaker: ah Dora Gray, the sorcerer, says that he won't let them hurt. the dragon But the dwarf reavers tell him to get fucked in no uncertain terms. um The dragon uses telepathy to challenge anyone honorable to a duel.
Speaker: uh which is ah one thing by the way is uh jack uh uh three dot Three Jackdaws and Zarkanians. Uh... disappeared after the bridge yes yes we haven't seen them after the like the good call yeah we haven't seen them yep Um...
Speaker: So this dragon of challenges them to a duel. This is unusual for a lot of reasons, not the least of which as intelligent as a dragon might be. I don't think they talk very frequently in this world for these. no um So Ike, our sword swinging Southern Baptist paladin, is totally down for this.
Speaker: Um, the Herald for Ike is, uh, uh, uh, one of the, one of the, uh, Reavers. Uh, Basically, in no uncertain terms, tells the dragon to go fuck himself in a Cockney accent. Uh, cause as, as this great night, he's supposed to have like a Herald to come in, like present him in a grand way. And yeah it's, it goes.
Speaker: It's it's again, it's it's very D and &D in the terms of like, all right. And my guy has to roll a performance check and he got a two. OK, so.
Speaker: It's okay. Yeah. Ike is going to be rolling with disadvantage in all of his attacks. Right. and it's And it's not a great time for those disadvantages because ah the dragon just beats the shit out of Ike. just just smashes him flat. ah Chapter 8. Ike is bashed to hell, but he's alive. uh so uh Yennefer Turns to Geralt and and kind of like.
Speaker: She starts pulling her, like batting her eyelashes moves of like, I want you to kill this dragon for me. ah
Speaker: Because Sorcerer and Snookum, Snookum, sweetie, ah because because she has. uh Sorcerers always go to kill dragons because their teeth and their skeletons and their organs are all things that like are required in a lot of magic spells. Every part of the dragon is worth something. Every part of the dragon is edible. no Just like that. and ah they So she's she needs it. But she does make it clear that ah she's trying to get money for a procedure that it will allow her to have children. because like
Speaker: Uh, all sorcerers. She like witchers are sterile. Uh, they're, they're all sterile. And, uh, she, most sorcerers have no problem with that. yeah They know what they're getting into. She, she regrets it. Uh, she makes it pretty clear. She regrets it. um which Which, by the way, this is this was the... um part in the show. That made my wife roll her eyes so hard that they came all the way back.
Speaker: to the front again. Uh, she was so unimpressed with, uh, our male, one of our female leads. Her whole motivation is I want to have babies. And it was like, you know,
Speaker: this is This is pretty progressive 80s fantasy because this came out in the 80s originally. Very progressive 80s fantasy. Still ladies fantasy, ah so which I get it. I totally get it. um Yeah. So that's what she wants. ah The Reavers get ready to kill it. And ah the king, ah who is this young.
Speaker: uh kind of silent spoiled kid uh proves himself to be the only uh logical person there and he goes no we're fucking going home i'm done I don't give a shit. I really, this is not worth it. This is like the first thing the King has actually said. Yeah. He's just been hanging out.
Speaker: He's just been hanging out in his tent and is is letting his dude. like Guildenstern or whatever. Yeah. It's it's very close to Guildenstern. Like handle everything. And then the King gets the lay of it. He's like, I'm done. We're going home. I'm bored. This is stupid. Let's go home. He's just sick of it. um
Speaker: Let's see. Oh, Geralt sees some green gray creatures that the gold dragon is tending to. Dorgre threatens the raiders to not kill the dragon and a fight breaks out. So Dorgre is basically as a sorcerer, like a sorcerer vegan. Yeah. Yeah. He's very druid. You know, he's he's like, yeah. This whole part. So this whole party is just kind of it's it's honestly and um I keep making this reference. It's honestly the perfect D and &D.
Speaker: Coterie, because it's like everyone's got different motivations. It's it's all it's all very up and down. It's it's kind of hilarious. um So ah a fight breaks out. ah The Reavers tie Geralt, Dandelion, and Dorgore up.
Speaker: um But Yennefer tells them. ah to leave. ah so that she can have the dragon to herself. ah they She fights among the Reavers and they tie her up and imply that they'll be raping her after the dragon's taken care of. so Charming fellows indeed. um Indeed. indeed in In the show, they make make the Reavers... less...
Speaker: that That's good. They're pretty. Pretty gross. ah Yeah. So the Reavers, thankfully, though, the Reavers are beaten by the dragon. And then a town of villagers. come to try their hand at it. They're led by the guy whose idea it was to poison the sheep. um
Speaker: And it becomes clear that the little green gray thing. uh uh that uh uh Geralt has noticed before, is a baby dragon that hatched. from an egg that was produced after the first dragon, the one that they originally came to hunt, was poisoned.
Speaker: ah So he's he's kind of protecting it. um Yeah. Excuse me. More fighting breaks out among them. The dragon is ah beats up the cobbler, the guy who who poisoned the first dragon in the first place, beats them all up, but in the process gets tied up in a net.
Speaker: Uh... Joined by the Zerakanians, our warrior women show back up. Yennefer uses her untied leg. She's worked her leg loose to cast spells. She's literally. pointing her foot.
Speaker: She's literally kicking. kicking spells at them and i it's a detail i fucking love uh yeah I can't believe I've never seen something like this before. And it I love it. I love it. It's amazing.
Speaker: Uh, so the spells cut off the villagers from doing any further debt. ah Damage. And the dragon eats. uh the cobbler the the the the rustic who uh who came by to who hurt yeah the first dragon Yeah.
Speaker: Finally we get a big reveal Borscht, three jackdaws, he's the dragon! ah Which, which... Not a bad. He's the gold dragon. Yeah. He's the use the gold dragon. Yeah. Not a. ne He can shape shift because he's a gold dragon. Yeah. And he was he with the green dragon summoned him after it was poisoned. It it exchanged for all its treasure. ah He agreed to help them. ah And he explains.
Speaker: ah that he acts kind of like a witcher for dragons, that a gold dragon is basically the dragon's version of a witcher. They deal with the nuisances and the monsters and the beasts that torment dragons, further kind of creating that parallel ah between the human lives and the dragon lives. Which is ah humans are among those. Right. Absolutely. um and and he But he does confess ah that he still likes humans in a similar way to how Geralt seems to like the dragons. um Yeah.
Speaker: Uh, he, he, they, he turns back into a gold dragon and Geralt tells the Zerkanians, uh, after all that they were right, uh, that the dragon was indeed. the most beautiful.
Speaker: And yeah that is our first story. Uh... It's a good one. It's a very good one to start with. It's a good one to start with. I i really liked it. and it's funny that there's i feel like more
Speaker: There's more character and thematic movement in that one short story than we have in some entire books that we cover in this show. Yeah, I mean... There's a reason that we end up like that lately. We've been really excited to come to.
Speaker: books that inspired games instead of the other way around because the quality level tends to tends to tends to yeah and and and we're that's the thing is we're we're it's the next three books are that so we got the sword of destiny oh yeah we got uh uh Roadside Picnic, yeahp um which... ah I may want to do... Bye. uh we'll do three episodes on that and maybe as a special episode just with if we want to watch stalker
Speaker: That could be fun. Yeah, that could be fun. and then And talk about that. And then we got Parasite Eve. Yes, I'm looking forward to that one too. Yeah, which is Parasite Eve is actually also the same thing as this. So yeah, the Parasite eat get Eve games are the sequel, so to speak, but to the novel.
Speaker: Yeah. So not, not. parallel, ah but ah ah yeah, but sequels in their own way. Yeah. And now for something completely different, we go into the second story. Completely different story. Completely different. That's...
Speaker: this is just This is just some fun love triangle coming up. I... I love I honestly loved this story more than the first one. and It's called a shard of ice. ah No dandelion, though. No dandelion. That's true. No dandelion. um In part one, we start with Geralt killing a monster in a trash heap. ah He's basically killing the monster, the tentacle monster in the trash compactor in A New Hope. Yeah.
Speaker: That's basically what it is. Um... ah Part two, the Wisher ah comes to his room where Yennefer makes him a bath. ah They are together at this point. We don't know if this is before.
Speaker: um it's I think that this might be the incident. uh that causes the first story but At the same time, maybe not. You'll you'll see why. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: But in any case, they're sharing a room. ah She has made a Kestrel familiar. She's ah created this bird familiar. More on that later. um She has a contact there that she has to go meet, and he is sick to death of hearing about this guy. It's Clearing an X. ah he's He's a ah wizard ah that she's worked with forever. Uh, and he, and everything she says about him, she's always like, oh, he's so, he's so smart. He's so funny. She doesn't say that, but you know, it's, it's that kind of, it's the one that I get it. He's cool. Great. Yeah. Um, They try to have some sexy time, but the elixirs ah that the Witcher takes before a fight and the fight itself have left him exhausted. ah And he and he passes out. ah Plus, we found out that he he absolutely hates this town that they're in, which is named. It's an ugly, nasty little town with a pretty elven name that translates to ice shards. Right.
Speaker: So ah part three, Geralt goes to see the mayor. ah who who owes him money for killing ah this trash monster. Trash compactor monster. Trash compactor monster. ah He meets Cicada, a mercenary who's working for the mayor. Interesting name ah for a a... What amounts to a Boston street tough transplanted into a Polish fantasy world? ah He's just a dirt bag. You know, he's he's just basically asking get her if he put the body in the back. That's it. He's just like, I can't not hear him in that Boston accent. Like it does.
Speaker: He's just a pushy piece of shit. I may have a little back and forth. um So finally, god if they did this in the show, and i like that i think I don't think they ever do this episode in the show. I'm not. I don't. I don't recall. But I feel like what's his name? That fucking Boston comedian. ah Oh, Bill Burr.
Speaker: bill bill burr like out of out of nowhere bill burr comes and we know and we know thanks to the mandalorian dude can act like as long as you don't ask him to hide his accent he's a pretty solid actor so yeah this he's perfect for this if they haven't done it they need to do it Um, So Geralt haggles with the mayor.
Speaker: And the mayor implies ah that has got something going on with Istredd. which is the Wizard X we've talked about. um Yep.
Speaker: On the way out, Cicada goads Geralt some more. so He's itching for a fight. um Part four, Geralt sees Istredd, who asks him to leave Yennefer. He's proposed to her and he's asked her to stay with him. And. She...
Speaker: Uh... It's the most... Elon Musk style. Like. Logic. uh obsessed person he is so obnoxious and a pain in the he insists that witchers have no feelings And therefore...
Speaker: logically. Uh, uh, he shouldn't refuse him because he says, you guys don't have feelings. You don't care. So based on he's like, he's like. trying to pull uh logical fallacies into he's like yeah the guy he's like the guy you argue with on facebook he's like uh that's a logical fallacy because he's that guy uh he's that guy he sucks um in fact and here's a hold on i'm gonna share my screen and here is a picture of Uh,
Speaker: is Stread from the show. Oh, that's funny. Yep. who is that i know that guy i know that face yeah he's probably been in things before a few things okay i can get that very pretty very well put together could pretty boy could be a thousand years old just like yennefer you know they're right right you know sorcerers yep Um,
Speaker: So ah it made me think actually of ah the story of Ayn Rand and her lover, Nathaniel Brandon. um this was She was married for most of her life, but she had this this guy who was like.
Speaker: a student underneath her ah who... She had the hots for and they had a thing for a little while. And he ended up falling in love with somebody else. And he's like, well, you know, you've got a husband. I'm going to go.
Speaker: ah marry this woman. She makes me happy. And Ayn Rand was so furious that he wouldn't stay with her because her belief and therefore the philosophy's belief ah was that. um You are going to be the most attracted to a you're you're going to be attracted the most to a person who most encompasses your morals. and your convictions. And she...
Speaker: almost literally invented. the morals and convictions that he. uh uh now lives by and therefore logically speaking she should want he should be want to be with her ah And she became very unhinged when when it became clear that that's not how that works.
Speaker: uh yeah it it it made me think of that um yeah also ayn rand you know ah Well, Fuck both of them, I guess. Nathaniel Brandon did end up writing.
Speaker: he He did fall out of objectivism. and Oh, good. Yeah, and he ended up writing ah ah he he ended up writing a yeah he ended up writing a tell -all book about the whole thing, My Years with Ayn Rand, which i I have a copy of. i need to I really do need to sit down and read it. Um,
Speaker: So, uh, Gerald gets all of this stunning insight and logic and, and, uh, says no. ah No. And says, you know, well, she slept with me last night. So that's what matters as far as her decision is concerned. And Istredd said, well, she slept with me this morning.
Speaker: So what does that have to say? Yeah. Yeah. That's when the 80s, 90s audience all goes. oh that's and we And we cut to a high C commercial and we'll be right back. ah ah We're almost there, baby. ah The real Ghostbusters will return right after these messages. Oh my God. The real Ghostbusters.
Speaker: of Of Rivia. um Yep. ah So ah part five, Geralt and Yennefer have it out. ah They do a lot of unnecessarily like.
Speaker: it's so frustrating it's like when you hear about And the conversation a friend of yours has with another friend of yours when they're trying to date and it's not working out and you hear secondhand in your head, you're going. Why didn't you say this? Why didn't you say that? Jesus Christ, you're both fucking idiots. and um And so instead of just like saying, I need you to do this, I want you to do that. There are both being very roundabout, but it becomes clear that. She wants Geralt to say that he loves her.
Speaker: ah That that's something that that if and it becomes it it becomes clear that that's what she needs to hear. um But because he's jealous and shitty. uh uh uh He's like, well, I can't love anything. I can't love anything. I don't have any feelings, right? Like, it's that whole thing. Yeah. it's And it's fucking clear that that's not true, right? Oh, it's obvious. He's such a baby. Of course he has emotions.
Speaker: He is it's like It's like they they knock the feelings out of you so you can do what you can do. And you're like, I don't know if killing monsters has much to do with feelings. I don't I don't think that I don't think that's what happened at all. ah Maybe they made them worse because he is as thin skinned as it comes. He is. He's such a baby. ah He really is. um So she ah after after becomes clear, she creates another.
Speaker: familiar Kestrel. uh uh so uh They discuss truth and what the truth behind everything is. And they they we get the line, truth is a shard of ice. um
Speaker: Part six, Geralt meets with Istredd. They agree. To duel? uh neither of them are willing to share yen and it becomes clear that jennifer uh is torn between the two of them. Yennefer is open. She's like, yeah, I slept with him. like you know she She implies very much. It was like, well, it was kind of like a last hurrah sort of thing. and And yeah, it happened, but.
Speaker: you know, I love you and and et cetera. Right. um And so they agree to a duel because they're not willing to share her. And she's then they also think like she's not going to be able to make a decision. So we've got to kind of force her hand. um They also discuss how they both feel pretty stupid about it.
Speaker: Because, you know, Istredd is this like, as far as we know, hundreds of years old wizard who studied like the hidden secrets of the universe. And the Witcher is, that you know, Geralt is a Witcher who fights, you know. beasts that defy description you know heroically and and you know and risks his life every day for a paycheck. And they're like, and they're like we're gonna one of us is going to die over a girl. That is pretty stupid. Yeah.
Speaker: but we're gonna do it so we're gonna do it yeah it's like they it's funny because they realize to be like oh yeah gerald can kill like sure the sorcerers can kind of basically do whatever the effect they want with a with a spell like they can he can turn gerald into a chicken if he wanted to sure uh
Speaker: But that takes time to cast. Right. and Yeah. Geralt can probably throw a dagger in your forehead, but but time way before you had. Yeah, exactly. You've got. You've got casting time. He's got a sword. That's like, there's, and it's like, Imagine ah if in in D and &D...
Speaker: A DM actually forced. ah the spellcasting characters. to all to have all all the spell components and like, you know what I mean? like Yeah. you every Every D and &D campaign i've kind I've played has kind of like...
Speaker: overlook that stuff because it's like Who's going to remember all this bullshit? With the exception of the really big shit. With the really big shit, yeah. But who gets to that point anyway?
Speaker: who Whoever gets that point. Everybody stops playing after a month anyway, because nobody can find figure out schedules. Because no one wants to be my friend. Nah. So ah part seven, ah the mayor threatens Geralt not to fight the mayor. The mayor. ah he He basically says, I cannot afford another sorcerer. He's like, so this sucks either way. ah Either you get killed and I don't want to deal with the impact of that.
Speaker: ah or like my sorcerer gets killed and... He's the only one I got. um So he's he's and Geralt is listening to all this shit and he's just getting furious, which he isn't used to, because as much of emotions as he has, he usually he usually isn't.
Speaker: one for being annoyed. or pissed off or something like that that at least is our emotion those are emotion emotions he can keep track of. ah But that's not happening. um and he happens to notice uh in a bar he's having a drink in a bar and he notices ah that he's being cased by a local thug. And he's like, oh, okay. And it gives him an idea. Part eight.
Speaker: ah We cut to Geralt being having just letting these thugs beat the shit out of him outside of the bar. And when they realize that he's a witcher, they freak the fuck out because they're like, I'm not killing a fucking witcher. ah And ah the one that the head thug suggests that if he wants to die, then he better just do it himself.
Speaker: yeah You know, that that's that it's clear that... you know, uh gerald it was it was it was uh instead of suicide by cop garrett was trying to pull suicide by most Yeah, yeah. Suicide by thugs. It's like by street toughs. Right, exactly. And they're like, how dare you try to use this? They're offended. They're like, I...
Speaker: i'm I am a member of the Thieves Guild, sir. Sir, I am not an assassin. Yeah, exactly. um So part nine, on the way to fight Istredd the next morning, Geralt beats the living snot out of Cicada. It's kind of hilarious. Cicada is just kind of like. bouncing around him like when he's walking on his way out to to fight istredd and and and gerald just beats the shit out of them without breaking a sweat and just, just, just. yeah
Speaker: beats his ass and like makes it clear like i could i always could have done that You're a piece of shit. Think of it like that scene in Groundhog Day where. ah
Speaker: yeah It's ah Ned pops up and he goes, Bill. And then he just punches him and keeps walking. That's a kind of it. Yeah, that's kind of it. um It's just it's this moment of like he's about to fight a real threat. You are nothing. You are nothing to me. Um,
Speaker: He finds out when he gets there that Istredd will not be using magic in a fight. He's armed to fight with swords. ah and ah It becomes clear what happened. You you see. uh one of uh uh uh uh Yennefer's magic. Kestrels is there, along with a note.
Speaker: And Istredd has been dumped by her. And yeah like... Geralt was trying to commit suicide by thug the night before. Istredd now is ready to commit suicide by Witcher. and uh And Geralt refuses and says, if you want to kill yourself and then. then you go ahead and do it i'm not gonna do it you do it yourself yeah yeah and uh The story ends ah with him.
Speaker: rushing back to the inn that he's sharing with Yennefer, knowing uh that his Kestrel. And his Dear John letter. is waiting for him there so ah It becomes clear by the end of this, basically, that she had come to town to leave Istredd once and for all. ah But because...
Speaker: Geralt was such an ass in such an important moment of trying to be true to her that she realized that she really didn't have time for either. of these jabronis. And it is...
Speaker: that's And that's the story. And it is. SUCH! A good. Like, oh. What do we got? Interrupted. Huh? Hello!
Speaker: Hey, that's my name. Almost. Oh, yeah. I only saw the PHIL, so... I only saw... okay Yeah. yeah i only saw the first four letters so i was like oh that's a good shirt Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. Eight on. Good. Good. uh we're making fire yay yay Cool. We'll be done shortly. Okay. Love you, kid. Bye.
Speaker: Uh, But yeah, it it is, it is. Look. I don't know. this andre sapkowski guy Uh... But this dude got dumped.
Speaker: This guy. but I read this story and took and i and I took that personally. it was It was like... I was like, oh, have I Ever.
Speaker: being one of these guys. I have. Yeah. ab Just like the immature idiot. Like who doesn't know what it's like. Oh, it just, it really, it hit a place in my stomach that I haven't.
Speaker: hasn't I haven't really. contended with in a long time. ah Yeah. It was... it's a genuinely impressive piece of romantic fiction. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: what the fuck that's the thing is you realize afterwards like oh the kestrel what she made the kestrel it was to break up with his history to have that Kestrel deliver the letter. letter that's And then the second that when there's a second one there, she's already kind of made the decision. She already figured it out. Yep. Yeah.
Speaker: And then she she's like basically gives Geralt like one more chance. um And then it's it's over. Yeah. um And like I. I kind of have the feeling that this is the incident.
Speaker: the at the end of the four years yeah like um He just disappointed her so bad. Like so bad, like he just couldn't. ah couldn't Contend with with ah He has... the The little guy just doesn't know how to deal with his big emotions. That's really it. and it's and i And I just feel so bad for her because it's like she is leading this.
Speaker: very unorthodox life, this strange life as a sorceress. She's constantly on the move. She can't really have. lasting connections with people. um And she finds and falls in love with this guy that.
Speaker: also has that kind of a life. And it's like, yeah okay. this could finally match. We could actually do this ah together. And he disappointed her. so bad now don't get me wrong here's the thing she did sleep with her ex i'm not going to she did i'm not going to gloss over that but this is i think you also get the impression that it's different like culturally speaking for these for these
Speaker: uh uh immortal kind of beings and stuff like that that this is yeah i feel like that's that that was relatively low on the on the totem pole yeah of things yeah that were wrong in this sentence you know right right so yeah so that's that's uh A shard of ice. That's our second.
Speaker: story in this collection. And that's that's where we're leaving it for now. What's your sort of destiny? Kevin, what do you think so far? Oh, I'm liking it so far. Two very different stories. um And the the first one, very a very philosophical...
Speaker: um treatise on who exactly is the monster when it comes to and and food chains and and all that stuff You you basically had literally every point of view represented yeah in that story. Yeah. um ah So I thought that was neat. And the second one, just being a ah solid straight up. like tragic Little romance story.
Speaker: Like you get the monster killing out of the way right away at the beginning. And there's there's zero, zero percent chance of monster or killing wreck for the rest of the story. right You know, Andre, he tricked you. Like he's like, yeah yeah, imagine being in Poland. And I think it's called Fantastica magazine, which is like the fantasy magazine. He always like, which is, oh boy, here's the new story ah by Sapkowski. Oh boy. Oh, he kills a trash monster. And so you're hooked. And then he's like, oh, and by the way, this is about love inter interpersonal relationships. And you're like. Oh, you got me again! God, you got me again, Andres. You Polish Tolkien, you. oh Yeah. Yeah, I'm with you. I... i i
Speaker: really enjoyed reading the first book i'm really enjoying reading the second one this is this is yes lovely lovely stuff and for every for every little it's like for every dumb thing he kind of writes about women there's also kind of like counterbalances and like okay well That is, well, way advanced way further along in thinking. Then, then.
Speaker: Right. Most people would have been in the late 1980s. Exactly. And that's the thing. I need to talk to my wife about this and see what she thinks because that's the thing. It's like, yeah, if the only context you have of this character is that, oh, I want a baby. Well, then, yeah, that's kind of simple and silly. But then when you add in something like that, she's like.
Speaker: such a complex, ah sympathetic. well -rounded character. uh that you kind of that for me anyway i look at it and go oh you know what though like A complicated character can want a simple thing.
Speaker: ah Right. And that's that's okay. As long as that's not. all there is to her. uh right and becomes clear with a story like that that That it's not. So yeah, it's not fucking cool. yeah Okay. Well. Now that we got that out of the way, Kevin. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa What are you playing?
Speaker: oh so it's been a bit since we recorded so yeah i've actually racked up a few things do we uh So... um I played and beat the pixel remaster of Final Fantasy 1. Oh, fun.
Speaker: Yeah, it was fun and like i didn't want to want it to overstay its welcome so i did that thing where you can like change change the the experience points to 4x, so four times all the amount gained. So I was like, yeah, I just want to run through this. So it only took like five hours. Nice.
Speaker: Yeah, so that was that was nice. It was a nice little throwback. I just remember playing the original one. uh in the early 90s uh on the and nes and the You know, there's so much.
Speaker: I spent so much time in that game and never got... very far in it at all. yeah ah when I was a kid. I don't think I beat it until much later. um Because it was hard in the NES version. All the quality of life improvements that the Pixel Remaster does makes a big difference in how fast you can beat this game. Absolutely. And also the fact that you can like...
Speaker: You're like, all right, I'm just going to turn the counters off for a little bit because I just want to look around instead of... having something pop up every two seconds. yeah Um... But yeah, so Final Fantasy... uh the pixel remaster uh because i played that i also went to the other end of the final fantasy spectrum and i started playing final fantasy 16. um Which is... ah i What's funny is I haven't played it in a couple days.
Speaker: ah only because I was having some computer issues with it. But... Final Fantasy 16. Slow start. But I'm actually kind of into the story. It's very... ah very big fantasy. ah There's a lot of You know, there's a lot of ah royal court stuff, Game of Thrones -ish stuff going on. um The characters are all hot and sexy.
Speaker: um But... They're not fucking. So... ah It's missing that. there's one There's one post -sex scene, post coilal -coital scene in the game so far. I'm like 12 hours in. Wow.
Speaker: But yeah, it feels like, you know, they could... get it on a little bit more. Also, ah Every Final Fantasy has a Sid, right? A Sid character. Do you know who voices Sid in this one? Hmm.
Speaker: Ralph Ineson What? That's so you random. Hold on. so you listen Yeah, listen to his voice. Just pull up his voice. and Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. oh ok yeah the The dad and the way she's in Green Knight. Yeah, I know this guy.
Speaker: Yeah. It was Nosferatu. Yeah. he He played Galactus? Oh, I didn't know that. That's cool shit. ok um He's got a great booming voice and so he's he's playing Sid who is ah one of the protagonists um It - Final Fantasy 16 is very different in that it's so far.
Speaker: yeah It is single character. you're like You're basically just controlling one character. Right. um So Sid is just like this cool dude with who's smoking all the time and he's voiced by Ralph Ineson. So he's got a very deep voice and, uh,
Speaker: Uh... It's fun. um He also clearly has like lung cancer or something like that because he's he's always coughing up blood. Sure. But never that doesn't stop him from smoking. You know, at that point, at that point, why stop?
Speaker: ah Um... So Final Fantasy 16, I'm having a really good time with it. I'll... Keep you all up to date with how I see it going.
Speaker: uh once i once i get back to it Um... I, I, I... So I'm basically going... both ends of the spectrum right so i got final fantasy one i got final fantasy 16. And then I was like, all right, I installed Final Fantasy 2 Pixel Remastered. And I started playing that one.
Speaker: Um, And. Ooh! the second Thank you. This smells delicious. Oh, a worthwhile interruption.
Speaker: A worthwhile fried rice. I love it. Made by the Munchkin and the Mama. Oh, well done, ladies. Thank you. I love you. Mwah. Um...
Speaker: So... uh final fantasy 2 just started on that a little bit uh Only 35 minutes into it, so haven't really done a whole lot. um And then maybe I'll go back and And I'm i'm going... to both ends right so maybe i'll oh once i'm known 16 i'll do 15.
Speaker: And three, you know what I mean? I kind of love this plan. Yeah, yeah. I'll meet in the middle with like... The ah with the seven remakes. I was just going to say the seven remakes would kind of fit perfectly in there.
Speaker: Okay, so that's the Final Fantasy portion of what I've been doing. Yeah. ah ah I've been playing... ah Have you played Mecha Chameleon yet? No, no, but I'm i'm familiar with it.
Speaker: Uh, I've been playing Mecha Chameleon with Cam a bit. It's a lot of fun. you be It's basically just hide and seek. um and you um yeah There's one person or...
Speaker: a few people who are the hunter. And they have a gun that shoots paint. And, uh... ah Everybody else is ah the hider and you basically can take your character and you can put them anywhere on the map.
Speaker: you know You walk around, you go on the wall, and then you can paint your character to match like the surroundings. ah of of where they are. um so that's That's a lot of fun. Mecha Chameleon. I'm sure those of you who...
Speaker: ah have played it, had they have have had a ball with it. But it's it's gotten it's got huge. uh, since um since it's come out. Thanks. Very straightforward.
Speaker: It's like... Basically the new Among Us. Yeah, that's the impression I got too, where it was, that's very much. it's that yeah It's filling that same hole, basically.
Speaker: Mm hmm. Um... All right.
Speaker: Uh. Um... Next. Restory Chill Electronics ah Repair. Oh, yeah. ah You've been playing this too. I have indeed. I can see. Yep. Um...
Speaker: So ah before I get to that, I'll just say the last thing I've been playing is How Many Dudes. The demo for How Many Dudes. Which is just so dumb, but kind of fun. um Basically, it's just the old Reddit... argument of like ah how many like How many dudes, how many ah toddlers would it take to take down a guy. um So, because your first...
Speaker: On every run, your first one is one regular dude versus 10 toddlers. Um, And then you you fight them off. and then you get to recruit a new dude and the dude is like a different and like it could be a ninja or a pirate or as Frankenstein Monster, or...
Speaker: Or whatever. Um... So... ah And then it's an auto battler. so you just you know you keep adding dudes to your roster and relics that give them power -ups And there's like dudes that have, um...
Speaker: synchronicity with each other. that you try to recruit together. Um... And the stakes keep going higher and higher as you get further in the game. So and it's like I got my my 20 dudes and like.
Speaker: I got four four general dudes and I got... seven Frankenstein monster dudes and I got six ghost dudes and like four regular dudes and and how many of them can fight off a silverback gorilla Yeah. So stuff like that. I like it. um A silverback gorilla plus an army of...
Speaker: uh deck sized horses well yeah yeah you need a general for that and it can't be another It can't be a regular... sized horse. It's chaos. It's chaos. Um...
Speaker: So stepping back now, so we can could we can kind of transition over to your stuff. Oh, okay. Yeah. Using ReStory. Chill Electronics Repair I played through this game. I beat things this game. I don't know if I like this game. Wow, okay, okay. So this is this is your... ah What was the game I put all that time in? The fucking cat game. It's yeah this is my eugenics. Your eugenics. Yeah.
Speaker: So, okay, so a few things... It is chill. mm -hmm Uh... The story... is going to get weirder and weirder as it goes on. you're,
Speaker: Whatever. for four hours into it or so. yeah it basically The story gets like... It's like, oh, okay, I guess we're going there. Um... And the one thing, my main criticism of it,
Speaker: is um Controls? Uh... Once you upgrade to the... um the screwdriver that you just click to remove a screw instead of having to click and hold. Sometimes it gets a little...
Speaker: fidgety where it's like I clicked in it ah it's like it like double clicks and it's like the screws in and out And it's like, okay. Yeah. Sometimes parts don't highlight correctly when you're trying to like take them out.
Speaker: um So many of those pieces are so small. So yeah. Some of the pieces are so small. Um... they Like the arts, I love the art style. And I love, I love, and...
Speaker: The game, the developers clearly did their homework in how these things... like look and are taken apart and put back together. um in terms of like all the parts and stuff like that ah And nothing is, they're ironically, probably the most complex.
Speaker: Thing. that The two most complex things are that I've that I put together in the game are the Uh... IDM ThinkDad, ah which is a mock -up of the IBM ThinkPad. Um...
Speaker: And... Uh, the Sony Walkman Uh, for some reason. Has like so many goddamn parts. Um... But anyway,
Speaker: Uh... But yeah, the controls are a little little finicky. And, uh... To me, I felt like it got a little bit stale. like after I was like seven hours in.
Speaker: But I feel like I'm close to the end and I'm like, okay, I'm... Uh, yeah. I'm a little... I'm getting a little bit bored. Okay. just because there's not enough Uh... there wasn't enough change in gameplay at that by that point.
Speaker: Um, The other issue I had was the music. This feels like a game. That should have... a bigger soundtrack than it does. Right. ah And you're going to hear the same, like...
Speaker: Few songs loop every day. Um... Where it's almost like... It's almost better to just put on your own playlists. outside of the game. yeah and do that instead um because the in -game music It's like...
Speaker: For the first day, Great. Hmm. Okay, and oh, it's the same song at the same time of day. Okay. It's... ah You kind of hit that say that a little bit of a rut there. Right. So...
Speaker: Yeah, that was my that's my experience with ReStory. What do you think? ah i've only yeah I haven't played it as much as you you have. I basically played as much as you got in the demo, and I loved the demo. um I think...
Speaker: I can see how it would get to the point you're describing. I also thought about the music a lot in terms of... I i feel like... um
Speaker: I wish it had a plugin kind of like they have in Euro Truck Simulator and other games where you can attach your Spotify playlist to it or something so that it's like playing yeah your music. I feel like that's necessary. I understand the chill aspect of it. And so the songs are very chill. But yeah, I think for how much time you're spending there concentrating on.
Speaker: like you said, little pieces and and adjusting things and putting them back together and taking them apart again. um there's something that could be... it just it feels like there could be more to that uh that just feels like it should be a bigger part of the game i totally agree right um i'm enjoying it right now uh largely because it is kind of the perfect game for me just to be
Speaker: futzing around on my laptop. while i'm hanging out with my wife and stuff and and and it's so it's it's that aspect of grindiness hasn't bothered me yet. But again, I've only been playing for about four hours. Uh, if even that really, cause at a certain point, I think I just left it on for a little too long. Um, But yeah, I'm enjoying that one. Um...
Speaker: i played I played a really small game called The Ferryman's Trial. Um... which is uh i think it's like two bucks or something like that and it's this kind of visual ah novel kind of story where you take over for death for ten souls and you have to you have to listen to their stories and decide whether or not they belong in heaven or in hell.
Speaker: come And you can play through it real quick. I think I... think I played through it in like 15 minutes. uh and and the idea is that you want to try you want to go through it multiple times and i'm not sure i'm interested enough in doing that um because The stories that they tell, you you have no...
Speaker: in between. it's You're either going to heaven or you're going to hell. And... Uh... The stories are very nuanced at times, and at other times, that death even makes a point of saying, like, these people can lie to you. Just because they're dead doesn't mean they don't lie to you. So at that point, you're kind of like, well, am I just guessing then?
Speaker: Like, cause it doesn't, there's no other mechanic for you to figure out whether a person's lying, whether or not they're, you know, how serious they are about it. And so it feels a little right random. However...
Speaker: The art style for this game is fucking tits. ah It is gorgeous. ah It's this... Gorgeous. What's the name of it again? Ferryman's Trial. F -E -R -R -Y Men's Trial.
Speaker: Uh... it It made me think of... um oh gosh what were those books i i read them both that were uh based on um A video game that never existed. Vermis. Vermis. It has a very...
Speaker: Bitmap. uh a pixelated vermis kind of style this very dark fantasy kind of thing um That. aspect of it is stupidly beautiful uh uh really really very cool um Having said that,
Speaker: It's an interesting game and and it poses... It's an interesting idea for a game, most importantly, but it didn't really hook me. But then again, it was a couple of bucks, so I don't i don't mind ah taking that swing ah for something this lovely and to support you know an indie in indie creator, even if it didn't quite hit the mark for me. um
Speaker: I'm almost done with Resident Evil Requiem. I'm really enjoying Fallout Raccoon City. ah It is a lovely game. I'm... i it's That's what it is at the end. I had an interesting moment because the last time we talked about it, I said that I was super glad ah that most of the game so far was focused on grace because that was my favorite part of the game. That's your shit.
Speaker: Yeah, I love it. And now I'm playing the second half of the game, which is really Leon heavy and very RE5 based. ah or So RE4 kind of based, you know, very actiony a sort of thing. Points for killing monsters and exchange those points for fun and prizes. ah Right. And I had a moment where I was like.
Speaker: This might be my favorite part of the game. Holy shit. Like, and they're both... Terrific. ah they they They really... Uh... I'm almost done. I'm on the last. part and they've done just a terrific job of bringing both of those together. ah Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, i I'm definitely given to playing Resident Evil games more than once, ah which is a very unusual thing for me. And this one, I think I'm going to get to faster simply because it's like.
Speaker: this is This is cool. I read i think it's well -balanced. Honestly, it's just more of that. good shit that I've really grown to love with the the most recent Resident Evil trilogy. um I love the way they're doing these.
Speaker: Uh... And finally, I played about 10, 15 minutes today of a demo that just came out called Wild and Chill. ah this is If you might remember, I was talking last year, I was crazy about a game that came out called Cast and Chill, where you're like a fisherman.
Speaker: Yeah. This is the same... team and it's the same style and a same idea but instead of ph fishing you're a survivalist
Speaker: Uh, and you're out in the woods okay and you're trying to live off the grid and you're, so and it's crafting shit. Uh, and it's still chill and it's still really gorgeous natural environments, which is really what I was all about with, um, The fishing came. but it's oh this looks beautiful it is and and it and it plays beautifully uh
Speaker: And ah honestly, if there's more to it, because I like fishing games. But I don't know if I can i don't know if i can really enjoy a game where it's just...
Speaker: fishing. uh uh that's yeah fishing games is part of a bigger thing, which this might have, actually. I just haven't gotten there yet. But... Um... This might be my shit.
Speaker: ah ah This might be exactly what I want in this style of game. They may have hit the nail on the head. up Again, I've only played the demo for about 10 minutes. But right. You're playing a survivalist with his dog out in the woods trying to live off the grid and build a cabin Hunt.
Speaker: ah learn to craft things, learn to use your environment. This is, in another world, this is Phil. yeah it Yeah, yeah. In a different world, this is this is this is what I want. This is where he ended up. Yeah, yeah hopefully. and And it's just, it's beautiful. So i'm it's not out yet. uh But even after just 10 minutes of of playing the demo, I know I'm going to.
Speaker: uh i'm probably gonna pick this up when it comes out because it just looks fucking solid and apparently there's a uh uh i think there's a um A co -op? ah aspect of it too. I think you can yeah play with friends and stuff. That's what they're hinting at. Yeah.
Speaker: So, yeah. Play solo or with your pat pals. Online co -op of up to four players. i mean split up the chores however you like one friend hunts while another fishes Someone gathers firewood and the fella who knows, carp quote unquote, knows carpentry accidentally puts the window in backwards. i love See, it's it's a good sense of humor. ah Wombat Brawler, thank you for doing what you're doing. These are really great. Um...
Speaker: So yeah, so that's that's what I've been up to. That's my gaming. Yeah. Awesome. Well, that'll do it for tonight's episode. ah Thank you all so much for listening. and watching. If you can, give us a ah little subscriberino on YouTube.
Speaker: ah They just upped the the numbers again to get... partnered on YouTube. They're afraid of us. They're afraid of us. They're afraid of our power. That's just all there is to it. All of our power.
Speaker: So, yeah, go ahead. That would be a huge help. ah Until then, remember... ah Or until next time, remember. uh jonesy lips jonesy lips
