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Too Many Pages (Catan - Part 4)
283 Plays5 days ago
We finished Catan! Whole lotta pages for that huh?
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Transcript
Goaltender's Mistake: Corruption Concerns
00:00:00
Speaker
You know, when the goaltender, like, basically ran out way farther than he ever should have been and then kind of like, tripped. Yeah. And that Belgium just was like, okay, we'll take the free goal. Yeah, leave it wide open as wide, like, to the point where you're like, did you get paid off? Like, this is ridiculous.
00:00:19
Speaker
is this I mean, I know FIFA's corrupt, but... i she um But, yeah, ah you know who else is corrupt? What? Who's that?
Introduction and Catan Discussion
00:00:30
Speaker
Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the next slip. My name is Kevin. With me, as always, is Phil on today's show. We're finishing up the Catan. Catan. sounded like Alan Tudyk there for a second when I said Catan. Catan.
00:00:47
Speaker
ah We've been watching, what's it, Resident Alien. um How is that? How do you like that? It's good. It's like if you like Alan Tudyk just being doing his like Max thing where he's like, I'm talking in a silly voice. Right. He's very good at that one thing. He's very good at that one thing. Yeah. ah Then, yeah.
00:01:11
Speaker
you're you're You're in for a treat. um So I recommend it. It's only four seasons and like 10 episodes a season, so it's not like it's it's
Patreon Promotion and Personal Anecdote
00:01:20
Speaker
too much to to chew on. um But yeah, ah Catan. Catan. Part part four.
00:01:29
Speaker
ah oh Vamp until I get my notes back open. What? Is that what it actually says there? that what it means? Oh, Jesus. Oh, shit.
00:01:42
Speaker
Vamp, vamp, vamp. What notes am i getting back open? Well, you, good dear listener, could know more about these notes if you go to patreon.com slash pixletpod. Oh. Where we have three tiers where you can give us money, $1, $5, and $10. And gets you in the door for Phil's book reviews. $5 gets you access to the bonus episode that we just rick recorded.
00:02:09
Speaker
And $10 gets your name shouted out in Everett's episode. And to that end, want to thank End You Are Hiding, Song 85, Jesus Love You, Ruthless Mudder, Middle of Things, Sigma Sal, Sanguine Flatulence, Shia Lu, Chek Beaks Demeth, Thick and Friendly Friend. Thank you so much for being friend. Patreon.com slash Pixlip Pod.
00:02:29
Speaker
do it today. Do it today. Do it today. Um...
00:02:36
Speaker
Yeah, you get if you see today's bonus episode, you get to watch me eat a popsicle while Phil tells about ah tells everyone a story about how he vomited. he yeah He christened the new building where he works at much like a ship going out to sea with a bottle of champagne, he christened it with a bottle of his own
Viking and Irish Trade in Catan
00:02:57
Speaker
vomit. Yeah, my head was the bottle, and it just His head was the but bottle, and it just popped and...
00:03:04
Speaker
It's like that scene in Scanners. Anyway. That's pretty much it. Yeah. Yeah. It smells a little worse. It smells a little worse. About the same. ah Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to put the body in the marsh, get this ding-dang story. It doesn't end well. What can't you believe?
00:03:21
Speaker
I spent all fucking night dragging the poor bastard in there. Tell me how they found him so fast. Somebody walking a fucking dog in three feet a month. What kind of fucking size a dog is that? It has to be big fucking dog, man.
00:03:34
Speaker
I spent all fucking night doing it, man. I'm embarrassed. The story doesn't end well. Let's just say that right off the bat. It's like, find out more in part two. It just kind of farts itself to a close 500 pages. After pages, it's like,
00:03:54
Speaker
ah ah It's like, we're going to stop here and read part two of the trilogy that never came out because the guy died. Anyway. Yeah. Okay. So we get to chapter 16, Ryan and Thorolf make an alliance. ah This is actually where we're getting into. We mentioned this a little bit last time, like the actual...
00:04:16
Speaker
the The evidence that these are ideas that were written while actually playing games of Catan, because the Viking chief and the Irish king are making an alliance and trading for ore.
00:04:29
Speaker
So it's like the most settlers of Catan thing in the book. It's like, I have ore and I have sheep. Right. It's like, no one wants your fucking sheep. Uh, it's, it's, yeah. So that's, that's nice, I guess. it But it it is, it is like another hint that it's like, oh shit, you, you were just writing these notes down while you were playing, testing the game.
Viking Life: Drama and Morality
00:04:51
Speaker
Um, uh, Gregor, uh, of course goes to the Irish settlement and just blesses the hell out of everyone. Uh, gives him a sermon. He does baptisms, uh, the whole schmear.
00:05:02
Speaker
ah Yeah. Yeah. I think this is where i i may I posted it on our on our blue sky. But this is this is the part where it becomes clear that Gregor is that ah meme of Mac ah from Always Sunny saying, like both well, first off, all things are. Yes. all things are possible things are possible jot that down so jot that down that's gregor is entirely mac that's his whole thing he is yeah that is his whole thing so uh we get into part good old ronald mcdonald oh my that's right that's right that's his name i forgot about that um
00:05:39
Speaker
So we get to part six where it is ah the summer of 861, about a year later. Chapter 17. The soil is fertile.
00:05:50
Speaker
ah There's no real winter here. so are these women. Uh-huh. I mean, yeah. ah Everyone just kind of gets pregnant with a... with a round of applause around here uh olaf the sailor catches his wife cheating on him he beats her naked in the streets and disowns her so she and her lover get to run away ah to the homeland uh to live happier ever after wow something almost happened uh that's it that's all yeah it's it's just it's just the setup of like okay that's something we have to think about now we're we're yeah
00:06:26
Speaker
Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, chapter 18, Thorolf and Yngwie discuss the splitting of goods. Uh, basically they're basically in a commune. Uh, so they're splitting up the goods among people trying to decide what the, uh, the, ah the, the fairest way to do it is. Um, Yngwie and Gregor, ah they basically do they go through the whole ah ten commandments and i don't know if you've ever heard george carlin's ten commandments bit kevin uh i think i have but they're almost doing george carlin because this whole thing is you don't need ten commandments and it's him just slowly whittling down the ten commandments and and and that's kind of what they you know what i actually thought of and this you know what i actually thought of to think ah to at by the way a happy 100th birthday mel brooks ah But i thought of I thought of History of the World, ah part one, where is where he Moses comes down and he's like, I bring you 15, 10 commandments after
00:07:28
Speaker
one of it would say Yeah. False. That's basically it. Like, like they're literally Gregory. He's like kind of picking it apart. um He's doing he's doing to be fair. He's doing what a lot of new converts to religions do. They're like, but hasn't anyone ever thought of this before? No, Yngwie. The religion's been a thing for millennia. and No one's ever thought of this shit before.
00:07:50
Speaker
Well, yeah, but to Yngwie's credit, it's, you know, only the year 800. I'm sure nobody's actually thought of it yet. Maybe not. Maybe it's it's it's new enough. at at least in At least in Christendom. Right, right. Yeah. I'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure the rabbis ah had, you know, that's just their own.
00:08:09
Speaker
They were ahead of Plenty of texts on. They were ahead of it. On this stuff. if you can count on anybody, it's the rabbis. Yeah. So, all right, the runaway tribe, they are going to try and make themselves known to the Vikings. Enter player three.
00:08:23
Speaker
ah And they have limestone to trade, which is is good because everyone needs limestone for for various reasons.
Thorolf's Personal Struggles
00:08:33
Speaker
uh we got a lot of romance stuff blah blah blah we got a long feast scene that ends in trades uh uh it's all just trades and and it's all just trades it's just you're playing katan now you're just watching somebody play katan now that's exactly it and it's like and here's the thing in history That is actually how these things happened. You had a great big feast with your allies. And then at the end of it, you're like, all right, so let's let's let's put this body in the marsh and I'll give you. that but Yeah. now Now that everybody's a little bit a little bit drunk. Yeah. Let's let's work out some trade agreements. But we shouldn't have to watch it. You know what I mean? It's it's that's that's a attack of the clone shit. We don't need trade agreements. Um, so, uh, during a storm, Thorolf ship sinks, uh, uh, Asla is, ah sad again, ah because he will not share his emotions with her. They have a great, uh, marriage. Uh, they have a wonderful marriage. Yeah. There was also like in that beating scene, Thorolf was like, uh, Asla was like, you know, that shouldn't happen. And Thorolf was like, the, uh,
00:09:44
Speaker
shouldn't it yeah what do you propose and she's like people not beating each other i don't follow i don't i don't really that it doesn't doesn't compute oh interesting uh she She starts having these thoughts about him, like where it's just like he did. He wasn't like this before. And I immediately thought of of ah Airplane. It's like, that's funny. Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home. It just it felt like I immediately felt like that inner monologue.
00:10:20
Speaker
Asla is just coming around to the realization that her husband sucks. And we're sad for but we're also happy for her. And she was right the first time. Yeah. She thought he sucked early. She called it way early. After Thorough killed her brother. Yeah. And then she's like, no, he can't be that bad. no. It's fine. And now she's like, oh, I guess he does suck. He does suck.
00:10:47
Speaker
and And here's the thing. This is indeed how shit happens in real life. Again, this is totally how, you know, it takes people forever to figure it out. And, and, and, but it's like, but we're just, it's just, there's no extra added drama added into it. It's just her.
00:11:06
Speaker
It's the history of her realizing he's a prick and it's just not terribly interesting. um Okay, chapter 19, a family is attacked by a group of wolfhounds that are very similar to those from the Irish keep.
00:11:20
Speaker
But don't worry, don't worry. They assume that the wolfhounds must be wild, so no drama or tension
Complex Relationships and Viking Conversion
00:11:30
Speaker
will come of this. Don't worry. i was like I was like, oh, are they going to blame the No, they're not blaming the Irish.
00:11:36
Speaker
I was like, oh, now that's interesting. Like, if it's an Irish wolfhound kind of thing, and then they say, oh, we're going to let that go? okay, no, it's it's over. It's fine. It's over. ah So they they they they set up patrols for it, and it's it's vaguely implied that Loki the dog might have been killed by one.
00:11:55
Speaker
ah we never get the actual moment where it happens. And this is the last we'll hear of Loki in the book. yeah So we're vaguely meant to assume that the dog's dead. Loki was killed by a wolfhound because apparently Loki just comes and goes as he pleases with rabbits. I mean, sure, fine. Sure,
00:12:17
Speaker
also what's his name gets uh or is that coming what's his name gets bit to shreds yeah that's set by one of them yeah yeah uh digger uh gets bit up by one of them while they're defending people uh he has his leg amputated in an unnecessarily detailed scene after like like for for all of the vague kind of hand wavy shit we've gotten in this incredibly long book we We've got some kind of stomach churning details about like breaking the bone and like all that. It's like every little ri and and then burning the stump so that it's leaving enough skin as a flap to sew it over. It's like, guys, guys, like, why is this what we are? OK, all right. So ah we get Digger and Steena drama because she loves him still. And he's like, no, baby, I can't.
00:13:13
Speaker
ah kid Baby, I'm half a man. I'm going to kill myself. Yeah. Yeah. He decides he decides very vaguely he's going to kill himself. um and And then Steena sneaks in and bangs him, which predictably improves his mood.
00:13:28
Speaker
sp yeah It his mood. It brings him away from the brink. ah He does have a great line where he says, I give us seven weeks. Just OK. That was pretty fucking funny. that That's pretty funny. it' like Well, if you're still like not if if you're is still into me in seven weeks, maybe I won't die. maybe Yeah, maybe, maybe we'll maybe we'll go. um Digger seeks ah Gregor's council, gets a whole bunch more Christian shit.
00:13:56
Speaker
Gregor's converting everybody. This is going to be... Left right. it's It's kind of like one of those... ah and Was it Civ 6 or Civ 5 where you but you had like the the the priest characters that you could send and just like you hit like the mass conversion button yeah and you would cause...
00:14:15
Speaker
Behind enemy lines. yeah and that's ah that's and that's That's essentially what this is. And this is the this isn't the beginning of it, but this is where it really starts getting into the nitty gritty of the only good people in this, that all the pagans are bad people.
00:14:32
Speaker
uh that people who who the good people all ultimately decide to be christians and and right it's so pointed and and bothersome and by the way wolfhounds what wolfhounds don't worry about it uh yeah they're done they're done that that whole thing just like loki you know yeah yeah that was just a means to digger losing a leg And gaining a God. And a wife. And gaining a Jesus. And a wife. Don't think of it as losing a limb. Think of it as gaining a deity.
00:15:05
Speaker
Three of them in one package. And sepsis. um And sepsis. And sepsis. ah Part
Political Rivalries and Societal Transitions
00:15:12
Speaker
seven. It's the fall of 861. Chapter 20. We get a feud ah between two families. Oh, goody. More threads.
00:15:21
Speaker
um ah The leaders get together and pull a ah Game of Thrones finale and start discussing democracy for some reason. ah Never mind that democracy has not been a thing for centuries at this point, but go off. ah It has been a thing, but it was like in 300 or 400. This is not. Yeah, it's like it's like this ancient thing that people used to do called democracy. Democracy. It's like Jesus Christ. OK.
00:15:52
Speaker
ah Yngwie and Thorolf are going to run against each other in the first election ah for who gets to be a chief. Dun dun dun.
00:16:03
Speaker
An incel... All I wrote was an incel takes his lumps and gets the girl. we have a We have a meaningless storyline where a guy is in love with a girl and kills a guy who dishonored him, who was also hitting on the girl... And and and in the end, the girl comes to him. It's it's it's really dumb and and comes out of the clear blue sky.
00:16:30
Speaker
um Chapter 21, Carla has a baby. And this is weird because she suggests that they name it after Yngwie's dead crush Frida. And I have no words. What?
00:16:43
Speaker
No words at all. That is so creepy. Like, like it's bad enough to say, like, let's name it. f Because it was it's not really his girlfriend. It's just like a girl he had a crush on, which makes it he had a crush on. And she offed herself so that she didn't have to be with him. Well, that's not true. Well, not. Yes, it's sort of true. Not entirely true, sure but not true. But it's kind of.
00:17:06
Speaker
So, all right, that's weird. And that's all I can think of to explain ah what happens next when Carla gets sick with childbed fever. I kind of think she deserves it. I'm sorry. Not a popular.
00:17:22
Speaker
Maybe not. ah Maybe. Maybe a bit too too hot of a take. Maybe ah too hot of a take. But maybe she maybe she had that one coming. She needs ox gall. So Yngwie asks Thorolf for for an ox or not. Yeah. Thorolf is like for your stupid kid and your stupid wife.
00:17:43
Speaker
Why would I do that? Yeah. Thorolf becomes an actual psychopath in this point. Like, this is his brother who he's had no issue with whatsoever. And now he's like, yeah, but maybe your wife and your kid will die and I don't give a shit.
00:17:57
Speaker
Like, what the fuck? ah It's a bit of a hard left turn. Yeah, what the actual fuck? Yeah, it's lot. And that's the thing is, like, they keep talking about, like... uh aslo is it keeps talking about like i don't know like he has been changing and it's like you don't actually get the fucking there's no like ramp up to this no it's just like there's like thoroff is like fine but kind of sucks in the first half of the book to thoroff as an incel literal incel piece of shit in the second half of the book where what what's the scene that turns it
00:18:35
Speaker
Deleted. Not missing. yeah Footage not found. it's It's all missing links. It's just like it's like we we watch him exponentially become a bigger shit, ah and which is insane for as long of a book as this is. For how much space there was and how much stuff and how much time you had to talk about stuff, it's still somehow as abrupt as if it was like a 50-page novella. Yeah.
00:19:00
Speaker
But Thoralf drives a hard bargain, ah but but he does agree to a trade. And then to celebrate, he cheats on his wife, so that's cool. um ah Yngwie thinks about how the gods would be jealous of his happiness, but not this Jesus God who... So I must be with the right God, because this Jesus God would never be jealous of my happiness, which is really stupid, because if you remember, we just got done talking about the Ten Commandments, which...
00:19:30
Speaker
opens with, I'm a jealous God. I am a jealous God. It's right there. Which, like, here's the thing, and maybe this is my ah understanding of of of Christianity kind of failing, but, like, the the idea of the Ten Commandments is that there that is part of the previous covenant.
00:20:00
Speaker
Yeah. Right? Yeah. And for christian Christianity... Is was hypothetically a new covenant. It is like. This is all good for context.
00:20:13
Speaker
Here's my new rule. Treat ah others as you would have them treat you basically. Yeah. And that. But so.
00:20:25
Speaker
There, and I guess this is just a criticism of Christianity in general, which, why not? It doesn't have as much to do with the book. Why the Ten Commandments such a big fucking deal in Christianity when they are hypothetically supposed to be the Old Covenant? And also all of the Old Testament stuff to begin with. It is not supposed to be, like, it is...
00:20:46
Speaker
The Old Testament is just background lore. yeah It is not supposed to be the the thing that you base your entire life off. it's you You're supposed to be starting with, that's the prequel trilogy.
00:20:59
Speaker
um It is not meant to be, ah you're not supposed to make a religion around Jar Jar Binks. Right, right. And it's it's it's the more you learn about the Gnostics, like the earliest ah Christian sect that we know about, um the gist is their belief that uh god yahweh is is an evil god uh at least as far as i can understand it and and i might be i might be completely off i've done i've done some research uh and jesus is basically uh here to save us from this shitty god um right and and and that kind of when you look at it that way you're like oh yeah that makes a lot of i get that that makes a lot of sense um and and i think with the ten commandments thing is like nowadays especially americans from uh you know the bible belt they would really much rather be worshiping that one than the jesus guy ah right they have they have to pay pay lip service to the well i'm christian but who they really like Is the, you know, vengeance is mine, wrath upon the world, flood the earth, burn it. Right. Old school. There's little to no mirroring mirroring of of Christ in the Bible Belt.
00:22:19
Speaker
ah No, no, no, no. It's, it's very, especially those prosperity gospel people like that is, it is bleak. That is, that is some bleak shit right there. That is just a fundamental misunderstanding of, of not even the subtext, just the text. The text. Yeah. That that is a, that is a textual issue of, of understanding, uh, to, to get there.
00:22:45
Speaker
and it, It's just not it. It's not on the tin. It is. No, it's not there. Not even close. Yeah. it move I guess, you know, Joel Osteen is. ah God, I can't wait till he goes to hell. He needs that's the thing. We have had a lot of moments in this past 10 years or so where I have really gotten frustrated with my own brain simply because I can't bring myself to believe in hell. And i I wish I could. You know, just like I've gone through I've gone through shit. I wish I could believe in hell only so that the people who who truly deserve it have someplace to go. That's exactly it. That's exact. I would love to see that level of of, you know, kind of justice on a certain level. But.
00:23:39
Speaker
Uh, I just can't, I've gone through lots of changes in my life. I've gone full atheist to vaguely spiritual pagan to, you know, everything else. And, and, and the thing that they all have in common is that I've never been able to bring myself to, to believe in any form of, of, in, uh, punish, eternal punishment, uh, damnation, that sort of thing. No, I can't. I just, that's us. That's us. You know, that's, that's, yeah, exactly. The depended.
00:24:08
Speaker
ah So Jealous God, Yngwie is dealing with a lot of things, and just like in a Tyler Perry play, he prays, and then suddenly everything's fine.
00:24:18
Speaker
yeah I don't know how many Tyler Perry plays you've ever seen, but... When I was ah when I taught high school ah certain days, we'd have video day and you could people could bring in movies and we'd vote on which one they wanted to watch. And it was almost always a Tyler Perry play. ah And that was inevitably like about two thirds of the way through the story.
00:24:41
Speaker
Yeah. So his plays, he he was a playwright first and then just started making movies out of his plays. Yeah, exactly. The gist of Tyler Perry. oh Yeah. Yeah. He started out as a playwright.
00:24:52
Speaker
ah Yeah. And ah and there's always a part in that. It's usually a song and they sing. And by the end of it, everything's fine. And it's just like apropos of nothing. Okay, chapter 22, Digger's converting to Christianity. And the only pagan left is the shitty guy who cheats on his wife.
Religious Conversions and Family Tensions
00:25:12
Speaker
Awesome. Awesome. Yeah, cool. ah Let's see. Stina's pregnant, so he wants a Christian wedding for some reason. Okay.
00:25:25
Speaker
ah Sure. Yeah, yeah, and I should be a Christian. ah Because Carla wants me to be a Christian and that's a that's a good reason to convert um Aslan knows about Thorolf sleeping around um we get a big religious argument at the wedding because everybody is like it's like it's it's super obvious he has slept with pretty much every single lady in the entire town yeah at this point oh yeah. Yeah, he's, he's, there there are only so many people left at this point. ah And yeah, so he's, he's getting into, they have a big, the standard ass, like, a you know, religious debate at, and they, and by the way, ah evidently Christian, the Christian God is the one who actually hates slavery. Hmm.
00:26:11
Speaker
Interesting. It might be, it might be, it might be because this was written by a German, uh, uh, uh, But yeah, we're pretty good over here in the South at using that book to justify. Yeah, to really just twist things around. Yeah. So don't.
00:26:32
Speaker
Yeah, don't give me any of that shit. ah Oh, and we get a peg leg present. i i literally I literally just wrote peg leg present. And I was looking at it just now trying to remember what I meant because I read peg leg present. Like the it's here. The peg leg is here. It's a big leg is here. Yeah.
00:26:51
Speaker
For diggers peg for his peg, ah his his pegging. um
00:26:59
Speaker
ah The election happens and Yngwie wins by a vote and Thor off wants to fight ah to to determine the winner. He becomes the actual Yarl. Yeah, he becomes a real piss baby about it. he's you know He loses fair and square and it's like, yeah, but then we're going to have. But you're a Christian, right? So you won't you don't want to kill me, you pussy. ah It's it's really stupid. um yngwie rather than fight his brother to the death uh makes him jarl uh which great he's like fine i ah don't care that much anyway right yeah whatever and and and predictably uh everybody kind of leaves
00:27:45
Speaker
Yngwie makes Thorulf Jarl, and then Asla leaves Thorulf, and they all, the families, they all go to leave to join the Irish tribe across the
Catan Book: Reality Blends with Fiction
00:27:58
Speaker
way. And Gregor and Hilda join them. ah Thus ends Catan by Pure Films.
00:28:06
Speaker
They're just... It is. They never they never actually give us a give your soul to Jesus afterward that I was expecting. Yeah. But and then we do. We we jesus we do get a little afterward ah from the author that I thought was interesting. And he basically tells everyone a little bit about the board games creation. He does confirm your theory, Kevin, that this he had the ah ah is it the Azores? Is that how say it?
00:28:31
Speaker
Yeah, the Azores. Azores. Azores, thank you. He had the Azores in mind. And this confirms also that this is basically just a compendium of all the little role playing moments that he thought up while playing this game with his friends over the years, which is here's the thing. That's one of my favorite parts about board games.
00:28:51
Speaker
how you can so easily turn a simple game like this into a full-on role-playing experience, just having fun with it yeah and playing and pretend with it. I think that's great. But it... Yeah.
00:29:04
Speaker
doesn't justify a 500 page book and this is proof no so no uh it it's it's so weird how quick how much our opinion on the book soured over all four parts so fast um and it's like the writing never really ah the writing never got bad but the storytelling just got worse as that's the as the that's actually a really really good way of putting it You're absolutely right. It was like writing's good. Storytelling's bad. Right.
00:29:37
Speaker
The writing's good. At no point is this an incompetently written story in the sense of like character and and like ah just how it's how it's being written. It's just boring as shit. shit you really can't bring yourself to enjoy it all that much uh because it's just like it's like a half-assed history of these people uh and anytime you start to get into something interesting they they pull back immediately it immediately pull it back and it's just like
00:30:09
Speaker
There are so many interesting threads that could have ah been turned into a rope of a story at literally any point. Yeah. And we just back away ah like the Wolfhounds. They they they killed Digger and that ah or they bit his leg off and they killed Loki. um and And that's what they exist for. That's the whole point. And it's that's the it was like it was like not the fact that like why who why even bring up the fact that they're fucking Irish wolfhounds. Right. Like right. Why can't it just be some previously unaccounted for coyotes or wolves or or whatever. Exactly. like Exactly. Why tempt us with a morsel of drama if you're not going to fucking use it.
00:30:56
Speaker
Yeah. And that's and that's what this this is. Ultimately, it's a lot of that. So we forgot the ah there was also that part where the guy got whipped um and. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And all that stuff. And that's like, um I guess that's we're not really going to deal with that. Yeah. It's it's just a a brief little blip of a storyline that comes up for pretty much no reason. And then ends within the same chapter. yeah
00:31:27
Speaker
So, yeah. So I guess that's a book. that is a book we read There's more story in part two, I assume. I guess so. And part two, if I'm recalling correctly, is like half the length of this one. So at least there's that. Did he die while writing it? Possibly. Let me see.
00:31:53
Speaker
let me see let me see the klaus teuber order of the ravens set 18 years after the events of the first novel deals 18 years yeah it deals with the iron-fisted rule of prince thorolf and his daughter jorah's resistance uh let's see how long that one is that oh i i stand corrected that is also about 500 pages long so thoroff is a real piece of shit for a long time 18 years and for a long time yeah and his daughter so this is asla's kit this is this is the daughter he had with asla right i assume i guess yeah i didn't i didn't think about the fact that asla was like leaving her kid behind uh uh but yeah i guess so that's did she leave her kid behind i thought she took the kid with her
00:32:42
Speaker
well i mean if oh well maybe i don't know yeah yeah she might have took her with her and and and then the kid resists later i don't know later like thoroff becomes a tyrant and starts taking over the island and she's like i'm forming a resistance right and then she's like ryan the irish king are you in and he goes top of the morning to you right uh And like, oh, good, good.
00:33:10
Speaker
we god We're getting some real cultural shit in here. That's good. Everyone can enjoy that. How about you, Yngwie? And then Yngwie plays a guitar riff. Yeah. a classical Classical, perfect guitar riff there.
00:33:22
Speaker
Yep. Yep. Malmsteen. Malmsteen. His new name is... um
00:33:31
Speaker
uh and then steve vi shows up well of course yeah yeah he's got a joe satriani um so so what do you think overall kevin what'd you what'd you think uh wet fart noise yeah out of 10 out of 10 out of ten Agreed. Well, now that that's covered, ah finally, another another glorious four-parter in the books.
00:33:59
Speaker
Glorious. I do have one last question for you. Yep. What are you playing? in Oh, I thought you'd never ask. Okay, well, let me open up my Steam and ah see what I've been playing. Okay, so I've been playing a little city builder game called Town to City.
00:34:23
Speaker
ah It's a little voxel-based city builder where you start out with a tiny little town and you're you're putting down houses and you're making market stalls and it's just adorable looking and it's very chill.
00:34:39
Speaker
um And there's it's it's funny because i I put two hours into it and you get to a certain size where all the like the regular city builder bullshit starts popping up and you're like, well you got to... They're like here's some charts. And I'm like, fuck a you. i don't want any charts. I was promised cozy.
00:34:58
Speaker
yeah um But ah maybe I'll push a little bit further past that point um or I'll just start over and do the tiny talent again. but I played this one and I ran to the same issue. i It got to a certain size and I was like, I don't i want to have my tiny little town.
00:35:19
Speaker
Where's my tiny little town? And they're like, no, you got to like fucking do charts now and taxes. And I'm like, i can I just make my town look cool? I'm just going to put more trees down. um It is a really pretty game.
00:35:39
Speaker
It is. you can You can do a lot of fun with decoration. ah And it's like, every time you put a thing down, it's like you get more happiness points. So I'm like, I'm just going to Look at all those trees go. Yeah. um So, yeah, I've been playing that a little bit.
00:36:00
Speaker
Let's see. I started playing with Cam. I played a little bit of Mecha Chameleon. Oh, okay. And ok it's like, you know, the new... It's it's the new Among Us, basically. ah Party game, hide-and-seek type thing. ah you're you The more people you have playing, I think it's probably the better.
00:36:23
Speaker
um But you have you have the hiders and you have the seekers and the hiders basically go into the the place first and you have this ah you can you find a spot and then you can paint your guy so that they blend in into the location that they're in. Oh, that's fun. So you can have them, like, strike a little pose. I did one where i was we were in the back rooms, and there was the pool area of the back rooms, and I painted myself ah to match the tile pattern. I, like, painstakingly, like, did the lines. And they have, like, an eyedropper tool, so you can get the exact color of the thing that you're next to. Oh, that's clever. How long do you get to to to paint yourself up before...
00:37:06
Speaker
You can set, there's a bunch of different like settings that you can, you can set the server at, but it's like, um, it was like three minutes. I think cam had the server set to say at three minutes to find a spot and paint your dude, uh, before the, the hunters were released.
00:37:23
Speaker
Um, So yeah, Mega Chameleon is cool. I totally understand why it's suddenly like in a couple weeks ah it sold 15 kajillion copies. yeah mean, it's been out a month and it's sold 15 million copies. and it's only i mean it's only five dollars so or six dollars so it's a it's it's one of those situations where the value proposition look at me sounding all businessy it's like low cost to entry and apparently um was listening to geekenders and dodger was talking about how there's a lot of neat quality of life games quality life things in the game that I haven't seen yet because I haven't played it long enough. But basically when you're like downloading a custom map or something like that, you can you you can like say you download the map and you're able to install it on the fly without having to like leave the game and restart the game or anything. So yeah if you have a group of people, you're like, oh, everybody downloads this map and it like kind of pushes the map to everybody and then you can download it. So there's just like a lot of, they do a lot of neat things and and the, apparently the custom map mode is one of the things that really took this game off to new levels.
00:38:41
Speaker
So ah yeah, Mecha Chameleon, played a little bit of that. And then ah the next game I played, i finished it earlier today.
00:38:52
Speaker
um And this is a game that you also beat in the last week. It is Mole. Moles. Yeah. What did you think about Mole, Kevin?
00:39:05
Speaker
Mole is good. It is not... um I know... I'll say what it's not... um It's not mouthwashing.
00:39:16
Speaker
So, i i like, every time there's, like, a couple-hour horror game out there that with with certain aesthetics or whatever... I feel like these days, a lot of times mouthwashing gets thrown out there.
00:39:31
Speaker
um i would say it's mouthwashing-ish in terms of the quality of the writing. Sure. ah But it's not mouthwash it's not as good as mouthwashing in terms of like what it made me feel. But it did make me tear up a few times. I will say it is it is a sad horror game.
00:39:50
Speaker
And it doesn't take a break from that sadness. it there's no There is no humor ah in here. It is purely pure Russia. it's so Soviet. it's Eastern Europe, Soviet era. god like I'm going to punch you and then I'm going to kick you while you're down. Yeah. um in terms of In terms of writing and between the horror and the dramatic elements of it.
00:40:19
Speaker
Yeah. So, um yeah, and for those of you who don't know, the game is basically set on a, um a yeah you're on a mining, a drilling machine, which is called, him which they is referred to as a mole. um that is digging through the earth to find the source of a signal called White Rabbit.
00:40:46
Speaker
um And that's pretty much that this the scope of the context that you need to know. And then everything else is about why you need to find that signal is drip-fed to you through the course of the story. Yeah. um That's just the the broader story. That's the ah that's all the stars have vanished level story of of Iron Lung.
00:41:15
Speaker
um In terms of why you are there is is something else. um you're you're a you're just playing a You're playing a grieving man yes so who volunteered to be on one of these missions because you are a navigator and you're one of the only good ones left um so you're you're on it you're you're there um yeah so phil what what do what do you think i i agree i i think it had more to do with um uh uh uh
00:41:50
Speaker
Iron Lung. I think it was i yeah it was more like I think it was Iron Lung. Gameplay wise, it's Iron Lung. Yeah. Yeah. And it's and it but it also has a ah big, ah big, big emotional payoff with it. It made me cry. ah yes It's a very it's a very tough one to play.
00:42:11
Speaker
ah I really loved it. I thought it was really, really good. um And it was just, it just kept, I i really took my time with it. i I feel like I could have beaten it in like ah two or three hours, but i think it took me like- Yeah, you can beat it in about three hours. I yeah i mean, my you might- So my playtime is 5.8 hours and about two and a half of those hours are it was just running on my computer while I had to go do something. See, yeah. I'm sure that that's i'm sure that that's part of it. I've got like nine and a half hours on mine. yeah And part of it was also there was a there's a point. and I'm sure you know which one I'm talking about. There's a part at the end where you have to like go through the same motions three or four times in a row and you're being tied. oh Yeah, there's not a lot of of ah fail states ah in mold, but the ones that are are there can be can be pretty frustrating. It is. Yeah, that is there is. ah And your character wears glasses. He is. Oh, yeah. I can't see without my glasses. Yeah. um Yeah. And in this sequence, halfway through, he got he his glasses break.
00:43:25
Speaker
So you basically have to do what you have been doing, which was already hard enough being able to see now with the entire screen blurred. Yeah. ah And just having to know, like, basically almost by feel. Yeah. what you have to do yeah and it's it's pretty fucking yeah it's brutal uh uh so yeah i'm i'm right there with you i think a lot of heart to it a lot of emotion to it scary sad what's not to like what's not to like uh it might make my game of the year list uh depending on you know what happens in the second half of the year i know i feel like i say this every year and it's like yeah the first half didn't have a whole lot going on but then everything is coming out between like august and december i've got a really i could do a top 10 right now uh really yeah there have been some really just based on the indie games alone that have i've just really fucking enjoyed i could probably do a top 10 now it's been a it's been a very fruitful year
00:44:28
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, I could see that. I'm trying to figure out. Well, there's a few games that I still need to finish. ah So games that would probably make a list once I actually ah go back to them are going to be like ah Zero Parades for Dead Spies. Right. Right.
00:44:50
Speaker
Pragmata, um Esoteric Ebb, Resident Evil Requiem. um That's four right there. I need to play Esoteric Ebb.
00:45:01
Speaker
ah Yeah, I think you'd like it. Yeah, it looks really good. you're Your most hated game that you've put put in a thousand hours into, Mugenics. Oh, Mugenics, yeah, yeah.
00:45:14
Speaker
You're like, I hate this game. How many hours have you put into it? 17 hours when I finally was like, fuck it, I'm out. I just can't. I just can't. um Crystal Theater of Idols is pretty good. That could probably make it.
00:45:27
Speaker
um And then there's a few games where I have them and I need to actually like play them. yeah um Oh, and there's also, um what's it? The one one that was a PS5 exclusive.
00:45:41
Speaker
ah Saros. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and, uh, I guess Mina the Hollower, maybe, I'm not, I wasn't, I'm not super hot on it for some reason. I just, i don't know.
00:45:55
Speaker
Um, Yeah, yeah. ah You got more games on your list? I do. i played a few demos. What are you playing? I think, i will like first and foremost, I played through Diorum, the demo for that.
00:46:12
Speaker
yeah that That's my jam. I'm really looking forward to that coming out. It's got such a there's so many games that I'm looking forward to coming and like, yeah, or I'm fucking Tenebris. Somnia. Is that is that the name? of Yes. i We've been waiting for that one for a while now. Yeah. But it's still scheduled for this year. It's it's this year, October, I think. Yeah, yeah. um yeah that So I played the the demo for that and really enjoyed it. it it's it's It's a wonderful dungeon crawler. it's It's such a fun version of a dungeon crawler with strange, esoteric, religious themes, but it's also kind of cartoony in a bizarre way. Yeah, um yeah the guy, that the your're your friend's the god. Yeah, yeah.
00:47:04
Speaker
uh doing things for he's he's got like such a cherubic face yeah and yet also terrifying very much so uh uh and i think it's really it's it's it's quite good i think the uh the the the filter on it that weird uh old tv filter mining for skeletons the spooky ass things you fight i i am i am all in on this um I also love that anytime you fight something, it's a jump scare.
00:47:34
Speaker
Yeah. Like, yeah, it doesn't like show up right away. It's always like, why yeah, it's like, oh, my God. I love it. it's It's got such it's such it's got style. I love it.
00:47:45
Speaker
yeah um I think you played this one ah this demo, too. I played the demo re story chill electronics repairs. Yeah, yeah, i I did start. I did play that demo. I didn't get all the way through it. um But yeah, i like it's cute.
00:48:02
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. This is this is something like I i played. um I played the demo for that other like the game. um What do you call it? oh the yeah the I can't remember the name of it the game restoration one exactly old video game restaurant and it's like it takes all the good shit from that and makes it a little more chill uh yeah it was just right there in the name of the show uh the game um it's cute it's got the actual storyline to it uh and it's I just, and I love the idea of like having your box of just spare parts that you're collecting over time. like i was like, oh shit. Yeah, that's that's actually how these kind of places would operate where you're like, all right, I got this. I'm buying these broken ones to take apart and I'm keeping this the good parts in this box here. it's very clever and, you know, for a little side cash, you go on basically what is Facebook Marketplace and, yeah know.
00:49:02
Speaker
try to sell stuff that you repair. It's cute. And I liked the soundtrack a lot too. yeah So that was very nice. Oh, by the way, the update on that video game restoration thing, I looked on the page and because we're talking about how you can't play it now. you can't play the demo. It was sunsetted.
00:49:22
Speaker
um And the guy made an announcement saying like, hey, yeah, I sunsetted the demo because I didn't want to. I feel like if the demo is out there and while I'm working on it, then I'm going to be so focused on the feedback that keeps coming in from the demo while I'm making changes to the game. He's not wrong. Based on on the all the feedback that I got from the Next Fest demo, because he's like, I got so many people played the demo over Next Fest, and I got so many, like, all of these notes on the game, and now I'm implementing them.
00:49:55
Speaker
So I want to just be able to focus on that rather than... you know think about that the demo is still out there you know yeah i think that makes perfect sense uh yeah it's it's i want to like that game more and and i'll probably give it another try when he really yeah when he when whenever he comes out with a new the new demo or whatever it's just so much there was so it was so It was far more in depth than I was ready for yeah sitting on my laptop. And that's that's the thing with Restory is that like when you're cleaning things in Restory, you're like du do do do too clean. Right. And it's it's like, oh, I can go. I'm like, oh, I'm just going to go buy an air canister. And the air canister runs out, but I just go and it's the the stuff is the dust is gone. Right. It's it's it's the difference between a game and a simulator. ah you know Yes. And the other one is a simulator. Right. And there's value in both. But at this point in my life, I don't have a lot of a lot of time for simulators.
00:50:54
Speaker
um Oh, OK. So I've been playing ah Graveyard Keeper. Okay. Which I've had. remember playing that. i have it. Yeah. from Years ago. I've had it for years and i and I've only just started playing it.
00:51:10
Speaker
um For anyone who doesn't know, it's kind of like it's like a goth Stardew Valley. Yeah. You know, you're you're the. you run a, uh, like kind of this weird liminal afterlife world, uh, graveyard and church, by the way, i love the idea that eventually you, you get to start giving sermons and shit, which is hilarious to me. Um, it, it, it kicks in on all the lovely crafting elements of, Stardew Valley that I loved so much.
00:51:43
Speaker
Uh, but it has a a very, a spookier but still cute ah kind of vibe to it. um I really enjoy it. And it's a good thing I finally started playing because apparently they're releasing a sequel this year. So like my my timing as always is impeccable.
00:52:01
Speaker
um and uh and i only just started playing resident evil requiem i basically haven't gotten any further than you could in the demo um love it it is it i don't remember what what was the demo uh it's you it's a little leon a little of uh what's her name uh grace and uh basically it it's the big horrifying uh uh uh blind monster with the chains and you're hiding from it. Uh, and then, but then you get to cop in as Leon and grab a chainsaw and start buzzing people up and everything. And it's, it's, it is a really, really fun balance of the two things that resident evil is the best known for. and I'm kind of impressed by that. Like I'm really impressed with them finally going,
00:52:51
Speaker
Oh, well, let's just put them both together. Let's just, you know, we can have them both. Yeah, little absurd Leon action meets spooky spook-em-up horror stuff, you know? And frankly, I need that. I think that's one of the very few negatives that I can say for a game like Alien Isolation, which is one of my favorite games of all time, is that...
00:53:15
Speaker
After a while of the just this the hiding and hiding and hiding, it can burn you out after a while. yeah And so being able to like, OK, I get a cut screen and now I've spent an hour and a half hiding. But now I get to come in and just and just. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very nice. And then when that starts to feel silly, boom, you're back into the you're back in in grace. And I and youlan bake it back into Graceland. And so I've only gotten as far as that. But honestly, it's just ah already it's a nice reminder of why this era of Resident Evil games are my favorite yeah yeah ever since. I mean, I really enjoyed the first three, the the original trilogy.
00:53:55
Speaker
But I've got to say since seven, ah that's where the games have really been. uh kicking a happy camper oh god it's been it's been kicking me on all the happiest uh synapses so just started with that one it's probably going to be the only uh triple a game on my game of the year list unless uh college football is really really good uh because it's finally available on pc uh yeah i i'm just wondering Yeah, I'm wondering what would be AAA-wise on my list. Oh, yeah, I mean, Onimusha. You've got handful. There's an Onimusha.
00:54:34
Speaker
Not a lot. Yeah, Onimusha's coming out. um And would you consider Warhammer 40,000, Dawn of War 4, Yeah, I think nowadays, yeah. ah Yeah. I think maybe the first...
00:54:49
Speaker
Well, honestly, though, maybe all of them, based on their errors, you could consider them AAA. Yeah, I mean, it's, and it's, what's it? It's it's the same, it's being of Alien Isolation. It's, uh, it's, oh, well, okay.
00:55:05
Speaker
They're not making it, the debt Dawn of War 4. Interesting. Um. That's, um. Deep Silver's making Silver. Iron Harvest. okay, interesting.
00:55:18
Speaker
Uh.
00:55:20
Speaker
Oh, no, i missed I'm confusing it for friggin' Total War. Oh, I see, I see. easy Easy mistake. Easy mistake to make. Easy mistake to make. ah What else? um There's big coming out.
00:55:39
Speaker
ah yeah yeah yeah yeahy ah I mean, Castlevania Belmont's Curse is it's AAA publisher. Yeah. the they yeah so but to it's It's tough. It's it's tough. it's It's kind of an arbitrary title.
00:55:57
Speaker
It is an arbitrary title. Yeah, because it's what's the developer is ah is the people who made um ah Dead Cells.
00:56:08
Speaker
right right which is exactly who you want to it's so funny the back and forth of a genre uh uh it's invented by someone and then the the the crown is taken by somebody else who improves on it and then they're like hey why don't you guys just take the original franchise and and kick its ass uh yeah exactly that that's gonna be very interesting yeah All right.
00:56:34
Speaker
Well, that'll do it for tonight's episode. ah If you can, go ahead and subscribe to us on all the platforms. Give us five stars or thumbs up or whatever the heck you do on all the platforms. Right. ah And, ah you know, ah Jonesy lives.
00:56:52
Speaker
Jonesy lives.