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Mental Health and Healing While Finding the "American Dream" With Takhmina Mussayeva
25 Plays10 months ago
Through a series of dynamic and thoughtful conversations between Ji Bowlus (she/her) and guests, we will showcase how wellness intersects with the rich complexities of our diverse Asian diaspora community. We will bring the voices of the Asian diaspora from the peripheral to the center to empower, reclaim agency, and rewrite the narrative of well-being one personal experience at a time.
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Transcript
Introduction & First Impressions
00:00:00
Speaker
Nourishing the Mind, Body, and Soul for the Asian Diaspora. Have you eaten? hi hello happy squad this is g bolu again with another episode of have you eaten and i'm so excited to have my new friend hakminna muayevva did i say that right Yeah, that's right. takmina okay um So I met not too long ago, um but when we spoke, um there's just something about her that spoke to me. um And we were able to have this connection right away. And um I thought a lot of the things and a lot of the messages that she had were just so beautiful. um And also I will
00:00:44
Speaker
fully admit my ignorance. um So Takhmina is from Kazakhstan. as And I did not know that was an Asian country. So that's my ignorance and um'm I'm learning a lot. There's so many, so many of us and so many Asian countries and we're just so diverse. It's it's beautiful, right? Yeah, it's very beautiful. And, um you know, some people don't know where Kazakhstan is. And I think when I first got to the United States, for me, it was kind of a shock. What? You don't know my country.
Cultural Adaptation & Family Influence
00:01:26
Speaker
But then, you know, I realized that it's a very diverse country. So I also need to adopt myself to that. And I just became more polite and I started to explain to people where that is and share my culture and
00:01:39
Speaker
People were fascinated by that. So yeah, yeah, because it's okay to not know something. But as long as you are curious and you're open minded and you want to learn, I think that's the important part of it. And then having people like you be patient and kind and be like, okay, so you didn't know? That's fine. you Let me tell you about it. you know um So I also thought your story and how you ended up in the US was so I don't know, it was brave and I mean, there's just so many layers to that story. Can you tell tell that story in your words? Of course, yeah. So um after high school when we graduated, um my mother just asked me a question where I want to be. And I just randomly said, well, I wish it could be in the United States.
00:02:32
Speaker
and she said what united states what are you talking about you already graduated high school and i think big thanks to my mom i always will be grateful and since that then that day we started you know looking for opportunities how to how How could i come to united states and um it took me five years yeah i've been rejected so many times and i think i remember. There was a time when i was already engaged and i had my full time job and i graduated from four year degree. And i just keep trying and trying and then one day i said okay maybe it's not meant to be.
00:03:10
Speaker
ah But I think the resilience and the perseverance that I got from my mother is just I could never stop because there was this like ah something igniting inside of me that told me you have to be somewhere else. You have to do things. And I think that's what keeps me going and driving every day when I feel like I cannot do it anymore. I just think, well, you've you've done so much. you You need to continue. And I think that's a big motivation for me as well.
00:03:44
Speaker
Yeah. and Tell us about that um that drive to do something different. like What was it that made you want to come here in particular and not like Australia or the UK or you know what was it about the US that really um called for called you? I think it wouldn't be a secret for anyone to American dream. the famous American dream. And honestly, still, to this day, I'm debating is the American dream or it's just, um you know, you have those rose tinted glasses that you think America is pretty and amazing. It's
00:04:22
Speaker
bunch of opportunities and things will be easy, probably. And I think because I was built that way, my mom would always tell me that you meant for something bigger. ah I would say from my family, I'm the first one who is the United States um who drive a car, who has a degree in English, because none of my family members spoke English. And I didn't know English either. I could read, maybe I could write. But that drive, I think, is just the passion
00:04:57
Speaker
have a big impact on the world. And I'm still until this day thinking, how can I make that impact? And every day I ask my question, whether it's at work, in my relationship, or just a daily life. Yeah.
Challenges & Personal Growth
00:05:11
Speaker
do you um So how long have you been in and the States? 10 years. 10 years. Okay. but You speak English like you've been here for a very, very long time. and Oh, yeah, and just ah the amount of persistence and just, again, the braver the bravery. Like, I mean, you came here by he yourself. That's right, yeah. I came here by myself. I did have someone, so I'm from Kansas City originally.
00:05:43
Speaker
i can say that Kansas City made me who I am right now. So um I did have a relative in Kansas City, but we did um fall apart after seven months. And that's where huge growth happened in my life when I realized that I don't have anyone in the United States. It's either I make it or or I make it. There was never a second choice for me because I could go back. I could go back because I'm the oldest grandkid. um I don't want to say I'm the most favorite one, but okay, I am. I'm the most favorite one.
00:06:25
Speaker
And um I'm a daughter of a single mom, and I'm the only one child. So when people ask me, how did I do it? I think it's just it was something inside. And yeah, the bravery. um I was not brave before. I think I was not. I think United States showed me that you can be brave. You can be anything. If anyone can, why can't I? So what's up, Shama? Yeah, yeah, that's interesting because I would say that you were brave before the United States. I would say that everything that you set out to do starting from when you were home in Kazakhstan made you brave. You know that that I don't know. I don't think it was the United States that made you brave. I think it was you.
00:07:16
Speaker
Well, i just and it's interesting I've never thought about that because ah you know I just kind of compare my years in college or in school, what I've done. um I've done certain some good work, but what I've done in the United States, I i could When I entered United States and I went to college with 18 years old people and I was 22 with my degree, i I was like hungry little kid. I just took every single candy in a jar in college, which is being ambassador and didn't know English, but I keep going to interviews. No, I want to work for you. I want to work for you. They're like, okay, this girl, we need to hire her. She doesn't want to work for us.
00:07:59
Speaker
and being involved in every organization because I didn't have that opportunity in my country and um participating, being volunteers, stop hunger now and helping homeless people and um doing big projects. I was just so hungry. I was just so hungry that I think that the hunger inside of me Till this day, I always keep it. But it was a day when I totally burnt out.
00:08:33
Speaker
ah And yeah, tell us tell us about that. Okay, first of all, girlfriend, you need to own the fact that it was all you. It was not doing like, yes, the United States does have a lot of opportunities that other countries may not have or may be different, might be different. But at the end of the day, it was you, like you got yourself here, you got yourself, you know, um to push yourself and get to where you are. So I just want to applaud that and like give you props for that because that's,
00:09:04
Speaker
That's huge. That's huge. Thank you. I really appreciate that. i think I think some people, I don't know, some people, but I struggle a lot to give my myself credit. I usually say, oh, it's because of my mom, or it's because of opportunities of people, because people say, and I appreciate you bringing that up when they say, you know, you did it. So this is something I've been working on lately that's saying, tell me that you did it, you know, even the fact that
00:09:36
Speaker
I'm able to speak English and I'm able to sit in a room with full of native speakers. that That's honestly a lot. It's a lot of pressure. And I don't think a lot of people understand how much pressure it is, especially if you work in an advertising world. It's a world of full of sharks. I chose that world, right? But it's like every day you have to make that effort. so Yeah, yeah but that's right. We both worked in advertising or used to work in advertising. um So let's just go back to what you were talking about in terms of the burnout, right? Like, yeah, everything that you were talking about coming here, all like, you know, putting yourself through school, having to learn English, like,
00:10:22
Speaker
um you know Even after seven months, you know maybe you you had a cousin or you had a relative here for seven months, but after that you were pretty much on your own. That's so much. and So how did you take care of yourself during that time? I didn't. I didn't. I had three jobs. um I was a full time student. i I just was constantly involved. And honestly, I did not take care of my mental health. And I didn't know that I supposed to take care of mental health. Because in my culture, mental health, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? Just
00:11:03
Speaker
Put your shoes and go work. You're going to be a hard worker, especially. um I think that sometimes chase me that being an immigrant, it's it's a stigma, right? If you're an immigrant, you have to work hard. It's not true. I think it's the it's the beliefs that we have for ourselves. Do you have to work hard? Maybe you can just sometimes ease or ask help or just take a time for yourself. so
00:11:34
Speaker
The burnout happened just right before I needed to graduate from college. And um just one day I woke up and I wasn't able to get up. And we went to ER r and called 911. There wasn't any major um diagnosis or anything like that. People will just say, well, we really don't know what's going on with you, like the doctors, the therapists. the And then I honestly i thought I'm not going to make it. I thought that I'll just end it up in a bed, not having myself, having the degree, because I was supposed to graduate from honors, fighting a kappa, and from college. So I could go to university because there was a bright future ahead.
00:12:29
Speaker
And I drove myself to that. Yes. Cause you know, there's a, it's great to be ambitious, but I think it's good to think about yourself. And again, it does come to the culture where you have to work hard and you have to prove and make your parents be proud of you. Forget who you actually are and what do you actually want? Yeah. So remind yourself, have you eaten, right? Exactly. Have you eaten?
00:13:08
Speaker
yeah goes a I want to tell you that there would be days when I would be having a lunchbox in my hands and I would be moving from class to class. So I would be eating while I'm walking because one building was on the right side and another building on the left side that would give me five minutes to walk, five minutes to eat while I'm walking. I had no break. Where would I have breaks? I had three jobs. And I was tired like, thinking about your life back then, Tamina, like, Oh my gosh, like, of course you had you of course you didn't want to get out of bed. You were probably exhausted.
00:13:50
Speaker
I think it' it's more that not that I didn't want to get up from the bed, I wasn't able to because I had um almost something related to vertigo and I was constantly dizzy. I had a high fever and it it was a lot of symptoms that people thought it it could be cold, it could be flu, it could be strep, but that really, really um ah damaged and affected my nervous system and my um metabolism and my immune system. So ah it was a major breakdown. And, you know, there was a time I was just thinking, and I like reflecting, self-reflecting. That's what I do on weekends. You know, I'm an overthinker, so I think a lot. And I was just thinking,
00:14:44
Speaker
uh, what, what happened that, that time. And I think there was a, that's when I kind of lost myself. Cause I only saw myself as this overachiever. Yeah. Once I realized that after that mental breakdown that I had, I cannot do that anymore. I have to eat. I have to take care of myself. I need to probably quit one job or another job, but then It was like, okay, so if I quit one job, how am I going to play my school? It was a lot of factors, but you know, I made it. Tell us about that. like Tell us about the switch. right so it's like It sounds like you got to a point where you told yourself, like I need to take care of myself. right and so I can poorly relate to the not taking care of yourself and the the constant chatter of you need to you need to be successful, you need to do this, you need to do that, and then you know also as an immigrant and a child of an immigrant,
00:15:49
Speaker
this immense pressure. you know My dad you know brought us here for a better life and um i need to I need to make him proud. I can't disappoint him. and There's this pressure. and When you talked about the vertigo, I can relate to that too because I actually suffer from anxiety. and um I remember going into a bathroom stall and feeling like so dizzy. um So everything you're saying, girl, I totally relate. um But let's talk about like how the moment that you decided, like you know what? I need to take care of myself. like What but was that switch? like Do you remember like you remember that moment? I do.
00:16:36
Speaker
and that I mean, I'll be very vulnerable right now, I guess, I'm very honest, because we, after all, our mission shares mental health as well, right?
Healing Journey & Mental Health Practices
00:16:47
Speaker
So, bringing awareness. I was sitting in the parking lot. Oh no, that day I woke up and I've been feeling like for a few days that I would wake up and asking myself, what is the purpose of this life? Because I couldn't be an achiever anymore.
00:17:09
Speaker
um I didn't know I couldn't be that a student anymore, so I was lost. What is my identity? Who am I? Because if I cannot do this, which I'm used to for four years, now I have to be someone different. I had to have different personality right now, and I was very harsh on myself. so Then I finished classes at university and I was sitting in the parking lot and just constantly crying and not understanding what's going on. Absolutely. I felt so lonely and I'm very social. I'm a social of a butterfly. It doesn't matter how many people were around me. I felt so lonely and not heard, not understood.
00:17:55
Speaker
a And I started looking for resources. At that time, I wasn't really trusting the therapy or anything. so um I went to, um I think, one of the therapists here in the United States and she said, well, maybe we should put you on the medication. That was absolutely no to me. I don't know why, maybe it's the cultural thing, but absolutely no. And she was explaining to me how the chemicals in my brain works and how the anxiety comes in the panic attacks. That's where I first faced it.
00:18:30
Speaker
And I started looking for the community in Russian language. So being in the United States, I found a community that go on retreats, speak about mental health, do different practices, meditations, but they they are in the United States, but the main person who does the retreats, she's from Kazakhstan. oh so and That's how I met people, the community, and I started taking courses for psychology. I started going on retreats, and I think I would use my credit card for those retreats because I said, I don't care what's going to happen. I need to heal myself. her So my first retreat was in Ohio. It was 10 women. We gathered together and we started speaking about mental health and
00:19:24
Speaker
ah what our parents told us and how it affected us. hu And that led to a lot of anger, a lot of anger. And it was a lot of rage inside of me because all this time I thought, it's my fault. I did something wrong. Why am I this way? Why can't I just be, you know, pretty perfect, amazing girl, how something was speaking in my head about all the time. yeah And after that, ah when I realized that I can go to retreats all the time because they cost money, I started seeking for resources and I went to church. I am from Muslim family. So that was also hard because it means breaking the, you know, culture or the
00:20:25
Speaker
family traditions, but I had to, I had to because there was, it I was very depressed. I had anxiety and panic attacks. I had a lot of very dark thoughts. So I would go to celebrate recovery every Tuesday and people would speak about their hurts, hangups. And there was people with addiction. There was people with, ah you know, just dark past. And, but it was a one thing that was common in all of us. the pain, the pain that we had inside. And that pain was screaming at us and bleeding. So we had to, we had to share about it. Yeah, it sounds like, I mean, what I'm hearing as community was a big factor in your ah mental health and your wellness journey.
00:21:17
Speaker
that's right yeah yeah So what do you do today? um Are you still part of groups? Tell me about being in advertising too, right? um Have you found groups or organizations that you feel really connected to? I haven't. I'm still on Discovery. I know there's ah Asian and advertising. um I'm still reading some time. What are they posting? I know that I work in Omnicom and they have um this big Asian group. But whenever they have um the meetings via Teams, I'm always as busy with my meetings, unfortunately. So I cannot join. um And so right now, I'm not part of any community.
00:22:04
Speaker
Well, you're part of ours now. Yes. and part happy squat now And also, I'll do a shameless plug. But one of the things that we're actually going to be um um putting out there is something called Happy Hour. And it's going to be a community led kind of community events, so IRL and virtual. Oh, oh yeah. um So once that rolls out, I mean, you you're You're in, girl. you're you're part of right You're part of our community already. That's amazing. that's um I really love that. i um I just want to bring also the fact that when you become a part of community, it also has to be balanced because you're very hurt and you don't know what you feel. You just become so dependent on that.
00:22:57
Speaker
But those people also have lives. They also have families. And, you know, so then I had to learn also how to control my feelings, how to control my thoughts. So once I come because you have to become your own community as well. ah True. Yeah. You know, the way that I kind of look at things is um acts of service. So that a lot of times gets me out of my own BS that goes on in my head is like, how can I be of service to somebody else? yeah And that's really helped me. Like what's helped you? What helped me in term of um what do you mean by that? Like um you said, you know, you have to find community within yourself, right? And so rather than depending on other people all the time,
00:23:51
Speaker
And I think sometimes when you're in it, it's really hard to do that, right? So you you consciously have to think like, okay. um yeah Yeah, you have to consciously think about like, how do I find community within myself? So, you know, some of the things that I do, like I meditate. um Yoga practice is a big part of my life, um not as much right now, but it was. um And then I also think a lot about being of service. So how can I be of service? And so even creating Hello Happy, um you know we're in fundraising mode. And one of the things that's hard for me is asking other people to help me. And so what I've had to do is switch that thinking because it's not about me.
00:24:43
Speaker
like I'm not creating Hello Happy for me. I'm doing it because I want to have acts of service for the world and and community. and so That's really helped kind of switch my thinking a bit. so I was just curious if you had any kind of tools or ways that you do that. I think for me is it's still a work in progress. ah The fact that actually I do want to have my own podcast and I want to very openly speak about mental health at some point on my Instagram.
00:25:17
Speaker
I would be influencing people and openly speaking about every possible traumas and what's the outcome of it. So I think that was my serving to the people. I did that in the Russian language because ah we are from the same culture, which is Soviet Union. It's a culture, um you know, our parents were surviving. so yeah ah maybe um it would be Soviet Union and Asia as well, right? Versus if I would be speaking in English about some certain habits or traditions, they it wouldn't resonate with them. So I went to Russian language. And I think whatever I go, I just try to tap into someone hard and just kind of ask them literally simple question. What are you feeling today?
00:26:09
Speaker
hu because, you know, it's and sometimes people we're all on the go, especially an advertising agency. And if you have that just moment, just two minutes chat, are you okay? Right. And bringing awareness about it because some people are, they tend to avoid and they say, no, I'm strong. I can do this. It's a work environment. I don't want to speak about mental health, but sometimes someone make my day by asking this question or I can make someone's day by also, you know, uh,
00:26:41
Speaker
asking the same questions. And that was a part when I was a member of TNGU Algorithm. They're based in Los Angeles. A person who leads that is my friend. I found him through Club Clubhouse. So they have ah also free mental health classes. um And um I was a couple of times a facilitator and I would bring awareness as well and say there's a free classes and he's a big advocate for Asian community as well. So we would just bring awareness about those classes because some people think that mental health costs money in terms of um you know classes or how to heal yourself. No, there's tons of resources out there.
00:27:31
Speaker
and I really want to and everything in my power is every time speak about mental health where it's appropriate to speak about it. Yeah. Yeah. And and I think. To your point, there are a ton of resources. A lot of times, though, people don't want to take advantage of them for whatever stigma or cultural or personal you know feelings. And then there's also um a lot of people don't know about it. And so it's really great that you have a platform that you're speaking about it. and um you know and And I think also being vulnerable and sharing, like you said, in the appropriate times
00:28:12
Speaker
and appropriate levels ah with boundaries but but it creates that community of I'm not alone um and I think that's that's important too and I'll speak for myself that was important for me and my healing journey was knowing that I wasn't alone. and so When I am vulnerable or I share certain things, um it's because I want other people to to feel like they're not alone. right yeah um yeah so yeah so Tell me about some of these other resources. so like because When we spoke last time, um you you were practicing some some like yeah EFT and some of these really cool things that
00:28:57
Speaker
um I think not a lot of people know about, so tell us a little bit about some of the things that you you use. Of course. um I think ah for me, what's working in the past and right now as well, is breath work. It's just, you know, very simple. um It's a square breath work right it's you inhale you counter for all your breath and then you inhale at exhale. um
00:29:28
Speaker
Also so hold your bro but breath till four and then you again hold the breath and then you inhale and you just repeat. you know It's kind of like a square. So that's ground you really well. I also use oils. It's lavender or eucalyptus, anything that can ground you. um Tapping, yes. When I do feel nervous, especially if I need to speak up or, you know, present my ideas at work, I do, you know, the tapping. It's basically just tapping a few times here, just mean, you know, um points of your body can be here. But sometimes um I kind of innovate to myself and I just like tap into
00:30:14
Speaker
ah my heart because I'm trying to know calm it down. Kundalini yoga is one of the amazing, amazing practices of my life. That's where the biggest breakdown um breakthroughs happen in my life because you because your body, your soul is connected. So our would body stores all the memories And we are when we are triggering certain points of the body that you haven't practiced or you haven't stretched.
00:30:47
Speaker
the emotions comes out, the somatic breath work, the somatic exercises. And our body holds that stuff in. Yes. Yes. The energy um and it holds energy. Yeah. and You have to release it. You have to release it. And sometime I think you don't even remember that something happened to you. It doesn't have to be anything too radically traumatic because you have a right to feel the way how you feel. And if something even For some people, it seems like a little triggering point for you. It's a lot. So you have to respect that and you have to say graciously, yes, I'm OK. I'm safe. Yeah. I think the.
00:31:31
Speaker
um Brain brain dumping. Will you just write everything that comes in your mind? Oh, I love that. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't have to be anything beautiful. You know how people write. Generally, no, it's just simply, I feel annoyed. I want to eat. I'm craving something. Oh, there's a noise. Everything it's dumping, like brain dumping, basically. like stream of consciousness, yes just writing it out. Yeah. And definitely the most favorite one is dancing.
00:32:07
Speaker
Oh, I love dancing. And through dancing, um I was able to release the traumas about the body image about the looks. And because certain part of our bodies is responsible for traumas or for like, for example, right side is everything related to your father, left side is everything related to your mother. So in our body, we have a right side and left side. So we have pieces from mom and a dad in our body and in our genes and um
00:32:52
Speaker
cells. um So it's all kind of connected. So we connected to our parents, sometimes we store our parents trauma, yeah without knowing that. Yeah, i've I've actually heard that um before. Yeah. Yeah. And sometimes it does not belong to you and you don't need to carry that weight because if you feel your shoulders are tense sometimes, that's when you took something that does not belong to you. So by dancing, shaking up, tapping,
00:33:24
Speaker
Sometimes have you felt like anger? Just feel angry? Just clapping? um I don't know, just like stomping in a feet, you know, everything helps because body is like a cycle of emotions that helps you to release all the trauma. And I think the body work is everybody needs to know about it. Yeah. And you know what's really great about everything that you're talking about? And, you know, um when people talk about mental health, they immediately think of like, psychiatry, therapy. And the truth is, there's so many modalities. And if you don't, if you're not ready to seek therapy or whatever, and and by no means am I a professional or giving any advice right now,
00:34:10
Speaker
But um the point is there's there's resources out there. There's ways that you can take care of yourself. And so that's what I love about hearing about all the things that you're doing to take care of you. um But again, of course, i'm not I'm not a doctor. I'm not a professional. All i'm you know all I can really um do is is talk about my ah my experiences and share experiences from my guests. um But yeah, I am with you there. like you know I personally see a therapist, you know um and which is amazing. um But I also do other things, you know just like you. And um one thing that really helps me is Reiki.
00:34:54
Speaker
you I'm feeling really overwhelmed. I'll just put my one hand over my heart and one hand on my stomach and just like you breathe. Yeah. Yeah. Breathing is, ah people say it's like a drug. When you breathe, sometimes breathing can take you to places. Yeah. Have you heard about that? So for example, if you do, you know, um very dynamic breathing. Yes. So yeah, I've been in those retreats as well. Of course, you have to do this with caution, you know, there should be a facilitator who would guide you.
00:35:34
Speaker
um aes static dancing. ah Static dancing is basically you just, you know, putting the mask on so people cannot see you, so you cannot see people and you just jump like there's no life out there. You just jump all your emotions and your feelings and the anger and you can scream, you can jump honestly, ah also singing. I don't have a voice, but the car karaoke helps a lot. You know, when you have blow front you're driving, I love listening singer Sia. She's, I can really resonate with her. So, you know, the unstoppable song. but yeah you know yeah Yeah. So you just sing your heart.
00:36:25
Speaker
And because our ah throat chakra has also a lot of, can store a lot of emotions, things that we haven't said in childhood that we could we could say protect ourselves and we could stand our ground, say it right now. And that also brings to speaking to yourself in the mirror. Oh my gosh, I actually went somewhere. I did like a retreat. And one of the exercises was talking to yourself in the mirror, but but saying things like, you're beautiful, you're intelligent. And it was so hard. It was so hard. I mean, right now I can say it easily because I'm not looking at myself, I'm looking at you. But yeah, and I just broke down and cried.
00:37:16
Speaker
yeah like um you know And I think part of that was not hearing that growing up. yeah yeah right And then and to your point earlier, it's about you becoming your own community and you loving yourself. You asking yourself, have you eaten, right? Exactly. um Yeah, but I love that exercise now though. Yeah, that exercise is very powerful.
Self-Acceptance & Independence
00:37:40
Speaker
I think for the first time when my therapist gave me that assignment i love to accept myself fully, ah she told me I have to get naked. In the mirror. When you're alone. Of course.
00:37:59
Speaker
Of course. In the room alone, you know? yeah And she said, just look in the mirror and say, I accept myself. It was very hard. ah you ah I would come back to her and I say, I'm not doing it. She's like, well, you got to come back and do it. So I came back to the mirror and I just, I couldn't, I cried a lot, like you said, you know, and right now, sometime when I look in the mirror, I say, you're amazing, you know, you're just gonna rock this world, you're gonna rock this day. And it doesn't matter if people say something about you, or there's a little voice in your head, or whatever your friends think about you, what do you think about yourself? Right? I feel like
00:38:52
Speaker
When you say you're going to become your own community, you got to speak to yourself with yourself. Well, you have to be your own friend. Exactly. So I love road trips. Literally just I could drive 14 hours and I don't care. yeah so I love road trips too. Yeah, I love it. Absolutely. So ah And on that road trips, I do speak with my inner child. um Can sound a little abnormal, but I imagine like she's sitting right here with me. huh And I'm like, okay, so are you ready for this adventure, little takmina? And she's just like, yeah, of course I'm ready. You know, I mean, it's just like in my imagination.
00:39:33
Speaker
But you ever have to stop to go to the bathroom ah yes absolutely all the time literally like literally and she wants snacks and she wants to drink drink water all the time. Exactly child I don't know what to do with her sometimes. Oh my God, I love that. Yeah, I love long road trips too. I actually drive down to l LA from the Bay Area quite often and I love that stretch of land. Just just me, myself, the radio, my podcasts, and there's just something, like it's different now being by myself is not lonely the way it used to be. Yes. um Thank you for sharing that because I think that brings to the point
00:40:21
Speaker
you're not lonely, you're just a alone. h Yeah, it's all very different. I remember there was a base when you asked me like what happened, you know, that moment what broke you down a little bit or, uh, and I remember I was sitting in a room and I feel so lonely that like, it's just this like deep dark loneliness. So right now I'm in Miami, uh, Florida and I'm okay. I'm absolutely okay. And I take myself on dates. I just, you know, like, okay, today we have a kayaking date. Let's go. Okay, let's go. Oh, that's so cool. I love that. I love that so much. I buy myself flowers.
00:41:10
Speaker
ah i I'm not too much like into shopping, even though I love fashion and I'm pretty good at it, what people say. But I do love things like flowers and coffees and take myself on little dates and you know just the write myself letters. Just say, I love you to yourself. Why not? And, you know, that's, um, that's a healing of my inner child because inner child is responsible for creativity. If my inner child is angry and mad, I don't think there's going to be any growth in my career because if she gets mad, the inner child inside, it's like, okay, what happened? It's, you know, yeah, you just gotta accept that you do have that child inside and there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah.
00:42:03
Speaker
Oh, wow. I feel like we covered so much and I am so grateful for your vulnerability, um just being you here um and sharing so much of yourself. ah tonight I forgot that you were from Miami. we need I need to go to Miami. You sure you should. I love that city. I love that city so much. um The two times I went there were for a marathon and a half marathon, but now I just want to go and just hang out. Yeah, it's um it's definitely going to get hot because June, July is coming, even today is like 87.
00:42:46
Speaker
um But I'm going to have to do a happy hour in Miami one day. Absolutely. That would be amazing. Yeah. Let's manifest that because I want to manifest happy hour in Miami. Yes. That's great. We're going to make it happen. We're going to make it happen and you and I are going to sit in the same room and finally meet in person in real life. a Yes, that's I think that sounds amazing. and Honestly, the fact that um we are sitting together right now, even you know online, it does give me the hope and that um confirmation that everything happens for a reason.
00:43:37
Speaker
the the you know the way how my mental health went a little bit bad and then how I decided to take care of it. and and you know Many years later, I'm sitting with you and speaking about it. It means so much. and If this going to help at least one person just to bring that awareness that even it doesn't matter if you're at the lowest point of your life, you can get out of it. huh
00:44:09
Speaker
Yeah, and I think I I'm very grateful that Hello Happy exists. And I really wish that um it's going to grow, continue touching many hearts, which I'm pretty sure it will. I'm very grateful for this interaction that I have with you. It just you know gives me that also inspiration that, why not? why Why can't I go and speak about it everywhere where it's appropriate, of course?
00:44:40
Speaker
and not Yeah, i I love that. And I'm going to be rooting for you for your podcast. And um yeah, we're going to have to manifest that and make that happen too.
Conclusion & Gratitude
00:44:52
Speaker
Yeah, you could totally do it. You've done so much. Thank you. Yeah. Well, um it's it's time to wrap up, which I'm really sad. But um at the same time, I'm so grateful for our new friendship. I'm so grateful for you being here and being a guest. Um, and yeah, so this is G and, um, may your stomachs and your heart be full. And until next time, um, we'll see you later. Thank you.
00:45:30
Speaker
Hello, happy fam. Thank you so much for joining us today. Make sure to subscribe, like, and hit the notification bell. And until next time. I hope your bellies and your hearts stay full.