Transcript
Speaker: this stupid thing where are you running where are you going there we go i had to chase down my my camera it was like unhooked from the monitor and i breathed wrong and it was like i'm falling backwards it's it's all over goodbye goodbye goodbye yeah you know what else is a cruel world what's that
Speaker: Hey there, everybody.
Speaker: Welcome back to Vixlet.
Speaker: My name is Kevin.
Speaker: With me, as always, is Phil.
Speaker: And on today's show, we're diving into, we're diving deeper into the underworld of Resident Evil.
Speaker: We're going to find out what Resident Evil Underworld and Mega Man have in common in this episode.
Speaker: They're both hot.
Speaker: They're both hot.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And, you know, we're going to see what Reston is up to.
Speaker: Oh, Reston, who is steadily becoming one of my favorite villains.
Speaker: Such a fun villain.
Speaker: Because he's just incompetent.
Speaker: He's like Skeletor levels of the discrepancy between his ability and what he thinks his ability is.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: At Skeletor levels.
Speaker: And when you're talking about Resident Evil, Jesus Christ, I've already begun yawning.
Speaker: That's what happens now.
Speaker: I have an excuse.
Speaker: I have a kid.
Speaker: He has a child, everybody.
Speaker: I have a child, people.
Speaker: Have you heard?
Speaker: When you're dealing with Resident Evil, whose villains are like the, I can only put it this way, are anime levels of hyper-competence, like to the point where it's just like, oh, well, you're going to try and do that?
Speaker: Well, it's a good thing I thought of you doing that five years ago when
Speaker: I've already set the trap and blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: That's normally what you're dealing with in video game canon of Resident Evil.
Speaker: Yeah, like Wesker is like, oh, yes, I actually survived being gutted in Resident Evil 1.
Speaker: Spoilers for- Don't worry about it.
Speaker: Spoilers for Resident Evil 1.
Speaker: But I feel like we, by the way, I feel like we spoke that into existence.
Speaker: Like as a kid, there was always like this, this rumor that Wesker lived at the end of Resident Evil 1 before it was ever really confirmed.
Speaker: I mean, that's, that's how a lot of that stuff is.
Speaker: It starts out as like headcanon and it becomes officially done.
Speaker: Whether, whether it was, it's not always like,
Speaker: because that was certainly way before the Internet as we know it now.
Speaker: So it's not like, you know, they were actually paying attention to the message boards.
Speaker: But if it's dramatic and it's interesting, they're going to go for it, especially the dramatic part, especially the dramatic part in a game series like Resident Evil and its close cousin.
Speaker: Devil May Cry.
Speaker: Yes, they really they both really lean into the drama.
Speaker: They drama it up.
Speaker: Yeah, that's what they do.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So anyway, I think we're going to go ahead and put that body into the marsh.
Speaker: Let's marsh it up, baby.
Speaker: When I tell you to dump a body in the marsh, you dump them in the marsh.
Speaker: OK.
Speaker: So we start at, well, we left off at chapter eight.
Speaker: Basically, what just happened is our dear friends, Leon and John, got into an elevator just as it snapped closed behind them, separating them from Claire and Rebecca and David.
Speaker: So our team is split up.
Speaker: And it's split.
Speaker: And chapter seven ends with Leon saying shit.
Speaker: Chapter eight opens with Claire saying shit, which that I won't lie.
Speaker: That gave me a chuckle.
Speaker: I enjoyed that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So as this chapter progresses, David and Claire and Rebecca realize they're going to have to figure something out that the elevator is not going to.
Speaker: It's basically going to have to wait.
Speaker: It's not going to work with them also trying to open the damn thing again.
Speaker: And John and Leon also are trying to figure out their plan.
Speaker: And it's kind of a hilarious sort of dynamic that they have because
Speaker: Based on the most recent Resident Evil games I've played, Leon is an uber professional professional soldier.
Speaker: Like he is a he is a handy combat capable, just like badass.
Speaker: That's who he is by the time you get to like Resident Evil four, for example.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But in this, he's still rookie cop.
Speaker: Resident Evil 2.
Speaker: This is not too long after Resident Evil 2, where his first day on the job was the worst day anybody's ever had on a first day at the job.
Speaker: But remember, kids, ACAB still includes Leon.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Don't look.
Speaker: It's not always when it's convenient for us people.
Speaker: It's not always when it's convenient.
Speaker: Even if he is the only living member of the raccoon city police department and he is quote unquote, one of the good ones.
Speaker: He's still, I don't make the rules still bastard, bastard evil too.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So we get a lot of Leon kind of,
Speaker: Hope lead like John want basically taking the lead and Leon being like, oh, thank God.
Speaker: Yes, please take the lead.
Speaker: And then John disappointing him by being like really immature or making some stupid joke.
Speaker: And it leaves Leon kind of thinking like, oh, am I going to die?
Speaker: Is this guy?
Speaker: Does this guy actually know what he's fucking doing?
Speaker: Because I'm not sure.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Which is totally fair.
Speaker: So they are basically securing their way through this underground facility now that they're off the elevator.
Speaker: And lo and behold, Reston is watching them still, watching them through the cameras.
Speaker: And he gets to see them.
Speaker: Reston's eyes are watching you.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Watching your every move.
Speaker: I mean, now that's going to have to be in my head every time it cuts to him.
Speaker: We don't get a ton of rest in, but when we do, it would be totally appropriate if like a Muzak elevator version.
Speaker: He's got Hall & Oates playing in the background.
Speaker: Like, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like, yeah, something like that, just softly playing in the background.
Speaker: I think that has to be the case.
Speaker: So he watches through security as John and Leon basically stumble upon this.
Speaker: Is it a cafeteria?
Speaker: I forget.
Speaker: They're in some like big community area.
Speaker: Yeah, it's like a cafeteria.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Communal cafeteria space.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And they find a bunch of the workers.
Speaker: These are just like blue collar workers and all that shit.
Speaker: And they assume that maybe one of them is there.
Speaker: They're assuming that one of them might be Reston.
Speaker: And they've got to they've got to be, you know, sharp and smart about this.
Speaker: Reston, of course, is watching from a very safe distance and trying to come up with a plan as to what he's going to do.
Speaker: And and Reston's like looking around, looking at the different rooms and and then Reston.
Speaker: Gets an idea.
Speaker: Reston gets a horrible idea.
Speaker: A horrible idea.
Speaker: Reston gets a no good, very bad, evil idea.
Speaker: And he sees some poor schmuck who's working the electrical systems.
Speaker: It's like you get this kind of moment where he's like kind of going, hmm.
Speaker: And you just imagine this poor guy in overalls like going, all right, Mr. Reston.
Speaker: Why are you looking at me like that?
Speaker: What's going on?
Speaker: What are we doing?
Speaker: You're a mean one, Mr. Reston.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So we got to chapter nine and our new character, Cole, is an electrical engineer who works for Umbrella.
Speaker: They send them all over the world, basically, to do what he basically says are pretty simple jobs for an ungodly amount of money.
Speaker: And he but he unfortunately has also been.
Speaker: been unable to ignore the fact that the, uh, the facilities he's working at are filled with, um, uh, what's the word war crimes.
Speaker: And, uh, he's not sure if he can handle that.
Speaker: And it's, it, you get this impression that it, it, it's kind of a, I'm just following orders, uh, sort of thing, but he might be, um, seriously considering, uh,
Speaker: moving on with this part of his life.
Speaker: He's like made more money in the past year than he had in the past five.
Speaker: And so he's like, maybe I've got enough to, to get the fuck out of here and that sort of thing.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So as he's considering that, uh, Reston, uh, who they call blue apparently, because he's always wearing a blue suit.
Speaker: Never let it be said that blue collar workers aren't clever.
Speaker: Blue suit.
Speaker: Hey, it's fucking Jimmy Blue over there.
Speaker: Jimmy Blue.
Speaker: Jimmy Blue.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Joe Baggs.
Speaker: Joe Baggs.
Speaker: How much could Joe Baggs drink?
Speaker: So much.
Speaker: That is from a Mike Birbiglius.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's not my brother.
Speaker: That's not my brother.
Speaker: So Reston, and actually this is better if you imagine Reston doing the, the, the Joe bags voice for it.
Speaker: Reston is, is hysterical, runs up to him.
Speaker: It's like, I think trying to kill me.
Speaker: There are people that are trying to kill me.
Speaker: These guys, they invaded the whole place and, and I'm going to die.
Speaker: They're going to try and kill me.
Speaker: And I need your help.
Speaker: You got to help me.
Speaker: And that's how it works.
Speaker: They describe the high pitched voice.
Speaker: And basically he kind of entices him like, I don't know if I don't remember if he implies that he'll pay him or if Cole just assumes this is the rich guy and it would be good to like, yeah, fuck it.
Speaker: Fine.
Speaker: Yeah, I'll do it.
Speaker: You know, I'm on it, buddy.
Speaker: Don't you worry.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: If he tells them, all right, they're going to be coming through here.
Speaker: There is this room that Cole, of course, knows about because he's done all the electrical work on it.
Speaker: And he says, I just want you to lead them through there and I'll let you through and then we'll lock them in there.
Speaker: So we're safe.
Speaker: And Cole, who is an idiot, says, OK, yeah, I'll go with that plan.
Speaker: There is no way on on heaven or earth that that could go badly.
Speaker: That's just no, it's fine.
Speaker: It's all good.
Speaker: It's all good.
Speaker: We cut back to David, Rebecca and Claire, who I'm not sure what they're doing in this book so far.
Speaker: They're running around a lot.
Speaker: They're just like, they're like, they're like trying to find another entrance there.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: I'm sure it'll come around as to like, yeah, of them being there.
Speaker: But for now, every time we come back to this trio, it feels like the action comes to a screaming halt.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Not that's not necessarily true because there are some action stuff, but it just, I'm having trouble figuring out how it connects right now.
Speaker: Yeah, right.
Speaker: I mean, in terms of plot movement, it feels like it's coming to a halt because all they're doing in their segments are retreating.
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: Which in this case, they are retreating from the area with the security cameras, with the lockbox and everything, because they know that they've been found and they are going to have to make a run for it.
Speaker: They're going to have to hide from whatever security detail comes their way.
Speaker: Run for it, Marty!
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, that's that's pretty much it.
Speaker: That's pretty much what we're looking at here.
Speaker: So we cut to Leon and John who have the workers or whatever.
Speaker: They don't.
Speaker: It's kind of hilarious, actually, because they don't give a shit.
Speaker: They're just like, I do not care.
Speaker: Fine.
Speaker: Yeah, they're not.
Speaker: They are not the fanatic umbrella employees that you run into every now and then in some of these games.
Speaker: They they they are.
Speaker: They're my kind of people, to be completely honest.
Speaker: They're like, this is a job.
Speaker: I have no loyalty to these people.
Speaker: I don't give a shit.
Speaker: And by the way, fuck blue.
Speaker: They all hate that guy's guts.
Speaker: And they kind of ask, they're like, he's resting around and they're like, Blue, Joey Bag of Donuts?
Speaker: Joey Bags?
Speaker: Joe Bags.
Speaker: No, no.
Speaker: He's not here.
Speaker: He's not here.
Speaker: They feel like they have to, they're like, look, we won't hurt you if you just tell it.
Speaker: They're like, yeah, we don't give a shit.
Speaker: We're telling you right off.
Speaker: You don't even have to assure us of our safety.
Speaker: We're telling you he's not right.
Speaker: He's not here.
Speaker: He's not here.
Speaker: And good luck.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Like, I don't know what he does.
Speaker: He sits in his office all day.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They just, they, they had, they do not give a shit.
Speaker: And they're like, yeah, that's great.
Speaker: Let's, let's do this.
Speaker: So as they, so they're like, okay, well you guys just kind of hang out here, I guess, and maybe consider a new careers.
Speaker: Cause this place sucks.
Speaker: We do get a couple of moments where they're like, they talk to umbrella employees and they're just like, please consider accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior and leaving umbrella behind.
Speaker: Like it just gets like, yeah, man, I'm on the, the, what would have been an appropriate job conversation.
Speaker: search board in 1998.
Speaker: Uh, did they have them yet?
Speaker: Uh, yeah, sure.
Speaker: I mean, AOL would have had like its own built in stuff like that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Go look for it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Get a AOL and, and look for the job boards and you just get out of here.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: So the church, the LDS is looking for people, you know, pretty much.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They're looking for anybody.
Speaker: Really?
Speaker: Can you put up with us for another five minutes?
Speaker: You're hired.
Speaker: You're hired.
Speaker: You are hired.
Speaker: So they, they continue their way.
Speaker: They, they're kind of like, it's kind of this thing of like, oh, are we going to have to like tie these guys up or rough them up or something?
Speaker: No, it's just lock them in.
Speaker: They're fine.
Speaker: They're fine.
Speaker: Yeah, they're they're tired.
Speaker: They're going to go to sleep and maybe eat something.
Speaker: They're fine.
Speaker: And they continue their way through the facilities.
Speaker: And it cuts us to chapter ten, where Claire, David and Rebecca are running from a helicopter.
Speaker: That has basically spotted spotted their van off in the back.
Speaker: So they are looking for some place to hide, some place to put some distance between them and this helicopter that has guns on it, has guns.
Speaker: So please be careful with that.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: So they find a little compound.
Speaker: It's not a very big one.
Speaker: They hide out in there.
Speaker: They're hiding from spotlight.
Speaker: And it's kind of it gets kind of chaotic.
Speaker: I don't know if it was just me, my reading of it or something, but like.
Speaker: It's, it's, it's them like discussing like what corner to hide in and which section of the, the, the area to get covered and to find a place to hide.
Speaker: At one point, what's his name?
Speaker: David shoots a door just to make it, make it seem like they went through that door and then goes through another.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That kind of, that kind of like genius level misdirection.
Speaker: Spoiler alert.
Speaker: They find them anyway.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They find them anyway.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Don't you worry.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The beatings will happen.
Speaker: The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: This is happening.
Speaker: There's no getting around it.
Speaker: So they we cut back to John and Leon who are discussing what the hell are we doing here?
Speaker: They're kind of like discussing their ammo.
Speaker: Who's got what?
Speaker: And when they're doing that, as they're doing that, they see this guy in a blue work shirt off in the distance running from them.
Speaker: They go blue, blue, blue, blue.
Speaker: And so they just kind of blue.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And they make it into this room.
Speaker: And and and the guy in blue is at the far end, slamming his fist against the door, going, it won't open.
Speaker: It won't open because, of course, he has been betrayed by Reston.
Speaker: And they realize, oh, shit, that's not that's not Reston.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Do do do do
Speaker: Reston over the, over the, uh, uh, the intercom tells them welcome, uh, to the planets test program and planet is capitalized.
Speaker: It's capital P. So, you know, it's a proper noun and it's not fucking around.
Speaker: It's where they are.
Speaker: Yes, it is where they are and what they are doing.
Speaker: So we cut to rest in and the elevator music, uh,
Speaker: So and he's he's just he's just having a great time.
Speaker: This is the best entertainment he's ever he's ever had.
Speaker: He's he's he's watching the whole thing happen and enjoying himself and basically sends them through a shoot.
Speaker: Like it's like it's the old trapdoor move, basically, like sends them down.
Speaker: And and he's just and he's literally sitting there drinking brandy.
Speaker: And I really think that at this point, this guy, he fancies himself a James Bond villain.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Like it's wonderful.
Speaker: He just he's just like, oh, this is I'm so good at this.
Speaker: His remarkable incompetence.
Speaker: He is.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: He is full on James Bonding.
Speaker: You know, he he's like he read Watchmen once and was and thought Ozymandias was the hero.
Speaker: He's a cool guy.
Speaker: I could be like that.
Speaker: I mean, better Ozymandias than Rorschach.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I saw that recently.
Speaker: Saw that on somebody's Twitter account recently.
Speaker: They were like, you're the best guy ever.
Speaker: It's like, oh, God.
Speaker: We're still doing that.
Speaker: Still missing the points.
Speaker: It is 2024.
Speaker: We are still missing the point.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's what it goes to show you.
Speaker: It's like the boys.
Speaker: It's like, yeah, it's, it's they each season, they have managed to turn the subtlety down.
Speaker: And in season four, it's at zero.
Speaker: It is at that point.
Speaker: image of, uh, uh, what's his name?
Speaker: Um, the guy saying, saying, uh, I know, uh, writers who use subtext and they're all cowards.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Like that is where the boys is at right now.
Speaker: And lo and behold, there's still dudes on Twitter, uh,
Speaker: Talking about how the boys is no good anymore.
Speaker: Yeah, it's woke now.
Speaker: It's woke now.
Speaker: And it'll be like, it never was.
Speaker: Like, it was always woke.
Speaker: It was no.
Speaker: It just goes to show you, it really is just the, it's just more proof of like, you're just, these people are not paying attention.
Speaker: And on a level that is really obvious, they're not paying attention.
Speaker: But even with the media they consume, it's.
Speaker: It's also, you can never be, uh, you can never be too overt in your satire.
Speaker: Just don't fucking bother anymore.
Speaker: What's with this?
Speaker: Don't wait.
Speaker: Why are you being subtle?
Speaker: Don't hammers, hammers over the heads.
Speaker: It's we are.
Speaker: We are out of the air of subtlety.
Speaker: There's no, we can't afford it.
Speaker: People.
Speaker: We cannot afford subtlety.
Speaker: can't afford it.
Speaker: We just, everything needs to be grindhouse levels of obvious.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Listen, I enjoy myself a grindhouse film, so I welcome this, the new era of, of, you know, overt messaging, you know?
Speaker: Yeah, it'll be fun.
Speaker: It'll be fun.
Speaker: But let's stop.
Speaker: I know, I know writers, I know who we are and I know we get so excited when we find our clever little
Speaker: I'm so clever.
Speaker: It means this, it means this, and it just, I got to just, no, we don't have, we just don't have room for that anymore.
Speaker: Another, another generation or two, leave it to the younger kids to eventually criticize us for being too overt because we didn't have time.
Speaker: Leave it to those, those critical, uh,
Speaker: Leave it to 30 years from now, whatever YouTube is existing from that.
Speaker: Leave it to those video essayists to criticize us.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Just, just, just give it 30 years.
Speaker: We can take it.
Speaker: We can, I'll be dead.
Speaker: You know, I'm 30 years.
Speaker: I'm not going to be alive.
Speaker: So let's, I can handle it.
Speaker: Don't worry about me.
Speaker: Just, just, just, I'll, I, we don't have room for it anymore.
Speaker: I look forward to a day where a YouTuber who hasn't even been born yet spends 20 minutes on a video essay criticizing me for being, you know, a ham handed brute with my metaphors and what a third grayer I was.
Speaker: 20 minutes.
Speaker: It's going to be three hours.
Speaker: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker: That's true.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's day one of my essay.
Speaker: And yeah, it's and that's and that's that's fine.
Speaker: That's fine.
Speaker: I don't care.
Speaker: That's because if because if that person exists, then it means the world has become a better place and it's worth it.
Speaker: Me looking like an idiot in retrospect for the sake of the sake of that person being able to exist.
Speaker: I'm asking for writers all over the world to take up this calling and just throw the subtlety out the goddamn window.
Speaker: We don't have time for it.
Speaker: Fight Club can't exist anymore.
Speaker: We don't have time for it.
Speaker: We don't have time for Watchmen.
Speaker: We just it just it has to be.
Speaker: overt.
Speaker: There's no room for any American psycho America, American.
Speaker: Oh no.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I guess what I'm saying is instead of watchmen, what we need to do is watch man.
Speaker: Uh, and, and, uh, I wish, I wish most of what I was saying was, was me falling into hyperbole.
Speaker: Yeah, but we don't have time for hyperbole anymore.
Speaker: We don't have time for it.
Speaker: We just don't.
Speaker: We don't.
Speaker: You know what we do have time for?
Speaker: Chapter 11.
Speaker: Chapter 11.
Speaker: Bankruptcy.
Speaker: Bankruptcy.
Speaker: That's perfect.
Speaker: Jesus Christ.
Speaker: So we've got we've got Cole and Leon and John in this artificial forest area.
Speaker: Cole is freaking out because he's assuming these guys are some kind of assassins that are going to murder him the first chance they get.
Speaker: And so we get a little bit of time with John and Cole, like trying to like, oh, pixie dust, pixie dust.
Speaker: Everything's cool.
Speaker: And no one's no one's going to kill you.
Speaker: Could you give us a hand here?
Speaker: Can you tell us what the fuck's going on?
Speaker: And he tells them basically that they are in, again, like what they call the planet.
Speaker: And this is phase one of it.
Speaker: And it's this series of biomes, essentially.
Speaker: We're going to get into it.
Speaker: But basically, it's a video game.
Speaker: You've got actually Kevin texted me the other day and nailed it.
Speaker: You're like, it was like, this is a boss rush.
Speaker: They are in Wiley's castle at this point and they got to beat the robot masters all in a row.
Speaker: All in a row.
Speaker: And this is the forest level.
Speaker: Next will be the desert level.
Speaker: Next will be the mountain level.
Speaker: And then finally we get the city level.
Speaker: And then finally we get Gemini man.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Who did you use?
Speaker: I used a shadow man, I think to be, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: So yeah.
Speaker: So make sure you've got those excellent throwing stars.
Speaker: Those things are great.
Speaker: Those things are great.
Speaker: They were, they were really good for a lot of things.
Speaker: So, so we get this kind of pep talk from John to Cole being like, not so fun working for the bad guy.
Speaker: Is it?
Speaker: Ah,
Speaker: He really does give him like the after school specials.
Speaker: Really?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Really being the Christian youth minister.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: You know who else betrayed his friends?
Speaker: Judas.
Speaker: Judas.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then at that point, John just like pulls a chair out of nowhere, flips it around and sits on it backwards.
Speaker: And like, let me wrap with you.
Speaker: Let me wrap with you.
Speaker: See, me and Kevin have a very close background.
Speaker: We come from a lot of the same shit.
Speaker: We emerged from the same media goo.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: So basically, these are going to have test animals in them.
Speaker: And the first ones are called Dax.
Speaker: Dax.
Speaker: which in which they realize implies pterodactyls.
Speaker: And suddenly, of course, they start hearing the sound of wings beating in the air.
Speaker: So when we cut back to the trio, Claire, we get a lot of Claire oriented stuff here.
Speaker: She and Rebecca and and.
Speaker: And David are well on their way to a menage a trois.
Speaker: Let's be real.
Speaker: This is getting well on their way.
Speaker: It's getting a little sexy in there.
Speaker: Very close.
Speaker: They're getting very close.
Speaker: And this isn't the only time.
Speaker: They're all kind of huddled together and giggling in the dark, you know, and.
Speaker: It's like they're all going to die, but this is fun.
Speaker: Claire and Rebecca nearly kiss, you know.
Speaker: Yeah, and it's like you smell good.
Speaker: And it's just it's all very weird.
Speaker: So they're hiding away from.
Speaker: Listen, though, SD, if you want to write that, I support it.
Speaker: I support it too.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: For the record, we laugh.
Speaker: We laugh, but we also would support Resident Evil.
Speaker: Fifty Shades of Evil would be Resident Evil Underskirt.
Speaker: Resident Evil Sex World.
Speaker: So,
Speaker: I call it fuck city.
Speaker: Fuck city.
Speaker: Fuck city.
Speaker: This is another moment where it's like, and this sounds silly because the whole point of this whole show is that these are books based on video games.
Speaker: However, this one is not based on an actual video game.
Speaker: It's just a franchise, as we've discussed before.
Speaker: And but this is another really crazy video game moment.
Speaker: They are literally hiding on the top of crates.
Speaker: that are wobbling ever so slightly as they giggle and hide in the dark.
Speaker: And you can just see the balance joystick game, you know, ticking in front of you.
Speaker: You got a mini game going right now.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: And they're hiding from these soldiers that are looking for them.
Speaker: They can hear them talking about them underneath.
Speaker: And then all of a sudden the crates come a tumbling down just like Joshua who fit the battle of Jericho.
Speaker: We get a lot of biblical references.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Really just jamming them in there.
Speaker: Jamming them in.
Speaker: Just jamming them in the same way the youth director did.
Speaker: Well, never mind.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Don't worry about it.
Speaker: Don't worry about it.
Speaker: Don't worry about it.
Speaker: We cut back to John and Leon and Cole hearing the flapping of wings.
Speaker: And we literally get one of them to say balls.
Speaker: So I really love balls as an exclamation.
Speaker: It's a really underused one, I find.
Speaker: And so I was delighted to see it.
Speaker: We get these pterodactyl things that are really kind of intense and scary at first.
Speaker: But but, you know, they basically they also discuss their fear of birds during this, which is kind of hilarious.
Speaker: Partially trying to make Cole think feel better, I think, because he's freaking out.
Speaker: But they're also like, fuck birds.
Speaker: But no, but seriously, though, fuck birds.
Speaker: So we get a lot of build up and build up and build up.
Speaker: And finally, we get this flock of these these terrible things coming in.
Speaker: They've got
Speaker: you know, stretchy wings and the distended heads.
Speaker: And we find out later that they're actually more related to bats than anything else.
Speaker: But the dactyls kind of thing stuck because they do kind of resemble our idea of pterodactyls and all that other shit.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: And they're covered in claws.
Speaker: And it's actually a pretty, pretty good description.
Speaker: They're very skin, stretchy, body, morphe kind of.
Speaker: But there is one problem with them.
Speaker: And they got hollow bones.
Speaker: Yeah, they are made out of glass.
Speaker: They are absolutely made out of glass.
Speaker: And honestly, this is the most Resident Evil thing in the book, I find, where, especially when we were young and we were first playing Resident Evil in Resident Evil 2, where there is a serious intimidation factor for many of the bad guys, but when you actually...
Speaker: pull up your gun and fire.
Speaker: It's not so bad.
Speaker: You're going to be okay.
Speaker: It's true.
Speaker: That's true of a lot of video games.
Speaker: They, they intimidate the shit out of you, but when you actually get going, you can get them.
Speaker: They're designed to die.
Speaker: So no big thing.
Speaker: So we end this chapter with a firefight breaking out with the Dax.
Speaker: Hmm.
Speaker: 12.
Speaker: Oh yeah.
Speaker: Happy dad.
Speaker: Happy dad.
Speaker: Call me.
Speaker: This show is hosted by two happy dads.
Speaker: I don't see.
Speaker: I don't see what else you could possibly want.
Speaker: Kevin doesn't drink, but I drink enough for the both of us.
Speaker: It's fine.
Speaker: It's perfect.
Speaker: It's fine.
Speaker: So the, the fight continues in chapter 12.
Speaker: We get a rest in watching and being kind of pissed watching his toys get torn up.
Speaker: Basically thinking odd is it's those fucking hollow bones.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You do get a moment where he's watching Cole freak out and be scared.
Speaker: And it's kind of hilarious because he does have a moment of like, because he's annoyed because he can't hear through the cameras because the audio hasn't been set up yet.
Speaker: The wiring for the auto hasn't.
Speaker: That was Cole's job.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So he's annoyed he can't hear.
Speaker: And he goes, well, it serves him right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: getting the audio fixed.
Speaker: It's just like every fucking boss you've ever had.
Speaker: It's like, oh, fuck you.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: He's a piece of shit.
Speaker: So they, you know, he gets to watch them make.
Speaker: We basically get a lot of internal monologue explaining the origins of these creatures.
Speaker: And they're just they're the latest experimental animal.
Speaker: And he's and he finds that he's enjoying himself.
Speaker: Despite the fact that the setback of his birds getting chopped up, it's a lot of fun to watch these people go to their death.
Speaker: And his whole plan basically at this point is to be able to use this footage to show like the board of directors, like the council, you know, here's how good it's working.
Speaker: And this is our success story.
Speaker: Right now, Reston is giving big Hillary Clinton voters before polling had closed in 2016 energy.
Speaker: Big time.
Speaker: Big time.
Speaker: It's a done deal.
Speaker: It's settled.
Speaker: Let's just sit back and drink this expensive brandy that I just happened to have.
Speaker: Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Speaker: And what's that guy saying on the TV?
Speaker: Don't worry about it.
Speaker: Don't worry about it.
Speaker: Don't worry about it.
Speaker: I'm sure that's not a real gun.
Speaker: Anyway.
Speaker: We cut to David and and company basically shooting their way out of the compound.
Speaker: They have fallen off of their their crates because that was a real good hiding place.
Speaker: Rebecca has a concussion.
Speaker: Yeah, Rebecca has fallen and has a fucking concussion.
Speaker: She discusses in her inner monologue and then a little bit later in her outer monologue.
Speaker: Please check to make sure there's no brain goop hanging out of my ears.
Speaker: That is the actual thing she's concerned about.
Speaker: If you see blood, that's fine.
Speaker: If you see any clear liquid, that's a bad sign.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So Rebecca and Claire kind of hobbling her through, uh, getting her to a safe place.
Speaker: Oh, and Rebecca was shot too.
Speaker: She has, she's concussed and shot.
Speaker: She's not in the pelvis.
Speaker: She is not in good shape.
Speaker: She's not in good shape.
Speaker: Uh, uh, not.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And as also another thing, Kevin pointed out our, our medic.
Speaker: Our healer is down.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Our healer is down.
Speaker: Sick.
Speaker: Uh, uh, so he,
Speaker: In the sense of PVP combat, the the umbrella team actually did did what you're supposed to do right off the bat.
Speaker: They focused on the right character.
Speaker: Get rid of that support.
Speaker: So basically, we get a firefight that ends in a bunch of grenade explosions and and them running off into the freezing desert.
Speaker: Leaving the security behind escaped, but worse for where?
Speaker: That's right.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: It's very tense out there in the desert.
Speaker: And cold.
Speaker: And cold.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's another thing.
Speaker: And we're going to get into it.
Speaker: That's another thing.
Speaker: Perry is very good at doing the extreme environmental hazards in this.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Uh, it's effective.
Speaker: It's genuinely effective.
Speaker: Uh, and we're going to get into exactly why here in a second.
Speaker: Um, we cut back to Cole, Leon and John, uh,
Speaker: My cat is sitting on my wife's cricket printer and turned it on with her ass.
Speaker: Is Ripley doing a test print right now?
Speaker: She's a crafting kitten is her thing.
Speaker: She's she's she decided that she's going to make a lot of money on Etsy, designing stickers with witty cat puns and sayings because no one's done that before.
Speaker: You're a hack, Ripley.
Speaker: You're a hack.
Speaker: Oh, sorry.
Speaker: That's the cutest little hack ever.
Speaker: I know, just daddy's little hack.
Speaker: So we get more of the trio in the planet test rooms kind of building up morale.
Speaker: They're trying to make Cole feel comfortable so he can be an ally and actually watch their backs.
Speaker: We get a great line that says, this is so weird, so over the top, so utterly like Umbrella.
Speaker: So, so utterly like umbrella.
Speaker: Like I was, I was reading that and I was, I was answering it with them.
Speaker: I was like, yeah, it's weird and over the top.
Speaker: It's number.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: You got there too.
Speaker: Great.
Speaker: You're there.
Speaker: You're there.
Speaker: You figured it out.
Speaker: And and they talk about we get a little bit of flashback to how they got there.
Speaker: Leon, you know, and the Spencer mansion and everything like that.
Speaker: And it actually made me realize that this book, what's unique about this book is all not all, but most Resident Evils start with the
Speaker: a Gothic thing, the castle of a mansion or something like that.
Speaker: But by the end of it, you're in Frankenstein's lab.
Speaker: You're in the crazy science, the sterile white environment gone wrong.
Speaker: And this book kind of cuts straight to that.
Speaker: We are only ever we skip the Gothic mansion slash castle part and go straight into science land with this, which is which is pretty interesting.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Let's see.
Speaker: Well, it's similar with Caliban Cove.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, actually.
Speaker: Yeah, totally.
Speaker: Straight into the straight into the military complex or what have you.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We go right into the sci fi kind of aspect of it.
Speaker: We get some more fighting with the Dax.
Speaker: Good stuff.
Speaker: Good fight scenes.
Speaker: They are already they're only like a quarter of the way through this thing.
Speaker: They're aware of how much of this they have to do at this point and very aware of the fact that they are steadily running out of ammunition, which is which is pretty good.
Speaker: And they finally just make a break for it when they think about that.
Speaker: They're like, we don't, we don't, it's, it's this realization.
Speaker: I think that a lot of people playing resident evil do where it's like, I don't have to shoot everything.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's a survival part of the survival hard.
Speaker: Like, Oh, I got to conserve ammo.
Speaker: Yeah, let's just run.
Speaker: So they do.
Speaker: And and run and run and run and make it to a hatch and slam it close behind them.
Speaker: And they are in phase two, as the book says.
Speaker: But we don't have time for that.
Speaker: We cut back to Rebecca, David and Claire.
Speaker: They are running.
Speaker: They're exhausted.
Speaker: It's dark.
Speaker: They can't see where they are.
Speaker: It's freezing cold.
Speaker: And they have no idea, basically, if they are far enough away that they can even...
Speaker: think about slowing down or anything along those lines.
Speaker: So we're checking Rebecca for for hold on.
Speaker: What's the word?
Speaker: It's in here.
Speaker: The CSF, it's it's the intercranial fluid or something like that.
Speaker: Yeah, something like that.
Speaker: So they're checking her and and she gets kind of like this kind of weird guilty moment where she's like, oh, fuck, I really do need to shape up because we're not even the full team.
Speaker: John and Leon are out somewhere, probably getting chewed on and they're going to need my help.
Speaker: Yeah, they're getting munched.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So basically, we're trying to survive and Rebecca kind of passes out and goes into a coma, essentially.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And we cut to the desert.
Speaker: We are in an artificial desert world.
Speaker: They're in the desert.
Speaker: New Dr. Wiley music's playing.
Speaker: So we get a great moment.
Speaker: Shut up, Kevin.
Speaker: So we get, we get a moment that made me immediately think of, oh fuck.
Speaker: I can't believe I'm forgetting his name.
Speaker: I'm blanking on it.
Speaker: The guy who made the Batman forever and Batman and Robin, Joel Schumacher Schumacher.
Speaker: We get a Schumacher moment.
Speaker: There's that, that over the top campy bullshit where like, you know, oh no, it's boiling acid.
Speaker: It's that kind of thing.
Speaker: And it's Cole's realization that they're in the desert.
Speaker: And he's like, phase two is, is a desert.
Speaker: So it must be the Scorps scorpion.
Speaker: See?
Speaker: So, and he's like, and he gives them a lowdown.
Speaker: We've got hunters and spitters in the next room.
Speaker: And it's just all bad news.
Speaker: And,
Speaker: So we have at least with Dax, you had to kind of really think about what we might be dealing with with a nickname like that.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Scorps is a little obvious.
Speaker: It's a little bit more straightforward, you know?
Speaker: See, they took the advice of leaving the subtlety at the door.
Speaker: And leave it at the door.
Speaker: Leave it at the door.
Speaker: We have no room.
Speaker: So we get a moment where they they give Cole a gun.
Speaker: They're like, they have a moment of like, hey, do you know how to use one of these?
Speaker: And Cole's like, yeah, kind of.
Speaker: And he's like, and John actually is like, do you know gun safety rules?
Speaker: Do you know not to point him at it?
Speaker: Not to not to shoot us.
Speaker: No dumb shit like that.
Speaker: And he's like, yeah, I think I can remember that.
Speaker: And he's like, OK, here's the gun.
Speaker: So you give me a gun.
Speaker: You pass.
Speaker: You pass.
Speaker: It's and that was only slightly more stringent than our current gun laws.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: That's just just a little more.
Speaker: But, you know, desperate times and desperate measures and all that.
Speaker: I understand.
Speaker: I understand.
Speaker: It's a different scenario.
Speaker: It's a different world.
Speaker: You know, it's a different world.
Speaker: It's you get corpse out there.
Speaker: You got Scorps.
Speaker: You can't trust it.
Speaker: You know, back in the old days, in the Roman times, you know, when things went to war, we we allowed someone to be a dictator.
Speaker: So this is very much like that situation.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Caesar and all that.
Speaker: How often do you think of the Roman Empire?
Speaker: I actually, my wife did ask me that when that was trending for anyone who doesn't know what he's talking about.
Speaker: There was a trend on Tik TOK for a while where they were asking random men, girls were asking their boyfriends and husbands and whatnot.
Speaker: How often do you think of the Roman empire?
Speaker: And they were shocked at how frequently it was like, Oh, once, twice a week because most women don't think about it at all.
Speaker: And, and my wife asked me, she goes, how often do you think of the Roman empire?
Speaker: And I went, well,
Speaker: I think of them maybe twice a week, but only in context of the Germanic tribes kicking their asses.
Speaker: went oh right you're who I married right right yeah it's like yeah Visigoths bitch we're not fucking with Romans Romans get out of here fuck Romans except for the actual Romans that live now who I know who are very nice of which there are one so
Speaker: And we do get we finally before the chapter ends, we get a gruesome look at these Scorps, which are true to their name, gigantic scorpions with footlong stingers and and big mandibles and big pointy teeth.
Speaker: And it's.
Speaker: Yeah, it's terrific.
Speaker: It's it's and there and there are three of them staring them down at the top of a hill and they slowly make their way down the hill towards them.
Speaker: And as they do, another three pop up.
Speaker: So you've got a spawn point that you're going to have to take care of.
Speaker: You're going to have to deal with that spawn point.
Speaker: That's just we all know that that's what's happening.
Speaker: So they they do a little shooting.
Speaker: This cuts to Chapter 14, by the way, start shooting at the Scorps.
Speaker: Unfortunately, you plug the Scorps full of holes.
Speaker: And this white goo that is described as thick white goo way too many times for my comfort.
Speaker: The thick white goo comes out of them.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And I'm too immature to handle this.
Speaker: The white goo is coming and coming.
Speaker: It's coming and coming.
Speaker: And it plugs the hole.
Speaker: The white goo plugs the hole.
Speaker: White goo fills that hole right up.
Speaker: It fills that hole right up.
Speaker: In fact, some of the white goo drips out of the hole.
Speaker: A little bit.
Speaker: When there's too much, where else is it going to go?
Speaker: It's got no other choice.
Speaker: It's going to fall out of that hole.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Talk to my wife.
Speaker: So we get a lot of that.
Speaker: They're generating.
Speaker: So we've got our troll blood scorpions, basically.
Speaker: Eventually, our team remembers what they learned in the last room and just starts fucking running.
Speaker: And they're still coming.
Speaker: They're still coming.
Speaker: And then
Speaker: Another great video game moment, a well-placed, a single well-placed grenade in the center of the group blows them all sky high.
Speaker: And I believe the book even says no amount of white goo is going to heal that.
Speaker: Which is just OK.
Speaker: Light away, goo.
Speaker: John congratulates himself on being a badass super genius.
Speaker: At this point, John is a bone in my head.
Speaker: He is he is canonically a bone from aliens.
Speaker: Just just absolute badasses.
Speaker: You know, assholes and elbows.
Speaker: He's just this guy.
Speaker: And I love him for it because I'm seriously one of my favorite characters in that.
Speaker: And he has he has the cigar in it.
Speaker: Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: He wakes up with it.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: So that's what we've got here.
Speaker: And then they realize they start hearing more clicking and they're like, okay, but let's seriously go.
Speaker: Let's just keep booking it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Let's just keep running.
Speaker: We cut to another snuggly scene between David and Rebecca and Claire.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: All huddled together in the darkness for – they are spooning.
Speaker: They are literally spooning.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: They are –
Speaker: talking about, they basically have found this, uh, lookout zone and David is kind of impressing Claire with the math he's doing in his head of how many soldiers are probably in there and when they will be, uh,
Speaker: off duty.
Speaker: It basically like, when's going to be the easiest time for us to get up and out of there, uh, and attract the fewest number of people.
Speaker: Uh, and, and they, they are, they've called in for help with a, with a chopper, but, uh, or a copter as, uh, as, uh, as Perry likes to call them.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: And and they're basically teeth chattering, talking about anything that they can to avoid falling asleep because they can't fall asleep.
Speaker: They got to stay awake.
Speaker: And and we get we get a moment of optimism when Rebecca says that she hates the weather and they all grin.
Speaker: And Claire thinks that things are definitely starting to look up.
Speaker: So.
Speaker: We cut to Reston, who is frustrated about.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You know, his corpse just blew up so easily.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I think they realized that, OK, well, we filled him with white goo, but we didn't.
Speaker: reinforce their joints.
Speaker: So they fall apart at the edges.
Speaker: They fall apart at the edges.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Too much white goo.
Speaker: Too much white goo.
Speaker: We filled them all.
Speaker: We filled them up full of white goo, but that's not going to, that's not, that's not, it's not going to solve all your problems.
Speaker: You jam that donut full of Boston cream.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You keep pumping up.
Speaker: It's going to, the structural integrity is just not going to hold.
Speaker: You'll feel better for a little while, but eventually.
Speaker: It's all just going to fall apart.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You need more than that.
Speaker: You need more than goo.
Speaker: You're not going to be able to create a scorp out of goo that was molded by a ruined scorp shell.
Speaker: That's just a statue.
Speaker: That's just a statue.
Speaker: And it's not real.
Speaker: It's not real.
Speaker: And I point to the poem Ozymandias.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: by Percy Shelley.
Speaker: And I say I met a traveler from an antique land who said two vast and trunkless scorpion legs of stone were covered in white goo.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And that was, I mean, Shelley was, look upon my goo, ye mighty in despair.
Speaker: If we named, if we titled episodes the way other podcasts do, this episode would be called Look Upon My Goo.
Speaker: Look upon my goo, ye mighty.
Speaker: Look upon my goo, ye mighty.
Speaker: And despair.
Speaker: Oh, man.
Speaker: So we cut to Reston.
Speaker: He's pissed and he's watching as...
Speaker: more Scorps attack.
Speaker: This is interesting.
Speaker: We do get, we get like a whole action scene.
Speaker: That's just from his point of view.
Speaker: And it's not a recap of what just happened.
Speaker: It's the next action scene.
Speaker: told in silent by him watching the camera.
Speaker: And I think that's really neat.
Speaker: And he's watching as they realize that they really are.
Speaker: They could just shoot these things in the face, just shoot them in the eyes and they get confused and they stab each other with their big talons and shit.
Speaker: And it's just a mess.
Speaker: And it's great.
Speaker: It's great advice, honestly.
Speaker: Shoot them in
Speaker: the face.
Speaker: That's the eyes.
Speaker: They got these big old scorpion eyes and really, here's the problem.
Speaker: You make something giant.
Speaker: It's got giant eyes.
Speaker: Yeah, right.
Speaker: It's got giant eyes.
Speaker: They're bigger.
Speaker: They're easier to shoot.
Speaker: So, so we get him watching this all go down and kind of like trying to figure out in his head how he's going to explain this if shit goes sideways, but still very confident and
Speaker: That everything's because they are making their way to phase three and and the chapter ends with him pouring himself another glass of brandy and saying, say goodbye to our heroes.
Speaker: And that's and that's where we are so far.
Speaker: So, Kevin, what do you think of Resident Evil Underworld so far?
Speaker: I'm enjoying it.
Speaker: I'm still enjoying it.
Speaker: I love the sequences with John and Leon and Cole.
Speaker: It's a fun little mix there.
Speaker: I'm kind of rooting for Cole the electrician to make it through to the end.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Is there a crash course in Star?
Speaker: Could he work for Star?
Speaker: Not Stars.
Speaker: I mean, not them, I guess, but the remnants of the good guy Stars.
Speaker: Could he be like their electronics guy with the cameras?
Speaker: You can't tell me they won't need an electrician.
Speaker: Come on.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So that would be fun.
Speaker: That'd be fun.
Speaker: That'd be good.
Speaker: And I think we needed a lot more sexual tension in the Claire, Rebecca, David scenes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, in order to, because it just feels like we're just kind of hanging around and there's not a lot going on.
Speaker: I think we needed- Oh, sure.
Speaker: I think to make it worthwhile, just to-
Speaker: more, you know, true story.
Speaker: My my my son was just just beside himself at some point this evening.
Speaker: And we were just trying sometimes babies just they just they don't know what the fuck's going on.
Speaker: And they just they just cry.
Speaker: And there's not always rhyme or reason to it.
Speaker: And you just got to kind of comfort them and make them feel better.
Speaker: And we read to him all the time.
Speaker: And so Emily knew I had to finish like the last five pages of this book before tonight.
Speaker: And she went, you have to finish it.
Speaker: Why don't you just read it to him while I hold him and stuff?
Speaker: And I was like, OK, sure.
Speaker: And so I just launch into this thing.
Speaker: Emily has no context for any of this.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: You know, and she's asking by the end of that, she's like she's like, are they going to.
Speaker: do they have sex in these books?
Speaker: Will they have sex?
Speaker: And I went, no, no.
Speaker: It's like written for like 14 or 15 year olds.
Speaker: So they don't, they don't ever do the dirty, but, but there's like a lot of like, I have a crush on every boy kind of moments every now and then.
Speaker: Like SD Perry really loved to insinuate at some point that two characters were just going to bone, you know, right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Never write it.
Speaker: Never, never actually put it into the book.
Speaker: Never actually did.
Speaker: It's very fan fiction in that way where it's just like that, that, that fan service of like, of like, we like each other.
Speaker: Maybe we'll get together.
Speaker: It's, it's kind of chased in that way.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So I think, I think what we needed, if they were all spooning in the cold to relieve themselves, the reason Rebecca woke up is David accidentally popped a boner.
Speaker: Yes, I think David pitched a tent in the middle of the night.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: In the middle of camp.
Speaker: Not that kind of tent.
Speaker: No, sir.
Speaker: No, I'm with you.
Speaker: This is the same level of silly fun that we've grown to expect from Miss Perry.
Speaker: And then somewhere off in the distance.
Speaker: They're in the desert and they can just hear that.
Speaker: And they're like, what the fuck is that?
Speaker: Is that Muzak calling oats?
Speaker: Oh no.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: The bad guy's close.
Speaker: The big bad's here.
Speaker: The big bad's here.
Speaker: That is, that is, that is truly good.
Speaker: Big bad entrance music.
Speaker: Yes, I agree.
Speaker: So now that, now that we've, we've gotten through the, the, the busy work of our show, Kevin, let's let's answer the question that everyone's burning to hear.
Speaker: What are you playing?
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: So I am playing Scowled against the black Priory.
Speaker: So Scowled is kind of like a retro.
Speaker: I don't, did I talk about it last week?
Speaker: I can't remember if I talked about Scowled.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: Maybe I did.
Speaker: I can't remember.
Speaker: Anyway, Scowled is like a retro CRPG very much in the Ultima and Wasteland fashion where it is a top-down
Speaker: point of view and you just got a little dude, a little duder and you're, you're moving around and you got, you have battles you can fight and people you can talk to, but it's got a really, it's, it's really fun because the, the combat, the combat is pretty satisfying.
Speaker: You can have a bunch of different builds of your characters based on a few different archetypes.
Speaker: And there's actually a really good horror story underneath it.
Speaker: So the concept of the game is that you are the daughter or son of the old arms master of a kingdom who was banished because of his failure to save the...
Speaker: queen okay so he was banished you were banished and you are you come back after his death because the king uh or the king or somebody really in the kingdom is like okay i need your help i need you to go the the the my daughter is missing and now and i need you to go save her she was headed off to this island and
Speaker: And so hire a band of mercenaries, take them with you to this island.
Speaker: You get there, your ship crashes against the rocks.
Speaker: There's a giant terror from the deep, a Lovecraftian terror from the deep that attacks your ship, dashes you against the rocks.
Speaker: There's only a few survivors.
Speaker: One of them is two of them are people who end up joining your party.
Speaker: One of them is one of the sailors, one of them is a mercenary, and you venture forth trying to find the daughter of the king as well as unraveling
Speaker: the weird, weird shit that is happening on this island chain because, and it is, it is real.
Speaker: It goes from zero to Lovecraft really quick.
Speaker: Like you'll find there's this one part where you're going through and you run into your, there's all these rats and then you find a, a monster that's,
Speaker: made of rat carcasses that have merged together into a rat carcass person.
Speaker: And it speaks out of all the mouths saying, I mean, there's no voiceover, but it's described in the text box and how it's like, well, we rise because it's singing to us.
Speaker: Do you not hear the singing?
Speaker: And you're like, no.
Speaker: So you get...
Speaker: attacked by this rat mutant monster and all these rats.
Speaker: It's it's really cool stuff from a from a horror perspective.
Speaker: And just the style of it is is really cool.
Speaker: This looks a this looks seriously fun and B it has a live action commercial
Speaker: for it based on like the old 80s D&D commercials and shit.
Speaker: And I am just fucking loving that.
Speaker: I absolutely love it.
Speaker: That's wonderful.
Speaker: I've definitely I've checked this out.
Speaker: So yeah, the the the game from the store page on Steam.
Speaker: Scowled Against the Black Priory is a retro style party based RPG set in a grim, dark fantasy world of tragic heroes, violent deaths and Lovecraftian horror.
Speaker: Take a chance and roll the dice as you embark on a compelling story filled with deadly creatures, branching story and tactical turn based combat.
Speaker: It is on Steam for $14.99.
Speaker: The ratings are terrific.
Speaker: Yeah, I definitely recommend playing it.
Speaker: And what's really neat is it has a debug mode.
Speaker: So I was as a lot of times, a lot of games use tab as as the way to get into and out of your inventory.
Speaker: So I hit tab and it brought up a screen that was the Commodore 64 screen and it with all these debug commands and it's you just put in one of the commands, it's like
Speaker: give yourself a thousand gold and it's like, ding, you have a thousand gold.
Speaker: Oh, I love it.
Speaker: Good for them.
Speaker: I was like, oh, that's fun.
Speaker: That's cute.
Speaker: Remember when games used to help you cheat on them?
Speaker: Yeah, it has a few cheats right in there in the console.
Speaker: I'd be like, that's just hilarious.
Speaker: That's wonderful.
Speaker: So, Scowled Against the Black Priory, I recommend it.
Speaker: So far, it's a lot of fun.
Speaker: And yeah, honestly, it's not going to kill your computer.
Speaker: I think it'll run on a potato.
Speaker: I see you put it on your wish list in the time that I was talking about it.
Speaker: That's going to be something I'm going to have to dedicate some time to.
Speaker: That looks like it'll be a lot of fun.
Speaker: Definitely.
Speaker: I mean, it's super Ultima.
Speaker: Like it's very, very old school.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And there was, there's just some moments where it's like, oh, what the fuck was that?
Speaker: What just happened?
Speaker: I love the era we are in where we've got this broad history of games and people who know that history really well, or at very least they know it well enough to fuck with it.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And I love that.
Speaker: I love what we're seeing, especially from the indie scene these days.
Speaker: That's that's great.
Speaker: That's great stuff.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Aside from that, I, you know, back on my power wash simulator bullshit.
Speaker: Naturally.
Speaker: Naturally.
Speaker: Naturally.
Speaker: And, you know, we'll see.
Speaker: So that's the thing about Powerwash Simulator.
Speaker: It's always getting updates and it's always getting DLC.
Speaker: Is there any particular good stuff that just came out or...
Speaker: Well, I believe the most recent special pack is the one I already played.
Speaker: That was the Warhammer 40K one.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: I'm going back.
Speaker: I think last week you were doing the Final Fantasy 7.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: I'm going back and playing through previous DLCs, which were Back to the Future.
Speaker: I did that one.
Speaker: And the Final Fantasy 7 Midgar special pack.
Speaker: And there's also a Tomb Raider one that I have that I haven't finished, but I want to get back to.
Speaker: Yeah, Power Wash Simulator is great because I can just throw it on while we're watching TV on my Steam Deck, and it's a good time.
Speaker: I just bought...
Speaker: Fallen Aces, which I am really excited to play.
Speaker: I love the art style of that.
Speaker: That looks really good.
Speaker: Yeah, it doesn't it?
Speaker: It's an M-Sim.
Speaker: It's from New Blood.
Speaker: So I got to play it.
Speaker: It's basically like if there was a... You know what it is?
Speaker: It looks a little bit like if there was an M-Sim...
Speaker: made in the Archer art style.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Very much.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: So I'm, I'm looking forward to that.
Speaker: Episode one is out now on that.
Speaker: So I'm going to be checking that out soon.
Speaker: And that is what I'm playing.
Speaker: Just an addendum, because I don't often get to read books aside from what we read for Pixel It.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: I did start reading a book that I'm enjoying so far.
Speaker: It's by Jason Pargan, who...
Speaker: Y'all might know from his stints on Behind the Bastards.
Speaker: He shows up on there a lot.
Speaker: He's the author of the John Dies at the End series.
Speaker: I'm reading the first in the Zoe Ash books.
Speaker: Ah.
Speaker: Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits.
Speaker: And it is tickling my fancy so far.
Speaker: That's awesome.
Speaker: That's more of a what are you reading?
Speaker: That goes on it.
Speaker: That's going to go on the list.
Speaker: That's just... Why not?
Speaker: Why not?
Speaker: There's no reason.
Speaker: It's our fucking show.
Speaker: It's our show.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So, Phil, what are you playing?
Speaker: Well, I...
Speaker: I'm wrapping up a lot of the games have started Indica Arctic eggs, stuff like that.
Speaker: Just just wrapping those up Indica's still stands out as it's just one of my favorite games of the year so far.
Speaker: I've been playing a lot of the adventure mode on Vampire Survivors, which has satisfied me on this weird level that I kind of needed with Vampire Survivors, where like you've unlocked like every goddamn thing and it takes you back basically, but gives you it's just it's just old vanilla, basically, Vampire Survivors with
Speaker: fewer items to choose from and stuff like that.
Speaker: And I'm playing like the adventure that follows the old man with his garlic, basically.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And, you know, and it's like and so I'm making my way through his levels.
Speaker: He's got like 12 levels and I'm slowly unlocking those.
Speaker: And it's fun.
Speaker: It's just a nice way of to rehash what has already what you've already played through.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: That's exactly it.
Speaker: And I think that's nice.
Speaker: After playing so hard and unlocking every little thing and every character stuff, to be able to go back a little bit without losing all of that progress.
Speaker: How many hours do you have in Vampire Survivors?
Speaker: Very, very many.
Speaker: Let's see.
Speaker: 156.
Speaker: 156.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And I'm only one achievement away from being full achievement on that one.
Speaker: You are 156.
Speaker: You're actually...
Speaker: You know what's wild is I'm on your Steam profile.
Speaker: You've been playing vampire survivors forever.
Speaker: You're 156, but...
Speaker: In just this year, Bellatro has nearly that many.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: That is absolutely true.
Speaker: And, you know, by the end of the month, I'll have as many, let alone by the end of the year.
Speaker: Because I am working on making my way through the whole, what do you call it?
Speaker: Is that a carbon monoxide alarm?
Speaker: Oh, it's our bread maker.
Speaker: I was like, what the fuck is that?
Speaker: We have a loaf of bread, Kevin.
Speaker: That's what that meant.
Speaker: What the fuck?
Speaker: It's got buckwheat in it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: No, it's true.
Speaker: And I decided that I'm going to go through all the difficulty modes, but I've decided I want to beat all of them on the first deck, on the red deck, just to make it harder for myself.
Speaker: That's actually how I did.
Speaker: I believe either the first or second deck.
Speaker: I got to gold.
Speaker: I beat the gold stake on.
Speaker: It's a good way to do it so far for me.
Speaker: I'm enjoying it and I'm hoping by the end of the year I get to gold.
Speaker: I was up against a wall with one of the difficulties and it took me a minute, but when I got over that hump, suddenly I hit a stride and I was able to push through a lot of them, which is good.
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: And but but speaking of comfort food, weirdly enough, one of the games that I went back to this past week just to have a little something not not even not even to have like a big adventure.
Speaker: But I went back to Star Wars Old Republic.
Speaker: Hmm.
Speaker: Uh, which I used to be a subscriber for that, for that old MMO.
Speaker: And, uh, and, and, and I guess because I had, I played it for so long, I was just like, I just want to play on free mode.
Speaker: And cause I was getting the itch to play Knights of the old Republic.
Speaker: And I was like, you know, there are, there are the thing about old Republic is that it's got eight full campaigns in it.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And they're good.
Speaker: Like they're well written and well thought out.
Speaker: And and you actually don't have to spend any money to enjoy them if you want to.
Speaker: So I was like, fuck it.
Speaker: I'll just play for free and just just, you know, make a sith and cause some chaos in the universe.
Speaker: Go to town.
Speaker: get a scratch and they just released a new update with a new adventure and a bunch of new quests and stuff.
Speaker: But of course, I was like, oh, I've got to start over.
Speaker: I'm not going to not going to do that.
Speaker: So I'm doing that and having fun with it.
Speaker: And I guess I they have this other level of subscriber.
Speaker: There's like the free.
Speaker: basic thing that like lets you play, but you know, there are a lot of limits and then there's the subscriber where there are no limits.
Speaker: And because I played it for so long and they recognized me when I logged in, I'm a preferred, which is like somewhere in between, but even without spending any money, which I really appreciated.
Speaker: I thought that was just like, yeah, it's like a customer loyalty kind of thing, which I got a kick out of.
Speaker: I really enjoyed that.
Speaker: So I'm just playing through that, making myself a dirty little Sith monster and just kicking some ass and crushing skulls and having fun with it.
Speaker: It's a good game.
Speaker: It's a good game.
Speaker: If you're not expecting... The thing is, MMOs, I don't understand the idea of getting into them to have them blow your head off with...
Speaker: innovations and all that shit.
Speaker: But Old Republic was really good about continuing that Kotor tradition of good storylines and expanding the universe and stuff like that.
Speaker: And that's what I'm in it for.
Speaker: So that's that's a nice thing to be able to play for like half an hour here, 20 minutes there.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And this is kind of this is my version of the book, basically, that you mentioned my kind of like kind of it kind of counts, but it kind of doesn't.
Speaker: I was actually at Onyx Paths online convention this past weekend.
Speaker: I emceed a few panels and got involved.
Speaker: And but I also did an actual play of one of their new games called At the Gates.
Speaker: And it was my first ever live actual play.
Speaker: It was a lot of fun.
Speaker: I'd never done that before.
Speaker: Yeah, it was neat.
Speaker: And at the gates, the full version of it isn't out yet, but Onyx Path is doing this really wonderful thing with their new games where they release what they call Ashcan Editions.
Speaker: And it's a $5 PDF and you get it on drive through RPG and it has enough of the rules for you to
Speaker: play the game to get started and see if you like it and see if the world is cool to you and stuff.
Speaker: And it leaves out a lot of the lore and all of the illustrations.
Speaker: And it's very basic, about 70 pages of instructions.
Speaker: It's enough to get a game going in a basic way.
Speaker: And and the full game is going to come out later.
Speaker: But for now, there's this $5 PDF and at the gates is a JRPG inspired tabletop role playing game.
Speaker: Oh, nice.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So you play these characters in this huge kingdom and there are all these different kingdoms that have rivalries and the tensions and and there are demons that have invaded the world.
Speaker: And you're one of, you know, many people who are, you know,
Speaker: start out with humble beginnings and your characters evolve and in certain cases, for example, like the warrior class basically has a weapon that evolves with them.
Speaker: Essentially, you start out with a rusty sword and it's a very secret of mana like that, you know, you got mass immune and all that.
Speaker: And I got to play a pre-made character who is a warlord class, which, you know, is like a leader kind of support character.
Speaker: But my character wasn't a warlord quite yet.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: And I'm like looking at his character, this character sheet, trying to decide what kind of a guy he is.
Speaker: And he's a merchant.
Speaker: He's the son of merchants.
Speaker: And his goal is to like,
Speaker: spread his store to different places throughout the kingdoms.
Speaker: And I went, oh, this is a business, bro.
Speaker: This is it.
Speaker: So I played this character like a rise and grind obnoxious management bro.
Speaker: And it was a lot of fun.
Speaker: And one of the characters literally took him aside and she was like, if you don't stop trying to manage the team, we're going to kill you.
Speaker: You know, it was a lot of fun.
Speaker: And I, and we met a demon and I actually talked it into like leaving the place that where it was like, cause that's the one thing my character could do right.
Speaker: Well, is, you know, talk people into, into and out of things.
Speaker: And it was a lot of fun.
Speaker: And I got to play on the Dork Tales channel on Twitch, which was affiliated with Onyx Path for the con.
Speaker: Oh, that's lovely.
Speaker: Met some cool people.
Speaker: And I highly recommend checking out if you guys are looking for something different to play.
Speaker: You can go to DriveThruRPG and find At the Gates.
Speaker: It's wonderful.
Speaker: The Ashcan.
Speaker: Great stuff.
Speaker: The Ashcan edition.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: When does the full version come out?
Speaker: They're gonna be kick-starting it, I wanna say, by the end of the year.
Speaker: So it takes a while.
Speaker: Okay, the art style on it is very Final Fantasy.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: In terms of, yeah, that's pretty cool.
Speaker: Yeah, and we even play animal people and stuff.
Speaker: We had two people in the party, one who was this kind of like,
Speaker: bad attitude bunny bunny bunny person and a a very silly goat person who she explained beforehand she was like oh i'm just gonna play this person like a hobbit it's just a talkative hungry yeah and she was wonderful she played it really just a chatterbox of a character who's constantly offering you food and stuff and we saw that this stream we were next to was enchanted in some way and we couldn't figure it out
Speaker: And so she took a muffin that she had made and tosses it into the stream and it bobs in the stream at first, but it doesn't fall apart and it doesn't like start.
Speaker: It just it's perfectly whole sitting on top of the stream.
Speaker: And so for a while, our party was just following this muffin down a stream.
Speaker: It was just really charming.
Speaker: And that's lovely.
Speaker: We didn't we got into a little combat, but otherwise there was we didn't nobody like got killed or anything like it was.
Speaker: It was a very charming and you can go in that you can go into like a super battle mode kind of game, too.
Speaker: But we were just naturally going in this direction of of making it a cute kind of fun.
Speaker: Yeah, it's almost family fantasy adventure.
Speaker: Yeah, it was a blast.
Speaker: We had a really good time.
Speaker: Basically what I'm saying is Kevin, we got to get together and play some TRP.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I, I, I a hundred percent agree.
Speaker: If a interview wants to check that out, the, you can, you can watch the replay of that on twitch.tv slash the onyx path.
Speaker: Please do it.
Speaker: It'll be, it'll be on there and you can watch Phil play his, uh,
Speaker: John Ralphio slash Thomas Haverford mix.
Speaker: Very much that.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Got off on a technicality.
Speaker: The worst.
Speaker: They wanted to kill me.
Speaker: And we actually the adventure, the adventure ended with like me saying something about like, like just like, well, you know, management, you know, it's like what you need is good management.
Speaker: And the bunny with a shitty attitude looking at me and going, I'm going to stab you.
Speaker: Like, you know, I was saying.
Speaker: couldn't end up in it out than that it was great it was great yeah yeah that's amazing yeah well that also ends our time with you this evening uh if you want to support the show go on over to patreon.com slash pixelitpod we got three tiers for you you can sign up for free and you can get plenty of stuff there uh for free
Speaker: Otherwise, you can join for $1 and that gets you Phil's blog posts where he talks about what he's reading.
Speaker: $5 gets you the ad-free version of the podcast and bonus episodes.
Speaker: And $10 gets you a shout out at the end of the episode.
Speaker: So to that end, I want to shout out Kyle Seaman, Ruthless Mutter, Jesus loves you.
Speaker: And Friendly Friend, thank you so much for being a friend.
Speaker: So, otherwise, you can join our Discord from, you know, there's a number of links out there.
Speaker: You can find it on our Patreon.
Speaker: And you can follow us on Twitter.
Speaker: You can follow us on Instagram.
Speaker: You can follow us...
Speaker: on my space, uh, friendster.
Speaker: I believe we, we have a friendster.
Speaker: Uh, we don't have a tick tock, but we do have a musically account.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Just so you all know, uh, that's, that's where you can find us.
Speaker: Uh, Kevin actually is opening a sound cloud account, uh, so he can begin his career as a, uh, a rap artist, a rap, uh, a rap artist, uh,
Speaker: That would be Kevin E. Kevin the E. That's my rap name.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: Kevin.
Speaker: Little Kevin the E. The E. The E. The E. Night.
