Transcript
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: So, yeah, he gets dropped off and he we get our we get our lovely.
Speaker: cutoff point at the end of the chapter where he's being threatened by a big cat, and he starts using his, focusing his chi power in order to defeat or somehow circumnavigate the cat.
Speaker: I love the line here, some laughed at the idea of chi.
Speaker: It was all psychological.
Speaker: They said that smacks very hard of like some laugh at the anti-vax movement.
Speaker: They don't understand the truth.
Speaker: Yeah, it just reminded me that, like, if Chi energy can make you invisible and, spoiler alert, shoot fire, then I've got to finish that Marie Kondo series, because I had dropped off on a few episodes in.
Speaker: I want to be able to shoot fire, like, you know, Dalsim.
Speaker: It would be really great for my vines.
Speaker: Is this how acupuncture works?
Speaker: Is that what it is?
Speaker: Both yoga and Chi are known for their fire-throwing abilities.
Speaker: Fire-throwing abilities.
Speaker: I'm surprised.
Speaker: That's the thing.
Speaker: You know, if I could just drop 50 pounds, I could totally throw a few fireballs.
Speaker: Like I just, yeah.
Speaker: Every January I say the same thing this year, this year's the year.
Speaker: This is you're getting married this year, Phil.
Speaker: So yeah, this is good.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: I'm getting married and learning how to throw fireballs before I turn 40.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You try to guess what order that comes in.
Speaker: I recommend one of those coming first.
Speaker: It's gonna be a mess.
Speaker: Stephen King novel right there.
Speaker: I'm ready for it.
Speaker: That's how it happens.
Speaker: I'm so excited and
Speaker: So he turns invisible and he goes basically through the forest and into a fucking cave and there's a fucking cave.
Speaker: I just love that zone.
Speaker: the respect we afford this series.
Speaker: No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker: No, Kevin said it exactly the right way because this book really yada yada's yada's you through like all of the major transitions is like, he was in fucking Tokyo, he goes to fucking LA and he's in fucking Galesburg.
Speaker: They put him in a goddamn plane and they drop him into the fucking forest.
Speaker: Don't worry about it.
Speaker: He gets there.
Speaker: He gets there, all right?
Speaker: Don't say about it.
Speaker: He's just, shut up.
Speaker: Stop questioning me.
Speaker: Don't worry about it.
Speaker: He gets there.
Speaker: He jumps, he decides to get into a mine cart for some reason.
Speaker: There's no real reason.
Speaker: Yeah, a coal cart.
Speaker: Yeah, he gets a coal cart, right?
Speaker: Why not?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Why not a cold cart ride?
Speaker: Whee, I'm a ninja.
Speaker: I have learned from video games, if you find a cold cart, you get in it and you nail that crack.
Speaker: Whatever happens, you hit that lever and then whatever happens is whatever happens.
Speaker: Just be ready to shoot or punch things coming at you from the horizon.
Speaker: You're fine.
Speaker: Whatever happens is the correct thing.
Speaker: It's all.
Speaker: As long as you're moving left to right on the screen, you're golden, baby.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, I got my plunger gun.
Speaker: I'm not wearing pants.
Speaker: I'm here to rock and roll.
Speaker: That was a quack shot reference.
Speaker: Disney Sega Genesis enthusiasts.
Speaker: We're here to educate the kids.
Speaker: They need to know about quack shot.
Speaker: They really need to know about quack shot.
Speaker: They need to know.
Speaker: So then there's like a grotto and there's like, um,
Speaker: I don't understand.
Speaker: There's like, it's like black liquid with fins and teeth.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They, they hint at like a monster, some sort of tentacle.
Speaker: Abomination.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I couldn't get a read on that.
Speaker: And it pissed me off.
Speaker: Cause I was like, this should be a thing.
Speaker: And it kind of wasn't like, is it the thing from, I was waiting for it to come back.
Speaker: Uh, is it the thing from the, uh, that episode of star Trek?
Speaker: Yeah, is the Armus?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No, in our.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And you know, the Armus does not have tentacles, but it has something much, something much, much worse, which is kind of a shitty self-interested attitude from from any from anybody that's not familiar.
Speaker: The Armus is an extremely famous Star Trek The Next Generation monster.
Speaker: It is particularly famous one because it's a total blowhole of a character.
Speaker: And two, because it killed, it killed a main cast character because they, they needed to be written off the show.
Speaker: And so it's, it's one of the only like out of left field plays that Star Trek ever gets to do is like, oh shit, they killed her.
Speaker: She did like, and, and they're not fucking around.
Speaker: They don't baloney them around it in the next half an hour and bring her back with like, you know, science juju.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: They're like, holy shit.
Speaker: But in reality, it's just a puddle of printer ink and Metamucil.
Speaker: Like literally, that's not one of my hilarious like comparisons.
Speaker: It was literally black ink, printer ink and Metamucil that they had to dip Jonathan Frakes in.
Speaker: And I can I can only imagine the the top shelf gin that he had to force himself through that following week to get to get through that experience.
Speaker: It sounds very harrowing.
Speaker: Is this our Oops All Monsters?
Speaker: I feel like we're getting into it real good.
Speaker: Woo!
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: Maybe you're doing some research.
Speaker: If you just like making ridiculous comparisons of what monsters look like, then yeah, jump over to my show.
Speaker: Wall to wall stupid names for slimy tentacle things.
Speaker: I think that's your first t-shirt right there.
Speaker: Stupid names for slimy tentacle things.
Speaker: Oops, all monsters.
Speaker: Got it.
Speaker: Jonathan Frakes just saying, we made it up.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I love that.
Speaker: I love that shit.
Speaker: I could watch that all day.
Speaker: I can watch Jonathan Frakes talking about how you're fucking wrong for just like hours and hours.
Speaker: Our writers made that one up.
Speaker: Total fiction.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Complete malarkey.
Speaker: The Armus just totally gets bypassed.
Speaker: Never hear from it again.
Speaker: And Ryu gets attacked by a bird thing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Which I did the research.
Speaker: I did the research.
Speaker: What bird thing like I know that was this like an inside joke?
Speaker: Because I know that the birds in Ninja Gaiden were like horrible for like it's like the bats in Castlevania.
Speaker: You're jumping over a bit and a bird comes in.
Speaker: Is that all we're referring to here?
Speaker: Pretty much.
Speaker: Jesus.
Speaker: I mean, it almost there almost seemed to be a little synchronicity that with the Komodo dragon, that at least that there's some kind of through line of like bizarre biodiversity that a person that was overthinking, it could say was a result of the machinations underground of the demon.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Or whatever.
Speaker: But isn't the bird a robot?
Speaker: Oh, man, I feel like they're all robots by the end.
Speaker: Yeah, everything is a robot.
Speaker: The bird fell to the ground, a tangled mess of wires and computer chips.
Speaker: This is basically so Ryu doesn't actually have to kill anybody or thing.
Speaker: No one has to die.
Speaker: Yeah, no.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: This is yeah, it's it's everything's either a demon or a robot.
Speaker: This is it's G.I.
Speaker: Joe rules.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: You can't you can't kill a person.
Speaker: It's it's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Foot Clan rules.
Speaker: They're they're not ninjas.
Speaker: They're robots.
Speaker: Everybody's fucking around until Gridiron gets his head chopped off.
Speaker: Pretty much.
Speaker: In the episode I just edited, by the way, I had an extended metaphor about a shipwreck getting vivisected by laser.
Speaker: That's right.
Speaker: We just want to see Joe dead.
Speaker: We just want to see Joe's dead.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's our official stance.
Speaker: I don't know how you guys experienced this, but because we're such a, we're such similar age that Gavin, Gavin and I, and this is like breaking open.
Speaker: Oops all monster monsters.
Speaker: Lore is when we got to like the nefarious, like 10, 11, 12 age, we started a full on genocide of our GI Joe.
Speaker: Oh yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: where we employed every imaginable malfeasance and tool that we could get our grubby hands on.
Speaker: You know, I specifically, I almost lost probably half the fingers on my right hand blowing up gung ho with a black cat firecracker, you know, because I'm sure I don't have to tell you that the way that they're made in the rubber band scene, when you pull them apart, you've got basically a firecracker shaped hole
Speaker: It goes into their torso.
Speaker: So you're like, oh, there you go.
Speaker: Insert and light.
Speaker: And I swear this one just went faster than it should.
Speaker: And the fuse, I was like, oh, shit.
Speaker: And I went and literally, I swear, six inches away from my finger, Gung Ho went.
Speaker: And that was the only one.
Speaker: We didn't find a fucking micro cell of that.
Speaker: that pile of plastic, like all over that field was just nothing.
Speaker: You know, we had found pieces of deep six.
Speaker: We had found pieces of Lady Jane.
Speaker: There was no gung ho anywhere to be found.
Speaker: I think I had a similar thing where I found I discovered my dad's jewelers, screwdrivers.
Speaker: And I found the screw in the back of all the G.I.
Speaker: Joe's.
Speaker: And at first it starts out very, very good because I'm like taking apart their chest.
Speaker: I see how the rubber band works.
Speaker: And I'm swapping chests out with legs.
Speaker: And I think my I remember my mom like seeing that and going, did you do that?
Speaker: Are you?
Speaker: And I was like, yeah.
Speaker: And I think my mom walked away very pleased, like, oh, he's going to grow up to be an engineer or something creative.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But then, yeah, the rubber band.
Speaker: the, the temptation to, to, to cut, uh, is it's just fucking terrible, too strong.
Speaker: And so my mother returns to the room a day or two later and finds just disemboweled Joe's all over the place.
Speaker: And, uh, and I think the, the concern returned.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The concern was gone briefly.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Our surgery hit that level and then we went up from it because we realized that if you just drilled a couple of extra holes in the abdomen, you could go all of them.
Speaker: Hell yes.
Speaker: You could just take other arms, you know, from the communications officer and stick them in your, your, uh,
Speaker: You were robot battle droids and suddenly you had a four armed, you know, viper attack monster.
Speaker: It was good stuff.
Speaker: Yeah, my go-to move was burying them up to their waist in the backyard.
Speaker: And then eventually my dad's lawnmower would run over them.
Speaker: Do you think he noticed?
Speaker: Was he cussing you out and being like, what are these?
Speaker: What are all these jokes?
Speaker: He never noticed.
Speaker: Didn't even notice.
Speaker: Didn't even notice.
Speaker: I would go back out there like after he mowed and I would just investigate the crime scene and be like, oh, that's smooth.
Speaker: Was it a driving mower or a push mower?
Speaker: Push mower.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Well, I'm surprised you wouldn't notice that because some of those were made out of, some of the older ones, that plastic was hardy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, he never said anything to me.
Speaker: We all had our different methods.
Speaker: The only time he said something to me was when I left one on top of a light bulb.
Speaker: because that turned out to be kind of dangerous in terms of fumes and flammability.
Speaker: Yeah, that's not made out of a plastic you want to be inhaling either.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Particularly for it to occupy all of the oxygen in the room over the course of like nine hours.
Speaker: How did little Kevin die?
Speaker: He inhaled Cobra Commander over the course of eight and a half hours.
Speaker: Gradually, Cobra Commander melted and reconstituted in his lungs.
Speaker: In the least metaphorical way possible.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So now he is going to go Joe in the sky.
Speaker: G.I.
Speaker: Joe.
Speaker: Stop all the downloadin'.
Speaker: Pork chop sandwiches.
Speaker: Pork chop sandwiches.
Speaker: The best one is the one you can't quote because it's just barbecue going.
Speaker: What the hell are you saying?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Can I grab a five to get my, get my last drink?
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I'll be right back.
Speaker: There's a cryptid movie coming out.
Speaker: Oh yeah.
Speaker: It's just called cryptid.
Speaker: It's coming out this year.
Speaker: So lazy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Small rural town in Maine is shocked as a mysterious animal leaves a local resident brutally ripped apart.
Speaker: Deemed to be a random bear attack by town officials.
Speaker: Freelance journalist Max Frome suspects it might be something more.
Speaker: Yeah, I don't think this is going to be a movie that exactly sets the country on fire.
Speaker: You know what I'm looking forward to?
Speaker: And I don't know why is Moonfall.
Speaker: For what?
Speaker: Moonfall.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Because I was like, I was like looking at it.
Speaker: I was like, oh, man, this is a really just dumb looking movie.
Speaker: disaster movie.
Speaker: And I was like, I miss dumb looking disaster movies.
Speaker: I, I, there's a very specific, they do what they say on, does what it says right on the tin, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Shit's going to blow the fuck up.
Speaker: You know, you don't need to think that.
Speaker: You know what you're here for.
Speaker: We all know what you're here for.
Speaker: Just didn't sit back and enjoy.
Speaker: Sit back and enjoy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No, I, I, I, I get that.
Speaker: That was a very specific,
Speaker: From the 90s to the mid 2000s, there was just you.
Speaker: There was always a couple of disaster movies per summer.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: I remember they started out with like, you know, you had you had like was it Volcano where there's a volcano in Los Angeles or something like that.
Speaker: It was like underneath the La Brea tar pits.
Speaker: There are always two of these things, too.
Speaker: Yeah, there's always two.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, there was two that year.
Speaker: Dante's Peak.
Speaker: Dante's Peak and Volcano.
Speaker: Volcano, yeah.
Speaker: I think were the same year.
Speaker: Like how there is Armageddon and Deep Impact.
Speaker: Right, exactly.
Speaker: Same year.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: So this year it's like, it's don't look up and moonfall.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Isn't that fucking funny?
Speaker: I didn't even, I, Oh, I haven't even watched.
Speaker: I haven't even watched.
Speaker: Don't look up because I just, I just know I'm going to spend like,
Speaker: I'm just going to spend all the time because everyone I know is like, no, you're going to love it.
Speaker: It's like it's really smart and they're on our side.
Speaker: I'm like, yes, I know they're on our side and it's just going to make me angrier as I scream at the TV at straw men, people on the right that I've made up in my head as I get drunk on the couch.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So, Hess, we were just discussing how like there's always two of the same disaster movie every year.
Speaker: You don't have to tell me this year.
Speaker: This year it's Don't Look Up and Moonfall.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: How long is it?
Speaker: I feel like this has been going on since the 60s.
Speaker: It's been going on because you can go all the way back to like the fucking Poseidon adventure.
Speaker: Totally.
Speaker: And, um, towering Inferno was a, was a double movie with, uh, another one, just like it, volcano and volcano and Dante's peak, uh, Armageddon and deep impact.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Armageddon and deep, and deep impact.
Speaker: And there were two giant, weren't there two giant tidal wave movies?
Speaker: What was the one where Taya Leone is like standing on the beach with her father, just like gracefully being destroyed by a tsunami?
Speaker: Is that Deep Impact?
Speaker: That's the end of Deep Impact.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Gavin and I were in the cinema for that.
Speaker: And for some reason there were like no seats.
Speaker: So we were in literally the front row.
Speaker: Oh yeah.
Speaker: When that scene happened, we were cackling wildly with glee.
Speaker: We were just stomping our feet with laughter as tail Leonie.
Speaker: And it was either her husband or her father were just like a dove soap commercial, like blissfully embracing their personal apocalypse.
Speaker: And we were just cackling like fucking crows.
Speaker: It was the funniest thing we'd ever seen in our lives because it was so goddamn precious and corny.
Speaker: Well, they took themselves so goddamn seriously.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's, that's what it was.
Speaker: It wasn't, it wasn't pure schadenfreude.
Speaker: It was like, come on, crawl out of your own ass.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Deep impact was the super serious version of the asteroid impact.
Speaker: And, and, and Armageddon was Michael Bay, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And yeah, let me tell you, Armageddon's probably aged better than the deep.
Speaker: Amazingly.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Doing cocaine off of the bubble of your astronaut suit.
Speaker: Let's fuck this asteroid to death.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: America.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So, by the way, so in chapter 14, after he's dealing while he's dealing with a bird, he like slashes a lantern, which is just like a nod to the fact that in the game, the lanterns are the sort of like in Castlevania, how the lanterns hold the goodies.
Speaker: Same thing in Ninja Gaiden.
Speaker: So he gets a power up from the lantern for some fucking reason.
Speaker: The whole book quickly descends into a some for some fucking reason.
Speaker: For some reason, this happens.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And this and this is actually where the book does kind of become a boss rush of the video game.
Speaker: Like we we we are just now going to take a couple of pages each to kill the next three or four bosses.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They're they're all very confident, very much, which is amazing because each of them is defeated in about three quarters of a page.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And we got Jackie O holding that lady, the redheaded lady hostage, and we're supposed to really be burnt up about that.
Speaker: Uh, like, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Supposed to be a major motivator here.
Speaker: It's like, oh, shit.
Speaker: Go ahead.
Speaker: It's so shit.
Speaker: The girl we met once before.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like, I mean, I, I'm sorry to hear that, but I don't think that that's really the, the, the 13 year old foreigner with no connections to anyone is just really tripped up about all these people he just met yesterday.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Many, many of them trying to either sabotage him or kill him.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They've given him so many reasons to trust.
Speaker: She shot him once.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then, and then he fights, he fights a boss who uses as his main weapon, a sickle on the end of a chain that he swings.
Speaker: Now with that kind of unique personality driven weapon, the name of this boss is of course, bomber head.
Speaker: That makes total sense.
Speaker: Total sense.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: just, yeah, it's got, it's got a real kind of Bob dug nut kind of name system feel to it.
Speaker: It's like, that's some, it's two words.
Speaker: Don't worry about it.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: He's a real Bob starts with B right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Two words start with B move on.
Speaker: There's going to be a lot of nobody is going to be talking about this in 2022.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You fucking nerd.
Speaker: Surely just write something down.
Speaker: Move on.
Speaker: We've got to finish this goddamn game.
Speaker: I was just waiting for him to fight like Lord Humongous next or something like that.
Speaker: That kind of naming convention.
Speaker: It's real Mad Max.
Speaker: It's real.
Speaker: By the way, quick aside, I am playing the Mad Max video game right now that came out a few years back.
Speaker: And the main bad guy is called Lord Scrotus.
Speaker: So they know the world.
Speaker: They know the world.
Speaker: They're very invested.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They know the problem is a 5-4 conservative bench that does not reflect America's values.
Speaker: Um, so yeah, he, he, he lights, uh, he lights bomber head on fire or something.
Speaker: Um, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Use that Marie Kondo juju.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He uses, he Marie Kondo's and says, uh, this does not give me joy.
Speaker: There's nothing to be joy.
Speaker: And he fucking lights bomber head up.
Speaker: Um, and, uh,
Speaker: We actually somehow missed a boss, Barbarian, who he killed.
Speaker: Oh, Barbarian.
Speaker: I thought I was wrong.
Speaker: I thought I was wrong.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: That's my fault.
Speaker: We totally missed Barbarian.
Speaker: Barbarian was somewhere in that.
Speaker: I wanted to get to Bomberhead so bad.
Speaker: We got to Bomberhead, but by the time we finish Bomberhead, it's like two steps and he finds the next boss.
Speaker: And his name is...
Speaker: Bassicare, which I don't know.
Speaker: That sounds like a name that it sounds like it's a like a separatist movement in Spain.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It sounds like an autonomous region.
Speaker: We want to bring back American federalism.
Speaker: Join the Bassicare party.
Speaker: We're the Spanish wigs.
Speaker: Spanish wigs.
Speaker: The know-nothings.
Speaker: So he, he, you know, kills Bassicare pretty quick using, and he gets, he somehow uses the hourglass stop time G or fucking whatever.
Speaker: He uses the flash man ability.
Speaker: He uses flash man's ability.
Speaker: And because, and man, when he uses that, you go like, was that the time you needed to use that?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Because like stopping time feels like a real game changer.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So to speak.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like, wow.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You use that for a lot of things.
Speaker: And that's the only time he uses it, too.
Speaker: Only time he uses it.
Speaker: He's like, oh, I know how to do this now.
Speaker: Yeah, that seems like almost a game-breaking mechanic that could really turn the whole tide for the whole thing.
Speaker: But we're only going to use it once?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yep, no big deal.
Speaker: You do you.
Speaker: No sweat.
Speaker: You do you, Ryu.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then he fights, he runs into Moth.
Speaker: Moth is the man with the J shields.
Speaker: Bloody Moth.
Speaker: And we get a little pre-fights dialogue between the two, and Moth talks in bold.
Speaker: Oh yeah, for anyone who's watching the video.
Speaker: Now we start to enter the bold section of the book.
Speaker: Just beautiful.
Speaker: Just beautiful.
Speaker: Welcome, my friends.
Speaker: Yeah, Moth is in bold, and...
Speaker: He basically he grabs Malt's sword because Ryu somehow lost his own sword.
Speaker: Not really explain why his sword flew away.
Speaker: So he takes Malt's hand and he stabs him like here.
Speaker: which is like where that's like this one of the sneaky ways to kill somebody because the it if you stab right, collarbone neck joint, collarbone neck joint because it cuts right up anticlimactic.
Speaker: Yeah, it is how impossible this guy is going to be to kill.
Speaker: And he's just like, yeah, electrifies him from the inside out.
Speaker: Yeah, dad, your dad really was a shitty ninja.
Speaker: Like this is not.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's not rocket science.
Speaker: Like your dad died to this guy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: This, this, this 13 year old kid is just Cobra Kai and through all of this, like fucking butter.
Speaker: It's like nothing at all.
Speaker: It's just constant, constant crane kicks.
Speaker: Just keep going.
Speaker: Spam that, spam that crane.
Speaker: Spam the, the low week kick and, and you'll be good to go.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: So, yeah, he he's moving on.
Speaker: And I don't know.
Speaker: He remembers a poem his dad used to teach him, talk to him about from when he was a fucking two week old baby.
Speaker: That's what it's.
Speaker: Yeah, sure.
Speaker: That's the best time to teach your kid poetry.
Speaker: Didn't they establish something like mom?
Speaker: Did mom say it or say it was in the letter that he got from his dad, to be fair.
Speaker: Oh, OK.
Speaker: Was it?
Speaker: Yeah, it wasn't.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: That would require me scrolling.
Speaker: Some established like function where he knew that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And at this point, Malt, before he goes, has told him, your dad's still alive.
Speaker: He never abandoned you.
Speaker: And he says, he says, your father never abandoned you.
Speaker: And Ryu says, don't talk about him like that.
Speaker: Which is like, what is it?
Speaker: He did so abandon me.
Speaker: You shut your whore mouth, Moth.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Totally did.
Speaker: And then, and Malt says, well, if you want to find your dad, you just got to keep gutty.
Speaker: Like gives him this, this clearly it's a trap and everything.
Speaker: And Ray has like five seconds where he's like, I don't know.
Speaker: And he goes down, left, down, left.
Speaker: And then you enter the Konami code and you should be all right.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: And then there's another boss and it's a it's a doggy.
Speaker: The Calibros, the robo dog.
Speaker: And I got to say, I know for me when I think the thing that all of us can appreciate about entering a demon, a demon temple specifically, is that the most annoying thing about it is all the robots.
Speaker: And that's just what's with all these robots.
Speaker: I was, I also had a thought about like, is this a hat on a fucking hat?
Speaker: Like, come on, man.
Speaker: Like do demons or do robots like demons.
Speaker: Why would demons be building robots?
Speaker: Like demons probably can't even think like robot.
Speaker: They don't think binary.
Speaker: They think they think good and evil.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Just it.
Speaker: Just come on.
Speaker: Just pick a lane.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Robo demons.
Speaker: Robo.
Speaker: Just no, it really.
Speaker: That's like, it's like taking two hats and stitching them together.
Speaker: Although in 40 K, uh,
Speaker: Jesus.
Speaker: Now, not Nazi demons are fine.
Speaker: Well, that's, I mean, that's a total.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: There you go.
Speaker: It's a, uh, which the glass is up on the hot one.
Speaker: I'm assuming you're not doing anything with this video, but your, your, your listeners are going to get a real joy out of that whole lady for the camera.
Speaker: Demons possess the machines and cause a biomechanical combination of flesh and metal.
Speaker: And the Robo dogs called Calabross.
Speaker: I really need to go back and super cut all the 40 K stuff.
Speaker: We will.
Speaker: One of these days.
Speaker: One of these days when I control.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Control F that shit.
Speaker: So he, he has to fight his, his, his dad.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Who is the masked devil.
Speaker: Maybe I just like I missed a passed out and I don't because I feel like I read this a couple of times and I still don't understand what the fuck happens.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like, well, he's like, touches the wall and runs and then he finds his dad in another room and he wasn't.
Speaker: He doesn't make any.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: I know exactly what you mean.
Speaker: It's like he his dad has become the mask devil.
Speaker: and he runs away from it.
Speaker: There's a statue of the mass devil, at least it's described as a statue, which shoots flames at him.
Speaker: He keeps going and he goes into another room and before he finds his dad like in chains and weakened and with long hair and all that shit.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: I don't.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't understand what the fuck happened.
Speaker: It don't give yourself an aneurysm.
Speaker: There's a real like mumra just going behind the changing screen and coming back out as super mumra.
Speaker: But in reverse.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It's fine.
Speaker: It's fine.
Speaker: Don't think about it.
Speaker: What's important is we get the full-on reunion between father and son.
Speaker: Last five seconds.
Speaker: Yeah, they recite poetry to each other.
Speaker: Uh, yeah.
Speaker: And Jack Quo, uh, speaks for all of us when he says, oh, please, this display is repulsive, which I'm like, yeah, team Jack all the way.
Speaker: Uh, yeah.
Speaker: Fireballs him, fireballs him right into the chest.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: 13 years apart, five seconds together.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And yeah, yeah.
Speaker: His dad takes a fireball for his son, which who among us wouldn't?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Disappoint.
Speaker: Disappoint dot gif.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: It's just it's like Jesus.
Speaker: Like the turnaround, the problem, you know, well, we'll call it a singular problem that this book has is that all the scenes where stuff happens, it's like a revolving door.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Where you're like, okay, you step in and then like five other plot devices step in with you and then you all come out in the next room and you're like, we're all here.
Speaker: We're all resolved.
Speaker: Wait, shit.
Speaker: What the fuck happened?
Speaker: It's a musical chair.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We're like, okay, dad was here.
Speaker: Oh shit.
Speaker: He's dead.
Speaker: He's fired bald by the thing.
Speaker: Was the thing him?
Speaker: Was he the thing?
Speaker: Don't worry about it.
Speaker: He's dead.
Speaker: Don't worry about it.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: He's definitely dead.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Wait, he's not dead.
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Let's go.
Speaker: Let's go fight Jackie.
Speaker: Oh yeah.
Speaker: And by the way, I don't know.
Speaker: Kevin, I know you, you saw this cause you watched the thing, but has, I don't know if you remember Jackie O was actually a really kind of creepy ass villain in the video games.
Speaker: I, I did not, I meant to watch a playthrough and then I just did it.
Speaker: Didn't get me there.
Speaker: He's a, he's a big, he's like a floaty dude with a crazy ass mask and he shoots fireballs out of his hand.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh yeah.
Speaker: It's got a, it's got a real, um, satanic panic vibe to it.
Speaker: Totally.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But, but like, but like in a actually floating around and spitting fireballs.
Speaker: And he's got like a pentagram and he's got a big eyeball where his dick would be.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And then no, and then no legs.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Which is, you know, it's a mood.
Speaker: It is a mood.
Speaker: He's got a, he's got a, a hashtag eyeball where his dick would be.
Speaker: That's, that's the real oops all monsters brand.
Speaker: That's what you're here for, man.
Speaker: That's why we needed you here.
Speaker: It's also a softball size eyeball.
Speaker: I mean, so yeah, like, yeah, he's a, he, he gives good eyeball.
Speaker: What can I say?
Speaker: I was right there and I didn't see it.
Speaker: Ah, you had it lined up.
Speaker: Kevin.
Speaker: Kevin, proud of you, bud.
Speaker: No respect.
Speaker: Good Lord.
Speaker: Oh, somebody offset.
Speaker: And a long story short, he, he melts Jack, you know, with, with a fire.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: More fire.
Speaker: Dad.
Speaker: Dad.
Speaker: Dad.
Speaker: Angry.
Speaker: And his dad's alive.
Speaker: That's fireball.
Speaker: Dad's alive.
Speaker: Good thing I used up all that anger.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: And he asks him about the statues.
Speaker: The dad diagnosis himself with paralysis like he would if he was experiencing heartburn.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But then but then also dies, diagnosis himself with the fact that he's going to die.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Which is like those two things are not necessarily correlated.
Speaker: If I can't if I can't dance the chicken dance at your wedding, I don't want to live.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I did not spend all those years in ninja archeology school to not be right about my own medical situation.
Speaker: What am I doing?
Speaker: So the statues start fusing together and we're faced with the only thing in the, uh, the only thing that I actually kind of suspected they weren't going to put in the book, uh, which is the final demon monster.
Speaker: We get the demon, which if you haven't seen it before, it looks like a purple shrimp with a tumor in its chest.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You were talking, you talk about a contra boss, like, yeah,
Speaker: It's a horrifying monster.
Speaker: It's it's wonderful.
Speaker: But yeah, so he starts face off and it actually it's actually a bit of good good question mark writing where they end the chapter with with Ryu just looks at it.
Speaker: He's just like, oh, we're all going to die.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: We're not going to make it out of this one.
Speaker: That's pretty grim.
Speaker: Actually, you know, it's also it also could be like a zygote or whatever that one of those early developmental stages.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Especially with the big head.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: With the big head.
Speaker: Certainly.
Speaker: I mean, maybe this is my own show bleeding into my thinking too much, but it certainly has these kind of like, um, you know, alien Xenomorph that HR Giger early life is scary.
Speaker: Fetuses are scary.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: It's scary.
Speaker: Kind of primordial thing going on.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, that was, that was the time period, you know, this was 80,
Speaker: or 88, 88, I think is when it came out.
Speaker: And around the same time Contra did.
Speaker: And it was just like, yeah, they were ripping off Giger like nobody's business.
Speaker: Yeah, you you basically couldn't make a Nintendo game without having at least one boss that was like exposed rib cage, right?
Speaker: Yeah, like bizarre biosexual sculpting sculpting.
Speaker: It just wasn't allowed.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Or an egg that would surprise pop open in the background and have critters come out of it or something.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Giger really set the tone for the decade that followed alien in both.
Speaker: In both film and and especially in video games in terms of some of the bullshit that we saw in these games.
Speaker: Good thing we had that weird Swiss man who dreamt about robot vaginas all day.
Speaker: Thank God.
Speaker: Thank God.
Speaker: He just made our lives so much better.
Speaker: So, Ryu ends up, he chops the head off, it doesn't do anything to kill the monster, and he just keeps slicing chunks off of it until he does kill it.
Speaker: And then the temple starts to fall apart.
Speaker: as one does when the MacGuffin or final boss has been destroyed within said temple.
Speaker: That's just what temples do.
Speaker: They're really only held together by... Temples be crumbling.
Speaker: Temples be crumbling.
Speaker: Am I right, ladies?
Speaker: They're really only held together by plot.
Speaker: It's plot duct tape.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You know, that reminds me, I have a note on here.
Speaker: I don't want to take us on too much of a tangent, but has either of you ever seen this Jeff Goldblum movie from like 1987 called Vibes?
Speaker: V-I-B-E-S.
Speaker: It's available on Amazon.
Speaker: If you compulsively Google it right now, it is a it's Jeff Goldblum and Cyndi Lauper star as two psychics.
Speaker: who are drawn into a scheme to find a hidden archaeological site in the Amazon rainforest.
Speaker: I refuse to believe that the people who did Earth Girls are easy aren't responsible for this.
Speaker: You might totally be right.
Speaker: But
Speaker: I won't say it's good, but I will say it's very gold bloomy.
Speaker: And Cindy Lauper does a lot of quick change, quick change outfit shifting and is in the movie a lot.
Speaker: She's in like every fucking scene with her weird, bizarre Bronx accent and over the top kind of style directed by Ken Quapis.
Speaker: Who's Ken Kwapis?
Speaker: He was like, he mostly did a lot of TV.
Speaker: He was the office.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like that's.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's so weird.
Speaker: I won't say it's not entertaining, but it is really like in the dark beating heart of all of these eighties kind of,
Speaker: hidden temple stereotypes.
Speaker: You know, once you resolve the MacGuffin that everybody must run for holy hell or be spontaneously exploded, it's like right in the center of that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Written by Lowell Gans and Babalu Mandel.
Speaker: Nothing to do with Earth Girls are easy.
Speaker: I am genuinely surprised.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Spies like us, though, they were involved with
Speaker: Parenthood.
Speaker: I watched this before I would rewatch spies like us.
Speaker: Also a league of their own.
Speaker: They they were the writers worked on.
Speaker: So.
Speaker: Oh shit.
Speaker: Interesting.
Speaker: Parenthood.
Speaker: Holy cow.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So we're all over that time.
Speaker: I love Parenthood.
Speaker: Parenthood's amazing.
Speaker: Parenthood holds up so well.
Speaker: It's phenomenal.
Speaker: It's still, you know, you know, you know, and we're talking about the movie with Steve Martin, just for the I know that, you know, that Phil, but just for the audience that there's there's a device of the kid in that movie, the little the little kid who's like wearing a bucket on his head and smashing it over and over again, over again, into the wall.
Speaker: I met that.
Speaker: I met the human being.
Speaker: No kidding.
Speaker: That was that kid, not the actor, the human being that the writer of that movie based the kid on, which is his own son, who was an autistic adult man when I met him.
Speaker: Oh, wow.
Speaker: and explained that he was that kid.
Speaker: And I was, I felt there was some like mixer down the road from when I worked at the talent agency and he, and I don't know why parenthood came up, but, um,
Speaker: He explained that he was that kid with the bucket on his head.
Speaker: And that is like a real like neurodivergent thing of like taking your head and like repetitive, like impact on things.
Speaker: I'm like, that's a true life story.
Speaker: And if you like that movie, you know that that movie is just building blocks of obviously real scenes with real human beings.
Speaker: It has a versimilitude that most dramas don't have, even if it has Steve Martin doing like like wacky pajama styling in every scene.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And and getting, you know, an injurious blowjob that ends in a car crash at the climax of the film.
Speaker: But I love that movie.
Speaker: It's a great movie.
Speaker: I could watch it a million times where he's having the anti fantasy about his boy grows up to be the sniper shooting from a tower.
Speaker: You made me play first base.
Speaker: And he's doing he's doing that.
Speaker: You're you're you're you're running on to first and your belly's going to burst diarrhea, trying to like talk him down from the marine sniper scene.
Speaker: I love that.
Speaker: And in that movie, they play bad dudes, by the way.
Speaker: Yes, that's right.
Speaker: Steve, Steve Martin's in which like they lose.
Speaker: Is there a bad dudes world of power?
Speaker: Oh God, I wish.
Speaker: Let's look.
Speaker: I think so.
Speaker: But oh, you guys, if there's anything bad dudes, you've got, you must cover it because we have to save president Ronnie.
Speaker: President Ronnie must be saved.
Speaker: No bad dudes.
Speaker: No bad dudes.
Speaker: Well, that's a, that's a vacuum that needs to be filled.
Speaker: Obviously.
Speaker: Obviously.
Speaker: We have stated that eventually we're probably going to get into fan fiction and shit like that.
Speaker: We're going to read some fan fiction.
Speaker: Hopefully there's bad dudes fan fiction out there.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: in which they don't say or they before I before I forget it, Phil, because we're on an 8 bit track.
Speaker: You should look up a master system game called Ken Seiden K-E-N-S-E-I-D-E-N.
Speaker: It is a samurai master system game that I spent.
Speaker: It is crazy because it's all like
Speaker: like OG Japanese demon mythology.
Speaker: Oh, and you're just a little dude with a sword in traditional dress and wooden shoes walking around like battling these demons.
Speaker: And it is phenomenal.
Speaker: Oh, wow.
Speaker: This is back when your boss levels were just black background.
Speaker: There was no like landscape you were fighting against.
Speaker: Yeah, it is a very ominous and dark game.
Speaker: Everything is everything about it is amazing.
Speaker: But anyway, I don't I don't want to make your episode.
Speaker: I know how many chapters this fucking book still has.
Speaker: We're almost at the end.
Speaker: Basically, Ryu kills the demon, goes to try to rescue his pops, and his dad's like, no, no, you gotta leave me.
Speaker: Leave me behind for no apparent reason.
Speaker: You'll die if you try to take me.
Speaker: So Ryo's like, no, no, OK, no, no.
Speaker: OK, I'm going to leave.
Speaker: Sorry, dad.
Speaker: And like, and I like to imagine this is in five minutes of real world time.
Speaker: Like, you see, he leaves his dad behind, runs, finds the little redheaded girl and rescues her instead.
Speaker: She's fine with him helping her.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He tries to go and kick the football and she pulls it out of the way.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I think the thing is like, she's an adult woman who works for the CIA and they, it's like, they kind of frame, she's like, the redheaded girl.
Speaker: Like, no, she is, she is probably twice Ryu's age in this book.
Speaker: She is probably like 26 or 27.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So they escape.
Speaker: She's got it.
Speaker: Cyanide capsule in her molar.
Speaker: She's about ready.
Speaker: She's almost there.
Speaker: She's been involved in the cold war for quite some time now.
Speaker: Oh yeah.
Speaker: Since they, she, she probably studied Russian undergrad or something like that.
Speaker: CIA recruited her right out of college.
Speaker: Uh, she is.
Speaker: And anyway, total homicidal maniac, total homicidal maniac.
Speaker: So basically they escape and he's on the radio.
Speaker: She's on the radio with Foster, Australian Fabia.
Speaker: And then he got to.
Speaker: Foster's.
Speaker: No, no, we're just going to let you sit on that.
Speaker: You're going to think about what you did.
Speaker: So Foster,
Speaker: Tells her to kill Ryu and take the statues.
Speaker: And she's like, no, and throws the radio away.
Speaker: And... Oh, no, but not before Ryu just reads this guy the riot act.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: He's gonna...
Speaker: Fuck this guy.
Speaker: I don't have an opinion.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I just, I love, I love the guy who's like, he's, she's, she's literally got a walkie talkie.
Speaker: This is not a cell phone.
Speaker: She's talking on.
Speaker: It's like, it's loud.
Speaker: You can, he can hear you.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And the guy's like, you should go ahead and kill that guy and get the statues.
Speaker: I'm not a speaker.
Speaker: Am I?
Speaker: Yeah, I'm not.
Speaker: The 13 year old didn't hear me tell you to kill him.
Speaker: I am totally in the clear that there is no evidence that I absolutely asked you to kill a 13 year old.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Um, so they throw the walkie talkie away and then reuse dad is like, ha ha I'm alive.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Digs his ass out of, out of the dirt.
Speaker: Uh, yeah, that's, and that's pretty much the end.
Speaker: And that's, oh, oh, wait, hold on real quick.
Speaker: My favorite part is the little redheaded girl.
Speaker: We find out that her code name is sea swallow, which, all right.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: And then Rio says, which, what is your name?
Speaker: She says, she says, well, my name, my name is Irene.
Speaker: It's Greek for peace.
Speaker: I just imagined him going, shut up.
Speaker: Just like punch her out like you end up Die Hard.
Speaker: Who gives a fuck?
Speaker: How about that?
Speaker: How about that?
Speaker: Sea swallow?
Speaker: Sea swallow this, you dumb...
Speaker: How about you swallow my balls?
Speaker: My 13 year old ninja balls.
Speaker: So differences in this ending is because in the game, Ryu is not established as a 13 year old child.
Speaker: He is just Ryu.
Speaker: And at the end of the game, he makes out with Irene.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: They hook up because she and she becomes his girlfriend.
Speaker: Because she's his property now.
Speaker: She's...
Speaker: because he won the game, you know, he won the game.
Speaker: I try to give stuff that Kevin could leave in the show for the.
Speaker: And then, so he makes out with her and the dad is dead.
Speaker: There is, like, he's not alive at the end of the game.
Speaker: God, he dies.
Speaker: How many times has he flip-flopped from, he's like the Mitt Romney of living or dying.
Speaker: It's a lot.
Speaker: Are you alive or are you dead?
Speaker: Pick a fucking lane, dad.
Speaker: Like, there's no drama to it if it's just a switch that you flip up and down.
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Haha, I'm back.
Speaker: Jack in the box is not a dramatic device.
Speaker: Guess who's fine, bitches?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, man.
Speaker: So what is that?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: What kind of do we like?
Speaker: Do I do a thumbs up?
Speaker: Do I make a fart sound?
Speaker: How do I how do I determine?
Speaker: How do I tell you guys?
Speaker: What was my thinking about this?
Speaker: This book overall?
Speaker: What you think, Hess?
Speaker: Why don't you tell us what you think?
Speaker: There's no official thing.
Speaker: No official thing.
Speaker: We have all sorts of... On my show, we have all sorts of official business at the end.
Speaker: Maybe we should have some sort of, like, witticism or, like, official title for it.
Speaker: But no, right now, we don't have anything.
Speaker: No, we don't have any... I mean, the thing is, I feel... You guys have a whole context of this... How do I want to describe this literary micro-genre?
Speaker: Or...
Speaker: this literary carbuncle that is video game books.
Speaker: And so I feel like a child wandering in from the street, screaming maddeningly just at shadows.
Speaker: But I will.
Speaker: It's very much.
Speaker: It feels like it was written by
Speaker: 13 year olds for 10 year olds.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I guess, I mean, if I had to say one thing and in that way, it's like actually totally successful.
Speaker: Yeah, sure.
Speaker: Is that like where you're like, bam, this happens, bam, this happens.
Speaker: He's shot.
Speaker: He gets, he gets bullied.
Speaker: He gets his sword back.
Speaker: Bam.
Speaker: He's on the, he's on the university.
Speaker: He turns it around.
Speaker: He kicks some ass.
Speaker: He throws a shirk and he's working for the CIA.
Speaker: He's in the jungle.
Speaker: Like, like, holy fucking shit.
Speaker: It's like, like, I like,
Speaker: Study Hall is only so long.
Speaker: And so, I mean, I think maybe if you meet it where it's at, it's phenomenal.
Speaker: But, you know, I just am not, I'm not there.
Speaker: But on some level, maybe this is exactly what the Ninja Gaiden book that we deserve.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: You guys told me.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, in terms of like it took what the game had, literally everything that happens in the book happens in the game, shuffled some of the scenes around and then added stuff in there, like the whole first couple of chapters and the flashback and all that stuff.
Speaker: That's all added material.
Speaker: It's better than the other one we read.
Speaker: Uh, is, is fidelity a thing that you guys take very seriously on your show?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Like in terms of being, relating the book to the property.
Speaker: No, no.
Speaker: In fact, I mean, the, the thing is, uh, that the, you know, one of our big complaints is in some of these books,
Speaker: it goes to they're too close to it.
Speaker: And it's not because games are not books.
Speaker: Yeah, right.
Speaker: So you have to you know, you have to one of the books we just finished up.
Speaker: Our favorite parts were the stuff that were not in the game because that's when the author got to have fun with it.
Speaker: and introduce us to some interesting ideas that we really enjoyed that.
Speaker: And the same goes for that.
Speaker: I think that's the thing for me with this book is like it starts out and it's not doing what the game does.
Speaker: And so I was like really impressed at first and then it goes on and you're like, oh, right.
Speaker: This was written for ten year olds.
Speaker: I forgot.
Speaker: Now that you say that specifically, it completely makes sense because if you have too much fidelity, you get The Shining, the TV series with the guy from Wings.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Which is like
Speaker: Well, you did it like he's told you to do it.
Speaker: And is anybody ever going to fucking watch that shit ever again?
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: Everybody's going to watch the goddamn Stanley Kubrick movie, which is like cinema 101.
Speaker: Yeah, because it's fucking phenomenal because books are not movies and video games are not books.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: You've got to everything has to be its own thing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But yeah, no, that's a, you know, I hadn't thought exactly thought about it that way, but it should have been obvious.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: That's what it comes down to, really.
Speaker: And is the book good?
Speaker: You know, does it have a does it does it?
Speaker: And we talk a lot about adaptation to, you know, Kevin brings that up quite a bit about how do we make this different?
Speaker: You know, when I when I was teaching playwriting,
Speaker: Uh, one of the things that I used to ask my students, first thing I said is like, all right, look, I know most of you have seen way more movies than you have plays.
Speaker: I do.
Speaker: I have two just based on the world we live in.
Speaker: Uh, but the first thing you need to check yourself on is, am I actually writing a movie?
Speaker: Uh, and not a play, you know, what makes this a play and not a movie.
Speaker: And, you know, so changes have to be made.
Speaker: There has to be an adaptation.
Speaker: There has to be a shift.
Speaker: And what occurs to me is the one of the main differences there is that probably the the the likelihood of people, the amount of people that are just picking up a Ninja Gaiden book who have not played the game, that that percentage must be really on the floor.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So obvious you have more of a contingent relationship where probably the amount of people that have seen the shining the movie and not read the book is going to be a vast majority where you have a flip flop in ratios.
Speaker: So you kind of have to do a kind of a scratch the audience's itch in a much more like literal way than going, you know, like book to movie.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because they have a they have a service that they're expecting to be delivered in a certain extent.
Speaker: They want to have their, you know, their their head scratched to be like, yes, we know that you spent all that time trying to defeat the little bats.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: We know how harrowing it was.
Speaker: Good job.
Speaker: You killed the bats.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Here's Ryu killing the bats.
Speaker: It's way more dramatic than when you did it.
Speaker: But that's how it felt, isn't it?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, I think that's a big part of it.
Speaker: Yeah, that's that's exactly what it is.
Speaker: And but yeah, it's it's and sometimes they win, sometimes they lose.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But but at least I'll always respect them for having made a goddamn choice, though.
Speaker: Like, yeah, making some kind of choice.
Speaker: Making a choice is good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: it's, it seems like particularly this stuff that's not, that's like in the nineties, you know, this is all the way back to 1990.
Speaker: You're, you have to think that these kinds of people were, these people were writing this as if they were under a rock.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: Like, like somebody is eventually going to pick up the rock and see all the bugs that scurry around.
Speaker: But like they, it was a completely invisible thing to create in a way.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So either they're doing it for mercenary reasons or just for pure enthusiasm, right.
Speaker: Which is,
Speaker: you know, which is, which is also where you find things that are very bizarre and interesting, which is, you know, like how, how comic books become a dominant art form is nobody's paying attention.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The reasoning behind why these books are getting adapted is, you know.
Speaker: Yeah, that's yeah.
Speaker: That's a whole thing that I yeah, I'm glad it's your job, not mine.
Speaker: Book fairs.
Speaker: Scholastic is like, we need we need to cover those tables.
Speaker: I think, I think the fact that Mega Man 2 exists in this series is proof that they weren't trying to, uh, they weren't going for quality.
Speaker: Uh, they just, they've got, I'm, I'm guessing as we keep reading these, we're going to get variability.
Speaker: We need 10 books.
Speaker: Just, just please get them done.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Um, wait, wait, wait.
Speaker: You're saying bases loaded to second season is not going to rivet me to my core.
Speaker: I cannot wait to read that book.
Speaker: I cannot wait.
Speaker: I didn't know.
Speaker: We didn't know that that would have realized it at first until like a week ago.
Speaker: We literally found it a week ago.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Well, yeah, I know a little bit about some fake baseball.
Speaker: So, you know, just, uh, when it comes up, you, are you saying you want to be a guest on basis loaded to a Bob?
Speaker: I mean, I don't want to be, I don't want to be invading your show.
Speaker: Like the, the visit goths.
Speaker: You just better at least send me the PDF.
Speaker: That's all I'm saying.
Speaker: Oh, we got you covered.
Speaker: Don't you worry.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: That'll do it for tonight's episode.
Speaker: If y'all could rate us on Apple, give us some five stars.
Speaker: They also allow rating on Spotify now.
Speaker: It's not super apparent, but it's there.
Speaker: It's on a little menu thing.
Speaker: If you can find it, give us five stars and pat yourself on the back because you navigated through Joe Rogan's podcast probably to get there.
Speaker: They use Joe Rogan as a moat now over on Spotify.
Speaker: I mean, what plugables have you got for the people at home?
Speaker: It's really not that complicated.
Speaker: If you just search for Oops All Monsters on your pod catcher, you will find us.
Speaker: It's the weird old timey print of the funny mermaid lady person.
Speaker: It says Oops All Monsters.
Speaker: Also get at us on the Insta at Oops All Monsters.
Speaker: That will hyperlink you to everywhere that we are on the interwebs.
Speaker: Beautiful.
Speaker: Beautiful.
Speaker: Hess, thank you so much for being on the show tonight.
Speaker: Thank you guys for having me.
Speaker: This is hilarious.
Speaker: This is like getting to be a player character rather than being a DM.
Speaker: It's like I can unclench my butthole and just say funny shit.
Speaker: It's hilarious.
Speaker: It's a good feeling.
Speaker: It's a good feeling.
Speaker: Yeah, I like it.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: And go check out Oops All Monsters.
Speaker: Remember to share.
Speaker: Podcasts grow only through sharing.
Speaker: And have a good night, everybody.
