Episode 182: How Lawyers Can Develop a Thicker Skin and Become More Resilient—with Dr. Larry Richard

Why are lawyers so good at spotting problems and sometimes so bad at letting them go?

For more than two decades, I've followed the research of Dr. Larry Richard, widely recognized as the leading expert on the psychology of lawyer behavior. His work has had a profound impact on my own career and provides a foundation for much of the coaching work I do with lawyers. His research has helped me understand not only my clients, but also my own tenancies and why so many of us who went to law school think and react the way we do.

In this episode of Counsel to Counsel, Larry joins me to discuss his new book, Thin-Skinned: Why Lawyers Are So Low in Resilience, and the New Science That Can Help, that he co-authored with his wife Dr. D'Arcy Lyness (published by the American Bar Association.)

Larry's research shows that lawyers differ significantly from the general population on a number of personality traits. Most strikingly, 90% of lawyers score below the 50th percentile for psychological resilience compared to the general public. The same skepticism and problem-spotting abilities that help us practice law effectively can make us more prone to negative thinking, defensiveness, and difficulty dealing with uncertainty, criticism, and change.

The encouraging news is that resilience is highly learnable. Larry explains the practical ways that lawyers can strengthen their resilience by reducing negative thinking, increasing positive emotions, developing stronger social connections, and taking better care of themselves. We also discuss how these ideas apply to career development, business development, leadership, feedback, and the everyday challenges lawyers face.

I've practiced and recommended many of these techniques for years including mindfulness, gratitude, exercise, cultivating relationships, and challenging negative thinking. Thin-Skinned gave me a much deeper understanding of why they work and offers many new ideas that I can use both personally and with my coaching clients.

Key Takeaways

• Lawyers really are psychologically different. Larry's decades of research identify seven traits on which lawyers tend to be outliers: skepticism, autonomy, abstract reasoning, urgency, sociability, cognitive empathy, and resilience.
• The traits that make us effective lawyers can work against us elsewhere. Skepticism and looking for what could go wrong are enormously valuable when practicing law, but carrying that mindset into our personal and professional relationships can undermine resilience.
• Being "thin-skinned" doesn't mean being weak. A lawyer may confidently handle an aggressive opposing counsel yet become defensive when a colleague questions their behavior. Ambiguous interpersonal situations are often where low resilience shows up.
• Resilience can be learned. Unlike many personality traits, resilience is heavily influenced by learning and experience, which means there are concrete things we can do to improve it.
• Thoughts, feelings, and actions reinforce one another. Changing any one of the three can influence the others. For lawyers who struggle with rejection in business development or career advancement, simply taking action repeatedly can reduce the sense of threat over time.
• Positive emotions aren't just "feel-good" exercises. Music, gratitud