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Holiday Romance Novella Roundtable | S2Ep16
307 Plays2 years ago
In honor of the holiday season, we each read a Holiday Romance Novella to share with each another!
Full of vampires, tentacles, and elves, we each take take turns recapping our holiday romances in extreme (and at times uncomfortable) detail.
MAJOR SPOILERS for the following Holiday Romances:
- Haunted Holiday: A Vampire Romance by Mandy M. Roth
- Tinsel & Tentacles by Kate McDarris
- Seduced by Santa's Elves by Melanie Nyx
Follow us on instagram @BringYourOwnPod
Follow Brandi @Brandos.Books
Follow Kendra @Kendra.Readz
Follow Kayla @Kaylas.Bookshelf
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Transcript
Introduction and Holiday Novellas
00:00:04
Speaker
Hey guys! Hi guys! Welcome to Burring Your Own, a catch-all book of the time podcast. I'm Brandy. I'm Kendra. I'm Kayla. And today we all read holiday novellas to get in the spirit of the season. Yeah. Yeah. Is that the reason?
00:00:25
Speaker
We haven't talked to each other at all about what you read, so I cannot wait.
Current Reads and Drinks
00:00:30
Speaker
But before we do that, what are we reading? What are we drinking? I'll go first. I am reading. Well, I just finished my holiday novella like two hours before this podcast recording, so.
Brandy's TBR Challenge
00:00:41
Speaker
There's that. I'll save the title for when it's my turn. I am listening to Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare because it's the last book I have to do in my friend's TBR challenge. Some people said it couldn't be done, but I got it done before December 31st. Fuck everyone that doubted me. Whoa. Dang.
00:01:02
Speaker
Sorry, I've I've been listening to like Nicki Minaj all day. So I feel like I'm like in the zone. Oh, damn. Brandy, we have to remember, don't don't get kinder upset. She'll like go off. No, I don't even know. I don't even know if I like the album. Like it's just I thought. Yeah. Okay.
00:01:17
Speaker
um gag city was gonna say so i'm listening to that and then i am reading an arc of once persuaded twice shy by melodie edward she wrote jayden edward i think so far i like jayden edward more because it was like more serious and like dramatic this one is a lot more um like antics driven there's a lot of like towns people i think the blurb compared it's like parks and rec
00:01:40
Speaker
And that's the vibe I get. Just so many co-workers working in this town trying to keep shit running while there's also a romance. But that part's a little slow moving. It comes out next year. So I have a good chunk of
Books, PR Packages, and Drinks
00:01:52
Speaker
it left. So my opinion can change. And I am drinking red wine that I got in a PR package today. Oh, fuck yeah. You're drinking on Netflix's dime. Yeah. I got a PR package today from Netflix for a movie that I am now forgetting the title of. Nice.
00:02:09
Speaker
But it's not bad. I'm not a red wine girlie, but. I am currently listening to The Wake Up Call by Beth O'Leary. I am really enjoying it. I'm almost done. I will probably finish it tonight, if not tomorrow morning. And I'm really enjoying it. It's just like, you know how sometimes it's like that Harry Styles quote that's like, this is a movie.
00:02:32
Speaker
You know how like it reads like a movie. Yeah. Yeah. Like it reads like exactly like that book is playing out like a movie in my head. And like, that's like the vibe that I'm saying like, this is a romance book. Like that is like really well paced and really well done. And I'm just having a really fun time with it. I need Netflix to like pick it up and make it like a rom-com. Like people would love it. Oh my God. Yes, exactly. Uh, that'd be, uh, especially with the ring thing. Oh my God. Yes. Uh, so many opportunities for antics of that cat turned into a movie.
00:03:01
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm really enjoying that. And then I am physically reading, I'm doing a beta read. This is the second book I beta read. And the first book that I ever beta read was the first book in the series. So I'm reading the follow up book. And they're interconnected sandalones by Jessica Peterson. This one's called I wish you were mine. And it's just like,
00:03:19
Speaker
My personal bread and butter is like hot single tattooed dad and age gap with his younger nanny. So I'm having a really fun time with it. And I'm excited to see where she takes it after all the beta notes. So that'll be fun.
00:03:36
Speaker
What are you drinking? Did you see what you were already drinking? Oh, no, I didn't. I'm drinking a Sawtooth Amber Ale. You guys, I stopped for a happy hour of beer with my coworkers for the first time ever since starting my
Kayla's Drunken Podcast Tale
00:03:48
Speaker
new job. Oh my God. Look at you. I know. So I had a beer there and now I'm on my second beer. So by the end of this episode, I'm like, I just love you guys that you'll know why. Yeah.
00:03:56
Speaker
every time brandy and i go out i finish her drinks for her do you want the rest of this and i'm like sure she gets to like i'm a fucking lightweight i'm a fucking lightweight yeah and definitely not but if i'm gonna drive home i can't like i'll do like most of a drink and then i'll push the last 30 to kendra can we tell the story of kayla getting like shit faced on this podcast yes like after hours this is like a little holiday tree for everyone so
00:04:24
Speaker
we recorded the Lauren Asher episode, like beginning of November. And the whole, and you hear Kayla say in the episode, like, yeah, I made a Moscow mule, but Jared used my drinks. Yeah, but like, I just made it myself today. And so then we, we finished recording the episode and like towards the end, you can tell Kayla is just like really feeling herself, but like she wasn't embarrassing at all. I promise. No, definitely not embarrassing. Um, and then we like say, we like chat to Lauren for a little bit and then we say goodbye to her. And then sometimes after we're done recording, we'll like sit and like talk and it's so much fun and like catching up and like,
00:04:53
Speaker
It was instant the minute that we just started chatting. Kayla was just shit-faced. It was so funny. And Jared came home and he came into the room and he's like, hey, how much vodka did you drink? And you're like, oh, look, I put two ounces. And he's like, no, you put a cup or something. He showed us the bottle. She drank a quarter of a bottle. Listen to me.
00:05:17
Speaker
they really shouldn't confuse people and put fluid ounces and ounces in the same like measuring cup like it's really confusing your eyes
00:05:27
Speaker
So if you go to my Instagram, I posted a photo that- So I put a cup and a half of vodka in my last video. Yeah, she was gone. It was so funny. So it's just like me and Brandi talking to Kayla and mainly Jared, because Kayla's like a little incohesive at this point. At one point, Kayla got a little teary-eyed. She's like, I need Taco Bell. So like a good husband, Jared went and got her Taco Bell. And then she was like crying into her crunch wrap. It was very- We had tomatoes. No, it didn't. No, it didn't.
00:05:57
Speaker
It didn't have tomatoes. Kendra said, does it have tomatoes? And you started crying. She put that in her brain. So if you want to see the result of that, go to my Instagram and I posted the selfie that we all took and you can see Kayla's husband, Jared, in the photo. We're all just like smiling. It was such a good night. We're such a family. Oh my God. That was fun.
00:06:18
Speaker
So, Kayla, what are you drinking tonight? I'm drinking water tonight. These two are. Yeah, I literally just have water tonight. These two are. Yeah, if they if they are feeling it by the end, I'm going to be the silver one this time. So it's my turn to be sober. Let's see. What am I reading?
Review: 'Haunted Holiday'
00:06:34
Speaker
Well, I just finished Last Call at the Local, which is the third book in the Loveless and Fancy Ships series by Sarah Grundrew Ruiz. Really good. I think it might be my favorite in the series.
00:06:46
Speaker
I think. I think so, probably. It's different than the other two because it doesn't take place on the yacht. It takes place pretty much the entire story takes place. Across the world. Well, across the world, but I was going to say mostly in a bar in Ireland, like almost the entire thing. But it was super cute, super fun. The main characters are just like they're just the kind that you just kind of want to like squeeze and wrap up, you know, and just like protect.
00:07:13
Speaker
And of course, Karissa Bakker is amazing. And this one is dual POV as well. So it's got an Irish narrator for the guy because he's Irish. So it was really good. And it was also a little bit spicier than her other books, which I wasn't expecting. It was a really nice surprise. So I just finished that. And then I just started The Unmaking of June Farrow by Adrienne Young, which is like a women's fiction
00:07:36
Speaker
slash mystery slash romance slash like magical realism story. I don't know. You guys know I'm like this year has been my year of like the Rebecca Rosses, the Adeline Grace is the Stephanie Garber's and she's kind of like in that vein. She writes stories in that vein. And I read one of one book by her earlier this year called spells for forgetting that I enjoyed. So yeah.
00:07:58
Speaker
That's what I'm doing right now. And you guys, big announcement. I paused my audible membership. I don't think I really need it anymore. Like, dude, I was thinking about that. I like or or like, because I still have some credits left over that I can use. I have like four credits that I just haven't used because of the PRH audio program and with Libby and who plot like I just I don't know that I really need it because like I fully was expecting to pay a credit for the unmaking of June Farrow.
00:08:26
Speaker
Um, cause I was like, whatever I have a bunch of credits that I can use. Cause it was just some random imprint that I had never heard of. And my lib behold was like 12 weeks. So I was like, I don't want to wait that long. I was like, no, no, no. Let me just check PRH audio. Of course that imprint, you know, belongs under PRH. And so I was like, Oh, perfect. Perfect. So that gift of Eric Andre, like at the gate, let me in. Yeah.
00:08:51
Speaker
Dude you should email them. Yeah, well they like do it in batches I think like they just like they do it like once a quarter and then they just go through a bunch and then yeah So heads up if you guys don't know penguin random house has an audio influencer program. It takes a while to get approved So just be patient with it. But once you do get approved, it's amazing Yeah, they just sent out like another because I applied like maybe a month I don't know a while ago and then I
00:09:17
Speaker
Berkeley app look like results came in and then in that email they also like in three and sorry Kayla they also
00:09:26
Speaker
They also re-incentivize people to sign up for PHR audio. So I almost feel like, honestly, Kayla, you won because it's like you are such a heavy audiobook reader anyway. You're going to get access to all those books anyway, just in audio form. Yeah. All
Climax and Pacing Concerns
00:09:38
Speaker
right. So that's what we're all reading. And OK, so a couple of months ago or during Halloween, we did our monster romance situation and we had so much fun with that. That was my favorite.
00:09:50
Speaker
episode we've ever recorded it was really fun to do it was really like i mean not to pat ourselves on the back but i think it was pretty funny um and we think you guys liked it too so we decided why not do it but with christmastimey holiday themed stories so we're gonna do the exact same thing that we did last time and kind of each go through our stories and first let's just say
00:10:13
Speaker
Everybody what kinders already laughing. Um, what is the title of your guys's book? Why did you pick it? Okay, I'll just tell you mine first. Mine is called tinsel and tentacles by Kate Mc Doris. It's like 100 pages.
00:10:32
Speaker
And I picked it because I think I just, again, I did the same thing that I did last time. I just searched like spicy holiday novella on TikTok and I just like went through a bunch of videos and I tried to find one that was pretty outrageous and short. So that's what I did. And I saw the cover for this one and I said immediately yes. Yes, immediately. Yeah, the cover's insane. Mine is called Haunted Holiday, a Vampire Romance Bureau of Paranormal Investigation Series World.
00:11:02
Speaker
I'm sorry, the girl on my cover is hot, but yeah. How long was it? 86 pages. Slay. Oh, I forgot to say my my subtitle was because this is a series. It's the monster mash holiday story or one of the monster mash holiday stories. So she's got like multiple. Yeah, mine is also like the paranormal Bureau of investigations. Also a series. I love that. I did.
00:11:30
Speaker
seduced by Santa's elves the naughty list three by Melanie Nix um and this was 14 pages oh my and I picked it because it was 14 pages long
00:11:53
Speaker
because girls don't have time to do anything else. Let me show you the cover. Oh, why are they gnomes? They look like gnomes, not elves. So when I'm reading this, the elves getting down and dirty with this woman. I was like, picturing gnomes the entire time.
00:12:13
Speaker
You can tell that this cover, I wouldn't be surprised if the author themselves made this cover. So like maybe Noam was like the closest thing. I think they were more so going for the hat angle of it all. But yeah, a lot can happen in 14 pages. You'd be surprised.
00:12:28
Speaker
So as mentioned, mine is called Haunted Holiday. It's a vampire romance. And this is the first in the series, which is insane to me because the author, I feel like with how she was writing, I would have assumed this was the last in the series. Like there's so many assumptions that the reader has to make about like everything. But so our main character, her name is Dani.
00:12:51
Speaker
And she is a hot blonde nerd, which is like so quirky. And she doesn't celebrate the holidays. So we open up and her best friend who also works at the Paranormal Bureau of Investigation is there like forcing her to decorate her house because she doesn't celebrate the holidays and she has no like holiday spirit. And you learn that like 10 years ago, something happened on Christmas that made her like not want to celebrate anymore.
00:13:19
Speaker
So we quickly learned that she is a slayer or more colloquially known as a preternatural enforcer. So she protects humans from quote baddies, aka evil supernatural creatures for, and she works obviously for the Bureau of Paranormal Investigations.
00:13:40
Speaker
Is it just like any creature or like what makes this world baddies? I spice. See, this is what I mean. Like we're never given a real definition of like what a slayer is, but basically she's like resistant to magic and super fast and super strong. And that makes her good at like taking down like.
00:14:00
Speaker
Bad. Yeah, baddies. Or like, just like, you know, it's assumed that in this world, like humans live alongside like vampires and demons and all of this. And there are some good and some bad. So she helps take down the bad ones. So her bestie Mimi, who is a fae, because fae also exists in
Review: 'Tinsel and Tentacles'
00:14:19
Speaker
this world, is determined to get her to celebrate Christmas.
00:14:23
Speaker
And then we also very quickly learned that she has the hots for her asshole vampire boss named Cornell, and he lives next door. And he's British. And he is British in the audiobook, which was awesome. I did listen to it. I listened to it in about an hour. So all vampires in this world have a demon side that can come out. But Cornell is really good at controlling his, which is why he works for the Paranormal Bureau of Investigation. He's just very in control of his demon side.
00:14:52
Speaker
For some reason, as pointed out, he smells like baked goods to her. And it's never explained why, yeah. He smells like baked goods. Don't you smell baked goods once you're around him, Mimi? And that's just never explained, but only to her, I guess.
00:15:06
Speaker
So then we enter his POV because she's setting up. She's like, I don't want to celebrate Christmas. Mimi's there forcing her. We enter his POV and we realize he's obsessed with her, like literally like page one. He's like standing in his window, like watching her like this out his window. And he calls her his tie to humanity.
00:15:25
Speaker
Because I think slayers are kind of human, but they also are resistant to magic and super fast and super strong. I don't know. It's so weird. And she was just on this really dangerous mission. And he's her boss. She thinks that he hates him because he's like, you need to be more careful, blah, blah, blah. But we obviously find out that's because he's worried about her, right?
00:15:42
Speaker
So something happened at the hand of evil vampires when she was younger, and he secretly sought retribution on her behalf. And so we're learning all this very quickly. This is like page 10. So he's been into her for five years, but thinks there's no way that this could ever work, because he's her boss. He's a vampire. She's a slayer. That just won't work. But then it's revealed, dot, dot, dot.
00:16:09
Speaker
that she's his mate. Everybody gasps. Okay. When you said, when you said that, like,
00:16:20
Speaker
that she only smelled like goods. I was going to be like, oh, it sounds like mate behavior. But I was like, no, she's like, I don't know. But I don't know. Like, that's like, I wish we would have gotten an explanation, Mandy. Go back. But he's like constantly daydreaming about fucking her. Just like what she's going to feel like around his cock and whatever. You know what I mean? So his best friend is there at his house while he's like staring out the window and watching her decorate her house next door. He built this house, you guys. He like she lived there.
00:16:49
Speaker
He built this house. He bought three houses on her block to demolish them all and built a giant Gothic mansion next door to her in this small little area of town. That's concerning. So his best friend's there. And he said that he should offer to, quote, stock her stuffing and, quote, fill her with your holiday cheer. Yeah, exactly. Since he's down so bad, his best friend's like, you should just do that. Yeah.
00:17:18
Speaker
So he and his bestie decide to like go next door and interrupt their Christmas decorating to ask the girls to have a drink since he's like to finally decided to make his move because like his bestie was like making fun of him being like, well, what if she like hooks up with somebody else?
00:17:31
Speaker
and the mate inside of him just reared up. So they decide to go next door. He decides to make his move. And after two seconds of intense eye contact, she kisses him. And I wish it wasn't as abrupt as what I'm telling you guys, but it truly is. He goes next door, and they're like, you guys want to come over for a drink? And they're just staring at each other, and then she leans up and kiss him. And then they start making out in front of their best friends, because his best friend is there, and her best friend is there. And they're making out full on.
00:17:58
Speaker
in front of them out of nowhere. And then they slip on the ice, of course, as any good holiday romance does. And they start to giggle and fall on the ground. And his best friend says, grind and make the man's year, Danny. Because they're on the ground. And she fell on top of him. So he said, grind and make the man's year.
00:18:17
Speaker
Okay. So they decided to go to his house for drinks after they made out in front of their best friends. And he's like, your sweater is wet from falling in the snow. You should wear one of mine as if she doesn't live next door and can walk next door and get her own sweater. But there's like a bunch of sexual attention again as they're like having the drinks in his giant mansion. And their best friends are still there. So she came on his couch in front of everyone, seemingly just from the idea of fucking him. So she's thinking about it.
00:18:45
Speaker
And she's sitting on the couch and she's like, oh, no, I'm so turned on. I'm so turned on. And then she's coming. So she's thinking about him fucking her and going in and out and in and out. She's like, Jay dreaming about this. And she just keeps coming. So she comes three times. Without anything happening? Yeah. They're on opposite side of the room. Their best friends are playing pool in the room. She's on the couch. And she's coming over and over. She's sitting there. That's so embarrassing.
00:19:15
Speaker
But then you find out he was like a mind speaking to her later on. It was just like super hard for him to do because she's a slayer. So people can't usually penetrate her mind. But he was like putting those images in her head of like them fucking them. So like he wasn't making her come, but he was putting the images in there. So she's like coming over and over on his couch in front of everybody, which is just like insane because like their friends are playing pool. Wait, oh, they're still they're still with people. I thought they went over to his house.
00:19:42
Speaker
so all of them went over to that all of them went over to this house okay so the besties are there playing pool in the same room do they see this i like it's never really confirmed whether they acknowledge that she's coming but like it is confirmed that they're there playing pool and she's coming on the couch okay nice yeah maybe they better leave her alone i just feel like i'd be at that party and be like ew what's that smell
00:20:07
Speaker
That's Kendra, that's literally mentioned because vampires have such a strong scent that they can sense her arousal. So she's so embarrassed because his best friend is also vampire. So she's like, they can for sure smell my arousal right now. So she's like, what's going on? And he's like caressing her face because she like runs out of the room.
00:20:26
Speaker
And he like follows her and is like caressing her face and putting their foreheads together and like, what do you mean, baby? I'm in love with you. Like, she's like, yeah, exactly. She's like runs out of the room. She's like, I'll freak out. She's like, what is going on? Like, why am I coming on the couch just thinking about him? And he like literally is like holding her face, puts his forehead on her and is like, I'm in love with you. And I was like, what? Like literally 20 minutes ago, she thought that he hated her.
00:20:51
Speaker
But then she's like, smiley face. I like you. Even though she thought that he hated her 25 minutes ago, literally. There's this moment in the hallway where she's like, wait, what? But then she's like, no, I like you too. There's ongoing sexual tension. And then they decide that they want to go further. And he says, quote, if I take you to my bed, then I'm going to claim you. And he tells her that she's his mate, which she didn't know.
00:21:16
Speaker
And she's like, but wait, I'm not a vampire and you're my boss. And you guys, I like, I'm not jumping around the story. The next sentence out of his mouth after she's like, wait, wait, wait, is stay and be my wife or go and I'll respect your wishes. Like, sir, this is an Arby's. Like, what are you talking about? Like he- 0 to 100. Literally is like, stay and be my wife. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So then she's like, are you sure you want me? Understandable question considering 25 minutes ago. She said no.
00:21:46
Speaker
Yeah. And then she's like crying happy tears. I'm not kidding you. This is five minutes after she came out the couch three times. So we finally find out why Danny hates the holidays, which is that vampires killed her family on Christmas. And he reveals that he killed them all and put a bow on their bodies. He tied a bow over their bodies for her and left a picture on her desk five years ago once he found out. And upon learning this information, she says, take me to bed, Cornell, and make me your wife.
00:22:14
Speaker
Like I, I, their friends are still in the house, right at this moment so they decide to go into his room and they're boning, and he's smelling her, and he's like backing off because he's like worried that he's about to lose control over her blood and like.
00:22:29
Speaker
bite her. And she's like, no, babe, let me suck you off. So this is the second BJ she's ever given. And she's amazing at it. Of course. Yeah. So I was honestly pretty upset about the sex. This is the only sexy in the whole book besides her like coming on the couch thinking about it. And it was like pretty tame missionary when all was said and done. Oh, yeah, I know. But he she did like
00:22:54
Speaker
bite her cheek because she was like so turned on and then she started bleeding and he's like oh my god her blood and she's like yeah suck my neck baby and then he was like no I don't want to control well she bit her cheek and then he scented the blood so he's like you know and she's like yeah bite my neck and he was like no I don't want to lose control and she was like I want it so then he sucks her neck and comes while he's sucking her blood
00:23:18
Speaker
you know and then he's like calling her wife a ton their friends are still in the house while they're freaking and she's immortal now because they mated okay obviously because they had sex well yeah because they like accepted the mating bond or whatever that's never even explicitly said i'm assuming it just says she's immortal um but he puts her on her knees and says he's gonna stuff her stocking which is a callback
00:23:45
Speaker
Which we don't even get to see that sex scene. I know. But they can like feel each other's emotions now that they're mated. They fall asleep. Their friends like leave eventually. They're about to go to sleep. And she says she started the day thinking her biggest decision would be whether or not to let Mimi decorate. And she ended up with a husband.
00:24:07
Speaker
Okay. Be so incredibly serious. Yeah, so he's like all pissed off about the people who like hurt her on her previous mission. Do you guys remember at the very beginning I mentioned it for like two seconds that she got hurt on like a mission and he was like, you really worried? Yeah. Yeah. So the book ends with her, him like offering to go kill those people for her. And she's like, as much as I love you, which
00:24:32
Speaker
How do we know how much she loves him? As much as I love you, I don't need any more bad guys wrapped in bows. I just need you. Oh, cute. Happily ever after. Yay. Yeah. What'd you rate it? So two stars.
00:24:49
Speaker
I like you liked your other one better that you did in October. Yeah, the gargoyle one. Yeah, I went back and read that whole series after I finished that one. And I'm like waiting for the next one to come out. This was just like the timeline was absolutely insane. And like when I I know that when I edit this and I put this all together, people are going to be like, this sounds so disjointed. Yes, that is how it's written. Like literally two hours ago, she was decorating her house being like, I hate Christmas. And now she has a husband.
00:25:18
Speaker
You know, normal behavior. I think that's like, you know, a lot of people wish for that for Christmas. Yeah, I will not be reading the rest of the series because I do believe that their besties hook up based off of what was said in the book. Don't know, don't care. But are those creatures, are their besties like paranormal creatures? Yeah, she's a fae. Her best friend Mimi is a fae. And there's like some conversation about like fae and vampire relationships throughout history. Very briefly mentioned.
00:25:50
Speaker
I'm sorry, Bestie, that's disappointing. Yeah, it's OK. I mean, I was honestly, if the sex was crazier, I would have been down. Yeah. But it was like it was missionary with one little neck bite. I was like, you know, and we're not shitting on missionary. It's just like if you're going to read a book that crazy, like, right. No, exactly. Yeah, exactly.
Happy Holiday Endings
00:26:10
Speaker
Like I. So true. I love intense eye contact. But if we're reading about if we're reading about a vampire,
00:26:13
Speaker
And then his best friend is also a vampire.
00:26:19
Speaker
Fucking this his bait for the first time. Mm-hmm. I just was expecting a Little a little something crazy. Yeah, absolutely. I Would not recommend holiday Darn, I can't wait to hear about you guys though. Okay, I'll go I feel like Kendra's is like the the 14 pager is the finale so so again mine is tinsel and tentacles and
00:26:47
Speaker
a Monster Mash holiday story. I don't know what number in the series this is. Actually, I have no idea. I know that they like the author also has a October or a Halloween themed one. But OK, so this one actually is three people. It's M.M.F. Soleil. Yeah. And that felt like holiday sleigh.
00:27:11
Speaker
Yes, you're so right. Okay, so the three characters here, I just want to like lay them out so that like when I say them, you know who I'm talking about. So Marcy is the manager of Barney, the guy's name is Barney, yes, who is like a pop star, like a music celeb, and then Ryder is the bodyguard. Okay.
00:27:36
Speaker
So those are the three main players in this story. So we already start off really strong. Marcy and Ryder are going into the hotel room to see Barney and like get him to go to this like whatever event that they have, but they catch him. I'm not kidding you. This is like three, four pages into the book.
00:27:55
Speaker
but they catch him in a bath, he's having a bath, and then they see, of course, that he has tentacles, and they didn't know, it just says, on the other side of the window, Barney Miles, voted sexiest man alive multiple times, is in a giant soaking tub, a set of long, glossy pink and purple marbled tentacles rise up from the mountain of bubbles. So immediately, immediately you're thrown in, okay?
00:28:21
Speaker
Of course neither writer nor Marcy knew about this but they agreed to like keep it a secret together that they know and also along the way you can kind of sense that writer and Marcy kind of have this like tension. It's also told from everybody's point of view so everybody has like their POV and you can tell that each person is attracted to each person in this story. They all they all talk about how like attractive they think each other is and like you know all the fantasies and everything like that.
00:28:47
Speaker
So then once we get to Barney's point of view, he notices that Marcy and Ryder are being kind of like odd and weird. He's like they're being kind of standoffish. He doesn't really know why, right? And of course all of this is taking place during Christmas time and Barney's kind of sad because he's you know a celebrity. He can't just like go walking down the street in New York where they are and you know just like enjoy Rockefeller Center at Christmas time and go ice skating because he's a celebrity.
00:29:14
Speaker
So Marcy has an idea. I know Annie has tentacles, but only like he can like put them away. Okay. Where are they at on his body? That's what's tripping me up right now. Well, we'll, we'll get to that later. Cause I also have the same question, but, um, Marcy has an idea. She's like, what, what if we all basically she's just like, what if we were disguises and go to the Rockefeller center and ice skate, but it's not just any disguise. It's okay.
00:29:42
Speaker
I hope you guys know what I'm talking about, but they are, um, have you ever seen those knitted or crocheted, like Viking hats and beards that people make? Yeah. Okay. She somehow has these. I don't know where she got them from, but she somehow has these and, um, she's like, let's all wear these disguises and go to Rockefeller center. Okay. So of course they all, they go, they all go and they all hang out and, you know,
00:30:08
Speaker
through each person's point of view. They're like, oh my god, this is the best thing. I love these people so much. I love hanging out with them. And then, of course, we get a moment where all three of them get tangled up, ice skating, and they fall on top of each other. And it's really hot, and there's a lot of tension, et cetera. As any good holiday romance does. Of course, you want that. Ryder the bodyguard is on the bottom. And then he like, it's in his POB. Is he a bottom? I'll get to it.
00:30:39
Speaker
he's like laying on his back and then the other two are kind of like not on his side but they're both laying on their side on top of him and he like makes a note he specifically says he's like this feels really good to have both of these two but both of these people like in between my hips so later when they're all warming up
00:30:57
Speaker
writer the bodyguard and Barney have a moment like in this like alleyway and they don't have their disguises on where like writer takes Barney's hands to like warm them up um and then he Barney the star like basically fills up his shirt and they just like are about to kiss but nothing happens but then Marcy comes in and is like you guys don't have your disguises on what are you doing like and that's basically where that ends also I want to point something out that this book is actually
00:31:25
Speaker
pretty well written. It's actually not bad. The last one was a very silly, goofy one. It was obviously not meant to be taken seriously. And while I don't necessarily think this one is either, I was kind of low-key really enjoying it. So I don't know. You're like, wow, this is hot. Anyway.
00:31:52
Speaker
Once I get, again, I can't wait to share the finale with you guys. So now we're at the next day.
00:32:00
Speaker
Barney has this show. He's off in rehearsals and he just can't seem to get his mind straight, okay? So he decides to take Marcy and Ryder into his green room and he's like, guys, I gotta tell you something. He's like, I just have been wanting to get this off my chest for such a long time. And Ryder and Marcy are like, oh, we know, Barney, we know, and it's okay, it's okay.
00:32:25
Speaker
And Barney's like, oh, perfect. This is amazing. Like I'm so happy. And so then he goes up and he kisses Marcy. He says, but this is going to make all of us so happy, blah, blah, blah. And then of course, while he's like kissing Marcy, he grabs a fistful of writer shirt and then like kisses him too. But then Barney leaves and Marcy and writer are standing there and they're like, wait.
00:32:46
Speaker
He wasn't talking about his tentacles, was he? And then I guess they realized that they just agreed to becoming a throuple and not Barney telling them about his tentacles. And so they kind of argue for a bit, Marcy and Ryder, and they both admit that they're not just attracted to Barney, but they're also attracted to each other.
00:33:11
Speaker
And then, uh, Marcy, this is like, she really, this is like an actual quote from the book. She tells writer that she wants to quote, dick him down really bad. So good. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, get it girl, you know, whatever. Um, of course, you know, Barney has to show everything goes great. Cause he's like really happy that he finally got his feelings off of his chest. But then of course what happens, a snow storm, love a good snow storm. So now everybody has to stay the night at a hotel together.
00:33:36
Speaker
Once the crew and the security go up to their room, Ryder and Marcy both follow Barney up to his room. And then Ryder is like, Barney, you look really cold. I think you need a bubble bath. Because of course, the first time that they saw his tentacles was in a bubble bath, right? So they're like, well, naturally, we're going to now see him this time.
00:33:55
Speaker
so Barney is of course like uh uh like he like doesn't know what to say Marcy admits that you know they know and that they don't care and that they want to be uh in bed with all of him let's say specifically say that um they all agree to have sex they also agree to a red yellow and green uh like
00:34:15
Speaker
It's not a safe, I guess it's kind of like a safe word method, you know, yeah, I agree to that. By the way, in case you're wondering, Barney does also have a penis, a human penis. So he does. I was wondering. Yeah. So of course, he gets into the bath and like immediately his like tentacles pop up. So I don't know if they're like activated by water.
00:34:34
Speaker
I don't know the answer to that question. That's not explained. It's also not clear how many he has and where they come out from. I don't know. Does he still have legs when he has tentacles?
00:34:48
Speaker
Yes. So like he's still like fully. I imagine him just as like fully human, but with like tentacles, like a little skirt. Yeah. I don't know. Like Doc Ock. He's like Doc Ock. I guess. Yeah, he could. It could be like that. Yeah. Like from Spider-Man. Yeah. Like, well, I have another despite me saying this is well written, that part, I don't know. Like I just use your imagination. I really don't know. Marnie or excuse me, not Marnie. Marcy gives him a blowjob.
00:35:15
Speaker
while Ryder is kissing Barney. Okay, this is all gonna become a little confusing, so I'm gonna try and help you guys keep everything.
00:35:23
Speaker
in your mind. Okay. Like logistics wise, Barney is about to come, but really quickly backs away from them. And this is when he goes into the tub. Sorry. They were standing before. Now this is when he goes into the tub. He invites them to join. Okay. So Marcy and writer both strips, but yeah, I don't know. That's a great question. It's a clawfoot bathtub. I don't know how big it is, but they're just kidding. Yeah.
00:35:46
Speaker
Marcy and Ryder both strip and then Barney grabs Marcy by the waist with a tentacle.
00:35:54
Speaker
while he messes with Ryder's penis. And so so he's just like a tentacle. Yeah, with another one. So then Marcy gets in and straddles a tentacle. She's. So they're like this. Yeah. He's sitting with his back like Barney is sitting with his back against the tub. And like Marcy gets in again with the with the help of the tentacle. And then she's like straddling one of his tentacles in the tub. Meanwhile, Ryder is still on the outside of the tub.
00:36:24
Speaker
with the help of another tentacle, okay? Following, following. You got it, okay. Marcy also says that when she straddles this tentacle, by the way, I got so tired of writing out Marcy, Ryder, Barney, and tentacle in my notes that I just referred to it as M, B, R, and T, because I was just like so annoyed by starting out with those words. But anyway, Marcy says it feels like a giant tongue. That's what she says it feels like. So, you know, just in case you were wondering,
00:36:51
Speaker
OK, I was. Thank you. You're no problem. By this point, Ryder is now also in the tub, but he's like kind of standing to the side. So Barney, Barney and Marcy are both facing each other and writers kind of like on the side. Marcy is standing and then Barney takes two tentacles to both holes. OK, she said she she did say that she likes it from both the front and the back. So she's like all about it. OK, so a tentacle slides into
00:37:21
Speaker
into each hole while the sucker, that's the word that they specifically use on the tentacle, sucks at her clip. Of course, duh. So she's got like everything is going on. Barney grabs her breasts while Ryder grabs the other one while kissing her neck, so he's just like kind of standing there like helping, I guess. Barney says that he wants to come with Marcy and asks Ryder to fuck him, okay? Now this is where things get a little complicated that I
00:37:49
Speaker
Maybe you guys can help me out because I don't understand. So Barney takes Ryder's hand underwater and like lets him explore like his tentacles. Okay. And then I'm seeing it. Okay. Yeah. So he says, I let my fingers explore the tentacles lead up to a smooth, expansive skin that culminates in a narrow hole. I circle the edge with my middle finger. It feels soft and wet, just like Marcy's pussy.
00:38:14
Speaker
Okay, so his butt cheeks are tentacles. That's what I was wondering. I was like, where is this? I was like, where is this on his body? It's his belly button. I don't know. I'm wearing his butt cheeks just expanding into too long tentacles. Because Marty is still lying on his back, so if that's the case, then he would have had to push his hand up underneath him.
00:38:42
Speaker
Well, when you think about when you're laying on your back, your asshole's not on your back. It's between your legs. Yeah, I guess. But because then Ryder, it specifically says in the book that then Ryder fucks that whatever that hole is from the front, while Barney tugs Marcy to his side, you know, and still like fucking her with the tentacle in both holes. Yeah, I picture her laying on her side like spooning him, but he's laying on his back getting fucked in the ass.
00:39:09
Speaker
his tentacle hole. Like, whatever that is. You don't think that's his ass? I don't know. That's what I'm saying. Like, I don't know the answer to that question. I was so confused. I was like, is this where like his tentacles are? Like, is this where they come from? Or like, do they all come from the same place? Or are they different? Like, I don't know.
00:39:29
Speaker
Whatever hole it is, Ryder's fucking him in it. That's all I know. That's the important part, okay? Meanwhile, so like they're all like fucking each other or whatever, and then like the suckers of Barney's tentacles both grab them by the ass and like suck their ass, I guess, whatever. They call it a big writhing ball of pleasure. So of course they all come. Yeah, of course they all come. And then they fall asleep in this tub that's filled with
00:39:54
Speaker
that come I guess. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. That's that's what I was. That's what I was talking about. They all wake up and then they go to this bed. By the way, Barney still has his tentacles. Even when they get out of the tub, I guess he just like.
00:40:15
Speaker
didn't put them back. I don't know. Okay, then we're at our final sex scene of the he's just all natural right now, you know, because he can be himself around them. So that Barney is sitting
00:40:33
Speaker
on the headboard or like his back is up against the headboard of the bed while Marcy comes up to him to kiss him. And Ryder's just kind of standing by the side watching. He does that a lot, I guess. He did the same thing with the tub. He just likes to stand and stand. He likes to come in later, you know? I want them to invite him in. Like, are they not caring about Ryder enough? Well, that's like any time I read about the Ruffles, I'm like, I do all love each other equally. So Barney makes Marcy turn around and sit against his chest.
00:41:02
Speaker
And so then he like basically is encouraging Ryder to come and eat her out. So that's what he does.
00:41:09
Speaker
Marcy is sitting up against his chest. Tentacles are still out. Tentacles are still out. In fact, Barney is actually holding Marcy's legs open with his tentacles. Yeah, as he should. So Ryder eats her out, and then he now grabs some lube, and he kind of prods up underneath at her ass. And then he turns around. Ryder turns around so that his ass is facing both of these people.
00:41:34
Speaker
OK, and again, this is this is where logistics get kind of confusing, but he declares that they meaning Barney and Marcy are now going to get him ready to take a tentacle in the ass so that Barney can fuck both of them from behind like Wild Rider. Wild Rider fucks Marcy in the vagina. OK, did you did you check that? Well, wait, are these all tentacles or is there any dick involved? There is dick. Writer's dick is in Marcy.
00:42:04
Speaker
And then he has a. Oh, oh, oh, oh. He has a tentacle up his ass. Correct. Correct. Yeah. OK. Train. Got it. Wait, what's what's Barney doing? Barney is. Yeah, Barney is. He's just, I guess, fucking them. He's fucking with his tentacles. So he's just like. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know that you know that Spongebob like they're partying and it's the.
00:42:31
Speaker
I need to find it. I need to, I don't even know what to type to start setting cause it's, I don't know. It's dancing Squidward. Oh yeah, dancing Squidward. I apologize for putting that image in here.
00:42:57
Speaker
All right. So again, writer is his ass is facing both Barney and Marcy. OK. Yeah. So but wait, I thought he was fucking Marcy. How's he? He's asking them to get him lubed up and ready. So he's giving them here for a second. Yeah. So he while Marcy kind of gets him like all lubed up, so she's like,
00:43:20
Speaker
pouring the lube down his crack and like, you know, doing what she needs to do. By the way, while that's happening, the tentacles are now slapping writer's ass a lot. The motion is killing me.
00:44:06
Speaker
So once Ryder is all primed and ready, Ryder turns around.
00:44:15
Speaker
And then Barney enters into him from behind with the tentacle. Ryder then puts his dick in Marcy. I have a note here that just says tentacles are going everywhere. I don't really know what's happening. I don't know. They're just everywhere. Imagine them in every possible orifice and then on every surface. That's just how I imagine it. Where is Barney laying at this point? He's still his back is up against the headboard.
00:44:43
Speaker
Oh, he's just like watching this all happen. I mean, yeah, he's he's fucking both of them in the ass. But yes, with tentacles, with tentacles. Got it. OK. Mm hmm. I'm with you. Yeah. So again, Barney's laying back. Marcy is against his chest while Ryder is facing their front. Fucking Marcy. OK.
00:45:01
Speaker
Got that. Is Marcy on her knees or is she on her back? She's on, she's, her back is laying up against Barney's chest. What? So she's like in his lap. She's like laying on his lap. For like an angle, I'm assuming. Yeah. Oh, okay. And then the temples are reaching all the way around. Yes. Got it. Okay. I am with you. Okay. Okay. Good, good, good.
00:45:19
Speaker
So, of course, they all orgasm. It's amazing. It's incredible. They fall asleep. They wake up the next morning and then they fuck again, but they fuck again with Barney in his human form. So he's back to I was going to say normal, but maybe that's like offensive. I don't know to the tentacle immunity. I don't know. He's back to his human form. I'll just say that.
00:45:41
Speaker
In that one, Barney fucks Marcy in missionary while Ryder fucks Barney from behind. And then of course, at this moment, it's Christmas time. And so then everybody loves each other. They exchange gifts. I know. They exchange gifts. And that's the end.
00:45:57
Speaker
but yeah they're like so happy that they're like together and that they're like they basically they're like this is everything i've like ever wanted yeah and they're just like they say it's um she's marcy says i may not know everything the future holds but i know one thing at least this is a holiday i'll never forget me too girl yeah that was tensilon tentacles kayla be honest were you like turned on guys when i was reading no listen to me listen to me when i was reading love laugh leech
00:46:27
Speaker
i was not the least bit like oh my god this is even a little hot like i wasn't even even when he had it in both holes in sucking your butt because of three appendages no like i don't okay not even a little bit i think it's just because the way that this one was written listen i know we're like laughing crying at how silly this l is but i'm telling you guys
00:46:48
Speaker
It was pretty good like I can't even lie I when I read the crack and sacrifice the tentacle play was getting me I won't lie to you because like at the moment when she's like in the tub like just like writing I Promise it's a lot hotter than it sounds
00:47:06
Speaker
But it was a giant tongue, you said. I get it. I get it. You don't have to explain yourself to us. Thank you, Brady. Brady gets it. Kendra's just no. Hey, no. She just wanted to know. I just wanted to know. OK. Now you know. You are turned on by octopuses. Well, we get it. That sounded shamey. I didn't want that to come off as shamey. But whoa. Anyway, I enjoyed this one. It was fun. I love that for you. What would you rate it? What would you rate it?
00:47:34
Speaker
Five. I don't know, like four. Probably. Slay! Oh my god! More because I want to know what, where his tentacle goes from. I don't know where they're coming from. Otherwise five. Otherwise five. Yeah. Alright, that's mine. Kinder's turn. I love that.
Review: 'Seduced by Santa's Elves'
00:47:54
Speaker
So, I read seduced by Santa's elves.
00:48:00
Speaker
And it was 14 pages. So let's just dive. Insane. I don't even understand how that's possible. Like. Oh, it's possible. It's not good, but it's possible.
00:48:12
Speaker
So it follows this girl named Mary Kringle, who is the sister of Santa Claus. And she is back at the North Pole after like her husband cheats on her. She hates her corporate job. She's like, why did I even leave the North Pole? Like, what was I searching for? You know, life crisis vibes.
00:48:32
Speaker
I don't even know how old she is. The author does make a note to say in the blurb that everyone is over 18. But she doesn't give specific ages. She also came home because she notes that her brother Santa
00:48:46
Speaker
is sad and depressed because his wife left him for the Easter Bunny and she says something like yeah like hump like rabbits like she like says something like that anyways so um it's Christmas Eve obviously Santa has an important job to do on Christmas Eve so he's like
00:49:05
Speaker
hey have a good night I'll see you later so Mary she's like at home and like all the elves are there and they're like kind of flirting with her at first and she's like huh they're like what does she say she's like you elves are resourceful creatures and they're like you know it baby how many are there at this point well there are three main elves that we interact with and one of them is named Bowie and she goes for an elf Bowie had a lot of swagger covered head to toe and fur
00:49:34
Speaker
they're furry and all furs are different colors like one has black fur one has white fur um so this one is covered in fur head to toe and fur as black as night what did she say she said are they diverse shut up i said i said i said okay diverse
00:49:55
Speaker
except for the patch of brown in the shape of a lightning bolt down his left eye. So he's like covered in fur and he has like a lightning bolt over his eye. Hair bear. Yeah. Very popular with the elf ladies. So that's like our first introduction with like that elf. So then she's like, okay, like I got nothing to do. I'm going to go to my old room, but she like notes that her room has been like upgraded. So there's like this really nice bed and like these red curtains are going to come into play.
00:50:20
Speaker
uh a little later so two pages later of the 14th page book that's no literally um she goes to her room oh also she says this about the elves she says elves weren't little rosy cheek cherubs that look like children they were cute little balls of fur about three feet tall so these are these men are
00:50:44
Speaker
And she goes, they actually looked more like fur balls on that old Christmas movie, Gremlins, than anything else.
00:50:54
Speaker
so anyways she goes so now now we're back in her room she's in her room and like any other girl on Christmas on Christmas Eve she's horny obviously so what is she gonna do she pulls out like a USB like flash drive plugs it into the TV and on this flash drive is just like a whole bunch of Christmas erotica
00:51:15
Speaker
These are direct quotes. She goes, first up was Scrooge, an adult Christmas carol. It was about a mean woman who would change her ways by the end of the movie after being visited and fucked by the ghost of Christmas past, present and future. After that would be screwed up, screwed at home alone trilogy. They were silly stories about a girl offering sex to guys trying to rob a family's house while she was house sitting for the vacationing family. And then she says,
00:51:39
Speaker
it was hard to find christmas erotica to get off to because so many of the stories revolved around santa punishing naughty girls and remember santa's her brother so like yeah like you wouldn't want to watch like porn inspired by your siblings so she's like
00:51:54
Speaker
She's like fucking herself with this dildo on her bed, getting all hot and bothered with the Christmas erotica that she's watching. And then, right as she's about to finish, her eyes are closed. She feels something sucking on her nipple. And she's like, Kayla's face!
00:52:17
Speaker
Again, I didn't say this was good. A lot of this did make me uncomfortable. She opens her eyes and it's Bowie, the original elf that we saw, sucking on her nipple. And he says something like, we just wanna make you feel good.
00:52:36
Speaker
And then she's like, we? And then the other elf, another elf comes in and his name is Tensel. Tensel comes in and he immediately gets face to face with her pussy. And the dildo is like still on her pussy. He takes the dildo out, sucks it, and he goes tasty, but probably better at the source. And then he tosses the dildo to the floor and lowers himself between
00:53:05
Speaker
her thighs and at this point she goes my brain knew having sex with Santa's elves was wrong but my body was impressed with Tinsel's tongue action so you got Bowie on her titties, Tinsel on her pussy and Tinsel is literally like eating her out from ass to clit that's what she says
00:53:25
Speaker
with long strokes that had her, wait, she said long strokes that had me wrapping my hands under my thighs and pulling my legs back as I panned it with pleasure. And so then she looks up and snowy is in the room. Not snowy.
00:53:47
Speaker
Snowy is in the room, like jerking it. He is watching. Yeah, he was jerking himself off and that he actually needed both hands to do it because his cock was that fucking long. So imagine this like three foot three with the monster cock. And then she goes. It's not proportionate.
00:54:13
Speaker
Oh, not at all. He goes, come here, Snowy. I want to taste that elf dick. So this is the positioning that she's in. So she's on the bed laying down. You got one elf eating her out, one elf working on her titties, and then another elf. And they're tiny, so this works. The other elf gets on top of her, and then like, he gags her with his dick. So she's just like, every hole is being occupied.
00:54:40
Speaker
And then Snowy, the one who's getting a blowjob from her, he's like, eat that pussy tinsel. So he's like talking to his elf friend. And you don't know if the elves are related. Like you just know they're all elves. So like, whatever. So he's like, eat that pussy tinsel. I love the way she moans around my cock. So that obviously encourages tinsel to go harder. And then at this point, she goes, I had no idea how long an elf tongue was. I know I'd seen one lick one, his own eyebrow on a dare before though. So I knew it wasn't my imagination that if
00:55:07
Speaker
that I felt it touching parts that had never been touched before. So like his tongue is so long that it curls up and licks her G spot like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. So she's just like,
00:55:19
Speaker
And so that makes her moan more, whatever. And so the guy that's like giving, the elf that's giving her, the elf that she's giving head to comes. Snowy. Yeah. Well, see, like Kayla, like I get later on, I got confused of like who was aware because the author, I think also forgot who was where randomly switches their positions. I'm like, what the fuck? So the elf that was giving her
00:55:41
Speaker
that she was giving a blowjob to comes. And she goes, he was filling my tummy with his elf cum. Any guesses on what elf cum tastes like? Icing, icing, icing. Kayla, any guess? Hot chocolate. Chocolate, yeah.
00:55:56
Speaker
Elf Cum was delicious tasting like cookies and cream with just a hint of cocoa. That's disgusting. So she gets cum in her mouth that she swallows up and she just loves it. And then the guy that was working her titties, he like comes on her chest too. So they finish, but then the guy that was like eating her pussy, he doesn't finish. And so he wants to like,
00:56:20
Speaker
penetrate her now but she's like no like I want to shower and they all literally this is this is where I got like super uncomfortable they go they look at each other and they're like no waiting right boys right and they all rush her
00:56:36
Speaker
And they like somehow take the like red curtains that I mentioned earlier in her room and have her like suspended in the air. So like her hands are tied behind her back and like her legs are, I don't know. It wasn't very clear, but she suspended in the air. I was uncomfortable because I'm like, she literally just, she has Elf come all over her, go let her take a shower. And they said no, but in her POV, she like,
00:56:57
Speaker
like like she likes that i guess like they challenged her and told her no whatever fucking weirdo um this is are you sure this is for two pages this is a lot of information yeah yeah so then they this is when the penetration this is just like straight off smite you guys this is when the penetration happens one of the elves is like
00:57:20
Speaker
Your pussy is delicious, Mary, but an elf can't live on just eating pussy, so I'm going to fuck you now. And his cock is like spanking her ass. So like, they're all around her. Again, it's not clear. And he's like, you want that, Mary? You want this big elf dick in you? Then say it, Mary. Say you want this big elf dick in your pussy, or I'll just go jerk off in the corner or something. So they're like being kind of rude.
00:57:43
Speaker
And then one of the elves pushes the other elf out of the way and is like, get out of the way, you greedy fuck. I want that ass. And she's like nervous because she's like, oh my God, I've never had anything on my ass before, like only a dildo. And these elves have monster cocks. So she's like, how is it going to work? So then I'm just going to start reading all. I've just been reading strict quotes. I'll keep going.
00:58:07
Speaker
One of the elves goes, holy mistletoe, keep that up and I'm going to fill that sweet pussy before I'm ready. Cause they were just like all going to town on her. I was also very confused again of like who was doing what to who. And I'm assuming the one that was like either getting sucked off or like now fucking her in the pussy goes motherfucking gingerbread cookies. I'm going to fucking cum. And at this point, whatever else is like at her ass has been like fingering her with like four fingers.
00:58:31
Speaker
Oh my god. But here's where I'm confused, right? That's what I was saying. She keeps saying they have tiny hands. Tiny hands, big cock. Doesn't correlate in my mind. But for her, it works. So she's like, yeah, they would always grab me with their little tiny hands. So four little elf fingers in her asshole, just protruding her, getting her ready. One says, take my eggnog, Mary. Take it all, because it's coming. And then the other goes, holy fucking. I hate this.
00:59:01
Speaker
The other goes, oh, the one that's fucking her ass goes, holy fucking fruitcake, not going to last long with these sweet cheeks trying to milk me dry. So then they all come. Somehow, someway, they all come. Mary had a great time. And then all three elves just pass out on the bed. They're tired. And they're like, Mary, can you come back and we make this an annual thing? And Mary finally gonna go take a shower because she's just covered in cookies and cream cum at this point. She's like, well,
00:59:31
Speaker
What if we make it a daily thing? I think I'm gonna stay here forever. And it ends with, the elves cheered and I couldn't help smiling. I was finally where I belonged and my future was filled with elf cock, the end. 14 pages, you guys. There are other books in that this author has written, hold on. I'm just gonna read the title, I think it's so funny.
00:59:56
Speaker
Yeah, it was it was intense her other more naughty stories from Melanie nicks include groped by the Grinch Rained in by the reindeer man, and then she has three tentacle games books. So Kayla you might want to check this out So yeah, I don't like I again I picked it because of the length and
01:00:22
Speaker
It was just straight smut from beginning to end. I honestly could have lived my whole life without without reading. I gave it one star because I didn't I thought the elves are very they're they were rude. They were so rude to her like don't let her shower if I'm covered in cum and I want to shower like you can wait.
01:00:44
Speaker
but the fact that she was like, oh, it tastes like cookies and cream. Yeah, like cookies and cream. I wish, I wish semen tasted that good. Are you fucking kidding me?
01:00:54
Speaker
imagine with a hint of cocoa if if semen this is getting so inappropriate i'm so sorry to everyone listen if semen tasted good um i think the world would be better place i think all the all day i think it's just like the downfall of men i think it's just like that's how it tastes bad because men are shitty like she said she it was filling her tummy and i'm like
01:01:16
Speaker
How do you wanna? I mean, but cookies and cream, yummy, yummy. Like fruit salad from the Wiggles. So that was my 14 page holiday novella, zero out of 10 recommend. I do wish I picked something better, but again, I waited till the last minute. Kayla, you definitely have like the best quality, the best one. Like I believe that though. I honestly did too.
01:01:46
Speaker
I'm not even gonna lie to you. Oh, we have to do another one sometimes so that I can like have the best one because I feel like Kendra definitely had the best one last time. Kayla had the best one this time. Next time that we do an insane novella, I'm gonna work really hard. I will read 10 novellas if I have to. You got to get like, that's what I'm saying. You got to go like on on TikTok and like find just like type in whatever the holiday is. And then you will find so many ridiculous things.
01:02:11
Speaker
Or ask Gracie. The one that I started, that I sent you guys initially, ended up just being way too normal.
Conclusion and Holiday Wishes
01:02:17
Speaker
It was just a smutty holiday. I've noticed that with holiday novellas, a lot of them are just cute and cozy. Whereas with Halloween, we were like, oh, monster specific. So we got the weird, fun ones. But yeah. Guys, everyone listening, there are 1,000 better holiday romance novellas that you can be reading than the ones that we read. But I'm just, are you guys like,
01:02:40
Speaker
holiday romance people in general i'm not i mean i don't actively seek it out i don't have to seek it out you know yeah no my favorite holiday romance i've ever read is set the record straight by hannah bottom young and i read that in august of this year so i'm not like a holiday time person honestly mine might be the wake up i like when books are like set around the holidays but not holiday like yeah this is a christmas romance yeah but i love like the wake up call i feel like is perfect because it's like oh like it just so happens to be like that time of year right
01:03:09
Speaker
I don't know, like I can't even think other than like other than love light. I can't think of one specifically like more wild. Oh, well, yeah, I mean, but even that one's like when I feel like set around the time, like it's not even like that. But I mean, I consider it a Christmas novella. I call it a Christmas.
01:03:28
Speaker
Yeah. Cause like that's when Jonah's parents come. That's a good one. But I mean, it's one that you have to, you have to read the other books first. Oh, you're right. You can't just like read that. Well, that was so fun. If you enjoyed us talking about our holiday, our shitty, shitty holiday novellas, head over to our Instagram, which is at bring your own pod and let us know what your favorite holiday novella is. It doesn't have to be insane. Like ours just like,
01:03:54
Speaker
Any holiday read romance. Yeah. Yeah. Not even a novella. Like any holiday read that you love. Let us know because we definitely need to cleanse our pallets after that shit. Well, in Kayla's case, not shit, but we gotta cleanse our pallets. My, my frebbles in love you guys. They're doing great. My girl's being futs by angry elves. Yeah. My girl's got a husband even though 30 minutes ago, she thought he hated her. Yeah. Wow. Well,
01:04:25
Speaker
Good job. Happy holidays, you guys. Happy holidays, everybody. Go Stream Fruitcake by Sabrina Carpenter. It's a really good holiday album. Go support my girl. Our girl, plural. Mine? Oh, interesting. Anyways, next week we're going to be kind of like closing out the season. So tune in to hear what our favorite reads of the year were, and then make sure that you let us know what yours were. And we love you so much. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. Bye. Bye.