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Episode 4: Brendan Olson
3 Plays5 months ago
What's That About is back with comedian Brendan Olsen. We legit delved into conspiracy theories.
Recommended
Transcript
Tom's Return and Introduction of Brennan
00:00:01
Tom Brown
welcome though what's that about the dumbest podcast on the internet that isn't joe rogan uh uh i've been off uh the air uh for about four or five months because the last time i did this the audio quality super sucked and i was embarrassed by it and then got lazy and then did a bunch of shows on the road and then when i got back i was like uh i'll do this another time sometime and And that time is now, motherfuckers.
00:00:32
Tom Brown
So I'm your host, Tom Brown. um And with me today is Brennan Olson of St. Louis, Missouri, and recently the Funniest in St. Louis contest. So congratulations.
00:00:49
Brendan
Thank you. I also got third place in the Funny Bone St. Louis competition.
00:00:52
Tom Brown
Oh, okay. Well, the funny bone never really liked
00:00:54
Brendan
So...
Controversies in St. Louis Comedy
00:00:55
Tom Brown
me that much, so I'm okay with not talking about them if we don't have to.
00:00:59
Brendan
is
00:01:00
Tom Brown
watch Watch. Matt actually like like finds a way to listen to this. ah so Good thing I blacklisted him before anyway. Fuck that little liberal douchebag with his fucking jokes about sucking dick.
00:01:09
Brendan
but
00:01:12
Tom Brown
I shouldn't joke about sucking a dick. No one wants to go out to a nightclub, have drinks with their best girl, and then this guy's talking about he'd suck a dick for $100 million. What a fucking homo.
00:01:23
Brendan
It's really crazy that you have that ah actual quote Matt quote memorized.
00:01:28
Tom Brown
I know, right?
00:01:29
Brendan
That's insane.
00:01:29
Tom Brown
I mean, but word for word, it's very specific.
00:01:30
Brendan
Word for word.
00:01:33
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:01:34
Brendan
but
00:01:35
Tom Brown
If I wasn't banned before, I'm banned now. I live in, like,
St. Louis Comedy Scene Post-Pandemic
00:01:38
Tom Brown
three states away, so who gives a fuck?
00:01:41
Brendan
Yeah, that's fair. I mean, it's not like you're jonesing for the old Westport Funny Bone gig.
00:01:42
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:01:47
Tom Brown
Yeah. I mean, maybe the St. Charles Funny Bone. That place was pretty cool.
00:01:50
Brendan
I like the St. Charles Funny Bone.
00:01:52
Tom Brown
I did, too. I did, too. But... Yeah. So the real question is, I've been gone from St. Louis since September, about 10 months.
00:02:04
Tom Brown
Have you missed me? Does anyone actually miss me? Did anyone actually give a fuck I was there in the first place? Yeah.
00:02:09
Brendan
Yeah, everybody misses you, bro. I mean, fuck. Um... I mean, they're still doing Apotheosis, but it's definitely like trying to find its stride again.
00:02:21
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:02:21
Brendan
and And Matt's doing a good job with it best that he can. um But, you know, it's slow getting a ah ah a showcase back up and running after a bit of a hiatus.
00:02:34
Tom Brown
Yeah, I know they stopped for a little while. I was like, I guess they stopped doing it. And then they started doing again. I'm like, oh, okay, that's good.
00:02:40
Brendan
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
00:02:41
Tom Brown
i mean, it was right before I left, it was switching to a monthly show.
00:02:41
Brendan
Yeah.
00:02:49
Tom Brown
And then was like, oh, well, I have to leave anyway. And then, like, two people expressed any interest in carrying it on.
00:02:59
Tom Brown
One was you, by the way.
00:03:01
Brendan
One was me.
00:03:01
Tom Brown
ah But Matt reached out first.
00:03:02
Brendan
Yeah.
00:03:03
Tom Brown
was like, he did it first.
00:03:05
Brendan
Well, he gets, he's honestly, I'm glad Matt was the right choice there.
00:03:05
Tom Brown
ah
00:03:10
Brendan
Matt was.
00:03:10
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:03:10
Brendan
Yeah.
00:03:12
Tom Brown
yeah ah Maybe, I don't know, he's been so busy writing his book about the law.
00:03:17
Brendan
Yeah,
Comedy Podcast Sponsorships and Ads
00:03:18
Brendan
which is crazy. I didn't even know he was i was he was writing a book, and then I saw him post about on Facebook.
00:03:18
Tom Brown
Which is great, by the way, yeah.
00:03:23
Brendan
I was like, oh shoot.
00:03:24
Tom Brown
Yeah, he kept that under the down low, yeah.
00:03:27
Brendan
Under the down low, huh?
00:03:28
Tom Brown
and Under the down, just even further down lower. Yeah.
00:03:32
Brendan
Wow.
00:03:33
Tom Brown
noticed...
00:03:35
Brendan
He didn't even know he was writing it.
00:03:35
Tom Brown
no Yeah, it's funny. So back when I was in Missouri, I worked for a company that had me do background checks on potential like renters, and I had to go on case net.
00:03:46
Brendan
Mm-hmm.
00:03:48
Tom Brown
And I accidentally Binged search case net. And ah the second thing that comes up is a video of Matt Wayman explaining how to do case net searches.
00:03:59
Brendan
What
00:04:01
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:04:03
Brendan
is like on YouTube?
00:04:04
Tom Brown
It was like a YouTube... It was like... and When I you know search it on Bing, it's like the second thing that comes up.
00:04:10
Brendan
oh
00:04:11
Tom Brown
Which is...
00:04:11
Brendan
Wow. When does Matt get that Google credit, you know?
00:04:14
Tom Brown
I know, right? Yeah, put that in put that in the flyer for all the all the shows. That'll get the people out. Honestly, I have no idea what'll get the people out. That fucking show, man, at the end was
Personal Stories and Missouri Connections
00:04:26
Tom Brown
like fucking... Maybe three people would show up if we're lucky. we're like, we have a show now! For these three people who were...
00:04:35
Tom Brown
tricked and into coming out even though like when the show like the people came to it it was all it was a lot of fun but yeah
00:04:43
Brendan
Yeah.
00:04:46
Brendan
One second. I think my audio dropped here. One second.
00:04:49
Tom Brown
oh i can hear you can hear you just fine um i can also hear like a humming so maybe that's your bong yeah your bong has sound effects
00:04:50
Brendan
Okay, good. Okay, good.
00:04:57
Brendan
That's better. yeah That was my fan because my AirPods turned off for some reason.
00:05:06
Tom Brown
Oh, okay. That'll happen. AirPods, I don't know. I've never had them. They seem like a very expensive piece of equipment that fails often.
00:05:15
Brendan
x because
00:05:19
Tom Brown
You know what I mean?
00:05:20
Brendan
Yeah, I'm going to be off by complete. I'm having air pod issues here.
00:05:26
Tom Brown
Oh, great. And here's the thing. I don't know how to really edit this sort of thing, so this is going to go in the show.
00:05:29
Brendan
of your of
00:05:33
Tom Brown
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:05:34
Brendan
Good. I'm glad.
00:05:36
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:05:36
Brendan
All natural.
00:05:37
Tom Brown
Yeah. Hey, let me let me take a quick pause pause for one of our sponsors very quickly. i have ads. I got ah i got a sponsor, Brandon. Can you believe it?
00:05:47
Brendan
Yeah, no, I believe it very much. I think, yes, I'm very excited.
00:05:50
Tom Brown
Yeah. It's a Hey guys, are you like me and have trouble pooping? And you like having boners while you poop?
00:06:01
Tom Brown
It's Blue Poos, a little
Health Risks and Fracking in Michigan
00:06:03
Tom Brown
chewable gummy that makes you poop better. And you get a boner while you do it, but only when you poop. Blue Poos, the more regular you.
00:06:12
Brendan
Wow, that is that is such a specific
00:06:12
Tom Brown
Now back to the show.
00:06:17
Brendan
product.
00:06:19
Tom Brown
I know, right? I start every fucking podcast right now, or maybe it's just because I'm listening to too many Burt Kreischer podcasts. They all have Bluetooth ads. Every single fucking one of them. Fucking Stavi's out there with Bluetooth ads.
00:06:29
Brendan
ah
00:06:31
Tom Brown
Fucking Dan Soder. I've only listened to like one Dan Soder podcast. I actually did like it, but just haven't gotten back into the groove of it, of actually listening to it.
00:06:41
Brendan
Oh, gotcha. Gotcha. Yeah. i I have not,
00:06:43
Tom Brown
Yeah. Yeah.
00:06:44
Brendan
been listening to very many podcasts at all recently. I did just do um Jeff Phipps' podcast.
00:06:51
Tom Brown
Oh, how was that? the The pick a song or give me a song?
00:06:55
Brendan
Yeah, it was fun. um it was good.
00:06:57
Tom Brown
Oh, good.
00:06:58
Brendan
we We both did interesting songs. It ended up kind of just being an episode of Coping.
00:07:04
Tom Brown
Oh, okay. Talked about dead people?
00:07:05
Brendan
You know? Yeah! You know, my favorite subject.
00:07:07
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:07:09
Brendan
Yeah.
00:07:09
Tom Brown
Oh, yeah. No, so I was at this um music festival this weekend, and there was a bunch of people there I literally have not seen in like 20 years.
00:07:21
Brendan
Mm-hmm.
00:07:22
Tom Brown
And then small little group of people, like multiple relatives of ours, mostly our dad are either our dads or our moms, have all died from the same thing my dad died of, ah Gleboblastoma, which is um basically one in 100,000 people get it. And in this little fucking circle of four people, four of our relatives all had it at one point and, you know, didn't make it.
00:07:50
Brendan
Jesus Christ.
00:07:51
Tom Brown
Yeah. Yeah.
00:07:52
Brendan
I mean, is it is it like a mesothelioma thing?
00:07:58
Tom Brown
I have no idea because no one really knows what causes it.
00:07:59
Brendan
or
00:08:01
Tom Brown
They're just like, you get this awful brain tumor and it kills you.
00:08:06
Brendan
Jesus Christ. That's got to be like, did you live anywhere near anywhere near Flint growing up?
00:08:07
Tom Brown
yeah
00:08:12
Tom Brown
ah About two hours north of there. but
00:08:14
Brendan
don't know.
00:08:15
Tom Brown
This was like, yeah, not related. Well, if you, there something about Northern Michigan that is very specific about
00:08:25
Brendan
Is it the foam? Are you going to tell me about the foam?
00:08:27
Tom Brown
Oh, it's not the PFAS stuff, though. That is everywhere, too. ah the Because, yeah, it's just fucking everywhere. No, um if you look at, like, a ah Google satellite map of the area, you see all these little pockmarks through the forest.
00:08:42
Tom Brown
And those are all natural gas wells. And almost everyone, so they do fracking to get, like, all the natural gas out of the rock or whatever that it's trapped in.
00:08:54
Tom Brown
And for my dad, he worked in some of those wells, but also like everyone there has well water. So it's like water is just sucked out of the ground. And they're also shooting these chemicals into the ground to do the fracking.
00:09:11
Tom Brown
So I'm not saying. So, hey, lawyers for the natural gas industry, I'm not saying that's the cause, but I'm not not saying that's the cause.
00:09:21
Brendan
Right. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, it's definitely maybe could be, but might not be the cause.
00:09:27
Tom Brown
Yeah, but probably is. Yeah.
00:09:31
Brendan
Like we don't have any definite proof probably. I mean, there's probably a lot of proof about how harmful.
00:09:35
Tom Brown
Yeah, but no one wants to like say it out loud.
00:09:38
Brendan
Right.
00:09:39
Tom Brown
Because that's a lot of money going to be messed up somewhere.
00:09:40
Brendan
But,
00:09:44
Brendan
you know, but if we didn't have fracking, like what, how else would we have on unhealthy neighborhoods and well water?
00:09:51
Tom Brown
Yeah, right?
00:09:51
Brendan
It provides a service.
00:09:53
Tom Brown
Yeah. I guess natural gas is a a really nice way to heat your home, apparently. I wish I had it.
00:09:58
Brendan
Hmm.
00:09:59
Tom Brown
I have electric heat in Michigan, which is not great. Yeah.
00:10:03
Brendan
We have electric creek heat heat here too. My whole house is electric. The only gas in my house comes from me, baby.
00:10:07
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:10:10
Tom Brown
Yeah. But no, like, seriously, my first, like, because it's a lot fucking colder up here. My first electric bill in December was over $400. Yeah.
00:10:22
Brendan
Whoa.
00:10:23
Tom Brown
Yeah. I about shit myself.
00:10:26
Brendan
What the f- You need to get your insulation checked there, friendo.
00:10:30
Tom Brown
A brand new apartment.
00:10:34
Tom Brown
Yeah. Yeah.
00:10:34
Brendan
God, it's an apartment and your electric bill is $400?
00:10:36
Brendan
Holy. oh Because my electric bill is like, I think i we're just talking about our finances now.
00:10:38
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:10:44
Tom Brown
Yeah, why not?
00:10:44
Brendan
True. Hi,
00:10:44
Tom Brown
Fuck it.
00:10:46
Brendan
Nice to meet you.
00:10:47
Tom Brown
Literally, I wish I could say more people are listening to us, but it's going to be me listening to it back because I'm a narcissist. It's going to you listening back to it because you're a narcissist. And then maybe one or two of our significant others, baby.
00:10:56
Brendan
true
00:11:01
Brendan
hi jen nice
00:11:02
Tom Brown
Yeah, exactly.
00:11:03
Brendan
it Good to talk to you. ah um Yeah, no, my electric bill every month is probably like,
Tom's Political Career and Campaigns
00:11:12
Brendan
I want to say it's like $200 $300, $200 maybe, but I think it's because I'm on budget billing.
00:11:17
Tom Brown
you
00:11:20
Brendan
Like, do they have budget billing up there?
00:11:20
Tom Brown
Yeah. we We are on budget billing now. So they just raised our budget billing to $100. Because thankfully when they hit the budget, like our first two or three electric bills here were like $60, $80.
00:11:27
Brendan
Jesus. Jesus.
00:11:34
Tom Brown
Like it was fall in Michigan. was gorgeous. We weren't using AC. We weren't using heat. We were just – living off the fat like oh my god this is so amazing know oh my god it's great here then the winner hits like yeah yeah
00:11:48
Brendan
but but You see, that's the trick, Tom, is we blast our AC all year long, except for when and we're blasting the heat. So we have to budget for our $250 bill all year round.
00:12:00
Tom Brown
yeah but our so our summer here is fan fantastic
00:12:08
Brendan
Yeah, I love going to Michigan in the summer. We go up to Frankfurt usually.
00:12:12
Tom Brown
Frank, oh, Frankford's great. Yeah. Actually, funny, the families of the people I was talking to, they all grew up in Frankford.
00:12:19
Brendan
Oh, yeah.
00:12:20
Tom Brown
Yeah, so ah about the earlier story.
00:12:20
Brendan
Yeah.
00:12:22
Tom Brown
So just have way i
00:12:24
Brendan
They've all probably called my wife a ah and ah lakey.
00:12:29
Tom Brown
So, or yeah.
00:12:30
Brendan
Yeah.
00:12:30
Tom Brown
ah Generally, the though, the the term for tourists up in northern Michigan is fudgy.
00:12:37
Brendan
fudgy i haven't heard that one oh i see i've
00:12:38
Tom Brown
Because there are people who are going up for the fudge of Mackinac Island. Yeah. Then there's a little bit of a like you know homophobia thrown in there, too.
00:12:49
Tom Brown
for yeah Yeah.
00:12:50
Brendan
oh but but just for good measure you know it's not a it's not a purple state without a little bit of homophobia you
00:12:52
Tom Brown
Just for a good measure, yeah.
00:12:58
Tom Brown
Oh, yeah, no. ah Yeah, yeah. got here, I'm like, yeah, got a blue stain, then I voted for Trump. Like, what the fuck just happened? Did you not remember four years ago?
00:13:09
Tom Brown
was...
00:13:09
Brendan
um ah Tom, don't you know that Trump stole the election and ah tampered with the voting machines?
00:13:19
Tom Brown
Oh my God. That is like, is the the conspiracy theory I've heard specifically about it.
00:13:21
Brendan
but
00:13:25
Tom Brown
The details are so specific and insane, but at the same time, because Elon Musk is involved, a million percent plausible.
00:13:35
Brendan
I know. Like, and that's the thing.
00:13:36
Tom Brown
Like that's the, I was like, fuck, that's, that's a pretty tight conspiracy theory actually.
00:13:40
Brendan
That's what...
00:13:45
Brendan
That's what's hard about it, because we shit on... and We being leftists and liberals, shit on Trump supporters for the last eight years about believing that the fucking...
00:13:52
Tom Brown
Yeah. ah but yeah
00:14:02
Brendan
um ah that the election was stolen in 2020. So I guess last five years.
00:14:07
Tom Brown
Four, yeah. But felt like eight, trust me.
00:14:08
Brendan
Yeah. Right. Well, I was thinking 2016 to his president.
00:14:11
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:14:13
Tom Brown
Yeah, and I totally understand.
00:14:13
Brendan
but Anyway, I was just wrong.
00:14:15
Tom Brown
It's been like, how has he been in our lives politically for so fucking long?
00:14:15
Brendan
Right.
00:14:19
Brendan
I, when he lost in 2020, I was like, oh my God, I'm never going to have to hear Trump talk again.
00:14:27
Tom Brown
That was my hope. That was my sincere hope. That was like the only, it was like, Biden's not great.
00:14:31
Brendan
was like,
00:14:34
Tom Brown
He's not going to give me everything I want, but that's fine. I'm an adult. I could deal with my own fucking problems and I could like, so i can support and push for better, and to better just everything else I want.
00:14:47
Tom Brown
I don't need to get everything. i just don't need the other fucking thing again.
00:14:52
Brendan
Right, yeah.
00:14:53
Tom Brown
And yeah, it was so like, there's been two times in my lifetime where I have seen Americans spontaneously dance in the streets.
00:15:05
Tom Brown
The last one was Trump was in the election. And the other one was when we killed Osama bin Laden.
00:15:12
Brendan
I thought...
00:15:12
Tom Brown
Like those are the two times I specifically remember Americans everywhere dancing in the street.
00:15:19
Brendan
Man, i don't i thought I thought you were going to say when Obama was elected.
00:15:25
Tom Brown
People were pretty – I was high-fiving black dudes on the Chicago red line that night for sure.
00:15:30
Brendan
Oh, brag about it, Tom.
00:15:30
Tom Brown
It was like – yeah. Oh, I am great about it. It was great. It was a fantastic night.
00:15:33
Brendan
ah
00:15:35
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:15:35
Brendan
but No, but you know like I said, like we shit on them so long for their conspiracy theory. like that Oh, Trump was like, oh, I didn't lose the election. It was stolen or whatever.
00:15:45
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:15:46
Brendan
And now we're like, Well, maybe it did actually happen to us.
00:15:50
Tom Brown
yeah
00:15:51
Brendan
So...
00:15:52
Tom Brown
Well, because in my lifetime, it kind of – I mean, my first conspiracy theory that I went down the rabbit hole on and I still kind of believe is that the 2000 election was stolen.
00:16:02
Brendan
oh
00:16:03
Tom Brown
ah
00:16:03
Brendan
that a...
00:16:04
Tom Brown
and It was like way more neious like nefarious and stuff you really can't go back on.
00:16:04
Brendan
That's Bush and...
00:16:08
Tom Brown
It was ah mostly Catherine Harris, the Secretary of State of Florida. kicking off, that she they did a voter roll purge right before the election and didn't tell the people they kicked off that they got purged.
00:16:24
Tom Brown
So it was like, people with like social security numbers that were like one off from someone who wasn't really like a convicted felon or shit like that.
00:16:36
Tom Brown
And it typically turned out to be voters who are like African-American who, I don't know, typically vote for Democrats. So when they showed up on election day, they couldn't vote.
00:16:47
Tom Brown
And though like election was swung by like a couple thousand voters, And you can blame fucking Ralph Nader all you want, but like a significantly larger margin of black voters who showed up and they were going to vote but couldn't was the difference in the election.
00:17:03
Tom Brown
That's my first conspiracy theory and I stick by it.
00:17:03
Brendan
um
00:17:06
Brendan
You have me at a disadvantage because I was seven years old when that happened.
00:17:10
Tom Brown
I was 17 very angry.
00:17:14
Brendan
You have to imagine.
00:17:16
Tom Brown
yeah
00:17:16
Brendan
Yeah.
00:17:16
Tom Brown
Though, and I guess not my defense, right before the election, the local newspaper came and interviewed
Ralph Nader's Influence and Encounters
00:17:26
Tom Brown
a handful of students from my high school about who we thought they should vote for for president for government class.
00:17:35
Tom Brown
And it was a 4-4 split between Gore and Bush. And the deciding vote was me being like, I think we should vote for Ralph Nader. He's got some really good ideas.
00:17:46
Brendan
but but but
00:17:49
Tom Brown
So, I don't know.
00:17:49
Brendan
ah
00:17:50
Tom Brown
A lot of people, they first meet me, they think I'm this little Republican spy. But no, I'm the guy saying, no, we should have voted for Ralph Nader.
00:17:58
Brendan
right God, I don't even know who Ralph Nader is.
00:17:59
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:18:02
Tom Brown
Oh, wow.
00:18:03
Brendan
I mean, I assume just like a third party Democrat or something like that.
00:18:06
Tom Brown
know ah Far left on the Democrat. He basically...
00:18:09
Brendan
Oh, really?
00:18:11
Tom Brown
He's... ah So Ralph Nader, me and him have a history, and I'll get to that. Like, me and him have a one-day history. But so he in the 1960s, he was a he started off as a consumer advocate and he wrote a book called Unsafe at Any Speed that exposed the U.S. automakers for purposely and knowingly making unsafe vehicles.
00:18:35
Tom Brown
Like there was this specifically focused on the it was called the Chevy Corvair.
00:18:35
Brendan
Oh.
00:18:40
Tom Brown
And if you hit it just just so the whole fucking thing would explode.
00:18:45
Brendan
I always thought that was the Pinto.
00:18:48
Tom Brown
Pinto's did that too, but the the book was specifically about the Corvair.
00:18:51
Brendan
Oh, okay.
00:18:52
Tom Brown
Yeah. A lot of cars, if you hit them specifically right in the sixty s and 70s, would fucking explode. U.S. Engineering.
00:18:58
Brendan
That is...
00:18:59
Tom Brown
We wondered why people started buying Japanese cars.
00:19:02
Brendan
Wow. They really say history repeats itself and now it's now it's cyber trucks exploding if they get.
00:19:02
Tom Brown
Fuck.
00:19:05
Tom Brown
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But I'm cool with that.
00:19:09
Brendan
ah
00:19:10
Tom Brown
That's because of a Molotov cocktail.
00:19:13
Brendan
Also car washes, I think.
00:19:16
Tom Brown
Oh, yeah. Oh, perfect. ah Also, Ralph Nader also hosted Saturday Night Live in the 70s.
00:19:24
Brendan
Hmm.
00:19:25
Tom Brown
but it was a rat like He was a guy who would never have picked to fucking host SNL, but there he was. And then in like... I think he ran for president in 96. He definitely ran in 2000 and then again in 2004.
00:19:40
Tom Brown
um But he had like enough political cachet where he'd get like
00:19:45
Tom Brown
A handful of votes there, a handful of votes there, ah mostly protest votes. um But people really upset at him because, like, the margin he picked up in Florida would have been – like, if those voters had voted for Gore, Gore would have won.
00:20:02
Tom Brown
So there's a little bit of, like, bitterness there. But at the same time, like – Gore, like we know him now as like Mr. Super Environmentalist, but like in 2000, he wasn't saying shit about that at all.
00:20:14
Brendan
Was he talking about how he invented the internet?
00:20:18
Tom Brown
I mean... In his defense, he did write the legislation. Well, probably a lawyer did. He wrote the legislation that made the Internet ah accessible for public use because at one point it was DARPAnet. It was a defense department thing that only the military could use, and he opened it up more to the public.
00:20:39
Brendan
Oh, well, good for him.
00:20:40
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:20:40
Brendan
i
00:20:40
Tom Brown
Exactly, yeah.
00:20:41
Brendan
yeah i always thought he got a rough hand out to him.
00:20:45
Tom Brown
He fucking did. Yeah. Uh, for sure. And then he was too dumb, like right on to like his strengths either. Like he could have, I think if he ran on a stronger environmental platform, he would have picked up those, uh, Florida hippies, uh, who voted for Nader.
00:21:00
Tom Brown
Uh,
00:21:01
Brendan
Mm-hmm.
00:21:01
Tom Brown
Maybe. But also, when I was in college, we hired Ralph Nader to come do a speech at my school, and I had to, like, drive four hours south to Green Bay and another four hours back to pick him up from the airport and then back again that night.
00:21:16
Tom Brown
um
00:21:16
Brendan
What the fuck?
00:21:17
Tom Brown
So, yeah, I got to spend four hours in the car with him. Him and him is like he had, like, a little secretary-aid-type guy traveling with him. By the way, down up, he goes, oh, you're driving back, too.
00:21:28
Tom Brown
For dinner
Leaving Politics and Entering Property Management
00:21:29
Tom Brown
tonight, you have to have poo meals. And then later, I'm sitting next to him at the at dinner. It's Italian restaurant. I had whatever I had. And then he had the vegetarian lasagna.
00:21:39
Tom Brown
And then he takes half of it, slaps it on my plate, and said, Tom, I said you had to have two meals.
00:21:46
Brendan
but but
00:21:47
Tom Brown
This is like, yeah i got maybe he's like a Brooklyn guy or something.
00:21:47
Brendan
Uh,
00:21:49
Tom Brown
I don't really recall. But... Uh, fuck it.
00:21:52
Brendan
sounds.
00:21:53
Tom Brown
There was another funny part. It's another side story to this. I keep, I, I'm asking you on the interview, but mostly it's me telling you stories. Uh, such a fucking narcissist.
00:22:02
Brendan
and No, I'm on board.
00:22:02
Tom Brown
What's that about?
00:22:03
Brendan
i like it.
00:22:03
Tom Brown
Yeah. Um, there was this girl, uh, I'm not going to say her first name, uh, to protect her identity, but her last name was Nader. And, oh, it's Snubs.
00:22:14
Brendan
ah
00:22:15
Tom Brown
Snubs just choked in her lap.
00:22:16
Brendan
Oh yeah.
00:22:16
Tom Brown
Uh, to see Stephanie showed up.
00:22:17
Brendan
He's on the podcast now.
00:22:19
Tom Brown
Uh, yeah, it's a Snubcast. Uh, Anyway, this girl, girl last name Nader, um with I knew her and I never saw her after this because she probably knew to like, I would call her out on it.
00:22:35
Brendan
Mm-hmm.
00:22:35
Tom Brown
She went around saying like, oh yeah, he's my uncle. I am the reason he came to Northern.
00:22:44
Brendan
Huh.
00:22:46
Tom Brown
And I know this isn't true because I asked Ralph Nader, hey, there's a girl here named Nader. She says she's your niece. And he's like, that's total bullshit.
00:22:58
Tom Brown
A lot of people say they're related to me and they're not related to me.
00:23:02
Brendan
but but
00:23:03
Tom Brown
It was like very like this, like just very like no heaven at all. He's like, nope, that person is not my niece. She's a liar.
00:23:15
Brendan
that so Did you out her?
00:23:18
Tom Brown
ah To anyone who would listen, yeah.
00:23:20
Brendan
Nice. Great.
00:23:21
Tom Brown
Yeah. I actually think I did – I got to meet the – I went to an alumni event for my school the other couple weeks ago, and the interim president was there, and like, oh, yeah, bro, Ralph, Ralph, I was like, oh, yeah, or or I think blah, blah, blah had something to do with I'm like, no, she did not.
00:23:35
Brendan
you're like...
00:23:38
Tom Brown
i was
00:23:39
Brendan
but
00:23:39
Tom Brown
That was mostly me, man. Had nothing to do with her.
00:23:41
Brendan
yeah you're like I've got a story for you.
00:23:45
Tom Brown
Yep.
00:23:48
Brendan
Well, um he sounds kind of like the Your Generation's Jill Stein.
00:23:55
Tom Brown
Oh, but Jill's trying so much fucking worse because she's a Soviet plant. I mean, Russian plant or whatever. It's more fun to say Soviet.
00:24:02
Brendan
so i that is more fun. Although it makes it sound more communist than it is.
00:24:07
Tom Brown
Oh, yeah. It has way more to do with fascism than Soviet era communism. True.
00:24:12
Brendan
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I did not know that about her. I just thought she was a Green Party shill.
00:24:19
Tom Brown
Yeah. Yeah. Which I have my feelings that there's some Russian money behind that. Speaking of conspiracy theories.
00:24:29
Brendan
I want Russia to know. i'll They can have my allegiance for money. I'll trade them.
00:24:37
Tom Brown
see the money. I will pee tape. What's a pee tape? I have no idea. Those are lies. Damn lies and statistics.
00:24:45
Brendan
but There are no Epstein files or whatever.
00:24:48
Tom Brown
Oh, man, this whole Epstein thing now is just getting weirder. If it could get weirder.
00:24:55
Brendan
i know Stephen King's involved now.
00:24:57
Tom Brown
Oh, man. ah Technically, I'm kind of involved.
00:25:02
Brendan
What?
00:25:03
Tom Brown
Yeah, no. do you not know I have like very tangential Epstein ties?
00:25:08
Brendan
i Who don't you have ties to, Tom?
00:25:11
Tom Brown
I know. Hey, I lived a life at one point. An insane life.
00:25:14
Brendan
but
00:25:15
Tom Brown
And then I'm like, moved to St. Louis and then I lifted up like a fucking bubble away from it for 15 years, man.
00:25:22
Brendan
Oh my god, I'm gonna be i'm going to be at work and then all of a sudden I'm gonna see your face on the fucking news.
00:25:29
Tom Brown
Yeah, I, uh...
00:25:29
Brendan
Tom Brown.
00:25:31
Tom Brown
So I worked for, was a ah fundraiser. I raised money for Democratic candidates at one point in my life. A lot of fucking money. Not a lot, a lot. A decent amount.
00:25:45
Tom Brown
Anyway, um my first client, one my first clients I worked with was a politician in New Mexico, an elected official.
00:25:53
Brendan
Oh.
00:25:54
Tom Brown
And his family owns a shit ton land in New Mexico. And they sold a tract of land known now known as the Zorro Ranch
00:26:11
Tom Brown
because it was named by the person who bought it, which was Jeffrey Epstein.
00:26:17
Brendan
but oh
00:26:18
Tom Brown
And that tract of land was next to my client's property as well. So one point I went to a 4th July celebration at my client's house.
00:26:29
Brendan
ahha
00:26:29
Tom Brown
he's like, oh yeah, my neighbor fires off fireworks every year. You should come by.
00:26:34
Brendan
but but
00:26:35
Tom Brown
There aren't a lot of people there.
00:26:35
Brendan
Oh no.
00:26:37
Tom Brown
I just assume that fireworks show was paid and paid them but brought to you by Jeffrey Epstein.
00:26:45
Brendan
I'm on board with that possible headcanon.
00:26:48
Tom Brown
Yeah. But also, i was warned by my boss, the guy who the client hired to do the work, and I actually did the work. He was like, Tom, if...
00:26:59
Tom Brown
This is a guy who – our client's neighbor is a well-known pedophile. I don't know if you've heard of this guy named Jeffrey Epstein. This is 2007. Most people hadn't heard of Jeffrey Epstein at this point.
00:27:10
Brendan
I didn't even know people knew.
00:27:11
Tom Brown
I had, though.
00:27:12
Brendan
Uh-huh.
00:27:12
Tom Brown
Yeah, I knew. He had already been convicted of something at that point, like a year before. um And it was like, oh, shit, because he was deeply connected to Democratic politics money-wise um because he gave a shit ton of money out.
00:27:22
Brendan
Mm-hmm.
00:27:25
Tom Brown
As far as I know, he didn't offer my client any sort of, um, favors, say politely.
00:27:32
Brendan
a
00:27:34
Tom Brown
Um, the guy i worked for it was also like the super, well, the nicest, like the nicest guys you could have ever met and probably the kind of kind of a guy you want in politics because he was like actually cared about shit.
00:27:47
Tom Brown
Um,
00:27:50
Tom Brown
But anyway, I was told very specifically, this guy might try to send the campaign money. Do not cash the check or you will lose your job.
00:28:00
Brendan
Yeah.
00:28:01
Tom Brown
I'm like, perfect. Okay.
00:28:02
Brendan
That's... ah but
00:28:03
Tom Brown
Look, I'm not cash. So like every check, every check, is this an Epstein check? Okay. Because he also had a couple of different LLCs. So I had to like be like on my game about it.
00:28:14
Tom Brown
And I never cashed a Jeffrey Epstein check.
00:28:18
Brendan
Wow.
00:28:19
Tom Brown
Unfortunately, one of the people after me, after I left the company, did. the guy was running for governor and it his entire political career was tore-fucking-pedode.
00:28:26
Brendan
Oh no.
00:28:33
Brendan
Seriously? God, just cash on the check?
00:28:34
Tom Brown
Yeah, done. It was also like, yeah, he sent like a $25,000 check, too.
00:28:40
Brendan
Oh, well, sure.
00:28:40
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:28:41
Brendan
Yeah, yeah.
00:28:41
Tom Brown
The campaign gave like $25,000 to like a like some sort of ah sex assault survivor's charity or something, but he was fucked at that point.
00:28:53
Tom Brown
And that is my... That's how I
00:29:01
Brendan
Wow. You were almost invited to the island.
00:29:05
Tom Brown
Very not going to go to the island.
00:29:08
Brendan
Well,
00:29:08
Tom Brown
Like, ooh, Virgin Islands. Oh, interesting. Yeah.
00:29:11
Brendan
but
00:29:11
Tom Brown
Now after Epstein's done with him...
00:29:14
Brendan
but but so I'm glad you had the fours. I'm glad you like had the heads up.
00:29:19
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:29:19
Brendan
all the way back in 07.
00:29:21
Tom Brown
Yeah, so like, when he we died, I'm like, oh yeah, that's not a suicide.
00:29:21
Brendan
Like,
00:29:26
Tom Brown
Like, I was the first one like, nope, that someone had his ass killed.
00:29:32
Brendan
Oh my God.
00:29:32
Tom Brown
Yeah, and now like, now with Trump saying like, this is all made up by Obama and the Democrats.
00:29:33
Brendan
Well,
00:29:39
Tom Brown
Like...
00:29:39
Brendan
right.
00:29:40
Tom Brown
They had every opportunity to put this out there. They didn't. So I will say, I say release list. I don't care who gets taken down by it, Democrat, Republican, what have you.
00:29:53
Tom Brown
If you get some shrapnel from it, so fucking be it.
00:29:58
Brendan
Yeah, I mean, well, that's the thing, too. Like, you you think of stuff like, like, ah oh, what was his name? um
00:30:08
Brendan
He also probably hosted Saturday Night Live. He got, no, not Spacey.
00:30:12
Tom Brown
Kevin Spacey. Oh.
00:30:16
Tom Brown
He's involved with us too.
00:30:16
Brendan
ah
00:30:18
Brendan
the the The senator who did the hands up against a soldier, a woman soldier's, like, boob, oh,
00:30:25
Tom Brown
Oh, Franken. i have also met El Franken.
00:30:28
Brendan
Al Frank.
00:30:29
Tom Brown
I also had him speak at my school while I was there. I got to hang out with him and have dinner. It's great.
00:30:34
Brendan
You know, like Al Frank and like that image was, well, you know, like I think it's an example of us like trying to hold ourselves to ah accountability.
00:30:36
Tom Brown
That was such horse shit.
00:30:44
Tom Brown
accountable but then overdoing it sometimes.
00:30:46
Brendan
Right. Right. And like, ah you know, and I don't even know if it's like over, like it definitely like probably, wasn't expected of him to like resign like that but also like he did it and I think we can like be like you know like yeah that's kind of how it should be you know like even if you don't do some stupid bullshit like that then you probably should resign from that but then Republicans or conservatives are immune to that shit yeah they don't give a fuck like if that was if we if it was held to the same standards then like
00:30:55
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:31:04
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:31:13
Tom Brown
They just double fucking down on shit. Yeah.
00:31:22
Brendan
Trump would have been done at grab her by the pussy, you know?
00:31:25
Tom Brown
Shit. He should have been done when he was like referred to America as a brand in his first fucking speech. That and all the shit about the Mexicans. It's like, what the fuck, dude?
00:31:34
Brendan
oh my fucking God.
00:31:34
Tom Brown
was it How is this not day one and day last?
00:31:38
Brendan
No, and now we're just bringing up old, like ancient history Trump shit. Like ah the fucking, when he mocked that disabled reporter, ah you know?
00:31:47
Tom Brown
How well that was in the end, we'll never know.
00:31:50
Brendan
ah Yeah, like, fucking insane shit that he gets away with.
00:31:52
Tom Brown
Yeah. i almost, like, i this is going to... I feel like Todd Akin inoculated the American over conservative public against the rest of this shit.
00:32:04
Brendan
Hmm.
00:32:05
Tom Brown
remember You remember Akin, right?
00:32:07
Brendan
i I vaguely remember Todd Aiken.
00:32:07
Tom Brown
You remember Missouri.
00:32:10
Tom Brown
Okay. Well, I worked on the campaign against him, so...
00:32:11
Brendan
He was like, he was like a 2012 problem, wasn't he?
00:32:15
Tom Brown
Yeah, he was he was in 2012.
00:32:16
Brendan
Yeah, yeah.
00:32:18
Tom Brown
He was running against Claire McCaskill for U.S. Senate in Missouri.
00:32:22
Brendan
Uh-huh.
00:32:23
Tom Brown
And he was... ated By the way, i worked full full disclosure, I worked on the McCaskill campaign. Yeah, uh... Anyway, so this worked out very well for me. but he's the guy who's like, well, a woman is legitimately raped.
00:32:36
Tom Brown
She has a way of the body has a way of just shutting it down, which is and he he he didn't stop.
00:32:38
Brendan
Yeah, yeah.
00:32:42
Tom Brown
He ran anyway. But like swaths of Missouri that would never fucking vote for a Democrat. voted for Claire McCaskill that year.
00:32:51
Brendan
McCaskill, yeah.
00:32:52
Tom Brown
And it was a landslide. It was a 16-point landslide.
00:32:54
Brendan
Mm-hmm.
00:32:55
Tom Brown
And by the way, the internal polls of the campaign had us up, only like McCaskill, only up by four points of the day before the election.
00:33:02
Brendan
Jesus Christ.
00:33:03
Tom Brown
So the fact we won by 16 says that my field work was awesome. I was a really good political guy.
00:33:08
Brendan
but
00:33:13
Brendan
Well, why'd you quit? Why'd you leave?
00:33:15
Tom Brown
uh i could there's plenty of reasons uh pay sucks the pay sucks the hours are fucking awful uh i wanted to do comedy stuff and you really can't do comedy stuff when you're doing campaigns for multiple reasons a could make the campaign look bad b you don't have enough fucking time in the day you're working 80 hour weeks again for like
00:33:21
Brendan
Yeah.
00:33:30
Brendan
Right.
00:33:37
Brendan
in
00:33:39
Tom Brown
um Like, not a lot of money. ah
00:33:41
Brendan
right
00:33:42
Tom Brown
And the last campaign I worked on, there was this one... i had an interview with this other consultant on the campaign, and he was just a fucking piece of shit asshole. Like, I've never had that much anxiety before.
00:33:58
Tom Brown
And it was for a fucking aldermanic race.
00:34:01
Brendan
Mm-hmm.
00:34:01
Tom Brown
And... It was a Democratic primary, but like we were just taking the campaign was taking so many almost far right stances. And i was just like, I couldn't I couldn't do it anymore. I was like, this isn't what I signed up for. This is.
00:34:17
Tom Brown
And at one point I quit the camp. Well, I was within one day I was promoted and demoted from campaign manager. ah And then a bunch of other. And at one point I went to the candidate like I quit.
00:34:29
Tom Brown
I'm fucking done with this shit. They kept me on on like – they cut my – we struck a deal like for me to stay on through the end of the campaign but with a pay cut.
00:34:40
Tom Brown
But also I wouldn't work directly with that guy anymore. And since then he got in he got indicted but somehow didn't get convicted of shooting a gun into a building while you yelling the N-word.
00:34:51
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:34:53
Brendan
That is very specific.
00:34:53
Tom Brown
Somehow he got off on that. Incredibly specific, yes, without saying his name. But I'm hundreds of miles from him now, so I don't think he would try. He hasn't tried to reach out to me at all, and I am eternally grateful for that. I saw him one night.
00:35:10
Tom Brown
Last time I was at that election night, and I was just like, fuck you, goodbye.
00:35:15
Brendan
Right.
00:35:16
Tom Brown
I hope to never see you again ever. And then like a month later, I got into property management, which some people think is more scummy than politics, but I beg to differ.
00:35:27
Brendan
I mean, i don't know. All my, all of my dating apps say no landlords on
00:35:34
Tom Brown
Oh, well, um I technically work for the land the owners.
00:35:35
Brendan
but
00:35:37
Tom Brown
I'm not technically a landlord, so
00:35:37
Brendan
them. You're a class trader, Tom. You're a class trader. Yeah.
00:35:42
Tom Brown
Hey, I'm bringing so stand-up comedy to my property in a couple weeks.
00:35:48
Brendan
Are you?
00:35:48
Tom Brown
what
00:35:48
Brendan
Are you doing a show?
00:35:49
Tom Brown
yeah know i book I booked a local comic and then Larry Smith, who's now out of Chicago, up to come do a show on the first in September on the at my property.
00:36:00
Brendan
Oh, that's great. Larry Smith is so funny.
00:36:02
Tom Brown
Oh, I know, right?
00:36:03
Brendan
He's so funny. um I thought Larry Smith was based out of fucking DeCant.
00:36:10
Tom Brown
Springfield.
00:36:12
Brendan
I was going to say Decatur.
00:36:14
Tom Brown
no No, he he just moved to Chicago about a year ago.
00:36:15
Brendan
No.
00:36:19
Brendan
Oh, gotcha. Okay, well, good for him.
00:36:21
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:36:21
Brendan
i hope he i hope the scene is good to him.
00:36:24
Tom Brown
He seems to be doing well. I know he's been doing a bunch of shows at Zany's and Lincoln Lodge, so those are both good places to do the comedies at.
00:36:29
Brendan
Mm, that's good.
00:36:33
Brendan
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
00:36:35
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:36:36
Brendan
Did you say you were a judge at a comedy competition?
00:36:41
Tom Brown
Yeah, I did. Yeah, I there was ah it was yeah i was judge in a for the finals of a comedy competition. yeah
00:36:51
Brendan
How did, well, first of all, how did that come about? Oh.
00:36:55
Tom Brown
Well, ah first it came about like, I guess you needed judges.
Comedy Competitions and Brewing Preferences
00:37:00
Tom Brown
I had been in like the first round of it and got didn't move forward.
00:37:02
Brendan
oh
00:37:04
Tom Brown
I did the first weekend of it or the week or week of it and I don't know. Uh, there was, it was, uh, it was awkward because like in the main room was the show, but in in the side room was a fucking Euchre tournament going on.
00:37:21
Brendan
Hell yeah. Euchre.
00:37:22
Tom Brown
Uh, yeah.
00:37:23
Brendan
Fuck yeah. I came from a Euchre family, baby.
00:37:26
Tom Brown
Yeah. Oh, yeah I didn't realize you're from Michigan. Uh, yeah.
00:37:29
Brendan
but My last name is Olson, my guy. Stop it.
00:37:32
Tom Brown
Yeah. Right. Um, But yeah, so like, and that Euchre tournament hated the comedy going on. Like, the i they, apparently, one of them, I missed this, but even went up to the speaker and turned it down.
00:37:48
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:37:49
Brendan
stop
00:37:50
Tom Brown
Yeah. Yeah.
00:37:51
Brendan
Oh, my God.
00:37:52
Tom Brown
So the the guy runs the the showcase and then the competition competition a couple weeks later was like, hey, you know, he likes my comedy a lot. He knows I have the chops to, like, judge other people, I guess.
00:38:04
Brendan
Mm hmm.
00:38:05
Tom Brown
um So he asked me to go do it for, like, he said it be a beer, but he bought me two beers. So, you know, that's, yeah.
00:38:10
Brendan
Oh, wow. wow You doubled your pay the night up.
00:38:13
Tom Brown
and I know, right?
00:38:15
Brendan
That's crazy.
00:38:16
Tom Brown
Yeah, that's that's the Tom Brown way, you know, just – say nothing until they you know stop.
00:38:22
Brendan
do Do you have to pay taxes on that beer now? Or...
00:38:25
Tom Brown
um i dont We don't need to talk about that.
00:38:28
Brendan
ah Sorry, sorry, my bad.
00:38:30
Tom Brown
Yeah. Actually, the way tax rate is lower in Michigan than it is was Missouri.
00:38:36
Brendan
a
00:38:37
Tom Brown
Yeah, take that red state bullshit.
00:38:37
Brendan
That's probably true, yeah.
00:38:40
Tom Brown
Also, i won't I won't have to this year, I won't have to pay personal property tax on my car.
00:38:40
Brendan
Yeah.
00:38:44
Brendan
What a dream.
00:38:45
Tom Brown
Yeah, because it was like 800 bucks last year.
00:38:48
Brendan
um Yeah, but don't you guys have tolls?
00:38:51
Tom Brown
No, we have the Mackinac Bridge.
00:38:52
Brendan
Toll roads?
00:38:53
Tom Brown
That's the only toll road.
00:38:54
Brendan
Oh, really?
00:38:55
Tom Brown
Yeah, that's it. Yeah.
00:38:57
Brendan
Huh.
00:38:57
Tom Brown
You to to Illinois.
00:39:00
Brendan
Illinois. Oh, yeah. Illinois does have dolls.
00:39:01
Tom Brown
Illinois has shit ton tolls. Yeah.
00:39:03
Brendan
Yeah. i so does
00:39:04
Tom Brown
That meant Indiana.
00:39:05
Brendan
So does Ohio.
00:39:06
Tom Brown
Oh, Ohio's the fucking... item you do I had two weekend two weekends in a row i was in Ohio back in like April. I had World Series of Comedy and then I had an actual festival as it following the following weekend.
00:39:21
Brendan
well Was World Series in Massillon?
00:39:24
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:39:25
Brendan
Oh, can i I, love that club in Massalon.
00:39:28
Tom Brown
Oh, good. Yeah.
00:39:30
Brendan
They, the owner there, i can't, I can't remember the guy's name.
00:39:31
Tom Brown
I'm getting dick there, but yeah.
00:39:35
Brendan
He's such a sweet guy.
00:39:36
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:39:36
Brendan
He's booked me to feature twice since I did that that World Series a Comedy show in Massalon.
00:39:45
Tom Brown
Oh, nice.
00:39:46
Brendan
Oh my God. well i I'm going to start just going on about Massalon.
00:39:48
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:39:51
Brendan
There's a, I don't know if you went to it. There's a restaurant. basically across the street from the club. And I can't remember the name, but they claim to be the people that invented the um ice cream cone at the St. Louis World's Fair.
00:40:09
Tom Brown
Oh, good for...
00:40:10
Brendan
um
00:40:10
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:40:11
Brendan
And I, first of all, a bunch of restaurants claim that because I looked into it.
00:40:17
Tom Brown
Yeah. Oh, yeah. many places do. Yeah.
00:40:18
Brendan
So many clients claim it.
00:40:20
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:40:20
Brendan
Um, but they were the the owner of this restaurant, the original owner is not, I not alive anymore.
00:40:24
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:40:26
Brendan
Um, was named in like the Wikipedia, um, article about it. So.
00:40:31
Tom Brown
That's legit. That's legit. I like the town. It was cool. I also like the club, but i had my my set kind of went... Bad, not because i mean anything I did with jokes or anything. i was getting laughs, but, like, um so I've gained, like, a ton of weight since I left St. Louis.
00:40:49
Brendan
hot
00:40:49
Tom Brown
Like, 30 pounds of weight, like.
00:40:51
Brendan
Fuck you.
00:40:52
Tom Brown
And so my shirts aren't fitting in the way they used to. And I thought I'd look really cool with like a sport coat with ah a black, just a black T-shirt under it.
00:41:01
Brendan
Uh-huh.
00:41:01
Tom Brown
But the T-shirt was 2XL, but it kept riding up on me. So my gut was hanging out the entire fucking set.
00:41:06
Brendan
but Oh, no.
00:41:09
Tom Brown
And i like I just felt like ass. I got fucking just hammered fucking drunk that night at the club. I don't think I said anything too untoward anyone, but I, um, I didn't feel good great about it the next day.
00:41:27
Brendan
Oh my god, that sucks.
00:41:28
Tom Brown
And I had to drive home. And then that's where I had to pay like, like fucking $14 or some shit each way on the fucking Ohio germ peg.
00:41:37
Brendan
Uh huh.
00:41:37
Tom Brown
and I have to drive through it again in September when I go to, uh, the Finger Lakes or the, it's the Finger Lakes Comedy Festival.
00:41:44
Brendan
Oh, that's cool.
00:41:45
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:41:47
Brendan
Man, that's... I'm sorry that happened. That really sucks.
00:41:51
Tom Brown
yeah
00:41:51
Brendan
i hate I hate when I think that I look really good on stage. And then I see a picture of myself on stage and I'm like, wow, I look like a big fat fucking slob.
00:42:01
Tom Brown
yeah i no for sure it's like i i think they may have sent me the the clip for that video and like i have any i'm like not gonna watch that i feel why do i need to put myself through that again
00:42:02
Brendan
You know?
00:42:10
Brendan
Yeah. No. Why? Why put yourself through that?
00:42:17
Tom Brown
like sent me Like, the host sent me some photos and only one didn't have my fucking gut hanging out. Like...
00:42:22
Brendan
oh my God. I was listening to you describe like t-shirt sports coat and I'm like, that seems like a safe outfit. You know, that's it.
00:42:28
Tom Brown
Yeah, so you think it would seem like a safe outfit, but no!
00:42:30
Brendan
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:42:35
Tom Brown
yeah I have just, like... and like all my two Like, most of my stuff is 2XL and it's just, like, I have to try it all on first. It was, like... And then one of the judges... who was there was from another club done a competition at recently.
00:42:49
Tom Brown
So I think he doesn't like me either.
00:42:55
Tom Brown
Yeah. It was like, cause I had the same, like I got there, I started putting my shirt and like, Uh, I'm just popping out. It's like a button down and I'm just popping out of this motherfucker. And my other shirt I was wearing, it was like company branded logo shit.
00:43:09
Tom Brown
Cause I'd come from work. I'm like, uh, can't wear that on stage. Uh, I'd like to keep my job right now. It's actually working out very well for me.
00:43:15
Brendan
Oh, yeah, I gotcha.
00:43:17
Tom Brown
Uh, I'd like to keep that.
00:43:18
Brendan
but
00:43:21
Tom Brown
Um, so it's just like, Yeah, like i mean I need to do something about it. This is this giant mug of beer you've been seeing me drinking is light beer. So, yeah.
00:43:32
Brendan
Oh, so you're... but So it doesn't even count as alcohol.
00:43:37
Tom Brown
No, not at all. No.
00:43:39
Brendan
but You're basically drinking O'Doul's.
00:43:42
Tom Brown
It might as well be. It's ah pretty it's a Shorts Local yeah. Yeah.
00:43:49
Brendan
Oh, yeah. What's the name? Drop the brand. Get some advertising.
00:43:52
Tom Brown
sure yeah
00:43:54
Brendan
Oh, shorts.
00:43:54
Tom Brown
ah
00:43:55
Brendan
That's the name.
00:43:55
Tom Brown
It's up in Bel Air, Michigan.
00:43:57
Brendan
Oh, God. See? Oh, I guess I was thinking that you guys got Spotted Cow, but you don't.
00:44:04
Tom Brown
Oh, no, that's Wisconsin, dude.
00:44:06
Brendan
That's Wisconsin, yeah.
00:44:06
Tom Brown
but But I had some Spotted Cow this weekend because some people who were at that festival were from live in Madison.
00:44:14
Brendan
Mmm, nice.
00:44:15
Tom Brown
They brought Spotted Cow.
00:44:16
Brendan
Yeah, every time I go up to Madison Way or Wisconsin Way, I bring back...
00:44:21
Tom Brown
You got to get some Spotted Cow, yeah.
00:44:24
Brendan
I don't even like it like that. I just don't drink
00:44:27
Tom Brown
It's okay.
00:44:27
Brendan
um
00:44:28
Tom Brown
Yeah. But I'll, I mean, it was like, so I try to compare to like fucking, um, Yingling.
00:44:29
Brendan
i just don't drink beer
00:44:35
Tom Brown
I'm like, no, dude, no, don't do that.
00:44:37
Brendan
Oh, I've never even had Yingling.
00:44:39
Tom Brown
Yeah. It's overrated. I used to really like it cause was, I knew it was hard to get. And I had a lot of it when I lived like couple times I lived on the East coast, I had a lot of it. But then when it came to Missouri and started training like This isn't that good, and I know that the owners of this place are a bunch of MAGA chuds, so I don't feel good about this sea anymore.
00:44:59
Brendan
for
Accents, Linguistics, and Humor
00:45:00
Brendan
Wait, for Yingling?
00:45:01
Tom Brown
Yingling, yeah.
00:45:02
Brendan
Oh, man.
00:45:03
Tom Brown
they're like They're anti-union super right-wing assholes.
00:45:06
Brendan
You know, that's crazy because Spotted Cow is like a employee owned company.
00:45:12
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:45:13
Brendan
And yeah.
00:45:13
Tom Brown
And Yingling is not that.
00:45:15
Brendan
Yeah. I toured there. I got to tour Spotted Cows. I said, oh, I got to tour Spotted Cows.
00:45:22
Tom Brown
Oh, no, you got to do it.
00:45:22
Brendan
that
00:45:23
Tom Brown
No, that is a privilege, my friend.
00:45:23
Brendan
Yeah.
00:45:26
Tom Brown
A privilege.
00:45:26
Brendan
ah No, we we were like on our way back from Washington Island um up in Dora County of Wisconsin.
00:45:35
Tom Brown
Oh, that place is, yeah. Unfortunately, you have to go through Green Bay, but yeah, the rest of it's great.
00:45:41
Brendan
And um we were just driving through and we're like, oh, well, we'll stop in and do a quick tour. And it was because they gave me a token that you could give to any of the bars in the town um for a free beer.
00:45:53
Tom Brown
yeah yeah
00:45:59
Brendan
And I ended up just bringing it home and I gave it to my daughter. And I said, this is a family heirloom. Yeah.
00:46:05
Tom Brown
nice even cheetos so websites were on that long man yeah yeah
00:46:06
Brendan
This has been a family for generations. And she was like, why does it have a website on it?
00:46:19
Brendan
was like, yeah, don't worry about it, kid. yeah But yeah, no beer is beer is good. And Wisconsin beer is good. But that's cool.
00:46:27
Tom Brown
yeah
00:46:28
Brendan
ah Seriously, dude, what's the percentage on a light beer?
00:46:33
Tom Brown
Oh, I have no idea.
00:46:35
Brendan
Yeah, you don't even care.
00:46:36
Tom Brown
I don't. like Just give me the beer. It'll do what it does. If it's a little too heavy, oh, fuck. I guess I'm fucked. Oh, there's a beer.
00:46:43
Brendan
but but
00:46:44
Tom Brown
but It's ah probably in the six to seven range. I've been drinking a bunch of it here. is New Holland Brewing has this Tangerine Space Machine IPA.
00:46:57
Brendan
Oh God.
00:46:57
Tom Brown
i don't normally I normally hate IPAs, but this is fucking amazing.
00:47:03
Brendan
I mean, I do like tangerines.
00:47:05
Tom Brown
Oh, man. It really hits heavy heavy on the tangerine in a good way and very light on the IPA in a better way.
00:47:13
Brendan
you know I'll give it, I'll to try it.
00:47:16
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:47:17
Brendan
Yeah, I don't really drink that much. i do smoke a bit of the ganja. It's, I can't, shouldn't call it that.
00:47:22
Tom Brown
Yeah. The ganja.
00:47:24
Brendan
But the ganja, yeah, what in ah what is this, the 90s?
00:47:25
Tom Brown
Okay, mom.
00:47:28
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:47:29
Brendan
um I smoke weed.
00:47:30
Tom Brown
Down by the beach.
00:47:32
Brendan
And it was like, it was like 6.30 today, and I went to hit my bong, and I was like, I have to do a podcast tonight. I really shouldn't be smoking.
00:47:43
Tom Brown
Yeah. and but By the way, for the audience listening at home, he's recording this on a phone that he has propped up against a bong. So, yeah.
00:47:52
Brendan
ah That was true. is we Bong is strong. It's a bubbler. I did call it a bong. It's a bubbler.
00:47:57
Tom Brown
Oh, that's that's a that's ah ironically a water fountain in Wisconsin.
00:48:03
Brendan
but but
00:48:04
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:48:05
Brendan
the old bubbler
00:48:06
Tom Brown
yeah Take a drink by the bubbler. don't know the fuck it is. That is not a Wisconsin accent. That's a Northeastern, like, oh, we're here in Wisconsin now.
00:48:12
Brendan
No.
00:48:14
Brendan
Yeah.
00:48:15
Tom Brown
Going to take drink from the bubbler. i
00:48:17
Brendan
Yeah. The, the North Atlantic accent. Yeah.
00:48:20
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:48:21
Brendan
but
00:48:21
Tom Brown
This is a... My... It's an accent that isn't made fun and nearly as much as it should be.
00:48:30
Brendan
The North Atlantic.
00:48:31
Tom Brown
Yeah. That... Ah.
00:48:33
Brendan
Yeah. i I believe that. I feel like it's getting more popular to shit on that accent because I don't I just feel like I've heard about it.
00:48:42
Tom Brown
Because it's goofy as fuck. Like, you won't say the South sounds stupid.
00:48:44
Brendan
It is goofy.
00:48:46
Tom Brown
Have you heard people from the note Northeast? Shit.
00:48:50
Brendan
ah I, ah you know, speaking of stupid accents, don't know where I heard this originally, but I've talked to like a couple linguists that have confirmed it.
00:49:06
Brendan
And it's that the Southern accent that Americans have today is what British people sounded like during like the revolution.
00:49:15
Tom Brown
That's awesome.
00:49:17
Brendan
Yeah. Like they didn't sound like how British people sound today.
00:49:21
Tom Brown
oh Yeah. ugly I want to see a remake of The Patriot with that.
00:49:30
Brendan
Like, uh, I want every, every fucking fantasy,
00:49:30
Tom Brown
Hey, y'all, guys support the king! Yeah.
00:49:37
Brendan
a show made with like British accent, like Game of Thrones specifically.
00:49:41
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:49:42
Brendan
Like I want, I want Peter Dinklage.
00:49:43
Tom Brown
Yeah. There are dragons!
00:49:48
Brendan
I want Peter Dinklage to do like a fucking Southern accent.
00:49:50
Tom Brown
and make it makes It makes the brother and sister fucking make a lot more sense.
00:49:54
Brendan
And it does. Oh my God. That's true. That is true.
00:49:59
Tom Brown
Oh, my. My, seriously, she's looking pretty good in that.
00:50:06
Brendan
But yeah, I've had several linguists that I know like confirm that, but I still don't...
00:50:12
Tom Brown
Several cunning linguists.
00:50:14
Brendan
I still don't... That was cute.
00:50:16
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:50:19
Brendan
I still don't believe that it's true, though. you know
00:50:22
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:50:22
Brendan
like That seems too whimsical to be a factual thing.
00:50:31
Brendan
but right I'll be back. Then you'll see.
00:50:38
Tom Brown
We're gonna tax your tea!
00:50:40
Brendan
yeah we're to have Hamilton just in a country accent.
00:50:47
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:50:49
Brendan
that can Actually, that might come across as racist a little bit.
00:50:49
Tom Brown
Yeah,
00:50:54
Tom Brown
yeah it's going to sound like Foghorn Leghorn.
00:50:58
Brendan
It's too folksy.
00:50:58
Tom Brown
say this, I say this, I say this, I say this.
00:51:02
Brendan
Like it's too song of the south, you know?
00:51:04
Tom Brown
Yeah, oh, yeah.
00:51:05
Brendan
Yeah.
00:51:08
Tom Brown
Oh, man.
00:51:08
Brendan
Oh man.
00:51:11
Tom Brown
So, but hey, so you did this comedy contest at Helium.
00:51:16
Brendan
Uh huh. Yeah.
00:51:17
Tom Brown
You made it to the finals and didn't. And I think we need to talk about your unfortunate history at this competition.
00:51:24
Brendan
Oh my fucking God.
00:51:27
Tom Brown
I know. it so it
00:51:29
Brendan
I forget about it all the time, and then it gets re-brought up.
00:51:31
Tom Brown
You try to, and then guys like me bring it up because, you know what, that's still, like, up until a certain point, that's better than I'd ever done in fucking competition.
00:51:32
Brendan
Yeah.
00:51:35
Brendan
Yeah.
00:51:40
Brendan
Oh, my God. I mean, just the horror. Okay, so the the story.
00:51:43
Tom Brown
A heartbreak. Yeah.
00:51:45
Brendan
The story is 2020, which, honestly, this is what I get. Comedy competition in 2020. You know.
00:51:54
Tom Brown
Yeah. And
00:51:55
Brendan
Oh, hang on. We've gone this whole podcast without any tech issues, and now it's happening again.
00:52:01
Tom Brown
they actually you sound better now, but, uh...
00:52:03
Brendan
Give me one second to resolve this.
00:52:06
Tom Brown
Okay.
00:52:07
Brendan
And then I'm going to go into my terrible story ah about the helium companies competition 2020.
00:52:14
Tom Brown
Your heartbreaking loss. I don't even think I i signed up for 2020.
00:52:16
Brendan
Can you hear me? I can't hear on?
00:52:19
Tom Brown
um i was just so, like, I've been hearing you great, by the way.
00:52:22
Brendan
like what
00:52:23
Tom Brown
You've actually sounded better through this technical problem.
00:52:27
Brendan
Keep talking,
00:52:28
Tom Brown
I'm still talking. But yeah, no, 2020, like doing a comedy contest in 2020 was like, yeah, the fuck I am. ah Or maybe I did, or maybe I did 2020. I know, i think it was 2020 2021. I did not do because I was just so stressed out at work. i was like, I'm not going to be a part of this at all.
00:52:48
Tom Brown
Um, cause I had just too much shit going on and my life was super stressful and falling apart.
00:52:53
Brendan
Yes.
00:52:54
Tom Brown
Um, so.
00:52:54
Brendan
Okay. excellent Oh my God, what did I just come back into?
00:53:00
Tom Brown
I don't know.
00:53:01
Brendan
but i Okay, we resolved it.
00:53:02
Tom Brown
But you're here.
00:53:05
Tom Brown
yeah okay.
00:53:05
Brendan
oh
00:53:06
Tom Brown
You're fucking awful story, Nico.
00:53:08
Brendan
Okay, so it's 2020 and ah the pandemic is raging and Helium is like, fuck it.
00:53:13
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:53:17
Brendan
We're doing a comedy competition.
00:53:18
Tom Brown
Yeah, have you seen the rent on this place?
00:53:18
Brendan
Right.
00:53:20
Tom Brown
We gotta to get some people in here.
00:53:22
Brendan
Right. And so I was like, fuck it, I'm not doing anything better. I'll sign up for it.
00:53:27
Tom Brown
No.
00:53:27
Brendan
It'll be social distance. It'll be fine.
00:53:29
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:53:30
Brendan
um the the The preliminaries were audience vote, like they always are.
00:53:36
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:53:38
Brendan
um So that was fine. I made it through the first round. Second round, semifinals, was judges. Now, the way they were doing the judges...
00:53:44
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:53:46
Brendan
because of the pandemic was, uh, they were like Skyping in to the theater. Now there was an audience in the theater, like real people, but the, the judges, they were Skyped in.
00:53:59
Tom Brown
yeah
00:54:02
Brendan
Um, and so they have like their own little grading sheets to, I guess that they filled out and sent in.
00:54:09
Tom Brown
Yeah. Score. Yeah.
00:54:10
Brendan
So we go through the whole competition and, um, which they announced the winners and it is, shit. who It was me.
00:54:24
Brendan
it was another comedian whose name I cannot remember, but I remember them being very sweet.
00:54:29
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:54:31
Brendan
Um, and then it was, ah Oh, fuck. He's at the funny, but he's headlining at the funny bone soon. Um,
00:54:43
Brendan
a
00:54:43
Tom Brown
Sean, was it Scott?
00:54:45
Brendan
Scott, Scott James. That's who was.
00:54:46
Tom Brown
Scott James, yeah.
00:54:47
Brendan
Yeah. um So was me, Scott James, and a third.
00:54:51
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:54:51
Brendan
And ah we make it through, and they tell us, like, hey, these are your positions. This is the date of the finals.
00:55:02
Brendan
ah Congratulations. I go home. I promptly brag about it on Facebook.
00:55:07
Tom Brown
Of course you were i would. I would have been bragging about it from the fucking helium itself.
00:55:08
Brendan
Right. right
00:55:11
Tom Brown
Like, oh my god, I made it to the finals.
00:55:13
Brendan
Yeah, I'm like, oh, so excited. I'm hyped. I remember going to bed that night and laying in bed and being like, wow, this is the year. This is the year that I finally have a chance.
00:55:22
Tom Brown
This is it. I've spoken through. Everything's coming up, Milhouse.
00:55:27
Brendan
yeah <unk>s So the next day rolls around and I'm at work. I'm working from home. And I get a message from Scott James.
00:55:38
Brendan
And he's like, hey, I just got an email I didn't make it through ah to the next round of the helium competition. ah They said that like the votes got calculated wrong.
00:55:51
Brendan
And my very legitimate first thought was, man, that sucks for Scott.
00:55:58
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:55:58
Brendan
i'm I'm so, wow.
00:55:58
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:56:00
Brendan
i That really is bad. I can't believe that happened to
00:56:02
Tom Brown
Because he's so funny. He's so good. he doesn't deserve this.
00:56:05
Brendan
he's so good. but And then I'm like, man. Maybe I should check my email.
00:56:14
Tom Brown
probably should, yeah.
00:56:15
Brendan
I should check my email. So I go through my emails. And of course, there's an email. All of the scores had been calculated. Like, how could one person's score have been calculated wrong?
00:56:26
Tom Brown
Yeah, and everyone else just be fine, yeah.
00:56:29
Brendan
Yeah. ah So... um we didn't We didn't get pushed through. we they're The real winners, which was like J.C. Sabala, Max Price, and a third that I can't remember.
00:56:43
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:56:45
Brendan
ah Rule of Three, I always forget the third one.
00:56:46
Tom Brown
Yeah, right, yeah.
00:56:49
Brendan
They actually made it through. and
00:56:53
Brendan
got um Rafe Williams was hosting, I think, and he like called me on the phone.
00:56:57
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:57:02
Brendan
that night and was like, but dude, I'm sorry.
00:57:03
Tom Brown
yeah yeah
00:57:06
Brendan
This sucks. i he wanted like, he had like pushed for us to still get to do sets in the finals.
00:57:13
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:57:14
Brendan
Um, which of course, like the helium wasn't on board with.
00:57:18
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:57:19
Brendan
and And I understand why.
00:57:20
Tom Brown
ah There's a timing thing, but still, like
00:57:22
Brendan
Yeah.
00:57:24
Tom Brown
Maybe while they're counting votes, let you do a couple five-minute sets.
00:57:26
Brendan
right yeah That's, that would have been a good solution.
00:57:28
Tom Brown
Just cause like ah because, like, Helium doesn't want to be, like, the host up there. Like, listen, so these three guys thought they were going to be in the finals, but Helium fucked them in the asshole really hard.
00:57:40
Tom Brown
But, hey, here's five minutes from each to see what you think.
00:57:40
Brendan
but
00:57:45
Brendan
Right.
00:57:45
Tom Brown
We are so sorry Helium fucked up.
00:57:49
Brendan
Here's your pity open mic set.
00:57:50
Tom Brown
Here's your pity fucking... Yeah, basically, yeah.
00:57:52
Brendan
Right.
00:57:53
Tom Brown
that would
00:57:53
Brendan
oh
00:57:54
Tom Brown
That would have been harder. I would have i wouldve been like, can I not do that?
00:58:00
Brendan
yeah How do you not shit talk the competition during that set, you know?
00:58:04
Tom Brown
Yeah, like, hey guys, you just saw that shit. a This is so much better.
00:58:12
Brendan
Um, so they send out, they refunded our, um, entrance fee to the competition and, and they gave us, God, that would have been nice.
00:58:20
Tom Brown
Yeah, minimum, yeah. And sucked your dick for life. That was so nice of it.
00:58:27
Brendan
Uh, no, they promptly never booked me again. Um, but, but, but, um, they gave us like a hundred dollar gift card to, to helium, which, you know, if you've ever been to helium, you know, is
00:58:31
Tom Brown
Oh, yeah. ah Yeah.
00:58:38
Tom Brown
yeah but' last Yeah.
00:58:41
Brendan
ah three chicken figures.
00:58:42
Tom Brown
It'll get you an appetizer and some wings. Yeah.
00:58:45
Brendan
Right. So that was, that was, uh, my 2020 experience at the alien competition.
00:58:50
Tom Brown
Yeah, that sucks.
00:58:52
Brendan
I think I did
Comedic Perseverance and Industry Scandals
00:58:53
Brendan
it like maybe two more times, like 21 and 22.
00:58:59
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:59:00
Brendan
um because 22 was, I was speaking of the world series of comedy. I was traveling all over doing world series.
00:59:07
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:59:07
Brendan
Um, and really trying to get reps in and stuff, but I skipped. Shit. Maybe I even did it 20. I am a glutton for competitions.
00:59:17
Tom Brown
Yeah, I know.
00:59:18
Brendan
I hate them.
00:59:18
Tom Brown
I've been in so many. I hate competitions, but I will do them because I'm like, maybe someone will finally like and book me.
00:59:21
Brendan
Oh my God.
00:59:25
Brendan
Yeah. Oh, maybe I'll finally get the validation.
00:59:26
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:59:28
Brendan
I know in my heart, I deserve.
00:59:28
Tom Brown
Yeah, this this is by but my year of the comedy festival, oddly enough. have like I've already done one. world Series technically kind of counts. And then i got two. I got Baltimore over Labor Day weekend.
00:59:43
Tom Brown
And then...
00:59:43
Brendan
What are you going to do? um Are you going to apply to Motor City?
00:59:48
Tom Brown
I did, they rejected me.
00:59:50
Brendan
Oh, did they already do their entrances for this year?
00:59:51
Tom Brown
Yeah.
00:59:53
Brendan
Oh, shit.
00:59:53
Tom Brown
yeah Yeah. I didn't made a video on TikTok where I mentioned like I got this off social media posts. me Hey, what's your favorite thing about our comedy festival?
01:00:03
Tom Brown
I'm like, that you've rejected me twice.
01:00:08
Brendan
i I got to do Motor City the first year they did it
01:00:13
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:00:13
Brendan
um
01:00:13
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:00:14
Brendan
Cause you know, but Dan Alton, um, one of the guys that books that he had booked me, um, in St. Um, not St. Dan, uh, that's a Missouri town.
01:00:27
Brendan
Uh, what's the college town over there on Eastern Michigan, Ann Arbor.
01:00:31
Tom Brown
Ypsilanti. Well, Ann Arbor is the University of Michigan.
01:00:33
Brendan
Yeah.
01:00:34
Tom Brown
Ypsilanti is Eastern Michigan.
01:00:35
Brendan
Yeah. Right. Um, so yeah, so Ann Arbor, um, he booked me near Ann Arbor, a town called Livonia at a,
01:00:43
Tom Brown
Oh, yeah, I know Livonia. I have a friend from college from Livonia.
01:00:44
Brendan
Yeah. Oh, okay. There's a bar there called Supernatural Brewery that he booked me at.
01:00:50
Tom Brown
Okay, yeah.
01:00:51
Brendan
So that was really cool. And luck luckily he enjoys my set, so I got to do it some time there.
01:00:59
Tom Brown
Oh, cool.
01:00:59
Brendan
But it's so cool festival for anybody thinking about going to a festival, and despite not booking Tom Brown, of course.
01:01:05
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:01:08
Tom Brown
Yeah, you know, right?
01:01:09
Brendan
Yeah.
01:01:09
Tom Brown
That's called most festivals. There was another festival recently, and I'm not going to name the name of it because I got a second email about about it that said, like, it was one of the the people who, like, one of the producers who was had a vote in the say of it.
01:01:30
Tom Brown
I got an email saying, like, hey, not everyone's getting this email, so don't talk about it. But like ah with specifics, it was like, really liked your set. It was really great. But, you know, other people had to vote too. And they just didn't, I guess, like you as much as I did.
01:01:46
Tom Brown
um Which honestly kind of hurts more.
01:01:50
Brendan
but yeah That's a wild thing to do.
01:01:52
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:01:52
Brendan
to like suppose it you must have really liked your set.
01:01:55
Tom Brown
Yeah. But also it was, I was, a it was a BCC thing. it was obviously sent to multiple people.
01:02:02
Brendan
Mm-hmm.
01:02:03
Tom Brown
but still like, I was like, you ah you do you know I used to book something?
01:02:05
Brendan
they They send that to everyone they were reject.
01:02:10
Tom Brown
You're trying to have me book you again, by the way, I don't book anything anymore.
01:02:16
Brendan
Oh, my God. Well, i i should i have not applied to a comedy festival in a while.
01:02:17
Tom Brown
Yeah. So that was weird.
01:02:24
Brendan
Just the rejection hurts so bad.
01:02:26
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:02:26
Brendan
Uh-huh.
01:02:27
Tom Brown
Yeah. It's the rejection. The fact that I paid them money and then got rejected.
01:02:32
Brendan
Yeah. The... um
01:02:33
Tom Brown
Um,
01:02:33
Brendan
One of the judges, like if you were saying, I got third place in the helium competition this year. One of the judges was Zach, who's one of the runners of Flyover here in St.
01:02:45
Tom Brown
Oh, yeah.
01:02:48
Brendan
Louis.
01:02:49
Tom Brown
That's a good sign for you, maybe, if you applied.
01:02:52
Brendan
yeah i don't i don't know. I'm not going to talk about my relationship with Zach, but it's –
01:02:55
Tom Brown
Yeah. Yeah.
01:02:58
Brendan
we we
01:02:59
Tom Brown
sonaum
01:03:00
Brendan
We got into he commented on one of my posts like a year ago about some drama overfly over flyer So I stopped playing to that one.
01:03:05
Tom Brown
yeah
01:03:11
Tom Brown
i Ah, yeah. Here's the thing. like They just sent an email saying they had to move it a week a month because of Adam Sandler coming to town. They didn't want to compete with that. I get that.
01:03:23
Brendan
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:03:25
Tom Brown
But that said, like... And they weren't going to probably take me anyway. But the week they moved it to, i'm ah already have a vacation planned in New York with my wife.
01:03:35
Brendan
a
01:03:36
Tom Brown
And we're going to go hang out.
01:03:36
Brendan
Yeah.
01:03:37
Tom Brown
Which is also is italy the white of the week of the there's a New York Comedy Festival.
01:03:42
Brendan
Oh, yeah.
01:03:43
Tom Brown
Which I did apply for and I doubt I'll get in. But I applied for It was free. It was a free app. So I'm like, I'll do that. I want to be there that week anyway. Hell yeah.
01:03:52
Brendan
A free app? What kind of fucking...
01:03:54
Tom Brown
Yeah. Yeah. But, like, they have actual, like, headliner events with, like,
01:03:55
Brendan
like du
01:03:59
Tom Brown
ah was ah Pete Holmes and, like, oddly enough, Louis C.K.
01:04:03
Brendan
Oh, shit. Okay.
01:04:07
Brendan
I mean, look, I'd go to it.
01:04:09
Tom Brown
Hey, I'll let him jerk off in front of me if it gets me a spot, okay?
01:04:11
Brendan
but
01:04:13
Tom Brown
Frankly, it'll be a little awkward, but, you know, it's like, eh.
01:04:17
Brendan
I hate to admit this on a podcast, but I have seen Louis C.K. like twice since everything happened. So, you know.
01:04:24
Tom Brown
Oh, yeah. get it. yeah But it's like I remember like right after everything happened. I know I kind of heard rumors about it for years, but I just kind of like, yeah, whatever. um Rumors are rumors.
01:04:36
Tom Brown
And then it came out. was like, oh, that's happened.
01:04:39
Brendan
Yeah.
01:04:39
Tom Brown
So, like, all right, I got him went on the Netflix. I'm like, I'm going to watch the Louis C.K. special. See how this has affected me watching him.
01:04:47
Brendan
Mm-hmm.
01:04:48
Tom Brown
I just picked a random one. and hit play and like the first bit was him talking about a a random masturbating guy in the street i'm like oh my god he's talking about himself he's the random masturbating guy in the street holy shit this is too real this is too real shut off shut off shut off and i haven't tried to like i've seen some clips of and stuff since then but like i haven't ever sat down to like watch a louis special since then it's like
01:05:06
Brendan
but but
01:05:14
Tom Brown
Oh, that got too real too quick. At least, I mean, I'd still rather see a Louis C.K.
01:05:18
Brendan
Yeah.
01:05:20
Tom Brown
special than another fucking Chappelle going off about trans people.
01:05:23
Brendan
Oh my, oh my fucking God.
01:05:24
Tom Brown
Like, seriously.
01:05:26
Brendan
Yeah. You know, like um the, the first time I saw Louis after the everything came out was at the Westport funny bone. um
01:05:37
Tom Brown
That tracks.
01:05:38
Brendan
Yeah. Which, you know, was cool because it was ah such a, it's such a small venue, you know,
01:05:42
Tom Brown
Oh, yeah, I saw him there before all that shit happened.
01:05:45
Brendan
Yeah.
01:05:45
Tom Brown
yeah
01:05:46
Brendan
And he talked about it a little bit and mostly it was like, oh, everybody has their thing that they have inside them. That's a secret. And now everybody knows my thing was one of his lines.
01:05:57
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:05:59
Brendan
And like, yeah, that's funny. And, you know, it was a decent joke, but like he wasn't, it wasn't super.
01:06:05
Tom Brown
Yeah. He wasn't sorry about it. Yeah.
01:06:07
Brendan
Yeah. You know, he was just like, ah, it sucks. I got caught.
01:06:11
Tom Brown
Yeah. the the the big I think the bigger it well the bigger problems with him and or what had happened, ah biggest problem for him was that it it came out at the same time as the Harvey Weinstein shit, which was like infinitesimally worse, but it got lumped in with the same thing and like it got amplified way bigger than maybe it should have been.
01:06:12
Brendan
but
01:06:26
Brendan
Oh, yeah.
01:06:39
Tom Brown
Not that I'm saying I'm support. I'm like, no, he got a raw deal. I mean, he got a rawer deal than maybe he should have, you know.
01:06:46
Brendan
right
01:06:47
Tom Brown
So.
01:06:47
Brendan
Yeah, and you know and I won't defend like going to so like see him or support Louis because like yeah what he did was absolutely shitty and has victims.
01:06:52
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:06:56
Tom Brown
Yeah. But he makes me gaggle.
01:06:57
Brendan
and like He had basically no repercussions from it but you know a lot
01:07:00
Tom Brown
Yeah. Yeah. ah He's definitely probably lost potential dollars, not real dollars.
01:07:06
Brendan
right
01:07:07
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:07:09
Brendan
it. The biggest thing was like that movie that he had coming out, right?
01:07:12
Tom Brown
Yeah, that no one will ever see. We have a better chance of seeing the the the day the clown cried than the Louis movie.
01:07:21
Brendan
The day that, is that, what?
01:07:22
Tom Brown
ah That's the Holocaust clown movie that, what was his name? Ivan with the thing and the thing, he did the thing.
01:07:32
Tom Brown
Daddy Professor.
01:07:37
Brendan
Uh, Eddie Murphy?
01:07:38
Tom Brown
No, Eddie Murphy was the remake. He did those Labor Day marathons. Jerry Lewis.
01:07:45
Brendan
I have no idea.
01:07:46
Tom Brown
Jerry Lewis made this movie called The Day the Clown Cried. And it was about this clown in a Nazi concentration camp who, like, his job was to cheer up the kids as they were marched into gas chambers.
01:08:03
Brendan
What the fuck?
01:08:06
Tom Brown
The movie has never been released. If Jerry Lewis had had his way, every copy of it would have been fucking burned.
01:08:14
Brendan
Oh my God, what a wild concept.
01:08:15
Tom Brown
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. um I mean, I think it's basically the the Roberto Benigni movie that he did. Yeah.
01:08:27
Brendan
God, wow.
01:08:28
Tom Brown
Yeah. Just fucking real real
Comedic Influences and Storytelling Challenges
01:08:33
Tom Brown
fucked up. ah On that note, who would you say are some of your major influences in comedy?
01:08:42
Brendan
ah youre ah get as us all but i could You know, I get asked this all the time. now
01:08:48
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:08:49
Brendan
It's like every podcast, you know or like anytime you're talking to like a fucking civilian, um which is such a...
01:08:50
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:08:56
Tom Brown
Yeah. Those fucking civilians.
01:08:59
Brendan
Those fucking non-comedy civilians.
01:09:00
Tom Brown
They don't know the fuck... They don't know what it is like in the trenches of comedy with our open mics and our drink tickets. Actually, I haven't got a drink ticket in such a long fucking time.
01:09:12
Tom Brown
i gotta i gotta get paid drink tickets again.
01:09:15
Brendan
I got a drink ticket at the helium competition. and You get one drink ticket for, you know, it's.
01:09:19
Tom Brown
There was a comic I remember that everyone hates in the St. Louis scene.
01:09:25
Tom Brown
And I remember it was like, I think the 2019 competition. And this hawk of a man,
01:09:36
Tom Brown
he fucking used his drink ticket on a Long Island and then bought another Long Island and proceeded to rip off another comics bit bit that she had done that night already.
01:09:38
Brendan
ah
01:09:40
Brendan
dude to
01:09:50
Brendan
Oh, my God. you
01:09:51
Tom Brown
and just completely ate shit on stage, and it's still one of the greatest things I've ever seen in comedy.
01:09:59
Brendan
Oh, are you talking about the best conservative comedian in St. Louis?
01:10:05
Tom Brown
Oh, he's a conservative comedian now?
01:10:07
Brendan
Well, no, that was his thing back then. he That was like his Facebook tagline or something, right?
01:10:14
Tom Brown
oh i Because incidentally, i was i i was part of the management team of an apartment building he lived at. i was like, I can't be friends with you on Facebook.
01:10:24
Brendan
Oh, gotcha.
01:10:24
Tom Brown
I'm sorry.
01:10:26
Brendan
That's funny. No, that's crazy.
01:10:27
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:10:29
Brendan
I'll admit, I've gotten a Long Island iced tea with a drink ticket at Helium before.
01:10:33
Tom Brown
Good.
01:10:34
Brendan
Yeah, but ah I didn't have more than one.
01:10:34
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:10:36
Brendan
I don't think.
01:10:37
Tom Brown
Yeah, no, he bought multiples after that.
01:10:39
Brendan
Oh, man.
01:10:41
Tom Brown
i just I just remember him saying like shit that he would he was already the greatest comedy comedian in St.
01:10:41
Brendan
That's too much.
01:10:48
Tom Brown
Louis.
01:10:49
Brendan
Ugh.
01:10:49
Tom Brown
And was just like, I don't know why I'm talking about that asshole right now, but here we are.
01:10:49
Brendan
But...
01:10:54
Brendan
Well, you know, it comes up, but, um, uh, my influences are, uh, Patton Oswalt.
01:10:56
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:11:03
Brendan
Um, uh, I love Patton Oswalt.
01:11:03
Tom Brown
Mine too. Yeah, Patton's great. love padden people's good yep yeah
01:11:07
Brendan
Um, uh, Patton Oswalt, um, Pete Holmes for sure. um but I think Pete Holmes became an influence for me after I started comedy, like Patton Oswalt was somebody that I liked before I started doing comedy.
01:11:24
Brendan
um And then I also would like to say that Mike Birbiglia is influenced.
01:11:30
Tom Brown
oh her bigly is so fucking good yeah
01:11:31
Brendan
you know He's so fucking good.
01:11:33
Tom Brown
yeah
01:11:34
Brendan
He's just such a... The thing about his stand-up is that it's way more one-man show than...
01:11:42
Tom Brown
Yes, it's a one-man show. It's not a traditional stand-up act, for sure.
01:11:45
Brendan
Right, right. And that's what I love about it.
01:11:47
Tom Brown
i look i could never do what he does. It's so specific.
01:11:49
Brendan
Uh-huh.
01:11:50
Tom Brown
and like if If a young comic asks me for advice, I'm like, don't tell stories. That's my big, because like, you see someone who's good at telling stories like Mike Bergbeglie and you're like, I could do that too.
01:11:59
Brendan
ah
01:12:02
Tom Brown
I have great stories. The fuck you do. The fuck you do.
01:12:05
Brendan
Uh-huh.
01:12:06
Tom Brown
That guy, he's really good at weaving jokes into this. He tells it through jokes.
01:12:12
Brendan
Yeah.
01:12:12
Tom Brown
He's doing, it's a very almost traditional standup, but with, a through line, but he's telling jokes throughout. So it keeps the flow going. You're laughing the entire time. And it's very funny.
01:12:23
Tom Brown
Um, and he's one of few that can do that.
01:12:23
Brendan
Mm-hmm.
01:12:25
Tom Brown
Well, where it's like, I'll see some, that's my first time open mic. I'm going to tell a story. Fucking don't, don't,
01:12:31
Brendan
No. look Yeah, I mean, it's like you can't just, the and the mistake, especially with new comedians, telling stories is a lot like doing really, like, um edgy comedy, you know?
01:12:46
Brendan
Like, you can do that and be successful, but you have to be good enough to do it.
01:12:50
Tom Brown
it' a Yeah. Like I got, I mean, I have some material now that I work with that I feel is edgy, but I feel like I've earned it over the, over, over the time I've been doing it.
01:13:00
Brendan
Sure.
01:13:00
Tom Brown
Like I tried some edgier shit when I was younger. i shouldn't have been doing like just shit.
01:13:05
Brendan
ah
01:13:06
Tom Brown
I mean, yeah.
01:13:07
Brendan
no
01:13:08
Tom Brown
I mean, look at me.
01:13:08
Brendan
oh
01:13:08
Tom Brown
This is, I mean well, if you're listening to this podcast, people, all five of you, thank you very much. Uh, make sure to like, and share fuckers. Uh,
01:13:19
Brendan
Yeah.
01:13:20
Tom Brown
His face doesn't scream edgy comic.
01:13:20
Brendan
but Attack them.
01:13:23
Brendan
Threaten them to share it.
01:13:23
Tom Brown
Screams like dad comic, but whatever.
01:13:28
Brendan
Oh, hi, kitty
01:13:28
Tom Brown
you I have no kids, but I look like a dad comic.
01:13:32
Brendan
cat.
01:13:33
Tom Brown
I give off Midwest dad energy.
01:13:33
Brendan
That's true. You do. That is you look you would look very at home in front of a barbecue at a and like a cookout.
01:13:37
Tom Brown
The MDE.
01:13:44
Tom Brown
And I am.
01:13:45
Brendan
the
01:13:45
Tom Brown
very much you am, yeah.
01:13:45
Brendan
That's true. your i forget about your your food posts all the time.
01:13:47
Tom Brown
That's true.
01:13:50
Tom Brown
Oh, Yeah.
01:13:50
Brendan
They all look so good.
01:13:53
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:13:53
Brendan
Your breakfasts specifically.
01:13:53
Tom Brown
i can't I haven't been able to grill as much this year because i live in an apartment now and I have to have the grill 10 feet from the apartment, but there's no level ground 10 feet from my apartment in direction. so
01:14:04
Brendan
Mm, gotcha.
01:14:06
Tom Brown
But I managed an apartment building and I took my Blackstone there and I cooked for the residents. Yeah.
01:14:13
Brendan
ah but I want to get a Blackstone. So I've got a, I've got I've got a pit boss smoker, a pellet, a pellet smoker that I really like.
01:14:15
Tom Brown
ah It's fucking great.
01:14:21
Tom Brown
Okay, cool. I love it. Yeah, nice.
01:14:26
Brendan
It's my easy smoke smoker.
01:14:27
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:14:28
Brendan
um And I'll do pork butt and brisket on it.
01:14:32
Tom Brown
i I have never been able to do pork butt and can do a good pulled pork yet.
01:14:38
Brendan
Yeah. I mean, it's like,
01:14:40
Tom Brown
Ribs I've been able to just nail.
Smoking Meats and Anti-Woke Comedy
01:14:42
Tom Brown
I've nailed ribs. Chicken tie quarters.
01:14:44
Brendan
Yeah.
01:14:45
Tom Brown
Oh my god. i That is so fucking good when I smoke those. So fucking good. But pork butt should be the easiest thing.
01:14:56
Brendan
um yeah It takes a lot. Like ah the times I've messed up pork butt are the times when it just like cooked faster than I wanted it to, you know, like um I just did a pork butt a couple of weeks ago and it took 12 hours and it was perfect, you know.
01:15:05
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:15:13
Tom Brown
Oh, yeah. that's Mine was like four to five, and and needed to go much, way longer than that.
01:15:17
Brendan
Yeah, that's too quick. Yeah, yeah.
01:15:20
Tom Brown
But every, like, yeah. i but ah You know, it is what it is, I guess.
01:15:24
Brendan
Yeah. And it also depends on the size, too, you know.
01:15:27
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:15:28
Brendan
This isn't a comedy podcast anymore. Now it's a smoking podcast.
01:15:30
Tom Brown
This just smoking is Smokin' Meats with Brandon and Tom.
01:15:36
Brendan
It's just... that would We'd have to do it on video and it was just us eating, like, slabs of fucking pork belly.
01:15:40
Tom Brown
Oh, my God. That would be amazing, though. Yeah. Oh, this pisses me off. This pisses me off. There's a, uh, the town I was born in, uh, there's a, uh, called Gaylord, Michigan, Gaylord, Michigan.
01:15:54
Tom Brown
Uh, There's a fucking, I'm not going to name drop them because fuck them. That's why there's a barbecue place there that like violated a bunch of COVID protocols and shit and made it all like, yeah.
01:16:06
Brendan
Jesus.
01:16:07
Tom Brown
Uh, and they, um ah unfortunately they won their court cases over it. Uh, but I went there before all that shit and they made the fucking mushiest fucking brisket I've ever fucking had.
01:16:20
Brendan
Overcooked?
01:16:20
Tom Brown
Oh my God.
01:16:20
Brendan
They overcooked it.
01:16:21
Tom Brown
It was mush. It was mush.
01:16:23
Brendan
You know, you gotta be able to do...
01:16:24
Tom Brown
But now they're sponsoring comedy nights and I'm like, I want to do show up there because I think I would draw. Because I'm from there and there's people who are always like, I want to see you fucking do something.
01:16:34
Brendan
ah huh
01:16:36
Tom Brown
I was like a year in and I got 10 people to go see me at a thing there. So like I know I can bring people because I'm better than that now.
01:16:45
Brendan
but
01:16:47
Tom Brown
But I would never fucking do their show.
01:16:50
Brendan
Yeah.
01:16:50
Tom Brown
fuck it And they had a legitimately decent headliner. I'm like, now I don't know if I would ever want to work with that guy.
01:16:56
Brendan
That sucks.
01:16:57
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:16:58
Brendan
It sucks when you see people you like do shitty things.
01:17:00
Tom Brown
Yeah. like There's just so many... like meet like i know there's a lot of stamp I've never... It's really weird. In the last few years, conservatives have really glommed on the stand-up comedy. It's like, what's funny about your position?
01:17:16
Tom Brown
Like what's funny about like most if you can tell if you're conservative, and you could tell a funny joke and you could do it well. And I laugh. Cool. But like if that becomes your thing, like, well, I'm like, there was the some someone's booking this anti-woke comedy tour. Was it a bunch of white guys using a hard R?
01:17:36
Tom Brown
Like, what the fuck does that even mean?
01:17:39
Brendan
Jesus, anti-woke comedy tour.
01:17:41
Tom Brown
Yeah. It's, yeah, like, or comedy's anti-woke. Like, whatever. Is it pro-funny? Are you funny still? Like, you could be woke and be funny.
01:17:52
Tom Brown
You could be anti-woke and be funny. But, like, just because you're this thing doesn't make it funny. Like, I'm a liberal and do comedy.
01:17:59
Brendan
Yeah.
01:18:01
Tom Brown
Does that make me necessarily funny? The fuck it does.
01:18:05
Brendan
Mm-hmm.
01:18:05
Tom Brown
But if I could tell a funny joke and it comes from a point of view... Cool, but like I'm not going to like sell myself as Tom Brown, the liberal comic show in the fucking Trump min administration.
01:18:16
Tom Brown
What's up?
01:18:19
Brendan
yeah You know, people like you and me, we have to advertise ourselves like that because we look so conservative. and
01:18:26
Tom Brown
Oh, yeah. Oh, man, I do anyway, yeah.
01:18:27
Brendan
You know?
01:18:28
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:18:28
Brendan
i like, living in St. Charles, Missouri, fucking blend in with everybody here and I hate it
01:18:33
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:18:35
Brendan
I'm, like, tempted to get a nose ring just so I stand out.
01:18:38
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:18:38
Brendan
Yeah.
01:18:39
Tom Brown
Or like a who like a forehead tooth that says, insert dick in this mouth that below with arrows pointing to it.
01:18:49
Brendan
but Well, that could...
01:18:50
Tom Brown
Nom, nom, nom. Nom, nom, nom, nom,
01:18:54
Brendan
I mean, that could still be conservative politicians, you know?
01:18:57
Tom Brown
it could very well be
01:18:58
Brendan
what
01:18:59
Tom Brown
know what they do to each other yeah it's ah it' so it's every other week oh yep ah Another fucking Republican senator got caught with a boy. What a shock.
01:19:10
Brendan
Jesus Christ. Well, that's why that's why they all voted to not share the Epstein files or whatever.
01:19:16
Tom Brown
Yeah, they're on it. They're like, uh...
01:19:20
Tom Brown
Yeah, but those were girls they were abusing, so not gay.
01:19:21
Brendan
yeah Yeah, I might be a pedophile, but at least I'm not a gay.
01:19:24
Tom Brown
at least they weren't gay.
01:19:28
Tom Brown
Like, yeah... it's It's like, I don't, Spacey's been accused of being it on the Epstein list, but like, ah knowing his sexual orientation, I doubt it.
01:19:39
Tom Brown
He's also out there saying like, release the list.
01:19:40
Brendan
I mean,
01:19:43
Tom Brown
but
01:19:43
Brendan
you know, like, I don't think, and look, I'm speculating here. But I don't think you have like a situation like Epstein-Isle and it's totally heteronormative.
01:19:55
Brendan
you know like
01:19:56
Tom Brown
That's probably true, but, like, based on the people who have come forward, it's heteronormative. Yes.
01:20:02
Brendan
ah Didn't it come out like a couple years ago that um the fucking scientist theory of everything Stephen Hawking was on like the client list or something?
01:20:10
Tom Brown
Stephen Hawking?
01:20:14
Tom Brown
They just pushed me onto the plane.
01:20:15
Brendan
Did
01:20:17
Tom Brown
I didn't know where I was going.
01:20:17
Brendan
record
01:20:21
Brendan
well
01:20:21
Tom Brown
of sudden, there was a young woman on my lap.
01:20:25
Brendan
Like, I mean, at that point, I was reading that and I was like, well, just because they were on the island doesn't mean...
01:20:33
Tom Brown
Yeah. Like, the weirdest, the one that's, I am like, Bill Gates went on the plane in 2011.
01:20:34
Brendan
Right.
01:20:42
Tom Brown
It's like, dude, I knew in 2007 you don't get on a plane. What the fuck are you doing on the plane?
01:20:46
Brendan
Right. Right. Yeah, that's true. That's a good point.
01:20:53
Tom Brown
Yeah.
Jeffrey Epstein and Public Perception
01:20:54
Brendan
Oh my God.
01:20:54
Tom Brown
Like, at certain point, like, I think before 2006, if you got on a plane with Jeffrey Epstein, And what you knew of him was like, oh, he's a guy who raises money and I need money for a thing. I'm going to go talk to this guy.
01:21:10
Tom Brown
Oh, cool. He's going to put me on a plane? Sweet. We're the Caribbean? Hell fucking yeah!
01:21:15
Brendan
Right.
01:21:16
Tom Brown
You get there, it's like, ah something's off about this. ah I don't like it.
01:21:20
Brendan
but but
01:21:21
Tom Brown
ah I'm not coming back.
01:21:23
Brendan
but Yeah, that child.
01:21:26
Tom Brown
But if you're that list multiple fucking times, that itinerary traveled multiple times like, Yeah, you fucking knew.
01:21:34
Brendan
Right.
01:21:35
Tom Brown
like But also the thing with like like guys like Epstein is like I don't think they advertise what their thing is necessarily. Everyone's like, you you know what it's a pedophile.
01:21:48
Tom Brown
No, they're going to go through some steps to hide this because they still have a lot to fucking lose.
01:21:51
Brendan
Right.
01:21:54
Tom Brown
They might think they're above the law, but they also want to stay above the law.
01:21:54
Brendan
Right.
01:21:58
Brendan
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean, it was like a secret for a long fucking time, you know?
01:22:03
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:22:04
Brendan
And you like you think, like, how does that stay secret? Like, how does how does not want...
01:22:10
Tom Brown
Yeah. Money. He paid these people off probably. It's like you did some, oh, well, I mean, this is pretty bad, but we've just paid for your college, so.
01:22:15
Brendan
Sure. I mean, like... you
01:22:21
Brendan
and Well, and, you know, I say this and obviously, like, he did eventually get found out and, you know, murdered most likely.
01:22:27
Tom Brown
Yeah.
01:22:29
Brendan
But, you know, just like you have this expectation that nobody is going to fucking rat you out or, like, have documentation or whatever.
01:22:29
Tom Brown
Yeah. Wink. Wink.
01:22:36
Tom Brown
yeah
01:22:39
Brendan
but That is some audacity.
01:22:41
Tom Brown
oh yeah and some caucasity right there yeah says the whitest guy in the room it's yeah no we are both we ah have our whiteness very much on display
01:22:43
Brendan
I don't know. Yeah, for sure.
01:22:51
Brendan
a I don't know. It's a draw for both of them.
01:23:00
Brendan
Yeah. That was true.
01:23:02
Tom Brown
All right. Well, hey, I think we should wrap this up. It's been almost an hour and a half. I'd like to thank our sponsor, Blue Poos, again. ah
01:23:13
Brendan
but This is a weird product.
01:23:16
Tom Brown
Hey, sometimes you need to have a good bowel movement and a boner at the same time. How else are going to do a blumpkin in your old age?
01:23:24
Brendan
who is Who is this marketed towards?
01:23:24
Tom Brown
Blue Poos.
01:23:27
Brendan
Like, I just... Yeah,
01:23:29
Tom Brown
it People who want blowjobs on the toilet.
01:23:33
Brendan
yeah okay. Fair enough.
01:23:34
Tom Brown
Yeah. That's very specifically who.
01:23:39
Brendan
Well, thank you so much for having me on, Tom.
01:23:41
Tom Brown
You're welcome, yeah.
01:23:41
Brendan
I really appreciate it.
Podcast Wrap-up and Reflections
01:23:42
Tom Brown
Anything you can plug now that you're a third place helium champ?
01:23:46
Brendan
I can plug, but kind of already did. I don't know if this is going to release before or after, but Jeffrey Phipps podcast, give me a song.
01:23:57
Brendan
I'm going to be on the next episode on that. And I don't, I don't know.
01:24:00
Tom Brown
Cool. Cool.
01:24:04
Brendan
i don't have any shows booked or anything.
01:24:04
Tom Brown
right. Okay.
01:24:06
Brendan
Yeah.
01:24:07
Tom Brown
Well, hey, if you if you've gotten through this far, people, ah like like, share, follow. Maybe don't tell certain comedy clubs that they got name-dropped in this.
01:24:18
Brendan
but but ah
01:24:20
Tom Brown
We weve fucked both our careers today.
01:24:24
Brendan
Yeah.
01:24:24
Tom Brown
Right in the b-hole. ah
01:24:26
Brendan
What career?
01:24:27
Tom Brown
What exactly? hey I get to go to unpaid spots at comedy or at comedy festivals. And I never get booked for paid shit.
01:24:38
Tom Brown
So here we are.
01:24:40
Brendan
but
01:24:40
Tom Brown
no one's no one's made it this far. ah guarantee you. Maybe our moms. Maybe. Maybe.