Transcript
Speaker: And it's a great song and it fills me with all the all the nostalgic feel goods, but fucking Wiley stage two followed closely by that Undertale song, which is so fucking good.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That song rocks.
Speaker: And I'm not even a huge Undertale guy.
Speaker: Part three.
Speaker: You know who else isn't a huge Undertale guy?
Speaker: Who's that?
Speaker: Hey there, everybody.
Speaker: Welcome back to Pixel It.
Speaker: My name is Kevin.
Speaker: With me, as always, is Phil.
Speaker: And today we're finishing Gabriel Knight's Sins of the Father.
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: We might talk about it.
Speaker: I have to believe, actually, that Gabriel Knight probably wouldn't be much of an Undertale guy.
Speaker: He'd probably be one of those brodozers who's like, oh, you got feelings in your games?
Speaker: Fuck that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He buys the... He buys, like, Madden and FIFA and then, like, whatever the Call of Duty that comes out that year.
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: So that's Gabriel Knight in a nutshell.
Speaker: That's who you people are defending.
Speaker: I don't know why I assumed everyone's defending him.
Speaker: They might not.
Speaker: I mean, we'll see.
Speaker: These episodes aren't even out yet.
Speaker: It's going to be a couple weeks before these episodes, like the first episode isn't even out when we're recording this.
Speaker: So we'll see if people start defending the Gabriel Nightiverse.
Speaker: We might be burning some serious bridges and we just don't even know yet.
Speaker: We don't even know yet.
Speaker: We don't even know yet.
Speaker: So, Gabriel Knight, Sins of the Father, it's part three, Body in the Marsh, who cares.
Speaker: Are you guys invested?
Speaker: Are you as invested as Kevin is?
Speaker: I texted Phil beforehand if he could bring table topics in case I wanted to stop talking about this book.
Speaker: I didn't write notes, so I'm fucking winging it tonight.
Speaker: It's just doing it live.
Speaker: Our 99th episode.
Speaker: This is our 99th episode, and it is probably the least professional I'm going to be in an episode.
Speaker: Can't be asked to give a fuck about the last part of Gabriel Knight, because it is... This is drivel at this point.
Speaker: It's so boring.
Speaker: It's so boring and bad, boring and bad.
Speaker: It's both boring and bad and racist.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Like, look, we've had boring books on this show.
Speaker: We've had bad books on this show.
Speaker: Have we had racist books on this show?
Speaker: No, because we decided not to read the Doom adaptation.
Speaker: Right, is this officially the first time we've said on the air that we've, yeah.
Speaker: I think it's the first time we've, I might've mentioned it before, but yeah.
Speaker: I think we've mentioned it on social, but I don't think anyone, yeah.
Speaker: So any of you, we've had people ask if we're going to read the Doom books and the answer is no, probably not.
Speaker: Yeah, the authors were these right-wing crank libertarian types.
Speaker: I read the first couple pages, and it's about a war in the Middle East, and I was like, this cannot go well at all, so we're just going to pass on this one.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I think we probably came the closest with discussion of the infidel thing in the last Halo book we read.
Speaker: Yeah, and that's like...
Speaker: That's some like drive by racism.
Speaker: Yeah, that wasn't even like us thinking he did.
Speaker: Overall good book.
Speaker: Yeah, right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's just like bad judgment more.
Speaker: Yeah, it's a it's a it's a weird cultural time, if you will.
Speaker: Yeah, that's that's the worst of it.
Speaker: So we've, you know, we've done this show for nearly two years at this point, and this is the first time we've run into anything overtly racist, and most of the books we're reading are from, are older than like 20 years.
Speaker: So honestly?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Not bad.
Speaker: Not a bad track record.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Not at all.
Speaker: When I tell you to dump a body in the marsh...
Speaker: You dump them in the marsh.
Speaker: So chapter seven.
Speaker: So if you remember, Gabriel got knocked himself out.
Speaker: He ran into a tree like Wile E. Coyote style at the end of chapter six.
Speaker: Our hero.
Speaker: Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker: Grace finds him at the beginning of chapter seven, and he wakes up in his own bed.
Speaker: And Grace gives him a whole rigamarole about how she followed him and how he's stupid and was doing things the hard way.
Speaker: She's like, you know, you could have just done X, Y, and Z. And he's like, okay.
Speaker: Grace, when are you going to move on?
Speaker: When are you going to move on, Grace?
Speaker: Gracie Grace?
Speaker: A bunch of things happen in Chapter 7.
Speaker: He calls Wolfgang.
Speaker: He's like... He decides he's going to go to Germany, to Deutschland.
Speaker: He calls the son Schizophrenic, which...
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Not great.
Speaker: Not great.
Speaker: Not great.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then he does some more stuff.
Speaker: There's there's there's he visits the Getty tomb.
Speaker: You know, he does that again.
Speaker: He finds Mosley inside the tomb and he thinks Mosley is dead.
Speaker: Yeah, what the fuck was this all about?
Speaker: Yeah, we find him.
Speaker: He's dead.
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: The way they're writing it, he finds him in the tomb.
Speaker: Dude's dead.
Speaker: Like, that's all there is to it.
Speaker: It's pretty sad.
Speaker: And then he's dead, and then Gabriel gets knocked out when he turns around, and he is, like, bleeding from the head.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: None of this matters.
Speaker: I don't know if we're going to get to a half hour with this episode.
Speaker: So.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: He goes to Germany because the Ritter estate, Rittersburg, which is his family's estate.
Speaker: It's a castle.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Because, you know, he's part of the bourgeois that is trying to oppress the German proletariat under the...
Speaker: We just got done watching the Super Mario Brothers movie, guys.
Speaker: Well, yeah, that will have been out before this, but we're recording this after that.
Speaker: I know we just had cartoons of us made.
Speaker: Can we have cartoons of us made as Iggy and Spike?
Speaker: Oh, that would be great.
Speaker: Dressed in the Iggy and Spike costumes.
Speaker: That would be awesome.
Speaker: That would be awesome.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Let's see.
Speaker: He meets Gerda.
Speaker: Is it Gerda?
Speaker: Gerda Gerda who is the caretaker of the castle.
Speaker: And OK, so he does a bunch of shit at the castle.
Speaker: Yeah, he can't get into the library because there's a point and click adventure puzzle.
Speaker: preventing him from getting into the library.
Speaker: So he has to go to the cathedral and he hallucinates the dragon or is there a dragon actually there?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: No, he even says later that he's not sure.
Speaker: Like, it's not clear for anybody involved.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Not clear.
Speaker: Don't know.
Speaker: At this point, as you're well aware, I've stopped caring.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: That was not clear, but okay.
Speaker: He wakes up and he has the thing that he needs to get into the library.
Speaker: And the whole point of going to Germany was to talk to Wolfgang, but Wolfgang has already left to go to Africa.
Speaker: And, you know, when Germans go to Africa...
Speaker: It doesn't generally work out well.
Speaker: Doesn't generally work out well, you know, and he he shouldn't be going down there.
Speaker: So he needs to figure out where he's gone.
Speaker: He gets into the library, starts reading all about the the bullshit that Wolfgang has been doing.
Speaker: Had to be a shot in a Jagermeister.
Speaker: Yeah, that's what it is.
Speaker: Yeah, that's what it is.
Speaker: Yeah, Jägermeister.
Speaker: You got it.
Speaker: He shot in Jäger, Jägermeister.
Speaker: Jägermeister.
Speaker: It's all the same.
Speaker: It's all the same.
Speaker: This whole sequence takes like, you know, 20 pages or so of him just in Deutschland.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it's like, it doesn't feel authentic at all.
Speaker: Like, there's no description of the fact that he... And the fact that it only takes him exactly 15 hours to go from New Orleans to where he is in Germany.
Speaker: It's like, 15 hours later, he was in the place.
Speaker: And I'm like...
Speaker: There's like it was it was just that easy, huh?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: There's an airport not far from where you needed to go.
Speaker: You didn't need to take a train.
Speaker: You just it's there.
Speaker: There's for for the insane level of unnecessary detail that goes into this 400 page book.
Speaker: Suddenly in the third act, when we're actually jet setting, which could be exciting Indiana Jones style, red arrow crossing the globe shit.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Suddenly we don't have a lot to say.
Speaker: Because I guess our author didn't take a three day vacation in Germany.
Speaker: In Germany.
Speaker: In Bavaria.
Speaker: Deadline.
Speaker: Deadline.
Speaker: Germany.
Speaker: The Fiora's troops are on the march.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: Normally, when Germans make their way into Africa, we have to send a patent.
Speaker: But yeah, that's for a different podcast.
Speaker: It's Ritter, not Rommel.
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: Jesus Christ.
Speaker: I hope you guys aren't getting too comfortable in Germany, though.
Speaker: That beautifully described Germany.
Speaker: Because we end up going to Africa almost immediately afterwards.
Speaker: Yeah, we're going to fucking Africa.
Speaker: We're in chapter 8 now.
Speaker: That's when the dragon thing happens.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And he's like imagining that he's talking to his grandfather and he talks about how he's like, I love you, granddad.
Speaker: And like, you never knew him.
Speaker: Like, don't stop it.
Speaker: You know, I mean, sure.
Speaker: So he figures out what part of Africa they're supposed to be in.
Speaker: And he goes there.
Speaker: He goes to Africa.
Speaker: And then there's an entire...
Speaker: like point and click.
Speaker: So he's in the people's Republic of Benin, which that's not, that's not a real place.
Speaker: Is it?
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: It is a real place.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: So I'll give that.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: That's what's funny though.
Speaker: It's like for like the lack of description, uh, that they give Germany.
Speaker: She picks the most obscure Western African country.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it's a real it's a real narrow, narrow guy right in there.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's a tiny little country.
Speaker: So it's such a random choice.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And but but here's the thing.
Speaker: I did a little research.
Speaker: on Benin just because I was curious and I have ADHD.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: What did you learn about Benin?
Speaker: Well, I learned, I learned that Benin, like many countries in Africa, has, you know, we think of in America, like if you know someone who's bilingual, it blows our mind, you know?
Speaker: And if it's not Spanish, holy shit, we've got an Einstein over here.
Speaker: But in countries in Africa, there are dozens of languages spoken because it's all laid out in old tribes and nationalities and cultures that we've never even heard of.
Speaker: There's just so many of them.
Speaker: And so when you look at...
Speaker: at the Wikipedia article of Benin and you look at the language breakdown, like the highest percentage of language there is like 30 something percent.
Speaker: It's not even like 80% of people speak this.
Speaker: It's like 36.
Speaker: I don't even remember what language it is.
Speaker: And, and it's, but it, but all of this is to say that with that many cultures and languages in the same context,
Speaker: tiny country.
Speaker: There's no excuse for somewhere in this book to refer to people speaking African.
Speaker: I like how you built up to that.
Speaker: African.
Speaker: I don't remember exactly where in the book it was, but they literally, and I double check, he was like, they're not doing this as a joke.
Speaker: He literally had someone go, well, I don't speak.
Speaker: He doesn't speak African.
Speaker: So it's like, oh my God.
Speaker: No such thing, buddy.
Speaker: Not a language.
Speaker: Not a language.
Speaker: No notes.
Speaker: 10 out of 10.
Speaker: Fine holiday fun for you and your family.
Speaker: Read Gabriel Knight's Sins of the Father.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: Jesus.
Speaker: I don't speak Native American.
Speaker: Buddy.
Speaker: No, that's basically exactly the same kind of idea.
Speaker: Yeah, because it's all of these rich cultures, hundreds of them with all kinds of various regional dialects and languages.
Speaker: And we all just go, yeah, they're Indians.
Speaker: It's just like it's the same basic idea.
Speaker: It's crazy.
Speaker: You know, OK, so Benin, if you're wondering where it is located, it is to the west of Nigeria.
Speaker: And Nigeria is Nigeria is basically it's one of the biggest countries in in Africa, both culturally and population wise.
Speaker: You know, it's a country of 230 million people.
Speaker: You know, it's.
Speaker: like the size, it's bigger than Japan in terms of population.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I think within, I don't know enough to say authoritatively, but I think Nigeria is one of the countries that kind of exports the most like culture.
Speaker: It's going for a cultural victory in Civ.
Speaker: It absolutely is.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: As, as.
Speaker: It's a great way of putting it.
Speaker: One of the main, one of the big movers and shakers to look at in Africa over the next, you know, couple decades.
Speaker: But yeah, so Benin and Benin is, Benin is located in between Nigeria.
Speaker: Nigeria is to its east.
Speaker: Togo is to its west.
Speaker: And then you have along that coast, Ghana, Ivory Coast, Liberia, and so on and so forth.
Speaker: So there you go.
Speaker: Benin.
Speaker: Yeah, full credit for actually putting in... For actually putting in a real African country.
Speaker: A real African country, and not, you know, one that people are going to immediately recognize.
Speaker: Like, both of us, I also assumed that this was not a real place.
Speaker: I'm not going to act like, of course I knew about the Republic of Benin.
Speaker: No, I did not know that.
Speaker: So, full credit for that.
Speaker: But... Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Minus several thousand for speaking African.
Speaker: Minus several thousand.
Speaker: There's more several thousand minus points coming up.
Speaker: Oh, we are in the red, my friend.
Speaker: We are in the red.
Speaker: This book is in the red.
Speaker: So most of the Africa segment in Benin is a real point and click ass puzzle solving.
Speaker: It gets so much worse.
Speaker: It gets so much worse.
Speaker: Like this whole section, this last third, there were so many, we already, we've already commented on it.
Speaker: Uh, there's nothing more to say except for the fact that as this book was being written, it just got worse to the point where it's just, if you in an adventure game, walk into a room and you see a book that you can pick up, you go, I'm going to keep that book.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: Like that's, that's how, that's how adventure games work.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: in regular life or books that is not how anyone actually works you don't just collect things you know because you'd never you just you you'd be weighed down uh yeah i mean that's the thing is is uh we really play fast and loose with encumbrance and rpgs i mean right encumbrance is like two things let's be honest
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: And this game treats it, we're going to get to it.
Speaker: I don't want to jump ahead, but there is one part in this section of the book that is particularly egregious with like the, oh, I'm just going to pick up a bunch of shit and that's normal.
Speaker: But we'll get to it.
Speaker: I'm not going to jump ahead because I don't want to spoil the rest of the book.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, stab me if we pass it because I'm going to be moving at a pretty brisk pace.
Speaker: I will, I promise.
Speaker: Um, so he, he, he runs, he ends up like there's, there's snakes on doors and he's identifying the snakes on the doors.
Speaker: And he's like, at one point, Gabriel's going like, I go to room three and then back to room five and then to room four.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Guys, come on.
Speaker: Come on.
Speaker: Consolidate, for Christ's sake.
Speaker: Consolidate this a little bit.
Speaker: Yes, please.
Speaker: Or provide some actual interesting games.
Speaker: It's like, there's a ballroom.
Speaker: There's an antechamber.
Speaker: Whatever.
Speaker: Something.
Speaker: Yes, absolutely.
Speaker: There's small mounds.
Speaker: There's large mounds.
Speaker: There's... People are looking at him.
Speaker: He does see his uncle.
Speaker: He gets his... He runs into his uncle.
Speaker: And they just continue adventuring on.
Speaker: There's some real Indiana Jones... It's like...
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: It's not Indiana Jones.
Speaker: It's like the Young Adventures of Indiana Jones.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's like Indiana Jones on a TV budget.
Speaker: It's Indiana Jones Jr. Yeah, 100%.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It was like Indiana Jones TV budget.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I forgot all about that.
Speaker: They totally made that show.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: They totally made that show.
Speaker: And the wraparound of that show is Indy as like...
Speaker: however old Harrison Ford is now.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Telling the story.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I forgot about it.
Speaker: Jesus.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That was a long time ago.
Speaker: It was a long time ago.
Speaker: There would be two different types of adventures.
Speaker: There would be one where he was like, I want to say 12 or 10 or something.
Speaker: And one where he was like 18.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It was, it was something like that.
Speaker: It's a little more real where, yeah, she gets a little bit more real.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: They continue doing their Indiana Jones Junior, Young Indiana Jones adventures until they get to a... He refers to it as like, it's like an Aztec sacrificial table or something like that.
Speaker: And he's like, no, it's not Aztec.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's its own culture.
Speaker: It's its own thing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's its own thing.
Speaker: They were the only... But they were the only culture that ever did human sacrifice, Kevin, didn't you know?
Speaker: Didn't I know?
Speaker: Didn't you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So, uncle, they realize that the only way to get the talisman out of the thing that they're
Speaker: trying to get it out of is to do a human sacrifice.
Speaker: So the uncle sacrifices himself and stabs him in the heart and cuts his own heart out.
Speaker: And the blood comes out.
Speaker: And it's like, that's kind of metal.
Speaker: It was, it was, yeah.
Speaker: Especially cause he just lies to him cause they fought off these golems, you know, the, Oh yeah.
Speaker: The golems.
Speaker: And he tells him, he's like, don't worry, they have a heart.
Speaker: And if we sacrifice one of their hearts, it'll be fine.
Speaker: Just go over there and cut out one of their stone hearts.
Speaker: And Gabriel's like, yeah, that sounds great.
Speaker: And he goes over and he goes, I don't know if this is going to work, grandpa or whatever.
Speaker: And turns around and he's already just like.
Speaker: Yeah, just just.
Speaker: Just totally just put all of his eggs in this slutty New Orleans basket.
Speaker: His slutty New Orleans nephew.
Speaker: You know, you gotta...
Speaker: You got to really put up that's you got to really examine your life choices.
Speaker: I don't know if I'm.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: If you're back in that pony and you're like, fuck it.
Speaker: Then let's face facts.
Speaker: You wanted to kill yourself anyway.
Speaker: Like you were OK with the concept of killing yourself.
Speaker: If that was if that's where you're at now.
Speaker: Yes, exactly.
Speaker: By the way, golems also not African.
Speaker: No, distinctly.
Speaker: And if you just call them something else, that would be one thing.
Speaker: And I understand like that one.
Speaker: It's like, you know, we're all finding out new cultural things that D&D didn't fully explain to us.
Speaker: And that's fine.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: But you're I don't know.
Speaker: Here's the thing.
Speaker: There are certain headphones keep slipping down.
Speaker: It's like a goal.
Speaker: Could you say that a golem is cross cultural enough to like just use it as shorthand?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I feel, I don't think you can, you should, I don't think you should.
Speaker: Well, that's, that's just it.
Speaker: That's just it.
Speaker: Just because you could, it's not, it's not, I'm working on a project right now, uh, that, uh, we're designing, I was designing something along those lines.
Speaker: And I asked the, uh, creative director and said, you know, should I call this a golem?
Speaker: And they went, no, no, we can, we can be more creative than that.
Speaker: And it has nothing to do with, uh,
Speaker: you know, the culture that spawned that.
Speaker: So let's not touch it.
Speaker: And they're like, Oh, of course you're absolutely right.
Speaker: And, but that wasn't, and that's the thing in the early to mid nineties, that was not how people thought about things naturally.
Speaker: It just wasn't right.
Speaker: So there are a lot of moments where I want to give the author grace here.
Speaker: I really do.
Speaker: But it stacks up so quickly.
Speaker: And because, uh,
Speaker: And I think I could.
Speaker: I think there is a lot of shit in this book that I could forgive, culturally speaking, if it weren't for the fact that culture is part of the book.
Speaker: The whole idea of the book is it's meant to explore cultures and religions and countries and stuff.
Speaker: So it's like, do some goddamn research.
Speaker: So if that's what you're trying to do, then do it.
Speaker: Don't half-ass it and piss people off.
Speaker: Yeah, you could have found, possibly found something that would have been related to an African culture that occupied that region.
Speaker: It was maybe something along the lines of a golem.
Speaker: Similar concept.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: How hard would that be?
Speaker: Yeah, go on for those of you who don't know is is a creature from Jewish mythology where it is basically the the it is a creation out of clay.
Speaker: And then I believe there the you put a message in its mouth and that's its that's its goal or something.
Speaker: Something like that.
Speaker: It's like, yeah, something like that.
Speaker: I can't, I can't, that's just it.
Speaker: It's like, I can't, I can't even pretend to know exactly what it is.
Speaker: And, and, and for the record, the project I was working on, um, when I stopped being lazy and thinking in terms of, oh, it's a, this golem or a, that golem, um, and started trying to come up with a more original take on it, it came out way better.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Way better than if I had just been like, oh, it's a this golem.
Speaker: Like that's boring as shit.
Speaker: But the thing I came up with was way, way better in the long run.
Speaker: And so, you know, it's just it's just a lesson for writers anyway.
Speaker: So there is a there is a Jacob Geller video called The Golem and the Jewish Superhero.
Speaker: Oh, I watched that one.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, that is that would be worth checking out.
Speaker: And he's awesome.
Speaker: His videos rule.
Speaker: Yeah, he, oh yeah, he rules.
Speaker: I'm just happy I got to talk to him over on Bullet Time.
Speaker: That was a lovely conversation.
Speaker: Jacob Gellar, do you want to be on Pixelit?
Speaker: Do you want to hang out with us on Pixelit?
Speaker: I asked him and he said no.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: And I blame myself.
Speaker: I'm sure it has something to do with me.
Speaker: He's like, I'm not really doing, I'm trying not to do too many new things this year.
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: Fair enough.
Speaker: Fair enough.
Speaker: I believe I totally, I get it.
Speaker: Kevin, if it was your solo project, that'd be fine.
Speaker: But that asshole you've got on that show.
Speaker: That guy, Phil.
Speaker: I've got a reputation for uphold.
Speaker: Reputations.
Speaker: So anyway, uncle's dead.
Speaker: Yes, yes, he sure is.
Speaker: Chapter 10.
Speaker: We're going back.
Speaker: We're going back to New Orleans.
Speaker: And he gets back to St.
Speaker: George's bookshop and he's like, hey, but Grace isn't there.
Speaker: Grace has gone missing and it looks like there's a struggle.
Speaker: But there's Mosley.
Speaker: Mosley's alive.
Speaker: What's going on?
Speaker: I don't even get what the point was of him seeming dead in the first place.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But he's alive.
Speaker: Well, it's not like we had learned so much about him that he was this beloved character and it like broke our hearts that he was dead.
Speaker: We'll learn more about him later when the author decides to exquisitely describe how overweight and flabby.
Speaker: It was like I was I was reading that part.
Speaker: It's like this is just fat phobic at this point.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's just body shaming.
Speaker: If you're fat, you're fat.
Speaker: But like 350 pages into this book, we get our actual first full physical description of him.
Speaker: And it's not enough that he's fat.
Speaker: It's like he's got a sunken chest and he's repulsive.
Speaker: He has rolls on rolls and his toenails are too long and he's got hairy feet.
Speaker: Hairy troll feet.
Speaker: Yes, yes.
Speaker: A series of skin tags that form a crown around his head.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: It's that kind of level of gross.
Speaker: It's like, guys, Jesus.
Speaker: Riddled with phlebitis.
Speaker: A good Republican body.
Speaker: He does, you know, it does give you very Dune vibes, doesn't it?
Speaker: Just kind of.
Speaker: pockmarked and just terrible.
Speaker: Poor, poor guy.
Speaker: Poor Mosley.
Speaker: And we find out that he was faking it because he was like snooping around in the cemetery and he heard someone coming.
Speaker: So he pretended to be dead.
Speaker: And then when the person, Gabriel, who was in there, turned his back, he smacked him on the back of the head with a brick or some goddamn thing.
Speaker: Uh, so it's the stupidest explanation for what happened to Gabriel in that scene we could have possibly had.
Speaker: So dumb.
Speaker: It's so dumb.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So there's a whole bunch of dumb shit that's coming up, too.
Speaker: They really bottom-loaded the dumb shit.
Speaker: So it really, really just stacked it in, right at the bottom.
Speaker: Right at the bottom.
Speaker: Right at the end of this book.
Speaker: So he goes to the... They have a conversation.
Speaker: They're like, ah, no, Tidolo is the goal, not the cartel.
Speaker: Because they're talking about getting the FBI involved.
Speaker: Yada, yada, yada.
Speaker: They go to...
Speaker: Gabriel goes to the church and he starts thinking maybe it has something to do with the church.
Speaker: Maybe the Hanfor is like located in the church somehow.
Speaker: He's like, but it's holy ground.
Speaker: So he's like looking around and he goes inside one of the confessionals.
Speaker: He's like, this could be interesting.
Speaker: And it's like he sees some wood in the confessional and it's cherry.
Speaker: And he says, oh,
Speaker: It has a knot in it.
Speaker: And he goes, but everyone knows Cherrywood doesn't have knots.
Speaker: Oh, do they?
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: We talked about this with King's Quest, where it's like, if you're going to
Speaker: If you're going to do, like pick things up and like learn things first and then use them later.
Speaker: And this book overdid that to a point where it's absurd.
Speaker: And then we just get thrown.
Speaker: Everyone knows Cherrywood doesn't have knots.
Speaker: Yes, it does.
Speaker: Yes, I know.
Speaker: I used to sell flooring.
Speaker: It absolutely has knots in it.
Speaker: What are you talking about?
Speaker: Like what kind of like, Oh yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Obvious rule of thumb.
Speaker: Fucking cherry wood doesn't have knots.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: It's just, I, I don't know.
Speaker: And I, and I texted Kevin earlier today.
Speaker: I don't know why that was where I snapped.
Speaker: That was,
Speaker: That was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Speaker: I'm the camel.
Speaker: It was just too much.
Speaker: It's like, okay, so here's the thing about the book.
Speaker: One thing was researched particularly well.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And that was the history of voodoo and the history of Voodoo in the United States and Africa.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: I mean, it's seemingly pretty it's it's, you know, it's cursory like top level stuff.
Speaker: But yeah, that stuff was researched.
Speaker: Read some books.
Speaker: Not half bad.
Speaker: Nothing else.
Speaker: Nothing else.
Speaker: Everything else was like I spent a whole three days in New Orleans.
Speaker: I didn't have time to clarify my cherry wood thing.
Speaker: Like if it was just a simple, something like he felt a long and he felt a weird depression, you know, something like that.
Speaker: Fine.
Speaker: That's been used a million times.
Speaker: You could have used that, but just to be like, Jerry would does not have any knots.
Speaker: And I'm like, I'm like,
Speaker: Google cherry wood and be like, that's fucking knots.
Speaker: All over the place.
Speaker: What are you talking?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's like, it's kind of like, and again, if you had been in a scene three or four chapters before where you're chatting with somebody and he kind of casually says, well, uh, you know, cherry wood from New Orleans is well known for not having knots.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: Or some goddamn thing.
Speaker: Or something like that.
Speaker: And then we bring it up.
Speaker: It still would have been incorrect, but it would have been decent writing.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: You know?
Speaker: But just like this, like, but everybody knows that Cherrywood doesn't have that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Says I, the Cherrywood salesman.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Cherrywood is the finest of the woods.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Why do you think George Washington was trying to chop down that cherry tree?
Speaker: I tell you why.
Speaker: It is knotless.
Speaker: Knotless Wood.
Speaker: That's why they called him Old Knotless George.
Speaker: Old Knotless George.
Speaker: And he was a president.
Speaker: He was the presidentiest of presidents.
Speaker: I love, I think...
Speaker: I love watching you run out of steam.
Speaker: It's one of my favorite things.
Speaker: And he was president.
Speaker: He was president.
Speaker: Chapter nine.
Speaker: It's like, I'm going to let my brain take this.
Speaker: I'm just going to let it go and see where it goes.
Speaker: You work so hard, Kevin.
Speaker: You work so hard.
Speaker: Give yourself a break from time to time.
Speaker: Give myself a break from time to time.
Speaker: So he fucking finds a thing to press in the knot in the cherry wood.
Speaker: And there's a secret passage.
Speaker: Um, and he goes down into the secret passage and he's in, I guess, a fucking spaceship.
Speaker: What the fuck?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like it's in, suddenly it's 2001, a space odyssey.
Speaker: Everything's I'll give it to her.
Speaker: She describes it very well.
Speaker: It's like, everything's metallic and white and shiny and glossy.
Speaker: It's, it's okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He does a whole bunch of like sneaking around and like point and click adventure puzzle solving.
Speaker: We're back to them.
Speaker: Like, oh, I'm going to go.
Speaker: I'm going to go go to the drum in the room and I'm going to.
Speaker: beat out something that says Dr. John come to the thing so I could go to where Dr. John is and steal his badge while he's not looking and then I'm gonna go around and I'm looking for grace and I'm really sneaking around and I swiped a badge and I found grace and holy shit Mosley's here too um just like you know coming in like a CIA spook Mosley just appears again and
Speaker: It's like
Speaker: For the for a guy who is basically seems like he the author would have you believe is asthmatic and on death's door and just, you know, unable to do anything.
Speaker: Mosley sure does sneak around a lot.
Speaker: He just stumbles the fuck into like the most like it's got to be one of the most top secret places in the world at this point.
Speaker: He and he's like, where are we?
Speaker: Gabriel's like, where are we?
Speaker: And I was like, and Mosley's like, I know we're under Jackson Square.
Speaker: And like, I think everybody knew that you were just in, but you ever, we, you were just in Jackson Square at the cathedral there and you went under it.
Speaker: So let's assume that you're, you're there.
Speaker: And this is, by the way, when we get... We start to get to see Mosley as the character that the author really wants him to be, where he's like the Barney Fife, bumbling idiot kind of style character.
Speaker: And we get little... I don't know, looking back, I suppose there were hints like him going, Heh heh heh heh
Speaker: It's so weird.
Speaker: He actually says some genuinely funny shit in these scenes, and it's ridiculously wasted at this point.
Speaker: Ridiculously wasted.
Speaker: Oh, and I forgot to mention that he sees Malia having a conversation with Tidolo, and she's like, what if, you know, can we not kill him?
Speaker: Well, it's like, we'll go through with all the plan that you want.
Speaker: Just don't kill Gabriel.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And Tidolo's like, no, he must pay.
Speaker: For reasons.
Speaker: Reasons.
Speaker: Reasons.
Speaker: So, yeah, they were like, they were trying to figure out what they're going to do with Grace when Dr. John is, they hear Dr. John on his way in.
Speaker: So they hide in the bathroom in Grace's room.
Speaker: And Dr. John and some other dude pick up Grace and take her
Speaker: out into the Han four thing.
Speaker: Um, and they are there and, and Mosley and, uh, Gabriel sneak in to be like part of the crowd, uh, in the center of the chamber.
Speaker: And they've changed grace into, it seems it's described as like a see-through white robe.
Speaker: Um, you could see her bare skin underneath.
Speaker: Yeah, because the book needed to be hornier.
Speaker: The book needed to be just a touch hornier.
Speaker: Just a touch hornier.
Speaker: So our hot Japanese-American New York character, she's going to get semi-naked.
Speaker: Oh, real quick.
Speaker: This is where I was talking about, right before this, where I was talking about...
Speaker: the inexplicable ability to pick up everything.
Speaker: Oh, inexplicable list of items, yes.
Speaker: Yeah, it's all money.
Speaker: He finds stacks upon stacks upon stacks of hundred dollar bills, and it's like, and he took five or six of those, and just giant, the way they're described, like big thick stacks, five or six of them, and then just casually throws in, and then just a smaller three inch stack of hundreds, just for goodness.
Speaker: Like, where is he putting this?
Speaker: Money weighs stuff.
Speaker: It does, in fact, take up room.
Speaker: Like, where is... And it's never spoken of again.
Speaker: It's never spoken of again.
Speaker: It's not even ever brought up.
Speaker: It's not like, oh, we can save the bookstore now or something like that.
Speaker: I thought maybe in the epilogue, something... No, no.
Speaker: It's just... He just takes some money, which, look, we all do that.
Speaker: He takes it...
Speaker: He takes it.
Speaker: He has it in his inventory and we're never going to see it again.
Speaker: Never again.
Speaker: Never again.
Speaker: Spends it all on hookers and blow.
Speaker: That is a fact.
Speaker: That is a fact.
Speaker: He doesn't even pay Grace.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Yeah, he still hasn't paid her.
Speaker: She really likes him for some reason.
Speaker: I don't... Yeah.
Speaker: I don't get it.
Speaker: So Malia comes out, but it's actually not Malia.
Speaker: It's Tidolo and...
Speaker: Basically, because Grace was not asleep, she was just pretending to be asleep.
Speaker: She's able to like duck out of the way when the knife comes down and hit the the thing.
Speaker: And that's when everything springs into action.
Speaker: Dr. John slaps her across the room.
Speaker: He does.
Speaker: He sends her flying.
Speaker: He sends her flying.
Speaker: And then it's like Gabriel hears some pops and he turns around and he sees Mosley pointing, just pointing his gun at Dr. John.
Speaker: And he's like, why are you just pointing your gun at it?
Speaker: It's because Mosley already killed Dr. John.
Speaker: Dr. John, like Mosley just drew and fired.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: As soon as he hit Graves.
Speaker: He really is a good cop.
Speaker: You gotta give it to him.
Speaker: He's a solid cop.
Speaker: He's good at being a cop, let me put it that way.
Speaker: So Moseley kills Dr. John, and he is... Oh, goddammit.
Speaker: There's this...
Speaker: So earlier in the book, they set up that there's a photo of Mosley playing keep away with his younger sister as a kid.
Speaker: That comes back into play right now where...
Speaker: where Gabriel plays keep away with the little, the talisman with, with Mosley.
Speaker: And it's like, it's just Mosley remembers the time when it, with his sister.
Speaker: It's like, you don't need to set up keep away.
Speaker: You don't need to.
Speaker: Do you know what you do need to set up?
Speaker: Cherrywood not having knots.
Speaker: Like that's, you got it mixed up.
Speaker: Everyone knows what keep away is.
Speaker: Everyone knows what keep away is.
Speaker: Everyone knows.
Speaker: Like that's, that did not need to be set up so intricately.
Speaker: When I read that, I was like, I was like, Oh no.
Speaker: Remember in chapter three, when I check off keep away.
Speaker: If you place a keep away on the shelf in act one, you must keep it away by act three.
Speaker: Oh, I hate this book.
Speaker: We're not reading the other ones, right?
Speaker: We're skipping those.
Speaker: Unless people really come clamoring for it, I have no intention.
Speaker: Unless they come clamoring, knocking down the doors for it, I have no intention of reading it.
Speaker: So, anyway, Dr. John dies.
Speaker: They're playing some keep away.
Speaker: And there's like a chamber that opens in the center of the floor.
Speaker: And then, you know, we basically get the...
Speaker: last crusade ending.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's basically the ending of, of, of the story is, is like, there's an opening in the floor and he's trying to save Malia and Tito low and Malia finally forces Tito low out of her body.
Speaker: And, and Gabriel's holding on to her and he's like, uh, uh,
Speaker: Elsa, just give me your hand.
Speaker: And Elsa's like, I can reach, Indy, I can reach the cup.
Speaker: And he's like, I can't hold on to you, Elsa.
Speaker: Just...
Speaker: And and then she falls and then Gabriel falls in and tries to reach the the the Holy Grail.
Speaker: And Sean Connery comes in.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And says, let it go, Sean.
Speaker: Let it go.
Speaker: And and and he he lets it he lets go and he grabs Sean Connery's hand and he's pulled up.
Speaker: And I did not describe the ending of Sins of the Fathers.
Speaker: I just decided to describe Last Crusade because it's better.
Speaker: It's more fun.
Speaker: It's way better.
Speaker: And then there's the knowing knight.
Speaker: The knight.
Speaker: Tying it all together.
Speaker: Gabriel Knight.
Speaker: Hey, who nods to them?
Speaker: No, seriously, though, Malia decides to let go and fall into the fiery depths below and die and end her bloodline so that Tito can't come back.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: She actually says, I don't think we're going to want a new lady for you to flirt with in the second game.
Speaker: So I have to die.
Speaker: I have to die now.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So Gabriel's really sad about that.
Speaker: Mm hmm.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: He loved her.
Speaker: He loved her because.
Speaker: Which is, um, and it makes sense.
Speaker: It makes sense that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because they were, um, they were in love.
Speaker: Um, they were in love.
Speaker: They were in love.
Speaker: Um, because they were, because, because reasons.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: Because reasons.
Speaker: Were we ever, were we going to establish those reasons in the first 300 pages of the book?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: You're just going to have to take our word for it.
Speaker: Going to have to take our word for it.
Speaker: They saw each other in a limo one night.
Speaker: And it was hot.
Speaker: And he did, hello, nurse.
Speaker: And that's really what won her over.
Speaker: And that's love.
Speaker: And that's what love is.
Speaker: That's love.
Speaker: When Kevin and I first met our wives and we shouted, hello, nurse, and put a ring on it.
Speaker: That's just how this works.
Speaker: That is the mating call of your typical North American male.
Speaker: I actually may have said that to my wife on our first or second date, if I'm being completely honest.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So we get a nice little wrap up, wrap up in the epilogue.
Speaker: Uh...
Speaker: Where Grace is just like, I love working for you.
Speaker: I'm going to drop out of grad school to work for you.
Speaker: That's what she says, Kevin.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And she's like, are you going to do it?
Speaker: Are you going to be a shot in Yager, Yeager, Yeager, shot of Yeager, shot of Yeager.
Speaker: And he's like, I could do a shot of Yeager.
Speaker: And then freeze frame.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it says Tim Curry as Gabriel Knight.
Speaker: I want to break free.
Speaker: And the credits start rolling.
Speaker: Oh, wouldn't it be nice if that's how it ended?
Speaker: That would be really cool.
Speaker: Oh, what?
Speaker: No, hold on.
Speaker: I would have retroactively given this book a 10-hour time.
Speaker: Oh, no, no.
Speaker: No, it's clearly going to be Freeze Frame and Careless Whisper starts playing.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: Just careless.
Speaker: And my, my, just like myself, my camera lost focus.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The camera loses focus every time one of us does.
Speaker: The that's the end of the book.
Speaker: And then the epilogue seamlessly like you wouldn't you would.
Speaker: What I love is is they sat until dawn not saying anything more.
Speaker: Just watching the firemen in the rain.
Speaker: Put the fire out.
Speaker: Don't miss the next thrilling Gabriel.
Speaker: They know.
Speaker: Just right into it.
Speaker: Gabriel Knight will return and Gabriel Knight will return.
Speaker: The beast within Gabriel as the new shot in Jaeger is asked to investigate a series of mutilation murders in Munich, Germany.
Speaker: The horrifying deaths are thought to be the work of werewolves.
Speaker: And as the hunters become the hunted, the only hope for deliverance lies in a desperate scheme.
Speaker: And immediately I thought to myself, how do you suppose they are offensive to another culture if this one takes place in Germany?
Speaker: And I went, oh, it's werewolves Romani.
Speaker: Oh, yes, they're going to.
Speaker: I wouldn't be surprised if there's some some real Romani, you know, stuff in there.
Speaker: Fuck it.
Speaker: Fuck it.
Speaker: We'll do it live.
Speaker: Phil, what did you think of Gabriel Knight's Sins of the Fathers?
Speaker: I loved it.
Speaker: Wouldn't change anything.
Speaker: It was my favorite.
Speaker: Ten out of ten.
Speaker: Five stars.
Speaker: Ten out of ten.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I'm going to read it again.
Speaker: Are you?
Speaker: While I'm getting a blowjob.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No, I'm going to burn it in my backyard.
Speaker: I don't.
Speaker: I cannot yet say if I think this is the worst book we've read.
Speaker: Yeah, that leaves no room for anything else.
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: I cannot yet say if that's the case, but it is in our bottom three books.
Speaker: at least like that was just, it's, it's, there are parts where it's, it's, it's, and, and the thing is, once again, I'm trying to be generous here and there are, there are lots of moments, um, in this book where I'm like, okay, she's not a terrible writer.
Speaker: Uh, like she, she, she,
Speaker: There are lots of reasons to believe that she is a decent enough writer here.
Speaker: It's just that she kept so close to the game design narrative, which was not necessary or good for what we were doing.
Speaker: It makes for a perfectly serviceable game, but not a great read.
Speaker: And then, of course, there's all the cultural shit.
Speaker: Even without the cultural shit, this would be a hard, hard pass.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: this would be pretty, pretty rough even without the, the racism.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: In it.
Speaker: It's just, and the misappropriation and all that stuff, the cultural appropriation.
Speaker: Um, uh, yes, it's very long winded.
Speaker: It's 400 pages.
Speaker: This is the longest book we've ever read in the show.
Speaker: That is a fact.
Speaker: Really?
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: That's wild.
Speaker: I don't know for certain, but I feel like it has to be.
Speaker: I thought Bioshock Rapture might have been longer, but...
Speaker: Yeah, maybe, maybe it's just, that was a good book.
Speaker: And so it didn't, it didn't drag on quite as much.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: This one, it just, it, I had 30 pages to finish last night and, and I fell asleep.
Speaker: The second time that you've fallen asleep.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So Bioshock Rapture, I think is the longest at 432 pages.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay, okay, yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker: This is just at 400, so yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's just the thing, though.
Speaker: That's what happens when it's a book that it just, it dragged.
Speaker: This could have been a 300, nay, 250-page book.
Speaker: Keep it tight.
Speaker: Yeah, easily.
Speaker: Keep it way tight.
Speaker: And would it have been...
Speaker: Would I have enjoyed it?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: But it would have been, it would have gone down easier.
Speaker: Let's say that.
Speaker: I think we knew that there was going to be problems as soon as we saw the cover.
Speaker: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker: That's true.
Speaker: That covers a mess.
Speaker: That covers a mess.
Speaker: There's so much going on here.
Speaker: Oh, boy.
Speaker: Oh, boy.
Speaker: There's Gabriel from the FMV game.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Shaggy Eddie Vedder hair.
Speaker: Shaggy Eddie, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, he's... Right now, he's typing up the lyrics to Better Man.
Speaker: Right, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's going to, he's going to, you better watch out.
Speaker: Gabriel's going to hunger dunger dang all over you bitches.
Speaker: It's just, it's a mess.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Sometimes we're just waiting and watching the clock.
Speaker: It's time to stop.
Speaker: Oh man.
Speaker: Oh, man, I'm going to listen to some Pearl Jam tonight.
Speaker: Yeah, go for it.
Speaker: That's a fact.
Speaker: That's a fact.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, boy.
Speaker: I'm glad it's over.
Speaker: Anyway, so this book's over.
Speaker: I don't have to think about it ever again.
Speaker: No, you don't.
Speaker: I just did a David Letterman toss of the book.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You are the David Letterman of our crew.
Speaker: I mean, without the terrifying hobo beard.
Speaker: But you could totally grow that beer.
Speaker: That's the thing.
Speaker: I could.
Speaker: I know it's in you.
Speaker: I could.
Speaker: I know it's in you.
Speaker: I try to keep it tight because otherwise I get a little too itchy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You could if you wanted to.
Speaker: And you probably would one day.
Speaker: So, Phil, I have an important question to ask you.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: What are you playing?
Speaker: What are you playing?
Speaker: Well, appropriately enough, based on that very question, I did just finish the remake of Resident Evil 4.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: Loved it.
Speaker: Loved it.
Speaker: Chef's kiss.
Speaker: We talked about it a little bit with Jesse Garascio when we had him on recently, and...
Speaker: And he was absolutely right.
Speaker: He made this point where it's like, it's not because I said, you know, I beat this game for the first time last year and now the remake's coming out.
Speaker: Is it going to be worth it?
Speaker: And he pointed out, he said, well, this is, it is the same game, but it's not, it's doing its own thing.
Speaker: It's not really a remake.
Speaker: It's a re-imagining.
Speaker: There's so much to it.
Speaker: And I think because I'm, uh,
Speaker: I'm more into the newer Resident Evil games.
Speaker: Despite the fact that I started it too.
Speaker: But my favorites have been Village and Seven.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: I loved every change they made for it.
Speaker: I liked the camp they kept.
Speaker: I liked the dark, forbidding shit that they added.
Speaker: It is a dark game.
Speaker: Like lighting-wise, it is dark.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: You are fucking blind in that game.
Speaker: And it was super fun.
Speaker: I loved the changes.
Speaker: I loved the stuff of the president's daughter.
Speaker: She was less of a pain in the ass.
Speaker: Oh, Ashley is amazing.
Speaker: She is just like when you're at the shooting range and she gets so excited when you do well.
Speaker: I was like, that's sweet.
Speaker: It's cute.
Speaker: It's cute.
Speaker: There's a cute thing there with them without it turning into a weird gross love thing.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Yeah, they could have gone that angle and they chose not to, and I respect that.
Speaker: Because what, she's supposed to be 20 and he's 27 or something like that.
Speaker: Oh, is she even that old?
Speaker: I didn't even read that.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, she's in college.
Speaker: Oh, good point.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: At least there's that.
Speaker: But yeah, no, but they just, they had a, they had really good rapport.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: A really good back and forth.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And you wanted to protect her.
Speaker: And the protecting of her wasn't nearly as just tedious as the original was.
Speaker: So I loved it.
Speaker: I had a great time with it.
Speaker: I love, love, love that the knife was finally a viable weapon.
Speaker: Yes, it was it.
Speaker: I used the shit out of that knife and not just for sneak attacks either.
Speaker: Like I loved that thing.
Speaker: Did you use the parries and stuff like that?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I'm not good at parries.
Speaker: That's the thing.
Speaker: I'm not good at that shit.
Speaker: I don't remember to think about that.
Speaker: And it was just so fluid.
Speaker: It was great.
Speaker: Having finished that, I got into dredge.
Speaker: Okay, I've heard a lot of people talk about Dredge.
Speaker: I still know nothing about it, just that people have been talking about it.
Speaker: Here's the thing.
Speaker: I have never understood.
Speaker: I've got some friends who they have their game.
Speaker: You know, we all know those people.
Speaker: The person's like, I'm a Warcraft player, that's all they play.
Speaker: I'm a Destiny player, that's all they play.
Speaker: I've never understood it.
Speaker: I've never understood it.
Speaker: There's just so much out there.
Speaker: And I've played three hours of Dredge.
Speaker: I don't know if I need another game.
Speaker: It is, I am a fisherman, Kevin.
Speaker: I am a fisherman, and I go from port to port catching fish and dredging up treasure from the deep, and occasionally finding horrifying cosmic abominations.
Speaker: Yeah, that sounds good.
Speaker: It's the perfect combination of HP Lovecraft and Quint from Jaws that I've been waiting for my entire life.
Speaker: I love this game so much.
Speaker: I am having a fucking blast.
Speaker: It is so much fun.
Speaker: It's so simple.
Speaker: It's very, very simple.
Speaker: The fishing games are the same fishing games you've played since goddamn Legend of Zelda and all that shit.
Speaker: It's very simple, but it's the sum of its parts that makes this so special.
Speaker: There's certain fish that you can only catch after dark,
Speaker: But if you stay out after dark, you're being watched and you feel paranoia and you start seeing things in the distance and you don't know if they're real or not.
Speaker: And there's a fog bank and you could literally end up running aground because despite the fact that I've circled this island 100,000 goddamn times, the fog comes up and I don't know where I am anymore.
Speaker: And it's genuinely disorienting.
Speaker: And the exploration is super fun.
Speaker: The Lovecraftian cosmic horror creepiness.
Speaker: I'm just like, I'm going to go catch some flounder.
Speaker: People like the flounder.
Speaker: It sells well over here.
Speaker: I'm going to go catch some flounder.
Speaker: So I find the school of flounder and I start...
Speaker: you know, bringing in flounder.
Speaker: And all of a sudden I bring one up and it's like, oh, that's not, it's a flounder with a giant fucking eyeball on it.
Speaker: It's like an aberration flounder.
Speaker: An abomination.
Speaker: Yeah, and you read the description.
Speaker: It was like, if you look closely, you'll see that the pupil in the eye is not a pupil at all, but an egg.
Speaker: And they leave it at that.
Speaker: And you go and take it to the fishmonger who buys your fish from you and he gets obsessed with it and bars the door to the shop.
Speaker: So I don't know when he's going to come out.
Speaker: I'm just storing fish for now because I got no one to sell to and doing other shit.
Speaker: It's a weird goddamn game.
Speaker: It is $25 and it's worth every penny.
Speaker: My favorite games have been 30 bucks or less this year.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: With the exception of Resident Evil.
Speaker: Yes, which is more than that.
Speaker: I don't know who's going to be paying a dollar for the sunglasses.
Speaker: All that DLC shit.
Speaker: I just like... Yeah.
Speaker: It's a shame.
Speaker: It's a shame.
Speaker: I loved it, but it just kind of mars the whole thing for me.
Speaker: I don't... Sure.
Speaker: What about you, Kevin?
Speaker: I got something to say about Drudge.
Speaker: Oh, do it.
Speaker: You know that thing about Cthulhu?
Speaker: He's got...
Speaker: Lifeless eyes, black eyes, black adult eyes.
Speaker: When it comes at you, doesn't seem to be living.
Speaker: Till it bites you and those black eyes roll over white.
Speaker: God, I love that fucking movie.
Speaker: I told Emily, for those of you who've been listening to us for a while, you may remember the story of me showing my wife Jaws for the first time and how she could not understand a word Quint said.
Speaker: And she told me recently that this summer, because it's a summer movie, we will watch Jaws again as long as I promise to put on closed captioning so she can follow it a little better.
Speaker: So I will give you guys the heads up and give you the update on how it goes after that.
Speaker: That's amazing.
Speaker: So yeah, what I've been playing is I'm still playing Resident Evil 4.
Speaker: I'm almost finished with my second playthrough.
Speaker: I have the hand cannon unlocked.
Speaker: Oh, nice.
Speaker: And I fully upgraded it for the unlimited ammo with the hand cannon.
Speaker: Oh, Jesus Christ.
Speaker: So now I have an unlimited ammo magnum.
Speaker: The only downside of it is it's like really imprecise.
Speaker: It's like, you know, because like all the games have like different targeting like reticles.
Speaker: And the way it works is that like your bullet can end up anywhere within that like area.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And the more focused it is, the more likely it's going to be dead on.
Speaker: So like some of the handguns are really good.
Speaker: They're really precise.
Speaker: The hand cannon is, I think, the most powerful magnum in the game.
Speaker: And the reticle is like this.
Speaker: in terms of aiming and then like when you do the focus thing it goes like and then it's like it's like as soon as you accidentally twitch the the mouse it's like oh that's funny yeah so it's really hard to aim um but it's basically like the joker's gun and and batman uh 89. yeah you shoot down a jet with the damn thing
Speaker: Yes, exactly.
Speaker: So yeah, I'm still playing that.
Speaker: And I also started playing Have a Nice Death, which came out of Early Access.
Speaker: It is a fun, it's a fun little game.
Speaker: It's so cute.
Speaker: It's so somebody said it's it's like if you took Hades and Hollow Knight and put them together, you would have Have a Nice Death.
Speaker: That's two of your favorite games.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yes and no.
Speaker: I mean, I think it's I think, yeah, in terms of aesthetic, it's definitely very Hollow Knight and it has the roguelike like, you know, permadeath.
Speaker: Every run is going to be a new run type of thing.
Speaker: All that being said, it's a lot of fun.
Speaker: I'm really enjoying it.
Speaker: I bought it in early access last year and I played it for a little bit, but didn't really get too far into it.
Speaker: Now that it's out of early access, I cleared the save file and I'm starting fresh.
Speaker: and getting into it.
Speaker: That's a good way of doing it, I think.
Speaker: Just get the full experience fresh.
Speaker: It's sort of like, and I'm hoping Gloomwood comes out full release this year.
Speaker: I bought Gloomwood last year when they first put it into Early Access, and I played it all the way through in terms of everything that was available, which was only a real small portion of the game.
Speaker: I'm talking about this one.
Speaker: And it's, and Gloomwood is, I mean, it's, it's awesome.
Speaker: It's David Szymanski, yeah?
Speaker: I think he's involved in it.
Speaker: It's what's his name?
Speaker: He goes by Taffer King.
Speaker: He's one of the other common New Blood folks as well.
Speaker: Oh, okay, okay.
Speaker: And obviously it's a New Blood published game, so Dave Oshry is involved and all that stuff.
Speaker: Dylan Rogers.
Speaker: Dylan Rogers.
Speaker: There we go.
Speaker: Dylan Rogers and David Zismansky or Zimansky.
Speaker: I'm not sure how to pronounce his last name totally.
Speaker: But yes, I think David does the programming and Dylan is the game designer.
Speaker: But it's it's neat.
Speaker: You know, it's a really great game.
Speaker: talking about a lot, I haven't played it recently, but what I was getting circling back around to is like, I bought it early in early access, played what was available, and then like tucked it away and be like, okay, I'm going to come back to this when it's full release.
Speaker: You know, I got a little taste of it now.
Speaker: I'm not going to keep playing it while it's through early access.
Speaker: I think I want like the finished product next time I play it.
Speaker: Yeah, I get it.
Speaker: I absolutely get it.
Speaker: It's hard for me to...
Speaker: buy early access games.
Speaker: That's why, you know, Against the Storm was such a big deal to me.
Speaker: Like, I loved it so much.
Speaker: And even now, as it's updating and changing, I'm still enjoying it.
Speaker: And which is lucky.
Speaker: I think that's honestly just lucky.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, no, it's a real hit or miss experience in early access.
Speaker: I just had, I have faith in like, it's like certain things you can kind of like look at and be like, all right, I think this is probably gonna, you know, keep developing.
Speaker: It's not like...
Speaker: And not to throw shade at World of Horror, but World of Horror is it's one person that's working on World of Horror.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: And they are.
Speaker: And, you know, World of Horror as it stands right now is an amazing game to play.
Speaker: um if you're interested in lovecraft junji ito style um like mystery solving and it like creates a new mystery every time uh the other but world of horror also is still in early access and it's probably going to be a game that's in early access for a really long time because it's one person and it's like you know it's at version eight point
Speaker: It's like.8,.7 or something like that.
Speaker: And maybe once a year they do a big update for new stuff that's added to the game.
Speaker: But it's still not the full game yet.
Speaker: And that's what you're going to get sometimes with indie devs.
Speaker: You're getting new levels, basically.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So sometimes you just have to balance whether, okay, is it, um, is it worth giving your money to an indie dev?
Speaker: And a lot of times, you know, you want to say, you hope the answer is yes, but sometimes, uh, I mean, I've been burned on games where I bought early access and then the game was abandoned.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I think if you're a, you know, if you're a game nerd in the sense of like development and narrative, like we are, then there is some advantage to getting it in early access because watching the growth of it can be a fascinating process.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: But, but you are, you know, you are taking a risk there, there, that there's nothing, there's no getting around that.
Speaker: Yep, exactly.
Speaker: But yeah, that's what I've been playing, and that'll do it for tonight's episode.
Speaker: We didn't even get to your table topics, Phil.
Speaker: I mean, we...
Speaker: We managed to do a full hour on.
Speaker: I'm proud of us.
Speaker: I think we did good.
Speaker: I'm proud of us too.
Speaker: This is what two years and almost 100 episodes of professionalism gets you.
Speaker: We are goddamn professionals.
Speaker: The ability to talk for an hour no matter what.
Speaker: That's, yeah, I think both of our wives would agree that that's a skill that we both have.
Speaker: We can talk.
Speaker: That might be something we're good at.
Speaker: Oh, boy.
Speaker: Follow us on Twitter and Instagram at PixelitPod.
Speaker: Go to our website, PixelitPod.com.
Speaker: You can join our Discord.
Speaker: You can sign up for our newsletter.
Speaker: You can download the transcripts of episodes.
Speaker: You know, the automated transcripts have been getting better, I've noticed.
Speaker: They are.
Speaker: The AI is getting, is learning.
Speaker: It's a little, it's learning.
Speaker: It's a little bit sharper now.
Speaker: So, you know, if you're interested in that kind of thing, download the transcripts and have at them.
Speaker: Coming up next...
Speaker: We are... What is our... What's your next episode, Phil?
Speaker: Well, it is Resident Evil City of the Dead by S.C.
Speaker: Perry, the third in the Resident Evil series, and we're doing that for a very specific reason.
Speaker: Yeah, why would we be doing that?
Speaker: What's that reason?
Speaker: It's because next episode is our hundredth episode.
Speaker: 100 episodes.
Speaker: I don't know how... Kevin and I decided to make a podcast about video game novelizations, and we've been here for 100 episodes.
Speaker: 100 episodes.
Speaker: Now, some of you might say, like, well, I think you've done more than 100 episodes at this point.
Speaker: Like, well, true.
Speaker: We've recorded more than that in terms of bonus episodes.
Speaker: We're counting only the mainline baby boy episodes here.
Speaker: The ones that are numbered in your feed.
Speaker: That's what we're doing.
Speaker: And we are hitting 100 next week with Esty Perry's, was it City of the Dead?
Speaker: City of the Dead.
Speaker: City of the Dead.
Speaker: Esty Perry's City.
Speaker: Esty Perry's Resident Evil 2.
Speaker: I mean, that is what it is.
Speaker: Yeah, it's based on Resident Evil 2.
Speaker: Which is the first Resident Evil I ever played, so it's very close to my heart.
Speaker: You know, yeah, I love Resident Evil 2 to this day.
Speaker: And the original had... I love the remake.
Speaker: The remake is one of my favorite games of all time.
Speaker: The original had some interesting ideas, too, that have never really been... They haven't really done since then.
Speaker: Um...
Speaker: The whole zapping mechanic where it's like if you do one thing in one storyline, you'll see it play out in the other storyline.
Speaker: Oh, I forgot all about that.
Speaker: Jesus.
Speaker: Yeah, that was... They called it the zapping mechanic.
Speaker: Why?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: It is funny.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: Well, like so many things when it comes to Resident Evil, I have to assume it's part of a localization slash translation issue.
Speaker: Yeah, maybe.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We'll go with that.
Speaker: Anyway...
Speaker: Have a good night.
Speaker: Bye.
