Living with Mental Illness: Daily Decisions
00:00:29
Mark Brosnan
Sometimes when you're living with mental illness, the only thing that you can really do is just keep going.
00:00:41
Mark Brosnan
I'm in that kind of state at the moment that I'm not seeing a way out of my mental illness. Nothing's lifting me to a point where I'm like, yeah, let's keep going.
00:00:58
Mark Brosnan
I've just made the quiet decision to keep going. And it is a quiet decision. And it's a decision that sometimes you have to make every day.
00:01:10
Mark Brosnan
Let's dive in and see what happens.
Real vs. Idealized Experiences of Mental Illness
00:01:22
Mark Brosnan
When I first began Mark My Words, as it was Shattered the Podcast, about five years ago, i promised myself that I would only ever talk about real stuff.
00:01:35
Mark Brosnan
real stuff to do with living with a mental illness because that's not what do I see. When I look at the internet, I see a bunch of Instagram people in bikinis on beaches jumping.
00:01:53
Mark Brosnan
I beat mental illness. I'm on top of a mountain. And the reality is that that is not what it's like to live with mental illness.
00:02:05
Mark Brosnan
want to steal an analogy from a dude. His name is Ren, R-E-N. You need to look him up. If you don't know him, look him up. He's an artist.
00:02:16
Mark Brosnan
He sings a song that I think is Hello Ren, and it's incredible. Like, this guy just gets it.
Life as a Pendulum: Keep Moving
00:02:27
Mark Brosnan
The analogy that I want to steal is that we often think of life, mental illness, as something that you win or lose.
00:02:38
Mark Brosnan
You're either winning at it or you're losing at it. You're beating it or you're not beating it. And he makes this interesting comparison. He says it's more like a pendulum.
00:02:51
Mark Brosnan
swinging. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not. You never lose.
00:03:00
Mark Brosnan
My words, not his. His words are much more artistic than mine. You never lose unless you stop.
00:03:08
Mark Brosnan
And I think about that a lot. I think about a metronome, just take tick, tick. Sometimes with mental illness, that's what it's like.
00:03:19
Mark Brosnan
There is no good. There is no bad. There's just bleh.
00:03:30
Mark Brosnan
When things are bad, i want to say this to you, just keep going.
00:03:39
Mark Brosnan
Don't think of it as winning or losing because that's, and it's not an accurate description of what it is that we're going through. We are on this pendulum.
00:03:52
Mark Brosnan
Sometimes things are good. Sometimes things are bad. Sometimes that pendulum is moving like it's under ice, but it's still moving.
Unique Journeys in Mental Health
00:04:05
Mark Brosnan
Why would I say this to you today? Why is this something that I'm bringing up? Perhaps if you've listened a bit, you say, Mark, you've said this over and over and over again.
00:04:16
Mark Brosnan
Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. I honestly don't know. But it's the message that I'm saying to myself at the moment.
00:04:27
Mark Brosnan
I get a lot of messages now. And if you do message me, thank you. I i really appreciate it. But I get a lot of messages now from people that, from the tone of their messages, it feels like they're hanging on by their fingernails.
00:04:43
Mark Brosnan
They're grasping at anything. And these are the people that I want to speak to.
00:04:51
Mark Brosnan
These are the people that need to hear a message like this. if you're If you're not living with mental illness, yeah it can be impossible to understand.
00:05:07
Mark Brosnan
i might My daughters also have mental illness, and at times I don't understand.
The Little Engine Analogy for Personal Struggles
00:05:13
Mark Brosnan
I live with mental illness, I should understand, i can't, because their journey is so individual and so specific that I can offer advice, I can offer, you know, some kind of expression of of maybe hope, of just, can give them tips, but I can't really understand
00:05:46
Mark Brosnan
strangely enough i've been thinking about the little engine that could it's a it's a stupid story it's the engine tiny little engine he's got to go up a hill and why i can be a little bit down on that story is it's so generic somebody struggles they go up a hill they make it hooray
00:06:15
Mark Brosnan
And that can seem like all of our stories. Something bad happened to me. I somehow made it through. Things aren't great, but I'm still here. I'm the little engine that could. I'm going to keep on going. I'm going keep on going.
00:06:31
Mark Brosnan
But the fact of the matter is that that story is such an interesting one because it's not the story itself. It's the experience behind it. What is your mountain?
00:06:43
Mark Brosnan
What was the load that you were carrying? Why was it such an obstacle? Why was it something that became your story?
00:06:55
Mark Brosnan
Not just a random engine somehow went up a hill.
00:07:01
Mark Brosnan
Ridiculous. But it's kind of not when you think of it like...
00:07:10
Mark Brosnan
Why was it so hard to think that I could make it up that hill? What was going on? What was the experience? What was the thought process? And it's different for everyone. I was looking at the mountain and I knew that I could make it.
00:07:23
Mark Brosnan
I didn't know if I could make it up the mountain. So I was looking at my feet. I was doing one, the other, the other, after the other. When I was in high school, I used to run long distance.
00:07:37
Mark Brosnan
But I hated every second of it. I hated running long distance. So I would set myself short-term goals and it would be, there is a lamppost up there. I'm just going to make it to that lamppost.
00:07:51
Mark Brosnan
Then I'm going to make it to the next lamppost. Then I'm going to make it to the next lamppost. And that's how I got through a long race, which to me was incredibly boring.
00:08:05
Mark Brosnan
But setting these little goals, these little things, can be the way that you can just make it through but let's talk about the middle part of that story just for a moment the little engine that could
00:08:22
Mark Brosnan
when he's going up the hill or she or they whatever your preference is don't care if he's going up the hill at what point does he decide that I'm just going to keep going?
Perseverance Through Mental Health Challenges
00:08:41
Mark Brosnan
Because it would be so easy. And I know it can be easy to give up, to stop, to say, you know what, this hill is not worth climbing.
00:08:57
Mark Brosnan
But when it comes to us with mental health issues, the stakes are so much higher.
00:09:09
Mark Brosnan
I don't even know if I'm going to post this one today. i don't know if I like it. It's a little bit more disjointed than I like.
00:09:22
Mark Brosnan
All I need to say, I guess, to myself today is just keep going.
00:09:32
Mark Brosnan
You get that midway up the hill.
00:09:36
Mark Brosnan
You know it's a hill. It's always a hill. It's always a struggle. It never changes. never becomes easier. But at what point do we just say, know what?
00:09:50
Mark Brosnan
One foot in front of the other. I'm going keep moving forward. I'm going to keep trying.
00:10:00
Mark Brosnan
I can't see the top of the hill.
00:10:04
Mark Brosnan
All I can see is the steepness of the incline. All I can see is how hard it is.
00:10:14
Mark Brosnan
I don't know how you're going to do that today. Is it finding patience? Is it determination? Is it getting angry? Is it finding mindfulness? Is it faith?
00:10:26
Mark Brosnan
I don't know what your thing is.
00:10:36
Mark Brosnan
that perhaps I can be a little bit of a inspiration,
00:10:47
Mark Brosnan
maybe a motivation.
00:10:53
Mark Brosnan
I don't know what I can be for you today,
00:10:58
Mark Brosnan
but I hope that you just look at somebody who's struggling just like you are and who's going to just keep putting my foot one after the other.
Podcasting Despite Struggles: Finding Reasons to Persevere
00:11:08
Mark Brosnan
You will never know the struggle that I had in doing a podcast to- today.
00:11:14
Mark Brosnan
promised myself years ago I would do this every week without fail, and for the most part I have.
00:11:24
Mark Brosnan
Today was one of the hardest struggles I've had to do this. Because i'm I'm in that place. i'm i'm I'm going up the hill.
00:11:40
Mark Brosnan
I don't think I'm going to make it. I don't know that I can make There's probably a better way to say that. But I'm not going to stop.
00:11:50
Mark Brosnan
Now, I have my own personal reasons for that.
00:11:56
Mark Brosnan
Things that I cling to.
00:12:00
Mark Brosnan
But I encourage you, whatever your struggle is, whatever mountain it is that you're climbing, please keep going.
The Impact of Suicide and Seeking Support
00:12:11
Mark Brosnan
I got a message a couple of months ago from a guy that said he's at the end of his rope. Can't deal with it anymore. Nobody cares about me. Just a random message from a random guy.
00:12:25
Mark Brosnan
I've reached out to him, of course.
00:12:30
Mark Brosnan
But it breaks my heart that somebody feels that they're that alone because I've been there and I know how much it hurts. Now, this guy might think that nobody would care if they found out that he had ended his life.
00:12:51
Mark Brosnan
I'm not a crier. I'm not a person that breaks down in tears. But I'm afraid that I would weep for him.
00:13:02
Mark Brosnan
It's just a random name on my, I don't know, Instagram or something.
00:13:11
Mark Brosnan
And yet, because I know that he or she or they or whatever are struggling and they are contemplating ending things, it affects me because they've reached out and I'm a random nobody.
00:13:31
Mark Brosnan
Who is it around you who would be affected if you were to end things? This is not to make you feel guilty or angry or mad at me for bringing it up.
00:13:43
Mark Brosnan
This is me just throwing out any kind of straws that I can think of to help you get up that next part of the incline, to climb up that next part of the hill.
00:14:01
Mark Brosnan
I know that my life can be better than this because it has been. And all I'm doing is I'm thinking about that. And I'm going, well, if it's happened before, it can happen again.
00:14:14
Mark Brosnan
For me, that's how I keep putting one foot after the other.
Sharing Stories: The Power of Communication
00:14:21
Mark Brosnan
I hope that you can find your own thing that helps you just keep going that little bit longer. until things become a little bit brighter, become a little bit easier, as they always do if we have patience.
00:14:41
Mark Brosnan
want to thank everybody that has subscribed lately. It's blown me away. 700, 800 people now. seven hundred eight hundred people now um reach out if you like if you want to tell your story let me know let me know in plain language as well um if you look and mark my words on youtube um patreon um itunes wherever you can see that i actually do a lot of conversations with people and i love telling other people's stories
00:15:15
Mark Brosnan
So reach out. But if you reach out, be specific. Let me know. I'm not real good with with subterfuge and subtlety and manipulation.
00:15:27
Mark Brosnan
you want to tell your story, just DM me. Say, Mark, I really want to tell my story with you. I'll get in touch. We'll have a conversation. We'll record it and we'll let other people listen in.
00:15:38
Mark Brosnan
It's as easy as that. um I want to thank you for checking out Mark My Words today.
00:15:48
Mark Brosnan
Here's an interesting thing.
Finding Purpose and Resisting Negative Thoughts
00:15:50
Mark Brosnan
i actually feel a lot better now than I did just 10 minutes ago. Just keep moving. Just keep doing the things that you need to do Hang on to those things that give you purpose.
00:16:09
Mark Brosnan
Don't listen to the darkness.
00:16:14
Mark Brosnan
It's not your friend. It's not easier.
00:16:22
Mark Brosnan
Have a great week. I look forward to speaking to you again next week. Bye for now.
