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Episode 284: Oh The Places We Have Been
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Hello, Podwalkers, and welcome back to another episode of the Goblin Lore Podcast! This was recorded at the end of Mental Health Awareness Month. The hosts took the opportunity to share what we have been up to, and the impact of our lives on the show and on ourselves. We hope you enjoy, and shhhhhhhhhhhhhh but our 8th Anniversary is coming up
Hobbes also would like to make a plea to check out his Kickstarter for a Nature Photography Calendar!
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As promised, we keep Mental Health Links available every episode. But For general Mental Health the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has great resources for people struggling with mental health concerns as well as their families. We also want to draw attention to this article on stigma from NAMI's site.
If you’re thinking about suicide or just need someone to talk to right now, you can get support from any of the resources below.
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
- Veteran's can Press 1 at anytime to be taken to the Veteran's Line
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741-741
- International suicide hotlines: A comprehensive resource list for people outside the US.
- IMAlive: Click Chat Now to access a live online network of volunteers through instant messaging.
- TrevorLifeline, TrevorChat, and TrevorText (LGBTQ+ crisis support): 1-866-488-7386, or text “Trevor” to 1-202-304-1200
- Trans Lifeline (US): (877) 565-8860
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Opening and closing music by Wintergatan (@wintergatan). Logo art by Steven Raffael (@SteveRaffle)
Goblin Lore is proud to be presented by Hipsters of the Coast, and a part of their growing Vorthos content – as well as Magic content of all kinds. Check them out at hipstersofthecoast.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Host Introductions
00:00:29
Speaker
Hello, Podwalkers. Welcome to another episode of the Goblin Lore Podcast. ah We are here tonight. all All of us here tonight. It is a... i was like the royal we or the... You say, yeah. Inclusive we.
00:00:44
Speaker
I believe, i just, the opening line is so scripted in my head. I think I say welcome to a special episode of the podcast, but I'm not sure if I said that tonight. But if I didn't, welcome to a special episode. Because they're all special, but tonight...
00:00:59
Speaker
has its has its own specialist. We're all we're all here, and and i'm I'm really tired, which is oddly related to the topic today, but which we'll get into later. So I guess I'll introduce myself, and we can do open questions after introductions. ah I'm Alex, phone on the Goblet Lord Discord, and still in the habit of so prompting, like I have some social media handle to to say there, which I have not for...
00:01:27
Speaker
over Over a year, maybe two years at this point. I can't remember. Time is weird. Pronouns he, him, and I'll hand it off to Hobbs, who has already spoken. Hi, I'm Hobbs. I can be found on the internet still, Blue Sky and lots of other places as Hobbs Q. and My pronouns are he, him as well.
00:01:49
Speaker
And Taya. Hi, I'm Taya. You can find me on Blue Sky as Taya Transcends or on the Discord. My pronouns are she, they. And it's glad I'm glad we're going to have you for this conversation, Hobbs, because this is an important topic for all of us, but especially having you on is really important for this one.
Mental Health Awareness Month and Year-Round Conversations
00:02:08
Speaker
Yeah, so it's it's May. It's Mental Health Awareness. um you know For another week. For another week as of of the recording sort of this episode. um We do have...
00:02:19
Speaker
Yeah, there you would already have heard a mental health episode that hasn't dropped yet. See, time. Yeah. This is what happens. Yeah. We're turning to recording. ah The last time I was here, we met with Shannon, which had a very strong mental health focus, but was more about the novel. ah But today we're just here to talk about Mental Health Awareness Month.
00:02:41
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. even if this episode will come out in June. I'm very aware of my mental health. Yeah. but yeah We roll straight from this into pride, right? So like these are, that also encompasses mental health.
00:02:53
Speaker
Yeah. And, and mental health is, as we say, i say at least periodically it's in a may, there is a focus on it because it is mental health awareness month and it is a good time to try to center and have those conversations and, and have have a good place to sort of anchor some of those conversations. um But it's an important thing the other 11 months out of the year as well. and So it certainly does not hurt to have a mental health topic. you know well and also that is It is also just kind of what we do in general. So it's also very hard to be like, oh, here's a special month. But we always talk about mental health.
00:03:29
Speaker
Yes. um Yeah. And so to this, we're trying to figure out
Self-Care Activities Discussion
00:03:35
Speaker
what topic we wanted to do. We knew we wanted a mental health topic and it tasted just that, why don't we just kind of check in? Cause it's been a while since we've all been on the cast it's been a while since we've had this kind of conversation as well. And it, it,
00:03:48
Speaker
can center see so in in past years. you know we we have We'll have episodes where we dive into a particular topic and talk about it a little bit more academically. um But also an important part of mental health conversations is literally talking about your own mental health and normalizing those conversations and helping to, at least for myself. I know I can i can speak for myself sort of historically when I was diagnosed with my social anxiety Hearing other people have conversations about their own mental health was one of the things that helped me. Obviously, me talking myself helped, but even just hearing other people because it helped me to have a little bit better language and a little bit better of conception to kind of think about and work through my own sort of mental landscape.
00:04:35
Speaker
yeah so ah Before we move on, we should do our quite opening question. Yes, we should. um Hobbs, do you want to start with that? Or do you want me to jump in with the opening question? I want you to, Alex, because I am still thinking. Okay, and then I will jump in. So um as a related to a question we've done sometimes, but a little bit different. So what is a self-care activity you do that is simple and have you haven't really talked about on the cast before? um And so my first thought was
00:05:09
Speaker
Well, my first qualifier that I had to apply to myself was it should probably be something healthy. So it it should be a healthy habit as opposed to, i don't know, buying a bunch of stuff is is a thing I've certainly... That's what I do definitely get most of the time to fix problems. that is That is fair. But it's like, so like my first idea that was along those lines, but was like, well, maybe this is a healthy version of it was like, i don't know, I've i've lately discovered...
00:05:35
Speaker
Arizona diet green tea is 88 cents at Walmart next to me and I like it. And it's has five or and think it has like three grams of sugar in it because there's some actual real honey. So it tastes better than a pure diet thing, which is also really funny because then the cans have this warning that says diabetics should consult a physician before they drink this green tea that has two grams of sugar in it.
00:05:58
Speaker
um But then i realized I did have another one that is something that, to be honest, is so baked into a lot of what I do. I don't always think about it, but I do a lot of walking.
00:06:12
Speaker
um I don't have a car. ah So I take public transit everywhere, which isn't always, you know, doesn't, doesn't get everywhere. And so you kind of have to fill in the gaps a lot with just walking places. And so that's the thing. i don't do as many long walks as I used to.
00:06:34
Speaker
There was a year, this was quite a while ago now, 10, 15 years ago when I, when I was back, when I was actually doing some, doing some novel writing, um, I would walk to a walk to a place for breakfast, walk to a nearby mall mall for lunch, and then walk home. And it was like 14-mile circuit.
00:06:55
Speaker
with, you know, two breaks in the middle when it took me all day, but that was kind of my my default Saturday plan. And that was a thing that I loved doing then. But even now, like yesterday, I was hanging out with a friend of mine and we just, we did a lot of walking. um He actually had his wife drop him off at my apartment so that we could walk back to his place and just chat. And then we got in his car and drove back to my apartment so that we could pick up, you know, some stuff that, you know, games and stuff that I was going to bring over for the day. But just, it's a thing that,
00:07:27
Speaker
both with with this so sometimes with with my friends and stuff but mostly even just for myself um I just like to go and walk I've been doing it weekly I have my Pathfinder group he lives about three miles from my work actually pretty close to where I used to live when I used to walk to work and so on Pathfinder night I tend to walk to his place just because I like that walk I did it a lot I think that's that's what I'm going to go with That's a good one. And i was like, I don't know if you've mentioned that one. like it's Or if you have, it's been years. So, you know, that qualifies.
00:08:06
Speaker
i I have been trying to think because I know that i I tend to talk a lot about the main ones like running or photography or um cooking.
00:08:18
Speaker
i i don't know how much I've actually talked about gardening on here. um And it's not necessarily a small one, except that ah the early part of That for me, like ah as we're leaving winter, all we do is kind of just start some seeds in our basement in these giant trays, which the the little part is looking at them and like watching the growth as it comes in those first few weeks. Because, you know, I'm used to historically, i used to just buy plants at the store, right? Like every year, just buy some tomato plants, buy, you know,
00:08:51
Speaker
a couple of cucumbers, whatever it is, but they're already pretty well far along versus us actually getting to see things from like the very, like just even breaking the surface through the soil is kind of a really cool thing to do.
00:09:07
Speaker
right. You just cut out for me, Hobbs. Did everybody else have any trouble? ah No, I heard, I heard. All right. see I guess my connection must've timed out for a little bit. So sorry to interrupt, but.
00:09:19
Speaker
No, that's okay. I'll make a note of this. ah Just so I can... and Yeah, and I'll drop back in. Three, two, one.
00:09:31
Speaker
So yeah, it's just being able to see that life ah coming from literally the seed that we collected even now that we're on three or four years of doing this. We actually can... Like we're using seeds that came from seeds that we collected or three years ago. And so it's just this wild thing to think of these little seeds that have just been sitting this potential for life that's just been sitting in our basement, just starting.
00:09:57
Speaker
and getting to watch those first just few leaves even pop up before we even are anywhere near ready to transplant them outdoors. And it's something that can really involve the kids with. They really get excited about going downstairs to see it. And so I think that that's just been one that I don't, I haven't talked that part of, of gardening.
00:10:18
Speaker
So yeah, Taya. Yeah. And Callie. I'm Callie. Yes. I missed you, Callie.
00:10:25
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I said I missed you. let me let her out.
00:10:34
Speaker
I really did, though. Like, you know, like, that no, that like warms my heart. um So, yeah, I've been trying to find little projects to keep myself busy. That's, you know, between my usual go-tos of gaming with friends and partners and just hanging out partners and watching anime. But my one thing I've been doing lately is finding little projects. And I guess, you know, it's a good time. i Just last week, I published a scryfall bot for Blue Sky. Yeah.
00:11:04
Speaker
You can add it with the card name using the same syntax as the Discord bot, and it'll reply with the card for you. ah And so it's just like little projects like that. I've been trying to find it. I'm trying to figure out my next one because that one's kind of feature complete at this point from what I can add to it. ah So I'm trying to figure out what next little project is going to be. But it's just been little things like that to keep me busy.
Future Plans: Command Fest Tacoma
00:11:30
Speaker
Uh, um, I have my trip to Ireland next week to see my girlfriend, which I'm super excited for. I'm leaving on Saturday and I'm going to be there for eight days. So I'm really excited for that. Uh, and just, yeah, having things to look forward to in general is also something that I like to do. I like to have something scheduled all the time I can look forward to.
00:11:52
Speaker
Just like, it just like either a trip or travel. A trip, an event, something, even just like, you know, time out with somebody that i'll I'll, you know, I might see somebody and that I haven't seen in a while, just something on my calendar I can look forward to.
00:12:08
Speaker
I love that idea of like the planning. I like the idea of planning something.
00:12:14
Speaker
Yeah, and looking forward to seeing ah both of you at Command Fest in July, too, just over a month away. Yeah, so anybody, if you're listening to this, the full podcast is getting together, and we are going to be at Command Fest Tacoma over July 4th weekend. And Dr. Mrs. Hobbs will be in attendance for her second-ever magic event.
00:12:40
Speaker
I'm very excited for that. And I'm interested to play her cat deck that you're working on. that you Well, yeah I am hoping that you, Alex, Carolyn, couple other people will be pulling her in so that because she is still only two games into magic.
00:12:56
Speaker
ah and And one of those was commander. So, yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. Looking forward to playing some Magic because I have not played any Magic since ah oh oh like my blank cube. cute What was the thing we did in March? SCGCon? Oh, no, Shoebox. yeah Shoebox. box Thank you. like yeah Yeah, Shoebox in in March, and then it was s s SCGCon was the last one.
00:13:25
Speaker
for For me, I might have played a little bit of Magic in between those two, but I have not played any more this year outside of ah Shoebox. have to play meant on my desk, but it's too covered for me to see the name, and I didn't want to make noise throwing things around. with those i i did play a couple of games on stream over the last like month, but that's been it. Yeah, Shoebox and that.
00:13:48
Speaker
Right. So as we transition into the the main topic, is i can I can start if if you'll want. Yeah, it sounds great to me. um So I took a few notes. And the first note is a question, where am i at? And the follow up was no clue. So that is maybe the the tone
Alex's Family Trip and Historical Exploration
00:14:08
Speaker
for me to start this. i like this. Yeah. It's like I am.
00:14:13
Speaker
I. It's. I think there's going to be a common theme of of some struggle amongst us for for various very understandable reasons. But that's kind of where i'm i i'm I'm doing my best to tread water and feel relatively successful at that.
00:14:33
Speaker
But also that is its own struggle. That's the thing I did for many years before being diagnosed with my social anxiety. And to be honest, it feels a little bit like being trapped back there.
00:14:44
Speaker
where I knew something was wrong, I didn't know what was wrong, and I just was feeling increasingly um smothered from no specific cause, nothing that I could specifically identify. um This time is a little different. I have some ideas of of maybe some identifying causes there.
00:15:07
Speaker
But for the most part, just trying to maintain connections with people is kind of where I've sort of settled. So and we're talking about going to Memphis Tacoma. For me, that is, I have three big trips this year, which is a little higher than normal, but then I am doing like a lot fewer conventions. I'm going to just my local writing convention and then shoebox that sort of, I sort of fell into last minute, relatively last minute.
00:15:40
Speaker
But i um so Tacoma is is the middle trip actually. And then my, I have a group of friends that, i id say I believe I've talked about this on the air where we rent a Airbnb for a week.
00:15:53
Speaker
We just and just hang out is kind of the plan. People bring board games, people bring video games. Every so often we'll do like a Mario Kart thing, but by and large. And some people like to, you know, go get out and explore the areas we're at because we'll we'll rent Airbnbs in different places kind of all over wherever people kind of feel that they can get to easy, affordably and and safely.
00:16:18
Speaker
ah But like for me, i just hang out. like Last year, i I missed it out, and and these are a bunch of online friends, mostly people, the core of which were people I used to play a World of Warcraft with, but then we sort of started a Discord, and now and like I stopped playing WoW a while ago, and so there's some people who joined the guild afterward, have been playing WoW, or joined the group through some other means, and so we kind of it' we're kind of centered around this Discord, but It's just a group of folks that mostly see each other online. It's a lot of folks out east. There's some folks out west. I'm in the middle of the country.
00:16:55
Speaker
um And so this is the one time a year I see most of them. And I missed it last year, which really sucked, but just based on how things were lined up. And then the first trip I took this year was actually a few weeks ago.
00:17:09
Speaker
I went out to Pennsylvania with my parents, which was nice. My dad and I had been talking about going to Gettysburg for a while. um He's a big Civil War buff. It's a thing that I'm less into, but i it was a thing I knew he would enjoy and I kind of wanted to take the trip with him. And then wound up, my mom came with us, which was wonderful because she is retiring very soon.
00:17:35
Speaker
She put in her six-month notice at the beginning of the year and that is coming up relatively soon. She's got about a month left. But she has been getting into some online crafting communities. So she has kind of, in a sense, sort of finally found her online friends, which my dad and I think is awesome and kind of adorable because he and i have both been playing WoW for over a decade or more. So we both have established online friend communities. And now my mom is kind of...
00:18:04
Speaker
Finally getting maybe not finally, it's not a thing that everybody necessarily needs, but it's fun that she has found a good community of people that she enjoys. Well, they had an event going on in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, which is not very far from Gettysburg.
00:18:18
Speaker
So that picked the weekend for us. My dad and I weren't quite sure what we wanted, when we wanted to go. And when my mom's like, well, there's this event here. And we're like, well, perfect. That's when we'll go. So we drove out and that was a lot of fun. I spent my dad came down and got because my my parents live about five to six hours north of me very close to Canada on the north shore of Lake Superior.
00:18:43
Speaker
if You see like a map of Minnesota, the little point out to the east. They're pretty close to the end of that point. And so he he came down Friday night. We drove back up to their place Saturday, and then Sunday morning we left from their place Saturday. I came down through Wisconsin, Indiana, Illinois, Indiana, drove, drove for four days, um, stopping at hotels, not driving too long. Cause, um, my mom doesn't do super well in the car, uh, especially living up there. She hasn't just hasn't done a lot of driving and stuff, especially in bigger areas, lots of trucks, lots of people and gigantic highways. And so we took it smaller chunks and it worked really well.
00:19:29
Speaker
It was wonderful. And I talked about that some last week with the the episode I recorded that last week, last episode. And then dad and I went to actually we went to two battlefields. We went to Antietam, which was the first battle.
00:19:45
Speaker
But Gettysburg is is the ah bloodiest battle in American history. Antietam was the bloody single bloodiest day. That was a one-day battle.
00:19:55
Speaker
Both were battles where where the Confederacy was invading north. um And both were very costly, but the North won both.
00:20:08
Speaker
And so it was, and i' never i hadn't even heard of Antietam before my dad started talking about for this trip. So it was it was really fun to visit that and see that. And then we went to Gettysburg, which was awesome as well.
00:20:21
Speaker
Somber, but awesome. Does that make sense? Yeah. I mean, it's, yeah, I mean, it's, well, we get the excitement of ah Minnesota capturing the flag. Literally.
00:20:32
Speaker
Yeah, that was our big thing that I wanted to see at Gettysburg. We spent a bunch of time at Antietam and then we got to Gettysburg and realized it's massive. It's the entire town has, well, there's this thing here and there's this thing there. There's this trail that goes this way. And so we're like, well, let's go to the one thing that like I was really excited to see the monument for the Minnesota First Regiment, which was a regiment that the
00:20:58
Speaker
At this point in the battle where things were, where some, there were some Confederate reinforcements that were moving in and they needed to be disrupted. So this, I can't even remember who it was, but someone was like, someone needs to charge that position. And the unit they had handy was the Minnesota first 262 people. of them were killed or wounded in that charge.
00:21:23
Speaker
And they did it but like, all right, this has to be done. We're going to do it. They charged a position. And then after that, they continue to fight. And that's when they captured the ah the Confederate flag that is still held by the Minnesota Historical Society.
00:21:40
Speaker
and And has been refused to be handed back, even though this- Good on Minnesota. yeah Yes. yeah Yes. Multiple times it has been requested back from ah by Virginia and every Which, like, screw that, right? like and yeah people And it's governors from all over the political spectrum in Minnesota, too. Every one of them was like no.
00:22:01
Speaker
Including Jesse Ventura. Jesse Ventura. Jesse the body Ventura said no, which yeah that 100% checks out. Oh, yeah. and And one of the most like stark refusals to I can't remember exactly how it was worded, but someone was like, well, it's it's the ask for a back because, well, this is part of our heritage. and It's like Minnesotans bled and died for it. It's part of our heritage now. Yeah.
00:22:23
Speaker
yeah So that that was really cool to see. And also we found out the small unincorporated town my parents live in. My dad knew it's called Colville and he knew it was named after veteran somewhere. Turns out that was one of the survivors of this unit um was ah was Colonel Colville.
00:22:44
Speaker
And so he and well, well, my dad and I are standing there reading this plaque. My dad was wearing his Colville fire department hat because my dad's part of the the fire. He's a volunteer fire chief for the fire department there.
00:22:57
Speaker
And so that was a that was a very cool moment to kind of connect, you know, they're where they're at now and and kind of this piece of history. So that was so perhaps I was just thinking, Alex, like with your initial notes of kind of saying, you know, where am I?
00:23:15
Speaker
don't know. What is that kind of feeling like? Like, I mean, cause that's, yeah. I mean, you started with that, right? And it's like, we're going on this journey because I know you were talking about this trip with your, your parents. And I'm curious, is it, as it, yeah. Like where, where are you at? And no, I just, i sort of I lost a little bit of the, the plot that I was trying to make. I got distracted by the details of the trip. Cause it was a fun, it was a fun trip and it's, I love to talk about details. That's part of why I put on this podcast for so long.
00:23:45
Speaker
I love to chat. um But like part of that was after. I rode out with my parents and then my dad and I went to these two battlefields. We also then we met up with two friends of his. He plays well with currently and then three friends of mine that I used to play well with who are part of the same discord that i I do stuff with. And we went to the U.S.'s largest buffet in this like ish town, Shady Maple.
00:24:12
Speaker
which was, it was cool. It was kind of a cool, it was a cool place. But then I spent the next several days with those friends of mine. So rather than like my parents then did their thing and then drove home, I went and and spent Thursday night, Friday, and and all of Friday in Hanover.
00:24:30
Speaker
was Hanover. Some town, some town by Gettysburg with friends of mine. And then two people, the two people, ah Two of the three who were from Philly who came out for this as well gave me a ride back and then I flew home from Philly while they were driving home. They just dropped me off at the airport.
00:24:49
Speaker
So it's like part of that trip was it was spending a lot of time with my parents, particularly with my mom, who lately work has been. Well, and I say lately, the last six years or something like that, it's been a bit for her, has been a lot. It's been a lot. It's been trying. It's been tough. I know she she likes what she's been doing, but it's been a lot, which is why she said, OK,
00:25:10
Speaker
i'm I'm going to retire. And then she put in a six month notice to give plenty of time for them to, to work through the process of her not being there. Cause it's, it's going to be tough. um Yeah. How long has she been there? Oh, ah I almost a decade. I think it's less than a decade, but it's close. Like it's been a while.
00:25:29
Speaker
That's yes. And, and so there's a lot going on there and, So I have not, like she has, she doesn't come down as often. And there's, there's ah a lot of factors for but I think work is a big one where she, it's just tough to, when they're, they're far enough away, like my dad, I'll come down for a weekend and he'll, he'll take a half day Friday, come down and then go back Sunday morning. And so I'll get to see him for a day, day and a half, which, which is nice. And actually,
00:25:56
Speaker
for you know For a while, we were playing D&D. We were in a D&D group, so he'd come down and we'd we'd play D&D. But my mom just hasn't been down as often because of all of these factors. And so it was really nice to get to spend a lot of time with her, also to spend time with her in this sort of context, because I've never...
00:26:18
Speaker
We took like one road trip even close to this as a family. We we we had a cabin that was two hours away. So we'd do that. um We had, i had an uncle who was stationed were stationed in Arkansas for a while. So a few years we would drive to Arkansas for Thanksgiving. But that, we'd do that in one day. That was like a 15 hour drive. We'd do that in one day, stay for a long weekend, then drive home.
00:26:44
Speaker
And so this was a different, a whole different sort of style of of trip. And it was a lot of fun. And so, a getting some more connection there with my parents, but then also connecting with my friends. So my my two friends from Philly, I didn't get to see them last year because I didn't go out to our our little friend con. And so I haven't seen them for a year and a half. And then our our friend, other friend who lives in in Pennsylvania, I haven't seen him for five or six years because he hasn't been coming out to some of those events for various factors and things that he's been go he's had going on. And so it was just, it was a great little over a week of spending a bunch of time with people who are close to me that I care about, who I haven't gotten to spend a lot of time with lately.
00:27:33
Speaker
And so it's not really specifically answering your question of what does it feel like with where I'm at right now? Because that, I don't know that I have a good answer to it, Hobbs. That's kind of what I'm still working on.
00:27:45
Speaker
But i one of the things that I have kind of come to is, at least right now, I'm trying to prioritize spending time with the people I care about, both who live near me and in the immediate area and also spending, putting some priority on spending folk time with folks who I don't get to see very often. okay That's, that's why like coming into this year in January, I knew I had three big trips I wanted to do.
00:28:14
Speaker
And you know, if I was going to go to conventions, if I was going to go to magic events, if i was going to go to other things, that all was secondary to making sure that I got to those three events.
00:28:26
Speaker
And, I guess that's where I'm at right now, if that makes sense. I mean, it kind of does. like I think it fits in nicely with what Taya was saying, right? Like having something to look forward to or that you don't want to miss even in the face of like the others, the you know, the the horrors persist and so do I kind of peace.
00:28:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:52
Speaker
Yeah. Well, that sounds like you've had a pretty productive couple of weeks and gotten to do a lot of really interesting stuff.
00:29:04
Speaker
Um, you know, as I was kind of mentioning earlier, my, my big thing is coming up. I'm going to be traveling to Ireland for a week to spend with my girlfriend that lives there.
00:29:15
Speaker
I, I'm very anxious about the travel. I never like flying, especially really long flights like that. um But I'm looking forward to it and going to spend the first week of Pride Month being very gay with my girlfriend.
00:29:32
Speaker
ah
00:29:35
Speaker
Yeah. ah But ah yeah, it's as far as like kind of what's been keeping me There is just, it's been busy. This, this month has been really busy for me, especially I went to, uh, MagicCon Vegas at the beginning of the month, which was fun. I went with my son for the first time. ah he went to command fest with me last November in Tacoma and, uh, did pretty good there. So we decided to try, Vegas and he had a great time.
00:30:07
Speaker
ah we got to play, ah Not as much commander as I would have liked, but we did get to play at all the unknown events and that was a lot of fun. He really enjoyed that. I did too. And then I just got back from a week away for a work trip.
00:30:22
Speaker
Um, that I was in San Diego for a week. Oh gosh darn. Yeah. You know what though? The weather was like the same as Seattle's weather that week. So I really got ripped off. You did get ripped off. Like that's, yeah I would say that when we go to Arizona, we've had a couple of times we've gone to Arizona now in like February and it's been like fifties in Minnesota for some reason for that week. And I'm like, why did we leave?
00:30:48
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was like, it was unseasonably cold in San Diego that week. It was in the low seventies and cloudy most of the week I was there.
00:31:00
Speaker
Uh, and it was like, oh, this kind of feels like home. um but, uh, yeah, had a, had a good work trip, um, passed the certification exam for a work class that I took in December, um passed that last week. It's been you know, it's been a really busy month and I think that's just keeping busy helps my mental health a lot.
Taya's Personal Challenges with Partner's Health
00:31:23
Speaker
Um, but, you know, just kind of talking about things that, you know, ah a bigger lit level in just mental health in general is i had ah a really rough time earlier back in January where one of my partners was hospitalized for a week due to mental health issues.
00:31:43
Speaker
And there's still a lot of stigmatization around that. And, you know, it's something that I think is important to talk about because, you know, sometimes that's what needs to be done when somebody's in a really bad position.
00:31:58
Speaker
And, ah you know, we don't think we talk enough about when that level of care is needed and just not only on the person, but the effect that it has on their family as well.
00:32:11
Speaker
And, ah you know, that was a ah really hard time mentally for, you know, all of us to deal with and go through that. And thankfully, ah they're doing a lot better now. And they've had several good months. um And I think, you know, everything ended up being related to a medication reaction, ah which just shows, you know, how hard it is to get things like mental health medications. Correct. Yeah. how There's not a blood test. There's not something that's going to tell you like this is going to work or not. How bad some of the side effects can get if things are not working or if they don't work with your body.
00:32:55
Speaker
Uh, and, um, thankfully now that they're off that med and, uh, they're doing a lot better and we weren't sure they, they took them off of a several meds at once. And we weren't sure exactly what one it was that caused the problem, but, um, adjusting their meds afterwards, we, we identified exactly which one it was, uh, now. So we know what to avoid in the future.
00:33:21
Speaker
Um, but, um, that's all I want to just say from that is really just like, if you need the help get it because it's there. And sometimes you, you just like, I was just at a point where I couldn't help them. They needed that level of help to get through what they were going through.
00:33:40
Speaker
I used to work inpatient and i was, you know, like I worked with obviously worked with veterans. And so there's, I think a morbid sense of humor is kind of par for the course for a lot of that population. And I would tell people, you know, ah you you're like, you're you're leaving this inpatient unit. I hope to never see you again, like straight up.
00:34:00
Speaker
Right. But we're here. We're here. This this is needed. Like we need to have these services. And like and yes, I hope I never see you.
00:34:10
Speaker
And it was always the tough part of working inpatient. I can tell you that was we, you saw people like that, right. And it, it, it just were kind of at their worst and needed help.
00:34:21
Speaker
And then you don't necessarily get to see the other side. Yeah. Um, but, uh, yeah. And it was just, and it was hard, hard to deal with. I,
00:34:33
Speaker
ended up missing my big local con that i volunteer for every year because it just happened that everything, you know, came to a head at that weekend of the con.
00:34:46
Speaker
ah But I was, thankfully I had the support of my other partners and we all kind of supported each other through it. And it was, that really helped a lot, but. And I just thought it was important to talk about that while we're talking about mental health in general, because, you know, the the start of this year was really rough for me, ah but it's it's gotten a lot better. And, you know, I've got a lot to look forward to over the next few months.
00:35:11
Speaker
Yeah, I'm, um I kind of, it's funny, Alex. um I don't know. I am, I didn't write anything down, obviously. um In fact, I even mentioned to you both that we have discussed this, that we were recording tonight and then midway through the day, I forgot. Because ah the day after we were recording this, I am returning to work officially after 12 weeks off um that were off for both my mental health and my family's mental health with stuff that was going on.
00:35:39
Speaker
here in Minnesota ah with the presence of ah ICE, but also that the VA, um in their infinite wisdom and long-sightedness that should have been, had not made good plans for things that are being rolled out. And I, back in November, was basically just told one day by email, hey, you've been working with this team for over a decade um Even when you weren't officially working with them, they're basically the only team you've worked for or worked with because you were doing work with them even when you were came back to the Minneapolis VA after I had left for a couple of years and and in an unofficial capacity. This is basically all the work you've done.
00:36:23
Speaker
And ah we have to rebalance the teams and the easiest way we can do it is move one person. And so because your team doesn't have turnover, ah even though you're have more seniority than 80% of the psychologist at this hospital, you're being transferred to another team.
00:36:41
Speaker
We need your decision on what other team you would like to be transferred to. Basically they wanted it within a week and a half of telling me this. Um, with the simple acknowledgement of the only point of it, there was an acknowledgement there was, uh, this has never happened before.
00:36:58
Speaker
Now at no point was a personal meeting offered to me before this. um I got this email literally out of the blue on a Monday morning in the middle of my workday with no preparation, no warning, no even clue. We all knew that things have been changing. There's been a lot of upheaval and change at the VA, honestly, ah even before this administration, and it's just been accelerated.
00:37:25
Speaker
Yet this was never something that was discussed as even a possibility. And I found out by an email. And it it was when I was planning on coming back on the show. hum ah that was the you know That was kind of right after the, about a month after the Twin Cities Marathon, which I had taken off for,
00:37:44
Speaker
ah to train for as I was raising the money for suicide prevention last year, i needed the the break to be able to focus on that. And I was kind of ready to come back. And I literally, like i said, Monday after Thanksgiving got hit with, hi, this is happening to you.
Hobbs on Work Stress and Personal Limits
00:38:01
Speaker
And no, there wasn't even an offer to just meet in person and actually sit down and discuss any of it. And, you know, um, that, did not go well ah for me personally. um i I very much am not a person who's ah about, you know, like the, the thing that was said at some point was, well, I was letting you have your space. And I was like, you you should typically, you need to ask somebody if they want space, if you're going to drop something pretty significantly life altering on them. You don't, I, I, I'm just a person that I don't assume that giving spaces is default. Yeah.
00:38:40
Speaker
Right. Like, I think that are certain conversations that need to be had in person. um hu ah Yeah. So i it was shortly after that, um we went into the situation with ICE in Minnesota and it became clear that I I couldn't do my between.
00:39:03
Speaker
the changes that were being kind of literally forced upon me and then, ah everything that happened in, in Minneapolis, including the fact that my daughter goes to a Spanish immersion school, two blocks from where Renee good was killed.
00:39:18
Speaker
Um, I couldn't say that I could ethically keep doing my job because I didn't know that I could provide the best care. And it wasn't that I thought I would provide bad care or necessarily do harm, but I did not feel that I could be as good as I am able to.
00:39:38
Speaker
Um, and so I made the decision to reach out to my doctor. And I think this is one of those things, Taya, you know, I didn't necessarily need hospitalization. But going to work every day was not good, I was going to end up potentially in a situation where I did not want to be.
00:39:56
Speaker
um I was able to recognize that. i was able to recognize that the status quo and just going to work and feeling that every single day was the same as we didn't know what was going on around us.
00:40:09
Speaker
And with that, there's just this rolling ball of inertia as the, as I'm being told that things are going to happen to me at work on top of what's happening in my life around me, where I just said, I can't do it. And I reached out to my primary care doctor and was able to advocate to say, I need this time off.
00:40:28
Speaker
um Like, will you write the paperwork? Because ah you know I still have to have paperwork to be able to do this. um And I work in mental health. And I can guarantee you that I am well aware that there's probably judgment that's been had about me not being there.
00:40:45
Speaker
um There's a lot of people, I think, that talk about recovery-oriented care and this idea that, you know, you meet people where they're at, everybody is, you know, everybody can contribute. um You know, people with mental health problems are, you know, not a drain on society, whatever you want to say. ah There's people that work in that field that I think when it's their own colleague, I don't believe that that's always the case, that they believe that or or would offer that.
00:41:15
Speaker
um And so I do know that I'm going back into an environment. Well, ah we asked where I am. ah for the next two and a half months because I, it's kind of funny, Alex, you were mentioning your mom giving, you know, like beginning of the year. um but The decision was pretty quickly made that,
00:41:34
Speaker
Once I had the time off and had a much more flexible schedule and we saw improvements in certain areas of my ah family's life with me being able to, you know, take the kids to school later, not have them have to stay after school is late and all of this stuff that there were noticeable improvements.
00:41:57
Speaker
That the my current job at the VA, which is government work and historically super stable, but not known for their flexibility. And they don't have a part-time option. They don't have a flexible tour option.
00:42:12
Speaker
that I had to make a decision that I'm actually going to be opening my own private practice. ah Now I have things that I want to fa finish out that's important to me. you know I think about this as on this show or if you follow me on Blue Sky and hear me talk about anything,
00:42:33
Speaker
And it's really important to me that people live their values and they're working towards their value system. And um one of my values is that I pride myself on or or things that I strive towards is that i respect others and that i treat them with dignity and that I treat them with what i believe that they deserve.
00:42:53
Speaker
And so I plan to go back because I am working with a trainee. They are finishing out their training year. They have some projects that I am actually super excited about that we were working on.
00:43:04
Speaker
And I want to finish those up. I want to see those through, have that person be able to leave and then make it as hopefully smooth as it can be. Now, I don't know what that's going to be like.
00:43:15
Speaker
So by the time you're listening to this, I'll have a probably better idea. But I literally am going in tomorrow morning kind of almost blind um to what the expectations are or what people may be thinking I'm going to do. Right. Like I have to think.
00:43:33
Speaker
Well, I'm an overthinker, so I. my mind is saying, they have to assume that I'm probably not staying or it has to at least be on their radar. Now, is that true or not? I don't know.
00:43:47
Speaker
It would shock me if not. I mean, because, you know, I've been off for 12 weeks. um And the the the timing of me choosing to take that time off was directly correlated or related with stuff that was going on in both work life as much as I would say that there was personal life stuff going on. So...
00:44:07
Speaker
Yeah. um So my kind of like where I'm at right now is a very up in the air perspective because i have a safety net. I mean, that that I'm in a very privileged position that...
00:44:21
Speaker
we can even do this, that I can even take this risk. um But because of that, that I'm taking the risk and not just in this area. So one of the other things that I haven't talked about yet, um I also finally, after I think three or four years of talking about it, am releasing a Hobbs Q photography calendar.
00:44:43
Speaker
ah By the time this episode goes live, the Kickstarter for it will be live. um I just got approval on it shortly before we started recording tonight that it was accepted as ah you know like Kickstarter has to approve the projects and it was accepted. I started a website selling my some of my photos. Now it's it's limited. I only have about 30 or 40 images up, but I have been talking about doing some of this stuff even as just a ah secondary kind of thing or a project that I wanted to accomplish for years.
00:45:18
Speaker
Uh, and that was the thing that was important to me about taking the 12 weeks off that I did. i think it wasn't necessarily, i think pay ah there was some of that, that I wanted activities and things planned and, uh, you know, like shoebox. And I wanted to make sure that I was, I made a trip out to Boston for an event called brew con, which happened at the same time as, uh, Vegas, but I wanted to make sure that I had a couple of things to look forward to.
00:45:44
Speaker
But the other thing was that I didn't want to just take this time off and sit around and do kind of like nothing. Right. um I wanted to use it. Well, for one, we were going to make a decision fairly early on.
Hobbs' Future Plans and Milestones
00:45:57
Speaker
Is this just these 12 weeks? And then you need to say goodbye to something that you've done for over a decade. That's why it struck me, Alex. And that's why I kind of I asked you about the amount of time for your mom.
00:46:09
Speaker
Because, yeah, I've got over ah by time I leave all of it, of like over 13 years of service. Right. And i I never planned on that not being a full 20 something years at the VA. So.
00:46:23
Speaker
I told myself that if I was taking that time off and I made these decisions, I really wanted to do some of the stuff that I have talked about for years. That I have found reasons not to do.
00:46:35
Speaker
And those are those are happening. So i'm i'm'm this episode hit at like a perfect time when kind of Taya suggested, we haven't done this in a while, kind of like a where are you thing. And for me, um more so than the other two, obviously, you've been hearing them.
00:46:51
Speaker
You haven't been hearing me. you know So there's a lot that I basically needed to catch up with the listeners about and and discuss.
00:47:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:09
Speaker
You got a lot going on, Hobbs. you do And I think it's really awesome what you're doing. The the Kickstarter, that's like you're putting your work out there. It's really big. Your work's amazing. You've shown it to us. I can't wait for people to see this. Yeah.
00:47:25
Speaker
um, it's going to be so cool. and then starting your own practice is huge. That's a big step. Uh, I'm really proud of you for taking that stuff. That's.
00:47:36
Speaker
Thank you both. I mean, yeah, I mean, we've, we've talked about imposter syndrome over and over and over again, and I've had nothing but feedback from people I trust that's been overwhelmingly positive. And yet,
00:47:51
Speaker
All I can think about is nope, now I really am going to be an imposter. I'm a private practice small business owner, right? like Yeah. ah and like And yet, brains are still jerks. Brains are still jerks, yeah. yeah I got feedback from like somebody that is an amazing artist.
00:48:12
Speaker
It wasn't like, a oh, your work is nice. It was like a detailed paragraph. And my brain's first instinct was to say, yeah but this person is just an incredibly kind a human being.
00:48:29
Speaker
So, like, they would have said this even if my work sucked, right? Like, I have no reason to think that that's true. But my brain thought it right away. Mm-hmm.
00:48:39
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:48:42
Speaker
Brains are giant assholes.
00:48:46
Speaker
You have been listening to the Goblin Lore Podcast. Goblin Lore can be found on Blue Sky at GoblinLorePod or by going to our link tree for all of our links, especially to our Discord and our discounts.
00:48:59
Speaker
We welcome all feedback through social media or by joining our Discord, which is very active. And now, goblins, I just want to remind you that goblins, like snowflakes, are only dangerous in numbers.