Transcript
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Fuck.
Speaker: This book sucks.
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: I'm just going to go off of that.
Speaker: Do you know what else sucks?
Speaker: What's that?
Speaker: Hey, everybody.
Speaker: Welcome to Pixel It.
Speaker: I'm your host, Phil Whitby, and as always, it's Kevin.
Speaker: How'd I do?
Speaker: How'd I do?
Speaker: Was that good?
Speaker: That was good.
Speaker: We're changing it up on you, folks.
Speaker: We're keeping you on your toes because this book fucking sucks.
Speaker: This book fucked us up.
Speaker: I needed to help Kevin with title duties because while I do not have a dog in the Dark Souls fight, Kevin has several dogs and he's given them all names and lovingly stroked them and made sure that their coats were glossy and fed them the really expensive all beef dog food.
Speaker: And then he watched as each and every one of them was decapitated.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I have dogs and I have hills that I will die on.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I have pick your metaphor for whatever.
Speaker: I'm going to, we're going to use it because.
Speaker: It's happening.
Speaker: Michael Stackpole, insert Obi-Wan, you are the chosen one.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, man.
Speaker: Oh, man.
Speaker: We've learned a lot about adaptation and write for hire stuff.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And you know what was funny is after last week's episode, we went on Twitter, which I don't know if Twitter is going to exist by the time this episode.
Speaker: Is it still there?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Is it still there?
Speaker: We don't know.
Speaker: We're in the past.
Speaker: This episode is coming out in the future.
Speaker: Oh, man.
Speaker: Went on Twitter and I checked.
Speaker: I was like, check.
Speaker: I went to Michael Stackpole's Twitter account.
Speaker: My man didn't do even his own tweet about the book coming out.
Speaker: He retweeted the publisher's tweet about the book coming out.
Speaker: Said not a single word about it after that.
Speaker: So I can only imagine that everybody is basically in agreement that, you know what?
Speaker: it's out and we're moving on.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: It's starting to think that this was a new car or a used car at very least.
Speaker: Something like that.
Speaker: He needed some house payments.
Speaker: He saw an opportunity, took them.
Speaker: And you know what?
Speaker: I can't fault you for making your paper, but good Lord, being that this is the first ever...
Speaker: First, I would probably say it's probably going to be the only Dark Souls book.
Speaker: I hope so.
Speaker: At this rate, we have not gotten off to a good start here.
Speaker: Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: It's upsetting.
Speaker: It's frustrating because I know after I'm done with this, what I'm going to end up doing is I'm going to have to go back and read some of Stackpole's like Battletech or Shadowrun books or his Star Wars shit.
Speaker: Go read some Rogue Squadron shit.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Because dude can write.
Speaker: We know he can write.
Speaker: Like, so just, you know, he's a legend.
Speaker: The man is a legend.
Speaker: And so everyone gets one.
Speaker: I think he used to follow you on Twitter.
Speaker: He briefly did.
Speaker: Yeah, I did make a video on the Satanic Panic.
Speaker: that did pretty well on YouTube.
Speaker: And he followed me briefly.
Speaker: He did actually get into the comments and chat with me a little bit and talk about those days and stuff.
Speaker: And he was super humble and sweet about the whole thing.
Speaker: Like he was, you know, he said, uh,
Speaker: You know, he said, he said, look, you know, he basically said that he didn't have a lot of a grudge against the people that he was debating so much because, you know, as he put it, he was like, we didn't have Twitter back then.
Speaker: There was no social media back then.
Speaker: Like news spread slow.
Speaker: And, you know, it was just it was a different time.
Speaker: And so I was just trying to get the disinformation out, you know, trying to remove it.
Speaker: Very cool guy.
Speaker: That's what's so frustrating about this.
Speaker: He's such a cool dude.
Speaker: And he's a good writer.
Speaker: And this is clearly just a paycheck.
Speaker: Like, it has to be.
Speaker: I have to believe that that's what it is.
Speaker: So, yeah.
Speaker: So we're going to get into it.
Speaker: Just be forewarned.
Speaker: We were supposed to record this a few days ago and then we both were, you know, tired and we canceled.
Speaker: But neither of us are really like fresh on what we just read.
Speaker: And that's probably for the better.
Speaker: Yeah, probably.
Speaker: So we're just going to power right through this chapter 26.
Speaker: By the way, last episode.
Speaker: I said that they picked out a kid to take.
Speaker: They didn't pick out a kid to take.
Speaker: They picked out a kid's doll to take.
Speaker: A doll, yeah.
Speaker: And they're going to, in chapter 26, they talk about how they're going to take the doll and they're going to cover it in like a bassinet or whatever and be like, oh, the most beautiful child of all time is in this doll.
Speaker: And you cannot look upon...
Speaker: So basically they're trying to, it's almost like a reverse Emperor's new clothes or something like that.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, it makes sense because you guys remember that famous Dark Souls side quest where you do persuasion rolls to trick a queen into thinking that your bassinet full of hay is an actual child.
Speaker: I mean, that's clearly what this is about.
Speaker: Clearly, this is a callback to that.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Like, it was, yeah, very much that.
Speaker: So, they're sad.
Speaker: They're going back and they're sad.
Speaker: Chapter 27.
Speaker: LAUGHTER
Speaker: You weren't fucking around.
Speaker: We are clipping along here.
Speaker: We're trying to clip along.
Speaker: That's all that happens.
Speaker: They talk about that.
Speaker: They're going to try to trick her and they're sad.
Speaker: A lot of talking.
Speaker: Chapter 27.
Speaker: They're still talking.
Speaker: And then they get to Queen Queen Pretty Face.
Speaker: Pretty Face McGee.
Speaker: Pretty Face McGoo.
Speaker: They do the thing that they say they're going to do.
Speaker: And the queen is like, all right, I believe you.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it does lead to kind of a fucked up scene, I do have to say, as a writer of horror.
Speaker: It does have... Honestly, if Dark Souls was more of an adventure game, what happens after that, I was like, okay, that actually isn't... Like, it's basically...
Speaker: Her whole thing is the queen has to wear this mask to hide her face from everyone because the idea is if they saw how radiant she was, they would blow their brains out.
Speaker: It would be too much.
Speaker: It's like the Metatron of God, the voice of God.
Speaker: You need someone to speak between you because it's too much.
Speaker: And so they basically say, this baby's the same way, so you can't look at the baby.
Speaker: It's hidden under this blanket.
Speaker: And so she's like, cool, let's stab it.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And so that's the big reveal is that beautiful children aren't actually cared for.
Speaker: They're murdered.
Speaker: And ugly children are sent away to a really nice town.
Speaker: Ugly children are sent away.
Speaker: Beautiful children are killed.
Speaker: We're just looking for the mid kids.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: We're looking for the average babies.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Six out of 10 at best.
Speaker: Six.
Speaker: We're looking for sixes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Seven's pushing it.
Speaker: Eight.
Speaker: You're going to die.
Speaker: You know, you're going to die too much.
Speaker: Too much.
Speaker: Find yourself a butter face and get married in this kingdom.
Speaker: That's in this kingdom.
Speaker: And you're good to go.
Speaker: The they stabbed the baby and the quote unquote baby.
Speaker: And they're like, well, there's no blood.
Speaker: And on the spot, Johnny on the spot, I think fairness is like,
Speaker: Well, it's too beautiful to bleed.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The baby's so perfect, it didn't even bleed.
Speaker: And they're like, everybody else is like, yeah, that checks out.
Speaker: Yeah, cool.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Because we live in a mystical, magical Grimm's fairy tale world in Dark Souls.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: The...
Speaker: We're like playing by, it's seriously, we've talked about this before, but this book plays by like Germanic fairy tale rules.
Speaker: Yeah, this is some Brothers Grimm played, this is Brothers Grimm Mad Libs at this point.
Speaker: Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker: God, it just, which again, as I have pointed out, and I'm not done pointing it out, I'll point it out again tonight, but like, which would be fine if it was its own thing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But I feel, I can't help but feel like this is distinctly not souls-like.
Speaker: I can't help but think maybe that's what's happening.
Speaker: Is the first two thirds of the book I could get with, it would be fine if it's own thing.
Speaker: But this last third of the book, it wouldn't even be fine if it's own thing.
Speaker: This is both bad for Dark Souls thematically.
Speaker: But also-
Speaker: just not great generally.
Speaker: Like there's a lot of leaps and twists and turns that we're going to get to that just.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But long story short, this story falls down a mudslide and breaks every boat on its way to the sea.
Speaker: It just doesn't work out.
Speaker: It's the, it's that episode of the Simpsons where Homer's being airlifted out of the Canyon and he keeps hitting his head against the side of the Canyon.
Speaker: It's such a mess.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then they lift him back up again and just drop him all over again.
Speaker: Like, it's just.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: So chapter 28.
Speaker: So chapter 28.
Speaker: Yeah, they they they do that.
Speaker: And chapter 28.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: They are in a. They're in a. Hold on.
Speaker: Let me just make sure.
Speaker: I think I think you might have not that you skipped too far ahead.
Speaker: Oh, 27.
Speaker: No, no.
Speaker: We're in 27.
Speaker: They leave and they are they get to a town in the next kingdom over.
Speaker: And this town is being attacked by hollows.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And they do what any lawful good does.
Speaker: They kill the hollows.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: And then a guy comes up and he's like, well, what company do you fight for?
Speaker: And they're like, none.
Speaker: And he's like, well, you're under arrest for fighting without sanction.
Speaker: Because we're now in like...
Speaker: It's like, it was like, wow, this, it suddenly feels like, um, outer worlds.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's got a very distinctly like capitalism, bad, uh, uh, uh, outer worlds kind of like satire vibe to it, which don't get me wrong.
Speaker: I can totally get behind.
Speaker: I can get behind.
Speaker: It just, I wasn't, I wasn't expecting it.
Speaker: It absolutely makes me, it made me think of that, uh, the, what was it in outer worlds?
Speaker: The person kills themselves and they worked for this company.
Speaker: And so that was considered damage to property.
Speaker: There was damaging company property.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Like, so they're like, they're, they're not upset that he died.
Speaker: They're upset that he damaged company property.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Next of kin has to pay or something.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And that's what the, yeah, this, this whole new level.
Speaker: Cause let's face it.
Speaker: That's where we're at.
Speaker: It's a new level.
Speaker: It has a lot of that vibe to it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So they're the town they're in is, uh, best Southwest grain Valley.
Speaker: What the fuck?
Speaker: Best Southwest Grain Valley.
Speaker: I don't even know what to say to that.
Speaker: It sounds like a salad dressing, but I shouldn't have it.
Speaker: That for those of you, for those kids, that's an Arrested Development reference.
Speaker: And it was funny before you were born.
Speaker: Oh, man.
Speaker: And then they tried to bring it back and it sucked.
Speaker: Three times.
Speaker: There's been there's like there's like a bunch of seasons beyond.
Speaker: Really?
Speaker: I only watched that first new one on Netflix.
Speaker: No, no, there's two.
Speaker: There's two.
Speaker: There's four and five.
Speaker: Five is apparently a closer to a return to form.
Speaker: OK.
Speaker: And they re-edited.
Speaker: They re-edited season four, apparently.
Speaker: OK.
Speaker: Because it was told in some weird nonlinear fashion that was just like terrible.
Speaker: No, it was bad.
Speaker: Mitch Hurwitz wasn't happy with how it turned out after they released it.
Speaker: So he went back and he like recut the entire fourth season to be like more linear.
Speaker: Like guys, sometimes there are worse things that you can do than remember something in a nice way.
Speaker: Sometimes you can just remember how good Firefly was and it got screwed and we just leave it at that.
Speaker: And we don't have to fuck with that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We don't need.
Speaker: That's fine.
Speaker: We don't need Joss Whedon to do anything else.
Speaker: No, we do not.
Speaker: There's a role playing game for it.
Speaker: You make your own adventures.
Speaker: Go on.
Speaker: Make your own cool adventure.
Speaker: Make your own adventures.
Speaker: Go out.
Speaker: Also, what's it?
Speaker: The movie pretty much was like the end.
Speaker: It wrapped it up.
Speaker: They wrapped everything up in the movie.
Speaker: You don't need any more.
Speaker: We don't need to bring it back.
Speaker: Come on.
Speaker: They can't take the sky away from you, you wacky nerds.
Speaker: They can't take.
Speaker: I do love that song, though.
Speaker: It's a good song.
Speaker: It's a good song.
Speaker: See, we're already like waxing nostalgic on two TV series that were better than this book.
Speaker: We are in a lot of trouble.
Speaker: We are 13 minutes in.
Speaker: We are off track.
Speaker: That anyway, they're in, they're basically in this town, they're arrested and they're like, well, you know, this guy is, is the king's brother.
Speaker: King, is it, how did you pronounce this in your mind's ear?
Speaker: Dollar?
Speaker: Dollar?
Speaker: Dollar?
Speaker: Dollar is what I heard in my head.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Uh, King Dolored is, um, they're like, Hey, we know King Dolored.
Speaker: And they're like, well, that doesn't matter.
Speaker: You broke the law.
Speaker: Um, we don't give a shit.
Speaker: He, they meet the captain.
Speaker: Uh, Balerion basically says, well, fuck it.
Speaker: What if I fight for my freedom?
Speaker: And, uh, that night, um,
Speaker: What's his face?
Speaker: The dead guy is the main character.
Speaker: Pharaonus.
Speaker: Pharaonus.
Speaker: He basically says, I think we're, yeah, we're in chapter 29 now.
Speaker: So that's the thing.
Speaker: Not much is interesting as actually happening.
Speaker: I summed up chapter 28 in 10 seconds.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They're arrested.
Speaker: They say they want to do a thing.
Speaker: Yeah, they get arrested.
Speaker: You gotta fight these guys.
Speaker: So they're staying overnight and they're watching the guys train and Farinos points out and be like, aha, I think I know why you are going to win tomorrow.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: But we don't actually, he doesn't say it.
Speaker: He just cuts it tomorrow.
Speaker: And he has to fight.
Speaker: Tomorrow happens.
Speaker: He has to fight eight champions.
Speaker: And the final one will be Captain Vanya.
Speaker: Vanya.
Speaker: Vivanya.
Speaker: There we go.
Speaker: Captain Vivanya will be the final fight.
Speaker: And then if he wins all of them, they'll take him to go see Dallared.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And he starts fighting and he's just easily beating everybody that he and they're not fights to the death.
Speaker: It's only a fight to the death for him.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Everybody else, he just has to get their sash off.
Speaker: They're like, yeah, it's it's touch football for everybody but him.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So he's and he's just like whipping the sash off of everybody because what what Farinos pointed out is like, oh, these people don't know how to actually fight.
Speaker: Yeah, they've only ever they've practiced their moves only on hollows.
Speaker: They've never actually fought against somebody else wielding a weapon and Balerion has.
Speaker: So he just whoops ass and then he gets his all the way up to Vavanya and Vavanya is like, yeah, we don't have to do this.
Speaker: Here's my sash.
Speaker: Let's yeah.
Speaker: It's like, yeah, it's like that one bearded cowboy at the end of fucking Tombstone where they're like taking all the cowboys out and he finally just gives up and throws his red sash over his shoulder.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: She's like, now fuck this.
Speaker: See, there I go again talking about a better piece of media than what we're on.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So that happens.
Speaker: And then they set out the next day and the journey to the capital takes a fortnight.
Speaker: And they talk more about the they talk about this.
Speaker: There's a random aside where we were at the Academy Z long where they're watching people train.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And Krotha, not Krotha, Pharaonis is getting some flashback.
Speaker: Things seem familiar when he sees scorpions.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And yeah, they're they're they're just watching people train.
Speaker: It's.
Speaker: Chapter 31.
Speaker: Is this when they do the reenactment of how the Academy came to be and everything?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I thought that was kind of cool.
Speaker: I thought that was pretty good.
Speaker: Yeah, it's fine.
Speaker: Yeah, it's fine.
Speaker: You get a little bit of mythology.
Speaker: It was around this time, because I think that was the thing.
Speaker: At this point, I was like, well, this section is super combat heavy, so that's at least more usual.
Speaker: And then I realized, I was like, oh, okay, we're just going down the skill trees over here.
Speaker: We had like...
Speaker: We have the clever intelligence one and then we have the charm level and now we're on the physical level.
Speaker: It's just it's just standard gaming tropes.
Speaker: So standard gaming tropes and they the scorpion must have been a fighter of prodigious skills.
Speaker: So they they, you know, they get we get the play within the play of how all this stuff happened and all this stuff came to be with the scorpion and the king and the whatnot and the who now and we're in chapter 31 and they're at the capital.
Speaker: sprawled at the heart of a broad, flat, red earth valley, which actually sounds like there's one of the biomes in Elden Ring was kind of looked like that.
Speaker: I'll give it a stack poll.
Speaker: The one thing that he does do well that seems to fit, now don't get me wrong, I think this is a coincidence, but it does seem to fit the Dark Souls aspect is the exploration vibe.
Speaker: You do see a lot of different biomes and a lot of different levels, so to speak, and he does a decent job of painting that picture.
Speaker: I think that's pretty good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But there are no 30 foot tall monsters in them for you to fight.
Speaker: No, there aren't.
Speaker: Not a single not a single dragon.
Speaker: I just realized.
Speaker: Like no big nasty monsters like a lot of little ones.
Speaker: And then like gold monsters, which I, that didn't freak me out.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You know, that's the thing, the creature design in Dark Souls and like that stuff is fucking excellent.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And we don't really get a lot of that in this.
Speaker: So they arrive at the capital and they see that Dolorid has dedicated the land to the god of war, Wirvar.
Speaker: And there's a lot of scorpion iconography.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Well, yeah.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Remind me, did they actually tell the scorpion story in this at one point?
Speaker: Like they've talked a lot of fables and shit, but did they actually earlier in the book tell the story of the frog and the scorpion?
Speaker: Didn't they?
Speaker: No, no, they didn't.
Speaker: I don't believe they actually said frog and the scorpion.
Speaker: No, but like it was a version of it, right?
Speaker: I feel like they did that early on.
Speaker: Maybe they talk a lot.
Speaker: There's a lot of discussion.
Speaker: They do talk a lot.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: They talk a lot.
Speaker: There's a lot of discussion about what the scorpion was in relation to everyone else.
Speaker: Like basically the scorpion was supposed to act as the adversary to the Knights of Virtue because you can't have only virtue.
Speaker: You have to have like the scorpion was the evil knight.
Speaker: uh, actor, uh, in the worlds that needed to fuck things up in order for the Knights of Virtue.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: The other, um, and the Scorpion also reported to the King.
Speaker: Um, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: It wasn't like the Scorpion was out to get the King.
Speaker: It kind of does have that vibe of like, you know, it was just the, the, the, you, you find out that, um, if you read the actual train, the oldest translations and stuff of the old Testament and everything like that, you find out that, uh,
Speaker: Al-Shaitan or whatever Satan comes from is actually like just means the prosecutor.
Speaker: It's just like an angel whose job is to fuck with humanity and he actually works for God.
Speaker: The adversary, just somebody who's there to, you know, to fuck shit up.
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: But he still reports to God at the end of the day.
Speaker: That's interesting.
Speaker: So they meet, I keep wanting to say, Dolorous Ed.
Speaker: Who is a minor to medium-sized Game of Thrones character.
Speaker: That is a deep cut.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I was wondering what was hitching you on that name every time.
Speaker: But that actually, now that you say that, I'm never not going to be able to hear that in my head.
Speaker: Oh, fuck.
Speaker: And I like the actor who plays Dollar's Ed, too.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's pretty.
Speaker: So that is who I saw in my face.
Speaker: That's hilarious.
Speaker: Is this guy.
Speaker: That's.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Holy fucking shit.
Speaker: That's perfect.
Speaker: Oh, that's perfect, actually.
Speaker: That does work when you think about it.
Speaker: Dollar is Ed Tallett.
Speaker: Ben Crompton.
Speaker: Yeah, he looks like a, I feel like he, he looks like a dude that was in, in Banner Brothers.
Speaker: Very much so.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And Dolorous just means sad.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Just gloomy.
Speaker: Gloomy.
Speaker: Gloomy Gus.
Speaker: Easy gloomy Gus.
Speaker: Dolorous Ed.
Speaker: Please.
Speaker: Gloomy Gus is my father.
Speaker: I'm Dolorous Ed.
Speaker: Very English version.
Speaker: No, his cousin's Gloomy Gus, his American cousin.
Speaker: His American cousin, Gloomy Gus.
Speaker: I'm taller, isn't it?
Speaker: And his friend from London goes by Bit Sad, innit?
Speaker: Bit Sad, innit.
Speaker: Bit Sad, innit?
Speaker: Let's do our best to alienate all of our British listeners.
Speaker: You won't, Mike.
Speaker: Um...
Speaker: So they meet Dollar Said and they're like, hey, ooh, hey, what's up?
Speaker: And they're having a conversation and he's like, hey, you're my brother.
Speaker: Whoa, hey.
Speaker: Whoa, hey, you're my bro.
Speaker: I'm giving this book the exact level of respect that it deserves.
Speaker: And like, oh, everybody, like everybody else, Doloret is like, yeah, I need you to go on a quest for the key of might.
Speaker: But first, we're going to, you know, you guys got to build up an army.
Speaker: You know, we got to get this because it's going to be a tough fight.
Speaker: So let's build up an army and we're going to get things ready to go and we're going to make plans.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: And meanwhile, Doloret is like, hey, Farinos, you want to join me?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And Farinos is like,
Speaker: No, thank you.
Speaker: I don't think that's something I'm going to do.
Speaker: That's not.
Speaker: No, I think we're good.
Speaker: I'm with your brother.
Speaker: Yeah, so they... It's basically the first bit of interesting shit Farinos has to deal with in the entire book.
Speaker: And the entire thing is somebody pulling him aside and saying, hey, I could use a man like you.
Speaker: Like, for a dude who's ostensibly our protagonist, he has had nothing to do.
Speaker: He is.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He is the what's his fuck from Great Gatsby.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's the Nick Carraway.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: He's the Nick Carraway.
Speaker: I think we said that in like the first episode.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's Mark from Rent.
Speaker: Twice as repellent.
Speaker: So then we get a little bit of a time jump.
Speaker: There's like four days later, not like a time jump like in the other moments where it's like suddenly 20 years past or something like that.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It's it's like for the better part of a week, they're just they're feasting and they're getting the armies together.
Speaker: and stuff like that and they're getting ready to go and Philasnia Philasnia Philasnia that's a good name too though
Speaker: Flessy.
Speaker: Philissina falls ill and can't go with them.
Speaker: And they're like, all right.
Speaker: Balerion's super sad about it, clearly.
Speaker: And then, uh-oh.
Speaker: They're about to leave and Pharaonus, oh boy, the ring that he's wearing, he reveals that it actually has the Scorpion logo on it.
Speaker: And he's like, aha, seize Balerion.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: I am the bad guy.
Speaker: I'm a baddie.
Speaker: I'm a baddie.
Speaker: And Vanya is like, okay.
Speaker: I'm sure that this is, you know, totally what's happening.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So we get a little bit of a thing where they, so they take Balerion down, they tie him up.
Speaker: And they're like, oh, we got them.
Speaker: You know, don't worry.
Speaker: We're all good here.
Speaker: How are you?
Speaker: And then Farroness reveals that it's all a ploy.
Speaker: Basically, it takes like three pages.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We don't need any real suspense or just dig.
Speaker: No, we're good.
Speaker: We're good.
Speaker: Those steaks are just thrown on the grill right away.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Well done.
Speaker: Well done steaks by Dark Souls.
Speaker: By Dark Souls.
Speaker: Have your Dark Souls steaks today.
Speaker: Join your Dark Souls subscription box steaks today.
Speaker: basically, Faraday's been spending days just walking around the compound and finding, like, all these hidden passageways and stuff like that.
Speaker: It's kind of like the moment in Game of Thrones, spoilers for Game of Thrones, where Tyrion finds out that there's a hidden passageway from wherever he is into basically his dad's bedchamber.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And he kills...
Speaker: It's actually literally that scene.
Speaker: Now that I think about it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So they go in and they find that Phil Sina and Dolored have been fucking.
Speaker: And that they've always been together.
Speaker: And this was always the plan.
Speaker: She faked a sick day.
Speaker: She faked a sick day.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And they listen in on the plan and basically Captain Vivania swears allegiance to Balerion and they go in there and Crotha shows up and
Speaker: He attacks Philissina, who's... She actually wasn't... She didn't have fidelity to anyone but herself.
Speaker: But herself.
Speaker: She was a knight of fidelity, but it was fidelity for herself.
Speaker: Which isn't... I mean, that's not a bad thing, is it?
Speaker: No, but in this case... I guess...
Speaker: I guess I hear.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Was it Jonesy has an opinion?
Speaker: That was Ripley.
Speaker: Ripley.
Speaker: She, she, she does this thing where she'll find a toy.
Speaker: We found out this is the same kind of instinct that gets an animal, a cat to leave like a dead bird on your stoop or something like that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They pick up a toy and she'll like put it in her mouth and scream around it.
Speaker: Like she's not a quiet cat.
Speaker: And she makes herself extra loud because she has this thing in her mouth.
Speaker: And so she figures she needs to amplify.
Speaker: And she wanders through the house going.
Speaker: Ah.
Speaker: Like around this toy until she finds one of you and drops it at your feet.
Speaker: And the whole idea is she's trying to show you how to be a better hunter.
Speaker: See, I killed it and I held it in my mouth.
Speaker: Why don't you do that more?
Speaker: I'm worried about you.
Speaker: You're so skinny.
Speaker: I'm worried about you.
Speaker: Eat.
Speaker: Eat.
Speaker: Eat.
Speaker: Cats are Italian grandmothers is what I'm saying.
Speaker: That's exactly it.
Speaker: So, Phil Sina dies.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Valerian kills.
Speaker: They kill her.
Speaker: She doesn't just like up and croak.
Speaker: She just died.
Speaker: She just died.
Speaker: I wasn't actually faking it, I'm dying.
Speaker: She dies in consumption.
Speaker: I'm dying.
Speaker: She just flattens out into a board in midair and lands on her back and there's lilies in her hands.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: And you hear her as she lays there.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It was weird.
Speaker: The book's got a tone problem.
Speaker: What can I say?
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, then her ghost comes out and Judge Doom is very upset.
Speaker: Talk about that.
Speaker: That was a movie that made me have to leave the theater.
Speaker: Yeah, that is.
Speaker: I mean, hey, Christopher Lloyd.
Speaker: God, he really...
Speaker: Did you see he just posted a picture of him and Michael J. Fox?
Speaker: I did.
Speaker: Like hugging.
Speaker: God.
Speaker: That's so cute.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: He's not doing a whole lot.
Speaker: You need more of some shit on the internet.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: Christopher Lloyd isn't doing a whole lot other than I mean occasionally he plays the live action version of Rick Sanchez in commercials.
Speaker: Oh yeah.
Speaker: I guess he does do that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: because it's based Rick Sanchez is based on his character so why not he's getting paid fuck it
Speaker: So anyway, they there's there's fighting back and forth.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Crotha Crotha kills Philcina.
Speaker: Flasnia.
Speaker: Anyway, she's dead.
Speaker: Dolorous Ed gets killed by Balerion, and that is good enough for the key of might to transfer.
Speaker: That's that's going to have to do.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's a kitty.
Speaker: She about lost her mind.
Speaker: She was not happy the door was closed.
Speaker: Now she's getting all squirmy.
Speaker: She really is.
Speaker: She's been very, very zoomy today.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: So people are dead.
Speaker: People are dead.
Speaker: Balerion has the key of might.
Speaker: He has all the keys now.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: You know, I was just looking at the pictures behind you.
Speaker: And, you know, I think you need a picture of the Fresno nightcrawlers.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: I do have my.
Speaker: Because you have the Flatwoods Monster.
Speaker: The Flatwoods Monster there.
Speaker: I went to the Flatwoods Monster Museum in West Virginia.
Speaker: On my way back from Pittsburgh one year.
Speaker: And it was every bit as like roadside attraction in one of the spookiest, most abandoned towns I'd ever been in.
Speaker: And I bought all of their merch.
Speaker: It was outstanding.
Speaker: You know what would be awesome?
Speaker: If I could, if I had the money, I would commission the artist from Spooky Stories to Tell in the Dark to just draw a book of the North American cryptids.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Why did I say Kryptids?
Speaker: Kryptids.
Speaker: Kryptids.
Speaker: You want a book full of Kryptids?
Speaker: Let's get you a book full of Kryptids.
Speaker: Steven Schwartz.
Speaker: Yeah, he's an amazing illustrator.
Speaker: I would seriously read the shit out of that.
Speaker: That would be awesome.
Speaker: Jersey Devil, Flatwoods Monster, Mothman, Fresno Nightcrawlers.
Speaker: Some of the best.
Speaker: All the classics.
Speaker: The classics.
Speaker: Fresno Nightcrawlers, which are basically just like walking pants.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: The cartoonist who does Sarah's scribbles.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: It's a cryptid club or something.
Speaker: Yeah, it's like these, like the Fresno nightcrawlers are like walking as if they're walking down like the runway or something.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: It's great.
Speaker: God, she's funny as hell.
Speaker: She's so good.
Speaker: More media that we like better than this.
Speaker: I know we're almost done.
Speaker: We're almost done.
Speaker: So basically they decide they are going to go free the king.
Speaker: They're going to go do it and they're going up north.
Speaker: back up north to the Valley of the Dead.
Speaker: And I kind of skipped a chapter, but nothing of consequence happened in it.
Speaker: Not really.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: It's more talking about what they're going to do.
Speaker: It's talking about what they're going to do and what just happened.
Speaker: Like they're discussing Philissina and like the scorpion and
Speaker: Pharaonosis, you know, choice to fake betray that it's like, it's the, I feel like that's kind of the format this book has taken.
Speaker: We have a chapter of stuff happening and then we have a chapter of stuff where they discuss, let's talk about what just happened.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's, it's like the, it's the corporate presentation version of, of storytelling.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Tell them what you're going to tell them, tell them, tell them what you tell them.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Repeat.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: For those of you who watch RuPaul's Drag Race, every other chapter is an episode of Untucked, essentially.
Speaker: Let's just have a drink and talk about what's happening and spill the tea, but not nearly as interesting.
Speaker: So yeah, that's exactly what it is.
Speaker: You missed very little in that chapter.
Speaker: So yeah.
Speaker: So they're in the Valley of the Dead, which, again, visually, the Valley of Dead is like one of the coolest things.
Speaker: It's like the most dark souls.
Speaker: There's like these jagged obsidian like rocks that are just jutting up from the
Speaker: from the ground as if they had erupted at some point.
Speaker: There's dead, there's bleached skeletons everywhere.
Speaker: It's pretty fucking metal.
Speaker: Yeah, it is.
Speaker: It's, it's the most metal thing in this book.
Speaker: And they're,
Speaker: They basically they see a carving which looks like Malarian and somebody with a death's head, which is supposed to be Varanose.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And they figure out how to get in.
Speaker: There's like a door.
Speaker: There's like a two sentence puzzle or something like that.
Speaker: And they open the door.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's not very.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's not very interesting.
Speaker: But they continue in and there's the three keys that he has to give up.
Speaker: And there is the key of gold.
Speaker: What was the first key again?
Speaker: Oh, I don't remember.
Speaker: It's key of beauty, key of might.
Speaker: I remember that one.
Speaker: What was the first one?
Speaker: Was it the key of gold?
Speaker: Something like that.
Speaker: I mean, it was the gold level, if you will.
Speaker: It was the gold level.
Speaker: So that would be the thing.
Speaker: The key of economics, you know.
Speaker: The key of economics.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Basically.
Speaker: Oh, so yes, it's the key of gold.
Speaker: He has to he has to use the key of gold to unlock the door.
Speaker: And part of the thing is that it like melts off of him.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And and disappears.
Speaker: And each of the tests that go along with the key would have like made.
Speaker: each of the children lose their minds.
Speaker: So if like if Soleric had done that, he would have lost his mind because that gold is just being like melted and wasted away.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Which is his greatest fear.
Speaker: Like never, you know, in his in his right mind.
Speaker: And then you get to you get to the next one, which is the key of beauty.
Speaker: And in order to do the key of beauty, it like caused the wearer to like giving the key into like age.
Speaker: So Balerion now has gray hair and wrinkles on his face, which would have absolutely destroyed Jerenessa because she's so obsessed with her own beauty.
Speaker: And then the final one is the Key of Might, where they have to open a door.
Speaker: And this one kind of made less sense.
Speaker: Basically, Balerion just has to try really hard to open a door.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They were like, well, Dull Red would have not tried as hard.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That was like, he would have, he just, when he, when he saw that he had to struggle, he would,
Speaker: Just quit.
Speaker: I don't know if that we've fully seen that.
Speaker: It's all very, like, clever and pithy.
Speaker: Like, these kind of, like, poetic fates, you know?
Speaker: And it's like, well, they didn't try.
Speaker: He wouldn't have tried as hard as you.
Speaker: And it's like, I don't know, man.
Speaker: He was kind of a prick and a coward.
Speaker: But I don't know if he would have just given up at that point.
Speaker: I just...
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: It's so cute and clever.
Speaker: You know, it's like, see, you're the superior brother because none of your brothers and sisters couldn't do it.
Speaker: They couldn't have done that.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: So they get inside and they find, this is now chapter 36, they find the king and he's just sitting there with a smug look on his face.
Speaker: And he's like, King Smug.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: King Smug.
Speaker: And he's like, well, who the hell are you?
Speaker: And, and Balerion's like, I'm, I'm, I'm your, I'm, I'm your son or whatever.
Speaker: And he's like, ah, Baloron.
Speaker: Yeah, that's right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And they're like, Balerion.
Speaker: And he's like, yeah, whatever.
Speaker: Like, like,
Speaker: we get introduced to this guy.
Speaker: We like the whole idea is that he's this, he's this uncaring, you know, kind of a dickweed of a, of a immortal basically.
Speaker: And we find out that like, you know, he's, he, he has kids all over the place.
Speaker: A Beleriand just happens to be the only one who did it.
Speaker: And it's, but it's like,
Speaker: He's kind of like a shitheel in the same way that like a used car salesman in a comedy would be.
Speaker: He's like, yes, of course, Bobby on.
Speaker: I remember you, baby.
Speaker: Like you just.
Speaker: Hey, baby, the flock warden boy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Shepherds.
Speaker: He's a finger gun.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: He's Hades from Hercules.
Speaker: That's exactly what it is.
Speaker: No, not that.
Speaker: That's no from the guy from Ellis from Die Hard.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Hans, Boobie, I'm your wise knight.
Speaker: Just a total, like, and we're supposed to see him as this, like, this colossal failure of a god or a, you know, it's like, it's an idea that does have weight behind it, but our introduction to him is so, again, to use this word, pithy and kind of like petty.
Speaker: Like, he's just kind of a dick at first.
Speaker: And so it
Speaker: Kind of undercuts the whole thing.
Speaker: So, yeah.
Speaker: And as so, as you said, there were a bunch of kids that he had that it was like basically one of them is going to do it.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: You just happen to be the one.
Speaker: So then he tries to kill Balerion.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Surprising no one.
Speaker: Surprising no one.
Speaker: And he fights Balerion.
Speaker: And then, uh-oh, he has magical control over Pharanos.
Speaker: And he has Pharanos kill Balerion.
Speaker: And that's a wrap on Balerion.
Speaker: It's like so sudden.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Balerion's like...
Speaker: chest is ripped through with a magic bolt.
Speaker: We literally have two pages left in this book or something.
Speaker: And like, and like, you know, fucking Balerion, no, Pharaonus gets like Manchurian candidated and just...
Speaker: fucking like, you know, nukes.
Speaker: Nukes Balerion.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And, and it's, and that's it.
Speaker: He's gone.
Speaker: Like he kills him.
Speaker: He is, he is quite dead.
Speaker: He doesn't even get a like final word.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: He's dead.
Speaker: Just dead.
Speaker: Just dead.
Speaker: His last moments are seeing Faranos betray him.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So for real this time, for real this time.
Speaker: And Parnier basically says, oh, yeah, you're the scorpion.
Speaker: Like, why are you sad?
Speaker: And Farno's is like, well, you know, he's my friend.
Speaker: By the way, Farno's is a scorpion.
Speaker: I don't know if you if you didn't pick up on that.
Speaker: The fact I think I feel like that had been hinted at kind of.
Speaker: Kind of.
Speaker: Kind of.
Speaker: But you kind of gave up the ghost on that one in that last section when you're like, oh, he didn't betray him.
Speaker: But then he did!
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: But then he did!
Speaker: And they've left Crotha behind, by the way.
Speaker: Like, he's not in there at this point.
Speaker: Crotha is back handling all the other stuff that's going on.
Speaker: That...
Speaker: because Dolored was going to launch war against Jaronessa, and so Crotha's trying to stop the gears of war from turning.
Speaker: Right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: The gold king is riding a gold dragon because he figured out how to make the scepter work for some reason.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So, Farinus then kills Parnir, and that's the end of the book.
Speaker: See?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I was like, I was reading the end of it as like, is there another page?
Speaker: Is that all we got?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I, I, yeah, he kills him.
Speaker: Like literally kills him in like the last paragraph there.
Speaker: Like it just vows basically like, I know what future you were trying to make.
Speaker: Cause the whole idea is that Farnir, the, the dad, the father, he's, he's, you know, he's just holed up inside this place, uh, to make a better world.
Speaker: Like while people fight amongst themselves and it's very vague, uh,
Speaker: Like, his motivations, it's... He's like, and it'd be like, no, I made the world intentionally like this.
Speaker: And it's like that Goofy meme where you have the shitty drawing of Goofy and it's just the text of, I'll fucking do it again.
Speaker: Right, yeah.
Speaker: That's his motivation.
Speaker: It's completely...
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's how you want to end your book.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Fuck it, man.
Speaker: That's how you end the book.
Speaker: Fuck it.
Speaker: We got 300 pages in.
Speaker: Who gives a shit?
Speaker: It's just paper, man.
Speaker: It's just paper and time.
Speaker: It's just fucking paper and time.
Speaker: Who cares?
Speaker: Dark Souls.
Speaker: Dark Souls.
Speaker: Kevin, I've got one quick question for you before we go on.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: What's your question?
Speaker: Where was the mask of vindication?
Speaker: Where was the mask of vindication?
Speaker: Ripley, do you know where the mask of vindication was, honey?
Speaker: Lieutenant Ellen Ripley, do you know where the mask of vindication is?
Speaker: She doesn't.
Speaker: She just wants to see scritches.
Speaker: She does not know where the mask of vindication is.
Speaker: There is not even a mention of a of a mask of vindication.
Speaker: Now, I looked it up afterwards and I was like, OK, well, there is a definition of the word mask with that spelling where it's a story.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: But.
Speaker: That is bullshit.
Speaker: It's the vaguest subtitle since The Phantom Menace.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like, it's meaningless.
Speaker: And hold up that cover again.
Speaker: Let me just see that cover.
Speaker: Who is that dude supposed to be?
Speaker: Who do you suppose that's supposed to be?
Speaker: He's not Veranos.
Speaker: He's got a sword.
Speaker: Yeah, and it doesn't have Krotha's vibes.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I think Krotha's wearing, like, a light-colored arm.
Speaker: Like, you know, he's a knight of virtue, you know?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: He's not a dude walking around in a hood.
Speaker: It's just your generic Dark Souls PC.
Speaker: That's just some Dark Souls art.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't... All right.
Speaker: Real quick, because I know you're going to take this away.
Speaker: I know you've got... Just real quick, I want to kind of reiterate what you said earlier today.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Because we've both been reading reviews of this book.
Speaker: The few people.
Speaker: The few people who...
Speaker: who have read this already and have offered up their ideas on it and their opinions.
Speaker: And the thing that I keep seeing is people say, well, it's a middling fantasy novel by itself, but it's completely devoid of real Dark Souls content, except for like...
Speaker: the Estes flask and the coming back to life thing.
Speaker: And they get rid of all that in the first like 40 pages.
Speaker: It's like, they don't really address it ever again.
Speaker: The flasks, the last time I think the Estes flask was mentioned was like,
Speaker: the first third of the book.
Speaker: And I agree with those reviews, but I do take exception with the idea that this is a middling fantasy novel.
Speaker: This is not a good fantasy novel.
Speaker: Not a good fantasy novel.
Speaker: It is rushed.
Speaker: The ending is rushed.
Speaker: It is a paycheck is what this is.
Speaker: Character motivations are all over the map.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: There's nothing interesting about any of the characters.
Speaker: No, the development is non-existent.
Speaker: There's no development.
Speaker: The only thing I'll say is there's some minor notes of neat world building that I could kind of get behind.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Some hints of neat world building, ideas that would be better suited just like
Speaker: I might fucking just steal some of these ideas and put them in something else at this point.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: You know, like the idea of the kingdom of beauty.
Speaker: And then there's like this city of of the Uggos.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But they're not actually ugly people.
Speaker: It's just people who are just like, like, oh, this person, you know, they they lost their leg.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You know, it's, it's, it's, it's that kind of, that kind of thought.
Speaker: It was like, oh, okay, that's kind of neat.
Speaker: That's a neat, you know, you can get into some neat morality play stuff there, but it's not.
Speaker: There are some cool things that, like you said, great ideas to steal for your D&D campaign.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Throw them into a D&D campaign.
Speaker: I think that's kind of neat.
Speaker: But otherwise, this book is I never thought that I would be saying that this book is has hit the bottom of the list for me.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: But I would put that would put this lower than Dead Space.
Speaker: Holy shit.
Speaker: OK.
Speaker: And I'll tell you why.
Speaker: So Dead Space is incomprehensible.
Speaker: It's a mess.
Speaker: It's a mess.
Speaker: Has actually more character development than this does.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Has genuine moments of like, okay, well, the writer and we both said we wanted to read some of BK Evanson's other work just to compare and see what's up.
Speaker: There's some moments of like legit, like humor or whatever.
Speaker: Just like the not not giving a shit and naming the dudes Tim, Tom and Terry or whatever.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And and it clearly has, you know, its source material in mind.
Speaker: It clearly had its source material in mind.
Speaker: It's got so many weird flaws, but maybe I'm looking back on it.
Speaker: It's almost like I think Dead Space can almost verge on into so bad it's good in some respects because this is just...
Speaker: bad and kind of boring.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And also the themes like that's the thing about Dark Souls is that Dark Souls are very the Dark Souls games are very light on plot.
Speaker: There is some really individually good character moments like your main your protagonist isn't much of a character.
Speaker: It's the you're just set out on a quest.
Speaker: But the people you meet along the way
Speaker: have very interesting stories to tell.
Speaker: And the themes of the game that are underlying the game of finding out who you are in the midst of a world that is decaying rapidly and choosing the fate of the world and just...
Speaker: It's missing all of that.
Speaker: Every single ounce of that is missing from this story.
Speaker: And it's a bummer, you know?
Speaker: It's like you just think of... Think of... Okay, one of the most famous characters in Dark Souls is a guy named Solaire.
Speaker: And if you don't know who Solaire is, you probably have seen him.
Speaker: He wears a...
Speaker: green armor, green padded armor with like a white vestment with a big old picture of the sun on it.
Speaker: And, you know, he has a helmet on.
Speaker: He's the Salute the Sun guy, right?
Speaker: He's Praise the Sun.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: He's this guy who he is...
Speaker: He wishes to be so grossly incandescent like the sun.
Speaker: He is the optimist's optimist.
Speaker: He sees through all of the death and decay of the world and says, you know, praise the sun.
Speaker: And he has a special salute for it.
Speaker: And his plot line...
Speaker: has him from going to being the most upbeat, optimistic character in the world to being utterly broken by the end of Dark Souls.
Speaker: He either dies from a parasitic head crab or he is just like a broken person.
Speaker: Those are his only two possible outcomes in his storyline.
Speaker: So we're dealing with stories that are just absolute bummers.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Dark Souls 2 has a character that is looking for her brother.
Speaker: And when you meet her, she is there in Drangleic looking for her brother.
Speaker: And she says she wants to find him before she forgets herself.
Speaker: Because she is hollowing and she knows it's only a matter of time before she forgets herself.
Speaker: And as her story continues, your character, the more the more often you meet her, she you can see that she is starting to suffer the effects of hollowing.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And the last time you meet her, she is almost entirely gone.
Speaker: Um, and then you, you, she doesn't, I believe she doesn't find her brother, but you find her brother and her brother tries to kill you.
Speaker: Um, but it's just like, there's these sad character arcs and sad stories.
Speaker: And that's a, that's the thing about dark souls is there's nothing good to come out of.
Speaker: This is a world that is dying.
Speaker: It is a world of decay.
Speaker: Even your victories are short lived.
Speaker: No matter what you choose, you have in Dark Souls three, you have the first boss, you'd X Gundyr is a champion who just who is there to link the flame, linking the flame, meaning continuing the age of fire.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But he was too late.
Speaker: The flame went out.
Speaker: And when the flame goes out, so does the all the stars in the night sky and the world just becomes blackness.
Speaker: And eventually the flame flickers back to life and there's another age of fire.
Speaker: But that's that's why he's there waiting for you at the beginning of the game.
Speaker: And he's been corrupted is because he missed out on his chance to link the flame.
Speaker: So everything.
Speaker: in these games is about
Speaker: how like it's, it's the failure of, of, of, you know, the, the larger forces at work to take care of the people that are just caught in the cogs.
Speaker: It's very anti-capitalist ultimately, because there's no, there's no fighting, there's no winning.
Speaker: And it's just, there's just this melancholy that pervades every aspect of it.
Speaker: And not a single ounce of that is found in Mask of Vindication.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And to be clear, you're not saying like it's that the tone of the world is like it's grimdark for the sake of being grimdark.
Speaker: And this isn't grimdark enough for me.
Speaker: It's not hardcore enough for me.
Speaker: It's just that it misses the tone.
Speaker: It misses the themes.
Speaker: And that's the thing is like I don't even –
Speaker: I don't even necessarily assign it as grimdark because I feel like grimdark is like grimdark is like Warhammer 40k.
Speaker: Oh, absolutely.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Shit's bad.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And like, it's like, well, you know, but like, but there's a metal guitar.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You know,
Speaker: Catholic Church and metal guitars.
Speaker: You know, there's like that kind of stuff.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Death, it's like death metal, you know, sad.
Speaker: Absolutely, yeah.
Speaker: Whereas Dark Souls is like a single piano.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Playing some melancholy notes type of sad.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then their pianist gets shot in the face.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So fucking mask of vindication.
Speaker: Mask of vindication.
Speaker: I did not think that this was going to be.
Speaker: I didn't I go I never go into these books assuming anything because we have been shocked on so many different levels with some with the quality of some of these books.
Speaker: But I did not expect to go into this book coming out with this being one of the worst ones we've read so far.
Speaker: That is genuinely insane to me.
Speaker: I thought maybe it would get better and it got worse.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It just got more rushed.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like it was, we've, we've read these books before where you're like, there are 20 pages left.
Speaker: What are we going to do?
Speaker: How are we wrapping this up?
Speaker: Is it just going to be a, like, like a cliffhanger thing?
Speaker: And it's like, I almost wish it was.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Almost like a, what was it?
Speaker: Diablo.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Kind of like wrapped everything up in the final 15 pages.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Diablo, though, is eons better than this.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: That was a way better book.
Speaker: Diablo rests comfortably in the middle of the pack of books that we've read.
Speaker: This is not that.
Speaker: I mean, it's like... It's almost like...
Speaker: Because, and I, we, earlier on we were comparing it a little bit to Shadowkeep because it felt a little bit like Shadowkeep.
Speaker: It had that similar classic sword and sorcery kind of vibe.
Speaker: Sword and sorcery thing.
Speaker: But D&D.
Speaker: It didn't even like hit that in a way.
Speaker: I like Shadowkeep way better than this.
Speaker: Oh, I like Shadowkeep way better than this.
Speaker: Way better.
Speaker: Shadowkeep also, I mean, Shadowkeep also kind of rushes to the end.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: And it's, and it's kind of silly and dumb, but.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it was fun.
Speaker: It was fun.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You had a fucking kangaroo rogue for Christ's sake.
Speaker: Like that was fun.
Speaker: I enjoyed that.
Speaker: It was dumb, but it was super fun.
Speaker: And, and yeah, I think you're right.
Speaker: I think beyond it just not being a very compelling representation of the dark souls franchise, a mask of indication is also just terribly dull.
Speaker: I wasn't looking forward to going back to it.
Speaker: Like, as you point out, when we were reading Dark Souls, Dark Souls got me angry.
Speaker: It brought out, like, genuine emotions in me to the point that if I came back to it, it might be like, okay, let's see what we got.
Speaker: But I was diving back in, motherfucker.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: This, it was just like, must we?
Speaker: Just, do I have to?
Speaker: Yeah, do we have to?
Speaker: It's such a bummer.
Speaker: It's such a bummer.
Speaker: Based on the author, based on the franchise, it's just disappointing on so many levels.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So I think that we've spent enough oxygen talking about it.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: If you want to add us on Twitter or something about it, go right ahead.
Speaker: Come on, man.
Speaker: We'll defend our opinion on this.
Speaker: We'll defend our opinion.
Speaker: But I don't think anybody will because I don't think anybody's going to...
Speaker: You can barely find it.
Speaker: It's like hard to find on Amazon.
Speaker: So I don't think anyone's going to- I would honestly, I'd feel bad about discouraging people from reading it if it weren't for the fact that no one appears to be.
Speaker: It's got no marketing.
Speaker: I've seen nothing of it.
Speaker: So I'm not really worried about affecting its sales one way or the other because it doesn't- I know, honey.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: We try to be good to the authors, don't we?
Speaker: We try.
Speaker: Ripley's so upset about it, though.
Speaker: She loves playing devil's advocate, is her thing.
Speaker: She's arguing that maybe the fact that the book was written this way makes it the true Dark Souls experience.
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: Yeah, the grind, the get good scrub attitude.
Speaker: But I feel like that's a stretch.
Speaker: Get good at reading scrub.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Get good at reading scrub.
Speaker: That's what Lieutenant Ellen Ripley, the cat, just said.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: This book is like, instead of every time reading, it is the Dark Souls experience, except instead of dying, you're falling asleep while reading it.
Speaker: And the big red words, you fell asleep, hop up on the screen.
Speaker: You're bored.
Speaker: Like, yeah, I am, man.
Speaker: That fucking book got me again.
Speaker: We got to do a noun verb like book slain or something like that.
Speaker: And it's just like a still of you and me like asleep on the couch.
Speaker: Using the pop filter on my mic as like a pillow, just like.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Oh, what a bummer.
Speaker: What a bummer.
Speaker: So, Phil, what are you playing?
Speaker: Oh, I'm glad you asked.
Speaker: I just finished a complete run through of Tiny Folks.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, I saw you playing that and I saw you popping up on Steam with that.
Speaker: It is a fun game.
Speaker: It's like four bucks, first and foremost.
Speaker: So it's another one of your vampire survivors.
Speaker: You might as well give it a shot kind of things.
Speaker: It's kind of an Atari graphics look to it, kick ass soundtrack.
Speaker: Like seriously, the soundtrack is like great classic chiptune style music, like got some serious Mega Man 2 vibes from some of these tracks.
Speaker: Really solid music.
Speaker: That's, you know, amongst my favorite genre of music.
Speaker: Oh, it's really solid.
Speaker: And you basically play a king who had his kingdom, you know, basically taken away from him.
Speaker: And you've got 45 days to get it back to cross this island and...
Speaker: defeat the evil wizard.
Speaker: And to do that, it's part strategy sim where you got a village and you build temples or magic places or blacksmiths.
Speaker: And you can hire folks, which are just your generic peasants, and put them through different training rigmarole.
Speaker: And you can train them each twice.
Speaker: And so you can like double down, train them in fighting twice, for example, and get like a barbarian, all offense.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Or you can train them in fighting once and then in, you know,
Speaker: the priesthood once and they're a Templar.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Got it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So you got all these little customizations and you as the King can also train yourself and learn your own specific abilities and stuff.
Speaker: And then you, you have, you know, and you train them and do all that stuff.
Speaker: And every day you have the opportunity to go out into the world at these different levels and do some basic JRPG style combat stuff.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: and uh and finding the right combination of folks and stuff and at different difficulty levels you have fewer than 45 days and i beat it on normal mode and it unlocked these challenge modes so you can uh i i just today beat the challenge mode of like fighter challenge where the only things i can build are a blacksmith and uh like a training thing so it's all fighter style guys
Speaker: And I beat that.
Speaker: Neat.
Speaker: And yeah, it took me a couple of tries to get into the rhythms of it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But it's super fun.
Speaker: And you can do a full 45-day session of it in a couple of hours.
Speaker: And I really enjoy it.
Speaker: I just bought it as you were talking about it.
Speaker: Yeah, I think you'll...
Speaker: I think you'll like it.
Speaker: It's not as automatic as things as other games we've liked in the past, like Loop Hero, for example, but it has a similar casual chill vibe.
Speaker: What's very funny is that when I went to its Steam page just now, it's like, this is similar to previous games, Loop Hero.
Speaker: And I was like, okay.
Speaker: Yep, yep.
Speaker: Yeah, it's got overwhelmingly positive reviews right now on Steam.
Speaker: Yeah, $3.99.
Speaker: Like, it's great.
Speaker: It's a Pierre van der Mason.
Speaker: And this seems to be the only thing this guy's done.
Speaker: And it's just it's just a lot of fun.
Speaker: It's it's, you know, very straightforward.
Speaker: And, you know, the sprites are a lot of fun.
Speaker: They do a good job with the whole layout.
Speaker: Yeah, I really enjoyed it.
Speaker: I highly recommend that one.
Speaker: So that's what I'm playing.
Speaker: Cool.
Speaker: So, Kevin, what are you playing?
Speaker: Right now, I am still playing a bit of the RE2 remake because I was...
Speaker: Yeah, I love that game.
Speaker: It's such a good game.
Speaker: I just beat it.
Speaker: I just beat first run.
Speaker: So Leon A and I started into Claire B and decided to go back and do Claire A as well.
Speaker: And then I'll do the two B runs.
Speaker: I'll do Claire B and Leon B. Those games just, they're so good.
Speaker: They're so good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So, yeah, I'm doing that.
Speaker: You know what I forgot to mention?
Speaker: And it's been occupying so much of my time.
Speaker: I could have I could have mentioned it last episode and I didn't.
Speaker: Marvel Snap.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Marvel Snap is.
Speaker: I love that game.
Speaker: I don't care if that makes me a dork or whatever.
Speaker: There are so many legit game people I know who have been talking about how good it is.
Speaker: I played a little.
Speaker: I like it.
Speaker: It's good.
Speaker: But man, people are going crazy over it.
Speaker: It's fun.
Speaker: I think it's it's got a really good loop.
Speaker: Two things about it is like is a as a it's a free to play game with in-app purchases.
Speaker: That being said, it's not like any other free to play game I've played where it's like, oh, you need like you can just like go and buy these cards and like pay to win or whatever.
Speaker: You can't pay to win.
Speaker: um occasionally there will be like if you want to buy a season pass you'll get a card with it you'll probably um if you just keep playing you'll probably just unlock that card randomly anyway um so like the for the first one it's miles morales um is the is the card you can you can if you buy the season pass it unlocks him automatically
Speaker: But otherwise, the loop of it is like you play, you win or lose.
Speaker: You get to upgrade your cards, the value of your cards.
Speaker: So it goes from like basic to rare to epic.
Speaker: And each time it does it, it like...
Speaker: uh changes the style of the card so the first thing that happens is a frame break so now you're the illustration is outside of the frames of the card and the next thing that happens is 3d so now um on your phone as you move your phone it parallaxes with the background of the illustration yeah then it's like animated where like
Speaker: elements of the card are now like animated like on Wolfsbane, for example, like like her hair and like the hair of the wolves behind her is like flowing now.
Speaker: And then like the next level up, it's like it makes the logo foil.
Speaker: So it's like the logo has like a foil aesthetic.
Speaker: So it's like, it makes your cards look neater.
Speaker: But every time you do that, it ups your collection score.
Speaker: And as you up your collection score, you unlock credits, which are one of the currencies used to like, that you need to do the upgrades.
Speaker: And it, um, it unlocks boosters, which is the other currency you needed need.
Speaker: And then the, the third thing it can unlock is a new card.
Speaker: So, um,
Speaker: you you win a match you get a chance to you get uh credits and boosters you can upgrade a card you upgrade the card you get points to your collection score your collection score goes up you might get a new card and now you're like okay well maybe i can reimagine my deck and there's enough like things in the in the cards where you have like um and i'm not sure if i have enough cards necessarily do do some of these things yet but
Speaker: You have like Apocalypse.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: So Apocalypse is a six energy card, meaning you can really only play him unless there's some other thing going on.
Speaker: You can only play him on your last turn.
Speaker: Because they do Hearthstone rules for like resources and stuff.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So each turn you get one energy point more.
Speaker: So in the game is six turns long.
Speaker: And on the sixth turn, you have six energy and Apocalypse is a six energy card.
Speaker: That being said,
Speaker: Apocalypse, Apocalypse's power is only eight, which is kind of low for a six energy card.
Speaker: Like Hulk is 12, for example.
Speaker: And so, but he has a discard thing.
Speaker: So every time Apocalypse is discarded from your hand, he gets plus four power.
Speaker: So you can build decks around discarding Apocalypse.
Speaker: So, for example, there's Lady Sif.
Speaker: Lady Sif is like a four power card, four power, three energy or something like that.
Speaker: And when you play her, her side effect when you play her is on reveal, meaning when the card is flipped over, you have to discard the highest cost card from your hand.
Speaker: So if you're pairing Lady Sif and Apocalypse, that highest cost card is always going to be Apocalypse.
Speaker: So he gets discarded.
Speaker: You discard him and then you put him right back into your hand
Speaker: with plus four uh power so now he goes from eight to 12 and one game i was playing a guy was like discarded apocalypse like four times over the course of the game somehow and like then drops him in the last turn as like a 20 attack and it's like yeah it's like okay yeah i can see how these things like
Speaker: There's all these synergies.
Speaker: And part of it is, you know, you just have to keep collecting the cards in order to see what works out.
Speaker: One of the ones early ones that I discovered that works really well is Carnage.
Speaker: When you play when you play Carnage in an area, he destroys all the other cards that you have played in that area.
Speaker: And for each card he destroys, he gets plus two.
Speaker: so you if you've played like three like cheap cards and then you play carnage he goes uh to from a two power to a to like force it to eight right and that could be really good too for uh i forget what level it is but it's like like it puts down a bunch of squirrels all over the yeah yeah central park all these central yeah you
Speaker: Central Park drops squirrels or or what is it?
Speaker: Savage Land drops raptors or something.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So the really neat thing, though, is if you have Angel in your deck, but not in your hands, as soon as a card is destroyed on the playing field, if you have Angel in your deck, he flies out of your deck and takes the place of that card.
Speaker: Oh, that's pretty cool.
Speaker: Yeah, that's that's energy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And the other person who's really cool is if you had you if you had Wolverine down as one of the cards, Carnage comes down, kills Wolverine.
Speaker: Wolverine automatically respawns in another location on the battlefield.
Speaker: Oh, nice.
Speaker: So Wolverine can't be destroyed.
Speaker: Every time he's destroyed, he just pops up again.
Speaker: Oh, that's real good.
Speaker: But you still get the plus two charge for Carnage if you sacrifice Wolverine to him.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So it's like, yeah, I really like it.
Speaker: There's a lot of little geeky things.
Speaker: I'm sure I need to play a little more of it.
Speaker: I've been I've been I've been toying around with it a little bit, but I can I can see where there's a lot of room for.
Speaker: customization and deck building and that sort of thing.
Speaker: And you're right.
Speaker: They have not been exploitative at all with the free-to-play mode, at least not so far.
Speaker: So that's pretty cool.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: There's only like two things that it was like the season pass for the first season and like a Captain America variant that they had for sale.
Speaker: That's the only thing, like, you can buy, like, gold, which you would never need to really, unless you're, like, really jonesing.
Speaker: Because you don't really buy decks, you know?
Speaker: You don't buy cards.
Speaker: The cards aren't really for sale.
Speaker: You really do have to earn them.
Speaker: Yeah, you have to earn them with your collection rating.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: That's pretty cool.
Speaker: Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Speaker: And on that note, that'll do it for this episode.
Speaker: If you can follow us on Twitter at Pixlet Pod, as long as Twitter is still a thing in a few weeks.
Speaker: Follow us on Instagram at Pixlet Pod.
Speaker: Go to our website where we have...
Speaker: episode transcripts and i'm also adding the video version of each episode uh into the posts going forward so that should be there as well um we're on youtube youtube.com backslash at pixel lit um is our is our youtube handle youtube has just rolled out handles so we're we're at pixel it and you can you can find us on there
Speaker: And from our website, you can join our Discord.
Speaker: You can find links to our Steam Curator page where we drop a lot of reviews on our What Are You Playing segment games.
Speaker: So that'll do it for tonight's episode.
Speaker: Have a good night, everybody.
Speaker: Good night.
Speaker: Bye.
