Transcript
Speaker: made on Zencastr. Because Zencastr is the all-in-one podcasting platform that really does make making podcasts so easy. There is a link with a built-in discount in the description.
Speaker: Hello and welcome to Rest and Recreation, the work-life balance podcast from Abysida, where we don't tell you what to think, but we are hoping to make you think. I'm your host, Michael Millward. Today, I am meeting Terry Lynn Murphy, who is a happiness expert from pence from Philadelphia in Pennsylvania. Almost said it the wrong way around then.
Speaker: Yeah, from definitely from Philadelphia in Pennsylvania. I have not been to Philadelphia or Pennsylvania, but if I ever get the opportunity to visit Pennsylvania, I will make all of my travel arrangements with the Ultimate Travel Club because as a member of the Ultimate Travel Club, I get to travel at trade prices. on flights, hotels, ships, trains, all sorts of travel related purchases.
Speaker: I have put a link in the description with a built-in discount on membership fees so you, just like me, can travel at trade prices. Now that I have paid some bills, it is time to make an episode of Rest and Recreation that will be well worth listening to, liking, downloading and subscribing to, and also worth telling your friends, family and um work colleagues about as well.
Speaker: But now it's time to say hello, Terry. Hello, Michael. Thanks so much for having me. I'm really pleased that you're able to make it onto Rest and Recreation today because I know you've had a really busy weekend.
Speaker: Yes, I did. So you deserve some Rest and Recreation time. Yes, it's perfect. Perfect timing. Cool. Because you've been relaxing in one of the attractions in Philadelphia. Tell me a little bit about that.
Speaker: Yes, I spent a little time today walking at the world-famous Longwood Gardens. which is one of my favorite go-to places to take a nice walk and relax and just soak in the sunshine.
Speaker: Very nice. Very nice. Now, we're talking today because you have written a book, several books, in fact. We're going to talk about the first book that you wrote, which was Journey to My Soul.
Speaker: Yes. Tell me a little bit about your career and life before you became an author, and then we'll talk a bit more about the book. Well, my career has been the past 38 years in the automotive business.
Speaker: But what got me there was some I was divorced and a decision I made during divorce caused five years later that my children moved away with their father.
Speaker: So I was distraught. I was, all I did was want to die. But God told me, It's not my time to die and I need to to move forward.
Speaker: And that's when I got into the car business and told God, you better help me because i need to be happy to live. And it was like a living hell living without my children. Back then, we didn't have cell phones or FaceTime or anything like that. So it was very difficult for me. Very difficult. I can imagine it must have been ah a desolate time, really. Big emptiness in your life. Yeah.
Speaker: It was just, it was 10 years of hell, really. Because my children were young. They were seven and nine at the time. And, um you know, I'd wake up in the morning and have this weight on my shoulder, like, where are my kids? How are they? And I couldn't just call them.
Speaker: So I had to just send off a prayer. And then I had to switch my mind. I had to train my brain to not think about them. and to focus in the present moment. And this is where gratitude saved my life.
Speaker: I practiced gratitude every day. I had to find something. And sometimes it took me a while. i couldn't leave the house until I was focused on something in the present moment and grateful for something in the present moment. Sometimes it was the air that I breathe.
Speaker: You know, I could always be grateful for the air I breathe. And then I'd play games with my mind. All right, on the way to work, I'm going to look for everything blue, everything red. Every day I'd pick a different color or a different object to look for. And I'd use word games.
Speaker: Okay, today we're going to use the word magnificent as many times as we can. Or, you know, any word just to get me through the day. Right.
Speaker: So in some ways to play devil's advocate for a moment, some people might describe what you are talking about as sort of obsessive behavior, but that has a negative context to it. What you're talking about is something very positive.
Speaker: This was a way of making sure that you were able to do the things that you needed to do for, to get through that day. This was a very positive course of action to take.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, what happened is I had to detach from my emotions. I had to push my emotions down and, um, meaning the, the, the feelings for my children and the thoughts about that. And I had to just keep them because if they crept into my head in the middle of the day, I'd lose it. I'd run into the ladies room crying. Trust me. I learned the hard way because that happened to me many days. Um, or if children would walk in the showroom,
Speaker: that were about my kids age, you know, my mind would just start wandering. yeah But over the years, as the, as my sons got older, it got a little better. And, you know, we just became friends. Um, I told them I'm not there to be your mom. So let me be your friend. And we certainly did become good friends and we're still great friends today, even though they're, they're grown.
Speaker: ah like It's interesting that you say like you've formed a different type of relationship with them, I suppose. Yes. Yes. And it's a good positive one. It's a good positive one. And by the time they graduated, they both came to live with me. My younger son came first. He he went to the university um near me so he could come live with me. Nice. My other son went to university in New Jersey, which wasn't too far But then eventually he came back and lived with me and finished his school here. So they both have lived with me and they've lived with me on and off in between their, you know, they both got divorced and in between their divorces, they came home to live with me and,
Speaker: we've just, we're just very close. We vacation together and we live together. But by the time they came to live with me, i was so, you know, every day I had to find a way to be happy and to get through and to live in the present moment. By the time they came to live with me, now I didn't have to fight for the happiness anymore. I was so overjoyed and so grateful to God for carrying me through those 10 years, because honestly, I didn't Back at the start, I didn't see how I was going to carry through. It was hard to carry through one day. Some days I was just grateful that another day had passed by because I had always seen that there would be an end in sight.
Speaker: But because I was so grateful to God, I made a new goal to become as close to the supreme being as humanly possible. And that started me on a meditation journey.
Speaker: And I did um a meditation program that took me a little over 10 years of an hour a day. Right. You know, I have to say, you are one patient lady to go through the first 10 years. of So like just preparing yourself, readying yourself to be part of your so your children's lives again. And then to make that sort of commitment and go through... a 10-year meditation program, yeah that's that's patience. It's not a 21st century type of thing, is it, where you want, I want it now. Yeah. You you put the work in.
Speaker: Well, the the truth is in 2006, I got a message from the divine that told me you're going to write a book about your life. I said, okay. So I took a couple of writing courses and, you know, and, you know, I asked like what part of my life? And they said, you know, the hard part. I said, okay. So I would sit down to write and I could never get to those emotions. If you remember me telling you, I pushed down those emotions and detached.
Speaker: They were in this vault inside me. And honestly, I was afraid to open it because I was afraid the tears would never stop. But because of the meditation and everything, this one day i had these three dreams. My dreams have always been telling to me and I've always, I have dream books to interpret them. And I had these three different dreams that all had the meaning of something horrible is going to happen.
Speaker: The word was horrid, something horrid. And um then one day i had this dream where um in the dream I had, there was this um young girl next to me and then dreams sometimes, you know, boys or girls, girls or boys, it can be mixed up. So I relate that as my younger son. But anyway, in this dream, I went and I cut my right, the thumb on my right hand off.
Speaker: I cut my thumb off and um i wrapped it up. And then i went and I said, you know, to my, to the child here, you need to help me with this one. And i cut my right hand off.
Speaker: And I wrapped it up and we walked out the door like nothing happened. You know, it was just like normal day. And when I woke up, I was so upset from this dream. Like, what does it mean? What does it mean? What does it mean? And I happened to be away with a girlfriend at the time and we had discussions over it. And she said, I think it means I was out of work at the time and and looking for work. She said, I think it means like you're frustrated with all the job offerings that, you know, aren't coming your way and blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, yeah, but I don't think that's it. And we happened to be at the beach. The minute I hit the water,
Speaker: All of a sudden, the revelation came to me and it said, you did the best you could. So all, you know, all this time, i always felt guilty, like, what did I do so wrong that this punishment came to me? But God reminded me that when I was going through my divorce, I prayed for what was best for my children, not what was best for me.
Speaker: And for them to go with their father, he was remarried with other children and they had more of a stable home. Had they been with me as a single mother, it would have been not as great of a life for them, even though they would have been with me.
Speaker: So I saw that truth. And then finally my emotions emerged. I had this cathartic release and all of a sudden the writing started to flow. There are so many things that come out of that. One of the things I think that is very profound is that if you're praying for the strength to deal with a situation or praying for the strength to deal with a situation that isn't what you really want, but you want to be able to get through it. Yeah.
Speaker: is more profound than saying, I want, i want, I want. I was at a church service in Lagos in Nigeria a few years ago, and i remember the pastor saying in the sermon that that the congregation should not pray for the things that they want, because God has always already given them all the things that they need.
Speaker: It's up to you as an individual to put all of those things into action, to recognize you have what you need, and then to use that to work for what it is that you want.
Speaker: yes Yeah, and it sounds a little bit like that's, you were praying for your sons and for the strength to deal with it. And then that dream was like the revelation that, yeah, you did the best that you could in a terrible situation, but you did the best that you could and you coped with it and dealt with it because you were thinking more about other people really than you were thinking about yourself. Right, yeah. but um Then the writing flowed.
Speaker: Then the writing flowed and but not just that it's funny how God works in mysterious ways. So I had tripped and and and fell and kind of like gave myself a little whiplash. So I was in physical pain.
Speaker: And then I had this cathartic release with all these emotions in me coming up. And then I so um started to write. And as I would write, it was like, I held these feelings in for so many years. Like every time I hit a key on the thing, like all my muscles in my body were screaming, no, and tensing up and saying like, no, don't release this information. We held it locked in for so long.
Speaker: And then my son had an episode with his wife and we were here in the middle of a blizzard in Pennsylvania and he lived about an hour away. I was not able to get to him safely to comfort him and help him.
Speaker: So I sat down and I wrote and I must have been writing for at least six hours, could have been eight. And I was in physical pain. I was in emotional distress because of my son. And I was in all this emotional upheaval for writing the story that I kept in for so long.
Speaker: And ah ah at one point, I just couldn't take it anymore. And I went and I soaked in a hot tub. And then I went and I wrapped myself in warmth because it was a cold, cold, bitter day here. And I sat down to meditate.
Speaker: And when I opened my eyes, in the reflection in the mirror across from me, there was my soul leaning over me, comforting me.
Speaker: It gives me chills right now talking about it. How did you know that it was your soul? Well, you know what? I didn't know immediately what it was. All I know, it was like a phenomenon.
Speaker: It was just like, it took my breath away like, oh. It was definitely ah figure. It wasn't like, um i would I would describe more like the the substance of a cloud.
Speaker: It was, so it was real, you could see it, but then we looked directly at each other. It wasn't a human form type of thing, but it was if it was like you can look at a cloud and see a shape within the cloud and you say, oh, yeah, that looks like a rabbit or that looks like a car or whatever. You had that type of, there was something that was resembled a form but without it being defined.
Speaker: Yes, it had like indentations where our eyes would be and it was definitely like had its... arm around me but it didn't really have arms but it was like leaning over me looking at me comforting me and then we looked directly at each other with awareness could you feel it ah wrapping around you as well as see it I didn't really feel it at at the time I didn't really feel it right but then it retracted right into the area of my heart right and I really didn't know what it was and I i you know asked like what was that and it
Speaker: I was told it's your soul. And that's when my book, my book originally was called Think Happy, Be Happy. And it changed the title of my soul to journey of my book to Journey to My Soul, Following Divine Navigation.
Speaker: aye I couldn't even talk about it for three days. I didn't tell a single soul until three days went by. And I finally told my youngest son, Dan, lived with me at the time. And i told him, I'm like, Dan, i saw my own soul.
Speaker: And he looked at me he said, mom, I wouldn't tell anybody And at first I thought, oh, you know, maybe he's right. And then I'm like, no, I had that experience for a reason. I need to share it.
Speaker: Right. Okay. So you did tell the world, well, not just a few people about it. You told the world about it. I wrote a book about it yeah Yeah, you've had an Amazon bestseller telling the story about it. So there aren't that many people who don't know about it. But you see, you saw your soul, you had an emotional, physical, spiritual experience at the same sort of time.
Speaker: it's It seems slightly sort of um strange. I'll use the word strange that you waited three days for to tell anyone about it. there's the The number three Christianity obviously has significance. And I'm wondering whether they wow you felt that sort of significance in the number three as well. I never thought of that. I never thought of that. But you're right.
Speaker: That is significant for yeah three. But I never thought of that. It was just it just took me that long to like come to terms with it, understand it a little bit. Yeah. to Yeah. To let it sink in. Like, did that really happen? and But I know it happened, you know, and it's like, wow.
Speaker: Right. And I just look at life differently. When I see another person today, i look, kind of reminds me, I don't know if you've ever seen the the movie Avatar, the first one. i can't say I have. Where they would, they would greet each other and they would say, I see you. I see you. I see you. I feel like I look at other people and I see the divine in them. Right.
Speaker: Because we're all you know we all have the divine in us. yes Unfortunately, we just get lost in this human world. So you're seeing the best in people. Yes. And that then leads to, I suppose, contributes towards living a happier life.
Speaker: Yes, for sure. Most of the Western world sort of seems to think that to be happy means to own, to have things, labels, things from specific shops, all this sort of stuff.
Speaker: And it's so sad and backwards. Because you seem to be taking a completely opposite to the the norm in the Western world. I remember watching a program television program about lottery winners. And one of these lottery winners got this handbag from one of the big designer brands and said, this bag cost X amount of pounds because it was in the United Kingdom. And I said, you have no idea how happy owning this bag makes me feel.
Speaker: And even as the words came out of her mouth, I was thinking like, no, doesn't quite ring true to me. Things can't make you happy. yeah Never love something unless it's capable of loving you back. Yeah, because what if you lose it?
Speaker: Then it's gone. Does that mean your happiness goes with it? Yeah. You're relying on on things things rather than the doing of the feelings. Here's the the truth. The study over the years with positive psychology...
Speaker: science has proven that when you are in a happy or positive state, all the learning channels in your brain are turned on and every outcome in life is better.
Speaker: You know, I come from a background in sales, just by being positive in sales, you are up to 37% higher in sales. Doctors better at, you know um Understanding their patients and treating their patients. Yes, and exactly. And just every outcome in life is better, except for maybe about 2%. They did find a couple areas where positivity didn't really help. But for 98% of um outcomes, it's better.
Speaker: And unfortunately, we're all wired different. It's like, well, when i when i get um when I get that new house, I'll be happy. When I get that new car, when I get that better job, then I'll be happy. But now you're pushing happiness over the horizon. You know, it's just always out of reach.
Speaker: What you're saying is that we achieve happiness not through possessions, but by experiences and by connecting with ah the divine aspect of our life. We hold up this divinity inside us and happiness comes from connecting with the spiritual side of life.
Speaker: Yeah, to me, it's hard to maintain happiness for a long period of time without feeding your mind, body, and soul. And so many people, once they leave school, they don't read a book or, you know, they don't they don't pray or even search within to see who they are. What do you mean by search within? Tell me a little bit about that.
Speaker: Look within, like meditate, quiet your mind. and just sit with yourself being still. Right. Because that makes me think that one of the reasons why people are potentially unhappy is that they are living life as if they're trying to please other people to fit in, to be something that is acceptable to other people rather than like you say, searching within to find out who they really are, and then living that life, rather than the life that is expected of them, or the one that it will be accepted into a particular social group.
Speaker: and And gratitude is such a powerful emotion. one of the one of the strongest emotions outside of love. But when you are in a state of gratitude, you know, everything's vibrational energy. So when you're in a state of gratitude, we're attracting more things to be grateful for.
Speaker: But unfortunately, so many people are focused on on um what I call a scarcity mindset. You know, I coached many people over this last weekend and many of them,
Speaker: They had a book written, they were ready, they were doing this, but they're afraid to get on stage because their doubts. Like, what if I fail? the ah One person I talked to was like, well, I'm afraid if I do that, I'm gonna, it's like, it's gonna overpower me. She's gonna become too successful too fast. who You know, it's all these fears that that hold people back.
Speaker: and Irrational fears very often.
Speaker: Yeah, it's using your imagination for the negative. You know, why not imagine the best? I step on stage and i do great and I help a lot of people instead of saying, well what if I don't do a good job?
Speaker: Right. So we need to do, I suppose, is like put this into some sort of logical sequence. And it it sounds as if one of the first steps that people could take would be to start that process of searching for themselves, looking inside themselves to discover who they really are and the positive aspects of their life and their skills, their talents, the things that they can do. That would be probably be one of the first steps.
Speaker: I would think so, yes. Because well i'm ah from what you're saying, and I'm aware that there was a catalyst, a spiritual experience that you had, which made the writing flow.
Speaker: We can't all spend our lives waiting for that to happen. if it's If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. But you can't sort of put life off whilst you wait for it to happen.
Speaker: Exactly. And you need to prepare you need to be prepared for when it does happen. So you were saying that you you realized you needed to write a book, you had to write a book. So one of the things that so like was said and may just have got like forgotten about, but you said, I went on writing courses to learn how to do what it is that i have to do, what my purpose is. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: and You didn't just say, I'm going to do it. You did something which is very constructive and said, I need to do this. Therefore, I'm going to get trained in how to do it. Right. I think that's one of the things that people very often forget about.
Speaker: But if you're going to do something, get yourself trained in how to do it. The next thing on from there is like to then, okay, what am I going to do? How am I going to do it? How am I going to make what I do different to what everyone else is doing?
Speaker: And you can't be different if you're trying to be like everyone else. You have to do this looking inside yourself to work out who you as an individual are.
Speaker: Right. right Because that's that's what's unique about all of us. We're all a little different. We all have a little bit of a different perspective. And in this sum program I was part of over the weekend, we talked about that.
Speaker: Model someone, but don't copy. yeah Learn from them. Learn from their successes yeah and their failures. But always do it. What can I learn from you to be the better version of me? Yeah.
Speaker: Yes. It is not an easy process, though, is it?
Speaker: Nothing worthwhile is easy.
Speaker: Oh, you sound so much like my mother.
Speaker: But it is true. But the thing is, it it the the payoff is so huge. You know what i mean? My life is totally different because I put those years and into meditation. Yes.
Speaker: Yeah, I can see how it all comes together and how you become a very positive person within yourself. And I suppose then it's, there's nothing that can throw you off course. If you understand who you are, what what it is you have to do and how you're going to do it.
Speaker: Very inspiring life that you've had. And I'm grateful that you wrote the book and that you spent the time today with me now to explain a little bit more about it. I really do appreciate it, Terry. It's it's been fantastic.
Speaker: Thank you, Michael. Thank you for giving me the chance to speak about it. Okay, that's great. I am Michael Millward, Manchin Director of Abbasida, and in this episode of Rest and Recreation, I have been having a conversation with Terry Lynn Murphy, the happiness expert from Philadelphia in Pennsylvania.
Speaker: You can find out more about both of us by using the links in the description.
Speaker: Communication is important. And as Terry said, in years gone by, people didn't have mobile phones and all sorts of different apps to make communication easy. But if you're thinking about communication and you're in the United Kingdom, you might like to know that 3.0 has the UK's fastest 5G network with unlimited data. So listening on 3.0 to podcasts like Rest and Recreation means you can wave goodbye to buffering.
Speaker: There is a link in the description that will take you to more information about business and personal telecom solutions from 3 and the special offers available when you quote my referral code. I'm sure you will have enjoyed listening to this episode of Rest and Recreation as much as Terry Lynn and I have enjoyed making it. So please give it a like and download it so you can listen anytime, anywhere. To make sure you don't miss out on future episodes, please subscribe.
Speaker: Remember, the aim of all the podcasts produced by Abucida is not to tell you what to think, but we do hope to have made you think. Until the next episode of Rest and Recreation, thank you for listening, and goodbye.
