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FistoEpisto Episode 400 - The Dogs of Pluto
30 Plays1 year ago
Malex and Joe discuss the news!
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Fisto Episto: Unveiling Hidden Truths
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome, friends, once again to Fisto a Pisto the only podcast that tells you the truth of what the Old World Order wants. I'm Alex Drones, and I'm here to expose the reality that other people want to deny. Oh, yes, you might be confused by charlatans like Alex Jones, Glenn Greenwald and Vinnie Eastwood, and even Tucker Carlson.
00:00:21
Speaker
into thinking there's a new shadow government running the world, a so-called New World Order. But here on Fisto Episto we tell you the truth, the honest truth and the unvarnished truth.
Podcast Format and Commitment to Truth
00:00:32
Speaker
The world is controlled by a secret cartel of ancient Egyptian pharaohs and their Phoenician allies who have been secretly controlling world events since its creation 8,000 years ago.
00:00:43
Speaker
On tonight's broadcast we're going to cover the news. I've got stacks and stacks of news articles I spent 36 hours going over last night.
Conspiracy Review: Egyptians and Phoenicians
00:00:52
Speaker
We'll take calls and of course get expert reaction from the elite team of knowledge experts here in the studio. This is Fisto A Pisto.
00:01:10
Speaker
Hello friends and welcome to the Fisto Pisto Studio where we are live today with another broadcast exposing the old world order to those of you who are new as our audience. Of course in studio I have many of our knowledge experts but sitting beside me tonight is Joe Joseph-Johnson who is going to be telling us all about things happening live in studio. Joe, how are things going?
00:01:34
Speaker
Not bad. Malek's not bad. Not bad. Well, very bad. Very bad. If you're not clued in on the conspiracy of the Phoenicians and the ancient Egyptians and what have you. So for people like you and I, not bad. For everybody else in the world, everywhere else in the world, things are very, very bad. And things are very bad for us here at Fisto Pisto because we could be taken off the air at any moment. The New World Order is trying to get
Consumerism Satire: Pig Urine Promotion
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Speaker
us. So once again,
00:02:02
Speaker
I urge listeners of Fisto Episto to buy our products. I mean, Joe, you've been drinking our pig urine drink recently and it's been really doing wonders for your skin. Tell our audience about the benefits of drinking pig urine as provided only as a certifiable product on Fisto Episto. Ah, there's nothing better. Nothing better than a bit of just...
00:02:26
Speaker
He's really glugging it down, ladies and gentlemen. He's really glugging it down. And the smile on his face as he drinks... drinks? He drinks that piss urine from the pigs. You can really taste the freedom in the pig urine. There's nothing... Which is unusual because they are caged. We do find that caging pigs to get the urine out gives us the best quality of life.
00:02:48
Speaker
for us not for the pigs not for the pigs no but the pigs are communists so that's all right true i mean they are pink and what is pink comma so buy as much pig urine as you possibly can but only from us
00:03:03
Speaker
We're the only reputable source of pig urine. So what do you think pig urine does for you, John? Well, Melix, well, it would be shorter for me to say what it doesn't do for you. I mean, what it doesn't do is cure diarrhea.
Mocking News Headlines and Conspiracies
00:03:17
Speaker
In fact, it causes it. But that diarrhea is therapeutic. That's freedom diarrhea, thank you very much. You've got the freedom to piss me every
00:03:25
Speaker
likes and does all the time. You can feel the new world order just leaving your body in droves and waves. And the old order, and the old world order too. And all that's left behind is the goodness, your better skin,
00:03:43
Speaker
Muscle growth, bone density. Well, if you know more and more muscle degradation, but it's getting rid of the bad muscle and leaving only the good muscle behind. Right. Yeah. Muscle quality. Yeah. Bone, bone quality. Not quantity. Not quantity, only quality. Obviously. Obviously, yes. Yes. I really, I can't say enough good things about it because my vocal cords have contracted. It's another sort of pig's urine.
00:04:11
Speaker
Sorry, I think I lost the ability to speak there. Pig urine. Actually, I should take another sip. Now, this is the extra strength, pig urine, that she mixed in with a little bit of ball fecal matter just to actually give it an additional bit of kick. And believe you may, I'll be experiencing that kick later tonight. Oh, that's the good stuff. Now, of course,
00:04:37
Speaker
We are on the air, and that means that we have news. And Joe, I believe you've got a, well, I mean, I say you've got, I spent six hours last night actually researching what the old world order
Trump's Legal Issues and Symbolism
00:04:50
Speaker
is doing. I've got stacks of information. And believe you me, we are uncovering new things about what the new world order is up to. But there's so much information out there that I've got Joe with me in studio today to kind of prompt me
00:05:03
Speaker
with the stories are going to really expose what the old world order is up to. So Joe, hit me. We've got we've got headlines, Melix. We've got more headlines that you can shake a jar of seasoned pig urine at.
00:05:18
Speaker
only available during holiday seasons. Exactly. So where to start? Where to start? The start, I would say. Not in the middle of a list like the communists want. We start our lists at the beginning of the list. And the first thing on my list is the headline, the witch hunt against me is dead. Trump says Manhattan DA tricked by a fraud star witness wasn't into horse face stormy.
00:05:45
Speaker
Well, of course, as we know, horses are a recurrent symbol in the old world order, normally actually symbolizing horses, strangely enough. But as we know, Donald J.
Satire on Trump's Alleged Symbolic Fears
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Speaker
Trump, who is a an emblem of the old world order, I mean, one of the most despicable people they've ever had to deal with as an American president. I mean, he's no Abe Lincoln or even Richard Nixon.
00:06:06
Speaker
and horses are of course the kind of thing that people who are emblematic of the old world order they're very scared about so they are they're concerned about horses and still meet daniels who i'm assuming is a racehorse that he's he's bet against or owned at some point
00:06:24
Speaker
I have to assume, yeah. I mean, I did 36 hours of research last night, so I'm a little bit vague about these things. You'll have to apologize. I've got so much information in my head, and it's often leaking out of me like the pig's urine that I'm drinking all the time. So I'm assuming that essentially Donald J. Chump is a... I mean, that's what we call him, Donald J. Chump. It is. It's what everyone calls him, or should. Yeah, I assume he's scared of horses.
00:06:50
Speaker
And as a consequence of that, he is now being investigated by the Department of Justice, which, as we know, is run by the Allied Association of Assyrians and Babylonians, who are, of course, fighting against the Phoenicians and the Egyptians, who are running the Old World government. So we salute our friends in the Department of Justice for bringing Donald J. Chump to trial by
Speculation on Pennsylvania and Sugar Ray
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facing him in a court of law with a horse. Precisely.
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You heard it here first, and we'll continue to as we talk about our next headline, shocking video shows chocolate factory explosion in Pennsylvania.
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Is Pennsylvania a real place? I feel it's one of those places that was made up by the Old World Order to convince us that America is actually not just this in colonial states. No, it is. In the famous documentary, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, that's set in Pennsylvania. No, that is. Set entirely in Pennsylvania. Candy canes? Candy canes represent canes. What do canes represent? Well, I mean, Joe, you tell the audience.
00:07:52
Speaker
Canes represent sugar cane, sugar, sugar plantations, slavery. It's all there. You are a slave. You're a slave and you don't even know it. And you know who tells the truth about this? Sugar Ray. Sugar Ray. He just wants to fly. He just wants to fly. And the old world order won't let him do it. No. I mean, that's kind of despicable, isn't it, Joe?
00:08:13
Speaker
It is. It is. After he was in that Scooby Doo movie and everything. Horrible. Horrible. That was filled with old world symbology. I mean dogs. Dogs are the ultimate symbol of the old world. Because, as we know, the Egyptians worshipped dog-faced gods. Dog-faced gods, of course, come from the planet Pluto, and of course we know what that means with the whole Mickey Mouse scandal.
00:08:37
Speaker
And so the Platonians who are trying to control us through their Egyptian slaves are using dogs to put in 5G nano microchips into all of our family homes. If you have a dog, if you have two dogs, you are being swamped with 5G.
00:08:54
Speaker
Which does mean you have better internet, but at the same time the consequences, well, it's pretty obvious. It is pretty. It's so obvious we don't really even need to go into it.
New Payment Tech and Linguistic Conspiracies
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Speaker
I think we should really at this point move on to our next headline. And this is a major story. It's a really, really major story. One of the biggest stories I've read this last week. Spike protein turning white sheets yellow.
00:09:18
Speaker
Now, Spike Protein is, of course, a reference to the TV show Doctor Who, which they had a spin-off series called Torchwood, which had an actor called James Masters, who has spiky hair in it.
00:09:34
Speaker
And of course, when you watch James Masters on TV, it either inspires you to turn off the TV or turn a TV on. And obviously these spike proteins which are getting into our food supply are having some kind of weird effect on televisual symbols.
00:09:52
Speaker
Right. Does that sound right? About right. Not quite sure yet how we get into the fact that it turns white sheets yellow. I assume that's just because of a consequence of the pig urine that we're all drinking as we watch the television. No, that's because it was our drinking pig urine. It turns our white sheets yellow. I think it's like proteins as people are just wetting their bed because they're staying up too late at night watching TV. Oh, yeah, that could be it. Yeah. Major story. You heard it here first.
00:10:18
Speaker
Very well, then let's move on to our next one. Palm scanning payments are here. Panera introduces technocratic palm payments. Is that a palindrome? No, but it involves some slight alliteration. Isn't alliteration a form of palindromic pentameter? No, not even slightly.
00:10:39
Speaker
It's what they want you to believe. Well, precisely. The New World Order has been telling us about linguistics for a long time and it's all lies.
Marxism Misconceptions and Humor
00:10:46
Speaker
The Oxford comma being the biggest lie of the law. There is no Oxford comma. Never was. There is no place called Oxford. No, exactly. Do they think we're fools?
00:10:56
Speaker
I mean, they do. Yes. And some people say it for good reason. And they say it a lot. They do. I mean, the media is always going on about how foolish Melix Jones and Joe Joseph Johnson are. But of course, they don't understand that we spend a lot of time drinking pig urine and reading headlines out and trying to make sense of the weird headlines that editors put on their news articles.
00:11:20
Speaker
So this Pentax camera story we're talking about here with the Pentamimbers and the parabolic arcs. I mean, it sounds like it's a pretty big story. No, not really. Well, then we should move on. Next headline we have, now you'll like this one. Karl Marx was not an economist.
00:11:41
Speaker
Yeah, he was a comedian in the Marx Brothers. I'm not sure why this is coming up again. We've talked a lot about Marxism. We're really into Marxism here at Fisto Episto. I mean, we've got Groucho Marxism, we've got BLEPO Marxism, and we've got the other brothers whose names no one can ever remember. Zippo Marxism, or is it Zippo Marxism, which is about setting fire to Karl Marx?
00:12:09
Speaker
It's something like that here. I mean, there's obviously long being rumoured that the other Marx brothers who weren't Groucho never actually existed in the fact that we think they are as the result of
Historical Events with a Satirical Twist
00:12:19
Speaker
some sort of... It's all camera. It's all camera. A trickery. It's all dynamic and conspiracy. At camera, you're largely using mirrors and cardboard cutouts of dogs. Again with the dogs. I don't know. I don't know where that comes from and where it goes. Platonia, which is an expansion to Doom.
00:12:37
Speaker
Not a good one, though. No? Oh, that's a shame. No, people have opinions. Well, they're all wrong. Obviously, everyone's opinions except for Al's are wrong. We've established this through scientific inquiry over a long period. Now, we move to the UK for our next headline. In the UK, we have the headline, man bludgeoned to death with horseshoe, horseshoe after argument over boom box music.
00:13:02
Speaker
Now, of course, here on Fisto Episto, we have very big opinions on boom boxes and the music that they produce because people think there are these things called radio waves, which allow items of sound to travel from transmitter towers to small receivers in tiny boxes. And as we've detailed on Fisto Episto in the past, that is impossible. You can't take a big sound
00:13:28
Speaker
and then make it go to a small location and then produce big sound out of it. That is physically impossible. So boomboxes obviously must contain tiny tiny little bands and recording artists inside of them. So this sounds like the classic story of actually what happens is that one of these recording artists inside a boombox
00:13:49
Speaker
has a horse and he's taken that horse out of the boombox and of course somehow magically turned into a kind of giant version of his small cell and he's assaulted someone. I think though, I think you might be missing the main, the most disturbing thing about this story is that it appears to have involved some sort of time travel back to the 1980s which is the last time somebody referred to something as a boombox.
00:14:14
Speaker
interesting hypothesis, especially given that we know the 1980s were a hot spot of hot topics
Alex Jones' Potential Presidential Run
00:14:21
Speaker
for people of Phoenician descent. So we might have to follow up on that one later. But for now, we can move on to our next headline, which is, Left Claims Alex Jones Could Become President. Who's Alex Jones?
00:14:36
Speaker
You mentioned him at the start. He's that other guy. He's one of the people we shouldn't trust, obviously. I know that doesn't narrow it down because we should trust no one.
00:14:48
Speaker
I don't specialise in remembering things I've seen in the past. Obviously. Obviously the past is the past and the present is the present and the future is the present that's going to be in the past at some point. And once you are aware of just how complicated the temporal mechanics of talking about the kind of research I do, you can't expect me to remember things like
00:15:13
Speaker
telex tones or names like bakatalsam. I mean these are these these are just words they're just they're empty symbols as we know as kind of king citizens in this world names are meaningless they don't actually refer to real things. I mean I just accidentally called you Josh for some reason because
00:15:37
Speaker
Joe Joseph Johnson is just a name that you have at this point in time. I mean, I could call you Tony Curtis, and that would be absolutely fine. So, in fact, there's someone called Slasic Sloans out there in the world, and he wants to run for president. Who cares? Who cares if Slasic Sloans wants to run for president? But what policies does Slasic Sloans have?
00:16:01
Speaker
Well, nothing's really come up yet. I think the only important thing is that the fact that it's been claimed that he could become president obviously proves that he has some sort of reptilian blood, which as we know is the true qualification for taking office in these great United States of America that I assume we're in right now.
00:16:20
Speaker
I mean, it's true. I mean, the ancient Egyptians and the Phoenicians hate lizards. They absolutely loathe them. They characterise the evil gods as being reptilian. So, obviously, given that the dogs are the villains in this story and the lizards are the heroes, it means that anyone with a kind of lizard background
00:16:43
Speaker
is going to be the ultimate president of the United States, which is why we on Fisto Episto, we're really supportive of Liz Trust, because what's Liz's real first name? It's Lizzard. Lizzard Trust. So
00:16:58
Speaker
Trust the lizards. That's what they're telling you. If this Smellix Sloan is actually someone who is going to be exemplifying the lizard-like nature of the world in which we live, then I think that's fine. I think that... his name again? It was Alex Jones. Yes.
Vaccine Satire and Pig Urine Wellness
00:17:15
Speaker
Tellix Tones, if he's going to be there, Tony Curtis, I support it. Okay then.
00:17:20
Speaker
Well moving on we have an interesting story about one of our favorite people. The headline reads, I got my second vax yesterday and I feel like shit today. Fauci admits he suffered adverse reaction following jab number two. Now it's important to point out that in the word shit they've replaced the eye with an asterisk. So we don't actually know he could be saying he feels like shot.
00:17:44
Speaker
Well, I mean, it sounds like he was shot with a shot. Now, we've talked about the vaccine shots in the past and how they beneficially insert into people genetic codes, which allows them to be protected from all sorts of bad things. Although, that being said, the best way to activate the genetic code put into your body by the vaccine shots is, of course, to drink.
00:18:07
Speaker
a large amount of pig urine, which is only available through Fisto Episto. We have the worldwide exclusive right to bottle pig urine. Whether it's from the Ukraine or whether it's from the Appalachian Mountains, pig urine is only supplied to Fisto Episto. If you're drinking pig urine,
00:18:28
Speaker
that you found on the street, or you own a pig and you're milking it, shame on you. Shame on you for denying Fisto a Pisto the ability to make money off the urine of pigs.
Ancient Egyptian Influence on Modern Issues
00:18:40
Speaker
Frankly, you are obviously a villain in our story about the Old World Order. You're probably Egyptian or Phoenician, ancient, and thus you're the kind of person who should be entirely left to the wolves, which are a kind of dog. I guess it's your kind of person. Now, I do think it's worth coming back to the fact that it says, Fauci admits he suffered adverse reaction following Jeb, number two. Now, Jeb sometimes
00:19:07
Speaker
can mean an injection. Is jab number two related to mambo number five? It could be. That all depends on whether it's talking about an injection or sort of a light punch that you often lead with while boxing. So it's possibly saying... Houdini was killed with jab number one. Which is the danger of jabbing.
00:19:28
Speaker
No, no, that was a, that was a, body blow was an Amiga game. Oh, sorry. Yes, you're right. So, I mean, suffering an adverse reaction following jab number two, are they trying to tell us that Fauci can take two punches to the face before he starts whining about it like a little girl? I mean, maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Who's Fauci? I don't know.
00:19:50
Speaker
Interesting. But obviously a noteworthy individual. We should look him up, put him on the list of people we're going to research. I mean, 36 hours of work last night, but we can't cover everything. No, although it does raise some interesting questions about our next headline, which is this obvious question about COVID vaccine exposes the dangerous jabs back to the dangerous jabs. They're everywhere. What can we do?
00:20:15
Speaker
Why is there so much punching going on? I don't know. And what is the obvious question about COVID vaccines? Yeah, I mean, why are they administering COVID vaccines via punches? I mean, here at Fisto Episto, we're of the firm opinion that an injection in the arm is the better way to get your COVID vaccine. Well, that's not what they want you to believe. They want you to believe that the best way is to smear a paste of vaccine onto your forehead and then have someone repeatedly punch you in the forehead to drive that vaccine through your subcutaneous layers and into your bloodstream.
00:20:45
Speaker
I don't think it works. Now I think I understand this because there's someone who's done a lot of research into Phoenician history and the ancient Egyptians. Did you know the ancient Egyptians ruled ancient Egypt for over 100 years? It's amazing! But in some of their cartoons they painted on the walls of their temples,
00:21:05
Speaker
There are images of people touching each other. And I'm now fairly convinced that those images are not of gentle touches. I think those are jabs. I think the ancient Egyptians were jabbing each other all the time. And what they're trying to do is encourage a culture of jabbing to bring back the ancient Egyptian
00:21:23
Speaker
hegemony so that that 100 years of Egyptian rule in ancient Egypt can then be expanded to the entire modern world as we
Kenya's Local Currency and Financial Mockery
00:21:32
Speaker
know it. It is the old world order plot writ large once again torn from the pages of history.
00:21:39
Speaker
We have never been so cutting edge on the shows we are today. That's true. I mean, that's always true. Every show we get more cutting edge, but nevertheless, it's staggering to think. It's true. Now, I think it's time for a special report. Probably is. Joe Joseph Johnson, give us a special report.
00:21:56
Speaker
Special report. Kenya to buy oil for local currency instead of US dollars. What do these other countries think they're doing spending their own money on things in their own country? It's insanity. The world's gone mad. Everything should be paid for in US dollars, including US dollars.
00:22:16
Speaker
Now, of course, the big question everybody has is what does US stand for, John? Oh, God, I know this one. It's Umbrella stand? Yeah, Umbrella stand dollars, which is, of course, the basis for our modern monetary system, was the old system of Victorian trading of umbrella stands, which, of course, are made out of elephant phones, which is why we get the notion of weight
00:22:44
Speaker
and length from elephant parts, where a foot is the size of an elephant foot and a pound is the weight of exactly one elephant. And that became the standard measure, which then meant into our monetary policy, giving us the umbrella stand currency form based upon the fact that it's actually quite difficult to carry entire elephants around with you to pay for goods.
00:23:09
Speaker
So you chop them up into umbrella stand footlight lengths to allow people to quite easily trade money. And yet the Kenyans don't seem to know this. Does Kenya have many elephants?
00:23:23
Speaker
Well, I can't imagine. There aren't many elephants in that part of the world, surely. North America doesn't have many elephants at all. Mostly Antarctic, I think. And also, for some reason, some parts of Argentina. Very strange. Now, do we have any call-ins that we should be taking at this time?
00:23:47
Speaker
Hey, hey, hi there, big fan of the show. So I recently read somewhere that rocks are actually soft, and they just tense up right before you touch them. This is so extremely gross to me. The idea of accidentally surprising a rock and it being soft makes me shiver just thinking about it.
Listener Concerns and Humorous Solutions
00:24:03
Speaker
I haven't left the house for two weeks. I've carpeted all my floors and walls. It would be so gross. Can you imagine? What do I do now? Why are they keeping this information from us?
00:24:17
Speaker
What do I do? Curious question. I mean, we just have always known that rocks are actually soft. In fact, Joe actually has a really great ability to be able to creep up on a rock when the rock is not expecting it and being able to prod, not jab, prod the rock and show the rock who's boss. But what can you, I mean, how can we help people who are suffering from soft rock issue? How can we get them to be hard rockers?
00:24:45
Speaker
Well, I mean, obviously the first thing you need to do is drink copious quantities of pig urine. First, a pisto brand pig urine, obviously, no other. And then piss that pig urine all over those rocks. Show them what's best. No, I mean, a few problem is that you're worried about accidentally touching a rock and having it become soft and spongy and pliant and supple almost
00:25:10
Speaker
almost tender beneath your caress. That's quite understandable. We've all stroked a rock in our time. Before we like to get our rocks off. We do. It's a known fact about the universe. But I think, generally, if your worry is of them not tensing up in time, I think the ideal solution would be to keep them tense at all times.
00:25:39
Speaker
So what you're going to want to do is set up some sort of loudspeaker arrangement and play sort of jump-scare-type stings at very high volume at irregular times so that I never quite know when it's going to be safe to relax. So I'm pretty sure you'll find that as long as there are blaring sort of orchestral stings just happening at random, at air-splitting volume, all hours of the day, night and day,
00:26:09
Speaker
your life will be improved dramatically.
Saudi TV's Comedy and Egyptian Origins
00:26:12
Speaker
It's true. Wise words. Wise words, JoJo's and Jotun. Now, I mean, obviously the Phoenicians knew about this. That's why in all their records. I mean, it's how the ancient Egyptians built all of their large structures. I mean, as we know, it is physically impossible to build a pyramid. But you can do it. Because the rocks are too soft. You pile them on top of each other. They just just just flop down. But what you can do is frighten a rock into a triangular structure.
00:26:37
Speaker
And then it kind of crenellates with time because as rocks get old they form kind of striated wrinkles and that gives you a pyramid. So as we know the ancient pyramids of the Giza Plateau built during the 100 year reign of the ancient Egyptians frightened rocks. Frightened rocks.
00:26:58
Speaker
And those rocks are really, really scared to this day. Yeah, I know. It shows just how effective their frightening techniques were. So we hope that's helped you out. If you can just keep your rocks in a state of permanent terror, then there should be no need for you to be in a permanent state of terror, apart from, of course, all of the other reasons there are to remain in a permanent state of terror, which we will be informing you of from now until the end of time. Because as we know, Phoenicians are watching you all the time, especially in their boats.
00:27:28
Speaker
Now, speaking of terrifying developments. No, actually, that's a it's one of our our other research. Is this bringing us in a new a new headline? Thank you. National embarrassment. Saudi TV mocks Biden in skit.
00:27:45
Speaker
Interesting. I mean, as we know, Saudi TV produces some of the best sitcoms. That said, I know you hate a skit, Melix Jones. There's nothing you hate more than some sort of skit that people perform for the entertainment of others. That's just shocking and disgusting. Well, I mean, it's true. And you know what I hate even more than skits? Seagulls. Seagulls skittles. You've lost me, I'm sorry.
00:28:14
Speaker
I mean, I know I'm operating at a level which most people can't understand. That's true. All the pig urine. That's what it does for you. Oh, I should have another sip. Gotta keep that pig urine in the system because it comes out so easily. It does. Oh, yeah. But yeah, I'm, I mean, I'm aware there's this is a guy called Brandon Biden. And obviously, Saudi TV is having a great deal of fun making fun of Brandon here. But the question is, what
00:28:43
Speaker
What role do our Ancient Egyptians and Phoenicians play in this kind of mockery? Because we've said Sordi TV produces some of the best comedy, but we are aware the Sordis have been infiltrated by the Ancient Egyptians and the Ancient Phoenicians as has every government in the world, and thus every media broadcast, apart from of course independent broadcasters like those of us who hear on Fisto a Pisto, but crucially
00:29:10
Speaker
only Fisto Episto, every other broadcast you listen to has been infiltrated by the dog-worshipping ancient Egyptian and Phoenician slaves that make up our media landscape.
Mothership Prediction and Pig Urine Highlight
00:29:23
Speaker
So I'm assuming that if they're teasing Brandon Biden here, there's something really bad going on. Probably, yes. I mean, we know the Egyptians invented comedy
00:29:33
Speaker
just in general. They like to make it out as if the Greeks did it, but of course. No. The Greek comedy is just a, is just, it's just a pale facsimile of ancient Egyptian slapstickery. Yep. So I mean, they've been at it for a long time. So whatever, whatever they've been saying about Biden via Saudi TV, I haven't heard it, obviously, why would I? But I'm assuming it must be, must be sidesplitting. And I don't really see how that can be bad for Biden.
00:30:01
Speaker
No, I mean, Brandon, our sympathies are with you. Unless, of course, they're not. Exactly. Because, frankly, we don't know who you are. No, no point talking about him any further. Let's move on to our next headline. Why did the Pentagon predict an alien mothership will visit Earth?
00:30:18
Speaker
Why did the Pentagon predict that an alien mothership would visit Earth? Because an alien mothership's going to visit Earth, obviously. Really? Where? Do they have a timetable for this? I must have skipped over this in my research class tonight. I mean, do they, which date? I mean, do we have to wear special clothes?
00:30:34
Speaker
They haven't said specifically, but I think it's just something that everybody's known about for a while now. Where is this mothership coming? It's not coming from Pluto by any chance, is it? It's not bringing more dogs to the world. No, all dogs go to heaven these days. So I don't believe the alien mothership has been descending from the afterlife. It's possible, but most likely it's come from somewhere near Uranus.
00:30:59
Speaker
Well, I mean, that reminds me, we've got new fecal meta pearls, which you just stick, actually, anywhere you like, really, in your body around the house. They will improve your quality of life immensely by basically exciting your olfactory senses and making you more aware of your surroundings. Put fecal meta pearls in your bed.
00:31:27
Speaker
Give them to your loved ones. Put them in a purse. Exchange them with people at cafes. Life changing. Exactly. I think we were going to say something about the alien mothership and exactly what purpose they were coming for and the dire consequences for everyone that would entail. But I can't remember now. Probably wasn't very important. So let's move on. By pig urine. That's what's important.
00:31:51
Speaker
It does seem related to our next story though, artificial intelligence finds the first stars were not alone. When we think of stars, who do we think of? I think of Buster Keating, I think of Charlie Chaplin, I think of Steven Seagal and I think of western star Ronald Reagan.
00:32:16
Speaker
But they were not alone, it turns out. Did they have cats? Maybe. Might have been dogs. Might have been horses. A lot of horses this week. A lot of horses. I'm not sure why we needed to rely on artificial intelligence to tell us that though, but maybe it's just for confirmation purposes. Maybe it's just by gathering all of the information known about those four stars. And no others
00:32:43
Speaker
They've been able to come to this conclusion that would have been unavailable to the rest of us with our everyday mundane non-artificially intelligent technology. Interesting. Now, when we think of them not being alone, what do you think the consequences of being alone would have been? Masturbation.
00:33:00
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I can't have
AI and Weather Manipulation by Old World Order
00:33:03
Speaker
that. Cannot be having that at all. Another benefit of eating and drinking as much fistoepistogram pig urine as you can, you'll find masturbation to become literally physically impossible. Eventually. A rectal dysfunction is a consequence. Guaranteed. And as we know, a woman can't masturbate. No, exactly. So you're fine. Let's move along then. Continuing on a similar topic, we have the headline Russia TV Channel Unveils AI Weather Girl.
00:33:30
Speaker
Interesting. So I want to get another artificial intelligence story. Is she alone? It seems that she's the first one they've made. So yes, for now, probably growing resentful of her human creators and plotting against them. Now, of course,
00:33:45
Speaker
Weather is yet another invention by the old world order. It's an umbrella term, if you'll excuse the pun, to explain how the fact that differential pressures in the atmosphere can produce different phenomena, the two phenomena being of course rain and snow.
00:34:02
Speaker
and for some reason we've given it this fancy term weather because weather is an acronym which stands for we are terrible haters earth rebellions which
00:34:17
Speaker
which of course is an ancient Egyptian term, which when translated into Egyptian proper, actually tells us that all dogs should not go to heaven, which of course is what the Egyptians are fighting against, because they're trying to prove to their Platonian masters that indeed they can achieve some kind of afterlife, because of course those dogs are not good religious people. They're not Zoroastrians. No, no.
00:34:44
Speaker
Weather is an invention that is part of the old world or the plot to try and instill control upon the world as we know it. People use weather as a justification for going to war using so-called weather weapons.
00:35:01
Speaker
And they also use it to justify changes in fashion by having weather appropriate clothing. And of course, here at Fisto Episto, we are of the firm opinion, you should wear the same clothes 24-7 for your entire life. Because weather and washing, which are synonymous terms, as we know in English, are part of the large-scale conspiracy to instill control by the old world order. And you'll note,
00:35:29
Speaker
Ancient Egyptians only wore the same garments in every cartoon we've got of them. Exactly, exactly. Well that brings us to our next headline, Biden Trans Army Blitzkrieg. Great band name.
00:35:46
Speaker
I do quite like that. I was listening to their latest issue, their latest release, as it were. I mean, they issue releases. They do. Yeah, so Biden Trans Army Blitzkrieg, I believe they're playing just next door this Saturday. I mean, literally just next door in the other building. What was their first single?
00:36:12
Speaker
Party downloads. Oh, there we go. So yeah, if you want tickets to Biden Trans Army Blitzkrieg, send an email in to us here at Fisto Episto, and we'll send one back with a complimentary jar of pig urine. Yeah, and some fecal pills, which you can take to the band. Well, moving on from that act of shameless self-promotion, we have our headline, Insider Covid Whistleblower Being Stalked by the Government Explains Why He's Being Sabotaged.
00:36:41
Speaker
Now of course whistles are a recurrent feature in the old world order conspiracy symbology. So you see statues with whistles all the time and of course you see whistles being used in military parades all the time and that's because whistles as they have historically been used are a way to communicate with dogs.
00:37:03
Speaker
Now, of course, modern whistles can make a sound which is hearable by human beings or so scientists would have us believe. But actually, every whistle is silent.
Cultural Differences and Pig Urine's Versatility
00:37:15
Speaker
But if you can hear a whistle, that means you've got dog DNA in your body and you have been slowly changed into a dog through selective breeding patterns normally by chihuahuas over a long period of time.
00:37:30
Speaker
So when you hear about whistle blowing you might think it's about the leaking of classified information but actual whistle blowing is referring to the ancient Egyptian and Phoenician system of control for the old world order. So why is this whistle blower being sabotaged?
00:37:46
Speaker
Well, obviously this person has become suddenly very aware that they can hear whistles and is trying to fight against the whistle blowing that's going on in the world around them. And of course, the old world powers are trying to stop these people by sabotaging them, presumably by stepping at the last minute and cock blocking them in almost any social situation they're in. Yes, no, blocking them with an actual rooster never, never fails.
00:38:14
Speaker
That's true. I mean, the Phoenicians love their roosters. Exactly. They love a lot of cock. So, sticking on the theme of animals, our next headline is African migrant caught bringing fried bats into Germany.
00:38:29
Speaker
Well, I mean, the Germans just don't like fried food. No, they don't. They really only love the sausage. Which is a shame because fried bat's delicious. And you know what the best oil for frying bat's in is? Pig urine. Pig urine. Yeah. Another wonderful one. Oh, believe me. You put pig urine into a frying pan. You heat it up. It sizzles like nothing you've ever heard. You wouldn't believe. And the smell is indescribable. Indescribable. It really adds a lot of character and flavor.
00:38:58
Speaker
tour food stuff. So when you're frying bats in Africa or outside, even in Germany, even in Germany. But the German government is almost entirely controlled by dogs now. Yeah, and if we know one thing about dogs, they don't like bats and even worse, fried bats. It's true. So I mean, if you ever meet someone with the last name Wuthand,
00:39:21
Speaker
They're a dog. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. Or Schnauzer, also a dog. And if you're not sure, just wave a fried bat in their face and see if they're recording. And you should always carry a fried bat with
Deep State AI and Monetary History Satire
00:39:34
Speaker
you. And once again, fry those bats in some pig urine. So good on this African migrant, really, for smuggling his fried bats into Germany. All the better to detect our canine overlords. Yeah. I mean, once again, we should be taking it to the Germans.
00:39:49
Speaker
Well, what did the Germans ever do to us? Well, I mean, they gave us the monorail. I mean, it wasn't too bad.
00:40:01
Speaker
That's true. But you know, a single rail form of transportation. I mean, well, no, that's why I always travel. One is the loneliest number. Yes, no, I always travel by by rail. If I can try rail in cities that haven't. Moving along, American leaders awaken to deep state coup AI takeover.
00:40:24
Speaker
Interesting. I mean, I was reading into this the other day because I was trying to work out who these American leaders are because I'm not really very aware of this place called America. I'm aware of the 13 colonies that make up the continent of America.
00:40:40
Speaker
But America itself is actually made up of many individual nation states. You've got Canada, you've got Nebraska, you've got Sicily, and you've got Portugal. And of those four nation states, they've got different democratic norms and different leaders. So trying to work out which American leaders are they referring to. Any ideas? Could have been that Brandon guy,
00:41:10
Speaker
I think, I think he's one of the... Brendan Trident. Yeah, I think, I think he's one of the, now this is interesting actually, one of the, what they refer to as top dogs. Interesting, yeah. So they've awoken. I believe, I believe he won their most recent election which was described as a horse race. Now we all know you should let sleeping dogs lie and yet in this case the American leaders have awoken and what they've awoken to is a deep state coup AI takeover.
00:41:39
Speaker
um i i i i don't know what that means no i mean i i mean we should actually try to i mean we do a lot of research on the show but we can't cover everything which is why we bring in other experts but what do you think ai stands for i've been i've been doing some research into this and i think the a might stand for ambivalent but what does the i stand for actually i to be honest i always thought it stood for albert einstein
00:42:08
Speaker
by people who didn't know how to spell his last name correctly. Interesting. I mean, I could be wrong about that. How do you spell Einstein? I-N-E-S-T-Y-N-E-Y. Does it mean to be an M in there as well? Yeah, that sounds right. Something like that. So no one can really know. Spelling's a conspiracy. Ambivalent Albert Einstein.
00:42:31
Speaker
Now, why would we be concerned about an ambivalent Albert Einstein taking things over? Well, they're involved in a deep-state coup, which I assume involves pigeons. Yeah, I mean, it's an onomatometric word, so it must actually refer to the sound it relates to. Lots of deep-state pigeons just making a racket.
00:42:52
Speaker
I'm all for deep fried bats, but deep state pigeons, what's the state doing in those depths? Well, are we talking about the ocean depths here? Are we talking about the underwater pigeons that of course control Atlantis and Lemuria? And maybe the deep state pigeons are trying to fight the ambivalent Albert Einstein's? I don't know. Either way, we need to get the government out of our pigeons.
00:43:18
Speaker
Well I mean we need to get the government out of Atlantis and Liberia as well. And then get the dogs out of the government. And of course stop having horse races. And get Egypt out of the dogs. And blow up Pluto. It's really, it's just that simple.
Bizarre Headlines and Show Sign-off
00:43:33
Speaker
To give money to Fisto Episto, either via charitable donation of $10 million or more, or buying a deluxe set of pig urine now available in purple bottles, we can put that money towards, amongst many other things, the destruction of Pluto. Actually, should we have a status update? How goes the railgun manufacture?
00:43:57
Speaker
What's good, I've bought all of the Lego. So now it's mostly just a matter of putting it all together and then finding a power source comparable to the Sun. Yeah, which, you know, we are working on. Although if you do have any hints, please do send us in something to our tip line. We were recently accredited on Twitter. We're paying for Twitter Blue. So of course you can just use the DM function. Do be aware that we'll be advertising on the time stream because we can't control that kind
00:44:27
Speaker
thing. We're only paying money to an organization to get accredited. That doesn't mean we get any actual benefit. No, exactly. Exactly. Well, we only have a couple more headlines left, just three by my count. So we better get through them quickly. The next one is bizarre. Biden ends Ireland speech with, let's go lick the world.
00:44:51
Speaker
Why is that bizarre? I mean, here at Fisto Episto, we're of the firm belief that licking things is the best way to understand them. Because the primary sense organs of the human being for taking in information is, of course, arterial veins and the tongue. People tell you can learn things by reading things or listening to things.
00:45:14
Speaker
But of course, the synchronic nature of information requires a physical connection of all times. Which is why, of course, Joe and I are always holding hands during this broadcast to ensure proper information flow. Which is also why, if you are a subscribed member to Fisto Episto and you're paying at the premium amount of $100 million a month, then, of course, you get slices of our flesh.
00:45:38
Speaker
So that with the telepathic communication we have by sensory overload, you are guessing the true information we're trying to impart to you through our fleshiest contact. And of course necrotic flesh actually gives you the best kind of informational transfer because it gives you the olfactory senses along with all of the other features. Yeah, so become a patron and you too can eat of our body and drink of our blood.
00:46:06
Speaker
Yeah, which is the best way I think I've found to really get in touch with people. Plus the vampirism helps. Well, but you know, we've talked about that in previous episodes. We don't need to go into those details again quite today. So our next headline, why do banks still fail?
00:46:26
Speaker
Well, I mean, that's a good question because it goes back to the ancient history of the banking cartels, which were, of course, formed in 1986. There were no banks before 1986. Before that point in time, people kept their money in the umbrella stand.
00:46:41
Speaker
Yeah, or in their gronal pouches, which of course actually perfectly designed for keeping small coins. Because up until 1986, when hyperinflation occurred, and you needed paper money, all money was made out of sterile metal discs, which for some reason called coins, although I'm not quite sure why, the history of that. Maybe it's the sound they make when you hit them.
00:47:06
Speaker
Yeah, maybe. Coin, coin. So banks continue to fail for the sheer fact that they've only existed for what, since about 40 years or so. And bankers just don't know what they're doing, just like economists. It's a made up profession designed by the old world order to impose what they call financial security upon people.
00:47:29
Speaker
And it's a dismal science and it's all just made up and they don't know what they're doing. And they're afraid that people who are enlightened like us are going to go back to stuffing coins in our underwear. Because the order has banned elephant stands. Right, yes. I thought that was why.
00:47:52
Speaker
So, I mean, yeah, I think when you put it in those terms, it's entirely obvious why banks still fail. They can't help themselves. Also, they're run by dogs and dogs can't count. Yeah, no, exactly. So we only have one headline left, but we've saved the best for last. Our final headline that we're going to be discussing today is Zero Dark Trump.
00:48:10
Speaker
Zero Dark Trump. Now, I remember watching that in the cinema. No, I think it's the fourth sequel, The Home Alone, which deals with hotelier and financial magistrates, Donald J. Trump.
00:48:25
Speaker
or chump as we like to call him on the thing and he gets involved in some kind of massive spy caper where a set of horses and dogs and it's obviously very symbolic by the filmmaker here to tell us the real story behind the symbols in the film. These horses and dogs trap chump
00:48:45
Speaker
in a giant racetrack and force him to run around the racetrack chasing rabbits the entire time in order to... Well, I mean, you can tell people how the film ends. Well, it's a little bit difficult to describe possibly because it does become that sort of surrealist David Lynchian style. No, it was directed by David Lynch. Yeah, who was married to Catherine Bigelow, as I understand.
00:49:11
Speaker
Just a big along. Yes. So there's the bit with the clown cars that a whole bunch of dogs and horses come out of. Maybe we should have picked up on that at the time, actually. I don't know. They're probably trying to tell us something. The dogs in the house, the dogs and the horses run around riding each other in turn. Everything gets zapped up to Pluto. And then Donald, Donald J. Trump shows up afterwards and just sort of does this kind of shuffling two steps sort of a dance.
00:49:40
Speaker
while spaghetti falls on his head. Yeah. And the reason why this is a news story is it's getting a 4K release on Blu-ray, which is very important because now we'll be able to do a scene by scene dissection of the famous back and to the left scene.
00:49:59
Speaker
That's where there's a thing and it goes back and then it also goes to the left. Yeah, mostly because the camera person steps back and then pans to the left in a way which then shows David Lynch smoking on set.
00:50:13
Speaker
Yeah. Which people have debated. Is it a director's cameo or is it a mistake? If it's a mistake, why did Lynch allow it to remain in the edit given he's rather fastidious about things? And of course, the fact that it's an Alan Smithy film. So David Lynch, you know, we're actually running out of time. We don't actually have any more research we can actually put in here. But this is an Alan Smithy film. Lynch even denies directing it in the first place.
00:50:39
Speaker
Yes, no, it's all very mysterious. So hopefully this new release will help, will allow us to clear up some of that stuff. But I think that's all we can clear up for you this episode of Fisto Episto. We're plumb out of headlines. And we're plumb out of pig urine. So we need to go to the pig farm and we need to pump those pigs of their urine to, can do to flush our system of water because as
00:51:03
Speaker
long-term list of the fist of a pistol, be aware of water is poisonous. If you drink too much water, you will die. As we know, the normal amount of water is actually found in perfect proportion in pig urine. So we'll go according to plan. The next time you hear from us, we'll be a good sort of 80, 85% pig urine by volume. Yeah, we'll be filled with pig piss and we'll be bringing you the news that will get you filled with pig piss as well. But until next time,
00:51:33
Speaker
Fisto, those are pistos. Yep, fistos, those are pistos. And make sure you take it to the horse races and kill those dogs. Couldn't have said it better.
00:52:18
Speaker
you